The first year of elementary school is always a dramatic event. But this first grade class is more insane than anything you've ever seen before! A big group of characters (based off wikia users) will be thrown into a class together, and the result- total hilarous mayhem!
If you want your wikia character (ex. Sunshine the Ravioli Pixie, Matt Tollin) to be a student in the story, just post a picture of them and a brief description on the talk page!
- Sunshine (Sunshineandravioli): Everyone's favorite Duncan-loving, adventure-having, questionable-sanity ravioli pixie. She loves her friends (meaning, everyone she meets) as if they're her own family and loves going off on crazy schemes with them. Despite her best intentions, her ideas usually result in chaos and destruction. About a foot and a half shorter than your average third-grade, Sunshine has enough spunk to fill at least three of Owe. She has been dubbed the number one cause of migraines in adults in the area surrounding Wawanawkwa Elementary.
- Matt (Ezekielguy): Known as "the group radiohead", Matt's a little bit spacy yet bright in his own special way. He likes music, taxidermy, extreme sports, comics, customizing his trike, and all the other stuff the cool cats are up to these days. He is best known for either his "jewfro" or for being accompanied by his zombie-esque taxidermy pig friend, Pig. Matt is extremely, blindly, honestly loyal, to the point that he'll follow his friends straight off a cliff... which he actually did just last Thursday. It wasn't a pretty ride, dudes.
- Nalyd (Nalyd Renrut): One of the only sane ones left, which is quite a feat considering what his "friends" have done to him in the past few years. From being paraded around in a salmon suit, to being mistaken as a girl, to being horribly injured in many ways, Nalyd is often the butt of jokes and the reciever of confused stares. Deep down, he has a bit of a fondness for his friends, but certainly not enough to keep him from complaining when they drag him off on another "adventure". Is still making valiant attempts to grow into his trademark, oversized dark hoodie and to hide his vampire-esque pale skin from unprotected eyes.
- Owe (Owenguy101): Chubby, laid-back, and a friend to all, Owe is often a neutral presence in the crowd of over-the-top personalities. He spends as much time trying to calm down Sunshine as he does trying to get Nalyd to loosen up, though he'll often forego both tasks upon being presented with something to eat. Any and all attempts to slim down have been thwarted by his passionate love of all things edible, so he's long since decided not to let his size bother him. When he's not eating or becoming involved in the group's shenanigans, he's usually found playing video games, reading comics, or trying to contain his borderline-rabid grandfather.
- Tdifan (Tdifan1234): Tap-dancing on the fine line between sanity and complete mental instability, Tdifan loves Froot Loops, books, her friends, and proving her superior intelligence over Nalyd. She's extremely smart and has a vocabulary that surpasses that of most adults, but tends to apply her intelligence in less-than-expected endeavors. She has the rare ability to both understand and rationalize the way Sunshine's mind works, and has a debatedly unhealthy interest in Cody. She has been diagnosed with rabies on at least one occasion, and her brains have led to her being labeled one of the most dangerous of the gang.
- Stephen (Codaa5): Stephen, the younger brother of a notorious juvenile delinquent, is more or less your average bully. He "borrows" lunch money from the younger kids, steals Owe's doughnuts, beats up Nalyd with little to no provocation, and once conned Sunshine out of an entire box of toys intended for the less fortunate. Deep down, Stephen actually cares about his friends and would protect them through any means necessary, but revealing that would be terrible for his reputation, so he beats them up to show he cares. He's long had a strange kind of friendship with Owe, which usually consists of the latter following Stephen around and being abused when the former is in a bad mood.
- Greg (TBTDIF): Greg is one of the smartest kids in Wawanawkwa Elementary, but unfortunately he uses it mostly to present scathing, sarcastic comments that no one understands, since he uses too many big words. A part of him really wants to be able to read people's feelings and make some friends, but his reflex sarcasm keeps getting in the way. Aside from being sarcastic, he has a passion for the environment and cleans up local parks on the weekends... alone, of course.
- Zak (Zakkoroen): After a troubled childhood, the details of which no one has been able to determine, Zak has become a constantly gloomy kid who finds comfort in solitude. He rarely tries to participate in school or social situations, though he has a few other minor characters that seem to follow him around for unknown reasons. The only time he can tolerate people is when he's behind the lens of a camera, indulging in his one true passion, filmaking.
- Gigi (Fadingsilverstar16): While she's a bit of an airhead and seems to a couple of screws loose in her noggin, Gigi is an all-around nice girl who loves her weirdo classmates. She's a gigantic fan of Disney movies (to the point of obsession), loves music, and is a fantastic writer (a talent she constantly denies having). She's a little weirded out by Spenny's rather obvious crush on her, but is nice enough that she remains his friend nonetheless.
- Sprinklemist (Sprinklemist): The most background-y of all background characters, Sprink now goes even more unnoticed since his hair darkened over the summer, and the few who notice him don't know who he is. Sprink's considered quite a bore, as his interest consist of art, drawn-out video games, obscure foreign films, and tofu. His parents are impossibly overprotective, at least when they remember he exists, and people tend to use Sprink as a last-resort replacement for another companion. While he's actually quite talented in many endeavors, his efforts go unnoticed.
- Nonny (Anonymos): Nonny actually has a lot going for him - he loves theater and Broadway, has undergone musical training and thus has a lovely voice, and he has a distinct flair for fashion. But all this is overshadowed by his insane germophobia, which is so intense that he doesn't dare leave his rediculously sterile home without fist being armed with a bottle of windex, hand sanitizer, a hankerchief, and an epi-pen for each of his many allergies. He spends his time cleaning, watching Brodway shows, cleaning, criticizing people's lack of fashion sense, cleaning, and passing out from inhaling the fumes from his disenfectants.
- Kenny (Kenzen): Kenny is smart in an off-kilter way, very artistic, and taller than a third grader is ever supposed to be. Due to an early exposure to Mythbusters in his young life, he's also had a distinct facination with explosions, and tends to spend a little time every day looking at his surroundings, wondering what he can blow up the next time his dad orders dynamite for him. He has long been in love with Izzy, and dreams of one day sharing a romantic dinner with her while watching a sunset-colored explosion in the distance. Still, compared to last year, he's calmed down quite a bit. Is he still insane? Oh, absolutely. But still, an improvement's an improvement.
- Devon "Spenny" Joseph (Spenstar): Once a calm and friendly guy, something got knocked loose last summer when he hit his head getting off a boat, and a mad genius emerged from behind Spenny's calm facade. His favorite class is now art, as he spends his time letting his inner psycho loose with crazy sculptures and drawings, and there's now a constant look in his eyes that tells you something behind them isn't quite right. Still, he loves his friends, hates being called Devon, and is madly in love with Gigi (though it's a bit less obvious behind his borderline insanity).
- Chimmy (Chimchar): Still cute as a button and crazy as a jalepeno pepper, Chimmy has moved on from her rabid Shadow the Hedgehog obsession (days after spending a truckload of money on Shadow merchandise, ironically) and has since become the world's most adorable tomboy. Her favorite number is still 47, though it is sadly no longer her IQ, since she somehow managed to actually learn some stuff last year (a fantastic feat, considering she was in class with Sunny and the gang!). For undetermined reasons, she's a little bit completely obsessed with Matt, though he doesn't seem to notice and can't quite remember who she is each time they meet.
- Shane (Goldenshane): Shane loves life. He loves puppies, other animals, his classmates, his school, smiling to the point that he no longer has feeling in his cheeks, and pulling pranks. He's been dubbed "The New Sunshine", a title he enjoys so much that he put it on a giant button and wore it everywhere he went for a while. Consistently distracted by things and just a little bit too happy, Shane is thrilled to be back at Wawanawkwa Elemetary and can't wait to see who he can freak out with his eternal smile next.
- Reddy (Reddude): The self-proclaimed "World's Biggest Fan of Things Which are Red", Reddy is a oddball even by Wawanawkwa Elementary standards. Having gone to a different school the past two years, he's actually been following around the gang and documenting their adventures, knowing everything about them and having a shrine devoted to them in his room. He's a wannabe comedian, and his biggest goal in life is to be accepted as a member of the Wawanawkwa Elementary gang, which is an extremely worriesome lifetime goal. He never wears anything that isn't red.
- Princessa (Sarah): Daughter of an award-winning actress and a business tycoon, Princessa has beauty, talent, and of course massive riches. While she's been raised not to act stuck up, she's very short tempered and a little bit of a drama queen. A bit overly romantic, she's already had two "boyfriends" and is now determined to recieve her first kiss. All she wants in life is to be recognized for something she's accomplished for her own talents, and to make every girl she knows jealous by getting an amazing boyfriend.
- Zinc (Zinc): Zinc's a rather average boy. He's pretty quiet, though there's a certain meaningful quality when he does speak, he gets good grades even though he doesn't really care about school, and he doesn't really like to joke. For unknown and irrational reasons, he dislikes Sunshine, which could be an issue since she's convinced they're best friends. The one thing Zinc truly likes is the swings on the playground, where he spends his recess rain or shine.
- Pinball (Pinball): A cheerful child who's lived a very sheltered life, Pinball is certainly in for a rude awakening when he finds himself thrown into the insanity of Wawanwawkwa Elementary. He's willing to try anything, even if he has no idea what it is, and never says a negative thing since he doesn't know what said negative things mean. He excels at traditional subjects like math and science, but finds more open-ended subjects like art difficult, and doesn't know how to handle conflict since he so rarely has to deal with it. In spite of his inner insecurity, Pinball remains almost unbearably happy in life.
- Archie (Turnertang): Super-high-energy and almost foolishly brave, Archie is athletic to the max and participates in almost every sport under the sun. He also loves animals and gaming, but often finds himself without any time for either due to his jam-packed sports schedule. Thankfully, he always has energy to spare for all of these endeavors, and never seems to get tired. While he can be a bit of a smart aleck, Archie is generally friendly and means the best. He has a strange fear of heights and squirrels.
- Miss McClean: The teacher of the first grade class. Nice, shy, artistic, and loves kids. Always trying her best and trying not to hurt anyone's feelings. Thus, a lot of the more manipulative students take advantage of her. Overall, she works too hard.
- Mr. Baffi: The second grade teacher. Unlike Ms. McClean, he's much more serious and doesn't tolerate nonsense (thus, he's really not going to like this year's second grade class...). Has a crippling weakness for pudding, which caused him to destroy a longime friendship with a fellow teacher and Grandpa Omar. Retired after his stint as the gang's teacher.
- Mr. Filbert: The other second grade teacher and a former friend of Mr. Baffi's. He is most well known for being young and fit, and for owning a kangaroo that routinely crushes children's spirits by beating them in the elementary school olympics. Retired with Mr. Baffi in an attempt to rekindle their former friendship.
- Ms. Mutz: The third grade teacher. She is best known for looking remarkably like a witch, and occasionally for acting like one. Children avoid her home, especially on Halloween, after a story circulated about a child going there trick-or-treating and never being seen again. Actually, most adults avoid her house, too.
- Salami, Beef and Cheese: The three school bullies who actually aren't kids at all. Nope! They were just held back for a really long time. They're all really thirty seven years of age.
- Nanny Renrut: Nalyd's eccentric mother. She frequently evades the law, but is just as frequently arrested. She isn't very good at mothering Nalyd, and would much rather get an eye poked out than deal with motherhood.
- Grandpa Omar - Owe's insane grandfather. He crashed a school play, and turned it into a disaster. He's quite dangerous.
Chapter 1: The First Day
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Sunshineandravioli
As the clock read 7:34 on a cool September day, the previously-empty entrance of Wawanawkwa Elementary school became flooded with children- mostly first graders, being newly thrown into the world of education, experiencing for the first time the formal schooling without parents to guide and encourage them. Six hours a day, five days a week.
Of course, some found the experience more daunting than others.
Six-year-old boy Nalyd Renrut rolled his eyes as he passed another girl his age, sobbing as she clutched her mother’s leg. He gave his parents a wave goodbye, then submerged himself in the crowd of children.
It was a regular plethora of madness and strange faces. A dark skinned girl wearing headphones muttered to herself about the cold. A girl with bright orange hair clutched some sort of doll close to her chest. A somewhat tall, brown-haired girl adjusted her ponytail. After a moment of taking in the insanity, Nalyd caught a familiar face.
“Greg!” he called to the green-and-blue haired boy. Greg barely glanced up from whatever device he was toying with to acknowledge Nalyd. Nonetheless, Nalyd stood against the brick wall with him.
“So,” he commented, attempting to start some casual conversation, “first grade.”
“Yeah. ‘I’m a big kid now’.” Greg replied sarcastically. Both snickered, and the bell rang, relieving them of the need to actually talk to each other. The kids leaked into the school building as the principal directed kids to their classrooms.
“Nalyd Renrut, you’re in room A-113.” He instructed, pointing down the hall. Nalyd followed that path until he reached a door labeled A-113. He peered at the teacher’s name, printed neatly on a sheet of paper taped to the door.
MISS MCCLEAN, FIRST GRADE
Inhaling deeply, preparing to face whatever kind of monstrous teacher this “Miss McClean” might be, Nalyd stepped into the room.
The majority of his classmates were tearing around the room, hyped up either from panic or sugary breakfast cereals. In the center of the room was a fairly short, young-looking woman with short black hair, wearing a simple green dress that fell to her knees. She watched the children with an unsure expression as she attempted to settle them down.
So much for worrying. This year would be a piece of cake.
“Everyone, please find your seats.” She instructed in a shy voice. “Your names are on the desks. You’ll be sitting in these groups for the first quarter.” Slowly, most of the kids leaked to their seats, divided into a few groups. As he found his desk, Nalyd took the chance to look over the other five names at his group.
OWE, read the desk directly across from him.
MATT, said the one to his right.
TDIFAN, the one above that stated. It made Nalyd pause. Tdifan? What kind of parent names their kid that?! He continued nonetheless.
STEPHEN, read the desk on his left. That meant there was only one name left…
It was blocked by a pair of criss-crossed legs.
Nalyd’s head snapped up, and his eyes met the big, golden ones of the girl with the bright orange hair from earlier. She was sitting cross-legged on top of the desk, clutching her doll- it appeared to be of a teenaged boy with piercings and a Mohawk, oddly- and watching Nalyd with a curious expression.
Then she beamed, revealing a bright smile missing several teeth.
“HI!!!!!” She chirped in a voice loud enough to silence the room for a second or two before the other conversations continued. Nalyd flinched, scooting backwards somewhat in his seat.
“I’m Sunshine!” She declared, crawling onto Nalyd’s desk as he recoiled. “And I’m a ravioli pixie!” Nalyd blinked and stared, and saw that a pair of wings were settled on her back.
Okay… so, apparently, somewhere in this town, there were parents who named their child Sunshine, allowed her to believe she was a pixie, then let her bring not only her toy wings to school, but a doll, and not just any doll, but one that looked like a juvenile delinquent. It sort of made him want to move away. Soon.
“Sunshine,” A voice from behind Nalyd sighed, “please calm down. You’re a little too eager to make friends sometimes and it kind of scares people.” Nalyd turned to see a brown-haired boy wearing a black shirt that read “OWEN” on it. He was… oval-shaped, honestly. But there was a look in his eyes that made his appearance meaningless, a tone in his voice that made him seem almost all-knowing. Even the overeager “pixie” calmed down at his voice and took her seat. The boy was silent after that, and sat down in the seat that read “OWE”.
“So you’re Owe?” Nalyd asked after a moment. Owe nodded, and Nalyd guessed he would not speak unless necessary. Not surprising, considering the unmistakable gravity and power to his words. A few of the other kids were calming down and finding their groups. One brown-haired boy, holding what looked like a sketchbook, walked towards Nalyd’s group.
“HI MATT!!!” Sunshine screamed as she stood in her chair and waved to the boy. Nalyd cringed. So much for Owe’s calming words. Geez, her voice was so loud and annoying it was painful…
“Hi, Sunshine!” Matt greeted the girl. So, either they knew each other, or they were reading the names on the desks and pretending they knew each other. “Hi, Owe!” Matt greeted the boy seated across from Nalyd. Owe gave him a wave in response, but still did not treat the group with his powerful voice.
Matt turned to Nalyd. “And you’re…”
“Well, nice to meet ya!” Matt said cheerfully, offering him a hand to shake. I wish I could share the sentiment, Nalyd thought to himself, but he shook the boy’s hand nonetheless.
Suddenly, someone slapped the back of Nalyd’s head, greeting him with “Hey, nerd!!!” Somewhat enraged, he whirled around, eyes meeting those of a black-haired kid with a red mohawk. He had a confident smirk on his face as he looked around the group.
“I guess I’ll be in your group for a while, so I figured I might as well introduce myself. The name’s Stephen, Stephen Nelson. Learn it.” With that, he took his seat, leaning back and propping his feet up on the desk. Nalyd could already tell he would not like this guy. Matt stood where he was for a minute, shuffling his feet awkwardly, then took his own seat.
Stuck with a pixie, a future delinquent, a happy freak, and this Owe guy, Nalyd thought to himself. What is the world coming to?!
His eyes shifted to the final empty desk, the one reading TDIFAN. Maybe he’d luck out and this last, sure-to-be-strange person wouldn’t come…
Argh. Too late.
A somewhat tall girl with a tan sweatshirt and brown hair in a ponytail bounded to the seat. So this was the famed “Tdifan”. Nalyd really began to hope it was just a strange nickname, fearing for the mental state of her parents if they had truly named her such.
“HI!!!” Sunshine greeted in a louder voice than necessary, making Nalyd flinch once more.
“You’re really, really annoying, you know that?” Stephen criticized. Both Sunshine and Tdifan ignored him.
“I’m Tdifan.” She introduced herself. “And yes, that’s really my name.”
Oh, dear god. Nalyd thought, resisting the urge to slam his head on the desk.
“So, I guess I’m the last person in this group!” She chirped as she sat down. “It’s great to meet you! Say, do you guys like Froot Loops?”
Nalyd raised an eyebrow at this incredibly random question.
Stephen placed his head in his hands, Owe gave the girl a stare, and both Matt and Sunshine enthusiastically nodded.
Help, I’m surrounded by idiots, Nalyd thought to himself. Complete, utter idiots. And one thinks she’s a pixie. HELP ME.
And thus was the birth of a little group of friends in Wawanawkwa Elementary. Whether they were all willing or not.
Chapter 2: The 1st Grade Dance!
This chapter bought to you by: Ezekielguy
Nalyd Renrut woke up that morning, to hear the sound of a guitar playing. It was a nice sound. Nalyd hated it. He looked out the window and saw a tent set up. The tent cover opened and out jumped the terrible kids (Who assumed they were his friends) from his first grade class. Out they walked one by one in a straight line. Owe, Tdifan, Matt, Stephen, and the most annoying of all, Sunshine.
“Hi, Nalyd! Hi!” They sang. Nalyd was very angry. VERY angry!
“Matt, why did you have to wake me up with that stupid guitar of yours?” He shouted out his window.
“Oh, Come on Renny!” said Sunshine cheerfully. Renny, Nalyd thought. Where did she come up with that one?
“We were bored so we asked Matt to play us a song!”
“Is that so?” Nalyd shouted. “Well what song did you ask him to play? ‘Cause it’s terrible!”
“Feel Good Inc…” Said Matt timidly.
“DON’T ANSWER THAT!!!!!!!!!” Nalyd screamed.
“Calm down, Everyone.” Owe said softly. And everyone stopped talking.
That’s when Sunshine flew up with her little pixie wings, grabbed Nalyd by his ear and took him down to his backyard.
“Come on, man! Or we’ll be late to school” said Matt. Nalyd had just noticed Matt was carrying what looked like a taxidermy pig with fuzzy dice hanging from it’s neck on a string. The hooves had been replaced by big wheels that looked like they had been whipped off a jumbo jet and sticking out from under the tail were two long car-pipes, marvelous orange sparks coming out the openings. What a weirdo. When the bus arrived at Wawanakwa Elementary School, the kids took they’re seats in the classroom.
“Boys and girls,” Said the shy, sweet, first grade teacher, Mrs. MClean. “We are going to have our first full day of school which means lunch. For lunch, we will have to go past the High School . I want you to be on you’re best behavior!”
“Yes, Mrs. Mclean!” the students replyed at the exact same time like the sweet little angelic obedient robots they were.
So, after the kids packed up for lunch, They walked through the hallway. They saw paintings that some of the older kids did. One boy, Sprinklemist tried to touch one.
“Please, Sprinklemist. Don’t touch, just look.” Said Mrs. Mclean.
“Oh, but, Mrs. MClean!” Sprinklemist whined. “They’re so pretty! And look at how colorful it is!”
“You must try to control yourself.” Mrs. MClean said.
And finally, they went past the High School class room. Nalyd and his group decided to stop to learn about High School and how what they do there is different from what they do in first grade. The teacher, Mr. Kenzen was just ending the lesson.
“And don’t forget!” He said. “Tonight is the honorable High School Dance!” All of the high-schoolers cheered.
“A dance?” Said Matt “That sounds like fun!”
“Oh, a dance!” Said Tdifan. “I saw one of those on TV. They bring people called dates and dance with them.”
“Ooh!” Said Sunshine. “Are they in L-U-V, Love?”
“Uh, Sunshine…” Said Owe tapping her on the head. “You know you spelled that wrong, right?” Sunshine ignored him.
“Yes,” said Tdifan. “They’re in love!”
“Sunny likes to dance!” Said Sunshine. “Come on Nalyd! You and me! Tonight!”
Nalyd was about to say something, but before he could, Sunshine said, in a scary low intimidating voice, “BE THERE! OR ELSE, RENRUT!!!!”
“But, you can’t go, Sunshine!” said Owe. “It’s for High Schoolers only!”
“Then we’ll all sneak in! Tonight!” Sunshine shouted.
Stephen looked around for someone to go with, and realized, their was only one girl left and that was the dreaded Tdifan1234. So he turned to Owe and said “You and me, Buddy!” and grabbed him by the wrist.
Now the only two standing were Matt who was strumming his guitar awkwardly and Tdifan who was grinning at him evilly. Matt looked up from his guitar and saw Tdifan. “Uh…? No! Oh, no! You can’t make me! You can’t…. AHHH!!!” And everyone laughed as Tdifan chased Matt around the lunch room and beat him up. “Okay,” Said Matt, breathing in after a life-time pumbling. “I guess I’ll go with you…”
Later, that night, Nalyd came to Sunshine's house to pick her up. He had to style up his hair into a green mohawk or she'd get mad. Nalyd did'nt understand why.
The moment he arrived at the house, which was a giant piece of ravioli, windows and doors included, Sunshine burst out wearing a little gown with Ragu tomatoe sauce stains all over it.
"It's a Designer Pierre Von Noodle!" said the annoying little pixie as she posed for Nalyd "Whaddya think?"
Nalyd shrugged. He walked Sunshine over to his tricycle and they rode over to the school. There they met Matt and Tdifan standing at the entrance.
Tdifan was foaming at her mouth.
"Hey, cats." Matt said to them. "She's been doin this crazy rabies thing ever since I picked her up!"
"Holy Ravioli!" Said Sunshine "SHE'S GOT MEH RABIES!!!"
"Um... Yeah" Said Nalyd. "Matt... Just... Said that..."
Tdifan slapped Matt.
"MEH!" She screamed. "MEH GUITAR!!!!!"
"No..." said Matt. "It's uh... my guitar." and they all stepped into the High School gynasium.
"Who are you?" Asked the gym teacher.
"Were...uh... FRESHMAN!!!" said Nalyd who actually knew what a freshman was. "Young, cute, short freshman!" "Come on in!" Said the gym teacher.
Waiting for them were Stephen and Owe. Owe was wearing a blonde ladie's wig and a dress with flowers.
"What... The....?" said Nalyd blankly.
"Well, I had to!" Stephen shouted. "Everyone would think I was Ga..." He was about to speak up untill the gym teahcer spoke from the mic.
"Everyone grab you're date!" He said. "It's time for the very first couple dance!"
"Ooh!" said Sunshine as she dragged Nalyd down to the dance floor.
Nalyd screamed. "NO! NO! BAD SUNSHINE!!!!! BAD!!!!"
Tdifan grinned deviously at Matt. "No! Oh no! No!"
After the dance, the dates said goodbye to eachother, except for Tdifan who slapped Matt.
"Well, Renny!" said Sunshine. "See you 'round." And she kissed him on the cheek causing him to throw up. He was appcent at school the next day.
~End Chapter 1
Chapter 3: When Friends Collide
This chapter is brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
After a year in America and a month in the first grade, Nalyd had grown used to his new surroundings, except his friends. Bunch of crazy idiots, he’d think to himself everyday as he’d get dressed for school. Matt was always outside Nalyd’s house playing the guitar. Nalyd would walk out the door and see Matt standing in front of Nalyd’s house.
“Nalyd?” Matt would say when Nalyd got outside. “You live here? Wow! What a coincidence!” Every morning. Then Sunshine would jump out of a bush and scare Nalyd until he’d wet himself, at which point he’d need to go back inside, change, and return. “Nalyd?” Matt would repeat. Sunshine would proceed to throws flowers at Nalyd that she got from his mother’s garden. After school Nalyd would have to replant those flowers. On the bus Nalyd would sit crammed between Sunshine and Matt who sung “Wheels on the Bus” horribly out of key; due to an overdose of sugary cereal.
Nalyd would walk into class and learn; or at least he’d try to. Sunshine and Matt continuously passed him notes reading “Hi” and “Hey Renny” and “Why do you keep throwing our notes away? :( ” Sometimes Ms. McClean would keep Nalyd after school because of passing notes. Matt and Sunshine would wait outside making Nalyd “mud pies” and refusing to let him go home before taste-testing each one. Nalyd hated everyday of it.
One day, Nalyd’s mother came into his room with a letter. “Dear Nalyd,” Nalyd read aloud, “How have you been? We all miss you over here in England. In fact, we decided to come to America and visit this Saturday! Your friend back home, Charles!” Nalyd jumped up and down excitedly. “Mom! Charles and the guys are coming to town!”
“But Nalyd, dear,” his mother interrupted, “Sunshine and Matt are coming over that day.” Nalyd froze and passed out.
Finally, Saturday came. Sunshine and Matt waited outside Nalyd’s house, as he never allowed them inside. Nalyd sighed and marched outside. Matt ran up to Nalyd and clung to Nalyd’s head. “What are you doing, dare I ask?” Nalyd asked.
“Quiet, Nalyd!” Sunshine scolded. There was a brief silence followed by Matt omitting a high-pitched screech. “Yay!” Sunshine cheered.
“What?” Nalyd shouted. “What’s going on?”
Sunshine and Matt rolled their eyes. “You’re such a square, Nalyd,” Matt said. Nalyd stared at them confused, while Matt and Sunshine stared back.
“You guys wanna play hide and seek?” Nalyd asked. Matt and Sunshine nodded excitedly. “Okay, you guys go hide, and I’ll count to a bigillion!”
“Wow, Nalyd,” Matt commented. “We know bigillion isn’t a number. Just count to a gillion!” Matt and Sunshine ran away to hide. Nalyd shook his head and prepared for Charles and his old friends from England.
An hour later, a ring at the door signified Nalyd’s friends’ arrival. Nalyd opened the door and saw Charles, Sam, and Ethan standing at the door. “Nalyd!” The said in unison. The four friends hugged and went into the backyard.
“Nalyd, how are you, sir?” Charles asked.
“Very good, old bean and you?” Nalyd asked. The four continued in their upper-class small talk until they saw something in the sand box. It was rainbow colored and covered in sand.
“Good heavens, what is that?” Sam asked terrified. The thing started emerging from the sand.
“Nalyd! You found me!” Sunshine exclaimed as she shook the sand off herself. She stared at Charles, Sam, and Ethan. “Wow! It’s like a square convention! Matt, get over here!” Matt jumped out of Sam’s sweater vest and held out a stuffed pig.
“It’s a pig,” Matt said, “I’m gonna be a taxoderminist!” Nalyd stared in horror as Sunshine and Matt destroyed his reputation.
“Well, Nalyd,” Charles said, “It seems that these friends of yours are proof enough, you are a total loser now!” Charles, Sam, and Ethan laughed and walked away. Nalyd glared at Matt and Sunshine. They held out the stuffed pig to Nalyd, but ran away when they heard the ice cream truck.
The following Monday, Sunshine and Matt stood outside Nalyd’s house. They waited, and waited more. They grew impatient and left, but returned with a bowl of salsa. Soon they realized Nalyd wasn’t coming so they decided to throw rocks at his window. One crashed through and they heard Nalyd scream in pain, so they ran to school.
“Where’s Nalyd?” Tdifan asked concerned.
“Yeah, where is the dork?” Stephen asked.
“He wouldn’t come outside!” Matt exclaimed. “Which is really weird because usually he comes outside, goes back inside, then comes back outside!”
Sunshine moped. “I couldn’t jump out of bushes and scare him. I jumped out and scared an elderly woman instead.”
“Wouldn’t that be Nalyd’s mother?” Tdifan asked, even more concerned.
“I don’t know probably,” Sunshine said.
“Why not go to his house after school and see what’s wrong?” Owe suggested. The group nodded, as if mesmerized.
Matt, Tdifan, Owe, and Stephen stood outside Nalyd’s house as Sunshine boldly walked in. None of them had ever been inside Nalyd’s house. The group heard slamming and shouting sounds and Sunshine walked out a calm as could be.
Matt stepped forward. “So?”
“It was really weird in there!” Sunshine explained, “There were lots of open circuits. I was so tempted to stick a fork in the wall, so I could be electrocuted. That’s what my mom said would happen, anyway. And I always wondered hat being electrocuted was like! All the circuits at home are filled with cement.”
The group stared. “No!” Tdifan shouted. “Nalyd! How is he?”
“Oh,” Sunshine said, no longer confused. “His door was locked. He wouldn’t let me in! I said please like thirty times.”
“What about the axe I gave you in case you had any problems?” Stephen asked.
“Oh that? I started destroying the door but his mom came up and started shouting something about a lawsuit and destruction of private property. She gave me a cookie in exchange for me promising to never return!” Sunshine held the cookie up proudly. “But I had my fingers crossed!” She chomped down on the cookie.
Owe shook his head in disappointment. He marched inside and upstairs. He knocked on Nalyd’s. Nalyd could tell by the silence that followed that it was Owe. Nalyd opened the door and Owe stepped in. “Nalyd, I know you’re upset. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Calmly, Nalyd explained the vents of Saturday’s play date.
“Interesting,” Owe said. He thought about what Nalyd had said. “Now Nalyd, consider this. Think of who left you because of your friends. Think of who was trying to help you. Think about the fact that those jerks will never see you again.”
Nalyd sat up. “You’re right Owe.” Nalyd hugged Owe. Owe walked outside to the group.
“So?” Matt asked.
Owe shrugged. “Sunshine was right. Lots of electrical circuits.”
~End of Chapter 3
Chapter 4: The Substitute Teacher
This chapter is brought to you by: Tdifan1234
How could I have caught rabies? Miss McClean thought. Could it have been from one of the kids? She thought back earlier that day and remembered that Tdifan and Sunshine were acting rather strange and bit her arm. She sighed and dialed a number on her cell phone.
"Hi. Mr. Charlie? It's Christin. Can you fill in for me tomorrow as First grade teacher at Wawanakwa Elementary? I seem to have caught rabies!" said Miss McClean over the phone.
"Whatever. Just don't give me rabies!" the mysterious voice on the other line said.
"Thank you! Good luck tomorrow!"
Miss McClean hung up the phone, groaned, and went to bed.
The next morning, Nalyd woke up to his usual wake up call. Matt and Sunshine were outside singing a song and throwing flowers again. Ugh, What will it take for them to stop?!?! Nalyd thought. He heard a knock on the door. It was his mother. "Come on in," he said. "Nalyd, honey, You'll be carpooling with your friends today, k?" Nalyd's mom said. "By friends you mean--" "Matt and Sunshine!" "Wonderful..." Nalyd said sarcastically. Great. A 20 minute car-ride with tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dumber... He thought.
The car-ride was miserable for Nalyd. Matt and Sunshine were singing some really annoying song:
Matt: Do you like waffles?
Sunshine: Yeah, We like waffles!
Matt: Do you like pancakes?
Sunshine:Yeah, We like pancakes!
Matt: Do you like French Toast?
Sunshine: Yeah, We like French Toast!
Both: Do do-do-do, Can't wait to get a mouthfull!
Nalyd started slamming his head on the car window thinking, Will this day ever end?!?! It's only 8:15 and it feels like this day has been going on for years!!!!
The car finally arrived at the school. An angelic chorus rang in Nalyd's mind. It's finally over!!!!!! he thought. But he didn't expect what he was about to see when he entered the classroom...
Imagine entering your first grade classroom one day and seeing a gray unicorn sitting where your theacher usually sits. The average first grader would either run screaming or cry. But, the kids in this class are the farthest from average you will ever see. When Nalyd came into the classroom and saw Charlie the Unicorn, he stood at the doorway and thought, Oh dear god, a unicorn? Matt and Sunshine had a totally different reaction. They ran up to Charlie and gave him a hug. "Get off of me you--" "He talks! EEEEEEEE!" Sunshine said. "Get to your seats," Charlie said. Matt and Sunshine went to their seats.
After about 10 minutes, everyone arrived.
"Ok, I'm gonna take a nap now. Do whatever you want," Charlie said.
"Wait, Mr. Unicorn. Where's Miss McClean?" Gigi said, concerned.
"Not here," said Charlie flatly.
"What happened?" asked Zak.
"She caught rabies," Charlie replied.
"How did she catch rabies?" Greg asked.
Sunshine and Tdifan looked at each other and they grinned evilly.
"Ok, What did you two do this time?" Owe said.
"Uhhhhhh...nothin'," they both said simultaneoulsy.
"Did you guys give Miss McClean rabies?" asked Spriklemist.
"Maybe..." Tdifan said.
Stephen facepalmed himself and shook his head. Owe scooted his seat away from Tdifan and Sunshine. They both just gave each other a high five.
Wow, What a great teacher! It must take a whole lot of skill to take a nap and leave first graders alone in a classroom! Nalyd sarcastically thought.
After that, Nalyd saw something even stranger than having a unicorn as a substitute. One red unicorn and one blue unicorn jumped in through the open window. Is this just some sick, twisted nightmare? Nalyd thought.
"EEEEEEEEEE!" Sunshine and Matt said as they ran up to the unicorns and gave them a hug.
"We found a map to candy mountain!" the red unicorn said cheerfully.
"Candy mountain!" said the blue unicorn.
"What's Candy Mountain?" Sprinklemist said.
"It's a land of sweets and sugar and happiness!" said the red unicorn.
"Can you take us there?" Sunshine said eagerly.
"Yeah! Let's go!" said the blue unicorn.
"FIELD TRIP!!!!!" Matt shouted excitedly.
The kids rode on the backs of the unicorns as they headed toward Candy Mountain.
"Here it is! Candy Mountain!" said the red unicorn as they landed.
"Really? But isn't this a Gas station?" Owe asked, confused.
"Be quiet, little fat boy! You'll ruin the MAGIC!" said the blue unicorn.
Owe glared at the blue unicorn while Greg laughed at him.
"Heh heh....That sorta reminds me of a dream I had once...." Tdifan said.
"D-d-dream?" Sunshine stammered.
She sat up from her bed.
"Wow, that was a weird dream! Heh heh, I guess I'll just go back to sleep..."
Well, you may think this is the end. If you did, you are sadly mistaken. Let's just take you back to the classroom for a bit.
Charlie was still in the classroom asleep. He suddenly woke up, only to find the kids were nowhere to be found.
"Alright, Who stole the children?"
Chapter 5: Sunshine’s Birthday, Everybody Run!
This chapter is brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
At 7:25 a.m., Sunshine, Matt, and Nalyd got onto the bus. Nalyd had noticed Sunshine and Matt were wearing party hats. “What’s with the hats?” Nalyd asked. Sunshine looked at him and her eyes started to water. Matt slapped Nalyd in the back of the head. “Ouch!” Nalyd shouted. “What was that for?”
“It’s Sunshine’s B-E-R-T-H-D-A-E!” Matt whispered.
Nalyd raised an eyebrow. “Beerthdie?”
“No!” Matt said, slapping him again. “Birthday; it’s her birthday! Nalyd, you need to work on your spelling. How could you forget Sunshine’s birthday? It’s all she’s been talking about for the past three weeks!”
Nalyd shrugged. “After hanging out with Sunshine for a while I learned how to block her out.” Nalyd looked over at Sunshine who had been crying. “Happy birthday, Sunshine.”
Sunshine lit up and hugged Nalyd. “Thanks, Renny!”
“Sunshine,” Nalyd said, “Did you forget the no hug rule?”
“Maybe,” Sunshine said sitting back up. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a card. “Here is an invitation to my party, Nalyd! It’s at Chuck E. Cheeses!”
“Where a kid can be a kid!” Matt sang.
“Okay, thanks,” Nalyd said, putting the card in his pocket.
“But don’t tell everyone,” Sunshine whispered, “I’m only inviting my closest friends.” The bus stopped and the three walked to class. They put their backpacks in their cubbies and sat down. Sunshine stood on her desk. “You’re all invited to my birthday party!” The class cheered. Nalyd rolled his eyes, knowing that the whole class probably did make up Sunshine’s closest friends.
On Saturday, Chuck E. Cheeses filled up with a class of hyper first graders. After fifteen minutes of faking his own death, Nalyd arrived. He walked in holding Sunshine’s gift, the first season of “So You Think You Can Make an Idiot of Yourself on T.V.” He walked past the play area but stopped at the ball pit, thinking he heard Matt. He stared at the pit until Sunshine jumped out. “Surprise!” Sunshine said as she sprang up. Nalyd screeched like a little girl and fell backwards. “Wow! That’s the first time I scared you and you didn’t wet yourself, congratulations!” Sunshine said.
Nalyd got up and brushed himself off. “Where is Matt?” he asked looking around for Sunshine’s partner in crime.
“He’s in the hospital,” Sunshine shrugged, grabbing then opening her gift from Nalyd.
“What? Is he okay?” Nalyd asked, genuinely concerned.
“Yeah some sort of taxidermy accident,” Sunshine said. She was disappointed with the gift, as she only watched Total Drama Island, nothing else.
In the hospital, Matt was lying in bed, begging to go to the party. “Please!” he shouted. “’Tis a mere flesh wound!”
“Matt, you swallowed a car battery!” His dad retorted.
“I’ll be fine!” Matt replied. “It tasted better than Mom’s cooking.” His mother scolded him and walked out of the hospital room.
Back at Chuck E. Cheeses, all the kids were playing tag in the jungle gym. Stephen was it, and he didn’t like it. He rampaged through the playground until he found Tdifan. “You’re mine, nerd,” Stephen whispered and lunged at her. She moved to the side and Stephen went tumbling down the slide.
“Brains beat brawn any day!” she said triumphantly. She looked out a small window. “Ooh! Flashy lights!” she said and ran out of the playground.
Stephen growled and ran back inside the plastic playground. He saw Greg sitting perfectly still on a bridge. “Too easy,” Stephen said to himself. He reached out, but his hand passed right through Greg. “What the?” He looked at the bridge and saw something metal with light coming out of it where “Greg” was. “A hologram!” He turned and saw the real Greg running. “Get back here, nerd!”
Nalyd was sitting in the ball pit where Sunshine had been hiding. Nalyd thought he was alone. “Hey, Nalyd!” Sunshine said casually as she walked to the pit.
“Sunshine!” Nalyd hissed. “Be quiet! I’m trying to hide!” He ducked down into the pit of cheap plastic.
Sunshine rolled her eyes and sat next to him. “You know, Nalyd, you don’t have very good taste in gifts. Everyone else got me a Duncan doll. Even I got myself a Duncan doll!” She continued to rant about the gift until Nalyd handed her a green ball that was the same color as Duncan’s hair. “The precious,” she muttered. Nalyd took this opportunity to hide in the slide. Unfortunately, Zak was going down the slide and ran Nalyd over. Nalyd returned to Sunshine. “Wow! Renny you got a black eye! Black like Duncan’s natural hair,” she sighed, starting to trail off. Nalyd looked at her awkwardly and ran away.
Gigi and Sprinklemist were playing Dance Dance Revolution. Gigi was winning. Mostly because Sprinklemist had gotten bored and decided to draw on the walls.
“Hey kids! Cake time!” shouted a man in a Chuck E. costume. Everyone sat at the table and Sunshine sat at the end.
“I’d like to thank you all for coming,” Sunshine said happily. Her parents brought out Sunshine’s favorite desert; ravioli. They cut pieces for all the kids. Most just stared at the strange choice of dessert. “Dig in!” Sunshine said. Nobody moved. She stomped on Nalyd’s foot and he quickly took a bite.
“That is so-” he started shouting but Sunshine stepped on his foot again. “Delicious. That is so delicious.” The rest started eating and enjoyed the ravioli.
At the end of the day, everybody’s parents came to pick them up. “Bye!” Sunshine said and hugged Owe. “Thanks for coming!” she said and hugged Tdifan. “It was really nice of you not to break anything,” Sunshine said and hugged Stephen. “Bye, Renny!” she said, but didn’t hug Nalyd, remembering his rule.
“Fine,” Nalyd said, “But only because I didn’t get you a Duncan doll.” Sunshine hugged him and Nalyd ran to his car after.
Later that night, a hospital resident had broken out. They had hooked up a car engine to a wheelchair, and blasted out a window. They rode up to Chuck E. Cheese. “Hello?” Matt asked as he sat in the tricked out chair. “Anybody there? Hello? I have a Duncan doll for you, Sunshine!”
~End of Chapter 5
Chapter 6: The Visit to Ten Flags
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Sunshineandravioli
First-grader Nalyd Renrut was one of those rare few children that loved to learn. He was the type of child who would actually smile as he went to school, would remember some of the stuff he learned in class, and longed for weekends to be over.
Well, he WAS, until he started first grade. Once there, he’d found himself stuck with a group of idiots who thought themselves his friends. Nalyd quickly found Saturday and Sunday to be his new favorite days of the week, for the mere fact he could avoid his so-called friends.
One quiet Saturday, Nalyd was sitting alone in his room, reading a new book. Finally, it was the weekend, and he could be away from those horrible idiots that called themselves his friends. From Sunshine, the Duncan-obsessed pixie; to Stephen, the future delinquent; to Tdifan, the oddly-named, rabid nerd; to Matt, the guitar-playing hopeful taxidermist; to Owe, who… wasn’t actually that bad. But, he went where the group went, so Nalyd had to avoid him to avoid the rest of them.
As he read his book, a few small rocks started hitting Nalyd’s window. Ugh, he thought, burying his nose further into his book, the idiots are coming… just ignore them… However, such advice quickly became hard to follow as Sunshine crashed through the window, tied to a large rock. Nalyd dropped his book in surprise and lurched backwards, barely avoiding getting a broken foot from the huge rock.
“HI RENNY!” Sunshine greeted him, grinning hugely as usual. “None of the rocks we threw were getting your attention, so Stephen decided to throw me! He’s so smart!!!”
“Sunshine, in case you’ve forgotten again, today is SATURDAY.” Nalyd sighed. “We don’t have school today. What could you possibly-” Before he could finish his sentence, Nalyd found the hood of his jacket pulled over his face and tied tight so he couldn’t shake it off. Someone grabbed his arms and held them behind his back. “What in the-?!”
“Quiet, Nalyd!” He heard Matt shout. The next thing he knew, he was picked up and being carried down the stairs of his house.
“Hi, Mrs. Nalyd’s mom!” Nalyd could hear Tdifan shout. “We’re taking Nalyd for today, okay, thanks, bye!!!”
“Wait! Where are we going???” Nalyd shouted, struggling as his idiotic “friends” carried him off to who-knows where.
“Calm down, Nalyd.” Owe’s voice reassured him. Nalyd was instantly less panicked, and even relaxed a little as the morons carried him off.
After what seemed to be a long time, Nalyd was finally dropped unceremoniously onto the ground. “OW!” He screamed, attempting to pull his hood off his head, though it was tied tight. “Where the heck are we?!”
“I GOT IT RENNY!!!” Sunshine’s voice screamed, followed by the hood being painfully yanked from his face and another yelp of pain from Nalyd.
“Wimp,” Stephen scoffed.
Nalyd glared at his “friend” then looked at his surroundings. To his surprise, he wasn’t at the school, the playground, or even the local pasta shop Sunshine loved to randomly drag Nalyd to. No, he and his five classmates were at none other than the entrance to an amusement park!!!
“Everybody say hello to…” Matt paused for dramatic effect. “…TEN FLAGS!!!”
“MORE FLAGS!” Sunshine quoted the commercial. “Er… MORE FLAGS!!!”
“Stephen got six tickets, so we all decided to go!!!” Tdifan explained.
“I won ‘em in a card game!” Stephen added proudly.
“SO WHAT ARE WE STANDING AROUND HERE FOR???” Sunshine screamed, randomly lifting up Nalyd. “LET’S GO IN!!!” After another couple seconds of standing there, her arms gave out and Nalyd crushed her. He rolled his eyes and stood up, allowing Sunshine to bounce back, unfazed, and try to dash straight into the park. Owe grabbed her by the ponytail and held her back as Stephen gave the ticket guy their tickets.
“Go right in,” he allowed. Matt, Tdifan, and Sunshine rabidly dashed in, like little kids in a candy store, with Nalyd, Stephen, and Owe following afterwards.
“…and I wanna go on that and I wanna go on that and I wanna go on that…” Sunshine jabbered, pointing to anything and everything that happened to catch her eye.
“OH MY GOSH LOOK!!! Flashy lights!!!” Tdifan screamed, clapping as she stared at some flashing lights on a sign.
Matt just grinned stupidly as he stared at everything Sunshine happened to point at. After a moment, though, something caught Matt’s attention, and his eyes grew so huge Nalyd thought for a moment they were going to pop straight out of his head.
“Roller coaster,” he breathed, pointing up to the tracks of the park’s crown jewel, a hundred feet high, practically blocking out the sun. The first-graders, other than Tdifan who was very distracted by the little flashing lights, stared in awe at it, their jaws agape.
“…WELL WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR???” Sunshine screamed, beaming. “LET’S GO ON THAT ROLLER COASTER!!!!” With that, the five kids ran to the roller coaster (Tdifan was content just to watch the flashy lights). The guy admitting people onto the roller let Nalyd and Matt in, as they met the height requirement. However, he paused at Sunshine.
“Sorry, ravioli girl, you’re not tall enough to ride.” He told her.
“What?” Sunshine gasped, eyes watering. “No! You can’t do this to me! This is discrimination against the pixie minority!!! I’ll file a lawsuit!!!” She paused suddenly. “OH MY PASTA, I SOUND LIKE COURTNEY!” She then began screaming and running in circles, until she ran into a wall.
“I’ll stay with her,” Stephen sighed, giving a last longing look at the roller coaster. “Otherwise, she’ll probably blow up the park.”
“Good thinking,” Nalyd replied as he was buckled into the ride vehicle next to Matt. Owe stood up against the marker that showed whether or not one was tall enough to ride, and was pleased to see he was.
“Sorry, little dude, I can’t let you on,” The admission guy apologized. “You’re too fat; you won’t fit in the vehicle.” Owe frowned and walked away.
“Alright, have fun, kids!” The guy shouted to Nalyd and Matt as he pushed the button that started the ride. Just as the vehicle took off, the guy looked at his watch. “Hey, time for my break!” He left the ride, whistling to himself, as the roller coaster zoomed over the tracks unattended.
In the meantime, Owe sat by himself on a bench in the park, watching the tourists pass by. Suddenly, a park worker grabbed Owe’s arm. “What are you doing here?!” He hissed. “You’re supposed to be entertaining the guests!”
“But-” Owe protested, confused.
“No buts!” The worked retorted, dragging Owe to the front gate and leaving him in front of a large group of tourists.
“It’s the fat man!” One child screamed. “Dance, mister fat man!” Owe suddenly remembered, much to his dismay, that the Ten Flags mascot was a dancing fat guy.
“But I’m not-“ he began to protest.
“DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!” The tourists chanted. Owe shrugged and began dancing. Sunshine and Stephen will probably come looking for me soon, he thought.
In the meantime, Sunshine was wandering around the park with Stephen. “OOH! A merry-go-round!!!” She cheered, pointing to the merry-go-round and bouncing up and down excitedly.
“Shouldn’t we look for Owe?” Stephen reminded her.
“MERRY-GO-ROUND!!!!” She screamed, foaming at the mouth a little. Stephen shrugged, and walked into the line with her.
Back at the roller coaster, Nalyd and Matt were approaching the end. “That was awesome!!!” Matt laughed.
“I almost fell out during the loop-de-loop!!!” Nalyd snapped.
“I know!!! That was awesome!!!” Matt laughed again.
“I’m just glad it’s over,” Nalyd muttered, preparing to get out of the vehicle. However, it suddenly rocketed out of the start again. “WHY IS IT NOT STOPPING???” Nalyd screamed.
“WHOOO! Free second ride!!!” Matt cheered as the roller coaster tears down the track once again.
“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Nalyd screamed, clutching to the bar of the vehicle for dear life.
In the meantime, Owe was still dancing for the cheering tourists. …yup… Sunshine and Stephen will be here anytime now… he told himself.
The aforementioned pixie and delinquent, however, were still at the merry-go-round. “ONE MORE TIME!!!!!” Sunshine cheered.
“Ugh, Sunshine…” Stephen moaned, “this is the seventeenth time… can’t we do something else???”
“ONE MORE TIME!!!!!” Sunshine declared again. Stephen groaned, then noticed Sunshine’s Duncan doll. He snatched it and held it just out of her reach. “NOOO! DUNCAN!” She squealed, leaping for the doll.
“Follow Duncan, Sunshine!” Stephen instructed her, leading her away from the merry-go-round. She followed unerringly, wailing the entire time for her doll.
Once the merry-go-round was well out of sight, Stephen gave Sunshine back the doll. She inspected it for damage for a minute, then looked around. “COTTON CANDY!!!” She screamed, pointing happily to a cotton candy stand. Before Stephen could say anything, she dashed to the stand and caught the owner’s attention. “Eight, please! He’ll pay!” she explained, pointing to Stephen.
“ME?! Why do I-“ before he could continue, Sunshine took the sugary treats and flopped down on a bench, digging into one. “Whatever,” he muttered, paying the stand owner. “It’s just a little sugar, and it’s keeping her occupied. How bad can it be?”
Twenty minutes later, an extremely sugar-high Sunshine tore around the park, wild and uncontrolled. Stephen chased her, holding her Duncan doll again. “Sunshine, stop!!!” He screamed. “Look, Duncan! Follow Duncan!!! NO, DON’T BREAK THAT! SUNSHIIIINNNEEE!!!!!!!!”
Meanwhile, Nalyd and Matt were still rocketing along the roller coaster track, which had still refused to stop.
“FIFTEEN FREE RIDES!!!!” Matt cheered as they went over a hill. “I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!”
“I’M GOING TO DIE HHHEEERRREEE!!!!!!” Nalyd screamed as the vehicle prepared to slow, though it would inevitably continue. Suddenly, the screams of a hyper ravioli pixie cut through the racket of the roller coaster, and an extremely hyper Sunshine rushed towards the roller coaster, with Stephen in pursuit. In her rabid explosion of energy, Sunshine stumbled into the control area for the roller coaster and hit the “stop” button.
“SUNSHINE, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!!! I KNOW YOU’LL BREAK IT!!!” Stephen screamed after her. Much to Nalyd’s surprise, the roller coaster slowed and finally stopped.
“THANK YOU!!!” He screamed to the sky, leaping out of the roller coaster with a cheer.
“Aw, man, it’s over already?” Matt lamented, reluctantly climbing out of the vehicle. Stephen looked between the hyper pixie and Nalyd, then quickly grabbed Nalyd’s hoodie and tied it around Sunshine, using it as a leash.
“COTTON CANDY!!!!!!!!” She screeched, struggling against her restraint.
“You gave her cotton candy?!” Nalyd asked Stephen incredulously. “How much?!”
“…eight bags…” Stephen admitted, exhausted.
“EIGHT???” Nalyd repeated.
“Well, she ordered them!” Stephen rationalized. “Besides, I figured it’d just keep her quiet until you guys showed up!!!”
“Wait…” Matt commented, looking over the group. “…someone’s missing… where’s Tdifan???”
“Tdifan? I haven’t seen her since this morning.” Stephen replied.
“You lost Tdifan?!” Nalyd criticized.
“You try watching her alone sometime!!!” Stephen snapped, gesturing to the pixie, who was currently trying to chew her way through the makeshift leash.
“I’ll find her!!!” Matt declared. He then proceeded to dash between other park guests, asking each one, “have you seen our nerd?”
“You’ve gotta be kidding…” Nalyd groaned as he watched the spectacle.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” Tdifan asked, randomly showing up.
“Not now, Tdifan, we’re looking for you!” Matt shouted. He paused for a moment. “TDIFAN!” He cheered. “We found you!!!”
“Where did you go?!” Stephen asked, struggling to keep the pixie under control.
“I’ve just been staring at the pretty flashy lights.” She shrugged. “Why, did you guys leave?” Nalyd and Stephen both stared incredulously at her.
“I’m going home and sleeping until Monday…” Nalyd groaned, starting off towards the exit.
“This day has been long enough…” Stephen agreed, dragging Sunshine with them.
“NOOOO!” Sunshine protested, struggling against the makeshift leash. “MERRY-GO-ROUND!!! COTTON CANDY!!! MORE FLAGS!!!”
“Wow, what’s with Sunshine?” Tdifan commented, confused. “What’d I miss?”
“I dunno, something about cotton candy.” Matt shrugged as they exited the park.
And so, Nalyd spent the rest of his weekend locked up in his room with a headache and nausea from his fifteen turns on the roller coaster. Sunshine, Matt, and Tdifan all gave their highest praise to the trip. And Stephen initiated an immediate ban on giving Sunshine any form of sugar. And though no one quite knew what, everyone felt as if they’d forgotten something…
Back at Ten Flags, a group of tourists was still applauding as an extremely chubby first-grader danced for them. C’mon, Sunshine… Stephen… anyone… Owe thought desperately. You can show up anytime now… guys…?!
~End of Chapter 6
Chapter 7: The Ravioli Action Squad (in 2-D)
This chapter is brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
Tap. Tap. Tap. Nalyd turned in his bed to get away from the tapping at his window. Crash! A rock goes flying through, followed by a large child. Nalyd jumped out of bed and looked at Owe sitting on his floor.
“What’s going on?” Nalyd asked Owe in confusion. Owe pointed outside the window. Nalyd leaned his head out the hole in the window, and was hit by another rock.
“Get down here, Renny!” Sunshine shouted as Stephen continued throwing rocks.
“Why?” Nalyd shouted back.
“We got out report cards today!” Matt answered.
“Cool!” Nalyd said. He threw Owe back out the window, got dressed, and ran outside. “Where are they?” Nalyd asked excitedly.
“Where are what?” Matt asked.
“The report cards!” Nalyd said holding his hands out.
“What report cards?” Tdifan asked. Nalyd realized he had been tricked into coming outside.
“I’m going inside,” Nalyd said turning around.
“No, Nalyd!” Sunshine said, “Wait! You need to stay outside! You’re so pale!” Nalyd was about to argue, but turned and joined the group.
“So what do you guys wanna do today?” Matt asked.
“How about skateboarding?” Stephen suggested. The group agreed and went to the local skateboard park. “Don’t break the board!” Stephen said when Owe got onto the half-pipe with his board. Owe tripped and rolled down the half-pipe.
“This should be fun,” Matt said. He went into the half-pipe, but on the way back up launched into the air. He landed in a can of blue paint.
Nalyd and Tdifan accidentally went at the same time, crashed into each other, and were taken to the hospital.
Stephen was the only one to successfully do the half-pipe.
Sunshine went last and was launched in the air, similarly to Matt. However, the wind caught Sunshine’s wings and she floated down to the ground. “Holy ravioli, I can fly!” she exclaimed. Matt wandered back to her, dripping blue paint everywhere. “Matt! I have super powers!” she said shaking him. “I can fly!” She paused and saw the blue paint everywhere. “And you have powers too! You can turn stuff blue!”
“Awesome!” Matt said excitedly.
“We need a third member to this epic team,” Sunshine said eyeing the other. She saw Owe near an electrical socket.
“Go on, Owe,” Stephen said, “Just stick your finger in the wall!”
“But I’ll get electrocuted,” Owe protested.
“If you don’t do it,” Stephen said angrily, “I won’t show you my secret stash of donuts.” Owe sighed and stuck his finger in the electrical socket. Owe was immediately electrocuted and collapsed to the ground. Stephen walked away laughing.
“We found our third person!” Sunshine said trying to lift Owe. “Electric Man!”
“Now we just need an arch-enemy,” Matt said suspiciously.
Owe pointed to Stephen and Nalyd, who had just returned from the hospital with a broken arm. The two sat alone whispering. “How about them?” Owe asked. Nalyd and Stephen saw the group staring at them and left.
“They must be up to no good!” Sunshine declared. “Come Blue Guy and Electric Man, we must defeat Dr. Square and Stephen-stein!”
“Okay! And those are awesome names!” Matt said excitedly.
“Guys,” Owe said calmly, “Maybe Nalyd is just helping Stephen with homework or something.”
“Oh no, Blue Guy!” Sunshine said, “Electric Man is defecting from the good side!” Matt screamed and stuck Owe’s finger back into the electrical socket. Owe screamed and passed out as the electricity passed through his sphere of a body.
A few hours later, Sunshine, Matt, and Owe had gotten some old Halloween costumes to wear and were outside Nalyd’s house.
“It’s alive!” they heard Nalyd shout from his bedroom. Nalyd burst into laughter. Suddenly, the Ravioli Action Squad, what Sunshine had named their super hero team, heard a crash. “No, you stay away from me!” Nalyd shouted. “Get back!”
“Do you know what this means?” Sunshine asked the Action Squad.
“Not really,” Matt said sadly.
“Nalyd and Stephen must have brought a mummy to life and now it is attacking,” Sunshine explained.
“Or,” Owe said, “Nalyd made a sarcastic comment and ticked Stephen off.” Sunshine and Matt glared at Owe.
“Charge!” Sunshine shouted. Sunshine and Matt ran into Nalyd’s house and up into Nalyd’s room where they saw Nalyd on the ground and Stephen very angry. Stephen stormed out of the house without saying a word.
“Where am I?” Nalyd asked confused.
“Right now you are in your room,” Matt answered coldly. “But soon you will be downtown, Dr. Square.”
“What are you talking about?” Nalyd asked rubbing his head.
“You and Stephen have been secretly planning to take over the world!” Sunshine said.
“No, I’ve been tutoring him for school,” Nalyd explained, “But he was embarrassed and didn’t want you guys to know.”
“But what about a few minutes ago?” Matt asked.
“I said ‘It’s alive’ because I just brought a spider back to life, but Stephen squashed it and hit me in the forehead.”
Owe slowly peeked his head in the door, after crawling up the stairs. “I told you,” he wheezed, right before rolling back down to the first floor.
“Oh,” Sunshine said. “Sorry, Renny!”
“Yeah,” Matt said, “It could have been worse. We could have mistaken you for a vampire!”
“That would never happen,” Nalyd chuckled awkwardly as Matt and Sunshine left. Nalyd turned around and turned on his ultra violet light. Suddenly, Nalyd’s skin started to sparkle, as if covered in glitter. “They must never know,” Nalyd said defiantly.
~End of Chapter 7
Chapter 8: Farce Wars- Part 1
This chapter is brought to you by: Sunshineandravioli
It seemed to be just another ordinary day as first grader Nalyd Renrut entered his school. Of course, “ordinary” was never exactly the right way to describe Miss McClean’s first grade students. But, that’s beside the point.
“Attention, class,” Miss McClean, the shy, sweet first grade teacher, said meekly. In spite of her lack of presence, most of the class listened to whatever she said, partially out of pity for her. “Today, we will start preparation for our class play!”
The class erupted into cheers. The first grade play! Though it certainly wasn’t a Broadway show, it was a big deal at the school! The kids spent weeks preparing, and then had a big show, with all the parents and teachers and other attendants of the school coming to watch!
“Finally!” Nalyd cheered. “A chance for me to do something slightly normal!!!”
“A chance for me to be onstage!!!” Matt added, stars appearing in his eyes.
“A chance for me to draw on stuff and not get in trouble!!!” Sprinklemist commented happily, obviously imagining himself as a set designer.
“What play are we going to do???” Gigi asked excitedly.
“That’s what we’re going to decide!” Miss McClean explained, taking out a notepad. “We’ll take a few suggestions for plays, and then vote on which one we’re going to do. Now, any ideas?”
Nalyd sighed happily, thinking through all the plays they could do. Romeo and Juliet! Hamlet! He would even settle for The Lion King or something; it was finally something normal, he couldn’t complain!
“OOH! I KNOW!!!” Sunshine suddenly chirped before Nalyd could speak up. “STAR WARS!!!!!”
How ridiculous, Nalyd thought, laughing to himself. There’s no way-
“YEAH!!!” Matt excitedly agreed. “Star Wars! That would be so cool!!!”
“No, wait, I’ve got a better idea!!!” Tdifan interrupted. “A Star Wars PARODY!!!”
“YEAH!!!!” Sunshine and Matt agreed, nodding furiously.
“That would be awesome!!!” Stephen agreed.
“Cool,” Owe added, silencing the room for a second.
Pretty soon, the class was chanting “STAR WARS PARODY!!! STAR WARS PARODY!!! STAR WARS PARODY!!!”
Nalyd’s jaw dropped as all hopes of him doing something normal at his school disappeared.
“O-okay,” Miss McClean stammered, “I guess it’s unanimous! We’ll do a Star Wars Parody!” The class, minus Nalyd, cheered loudly with approval.
“I volunteer myself for set design!!!” Sprinklemist quickly declared.
“Alright,” Miss McClean allowed, taking a note of it.
“I can do lighting and technical stuff,” Greg offered, visions of gadgets and gizmos obviously appearing in his head.
“Good!” Miss McClean noted that in her notebook as well. “Now we just need someone to write the script.”
Everyone turned to Gigi.
“…what?” She asked, looking confused. “Why is everyone looking at me?”
“You have to do the script, Gigi!” Tdifan explained. “You’re the best writer in the class!!!”
“Yeah, Gigi,” Sprinklemist agreed, “if you write the script, our play is a garunteed hit!”
“PLEASE???” Sunshine begged, giving Gigi her best puppy-dog face.
“I dunno…” Gigi muttered. “I’m not really that good.”
“Aw, c’mon, Gigi!” Matt whined. “You’re better than some of the fifth graders!!!”
“Yeah, you’d be awesome as a scriptwriter!!!” Stephen agreed.
“Just give it a try.” Owe offered. The entire class grew silent as Owe spoke.
“Well, okay.” Gigi gave in, obviously entranced by Owe’s words. “I’ll do it!”
The class erupted with applause, and Tdifan gave Gigi a high-five.
“The Farce Wars is underway!!!” Sunshine cheered, randomly giving their production a name.
Nalyd just sat at his desk with a blank expression, jaw agape, wondering how his class had managed to make even a school play so insane.
“Is Nalyd okay?” Matt wondered aloud, staring at their one sane friend.
“I think he’s dead…” Tdifan commented as Sunshine poked his forehead continuously.
Stephen stomped on Nalyd’s foot, and he gave a loud yelp. “He’s alive.” Stephen assessed.
Owe sighed and shook his head.
That afternoon, Miss McClean’s first grade class had gathered in the school auditorium for. Gigi, Sprinklemist, and Miss McClean sat in the front row so they could assess the potential stars, while Greg took note of the lighting and other gizmos he would be using during the play. Nalyd, Sunshine, Tdifan, Stephen, Owe, Matt, Zak, and various other unnamed students waited backstage, ready to audition for the characters they wanted.
“Who are you gonna audition as, Renny?” Sunshine asked Nalyd as he looked over his audition lines. “Darth Vader? The Emperor?”
“C-3PO.” Nalyd growled, annoyed that she would instantly set him as one of the Sith. “I figure, even in a parody, he’ll still be one of the more sane characters.”
“You’re such a square, Nalyd.” Tdifan chuckled.
“Like you could be a better C-3PO.” Nalyd retorted.
“I might be,” Tdifan commented, “but that’s going to be up to Miss McClean to decide.”
Nalyd’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean…!”
“Yup! I’m auditioning as C-3PO too!” Tdifan laughed.
“You can’t be C-3PO!” Nalyd complained. “You’re a girl!”
“Acting skill transcends gender.” She retorted, sticking out her tongue at Nalyd.
“Yeah, Rennie.” Sunshine agreed. She then turned to Tdifan. “What does that mean?”
“And what, dare I ask, are you auditioning for, Sunshine?” Nalyd interrupted.
“R2D2!” Sunshine replied, beaming. “And I know I’m going to get the role! I can scream just like R2!!!” She took a deep breath in preparation to demonstrate.
“DON’T!!!” Everyone backstage screamed at once.
“I’m auditioning for Han Solo!” Matt commented, popping up out of nowhere holding Pig. “I figure they can use Pig for Chewbacca!”
Pig squealed in agreement.
“There’s no doubt I’ll get the part I audition for.” Stephen bragged, looking over his script. “I mean, can you imagine a better Darth Vader?”
“Nalyd!” Sunshine, Matt, and Tdifan all commented at once.
“Well, besides Nalyd.” Stephen corrected himself. Nalyd glared at them all.
“You’re auditioning, Zak?” Nalyd questioned Zak, who had been sitting nearby studying his script.
“Yeah. I’m going to audition for Luke Skywalker.” He replied. “I figured, I look the part, so why not?”
“Cool!” Sunshine commented. She then leapt onto Owe’s head. “How about you, Owe?”
“I’m auditioning for Chewbacca.” He replied. “He doesn’t really speak, so I decided I’d fit the role.”
“That’s great, Owe!!!” Matt grinned. “You’ll make a great backup for Pig!”
Owe sighed, but gave him a thumbs up.
“Would the first auditioner come onstage, please?” Miss McClean called from the audience. Nalyd began to stand up, but Sunshine suddenly rushed past him. Nalyd glared after her and waited for his turn.
“I’m auditioning for R2-D2!!!!!” Sunshine declared loudly as she bounded onto the stage.
“Um… okay…” Miss McClean stammered, obviously taken aback by her enthusiasm. “Please perform the audition script.”
“Alright,” Sunshine muttered to herself, clearing her throat. She held the script in front of her and read from it. “Bleep. Bloop. Beep bop bloop. Weep-whoot.” She then proceeded to give a loud, high-pitched R2-D2 scream, which shattered several windows in the building.
Sprinklemist stared blankly into space for a moment, then passed out from the migraine Sunshine’s scream had caused. Gigi, who was somewhat used to Sunshine, had put in earplugs the minute she had stepped onstage.
“So,” Sunshine asked, grinning widely, “did I get the part???”
“…We’ll, uh, get back to you….” Miss McClean stammered, rubbing her ears. Sunshine skipped offstage, grinning like the idiot she was. “Next, please?” Owe stepped onstage and gave the judges a wave. “Owe, it says here you’re auditioning for Chewbacca?” Owe nodded. “Well, then, take it away!”
“Raaaarrrrggg.” Owe growled. There was a long pause.
“Is he going to keep going?” Sprinklemist whispered to Gigi.
“He, uh, finished the audition script.” Gigi whispered back.
“Um, very good job, Owe!” Miss McClean complimented him. “You can go back offstage now.” Owe nodded and complied, motioning to the others backstage to tell them someone else could go on. Nalyd began to dash onstage, but Tdifan tripped him and stepped onstage. Sunshine then dragged a groaning Nalyd backstage once more.
“Hi, guys!” Tdifan greeted the judges. “I’m auditioning for C-3PO!”
“I will win!!!” Nalyd shouted from offstage.
“Go ahead and perform, Tdifan.” Miss McClean encouraged her. Tdifan then proceeded to saunter across the stage like a robot, accompanied by robotic whirrs and beeps, and various nervous comments. “Great job, you can go back!” Miss McClean complimented her. She walked offstage proudly, giving Nalyd a competitive smirk. Nalyd glared back at her, and Stephen strutted onstage.
“LUKE,” he growled before anyone could say anything to him, “I AM YOUR FATHER.” Gigi and Sprinklemist quickly ducked behind the chairs in fear.
“W-wow,” Miss McClean stammered, “you’re obviously very… dedicated to your role! You can go backstage now.” Stephen grinned and walked offstage. “Next, please!” Matt walked onstage with pig, grinning widely. “Matt, you’re auditioning for Han Solo, right?”
“Yup!” Matt nodded. “And Pig is gonna be Chewbacca!” Pig squealed.
“Um… okay…” Miss McClean commented. “Go ahead and perform the script.”
Matt blinked. “Dang. I knew I forgot something.” He muttered to himself. He stared fearfully at the three judges awaiting his performance. Suddenly, he turned and pointed to Pig.
“I’ll never join you, Pig!!!” He shouted, improvising. “You killed my father!!!” Pig grunted back in a pig-voice that sounded strangely similar to Darth Vader’s. Matt’s eyes grew wide and he dropped to his knees, screaming “NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!”
Miss McClean, Gigi, and Sprinklemist all stood and began applauding.
“That was great!!!” Sprinklemist commended Matt.
“Yeah!!! It wasn’t Han Solo, but it was great!!!” Gigi commented.
“Excellent!” Miss McClean agreed. “You can go backstage now.” Matt grinned, not quite knowing what he had did but happy it had worked out, and walked offstage. “Next, please!”
Zak stepped onstage. “I’m auditioning for Luke.” He stated.
“Alright,” Miss McClean replied. “Go ahead and perform the script.”
“I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU!!!” Zak shouted at an imaginary Darth Vader. “YOU KILLED MY FATHER!!!!!!!” He then turned back to Miss McClean and the other judges. “How was that?”
“I don’t remember Luke sounding so angry,” Sprinklemist whispered to Gigi. She elbowed him in the ribs in response.
“That was, um, very good, Zak!” Miss McClean chirped. “You can go backstage now.” Zak complied, and Nalyd finally tore onstage.
“I’m auditioning for C-3PO!” He announced, obviously fed up with having to wait this long.
“Er… o-okay Nalyd…” Miss McClean stammered. “Go ahead.”
Nalyd proudly gave his script a glance, then tossed it aside to perform. “LUKE,” He growled in a deep, intimidating voice, “I AM YOUR FATHER. JOIN ME, AND WE CAN RULE THE GALAXY AS FATHER AND SON.” Suddenly, Nalyd stopped, grabbed his script again, and looked it over. “I grabbed the wrong script!!!!” He realized. Muttering to himself, he stormed offstage.
“Um… okay…” Miss McClean commented as Nalyd left. “That’s all we have time for today, kids. Those of you who didn’t audition today, please come tomorrow! The final cast will be up in a few days!”
As the kids walked out of the auditorium, Tdifan gave Nalyd a superior smirk. “Oh, shut up!” Nalyd snapped, storming past her and out of the auditorium.
“GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!!!!!!!” Sunshine shouted, charging her group as they approached the first grade class. Owe jumped out of the way, falling flat on his face. This allowed Sunshine to smack into Nalyd, who went careening into Stephen, who fell on Tdifan. Matt, standing next to Tdifan, just watched as the chaos barely missed him.
“Geez, Sunshine, what was that for?!” Stephen complained, struggling to get up.
“I can’t breathe!!!” Tdifan’s muffled cry came from underneath the pile of first graders.
“COME ON GUYS, GET UP!!!!” Sunshine screamed, completely ignoring the chaos she had caused. “THE FINAL CAST FOR THE PLAY GOT PUT UP!!! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU GUYS TO COME BEFORE I LOOKED AT IT AND I CAN’T TAKE THE SUSPENSE!!!”
“What?! The final cast?!” Nalyd repeated, somehow pulling himself up. The three first graders quickly got up, helped Owe stand up again, and then dashed into the classroom towards a huddled mass around the bulletin board.
“Today, Nalyd, we will finally see who has the greater acting skill!” Tdifan challenged.
“Yeah! Me!” Nalyd laughed, pushing his way through the crowd. “And C-3PO is…” His eyes widened as he read the actor’s name. “Tdifan?!” Tdifan cheered, and Sunshine gave her a high-five. “Then what part did I get???” Nalyd quickly scanned the list of names, then looked disappointed as he found his own. “Oh… of course. Darth Vader.”
“We told you you’d be a natural!” Matt laughed, giving Nalyd a pat on the back.
“No way!!!” Stephen snapped. “You can’t be Darth Vader! I was gonna be Darth Vader!!!”
“Sorry, dude.” Nalyd shrugged. “Maybe you got the part of the Emperor or something.”
“No,” Zak, who was sitting nearby, sighed. “I got the part of the Emperor. I guess I pushed the whole ‘anger’ thing too much during my audition…”
“So that means I’m…” Stephen glanced over the cast list, and his jaw dropped as he found his name. “Han Solo?!”
“Awesome!” Matt congratulated him. His smile disappeared after a second. “Wait… that means I didn’t get the part.” Matt shoved his way to the front to search for his name, and his face lit up. “WOAH!!! I’m Luke Skywalker!!! Me!!! Luke!!!” He glanced at the sheet again, and his grin grew even wider. “And Pig is going to be R2-D2!!!”
“So who am I?” Sunshine asked, confused. Matt allowed her to come forward and look at the cast list. “Huh, it says here I’m Princess Leia. Who’s that?”
“That’s the female lead!!!” Nalyd said incredulously. “How did SHE get the female lead?! She’s nuts!!!”
“I got Chewbacca!” Owe said excitedly. Everyone suddenly stopped what they were doing to give Owe words of congratulations.
Amid the celebrations, Gigi stepped up to Miss McClean’s desk. “Miss McClean?” She asked.
“Yes?” Miss McClean replied, looking up from her gradebook.
“I just wanted to ask you something about the play.” Gigi explained.
“Go ahead,” Miss McClean allowed.
Gigi grinned shyly yet deviously. “It’s just that… we don’t have an Obi-Wan…”
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 9!!!
Chapter 9: Farce Wars – Part 2
This chapter was brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
“What do you mean we don’t have an Obi-Wan?” Ms. McLean asked Gigi. Gigi had just informed Ms. McLean of the unfortunate news.
“What are we going to do?” Gigi asked. Suddenly, an elderly gentleman burst through the auditorium doors.
“Where is my grandson?” he asked angrily. “Where is little Owe?”
“Grandpa?” Owe said looking out into the auditorium. “It’s you, Grandpa Omar!” Owe ran up and hugged the old man.
“Wow, you’ve gotten fat,” Owe’s grandpa commented.
“Sir?” Ms. McLean said shyly. “Can I… help you?”
“You want me to play Obi-Wan Kenobi in the play tonight?” Owe’s grandpa asked surprised. “I’d love to.”
“Oh… okay…” Ms. McLean said more confused than ever.
An hour later, all the actors were back stage and getting ready to go on.
“Break a leg, Tdifan,” Nalyd said.
“Thanks, Renny! You too!” Tdifan chirped in her bad British accent.
“No, really, I hope you break your leg,” Nalyd said. Tdifan put on C-3PO’s metal leg and kicked Nalyd in the shin. “I deserved that,” Nalyd said, fighting back tears.
“Thank you all for coming,” Ms. McLean said to the parents watching. Ms. McLean was sweating, breathing heavily, and looked as pale as ever. She had stage fright. “Tonight you will be seeing………. Star…..” She then passed out and Gigi and Sprinklemist dragged her off the stage.
The Star Wars theme was heard in the background as the curtain rose. The scene was set; Nalyd stood in his Darth Vader outfit with Sunshine dressed as Leia (with real cinnamon buns attached to her head) surrounded by unnamed and just rather unimportant students surrounding her.
“Well, well, well,” Nalyd said. The Darth Vader voice changer had malfunctioned and he sounded like Alvin the Chipmunk. “So we have captured Princess Leia. And now you will see you planet be destroyed.”
A smile came across Sunshine’s face. She barely resisted laughing at Nalyd’s ridiculous voice.
“Say your lines,” Nalyd whispered.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Sunshine said, trying to hold back laughter.
“Obi-Wan is here to save the day!” Owe’s grandpa shouted as he ran onto the stage wielding a lightsaber. He began hitting Nalyd in the chest and back with it.
“Ow! Stop it!” Nalyd shouted.
“Wait a minute,” Zak said as he reviewed the script, off-stage, “The Emperor isn’t in this play at all!”
“I sort of forgot he was a character, sorry,” Gigi said.
“Oh dear,” Ms. McLean whispered as she watched Nalyd get the snot beaten out of him by an old man. “Owe? Can’t you do anything?”
“Too tired,” Owe panted, “Just ate… everything… on the snack buffet. I think I’m going to be sick.” He burped.
Owe’s grandpa stopped hitting Nalyd, who was now lying on the stage. “Where am I?” he asked.
“What do we do?” Sprinklemist asked worriedly.
“Improvisation!” Matt said excitedly. “The show must go on!” Matt ran onto the stage in his Luke Skywalker costume and hit Nalyd in the back of the head with his blue lightsaber, knocking Nalyd out. “Oops,” Matt said.
Ms. McLean slapped her forehead. “We’re doomed,” she said sadly.
“I can go save the show!” Tdifan said happily.
“Fine, this can’t get any worse,” Ms. McLean said.
Tdifan hobbled onto the stage. She was horrified as Owe’s grandpa slowly approached her. “Oh my gosh!” Owe’s grandpa shouted, “It’s Forrest Gump!”
“What are you talking about?” Tdifan asked in her C-3PO voice. “I am C-3PO. Human-cyborg relations.”
“Back in my day we did not talk back to our elders!” Owe’s grandpa shouted. He took off Tdifan’s mask, grabbed her by the ear, and dragged her off the stage.
“Let go of me you weird old man!” Tdifan screamed.
Nalyd woke up. “Where am I?” Nalyd asked.
“You’re performing in the school play,” Sunshine explained.
“And you aren’t doing to good,” Matt said.
A flash from the audience stunned Sunshine, Matt, and Nalyd. It came form a camera. “That’s my baby up there!” Nalyd’s mother shouted. “The pale goth one! That’s him! I am his mother!” She turned to the man sitting next to her. “Oh he was such a cute baby. I think I have some baby pictures in my purse here, somewhere.”
“Mom!” Nalyd shouted. His face turned red.
“Wow, Nalyd,” Sunshine said, “There’s color on your face!”
“I think that’s just off-white,” Matt suggested.
“Kids!” Ms. McLean hissed. “Please focus!”
“That’s it,” Stephen said as he put on the Han Solo wig. “I’m not letting Renrut and his happy band of dorks ruin the play. Come on, Owe.” Stephen grabbed Owe by the wrist and dragged him onto the stage.
“I don’t feel good Stephen,” Owe said. Owe followed however.
“Die!” Stephen shouted, shooting Nalyd with his water pistol.
“My eye!” Nalyd shouted. “That’s not water!”
“You’re right,” Stephen laughed. “It’s lemon juice.”
“This is terrible!” shouted a man in the audience. He threw tomatoes at the kids, but they hid behind Owe who ate them.
“Two lines,” Ms. McLean said sadly. “We got two line sin before all heck broke loose.”
“Uh-oh,” Owe said. His stomach shook and he let out a huge burp.
The whole room went silent.
“That was the best Chewbacca roar ever!” the man from before shouted. The whole audience erupted in applause.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Zak said, as he put his head in his hands.
The next day, Nalyd woke up in his room with all his friends staring at him. “Oh no,” Nalyd said, “I’m having that nightmare where I move to America and hung out with a group of complete twits and… Oh no. I’m awake!”
“Nalyd’s talking crazy!” Tdifan said happily. “He finally snapped!” She laughed evilly.
“Nalyd, look at the newspaper,” Matt said, handing Nalyd a paper. “We made the front page!”
Nalyd read the review of the play. “Well, the play last night at Wawanakwa Elementary last night was terrible. They had a fat old man playing Obi-Wan Kenobi. He kept beating up first grader, Nalyd Renrut. I feel bad for Nalyd Renrut though. If I was a girl, I’d hate to play Darth Vad- They think I’m a girl!”
“Just keep reading you big cry baby,” Stephen said.
“Zak Koroen was quite impressive,” Nalyd read. “Because he never came onto the stage I can’t think of any criticism. Sunshine Pasti and Matt Tollin came off as unrehearsed and unprepared. Stephen attacked that poor little girl, Nalyd Renrut, with lemon juice.”
“Maybe he would think you were a boy if you got a hair cut,” Sunshine suggested.
“You know I thought he was a girl first time I saw him,” Matt said.
“Same here!” Tdifan agreed.
“Be quiet!” Nalyd shouted. He continued reading. “The only good part of the play was Owe’s fabulous portrayal of Chewbacca. Never before have I seen such a great actor in a minor role. Better luck casting next time, Ms. McLean.”
“Congrats, Owe!” Sunshine said happily. Owe burped.
“You gotta be kidding me,” Nalyd said. He hid his head under his blanket and waited for everyone to forget the horrible night that was the first school play.
~End of Chapter 9
Chapter 10: It’s About Time!
This chapter was brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
“Ms. McLean!” Nalyd shouted. “Sunshine and Matt just built a roller coaster on the playground!”
“Nalyd,” Ms. McLean said calmly, “This isn’t like the time Sunshine and Matt ‘built a rocket ship,’ or a ‘race car track’, or ‘became one hit wonders,’ is it?”
“I’m telling you Ms. McLean!” Nalyd said sadly. “They’re evil! E-V-I-L! I don’t know how they always clean it up so fast!” It was a mid-November day, and, other than Nalyd’s claims, it was a normal day in Wawanakwa Elementary. “They are always doing things like this!”
“Fine,” Ms. McLean said. She stood up and followed Nalyd outside. When they got out to the playground, all the kids were on the slide.
“Ms. McLean! We built a roller coaster!” Sunshine said.
“Looks great,” Ms. McLean smiled, thinking Sunshine meant the slide.
Nalyd stared in awe. “Bu- bu- bu- bu…”
“I’m writing a note for your mother to get you glasses, Nalyd,” Ms. McLean sighed.
The next day, Nalyd watched Sunshine and Matt as soon as recess started. “Hey, Sunshine!” Tdifan said as she skipped over to Sunshine and Matt. “Whatcha doin’?”
“We’re building a time machine,” Matt said.
“I’d like to see that work,” Stephen smirked.
“As would I,” Owe said happily.
“I was being sarcastic, dork,” Stephen said.
“I’ve got them this time,” Nalyd whispered to himself.
“Hey, where’s Pig?” Sunshine asked.
“I left him at home,” Matt said.
Alas, Pig was not in Matt’s house. The lifeless body had been struck by lightning, and some how came back to like. Pig crawled outside, and into a small hold under Matt’s front porch. Pig slide down a chute that went far into the earth. When the chute ended, Pig was in a laboratory. A man appeared on a screen. “Ah, good morning Agent P,” he said. He was an old man with a white mustache, one eyebrow, and a huge nose. “Your arch enemy, the evil Dr. Ztrimhcsnefood, is up to his old tricks. We need you to find out what’s he doing, and put a stop to it!” Pig oinked and hurried into another chute that launched him out. The man in the screen turned. “Hey, Carl, how do you pronounce ‘Ztrimhcsnefood’ anyway?”
“I have no idea, sir,” a teenager said off-screen.
Before long, Sunshine and Matt had created a time machine and a line was forming to use it. “Nalyd, you wanna get in line?” Sunshine asked.
“No!” Nalyd shouted. “You two are going down! D-O-W-N! Down!”
“Your loss,” Sunshine shrugged. “Plug it in, Matt!”
Matt ran a giant electric cord into the classroom and plugged it in. “Matt, whatcha doin’?” Ms. McLean asked.
“Sunshine and I built a time machine!” Matt said.
“Sounds nice,” Ms. McLean said. “You kids and your imagination.”
The portal lit up and the ground started to shake. “I’ve got them now,” Nalyd whispered as he pulled a camera out of his pocket.
“So, Pig the Pig,” Dr. Ztrimhcsnefood said when Pig had gotten into Ztrimhcsnefood’s Evil Incorporated. Dr. Ztrimhcsnefood pressed a button on the wall and a cage fell from the ceiling and captured pig. “I repeat; So, Pig the Pig, you have found my secret layer! What do you think? I like this one a lot better than the other one. The real estate agent said that this one was in a much better neighborhood… but, anyway, I hate when I’m always tripping over extension cords! Walking through my lab, I trip on power cords! Walking through the hardware store, I trip on power cords! Walking through the woods… Well, I trip on roots and stuff there. So I will remove all the power cords from the entire tri-state area! My psychiatrist told me that I should try for higher goals like world domination, but really I just want the tri-state area. What would I do with the whole world? Where would I put my stuff?”
“Oink,” Pig oinked. He used his magic tail of epic pwnage to break through the cage.
“How is that even possible?” Dr. Ztrimhcsnefood asked. The next thing he knew, he was tackled by Pig! Dr. Ztrimhcsnefood stumbled backwards into his machine. “You are too late!”
The machine turned blue and within seconds power cords were being pulled onto it.
The power cord in the classroom started to shake, and was pulled out of the socket. It flew up into the air, and pulled the time machine with it.
Nalyd took the picture and ran inside. “Ms. McLean! Ms. McLean! Look at this!” Nalyd held up the camera proudly. Ms. McLean looked at the picture on the camera screen and saw a picture of the playground, lacking a time machine.
“Very nice, Nalyd!” she said happily. “Great picture of everyone on the playground!” Nalyd looked at the camera and screamed.
Outside, Pig had joined everyone. “There you are pig!” Matt said as he held pig up.
“Whatcha doin’ tomorrow?” Tdifan asked.
“The same thing we do everyday, Tdifan,” Sunshine said. “Try to bother Nalyd!”
“They’re Sunshine! They’re Sunshine and the Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt!” the students sang.
“If you say so,” Matt said, sounding scared.
~End of Chapter 10
Chapter 11: The Boy with the Red Hair.
This chapter is bought to you by: Ezekielguy
Nalyd Renrut was very used to his new life. He was beggining to even like his friends a little. A little. He almost grew fond of the smell or ravioli in the morning and the sweet sounds of guitar tunes.
Almost. But he never liked people with red hair. He didn't know why. It was just creepy. He knew Stephen had red hair, but that was different since he had a mowhawk. He had no idea what he would do if a flakey red-head guitar playing skater dude joined his group. Huh? Whaddya mean I'm ruining the story for you? Aw, Shut up!
Anyway, the first thing that happened that bright Saturday morning was clearly bizzare in every way.
Stephen screamed through his mega-phone. "Kids 'O Wikia Elementary! Let's go! Let's go!"
Out the marched in they're pajamas one by one. Sunshine, Matt, Owe, Tdifan and Nalyd. They were ready for they're club meeting.
"Today," said Club President Stephen "My Dad made us a new club house!" He pointed to the big wooden shack built on a tree.
"I dunno, Steph..." Said Matt, looking at the big hunk of wood from each angle. He measured each corner with a ruler. "It looks pretty lame for cool cats like us..."
The others agreed.
"How square." said Sunshine, nodding her head.
"Wrecked." said Nalyd. "Too messy."
"It's too small." said Owe quietly thus causing all to stand still.
"Oink." said Pig wisely. Everyone nodded.
They knew Pig had such a way with words.
While all was quite, voices were heard coming down from above.
"No way, Muds!" said a low, tough-sounding voice. "Just no, you little..."
"Uh... Oh.... Heh heh..." said a high, chirpy british accent. "Oh, you're so stupid!" said a deep, harty Australian accent.
"No! No fight! No!" said what sounded like a young girl's voice.
"Argh!" said the low tough voice. "That's it, Muds! You're going down." And a huge luxirious winneabaego landed straight on top of the tree house.
A green man in a grey sweat shirt fell out and screeched.
"Oh," Matt said awkwardly, "Guess that ends with session. Right, cats?"
Pig squealed. Everyone nodded.
But then, Matt noticed something! "Look" He squealed "Out on the horizion!"
The other children looked around and they saw it. It was the bullies of Wikia Elementary School! Salami, Beef, and Cheese!
Now, Cheese was a skinny tall boy.
Beef was a buff, strong boy.
And Salami was short and thick. He was the leader.
“Hey!” Salami demanded “Get that pig! I want him! I want that PIG!”
”W-W-Why, of course, boss!” squealed Cheese.
“Y-y-yeah!” said Beef. He wasn't too bright.
“Now SEAZE him!” screamed Salami. “SEAZE the pig! Get him for me!”
Matt jumped in front of his pet. “No! I won't let you take him!” He shouted.
Nalyd and Sunshine jumped to help, followed by Owe, Stephen and Tdifan. It wasn't worth it. Beef and Cheese were ganging up on them. Then, the gang spotted a shadow in the distance. It jumped, ran, and galloped over to them.
Then they heard a sound. “Hey! Bite me!”
Then they saw him.
Sunshine saw him.
Matt saw him.
Tdifan saw him.
Owe saw him.
Stephen saw him.
Pig didn't see him.
Nalyd saw him though! He couldn't believe it! It was a kid with red hair! He shivered. 'He's gonna kill us!' He thought.
But the kid didn't kill anyone.
He went up to Matt. “Listen! I'm a stranger, but I'm a nice one! Give me what ever is in you're pockets! I'lll give it back! I promise!”
Matt was very confused, but he did as he was told. He dug through his pockets and found a potato gun, loaded.
“Perfect!” said the red head kid.
He grabbed the potato gun. “Hey!” he said. He shot off one of the potatoes. He knew the guys hated potatoes.
Nalyd was beginning to like the red head a little.
Beef squealed as a potato split on his head.
Cheese laughed until one landed on him.
The two boys ran away crying.
The gang thanked the boy and became good friends with him.
They learned his name, Jack.
“So...” He asked, “Why did they want Pig?”
“You know,” Replied Nalyd, who never really liked Pig that much. “I really don't know.”
~End Chapter 11
Chapter 12: A Love Letter for Sunshine
This chapter is bought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
“Holy ravioli!” Sunshine exclaimed when she entered Ms. McLean’s first grade class in Wawanakwa Elementary. She saw a big pink note on her desk. “My dearest Sunshine,” she read aloud. Matt, Owe, Stephen, and Tdifan surrounded her as she read. “I can no longer live without you. Since the day I met you I have barely been resisting telling you. I can not tell you who I am, but I am one of your friends. Love, Anonymous.”
“Ew!” Tdifan said. “Sunshine, guys have cooties!”
“They do?” Sunshine asked.
“At least these ones do,” Tdifan said. Sunshine and Tdifan looked up and saw Stephen giving Matt a noogie, and Owe eating a burger.
“But one of them L-U-Vs me!” Sunshine protested.
“You gotta figure out who it is,” Tdifan advised.
“Ms. McLean, I have to go find out who likes me,” Sunshine said as she left class.
“But Sunshine,” Ms. McLean protested, “You hardly gave the writers enough time to set the scene! They don’t know what day it is, when it is, where Nalyd is, or anything about this so far!”
“I think after twelve chapters people are tired of reading all that,” Sunshine said, then ran down the hallway.
After school, Sunshine went to Stephen’s house. She entered the house without knocking. She saw Stephen sitting on his couch watching Total Drama Island. “Turn it off!” Sunshine shouted.
Stephen glared at her. “One, why are you here? Two, why turn it off?”
“To see if you love me, and this is the episode where Dunky gets eliminated.”
Stephen’s eyes widened, then he remember the note. “No,” he said angrily. “I don’t love you. Go check with Fatt or Ren-rat.” Sunshine looked at him blankly. “Curly and Square.” Sunshine still didn’t understand. “Matt and Nalyd.”
“Oh!” Sunshine said happily. “Okay! Bye!” She turned to leave, then turned around and said slyly, “Tell your brother I said ‘Hi.’”
Sunshine soon arrived at Nalyd’s house. He wasn’t in school that day because of a cold. Nalyd’s mother let Sunshine in. “Sunshine, Nalyd has a cold, and he took too much medication, so he’s a little woozy,” Nalyd’s mother told Sunshine. Sunshine sat next to Nalyd on his couch, and barely resisted laughing at his bunny pajamas.
“Hey, Renny,” she sighed.
“Wazzup!” Nalyd shouted.
“I got a love letter today and I’m trying to figure out who wrote it,” Sunshine said.
“Oh, Matt wrote it,” Nalyd said. He then laughed at the television.
“Matt?” Sunshine asked surprised.
“Yeah,” Nalyd laughed, “The guy is nuts about you. He’s liked you for… about the last six years.”
“Six years?” Sunshine shouted. “That’s like… Six years!
“Yeah,” Nalyd sighed, and then he passed out. Sunshine realized visiting the other guys’ houses wouldn’t do any good.
The next day, she went back to Nalyd’s house after school. Nalyd was no longer sick. “Nalyd,” Sunshine said shyly. “I know who Matt likes.”
Nalyd gasped. “Who told you? I bet it was Tdifan!”
“No,” Sunshine said. “You told me. You said he liked-”
“I did?” Nalyd asked surprised.
“Yes,” Sunshine said.
“He didn’t want you to know.”
“I figured. What should I do?”
“Talk to him. That’s the only way to get through this.”
“Thanks, Renny.” Sunshine hugged Nalyd and left. She said to herself as she went to talk to Matt, “I’m just worried I feel the same way.”
To be continued…
Matt’s phone rang. “Ello! You’ve reached Matt! Leave a message after… the… noise! What’s it’s called…” Matt answered.
“Matt,” Nalyd said on the other end. “I don’t have much time. Sunshine is coming to your house. She knows who you like!”
“Who told her?” Matt gasped.
“I think it was Tdifan,” Nalyd said. Nalyd heard Matt’s doorbell ring. “Via con dios.”
“You too,” Matt said, unsure of what Nalyd said. Matt jumped onto his couch and turned on the television.
Sunshine entered Matt’s house. He was on his couch watching a commercial for Pigs Is We. “Matt,” Sunshine said, “can we talk for a second?”
“Sure,” Matt said awkwardly. He and Sunshine went and sat on Matt’s front porch. “How’s it going?”
“Matt,” Sunshine said, “I know you like me.”
“You know what?” Matt asked confused.
“Nalyd told me you wrote that love note,” Sunshine said. “And how you’ve liked me for six years.”
“I didn’t write that,” Matt said. “I like Gwen! I’ve liked Gwen for six years.”
“Gwen?” Sunshine asked.
“Gwen from Total Drama Island!”
Sunshine smiled. “That’s a relief!”
Matt stood up. “I gotta get in for dinner. Later, Sunshine!”
“Night, Matt,” Sunshine smiled. “Wait, who wrote the note?”
“Renny told me not to tell you,” Matt shrugged, and then ran inside.
“Oh, okay,” Sunshine said. She started walking home. “Wait a minute,” she sad to herself. “Could that mean that Renny wrote the note?”
~End of Chapter 12
Chapter 13: Kid Country
This chapter was brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
“I can’t believe I ever signed up for this show,” Nalyd said angrily. Sunshine, Matt, Nalyd, Tdifan, Owe, Stephen, Greg, Zak, Gigi, and Sprinklemist sat on Nalyd’s couch.
“Just turn on the TV, Renrut!” Stephen growled.
“Okay,” Nalyd said. Nalyd clicked the remote and the TV came on.
A muscular man stood on a dock. Behind him seemed to be a very poorly built campsite with two cabins. “Welcome to Kid Country,” the man said in a deep voice. “I’m your host, Arnold Schwarzenegger. This is a new reality show brought to you by the Fox network. ‘Fox – When all the other channels have nothing good on!’ Ten children have been forced from their homes and have to live here, in Camp Crud. Here come our ten castmates now.” One by one, Sunshine, Matt, Nalyd, Tdifan, Owe, Stephen, Greg, Zak, Gigi, and Sprinklemist walked off a boat and onto the dock. “Welcome to Camp Crud,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said.
“You can say that again,” Stephen smirked.
“Welcome to Camp Crud,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said. “First order of business, we will be dividing you into two teams. The Screaming Moles will be Sunshine, Matt, Nalyd, Owe, and Stephen. The Killer Dolphins will be Tdifan, Greg, Zak, Gigi, and Sprinklemist. Any questions?”
“Can I switch teams?” Nalyd asked.
“Where’s the bathroom?” Owe asked.
“I’ma firin’ mah lazar!” Sunshine shouted.
“Can I switch teams?” Nalyd asked.
“Can I go home?” Zak asked.
“I’m hungry,” Matt said.
“I left my sketchbook at home, can I go get it?” Sprinklemist asked.
“Excellent, no questions!” Arnold said happily. “Now go to your cabins and get comfortable. Don’t worry, the cabins are split with a side for girls and side for guys.”
“There’s only three girls, how is that fair?” Gigi asked.
“We found more interesting guys than we found interesting girls,” Arnold said. “In one hour, I’ll announce the first challenge.”
“I knew that the winner of a reality show always has a good alliance,” Nalyd said in the confessional stall. “This means that I need to find somebody desperate or dumb enough to do whatever I say.”
Nalyd observed the other Screaming Moles. “Stephen is too smart,” Nalyd said to himself. “And Owe is too loyal to Stephen. That leaves…” Nalyd watched as Sunshine and Matt climbed onto the roof of the cabin. “Perfect.” Nalyd followed Sunshine and Matt onto the top of the cabin. “Sunshine, Matt. I think the three of us should be in an alliance in case we lose.”
“Will you buy me a pony after the show?” Sunshine asked.
“Yes,” Nalyd said.
“Okay, then!” Sunshine smiled.
Matt rolled off the roof and landed on his head. “I’ll join too!” he laughed.
“Come on, Renny!” Sunshine said. She grabbed Nalyd’s sleeve and pushed him off the roof.
“This cabin is awesome,” Tdifan said, knocking on the wooden walls of the Killer Dolphins cabin.
“It’s terrible,” Greg said. “Poorly constructed, covered in mold, I’m waiting for it to collapse on me in my sleep.”
“Tell us how you really feel,” Zak said gloomily.
“Challenge time,” Arnold said, via the overhead speakers in each cabin. “Everybody get in your bathing suits and report to the cliff.” The kids changed into their bathing suits and joined Arnold on top of the cliff. “Today you will be jumping off this cliff.” Arnold was silent.
“Is that it?” Greg asked.
“Pretty much,” Arnold shrugged. “Screaming Moles, you’re up.”
“Who wants to go first?” Nalyd asked. Stephen pushed Matt over the edge of the cliff, and then jumped himself.
“Come on, Renny, you only live once!” Sunshine said, and then jumped off the cliff herself.
“And I don’t want to die today!” Nalyd shouted. Nalyd looked at Owe. “Age before beauty,” Nalyd said.
“I don’t get it,” Owe said.
“Just go,” Nalyd said.
“Here I go,” Owe said. He stepped back for a running start, and charged at the cliff. Owe jumped and went the 5000 meters into the water below.
“Wow,” Stephen said, “I was expecting a huge wave but, nope, he belly flopped.”
“So much pain,” Owe said in the confessional.
“That was so fun!” Sunshine said in the confessional.
“Are you going, little man?” Arnold asked Nalyd.
“No,” Nalyd said. He turned to walk down the cliff, but tripped on a root and ended up jumping backwards off the cliff. “Well this stinks,” Nalyd said as he fell down the cliff. A shark jumped up and ate Nalyd.
“Oh my gosh!” Matt shouted. “They killed Nalyd!”
“Those jerks,” Owe whispered.
The shark spit Nalyd out. “Ew, British food!” the shark screamed, and then swam away. Everyone looked shocked.
“We have rare boy-eating, English-speaking sharks here,” Arnold said. “Killer Dolphins, time to take the dive.”
“I’ll do it,” Zak said. “As if this couldn’t get any worse, maybe I’ll get to go home if I die.” Zak slowly walked to the edge of the cliff and jumped. Zak landed safely and got to the shore. Tdifan and Sprinklemist jumped next without problems.
“Let’s go, dude,” Gigi said to Greg.
“Don’t count on it,” Greg said. “I don’t wanna die.”
“Don’t you wanna feel like you’re flying?” Gigi asked. Her eyes grew large.
Gigi shrugged and jumped off the cliff.
“Last chance, Greg,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said. Greg didn’t move. “The Screaming Moles win immunity!” The Screaming Moles cheered. “Killer Dolphins, come to the campfire tonight and vote off one of your members.”
That night, Arnold met the Killer Dolphins at the campfire ceremony. He held four marshmallows. “You have cast your votes and made your decision. When you receive a marshmallow, you are safe. If you don’t get a marshmallow, you must leave on the boat of losers. First marshmallow goes to Gigi.” Arnold threw Gigi a marshmallow. “Next one goes to Tdifan. Next is Sprinklemist.” Arnold tossed Tdifan and Sprinklemist their marshmallows. “Zak and Greg, this is the final marshmallow. And it goes to…. Zak.” Zak grabbed the marshmallow from Arnold.
“What?” Greg asked standing up. “Why me?”
“You weren’t very nice today,” Sprinklemist explained.
“Greg, the boat is here,” Arnold said. “Hasta la vista, Greggy.”
“Awesome episode!” Sunshine laughed.
“Sorry we voted you off, Greg,” Gigi said.
“That’s so helpful now,” Greg said sarcastically.
The next week, Sunshine, Matt, Nalyd, Tdifan, Owe, Stephen, Greg, Zak, Gigi, and Sprinklemist sat on Sunshine’s couch to watch Kid Country.
“Last time on Kid Country,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said as he stood on the dock. “The teams were formed and faced their first challenge; a cliff dive! The Screaming Moles won, and the Killer Dolphins voted off Greg.”
The next morning, everyone woke up and ate breakfast in the mess hall. Nalyd walked in wrapped in a blanket and an angry look on his face. “Where’s my hoodie?” he asked. Stephen started laughing, and pointed to the kitchen. Nalyd walked towards it, but Stephen tripped him. Nalyd dropped his blanket, exposing his pale torso to everyone.
“My eyes!” Sunshine screamed.
“What?” Nalyd asked. “Guys don’t have shirts on all the times.”
“You’re a guy?” Stephen laughed.
“Nalyd, the problem is, no regular guy is as white as you, that’s why everyone just lost their appetite,” Tdifan explained.
“Should we censor out his pale chest?” a cameraman asked another cameraman.
Nalyd angrily walked into the kitchen to retrieve his hoodie. Nalyd screamed in horror then ran back out. “It’s pink!” Nalyd shouted.
“It suits you better,” Stephen laughed. Nalyd put the hoodie on, ignoring Stephen.
“I can see again!” Sunshine said. She started laughing at Nalyd’s hoodie.
“I have a huge crush on the show,” Sprinklemist said in the confessional. “I’m going to ask her out tonight!”
Arnold Schwarzenegger walked into the mess hall. “Today both teams will be putting on a talent show that I will judge; you have one hour to pick your three performers.”
“Guys!” Matt said to the Screaming Moles. “Watch this!” He started dancing.
“Next,” Stephen said.
“I can do this,” Sunshine said. She then exploded into glitter.
“Oh my gosh,” Nalyd said. “They exploded Sunshine!”
“Who are they?” Stephen asked.
“She didn’t do that on her own,” Nalyd said. They looked over and saw Matt throwing glitter, and Sunshine hiding in Nalyd’s pink hood.
“Next,” Stephen said.
“I can eat three times my own weight,” Owe said. Owe proceeded to eat three times his own weight in oatmeal.
“You’re in,” Stephen said.
“I can,” Nalyd started.
“Wear pink and look like a dork,” Stephen laughed.
“I can dance,” Nalyd said.
“I’d like to see you try,” Stephen laughed mockingly. Nalyd then danced an impressive version of Thriller.
“Nice, Renny,” Matt said.
“Okay, Renrut’s in,” Stephen said, “And I’m in.”
“What’s your talent?” Owe asked.
“You’ll see,” Stephen said.
The Killer Dolphins were in front of their cabin practicing.
“I can dance robot,” Tdifan said. She began dancing, but ended up falling backwards.
“Interesting,” Gigi said.
“I have dark poetry I can read,” Zak said, pulling a notebook out of his pocket. He cleared his throat. “I see the kids play. They all leave me out of it. Minor character.”
“You’re in, Gigi said happily.
“I can draw,” Sprinklemist said. He did a quick sketch and showed it to Gigi, who looked at it puzzled.
“What is it?” she asked.
“It’s you and me holding hands,” Sprinklemist said. “I mean some guy and some girl holding hands…”
“Okay,” Gigi said awkwardly. “You’re in. And, Tdifan, you can be too.”
“What about you, Gigi?” Tdifan asked. “Don’t you have a talent?”
“No, it’s okay,” Gigi said.
One hour later, Arnold returned. “Time to perform,” he said. “First up, Screaming Moles!”
Nalyd got onto the stage. Stephen pressed the play button on the boom box off stage, and “Barbie Girl” started played. Nalyd didn’t realize it and started dancing the Thriller.
Arnold Schwarzenegger broke out in laughter. “That is hilarious! A little boy in a pink hoodie dancing to ‘Barbie Girl!’ Ten points!” The Moles cheered for Nalyd, but he just blushed and hid in the cabin. “Who is next?”
“I’ll go,” Owe said. Matt and Stephen brought Owe three wheel-barrows full of food. Owe ate it, wheelbarrow and all.
“That was deep, man,” Arnold said, a tear rolling down his face. “Ten points. Next!”
Stephen walked onto the stage. “I will be performing magic! First, my lovely assistant, Nalyd the Dork, must come onto the stage!” Matt dragged Nalyd onto the stage. Nalyd stood there awkwardly. Stephen pantsed Nalyd and pushed him off the stage. “I made his dignity disappear!” Nalyd quickly waddled away.
“That was amusing,” Arnold said. “Seven out of ten, since I think you got blood on the carpet. Wait, that’s just ketchup. Anyway, Killer Dolphins, time to go!”
Tdifan got onto the stage and performed the robot. Arnold called in medics to get her. “Three out of ten,” Arnold said.
“We lost,” Zak said. “It’s impossible for us to win even if Sprinklemist and I both get tens.”
“You can get more than ten,” Arnold said. “So go, whiner.”
Zak opened his book of poetry. “Darkness consumes me. But I like big pink bunnies. Owe is very fat. Wait a minute, this isn’t my poem!” Offstage, Stephen was on the ground laughing.
“Two out of ten,” Arnold said. “Sprinklemist, you need to get a score of fifteen or high to tie or win. No pressure.”
“Gigi,” Sprinklemist whispered. “I can’t do this. I’m too scared.”
“You’ll be fine,” Gigi laughed. Sprinklemist turned green, ran away, and threw up in a bush. Gigi stepped onto the stage and started singing ‘Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows.’
“That was amazing,” Arnold said. “Fourteen points! Moles win!”
“Aw, man,” Gigi said sadly.
“Dolphins,” Arnold said. “See you tonight.”
That night, the four Killer Dolphins sat at the campfire ceremony with three marshmallows. “Greetings, Killer Dolphins,” he said. “First two marshmallows go to Gigi and Zak.” Arnold tossed Gigi and Zak their marshmallows. “Tdifan and Sprinklemist, this is the final marshmallow. It goes to… Tdifan. Hasta la vista, Sprinky!”
Sprinklemist stood and turned back. “Gigi,” he said, his eyes swelling with tears, “I really like you and I just wanted to tell you before I go.” Sprinklemist started walking down the dock.
“Wait,” Gigi called out. She caught up with him. “I really like you too and I’m sorry you have to go.” She kissed him on the cheek. Sprinklemist got on the Boat of Losers, and left Kid Country.
“That was so interesting,” Arnold said sarcastically. “Join us again next time on Kid Country!”
“Are you two still dating?” Matt asked Gigi and Sprinklemist.
“No,” Gigi said, “We didn’t really like each other. The producers gave us each a hundred dollars to pretend to like each other!”
“They did?” Sprinklemist asked awkwardly.
The next week, the ten kids went to Sunshine’s house. “Can we watch now?” Matt asked.
“Nope,” Sunshine said. “We lost power.”
“But this was my big episode where I got eliminated!” Zak said sadly.
“You lost, get over it,” Greg said.
“Nothing really interesting happened,” Nalyd said, recalling the events of their third day on the show. “Matt and Sunshine threw me a birthday party, it wasn’t my birthday, the Screaming Moles won the challenge, and Zak got voted off.”
The next week, the ten kids all went to Tdifan’s house to watch. “This is the week with the merge right?” Sunshine asked.
“Quiet,” Greg glared, “This is a spoiler free zone!”
“Last time on Kid Country,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said, standing on the dock. “Matt and Sunshine threw Nalyd a birthday party, even though it wasn’t his birthday. The Screaming Moles won the challenge! Zak got voted off, due to Gigi and Tdifan’s alliance. Who will be voted off tonight?”
The next morning, everyone got pancakes. “Congrats on making it to the merge,” Arnold said happily.
“Yeah, baby!” Sunshine screamed. She jumped onto the table and danced on everyone’s pancake.
“My poor pancake!” Owe shouted, beginning to cry. When nobody was looking, he ate his pancake regardless.
“Today’s challenge is an Awake-a-thon,” Arnold said. “Last one awake wins.” Sunshine immediately fell to sleep.
Ten hours in, Sunshine, Owe, and Matt were out. Gigi woke up Sunshine and brought her over to where she and Tdifan were sitting. “Sunshine,” Gigi said. “Tdifan and I had an idea, to start a chicks’ alliance to vote off the guys.”
“Okay, mommy,” Sunshine said sleepily.
“Awesome,” Tdifan. “Now we need to make sure the guys either vote with us, or don’t vote together.”
Five hours later, Stephen and Nalyd had fallen to sleep next to each other. Nalyd, in his sleep, kissed Stephen’s head. Nalyd woke up immediately and started screaming.
“Renrut,” Stephen said, anger slowly rising in his voice, “If you like me, it’s seriously time for you to die.” Nalyd ran away.
“Only Gigi and Tdifan are still awake,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said.
“I’ll let you win this,” Tdifan yawned. Tdifan fell asleep.
“Gigi wins immunity!” Arnold said. “All of you come to the campfire ceremony in an hour.” He poured ice water on everyone to wake them up.
“Okay girls,” Gigi said as she, Tdifan, and Sunshine sat in the Dolphins’ cabin. “We need to vote Nalyd off. He’s mean, and I’d tell him that to his face if I wasn’t terrified of him.”
“Nalyd’s like the nicest guy I know,” Sunshine said. “And he plays a mean game of canasta.”
“Plays what?” Tdifan asked.
“I don’t know, really,” Sunshine said.
Before the campfire ceremony, Nalyd sad to Sunshine, “Sunshine, we need to vote off Tdifan. She’s a huge threat. All the guys are voting for her, and I’m just telling you because Matt considers you one of the guys.”
“Tdifan’s like the nicest girl I know,” Sunshine said. “And she plays a mean game of canasta.”
At the campfire ceremony, Arnold had six marshmallows. “Marshmallows for Gigi, Sunshine, Owen, Stephen, and Matt.” He tossed the five their marshmallows. “The final marshmallow goes to… Nalyd.”
“Bye guys,” Tdifan said sadly as she walked to the Boat of Losers.
“Wait!” Nalyd said. He ran down and hugged Tdifan. “I really like you, and I only voted for you because I was worried I’d tell you and everything on the island would be really, really awkward like it is right now…”
“I know what you mean, Nalyd,” Tdifan giggled. She hugged him, got on the Boat of Losers, and left.
“Aw!” Sunshine cooed.
“Keep watching,” Nalyd said.
“I don’t actually like Tdifan,” Nalyd laughed in the confessional. “But if I pretended that a girl I really like got eliminated, nobody will vote for me next week!”
Sunshine smacked Nalyd in the back of the head. “That hurt!” Nalyd said.
“Not as bad as this is gonna hurt,” Tdifan growled. She jumped onto Nalyd and started attacking him.
The next week, everyone watched at Stephen’s house. Sunshine spent most of the time looking for Duncan.
“Last time on Kid Country,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “The teams merged, Gigi won immunity, Tdifan got voted off, and Nalyd, being his evil self, pretended to like Tdifan!”
Nalyd walked into the mess hall dressed in head to toe in black. “Hey, Renny!” Sunshine said happily. “What’s wrong?”
“Tdifan got eliminated,” Nalyd said. His eyes were red from crying.
“I put a little salt in my eye,” Nalyd said, laughing evilly in the confessional. “I am good!”
“Poor, Renny,” Matt said. “Maybe this will help.” Matt jumped onto the table and started dancing. He fell off the table. He landed on Sunshine.
“Aw,” Stephen said, “Look at the lovebirds!” Matt realized that he and Sunshine’s lips had collided when he fell, making it look like they had kissed.
“I got the cooties!” Sunshine screamed. She sprayed Matt with pepper spray she pulled out of her breakfast Hot Pocket.
“Today’s challenge,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said as he walked into the mess hall, “Is a game of Hide and Terminate. You hide… And I terminate you!” He shot Nalyd with a paintball. Arnold ran away, then returned and shot Owe. “The rest of you have ten minutes to hide.” Stephen hid in Arnold’s office. Sunshine hid on Arnold’s head. Gigi hid behind Owe. Matt hid on Sunshine’s head. Arnold looked up and shot Sunshine and Matt.
After an hour of looking, he found Gigi behind Owe, but she ran away before he could shoot her. He found her trying to get into his office. He shot her with the paintball gun. “Stephen wins,” Arnold said. “Now the final six must come to the campfire ceremony. Or else.”
“Matt,” Nalyd said to Matt, “I fear we may have to vote Sunshine off.”
“Why?” Matt asked.
“She’s in two alliances,” Nalyd explained. “She’s in the girls’ alliance.”
“Sunshine’s not a girl!” Matt said.
“Yeah she is,” Nalyd said. The two looked over to see Sunshine playing with worms in the mud.
“This is Sparta!” she shouted in a low masculine voice.
“That doesn’t prove my point, does it?” Nalyd asked.
“Not really,” Matt shrugged.
At the campfire ceremony, Arnold gave marshmallows to Stephen, Matt, Owe, and Gigi. “Sunshine and Nalyd, this is the final marshmallow. And it goes to… Sunshine.”
“What?” Nalyd screamed. “I’ll sue the pants off this show! You’ll regret ever casting Nalyd Renrut! And all of you will regret the day you voted off Nalyd Renrut! You’re nothing without me!” Two huge bodyguards carried Nalyd to the Boat of Losers. “I do not concede!”
The room exploded in laughter. “I was mad, gosh!” Nalyd said angrily.
The next week, nobody bothered to watch the episode.
However, final four week, everyone was crammed onto Matt’s sofa, and tuned in.
“Last time on Kid Country,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “We visited the losers. While some, like Greg, Nalyd, and Zak, were still upset they had to go, people like Tdifan and Sprinklemist reminded us it’s okay to be a loser! In the end, the voted off campers voted for Matt!”
“Where’s Matt?” Sunshine asked Gigi. “And where’s Renny?”
“Eliminated,” Gigi said. Sunshine gasped.
“I must find them!” she then ran away.
An hour later, Arnold walked in. “Bad news, everyone. Sunshine wandered off and we can’t find her so she’s eliminated. Today we will be doing dares sent in by eliminated contestants. If you do the dare, you can pick who goes next.”
“Yes!” Owe said, jumping onto the table. “Awesome! Let’s do this!”
Arnold held out a hat with names in it. Gigi pulled out the first name – “GREG.”
“Jump off the cliff,” Arnold said. “That is Greg’s dare.”
Gigi went to the top of the cliff, and jumped off of it. She returned soaking wet, and picked Stephen to go next. Stephen picked a name – “MATT.”
“Matt’s dare,” Arnold said, “Is to eat a can of worms.”
Stephen took the can and chugged down the worms. “That all you got?” he asked. He picked Owe to do the next dare. Owen picked a paper out of the hat – “SUNSSHIEN.”
“Sunshine’s dare is to tickle a sleeping grizzly bear,” Arnold laughed.
“Wish me luck,” Owe said nervously. The producers led him to a sleeping bear. He walked up to it and began tickling it. The bear kept sleeping.
“Well done, Owe,” Arnold said. “Now dare somebody else!”
Stephen grabbed Owe by his shirt collar. “Owe,” Stephen said. “We gotta be final two.”
“Why?” Owe asked. Stephen held up his fists. “You make a very forceful argument.”
Owe picked Gigi to do the next dare – “SPRINKLEMIST.”
“Sprinklemist’s dare is to watch Owe dance,” Arnold laughed, “Without his shirt on!”
Owe took off his shirt and began dancing. “Oh, the horror!” Gigi screamed. But she kept watching, imagining Owe was a bowl of jell-o that had fallen on the floor during an earthquake. After sixty seconds, Gigi had passed. She picked Stephen to do the next dare – “ZAK.”
“Zak’s dare is to drink the pond scum,” Arnold smiled, holding out a freshly poured cup of scum. Stephen gulped it down.
“That was nasty,” Stephen gagged. He picked Gigi for the next dare – “TDIFAN.”
“Tdifan’s dare,” Arnold said, “Is to chew Owe’s old gum.” Gigi took the huge was of Owe’s gum and started chewing.
“This is disgusting,” she said sadly. She then started choking and swallowed the gum.
“No!” Owe shouted. “That gum was so young!”
“Well, Stephen,” Gigi said. “You get the last dare – Nalyd’s dare.”
“This is a good one!” Arnold laughed. “Eliminate yourself!”
“And if I refuse?” Stephen asked.
“Then you get eliminated,” Arnold laughed. Stephen growled, spit on the island, but got on the Boat of Losers.
“And then there were two,” Arnold said. “Join us again next week for the exciting conclusion!”
“Go, Owe!” Sunshine shouted.
“Sunshine, where did you go?” Nalyd asked.
“Somewhere called ‘Indonesia.’ It was really boring,” Sunshine shrugged.
The next week, everyone went to Greg’s house, and sat on the same couch as who they wanted to win. Ironically, all the Killer Dolphins supported Gigi, and all the Screaming Moles supported Owe. The block read 8:00, time for the show. Greg turned on the TV and…
“Tonight on ‘Ultimate Showdown,’ Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mark Thornton will fight in a cage match, and the winner gets one dollar!” the man on the show said.
“Where’s the show?” Gigi asked surprised.
A banner ran across the screen. It said, “Due to only ten viewers per episode, ‘Kid Country’ has been cancelled. Enjoy this show anyway.”
“So who won?” Matt asked Owe.
“Gigi and I can’t say until the finale airs,” Owe sighed.
“So what now?” Zak asked.
“Now,” Gigi said, “We go to school tomorrow and go on with our lives.”
“Waste of my summer,” Nalyd said.
~End of Chapter 13
Chapter 14: Worst Halloween Ever
This chapter was brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
One cold late March day, the students of Wawanakwa Elementary filed into the school and took their seats in their classes. Except for one very special student. “Happy Halloween!” she screamed as she ran down the halls of the school.
“Sunshine!” Nalyd shouted. Sunshine looked at him with a crazed look in her eye. “It’s March. Halloween was months ago. We all went trick-or-treating, and then Owe went into a coma and threw up on himself from eating too much candy!”
“I know not of what the pale one says,” Sunshine said. She ran over to the rest of the group. “Guys! Let’s go trick-or-treating!”
Owe’s eyes grew big. “Candy…” he sighed.
“Sounds fun,” Tdifan laughed. “I can be Princess Peach.”
“If you’re Bowser you can save money on having to buy a costume,” Nalyd smirked.
Tdifan kicked him in the shin. “You could be Petey Piranha. You wouldn’t have to even get a bigger head.”
“Touche,” Nalyd muttered.
“I’m not going,” Stephen said.
“Me neither,” Matt said. “I’m too old for trick-or-treating!”
“Guys, it isn’t Halloween,” Nalyd said. He was ignored however. Stephen put Nalyd and Matt in a head lock.
“Looks like the three of us are hanging out tonight,” Stephen laughed evilly.
“Nalyd, I’m frightened,” Matt said.
That night, Sunshine, Owe, and Tdifan all met up in front of the school. Owe wore a giant burger, Tdifan was dressed as Princess Peach, and Sunshine worse a large gray hoodie.
“Are you some sort of ghost?” Tdifan asked Sunshine.
“No, I’m Renny!” Sunshine said. “I stole one of his hoodies!”
“That’s not creepy at all,” Tdifan said sarcastically.
“I know,” Sunshine laughed. "But Nalyd is one of the scariest things ever!"
“Come on guys,” Owe said angrily. “We’re wasting time!”
“Calm down, Owe,” Sunshine said.
“Never!” Owe shouted. “I need candy!”
(I know I rarely do this, but I need to point out the irony of Sunshine telling Owe to calm down. I was just so worried people would miss that gag that I had to write this little note. Thanks for your time, enjoy the show. Love, Nalyd.)
Meanwhile, Nalyd and Matt were at Stephen’s house. “Ready for a scary story?” Stephen asked, laughing evilly.
“I’m gonna wet my pants,” Nalyd whispered.
“That’s why I put newspaper on the floor,” Stephen said. Stephen flashed a flashlight under his chin. “Ten years ago, in Wawanakwa Elementary, there was a little boy named Billy.”
“Question!” Matt interrupted. “How much did he weight?”
“Why does it matter?” Stephen asked.
“I can picture it better if you tell me,” Matt said.
Stephen ignored him. “And Billy was just a regular kid like me or you or Renrut. And he walked into Ms. McLean’s class and… He exploded!”
Matt and Nalyd started screaming. Nalyd ran out of the house. “That was awesome,” Matt laughed. “We scared Renny!”
“Yeah we did,” Stephen said. “That was hilarious.”
Meanwhile, Sunshine, Owe, and Tdifan walked through the neighborhood, knocking on people’s doors. Ms. McLean opened the door. “Hello, Sunshine,” she smiled. “Please don’t hurt me.”
“I need chocolate!” Owe shouted. Ms. McLean screamed, then ran inside, locked her doors and windows, and called her therapist. Owe started crying. “We’ll never get candy, and now I’m gonna starve!”
“Owe,” Tdifan said. “We stopped at the candy store ten minutes ago. I think you’ll live.”
“This was the worst Halloween ever,” Sunshine said sadly. “Why didn’t I dress up as Duncan?”
“Sunshine, Owe,” Tdifan said, “This Halloween may have been terrible, but at least we have each other!” Sunshine and Owe just glared at Tdifan.
Meanwhile, Matt and Stephen were on Nalyd’s street looking for him. “I bet he’s in that house,” Matt said, pointing to a white house with several small Halloween ornaments on the lawn.
“That’s his house,” Stephen said.
“So I’m probably right,” Matt smiled proudly. The two walked up the steps to the house and knocked on the door. The door opened and smoke slowly creeped out.
“Hello?” Stephen shouted. “Renrut!” They walked in and the door closed. Suddenly, the living room and dining room to their left and right were on fire, everything burning. Stephen and Matt screamed. They turned to open the door, but couldn’t get out. A tall figure walked down the stairs, holding a scythe and wearing a black cloak.
“It’s the Grim Reaper!” Matt screamed.
“For whom the bell tolls,” the figure said in a low menacing voice. It extended a finger at Stephen. “It tolls for thee.” Stephen screamed and kicked the door down. Before Matt and Stephen ran through the doorway, they saw that there was a large spider web covering the door.
“Run!” Matt screamed, running right through the web. The dark figure chased them out of the house. Stephen and Matt ran down the sidewalk, to the next block, and didn’t stop.
The figure removed its mask, and Nalyd’s head sat in the cloak. He laughed to himself. “That will teach them to mess with me,” Nalyd said. He jumped off the stilts he was standing on, and turned to go back into his house. He looked and saw that it had burned down. “Uh oh.”
A car pulled into Nalyd’s driveway. “Nalyd Sherbert Renrut!” his mother screamed as she stepped out of her car. “What did you do to my house!?!”
“Worst Halloween ever,” Nalyd muttered.
~End of Chapter 14
Chapter 15: Harvey Planter and The Obsessed Random Children
This chapter was brought to you by: Tdifan1234
"Oh my gosh! That's so cool!" Tdifan said. She was staring at the display for the new book, Harvey Planter and the Alchemist's Pebble.
"Can I buy it, Mom?"
"If you really need it, go ahead," Tdifan's mother said.
"Ok! Thanks, Mom!" Tdifan shouted excitedly as she grabbed a book from the display and ran to the cashier.
"Why couldn't she have been a normal girl?" Tdifan's mother asked herself as she shook her head.
Tdifan couldn't put the book down after that. She took it everywhere and never let it out of her sight.
The next day at school, everything was usual. Sunshine and Matt were singing some random song, Owe was eating, Sprinklemist was drawing, Greg was programming something on his calculator, and Nalyd was annoyed by it all.
"This is starting to get a little predictable, isn't it?" Nalyd asked.
"Get used to it, wimp," Stephen replied.
Nalyd shot him a glare, and then banged his head on his desk. I'm surrounded by idiots... he thought.
Tdifan entered the room, carrying her large book.
"What's that?" Sunshine asked eagerly.
"My new book!" Tdifan said.
"Cool! What's it about?"Matt asked.
"It's about Wizards!" Tdifan replied excitedly.
Matt, Sunshine, Sprinklemist, and Gigi ooh-ed and aah-ed, mesmerized.
"What so great about her book? I read 'em all the time and no one ever gave me that reaction," Nalyd said.
"It's because you never read anything exciting, Nalyd. It's always stuff that no one in their right mind would be interested in!" Sunshine explained.
"Yes, You're totally someone who should know about being in their right mind," Greg said sarcastically.
"Thanks, Greg!" Sunshine said, taking his insult as a complement.
"…Whatever," he said as he returned to his desk.
For about the next week or so, Nalyd would come to school and see that Sunshine, Matt and Tdifan would have red, sun-shaped blobs painted on their foreheads.
"What's that for, a weatherman convention?" Nalyd asked sarcastically to Matt one day during recess.
"No, you silly squirrel! It's supposed to be a scar shaped like the Sun! Just like Harvey Planter's!" Matt replied.
"Oh, I see…" said Nalyd as he walked away.
"I'm pretty sure they've all lost their sanity," Greg said as he started to walk next to Nalyd.
"Did they really have sanity to begin with?" Nalyd asked jokingly.
Greg laughed as he pulled out a large book and started reading.
"You too, Greg?" Nalyd asked.
"Sorry, man, but I can't resist a good wizard sci-fi!" Greg said as he walked away.
Nalyd thought, What's so great about this book anyway? as he stood there alone.
Nalyd returned home from school after finding out that everyone in his class had started reading the Harvey Planter series, except for him. He asked his mom to take him to the library, and he checked out the book.
"Finally I can see what they think is so wonderful about this book. I bet it's not even good, anyway!" he said to himself as he started to read the first chapter.
He couldn't put it down. He would read it every chance he had. That Saturday was a particularly interesting day.
"Nalyd, aren't you--?" his mom asked him.
"Shut up, mom! I'm getting to the good part!" He replied, still glued to the book after 3 days.
"Aren't you going to be late to Matt's birthday party?"
"Mom, That's not until 1:00, though!"
Nalyd looked at the clock: it read 2:30 pm.
"Oh no! I'm late!....Oh well! Back to the pebble!" said Nalyd as he continued reading.
That Monday, everyone was talking about how great Matt's Harvey Planter themed birthday party was.
"Awesome party, Matt! I loved the Alchemist's Pebble shaped piñata!" Sunshine said.
"Thanks! Too bad Nalyd wasn't there to appreciate it, though," Matt replied.
"Well, He's not a Planter fan, so I don't know if he would even like it,"
"Why, of course he would like it! It's my birthday after all, and he's my best friend! He has to like everything involving me!"
Then, Tdifan entered the classroom carrying an even larger book.
"Wow! Is that a new book?" said Matt.
"Yeah, this one's even better! It's called Midnight, and it's about zombies!" Tdifan replied.
"Zombies? Cool! That's even better than Wizards!" Sunshine said excitedly.
Nalyd entered the classroom a little bit later.
"Hey Nalyd, why didn't you come to Matt's birthday party?" Sunshine asked.
"Uhh…" said Nalyd as he tried to come up with an excuse, "I was at home, sick. But guess what I picked up from the library on Friday?" Nalyd said while showing them his copy of Harvey Planter.
His friends started laughing.
"What's wrong, guys?" Nalyd asked, confused.
"Harvey Planter was so last week. Midnight is what's in now!"Tdifan said, "It's about a girl named Stella who falls in love with a zombie named Deadward, and--"
"Are you guys serious?! After that week you guys spent on obsessing over wizards, you just totally drop that and become zombie fans?" Nalyd asked. His friends could tell that he was upset.
"Uhhh…yeah. That's sort of what we've been trying to tell you," Matt said.
Nalyd's eye started to twitch, not believing that his friends had moved on.
"I think he's finally cracked. We should leave," Tdifan said as the three decided that it was the best decision to just leave Nalyd alone.
~End of Chapter 15
Chapter 16: The Last Day of School
This chapter was brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
Nalyd woke up one morning in late June at his usual wake-up time, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, and packed his backpack. He looked outside a window, and saw Matt and Sunshine waiting for him. “One more day,” Nalyd said to himself. “One more day, then I’ll never see them again! No school means no friends! No friends means time to relax! Time to relax means reclaiming the thirteen colonies for England…” Nalyd stepped out the door.
“The British are coming!” Matt shouted. Sunshine jumped in front of Matt and threw a squirrel at Nalyd.
Nalyd ducked, and the squirrel escaped unharmed. “You guys have done that joke fifteen times,” Nalyd said. “It stopped being funny around chapter nine.”
The bus pulled up in front of Nalyd’s house, and the dynamic trio walked onto the bus, arms linked. “Wazzup?” Sunshine shouted at everyone they walked by.
“Exactly six hours, ten minute, twenty-one seconds, and five moments before I reclaim British pride,” Nalyd laughed evilly.
“Nalyd has British pride!” Stephen laughed.
“Six hours, ten minute, nineteen seconds and eighteen moments,” Nalyd sighed.
Six hours, ten minutes, nineteen seconds, and eighteen moments later, the final school bell of the year rang.
“Have a good summer,” Ms. McLean waved to her students as they walked out of her door for the last time. The last day of school, a day the students had wanted for a long time. Finally, they were free to enjoy their summer.
“Ms. McLean, what is summer?” Sunshine asked.
“Well, summer is a time of year when the temperature increases, people go to the beach, watch day-time television, it’s like a long weekend,” Ms. McLean explained.
“It’s like a season of global warming,” Nalyd added.
“Nalyd, go home,” Ms. McLean said.
“But what about going to school?” Sunshine asked.
“There is no school during the summer. Unless you’re like Stephen and have summer-school,” Ms. McLean glared at Stephen.
“But you won’t be able to teach us!” Sunshine whined.
“I know, isn’t it wonderful?” Ms. McLean sighed.
“How will I survive without my friends?” Sunshine screamed.
“Please leave, Sunshine,” Ms. McLean said.
Nalyd ran all the way home. He had survived a year of school with some of the most irritating people he’d ever met. But he survived. “Mom!” Nalyd screamed as he ran through the door. “Today’s the last day of school and… Where’s our couch?”
Nalyd looked around his house, now lacking of a couch, chair, table, Rick Astley Away spray, and even light bulbs. “We’re moving, dear,” Nalyd’s mother said.
“How come?” Nalyd asked.
“Well, dear, mommy may have some federal agents after her and we need to leave the country!” Nalyd’s mother began carrying boxes out to her car. “We’re leaving at seven o’ clock sharp! We’re going to Alaska!”
“But Mom, Alaska is… Nevermind. If I move there won’t be any of my friends,” Nalyd said. “No Matt, or Sunshine, or Owe. No Stephen or Tdifan. None of those kids that just fill in the background… Yes!” Nalyd began dancing like a happy prospector. “Not only will I never see them in school, I’ll never see them at all!
“Hi Renny!” Matt screamed. Nalyd screamed. Matt screamed. Nalyd screamed. Matt screamed. Sunshine yodelled. Matt and Sunshine stood outside Nalyd’s house. Nalyd walked outside.
“Can I help you two?” Nalyd asked.
“Nalyd! We’re never going to see you again!” Sunshine began crying.
“I know, it’s sad,” Nalyd said. “But it’s for the best, really.”
“Well, Nalyd,” Matt said. “We made a list of a lot of stuff we wanted to do with you.”
“Okay,” Nalyd said. “I suppose I could do that for you guys. How long is the list?”
Matt pulled a rolled up piece of paper from his pocket. He unrolled the list until it was fully open, and ten feet long. “The really fun stuff we wrote in red,” Matt smiled.
“Everything is in red!” Nalyd said in shock. “Very well. Let’s see what the first one says.”
“Show our best friend Nalyd to everybody in town, wearing a salmon suit!” Sunshine said happily.
“You two are going to wear salmon suits?” Nalyd asked. Sunshine and Matt collapsed to the ground laughing.
Meanwhile, Stephen sat inside the school, which had been heated to about eighty degrees, Fahrenheit. He was waiting for the summer school teacher to arrive. Tdifan and Owe walked into the classroom. “What are you guys doing here?” Stephen asked.
“I wanted to learn more,” Tdifan said.
“I was promised food,” Owe said.
“No you weren’t,” Tdifan said.
“No! I’ve been deceived!” Owe fell to his knees and began crying.
“Get over it,” Stephen said. “I need your help. Both of you. I want to get revenge on Ms. McLean for failing me.”
“Awesome!” Tdifan said deviously. “Revenge is my middle name!”
“My middle name is Donut,” Owe sighed.
“So what were you thinking of?” Tdifan asked.
“Well, my big bro taught me how to make a truly epic and long-lasting stink bomb,” Stephen explained. “And it just so happens I have one in my backpack.”“Nice one,” Tdifan said. “But how are we going to get it into her room? This summer school room is the only one unlocked.” The three kids looked up to the air vent directly above them.Meanwhile, Sunshine and Matt were parading poor little Nalyd around in a salmon suit. Sunshine knocked on a door, and a fat man opened it. “Yes?” he asked.
“This is our friend Nalyd!” Sunshine shouted.
“Okay! Okay! I’ll buy whatever you’re selling!” the man said. “Just don’t hurt me!” He ran inside his house and slammed the door behind him.
“He seems nice,” Sunshine said.
“Yes, a very good man indeed,” Matt said.
“That’s everybody in town,” Nalyd grimaced. “What next?” Nalyd check his watch, which read 4:13 P.M.
“Now we have to go Kwanza carolling!” Sunshine exclaimed.
“Sunshine, do you know what Kwanza is?” Nalyd asked.
“It’s the holiday with the… And the… Er…” Sunshine pondered for a moment.
“Let’s skip that one,” Matt said, crossing it off the list. “Next we have go sky-diving, ride a mechanical bull, start a successful fan-fiction, deck the halls with vows of holly, bring Meals on Wheels to a gassy old lady, and shave Weird Al’s head-”
Meanwhile, Tdifan, Owe, and Stephen were inside the air vents. “How are we going to make the stink bomb?” Tdifan asked.
“We can use materials in McLean’s room,” Stephen explained as the trio crawled through the air vent. “Then I hook up the bomb to an extension cord, we get out of the school, set it off, and bam! Revenge!”
“I’m stuck,” Owe grunted as he tried to get through the vent. Tdifan and Stephen ignored him and jumped out of the vent. “Why cruel world?”
“Grab me a sharpie, the class hamster droppings, Ms. McLean’s flower, and whatever other crud you find!” Stephen ordered. He pulled an aluminum bottle and extension cord out of his backpack.
Two hours later, Nalyd, Sunshine and Matt were walking down the street to the school. “Can I take off the salmon suit?” Nalyd asked.
“No!” Sunshine and Matt shouted in unison.
“We did everything on the list,” Nalyd panted. “Can I go home now!?” He checked his watch, which read 6:13.
“There is one more thing,” Matt said. “It’s written in blue.”
“What does blue mean?” Nalyd asked.
“It means Owe ate the red crayon,” Matt explained. “The last thin on the list; watch the sunset with Nalyd.”
“Something peaceful,” Nalyd sighed.
“While wearing a salmon suits,” Sunshine added.
“You gotta be kidding me!” Nalyd shouted. He looked at Sunshine and Matt, who were now wearing salmon suits. “How did you… Nevermind.”
The trio sat outside their school, watching the sunset. Stephen and Tdifan ran towards them, a chord in Stephen’s hand. “Guys! Check this out!” Stephen laughed. He pressed a button at the end of the chord. Everything was still.
“Epic fail,” Tdifan laughed.
“Nothing happened!” Stephen yelled.
A high pitch whine came from the school. “What was that?” Tdifan asked.
“Presumably Owe being filled with noxious gas,” Stephen laughed.
Ms. McLean ran towards the kids. “Kids!” she said. “Its 6:45 at night! What are you doing here?”
“Filling the school with stink!” Stephen laughed. “Take that old lady!” Stephen ran away.
“I’ll miss you, Ms. McLean,” Nalyd said. “But none of these guys! ‘Cause I’ll never see them again!” Nalyd laughed maniacally.
“What are you talking about?” Ms. McLean asked.
“Today was the last day of school ever,” Nalyd said.
“Yeah,” Sunshine and Matt said, their eyes filing with tears.
“No, kids,” Ms. McLean sighed. “You come back in September. And Nalyd, I read your report on your plans for the summer and no, you will no re-claim the thirteen colonies for England.”
“Regardless,” Nalyd said, “My mom and I are moving!”
A police car pulled up in front of the kids and Ms. McLean. Nalyd’s mother stepped out. “Nalyd, dear, they found me,” Nalyd’s mother said. “I’ll be back soon and-” Nalyd’s mother began running away. “I’ll sue you all!”
“So I’m coming back to school, and I’m not moving,” Nalyd said, dread rising in his voice.
“So we have time for tons of new adventures!” Matt screamed. Sunshine hugged Matt.
Nalyd started to cry. “All I ever wanted in life was normal friends and a normal life and to rule a small country!”
“Ah, but Nalyd,” Ms. McLean said, “You’ve already achieved all that!”
“I’m normal!” Sunshine shouted.
“I’m your friend!” Matt added.
“I’m normal and I’m your intellectual equal,” Tdifan said.
“Your life is normal compared to a carnie,” Ms. McLean said.
“What about ruling a small country?” Nalyd asked.
“At this point anybody can be president, so you’ve got that going for you,” Tdifan said.
“I guess my life isn’t that bad,” Nalyd said, smiling.
“I knew Nalyd could smile!” Matt said excitedly. “Sunshine owes me ten cookies!”
“So nothing really changed all day?” Nalyd asked.
“Nope, you’re just as pathetic as ever,” Tdifan said.
Everyone there laughed. “I hate my life,” Nalyd said.
~End of Chapter 16
Chapter 17: Fun in the Sun!
This chapter was brought to you by: Sunshineandravioli
First grade graduate Nalyd Renrut couldn't help but smile as the bus pulled up to the gates of "Fun in the Sun Summer Camp". Sure, the bus was a bit run-down... and the camp itself didn't look all that great... and he'd be spending his summer swatting mosquitoes as he wondered where his mother currently was in her attempts to escape the law... but none of that mattered! What mattered was that he'd be escaping his annoying, overbearing, pain-in-the-neck "friends" for an entire summer! For that, Nalyd would be willing to go to the moon for the summer!
The rickety old bus came to a stop with a clank and a screech, and the kids began wandering out of the bus and into the campsite, Nalyd among them. A few teenaged CITs stood in the area, clipboards in hand, as they assigned kids their cabins. Nalyd followed the crowd, taking in the sights of the dilapidated cabins, coated with dust and mold, the mess hall, which was producing a stench strangely similar to toxic waste, and the various flora in the area (consisting almost exclusively of trees, bushes, and grass).
"Next!!!" A loud, harpy voice commanded, snapping Nalyd back into reality. Now noticing that he was next in line, he approached the CIT, a teenaged, brunette girl with a grey sweater, tight green pants, and a serious, business-like expression. "Name?" She questioned, getting right down to business.
"Um... Nalyd Renrut..." Nalyd replied.
"What kind of name is that?" The girl questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Honestly, what kind of deranged mind would name a child that? You're going to have plenty of issues when you get older." Nalyd frowned. Barely ten seconds had passed, and already he hated her. "Anyway, you're in Cabin 8, 'Nalyd'. You've got an hour to unpack and get acquainted with your cabin-mates, and then we're having orientation. So get to it! Now! Don't just stand there; I've got work to do!!!" Shooting her a brief glare, Nalyd trudged away in the general direction of Cabin 8, while the CIT moved on to the next unsuspecting child.
Arriving at the currently empty Cabin 8, Nalyd forced the door open, the rusty hinges making it a difficult task. The cabin held three bunk beds, three million cobwebs, and probably just as many spiders that had made them. With a sigh, Nalyd chucked his bag onto one of the beds, raising a huge cloud of dust that sent him into a coughing fit. When he finally stopped choking on all the dust, he sat on the edge of his bed with a groan, already hating the camp. But, he reminded himself, no matter how bad it was, it would always be a million times better than spending the summer with Sunshine and the others, who would now be far, far away from him for the duration of the summer!
Sunshine beamed as the bus drove down the winding country roads and past tall, fragrant trees that seemed to touch the sky itself. She had plenty of reason to be happy today! She was going to none other than "Fun in the Sun Summer Camp", as her mother had declared she was "intolerable" and that she needed time away from her. Sunshine didn't really know what that meant, but she didn't care; any place called "Fun in the Sun Summer Camp" had to be great!
The bus made a right turn, and Sunshine's face lit up as she caught sight of the camp gates. They were there!!! Summer camp! "This is going to be the best summer ever!!!" Sunshine declared, standing up in the bus seat, causing the other kids around her to stare and scoot away from her. Before the bus even came to a complete stop, Sunshine opened the window and leaped out of the bus, dashing through the gates of the camp. Unfortunately for the pixie, she rammed right into a crowd of fellow campers, being knocked to the ground. Shrugging it off, she stood and brushed the dust off her clothing as she impatiently waited to reach the front of the line she was in. Her bright golden eyes scanning the camp, she couldn't help but smile. Tall wooden cabins stood in a circle around them, the area was surrounded by all kinds of nature, and from the mess hall nearby she could smell a delicious meal being prepared.
"...can't believe I got suckered into this... NEXT!" Surprised at the strange familiarity of the voice, Sunshine snapped back to reality, looking around for the source of the voice. A child behind her tapped her shoulder to get her attention, then gestured in front of the pixie. Sunshine glanced in the direction he had pointed out, finally noticing that she had reached the front of the line. With a grin, she skipped forward, only to screech to a halt as she noted the CIT's black T-shirt, bearing a skull, and green mohawk. "Let's get this over with..." the teenager muttered, glancing at his clipboard. "Name?" Sunshine did not respond, her wide golden eyes staring blankly at the teen as drool began to form in the corners of her mouth. After a moment of dead silence, the teenager glanced down at Sunshine, raising an eyebrow. "Uh... name?" He repeated.
"Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Duncan?" Sunshine commented in awe, tilting her head slightly.
"Oh, for crying out loud..." the teenager moaned, placing his head in one of his hands. "Look... just go to cabin 8; I'm pretty sure it's got room. Or, go explore the camp. Check out the mess hall. Fall off a cliff. Just... leave."
"Whatever you say, hon," Sunshine giggled, giving the CIT a wave as she skipped off. He simply rolled his eyes and muttered to himself about hating his job.
Stephen was not a happy camper. Literally.
Thanks to his older brother becoming a CIT at "Fun in the Sun Summer Camp" (which he had made clear was only to stay out of Juvie for the summer), Stephen's parents had decided it would be "a good experience" for him to go to the summer camp as well. Yeah, right. At the moment, he was just bored out of his mind, and probably getting ant bites, poison ivy, and a sunburn all at the same time. With a frustrated sigh, he took out his anger on an unfortunate anthill nearby, which he proceeded to stomp into the dirt.
"Attention, campers!" a raspy voice announced. "If you haven't checked in yet, come do it now!" Rolling his eyes, Stephen decided to oblige, leaving the much-abused ants behind as he returned to the main campground. He casually strolled over to the raspy-voiced CIT, a tall, skinny, awkward-looking teenager with red-brown hair and glasses. "Hey there!" The nerdy teen greeted Stephen with excessive enthusiasm. "I'm gonna need your name."
A thought hatched in Stephen's mind, and he grinned to himself. "Doody," he replied with as much fake politeness as he could muster. "First name Ahmeda."
"Okay then," the CIT nodded, flipping through the papers on his clipboard. A concerned expression appeared on his face. "Huh... you're not on my list, Ahmeda."
"I should be there," Stephen insisted. Gesturing to two other CITs in the area, he added, "Maybe they know me."
"Worth a try," the CIT agreed. "Hey guys! Do you know Ahmeda Doody?" The two CITs burst out into laughter, as did Stephen, leaving the teenager confused. "Wait a minute... Ah... meda... HEY!!!" The CIT's sudden realization of the prank made Stephen laugh even harder.
"You must be Stephen Nelson," the CIT muttered, checking off his name on the clipboard. "You're in cabin 8."
"All right," Stephen nodded through laughter. As he left, he shouted, "Thanks for the laugh, nerdbag!"
"Hey!" The CIT snapped indignantly. "I'm a CIT! You can't-" Giving up with a sigh, he muttered, "This is gonna be a long summer..."
Owe was afraid.
He knew he was in for it now. He’d been caught red-handed with half a buffet in his mouth. Now he’d been stuffed in the backseat of his parent’s car and was being driven off to who-knows where.
Maybe they’ll leave me at the pound, he thought. Or just chuck him out of the car and into the streets. Or, even worse, drop him off at his Grandpa Omar’s home!
“Owe, we’re here,” his mother announced. Owe swallowed, a bead of sweat rolling down his neck from nervousness, and reluctantly climbed out of the car. Much to his surprise, he was in front of a large gate reading “Fun in the Sun Summer Camp”.
“What’s this?” He questioned.
“Summer camp!” His mom excitedly replied. “I thought it’d be a good experience for you.” Owe smiled, part from happiness and part from relief. He was not to be punished, and in fact, was getting to spend his vacation at summer camp! After bidding his mother farewell, Owe happily ran into the camp (at least as quickly as a boy his size could “run”).
“Come on, guys!” A voice shouted. “Only a half-hour left until the orientation! Come get signed in!” Owe sauntered in the direction of the voice, only to come face to face with a fairly large, blond-haired teenage boy, who was munching on a sandwich. He glanced down at Owe and beamed. “Hey there!!!” He greeted through a mouth full of food. “Who are you?”
“Uh… I’m Owe,” Owe replied, staring at the CIT’s sandwich in a trance-like state.
“Uh-huh… Owe… Owe… ah, here you are!” The CIT announced. “Okay, you’re gonna be in cabin 8.” He noticed the chubby first-grader staring at his sandwich, grinned, and offered it to him. Owe beamed from ear to ear, then snatched up the sandwich and swallowed it whole. After a moment of staring at the boy in shock, the CIT grinned and laughed, “I have a feeling we’re gonna be good friends!”
“This is gonna be great, Pig!” Matt exclaimed as he and Pig sat in the backseat of his parents’ car, watching the scenery go by. “Spending the summer at ‘Fun in the Sun Summer Camp’… a perfect place for cool cats like us, y’dig?” Pig squealed in agreement.
“Matt,” Matt’s mother sighed, “please stop talking to that pig. It’s weird.”
Matt rolled his eyes in response, and then hissed to Pig, “Don’t listen to her. She’s just jealous.” Pig snorted and nodded.
“Okay, Matt,” his mother interrupted, pulling the car to a stop. “We’re here!” Matt beamed and bounded out of the car, followed closely by Pig. “Now, remember, Matt,” his mother reminded him, “write every chance you get, be nice to the other kids, and please, no taxidermy experiments on random innocent woodland creatures like last year…”
“I know, mom,” Matt laughed, rolling his eyes. “I’ll see you at the end of the summer!” Giving his mom a goodbye hug, Matt and Pig tore into the gates of the camp, eyes darting everywhere as he took in the scenery.
“Come on, ya little brats… quit running around everywhere! Get signed in if you haven’t already! God, how did I get suckered into this job… it’s almost as bad as the petting zoo…”
Matt whirled around, seeking the source of the voice, and then… he saw her. That green-tinted hair, that pure white skin, those indifferent eyes… even in the summer camp CIT uniform, he recognized her. The object of his affections for the past six years. Finally, finally he had met her!!!
In a trance, drool dripping from the corners of his mouth, Matt staggered towards her. She glanced up from her clipboard and commented, “oh, another one… okay, let’s get you signed in. Name?”
“Daaarrrr…” Matt slurred, staring at her.
The CIT raised an eyebrow. “Uhhh… name? Hello?”
“Duuuuhhh…” Matt sighed, still not averting his gaze. Pig shook his head and squealed a few things to the CIT.
“Oh, okay,” she replied, flipping through the papers on her clipboard. “Here it is: Matt, cabin 8. You’re all set.” Pig gave her a nod, then, rolling his eyes, dragged Matt in the general direction of cabin 8.
“Mom, come ooonnn!!!” Tdifan wailed as her mother slowly, cautiously navigated the winding country roads leading to “Fun in the Sun Summer Camp”. “We’re gonna be late!”
“I know, I know,” her mother sighed, shakily taking another turn. “While we’re driving, check your bag, make sure you have everything.”
“Okay,” Tdifan nodded, dragging her duffle bag into her lap and digging through it. “Book, swimsuit, back-up book, PJs, back-up back-up book, a book light, extra strength sunscreen, a toothbrush, another book, and yet another book.” She gave a satisfied nod. “Yup, all set!”
“You brought five books, honey???” Her mom questioned incredulously.
“Yeah,” Tdifan shrugged. “I hope it’ll be enough.” The car screeched to a stop, and Tdifan stared out the window with a smile. “We’re here!!!” Giving her mother a final hug goodbye, she snapped up her bag and dashed into the campground.
“Ten minutes ‘till orientation!!!” A voice announced. “Now’s your last chance to sign in!!!” Hearing the announcement, Tdifan dashed to the nearest CIT.
Said CIT was a brown-haired girl with a side-ponytail, large glasses, braces, and a huge smile. “Hey there!!!” She greeted Tdifan with a lisp, grinning. “Here to sign in?”
“Uhh… yeah,” Tdifan replied, being a little worried about this girl, who was obviously desperate to impress. “I’m Tdifan.”
“Wow!!! What a unique name!!!” The girl gasped, overflowing with fake enthusiasm. “Here you are, you’re gonna be in cabin 8! You’ve got ten minutes to hang out!” Tdifan began to walk away, when the girl added, “Oh, and remember! Even though I’m your counselor, I wanna be your friend too!”
“Er… sure…” Tdifan rolled her eyes and walked just the slightest bit faster as she headed away from the CIT and towards cabin 8.
Nalyd lifted his head from the grungy pillow as he heard the cabin door creak open. “Oh, hey,” he greeted the person, beginning to climb off his bunk. “I’m Nalyd. Looks like we’re gonna be roommates for the summer.”
“RENNY!!!!” An eerily familiar voice squealed. Nalyd’s eyes grew wide in horror. Oh, no. This couldn’t be real. He was having an allergic reaction to the dust and mold. He’d fallen asleep lying on the bunk and was having a terrible, terrible nightmare. He’d gone insane. But, sure enough, a very real Sunshine suddenly bounded through the doorway and captured him in a hug. “EEE! Renny!!!” She chirped, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re here too! This is great!!! We’re gonna be together ALL SUMMER!!!”
“That’s not who I think it is, is it???” Another familiar voice interrupted. Oh, please, please no, Nalyd thought. This just makes it worse. Unfortunately for Nalyd, Matt ran in, followed closely by Pig, and joined in the hug. “Sunshine!!! Nalyd!!! This is awesome!!!” He cheered. “Us three cool cats together all summer long!”
“Well, this is a surprise,” another voice commented. Nalyd strained his neck to look past Matt and Sunshine, only to see Owe standing in the doorway. “I didn’t think you guys would be here.”
“OWE! DUDE!” Matt exclaimed. “You’re here too!”
“Come, join us, O round one!” Sunshine insisted. Owe shrugged and awkwardly joined in the group hug.
“…what… the… heck…” Nalyd cringed as he heard this next voice. Not him too!
“Stephen!!!” Sunshine chirped. “Come on, buddy! It’s a group hug!”
“Not happen-” Before he could finish, Sunshine had grabbed him and forced him into the group hug. “…I hate you people.”
“Aww, we love you too, man!” Matt grinned.
“Holy Froot Loops!!!” Another voice gasped. Tdifan rushed over and joined the hug. “I can’t believe it! All of us together again, just like first grade! This is great!!!”
“WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS???” Nalyd wailed.
It was now several weeks into the summer, and at “Fun in the Sun Summer Camp”, everyone was having a great time. Well, everyone except Nalyd, but as long as his friends are around, he’s never happy.
One of the groups of kids was currently swimming in the lake, watched closely by the CIT lifeguard. They were swimming out as far as they could go, leaping off the raft floating in the deep end, competing with each other to see who could hold their breath the longest. Everyone, that is, except a certain little pixie. Sunshine didn’t know how to swim, so she was restrained to a roped-off shallow end. Thankfully, Tdifan was nice enough to stay with her.
“This is fun, huh?” Sunshine chirped.
“Huh? Oh, yeah…” Tdifan replied, apparently distracted.
Sunshine frowned. “Are you sure you don’t wanna go in the deep end? You can go without me…”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Tdifan assured her. “It’s just, I’m sort of trying to avoid-”
“Hey, Tdifan!!!” The CIT lifeguard suddenly chirped. It was the nerdy brown-haired girl, waving frantically at Tdifan, as if she were afraid she wouldn’t notice her, even from her station atop the lifeguard chair.
“Gah,” Tdifan groaned, hiding her face with one of her hands. “She spotted me…”
“You’re trying to avoid her?” Sunshine questioned, cocking her head to one side. “Why? She seems nice.”
“Too nice,” Tdifan explained. “She’s desperate to be my friend for some reason. It’s creepy…”
“Hey, your shift’s over!” Another CIT, the green-mohawked one, shouted from the bottom of the lifeguard tower. “It’s your turn to watch the little brats do arts-and-crafts.”
“Awww… already?” The nerdy CIT girl lamented. She gave Tdifan a final wave, then climbed down and off the lifeguard tower, the mohawked CIT taking her place. He started to remove his shirt, which resulted in a sigh from Sunshine.
“So… beautiful…” she murmured, her eyes glazing over.
The CIT raised an eyebrow, then lowered his shirt. “Y’know, on second thought, you can take my shift,” he shouted to the previous CIT. She squealed with delight, rushing back up the lifeguard tower.
“Ohh… so close…” Sunshine sighed, frowning.
“C’mon,” Tdifan hissed to her, “let’s get out of here. I can’t stand that CIT anymore.” With that, the two girls pulled themselves out of the lake and ran back down to the campground. “Let’s go bug Renrut,” Tdifan suggested. “That’s always good for a laugh.”
“We can’t, remember?” Sunshine reminded her. “That one CIT’s punishing him.”
“Ohh… right,” Tdifan nodded. “Well then, let’s go find things to set on fire!”
“Yay! Fire!” Sunshine cheered. With that, the two girls dashed into the woods.
“Stupid CIT,” Nalyd muttered to himself, glaring at nothing in particular from the cabin window. All he’d done was said he was bored, and just for that, the stupid preppy CIT had sent him to his cabin for the rest of the day. He narrowed his eyes as she caught sight of her from the window. Stupid, controlling, preppy, type-A, little…
Although, actually, she was kind of cute.
“Hold still, Pig!” Matt instructed Pig, who was currently posing epically atop the arts-and-crafts table. “I can’t finish your portrait if you keep moving like that!” Pig squealed in agreement, then resumed his pose.
“You’re so weird,” Stephen commented, raising an eyebrow at Matt. “Drawing a portrait of your stupid pig.”
“Well, what are you drawing?” Matt snapped back.
“Godzilla being blown up by nuclear bombs,” Stephen replied.
“…and that isn’t weird?”
“Heck, no! Oh, hey, watch this…” Stephen quickly snatched another piece of paper, scribbled something on it, then smeared glue on the back. Hiding the paper behind his back, he approached the resident CIT, the tall, nerdy redhead. “Hey, mister,” he called, putting on his best guilty face. Patting the CIT’s back, he continued, “I just wanted to apologize for the whole mystery meat thing last week. I was wrong to do that to you, and I felt really bad.”
“Aww… it’s okay, little guy,” the CIT replied with a smile, patting his shoulder. “The stains came out eventually. Anyways, I’m glad you decided to apologize and admit your mistake.” With that, he grinned proudly and walked away, never noticing the “I AM A DORK” sign that had been glued to his back. Smirking to himself, Stephen returned to his place at the table next to Matt.
“Woah,” Matt commented, his eyes wide. “And he didn’t even notice?”
“Nope,” Stephen laughed. “And he probably won’t until he gets changed tonight.” Stephen paused, then had a thought. “Hey, Matt… have you seen Owe lately?”
“AAAAHHHH!!!! What are you two doing???” The camp’s chef screamed as he saw Owe and the chubby blond CIT stuffing their faces with food. “Please, stop eating!!!”
“But, the food’s so good…” The CIT protested, shoving another roll of bread into his mouth.
“I need that food to make tonight’s dinner!” The chef wailed. “Okay, look… if you two stop eating now, I’ll let you eat all you want at dinner tonight!!!”
“All we want?” Owe repeated.
“Yes! But only if you leave NOW!!!”
“Deal,” Owe nodded, he and the CIT dashing out of the mess hall. After a moment, they burst out laughing.
“Wow, little dude, that was AWESOME!!!” The CIT congratulated. “Not only did we stuff our faces, but we’re getting an all you can eat special tonight!!! You rock!”
“I learned from the best,” Owe grinned. The two did a fist bump, then walked off in search of more food.
“Are these good?” Sunshine asked Tdifan, holding up a fistful of twigs.
“Sure, those are fine,” Tdifan nodded. “Try looking for some thicker sticks now, to get the fire started.” Sunshine nodded and dashed off in search of more firewood. Matt and Pig then approached the two girls.
“Yo, Sunshine, Tdifan,” he greeted, giving them a wave. “What’s up?”
“We’re making fire!” Sunshine chirped.
“Cool,” Matt grinned. “Can Pig and I help?”
“Sure,” Tdifan shrugged, gathering up dry leaves to put on the fire. “Weren’t you at arts-and-crafts?”
“I got tired of dealing with Stephen,” Matt explained, tossing bits of bark into the pile of firewood.
“Hey!” The pale-skinned, teal-haired CIT marched up to the group and gave them an accusing glare. “What’s going on here?”
“Duuuurrr…” Matt immediately went into a trance-like state, drooling as he stared at her.
“We’re gonna set things on fire!” Sunshine explained.
“We were bored,” Tdifan clarified.
The CIT stared at them for a long moment. Then, she shrugged and commented, “All right, carry on,” before turning on her heel and walking away.
A moment later, Sunshine reappeared and tossed what appeared to be a giant ball of sap into the pile of burnable things. “What’s that for?” Tdifan questioned.
“It’ll make it burn better!” Sunshine chirped, dashing off in search of more things to set on fire. Tdifan shrugged, continuing to toss things into the pile of firewood.
Come on, Nalyd, you can do this, Nalyd thought, slowly walking up to the suddenly very intimidating CIT. Just say hi. Strike up a conversation. Let her see how cool you are…
Pretty soon, he was standing next to her, though she didn’t even notice. Come on, Nalyd, say it!!! He thought. Then, after a moment of mental preparation, he finally forced out, “Hi.”
The CIT whirled around. “What are you doing here???” She snapped. “I thought I sent you to your cabin for the rest of the day! You get back to your cabin before I decide to punish you more!!!”
Nalyd narrowed his eyes and marched back to his cabin. He was back to hating her again. Well, he thought, that romance ended fast.
“Come on… come on… burn…” Tdifan begged the two sticks she was rubbing together rapidly, attempting to create fire.
“Maybe we should try hitting two rocks together instead,” Matt suggested. “I saw that on TV once. How does that work, anyways?”
“It’s all about creating enough friction,” Tdifan explained.
As she continued her efforts to get the fire going, Stephen and Owe arrived. “Hey, guys, look who I found trying to undo the lock on the CIT snack cooler!”
“I was hungry,” Owe insisted.
“What are you nerds up to, anyways?” Stephen questions.
“Makin’ fire,” Sunshine chirped.
Stephen stared at Tdifan for a moment, then laughed. “You’ve got it all wrong,” he snickered. “That’s no way to set stuff on fire. You’ve gotta use this baby.” With that, he pulled a silvery lighter out of his pocket.
“Woah, where’d you get that???” Matt gasped.
“My brother lent it to me,” Stephen grinned.
“Well, come on! The fire isn’t gonna start itself!” Tdifan grinned, moving aside to watch the flames start up.
“What fire?” Nalyd sauntered into the area, an eyebrow raised.
“Weren’t you sent to the cabin?” Owe questioned.
“I snuck out. I don’t feel like listening to that stupid CIT.”
“I’m proud of you, Renrut,” Stephen smiled, “but shut up. We’re starting a fire.” Nalyd frowned, and Stephen clicked the lighter open, a tiny flame sparking from it, and moved it to the pile of firewood.
A split second later, what was supposed to be a makeshift campfire had erupted into a gigantic, fiery explosion, so tall it could be seen from everywhere in the camp. After a few seconds, the flames finally subsided, leaving the six kids charred and covered in smoke and ash. Owe coughed, releasing a ring of smoke, while the other five stood silent and shocked.
“Sunshine?” Tdifan shakily asked.
“Yeah?” The pixie replied.
“Did you know that sap ball was going to explode?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t think it’d be that big an explosion.”
“A-hem.” The kids looked up, only to meet the disapproving gaze of the Type-A CIT.
“Oh, pasta,” Sunshine muttered.
“I can’t believe the nerve of that CIT!” Nalyd complained, pacing the floor of the cabin as his five friends stared at him. “Just shoving all of us into the cabin to punish us!”
“Well, we did kind of set off an explosion,” Owe reminded him. Nalyd gave him a brief glare, then returned to his pacing.
“We’ve got to take revenge,” Nalyd decided.
“I’m in,” Stephen agreed.
“Same here,” Tdifan nodded.
“Sure, I guess,” Matt shrugged.
“Well, all right. There’s nothing else to do,” Owe reluctantly agreed.
“I dunno, Nalyd,” Sunshine protested. “She’s not all that bad. She’s just doing her job.” Right after that, she glanced out the window, only to see the CIT in question chatting with the mohawk-sporting CIT. She turned back to her friends and hissed, “She must suffer.”
“Good. Then, we’re all in!” Nalyd announced. “Now, what we need to do is figure out something she hates.”
“We’re gonna need someone with close connections to the CITs,” Stephen suggested. “Someone who can get the information out of one of them…”
“I think I know the person,” Sunshine grinned. She whispered to Nalyd, Owe, Stephen, and Matt, then the five turned to Tdifan, each sporting a suspicious grin.
“What?” Tdifan questioned. “Why are you all staring at me? I- oh, wait… no. Sunshine...! No!!! I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not happening!!!”
Tdifan reluctantly marched towards the nerdy, ponytailed CIT, a forced grin on her face. For the good of the group, she reminded herself. For the good of the group. “Hey there!” She chirped in an unnaturally friendly tone.
The CIT turned and quickly beamed at the sight of Tdifan. “Hey there, bestie!!! What’s up? You wanna chat?”
“Actually, yeah,” she replied, cringing internally. “The funniest thing happened today at the mess hall. That really Type-A CIT was totally freaking out about something! I don’t know what, though.”
“Oh, I think I know,” the CIT laughed. “Don’t tell anyone, but…” she leaned in towards Tdifan and whispered something in her ear.
Tdifan grinned hugely. She had the information she needed. In a rush, she commented, “Wow, that’s really funny, anyways, gotta go, see ya!” With that, she rushed away, leaving the CIT stunned.
“B-but…” the CIT stammered. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to make friendship bracelets…”
Back at the cabin, the other members of the group were waiting impatiently for Tdifan’s return. Suddenly, she burst through the door, grinning widely. “I’ve got it, guys!!!”
It was now a week later- the last day of camp. The group had spent the entire time plotting, setting up, and now they were ready. It was the final camp ceremony, and all the CITs were giving boring speeches. The very CIT they were plotting against was about to give her speech, and the group had snuck away from the rest of the campers, ready to put their plan into action. Slowly, they snuck up onto the roof of one of the cabins, dragging a large vat behind them. “Remember,” Nalyd hissed to his comrades, “wait until she’s at the high point of her speech to do the deed.”
The CIT cleared her throat and turned to the crowd of kids. “Well, campers-”
“Now?” Sunshine whispered.
“Eh, sure,” Nalyd shrugged. “I don’t feel like waiting.” With that, they tipped the vat over, and more green jelly than any kid in the area had ever seen before fell from the roof and coated the CIT.
For a long, long moment, she stood in silent shock. Then, as reality sunk in, she released a high pitched, part fearful, part disgusted wail.
“Mission accomplished, cats!” Matt cheered, giving Pig a high five. The rest of the group started cheering from happiness.
“Y’know,” Stephen commented, “now that I think about it, I feel like I’ve seen her before.”
Just then, as if on cue, the bus that would take the kids home arrived at the gate of the camp, creaking its door open. With a mixture of cheering and laughter, all the kids in camp dashed into the bus, leaving the preppy CIT wailing and covered in jelly, and the rest of the CITs either trying to help her or resisting laughter.
Nalyd and his friends, still laughing, all crowded into the bus just before its door closed and it began moving. “That was awesome!!!” Nalyd laughed. “Did you see the look on her face? Classic!!!”
“Yeah!” Sunshine agreed. “Hey, guys! We should sing ‘the Wheels on the Bus’!”
“Go ahead,” Nalyd allowed. “I’m in such a good mood, nothing can bum me out!”
“Hey, Nalyd,” Tdifan reminded him, “you know school starts again in a week, right?”
Nalyd was silent for a long, long moment, while Sunshine and the others started singing “The Wheels on the Bus”. Then, finally, two words escaped his lips:
~End of Chapter 17
Chapter 18: The First Day (Again)
This chapter was brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
Nalyd’s alarm clock rang in his ear, as the seven year old groggily awoke. He slammed the alarm clock with his fist, stood up and yawned. Nalyd toddled into the bathroom in his gray silk pajamas. “Another year with Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-Sunshine,” Nalyd muttered as he brushed his teeth. He spit. “Hey, that was pretty funny. I should write this stuff down.” He rinsed his mouth with water and went downstairs. “Morning, mom.”
Nalyd’s mother woke up. She was asleep on the couch. “Where am I?” she asked her son.
“You’re on the couch mom,” Nalyd said as he poured his cereal. “Hey, mom, how about I don’t go to school today?”
“School starts today?” Nalyd’s mother asked, sounding confused.
“Um, no…” Nalyd lied.
“Okay then - wait a minute!” Nalyd’s mother said. She stood up. “Don’t lie to me, Nalyd Sherbet Renrut!”
“My middle name is ‘Sherbet?’” Nalyd asked sadly.
“It might be, how am I supposed to know? The point is, you are going to school! And that is that! Besides, I got you a new hoodie.” Nalyd’s mother handed him the gray hoodie, and Nalyd put it on.
“The arms are too long,” he commented.
“It compliments your skin tone,” Nalyd’s mother said. “Go up stairs and get dressed, and I’ll drive you to school.”
“But I haven’t eaten breakfast yet!”
“There have been seventeen previous occasions where you didn’t complain about not having breakfast,” Nalyd’s mother reminded him.
“Yes’m,” Nalyd said, and ran up stairs to get dressed. He returned dressed in his blue jeans in gray hoodie.
“Aw, you’re so cute!” Nanny Renrut cooed. “I could eat you up!” A look of horror came across Nalyd’s face. “All the little girls will think you’re adorable!”
“Ew! Mom! I’m, like, seven!” Nalyd complained. Nalyd’s mother handed him his backpack, and the two got into Nanny Renrut’s car. “Girls have cooties.”
“Now, Nalyd, you know that’s not true.”
“Okay then. All of them have cooties! Even the other guys! I’m the only one who doesn’t have cooties!”
“That might be true actually. Especially that Owe kid. I don’t like him. The way he never says anything. Makes me sick!”
The car stopped in front of Wawanakwa Elementary. Nalyd looked outside and saw all the other children. A few children ran from their parents, ready to resume learning. A few of the fatter children waddled away from their parents, ready to resume eating. What Nalyd didn’t see is what really bothered him. He didn’t see a little girl with wings, or a little boy with a pig. “I don’t see Matt or Sunshine,” Nalyd said. “This opportunity may never come again.” Nalyd ran out of the car and into the school without looking back.
“I love you too, sweetie!” Nalyd’s mother called from her car.
Nalyd wandered through the school, and saw Ms. McLean. “Hi, Ms. McLean,” he greeted her. “How are you?”
“Nervous and stressed out, and yourself?” Ms. McLean replied.
“A little lost, do you know who my teacher is this year?”
“His name is Mr. Baffi, room seventy-two,” Ms. McLean said.
“Thanks! Oh, and one of your students just lit you desk on fire.” Ms. McLean sighed, and walked slowly into her classroom, and Nalyd went to his new homeroom.He opened the door slowly. He peered in and once again, saw no Sunshine or Matt. He looked up and saw the teacher towering over him. “Hello!” the chubby, elderly man said. “My name is Mr. Baffi. I’ll be your teacher this year! What’s your name?”
“I’m Nalyd Renrut,” Nalyd said.
“Good, good,” Mr. Baffi muttered. “How about you go play with some of your classmates?”
“I’d rather not,” Nalyd muttered as he walked towards his new classmates. Some of them looked familiar, but Nalyd couldn’t tell. Nalyd said to a blond boy, “Now I’m sure I know you, but I don’t remember you.”
“Yeah, nobody really does. I’m part of the minor character club,” the boy muttered.
“I’m Nalyd,” Nalyd said happily.
“You’re the dork from last year,” said a boy with green and brown hair. “What are you doing here?”
“Learning?” Nalyd answered.
“This is minor character territory,” said a boy in a gray hoodie and camo pants.
“Whatever,” Nalyd rolled his eyes.
“Take your seats class,” Mr. Baffi said. Everyone sat down.
A girl with black hair whispered to Nalyd, “Don’t mind them, they’re just bitter.” She sat down at the desk next to Nalyd.
“They’re a little jealous of you and your friends,” the girl explained.
“They can have my friends,” Nalyd said. “Hey, where are they?”
“Sunshine, Matt, Owe, Stephen, and Tdifan are all in room nine-thousand-three-hundred-seventy-two,” the girl said.
“There are over nine-thousand classrooms?” Nalyd asked.
“Over nine-thousand,” Gigi replied quietly.
“So they aren’t in my class?” Nalyd said, sounding surprised.
“Yes!” Nalyd screamed.
“Mr. Renrut, please settle down,” Mr. Baffi said. “I will now take attendance. Zak Koroen?”
“Here,” said the boy with the camo pants.
“Right here, tubby,” said the boy with the green and brown hair.
“Here,” said the girl sitting next to Nalyd.
“Hey, I know you,” Nalyd said. “You and I were on the reality show!”
“I was there too,” said the blond boy. “I was the guy that got voted off early.”
“I don’t remember you,” Nalyd said. The boy stared at Nalyd blankly.
“Quiet down, boys,” Mr. Baffi said, marking that Nalyd and Sprinklemist were present.
“Present,” said a short girl with a balloon.
“Young lady, no balloons in school,” Mr. Baffi said. He poked the balloon with his mustache.
“That mustache is sharper than my mother’s high heels,” Nalyd muttered. The class laughed.
“Settle down,” Mr. Baffi said. “Kenny Sparks?”
“Present,” said a boy with short brown hair. “What’s for lunch today?”
“I don’t know,” Mr. Baffi shrugged.
“I thought somebody like you would know,” Nalyd muttered. The class laughed again.
“Good one, Renrut,” Greg said high-fiving Nalyd.
“Hi!” shouted a boy wearing a red shirt. He smiled widely.
“Oh no, not another Sunshine,” Nalyd sighed.
“Nonny Rabinovitz?” Mr. Baffi continued.
“Here,” said a boy that was vigorously wiping his chair with a handkerchief. After ten minutes of everybody staring, he found it suitable and sat down in it. He saw everybody looking at him and said, “Is there something in my teeth? I flossed thirty-seven times today!” Nonny pulled a case of floss from his pocket and resumed flossing.
“Devon Spenstar Joseph?” Mr. Baffi said.
“Here,” the boy in blue said. He moved his chair close to Gigi. “You can call me, Spenny,” he smiled.
“Okay, Spenny,” Gigi said. “I’m Gigi. You can call me Gigi.”
“Okay, children,” Mr. Baffi said. “This year we will be studying math, history, English-”
“I’m from England, do I get an A?” Nalyd asked. The class laughed. Nalyd realized he enjoyed making people laugh.
“Nalyd Renrut, please stop,” Mr. Baffi said. The bell rang. “Lunch time students.”
The class grabbed their bagged lunches and charged towards the cafeteria. Nalyd, Gigi, Spenny, Greg, Sprinklemist, and Chimmy sat together. Nalyd looked at the other five kids with confusion. He was unused to anybody but Sunshine and Matt sitting with him. “Can I help you?” he asked them.
“We want to sit with you,” Chimmy explained.
“Why would you want to do that?” Nalyd asked, even more confused than before.
“You’re hilarious, dude,” Spenny said.
“Me? Hilarious?” Nalyd inquired. “I’ve never been called hilarious.”
“You’re hilarious,” Sprinklemist said. “You’re funny! You’re amusing! You’re the bee’s knees!”
“Bees have knees?” Gigi asked.
“They might,” Sprinklemist shrugged.
The class returned to Mr. Baffi’s room after lunch. “Welcome back,” he said. “You may all have some free time now if you like.”
Nalyd walked around the classroom, observing how his classmates played. He was interested to see how normal children play. He saw Nonny disinfecting crayons. Nalyd’s expectations were lowered to seeing how somewhat normal children play. “Untidy, untidy, untidy,” Nonny muttered as he continued spraying the crayons with windex and wiping them with handkerchief.
“You missed a spot,” Greg said. Greg laughed as Nonny grabbed each crayon and inspected them obsessively.
Nalyd continued watching the kids. He saw Gigi and Spenny playing together with some blocks. “This is such a cool tower,” Gigi said, adding another block to the construction that was almost as tall as Spenny.
Before Spenny could say anything, Nonny crashed through the tower shouting, “Hand sanitizer in my eye!”
“That kid is not right,” Spenny said.
“Speaking of not right,” Nalyd said as he turned to see Shane standing behind him, smiling widely. “Hi Shane.”
“Hi Nalyd,” Shane said, still smiling.
“You know, smiling like that will make your cheeks hurt,” Nalyd said.
“I lost feeling in my cheeks long ago,” Shane said.
“Good to hear,” Nalyd said.
Chimmy and Sprinklemist were drawing on the chalkboard. Sprinklemist drew a perfect portrait of Mr. Baffi, while Chimmy drew a circle with arms, legs, and a mustache. “I think she wins,” Zak said. Sprinklemist threw his chalk on the ground and stomped on it as Chimmy cheered.
“You win this round,” Sprinklemist said.
“I know,” Chimmy said. “Didn’t you hear Zak?”
Nalyd rolled his eyes and continued observing the classroom. He saw Kenny rapidly writing at his desk. “What’cha doing?” Nalyd asked.
“I’m designing a blue print for a really awesome explosion,” Kenny said.
“An explosion?!” Nalyd shouted.
“Boom boom!” Kenny shouted, laughing maniacally.
“Time for gym class children,” Mr. Baffi said.
“Does he even know what a gym is?” Nalyd pondered. The class laughed.
“Just go!” Mr. Baffi shouted. When the class left, he took a pudding cup from his pocket and started eating. “Sweet, sweet pudding. You still like me, right?”
The class arrived to gym class. A large man stood in the gym. “Good afternoon, students,” he said. He spoke with a thick German accent. “Today we will be playing dodgeball.”
“Oh no,” Nalyd said. “It’s the teachernator.” Nobody laughed. “You know, like the Terminator? It’s because he looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you guys saw that movie you’d get it.”
The gym teacher continued. “Team captains… Let’s see… Balloon girl, purple shirt, get up here! Now, maggots, now!” Chimmy and Nonny stood in front of their class. “Balloon girl, you can go first.”
“I pick,” Chimmy paused. She studied her classmates closely for twenty-seven minutes. “I pick Nalyd.”
“Me?” Nalyd said. “I’ve never been picked first for anything in my life! I’m not even my mom’s favorite son! Wow! This is the happiest day of my li-” Nalyd was hit in the face by a dodgeball and fell on his back. “Well this still beats any moment I’ve ever been within a thirty mile radius of Sunshine and Matt.”
Nalyd went home that night as happy as could be. “How was school, dear?” Nalyd’s mother said.
“It was awesome!” Nalyd cheered.
“Oh, that’s too bad… Wait, what?! You enjoyed school?!”
“Yeah!” Nalyd said excitedly. “I made everyone in my class laugh, and I got picked first for dodgeball, and I didn’t see Sunshine or Matt or Tdifan or Stephen or Owe! And you know how difficult it is not to see Owe!”
“You’re right,” Nalyd’s mother said. “I don’t like that kid. The way he’s always fat. Makes me sick.”
“I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow!” Nalyd said.
“Oh, Nalyd,” his mother said, her eyes starting to water. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve done something I never did; you enjoyed school. You’re my favorite son again!”
“Good!” Nalyd said. “I was sick of being behind Matt! He’s not even your son!”
“I know that,” Nalyd’s mother said. “But he’s his mother’s son.”
Nalyd returned to school the next day, more eager than he’d ever been in his life for anything. He ran into Mr. Baffi’s room and was horrified at what he saw. He was even more horrified when he stopped looking at Mr. Baffi’s wife, and turned to see who else was in the classroom. Sunshine, Matt, Tdifan, Stephen, and Owe. “Renny!” Sunshine shouted. She ran over and hugged Nalyd.
“Renny!” Matt shouted. He ran over and hugged Nalyd.
“Renny!” Tdifan shouted. She ran over and gave Nalyd a friendly handshake.
“Renny!” Stephen shouted. He ran over and stuck gum in Nalyd’s hair.
“Chocolate!” Owe shouted. “I mean, Renny!” He ran over and hugged Nalyd.
“No!” Nalyd shouted. “What are you all doing here?”
“It turns out there is no room nine-thousand-three-hundred-seventy-two!” Sunshine explained excitedly.
“So when we found that out,” Matt added, “we contacted our lawyers who advised us to seek legal action, but Mr. Baffi gave us all cookies to come to this class instead!”
“Mr. Baffi,” Nalyd said. “Why would you do such a thing?”
“I know you hate them, Nalyd,” Mr. Baffi explained. “And this is my revenge for all those jokes about me.”
“See Nalyd,” Sunshine said. “The six of us are going to be friends forever!” She grabbed a jump rope and tied herself to the other five. “Forever.”
~End of Chapter 18
Chapter 19: Renny and Spenny and Sprink! Oh My!
This chapter was brought to you by: DJ Spenstar
"RENNY!!! TIME FOR SCHOOL!!!"
Nalyd's eyes shot open at the high-strung, shrill sound of Sunshine's voice. It was only one week since school had started again, and Nalyd's "friends" were back to their old antics.
"C'MON RENNY! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!!"
Nalyd sighed and got up. Another day, another test of what sanity I have left, he thought.
"What ARE you two doing?"
A confused Nalyd made a confused sound. He hadn't heard this voice outside his house before. Maybe it was one of his new "friends".
"We're bothering Nalyd, why?" said Matt from outside.
"Maybe you two should give the guy some peace," said the third guy, "You'll have plenty of time to bother him at school."
"BUT BOTHERING RENNY IS FUN!" retorted the shrill-voiced Sunny.
"I'll give you this Duncan doll after school if you leave Nalyd alone," said the other guy.
"Deal!" yelled Sunshine. What followed was silence.
Twenty minutes later, Nalyd ran outside to find Spenny there, sitting under a tree. Spenny got up and said, "I figured you'd want some sanity before school."
"That was you?" asked Nalyd, surprised that someone would actually go out of their way to help him out. Spenny nodded.
"You're cooler than I thought," said Nalyd.
"Thanks," said Spenny, "I wonder how long it'll take for Sunshine to realize that the Duncan doll was a lie." The two new friends shared a laugh at that one.
Just then, the school bus pulled in. Spenny and Nalyd quietly got on the bus. Spenny took a seat towards the back and motioned for Nalyd to sit with him. Nalyd smiled and did so.
Meanwhile, Sunshine, Matt, and Shane sat in a seat up front, all three singing "Wheels on the Bus" in perfect unison, terribly off-key.
"It's like they knew Shane forever," commented Tdifan. Chimmy nodded.
A few minutes later, the bus made another stop, and Sprinklemist got on the bus, his trusty sketchpad under his arm. He took a seat near Nalyd and Spenny.
"Hey guys," said Sprinklemist.
"Hey Sprink," said Spenny.
Sprinklemist looked confused. "When did you start calling me Sprink?"
Spenny shrugged. "Since now," he said, "You don't mind, do you?" Sprinklemist shook his head. "Cool," said Spenny.
A few minutes after that, the bus arrived at school. A crowd of kids on the bus rushed off to learn and eat more during the day. Nalyd, Sprink, and Spenny got off last, talking the whole way.
"So then," said Sprink, "This one guy started acting like the teacher to be funny. The other kids actually believed him, and by the end of the day, he was covered in spitballs!"
"Classic!" said Spenny, laughing.
"Yeah," said Nalyd, "If only I was there, it would have been even awesome!"
As the trio entered the building, Sunshine and Matt jumped out from hiding. "BOO!" they both yelled.
Sprink dropped his sketchbook. Nalyd fainted from pure shock. "Not cool, guys!" yelled Spenny.
"WHERE'S MY DUNCAN DOLL?!" yelled Sunshine.
"You're not getting one after that!" yelled Spenny.
"No... No Dunky doll?" Sunshine's expression went from anger to sadness. She ran away, crying hysterically. Matt ran away too.
"Aw man," said Spenny, "Sunshine, wait!"
"Don't bother," said Sprink, "Unless you have a Duncan doll, you can't cheer her up."
"I don't," said Spenny, "But I hate seeing people sad."
Nalyd woke up and got up. "What happened?" he asked.
"Sunshine and Matt happened," said Spenny.
"Figures," muttered Nalyd, and the three headed to class.
When the bell rang and Mr. Baffi walked into the classroom, the students were all already there, taking part in a number of activities. Sunshine and Chimmy compared Duncan dolls. Shane and Matt played with the building blocks. Nonny was soaking his hands in sanitizer every few seconds. Greg played with his MP3 player, while Sprink drew a picture of Izzy from TDI as Kenny looked on. Finally, Nalyd, Spenny, and Gigi were talking amongst themselves.
"Everybody, get in your seats, now!" yelled Mr. Baffi. Everyone quickly obeyed.
"Now," continued Mr. Baffi, "Let's take attendance. Is anybody absent?"
"Zak is," said Kenny.
"Thanks," said Mr. Baffi. He marked Zak absent on his attendance sheet.
"Today, I have a surprise for you," said Mr. Baffi, "We will spend the school day walking in the woods and appreciating nature."
"Awesome!" shouted Greg.
"QUIET!!" yelled Mr. Baffi. Greg quickly shut up.
A few minutes later, the class was in the thick woods behind school, with Mr. Baffi leading the way.
"This is boring," whispered Nalyd.
"Yeah," said Spenny. He wasn't smiling.
"This isn't right," said Gigi, "We should explore the woods!"
"And draw the beautiful nature!" said Sprink.
"And have peace and quiet!" said Nalyd.
"Only question," said Greg, "Is, how?"
"I have an idea," said Spenny. He took a small pack of pudding from his backpack. Just then, Stephen approached the group.
"Give me that!" he said. He snatched the pudding out of Spenny's hand and threw it as far as he could. Mr. Baffi caught sight of the flying pudding.
"Pudding!" yelled Mr. Baffi, "Come to papa!" The teacher ran after the pudding.
"Impressive," said Greg.
"I do what I can," said Stephen confidently.
"Renny!" shouted Matt. He and Sunshine crowded Nalyd, along with Tdifan, Chimmy, and Owe. Shane just stood behind, rolling his eyes.
"How do we get that peace and quiet?" asked Nalyd.
"Look!" shouted Greg, pointing in a random direction; "I think I see Duncan, Gwen, and Cody over there!" he pointed in another random direction, "And I see Izzy and lots of food over there!"
Just like that, Sunshine, Matt, Tdifan, Chimmy, Kenzen, and Owe all ran off in different directions. Greg smirked.
"Wow, you're good," said Sprink.
"I do what I can," said Greg.
"I'll go keep Owe company," said Shane, and ran after Owe.
"Yeah, I'll go and bother the nerds," said Stephen, and ran off after Sunshine and company.
"I'll go back," said Nonny, "There are too many germs!" Nonny shuddered and left.
"That leaves us," said Gigi, "We can do whatever we want!"
"We can explore!" said Spenny excitedly.
"And admire nature!" said Greg.
"And doodle!" said Sprink.
"And relax!" said Nalyd. The five walked together, deeper in the woods. Spenny climbed a tree, his smile from ear to ear. When he rested on a branch, Sprinklemist sat under another tree and began to sketch the first tree, with Spenny on it. Gigi climbed the same tree, and sat next to Spenny on a branch.
"It's a great view," said Gigi happily, "I think I can see school from here."
"Yeah," said Spenny, "This is the best."
Nalyd sat under a third tree and began to take a nap, while Greg just wandered around, taking in the wonderful nature around him. Meanwhile, Nalyd started to snore. Spenny and Gigi giggled.
"Hey Nalyd, wake up," said Sprink, "You're snoring."
"Wha--?" asked Nalyd as he woke up. "I was?" Sprink nodded.
"Sorry," said Nalyd.
Sprink shrugged. "It's cool," he said. Renny happily returned to his nap.
"Poor guy," commented Spenny, "Deprived of sleep and happiness by people like Sunshine and Matt. It makes Nalyd hate them. Sunny and Matt are great people, though. They just need to learn when it isn't okay to bother someone."
Gigi nodded. "Maybe they'll learn sometime this year," she said.
"Let's hope so," commented Sprink.
Spenny looked around worriedly. "Has anyone seen Greg?" he asked. The others shook their heads. Spenny jumped down from the tree branch he was on.
"We have to find him!" he said.
"You're the only person I know," said Sprink, "Who would smile in a time like this."
Spenny shrugged, and the two, plus Gigi, ran off, leaving Nalyd napping there, peacefully.
Meanwhile, Shane, Kenny, and Owe were feasting on berries.
"Greg was right!" said Owe, with his mouth full, "These berries are awesome!"
"Yeah," said Shane, "They're really great!" Just then, a squirrel came along and looked longingly at the large pie of berries.
"Hey little guy," said Shane, "Want some food?" He took a handful of berries and placed them in front of the squirrel. The squirrel smiled and happily began eating. Shane smiled.
"I wonder if these berries can go BOOM-BOOM!" said Kenny, his mouth full of berries.
"Possibly," said Shane.
"You have a thing for animals?" inquired Owe. Shane nodded, and the two continued eating.
Meanwhile, Matt, Sunshine, Tdifan, Chimmy, and Stephen were all walking aimlessly in the woods.
"Dunky! Dunky!!" shouted Chimmy and Sunshine.
"Gwen! Are you there?" shouted Matt.
"COOOOOODY!!!!" yelled Tdifan.
"You nerds are wasting your time," said Stehpen, "They're not here. It was a trick. Greg fooled you."
"No!" shouted Sunshine, "Dunky is here!"
"I'm as sure as my balloon is in my hand!" said Chimmy. She checked, and found that her balloon had gotten caught in a tree. "Figures," she said.
"Maybe Stephen's right," said Matt, "I mean, we didn't see them yet."
"But the woods are huge!" argued Sunny, "They could be anywhere!"
Just then, Greg came out from a bush, still wandering aimlessly and admiring the nature around him. He bumped into Stephen accidentally.
"Watch it, nerdy!" yelled Stephen.
"I'm sorry," said Greg, "But I'm glad I found you guys. I got kind of lost for a second there.
"Stephen says you lied to us," said Chimmy, "Say it ain't so!"
"It's so," said Greg.
"You lied to us?" wailed Sunny. She started crying.
Stephen smirked. "In three, two, one," he said to himself.
Right when he said one, Spenny ran out from another part of the woods and consoled Sunshine.
"It'll be okay," said Spenny, "Please don't cry. At least you guys had fun out here, right?"
"True..." said Sunshine. She smiled.
"That's the spirit!" said Spenny.
"Works every time," muttered Stephen.
Gigi and Sprink ran over to Greg. "Greg!" said Sprink, happy to see him again, "We were so worried!"
"I'm okay," said Greg.
"Glad to hear it," said Gigi, "Let's head back to class. I've had enough adventure for one day."
"Good idea," said Matt, and the group ran out.
"Wait a minute," said Spenny, "Nalyd! We forgot Nalyd! You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up."
"Cool," said Tdifan.
Spenny ran through the woods, until he found Nalyd under a tree, snoring. Spenny shook Nalyd violently until he woke up.
"What happened?" asked Nalyd.
"We're heading back to class," said Spenny, "And we forgot you were still here."
Nalyd sighed. "It was fun while it lasted," he said. Spenny nodded, and the two left the woods.
Back in the classroom, everybody was talking about how their journey in the woods went, when Mr. Baffi entered the room. He was covered in sticks, pebbles, and dirt, had a black eye, and was carrying an unharmed snack-pack of vanilla pudding.
"Good news," said the teacher, "I got the pudding!"
Just then, the bell rang, and the students ran out of the classroom, eager to return home. Mr. Baffi shrugged and ate his pudding.
"You know," said Sprink, "I can't help but think we forgot something."
"I don't think we did," said Nalyd.
"Nope," said Spenny, "At least, I don't think so."
Back in the woods, Shane, Kenzen, Owe, and the squirrel all lied down next to each other, bloated from eating berries.
"Those were good berries," said Owe.
"You said it," said Shane, "Maybe we should head back."
"Good idea," said Kenny, and tried to get up, but couldn't. Neither could Owe, Shane, or the squirrel.
"Well, this is bad," said Kenny.
~~End of Chapter 19
Chapter 20: Goodstock '010
This chapter was brought to you by: Ezekielguy
It was February 15th, Matt's Birthday.
"Matt," asked Sunshine, "If you could go anywhere for your Birthday, where would you wanna go? Maybe we could take you."
"Oh, geez, man." Matt replied, "Well I wanted to go to Goodstock."
"What's Goodstock?" asked Tdifan.
"It's a rock and roll festival happening in town." said Owe. "I had tickets to go, but Salami, Beef and Cheese stole my tickets. They said they were gonna go by themselves and make me watch a tape of what a good time they had there."
"So, why can't you go, Matt?" asked Nalyd.
"Well, Goodstock is LATE this year, man!" said Matt. "The woman says I gotta hit the sack when the big dude strikes nine."
"What?" said Tdifan.
"I think he said he's gotta be in bed by 9:00."
Stephen flew into a fit of laughter.
"What's going on, man?" Matt asked. "Didja hear some kind of a doozie?"
"No," said Stephen, "It's just that...you have a bedtime?" He continued to laugh.
The rest of the gang stared.
"And you don't?" said Nalyd.
Stephen wiped tears off of his face. "Hecks no, dork! I live like Huck Finn! Stay up all night!"
"That explains the bags under your-"
"Shut up, nerd!" Stephen said. "Pfft! 9:00! What a joke!"
"You shouldn't be mean to the Birthday Boy, Stephen!" said Sunshine.
He ignored her.
Suprisingly enough, Nalyd felt bad for Matt. he thought it was important that he got to go wherever he wanted for his Birthday. It was the Birthday law. So after school, Nalyd met with Sunshine under the big oak tree on the playground.
"Sunshine," he said. "The reason I called you here is because of Matt's Birthday. We need to take him to that concert, and I have a plan."
"Ooh! Ooh!" said Sunshine. "Mister Kotter!"
"If we go, we get to see the bands, don't we? I heard Green Night is gonna be there! And AB/CD!" Sunshine squealed "And 'The Jimmy Hendux Experiment'!"
"Yes..." said Nalyd. "We will see them." He grinned evilly. "We will see them all."
At exactly 9:00, Matt dropped off to sleep.
"Whoops!" he said. "Forgot to take my meds!"
He reached into his door and pulled out a big vat of fizzy Folk-A-Cola. He gulped it down quickly and drifted off to sleep after a half and hour, he was woken up by a sound.
"Wha..." he mubled, "Whazzat, man?"
He looked up and saw a monkey in a gray hoodie and a giraffe with wings.
"I...I think I see a zoo in my room..." He moaned.
"It's the Cola." said the Giraffe. "You should go spew in the toilet."
"Oh, thanks man." He went into the bathroom and did the "Technicolor Yawn". A flushing sound could be heard.
"OK, I'm back." He murmured. "Hey, wait a second...How did you know I drank Cola before bed? And another thing! How did you turn into Sunshine and Nalyd? And..." He stared blankly for a moment. "Ohhhh...Not now, cats. Please not now."
"We're here to take you to Goodstock, Matt." said Nalyd. "Get dressed and lets go."
Matt was angry. But he wanted to go, so he got dressed.
"Wait," he said as they headed out the door with Pig. "How did you get the tickets?"
"You mean these?" said Sunshine as she held out three tickets. "We stole them from Salami and his friends."
"WOW!" said Matt, "How'd you get past those big cats?"
Salami, Beef and Cheese stuck there heads out of the huge sack that Nalyd was carrying. They snarled viciously.
When the three friends got to the park that Goodstock was being held at, they were in luck! The concert was just starting. Nalyd set up a camp in the front row and invited Sunshine and Matt to sit. Pig sat inside Matt's hair.
"Attention, Goodstock-Goers." said a voice over the loud speaker.
The audience groaned. They wanted to the bands to play.
"We have recieved word that AB/CD and none of the other bands can play tonight."
The audience was furious. They threw food at the loudspeaker.
"YOU STINK!" said a man with long blonde hair and round glasses.
"How-EVER!" said the man on the loudspeaker, "Three children have came to us and told us that they're three other friends were coming tonight. Upon hearing the sad news, they decided to play in there own band. So, please welcome...Total Rock Elementary!"
A big bodyguard picked Matt, Sunshine and Nalyd up, along with Pig, and carried them towards the stage.
"What's he gonna DO to us?" said Sunshine.
"I dunno, man!" shouted Matt.
But the big man didn't do anything. He just put the three kids on the stage.
They looked around to see Tdifan holding a guitar, Stephen on a drum set, and Owe on another guitar.
"Guys," said Nalyd, "What are you doing here?"
"Shut up, Renrut!" said Stephen. "Just play!" He handed him a Bass Guitar.
Sunshine shrugged and hopped onto the keyboard.
Matt looked around for another instrument.
"Oh, what the hey." he said. He grabbed the microphone and sang out:
Back in black I hit the sack I've been too long I'm glad to be back [I bet you know I'm...] Yes, I'm let loose From the noose That's kept me hanging about I've been looking at the sky 'Cause it's gettin' me shy Forget the hearse 'cause I never die I got nine lives Cat's eyes Abusin' every one of them and running wild! Yes, I'm back! Oh, I'm back! Ya know I'm baaaaack in blaaaack Yes, I'm back in black! Yes, I'm back in blaaaack!
The gang played several famous rock 'n roll numbers, and after the concert, Nalyd went up to Matt.
"Sorry you didn't get to see the bands." he said.
"Are you KIDDING, man?" said Matt, "That was the best Birthday ever!"
~End Chapter 20
Chapter 21: The Melancholy of Sprinklemist
This chapter was written by: Sprinklemist
Sprinklemist nervously rocked back and forth in his chair. Mr. Baffi spouted out some important information about what a triangle was, but Sprinklemist failed to pay attention. Something even more important weighed on his mind. The school bell rang and all the kids jumped up and cheered. Sunshine shouted, "It's the weekend!" She ran over to hug Nalyd, but he thought quickly and threw a piece of candy into the hallway, which she chased after. Nalyd grabbed his things and exited the building through a window.
Sprinklemist stood up and nervously approached Stephen. Stephen looked up from his drawing of destruction. He said, "Why are you in my presence? Wait. Who are you?"
Sprinklemist nervously said, "I'm..."
Stephen said, "Oh yeah, you're one of the minors. Go away."
"Oh," Sprinklemist sighed. He said, "I was just going to ask you something."
Stephen rolled his eyes and said, "Fine, what is it?"
Sprinklemist smiled nervously and said, "Uh... I was wondering if you wanted to come over my house..."
"No," Stephen quickly replied.
"For a sleepover, tomorrow," Sprinklemist finished.
Stephen said, "Let me think... No."
Sprinklemist looked down. He said, "Oh, I see."
"You can go away, now," Stephen said.
Sprinklemist said, "I was really looking forward to it, too."
"You were?" Stephen asked. Sprinklemist nodded. Stephen said, "Why are you asking me? We're not exactly friends. You're minor."
Sprinklemist said, "Well, I always thought you were the coolest guy in class."
"Really?" Stephen asked, trying to hide his surprise.
Sprinklemist nodded and said, "Yeah. You were at the top of my list."
Stephen said, "Wow, I had no idea." Sprinklemist began to smile. Stephen said, "But the answer is still 'no'."
Sprinklemist sighed. He looked over at Sunshine gnawing on a jawbreaker in the corner. Sprinklemist turned to Stephen, again, and said, "There will be candy."
"I'll be there," Stephen said. He began to stuff his backpack with his belongings. He got up and walked toward the door.
Sprinklemist said, "Wait! You don't even know where I live."
Stephen paused and said, "Is it that pea green house that someone surrounded with toilet paper three weeks ago?" Sprinklemist nodded. Stephen said, "I'll be there." He walked out the door.
Sprinklemist smiled and walked over to his desk. He pulled out a piece of paper that listed his classmates with the names, except for Stephen's, crossed out. Sprinklemist circled Stephen's name.
Stephen arrived at Sprinklemist's house with an overnight bag. He rang the doorbell and Sprinklemist answered the door rather quickly. He excitedly grabbed Stephen by the arm and dragged him inside. Stephen said, "Ew, touching."
Sprinklemist said, "Oh, sorry," and let go of Stephen's arm. "Follow me." Stephen followed Sprinklemist through his house full of aquariums with lizards in them. Stephen stared at the lizards as he walked by. Sprinklemist opened a door and Stephen followed him inside. Sprinklemist pointed to the floor and said, "You can put your things, here. We don't have a guest bed or anything, so you'll be sleeping on the floor."
Stephen threw his bag on Sprinklemist's bed and said, "Funny."
Sprinklemist said, "Oh... Sorry. So what do you want to do first?"
Stephen said, "Where's that candy?"
Sprinklemist laughed and said, "You can't have candy now, silly. It'll spoil dinner. My mom is making my favorite food!" Sprinklemist thought for a minute and said, "Wanna watch a movie?" Stephen shook his head, and Sprinklemist said, "Great!" Sprinklemist ran over to a cabinet and pulled out a movie. He said, "This is my favorite !"
Stephen smirked and said, "Cool. Put it in." Sprinklemist put in the movie and sat down on the floor. Stephen sat down on the floor next to Sprinklemist as the movie began. The music began to play and the title of the movie appeared on screen, 'La Peinture Sèche'.
Stephen's eyebrow raised and he asked, "Is this a foreign film?"
Sprinklemist nodded and said, "Yeah. It's French. But the beauty of the film transcends language... Plus, there are subtitles."
Stephen said, "Wait... You mean I have to read?" Sprinklemist nodded and Stephen instantly groaned.
The movie began and it showed a man sitting in a chair, looking depressed. He spoke in French for about a half hour. Stephen looked wide eyed. The man got up from his chair and Stephen said, "Finally, some action!"
Sprinklemist said, "Uh-huh! This is where the movie really begins."
The man walked over to a bucket of paint and dipped a paintbrush into the bucket. He painted a streak along the wall. He put the brush down and went back to the chair. The camera zoomed in on the painted streak. Sprinklemist excitedly leaned in toward the TV screen. Another half hour later, the camera hadn't changed its position.
Stephen said, "Uh... Cough! Cough!"
Sprinklemist turned to Stephen and said, "What's wrong, buddy?"
Stephen said, "Oh, man. I think I'm coming down with a cold. I have to go."
Sprinklemist said, "Really?" Sprinklemist looked teary eyed.
Stephen said, "Uh, yeah. Uh... Sorry." Stephen picked up his things and exited Sprinklemist's room. He let out a heavy sigh and headed toward the door. Stephen could hear somebody talking. So he did what came naturally, he eavesdropped.
A woman said, "Sprinky was so excited to have a friend over."
A man's voice said, "Yeah, it's been what two years?"
"I think that's about right," the woman said.
The man said, "To think, this is the first kid to agree to come over in all that time."
Stephen frowned. He looked down at his feet, turned around, and headed back to Sprinklemist's room. He opened Sprinklemist's door, and went back in. Sprinklemist looked up and said, "Did you forget something?"
Stephen sighed and said, "I feel better." Stephen sat back down.
Sprinklemist said, "Yay!" Sprinklemist began rewinding the movie to the beginning.
Stephen shouted, "What are you doing?"
"Rewinding to the start," Sprinklemist said. "You have to see the whole thing in a row. The effect is lost otherwise. You can literally see the precise moment when the paint begins to dry... It's so exciting!" Stephen sighs.
Four hours into the movie Sprinklemist's mother knocks on his door. She said, "Dinner's ready, boys!"
Stephen quickly jumped up and said, "Thank the heavens." He looked at Sprinklemist who looked confused. Stephen said, "Uh... Not that the movie is boring me to tears or anything."
Sprinklemist said, "Don't worry about it. We can start at the beginning, when we're done eating." Stephen pastes on a fake smile.
The boys leave the room and Sprinklemist led Stephen to the dining room. They sat down at the table and Sprinklemist's mom walked in with a tray. She set it down on the table. She poured water into glasses for the boys. Stephen forced out a, "Thanks, Mrs. Sprinklemom."
Sprinklemist's mom cried and said, "Such a good boy."
Sprinklemist's mom left the room and Sprinklemist lifted the lid to the tray and said, "Oh, boy!"
Stephen stared at the food and said, "What... is... that?"
"Tofu steak," Sprinklemist said. "It takes on the taste of whatever its cooked with. That's why I like it plain. Bland is my favorite flavor."
Stephen stared at the white blob that Sprinklemist put on his plate. Sprinklemist excitedly ate his meal, while Stephen stared at his tofu blob.
Sprinklemist said, "Wasn't that yummy?"
Stephen said, "Uh... What about that candy you mentioned?"
Sprinklemist said, "Oh, right." Sprinklemist got up and opened a cupboard door. He said, "This is the best candy, ever. 'Bland-o-Honey'."
Stephen said, "You know what? I'm really full."
Sprinklemist said, "Okay. Let's go watch the movie, again." Stephen followed Sprinklemist back to his room.
Sprinklemist began rewinding the movie. Stephen said, "Don't you have something else to do?"
Sprinklemist thought for a second. He said, "I just got WheeStation360."
Stephen's eyes lit up and he said, "What? You can't find those things, anywhere!"
"You wanna play?" Sprinklemist asked.
Stephen nodded rapidly. He said, "Yeah! What games do you have?"
"Just the one," Sprinklemist said. "La Peinture Sèche: The Game. Usually movie tie-in games are stinky, but this game really matches the feel of the movie."
Stephen paused. He said, "Um... What time is it?"
Sprinklemist looked at a clock and said, "5:00 PM."
Stephen said, "Oh, man. It's way passed my bedtime."
"It is?" Sprinklemist asked.
Stephen faked a yawn and said, "Yeah, man." Stephen hopped onto the bed. "I am really tired."
Sprinklemist said, "Oh... Okay. Um... Goodnight, then. Er... Good afternoon?"
Stephen pretended to snore.
Stephen pretended to sleep until morning. In the morning, Stephen got up and said, "Thanks, for inviting me over. Let's not do this, again."
Stephen grabbed his bag and left Sprinklemist's room, and then his house. Outside he said to himself, "That was the most horrible experience of my life." He attacked a paperboy, and rode his bike home.
Sprinklemist's mom walked into his room and sweetly said, "Did you have fun with your little friend?"
Sprinklemist shrugged and said, "I didn't know he was so boring."
~End of Chapter 21
Chapter 22: When Nalyd Met Daphne
This chapter was written by: Nalyd Renrut
The second graders sat in their classroom in a mid January day. It was stormy and raining out, so they had to stay in for recess. “I wanna go outside!” Sunshine whined.
“You can’t, Ms. Pasti,” Mr. Baffi said. He scratched his mustache and said, “Don’t you remember what happened last time we went outside for recess?”
“No,” Sunshine said with a puzzled expression.
“You got amnesia after you ran into a wall,” Tdifan explained.
“That wall jumped in front of me and you know it!” Sunshine growled.
“Regardless,” Mr. Baffi said, “Mr. Tollin had to stay home sick today for playing in the rain. Let that be a lesson to you all! Anyway, we do have some good news. We have a new student!”
“Didn’t we just get like five new ones?” Nalyd rolled his eyes, glaring at Chimmy, Shane, Spenny, Nonny, and Kenny.
“But we have another new one,” Mr. Baffi said. “Stop complaining, Mr. Renrut, or you’ll have to wear the cone of shame!”
“The cone of Shane?” Shane asked excitedly.
“No, Shane. Shame. As in shameful. As in ‘Aren’t the budget cuts shameful?’” Mr. Baffi explained. Shane nodded.
“I don’t like the cone of shame,” Nalyd moped.
“Moving on,” Mr. Baffi said. “We have a new student! Her name is Daphne Moon! She’s come to America from England!” Nalyd beamed. “Or Australia. One of those places. I don’t know.”
A small, pale girl walked into the classroom. She was wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt, a plad skirt. “Ello,” she said softly. Nalyd’s jaw dropped.
“She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met,” Nalyd said, a wide grin on his face.
“Nalyd,” Owe whispered. “You just said that out loud.”
Nalyd realized Sunshine, Tdifan, Stephen, and Owe were staring at him. “Nalyd’s in love!” Sunshine shrieked.
“You don’t have an inside voice at all, do you?” Greg asked sarcastically.
“I am not,” Nalyd blushed. “It’s just nice to have a new classmate is all.”
“Ms. Moon,” Mr. Baffi said. “You can sit next to Mr. Renrut. He’s the pale one there grinning like an idiot.” Daphne giggled and sat down next to Nalyd.
“Ello,” she said happily. “I’m Daphne.”
“I’m Nalyd,” Nalyd introduced himself nervously. “I like you accent. Are you from England?”
“Yes,” Daphne said.
“Manchester?” Nalyd guessed.
“Yes!” Daphne gasped. “Impressive. You ever been to England?”
“I was born there,” Nalyd said. “I moved here last year. What brings you to the good ol’ U.S. of A.?”
“Me mum is looking for work,” Daphne said. “She was a 1700’s flyer advertising America. Streets of gold and all that.”
Sunshine whispered to Tdifan, “What’s wrong with Nalyd? He isn’t frowning or complaining or whining.”
“I have a theory,” Tdifan whispered back. “The government abducted Nalyd, and replaced him with this imposter.”
“Or he’s happy,” Owe whispered.
“No, Owe, that can’t be it,” Sunshine shook her head.
“You’re so charming,” Daphne giggled. “What are your friends like?”
“I have no friends,” Nalyd rolled his eyes.
“That’s a shame,” Daphne said.
“That’s a Shane?” Shane asked.
“Shane, go home,” Greg said.
“Well,” Nalyd said. “There is this group of kids I occasionally associate myself with.”
“He thinks we’re epic,” Sunshine whispered to Daphne.
“That’s Sunshine,” Nalyd said. “If you value your life you’ll avoid her at all costs.” Daphne giggled. “I’m serious. Then there’s Tdifan, she’s really boring. Owe is the fat one eating the hostess fruit pie.”
“I’m not fat,” Owe replied, “I’m fluffy.”
“Stephen’s just cruel,” Nalyd said. Stephen grabbed Nalyd’s head and gave him a noogie, and then ran away. “And Matt likes skateboarding or something.”
“I love skateboarding,” Daphne said. “The thrill of the ride. The adrenalin. The rush of knowing that one false move and you’ll have a scraped knee!” Daphne laughed. “I’m a bit of an adrenalin junkie, myself.”
“Then you’ll hate Nalyd,” Sunshine said. “He’s more square than Spongebob Squarepants!”
“Spongebob is a rectangle,” Nalyd said. “Your argument is irrelevant.”
“Say, Nalyd,” Daphne said. “Where is your buddy Matt?”
“He’s out today,” Nalyd said, “which explains why it’s so quiet.”
“Does he have a telephone number?” Daphne asked.
“Yeah,” Nalyd said. “It’s 555-5557.” Daphne wrote it down.
“Thanks, Nalyd,” she said. “I can’t wait to meet Matt!”
“Great,” Nalyd sulked.
The next day, Nalyd returned to school. He and Sunshine walked down the hallway together. “So how are you and Daphne?” Sunshine asked inquisitively.
“I haven’t talked to her since I gave her Matt’s phone number,” Nalyd said. “Is that a bad sign?”
“Yeah, Nalyd,” Sunshine said. “Come on! It’s so obvious even I could see it! Without my glasses! And wearing a blindfold. While scuba diving!”
“What’s so obvious about it?” Nalyd asked.
“Daphne likes Matt,” Sunshine rolled her eyes. “Do I have to spell it out for you? Please say no, I can’t spell very well. Maybe Tdifan can do that for you.”
Nalyd walked into the classroom. He saw Daphne and Matt coloring together. “Seems harmless enough,” Nalyd said. “They’re just coloring.”
“Don’t you know anything about romance?” Sunshine asked Nalyd sarcastically. “If two people color together that means they like each other!”
“Okay, first of all, no it doesn’t,” Nalyd rolled his eyes. “Second, is that why you slapped me when I wanted to fill in that coloring book with you?”
“Yeah,” Sunshine said. “You know I’m dating Duncan telepathically! It’s a long distance relationship but we’re making it work.”
“I’m going to walk away now,” Nalyd said. He sat down with Matt and Daphne. “Ello, all.”
“Ello,” Daphne said. “I met your friend Matt.”
“Well isn’t that nice,” Nalyd said. “What are you two drawing?”
“I’m drawing me and Matt on a romantic date,” Daphne said.
“I drew bacon,” Matt said.
“A romantic picnic?” Nalyd asked nervously. “Why would you draw that?”
“Matt and I are going out now,” Daphne said. “He’s so extreme, it’s like dating a really crazy person. We’re going to the skate park this weekend for an official date.”
“You should go to,” Matt said to Nalyd. “But you’re gonna have to find a date or you’ll be like a third wheel, and neither of us will want to be near you.”
“I see,” Nalyd said. “If you’ll excuse me, I have something in my eye.” Nalyd ran out of the room.
Sunshine found Nalyd outside the room with his head in his arms. “You okay, Renny?” Sunshine asked softly.
“No,” Nalyd said. He looked up at her with a wide frown on his face.
“I thought you were crying,” Sunshine said.
“No, I had something in my eye so I came out here to get it out,” Nalyd explained. “How could Matt ask out the girl I like?”
“I knew you liked her!” Sunshine said.
“Who’s side are you on anyway?” Nalyd asked angrily.
“Team DuncanXCourtney, but that’s beside the point,” Sunshine said. “You gotta go to that skate park and show that you’re more extreme than Matt!”
“How?” Nalyd asked.
Sunshine handed him a rocket. “Attach that to the back of your skateboard and go down the half pipe.”
“I don’t have a skateboard,” Nalyd said.
“Do I have to do everything?” Sunshine asked. She handed Nalyd a skateboard.
The following Saturday, Nalyd met Daphne and Matt at the skateboard. “Ello, Nalyd,” Matt said in a bad British accent. “What say we skateboard then grab a spot o’ tea, ol’ chap?”
“Sounds delightful, guvnor,” Nalyd said.
“What did he say?” Matt whispered to Daphne.
“He said yes,” Daphne replied.
The three kids walked over to the small half pipe. Matt climbed to the top and rode his skateboard down. “Woo!” he shouted as he sped down the ten foot tall half pipe.
“Go Matt!” Daphne cheered.
“Hm,” Nalyd said to himself. “All I have to do is get to a bigger half pipe, then I’ll have Daphne’s attention all to myself, and I’m talking out loud again…” Nalyd ran to the big half pipe, one-hundred feet tall. He took the escalator to the top. Once he reached the top of the half pipe, Nalyd attached the rocket to the back of his skateboard. “Are you ready for this?!” Nalyd shouted.
“Renny!” Matt shouted. “You’re going to die!”
“Nalyd, what are you doing?” Daphne shouted. “You’ll never make it!”
“I’m doing this for you Daphne!” Nalyd shouted. He jumped onto his skateboard, and turned the rocket on. He shot across the half pipe, crashing through the other side. “Ouch!”
The next day, Matt visited Nalyd at the hospital. Nalyd was lying in his bed. He had broken his left arm, right hand, right leg, and both his big toes. “Hey Nalyd,” Matt said. “Feeling better?”
“No, not really,” Nalyd said.
“Listen, man,” Matt said. “I didn’t know you liked Daphne too! I’m really sorry, dude.”
“Its okay, Matt,” Nalyd smiled. “Thank you for apologizing. Hey, where is Daphne?”
“She had to go back to England,” Matt said. “Her mom found a job there as an impersonator of the Queen of England. She isn’t very good at it, but it makes her happy.”
“So I broke my left arm, my right hand, my right leg, and both my right toes for a girl who lives an ocean away?!” Nalyd asked angrily.
“Pretty much,” Matt said. “Dude, let’s never fight again.”
“How about let’s never fight over a girl?” Nalyd offered.
“Deal,” Matt said. He fist-bumped Nalyd. “That was the broken hand wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” Nalyd winced. “But it’s okay, because we’re friends again. Or at least as much friends as we were before.”
Little did Matt and Nalyd know, they’d fight over girls many, many times, each misadventure more hilarious than the last.
~End of Chapter 22
Chapter 23: Matt vs. England
This chapter was written by: Nalyd Renrut
The following is a troubling true story. Maybe. Probably not. Enjoy! (But seriously, anything that really happened that was like this story is a complete coincidence.)
Matt ran into Mr. Baffi’s classroom with a wide smile on his face. “Guys! Guys! Guys!” he shouted excitedly. “Guess what?”
“You’re moving away,” Nalyd guessed.
“You got taller,” Sunshine guessed.
“You won a trip to England and you’re taking all of us,” Tdifan guessed.
“Correct!” Matt said, high-fiving Tdifan.
“Wait,” Stephen said, “How did you win a trip to England?”
“I correctly guessed how many jelly beans the queen could hold her mouth at one time!” Matt announced.
“How many was that?” Owe asked, imagining eating jelly beans.
“Zero,” Matt said. “Everyone knows royalty doesn’t eat jelly beans!”
“Oh, that makes sense,” Tdifan nodded.
“Of course!” Nalyd said.
“I only got six tickets though,” Matt said, “So only me and my five closest friends can go.” Matt handed tickets to Sunshine, Stephen, Tdifan, and Owe. “Sorry, Nalyd.”
“What?” Nalyd gasped. “Who do you like more than me?!”
“Pig,” Matt said. “Besides, I doubt you’d enjoy England.”
“Dude, I was born in England!” Nalyd shouted.
“I was born in a hospital, doesn’t mean I like vacationing there,” Matt reasoned.
“Besides, how great can England be if you came here?” Tdifan asked.
“So let me get this straight,” Nalyd said. “You’re bringing a dead pig who reeks of moldy bacon to England, instead of me.”
“You’re a quick learner, Renny,” Matt said. “We’ll get you some scones while we’re there.”
“So what are we doing in England?” Sunshine asked.
“We’re going to be audience members in…” Matt said, “WHEEL! OF! SCONES!”
“WHEEL! OF! SCONES!?” Nalyd asked. “That’s my favorite show!”
“We’ll get you a season one DVD too,” Matt offered.
“Mr. Tollin,” Mr. Baffi said, waddling towards the group. “You mother is on the phone.”
“Hi mom!” Matt said excitedly, snatching the phone from the old man. “What? I can’t bring Pig to England? Only humans? Okay, fine. I love you too, bye.” Matt hung up the phone. “Well, Pig isn’t coming.” Nalyd smiled excitedly. “Hey, Sprink, you wanna come?”
“Sure,” Sprinkelmist said, not entirely sure what he was being offered. Matt handed him Pig’s ticket.
“When do we leave?” Owe asked.
“Right now!” Matt said. Matt, Sunshine, Owe, Tdifan, Stephen, and Sprinklemist ran out the door.
“They left me,” Nalyd said sadly.
“Want some pudding?” Mr. Baffi offered.
The six kids ran onto their plane, and were soon over the Pacific Ocean. “Wrong way!” Sunshine shrieked to the pilot. The plane turned around.
“Excuse me,” one of the flight attendants said to Owe. “Sir, I’m afraid that you’re rolling over into the seat next to you, and you’ll need to purchase another one.”
“What?” Owe asked. “I’m fine in the seat I’m in now.”
“Sir, if you don’t buy another seat, you’ll have to get off the plane,” the flight attendant said. “If you can’t properly fit in one seat, you need to buy another, or get off the plane and walk to your destination.”
“Fine,” Owe said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll buy another seat.”
“I’m sorry sir,” the flight attendant said. “There are no more seats available on this plane.”
“Ugh, forget this,” Owe said angrily. He waddled off the plane angrily. Nalyd ran into the plane and sat in Owe’s seat.
“Victory is mine!” Nalyd shouted. The other passengers looked at him awkwardly.
The plane landed in England hours later.
“Wow, England,” Tdifan said happily. “I didn’t expect it to be this rainy.”
“It’s England,” Nalyd said, “When it isn’t raining, it’s hailing.”
Matt, Sunshine, Nalyd, Tdifan, Stephen, and Sprinklemist walked off the plane. They left the airport, taking a taxi to their hotel. They got into the elevator, where Sunshine pressed each button. “It seemed cooler on TV,” she said sadly. Each time the door opened, Stephen would either punch Nalyd’s arm, give Matt a noogie, or pinch Sprinklemist’s arm. The kids each got their own rooms, and ran into them.
The next day, the kids sat in the audience section for WHEEL! OF! SCONES!. “I can’t believe we’re really here,” Nalyd beamed. “I feel like a fat kid in a candy store.”
Back in America, Owe was sitting in a candy store eating free samples. “This isn’t as fun as you’d think,” he sighed.
Back in England, an elderly woman surrounded by security guards walked into the studio. She sat directly in front of Matt, and her guards stood around her, completely blocking Matt’s view.
“Who’s the old lady?” Matt asked.
“It’s the Queen of England,” Nalyd explained. “She’s a regular viewer of WHEEL! OF! SCONES!.”
“I can’t see,” Matt said. “Excuse me, Queen of England, please get out of the way.”
“I say,” the Queen said. “Who said that?”
“I did,” Matt said. “I’m Matt Tollin. I’ve come to this land from America.”
“And what do you want, Matt Tollin of America?” the Queen asked.
“I want you to move,” Matt said. “I won tickets so me and my friends and Sprinklemist could come to England to see WHEEL! OF! SCONES!.”
“Let me make sure I’m hearing you right,” the Queen said. “You want me, the Queen of England, to move for you, a seven year old from America.”
“You learn quick for an old lady,” Matt smiled. The guards and the Queen gasped. The audience members went silent.
“You have insulted the Queen!” one of the guards exclaimed. The kids were quickly handcuffed, and marched out of the studio.
“I’ll sue you all!” Nalyd shouted angrily.
The kids found themselves in the Great Britain Federal Prison. “I can’t believe I got arrested again,” Sunshine sighed. Sprinklemist quickly moved away from her.
“I know my rights!” Tdifan shouted. “I demand one phone call!” One of the guards handed the phone to Tdifan, and she dialed.
“Hello,” the person on the other end said. “Nine one one. What is the start of your emergency?”
“We’ve been captured by the British!” Tdifan exclaimed.
“We know,” the person said. “We’re the British police. When you dial nine one one in England, you get us.”
Tdifan hung up the phone and angrily said, “The British police. Always one step ahead!”
“Let me handle this,” Stephen said. He took the phone and dialed. “Hey bro,” Stephen said. “It’s me. I need some advice on how to break out of jail.”
“Is that Duncan?!” Sunshine shrieked. She ripped the phone out of Stephen’s hand and screamed inaudibly into it. “Hello? Hello? He hung up on me!” Stephen face-palmed.
“Guys, I’ve got this,” Nalyd said. “I’ve helped my mom get out of jail dozens of times. A few too many times for a seven year old.” Nalyd took the phone and dialed. “Hello Mr. Vice-President,” Nalyd said. “It’s me, Nalyd Sherbert Renrut. I need a favor. The British government has captured me and my friends- some kids I know.” Nalyd paused. “Exactly, we need you to send somebody over to hep free us.” Nalyd paused again. “No. Don’t send him. Or her. Joe, he died five years ago.” Nalyd paused again. “Just get somebody and hurry. I don’t know how much longer we’ll last.” Nalyd hung up.
“Guys, I can’t help but think this is all my fault,” Matt said.
“Now why would it be your fault?” Stephen asked. “Oh, wait. Maybe because you got us thrown in jail!”
“I’m sorry guys,” Matt said. “I just wanted to bring my friends and Sprinklemist on an awesome vacation. I’m sorry guys.”
“Don’t worry Matt,” Sunshine said. “At least we’ve all got each other.”
“I should have stayed in America,” Nalyd sighed.
“You’re being too negative,” Sunshine said. “I know a great way to pass the time!” Sunshine inhaled deeply, and then sang, “Ninety-nine pictures of Duncan on my wall! Ninety-nine pictures of Duncan! Put another one up! One hundred pictures of Duncan on my wall!”
In the castle, the Queen of England was on the phone. “Hello, Mr. President,” the Queen said. “As you know, we have captured six American children. We will release them when an apology is issued.”
“We have sent a representative to England to negotiate freeing the kids,” the President of the United States of America said.
“Very well,” the Queen said. “They have twenty-four hours to arrive.”
“Actually,” the President said, “They should be there in three… two… one…”
The door to the Queen’s office burst open. A person walked in and pointed their finger in the Queen’s face. “Release the children!” they shouted.
“Not until the offender apologizes,” the Queen said calmly.
“Really?” the representative asked. “That’s it?”
The Queen and the representative soon arrived to the jail the kids were in. “Mom?!” Nalyd screamed. “What are you doing here?”
“America sent me here to beg for you freedom,” Nanny Renrut said. “Matt, you need to apologize to the Queen.”
“I’m sorry,” Matt said.
“Like you mean it,” the Queen said.
“Never!” Nanny Renrut shouted. She grabbed a bucket and put it on the Queen’s head, leaving her unable to see. “Run, kids!” The kids and Nanny Renrut ran out of the jail.
“After them!” the Queen shouted. Dozens of guards charged after the kids and Nalyd’s mom.
Thr group had escaped the jail, and were running down a street. “Where are we going?” Matt asked.
“There’s a boat going to America,” Nanny Renrut explained. “We need to get to it!”
“Are we there yet?” Sunshine asked as the group continued to run.
“Does it look like we’re there yet?” Nalyd asked sarcastically.
“We’re there!” Nanny Renrut exclaimed. The group saw the boat.
“All aboard!” some guy of no particular importance shouted. He stood by the boat, collecting tickets from passengers.
“Hurry, kids!” Nanny Renrut shouted. The group charged towards the boat, running down the dock.
Sprinklemist tripped, and fell to the ground. “Go on without me!” he cried.
“What does it look like we’re doing?” Stephen shouted.
“No man gets left behind,” Matt said. He turned back and helped Sprinklemist up. The two caught up with the group and continued running.
“We’re not gonna make it!” Nanny Renrut shouted.
“Mom, we’re all ready on the boat,” Nalyd said.
“We made it!” Nanny Renrut said excitedly.
“Of course you made it ma’am,” the unimportant guy said. “We’ll be leaving in ten minutes.”
“I see them!” a guard shouted. He and the others started to run towards the boat.
“We have to go now!” Matt shouted. He ran into the control room and started the boat. The boat took off, splashing the guards.
“M’lady,” one of the guards said to the Queen, “We have failed.”
“We will have our revenge,” the Queen said. “We know where he keeps Pig…”
Later that day, the group arrived back in America. “Mrs. Nalyd’s Mom, sir,” Matt said as they departed from the boat. “I don’t remember so many jungles being in America…”
“Kids, let this be a lesson to you,” Nanny Renrut sighed. “When traveling half way across the world, make sure the map didn’t say South America…”
~End of Chapter 23
Chapter 24: Step-Brothers
This chapter was written by: Nalyd Renrut
It was a cool day in the middle of March. School had been cancelled because Mr. Baffi got stuck in the front entrance, and nobody could get him out. Nalyd sat in his room, playing on his Wii, when his mother called him. “Nalyd, dear, come downstairs!” she shouted. “I have a surprise for you!”
Nalyd ran down the stairs. “What’s the surprise?”
Matt jumped out from behind the couch. “Surprise!” Matt shouted. “Hug me brothah!” Matt ran over and hugged Nalyd tightly.
“Mom, what’s going on?” Nalyd asked.
Matt’s dad walked in through the front door. “Okay, the moving van is here,” he said, then kissed Nalyd’s mom on the cheek.
“What’s going on?” Nalyd asked, very scared.
“Matt’s father and I got married, dear,” Nalyd’s mom said.
Matt’s father said, “You two are step-brothers now.”
“Surprise, dude,” Matt said.
“I didn’t know Matt’s parents split up,” Nalyd said.
“We got divorced last week,” Matt’s dad explained.
“Let me get this straight,” Nalyd said. “You two got married after dating for a week?!”
Matt’s dad laughed and said, “Please, we were dating for like two days. We knew we were meant to be together.”
“Nalyd, you and Matt will be roommates,” Nalyd’s mother said. “Go show him your room.”
“But, Mom!” Nalyd protested.
“Don’t make me count to three, young man,” Nalyd’s mother threatened. “One. Two. Seven. Cucumber. Polka-dots.”
“You better hurry,” Matt’s dad said. “She’s almost to three!”
Nalyd reluctantly led Matt up the stairs. When the two got to the room, Nalyd made a line across the floor with duct tape. “This is my side,” Nalyd said, pointing to the side with his bed. “This is your side,” he pointed to the other side. “We stay off of each others’ sides, understood?”
“Cool, I have the side with the door,” Matt said.
“No!” Nalyd exclaimed, annoyed. “We’re switching sides.”
“Cool, I get the side with the bed,” Matt said.
“Argh!” Nalyd shouted in frustration. “Okay, I get the bed, but I’m allowed to go on your side to go out the door.”
“Sounds good,” Matt said. “You know, I’m glad we’re brothers.”
“Step-brothers,” Nalyd quickly corrected him. “We aren’t brothers. Don’t plan on it either.” Nalyd put some newspapers on the floor. “You can sleep there.” Nalyd lied down in his bed.
Matt sighed and sat on the newspaper. “Good night, Nalyd,” Matt said. Nalyd didn’t respond.
Sunshine sat outside the Renrut-Tollin house, alone. “Something’s missing,” she said to herself. “Hey, where’s Matt?”
“I’m up here!” Matt shouted.
“Matt!” Sunshine screamed. She climbed up the wall of the house, and jumped into Nalyd’s room. “Oh my gosh, you got into Nalyd’s house!”
“We’re bro- step-brothers,” Matt corrected himself.
“I wanna be step-brothers!” Sunshine said excitedly. “We can be the three brothers!”
Nalyd jumped out of his bed and said, annoyed, “I’m going to take a shower.” He walked out of the room and Sunshine screamed, “I like your footy pajamas!” She turned to Matt and said, “Why the long face?”
“Nalyd doesn’t want to be brothers,” Matt said sadly.
“Whaaaaaat?” Sunshine asked. “That’s like saying Nalyd doesn’t like Courtney! Or saying that Nalyd doesn’t like me! Or saying that Nalyd wears footy pajamas.” Sunshine began laughing again.
“He won’t even let me keep Pig in our room,” Matt sighed.
“That fiend!” Sunshine said. “Okay, I have a plan.” She paused for five minutes. “Push Nalyd out the window, and then save him!”
“That’s perfect! Sunshine, have I ever told you that you’re a genius?” Matt smiled.
“When he comes back,” Sunshine explained, “You and I leave, he’ll come in and get dressed, and then you push him out the window. He’ll hold onto the window sill long enough for you to get outside to catch him.”
Nalyd returned to his room, wearing a very epic bathrobe. Sunshine jumped out the window, did a somersault in the air, and landed on her feet.
“Ten points!” Nanny Renrut shouted, she was sitting on the front porch.
Matt left the room. Nalyd got dressed, wearing his hoodie and blue jeans. Matt ran back in, and pushed Nalyd out of the window. Nalyd was unable to catch the window sill, and fell onto the front lawn.
“Zero points!” Nanny Renrut shouted.
Nalyd, Matt, and Sunshine still rode the bus to school together. “Are you mad at me for pushing you out the window, Nalyd?”
“Now why would I be mad?” Nalyd asked angrily, still pulling branches from his hair.
“I fell out a window once,” Sunshine said. “It built character.”
“Is that what we’re calling it?” Nalyd rolled his eyes.
The bus arrived at school. “Nalyd,” Matt said, “I really am sorry.”
“Just leave me alone!” Nalyd exclaimed. He ran from Matt, bumping into a big kid, at least ten years old. The boy Nalyd bumped into and his friends circled Nalyd.
“You bumped into me?” the boy asked.
“Y-y-y-y-yes…” Nalyd stammered. The boy lifted Nalyd by his hoodie collar. Nalyd was carried away, and tied to the tetherball pole.
“Matt!” Sunshine exclaimed. “They’re gonna kill Nalyd! We have to help him!”
“I don’t want to,” Matt said.
“Don’t worry, man,” Stephen said. “I’m filming the whole thing for YouTube.”
“You’re the only one who can help him,” Sunshine said to Matt.
“I’ll save him!” Mr. Baffi cried. “As soon as they get me out of the door.”
The bullies were pouring sand over Nalyd. Stephen filmed the event, narrating, “Watch as the bullies bury their prey in ten feet of sand.”
“You can do it Matt,” Sunshine said. “You’re his only hope!”
“And what could I do?” Matt asked.
“I don’t know,” Sunshine shrugged. “But you have to help him. It’s what brothers do.”
Matt nodded. “You’re right.”
“Really?” Sunshine asked. “Dude, they’re gonna destroy you.”
“Nalyd and I are brothers, I have to do what I have to do,” Matt said. He walked up to the bullies; his face bared a steely determination. “Hey, jerks.” The bullies turned and looked at Matt in confusion. “Leave my brother alone.”
“No,” the bullies’ leader said. The others picked Matt up, tied him to the tetherball pole, and continued pouring sand on the two. Once they had sand up to their necks, the bullies walked away.
“This is gonna get a million hits,” Stephen laughed, putting his camera back in his backpack.
“Matt, that was a really stupid thing to do,” Nalyd said quietly.
“It’s what brothers do,” Matt said.
“I’m sorry I was a jerk, man,” Nalyd said. “You’re the best brother a guy could ask for. Except maybe Brad Paisley. He’d be such a cool brother… But, you’re cool too.”
“Thanks, Nalyd,” Matt said. The two paused. “So, how are we getting out of this?”
~End of Chapter 24
Chapter 25: A Day in the Life of Owe
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Sunshineandravioli
On Saturday morning, Owe, as usual, woke up at 7:30 AM to the wonderful smell of pancakes being cooked. Following the scent, Owe ran out of his room and downstairs to the kitchen. There, Owe’s dad, a large man with sandy-blonde hair, glasses and a mustache, was cooking pancakes, as he did every Saturday. His mom, a somewhat plump woman with short brown hair, sat at the table with the newspaper and some pancakes. Grandpa Omar also sat at the table, poking his pancakes repeatedly with a spoon.
“Good afternoon, Samantha!” Grandpa Omar greeted Owe as he came in.
“I’m Owe, Grandpa Omar,” Owe reminded him, “and it’s morning.” Owe sat down next to his mother and whispered to her, “what’s Grandpa doing here?”
“I don’t know,” his mom whispered back. “He was sitting on the front steps this morning, and the neighbors were starting to stare, so I had to let him in…”
“Where am I?” Grandpa Omar suddenly asked, looking blankly around the room. Owe’s mom sighed and shook her head. Owe glanced at the calendar and beamed when he saw what day it was.
“Today’s the day the latest issue of the Speedy the Porcupine comic comes out!” He cheered. “I’ve got to go buy it!”
“Eat some breakfast, first,” Owe’s dad reminded him, handing him a plate of fresh, hot pancakes. After managing to coax Grandpa Omar into giving him the maple syrup, which he was using to draw a happy face on the tablecloth, Owe scarfed down the pancakes and rushed up to his room, grabbing the allowance money he always saved carefully for the latest issues of Speedy the Porcupine. Waving goodbye to his parents, who were currently getting Grandpa Omar to stop trying to saw the couch in half with a spork, Owe dashed out the door with his allowance money, at least as much as a boy Owe’s size could “dash”.
The weather was perfect for a Saturday, the sun beaming down on the earth and barely a cloud in the endless blue sky. Owe silently appreciated it as he walked to the comic store, seeing it as living poetry (which Owe, being a fairly smart boy, read a decent amount of). He passed by Sunshine’s ravioli “house”, which was just down the street from his. Sunshine sat in front of it at a small table, with a makeshift tent behind her that appeared to be made from a tablecloth and tree branches. A scribbled crayon sign taped to the front read “MEET THE EVIL TWIN- 25¢”.
“HI, OWE!” Sunshine screamed when she saw him walking by. “Wanna meet my evil twin? Only twenty-five cents!”
“I can’t right now, Sunshine,” Owe explained, “I’ve got to go to the comic store to get the latest issue of Speedy the Porcupine. It came out today.”
“I know!” Sunshine replied. “Why do you think I’m doing this? I need money to buy the comic!” A shout came from inside the “tent”, and Sunshine turned and shouted, “Quiet, sis! I’ll let you out when I get three dollars for the comic book!” Before Sunshine could tackle him and steal his comic money, Owe continued on.
“Sunshine never changes,” he chuckled to himself as he walked. He and Sunshine had met for the first time in day care several years before, when she had scribbled in crayon all over the room, and subsequently pinned the blame on Owe when she got caught. Later on, however, she made up for it by letting him have her ravioli at lunchtime, and the two had been friends ever since. Though, honestly, Sunshine still pinned the blame on Owe for a lot of the things she did. Like just last week, where she buried Mr. Baffi’s “secret” pudding stash as pirate treasure and forgot where she buried it, claiming Owe was supposed to draw the map so she’d remember.
Owe continued on, pausing only to admire a nest of baby birds and pat one of his neighbor’s dogs, the unfortunately named Lucy, who was a boy. As he passed one of the houses, he noticed Matt in the backyard, who had set up an epic x-treme motocross racetrack (obviously not caring that it wasn’t even his yard). Noticing his overweight friend watching him, he grinned and pedaled towards Owe on his tricked-out tricycle. Pig sat in the bike’s sidecar, clad in cool sunglasses.
“Hey, it’s Owe!” Matt chirped, with Pig squealing in response. “Ello, Owe! Wanna watch me try this awesome new stunt?”
“I can’t right now, Matt,” Owe apologized. “I’ve got to get to the comic store. The latest Speedy the Porcupine just came out!”
“Wait- that’s out TODAY?” Matt gasped. He jumped off his bike and ran off for a moment, returning a few seconds later with a sign that read “WATCH KID DAREDEVIL PERFORM MAD STUNTS- 25¢”. “I’ve got to get some money for the comic! We’ll chat later, Owe! Bye!” With that, he and Pig pedaled off towards the track, and Owe kept walking.
Owe had met Matt a few years ago at a music shop, he remembered. They had both been searching for the latest Gorillaz album, and were both told they couldn’t buy it because they weren’t old enough. Instead, the two went out for ice cream, and became friends. Actually, Owe noticed, he’d made most of his friends over food…
Owe walked by the park, where flowers were in bloom and people appreciating the beautiful day walked through the grass. Over at some picnic tables, Owe saw Tdifan, her nose buried in a book, oblivious to the rest of the world around her. In the brief second she was turning the page, she noticed Owe, and waved to him.
“Hi, Owe!” She chirped when he walked over to greet her. “Have you ever read this series? It’s amazing. I can’t put it down! I’ve been reading it for, like, three days! What are you doing, anyways?”
“I’m heading to the comic store,” Owe explained. “The latest issue of Speedy the Porcupine just came out.”
“Are you serious?” Tdifan gasped, her eyes widening. “It’s Saturday already?! I’ve got to get home and ask my mom for an advance on my allowance!!!” Not bothering to bid Owe farewell, she marked her place in the book and leaped off the picnic bench, tearing out of the park. Though he knew she couldn’t see him, Owe waved goodbye to her just to be polite before continuing on his walk.
Though he hadn’t met her until the beginning of first grade, Owe already considered Tdifan one of his closest friends. Once one got past her part bookish, part random, and part rabid exterior, it was obvious that Tdifan was a friendly, cheerful, and intelligent soul. She had been happy to attend poetry conventions and book signings with Owe when the rest of their group was out causing chaos, and the two often traded back-issues of Speedy the Porcupine to complete their respective collections.
As he continued walking through the park, Owe eventually reached the skate park, where he had nearly been killed several times over his young life. He caught sight of Stephen, riding his skateboard down the half-pipe, and waved. Stephen smirked and skated over to the chubby boy.
“Hey, loser,” Stephen greeted in his usual cocky tone. “You got some time to epically fail at skateboarding, again?”
“I’m afraid not,” Owe replied, shaking his head. “I’m headed to the comic store to get the latest issue of Speedy the Porcupine.”
Stephen’s expression suddenly changed from cheerful and cocky to utterly shocked. “That came out TODAY?!” he shouted incredulously. “Well, you’re not getting it before me!” With that, he took off on his skateboard, determined to be the first to get the new issue.
Owe shook his head and continued walking. Stephen had been like that since the day Owe first met him- hardcore and determined to be better than his peers. He’d met the boy in kindergarten, where Stephen had approached him threateningly and demanded his lunch money. Owe, of course, had stunned him by asking, “And what are your motivations for threatening me in particular, rather than some other individual?”, then fled while Stephen was trying to figure out what he had just said. The next day, Stephen had offered him a partnership of sorts, claiming they would be unstoppable with his brawn and Owe’s brains. The two had been a pair ever since, though that didn’t mean either one of them particularly liked it all the time.
Soon enough, Owe was out of the park and walking down the familiar street that he knew led to the local comic shop, which also happened to be the street Nalyd lived on. As he began to stroll by, he saw Nalyd outside, grumbling to himself as he attempted to patch up a huge hole that had been burned in the side of his house. Owe approached his friend and waved.
“Oh, hey, Owe,” Nalyd greeted as he saw the large first-grader, barely looking up from his work. “Sorry, I can’t talk much right now. Sunshine set my house on fire and my mom’s making me fix it. Again.” He paused to grumble to himself about the ‘idiot pixie’, and then turned back to Owe. “So, what are you up to?”
“I’m going to the comic store,” Owe explained. “The latest Speedy the Porcupine comic just came out.”
“You actually read that stupid comic?” Nalyd commented, raising an eyebrow. Owe discreetly rolled his eyes; Nalyd was the only one of Owe’s group of friends who didn’t read the comic series.
“NALYD SHERBERT RENRUT!!!” A voice screamed from inside Nalyd’s house, making both the boys cringe. “LESS TALK AND MORE WORK!!!”
“Yes, Mom,” Nalyd replied sheepishly, glaring in his mother’s general direction. “You better go,” he hissed to Owe, who nodded in agreement and hastily headed off towards the comic shop.
Nalyd and Owe, though they had only met at the beginning of first grade, retained a rather friendly relationship more often than not. Owe respected Nalyd as a rather smart individual in spite of his obvious disdain for anyone less sane than he was, and he cherished Owe as one of the only people he more or less tolerated in his group of friends. He was always there for Nalyd to lend a friendly ear or some good advice, and Nalyd… well, actually, he wasn’t there for him all that often. Like the time Nalyd and the others had left him at the theme park… or let him get stuck in the school’s air vents with a stink bomb going off in the building… or just last week when he’d gotten superglued to the table in the art room, and was forgotten there for the rest of the day.
Finally, like an oasis in the middle of the desert, Owe could see the roof of the comic shop appear on the horizon. A grin spreading across his face, he charged towards the shop as quickly as his little, chubby body could. At last, his beloved Speedy the Porcupine comic book was within reach; just a few more feet between him and the door and then…
…Sunshine burst out of the shop and nearly knocked Owe backwards. “Owe, I got the comic!!!” She squealed, not bothering to apologize for almost running him over… again. “My evil twin gave me the money so I’d let her out of the tent!”
“That’s nice, Sunshine,” Owe congratulated, trying and failing to maneuver himself around her to get in the comic store.
“I know! I’m so lucky!” Sunshine chirped, hugging the comic to her chest with pride. “The guy said this was the last one they had in stock, too!”
Owe’s eye twitched slightly.
“Well, gotta go, I’ve got a busy day ahead!” Sunshine explained, skipping around Owe and back down the street. “I have to bug Renny, make sure Matt didn’t blow up his house while doing epic stunts again, set up my evil twin tent again just ‘cause I can…” her prattling faded out as she traveled further and further away from Owe, not that he was really listening anyways.
His expression blank, Owe stared at the comic shop, the three dollars he held in his hand that was intended to purchase the latest Speedy the Porcupine issue, and back.
Oh well, he thought with a sigh. Maybe I can trade with Tdifan again…
~End of Chapter 25
Chapter 26: Weirdest Birthday Ever
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Nalyd Renrut
Nalyd woke up at the usual time. “Good morning, Matt,” Nalyd said as he sat up. Nalyd turned and saw Matt was gone. “That’s weird,” Nalyd said. “But, it is Matt.” Nalyd laughed to himself. “Why is nobody around for my jokes?” Nalyd got dressed in his trademark hoodie and blue jeans. He walked out of his bedroom, and down the hallway. He was tackled to the ground before reaching the stairs. Nalyd opened his eyes to see Sunshine pinning him to the ground.
“Don’t go down there!” she shouted. “It’s a trap!”
Nalyd said, “Sunshine, what are you talking about?”
“Well,” Sunshine said, helping Nalyd get back to his feet. “I decided to mix it up today and come into your house instead of waiting outside cause its cold outside and you wouldn’t want my toes to freeze off would you?” Nalyd stared at Sunshine as she continued. “Anyway, I came into your house and all these people were in your living room and when I walked in they all jumped out from behind the couch and screamed so I screamed and ran up here and tackled you. But that wasn’t supposed to be a tackle, when I saw you it was gonna be a tackle hug but I was running so fast I couldn’t use my arms.” Sunshine hugged Nalyd, and let go.
“Sunshine,” Nalyd said after a moment of silence. “What did they shout at you?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” Sunshine said. She thought for a moment then said, “I think it was ‘Surprise!’ but I don’t know.”
“Like a surprise party?” Nalyd gasped. Sunshine nodded. “Awesome!” Nalyd ran down the stairs. “The birthday boy is in the house!” Nalyd saw his mother, Matt, Matt’s dad, Owe, Stephen, Tdifan, Sprinklemist, and Sprinklemist’s mom crammed onto his couch.
“Oh, hey Renny,” Matt said calmly.
Sunshine walked down the stairs. “Isn’t there something you all wanna say to me?” Nalyd smiled.
“No,” Stephen said. “We were going to shout ‘Surprise’ but Sunshine told you already, so we don’t have anything to do but eat cake.”
“But-but-but,” Nalyd stammered.
Sunshine put her arm around Nalyd’s shoulders and said, “Let it go, champ.”
After a moment of awkward silence, Nalyd’s mother said, “Who wants cake?”
“Is there sugar in it?” Sprinklemist’s mother asked nervously. “My Sprinky can’t have sugar.” She whispered, “It makes him hyper.”
Stephen broke out laughing. “Moooom,” Sprinklemist whined. “You’re embarrassing me!”
“Are you talking back to me?” Sprinklemist’s mom said.
“No ma’am,” Sprink sighed.
Once everyone had their cake (and ate it too) Nalyd’s mother said, “Alright, time to open presents! Then the clown should be here when we’re done.”
“You hired a clown?” Matt asked nervously.
Owe approached Nalyd and handed him a paper bag. Nalyd opened it, “A half-eaten O’burger and an empty container of large fries from O’Laughlin’s burgers… Thanks Owe.”
Stephen stepped forward and punched Nalyd in the arm seven times, then pinched him and said, “Seven birthday punches and a pinch to grow an inch. Happy birthday, Renrut.”
Sprinklemist handed Nalyd a piece of paper. Nalyd flipped it over and it was a drawing. “It’s you and me wearing salmon suits,” Sprink smiled. “Do you love it?”
“Er… charming,” Nalyd half-smiled.
Matt handed Nalyd a dead mouse and said, “Now you can have your own Pig!”
“You still have that thing?” Nalyd asked. “Nobody’s heard from him in, like, forever.”
Tdifan gave Nalyd a Cody doll, but immediately took it back. “I can’t part with him, sorry, but,” she reached into her pocket, “I have some chewed bubble gum.” She handed it to Nalyd. Stephen grabbed it from Nalyd’s hand and stuck it to Nalyd’s hair. Stephen and Tdifan laughed and took their seats.
Sunshine gave Nalyd a photo album of pictures her and him. “Wow, Sunshine, this is really nice,” Nalyd smiled. He turned to the second page, and realized the rest of the book was pictures of Duncan.
Sunshine hugged Nalyd. “Happy birthday, Renny!” The other kids joined Nalyd in a group hug.
“Nalyd, your father sent this,” Nalyd’s mother said. She handed Nalyd a small rocket and a ten gallon container of gasoline. “Use it wisely,” she said menacingly.
“Um, okay,” Nalyd said, putting the rocket aside.
“Okay, now that you opened all the cruddy gifts, time to open the good one,” Nalyd’s mother said. She handed Nalyd a large box wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper.
Nalyd gasped. “I think I know that this is!” He tore open the paper. “A toy monster truck! EEE!” Nalyd opened the box, and carried the toy monster truck outside to the driveway with help from Stephen, Matt, and Matt’s dad. He jumped into the car and turned it on as his party guests watched. “Whee!” he squealed as he turned the monster truck on and rode it down the driveway. “I feel like a real monster truck driver!”
“It’s a trap!” Sunshine screamed and jumped in front of the truck. Nalyd slammed on his brakes, but it was too late; the car bumped into Sunshine, she fell to the ground, and she rolled into a pile of leaves.
“You ran over Sunshine,” Matt said. “You monster!”
“She jumped out in front of me, you all saw that,” Nalyd said worriedly, pointing at Sunshine.
“I’m okay,” Sunshine stood up. “My big toe hurts a little, but I’m okay.”
“This girl needs to go the E.R. immediately!” Sprinklemist’s mother shouted. “Come on, Sprink, let’s leave this awful place!” Sprinklemist’s mother dragged Sprinklemist away from the party and into her mini-van, and drove away.
“I can’t take her to the hospital,” Nanny Renrut said. “I don’t have a license anymore!”
“But you drove us all to school yesterday,” Tdifan said. Nanny Renrut ignored her.
“I can’t drive her either,” Matt’s dad said. “I have a nap to take!” He ran inside.
“Nalyd, you have to take her,” Tdifan said. “You’re the one with the monster truck.”
“This thing travels a mile an hour,” Matt said, reading the box. “It can’t be done!”
“Attach the rocket to the monster truck,” Stephen said. “It’s just logic that you’ll reach the hospital.”
“You sure, Stephen?” Nalyd asked.
“There’s no time to be sure!” Stephen exclaimed. “She’s in critical condition!”
“Guys, I’m okay,” Sunshine said.
Owe and Stephen picked Sunshine up carefully, and placed her in the car. Nalyd got into the driver’s seat, as Matt and Tdifan hooked up the rocket. Nalyd drove to the end of the driveway and pointed the car at the hospital. “What are the odds my house is on the same street as the hospital, just twenty miles away?” Nalyd laughed. Tdifan ignited the rocket.
“Buckle up!” Stephen smiled. The rocket, monster truck, and Sunshine and Nalyd blasted off into the distance.
“I think I swallowed a bug!” Nalyd shouted.
“I think you did too!” Sunshine shouted.
Back at the party, Matt, Owe, Stephen, and Tdifan were wondering what to do. “This is lame, I’m outta here!” Stephen said annoyed. He turned to walk away, but he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Stephen, wait,” Owe said. Stephen calmed down; listening to what his friend had to say. Owe said, “You can’t go… I need you….” Stephen smiled, and his eyes filled with water. “…To give me a ride home.” Owe burped. Stephen scowled.
Meanwhile, Sunshine was checked into the hospital. She was in her hospital bed, wearing a white hospital gown. She was drawing Duncan faces on the gown. “His sarcastic smirk will make me feel better,” she sighed. “It’s just a medical fact.” Nalyd was sitting in the chair at the foot of her bed.
“Feeling better?” he asked.
“Why don’t you guys understand that my toe just hurts a little?” Sunshine rolled her eyes. “Really, it’s like I stubbed my toe.”
A doctor walked into the room. “Hello,” the doctor said. He was wearing a white lab coat, and brown pants. The lab coat was unbuttoned, revealing his chiseled chest. “My name is Doctor McDreamy.” He flexed. “Unfortunately, we’re going to have to operate.”
“Oh no!” Nalyd shouted. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Well,” Dr. McDreamy said, “It would appear that your medical bill is only twenty-five bucks, and surgery will raise it by about fifty thousand, and that money can by me a sweet car.” He flexed. “We’re going to have to sedate her. That’s gonna leave her a little loopy afterward, so you’ll have to stay here and take care of her until she can leave.”
“It’s so reassuring you used the correct medical term ‘loopy,’” Nalyd said sarcastically.
One pointless surgery later, Sunshine was back in her hospital room, asleep. Nalyd was sitting in the chair next to her bed. He picked up the remote, and turned on the TV. Sunshine’s eyes opened. “Nalyd,” she said weakly. “What’s going on?”
“You’re back in your room,” Nalyd said calmly. “It’s going to be okay. Just relax and watch TV.”
“I feel kinda funny,” Sunshine said.
“They sedated you,” Nalyd said. “You’ll be a little out of it. We can watch Jeopardy.”
Sunshine turned to the screen and got a wide smile on her face. “I love this show!” she screeched!
“Whoa!” Nalyd said, covering his ears. “You don’t need to shout! Have you ever seen this show?”
“Pssh, yeaaaaaaaah,” Sunshine smiled. “I watch Total Dramady all the time…”
“This is Jeopardy,” Nalyd corrected her.
Sunshine gasped and shouted, “It’s the daily double!” She kicked her feet in the air and laughed.
Meanwhile, at the birthday party, a clown entered the backyard. He had rainbow colored pants on, and an unbuttoned yellow shirt that revealed his chiseled chest. “My name is Bozo McDreamy,” the clown said. He flexed. Tdifan fainted. Bozo McDreamy looked at Owe. “Have you ever considered eating something other than cake?”
“The thought has never occurred to me,” Owe shrugged, and took a large bite of cake.
“Would you kids like to see me make a small intestine out of balloons?” Bozo McDreamy asked.
“No,” the kids said in unison.
“Tough crowd,” Bozo McDreamy. He flexed nervously.
Back at the hospital, Sunshine was still watching Jeopardy. “Hey Nalyd,” Sunshine said. “Did you ever notice that your name backwards is Dylan? Freaky right?”
Nalyd thought, and said, “I never thought about that. Wow, that’s kind of scary… Think that was intentional?” Sunshine was staring at the screen.
“Tyrone, you down to negative sixteen thousand dollars,” the host said.
“Come on, Tyrone, get it together!” Sunshine shouted.
“Let’s watch something else,” Nalyd said. He changed the channel. “See? Deal or No Deal. That’s a good show.”
“No deal!” Sunshine laughed.
“Sunshine, he just picked a case, he doesn’t say-”
“No. Deal.” Sunshine glared at Nalyd.
Dr. McDreamy walked in. He had a big black bag with him, hauled over his back. He dropped the bag next to him. “Hello,” Dr. McDreamy said. “How’s the patient doing?”
“Super-duper-duper-duper-duper-doo!” Sunshine smiled.
“She’s been counting her fingers during commercial breaks,” Nalyd said. “So far she’s up to twenty-seven.”
“Well, I’ve got good news and bad news,” Dr. McDreamy said. “The good news is, you’re free to go. The bad news is, you were never sedated. You’re just crazy.”
“Okay, let’s go,” Nalyd said. He grabbed Sunshine’s arm and led her out of the room.
“Now that I think about it, she should probably stay for testing,” Dr. McDreamy said.
Nalyd walked back into the room and said, “Hey, you’ve got a little something… right here…” He pointed to his nose and walked out of the room. Dr. McDreamy felt his nose, and removed the red rubber nose from it. His eyes shifted evilly.
Nalyd and Sunshine returned to Nalyd’s house a few hours later. They found Nalyd’s mom, Matt’s dad, and Matt sitting on the front porch. “Where is everyone?” Nalyd asked.
“Left,” Matt said.
“Where are my presents?” Nalyd asked.
“Bozo McDreamy took them,” Nalyd’s mother sighed. “He sure was dreamy.”
“Your husband is sitting right here,” Matt’s dad said.
“Trust me, I know, I can smell you from here,” Nalyd’s mother rolled her eyes.
“Dad, take a shower,” Matt said. Matt’s dad walked inside.
“Are you okay, Sunshine?” Nalyd’s mother asked. “You’re not going to sue us, are you? Or just sue Nalyd?”
“Yes, no, and maybe,” Sunshine said. “Sorry that hitting me with your toy monster truck ruined your birthday.”
“Are you kidding?” Nalyd smiled. “I go to spend the day with my friends.” He put his arms around Matt and Sunshine’s shoulders.
“Um, I wasn’t there, dude,” Matt said.
“Besides,” Nalyd said. “It isn’t my real birthday. My birthday was three months ago.”
“Told ya,” Matt smirked. Sunshine reached into her pocket and handed Matt five dollars. The kids and Nalyd’s mother laughed.
“Did you guys know Nalyd’s name backwards is Dylan?” Sunshine said. Nalyd’s mother looked around suspiciously.
~End of Chapter 26
Chapter 27: Dr. Fail
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Nalyd Renrut
It seemed like a normal day in Mr. Baffi’s second grade class. Mr. Baffi was eating pudding, Stephen had taken everyone’s lunch money, Nonny was disinfecting some stuff, Kenny was blowing something up, Sprinklemist was being ignored, Owe was eating, Matt was annoying Nalyd, Nalyd was being annoyed by Matt, Shane was doing whatever it is that Shane does, Spenny was admiring Gigi from afar, Gigi was feeling like she was being watched, Chimmy was playing with a balloon, Tdifan was playing on a calculator, Greg was making sarcastic comments about everyone and everything, and Zak was thinking about pirates, and Sunshine wasn’t satisfied with any of this. Everyone was doing what they usually do, but they didn’t seem happy. Everyone was in a rut, and it was all up to one person to help everyone else; Sunshine Pasti!
“I will help everyone, or my name isn’t Matt Tollin!” Sunshine declared.
“That’s my name,” Matt corrected her.
“My mistake.” Sunshine walked up to Sprinklemist. “Hey, Sprink,” she smiled. “What’s up?”
“Hi Sunshine,” Sprinklemist said. “You ever feel like nobody is listening to you?”
“Huh?” Sunshine said. “Sorry, I thought I saw a fly. Anyway, what’s wrong?” Sprinklemist ran away. “Okay, now to help some one who isn’t a lost cause,” Sunshine shrugged. She walked up to Spenny. “Hey Spenny, how’s it going?”
“It all started earlier this year,” Spenny said. “You might not know this, but I kinda like Gigi.”
“We all knew that,” Greg said, walking by. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Gigi knew.”
Spenny gasped. “You don’t think she knows do you?!”
“Probably,” Sunshine said. “Why not ask her out?”
“What if she doesn’t like me back?” Spenny said sadly.
“Trust me, she likes you,” Sunshine said. “She told me.”
“Really?” Spenny smiled widely.
“No,” Sunshine admitted. “But I’m sure she does. I can sense it.”
“Okay, I’ll do it,” Spenny smiled. He approached Gigi. “Hey Gigi.”
“Hey Spenny,” Gigi smiled. Spenny passed out. Spenny woke up three hours later with Sunshine standing next to him.
“Did I ask her out?” Spenny asked.
“No, you fainted,” Sunshine said. “But she didn’t say no, and that’s what counts.”
“You’re right!” Spenny jumped to his feet. “Thanks for the great advice, Sunshine.”
Sunshine walked up to Nonny. “What’s up, Nonny?” she asked.
“I saw a speck of dirt,” Nonny whispered. He wiped the chair next to him with a handkerchief. After several minutes of carefully cleaning, Nonny said, “Okay, should be safe.” He sat in the chair.
“You need help, my friend,” Sunshine said. She put her hand on Nonny’s shoulder. “You don’t need to be afraid of germs. They’re everywhere. Even on my hand.”
Nonny turned his head and looked down at his shoulder that Sunshine was holding. He proceeded to scream. “Get it off! Get it off!”
“Its okay, Nonny,” Sunshine said reassuringly. “Just take a deep breath.” Nonny took several quick, short breaths. “Now close your eyes.” Nonny closed his eyes and felt something cold touch his face.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“A worm I found,” Sunshine said. Nonny stood still. He didn’t scream. He didn’t disinfect his face (which he did once, and resulted in several hours at the nurse’s office). “You are cured.”
Nonny smiled. “Now what?” he asked.
“Now I go to continue spreading my message of hope,” Sunshine said. “Carry on, citizen. Super Advice Girl away!” Sunshine ran across the classroom and jumped out the window. She landed on the lawn two feet below.
“There’s something wrong with that girl,” Mr. Baffi said, taking a bite of pudding.
“Shouldn’t you be getting her?” Greg asked.
“Shouldn’t you be in detention?” Mr. Baffi replied.
Sunshine was brought back to the classroom several hours later by the mailman, who found her hiding in a mailbox. The class stared at Sunshine. “Wazzup?!” she exclaimed.
“Did you really fix Nonny?” Owe asked.
Sunshine thought for a moment. “Was he the one who liked Gigi or the germy kid?” she asked.
“The germy kid,” Tdifan answered. “Spenny likes Gigi.”
“Yeah, tell everyone, thanks,” Spenny said sarcastically.
“Dude, everyone knew,” Greg said.
“Well yes, I helped Nonny, why?” Sunshine asked.
“Can you give the rest of us advice?” Matt asked.
“Sure thing!” Sunshine said. “Matthew, step into my office.” Sunshine led Matt to her desk. “Go ahead, Matt, I’m listening.”
“I keep hearing voices coming from over there,” Matt said, pointing to the PA system. “Every morning!”
“Hm,” Sunshine said, pondering. She crossed her legs on her desk. “Have you considered talking back?”
Matt gasped. “No! I didn’t think of that!”
The PA system buzzed. “Mr. Baffi, can you send Sprinklemist down to the office? He’s being dismissed.”
“He’s not here!” Matt shouted.
“I’m right here,” Sprinklemist sighed. Matt walked away from Sunshine with a smile on his face, and Sprinklemist approached Sunshine. “Sunshine, how do I get people to notice me?” Sunshine was drawing on her desk. “Sunshine?” Sunshine continued drawing. “Sunshine, I need advice!” Sunshine continued drawing. “Aw!” Sprinklemist stormed off.
Nalyd stood next to Sunshine. “Sunshine, I need some advice,” he said. Sunshine looked up.
“Ah, Nalyd, I was expecting you. Take a seat,” she said, a serious look on her face. Nalyd looked for a seat, but ended up sitting on the floor.
“I heard you helped Spenny with his girl problems,” Nalyd said. “So I figured you could help me. See, I like this girl. Let’s call her…”
“Let’s call her Sunshine!” Sunshine said happily. “And let’s call you Duncan.”
“Er, how about we don’t,” Nalyd smiled awkwardly.
“Well, if a guy liked me,” Sunshine said, “I want to be the only thing in his life. He should be obsessed with me.”
“Really?” Nalyd asked confusedly. “Won’t she think I’m a stalker?”
“No, she’ll think it’s sweet!” Sunshine explained. “By the way, who do you like?” Nalyd whispered a name into Sunshine’s name. Sunshine stood on her desk. “Hey guys!” she shouted. “You won’t believe who Nalyd likes!”
“Sunshine! Don’t tell them!” Nalyd said, tugging her arm.
“Oooooh, I get it,” Sunshine said. “Anyway, just make her the only thing in your life and she’ll like you back. That’s what I did with Duncan and he loves me.”
“Duncan’s dating Courtney,” Nalyd said.
“No he isn’t,” Stephen said. “Didn’t you see the new episode of Total Drama World Tour?”
“No, what happened?” Nalyd asked.
“Duncan kissed Gwen,” Stephen explained. “How did you not watch that episode?”
“I’ll watch it online later, dude,” Nalyd said.
“It’s not the same, man, it’s just not the same,” Stephen said, walking away.
Gigi walked up to Sunshine. “Gigi, old buddy, old pal,” Sunshine smiled. “Have a seat, tell me what’s up with you.”
“I don’t know,” Gigi said nervously. “I think this may have been a mistake. Sorry for wasting your time.”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,” Sunshine said. She repeated “no” for five minutes. “The first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem!”
“Okay,” Gigi said. “Well, I think this guy likes me.”
“It’s Spenny isn’t it?” Sunshine asked.
Gigi nodded. “How did you know?”
“Everyone knew!” Greg shouted.
“So what’s the problem?” Sunshine asked.
“I don’t think I like him back,” Gigi said sadly. “I don’t wanna hurt him.”
“This is a very fragile situation,” Sunshine said. “Give me a moment. I need to have some serious thought.” The bell rang. Sunshine grabbed her backpack and ran out the door.
The next day, Sunshine walked into the classroom. Everyone was sitting in their seats, silently staring at her. “Wazzup?!” Sunshine asked when she walked in.
“This is an intervention,” the children said in unison.
“You need to stop giving the kids advice,” Mr. Baffi said. “Because of you, Nonny is sick and covered in dirt, Matt has been talking to the PA, Nalyd got arrested, Gigi is filing a restraining order against Spenny, and Sprinklemist is doing crazy stunts to be recognized!”
Meanwhile at Sea World, Sprinklemist was riding a whale through a ring of fire while juggling baby jackalopes and whistling the theme song to Total Drama.
“I didn’t realize my advice was causing so many problems,” Sunshine said sadly. “I just wanted to help.” She took her seat, and Mr. Baffi began the class.
During lunch, Sunshine ate her peanut butter sandwich, cut in the shape of Duncan’s head, by herself. Nonny walked up to her. “Sorry about this morning, Sunshine,” he said.
“Thanks,” Sunshine said. “Sorry you’re allergic to worms.”
“It’s fine,” Nonny said. “Doctor says I’ll be able to eat solid food by Christmas.” Nonny paused. “Sunshine, I came to thank you. One, because I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’ve never looked better! Two, because of this.” He sat in the chair next to Sunshine.
“You didn’t wipe the chair for ten minutes,” Sunshine gasped.
“I haven’t had my handkerchief since you cured me,” Nonny said. “I’ve still got my bottles of disinfectants and soaps in my backpack, but you kinda helped me.”
Sunshine smiled. “If I could help you, who knows what I could do?” Sunshine asked. “I could save kittens from burning trees! I could fix dysfunctional families! I could build homes for the homeless!” Sunshine jumped onto the table. “I must go save the world!” She ran out of the cafeteria. And once again, the day was saved, thanks to Sunshine Pasti.
~End of Chapter 27
Chapter 28: This! Is! Elementary!
This Chapter Brought To You By: DJ Spenstar
Stephen anxiously fiddled with his pencil, at his desk during class. Mr. Baffi was giving a lecture about the importance of math in life.
"Come on," he groaned, "Why can't something exciting happen for once?"
"True dat," muttered Zak, sitting next to Stephen, wearing a pirate eye strap. "Can't we go outside and play pirate instead?" Stephen banged his head against his desk.
"It's not that bad," whispered Spenny to Stephen, "Just make believe the numbers are not numbers, but something you're interested in. I like to believe they're astronauts!"
"Thanks," whispered Stephen back. As Mr. Baffi drew the numbers 1, 2, and 3 on the blackboard, Stephen pictured them in camouflage uniforms, carrying BB guns.
"And so if we subtract one from three," droned Mr. Baffi. Stephen pictured the number 1 gunning down the number 3 with pebbles until it was a wounded number 2.
"I think I may actually like math," Stephen smirked. Meanwhile, Shane was listening to Mr. Baffi's lecture. He pictured the numbers as adorable little puppies, horse-playing.
"So," said Mr. Baffi, "If I had three puddings and someone took one of them, what does it mean?" Greg raised his hand. "Yes, Greg?"
Greg stood up. "It means that you need to chase the pudding thief down and teach him a lesson!"
"Very true, but, wrong. Nonny, can you give us the correct answer?"
Greg sat down, and Nonny stood up and said, "It means your precious pudding is covered with germs!!"
"No. Miss Pasti, do you have an answer?" Nonny sat down and Sunshine stood up.
She said, "It means the thief has the right idea. You sir, need to cut down on your pudding!"
"How dare you tell me what to do with my pudding!" yelled Mr. Baffi, "Detention! I'll see you after class." Sunshine gulped and sat back down. Stephen performed a facepalm.
The lunch bell rang, and before Mr. Baffi could look back from the chalkboard, the kids were dashing off like bolts of lightning. That is, except for Nalyd, who was taking his precious time getting his lunch box and walking off.
Mr. Baffi inquired, "Nalyd, why are you being so slow today?"
"If I avoid the crowd," he explained, "The idiots won't drag me to their table." And with that, Nalyd left.
Spenny, Stephen, Shane, and Sprinklemist took their seats at a small lunch table with their trays of cafeteria food. Sprink picked at his with his fork.
"Whose idea was it to buy lunch today?" he asked.
"His!" Stephen and Shane pointed at each other, both laughing nervously. Spenny sighed and facepalmed.
"I bet you could use this like silly putty," said Sprink.
"That's a great idea!" exclaimed Spenny, as he took the glop and placed it on the table. He began shaping it into something, just like his three friends were doing. A few minutes later, Spenny revealed an incredibly detailed and awesome sculpture of a bearded guy kicking the air.
"What is that?" asked Stephen.
Spenny smirked. "Chuck Norris!"
"Chuck Norris? Where?" Tdifan ran to the table and reached out to the sculpture. But when she saw it, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she passed out on the floor.
"Please excuse my friend," said Chimmy, dragging the unconscious Tdifan back to her table.
"Beat that!" Spenny taunted to Sprinklemist.
"I'd like to see this," whispered Stephen to Spenny, "What's he going to make, a Tofu Man?"
"Check it out! I made Tofu Man!" Sprink revealed his very generic humanoid sculpture.
"Gimme that!" Spenny took the sculpture and reworked it until it looked like Nalyd. "This is Nalyd," he explained. He had his other sculpture roundhouse kick the Nalyd sculpture in the face and said, "And that is Nalyd getting Norris'd!"
"Dude," said Shane, "The Nalyd head came off. Is that supposed to happen?" Spenny nodded.
Sprink taunted, "Okay, let's see you two do any better!" Stephen and Shane glared at each other and started furiously sculpting while Spenny munched on his Nalyd sculpture.
"Check this out!" Stephen revealed his sculpture to be a soldier with a gun, aimed at Shane. Shane revealed his to be a yellow lab dog.
"Isn't mine precious?" asked Shane, in a baby voice.
Stephen said dryly, "No."
"It is pretty cute," admitted Spenny. Sprink smiled and nodded while shedding the single epic tear.
Stephen rebutted by saying, "Well, I got Chuck Norris!" he took Spenny's sculpture of Chuck Norris and placed it in front of his own sculpture.
"Chuck Norris isn't that great." Collective gasps were heard throughout the room. Sprinklemist fainted.
"How dare you insult the awesomeness of Chuck Norris!" yelled Stephen, "This... this is war!"
"This! Is! Sparta!" yelled Matt.
"Shut up," said an obviously annoyed Nalyd.
"You'll regret the day you insulted Chuck Norris," dramatically whispered Stephen.
"Fine," taunted Shane, "But when you're covered in boo-boos and crying like the baby you are, don't come crying to me!" Just then, the bell rang, and the group left the cafeteria.
"Meet me at my place after school," said Stephen as they were heading back home.
"You got it," said Spenny.
When the final school bell rang, Spenny bolted out the door and ran as fast as his seven-year-old legs could carry him. As he was running, he ran past a park bench that Gigi happened to be sitting on.
"Hey Spenny," she said cheerfully. Spenny stopped in his tracks and glared at her.
"Hello," he said coldly.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
Spenny shook his head. "No, I'm not okay."
"What's the matter?"
"You tell me, Miss Restraining Order," he sneered.
"Hold on a second," said a worried Gigi, "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb with me," said a very serious Spenny, "The pudding freak said it himself!"
"You mean Mr. Baffi?"
"That's what I said, the pudding freak."
Gigi sighed, "That's a load of nonsense," she assured him, "Do you know who he heard it from?"
"He says Sunshine told him."
Gigi uttered to herself, "That's the last time I go to Sunshine for advice." To Spenny she said, "There's no restraining order, it was all a big misunderstanding."
"Okay," said a now happy Spenny, "Thanks!"
"Anytime, glad I could clear things up," said Gigi.
"I'll see you later," he said, "I gotta go meet up with Stephen."
"Bye Spenny," she said happily. He ran off, and she sighed and started scribbling in her red notebook.
Spenny arrived at Stephen's house and rang the doorbell. Stephen opened the door wearing a camouflage helmet, a camouflage jacket, and carrying two marshmallow guns and another helmet and jacket.
"Put these on," he said, "Shane's going to regret he ever insulted Chuck Norris!"
"Yeah!" exclaimed an excited Spenny.
Meanwhile, Shane knocked on the door of possibly the only person who could help him. Tdifan opened the door and smiled at her buddy.
"Wazzup?" she asked cheerfully.
"I need your help," said Shane, "Can you help me take down Stephen?"
"You came to the right girl," said Tdifan, "Come inside, we'll get ready."
Stephen and Spenny were sneaking through some bushes in the neighborhood, Spenny following Stephen's lead, when a marshmallow hit Spenny in the back of the head.
"We've been hit!" he declared. The two turned around and saw Shane and Tdifan smirking down at them.
"Open fire!" declared Stephen. The two got up, and suddenly all four started shooting marshmallows at each other.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" cried Shane as he got pelted with flying marshmallows.
"Wimp," muttered Stephen as he continued to open fire at Shane. One well-aimed marshmallow was able to clog up Shane's marshmallow gun.
"Aw nuts," said a disappointed Shane.
"What's this about, anyway?" asked Tdifan.
"Shane insulted the name of Chuck Norris!" explained Stephen. Tdifan gasped.
"That's just wrong," she said, and started firing at Shane. The three advanced forward, and Shane backed up until Tdifan, Stephen, and Spenny backed him into a tree.
"I surrender!" wailed Shane.
"Good," Tdifan smirked.
The moral of the story: Never diss Chuck Norris. OR ELSE!
~End of Chapter 28
Chapter 29: Homeless Hoodie
This Chapter Brought to you by: DJ Spenstar
"Yeah!" shouted Stephen happily as he rode his pint-sized skateboard as far away from school as possible. "Spring break! No hoodies, no nerds, no crazy pixies, just me, chubby buddy, and Spenford having the time of our lives!" He smiled happily, but that smile quickly died when he looked ahead and saw a group of squirrels on the road, playing poker. "Look out!" he shouted, but not in time, for the skateboard ran into the six squirrels, sending them flying and ruining their poker game.
Stephen stopped his skateboard. "Why didn't you guys move?!" he asked angrily.
"Hey!" shouted the leading squirrel, "Why didn't YOU move? You have harmed us, and now, you shall pay!" a flash of lightning struck behind the leading squirrel.
"I must be seeing things," sighed Stephen as he rode his board home. "I really need to get more sleep."
"Operation regret, master?" asked one of the leading squirrel's henchmen.
"Yes of course," the leading squirrel said in a sinister voice. They scurried away.
"I really gotta stop hanging out with Sunshine so much," said Stephen to himself, when his skateboard started skidding out of nowhere, and crashed right into Nalyd and Matt's house. Just like that, the whole thing collapsed.
"Woah!" yelled Matt as he fell from his bedroom to the first floor. Nalyd let out a scream that made Sunshine's look masculine.
"What the tart was that?" asked Nalyd in total shock as he emerged from the rubble.
"Let's do it again!" cheered Matt as he poked his head out.
"Is everyone all right?" asked Nanny Renrut as she stepped out of the remains of the house.
"Yeah," said Nalyd.
"Oh bugger," she whispered under her breath. Stephen just backed away slowly and rode his board home.
"So now what do we do?" asked Matt, as his dad stepped out of the splintery remains of the house.
Nanny said, "Your father and I will stay at the adults-only hotel until the house is fixed. You two kids can have fun with your little friends."
"Oh no," said Nalyd in a state of shock, "Please, don't do this to us! Anything but that! If I have to spend another minute with Sunshine I'll explode!" Nanny Renrut and Mr. Tollin walked off.
"So we won't stay at Sunshine's," said Matt, "Big deal. How about..."
"Here!" exclaimed Nalyd. He dragged Matt by the arm to a sparkly-clean house and rang the doorbell. Nonny slowly opened the door, wiped the doorbell until it was clean, and whispered to Matt and Nalyd, "What do you two want?"
"We need a place to stay," explained Nalyd. He pointed to the wrecked house down the corner.
"Okay," Nonny shrugged, "Take off your shoes before entering." Nalyd and Matt took off their shoes and stepped inside. Matt's socks left a trail of mud when he stepped in.
"When was the last time you washed your socks?" asked Nonny.
"Um..." Matt thought for a moment. He pictured himself when he was 1, wearing the same worn-out socks he was wearing then.
"Six years, at the very least," said Matt. Nalyd's face turned green and he vomited on the once-clean floor.
"Get out!" shouted Nonny. Matt and Nalyd left, their heads hung down.
"What do we do now?" asked Matt.
"There's got to be somebody here who we can stay with," said Nalyd to himself.
"I have an idea," said Matt.
"I have an idea!" declared Nalyd. He dragged Matt to a green house covered in toilet paper and rang the doorbell. Sprinklemist answered the door and smiled.
"You guys here for a sleepover?" he asked.
"Dudes," Stephen whispered behind them. When Matt and Nalyd turned he made the slit motion with his finger, until he got hit by a wagon speeding downhill. The squirrels, hiding in a bush, snickered.
"Yeah," explained Nalyd, "We need a place to stay for a while."
"Come on in!" said Sprink. Nalyd and Matt entered.
"Darnit!" Stephen got up, brushed himself off, and walked off. As he passed a tree, the squirrels gnawed at a thick branch until it fell from the tree and hit Stephen in the head.
"Just... why?" he asked, in pain.
"How long is this movie?" asked Matt. He, Nalyd, and Sprink were in Sprink's room, watching Sprink's favorite movie.
"Let the paint take its time," said Sprink, "You can't rush perfection!"
Matt, thinking quickly, picked up a phone in the room. "Hello?" he said, "Hey dad. What's that? The house is fixed? We'll be there. Bye!" He put down the phone and winked at Nalyd.
Nalyd got up and said, "Thanks for everything, Sprinklemist. Bye!" He and Matt ran off.
"Come again!" shouted Sprink.
"Thanks," said Nalyd as he and Matt were wandering the streets, "That was a new level of boredom I don't want to see again."
"No problem," Matt smiled, "Now, I have an—"
"I have another idea!" declared Nalyd. He grabbed Matt's arm and ran to a pink house. Nalyd rang the doorbell. Chimmy opened the door, and instantly hugged Matt.
"Oh Matty, I knew you'd come!" squealed Chimmy.
"Don't I get a hug?" asked Nalyd. Chimmy stared blankly at Nalyd, and then blew him a raspberry.
"Please Nalyd, no," gasped Matt, "you gotta spare me!"
"Please?" Matt made a puppy dog face.
"All right, fine," sighed Nalyd, "Sorry Chimmy, we gotta go." He pried Matt from Chimmy's grasp and ran off. Chimmy burst into tears. Spenny walked over to Chimmy.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Why won't he like me?!" Chimmy wailed.
"I feel you, buddy," Spenny sighed.
Stephen threw a tennis ball at his wall, and caught it on the rebound. He threw it again, and the group of squirrels on Stephen's roof waved their hands. The tennis ball flew back after hitting the wall and hit Stephen in the face, knocking him down.
Nalyd and Matt resumed walking the streets. Matt asked, "Nalyd, will you listen to my ide—"
"I have another idea!" said Nalyd. He dragged Matt by the arm to a dark purple house and rang the doorbell. Gigi opened the door.
"Hey guys," she said happily, "What's up?"
"Matt and I need a place to stay until our house gets fixed," said Nalyd.
"Come on in!" said Gigi. Nalyd and Matt smiled and walked inside. Gigi closed the door behind them and sat on the couch. Matt sat down next to her and turned on the TV. He looked at Gigi and saw that she was writing in a diary. Matt scooted closer to Gigi and glimpsed at what she was doing. He could only see a heart before Gigi turned her book so he couldn't see.
"Hey, this is private!" she said, annoyed.
"Ooh, do you like somebody?" Matt asked.
"Why would you think that?" Gigi scratched the back of her head awkwardly.
"Is it Spenny?" Matt teased.
"No, shut up!" Gigi blushed.
Matt and Nalyd were thrust out of the house and landed on their butts. Gigi angrily slammed the door.
"Nice," said an annoyed Nalyd. The two got up and brushed themselves off, and continued wandering the streets.
"Okay Nalyd," said Matt, "Maybe you should actually listen to m--"
"I have another idea!" said Nalyd, dragging Matt to a blue wooden house. He rang the doorbell.
Shane opened the door and said, "Yes?"
"Can we stay with you for a cou--" before Nalyd could finish his sentence, Shane threw a pie in Nalyd's face.
"I like this guy!" exclaimed Matt happily.
"You were saying?" inquired Shane.
"Nevermind," said Nalyd. He wiped the pie off his face and walked off with Matt.
"Okay, I'm out of ideas," Nalyd sighed.
"Finally!" Matt chirped, "Follow me!" Matt ran off, with Nalyd following. They came across a large red brick house. Matt rang the doorbell. The door opened, and Matt smiled at the dude on the other end.
"Spenny, could you help us?" asked Matt, "We need a place to stay because our house is gone."
"You got it!" exclaimed Spenny, "Come on in! When you're ready, I'll show you where the guest room is."
"Thanks man, you're the best," said Matt.
"No problem," Spenny smiled, "The guest room is upstairs, down the hall, and to the right." Nalyd and Matt ran upstairs, and the doorbell rang again. Spenny opened the door and found a dirty, bruised Stephen with a black eye.
"I killed the squirrels," he said weakly.
"Good to see you," Spenny said. The two sat down on a nearby couch.
Nalyd snuck downstairs and overheard Stephen and Spenny's conversation.
Spenny sighed, "I don't know what to do anymore, buddy. I'm being as positive as I can, and yet, Greg's words still sting inside. It's like; I can help everybody, but myself."
"That's why we're here to help you," said Stephen reassuringly, "We're your friends."
"Yeah right. Greg, and thanks to him, everyone else, knows who I like. Nobody takes me seriously, except you."
"I'm here to help," said Stephen, "You're my buddy, and you always will be."
"That means a lot to me." Nalyd entered the room they were in.
"I'd like to help, too," he said, "Because that's what friends are for."
Spenny looked at Stephen, then at Nalyd, and smiled warmly. "You guys are the best," he said.
Just then, the phone rang. Spenny picked it up. "Hello?" he said. "Really? That's awesome! I'll tell them. Thanks, bye!" he put the phone down.
"That was your mom," he said, "tell Matt that your house is fixed." Matt ran downstairs almost as if on cue.
"That's great! Kay thanks bye!" he exclaimed. He dragged Nalyd by the arm out the door and down the street. Surprisingly, their house was there, good as new. As they approached the house, they saw Sunshine standing there, grinning evilly.
"Hey guys!" she said, waving to them, "My house burned down so I'm staying with you until it's fixed!"
Nalyd pried himself from Matt's grasp and hurriedly said, "You two have fun. I'm going to go see if Spenny'll still have me over." With that, Nalyd ran off as fast as he could.
~End of Chapter 29
Chapter 30: Behind the Lunatics
This Chapter Brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut
“And that’s how I became a senator of Kentucky for ten years,” Stephen said. He, Owe, Sunshine, Tdifan, Nalyd, Spenny, and Gigi were all sitting at their lunch table. Stephen had everyone at the table listening to his story.
“Aren’t you only seven?” Nalyd asked.
“Whatever, man,” Stephen rolled his eyes.
Matt ran up to the table. “Guys! Guys!” he said. “I have big news!”
“We’re not pulling Pig out of the garbage disposal again,” Tdifan shuddered.
“Don’t worry, I’m not allowed to play with the garbage disposal anymore,” Matt assured her. “The talent show is this Friday, and I’m starting a band to play in it! Who wants to join?”
“Me!” Nalyd said eagerly.
“Wow, you actually like one of my ideas?” Matt gasped.
“Yeah,” Nalyd said. “It’s surprisingly sane of you.”
“What instrument do you play?” Matt asked.
“I play guitar,” Nalyd said.
“Cool, you play guitar, and I’ll sing!” Matt said. “Anybody else?”
“I’m in,” Stephen said. “I play drums.”
“Can I join?” Owe asked.
“Do you play an instrument?” Matt asked.
“I can play the spoons,” Owe said. Everyone at the table and gasped.
“That’s… epic!” Matt said excitedly. “Okay, me, Nalyd, Stephen, and Owe will be a band. We’ll be called… Matt, and the Matties!”
“Meh,” Stephen, Nalyd, and Owe said in unison.
“What about The Scarabs?” Nalyd suggested.
“Meh,” Stephen, Matt, and Owe said in unison.
“Our band should be named Stephen and the Other Guys,” Stephen said. “It shows how I’m leader.”
“Meh,” Matt, Nalyd, and Owe said in unison.
Owe stared as Spenny ate his bologna sandwich. “Bologna sandwich…” Owe drooled.
“That’s perfect!” Matt, Stephen, and Nalyd said in union. “We’ll be The Bologna Sandwich!”
“I knew there was a reason we invited Spenny to eat with us,” Tdifan smiled. She turned to Spenny. “Alright, you can go now.”
“But I haven’t finished eating my lunch,” Spenny said, swallowing a bite of sandwich.
“Look, the lady said go,” Nalyd said. “Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way.”
“Wait, what?” Spenny said in surprise. “You guys said I could eat with you!”
“We are no longer in need of your services,” Tdifan said. Spenny looked at her in confusion, rolled his eyes, and walked away.
“Wait! Can I have your sandwich?” Owe called after him. Spenny threw his sandwich at Owe, landing in Owe’s mouth. “Thank you!”
Matt, Nalyd, Stephen, and Owe went to Matt and Nalyd’s garage for their first practice. “Everyone got their instruments?” Matt asked. Nalyd held his guitar, Stephen sat behind his drums, and Owe was eating some candy. He pulled a recorder out of his backpack and nodded to Matt. “Alright, I wrote a song last night.” He handed everyone sheet music. “Like it?”
“‘You spin me right round, baby, right round?’” Nalyd read.
“‘Like a dreidel, baby, right round, right round,’” Stephen read. “Dude, this song’s been done.”
“You’re kidding,” Matt gasped. “Well then, I’ve got nothing.”
“I’ve got it,” Owe said. “Let’s write a song about food.”
“I like it,” Nalyd said.
“Sounds awesome,” Matt smiled.
“You’re kidding, right?” Stephen frowned.
“Let’s sing about… about…” Matt said, thinking.
“Pancakes,” Owe suggested, drooling at the very thought. Matt and Nalyd agreed with the idea.
“Alright, let’s do this,” Matt said. “One, two, three, four!” Before the band could begin playing, Sunshine ran into the garage. She was wearing a shirt with the each band member’s face on it.
“I love you guys!” Sunshine screamed. Matt’s dad walked into the garage, picked Sunshine up, and carried her away. “Marry me!”
“One question,” Nalyd said. “What’s the tune of the song and what are the words?”
“Eye of the Tiger and I’ll come up with that on the spot,” Matt answered. The band began playing, and Matt began singing.
Doo. Do do do. Do do do. Do do dooooo.
Growing up, in a house on a street
I wake up, and I get dressed
Walk downstairs, now I’m ready to eat
Need some food, that’s gonna satisfy
So many times, I don’t eat breakfast
I just have lunch and have dinner
It’s not worth it, you can cook breakfast fast
Eat it all, or you’re going to die… (I mean be hungry…)
I would like to eat pancakes
Maple syrup sounds alright
Rising up and having a hearty meal
And the last one awake has to do the dishes
And a side of bacon would be niiiiiiiice
With my pancakes!
“That was epic!” Stephen said when Matt stopped singing.
“Stephen, there’s more, that was just a little pause,” Matt said. Owe and Nalyd continued playing their instruments.
“Uh, no, we’re done,” Stephen said, glaring at Matt.
Meanwhile, Spenny, Chimmy, Nonny, and Tdifan were all in Spenny’s garage. “Okay guys,” Spenny said. “We’re gonna start a band!”
“I can’t play any instruments,” Chimmy said. “And I have a cold.”
“Cold?” Nonny said, startled. Chimmy sneezed. “AAAAAAH!” Nonny screamed. He ran out of the garage.
“PWND!” Tdifan called after Nonny. She turned back to Spenny. “Why are we doing this?”
“Girls like guys in bands,” Spenny pointed out.
“Do boys like girls in bands?” Tdifan asked.
“No,” Spenny said. “But I wanna impress… Um… Look, something shiny!”
“Where?!” Tdifan turned around. She turned back. “You lied.”
“Is it Gigi?” Chimmy asked.
“Okay, does everyone know?” Spenny said, annoyed. “Anyway, girls like guys in bands.”
“I’ve never liked a guy in a band,” Tdifan said.
“Same here,” Chimmy said.
“Well then what do girls like?” Spenny asked.
“Froot Loops,” Tdifan smiled. She walked into Spenny’s house and returned with her hand deep in a box of Froot Loops.
“Well, guys have cooties,” Chimmy shuddered. “But if I did like a guy, he’d be sweet and be nice to me.”
“So I need to be the anti-Stephen,” Spenny deducted. “Got it. Anything else?”
“Grow your hair out and make it poofy,” Chimmy sighed. “That would be so cute.”
“Like Matt?” Spenny asked.
Chimmy blushed. “Er… No. Nevermind.”
The Bologna Sandwich walked into Matt and Nalyd’s living room. There, they saw Sunshine sitting in a cardboard box with a hole in the front. They also saw everyone from their class, including Mr. Baffi, sitting on the couch. They were all looking at Sunshine. “Good evening,” Sunshine said. “Welcome to Sunshine News. I’m your host, Sunshine.” The audience clapped. “Today’s top story; the Bologna Sandwich, a new really cute boy band has been all the class has been talking about since they formed. Every student has downloaded their hit songs ‘Pancakes,’ ‘Pokemon,’ and ‘Baffi.’”
“And I was like, Baffi, Baffi, Baffi, ooooh,” Mr. Baffi sang.
“The band will be performing live at the talent show this Friday,” Sunshine said. “I think some other kids are doing some other stuff too, this Friday in the auditorium.”
“Isn’t today Friday?” Tdifan wondered out loud.
Sunshine’s eyes opened wide. “This just in!” she said excitedly. “Tonight, live from the school auditorium, The Bologna Sandwich! EEE!”
That night at the talent show, the Bologna Sandwich was backstage, waiting to perform. “Everyone ready?” Matt asked.
“Yeah,” Nalyd said. “But do you think Lady Gaga is gonna mind us ripping off the tune from Poker Face?”
“Naaaah,” Matt smiled.
“Welcome to the talent show,” Mr. Baffi spoke into the microphone on the stage. “We’ve got a great act tonight, and then some not so good ones.” The parents clapped. “First up, Spenny has written a poem! This should be good.” He rolled his eyes as Spenny walked on the stage.
“This goes out to a very special girl,” Spenny said.
“Is it Gigi?” one of the parents shouted.
“Dad?” Spenny asked. He tried to see who it was.
“Thank you for that beautiful poem, Spenny,” Mr. Baffi said. “Let’s give him a big hand folks!” The audience clapped as Mr. Baffi dragged Spenny off the stage.
“Sorry you didn’t get to read your poem,” Gigi said to Spenny. She was waiting for him offstage. “I’d love to hear it.”
“Really?” Spenny smiled.
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s great,” Gigi smiled. Spenny read his poem. “I was wrong,” Gigi shuddered.
“Next up,” Mr. Baffi said. “Nonny will be explaining which sock is whiter.”
Nonny walked onto the stage. One of his hands had a glove on it, and there was a sock in each hand. “The reason I have this glove is so that I don’t touch the less white sock,” Nonny said. “Oh shoot, I just spoiled the ending.” Somebody in the audience coughed. “AAAAAH!” Nonny screamed. He ran off the stage.
“Well, wasn’t that special?” Mr. Baffi said. “Now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, The Bologna Sandwich!” The crowd erupted in applause as the band took the stage.
“I love you!” Sunshine screeched. She ran onto the stage, and was carried away by Mr. Baffi. The band began playing, and Matt sang.
I wanna catch ‘em like they do in all the games
Tackle, vine whip, Pokeball, must throw it with aim
In the end it’s down to luck and how you fought the fight
And after it’s been caught, Poochyena go use bite
I’ll get you hot, using my Charizard
I’ll get you hot, using my Charizard
Can’t beat my
Can’t beat my
No you can’t beat my Pokemon
(I can win it with my Sandshrew)
Can’t beat my
Can’t beat my
No you can’t beat my Pokemon
(I can win it up against you)
“Stop the music!” The band stopped and looked to see who was shouting. A man in a suit carrying a brief case walked onto the stage. “Bologna Sandwich, my name is Mr. Goldstein, I’m an attorney for Miss Lady Gaga. If you continue to write songs, she’ll sue you.”
“What if we parody other people?” Matt asked.
“Kid, don’t mess with the Gaga,” Mr. Goldstein said. Two large, muscular men walked in and took the instruments away, and followed Mr. Goldstein out of the auditorium. The band walked offstage, crushed, as Mr. Baffi presented the next act.
Chimmy hugged Matt tightly and said, “Matty, that was so cool!”
“Who are you?” Matt asked. Chimmy let go of him, smiled widely, and ran away.
“And there you have it,” Sunshine said. She was back in Nalyd’s living room, sitting in the box. “The rise and fall of The Bologna Sandwich, a boy band that captured our hearts, and will always be remembered as the most memorable boy band to play at out school. For Sunshine News, this is Sunshine Pasti signing off.”
“Remember when we had that band?” Matt asked Nalyd, Stephen, and Owe as the three walked away from the school.
“No,” the three said in unison.
“Yeah, me neither,” Matt shrugged.
~End of Chapter 30
Chapter 31: The Elementary School Olympics
This Chapter Brought to you by: Nalyd Renrut It was hot June morning in Mr. Baffi’s second grade class. Everyone was in a t-shirt and shorts (except Nalyd who had to wear jeans and a hoodie so he wouldn’t get tan). “It’s so hot,” Matt complained.
“I haven’t sweat this much since I tried going up those stairs,” Owe panted.
“You mean the two steps in front of your house?” Stephen asked. Owe wheezed and nodded. “Dude, we’re building you a ramp.”
“Good morning, students,” Mr. Baffi said as the kids in his class took their seats.
“What’s so good about it?” Greg asked.
“Today is special! Today we will be holding sign-ups for the Elementary School Olympics!” Mr. Baffi answered.
“What’s that, Mr. B.?” Matt asked.
“Every year, each class makes a team to compete in several sports events,” Mr. Baffi explained.
“Why didn’t we do this last year with Ms. McLean?” Tdifan asked.
Mr. Baffi said, “She really didn’t like you guys.” Mr. Baffi shrugged. He held up a clipboard and read from it. “Anyway, the events include swimming, hurdles, javelin toss, cheerleading, and badminton!”
“I wanna do swimming,” Owe said. “You get to eat a lot.” Mr. Baffi wrote Owe’s name next to swimming on the clipboard.
“I’ve got javelin,” Stephen volunteered.
“Ooh! I wanna do hurdles!” Nalyd said excitedly.
“Badminton sounds cool,” Matt said.
“Alright,” Mr. Baffi said. “And we need four cheerleaders. Luckily, we have four girls, so they’ll be our cheerleaders.”
“I thought we had five girls,” Sunshine said.
“I’m not a girl!” Nalyd shouted.
“When are the Elementary School Olympics?” Tdifan asked.
“This afternoon,” Mr. Baffi said. He handed everybody a white t-shirt with a picture of his face on the front, and “Team Baffi” written in black. The back of the shirt read “Sponsored by the Pudding Company! Mmm, Pudding!”
“So do we have any time to train?” Stephen asked.
“What do we get if we win?” Nalyd asked.
“Do I have to wear a speedo like the real Olympics?” Owe asked.
“No, bragging rights, and for everyone’s sake, please don’t,” Mr. Baffi answered.
“Mr. Baffi, why are we doing this?” Sunshine asked.
“Wow, you kids have a lot of questions today,” Mr. Baffi said. “Why don’t you ask these many questions when we’re learning?” The kids shrugged. “Anyway, I want to defeat my arch nemesis Mr. Filbert, the other second grade teacher.” The class gasped.
“That class is so weird,” Tdifan said.
“Yeah, there’s a little blond girl who thinks she’s a fairy!” Sunshine said. “Have you ever heard anything that crazy?”
“You do realize you think you’re a pixie, right?” Nalyd asked.
“I know I’m a pixie, Renny,” Sunshine said. “Come on, we need to be serious here.”
“Their cool guy has a pet donkey,” Matt shuddered. “It’s not right, dudes.”
“And their foreign kid is Australian,” Nalyd said.
“Dude, you’re not from England,” Stephen said. “You have the most American-ish accent I’ve ever heard!”
“And their teacher is fit and young and has a goatee,” Mr. Baffi said, stroking his mustache. “We must crush Filbert! Down with Filbert! Down with Filbert!”
“Down with Filbert! Down with Filbert!” the class chanted.
That afternoon, the kids of both second grade classes were at the school’s field. Mr. Baffi led his class. “Hello, Baffi,” said a man already on the field. He was fit, young, and had a goatee.
“Filbert,” Mr. Baffi grumbled.
“Ready to lose to my class, again?” Mr. Filbert taunted.
“It’s rigged!” Mr. Baffi accused. “Your class is full of ten year old kids who get held back!”
“Are you honestly telling me that he’s seven?” Mr. Filbert asked. He pointed to the elderly man standing next to Mr. Baffi. The old man wheezed heavily.
“Who are you?” Mr. Baffi asked.
“Grandpa!” Owe shouted excitedly. He hugged the old man tightly. “Grandpa Omar!”
“Get it off!” Grandpa Omar shouted. “I think it’s gonna eat me!”
“Grandpa, it’s me, Owe,” Owe said.
“I know!” Grandpa Omar shouted, prying his grandson off of him.
“What are you doing here?” Mr. Baffi asked.
“I heard my grandson was in the Elementary School Olympics,” Grandpa Omar explained. “This could be the closest he ever gets to playing a sport.”
“Wait, how did you hear about it?” Mr. Baffi asked. “The kids learned about it this morning and they’ve been in school all day.”
“I live in the ceiling tiles of the school,” Grandpa Omar said. “Wanna hear how I got there?”
“Guys! It’s Miss McLean!” Sunshine said excitedly, pointing to the other side of the field. The kids stormed across the field to greet their former teacher. “Miss McLean! Miss McLean! Miss McLean!” Sunshine said, hopping up and down when they reached the abnormally pale first grade teacher. “Hi! Remember me? I’m Sunshine! Look how much I’ve grown!” Miss McLean’s eye twitched as she flashed back to the horrors of the previous year.
Grandpa Omar caught up to the kids and said, smiling widely, “Remember me? I got your play in the newspaper!” Miss McLean screamed in terror and ran across the field, off the school campus, and didn’t stop.
“I think she missed us,” Sunshine smiled.
The kids gathered around Mr. Baffi again. “Okay kids, listen up,” Mr. Baffi said. “It doesn’t matter if we don’t win, as long as we do better than Filbert. The first event is swimming. Owe, are you ready?”
“I was born ready,” Owe said confidently.
“All swimmers get to your starting position,” the referee said. The swimmers lined up at one end of the pool.
“When did we get a pool in the field of the school?” Nalyd asked.
“Since always,” Tdifan said. “Come on, man, get with the program.”
“Go!” the referee said. The swimmers jumped into the pool.
“Come on, Owe!” Mr. Baffi cheered.
“Move it, fatty!” Grandpa Omar shouted.
“Help! I can’t swim!” Owe shouted.
“This would be a great time to learn!” Grandpa Omar shouted.
“Then why did you sign up for swimming?!” Mr. Baffi asked angrily. He sighed. “Girls, can you give us a little cheer?”
Sunshine, Tdifan, Chimmy, and Gigi stood in a row, pom-poms in hand, ready to begin their cheer. “Ready? Okay!” the four said in unison.
“D-U-N! C-A-N! If Duncan can’t do it, nobody can! Go Duncan!” Sunshine cheered.
“His name’s Duncan and he’s my man! I am Duncan’s biggest fan!” Chimmy cheered.
“I like Cody,” Tdifan smiled.
“The winner of the swimming event,” the referee said, “Mr. Filbert! Would the competitors for the hurdles please follow me?” Nalyd and the other competitors followed the referee to the hurdles race.
“Wait, that isn’t fair,” Mr. Baffi said. “Filbert is using a kangaroo for the hurdles!”
Nalyd stood next to the kangaroo towering over him. Nalyd looked up at the kangaroo. “Crikey,” he said in shock.
“Go!” the referee said. The kangaroo cleared the hurdles with ease.
“Girls,” Mr. Baffi said. “Can’t you cheer for our team instead of Team Duncan?” Sunshine pointed at Nalyd, who ran directly into each hurdle. “Never mind, cheer for Duncan. At least he won something.”
“The winner of the hurdles event,” the referee said, “Mr. Filbert’s kangaroo!” The kangaroo and Nalyd glared at each other.
“We will meet again,” Nalyd said. “And it will end differently.” The kangaroo picked Nalyd up, placed him in his pouch, and hopped away.
“It is time for the javelin toss,” the referee said. Stephen and the other javelin toss competitors followed the referee. “Due to dangerous situations, the javelins have been replaced with plastic baseball bats.”
“What?” Stephen asked angrily. “That’s so stupid!” He picked up his baseball bat, and hit the referee in the shin with it. Stephen stormed off as the referee collapsed in pain.
“Mr. Filbert wins by default,” the referee said. “Time for badminton.”
“What about the cheerleading event?” Gigi asked.
“There is no cheerleading event,” Mr. Baffi said. “I just said that so we’d have cheerleaders to encourage the team.”
“It’s so hot out,” Matt panted as he walked onto the badminton court.
“Its one hundred seven degrees Fahrenheit,” a student from Mr. Filbert’s class said.
“That doesn’t help,” Matt panted.
“Oh no!” Mr. Baffi said. “I completely forgot that the badminton match was two on two! Matt can’t beat another student and a kangaroo!” The kangaroo and student from Mr. Filbert’s class stood on the opposite side of the badminton court, and stared at Matt, ready to play. “We need another player! Somebody tall. Somebody strong. Somebody who isn’t one of my students.”
Grandpa Omar ran onto the badminton court wearing short shorts and a t-shirt, badminton racket in hand. “I’m ready to play, coach!” he said.
The kangaroo served the birdie, and Grandpa Omar hit it back over the net. The kangaroo and Omar volleyed the birdie back and forth for two hours. “This game is so boring,” Matt complained. He left the badminton court and sat with his friends.
“I don’t like this,” Sunshine said. “Can’t we just have fun?”
“Winning is fun,” Tdifan said.
“But we’re awful at sports, so wining isn’t an option,” Nalyd explained.
“Attention everyone,” the referee announced. “Due to boredom, I have decided that the badminton match and the Olympics themselves will end in a tie between Mr. Filbert’s class and Mr. Baffi’s class.”
“A tie?!” Mr. Filbert asked angrily. “This is blasphemy! This is madness!”
“This! Is! Sparta!” Sunshine shouted.
Mr. Baffi and Mr. Filbert started to yell at each other. “Hey guys, I just noticed something,” Tdifan said. “As the temperature outside increases so does Baffi and Filbert’s anger.”
“That’s deep, dudette,” Matt nodded. The kangaroo hopped up the kids, took Nalyd out of his pouch and dropped him. The kangaroo growled at the kids, and hopped away. The two second grade teachers were on the ground wrestling and yelling at each other. Tdifan covered Sunshine’s ears to prevent her from hearing their insults.
“Stop it!” Grandpa Omar shouted. “Stop the madness! Don’t you two see your senseless fighting is tearing us all apart?!” He picked the two teachers up off the ground. “Don’t you remember when we were younger? We were best friends!”
“Ooh, the plot thickens,” Tdifan smiled.
Grandpa Omar took a picture out of his pocket. The picture was of himself, Mr. Baffi, and Mr. Filbert all younger. “We ran that ice cream shop in Detroit,” Grandpa Omar. “The three of us were going to retire together! Don’t you remember, guys?”
“The escaped mental patient is right,” Mr. Baffi said. “What happened to us?”
“The pudding fight,” Mr. Filbert sighed.
“Ah yes,” Mr. Baffi said. “You and Omar held an intervention for me when I first developed my addiction to pudding. I couldn’t admit that I had a problem and lashed out at the two of you.”
“And then the friendship ended,” Grandpa Omar said.
“It’s not too late for the three of us to retire together,” Mr. Filbert said.
“Actually, I retired twenty years ago,” Grandpa Omar explained. “I’m a millionaire!” He danced.
“So what do you say, Baffi?” Mr. Filbert asked. “Do you wanna retire together?”
Mr. Baffi looked at his former friend, then back to his class. His class full of hyper, crazy, dangerous, unstable children. “Nothing would make me happier,” Mr. Baffi smiled. The two men and Grandpa Omar hugged. “At the end of the month we’re all outta here!”
“You’re leaving us?” Sunshine asked.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” Mr. Baffi said. “I know it’s always sad to hear that your favorite teacher is leaving.”
“Yeah, that would be sad if Miss McLean left,” Sunshine said. She shrugged and followed the other students, and the kangaroo, off the field.
~End of Chapter 31
Chapter 32: The Sunshine Foundation
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Sunshineandravioli
As one might guess from the colorful autumn leaves on the trees surrounding Wawanawkwa Elementary School, it was a generic November day.
“Wait, wasn’t it June in the last chapter?” One of the second-grade students commented. His classmates shushed him so that the narrator could continue the introduction.
Moving on… it was a normal day at Wawanawkwa Elementary, at least as “normal” as a place filled with the most abnormal kids ever to walk the earth could be. Then again, more often than not a seemingly normal moment was transformed in the blink of an eye into a hilariously chaotic adventure, so it was almost certain the day would be far less normal in a few short minutes.
As if on cue, Sunshine- a cute little pixie who seemed innocent at first glance, but was actually the instigator of nearly all the chaos that occurred in the school- skipped merrily into the classroom, autumn leaves tangled up in the brightly-colored mess that was her hair. She was followed shortly by two of her many friends; Matt, grinning widely as he picked a few leaves out of his curly mass of hair, and Nalyd, grimacing as he tried in vain to rid himself of all the little crunchy bits of leaves stuck in his trademark grey hoodie, and of the slugs he was certain were clinging to his clothes.
“Everybody, settle down!” Boomed Mr. Baffi, the plus-sized, mustachioed 2nd grade teacher, trying (and, more often than not, failing) to keep just a bit of control over his constantly chaotic class. “We have an important announcement!” The suggestion of this ‘important announcement’ was just enough to capture the kiddies’ attention, and they scampered to their seats to hear. Nalyd sighed with displeasure as he sat with his so-called “friends”, knowing full and well that more often than not, ‘important announcements’ lead to him inadvertently being painfully humiliated at the hands of his companions. Conversely, the others of his group bore expressions ranging from unbridled excitement to casual interest.
Once the class seemed to be more or less paying attention, Mr. Baffi cleared his throat and began, “As I’m sure you all know-” he paused to glance over the class, and subsequently backtracked. “As I think some of you know… at the end of this month, we will be celebrating the wonderful and historically important holiday known to most as Thanksgiving!”
“Yay!!! Thanksgiving!!!” Shane cheered, applauding enthusiastically. After a pause, he asked, “What’s Thanksgiving?”
“Only the greatest holiday ever,” Owe replied with a grin. “It’s the one day of the year where you can eat until you’re sick and not get in trouble…” He sighed dreamily and stared up at the ceiling as if imagining it, drool forming in the corners of his mouth.
“That’s correct, Owe,” Mr. Baffi agreed (for obvious reasons, Nalyd couldn’t help but think, eyeing the teacher’s plump stature), “but it’s also a time for giving thanks for all the nice things that you have.”
“Like my Duncan doll!” Sunshine piped up.
“And Pig?” Matt questioned, holding up his undead animal companion.
“And my Shadii-kun balloon!” Chimmy added cheerfully.
“My friends!” Spenny interjected.
“Explosives!!!” Kenzen exclaimed.
“Food…” Owe drooled.
“Hand sanitizer!” Nonny declared, using the aforementioned substance to sterilize himself for what had to be the fifth time that morning.
“Pudding!” Mr. Baffi cheered, randomly joining in. After a moment, he regained his senses and gruffly continued, “Anyways… while Thanksgiving is a time for being thankful for what you have, it’s also a time to think about people who don’t have as much as you do.”
A confused expression on her face, Sunshine stared blankly up at the teacher. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, Sunshine,” Mr. Baffi explained, “that you should take time to consider the less fortunate.”
“Less fortunate?” Sunshine repeated, still uncomprehending. “Oooh, is that kind of like a fortune teller???”
“…no…” Mr. Baffi replied, obviously getting fed up with the pixie’s antics, as per usual. “Moving on…” he continued, “in order to accomplish this, our school will be having a canned food collection drive this month! So… bring in food. Food in cans. Now then, getting to today’s lesson-” Before he could continue, the ear-splitting buzzing sound of the bell alerted the class that it was time for recess, and informed Mr. Baffi that, yet again, it had taken the entire morning just to calm down the class and get the day started. With a disgruntled sigh, he dismissed the children to their playtime, waddling back to his desk in order to have some quality time with his secret pudding stash.
Just as he was about to grab one of his precious pudding cups, Sunshine’s carrot-top head popped up beside him. “Mr. Baffi-”
“I DON’T HAVE A SECRET PUDDING STASH!” The teacher declared in a panic, not-so-discreetly slamming his desk drawer shut. After a long, awkward silence, he gathered himself, clearing his throat and muttering, “Y-yes, what is it, Sunshine?”
“I still don’t get what you were saying,” the pixie explained. “Y’know, about the less... four-ton-ate… peoples…?”
“Well, Sunshine,” Mr. Baffi sighed, “to put in terms even you would understand… there are families in this world that don’t have some of the things people like you and I take for granted. They don’t have money… furniture… homes… food… toys… they don’t even have…” he trailed off, a tear forming in the corner of his eye, and choked out “…pudding…!”
Sunshine gasped, her golden eyes growing huge at the thought. “T-they don’t even have ravioli???”
“Not even ravioli,” Mr. Baffi affirmed, shaking his head slowly.
Sunshine gasped again, eyes filling with tears. “B-b-but… why don’t they have anything?”
“It’s just the way the world works,” Mr. Baffi shrugged. “That, and the economy stinks, but that’s another story entirely…”
“But- but it’s so unfair!” Sunshine protested. “I have to do something!!!”
“Donate canned food,” Mr. Baffi suggested, gesturing to the collection box next to his desk.
“No, that’s a terrible idea!” Sunshine declared, shaking her head. Her brow furrowed in deep thought (or at least the deepest Sunshine’s thoughts could go), she strolled out of the room, completely disregarding Mr. Baffi’s confused stare.
After school that day, Sunshine gathered her usual group of friends at the school playground. Matt was staring blankly at a cloud that faintly resembled Gwen, Stephen was throwing rocks at the teachers’ cars, Owe was eating a burger he’d gotten from Spenny, Tdifan was mocking Nalyd’s intelligence, and Nalyd was having his intelligence mocked by Tdifan- so, nothing out of the ordinary. Before Nalyd could make one of his usual comments about his idiot friends and complain about how he just wanted to go home, Sunshine arrived, carrying a decent-sized box, on top of which were several poorly-drawn charts and diagrams.
“This oughta be good,” Stephen muttered.
“Yes, Stephen, this will indeed be good!” Sunshine retorted, setting up her posters and gesturing to the first of them with her ravioli-wand pointer. “As I’m sure you all know, based on Mr. Baffi’s explaination this morning, Thanksgiving is coming up! And, subsequently, we need to help the less four-ton-ate!”
“It’s ‘fortunate’,” Nalyd corrected.
“Don’t be silly, Renny,” Sunshine scoffed. “Anyways, these less four-ton-ate peeps are lacking in several necessities, including but not limited to toys, ravioli-shaped houses, food in cans, pudding, hoodies, and worst of all…” She paused for dramatic effect before booming, “Ravioli!!!”
“Oh, the horror!” Matt gasped, dropping Pig and tearing away from the playground with a bloodcurdling scream. The group stared after him for a few minutes, after which he returned much more calmly. “Sorry, Sunshine. Continue.”
“Thank you,” Sunshine nodded, removing the page to display another illegible diagram, which had several doodles of rainbows and unicorns in the blank spaces. “Obviously, it’s up to us to stop this immense tragedy!”
“Why does it always have to be up to us?!” Nalyd whined, only to be ignored.
“Based on my data,” Sunshine explained, gesturing to some scribbles on the paper, “I’ve found that the best way to remedy this situation is to directly provide the less four-ton-ate with the necessities they lack.”
“By donating to the school’s food drive?” Tdifan inquired.
“Of course not,” Sunshine scoffed.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Tdifan agreed with a shrug. Narrowing her eyes, she hissed, “It’s too easy.”
“You guys are freaks,” Stephen sighed, shaking his head. “I’m outta here.” The young troublemaker turned on his heel and marched off the playground, mostly unnoticed by his peers.
“Now then,” Sunshine continued in lieu of her companion’s exit, “to start off, I’ve gathered some toys and games that we can deliver to those less four-ton-ate dudes.” She opened up the box that she had with her, revealing several playthings that would make any child’s eyes light up with wonder.
Naturally, Stephen wheeled around and returned to Sunshine’s side at the first mention of “toys”, staring at the box with wide eyes. “Woah, is that a GameStation 360?!” He gasped, staring at what appeared to be a boxed video-game system. “You can’t get these anywhere; stores across the country are selling out like nobody’s business!!!”
“Yeah, I found it in my basement when I randomly disappeared during math,” Sunshine shrugged nonchalantly. “I figured it would make one of those less four-ton-ate kids happy.”
Stephen was quiet for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face, before feigning sadness. “Sunshine, I have a confession to make,” he admitted. “I’m one of those less fortu-” He paused. “…‘four-ton-ate’ kids.”
“You are?!” Sunshine gasped. Stephen nodded sadly. “Well then, of course, take whatever you want. You need it more than we do.” Stephen grinned, glanced over the toys for a moment, then picked up the entire box and ran off the playground with it.
Sunshine waved him off with a proud smile. “It sure feels good to help someone in need,” she sighed happily, eyes sparkling.
“Sunshine,” Nalyd interrupted, “Stephen’s dad is a cop, his mom is a lawyer, he lives in a house bigger than our school, and his family gets support from the government since his older brother’s in Juvie. He’s in no way one of the less fortunate.”
Sunshine blinked, a look of slight confusion on her face. “Well… that’s depressing,” she admitted, shoulders slumping in disappointment.
“So now we don’t have toys to give away,” Tdifan sighed. “Now what?”
Sunshine stopped to consider, glancing around for ideas. She looked at her scribbled diagrams, then at her friends, then at Pig, then back at her diagrams, then at a squirrel that distracted her for a moment, then back at her friends, then at something shiny, and then at Mr. Baffi, who was walking to his car with a suspicious amount of pudding in his briefcase. “I’ve got it!” She declared, taking everyone by surprise, as they’d assumed she’d forgotten the question again. She ran up to Owe seemingly out of nowhere, grabbing the burger he was eating. “To the post office!!!” She declared, running off the playground.
“The post office is the other way, Sunshine,” Nalyd reminded her, pointing in the opposite direction that she was running.
Sunshine ran by again, this time headed in the direction Nalyd had pointed out. “To the post office!!!” She screamed again, followed shortly by her rather confused group of friends.
Several minutes later, the gang (minus Stephen, of course) had gathered at the local post office. Sunshine had mysteriously acquired another box, while her companions stood around her with looks of confusion, minus Owe, who was staring longingly at his stolen hamburger. “Dare I ask what this is about, Sunshine?” Nalyd inquired, raising an eyebrow.
“This is our next step in saving the world, Rennie!” Sunshine announced, dropping the half-eaten burger into the box. “I heard that a lot of these less four-ton-ate people live in foreign countries or whatever, so we’ll send them food!”
“Do you think that’ll be enough?” Matt questioned, staring at their makeshift donation.
“Are you kidding?” Tdifan retorted. “Look at the size of that sandwich.” Matt shrugged and nodded in agreement.
“Now, we just need tape to close up the box, a stamp, and a marker so we can write where to send it,” Sunshine directed, wandering off to search for said objects. Matt, Pig, Nalyd and Tdifan joined her in the search, while Owe continued to stare longingly at his hamburger. Glancing over his shoulder to see if his friends were watching, Owe leaned over the side of the large box and reached for his sandwich, only to fall into the package. Immediately afterwards, Tdifan arrived with the tape, closing up the box before anyone could notice their companion’s plight. Nalyd followed shortly with a stamp, then Sunshine with a large permanent marker.
“Perfect!” Sunshine cheered, scribbling the words “fourin kontrie” onto the box. The children shoved the package over to the “outgoing mail” slot in the wall, lifting it with some difficulty and tossing it down the chute.
“That’s one heavy hamburger,” Matt complained, wiping some sweat off his brow.
“No kidding,” Tdifan affirmed. “That’ll definitely be enough for those foreign country dudes.”
“If it even gets to a foreign country, which I doubt it will, since Sunshine can’t spell,” Nalyd muttered under his breath. Unsurprisingly, he was ignored.
“Say, do you feel like something’s missing?” Sunshine questioned, glancing around like a confused expression.
“Nah,” Tdifan replied dismissively. The pixie shrugged, and the group exited the post office.
“So, we’ve given toys to a perfectly well-off child, and put half a burger in the mail,” Nalyd recapped as the children strolled down the street. “Can I go home now?”
“No way, Nalyd,” Matt protested. “We’ve gotta do more to help the needy, y’know?” Turning to Sunshine, he added, “What do you think we should do next, dudette?” Sunshine paused to think, then, lacking ideas, turned to Tdifan.
“We could try building shelters for the homeless,” she suggested.
“No, that’s a terrible idea!” Sunshine chastised, returning to her thoughts. After a few seconds, she declared, “I know! We can build shelters for the homeless!”
“Amazing,” Nalyd sighed sarcastically, shaking his head. Nonetheless, the group dashed off to continue their “good deeds”.
Some time later, the group was working hard on some form of structure, sawing and hammering away (though it was notable that all the tools looked to be made of plastic). “This is gonna be the best house ever!” Sunshine announced, cheerfully putting up one of the walls.
“Totally, dudette,” Matt agreed, helping to nail the wall into place. “How’re things goin’ on your end, Tdifan?”
“I’m just about done,” she replied, finishing with the hammering in of her own wall. Once she had completed this task, the three children stepped back to admire the rather unstable, dilapidated-looking building they had constructed. Pig gave a quiet snort, which somehow resulted in the entire structure collapsing.
“Oh my scones, the pain!!!” Nalyd screamed from underneath the rubble.
“Quit complaining,” Tdifan retorted, sounding largely unconcerned. “We made the thing out of cardboard.”
After a moment, Nalyd pulled himself out from the pile of crumpled cardboard. “I’m going home,” he grumbled, forcing himself upright and limping away.
The group was silent for several minutes. “Well, that didn’t work,” Tdifan finally stated. Turning to Sunshine, she added, “What should we do now?”
“…maybe we could give books to the less four-ton-ate?” Sunshine meekly suggested. “I mean, you’ve got a bunch of books, Tdifan.”
Tdifan’s eyes widened in horror at the mere concept of losing her beloved books. “Um… I think I hear my mom calling me,” she lied, running off as fast as her little legs could carry her. Sunshine, Matt, and Pig stared after her until she was out of their line of sight, and then glanced at each other with bewildered expressions.
“Um… I’m not exactly an idea person, Sunny,” Matt admitted apologetically. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Sunshine sighed, pouting. Trudging away, she muttered, “I just wanted to help the less four-ton-ate guys…”
Sunshine wandered aimlessly around the town, staring dejectedly at the ground, until finally she flopped down next to a nondescript building. A little boy, looking to be about a year younger than her and wearing old, patched-up clothing, noticed her as he strolled by. Pausing, he sat down next to her and gave her a concerned look. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Oh, nothing,” Sunshine sighed, twiddling her thumbs. “It’s just that, today I was trying really hard to help the less four-ton-ate, and in the end all I did was cause trouble.”
The boy gave her a confused look. “You mean ‘less fortunate’?”
“No, less four-ton-ate,” Sunshine retorted, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. With another sigh, she continued, “I really messed everything up, no matter what. I was going to give toys to needy kids, but my friend lied to me and I let him take them all. I tried to send food to a foreign country, but all I could give away was a hamburger that one of my friends had eaten most of already, and come to think of it I haven’t seen my friend since then. I tried to build a shelter for the homeless, but then it collapsed on top of one of my other friends, which I guess wasn’t that bad since it was made out of cardboard. Then one of my other friends ran off when I said we could donate some of her books to the less four-ton-ate, and my other other friend didn’t have any other ideas, and neither did I, so I just ended up here!” She sniveled, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve.
“You could’ve just donated to a canned-food drive or something,” the boy suggested.
“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Sunshine questioned incredulously. The boy gave her a brief confused stare, but shook it off.
“Well… at least you tried to do something,” the boy reassured her, giving the pixie a gap-toothed smile. “A lot of people just ignore the needy an’ don’t do anything. You tried to make a difference.”
“Really?” Sunshine beamed, her eyes lighting up. The boy nodded, causing the pixie to smile back at him. “I guess you’re right,” she giggled, producing a bowl of ravioli seemingly out of nowhere.
The boy’s eyes widened. “Woah… where’d that come from?” He gasped, eyeing the ravioli in wonder.
“Oh, this?” Sunshine said nonchalantly, shrugging. “I always have some on me. After all, I’m a ravioli pixie.” Pausing, she glanced between the wide-eyed boy and the bowl of ravioli several times. “You know what? Here,” she stated, giving a faint smile and handing the pasta to him.
The boy’s jaw dropped in surprise. “Really? You’re gonna give this to me?!”
“Sure,” Sunshine replied. “I’m not hungry.” The boy beamed, suddenly gave the pixie an ecstatic hug, and ran off cheering with the pasta. Sunshine grinned, then stood up and began walking back the way she’d initially come.
“Weird,” she commented, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve got this funny warm, fuzzy feeling now.” Shrugging it off, she continued on, eventually running into Matt.
“Hey, pixie dudette,” Matt greeted with his usual laid-back cheer. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” Sunshine assured him with a smile. “I talked to this kid that made me feel better. It’s just… I wanted to actually make things better for someone, you know?”
Matt nodded slowly in understanding before clapping a hand onto his pixie companion’s shoulder. “You make things better for people every day, Sunny,” he explained. “All you have to do is smile.”
Sunshine beamed, eyes filling up with tears of joy, “that’s the nicest thing anyone that’s not Duncan has ever said to me, Matt.”
“Thanks,” he grinned. “I heard it on TV once.” Turning to stroll down the street, he added, “come on, I have my tricked-out trike parked over here. I’ll give you a ride home.”
“That’d be nice,” Sunshine smiled, joining arms with Pig and Matt as the three strolled into the general direction of the sunset.
Meanwhile, the little boy ran through an alleyway and into a modest camp set up behind a restaurant, where a weary-looking woman was tending to a meager fire. “Mom, mom!!!” The boy shouted, running up to the woman and proudly displaying the bowl of ravioli. “Look what I’ve got!”
Glancing over at the pasta, the woman gasped, her eyes lighting up. “Oh my goodness,” she smiled, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “This will be the first good meal we’ve had in two weeks. Where on earth did you get it?”
“A ravioli pixie gave it to me,” the boy explained, beaming.
“A ravioli pixie?” His mother repeated incredulously, raising an eyebrow.
“Uh-huh,” the boy affirmed, nodding excitedly. “And she was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She spent all day trying to help the less fortunate, and now she finally did, didn’t she, mom?”
“Yes she did,” the woman laughed, putting the bowl of ravioli over the fire to cook. “Yes she did.”
Elsewhere, a mail truck rattled down the streets, sending the packages inside it sliding over the floor and bumping into each other. Inside one of these boxes was a certain chubby second-grader, clutching a hamburger like his life depended on it. “Was this worth it?” He sighed, sorrowfully taking a bite out of his burger as he wished desperately for the package to be returned to sender.
~ End of Chapter 32
Chapter 33: Kid Country Two
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Nalyd Renrut
Nanny Renrut stood on a dock, outstretched across a dirty lake. Refuse and litter floated on the water. “Is the camera on?!” Nanny Renrut shouted. “Alright, I’m starting. Last time on Kid Country; the fat kid and the quiet one were the final two. One of them won I guess. I don’t know, nobody older than five watches this show! Anyway, I’m the new host of the show. This season, we’ve got fifteen kids and a kangaroo competing for one million dollars. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will waste their time watching this garbage? Find out right now, on Kid Country Two!”
A boat pulled up to the dock. Sunshine, Matt, Nalyd, Owe, Tdifan, Stephen, Greg, Zak, Gigi, Sprinklemist, Nonny, Kenny, Spenny, Chimmy, and Shane walked off a boat. A large kangaroo hopped behind the group, an angry expression on his face. “Hi Nalyd’s mom!” Sunshine said excitedly. “Remember me? Look how big I’m getting!” Sunshine jumped on her tiptoes.
“Anyway,” Nanny Renrut said, ignoring the pint-sized pixie, “these sixteen gave up their summer vacation to compete on this show. Not the smartest choice, but this isn’t the smartest bunch.”
Matt looked around his surroundings. “Whoa, when did we get here?” he asked.
“Anyway,” Nanny Renrut said. “Sixteen of you have come here to compete, but only twelve of you will set foot on the island. Gigi and Owe, the final two from last season, will pick five people to join them, making two teams of six. The four of you who are not picked will be sent home immediately. Owe may pick first, since he won last time.”
“Nonny,” Owe said. The frail, scared boy walked up to Owe, handkerchief in hand. Owe hugged him tightly. “Welcome to the team, dude.”
“Don’t touch me,” Nonny said, breaking free of Owe’s bear hug.
“I’ll pick Spenny,” Gigi smiled.
“Yes!” Spenny shouted. “Oh yeah, woo hoo! I’m on Gigi’s team! This is the best day of my life!” He ran up to Gigi and hugged her. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
“Subtle, dude,” Greg said.
“Was that out loud?” Spenny asked himself, blushing.
“Greg,” Owe said.
“Wonderful,” Greg said, joining his new team.
“Sunshine,” Gigi said. Sunshine skipped to Gigi and Spenny.
“Stephen,” Owe said.
“Matt,” Gigi said.
“So far,” Nanny Renrut said, “the teams are Owe, Nonny, Greg, Stephen, and Gigi, Spenny, Sunshine, and Matt. Eight have been picked, and eight remain.”
“Nalyd,” Owe said.
“Chimmy,” Gigi said.
“Tdifan, Zak, Sprinklemist, Kenny, Shane, and the kangaroo remain,” Nanny Renrut said. “Only two more will be on the show.”
“Come on, guys,” Zak said. “I’m a valuable asset to any team!”
“I’ll pick the kangaroo,” Owe said.
“I got Tdifan,” Gigi smiled.
“Zak, Sprinklemist, Kenny, and Shane, you have been eliminated,” Nanny Renrut said. “It’s time to walk the Dock of Shame.” The four boys walked to the end of the dock.
“Where’s the boat?” Kenny asked.
“Maybe we have to swim,” Sprinklemist suggested.
“But I left my floaties at home!” Shane complained.
“I’m not going anywhere!” Zak protested. “I demand satisfaction!” Two interns wheeled a catapult to the end of the dock, and loaded the four boys onto it. They activated it, sending them flying into the distance. “I’ll be back!” Zak shouted.
“No you won’t,” Nanny Renrut said. “Owe, Nonny, Greg, Stephen, Nalyd, and the kangaroo are Team Aussie.”
“Why are we Team Aussie?” Stephen asked.
“At least two of you are Australian,” Nanny Renrut asked. “The pale one and the kangaroo.”
“I’m not Australian!” Nalyd said.
“It’s true,” Greg said. “Australians are known for being out-doorsy and masculine. Nalyd is in-doorsy and not so masculine.”
“Can I switch teams?” Nonny asked. “Please?”
“Gigi, Spenny, Sunshine, Matt, Chimmy, and Tdifan,” Nanny Renrut said. “You are team Sunny D.”
“Aw, that’s a cute name,” Sunshine said. “I hope some day I have a kid named Sunny D!”
“Why is that our name?” Chimmy asked.
“You have no idea how much I’m being paid to endorse Sunny D,” Nanny Renrut smiled. “Anyway, time for your first challenge. You’ve gotta jump off a cliff. I know everyone does this for their first challenge, but you’ll have to deal with it.”
“Is it too late to quit?” Greg sighed.
After an hour of hiking, the twelve contestants were at the top of the cliff. Nanny Renrut looked down to the water far below. “Stinks to be you guys,” Nanny Renrut said. Now let’s see who will take the plunge, and who will be a chicken. Team Aussie is up first.”
The kangaroo quickly hopped to the edge and jumped off the cliff, a scowl on his face the whole way down. Stephen followed suit. “I can’t jump,” Owe said. “I can’t be in the water for another thirty minutes. I just ate.”
“When did you eat? We haven’t had lunch yet,” Nalyd said.
“I brought some sandwiches with me from home,” Owe smiled. He pulled one out from one of his fat rolls. “You call my rolls disgusting; I call them convenient carry components.”
“Did you see that water?” Nonny asked. “It’s disgusting! I can’t jump!”
“If you three aren’t going, I’m not going,” Greg said.
“Two jumpers for Team Aussie,” Nanny Renrut said. “Team Sunny D, you’re up.”
Gigi walked to the edge of the cliff. “Come on, guys, I bet this isn’t so bad,” she smiled reassuringly.
“Gigi, wait!” Spenny shouted. He ran over to her, tripping on a rock, and crashing into her. The two fell off the cliff, screaming. “My bad!” Spenny shrugged. The two splashed in the water below.
“Matt, can you blow up my floaties?” Sunshine asked. Matt blew up the floaties on her arms. Sunshine wore her bathing suit, floaties on her arms, goggles, a snorkel, and flippers. “Thanks, Matt,” she smiled.
“No problem, dudette,” Matt said.
Chimmy glared at the smiling friends. “Matty, can you help me?” Chimmy asked.
“Sure, what do you need?” Matt replied.
“Um…” Chimmy said. “Darn it, I didn’t think this through. Chimmy away!” She jumped off the edge of the cliff.
“She’s weird,” Matt said.
“I think she likes you,” Sunshine smiled.
“But I’ve never even seen her before,” Matt said. He and Sunshine jumped off the cliff together.
“And last but certainly not least,” Tdifan said. She ran and jumped off the cliff.
“Team Sunny D wins!” Nanny Renrut announced. “Team Aussie, tonight you’ll vote somebody off.”
Team Aussie walked to the elimination ceremony by the Dock of Shame. “I say we vote off Owe,” Greg said. “He won last time, and he didn’t even try in the challenge.”
“I think we should vote off one of you non-jumpers,” Stephen said. “What about Renrut or Greg?”
“Whoa, I’m helpful guys,” Nalyd said. “Besides, we saw last time that I can play with people’s heads. I can get some members of the other team to help us at the merge.”
“I wanna vote Greg off,” Owe said, and then burped.
“Well then,” Greg said. “I guess we’ll let the chips fall where they may.” He walked ahead of the group.
Nanny Renrut stood before a roaring campfire, and the five boys and kangaroo sat on seats on the opposite side of the fire. Behind Nanny Renrut was a catapult. “Alright, Team Aussie,” Nanny Renrut said. “The girls’ kicked your butts today. It’s time to vote somebody off.”
Greg voted for Owe. “First winner, and now the first out.”
Owe voted for Greg. “I don’t like it when people try to get me voted off.”
When all the members of Team Aussie voted, Nanny Renrut read the votes. “Alright,” she said. “I have five tubes of lipstick in my purse. If you get one, you are safe.” She pulled the five tubes from her purse. “Kangaroo, Nonny, Nalyd, Stephen,” she said, throwing a tube to each of them. “Owe and Greg, this is the final tube of lipstick.”
“Come on…” Owe said, nervously.
“Just give me the lipstick,” Greg rolled his eyes. Stephen broke out laughing. “Very funny.”
“Owe,” Nanny Renrut said, throwing the lipstick at the pudgy child.
“Hooray,” Owe cheered. He opened the lipstick, and ate it.
“Are you serious?” Greg said, standing up. “First off, again?”
“Technically fifth,” Nonny said.
“Whatever,” Greg said. “I don’t need you guys and I don’t need this stupid show.” Greg walked down the Dock of Shame and sat in the catapult. The two interns launched him far away.
The next morning, the remaining contestants went to the mess hall. Each team sat at a respective table. “Hey guys,” Nonny said to the other members of Team Aussie. “Where’s Stephen?”
Owe shrugged. “Can I have his breakfast?”
“Did he go to bed last night?” Nalyd asked.
The kangaroo glared at his teammates.
“Spenny, Sunshine, Matt, Chimmy, and Tdifan,” Gigi said to her fellow Team Sunny D teammates. “I’d like to thank you all for being such wonderful teammates.”
“Thanks, Gigi,” Spenny said. “We couldn’t possibly have a better team captain!”
“I can think of one person,” Chimmy muttered, looking at Matt.
“I’d like to nominate my Duncan doll for team captain,” Sunshine said, pulling the doll from her pocket. “All in favor?” She raised the doll’s hand. “Aye,” Sunshine said in a low-pitched voice.
“Sometimes I think I’m the only sane member of my team,” Tdifan said in the confessional. “And I’m willing to use that to my advantage this season. I’m not getting played again!”
“Hey, Matt,” Tdifan whispered. “I think Chimmy has a crush on you!”
“Who?” Matt asked, after a brief pause.
“The short girl sitting next to you,” Tdifan said.
Matt turned and looked at Chimmy, who waved at him. He turned back to Tdifan. “I’ve never met her before in my life,” Matt said. “Sorry, dudette.”
Tdifan rolled her eyes, and moved next to Gigi. “Hey, Gigi,” she said. “I think Spenny has a crush on you.”
“No, really?” Gigi asked sarcastically. “Ha, see what I did there? Usually Greg says something sarcastic there, but since he got voted off, I feel it was appropriate to briefly take his place.” Tdifan immediately moved away from Gigi.
Nanny Renrut walked into the mess hall. “Good morning, final ten,” she said. “As some of you have probably noticed, Stephen has disappeared.”
“No!” Sunshine screamed. “Why must the good die young?!”
“He’s not dead,” Nanny Renrut assured. “At least, I don’t think he is. He probably isn’t. Anyway, when a team loses, they will vote somebody off, and one of their members will randomly be eliminated during the night. Surprise.”
“That isn’t a very good surprise,” Sunshine said, disappointedly.
“Time for today’s challenge,” Nanny Renrut said. “A good ol’ fashioned game of dodgeball!”
“Sounds painful,” Nonny said.
“Hopefully, it will be,” Nanny Renrut said.
“I wish Stephen was still on the team,” Owe said in the confessional. “With him gone, I think I might be next! Oh, I miss the pitter-patter of his little feet! Even though it wasn’t like pitter-patter, it was more like stamp-stomp. We could have easily won with him on the team.”
“Maybe having a pointlessly violent kangaroo on the team will finally come in handy,” Nalyd suggested to Team Aussie.
The two teams stood on opposite ends of the mess hall, the room had been emptied and a line was drawn down the middle. “Two members of Sunny D will have to sit out,” Nanny Renrut said.
“I’m not good at dodgeball,” Gigi said.
“Gigi and I can sit out,” Spenny suggested.
“Alright,” Nanny Renrut said, handing three red rubber balls to each team. “If you make physical contact with the ball before it hits the ground, you’re out. That includes catching. When you’re out, you’re out. Go!”
The kangaroo picked up the three balls for Team Aussie, and violently hurled them at Team Sunny D. “No!” Chimmy shouted. She jumped in front of Matt, shielding him from one of the dodgeballs. Matt was hit by a second one immediately after. Tdifan was hit by the third ball.
“Hooray for having a kangaroo on our team!” Owe cheered.
Sunshine stared at the fallen members of her team, slowly realizing she was the only remaining member of her team. “Uh oh,” she said. She ran around Team Sunny D’s half of the mess hall, screaming.
“Sunshine!” Gigi called her. “Calm down!” Sunshine stopped running and stared at Gigi. “Just pick up one of the balls and throw it.” Sunshine picked up a ball, and threw it at Gigi, hitting her in the face. “Throw it at the other team,” Gigi sighed.
“Oh,” Sunshine said. “I knew that.” She picked up a ball and threw it at Team Aussie, missing all of the members. “Take that!”
“Sunshine, you missed all of them,” Tdifan said.
“Was I supposed to hit them?” Sunshine asked. The kangaroo picked up the ball Sunshine threw, and hurled it back at the pixie, hitting her in her wings.
“Sunshine is out!” Nanny Renrut declared. “Team Aussie wins!”
“That doesn’t count!” Tdifan protested. “These aren’t even real wings!” She jumped on Sunshine’s back and began pulling on her wings. “Why won’t they come off?!”
“That tickles,” Sunshine giggled.
“That’s sad,” Spenny said as the members of Team Sunny D watched Tdifan try to pry the wings off Sunshine.
Team Sunny D sat together at the elimination ceremony. Tdifan whispered in the ears of Gigi and Sunshine. “Time to cast your votes,” Nanny Renrut said.
Tdifan voted for Matt. “I’ve gotta split up you and Chimmy. Plus, I’ve got my girls’ alliance back.”
Matt voted for Tdifan. “That wasn’t cool, dude.”
“When you get a tube of lipstick,” Nanny Renrut said. “You are safe. Gigi, Spenny, Sunshine.” She threw lipstick to the three kids.
“Yay!” Spenny cheered, hugging Gigi. Gigi returned the hug.
“We’re safe,” Sunshine said, hugging her Duncan doll.
“Chimmy,” Nanny Renrut said. “Tdifan and Matt, this is the final lipstick of the evening. And it goes to… Tdifan.”
“Yes!” Tdifan celebrated.
“No!” Chimmy cried. She hugged Matt. “I’m sorry, Matty. I didn’t know!”
“It’s cool, bro,” Matt said. He stood up and walked to the Dock of Shame. “Peace out, guys.”
“Matt! Wait!” Sunshine shouted. She followed Matt down the Dock of Shame. She hugged Matt tightly.
“Yeah, Sunshine?” Matt asked after a second.
“Nothing,” Sunshine said, a wide grin on her face. “I just like hugs. Bye!” She lifted Matt over her head, and dropped him into the catapult. Matt was launched off into the night.
The next morning, Team Sunny D sat in the mess hall, minus Sunshine.
“This is awful,” Tdifan said in the confessional. “With Sunshine gone, the Girls’ Alliance is just me and Gigi! I’ll have to get Chimmy to join.”
“Hey, Chimmy,” Tdifan said.
“Yeah?” Chimmy asked.
“Sorry about voting Matt off last night,” Tdifan said.
“Why are you saying sorry?” Chimmy said. “I voted him off too.”
“I thought you liked him,” Tdifan said.
“Please, me and Matty?” Chimmy asked. She rolled her eyes. “We’re just friends. Well, kinda. I mean, I like him, but not like like-like him. And he likes me, but not like like-likes me. I think he liked me at least.”
“I think I handled that pretty smoothly,” Chimmy smiled in the confessional.
Owe, Nalyd, and Nonny sat away from the kangaroo. “I wanna vote off the kangaroo next time we lose,” Nonny said. “It’s way stronger than any of us!”
“That’s a good point,” Nalyd said. “Another good point is that it’s a kangaroo, not exactly a good ally.”
“I’ll be back,” Owe said, standing up. “Taking walks helps me digest.”
“TMI, dude,” Nonny said, gagging.
Owe waddled out of the mess hall and continued until he’d reached the end of the campsite. He looked into the woods that surrounded them. He saw something moving through the bushes. “Hello?” Owe asked. “Sunshine? Is that you?”
The campers in the mess hall heard a scream from outside. Everyone in the mess hall screamed, and huddled together at Team Sunny D’s table. “What was that?” Gigi asked.
“I bet it was a monster,” Chimmy said.
“What makes you immediately assume it was a monster?” Spenny asked.
“How do you know it wasn’t?” Chimmy replied.
“Oh no! It probably was a monster!” Nonny screamed. “Is this the end of Nonny?”
“No, but this better be the end of the screaming,” Tdifan said. “It was Owe, guys. He probably dropped a sandwich or something.”
“Tdifan is right,” Nalyd said. “I guess there really is a first time for everything.” Tdifan kicked Nalyd in the shin.
“Somebody needs to check it out,” Gigi said. “As team captain, I volunteer Tdifan to check it out.”
“Why me?” Tdifan asked.
“Chimmy gets scared too easily, and Spenny is currently clinging to me,” Gigi explained. “Good luck.”
“Fine,” Tdifan said. “But I’m taking Renrut with me.” She grabbed Nalyd by his hoodie, and the two trudged out of the mess hall.
“Why did you make me come with you?” Nalyd asked.
“I wanna throw you in front of the monster,” Tdifan said. “Then I can run away.”
“I thought you said there was no monster,” Nalyd retorted.
“You never know with this show,” Tdifan replied. The two walked through camp, and were almost at the edge of the campsite, the source of the scream. The two saw something move in the bushes.
Nalyd jumped into Tdifan’s arms. “What was that?” he said, frozen with fear.
“It was just the wind,” Tdifan said, dropping Nalyd on the ground. “Scaredy-cat.”
“I’m not scared,” Nalyd said. “I’m just trying to psych you out. Like last season when you got voted off.” Tdifan grabbed Nalyd by the collar of his hoodie.
“We agreed never to talk about that again,” Tdifan said. “You said you liked me, I didn’t say anything about liking you back.”
“You sure seemed to like me back,” Nalyd sneered. “Please, don’t flatter yourself. I just did that in an attempt to gain pity from the others.” Tdifan let go of Nalyd. A growl came from the bushes.
Tdifan jumped into Nalyd’s arms. “What was that?” she whispered.
“The monster,” Nalyd laughed. Tdifan elbowed him in the chest.
“You can put me down now,” Tdifan said. Nalyd gently lowered Tdifan onto the ground. She approached the bush. “Let’s see what the ‘monster’ really is!” She looked in the bush.
The campers in the mess hall heard two high pitch screams. “They got Nalyd,” Spenny said, shaking his head. “And Tdifan.”
“Lock the doors!” Gigi ordered. Everyone looked at her blankly. “Come on, guys! If we’re gonna survive, we need a leader.” Spenny and Chimmy helped Gigi lock the doors of the mess hall.
“We’re gonna die,” Nonny cried.
“Probably,” Chimmy said. “I like to think we’ll die quickly and preferably painlessly.”
The campers heard a banging at the mess hall door. “It’s the hash-slinging slasher!” Spenny screamed.
“Into the kitchen guys!” Gigi said, leading the others into the mess hall. Only Spenny and Nonny followed her. “Chimmy, kangaroo, are you two coming?” The kangaroo glared at Gigi, and Chimmy was passed out on the floor. Gigi, Spenny, and Nonny stood in the mess hall kitchen, waiting to see what would happen. The back door to the kitchen burst open.
The kangaroo heard a scream from the kitchen. It watched as a figure walked into the mess hall. The figure ran after the kangaroo, snarling and wheezing. The kangaroo kicked the figure as it charged at it. The figure flew across the mess hall, landing in a trash can. The kangaroo hopped to the trash can and looked in.
Nanny Renrut walked into the mess hall. “Team Aussie wins immunity!”
Chimmy woke up. “What happened?”
“The kangaroo won the challenge,” Nanny Renrut said. “Somebody’s been kidnapping campers all day, and now it’s time to find out who it is!” Nanny Renrut reached into the trash can, and pulled out the figure.
“Zak!” Chimmy gasped.
Nanny Renrut held in her hands a hungry, angry, sleep deprived Zak. Zak growled at the kangaroo, who growled back at Zak. “Put me down,” Zak said angrily, his voice was scratchy. “I demand to be allowed back in the game!” Nanny Renrut ignored Zak’s plea and carried him to the Dock of Shame, and fired him in the catapult, again.
Team Sunny D went to the elimination ceremony. “The kangaroo saved us all,” Nanny Renrut said. “So its team will be safe tonight. Time to vote!”
Tdifan voted for Spenny. “Sorry, you’re the only person not in the girl alliance.”
Spenny voted for Tdifan. “I know you’re trying to vote me off tonight. Nice try.”
“Lipstick goes to,” Nanny Renrut said. “Gigi and Chimmy!”
“Yay!” Chimmy cheered.
“The final lipstick goes to… Spenny,” Nanny Renrut said, throwing the lipstick at Spenny.
“What?” Tdifan jumped up. “Me? How?”
“You’ve been getting a bit obsessed with the game,” Chimmy said. “Sorry.”
“I couldn’t vote Spenny,” Gigi said. “So I figured voting for you wouldn’t change anything.”
“Alright,” Tdifan sighed. “Bye girls. Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Spenny said. He paused. “Hey!”
Tdifan walked down the Dock of Shame. “Wait!” Nalyd shouted, and ran down the Dock after her.
“If you’re gonna tell me you like me, save your breath,” Tdifan said. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and once on shame, fool me again, and twice in once!”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Nalyd said. “Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry. For, you know, everything.”
“It’s fine,” Tdifan said. “I’m sorry I repeatedly caused you physical harm.” She paused. “So should we hug now?”
“No, let’s not get crazy here,” Nalyd said. “Bye, Tdifan.”
“Bye, Renrut,” Tdifan smiled, climbing into the catapult. She was fired into the night.
The next day, Gigi, Chimmy, Spenny, Owe, Nonny, and the kangaroo sat in the mess hall. “Looks like they took Nalyd last night,” Nonny said.
“Congratulations everyone,” Nanny Renrut said, walking into the mess hall. “You’ve made it to the merge.” She threw a handful of confetti at everyone. “Anyway, there are only six of you, so today we have a special challenge.” She paused. “We couldn’t think of a challenge, so you’re just going to vote somebody off. Nobody is safe.”
Owe voted for the kangaroo. “I guess the plan is to vote you off.”
Gigi voted for Owe. “You already won, you’re too big of a threat.”
“We have lipsticks for Gigi, Chimmy, and Spenny,” Nanny Renrut said. “And Nonny.” She threw lipsticks to each contestant. “Owe and kangaroo, this is the final tube of lipstick. It goes to… the kangaroo.”
“I got eliminated,” Owe said sadly. “But I won last time.”
“Exactly,” Gigi said. “Sorry, Owe.”
“I don’t wanna go,” Owe said. “I’ll get lonely. Can I bring someone?”
“Uh, sure,” Nanny Renrut said.
Owe grabbed Spenny by the arm and dragged him down the Dock of Shame. “Whoa!” Spenny protested. “What’s going on?”
“I want you to come with me,” Owe said. “You seem fun.” Owe threw Spenny into the catapult, and hopped in after him.
“Wait!” Spenny shouted. “Gigi! I love-” the catapult launched the two far away.
“Okay, final four,” Nanny Renrut said. “I thought of a challenge! We’ll be splitting into two teams; Nonny and the kangaroo vs. Gigi and Chimmy!”
“So what’s the challenge?” Nonny asked, cautiously eyeing his partner.
“Well,” Nanny Renrut explained. “I saw this movie the other day, and it had cave men in it, so I figured we could rip off that. We even have loin cloths for all of you!” She threw loin clothes to each contestant except the kangaroo, who never wore clothes anyway.
When everyone had changed, they stood on the roof of the mess hall. They all wielded stone clubs. “Can I get some pants?” Nonny asked. “Please?”
“This is a weird challenge,” Gigi said. “I mean, what do cave men have to do with anything! This is just a rip off of a Total Drama Action challenge.”
“The last person standing will win for their team,” Nanny Renrut said. “Go!”
Nonny dropped his club and screamed. “We’re gonna die!” The kangaroo picked Nonny up and stuff him in its pouch. “Augh!” Nonny gagged. “That’s not right!”
The kangaroo growled at the girls, and held its club above its head. “Do you have a plan?” Chimmy asked.
“Just one,” Gigi whispered. “Run!” The two ran in circles around the roof. The kangaroo swung at them repeatedly and missed.
“Oh the horror!” Nonny shouted, covering his eyes with his hands. The kangaroo looked down at his partner, and lifted him out of his pouch. “Thanks,” Nonny said. The kangaroo threw Nonny at Gigi resulting in them both being knocked off the roof.
“Nonny and Gigi are out of the challenge,” Nanny Renrut said. “It’s down to Chimmy and the kangaroo!”
The kangaroo towered over Chimmy, and bared its teeth. “Please don’t eat me, Mr. Kangaroo,” Chimmy pleaded. “I’ll give you anything! Take this!” Chimmy reached into her pocket, and held out her Shadow the Hedgehog doll. “It’s my favoritest thing in the whole wide world, other than Matt.” The kangaroo stared at the doll. Chimmy threw the doll away from her. The kangaroo’s eyes followed the doll, and jumped after it, falling off the roof in the process.
“Chimmy wins!” Nanny Renrut announced. “Chimmy and Gigi are going to the final three.
“Wait,” Gigi said. “I hurt my leg when I fell off the roof. I don’t think I can compete anymore. I’m quitting!”
“Cool,” Nanny Renrut said. “Dock of Shame’s that way.” Gigi limped down the Dock of Shame, weakly climbed into the catapult, and was launched away. “Now that that’s taken care of,” Nanny Renrut continued. “It is up to Chimmy whether the kangaroo or Nonny get eliminated. Chimmy, who do you vote off?”
“I vote off,” Chimmy paused. She looked at Nonny, trembling and scared. She looked at the kangaroo, who took a bite out of her Shadow doll. “The kangaroo!” she shouted, jumping on the kangaroo’s back. “Give me back my doll!” She yanked the doll from the kangaroo’s teeth, and hid behind Nonny. “Don’t eat me! Eat Nonny instead!”
“Thanks, Chimmy” Nonny said, trembling with fear.
Nanny Renrut grabbed the kangaroo by the arm and dragged it to the catapult, where it was launched far, far away. “And then there were two,” she said, facing the camera. “Chimmy vs. Nonny! A showdown nobody will care about. Who will win the million dollar grand prize? Who will go home a loser? Who will host season three? Find out next on Kid Country Two!”
The next day, Chimmy and Nonny ate breakfast in the mess hall. “I can’t believe we’re in the final two,” Nonny said.
“I can,” Chimmy said. “The way I see it, a nice girl and awkward guy were bound to be the final two.”
“I don’t understand your logic,” Nonny said.
Nanny Renrut walked into the mess hall, followed by Sunshine, Matt, Nalyd, Tdifan, Owe, Spenny, and Gigi. “Welcome everyone,” Nanny Renrut said. “These seven eliminated contestants will ask you questions and then vote for a winner. Sunshine will go first.”
“If you win the money,” Sunshine said. “How will you help Duncan?”
“I probably won’t help Duncan,” Nonny said.
“Interesting,” Sunshine said. “Chimmy?”
“I’d pay him to sit near me,” Chimmy smiled.
“I would too!” Sunshine giggled. “Thanks guys!”
Matt stood up. “This is a little awkward for me ‘cause I don’t know either of you,” Matt said. “So I wanna know who you are.”
“I’m a nice girl who plays by the rules,” Chimmy said confidently. “I play with dolls, and like balloons. I’m kinda short and always have a smile on my face.”
“I’m Nonny and I like disinfectant,” Nonny said.
“Cool,” Matt said. “Alright, dude and dudette, good luck to both of you.”
Nalyd stood up. “I don’t really have a speech prepared,” Nalyd chuckled awkwardly. He pulled note cards from his hoodie pocket and read them. “Chimmy, you sat back and watched the game go by you. You didn’t make any important or game changing moves this whole time. Nonny, you’re simply a coward. You’re no better than Chimmy when it comes to game play. However, I’d like to encourage everyone to vote for Nonny 'cause he was on my team, and you never leave a teammate behind.”
“Harsh, dude,” Matt said, as Nalyd sat down.
Tdifan stood up. “Unlike Nalyd, I will keep my speech short, sweet, and to the point,” she said. “I like both of you, but I’ve gotta give my support to Chimmy. She’s sweet and honest, and just came here to have fun.”
“Alright,” Nanny Renrut said. “We’re running out of time, so it’s time for the jury to vote!”
“What about us?” Spenny asked.
“Don’t we get to ask questions?” Gigi asked.
“Did any of you have good questions?” Nanny Renrut said.
“I wanted to know if they’d but me sandwiches,” Owe said.
“My point exactly,” Nanny Renrut said. “It’s time to vote!”
Spenny voted for Chimmy. “I really respect you, and I know you tried hard to get here. Good luck with Matt, and good luck with the million dollars.”
Gigi voted for Nonny. “Spend it wisely.”
Sunshine voted for Chimmy. “I forgot how to spell Nonny, so I figured voting for you would be easier.”
Matt voted for Nonny. “The other guy wouldn’t tell me his name.”
Tdifan voted for Chimmy. “Good luck, I know you’ll win!”
Nalyd voted for Nonny. “I’ve gotta vote for my former teammate.”
Owe cast his vote. “I love you.”
“Alright,” Nanny Renrut said. “Time to read the votes.” She pulled two votes from the ballot box. “Two votes for Chimmy.”
“Do I win?” Chimmy smiled.
“No, there are five other votes,” Nanny Renrut said.
“Oh,” Chimmy said. “Kay.”
Nanny Renrut read two more votes. “Two votes for Nonny.”
“Thanks guys,” Nonny smiled.
Nanny Renrut pulled two more votes out of the ballot box. “Three votes for Chimmy and three votes for Nonny,” she said. “This final vote will decide it.”
Chimmy hugged Nonny and said, “Good luck.”
“You too,” Nonny said. “Now let go.”
“The winner of Kid Country Two,” Nanny Renrut said, reading the final vote. “What the heck is this?!” She flipped over the vote, a picture of a hamburger. “Owe! Why didn’t you vote?”
“Oh, I did,” Owe said. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “I didn’t know you wanted the votes.”
“Why did you draw a hamburger?” Gigi asked.
“I’m Owe,” Owe said. “What else would I draw?” Owe stood next to Nanny Renrut. “Anyway, I voted for Chimmy because she might buy me some cookies.”
“Chimmy wins!” Nanny Renrut announced.
“Yay!” Chimmy cheered. She hugged Sunshine, Tdifan, Spenny and Owe. “Thanks you guys!”
“Congratulations to Chimmy for winning,” Nanny Renrut said. She handed Chimmy a suit case. “Here’s your million dollars.”
Chimmy opened the suit case. “I can’t even count to a million!” she giggled. “This is awesome!”
Suddenly, Zak jumped out of nearby bushes and charged at Chimmy. “Rawr!” he shouted. He tripped on a rock, and flew over Chimmy, landing in the lake.
“That was close,” Chimmy said. “That would have been an awful ending if the winner’s money was stolen.”
“And so you have it,” Nanny Renrut said. “Sixteen second graders wasted their summer here, and one emerged victorious! See ya next season!”
~ End of Chapter 33
Chapter 34: The Spy Adventure Chapter
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Ezekielguy and Nalyd Renrut
Doctor Thomas Darren was working. He was working hard. Harder then ever. It felt like days. Now I know what you're thinking. A lot of employees feel that they work too hard. But they normally exaggerate and stretch it. They never really worked that long. Doctor Darren DID work that long. That was because he had a very important job. He was a member of the BOOGIE agency. “BOOGIE” stands for “Be Over-all O.K to Greatly Innocent Eeople.” Because “Eople” is the new word for “People” these days. Haven't you heard? Anyway, Doctor Darren had so much work. He knew he was going to get more. And of course, right after the narrator spoke those words, he did.
Doctor Darren looked away from his paper work to see his boss, Doctor Graven. He walked right towards him with shifty eyes. “Hello, Dyran.”
Doctor Darren flinched a little when his boss forgot his name. “It's Darren, sir. Thomas Darren.” He hated it when Graven called him by his last name.
“Yes, yes.” Graven said, ignoring Doctor Darren's comment, “Listen, Doyrint. You were at the meeting last night, were you not?” He gave his employee a sharp frown. He did this on purpose, of course, to make him nervous. And it was working, because Doctor Darren was practically sobbing.
“Y-yes.” Darren lied. He was still leaning against his desk, trying to look away from his employer, “I would never miss something like that! It was my duty to come! I came! It's a meeting! I...”
“Then why didn't I see you there, Diffronk?” Graven eyebrows lowered and bent over. He looked mad.
“Sir, what did you talk about? Should I be concerned?”
“Uh huh. You will be deciding the people we need to take down Meto, Dinkfrat. You heard what he's doing, have you not?” Graven could scare the boogie man with the expression he had on at the moment.
“Uh...Meto's the one who hates life, right? He figures if he rids the world if children...The population of the world will get lower, and we'll all implode into...”
“Correct,” Graven made a normal face again. “We're using children. It will intimidate him. And besides, no one's more concerned about saving children than children themselves. They'll be fighting for they're lives.”
“Literally,” said Doctor Darren with a chuckle, hoping Doctor Graven would laugh along.
“Shut up, you ignorant fool!” said Doctor Graven, “You are going to find children. Children with long histories of adventures, records and ingenious inventions. You will come with them and you will all make friends. You will spend time with them. You will help them train for the day. Train for the day to fight. And you WILL force them to rise to success.”
That night, Doctor Darren stayed up all night at work, searching for files on the computer for schools. Eventually, he found one. “Wawanakwa Elementary School,” he read aloud, “Day school for determined young people. I think this could be the one.” And so, Doctor Thomas Darren printed out the directions for the school, packed his suitcase, and traveled to the school.
Although it was a long ride, Darren finally found himself at the destination. He was disappointed to see that there were no children rushing inside. A leaf blew across the building. “Why, it's quiet enough for the crickets to be heard chirping,” thought Darren. He then remembered that it was summer time. “They keep me locked up in the HQ for so long; I don't keep up with the seasons!” He chuckled to himself. But he had heard somewhere that janitors stay to clean up during summer, so he went inside the school. He knocked on the janitor’s closet. “Hello? Is anyone here?”
“G'way.” said a gruff, raspy voice. “Ya ain't gots no business with me, ya hear?”
“I'm not the tax man,” said Darren, trying to calm the man.
“Oh, is that so?” said the voice, “Then Ah suppose yah can come on out.”
Darren then found himself face to face with a skinny bearded man wearing overalls and a baseball cap. “What's with yer garment?” said the man. “Are you one of dem dere city fellers?”
“Oh, I'm from BOOGIE.”
“Well, Ah’ll be darned if Ah don't know what dat means,” said the man. “Whaddya want, Mister Fancy man? Some of dat dere decaffeinated coffee?”
“No,” said Darren. He was finding it hard not to laugh at the man. “Are you the janitor?”
“Nyah. Ah'm the principal. Yes, Ah'm th' janitor, you suit-wearin' tramp. Now what can ah do ya for?”
“Is it true,” Darren asked politely, “That there are children here famous for their deeds?”
“Oh, you mean them there second graders!”
“Yes. Uh, I don't know. Possibly.”
“Yeah!” said the man. “They go on lot's 'o adventures togedder!”
“Adventures? Tell me more.”
The man pulled out a yearbook from the previous school year. He turned to the second grade page and pointed to a picture of a fairly pale boy with dark brown hair in a gray hoodie, a boy with curly hair and a goofy smile, and a girl with light orange hair with, quite oddly, wings. “These three are th' ring leaders.” he said, bending down to wipe some dirt off of his overalls.
“They're a funny looking bunch,” chuckled Darren. “Do you know where I can find them?”
“Oh, Ah do,” said the janitor, “But it be a very fantastic story. Ya have to promise you'll believe me.” Darren promised. He sat down in the janitor’s closet with the man, who began to tell the story.
“Now, listen. Th' little girl with the wings went on a cruise with her parents this June, but a very funny thing happened to her. The ship nearly sunk! Everyone made it out alive, but everyone was separated, see? So the little girl's livin' on an island by herself now. She was able to build a house of her own and, although she looks a bit loony, used advanced technology to create a real out o' sight security system with cameras and robots, and oh, ya know. The island is called 'Ridge.' You probably know about it from them geography lessons you took at dat dere sissy school of yours. The only bad thing is the girl's about the size of my thumb. So if yer lookin' for 'er, it'll be hard tuh find, right? Quite the challenge.”
“Interesting...” said Doctor Darren, “Could you tell me about the other two boys?”
“Oh, the step brothers?”
“If that's what they are...” “The pale boy is just having a normal life at home...The big haired boy is lost, though. He's most likely dead. The tabloids say he was adopted by some kind of ancient tribe of monkey people, but no one reads that garbage.”
“How horrible!” said Darren.
“Yes, yes. But there's still proof he's alive.” The man pulled out a newspaper from a few months ago.
He pointed to the headline, which showed the boy being harassed by two policemen. “It says he tried to rob a real estate company. Came in, hit the lady at the front desk with a bat...”
“It can't be true. He looks like such a nice boy,” said Darren. “Perhaps it was mistaken identity?”
“Listen, listen.” said the janitor. “It says here he escaped from arrest. After that, he was never heard from again.”
Now although Darren was obviously afraid of being killed by an 8-year old convict, he knew the kid could do no harm. He thanked the janitor, left the school and began his search for the pale boy. He got back into his car, and drove a few blocks away, before arriving at the boy’s house. He knocked on the door, and an old woman opened it. “What? Whaddaya want?!” she shouted at him.
“Mrs. Renrut?” he said. “My name is Doctor Thomas Darren, I work for the BOOGIE agency.”
“Oh,” the woman at the door said. “You’re not here about all the illegal stuff I do right? I’ll sue!”
“No, ma’am, calm down,” Darren said. “I’m not here about that, this time. I’m here for your son.”
Nanny Renrut turned around, and held Nalyd up to the man. “He’s all yours.” She quickly slammed the door, leaving the two outside.
“Don’t worry, she’s always like that,” Nalyd said awkwardly. “So why are you here?”
“I work for the BOOGIE agency,” Darren explained. “I’ve been assigned to recruit you and your school friends to help with a special mission, only you can do.”
“They’re not my friends,” Nalyd said. “Who are you looking for?”
“Matt Tollin and Sunshine Pasti,” Darren said. Nalyd walked along the side of the house silently, and Darren followed. Nalyd entered the back door of his house, and led Darren into the basement. Darren looked in surprise at the basement; the walls, ceiling, and floor were padded with white foam. The room was empty, except for a TV on one wall, and a person sitting inches in front of if. Darren approached the small person. “Hello?” The boy turned around and stared. Darren gasped.
“Hey, Renny, who’s your friend?” the boy said.
“Matt, this is Darren,” Nalyd said.
“You’re the one who robbed the real estate agency?” Darren asked nervously.
“Yup!” Matt smiled. “I got like five gillion dollars, and unlocked a secret room!”
“What secret room?” Darren asked, confused.
“The secret room at the back of the real estate agency building; it gives you another life!” Darren looked at him blankly. “Haven’t you ever heard of Grand Theft Real Estate? It’s like the coolest video game ever, man!”
“Wait, so why were you in the newspaper?” Darren asked.
“I set the high score,” Matt said. “So why are you here, dude?”
“The fate of children everywhere is in jeopardy,” Darren explained. “I’ve come to recruit you and your friends to help us stop Meto, and evil man who wants to rid the world of children! We need to hurry and find your winged friend.” Darren led the boys out of the house and to a helicopter on the front lawn.
“When did this get here?” Nalyd asked as the three got into the helicopter. Darren flew them high above the city, and toward the sea.
“Are we there yet?” Matt and Nalyd asked in unison.
“No,” Darren replied.
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“No.” This continued for several hours.
“Are we there yet?”
“Yes.” Darren lowered the plane and the three got out on the island. “It’s quiet. Too quiet.”
“What?” Matt shouted. “What did you say?”
“Matt, be quiet!” Nalyd hissed.
“Be what?” Matt shouted. “Louder? Works for me, guy!” Matt screamed as loud as his little lungs would let him.
“Can we please just leave him here?” Nalyd asked. Suddenly, robots charged from all around, surrounding the group. They were ten feet tall, and were shaped like humans, with arms, legs, and a head. Each robot pointed their right arms at the group, which were lazer blasters. “This is gonna be a long day.” The robots closed in on the group, and picked each human up by the back of their shirts. The robots carried them through the jungle, to a large tree house. It was as large as a normal house, and raised hundreds of feet in the air. The robots carried the humans to a nearby escalator, and rode it to the tree house. The humans looked down in awe of their height. As the elevator reached an end, the robots carried them into the giant tree house and dropped them on the floor. The humans looked up at the figure before them.
“Rise,” the figure said, in a deep, menacing voice. The three humans stood. They looked at the figure and realized they were taller than it.
“Sunshine?” Matt and Nalyd said in unison.
“Hey guys!” Sunshine said excitedly. She hugged her friends. “Who’s the creepy guy with you?”
“There’s no time to explain,” Darren replied. “We need to leave, now.”
“’Kay,” Sunshine said, leading the boys down the escalator.
“Aren’t the robots gonna try and stop us?” Nalyd asked.
“No, they’re not mine,” Sunshine said. “I found them here. I gave them some pasta and they built me a tree house and escalator. They say their master is Meto, which kinda sounds like meter which is the metric unit of measurement. I’m move than a meter tall! I grew!” Sunshine stood on her tiptoes.
“Meto!” Darren exclaimed. “Sunshine! Have the robots take us to him!”
“Do I have to?” Sunshine whined.
“The fate of the world depends on it,” Darren said.
“Fine,” Sunshine sighed reluctantly. She whistled to the robots, who approached her. “Please take me, my friends, and this old guy to your leader. And can I have a cupcake?” The robots handed Sunshine a cupcake, and led the four through the jungle.
“Are we there yet?” Matt, Nalyd, and Sunshine asked in unison.
“No,” the robots replied.
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“No.” This continued for several hours.
The group reached the end of the jungle, a volcano stood before them. “He’s in there,” one of the robots said.
“Well, looks like we’ll have to scale the side of the volcano,” Darren said. “When we’ve reached the top, I’ll take the lead, and plan our next move.”
“Why not use the front door?” Matt asked, pointing at a door on the side of the volcano.
“Owned,” Sunshine smiled. Darren rolled his eyes and led the kids into the conveniently placed in front of them. They walked into a brightly lit cavern. The four all broke into a sweat immediately from the heat.
“It’s quiet,” Nalyd said.
“What?” Sunshine shouted.
“We can’t hear you,” Matt shouted. Suddenly, the cavern was dark.
Meanwhile, Owe, Tdifan, and Stephen were playing video games at Tdifan’s house. “It’s a trap!” Owe shouted.
“What are you talking about?” Tdifan asked.
Owe shrugged. “Just gotta feeling something bad is about to go down,” he explained.
“Tdifan’s about to go down,” Stephen smiled, mashing the video game controller with his palm.
“Oh no you don’t!” Tdifan exclaimed.
Back in Meto’s lair, the four humans had some how been captured, and were locked in a small cage with metal bars, and one locked door. “I have to pee,” Matt whispered.
“I told you to go before we left,” Nalyd whispered. “But no, Matt knows everything; Matt has a bladder of steel.”
“Stop fighting!” Sunshine exclaimed. “You’re making me have to pee now.”
“Could this mission have gone worse?” Darren cried, putting his head in his hands.
“Don’t worry, mister,” Sunshine smiled. “I’m sure we’ll be okay.”
“Really?” Darren sniffled.
Sunshine shrugged. “I dunno.”
A man dressed in black approached the cage. “Greetings, children,” he said. “I am Meto.”
“No, really?” Nalyd asked sarcastically. “We’re locked in a cage and a guy in black with a Darth Vader voice comes up to us and introduces himself, who else could you be?”
“Anyway,” Meto continued. “I’ve captured the four of you so you cannot foil my plan.”
“Ooh, ooh,” Sunshine raised her hand. “I have a question.”
“Yes?” Meto asked reluctantly.
“What’s your plan?” Sunshine asked.
“I’m going to rid the world of children,” Meto said. He ran from the cage, to a large computer on the other side of the room. “This computer has the DNA of every child in the world! When I press this conveniently large red button, all of them will disappear!”
“You spit when you talk,” Sunshine said.
“Where will they go?” Matt asked.
“I don’t know, Kansas, maybe,” Meto said. “Any final words, children?”
“I never became more successful than my peers,” Nalyd cried.
“I never formed a successful rock band,” Matt cried.
“What about our band?” Nalyd asked.
“I said ‘successful,’” Matt said.
“What’s this?” Sunshine asked. She was holding an electrical cord in her hand. It connected to Meto’s computer, and had been plugged into the outlet next to the cage. Meto ran over and grabbed the cord from Sunshine, plugging it back into the wall.
“Don’t do that,” he scolded her.
Darren grabbed the cord, and ran to the center of the cage with it in hand. “Haha!” he laughed. “Now you have to get into the cage for the cord.”
“Little girl,” Meto said. “Please get me the cord.”
“Kay,” Sunshine said. She jumped, trying to reach the cord from Darren.
“Sunshine, knock it off,” Darren sighed.
“But he said please,” Sunshine replied.
Meto walked to the cage, unlocked the door on the cage, and walked in. “Hand me the cord!” Meto shouted, pouncing on Darren.
“Run kids!” Darren exclaimed. The kids ran to the computer.
“What do we do?” Nalyd panicked.
“Hey, dudes, isn’t there DNA in spit?” Matt asked.
“Ugh, you would know that,” Nalyd shuddered.
“If Meto spit on his machine when he talked, would he disappear?” Matt asked.
Meto had torn the core from Darren’s hands, and plugged it back into the wall. He charged towards the kids. “This is the end of children!”
“What does this button do?” Sunshine asked curiously. She pressed the conveniently large red button.
Meto shrieked. “Ach! My spitting-while-I-talk problem resulted in my spit getting on the machine, giving it my DNA!” There was a bright flash of light, the kids covered their eyes.
“They did it,” Darren smiled; a tear ran down his cheek. “They saved the world.” The flash of light ceased, and the volcano lair was still. Absolutely still.
The next morning, Nalyd woke up. He went down stairs, and sat at the kitchen table with Matt, his mother, and Matt’s father. Matt passed him a bowl of cereal. “You look paler than normal, Renny,” Matt said. “You okay?”
“I just had the weirdest dream,” Nalyd said. “We were in a volcano, and you were there, Matt. And so was Sunshine. And you too, mom.”
“Was I in it?” Matt’s dad asked.
“Um, no,” Nalyd said.
“I’m not in anybody’s dreams,” Matt’s dad moped.
“Anyway,” Nalyd said awkwardly. “I’m glad it was just a dream. No more scones before bed!”
Meanwhile, a man in black was standing in a field. He stood before a large sign. “Welcome to Kansas,” he read. He fell to his knees, “No!”
Back at BOOGIE, Darren stood before his boss. He was tired, hungry, and was suffering from jet lag. “You’ve done good, Darren, you’ve done good.”
~End of Chapter 34
Chapter 35: The First Day (Another One)
This Chapter is Brought to You by: Nalyd Renrut
“Welcome to third grade!” a little red-haired girl said excitedly. “I’m Sunshine.” She pointed at a boy with curly brown hair to her left. “This is Matt.” Then she pointed at a ghostly white boy to her right. “This is Nalyd. We’ll be giving you a tour of the third grade class and introducing you to everyone. What’s your name?”
The boy she was talking to had a wide grin on his face. “My name is Pinball,” he introduced himself.
“Hey, Renny,” Sunshine whispered loudly. “His name is weirder than yours!”
“I can hear you,” Pinball said awkwardly.
“Awkward,” Sunshine said in a high pitch voice. “So, this is your first year at this school?”
“Yeah,” Pinball said. “I just moved here, so I don’t know anybody.”
Sunshine giggled. “Sorry, I was just thinking about this cute boy named Duncan,” Sunshine said. “Tee hee.”
“Let’s just start the tour,” Nalyd said.
“What are we supposed to do?” Matt asked.
“Ms. Mutz, the teacher, wanted the three of us to introduce Pinball to everybody and show him around the school,” Nalyd explained. “What were you doing while she was explaining that?”
“Staring at her bingo wings, dude,” Matt shuddered. “People from the sixteenth century shouldn’t be allowed to work with children.”
“Anyway,” Nalyd said. “Let’s start by introducing you to some of the kids who weren’t in our class last year.”
“Okay,” Pinball smiled. He obediently followed the group of three. They approached a blond boy with glasses.
“This is Zinc,” Sunshine said. “He’s really quiet.”
“No, I’m not,” Zinc said. “None of you talk to me though.”
“See?” Sunshine said. “He just sits there with that stoic expression on his face.”
“Sunshine, I’m speaking right now,” Zinc said. “My mouth is moving.”
“I wonder what he’s thinking of,” Matt said.
“I like him,” Sunshine said. She hugged Zinc tightly. “You’re gonna be my new best friend!”
“I’d rather not,” Zinc said.
Nalyd grabbed Pinball’s arm and continued walking. Nalyd said, “Let’s see who we see ne-” He suddenly froze.
“Is he broken?” Pinball asked.
Nalyd stared at a blond girl sitting in front of them. She smiled at them and waved them over. Nalyd let go of Pinball and ran to the girl. “Hi-hi-hi-hi,” Nalyd stammered, before finally saying, “You’re hot!”
“Thank you,” the girl said. “I don’t believe we’ve met.”
“We haven’t,” Nalyd smiled. “I would have remembered a cute that face. Wait, I don’t think I said that right.”
The girl giggled. “I’m Princessa Angela Starlington,” the girl said. Nalyd didn’t reply, and just continued to stare at the girl and smile.
“This is the part where you say your name,” Matt whispered to Nalyd.
“I’m Nalyd,” Nalyd said.
“Nalyd, you’re drooling,” Sunshine whispered.
“Is he always like this?” Pinball asked.
“Yeah, he’s kinda the crazy one,” Sunshine said. “Really sorry about that. Let’s continue.”
“Can I stay here?” Nalyd asked.
“No,” Sunshine and Matt said. The two each grabbed one of Nalyd’s arms and dragged him away.
“Bye, Princessa!” he shouted. She waved to him.
The group of four walked up to a boy doing push-ups on the floor. “Drop and give me twenty, maggot!” Sunshine demanded.
“Sir, yes, sir!” the boy said, doing faster push-ups.
“That’s Mrs. Sir to you!” Sunshine exclaimed.
“This is Archie,” Matt said. “He like exercising. Don’t ask me why, some people are just weird.”
Archie jumped up and shook Pinball’s hand. “Nice to meet you,” Archie said. “You play any sports?”
“No,” Pinball said.
“Well that’s gonna change,” Archie said. “I’m signing you up for tennis, baseball, football, rugby, extreme mountain climbing, moderately extreme mountain climbing, barely extreme mountain climbing, and chess.”
“Chess?” Pinball asked in surprise.
“Gotta exercise the mind, don’t you?” Archie said. “I’ll see you at football in a week!” Archie cartwheeled away.
“What just happened?” Pinball asked his tour guides. Nalyd was staring back at Princessa, while Sunshine was playing with her pigtails.
“I don’t know,” Matt said. “But let’s keep going, we’ve got one more new student to see before you get to meet some of our old friends.” Matt led the group up to a boy with fire-red hair, wearing all red. “’Sup, dude?”
“Matt!” the boy said excitedly. “And Sunshine! And Nalyd! And… Who’s this?”
“This is Pinball, Reddy,” Matt said. “He’s the new guy in school.”
“Oh,” Reddy said. “Well, Pinball, did you know Sunshine, Matt, and Nalyd go on adventures all the time?”
“No, that’s cool!” Pinball said.
“Yeah, and did you know that I can recite all of their adventures by heart?” Reddy asked.
“No, but that’s kinda weird,” Pinball said awkwardly.
“Pop quiz; Who’s Sunshine’s favorite Total Drama character?” Reddy asked.
“Gosh, I don’t know,” Pinball said awkwardly.
“Mhm,” Reddy said. “It’s Duncan.”
“Is anybody else really uncomfortable?” Sunshine whispered loudly.
“Bye guys,” Reddy smiled as the group walked away. He slapped his forehead, “Calm down, Reddy, you’ll be their friend soon.”
“He was kinda weird,” Pinball said.
“They get weirder,” Sunshine smiled. The group walked up to a skinny boy with a mohawk and a fat boy with cake all over his face. “Hey, Stephen and Owe!”
“Hey guys,” Owe burped. He looked at Pinball. “I’m Owe.”
“Nice to meet you,” Pinball smiled. “What’s your name?” he asked Stephen.
“None of your business,” Stephen said.
“That’s Stephen,” Nalyd said. “He’s scary at first, but once you get to know him, you’ll see he’s just a big teddy bear.”
“A teddy bear that gave you a black eye last year,” Stephen said threateningly.
A brown-haired girl ran up to the group. “Hey guys!” she said excitedly. “I lost a tooth this summer and the tooth fairy gave me twenty bucks for it!”
“Seriously?” Pinball asked.
The girl hissed at Pinball. “Outsider!”
“Don’t mind her,” Nalyd said. “She’s Tdifan. She’s like Stephen; when you get to know her, you’ll see she’s just a big grizzly bear.” Tdifan kicked Nalyd in the shin and he collapsed. “I deserved that.”
Sunshine and Matt led Pinball away from the group, to a boy sitting alone and doodling. “This is Spenny,” Sunshine said.
“Hi, Spenny,” Pinball said.
Spenny looked up from his drawing, and looked at Pinball. “Run. Get out while you can,” Spenny said.
“I don’t think I like Spenny,” Pinball said shyly.
“Wouldn’t be the first time Spenny’s head that,” another boy said.
“Greg, man, be nice,” Matt said. “We’re showing the new kid around.”
“Oh, okay,” Greg said. “Hello, new child. I am Greg. This is Spenny. See that girl over there? That’s Gigi. Spenny is madly in love with her.”
“Am not!” Spenny protested.
“Are too,” Greg replied.
Gigi walked up to the group. “Hi guys,” she said happily.
“Hi Gigi,” Spenny said. “We were just meeting Pinball.”
“Hi, Pinball,” Gigi said. “Do you like Disney movies?”
“Yeah, they’re okay,” Pinball said.
“Okay?” Gigi asked.
“Yeah, I prefer Dreamworks,” Pinball said.
Gigi stared at Pinball before shouting, “You prefer Dreamworks?! Let me at him! Let me at him!” Greg and Spenny held Gigi back.
“Hurry,” Greg said. “I don’t know how long we have before she breaks out.” Sunshine, Matt, and Nalyd hurried Pinball away.
A boy walked up to Pinball and began spraying him with air freshener. “Untidy, untidy,” the boy muttered.
“That’s Nonny,” Matt said. “He’s a germaphobe. Poor dude wets himself every time he steps in dirt.”
“I haven’t done that since, like, yesterday,” Nonny defended himself before hurrying away.
“Who are they?” Pinball asked, pointing at three boys who were chasing each other in circles.
“Zak, Shane, and Kenny,” Nalyd said. “Zak’s a downer, Shane’s weird, and Kenny likes to make explosions.”
“We’re all a little worried about Kenny,” Sunshine said.
“I think that’s everyone,” Matt said. Matt turned and saw a short girl smiling widely at him.
“Hi, Matt!” she said excitedly. “I missed you over the summer. Is that weird? Never mind. Hi!”
“Hey, Chimmy,” Matt said.
“You know my name?” Chimmy gasped.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Matt asked. “We’re friends.”
Chimmy gasped. “Yay!” she said happily.
Matt said, “Yeah, you and I went to a dance together in first grade.”
“Matt, that was Tdifan,” Chimmy said.
Matt laughed, “Well, this is awkward.”
“Well, that’s everybody in the class,” Sunshine said.
“And me!” said a blond boy with a drawing in his hand.
“Good bunch of kids,” Nalyd said.
“What about Sprink?” the blond boy said. “Don’t forget me.”
“That’s absolutely everyone,” Matt said.
“Guys, over here!” Sprink insisted.
Sunshine, Matt, and Nalyd brought Pinball up to Ms. Mutz, the third grade teacher. She was a thin old woman, who looked not unlike a witch from a movie. “Did you introduce Pinball to everyone?” Ms. Mutz asked.
“Yes,” Sunshine, Matt, and Nalyd said in unison.
“What do you think of the class?” Ms. Mutz asked.
“This is gonna be an interesting year,” Pinball said.
~End of Chapter 35
Chapter 36: Mr. Baffi's Birthday Present
This chapter is brought to you by: Sunsummer7
Note: Nalyd Renrut gave Sunsummer7 the honor of being an author for this.
"Now, I will announce homework. You've had a week to meet your class, and now real work will begin, and don't whine about having homework during the weekend, so anyway. Monday is your ex-teacher, Mr. Baffi's birthday. Who knows what he'll love the most?" Ms. Mutz asked.
The who class yelled out the word pudding. They knew that was all he cared about.
"Then your homework is to meet up together to make anything related to pudding as a gift. This counts for the entire class's grade. So you can work on it together, I've arranged you a bus that will drop you off at the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Pudding Factory to work on it. Class dismissed." assigned Ms. Mutz.
The bus arrived at the factory.
"Greetings, children. I'm Mr. Wonka. Want my first ever two day tour?" offered the man.
The sane people of the class were going to say they had work to do, but everyone else agreed happily.
"Well, then. Let's get started." Wonka said, starting the tour.
But suddenly, Pig awakened, and sensed something suspicious. It got a message from Carl.
"Carl, what happened to my boss?" Pig asked.
"He was out sick, and put me in charge. Anyway, Mr. Wonka is stalling the class. They won't be able to finish the assignment. I'm counting on you to make it to the chocolate pudding pond, guarded by Oompaa Loompas. Defeat them, sneak to the working area, beat the Oompaa Loompas guarding, make the assignment, find and fight Wonka, win, and make the class pass and make Mr. Baffi have a happy birthday! Now do the mission!" Carl ordered.
And with that, Pig the Pig snuck in the factory.
"And here you'll find pudding gum, coming in all kinds of pudding flavors." Mr. Wonka showed the class, proudly.
"I'll have some. Is there a Fruit Loop pudding gum flavor?" Tdifan asked.
"Go ahead, and yes." Wonka said smiling.
But when Tdifan chewed on it, she flew away.
"Oh, well on with the tour." Wonka said.
"Where's the minor ones?" Nalyd asked, worriedly.
"Don't know. On with the tour!" Wonka said in a rush.
Meanwhile, Pig managed to climb to the top of the factory, and he landed in the dried up part of the lake. Oompaa Loompas fought him, but making and then throwing dried up pudding balls from the lake, he knocked them out. And making a bucket out of the grass, he had pounds of pudding with him, and he raced to the working area before Willy Wonka, Nalyd, Sunshine, Matt, Owe, and Stephen came in the room.
"Here is the chocolate room, no other factory in the world-" said the candymaker.
"CHOCOLATE!!!" yelled Owe, running to the pond, interupting him.
Soon enough, Owe was sucked into a tube, up high.
"-mixes pudding into pudding juice." Wonka said, this time completing his sentence.
"Everyone's dropping out like flies!" Sunshine exclaimed.
"Yes, they are. It's getting late. Let's camp here and continue the tour tomorrow." Wonka suggested.
When everyone was asleep, Oompaa Loompas came, and took Stephen.
Meanwhile, Pig finally found the working room, used the dried up pudding balls to knock the workers out again, and started making the assignment, pouring in the pudding from the lake.
Morning arrived, and everyone noticed Stephen was gone too.
"His loss. To the nut room!" Wonka said.
When everyone got there, chipmunks were everywhere.
"These chipmunks tell me if the nuts are good or bad." Wonka explained.
"What are the nuts for?" asked Matt.
"They're my ingredient for my pudding." Wonka replied.
"I WANT A CHIPMUNK!!!" sais Sunshine, racing out.
She was about to grab one, but it tackled her, and checked her.
"Looks like she's the rare insane ravioli pixie nut." Nalyd said.
The chipmunk tackled Sunshine, this time in the nearby pit. Wonka looked at Matt and Nalyd.
"You're the only ones left." Wonka said to the boys.
Meanwhile, Pig's experiment turned into a pudding monster. It tossed Pig out the factory window, and he landed in the garbage can, once again being stuck.
Wonka then resumed the tour, but Matt and Nalyd went the wrong way, and were horrified to see their classmates, imprisoned by Wonka and his Oompa Loompas.
Wonka walked in, grinning.
"YOU STALLED US?" said the two, angrily.
"That's right, I did. And the reason is that I didn't want to have Mr. Baffi have a gift, because he always tried to steal my recipes for pudding." Wonka confessed.
"Sick him!" yelled Nalyd, releasing the pudding monster that was created by Pig earlier.
The monster grabbed Wonka, stepped onto all the cages, freeing the class, and drowned Willy Wonka in chocolate. At the last second however, it stepped on a trapnet, sending it into the sky. The factory was destroyed in the process.
"Now we don't have something for Mr. Baffi." Stephen stated.
Ms. Mutz called on a phone and told them to meet at Mr. Baffi's house, to give him the gift. The class reluctantly did so.
"Where's my gift? Is it pudding? I hope it is!" Mr. Baffi said, excitedly.
"Well, we kinda-" Pinball tried to say, before being interupted by a large boom.
A pudding comet made from the monster, crashed into Mr. Baffi.
"THIS-IS-" Mr. Baffi got ready to say.
"We're gonna get in trouble." Princessa said worriedly.
"AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! A PUDDING COMET MADE ME HAVE ALL THE PUDDING IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mr. Baffi yelled.
The class smiled, knowing they'd get an A.
-End of Chapter 36