There is some language or violence that may not be appropriate for people under thirteen years of age.
Total Drama Supremacy Chapter 1: Uh Oh, 12 Minutes to Drama
Rain Wizard POV
I walked outside of my house in St. Louis the second the doorbell rang. At the door was a tall white man with curly red hair. He wore a red plaid shirt and his pants looked to be too big for him. He was holding a clip board. I had been waiting for this moment for a little while now, ever since I got the letter that is. He looked up from the clipboard.
“Are you Ethan Ugliano?” he asked.
“Y-yes,” I simply replied. Why do I have to always be so nervous? I thought.
Suddenly, a figure came up running from behind me. It was a short woman with medium length brown hair wearing a white blouse and black sweat pants. It was my mother.
“Ethan!” Mom exclaimed. “Why did you suddenly rush to the door without me noticing?”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said. “It’s just that they finally came. The Total Drama people I mean.”
“The Canadian reality show?” Mom asked. “I didn’t expect them to pick someone from America, to be honest.”
“Well, Mr. McLean sees something in him that the show could really use,” said the man with the clipboard.
“Let me guess,” began Mom. “He’s looking to exploit my son’s shortcomings, isn’t he?”
“No, Mrs. Ugliano,” said the man. “You can rest assured that the reason that he was chosen was because he is intelligent and never willing to give up. That and despite some social problems, he can get along with a lot of people.”
My mother is correct, I thought. Chris just wants to exploit my high anxiety and my ASD for a cheap laugh. People get their shits and giggles on when a person they consider inferior to them gets crushed.
“Very well,” said Mom. She looked at me after saying that. “But I’ll let you know that you will regret this. I know you’re just about grown up now, but this show is known to exploit people’s weaknesses and cause some serious harm, bodily or otherwise.” She started to hug me. “You have many gifts, Ethan. I know I need to have faith that you will make new friends, but I always worry.”
“I know,” I said. “But I will do my best in the competition and make as many new friends as possible.” I returned the embrace for a few brief seconds, and then I walked toward the truck, suitcase in hand.
I had been riding in the back for about twenty minutes. When I mean back, I mean the cargo hold of this massive moving truck. About a few miles into the trip, after we were out of my mother’s sight. Elijah, the red-headed man who was taking me to Canada, stopped the truck at a nearby truck stop and yelled to get in the back. It appeared that the compassionate Elijah was merely a façade. The futility of my existence has been affirmed once again.
After several hours, I began to get quite hungry. I was wondering how long this was going to take. I felt the truck come to an eventual stop. The door to the back opened. It was revealed to be Elijah holding a tray of food: a sandwich of some kind, some rotten spinach, a moldy dinner roll, and a bottled water.
“Eat, stupid kid,” ordered Elijah.
“I’m……seventeen…,” I uttered. “And….you don’t look a day over 25…”
Elijah proceeded to grab my collar with one hand and shove the spinach down my throat with another, his eyes red like the Sharingan.
“Eat goddamnit!” He exclaimed. I swallowed the vegetables, gagging all the way through. Elijah was quite livid, like he was an otaku being called a weaboo by some random troll on the internet. Elijah threw me into toward the other end of the trailer. Luckily, I was the only person or thing in the back of the truck. “After you eat, you need to amscray. We’re at the border to Canada and I don’t think Border Patrol would take kindly to a human being….or rather a bitch like you in the back.”
Chaotic Neutral POV
Another season with that dirtbag, Chris. Great. Just great. I thought. Well, at least I get to see my gal and my friends Geoff and DJ…..well, maybe. Who knows how this season will work? I was sitting in a chair in total darkness, away from anyone that might be on the show. It’s kinda scary in a way. I mean, I could have either been electrocuted or gotten a lap dance. I didn’t know what would happen. Unfortunately, I was about to find out.
“Welcome all to the fifth season of Total Drama,” said a familiar voice through a loudspeaker in the corner of the small, cubicle-like area.
Chris, I thought, feeling like grinding a kitten into dust.
“We’ve had a really wild ride, huh?” Chris said. “We’ve had friendships, and relationships, form and break. We’ve seen a guy fall into a volcano, another get mauled by a bear, countless nut shots, and not to mention plenty of endless drama between a bunch of wacky teens, and it was all in the name of mon-ay!”
Whatever, douche. I thought. I can’t wait to wipe that grin off your face and claim my prize money.
“Now without further ado,” the host began. “Let’s introduce the contestants. You see my dear viewers, I set up a poll on the Total Drama Website to determine the most requested contestants, and boy was it active!”
I heard about that, I thought. I guess the people chose me.
“I selected the top 10 winners of said poll to be contestants,” announced Chris. “And here they are…..”
Chris MacLean, the “friendly neighborhood host-dude” as Noah once sarcastically called him, is standing in a studio. On the walls were photos of various moments in Total Drama. Behind Chris is a red director’s chair that he had been sitting in. It says “Most Awesome Host of All Time.” Chris directs the cameraman to a section of the room entrenched in darkness, with 11 spotlights turned off. The 11 contestants are separated by soundproof partitions. The teens could still hear Chris through a loudspeaker in their respective pods.
“First up is Cody,” said Chris. The light over the first area was turned on to reveal Cody, the tech-geek with an attraction to certain goth girls.
“Next, it’s Izzy,” Chris declared. The second light shone to reveal an empty pod and an unhinged door on the ground. “Wait, where is…..?” Chris began to ask, but then Izzy comes from behind to tackle Chris.
“Here I am!” Izzy screams. “I’m so exicted! I mean, the government came and took me away and it cost me money!!! But anyway, yeah. I’m so going to win this time. I need to the prize money to embark on my quest to find……. the lost Centaur village of Nevandeil!!!”
“What in the [expletive] are you talking about?” Chris asked, getting up slowly from the assault. Izzy quickly ran over to a wall with many light switches, a few of them on the on position while 11 were still off.
“Oooooo,” Izzy said in astonishment. “What do these do?” Izzy turned on the remaining switches. This act revealed, in order from left to right, Gwen, Heather, Duncan, Cameron, Noah, Bridgette, Dawn, Alejandro (who had been healed of his burns), and Ezekiel (who was no longer in a Gollum-like state). Chris simply facepalmed.
“Well, ain’t that special,” Chris said in annoyance. “Well, folks that did not go as planned.”
Duncan proceeded to attempt to knock down the door to his pod, but he was unsuccessful. Chris sighed and began unlocking the pods with the others still inside. He had gotten to Ezekiel but refused to unlock his. Zeke began to knock on his door, but soon began to notice the spotlight dangling overhead.
“Well,” Chris said looking at his watch. “It should fall in 5…..4…..3….” The spotlight became detached from the wires and landed on the prairie boy, leaving him unconscious, broken, and battered. “I was off by two seconds haha.”
“Is he going to be okay?” Bridgette asked. Bridgette seemed to be in shock, as did Dawn and Cameron.
“Probably…not!!! Hahaha” Chris cackled.
Confession Cam (Because why not?)
Dawn- Oh goodness me. I do hope Ezekiel is okay.
Heather: Once again the sexist loser gets what he deserves. One day he’ll be farming in some valley contemplating the futility of his existence like the loser he is.
“So is this everybody?” Gwen asked.
“It has to be, babe” said Duncan. Noah smirked and shook his head. Duncan turned his attention to the smart-alec. “You know something we don’t?”
“Well, I have an inside source,” said Noah. “That said that the ratings for this show started to go down during Action, remained stable during World Tour and plummeted during Revenge. Chris wouldn’t try to just have twelve contestants in a desperation move, would he?”
“Wait, where did you learn this?” asked Cameron.
“Sierra,” said Noah.
“But how did…..?” Cody began, but then realized something that angered him. “So that’s how she got those photos of me trying on speedos.” Everyone else stood frozen, disturbed by the thought of Cody in a speedo.
“This is why we can’t have nice things,” said Alejandro.
“In other news, Noah is correct about our ratings troubles,” said Chris. “Introducing a huge amount new contestants proved to be fatal to our ratings, much offense to the RoTi (pronounced Row-tee) contestants.”
“Was I that much of a burden on the fans?” Cameron asked.
“Nope. Way worse.” replied Chris. Cameron bowed his head in shame. “Without further ado, here’s another batch of twelve contestants!!!”
The doors to the left opened revealing twelve familiar faces: Katie and Sadie, Harold, Lightning, Trent, Tyler, Owen, Courtney, Zoey, Jo, Beth, and DJ.
“Woooooo!!” Owen screamed. “Season five! And I’m in it this time too!”
“It’s too bad Mike couldn’t compete this season,” said Zoey with a worried look on her face.
“Yeah, more on other contestants in a few moments,” Chris said with a smile.
Confession Cam (Have an issue? Grab a…..you know how the line goes)
Trent: *sigh* If it weren’t for my…problems….I might still have her by my side. *takes out a pill bottle* I left these at home during Action, hence why I had that “9” freakout. The obsessed paranoia though was my own fault.
“Now contestants,” Chris began. “There are two more things I must go over before the first challenge. First, well….remember when I said that introducing a large amount of characters was a disaster?”
The contestants mumbled and whispered amongst themselves. Some asking ‘Is he going where I think he’s going with this?’
“Now, now,” assured Chris. “There will be a few newbies this time, but only six to make the starting count an even thirty.”
“What do you mean by starting count?” asked Jo.
“Yeah.” Sadie simply said, looking puzzled.
Well, that’s then end of chapter one of this new series. I’ve been working on it on and off for a little while and now I’ve finally gotten something done for it. A little on how the story will work: each character will have some event told from their point of view at least once. Ethan will be used as a center point a great deal. However, other characters (such as Duncan in this chapter) will have their points of view referred to as well. As for where the nicknames come from, you’ll have to see. Now then:
Who are the other five remaining contestants?
What is Chris’s final word before the first challenge?
Does it involve the contestants not competing?
What is the challenge anyway?
All of these questions will be answered in the next installment of……
TOTAL DRAMA SUPREMACY!!!!!!
Chapter 2: Because People Can't Count
Rain Wizard POV
I’m finally here. I thought. I was in a back corridor with a red curtain in front of it. The lighting was very dim, which I liked since I’m used to that at home. I, along with the five others in the room, was surrounded by tons of wooden crates. As for the five others, I wasn’t sure what to say, then again, I never am.
The first guy was named Tristan. He was African-American with a light brown skin tone, had a Mohawk, and wore a red T-shirt and black jeans with tons of zippers a-la Michael Jackson. He was a really skinny guy too. I don’t know what to nickname him yet.
Oh yeah. I didn’t mention the fact that I tend to nickname people in my head and in…well…..my journal. I don’t really use them outside of those two places. I’m afraid people will get mad at me, or worse. My mom knows about it, though. She calls me the Rain Wizard, after a Black Stone Cherry song. They’re one of my favorite bands.
The first girl I met in here was Barbie. She’s quite the loudmouth, but probably only because she’s so hyper and perky, like her boobs……did I just say that? Well, at least I didn’t say it out loud. Anyway, she wore a pink blouse and a denim skirt and had long brown hair tied into a ponytail.
Next, was a girl named Veronica. She quite obviously smelled of marijuana. She had long blonde hair and wore a green tank top and matching cargo pants. She seemed a bit slow on the uptake when the others were talking to her, but that’s likely from the thick neural pathways.
The third guy after me and Tristan was Clarence. Clarence wore a white polo shirt and blue slacks. He also wore glasses and had blonde hair. He seemed nice enough. He came up to me and wondered why I was so nervous.
“It’s just the way I am,” I said.
“Nonsense!” Clarence said. “You obviously developed into this.”
I think I found at least one person I can trust.
Finally, there was Keiko. Keiko was a Japanese-English girl who wore a white blouse with a red plaid skirt. Man, she was cute. Anyway, she kept arguing with the other two girls about the way they acted. She especially said toward Veronica that smoking weed was “improper” for a lady.
We all heard Chris talk to the other contestants in front of the camera. Chef Hatchet emerged from a hidden door behind Clarence.
“All right, maggots!” Chef began.
“What you call me?” asked Tristan argumentatively.
“Maggots,” said Chef. “Muh! Muh!” Chef made an ‘M’ sound.
“Oh,” said Tristan.
I wonder what that was about, I thought.
“Anyway,” continued Chef. “Here’s the deal. You kids are going to go out there and face the entire world, so don’t make fools of yourselves…..no wait….scratch that….make gigantic fools of yourselves!”
I felt like my heart was going to explode. I knew that people would see me, but I didn’t think it all through. I’m going to regret this, I thought.
“I volunteer to g-go first,” I said. The other five just looked at me in shock; well, except Clarence who slowly clapped. Not sure if it was sincere or condescending. I’ll just pick sincere.
“You can talk?” asked Veronica.
“Uh, yeah?” I simply said.
“Get in there,” said Chef. He took me by the hoodie and threw me through the curtain…..
“Coming out first…..” Chris began. He was interrupted by a young man wearing a black hoodie and red jeans. He had long brown hair and had a look of absolute panic.
“….Ethan, apparently,” finished Chris.
“Hello, everyone,” Ethan said as he waved.
“I didn’t expect you to volunteer to be first, dude,” said Chris. “So, how do you feel?”
Confession Cam (Even I didn’t expect this, but I’m just a camera.)
Jo: Pftttt *crosses arms* and I thought Cam was pathetic.
Zoey: I wonder what’s wrong with Ethan. I hope he’ll do okay….
Duncan: Even though Cameron got to the finals out of sheer dumb luck, that ain’t happening with this guy. I can already tell he’s a jellyfish.
“Well, next is a favorite of mine,” said Chris. “Come on out Clarence.”
The bespectacled blonde came out from behind the curtain.
“Greetings and salutations,” said Clarence.
“Why is he a favorite?” asked Harold.
“Because shut up, Harold,” replied Chris. Harold looked down in defeat. “Next, come on out Veronica!”
Out came a blonde who reeked of the Mary Jane-y stuff. Duncan sniffed egregiously. Courtney and Bridgette were trying to hold in vomit.
“It smells like Duncan’s glove compartment in here,” said Courtney.
Confession Cam (It’s just a plant, people.)
- coughing* I know it’s an element of nature, but that seems to be a little excessive, ya think? *coughing*
“Next up is…” Chris began. Suddenly Tristan popped out of the curtain and began to dance as if he were at the club. “…..Tristan, I guess.”
“Hello there beautiful people,” he said. Tristan ceased dancing and began inspecting the group. “Well, some of you are anyway.”
“Hey!” exclaimed Beth. “We’re all beautiful on the inside!”
“Have you seen the inside of the human body, honey?” asked Tristan.
Confession Cam (So I guess Christina Aguilera was wrong?)
Beth: Not cool, Tristan!
Tyler: There’s something weird about this guy. Hmmmm *scratches his chin*
“Next up is Keiko,” Chris said. Out came the Japanese-British beauty with a slightly sour disposition. Ethan gulped out of nervousness and others looked in awe.
“It is not polite to stare you know,” Keiko remarked.
“You’re British?” Cody asked.
“I was born and raised in Liverpool,” Keiko replied.
“I see…” said Cody. “So, uh hehe wanna make out?” Keiko proceeded to kick Cody in the shin.
“It would be extremely improper of me to give into your advances,” said Keiko. “Flattered, though.”
Confession Cam (Wait……he’s over Gwen now? What is this I don’t even?)
Gwen: Cody and I had a long talk between seasons. He understands that I’m with Duncan now, and that we’re not meant for each other.
Cody: I guess you could say Gwen and I came to an understanding, and by that I mean Duncan and I came to understanding. And by that I mean…well…..I can’t tell anybody…..first rule of the talk with Duncan: “Do not talk about the talk with Duncan.” *Cody begins sucking his thumb out of fear*
“Before we get to our thirtieth and final contestant,” Chris began.
“…Twenty-eighth,” Ethan interrupted.
“At last, someone points out the error,” Noah remarked. Everyone looked at Noah. “What? You guys can’t count?”
“We’re looking at you because you should have said something sooner,” said Chris.
“I was just going to let things play out among the below-averages and the ‘Holy-Crap-He/She-Passed-Kindergartens’,” Noah said in a sarcastic fashion.
“Is there a reason why you’re being meaner than usual?” asked Bridgette.
“Yeah,” added Duncan. “You’re being an even more annoying douche than before.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Noah.
“Anyway, I need to get two more contestants ready,” said Chris. “In the meantime, y’all play nice, m’kay?” Chris immediately dials his smartphone as he walks away. “Hey, Eli?”
“What about me?” a voice asked from behind the curtain. After that, a skinny blonde girl in pink ran out in a perky fashion. “One-Two-Three-Four! Who will all the fans adore? It’s Barbie! Yeah, Barbie! Barbie! Yeah, Barbie!” Heather soon got into Barbie’s face and stared at her angrily.
“You think you’re all that little miss cheerleader?” asked Heather. “You’re looking at the most dominant female in Total Drama history. I am the only person to ever make it to the final three twice.”
“That is true,” admitted Harold.
“Shut up, Doris!” yelled Duncan as he ran up and smacked Harold in the back of the head.
Confession Cam (D-R-A-M-A, That’s the name of this total game.)
“He is so not that great!” exclaimed Sadie.
“And I say Justin is nothing but a pretty face!” Katie exclaimed back at her.
“Alejandro is a jerk, Katie,” said Sadie. “Why can’t you see that?”
“At least he’s more of a man than Justin,” retorted Katie. Trent walked over to Katie and Sadie, who were bickering over something.
“What’s the matter?” asked Trent.
“Not now, Trent!” Both Katie and Sadie yelled. They realized that they said it at the same time and got even angrier with each other.
“What’s up with them?” Trent asked Dawn and DJ.
“I’m staying out of this fight, so don’t look at me,” said DJ. He backed out of the way and simply whistled “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” innocently and he walked over to Ethan standing by himself.
“From what I’ve been hearing, Katie has become smitten with Alejandro, while Sadie is attracted to Justin,” explained Dawn. “I noticed darkness coming from Katie’s aura. It may be hard to believe, but Katie and Sadie have distinct auras. They may not seem like it, but they are individuals like everyone else.”
Confession Cam (Yeah, I thought they were basically the same person, too.)
Trent: You’d think they’d be more open to intervention, but I guess Katie and Sadie figure they can handle their own problems when they’re amongst themselves.
Alejandro: Did I hear it? Of course I did. I’m going to be smart about this, though. I made a lot of people mad toward the end of Season 3. I can’t forget about that.
Sadie: Katie’s being pulled to the dark side by that charming-yet-evil Alejandro. I hope he didn’t hear anything that we said. Also, big shout out to Justin! I love you!
“So, Ethan, right?” asked DJ.
“Yeah,” Ethan replied.
“I gotta ask,” DJ began. “I mean, why are you acting like this? Do people really freak you out that much?”
“Well, kinda,” replied Ethan. “I just don’t know how to deal with people all that well. I’ve had my share of bad experiences too.”
“Why did you join this show then?” asked DJ. “I mean this isn’t a very warm environment, to be honest with you.”
“Well, here’s the thing,” said Ethan. “Two actually: One, I need the money to pay for college. I mean sure, I could start out at a two-year school, but I want to get away from the people who have tormented me all this time. Secondly, I thought that maybe I could make at least one friend here. I mean, look at you, Geoff, and Duncan, or Gwen, Bridgette, and LeShawna.”
“A reality competition show for that, huh?” said DJ. “Not the smartest route, or the best, but I will say that I don’t think you’ll have any problems making friends as long as you push yourself out of your comfort zone and take risks from time to time.”
“I don’t like risks,” Ethan said.
“Trust me, dude,” said DJ. “It never hurts to try something new.”
Ethan smiled, but the smile immediately disappeared due to a loud banging noise. The contestants looked over to see Chris, the man known as Elijah holding two drum sticks and a trash can, Sam, and Dakota.
“Alright, fartnuggets!” yelled Elijah. “Chris and I have brought out the rest of the victims, including Game Boy and Primadonna over here, who will be the final two contestants.”
“Apologies for the delay,” said Chris. “I could have sworn I had thirty people.”
“It’s about time,” said Heather with her arms crossed.
“Why did we need an even thirty?” asked Cody.
“Because of this!” exclaimed Elijah. He walked over to a Television and turned it on. It revealed a wrestling ring with the words Royal Rumble on its apron.
With the count finally at thirty, what will the Total Drama Royal Rumble bring?
Who will emerge victorious?
How will this affect the competition?
What is the word on the remaining contestants that Chris hinted at earlier?
Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Most of these questions will be answered in the next installment of
Chapter 3: Total Drama Royal Rumble Part 1
“That is epic!” exclaimed Tyler.
“Wrestling? Seriously?” asked Courtney. “That’s nothing but a Hoosier spectacle designed for slack-jawed idiots.” Duncan, Jo, Lightning, and Tyler looked at her with malice. “What? It’s fake!”
“This is true,” Chris began. “However, you guys won’t be really fighting, per se. Follow me, people.” All thirty contestants followed Chris and Elijah through the venue of the first challenge. They walked through a parking lot that was relatively empty, save for a few vans.
“Is that how you new guys got here?” Trent asked Clarence. He simply nodded. The large group approached a large structure with a giant monitor and several different pods, enough for every last Total Drama contestant who has ever competed.
“Let me guess,” said Noah. “A virtual reality machine? Like that hasn’t been done in about a few dozen fan works.”
“Shut your corkhole, douchebag,” retorted Elijah. “Just because a lot of dumb fan writers have done this does not make this a terrible idea.”
“Hush,” said Chris. Elijah simply crossed his arms and murmured curse words. “Noah is correct, but about a few other matters before I explain what the challenge is.”
“Lightning don’t need to know anything else,” said Lightning. “Lemme throw some people out of the ring.”
“A nice thought, Lightning,” Chris began. “but I need to explain some mechanics of this season to everyone who actually cares……which I’m pretty sure is everyone else. Anyway, the thing about his season is that, unlike the last four, it won’t have much of a theme. Rather, it will pull from the previous four seasons, our own original ideas and possibly even doing some borrowing, like Noah said.”
“And by borrowing you mean intellectual property theft,” said Sadie. Elijah began to laugh as if someone had slipped on a banana peel into a fiery furnace to their death.
Confession Cam (Where does Chris find his interns?)
Sadie: Hey, I like reading fan-fiction, you….you…..buttface!
Noah: Yeah, I went there. While it’s true that fan-fiction is not within itself bad, just like everything else as Kant wrote, I believe Sturgeon’s Law is a bit too generous. Besides, like that ginger intern guy was saying, copyright laws aren’t exactly in the favor of fan-fiction writers.
Elijah: Did someone in here call me ginger? Was that you? *points at camera. Camera shakes horizontally as if to say “no”* I’m watching you, bub.
“Anyway, as Noah stated a bit earlier, ratings have gone up and down since Island, which was the peak of this series in the eyes of many,” said Chris. “So, this could very well be the final season.” A tear came to Chris’ eye. “Sorry guys, give me a moment.”
“Final season?” asked Tristan. “But me and a few others just got here.” Chris regained his composure and began to speak again.
“Sorry folks,” said Chris. “The thought of losing my fame….just…..I can’t bear it….”
“You mean infamy?” asked Gwen.
“Fame, infamy, is there really a difference anymore?” asked Chris. “Anyway, before I was interrupted yet again….yes this could be the final season….so I’ve pulled out all the stops with the budget, the rules, everything.”
“I can see the budget, but……what about new rules?” asked Beth.
“Well for starters, any person not currently competing who is not currently in the competition can be randomly plopped in and onto a team at any time before the final 4. At that point everyone will have gotten at least one run in the competition this season.”
“What?” asked Zoey. “You mean we have to outlast everyone?”
“Bring it on, everybody!” exclaimed Jo.
“What he…I mean……. she said,” said Lightning “Sha-bam!”
“Man….this is getting complicated already,” said Veronica. “Man, I need some tacos right now…”
“You can eat after the challenge,” said Chris. “Speaking of which, I think I’ll talk about that now. Since about 1988, the Royal Rumble has been a staple of World Wrestling Entertainment. It is essentially a battle royal where two competitors start fighting, and a new person enters every 90 seconds. This continues until all 30 participants have entered the match. You can only be eliminated if you are thrown over the top rope and both feet touch the floor. The last one standing gets…….”
“A title shot at WrestleMania?” asked Lightning.
“The prize money?” asked Dakota.
“Insert third thing here?” asked Izzy.
Confession Cam (It’s time to play the game!)
Ethan: This can’t be too, bad, right?
Courtney: Despite the sheer stupidity of this challenge, I am going to win this and secure my spot as a team captain. No one is going to stand in my way!
Lightning: I’m gonna throw all of them over the top rope! Just give me number 1 already! Sha-rumble!
The scene transitioned to the arena shown on the television earlier. There was a giant screen hanging above a stage with a ramp attached to it leading to a ring with a black apron reading “Royal Rumble Total Drama Edition.” There were fireworks going off as the song “Famous” by Puddle of Mudd played in the background. The camera panned to the announce table where Chris McLean sat with a man with light-brown spiked up hair and a man with long blonde hair and sunglasses.
“Greetings and welcome to the Total Drama Edition of the Royal Rumble live in virtual Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,” said Chris. “Chris McLean here on commentary along with reality show star and former WWE Champion The Miz and intern Jimmy Richards.”
“Glad to be with you for this AWESOME occasion, Chris,” said Miz.
“I’m glad to be here too, Chris,” said Jimmy. “But as we all know, it was inevitable for me to be at this table wit cha here now. And that is because err’body loooooooooves Jimmy Richards.”
“Not gonna argue there, pal,” said Chris.
“Here comes intern Clara to announce the participants,” said Miz. The camera view was switched to a young African-American girl with an afro wearing a black dress in the ring.
“The following contest is a Royal Rumble match to determine the first team captain for Total Drama Supremacy,” said Clara on the microphone. “As Chris stated earlier, there will be two participants starting in the ring and every 90 seconds, a new Total Drama cast member will enter in the order of the number that he or she drew, and yes both male and female competitors will be in the same match.”
“Probably should have clarified that, but oh well hahaha” said Chris.
“Jimmy Richards says eh okay, Jose Ole,” said Jimmy Richards.
“I’d like to turn your attention to the rest of our staff this season,” said Clara. “Of course you know Head Ref Chef.” The camera shows Chef and he waves. “Next is Elijah!” The red-haired man was wearing a referee shirt and waved to the camera and smiling deviously. “Then, there’s Alice.” The camera switches to tall young woman in a referee uniform with black hair. “Of course, Jimmy! Hey Jimmy!”
“See!” said Jimmy. “Err’body love Jimmy Richards!”
“And finally our timekeeper, Viktor,” said Clara. The camera showed an older man in a blue jumpsuit seated next to the announcers’ table. “He’s normally our mechanic, but helps us out with other things from time to time. Now let’s get it started!!! Introducing first………”
The camera panned toward the screen known as the titantron……
“I wonder who it’ll be….” wondered Chris.
“Viva La Insane” by Eat the Gun began to play. Izzy’s name began to flash on the Titantron. The crowd began to erupt with excitement.
“Introducing first!” Clara began. “The psycho hose beast: Izzy!”
There were signs being held up that read “Izzy for Prime Minister” and “Redheads have more fun”. Izzy came running down the stage ramp wearing a light green top and green tights in a shade that matched her regular clothing.
“And the crowd goes wild for the crazy redhead,” said Miz.
“Izzy for Prime Minister?” asked Chris in disbelief. “Like that’ll ever happen.”
Izzy climbed up the turnbuckle and pointed toward a logo way up high that said “Total Drama Supremacy Championship Challenge.”
“Izzy is pointing at the logo for the season, and possibly series, finale,” said Chris.
“Jimmy Richards say only a few individuals have gone all the way through a rumble and won,” said Jimmy. “Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, and the Ghost of Christmas Past.”
Confession Cam (Krispen Wah!!!!)
Chris: What? He existed, people. Deal with it.
“…..Anyway…,” The Miz said as he tried to get everyone back on track. “Let’s see who drew number two.”
“And now the individual who drew number two……” Clara said on the microphone. The suspense was killing a lot of people in the arena. Suddenly, “Down” by 311 started to play from the speaker system.
Veronica came out onto the stage wearing a tie-dye t-shirt and black tights.
“And now it’s the newbie Veronica coming out to the ring,” said Chris.
“Like Jimmy said earlier,” Miz began. “It will be difficult to outlast the next several….what shall we refer to the contestants as?”
“I dunno, dramatics?” asked Chris.
“Let’s go with that for now,” replied Miz.
By this point, Veronica had reached the ring, and was looking the psycho hose beast dead in the eye.
“Sup, chica?” Veronica asked.
“Nothing much just…hey, wait a minute!” said Izzy. The bell rang and Veronica went for a kick to Izzy’s stomach, but she grabbed the leg.
“No thank you, says the redheaded psycho,” said Miz.
Veronica attempted to swing her other leg toward Izzy’s head, but Izzy ducked.
“And again she avoids getting hit,” said Chris. Veronica rebounds the foot from the mat and clocks Izzy in the side of the head with the same leg she had just avoided.
“Whoa,” said Jimmy. “There’s some RVD stuff goin on up in here.”
“Yeah,” said Chris. “I assigned them all move sets lifted from actual Superstars and Divas.”
“I wonder whose moves Izzy got?” asked the Miz.
Veronica tried to pick up Izzy, but Izzy quickly threw her into the ring post. Veronica sat in the corner and then Izzy began sizing her up. Izzy stepped back and then ran at Veronica and ran her knee into Veronica’s head.
“Ouchtown,” said Jimmy.
“That doesn’t tell us much about her move set, though,” Miz said. Veronica got up and Irish Whipped Izzy toward the ropes, but then Izzy dodged a clothesline and rebounded off the ropes. Then, Izzy ran back at Veronica, and maneuvered off of her such that Izzy begins to flip around Veronica’s body and then Izzy wrapped her body around Veronica’s with her leg wrapped around Veronica’s head.
“Black Widow! Black Widow!” exclaimed Miz.
“Yeah, I gave Izzy AJ’s moves,” said Chris. The clock began to count down from ten. The crowd chanted along with the countdown clock.
…..!!!!!!” The buzzer went off.
“Let’s see who is next,” said Miz.
“Built to Last” by the Protomen began playing. Sam ran out onto the stage. He wore a red and yellow singlet.
“Gamer boy Sam is entrant number 3,” said Chris.
“Considering this is a game, I’m sure Sam will excel,” said the Miz.
“Maybe,” said Jimmy. “But we’ll have to see if this cat can outlast everyone at such a low number.”
Sam entered the ring and by this point, Izzy had released the Black Widow submission hold, which had drained Veronica. Sam ran at Izzy and successfully executed a clothesline. Izzy got right back up and Sam ran at Izzy and hit another clothesline.
“Sam is goin H.A.M,” said Jimmy.
Sam attempted a third clothesline, but Izzy jumped up, caught Sam’s head between her legs and nailed him with a Hurricarana.
“And Sam gets thrown through a loop,” said Miz. Izzy proceeded to get on top of Sam and start punching him. Over and over Izzy punched Sam. Veronica got up, recovering from the submission hold. Izzy stopped punching Sam and focused her attention back on Veronica.
“Looks like she who does that Mary Jane Watson may be in a world of trouble,” said Chris.
“I used to do drugs,” said Jimmy. “I still do, but used to, too.”
“Where did you find this guy?” asked Miz.
“Craig’s List,” Chris replied simply.
“Why am I not surprised?” Miz asked in a snarky tone.
Izzy began kicking Veronica in her mid-section. She stopped after about five or so kicks and dragged her toward the ropes.
“Looks like we may see an elimination,” said Miz. Izzy attempted to throw Veronica over the top rope, but Veronica landed on the apron. Sam walked over, tapped Izzy on the shoulder, and as Izzy turned around, grabbed her and nailed her with a T-Bone suplex.
“First AJ and RVD and now Shelton Benjamin,” said Jimmy.
“Pre-Gold Standard Shelton to be exact,” said Chris.
“The choice makes perfect sense since Shelton is a huge gamer in real life,” said Miz.
“Oh, so we can’t mention a certain Ghost of Christmas Past, but you can break kayfabe at will?” asked Chris.
“Shut up, Chris,” Miz simply said.
“Don’t make me throw you out of this virtual arena, pal,” threatened Chris.
“Fine, then you’d have to deal with Michael Cole plugging the WWE app every five seconds,” said Miz.
“Oooooo, he got you good, man,” said Jimmy.
“Fine, you can stay,” said Chris. Veronica had gotten back into the ring and jumped up and hit a dropkick on Sam. Veronica rebounded off of the ropes on the opposite side of the ring and proceeded to curl into a ball, roll, and somersault onto Sam’s chest.
“Rolling thunder!” exclaimed Miz.
“Ten!! Nine!!!” the crowd yelled.
“Looks like we’re going to see entrant number four,” said Chris.
ONE!!!” The buzzer went off. “The Valkyrie” composed by Richard Wagner began playing from the speaker system.
Noah’s name began to flash on the Titantron. The crowd went wild for the fan-favorite as he reluctantly approached the stage wearing pink tights.
“Lemme guess?” asked Miz. “He has Damien Sandow’s moves, right?”
Confession Cam (Allow me to beg your indulgence)
Noah: This is seriously stupid. How will this prove how fit a leader will be? I bet World “Rasslin’” Entertainment paid Chris a pretty penny to whore themselves out for this challenge. Either that or Chris is capitalizing on the lack of intelligence of the average reality TV fan.
Noah slowly walked up to the ring. Veronica dragged Sam toward the middle of the ring and climbed to the top turnbuckle. Noah got to the apron as she attempted to jump off.
“Is Veronica going for a Five-Star Frog Splash?” asked Chris. Noah ran over to the turnbuckle Veronica was on and shoved her into the security barricade, her feet landing firmly on the arena floor.
“Sorry, young lady, but you are outta here,” said Jimmy.
Noah entered the ring, but was immediately attacked by Izzy. She backed Noah into one of the corners, jumped onto the second rope and used her body weight to flip Noah toward the center of the ring.
“Nice monkey flip from Izzy,” said Miz.
“Monkey see, monkey do, monkey fling some poo at you,” said Jimmy. Miz face palmed.
Izzy picked up Noah and put him on his feet, but Noah raked Izzy’s eyes.
“My eyes!” Izzy exclaimed.
“A cheap shot from the self-proclaimed genius,” said Chris. Noah then hit Izzy with a Russian Leg Sweep. He picked up Izzy and tried to throw her over the top rope, but Izzy spun around and threw Noah over the top and he landed on the apron.
“And it looks like Noah could be sent packing too,” said Miz.
Izzy dropkicked Noah and he fell to the floor.
“Go back to your ark, dude,” said Jimmy. The Miz face palmed once again.
Izzy then proceeded to springboard off of the top rope and fly on top of Noah and Chef who had told Noah to leave.
“I should have expected that,” said Chris. “Considering she’s eliminated herself from a challenge before…”
Sam got up to find he was the last person in the ring.
Confession Cam (He came to play!)
Izzy: Stupid top rope rule! But whatever, I don’t need to be a captain right now. All I need is to find those centaurs at the end…
Chris: I still don’t know what she’s talking about. *scratches head*
Jimmy Richards: Hello? Is this thing on? *begins singing* Err’body love me because I’m Jimmy Richards! Whoop Whoop Bang Bang! Because I’m Jimmy Rich- *a hook appears and drags him out of the confessional*
Chef: Sorry about that, folks.
Sam was simply resting from the earlier assault. The countdown commenced once again.
“Well, it got here just in time,” said Chris.
“Yeah, man,” said Jimmy. “I don’t want to sit here watching Steve Smith celebratin and err’thang. I want to see dem elbow drops.”
ONE!!!” The buzzer went off…..
“That Fire” by Black Tide began playing. The name Alejandro flashed on the titantron.
“Here comes Senor Burromuerto,” said Jimmy. “Looks like he has something to say.”
“Cut the music!” exclaimed Alejandro as he walked out on the stage. “As you all know, the winner of this little battle royal becomes the leader of a team.”
“What?” the crowd asked.
“I said the winner becomes the leader of a team,” repeated Alejandro.
“What?” the crowd asked again.
“I said…,” Alejandro began angrily.
“What?” asked the crowd.
“The virtual WWE Universe toying with the World Tour finalist,” said Miz.
“All thanks to the Alaskan Bullworm,” said Jimmy.
“You mean the Texas Rattlesnake?” asked Chris with his eyebrow raised.
“Him too,” replied Jimmy.
“Anyway, I think I’ll just kick back and watch the match until everyone else enters,” said Alejandro.
“Boooooooo!!” the audience went.
“Whatever, you people are full of it!” exclaimed Alejandro.
“You’re a chicken!” yelled Sam.
“You have a vagina!!!” Alejandro retorted back.
“Well, at least I have a hot girlfriend,” Sam fired back.
“So you admit it about the vagina?” asked Alejandro. Sam began to tear up.
“Shut up!!!” he yelled. Sam climbed over the top rope and landed on the floor.
“Does Sam realize he eliminated himself?” asked Chris.
“I don’t think he cares,” said Miz. Sam grabbed a chair from under the ring and proceeded to chase Alejandro around the ring with it. Alejandro made about four laps around the ring before looking back at Sam only to run into a ring post. Sam noticed the Latino bad boy’s head resting against the post and proceeded to smack Alejandro’s head with the chair against the ring post.
“Sam going H.A.M once again,” said Jimmy. Sam attempted to do it again, but Elijah came up and grabbed the chair from him.
“Suck it, nerdface,” said Elijah. He then hit Sam on the head with the chair and he fell on his face, losing virtual consciousness.
“And he is outta here,” said Chris. “Hahahahahahaha!”
Alejandro took a moment to recover, but realized the countdown was going on.
“Here comes number six,” said Miz.
ONE!!!!” The buzzer went off.
…… “Livin on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi began playing………..
Trent walked out onto the stage. He wore black leather tights.
“If he has some 3MB move set going on, I’m walking,” said Miz.
“Puh-lease,” said Chris. “3MB is a bunch of posers. Well , two posers and a once-relevant Scotsman.”
Trent ran after Alejandro, but Alejandro evaded him and ducked into the ring under the bottom rope. Trent got Alejandro into a corner and proceeded to kick him repeatedly.
“A flurry of kicks from the rock n roller,” said Miz.
Trent threw Alejandro toward the center of the ring and ran at the ropes. He then jumped onto the ropes and moonsaulted off of the ropes, but Alejandro rolled out of the way and as a result, Trent landed on his feet.
“He has the moves of resident rock star and alleged inventor of everything Chris Jericho,” said the Miz.
“Jimmy Richards say Jericho did not invent err-thang,” Jimmy began. “For he did not invent Canada or baked beans.”
“Who did invent those things, dare I ask?” asked the Miz.
“Canada was invented by……,” Jimmy said.
“How the [naughty word] do you invent a country?” asked Chris.
“Only the Order of the Maple Leaf knows for sure…..” said Jimmy.
“What kind of drugs are you on, man?” asked the Miz.
“I got it from this guy in the back,” replied Jimmy.
Alejandro went for a tackle on Trent, but Trent rolled to the side.
“Looks like we have Y2J against the Rated R Superstar,” said Miz.
“You know, that gimmick seemed pointless during the PG era,” said Chris. “I mean, Edge did bang Lita on live television, but that’s about all he did that was R-Rated.”
Trent hit a dropkick on Alejandro and proceeded to grab his legs and turn him over while grabbing said legs.
“He has him in the Walls,” said Chris.
“Looks like we might see someone break that wall, just like Mikhail Gorbachev and the Kool-Aid Man,” said Jimmy.
“How did you mistake Ronald Raegan for the Kool-Aid Man?” asked Miz.
“Ronald Raegan was the Kool-Aid Man?” asked Jimmy.
“At least you don’t have to deal with him after today…….maybe,” said Chris.
One!!!!!!!!!!! The buzzer goes off once again.
“Pop Bottles” by Birdman and Lil Wayne began playing.
Lightning ran out onto the stage wearing blue tights with yellow lightning streaks and rushed to the ring. Trent broke the Walls of Jericho only to be clotheslined by Lightning.
“Lightning wasting no time on these two,” said Chris.
Lightning waited for Alejandro to get up and then jumped up from behind him, grabbed the front of his neck from behind, and slammed Alejandro down.
“Zig Zag!” yelled Miz.
“Lightning showing off like a sir,” said Jimmy.
Lightning attempted to Zig Zag Trent as well, but he grabbed the ropes nearby and Lightning simply fell on his back. Trent jumped off of the ropes and hit a dropkick on Lightning.
“Ouch,” said Chris. Trent went to pick up Alejandro, but Alejandro threw Trent into the nearest ring post.
“Y’know, Al’s doing pretty well considering what Sam did to him earlier,” said Miz.
Lightning got up and rushed toward Alejandro. Alejandro, however, successfully tackled Lightning.
“Spear!” yelled Chris. All three competitors staggered to their feet. Trent punched Lightning, who punched Alejandro, who punched Trent. The process continued until Lightning took Alejandro and Trent’s heads and smashed them into each other.
“Smashin dem coconuts,” said Jimmy.
“Ten!!! Nine!!!!” the crowd started to chant.
“Looks like time for entrant number 8,” said Chris.
ONE!!!!” The buzzer went off.
“Dark Horses” by Switchfoot began playing. The name “DJ” began flashing on the titantron. DJ walked out wearing green tights that were the same shade as his shirt.
“Now we’ll see if DJ will even try to win this thing,” said Miz.
DJ slowly walked up to the ring, but simply stared at said ring. Lightning approached the ropes facing the stage and stepped onto the bottom rope.
“Get in here, foo!” shouted Lightning.
“Lightning taunting his gentler classic counterpart,” said Chris.
“Well, I get that they’re built the same physically, but beyond that, they’re nothing alike,” said Miz.
“No, I won’t,” said DJ. “I’m just coming out to the ring as a formality. I’m not participating.” Lightning smirked at the gentle giant from afar.
“You know who participated in something I did last night?” Lightning asked DJ. “Yo MOMMA!!! She-bangbang.” DJ became extremely furious. He stared at Lightning intently.
“Nobody disrespects my momma!” yelled DJ. Alejandro snuck up from behind Lightning and attempted to throw Lightning over the top rope. It appeared to be working, however, Trent snuck up from behind Alejandro and swept under his legs so that he fell out of the ring along with Lightning.
“And a double elimination from the rock and roller!” said Miz.
“That was smart on the part of Trent dere,” said Jimmy. “Now he can rest before the next Dramatic comes out.” DJ grabbed Lightning by the back of the neck and dragged him toward the back. DJ then threw him into the security barricade. Lightning attempted to fight back with several punches. DJ punched Lightning back. The two went back and forth up the entrance ramp and went backstage.
“Normally, I’d cue the cameras to go back there with them,” Chris said. “But the action needs to be showcased.”
“What action? The only one in the ring is Trent.” The Miz noted.
“Look, pal,” Chris said. “You don’t run the show here. I do. If you don’t like it, tough.”
ONE!!!!!” The buzzer went off.
“TiK ToK” by Ke$ha began playing.
Katie walked out wearing the exact clothes she normally wears.
“And the skinny BFFF walks out,” said Miz.
“I was informed of her conflict with Sadie earlier, and they may not be on those terms anymore,” said Chris.
Confession Cam (Latino Heat!!!...R.I.P Eddie)
Alejandro: Looks like I’ll have someone playing into my hand from the start. Hahahahahaha.
Katie began to kick Trent’s legs viscously. Trent jumped up, pressed his knees into Katie’s face, and forced her downward onto said knees.
“Codebreaker!” exclaimed the Miz.
“Crack-a-lack that code homeboy!” said Jimmy. Trent tried to throw Katie over the top, and succeeded, but Katie landed on the apron. Katie jumped off of the top rope and landed knees-first onto Trent’s face.
“Could she be Seth Rollins?” asked Miz.
“Bingo,” replied Chris.
“Bingo Wango Chimichanga Bango!” said Jimmy.
Trent leaned against the ropes and then Katie clotheslined him over the top rope and on to the arena floor.
“Katie has never been this effective in Total Drama, like seriously,” said Chris.
“Send out the next one!!!” yelled Katie. Chef simply shrugged and then signaled for the next competitor.
“Can’t Hold Us” by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis began playing. Tristan walked out wearing red trunks.
“And our second newbie comes out to play,” said Chris.
Tristan thrust Katie into the corner and then stepped onto the middle rope. He commenced with the punches.
“One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten!” the crowd counted to go along with Tristan’s punches. Tristan then grabbed Katie’s arm and kicked her with the back of his foot.
“Ravioli, ravioli, give us the Spin-a-Roonie!” exclaimed Jimmy. The Miz once again face palmed.
“Yes, Jimmy,” said Miz. “Tristan has Booker T’s move set. Now shut up.” Tristan Irish Whipped Katie into the ropes and she rebounded toward him. Tristan attempted to lift up Katie, but Katie grabbed Tristan’s head mid-air and slammed him down face-first.
“Tristan attempted to go for a spine buster, but Katie reversed it into a DDT,” said Miz.
Katie climbed up the top rope and landed a leg drop on Tristan’s head while he was trying to get up.
“Looks like we’re going up to eleven,” said Jimmy.
“That’s right Jimster,” said Chris.
The buzzer went off.
“Dark Horse” by Katy Perry started playing. Sadie rushed out to the ring.
“Things are getting interesting,” said Chris.
“The former BFFFs are about to collide,” said Miz.
“Yup, the Best Foreign Frankfurter Flippers are about to throw down,” said Jimmy. Chris and the Miz looked at Jimmy with a blank stare on their faces. “What?”
Sadie got into the ring and rushed toward Katie. Sadie hit Katie with a massive shoulder tackle, and then picked her up and delivered a clothesline.
“I wonder whose moves Sadie has…,” pondered the Miz.
Sadie dragged Katie to the middle of the ring and put her in a modified Camel Clutch-type submission hold.
“The Accolade!” the Miz exclaimed.
“Looks like Sadie became a Super Athlete,” said Jimmy.
“It should be noted that submissions don’t count for jack in this match…..maybe another time, though,” said Chris.
Tristan ran over to Sadie a delivered an Axe Kick to the back of her head.
“What a shot from the guy that goes to the bathroom not once, not twice, but five times, five times, five times, five times, five times after eating Taco Bell breakfast,” said Jimmy.
“How do you even know that?” asked the Miz.
“And shouldn’t it be six if we’re talking about Booker T?” asked Chris.
Sadie got up relatively quickly and turned her attention on Tristan. She hit him with a left and then a right and then another left.
“Looks like we’re getting to number twelve,” said Chris
“Misery Business” by Paramore began to play. Out came everyone’s least favorite queen bee, Heather.
“Things just got real,” said Miz.
Heather ran at Tristan and delivered a quick RKO.
“The queen bee is now the queen viper,” said Chris.
Heather attempted another RKO on Sadie but she avoided it and Katie got up and delivered a roundhouse kick to Heather’s head.
A familiar psychotic fitness buff hopped the barricade and walked slowly toward the ring.
“Eva’s gonna kill you!” The crowd chanted.
“Eva is about to clean house!” exclaimed the Miz.
“If that’s the case, that is one ugly maid,” said Jimmy