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Total Drama Returns is a season of Total Drama, returning through the first four seasons. It is the first show by Boomba12.

Introduction Episode ("Not So Happy Contestants")

Not So Happy Contestants

Script

Chris: Good evening, viewers! (chuckles) I'm Chris McLean, here at Camp Wawankwa. This season, we're bringing back every contestant, and every challenge. There are four parts to this season. Part One begins momentarily, but for now, let's meet the contestants you all know and hate... I mean love.Speaking of love, here's Duncan and Gwen.

1-1

Duncan and Gwen arrive at the camp together, much to Chris's dismay.

(Duncan and Gwen enter, making out.)

Chris: Not... gross... at all? Also here is Heather!

(Heather groans.)

Chris: Courtney!

Courtney: This old dump? Again?!

Chris: (Laughs) Lindsay!

Lindsay: (turned around, looking at the camp, thinking the camera is on the other side) Hi, mom!

Chris: Dawn!

Dawn: My surroundings are quite harmful.

Chris: Well alrighty then. Also, Zoey!

Zoey: Is Mike here?

Chris: Yes, and if Mike's here, then Vito's here.

Zoey: And if Vito is here, that means...

Chris: Anne Marie!

(Anne Marie walks behind Zoey, coughing after getting herself sprayed by a bottle of hairspray.)

Anne Marie: Man, this stuff is really startin' to get all up in my lungs!

Zoey in Confessional: I'll just... avoid her, that's all.

Chris: Also here, Mutated Dakota!

Lindsay: Woah, she's, like, a really pretty monster!

(Dakota picks Lindsay up.)

Lindsay: Ahhh!

Chris: Mike!

Zoey: (Happily) Mike?!

Anne Marie: (Happily) Mike?!

Zoey: (Angrily) Anne Marie?!

(The two angrily glare at each other. Immediatley, they race to Mike. Zoey is behind, so she pushes Anne Marie off the dock.)

Anne Marie: Oh no she just didn't!

Zoey: Hi, Mike! Where were we last time?

Mike: Well, right before I got catapulted off the island, we were about to-

Zoey: Yes. (laughs awkwardly)

Mike: Heh heh... Yeah...

Mike in Confessional: I really want to kiss Zoey, but Anne Marie really likes me. I don't know why...

Chris: Also here is Bridgette!

Bridgette: Feels great to be on the show, not on the aftermath!

Chris: Yeah, you'll wanna be back on the Aftermath in no time. Cody!

(Cody runs on the dock, followed by Sierra.)

Chris: Wow.

Cody: NO!

Sierra: What's wrong Cody-kins?

Chris: Just a bunch of crazy kids in love. Next here is Leshawna.

Leshawna: Is this even worth the money for a complete do-over?

Chris: Nope. Owen!

Owen: Hey, I've won once, so I can do it again!

Chris: Don't bet on it. Scott, who remains in the trauma chair.

(Two interns push Scott towards Chris.)

Chris: Scott, are you ready for this series?

(The red light lights up.)

Chris: Good! Alejandro!

(Alejandro is pushed in by four interns in the Drama Machine.)

Chris: Oh, still in that old thing? That must really suck. I'll talk to Chef, and maybe he can get you out, but it'll hurt more than the volcanic incident. (laughs) Also here is the still mutated Ezekiel.

Ezekiel: Rah! (Looks at Ezekiel, and his eyes transform with the shape of hearts.) Ooh!

Chris: Jo!

Jo: Oh, joy.

Chris: Eva!

Jo: Woah, check out the guns on that chick! Where do you work out at?

Eva in Confessional: Jo, yeesh! What a prep!

Chris: And the liar, I mean girl, whose great great great great great great-

Duncan, Gwen, Heather, Courtney, Anne Marie, Bridgette, Leshawna: Get to the point!

Chris: Okay, yeesh! Staci!

Staci: Hello, Chris! Did you know my cousin's brother's uncle's dead great aunt was the first person to get voted off a TV Show?

Chris: And you're the first to lie and get voted off?

Staci: Lie? When did I lie?

Chris: Tyler!

(Tyler and Brick run off the boat, racing. Tyler trips and falls off the dock.)

Brick: Reporting for duty, Mr. McLean, sir!

Chris: Sorry, Brick! I called Tyler. Next is Katie and Sadie!

(They both walk by, giggling.)

Chris: Noah!

Noah: Hi, Chris.

Chris: Sam!

(Sam walks by playing a video game. Chris snatches it out of his hand.)

Sam: Darn!

Chris: Geoff!

(Geoff enters.)

Geoff: Hey, dude! (sees Bridgette) Sup, babe! 

Bridgette: (hugs him) I've missed you!

Geoff: (kisses her) I've missed that!

(Meanwhile, across the dock is Mike and Zoey, who awkwardly look at each other.)

Chris: Beth!

(Beth enters, frowning.)

Beth: Chris, I've had the worst day ever. Wanna talk about it?

Chris: No.

(Beth walks to Lindsay.)

Lindsay: What's wrong, Beth?

Beth: Me and Brady broke up!

(Heather turns around and looks at Beth, and smiles evilly.)

Heather in Confessional: I have the perfect idea for a way to get rid of Beth.)

Chris: B!

(B walks by and smiles.)

Chris: Blaineley!

(Trent enters, pushing Blaineley on her dolley.)

Chris: ...and Trent?

Trent: When she saw the Drama Brother's videos, she loved me, and hired me as an assisstant! She's been trying to tell me something, but I can't understand her!

Blaineley: Mhhm mhom phoo!

Chris: Cameron!

Cameron: Hi, Chris.

Chris: DJ!

DJ: Hopefully there aren't any animals...

Chris: (chuckles) Oh, there is! Next here is Justin!

Justin: Okay, I read on this wiki website or something that I have some competiton. His name is Alejandro, I think. Where's he at?

Chris: Over there in the fatty machine.

(Justin laughs.)

Justin: Competiton? Yeah, right!

Chris: Lightning!

(Lightning slowly enters.)

Chris: Anyday now, bro.

Lightning: I... still feel... so... tired. Hey... hey dude... I thought... I thought that the island was invaded... by the SWAT or... or something...

Chris: Gee, dude, that lightning really hurt you. Anyway, the camp has been completely re-designed to look like season one. The mutated animals and toxic waste is gone! We're re-doing the entire series all over again! There a four parts. Part One is Island, Part Two is Action, Part Three is World Tour, and Part Four is Revenge of the Island. But, that means we're re-doing the challenges... starting with the first. Grab your bathing suits, everyone!

(Everyone leaves the dock. Harold runs off the boat.)

Harold: Don't forget me! Chris, you never called me!

Cast

  • Megan Falenhock- Gwen
  • Drew Nelson- Duncan
  • Rachel Wilson- Heather
  • Scott McCord- Owen
  • Christian Potenza- Chris
  • Clé Bennett- DJ
  • Dan Petronijevic- Geoff
  • Novie Edwards- Leshawna
  • Stephanie Anne Mills- Lindsay
  • Kristin Fairlie- Bridgette
  • Scott McCord- Trent
  • Emilie-Claire Barlow- Courtney 
  • Brian Froud- Harold
  • Lauren Lipson- Sadie
  • Sarah Gadon- Beth
  • Peter Oldring- Cody
  • Peter Oldring- Tyler
  • Julia Chantrey- Eva
  • Adam Reid- Justin
  • Cater Hayden- Noah
  • Annick Obonsawin- Sierra
  • Athena Karkanis- Anne Maria
  • Jon Cor- Brick
  • Kevin Duhaney- Cameron
  • Caitlynne Medreck- Dawn
  • Brian Froud- Sam
  • Ashley Peters- Staci
  • Barbara Mamabolo- Zoey
  • Laurie Elliott- Jo
  • Tyrone Savage- Lightning
  • Cory Doran- Mike
Notes
  • Izzy does not speak due to her not appearing for an interview from Chris as she gets off the boat.
  • Katie and Sadie appear, but do not speak. Instead, they giggle.
  • Alejandro's new voice actor, Alex House, does not appear due him being in the Drama Machine.
  • Scott's voice actor, James Wallis, does not appear in this episode dut to Scott being 
  • Blaineley's voice actor, Carla Collins, doesn't voice her in this episode due to Blaineley still being wrapped in bandages.
  • Ezekiel and Dakota do not speak, due to them both being mutated.

Trivia

  • This is the first (and currently the only) episode of the season to not be apart of the Four Parts of the season.
  • This is the first episode of the season for no one to be eliminated.

Goofs

  • Izzy is not introduced in this episode, but is later seen on the Dock.

Part One: Island

A Big Splash or Two

Script

Chris: Previously on Total Drama Returns... All- And I do mean all- All of our contestants returned for an exciting season, where they'll do everything again. (a clip of Tyler and Brick racing onto the dock from the previous episdoe appears) They'll once again be competing for- (shows the contestants listening to Chris from the previous episode, followed by them leaving, and then Harold running off the boar.)- A million dollars! What'll happen now? Find out, right here on... (stops showing clips, now shows Chris.) Total... Drama... Returns!

I Wanna Be Famous

(Chris and the contestants go up to the top of the cliff.)

Chris: The object of this challenge is to-

Courtney: (mocking Chris from the very first episode) Jump off this thousand foot cliff, then swim to the shore, where we'll earn the tools for the next challenge.

Heather: (also mocking Chris) If you fail to do so, you'll be forced to wear a chicken hat in humiliation.

(Chris angrily looks at them.)

Chris: Actually, once you get to the bottom, we'll pick teams. Whichever team has the greater amount of better divers will get an advantage in the hot tub.

Owen (to Noah): We'll do great if we're on the same team!

Noah: Yep! I just hope that Scott guy isn't going to be on our team.

Chris: (to Chef, who is on the beach) Ready, Chef?

Chef: (pulling Alejandro and Scott out of their machines.)

Scott: Ow...

Alejandro: Oh...

(Meanwhile, Chris prepares for everyone to jump.)

Chris: Whenever you're ready.

(A few of the girls look off the cliff. Suddenly, Lindsay, Katie and Sadie, Jo, Anne Marie, Izzy, Courtney and Staci jump off after they see Alejandro. Blaineley jumps out of her bandages and jumps off. They swim to the beach.)

Chris: Well that was easy.

Justin in Confessional: Al is going down.

Chef: Alright, alright. Alejandro, you'll be on the first team. Anne Marie, you can be on the second team. (reffering to Lindsay) Blondey, team one. (reffering to Blaineley) The other blondey, team two. (referring to Katie and Sadie) Those two girls that always squeal, team one. Izzy, team two. Courtney, team two, too.

Katie: Like, LOL, Sadie, he said too-too!

Sadie: IKR!

Chef: Shut it, or I'll seperate you two!

Katie and Sadie in Confessional: (Katie talking) Like, that Chef guy is rough. (Sadie talking) Totally!

Chef: Jo, team one. Staci, team two. Scott, team one.

(Meanwhile, on the cliff, Chris speaks.)

Chris: Okay, so, anyone else wanna jump?

Mike in Confessional: Maybe if me and Zoey go together, I'll get my big chance to kiss her!

Zoey in Confessional: Oh my gosh, I'm super nervous! I don't think I can kiss Mike! I like him so much, but... (sighs)

Mike: Hey, Zoey, will jump with me?

Zoey: Uh...

Mike: You don't have to if you don't- (turns into Stevlana) La-la-la-la! (jumps into the air, and off the cliff)

Chris: Wow, that was a really nice ballet move!

Zoey: Mike! Wait! (jumps after Mike)

(The two jump and hit the water. Mike comes to the top as himself.)

Chef: Mike and Zoey, pick a team, but not the same one, that way I can jeprodize your entire relationship.

Mike in Confessional: Well there's one way to jeprodize it.

(Zoey picks team two, while Mike picks team one.)

Chris: Anymore takers?

Eva: Ah, what the heck. (jumps)

Chef: Scary girl, team one.

(B jumps, silently.)

Chef: Silent big dude, team two.

Chris: Anyone else? How about you, Beth?

Beth: Uh... No!

Chris: Then you must wear... the chicken hat.

(Beth puts a chicken hat on and walks off the cliff and onto the beach.)

Chris: Beth, team one.

Lindsay: OMG! Beth, we're on the same team!

Heather in Confessional: I have got to get on team one and get Beth taken off the show!

Chris: Noah! Your turn!

Noah: No way, McLean.

Chris: Chicken?

Noah: Fine, I'll go. (jumps)

Chef: Noah, team two.

Heather: Okay, I'll go. (jumps)

Chef: Heather, team one!

Heather: Darn, too bad.

Alejandro: Heather, it's been forever!

Heather: Shut it. (to Beth) Hi, Beth! I heard you and Brady broke up. That's too bad.

Beth: Yeah. 

Heather: Beth, you know what you need?

Beth: Heather, I know exactly what you're up to!

Heather: You... You do?

Beth: Of course I do! You want to give me and Lindsay a makeover!

Heather: That's right! Wait, what?

(Chris begins talking to Ezekiel.)

Chris: Zeke. Hey, Zeke! Want the bone?

(Eziekel begins jumping up and down.)

Chris: (throws it off cliff) Go get it!

(Ezekiel jumps off.)

Chef: Green dog thing, Team Two!

(Afterwards, Owen is seen jumping, followed by Brick, Duncan and Gwen, who make out in mid air, just like Bridgette and Geoff.)

Chef: Owen, Team One. Brick, Team Two. Geoff, Team One. Duncan, Team Two. Gwen, Team One.

Gwen: Wait, me and Duncan are on seperate teams?

Gwen in Confessional: Not cool. (Duncan knocks on Outhouse Door) Oh, gotta go, that's Duncan. (She covers up the camera. Kissing noises are heard.)

Dawn in Confessional: The gothic girl with rich parents and the punk fellow with the poor lifestyle aren't very likable together.

Lightning: Time for my big jump... (walks slowly towards the water, then walks off the cliff. He is splashed by the water) My lightning's side-effects are gone! (runs to the shore)

Chef: You're on team two!

Chris: DJ, gonna wear the chicken hat again?

DJ: No! (jumps, and is immediatley attacked by sharks.)

Chef: You, little girl, are on Team One.

(Sam and Dakota jump off together. Dakota stands, waist deep.)

Chef: Ugly gamer boy, team one! Huge monster, team two!

Sierra: Oh, Cody-kins, let's jump off together!

Cody: Oh no!

Sierra: You're right, let's get someone to jump off before us so we'll be on the same team! Good idea! (jumps)

Cody: (attempts to jump, but Tyler jumps instead) Dude! (jumps)

Chef: Sierra, Team One. Tyler, Team Two. Cody, Team One.

(Jumping next is Leshawna, then Trent, then Harold.)

Chef: Team Two, Big Girl. Team One, Guitar Boy. Team Two, Nerd.

Chris: Oh, Dawn and Cameron, huh?

Dawn: I'd rather take the hat.

Cameron: Me too.

(They slip the hats on, and go to the beach with the other contestants.)

Chris: Alright, our two teams for this season are Team One, Alejandro, Lindsay, Mike, Eva, Beth, Owen, Geoff, Gwen, Katie and Sadie, DJ, Sam, Heather, Cameron, Cody, Scott, Jo, Sierra, Katie, and Trent. Team Two includes Duncan, Anne Marie, B, Noah, Ezekiel, Blaineley, Brick, Zoey, Lightning, Harold, Dawn, Leshawna,Izzy, Dakota, Courtney, Justin, Staci, and Tyler.

Duncan: Wait, so me and Gwen seriously aren't on a team together?

Mike: And what about me and Zoey?

Chris: Ugh, fine, I'll make you a deal. If Team Two wins the next challenge, then I'll let Duncan and Gwen be on the same team. If Team One wins, Zoey and Mike can be on a team together.

Beth: What's the team name, anyway?

Chris: You'll find out after today's challenge. Now, for the challenge. You must-

Duncan (mocking Chris): build a hot tub. The team with the best hot tub gets to have a hot tub party that night, while the losing team must vote a camper off for the first time.

Harold: Doesn't the best team get an advantage?

Courtney: Who gets those cart things?

Chris: Well, considering that Al nor Scott jumped, Team Two deserves the carts.

(Team Two cheers in excitement.)

Courtney in Confessional: Well this is going well.

Lindsay in Confessional: Yay! Wait... I'm on Team One...

(Izzy and Noah pull one cart, Justin and Leshawna pull another, Brick and Bridgette pull another, while B uses hand motions to signal to Duncan to help him pull a cart.)

Duncan: No way! I'm going to be on a team with Gwen!

Zoey: I'll help you, B! I can't wait to be on Mike's team.

Duncan: Don't bet on it.

(Meanwhile, Alejandro, Eva, Jo, and Geoff all carry a  box.)

Gwen (flirting with Geoff): Hey, Geoff?

Geoff: Yeah?

Gwen: Can I carry that box for you?

Geoff: Oh, yeah, sure.

Gwen: Actually... (cuddling with Geoff) Can you carry it super fast? I'd love to win and be on Duncan's team. Too bad you aren't on that team.

Geoff: Well... (smiling) Okay! Maybe we can... talk later?

Gwen: Sure! (kisses him on the cheek)

Geoff in Confessional: Gwen... She just got really hot! But don't tell Bridge!

Mike: Hey, Jo! Wanna race?

Jo: Sure! (drops the box, much to Mike's pleasure) Last one to the cliff has to kiss Lindsay!

Mike: Oh no...

(Gwen picks up the box and begins speed-walking.)

(Meanwhile, Team Two pulls their boxes to the cabins. B and Zoey are exhausted.)

Zoey: Yeesh.

(B nods.)

(Leshawna and Staci empty out a box.)

Staci: Did you know my great uncle's dad made the first hot tub?

Leshawna: That's cute.

(Duncan is sitting.)

Blaineley: Hey, you can't sit on the job!

Duncan: Well, we're in the lead.

(Suddenly, Geoff and Gwen come to the cabin with their boxes.)

Blaineley: Not for long. Get to work.

Duncan: Hey, I didn't sign up for this season to be told what to do by a bandage-wrapped celebrity talk-show host!

(Bridgette waves at Geoff.)

Geoff: Hey! (to Gwen) Hey, Gwen?

Gwen: (opening a box) Yeah, Geoff?

Geoff: I don't wanna lose Bridgette because of us.

Gwen: Us? I don't know what you're talking about. Now open that box?

Geoff: Hey! You used me!

Gwen: Uh... Nope! Didn't! (opens Geoff's box) You promised!

Gwen: Oh, fine... One night, though.

(Alejandro and Eva arrive with their boxes. They begin opening their boxes. Meanwhile, Noah and Ezekiel attempt to open a box, but fail.)

Harold: These boxes are, like, really hard to open!

(Courtney opens the box.)

Harold: Oh.

(Team One gets the items out of the boxes.)

Sadie: Oh, look at this stuff!

Katie: It's a lot!

(Meanwhile, Trent goes to visit the other team. He goes to talk to Blaineley.)

Trent: Hey! Good to see you not in bandages!

Blaineley: You thank! I mean, thank you! (They laugh)

Trent: Hey, what were you trying to tell me while you were wrapped up?

Blaineley: Oh, nothing.

Blaineley in Confessional: I was trying to tell him that I love him!

(Meanwhile, DJ begins putting parts together.)

DJ: I need help. I'm really confused.

Beth: I can do this. It's all ripped apart... Like my heart! (cries)

Heather: Oh, Beth, it'll be okay!

Heather in Confessional: Time for phase 2!

Beth: Oh, Heather, I'm sorry for being mean before. You've changed.

Heather: I know I've changed, I got a new top.

(Meanwhile, on the cliff runs up Jo, followed by a very slow Mike.)

Mike: So... Tired...

Jo: Better go find Lindsay! (pushes Mike down)

Mike: (in the air, changing to Vito) Time to win the race! (grabs a rope and pulls himself back to the top.) Time for a re-match! Race to the bonfire?

Jo: You're on!

(Beth finishes her heart-shaped hot tub. Team Two stares in awe.)

Harold: We just got started!

Chris: Team One wins! Which means Zoey and Mike are both on Team Two!

Zoey: YAY! Wait, where is Mike?

Chris: Time for the elimination!

(Later that night, Chris hands out marshmallows. He throws one to Anne Marie, Brick, Harold, Dawn, Leshawna, Izzy, Dakota, Courtney, Justin, Staci, Tyler, Noah, Ezekiel, Lightning, Bridgette, B, Noah, and Bridgette. This leaves Zoey and Duncan. Suddenly, 'Vito' runs in.)

Zoey: Mike!

Mike: Zoey! (switches to himself)

Zoey: We're on the same team!

Mike: Yay!

Zoey: But me or Duncan are about to get voted off...

Mike: Oh. Wait, I'm on this team now, so I can vote!

Chris: Then there's your answer! Bye, Duncan!

(Duncan leaves.)

Chris: Next time, we do various challenges, all rolled into one! Right here, on Total Drama Returns!

(In the background, Gwen is seen, crying.)

Cast

  • Megan Falenhock- Gwen
  • Drew Nelson- Duncan
  • Rachel Wilson- Heather
  • Christian Potenza- Chris
  • Clé Bennett- DJ
  • Dan Petronijevic- Geoff
  • Novie Edwards- Leshawna
  • Stephanie Anne Mills- Lindsay
  • Scott McCord- Trent
  • Emilie-Claire Barlow- Courtney
  • Brian Froud- Harold
  • Lauren Lipson- Sadie
  • Sarah Gadon- Beth
  • Peter Oldring- Cody
  • Julia Chantrey- Eva
  • Adam Reid- Justin
  • Cater Hayden- Noah
  • Annick Obonsawin- Sierra
  • Athena Karkanis- Anne Marie
  • Jon Cor- Brick
  • Kevin Duhaney- Cameron
  • Caitlynne Medreck- Dawn
  • Ashley Peters- Staci
  • Barbara Mamabolo- Zoey
  • Tyrone Savage- Lightning
  • Cory Doran- Mike
  • Stephanie Anne Mills- Katie
  • Alex House- Alejandro
  • Carla Collins- Blaineley
  • James Wallis- Scott
  • Clé Bennett- Chef
Notes
  • Bridgette, Sam, Izzy, and Tyler appear, but do not speak.
    • Izzy doesn't speak, nor did she in the previous episode. Thus far, she hasn't spoke at all through the season.
  • This is the first episode of the series that Alejandro, Blaineley, and Scott speak.

Trivia

  • This is the first episode to feature pairings for the season.
    • Geoff and Gwen
    • Blaineley and Trent
  • Similar to the Total Drama World Tour episode, Duncan was eliminated in the second episode of the season.
    • Oddly enough, this challenge was based on Not So Happy Campers- Part Two, while he was eliminated in Walk Like an Eygptian- Part Two. These are both Part Two episodes.

Goofs

None for this episode.

The Big Sleeping Dodge Brawl Tourney!

Script

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Returns... The teams once again- (The clip of Courtney plays.)

Courtney's Clip: Jump off the thousand foot cliff, then swim to the shore where we'll build a hot tub.

Chris: That's correct. Chef helped pick teams-

Chef's Clip: Jo, team one. Staci, team two. Scott, team one.

Chris: Also correct. After dividing into to two teams, a few relationship problems occured. (A clip of Zoey, Mike, Duncan, and Gwen arguing with Chris's team arrangemnet, while Chris narrates.) So, after losing, I made a few re-arrangements. (The clip of Mike running to the bonfire is shown, when Zoey tells him that they're on the same team.) In the end, it was Duncan's girlfriend and their constant making out that got him voted off. (The clip of Duncan walking down the Dock of Shame is shown.) Chris: What happens next? Find out right now of Total... Drama... Returns!

('I Wanna Be Famous')

(The campers from Team Two are shown, walking to their cabin from the campfire ceremony. Staci and Bridgette are walking together.)

Staci: Did you know that-

Bridgette: Not right now, Staci. I'm trying to think of a way to get ready for the next challenge.

Staci: Oh. What's the challenge?

Bridgette: An 'Awake-a-thon'.

Staci: Oh, cool! My great-aunt's ex-husband was the woman who invented those, ya know?

(Meanwhile, Zoey and Mike are walking together.)

Zoey: Wow, Mike, you ran to the bonfire pretty fast!

Mike: Well, yeah, I turned into Vito while I was running from Jo. Hey, where is Jo, anyway?

(A flash of static appears. Jo is seen walking down the cliff.)

Jo: (out of breath) That... That dude... So... So fast!

Jo in Confessional: Yeah, I lost the race... Which means I lost the bet... Oh no... I have to kiss Lindsay?!

(Lightning is seen walking by himself to the cabin.)

Justin: Hi, Lightning.

Lightning: Sup, dude?

Justin: Not much. Hey, isn't it obvious me and you are the strongest and best looking two players?

Lightning: Of course!

Justin: Then how about me and you get rid of a few other competitors?

Lightning: Oh, like other strong and good looking people?

Justin: Of course! We can fight our way out of the competiton with muscle!

Lightning: Okay... How?

Justin: Just meet me at the dock later tomorrow. I hear Chris is planning two challenges, so we need to go between challenges.

Lightning: Okay!

(The cast gets to their cabin. Blaineley walks in the girls' side. Izzy stops her.)

Izzy: Like, LOL, Blaine, I was reading your online un-published blog, and clicked publish. It was so cool! Haha!

Blaineley: Wait, what?!

Izzy: I published your personal files.

Blaineley: Oh my gosh! (pulls her phone out) No you didn't!

Anne Marie: Like, oh my gosh, Blaineley, I didn't realize you liked Tyler.

Blaineley: Tyler? No!

Blaineley in Confessional: I must of typoed! The computer changed Trent to Tyler!

(The next morning, Chris wakes up the campers with a bullhorn.)

Chris: Wake up, campers! Today, we'll be racing!

Bridgette: (to Staci) Then eat, then awake ourselves.

Eva: Chris, what about team names?

Sadie: Yeah, like, we've been here for two days. We'd usually have a team name by now.

Scott: I think that our team should get to pick our name, while Zoey's team gets there's picked by Chef Hatchet.

Zoey in Confessional: Isn't it weird that Scott called me out like that?

Scott in Confessional: Yeah, I called her out. Maybe she'll realize how much I've been paying attention to her.

Chris: Alright. Oh, Chef! (Chef enters.) Pick a team name.

Chris: The Idiot Contestants.

Chris: For real, Chef.

Chef: Okay, okay. The Dying Squirrels and The Minty Martians.

Chris: Okay then! Team One is the Minty Martians and Team Two is The Dying Squirrels.

Scott: Wait, I said that we could-

Chris: Yeah, I know, but that is better. Now, we'll be running 20 kilometers through the woods. Now go, campers!

(The whole team begins racing. In the lead is Lightning, followed by Brick, Alejandro, Eva, Jo, and Justin. Suddenly, Dakota, due to her having longer, taller legs, walks past Lightning.

Lightning: Nobody can pass... The Lightning! (grabs onto Dakota's leg)

Dakota: Rah!!! (Lightning falls off, and is stepped on by Brick, Al, Eva, Jo, and Justin. Justin stops.)

Justin: Let's go, my good friend! I know a shortcut! (They cut through the woods. Suddenly, Owen, who is running behind them, stops. Geoff sees him, and stops.)

Geoff: What's wrong, bro?

Owen: I just saw Justin and Lightning cut through the woods!

Geoff: Let's follow them!

(Meanwhile, Mike is running behind Tyler. Suddenly, Mike turns into Stevlana and jumps over Tyler, does a triple-twist and lands on Courtney.)

Courtney: Ow!

Tyler: Woah, you two are hooking up?

Courtney: Hook up with this freak?

Stevlana: La la la la! (gets up and does various jumps, then runs past Izzy) 

Courtney in Confessional: That Mike dude is pretty feminine!

(Anne Marie, who is walking, walks past Lindsay and Beth.)

Beth: Who would of knew that Brady would of left me? (cries)

Anne Marie: How immature?

(Staci walks with Lindsay and Beth.)

Lindsay: Beth, it'll be okay. Oh, hi Sandy!

Staci: Did you know my great grandmother was the first woman to ever incorrectly say someone's name?

Linsday: Woah, seriously?

Staci: Really! 

Lindsay: That's cool and all, but I don't think we can talk to you since you're on the other team. Some people will tell people to vote us off... Like Heather.

Beth: No, Heather's changed!

Lindsay: Oh, okay! Wanna be BFF's?

Staci: Sure?

Beth: We're all three BFF's? I think there can only be two BFF's!

Lindsay: Not really, Beth.

Beth in Confessional: My life is the worst! I lost Brady and Lindsay!

(Meanwhile, Geoff and Owen hide behind a bush and listen to Lightning and Justin.)

Justin: So, I was thinking that we should tell everyone something so evil, so rude that will make them vote that Alejandro guy off.

Lightning: So we're in an alliance?

Justin: Yeah, I guess we are.

(Suddenly, the wind blows Geoff's hat off.)
Evesdrop

Justin and Lightning form an alliance, with Geoff and Owen listening.

Justin: Hey, how did Geoff's hat get out here?

Lightning: I dunno know.

Justin: There's something about him that just... rubs me the wrong way.

Lightning: Should we vote him off next?

Justin: Good thinking, Light! Now let's go.

(Later, Justin and Lightning return to camp first.)

Justin: We win!

(Suddenly, Dakota walks out of the woods, followed by hatless Geoff and Owen.)

Chris: Lightning and Justin win the advantage for the challenge, but first, we have a meal for everyone!

Owen: Oh, good! (goes to the Main Lodge, then, a few seconds later, walks out.) Well that was good!

Chris: Okay then. Time for our final challenge, The Awake-A-Thon! The Dying Squirrels gets a cup of coffee as their advantage!

Owen: But they-

Geoff: Let it go.

Bridgette: Geoff, where's your hat?

Geoff: Long story, I'll tell you later.

Bridgette in Confessional: 'Long story, I'll tell you later'? What's wrong with Geoff? He usually tells me everything, and then he would of said something sexy, and then we would of kissed!

Bridgette: Oh... Okay.

Geoff: Hey, Gwen, sup?

Gwen: Uh, not much.

Geoff: Maybe when Bridge goes to sleep after the Awake-a-Thon we can do that 'one night' thing you were talking about.

Gwen: Fine!

Chris: The Awake-a-Thon starts now.

(A few hours later, the sky begins to get dark.)

Owen: I wish Chris didn't make us get up... so... early... (goes to sleep)

(A scoreboard appears at the bottom of the screen)

MINTY MARTIANS 17 REMAINING---'''''DYING SQUIRRELS 19 REMAINING

Sam (to Jo): Don't you just wish Dakota was on our team?

Jo: No!

(B and Zoey laugh)

Jo: What's so funny?

Zoey: It's just that Dakota is mutated, so she never sleeps!

Jo: Put that monster on our team!

Leshawna: No way!

Staci: My uncle has never fell asleep.

(Meanwhile, Eva is evesdropping.)

Eva: I have an idea, but I need someone evil.

(Eva goes to Sadie.)

Eva: Sadie, don't you take sleeping pills?

Sadie: Yes, I do, because my mom accidentally-

Eva: Shut up! Hey, Cody, don't you take a bunch of medicine?

Cody: Yes, I do.

Eva: Good. Trent, will you do me a favor?

Trent: Uh, sure?

Eva: Can you go get Sadie's medicine and Cody's medicine?

Trent: I rather not go snooping th-

Eva: Go get it!

Trent: Okay, okay!

(Meanwhile, Blaineley is going through her phone.)

Blaineley: Is there anyway to delete this blog post?!

Izzy: Nope! I told Lindsay about your blog, too!

Blaineley: But aren't her and Tyler dating?

Lindsay: Blaineley, you like my boyfriend?!

Blaineley: Uh, no, I can explain! You see, I-

Lindsay: Hey, that's my phone.

Blaineley: It is?

Lindsay: Yeah it is.

Blaineley: Oh, that makes sense. Sorry.

Lindsay: It's fine, really. (walks away)

Blaineley: (to Izzy) You almost got me killed! I hope you get eliminated!

Izzy: I can't believe you'd say that to me for no reason! I'm telling everyone to eliminate you!

Blaineley: Wait, I'm sorry! I'll do anything!

Izzy: Okay. The night's young, we'll take turns doing truth or dare.

Blaineley: Oh no.

(Meanwhile, Harold nearly falls asleep.)

Courtney: Justin! Hurry! We need that coffee mug!

Justin: No way, I'm not wasting the coffee on him when we're winning!

Courtney: Okay, you'll regret it. In fact, I'll go to sleep.

(The scoreboard appears.)

MINTY MARTIANS 17 REMAINING DYING SQUIRRELS 17 REMAINING

(Meanwhile, Lindsay and 'Chester' are talking.)

Lindsay: Do you take naps often, old man?

Chester: Why, yes, I do, little missy. Now what are those things doing hanging out of your shirt? Don't you know any better? Why, my mother would of popped those things if my sister did such a thing back on the farm!

Lindsay: Excuse me?

Zoey: You'll have to excuse the old man, he doesn't know too much about today's generation.

(Meanwhile, Alejandro begins talking with Sadie.)

Alejandro: Hello, young woman.

Sadie: Huh, huh, huh, hi! OMG, Katie, Alejandro is talking to me!

Katie: No way!

(Izzy runs up to Alejandro, Katie, and Sadie.)

Izzy: You guys, you have to vote off Blaineley if we lose! She's so mean!

Alejandro: And you three are nice, like a rainbow with a summer sun. Sadie, my I barrow your purse?

Sadie: Sure!

(Alejandro takes a water bottle and her medicine.)

Alejandro: Izzy, would you like some of my hand made water?

Izzy: Sure, what the heck? (laughs, drinks it, then passes out)

(The scoreboard appears.)

MINTY MARTIANS 17 REMAINING---DYING SQUIRRELS 16 REMAINING

Sadie: Like, OMG, I'm supposed to give those pills to Eva! (runs to Eva) Eva! Alejandro has the pills!

Eva: But Trent's looking for them in the cabin!

Sadie: Why?

Eva: Uh... Hey, Alejandro!

Alejandro: Time to make drama... (shoves the pills in the zipper of his pants) Hello, Eva!

Eva: Where are those pills?

Alejandro: I gave them to Anne Maria.

Eva: Hey, hairspray, give me those pills!

Anne Maria: What pills?

Eva: Don't play dumb with me!

Anne Maria: What pills?

Eva: Hand 'em over, or you'll get this the hard way!

(Trent walks past Alejandro.)

Alejandro: Hello, Trent, my friend. I believe you're looking for pills?

Trent: Yeah, but I couldn't find them.

Alejandro: They're in my pants, hold on. (Alejandro takes off his pants.) Here you go.

Trent: Is there a certain reason you don't wear underwear?

(Everyone looks at Alejandro.)

Alejandro: Oh...

Justin in Confessional: Yeah, I took his underwear. Phase 2 complete.

(Alejandro hands the pills to Trent.)

Trent: Uhh... Thanks...

(Heather laughs at Alejandro.)

(An hour later, various contestants are asleep. Remaining are Eva, Geoff, Gwen, Sam, Cody, Sierra, Anne Marie, Ezekiel, Zoey, Mike, Dakota, Lightning, and Justin.)

MINTY MARTIANS 6 REMAINING---'''''DYING SQUIRRELS 7 REMAINING

Justin: We're still winning and we haven't even used any coffee!

(Meanwhile, Eva puts Cody's medicine and Sadie's pills in the coffee.)

Mike: Can I have some coffee?

Justin: Well, I guess.

(Mike drinks some, then is about to fall asleep.)

Zoey: Oh no! Mike! Drink some coffee!

Mike: Okay... (drinks the coffee, then is fully asleep)

Zoey: Mike! He's asleep!

MINTY MARTIANS 6 REMAINING---'''''DYING SQUIRRELS 6 REMAINING

(Meanwhile, Geoff and Gwen begin talking.)

Gwen: So, what happened to your hat?

Geoff: Well, I was eavesdropping on Justin and Lightning, and my hat blew off. They said they plan on eliminating me.

Gwen: Oh, I'm sorry to here that.

Geoff: It's fine.

Gwen: Hey, how about we go somewhere to be alone?

Geoff: Okay.

(They get up and leave. Meanwhile, Justin looks at Dakota and Ezekiel, who are looking at him.)

Justin: Hi?

(They look at the coffee.)

Justin: Fine. (He hands them the coffee. Suddenly, they pass out. Eva laughs.)

MINTY MARTIANS 6 REMAINING---'''''DYING SQUIRRELS 4 REMAINING

Justin: That's not supposed to happen!

(Meanwhile, Cody looks around.)

Cody: Where's Geoff and Gwen?

Sierra: Like, OMG, I dunno know! Let's go look! (she picks Cody up and they run off.)

Cody: Ahhh!

(Sam falls asleep.)

Eva: No! Stay awake!

MINTY MARTIANS 5 REMAINING---'''''DYING SQUIRRELS 4 REMAINING

(Cody and Sierra find Geoff and Gwen behind their cabin, kissing.)

Sierra: OMG!

Cody: I don't think we were supposed to see that...

Sierra: Me neither...

Cody: Let's go!

(Later, Sierra, Anne Maria and Cody fall asleep.)

MINTY MARTIANS 2 REMAINING---'''''DYING SQUIRRELS 2 REMAINING

Justin: Zoey, whatever you do, don't fall asleep! Here, drink some coffee.

Zoey: Okay... (drinks it, then falls asleep. Eva laughs.)

Justin: You did something to the coffee! (splashes it in Eva's face. She falls asleep.)

Chris: Justin! You win!

Justin: Yes! Wait, what about Gwen and Geoff?

Chris: Ah, they fell asleep.

Justin: Together?!

Chris: Oh yes! Now, attention campers!

(The campers wake up.)

Chris: Time for our next challenge, which will take place tomorrow! Now go get some shut eye!

(Around noon the next day, Chris wakes up the campers.)

Chris: Time for a game of dodgeball!

Blaineley: This early? Oh well. I'll go change into my 'Exercise Outfit'.

(The cast goes to the Dodgeball Room.)

Noah: Oh joy. The exact place where I got eliminated.

Beth: OMG, Brady loved dodgeball! (cries)

Brick: Young woman, please do stop crying!

Bridgette: Hey, guys, where's Geoff?

Sam: Didn't you here? Him and Gwen fell asleep behind the cabins.

Bridgette: Wait, what?! (runs to the cabin, only to find that Gwen and Geoff are gone.) Where is he?! This can't be happening! (sits and cries. Meanwhile, the games begin.)

Chris: You guys know the rules. (Chef blows the whistle.)

Chef: Pick ten people to go out on the court!

(The Dying Squirrels choose Alejandro, Eva, Owen, DJ, Heather, Scott, Jo, Trent, Sierra, and Beth. Meanwhile, The Minty Martians choose B, Brick, Zoey, Lightning, Lehsawna, Izzy, Justin, Tyler, and Mike.)

Tyler: We need one more person.

Mike: How about Blaineley?

Harold: Hey, where's Blaineley? She's supposed to be here by now!

Anne Maria: And where's Bridgette?

(Blaineley walks in. She is wearing a small top and small bottoms.)

Owen: Woah.

Noah: She is so...

Scott: Hot.

Blaineley: Let's get started, shall we?

Heather in Confessional: Blaineley walked in there like a female Alejandro!

(Chef blows the whistle.)

Chef: Let's go, people!

Justin: Go for Alejandro, everyone!

Courtney: (sitting in the stands, next to Staci) Who put Justin in charge of our team?

(B throws at Alejandro, but misses.)

Alejandro: Ha, silent boy!

(Eva throws at Blaineley, but Blaineley catches the ball. Chef blows the whistle.)

Chef: EVA! You're OUT!

Noah: (in the crowd, to Harold) I didn't know Blaineley was actually athletic!

DJ: Woah! That Blaineley girl has abs!

(Blaineley hits DJ)

Chef: DJ! You're out!

Sierra: Wow, we're losing!

(Blaineley hits Sierra)

Alejandro: (to himself) Time to take out Justin's sidekick! (hits Lightning)

Chef: Lightning! Out!

Lightning: NOOOOO!

Justin: (to himself) You're going down, Al! (throws at Alejandro, but misses)

(B throws at Alejandro again, but misses. Alejandro throws back and hits B.)

Chef: B! You're out!

(Tyler throws a ball at Alejandro, but misses. Alejandro throws at Tyler.)

Chef: Tyler!

(Blaineley throws at Alejandro, but she misses. Alejandro throws back, but misses.)

Beth: I hope nobody hits me... I stink! (gets hit by Blaineley)

Chef: Beth! Out!

(Izzy gets hit by Alejandro.)

Izzy in Confessional: Woah, Alejandro was hitting on me! (laughs)

Owen in Confessional: Ever since me and Izzy broke up, she's been attracted to Al.

Zoey: Mike! Help! (nearly gets hit, but Mike puts himself in front of her, and gets hit in the groin.)

Chef: Ow! Mike, you're out!

Owen: (to himself) This is for Izzy! (throws at Alejandro, but instead hits the wall. It bounces back at hits the floor. The ball bounces off the floor, onto the ceiling, and instead hits Heather.)

Heather: Ugh! (throws the ball at the wall, and bounces to Blaineley. She throws it and hits Alejandro, but he catches it.)

Chef: Blaineley! You're out!

Justin: Hey, he just took out our best player! Get him!

(Zoey throws and it hits Scott.)

Zoey: Ha!

Zoey in Confessional: Last time you call me out! (winks)

(Owen throws at Leshawna and hits.)

Chef: Leshawna! You're out!

(Jo throws at Justin, but misses. He picks up the ball and hits Alejandro!)

Justin: Yes! Brick and Zoey, let's get those three!

(The three hit Owen, Scott and Jo!)

Justin: Yes! We won! We won!

Chris: The Dying Squirrels are going to elimination!

(While everyone is walking out, Trent goes up to Blaineley.)

Trent: Hey, Blaineley. You look... pretty hot.

Blaineley: Really?

Trent: Of course! We should hang out sometime.

(That night, the Dying Squirrels get the following marshmallows: Lindsay, Owen, Sadie, DJ, Sam, Heather, Cameron, Cody, Scott, Jo, Sierra, Katie, and Trent. Suddenly, Geoff and Gwen run in. Geoff has blue lipstick marks on his face.)

Geoff: Sorry we're late.

Scott: Dude, we could of used you in the challenge today!

Geoff: I'm sorry! Really! I'll make it up to you guys! I know something about an alliance on the other team.

Heather: Really? Who?

Geoff: I'll tell you after Chris gives out the marshmallows!

Eva: Guys, he's probabky just saying that so he doesn't get the boot!

Trent: True!

Chris: Okay, the final few marshmallows go to... Alejandro, Eva, Beth and...

(Geoff and Gwen are in the bottom two.)

Geoff: Wait! I'll go.

Chris: Oh, good. You were about to go anyway.

Gwen: It's like every episode, someone I love goes. Please don't do this, Geoff.

Geoff: I have to.

Gwen: No, you don't.

Geoff: I love you, babe.

(Suddenly, Bridgette enters.)

Bridgette: Really?!

Geoff: Bridgette! It's not what it looks like!

Bridgette: I'm leaving! Chris, let me leave!

Chris: I'm afraid Geoff is leaving.

Bridgette: No, I am!

Chris: Time to re-vote! Bridgette, Geoff, or Gwen!

Person Who They Voted For Reason
Alejandro Geoff So he can date Bridgette or Gwen, then trick them into getting eliminated.
Lindsay Gwen

Gwen needs better make-up.

Eva Geoff

He bailed on the team when they needed him.

Beth Gwen

Beth is scared of Gwen.

Owen Gwen If Gwen is gone, Part One of the competition will be easier since they were originally in the bottom two.
Gwen Bridgette

Gwen is dating Bridgette's boyfriend

Geoff Himself

Because he doesn't want to decide between Gwen or Bridgette.

Sadie Bridgette

So she can date Geoff.

DJ Gwen

He thought it wasn't nice of her to ruin Geoff and Bridgette's relationship.

Sam Geoff

He thinks that Bridgette and Gwen are hot and should stay, just in case things with Dakota don't work out.

Heather Gwen

They hate each other.

Cameron Geoff He thinks Geoff looks mean.
Cody Geoff

He doesn't want anyone dating Gwen.

Scott Geoff

He left when the team needed him.

Jo Geoff

The team needed him.

Sierra Gwen Cody has a crush on Gwen.
Katie Gwen So she can date Geoff.
Trent Geoff He shouldn't do Bridgette like that.

Chris: The results are in! 10 votes for Geoff, 7 for Gwen, and 2 for Bridgette! Bye, Geoff!

Gwen: What?! No! Geoff, whatever you do, when you get to Playa De Losers, don't tell Duncan about us, or he'll kill you!

Geoff: Okay... Bye.

Chris: What will happen next time? Will Gwen fix things? Probably not. Find out next time in Total Drama Returns!

(Geoff rides off on The Boat of Loserdom.)

Geoff: Wait, my hat!

Chef: Oh well.

Cast

Alex House- Alejandro

Stephanie Anne Mills- Lindsay

Julia Cantrey- Eva

Sarah Gadon- Beth

Scott McCord- Owen

Dan Petronijevic- Geoff

Megan Fahlenhock- Gwen

Lauren Lipson- Sadie

Clé Bennett- DJ

Brian Froud- Sam

Rachel Wilson- Heather

Peter Oldring- Cody

James Wallis- Scott

Laurie Elliot- Jo

Annick Obonsawin- Sierra

Stephanie Anne Mills- Katie

Anne Maria- Athena Karkanis

Carter Hayden- Noah

Carla Collins- Blaineley

Jon Cor- Brick

Barbara Mamabolo- Zoey

Tyrone Savage- Lightning

Kristin Fairlie- Bridgette

Brian Froud- Harold

Novie Edwards- Leshawna

Katie Crown- Izzy

Emilie-Claire Barlow- Courtney

Adam Reid- Justin

Peter Oldring- Tyler

Cory Doran- Mike

Notes
  • Cameron, Ezekiel, B, Dawn and Dakota appears, but doesn't speak.
  • This is the first episode of the season where Izzy talks.

Trivia

  • This is the second episode in a row where:
    • The Minty Martians get an advantage
    • Someone runs in during the Campfire Ceremony
  • This is the longest known time period that Geoff has went without his hat.

Goofs

  • Izzy tells Alejandro, Katie, and Sadie to vote off Blaineley. However, they can't vote her off until the merge due to the three not being on Blaineley's team.
  • Noah says he got eliminated in the dodgeball court in Season One. However, he was eliminated at the Campfire Ceremony.
  • Justin tells Lightning that they'll talk at the dock. Instead, they talk in the woods.

The (No) Talent Show

The (No) Talent Show is the fourth episode of Total Drama Returns. It premiered July 13th, 2013.

Script

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Returns... (showing parts of The Awake-a-Thon) Our contestants once again attempted to conquer the Awake-a-Thon. Meanwhile, relationships and alliances were boiling. (Recapping Justin and Lightning are shown, walking through the woods) Justin and Lightning banded together to take out Alejandro. (Recapping Gwen and Geoff behind the cabin, kissing.) Gwen promised Geoff that they'd 'hang out'... But that's not all they did! Later, they once again dodgeballed it out, only to claim Alejandro as there winner. In the end, it was Gwen's boyfriend, Geoff, who left again, because he broke Bridgette's heart. Who will leave this time? Find out right here on Total... Drama... Returns!

I Wanna Be Famous

(The show opens, with every sleeping in there cabins. In The Minty Martians' girl cabin, the eight bunks are filled. Gwen is under her sheets, crying, when she wakes up Katie.)

Katie: (Pokes her head out, in the bunk above Gwen) Like, OMG, Gwen, are you okay?

Gwen: (quickly dries her tears) What are you talking about?

Sadie: (in the same bunk as Katie, poking her head out) She's talking about you crying.

Gwen: You two sleep together?!

Sadie: Yeah, why?

Gwen: That's kinda... Nevermind.

(Eva wakes up.)

Eva: Who all is awake?

Lindsay: I am! Gwen woke me up!

Gwen: Did not!

Eva: Goth and prep. Who else?

Katie and Sadie: We are! Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Eva: You two sleep together? That's not safe.

Gwen: Why not?

Eva: The weight.

(Suddenly, the bunk falls on Gwen.)

Eva in Confessional: Okay, I like the anti-saftey-ness thing going on in our cabin.

Lindsay: Like, OMG, that is not good! I hope we didn't wake anyone up...

Eva: Like Heather?

(Beth wakes up)

Beth: OMG, last night was the best! I am so over Brady!

Sadie: How?

Beth: It's a long story. Hey, where's my shirt?!

(Heather wakes up)

Heather: Stop yelling! Your shirt is in that pile of yours and Brick's clothes.

Beth: Oh, yeah, Brick is how I got over Brady.

(Brick leans up, laying next to Beth.)

Brick: Good morning, Captain.

Beth: Good morning. (giggles)

Heather: Beth! You're dating Brick?! He's not even on our team! I know for sure that one of you two are getting voted off!

Brick: You're right, I'll go. (gets up, and puts a pillow in front of his groin in order to not be exposed)

Heather: He could of at least taken his clothes.

Heather in Confessional: Time for a little drama.

Heather: (taking Brick's clothes) I'll be right back.

Beth: Where are you going with Brick's clothes?

Heather: To return them! (walks out of the cabin, and to the lake.) Bye, bye! (drops the clothes in the water) Too bad us cartoon characters only own one pair of clothes.

(Chris wakes up the contestants with the bullhorn.)

Chris: Good morning, campers! Today, you'll all be competing in a talent show. You must choose five people to compete.

Lindsay: Like, Tyler, this the episode we totally made out in! (laughs)

Tyler: Yeah, it was good.

Heather: You two made out?!

Lindsay: Yes, yes we did.

Heather in Confessional: It's like everyone on my team decides to date someone!

(Ezekiel goes towards Bridgette and purrs.)

Bridgette: (wipes a tear) Nice, Zeke.

(Ezekiel smiles, and his face fades a little whiter.)

Ezekiel: Grah gruv vooh.

Bridgette: Okay, ew, you gruv me?!

Heather: Okay, people, let's go! (the Martians follow Heather)

Courtney:  Uh, Brick, where's your clothes?

Brick in Confessional: I can't tell anyone that my clothes are in the Martian's cabin, or else they'll know I was with Beth, and they'll vote me off!

Brick: I got a, uh, manditory message from base saying to where pillows, ma'am!

Courtney: Oh... What?

(Meanwhile, Heather is trying to choose someone to compete. She is sitting on the cabin steps. First is Alejandro.)

Heather: Next!

Alejandro: I haven't even done anything yet!

Heather: Fine, go ahead.

(Alejandro sings a song.)

Heather: Next!

Alejandro: What? (takes off his shirt) Eva, wasn't I good?

Eva: Yes... You were... (hugs Al)

Heather: Fine, you're in. Next!

(Lindsay enters.)

Lindsay: Today, I'm going to tell you about the importance of make-up. Watch as I put my regular, dull lips against this red make-up. See the differ-

Heather: Next!

(Eva enters.)

Eva: Check out this! (picks up the cabin. Heather slides backwards off the steps.)

Heather: You're in, now put me down!

Eva: Okay!

Beth: Hello, today, I will sing a song!

Heather: Next!

Owen: I can whistle through my nose! (whistles Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)

Heather: You're in! Next!

(Gwen rolls up in a wheel chair.)

Gwen: I ended up in a wheel chair since Sadie and Katie fell on me. Anyway, I don't have any talent...

Heather: Of course you do! Isn't Worstly Dressed in the books?

Gwen: What did I do to you now?

Heather: I didn't get any sleep last night because you had to cry all night about losing Duncan and the guy that you cheated on him with. Who are you gonna date next, DJ, or Harold?!

(Gwen punches Heather. Heather passes out.)

Gwen: I'll be taking auditions now. Next!

(Katie and Sadie dance.)

Gwen: No. Next!

DJ: I can attract birds!

(Whistles, and a bird flies onto his shoulder.)

Gwen: Good, you're in. Next.

Sam: I can play a game for 15 hou-

Gwen: Next!

Cameron: I can... I don't know... I can design a computer program and build a robot!

Gwen: Let's see it!

Cameron: I need a Toxic Marshmallow.

Gwen: Next!

Cody: I can make you smile.

Gwen: Do it.

Cody: Why'd the armidillo go onto the street?

Gwen: Next!

Scott: I can run through various obstacles!

Gwen: Next!

Trent: I can play guitar! (plays a song)

Gwen: You're in! We have our five!

(Meanwhile, the other team has already chosen four of their contestants: B, Blaineley, Brick, and Harold.)

Justin: We need one more person!

Anne Maria: Why not you, Justin? You are hot.

Justin: No way, I got eliminated in this episode, I'm not playing again.

Zoey: Why not Mike? He is a really good ballerina.

Lightning: Dude, you're a ballerina? (Laughs)

(Suddenly, Mike turns into Stevlana. He does various tricks.)

Justin: You're in!

Mike: La la la la!

Mike in Confessional: I hope I'll be able to turn into Stevlana tonight at the show!

(That night, the show begins. First is a competitor from one team, then a competitor from the other, the a competitor from the first, a competitor from the second, and so on.)

Chris: First up from the Martians is Alejandro!

Alejandro: Hello, I'm going to sing a song. (begins singing, using Katie and Sadie as back-up dancers) 

I left... 

Bridgette stuck to a pole...

(Bridgette gasps)

Robbed Leshawna of her fabulous soul.

(Leshawna gasps)

Made even Courtney lose control.

(Courtney blushes)

Now I'm going to leave you (Pushes Sadie down)

Wedged up in a hole.

This is how we will end it! (Pushes Katie down)

Chris: Chef, how was that?

Chef: 7.9!

(Alejandro takes his shirt off and throws it in the crowd. Jo catches it.)

Dawn in Confessional: It is quite weird how people want Alejandro and Justin.

Chris: Chef, just go with 8.

Chef: No way! He didn't give me his shirt.

(Alejandro goes off the stage, and talks to Jo.)

Alejandro: Jo, my lady! Could I have my shirt back?

Jo: No.

Alejandro: I'll go out with you sometime.

Jo: Here!

(Alejandro gives his shirt to Chef.)

Chef: 8!

Chris: Next up, from The Squirrels, is B!

(B builds a piano, and plays it. It nearly puts Chef to sleep.)

Chef: 6!

Chris: Next is... Eva, from the Martians!

(Eva picks up the stage.)

Chef: 8!

Chris: Next is... Blaineley!

(Blaineley walks on the stage.)

Blaineley: I'm Blainelerific! So, so terrific!

Chef: I'm planning on giving you a 7, but if you stop now, I'll give you an 8.

Blaineley: I'm done.

Chris: Next is Owen, singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Owen: Whistling Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Chris.

Chris: Whatever.

(Owen whistles 'twinkle twinkle', but when he whistles 'star', a booger flies out and hits Dawn.)

Dawn: Uh...

Owen: I'm so sorry!

Chef: 2.

Owen: Aw...

Chris: Next is Brick.

(Brick enters, with a pillow duct taped to him.)

Brick: Hello. Today, I'll be jump roping. (he jump ropes for an hour or two.)

Chef: STOP! You get a ten.

Brick: Yes!

Chris: Next is DJ!

DJ: I'll whistle, and attract a bird. (whistles, and a shark comes in.) Ah!!! (runs off stage. Chef laughs.)

Chef: 7!

Chris: Now, time for Harold.

Justin: (in the crowd, to Lightning) We have to win! He rapped and it was amazing!

Chris: Unfortunantley, Harold has a sore throat. He'll go on anyway.

(Harold beat boxes. His sore throat makes it sound as if he's auto tuned.)

Chef: 10!

Chris: And now, the last performance from the Martians, Trent!

(Trent plays a song his guitar.)

Blaineley in Confessional: The song that Trent played, I felt like it was for me! Even though there weren't any words.

Chef: 9.

Chris: And now... The final performance... Mike!

(Mike enters and turns into Chester.)

Mike: Hey, youngens.

(A few of the campers laugh.)

Mike: Tell you what, this generation, I could slap all of them! It's awful! Gosh, has anybody seen my cane?

Jo in Confessional: Mike's comedy performance was great!

Chef:10!

Chris: And the total is...

MARTIANS: 34

SQUIRREL: 43

Chris: Martians! It's elimination time!

Alejandro: Another elimination?

(That night, the Martians are at elimination.)

Chris: Tonight, Lindsay, Eva, Sadie, DJ, Sam, Cameron, Cody, Scott, Jo, Sierra, Katie, and, Owen, and Trent are all safe. (passes out marshmallows.) The final three are Alejandro, Beth, and Gwen. Alejandro, you should leave due to you saying those mean things about the contestants. Beth, you should leave for fooling around with Brick, and Gwen, you should leave for the loss of sleep for the other contestants. Gwen, you're safe. (hands her her marshmallow.) Beth, you are... Leaving.

Heather in Confessional: She thought I wouldn't let her get eliminated because 'I've changed'. Yeah, right!

Chris: What will happen next? Will Heather get anyone else eliminated? Will Brick find his clothes? And will Beth ever keep a boyfriend? Will Jo ever kiss Lindsay? Find out on Total Drama Returns!

Cast

None for this episode.

Notes

None for this episode.

Trivia

None for this episode

Goofs

None for this episode.

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