There may be some content not for younger kids. However, there is nothing here they wouldn't say on the Total Drama series.
- Nalyd - The Host
- Bob the Leprechaun and Frank the Gnome - Pretty much interns but they're not
- Audrey (from Total Drama Amazon)
- Bozo (from Total Drama Amazon)
- Elvis (from Total Drama Amazon)
- Frasier (from Total Drama Amazon)
- Hank (from Total Drama World)
- James (from Total Drama Amazon)
- Jess (from Total Drama Amazon)
- Martha (from Total Drama Paradise)
- Rob (from Total Drama World)
- Sally (from Total Drama World)
- "The Hobo" (from Total Drama Paradise)
- "Ugly" (from Total Drama Paradise)
This article contains information that may be considered spoilers for an unfinished/recently released chapter or story. Read at your own risk.
|Contestant||Original Teams||Mixed Teams||Merged Team||Finish||Total Votes|
|Rob - Total Drama World|
The Fat Jerk
|Losing Losers||First Voted Out||10|
|James - Total Drama Amazon|
The Farm Boy
|Losing Losers||Second Voted Out||6|
|Sally - Total Drama World|
The Moody Girl
|Losing Losers||Third Voted Out||8|
|Globetrotting Fans||Fourth Voted Out||6|
|"The Hobo" - Total Drama Paradise|
The Homeless Guy
|Losing Losers||Fifth Voted Out||6|
|Globetrotting Fans||Sixth Voted Out||6|
The Guy in the Chicken Suit
|Globetrotting Fans||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Seventh Voted Out||5|
|Globetrotting Fans||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Eighth Voted Out||4|
The Manly Girl
|Globetrotting Fans||Losing Locusts||Ninth Voted Out||5|
The Blind Kid
|Globetrotting Fans||Losing Locusts||Tenth Voted Out||12|
|"Ugly" - Total Drama Paradise|
|Losing Losers||Losing Locusts||Eleventh Voted Out||7|
|Elvis - Total Drama Amazon|
The Music Lover
|Losing Losers||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Twelfth Voted Out||7|
The Seeing-Eye Dawg
|Globetrotting Fans||Losing Locusts||Roaming Rhinos||Thirteenth Voted Out||8|
|Martha - Total Drama Paradise|
|Losing Losers||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Fourteenth Voted Out|
First Jury Member
The Old Indian Man
|Globetrotting Fans||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Evacuated||4|
|Audrey - Total Drama Amazon|
The Awkward Girl
|Losing Losers||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Fifteenth Voted Out|
Second Jury Member
|Frasier - Total Drama Amazon|
The Upper-Class Nerd
|Losing Losers||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Sixteenth Voted Out|
Third Jury Member
The Legendary Womanizer
|Globetrotting Fans||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Seventeenth Voted Out|
Fourth Jury Member
|Jess - Total Drama Amazon|
|Losing Losers||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Eighteenth Voted Out|
Fifth Jury Member
The Super Hero
|Globetrotting Fans||Losing Locusts||Nineteenth Voted Out|
Sixth Jury Member
|Bozo - Total Drama Amazon|
The Circus Freak
|Losing Losers||Losing Locusts||8|
|Hank - Total Drama World|
|Losing Losers||Losing Locusts||3|
The California Gurl
|Globetrotting Fans||Losing Locusts||0|
|Globetrotting Fans||Losing Locusts||4|
Chapter One – “Welcome to Total Drama Losers!”
Nalyd rode a motorcycle down a long road, surrounded by desert. Bob the Leprechaun sat in the sidecar. “Welcome to Total Drama Losers!” Nalyd said, facing the camera. “This season, twelve losers from Total Drama Paradise, World, and Amazon will compete for another million dollars!”
“Why would we bring back twelve losers?” Bob asked him. “First of all, that’s like ten episodes, this season’ll be done in a week. Second, nobody wants to see losers! Third, why are we in a desert? That doesn’t make any sense!”
“If you think you can do any better, call the producers, see what they have to say about it,” Nalyd said. “And don’t contradict me in front of the audience. Remember what happened when Frank tried to do that?” Bob pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and dialed the producers’ number.
“Where in Sam Hill is Nalyd?” James asked. He, Audrey, Bozo, Elvis, Frasier, Hank, The Hobo, Jess, Martha, Rob, Sally, and Ugly were standing on a highway road in the middle of a desert.
“I don’t even know why I’m here,” Frasier said. “I am an all-star! An all-star, I tell you! I am not a loser!”
“I beg to differ,” Jess rolled her eyes.
“Aren’t you two going out?” Audrey asked.
“Not anymore,” Frasier said.
“She likes guys with hair, huh?” Audrey said. “Well, you could always get a wig.”
“Do you think before you speak?” Hank asked Audrey dryly.
Nalyd arrived on his motorcycle, stopping in front of the group. “Hellooo losers!” Nalyd said.
“Ahem,” Frasier said, glaring at Nalyd.
“You’re all losers,” Nalyd said. “Each and every one of you, in your own special, loser-y ways! Audrey, you’re Audrey. That joke kind of tells itself. Bozo cart-wheeled right into her own blindside. Elvis became our first medical evacuee. Frasier is Frasier. Hank got voted off by his only friends. ‘The Hobo’ is homeless, and got voted off fourth of his season. James got blindsided by his best friend. Jess… Actually, you’re not much of a loser, but we brought you back to bug Frasier. Martha, second off of your season, and you only joined to meet a cute guy. That’s tough ‘cause none of these guys are cute.”
“I beg to differ,” Bozo said, smiling and looking at Bob the Leprechaun.
“You know he’s not a real leprechaun right?” Jess said to Bozo. “Just a very small Irishman.”
“Moving on,” Nalyd said. “Rob, again, not a real loser, but you did come in third. You almost won but failed. Sally was the first voted off in Total Drama World. ‘Ugly,’ I gotta talk to you. The producers say that you gotta wear this paper bag on your face all season.” He carefully placed the bag over Ugly’s head. “A perfect fit,” he smiled.
“That’s not all the producers say,” Bob smiled, putting his cell phone back in his pocket.
“What did they say?” Nalyd asked, fear in his voice.
“First, they said I’m getting a fifty percent pay raise!” Bob boasted. “Second, they agreed with me that bringing back twelve contestants is boring.” A bus pulled up behind Bob. “Introducing, the fans! These are twelve people who signed up for the show but were rejected.”
“You can’t bring in new contestants,” Nalyd protested. “I don’t know how to introduce them!” Bob handed him flash cards.
“That has their name and a little bit of info about them,” Bob said. “You’re welcome.”
An old man with a long beard and a cane wobbled off of the bus. He looked at the losers, then at Bob, then at Nalyd. “I think I’m on the wrong show,” he said in an Indian accent.
“Everyone, this is Maulik,” Nalyd said. “He’s sixty years old!”
“What’s he doing here?” Martha asked.
“He thought this was a show for sixty year olds, not sixteen year olds,” Nalyd explained. “And Martha, he’s married, so don’t ask him out.”
A girl in a pink leotard, green cape, and a mask jumped off the bus. “Never fear!” she shouted. “Super Amazing Girl is here!”
“Everyone,” Nalyd said, “meet Lois. She’s a super hero. She can shoot string from her hands and blind her enemies.”
A boy in a red jacket and sunglasses walked off the bus. He had a stick in his hand, and he poked at the ground as he walked. He continued walking and poked Nalyd in the face. “Hello?” the boy said.
“Speaking of blind,” Nalyd said, reading the flash card. He looked at Bob. “That’s just awful.” He continued reading the card. “This is Cecil. He’s blind.”
“No, really?” Hank asked sarcastically. “You couldn’t tell from the sunglasses and walking stick.” Cecil slowly walked toward the group, walking into James, then turning to face the bus.
A pale girl with brown hair quietly walked off the bus. “Ello,” she said in a British accent. “I’m Elka.” She stood next to the other contestants, trying to avoid eye contact.
“Everyone, meet Elka,” Nalyd said. “She’s from jolly old England. Her hobbies include staying out of the sun and eating scones.” He looked at Bob. “Dude, these note cards are just offensive.”
A large muscular boy in an all green outfit. “This show’s winner has arrived!” he boasted. His voice was deep and rough. “Taking home the gold for Lady Liberty! USA! USA! USA!”
“Easy, tiger,” Nalyd said. “Name please.”
“The name’s ‘Sarge,’” the boy said. He stood next to the other competitors. “This game is gonna be a piece o’ cake.”
“Charming,” Jess said sarcastically.
A girl with a scowl and a mullet walked off the bus. She didn’t say anything as she walked to the other contestants. “This is Deb,” Nalyd introduced her. “The ex-boyfriend of the winner of Total Drama All-Stars!”
“What did you call me?!” Deb asked fiercely.
“Julio’s ex-boyfriend?” Nalyd replied sheepishly.
“I refuse to be associated with that twerp!” Deb shouted. “Got that?”
“Alright, chill, dude,” Nalyd said.
“And I’m a girl!” Deb shouted again. She took her place next to the other contestants.
“Alright, so far we’ve met Maulik, Lois, Cecil, Elka, ‘Sarge,’ and Deb,” Nalyd said. “Next we’ve got ‘Chicken.’”
“Who would have the name ‘Chicken’?” Rob said. A boy in a chicken suit jumped off the bus.
“That’s who,” Sally said.
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted. He ran up to the group, flapping his arms.
“Surprisingly,” Nalyd said sarcastically, “He was raised by chickens. If you think he’s weird, just wait until you meet Gretel!”
A short, fat girl waddled off the bus. She had a lazy eye and wore clothes more commonly seen in medieval Europe. “Hello,” she said, in a German accent. As she walked towards the group, she tripped and landed on her face. “Verdammt noch mal!” she shouted as she got back on her feet. “Ich hasse dieses Spiel bereits! Nein! Nein! Nein!” She stood next to the group. “I apologize for my outburst.”
“It’s cool, bro,” Cecil said.
“‘Bro?!’” Gretel shouted. She pounced on Cecil who screamed.
“Whoa, easy there!” Nalyd laughed.
A muscular Hispanic boy ran off the bus. “Out of the way!” he shouted. He ran towards Cecil and ripped Gretel off of him. He held her up by her arm. “Don’t you ever do that again,” the boy shouted. “Get it?”
“Got it,” Gretel gulped.
“Good,” the boy said, and dropped Gretel to the ground.
“Thanks, Esteban,” Cecil smiled.
“Anything for my blind buddy,” Esteban chuckled, putting his arm around Cecil.
“Something tells me this is going to be an interesting season,” Nalyd chuckled. “So far we’ve met nine new contestants, but three are still on the bus! Hurry up, guys! We don’t have all day!”
A girl with lots of jewelry and a long skirt climbed out of the bus. “Hello everyone,” she said with a smile. “I am Rosalinda, the hypnotist!”
Sarge laughed. “Hypnotism ain’t real,” he said.
“Yeah it is!” Rosalinda said. “I hypnotized you to say that!”
“Moving on,” Nalyd sighed. “Here’s Katheryn!”
Katheryn, a girl dressed in bright colors, ran off the bus. “Oh my gawsh, this is going to be awesome!” she jumped up and down in excitement. “This is totally the best day of my life!”
“Big fan of the show?” Nalyd asked.
“No,” Katheryn said. “But I get to be on TV!” She looked at the camera. “Hi mom!”
“Last, and hopefully not least,” Nalyd said, “Salvatore.”
A blond boy wearing a suit walked off the bus. “Ciao,” he said in a thick Italian accent.
Jess let out a weak moan. “He’s pretty.” Salvatore joined the group and winked at Jess.
“Alright,” Nalyd said. “Twenty-four contestants! That’s a lot more than I was hoping for, but we’ll make it work, some how. Now, onto the teams. The Losing Losers; Audrey, Bozo, Elvis, Frasier, Hank, ‘The Hobo,’ James, Jess, Martha, Rob, Sally, and ‘Ugly’ will be one team. The Globetrotting Fans; Cecil, ‘Chicken,’ Deb, Elka, Esteban, Gretel, Katheryn, Lois, Maulik, Rosalinda, Salvatore, and ‘Sarge’ will be the other team. And yes, I thought of those names all by myself!”
“Nalyd, can I ask a question?” Katheryn asked.
“I’d rather you didn’t,” Nalyd said dryly.
“So, are we gonna be in the desert all season?” Katheryn asked, oblivious to Nalyd’s annoyance.
“No,” Nalyd said. “This season we’ll be going all around the world!”
“Hasn’t that been done?” Elvis asked.
“We’re gonna do it better!” Nalyd said. “I promise. We’ll be going to way more interesting places, with way tougher challenges.”
“I quit,” Hank said. He walked away from the group.
“Don’t get eaten by coyotes!” Nalyd shouted. “Don’t worry guys, he’ll come back. They always come back. Right now, we are in the Mojave Desert in the United States of America.”
“Woo hoo!” Sarge cheered. “USA! USA! USA!”
“We get it,” Nalyd rolled his eyes. “Anyway, this is the location of your first challenge! Our rides will be here any second.” On cue, two helicopters descended. Each helicopter had the color of one of the two respective teams. “For this challenge, we’re all gonna get in these helicopters! Whichever team has the most jumpers will win immunity! It doesn’t matter where you land, as long as you jump. Losing Losers, with Hank gone, you’re down a member.” The contestants shuffled onto their helicopters. Nalyd stayed on the ground, and watched the helicopters fly over an area filled with cacti and scorpions.
In the Globetrotting Fans’ helicopter, the twelve new contestants looked out of the helicopter. “I can’t jump,” Maulik said. “I’ve got a bad back. And bad hip. And bad other hip. And a bad knee.”
“Guys, what is that?” Rosalinda asked. “The big thing in the middle of all the cacti.”
“Is that a mattress?” Esteban asked.
“I’ll go find out,” Lois said. “Super Amazing Girl away!” Lois jumped out of the helicopter. She dove head first, arms outstretched and cape fluttering in the wind. She landed hard on the mattress, but wasn’t seriously injured.
“Is she okay?” Katheryn asked.
“Who cares?” Sarge asked. “We’ve gotta win this! Charge!” He shouted and ran out of the helicopter.
“He’s right,” Salvatore said. “Come, everyone, and together we will rally together and win the challenge.” The girls in the helicopter, minus Elka, stared at him. “What?”
“Say more words,” Katheryn giggled. Salvatore smiled, and jumped out of the helicopter backwards, facing his teammates as he fell.
“He’s mine!” Gretel shouted and ran to the helicopter door.
“I saw him first,” Deb said, charging toward the exit.
“I call dibs,” Rosalinda said.
“You can have dibs,” Katheryn said. “I call Salvatore!”
“Not if he calls me first,” Gretel said. The four girls all fell out of the helicopter at the same time. They clung to each other and screamed as they fell, all landing on the mattress.
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted, and jumped off the helicopter. He landed on his back, on top of a cactus. He rolled off the cactus and landed on the ground. “Buck, buck, buck,” he muttered weakly.
“You wanna do this Cecil?” Esteban asked.
“Sure, I guess,” Cecil said. Esteban nodded, and picked Cecil up. He carried his blind friend over his shoulder and jumped out of the helicopter. Esteban accidentally let go of Cecil as the two fell. Esteban landed on the mattress, and Cecil landed next to him on the hard, sandy ground.
“Oops,” Esteban said. He picked Cecil up and dusted him off.
The helicopter pilot looked at the remaining two contestants, Elka and Maulik, who was asleep. “You jumping?” the pilot asked.
“Oh, um, no,” Elka said. “With ten jumpers, I’m sure we’ve won. I’ve got a feeling about it.” The pilot shrugged and landed the helicopter.
“Well done, Globetrotting Fans,” Nalyd said. “Ten jumpers, two sitters. Let’s see how the Losing Losers do!”
The Losing Losers helicopter flew over a different cactus patch, with a mattress in the middle. “This is stupid,” Rob complained. “I bet not even five of them is gonna jump.”
“You think?” Martha asked.
“I know,” Rob said. “You saw them, they’re obviously weaker. We just need five of us to jump and I’d bet we’d win.”
“How do you figure?” Jess asked.
“The old guy isn’t gonna jump,” Rob said. “I bet you none of those girls jump, except maybe the one with the mullet. That’s six people that won’t jump. The blind kid won’t go. I’m sure of it. I’m good with first impressions.”
“Dude, that’s the stupidest plan ever,” Elvis said.
“I like it!” Bozo shouted, and jumped out of the helicopter. She did several flips as she descended, but eventually landed on the mattress. “Can I go again?” she laughed.
“Guys, we can’t risk too many of us getting hurt,” Rob said. “It’s a calculated risk. Five of us jump, and we win. That means the five that jumped will probably be hurt, and not helpful at the next challenge. If the other six of us don’t jump, then we’ll be in good enough condition to win the next challenge while the five who jumped rest.”
“Well, I guess that makes sense,” James said, scratching his chin.
“Thank you,” Rob said, sarcastically. “We gotta send our weakest players out.”
Frasier was pushed out by everyone in the helicopter. “I don’t appreciate this!” he shouted as he fell. “I have never seen such an indolent tribe! You have made a formidable enemy!” He landed on the mattress.
“I volunteer,” Audrey said. “Remember me when I die.”
“You aren’t going to die,” James said. “It’s no big deal.”
“We can go together,” Martha said to Audrey.
“Okay!” Audrey said excitedly. The two held hands and jumped.
“We need one more,” Rob said. “Any volunteers?”
“I’ll go,” Elvis sighed.
“Good man,” Rob said. Elvis jumped out of the helicopter, screaming as he fell. “Hey,” Rob said to the pilot. “We’re done. Bring us down.” The helicopter descended with the remaining Losing Losers. Nalyd and the Globetrotting Fans waited for the Losers.
“Well,” Nalyd said. “Five Losers jumped, and ten Fans jumped! The Fans win immunity!” The Globetrotting Fans cheered, while the Losers glared at Rob. Hank ran up to the group, covered in scorpion stings, scratches, and cactus needles. “Welcome back,” Nalyd smiled. Hank stood next to his team. “Now,” Nalyd said, “The Losing Losers will stay here and vote somebody off, while the Globetrotting Fans will start going to the next location.”
“Where’s the plane?” Esteban asked.
“We couldn’t afford to get two planes to take you guys all around the world all season,” Nalyd said. “So you guys have to find your own transportation.” He handed Esteban a map. “Follow the map to the location of the next challenge. When you get there, we’ll start. Big advantage for you guys. Big disadvantage for the Losing Losers.” The Globetrotting Fans grumpily trudged away. “Losers,” Nalyd said. “Usually we’d let you guys talk about who to vote off, but we’re running late. Come with me.”
Nalyd led the Losing Losers to a campfire surrounded by the desert. There were twelve seats, and the podium that Nalyd stood at. “Welcome to the new and improved Tribal Council,” Nalyd said. “As you’ve probably noticed, there are no torches. The way this will work is there is a wooden puppet of each of you.” Bob brought Nalyd a box full of wooden puppets. “If you get a vote, your puppet will be held above the fire. For every vote you get, a string attached to the puppet’s limbs will be cut. When you’ve received enough votes to be eliminated, all your puppet’s strings will be cut, and your puppet will fall into the fire.”
“That sounds overly complicated,” Frasier complained.
“It’s called symbolism,” Nalyd said. “Time to vote!”
Elvis voted for Rob. “Dumb move today, man. You’re not the leader you think you are.”
Audrey voted for Hank. “Sorry. I don’t think we can keep somebody on our team who actually wanted to quit.”
Nalyd took the ballot box. He looked through the votes, then the box of puppets. He pulled out the Rob and Hank puppets. “Tonight, the two of you got the most votes,” Nalyd said. He hung the puppets by their strings above the fire. “Time to see who goes first.” Nalyd took a vote from the ballot box. “Hank.” He cut a string from Hank’s puppet.
“Ooh, scary,” Hank rolled his eyes.
“Rob,” Nalyd said, reading a second vote and cutting one of Rob’s strings.
“Heh,” Rob chuckled. “No worries yet.”
“Hank,” Nalyd said. “That’s two votes for Hank and one for Rob.” He pulled out another vote. “Make that two for Hank and two for Rob.” He cut another string from both puppets.
“Please let it be me,” Hank said.
“Rob,” Nalyd said. He cut another string from Rob’s puppet. “Rob. That’s two votes for Hank, and four votes for Rob.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Rob said under his breath.
“Rob,” Nalyd said. “Rob,” he pulled another vote from the ballot box and cut two more strings. “Two votes Hank. Six votes Rob.” Rob’s puppet dangled by one string.
“Dang it!” Rob shouted.
“The first person voted out of Total Drama Losers… Rob.”
“Come on, guys!” Rob jumped up. “I led us in the challenge! Hank tried to quit!”
“You tried to lead us,” Elvis said.
Nalyd cut the final string on Rob’s puppet, and it fell into the fire. “Rob, the tribe has spoken,” Nalyd said. He handed a map to Jess. “There’s the map to your next challenge, I suggest you get a move on before sundown.” The Losing Losers stood up and left the elimination ceremony. Nalyd got on his motorcycle.
“Where do I go?” Rob asked him.
“Home I guess,” Nalyd said. “Good luck getting there though, haha!” Nalyd rode away on his motorcycle.
Chapter Two – “The Italian Stallion”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; twelve losers returned to try again for the million dollars. Little did they know, twelve fans would be joining them in their journey around the globe. The Globetrotting Fans showed that they were not to be messed with when they floored the Losing Losers in the challenge. The Losing Losers chose to vote off Rob, who failed to lead them in the challenge. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Globetrotting Fans made their way through the Mojave Desert. “This is ridiculous,” Sarge said. “It’s already nightfall, and we’re going slower than a centipede covered in molasses.”
“Let’s pick up the pace everyone,” Salvatore said. “We wanna get to the next challenge first.”
“Where is the next challenge?” Elka asked.
“Las Vegas, English Muffin,” Sarge answered.
“’English Muffin?’” Elka repeated.
“I’ve got nicknames for almost everybody,” Sarge explained in the confessional. “Elka is English Muffin, Deb is Mullet, Maulik is Gramps, Lois is Lois Lame, Katheryn is Cheerleader, Esteban is Eyes, and Salvatore is the Italian Stallion. Sal is my right-hand man, at least for now. He’s got all the chicks drooling over him, so I figure I might as well use that to my advantage and ally with him.”
“Hurry, Maulik,” Sarge said. “You’re the slowest one here!”
“Do not sass me,” Maulik said. “I fought for India in all three world wars!”
“There have only been two world wars,” Rosalinda said. “India wasn’t a part of either.”
“Oh yeah?” Maulik said. “Well I was in a hunger strike with Gandhi!”
“How was it a hunger strike if you were eating candy?” Katheryn asked. Deb face-palmed.
“Maulik is already making people mad,” Lois said in the confessional. “As Super Amazing Girl, I feel obligated to help him cross streets when we get to Las Vegas, but I wouldn’t mind voting him off. He’s a liar. Villains lie.”
The group heard voices behind them in the distance. “The other team is catching up to us,” Esteban said. Esteban was carrying Cecil on his shoulders.
“Dang it!” Sarge shouted. “They’re gonna catch up to us and then get there first probably.”
“You know,” Salvatore said, “I could go spy on them a little, see what they’re talking about. Doing stuff like that will help us at the merge. Permission to spy?”
“Permission granted,” Sarge said. Salvatore nodded, and ran back to find the Losing Losers.
“We’ll wait for you in Las Vegas!” Rosalinda shouted.
“He’s so cute,” Gretel said. “I think he likes me.”
“He definitely likes me best,” Katheryn said. “Did you see the way he smiled at me during the walk?”
“I’m pretty much the only girl on the team who isn’t in love with Salvatore,” Elka said in the confessional. “I’ve got a bad feeling about him. He’s a devil with blue eyes.”
Salvatore hid behind a patch of cacti and watched as the Losing Losers walked by. “Las Vegas, here we come,” James said.
Audrey walked in the middle of Frasier and Jess. “So why did you two break up?” she asked.
“Ask her,” Frasier said. “She’s the one that broke up with me.”
“I wanted a real man,” Jess said. “Somebody who could sweep me off my feet. Also, Frasier’s bald.”
“I am not bald!” Frasier protested.
“Aw, its okay, Frasier,” Audrey said. “My grandpa’s bald and he’s not embarrassed.”
Martha, Sally, Ugly, Hank, Bozo, and Elvis walked together. “I was thinking we could form an alliance,” Elvis said. “You all seem like really chill people. I wouldn’t mind going to the final six with you.”
“How about we vote me out first?” Hank suggested. “I don’t wanna be here.”
“Ha,” Bozo snorted. “You’re funny, Hank.”
“I’ll join,” Martha said.
“I’m in!” Sally said. “I just don’t wanna be first out again!”
“You can’t be,” Ugly said. “We already voted Rob out.” The others looked at Ugly and laughed. “What?”
“Somebody wrote a bad word on your paper bag,” Martha chuckled.
“What did they write?” Ugly asked. She removed the paper bag from her head, causing the others to gasp. “Who wrote this on my bag?”
“Probably ‘The Hobo,’” Martha said. “I don’t trust that guy.” A crack sound came from behind a cactus. “What was that?”
Salvatore stepped out from behind the cactus. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I got separated from my team. They send me to get water, and when I got back, they were gone. I’ve been wandering alone for an hour.”
“Aw,” Audrey said. “You can come with us!”
“Shouldn’t we decide that as a team?” Frasier asked.
“What’s wrong, Frasier?” Jess asked. “Jealous that he has hair?” Jess approached Salvatore. “You may come to Las Vegas with us, Salvatore.”
“Thank you,” Salvatore said. “You’re a very sweet girl.”
“Ooh, look at me, I’m Salvatore!” Frasier mocked in the confessional. “I’m Italian and hit on girls and have amazing blond hair! Aren’t I special?!”
“I feel so foolish,” Salvatore said. “My team must hate me, that’s why they left me behind! Oh, I’ll be voted off next for sure.”
“Don’t worry, Salvatore,” Sally said. “If you make it to the merge, you can ally with us.”
“Really?” Salvatore asked. “You guys are the best. I sure wish I was a Losing Loser.”
“Acting,” Salvatore smiled in the confessional. “If this is the best the Losing Losers have to offer, Nalyd might as well write me the check now.”
It was four in the morning. The sky was still dark when the Globetrotting Fans reached Las Vegas. “Oh my gosh, it’s so bright here!” Katheryn said.
“Look at all the lights,” Deb said.
“There’s so much to see here!” Esteban said.
“Really guys?” Cecil said, dryly. “Blind kid, right here.”
“Welcome to Las Vegas,” Nalyd said. “This is the location of your next challenge! Getting here will give you a huge advantage in the challenge. As you can see behind me, we have two novelty sized slot machines. The first team to be able to spin three sevens wins part one of the challenge! Each slot machine is fifteen feet tall, and each lever weighs four hundred pounds. Good luck pulling that thing down enough times to get three sevens. Go!”
The Globetrotting Fans ran to the slot machine. “How are we gonna reach that?” Esteban asked.
“Climb up the side!” Sarge said. He pointed to a ladder on the side of the slot machine. The team climbed to the top and jumped onto the lever, pulling it down.
“Seven,” the team said in unison. “Seven… cherries.”
“Try again!” Gretel shouted. The team ran back up the ladder and jumped again.
The Losing Losers arrived on the scene. Salvatore left the group and joined his own team. “Guys, hold on,” he whispered to his team. “Don’t all go up at once, let’s split into four teams of three people and we’ll be able to pull it down four times as quickly.”
“I like the way you think, Italian Stallion,” Sarge chuckled. The Globetrotting Fans divided themselves into four groups and took turns pulling the lever.
Nalyd explained the challenge to the Losing Losers. “The Globetrotting Fans have wasted their lead,” Nalyd said. “They weren’t able to win with the Losing Losers not here, so now it’s even!”
“We don’t have enough people to do four groups like them,” The Hobo said. “We could just do two groups.” Five of the Losing Losers climbed the side of the slot machine, while the other six followed. They climbed slower than the Globetrotting Fans.
“The Globetrotting Fans have pulled the lever fifty-seven times,” Nalyd said. “The Losing Losers have pulled it seven times.”
“Fifty-eighth time’s the charm,” Lois said. She, Esteban, and Cecil jumped, and pulled the lever.
“Seven,” the Globetrotting Fans said in unison. “Seven… seven!”
“Globetrotting Fans win part one!” Nalyd announced. “This will be a huge advantage in the second part of the challenge.”
“This is awful,” Ugly said in the confessional. “We already lost a challenge, now we have a disadvantage.”
“For part two of the challenge,” Nalyd said. “You must pick the three smartest people on your team.”
“Jess and I should participate,” Frasier said.
“I wanna go too!” Bozo said.
“Fair enough,” Jess said. “The clown, Bozo and I will compete.”
“I will go for our team,” Salvatore said.
“I will also compete,” Maulik said.
“We need a third,” Salvatore said. “Elka, you seem smart, would you care to join us?”
“Me? Really?” Elka said. Salvatore nodded and flashed a smile. “Um, okay.”
“Frasier, Bozo, and Jess vs. Salvatore, Maulik, and Elka,” Nalyd said. “You each have four cards, Jack, Queen, King, and Ace. I also have those four cards. I will hold them up and when I’m done, you must repeat the order that I held them up in. When you’re wrong, you’re out. Fans, you may pick one of the three Losers to be out immediately as part of your advantage.”
“We choose Frasier,” Salvatore said.
“Detestable,” Frasier muttered.
“Round one,” Nalyd said. He held up the Jack, Queen, Jack, Queen, Ace, Queen, and King. “What was the first card?”
Jess, Salvatore, Maulik, and Elka, showed their Jacks, while Bozo threw her cards in the air. “I throw my cards up in the air sometimes, singing ‘Ay-oh, my name is Bozo!’” Bozo sang. “This show could be a musical!”
“Unsurprising, Bozo is out first,” Nalyd said. “What was the second card?” The four remaining contestants all held up their Queens. “Third card?” They all showed their Jacks. “Fourth card?” The four showed their Queen cards. “Fifth card?” Jess, Salvatore, and Elka showed Aces, and Maulik showed a Jack. “The correct answer was Ace. Maulik you’re out.”
“I need to make sure we win,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “I’ll lose credibility with the Losers if we lose and I stay. Luckily for me, Jess is really stupid for a genius.”
“I felt really bad for Salvatore,” Jess said in the confessional. “He said that if his team lost he’d get voted off. I can’t let my heart get involved in the game. Not again.”
“Sixth card in the patten?” Nalyd said. Jess, Salvatore, and Elka each showed a Queen. “Last card?” They all showed a King. “Congratulations, you all move onto round two.” Nalyd help up the Queen, Ace, King, Jack, Jack, King, Ace, King cards. “What was the first card in the pattern?” Jess and Salvatore held up Queens, and Elka held up Ace. “Sorry Elka, you’re out. Salvatore and Jess, final two.”
“Ugh,” Jess said in the confessional. “Now if I beat Salvatore, it’ll be even more his fault that his team loses!”
“Second card in the pattern?” Nalyd said. Jess and Salvatore both showed Aces. “Third card?” They both showed Kings. “Fourth card?” They both showed Jacks. “Fifth card?” Salvatore showed his Jack. He looked at Jess with pleading eyes. Jess sighed and showed her Queen. “Wrong, Jess,” Nalyd said. “Salvatore and the Globetrotting Fans win immunity!” The Fans cheered. Nalyd handed Chicken a map. “You may go to your next challenge now.”
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken cheered.
Salvatore whispered to Jess, “Grazie a te, mia dolce.”
“You’re welcome,” Jess said awkwardly.
“Losing Losers,” Nalyd said. “That name is getting more and more fitting everyday. You’re gonna vote in ten minutes!”
“Hey, guys listen,” James whispered to Audrey, Frasier, Elvis, and Sally. “Did y’all see that? Jess was just talking to Salvatore. He said something in Italian, and she said ‘you’re welcome.’ I think she threw the challenge for him. Remember when he flirted with her on our way here? She’s on his side.”
“You really think so, James?” Elvis said.
James nodded. “As positive as the year is long.”
“So should we vote out Jess?” Sally asked.
“I’m all for it,” Frasier said.
“I know you guys have an alliance,” James said. “So let’s just vote Jess out tonight.”
“I did better than anybody here on the Loser tribe in my original season,” James said in the confessional. “I’ve got something to prove here. I think I’ve got the most experience in the game, so a lot of the votes will probably be up to me.”
“What have you heard?” Jess asked Audrey.
“They wanna vote you out. They think you threw the challenge for Salvatore,” Audrey explained.
“Who told them that?” Jess asked.
“James,” Audrey said.
“Then we have to vote James out,” Jess said. “Tell everyone. They don’t want to hear it from me.”
“Okay,” Audrey said. “What should I tell them?”
“Make something up,” Jess said. “And be quick about it!”
Audrey gathered the alliance of Martha, Sally, Ugly, Elvis, Hank, and Bozo together. “We need to vote off James tonight,” Audrey said.
“Why?” Sally asked.
“Um,” Audrey said.
“I hadn’t thought that far!” Audrey said in the confessional. “Stay calm, Audrey. Just think, what would Jess do? Uh oh, now you’re talking to yourself on TV! Quick, stop before they think you’re crazy!”
“He’s been making alliance with everyone,” Audrey said quickly. “He told us to vote Jess, and then he went and told me to vote Elvis off.”
“He did?” Elvis asked. Audrey nodded. “Well, do we wanna keep Jess the cheater or James the liar?”
The Losing Losers took their seats at Tribal Council. “Welcome back, Losers,” Nalyd said. “Last night, you sent Rob home. After a three hour trek through the desert and a challenge in the middle of the night, you’re back here. It’s time to vote.”
Frasier voted for Jess. “You’ve hurt me and this tribe enough.”
Audrey voted for James. “Sorry. Hope we can still be friends after this.”
“I’ll read the votes,” Nalyd said. He got the ballot box, and looked through the votes. Above the fire pit, he hung puppets of Jess and James. “You two received all the votes tonight. When I read a vote for you, I will cut a string from your puppet. When your puppet falls into the fire, you’re out of the game.” He pulled a vote from the ballot box. “James.” He cut a string from James’ puppet.
Audrey looked at James nervously.
“Jess,” Nalyd said, reading another vote and cutting a string from Jess’ puppet. “Another vote for James. That’s two votes for James and one for Jess.”
Frasier glared at Jess.
“Jess,” Nalyd said. “Two votes for James and two vote Jess.” He cut another string from Jess’ puppet. “Jess.” He cut another string from Jess’ puppet. “And another vote for Jess. That’s two votes for James and four for Jess.”
Jess looked at Audrey, who shrugged.
“Jess,” Nalyd said, cutting another string from Jess’ puppet. “Two votes for James, and five votes for Jess.” Jess’ puppet dangled by one string. Nalyd pulled another vote from the ballot box. “James.” He cut a string from James’ puppet. “James. That’s four votes for James and five for Jess.”
James looked at his teammates, confused.
“James,” Nalyd said, cutting another string from James’ puppet. Each puppet dangled above the roaring fire with one string.
“This is it,” Elvis whispered.
“The second person voted out of Total Drama Losers… James.”
Nalyd cut the string of James’ puppet, and it fell and burned in the fire. “Good luck, guys,” James said as the rest of the team stood up. “Don’t be Losers forever.”
“James, the tribe has spoken,” Nalyd said. He handed a map to Jess. “Losing Losers, time to go.”
Chapter Three – “It’s all up to Audrey”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the Globetrotting Fans fawned over the Italian Stallion, Salvatore. Salvatore gained sympathy from the Losing Losers, particularly Jess. The Losers made their first strategic move of the season, an alliance between Martha, Sally, Ugly, Hank, Bozo, and Elvis. The Fans dominated in the Las Vegas slot machine challenge, and Salvatore was even able to get Jess, one of the smartest contestants on the show, to throw an intelligence challenge. James campaigned for the Losers to send Jess home, but his pleas fell on deaf ears, and James was sent home instead. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Globetrotting Fans walked across an open plain. It was the first grassy land they’d set foot on since the game started. “It’s nice to be out of the desert,” Maulik said.
“Nobody on the team likes Maulik,” Deb said in the confessional. “He keeps complaining about everything. Looks like our first vote is going to be easy.”
“Would you shut up, old man?” Sarge said. “Dang it, I’m sick o’ you complaining!”
“What gives you the right to talk to your elders that way?” Maulik asked.
“We’re in America, ain’t we?” Sarge retorted. “Last time I checked, I still had freedom of speech.”
“I got stuck with pretty lame guys on this team,” Gretel said in the confessional. “Maulik is completely useless, Cecil is blind, 'Sarge' spends the whole time yelling at everyone, Salvatore is beautiful, but he spends more time with the other team than with us, and Esteban,” she paused. “Actually, Esteban is relatively useful. And don’t even get me started about the girls. Elka won’t talk, Rosalinda won’t stop talking, Katheryn’s an idiot, and Lois is delusional. Help me.”
“I bet I can hypnotize you,” Rosalinda said to Cecil. She walked next to Esteban, who carried Cecil on his shoulders.
“Alright,” Cecil said. “How?”
Rosalinda held a gold watch in front of Cecil’s face. She slowly waved it back and forth. “You are getting sleepy, very sleepy,” she said slowly. “When I count to three, you will cluck like a chicken. One. Two. Thr-”
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted, running past the three.
“How much farther must we walk?” Maulik asked.
“You’ll walk as long as I say walk,” Sarge instructed.
“Hey, maybe you should back off a bit,” Salvatore said, putting his hand on Sarge’s shoulder. Sarge nodded, and walked away from Maulik.
“I respect Sal,” Sarge said in the confessional. “He’s got a way of controlling the women on the team, but what he’s gotta realize is that I’m the leader. Maulik is a liability. He’s a living fossil. Nobody wants him around, so he can just keep digging his own grave.”
“My team has four people who I would like to, how do you say? Blindside?” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Maulik and Cecil are obvious choices to go, but Rosalinda is also getting annoying. Those three would be the obvious ones. Another one I’d like gone is Elka. I fear that she is the most likely contestant to try to vote me off. Other than her, however, I feel secure. Both teams love me. There is no chance of me going home anytime soon.”
The Losing Losers jogged through a grassy valley. “How long have we been jogging?” Frasier panted.
“I’d say an hour, maybe more,” Jess said.
“Can we take a break?” The Hobo asked.
“Fine,” Elvis said. “There’s a little pond up ahead, we’ll rest there.”
“We decided to jog so that the other team wouldn’t get to the next challenge before us,” Elvis said in the confessional. “I think if we take away their time advantage, we’ll be able to win.”
The alliance of Martha, Sally, Ugly, Hank, Bozo, and Elvis sat together at the pond. “I think we made a mistake keeping Jess,” Martha said. “Knowing her, she’ll throw today’s challenge too.”
“The question now,” Elvis said, “is it worth it to vote her off now? I think we just gotta sit her out as much as possible. I think that jog showed a lot of people on our team aren’t in tip-top physical shape.”
“I am!” Bozo exclaimed. “I can do this!” Bozo stuck her tongue out, and licked the tip of her nose. “Ta-da!”
“Well now we’ll surely win,” Hank rolled his eyes.
Jess and Audrey drank water from the pond. “They want me gone next,” Jess said. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be gone.”
“It was nothing, really,” Audrey smiled.
“If we lose tonight, we might have to do some serious scrambling,” Jess said. “Those six over there are tight. That leaves you, me, ‘The Hobo,’ and Frasier.”
Before the two could continue, Elvis shouted, “Alright guys, the break is over! Back to work!” He and the other Losers began jogging.
“Elvis has become the leader of the team,” Frasier said in the confessional. “I’m not pleased about it; I think I’d make a much better leader. I’m resourceful, able-bodied, perceptive, gregarious, and, most of all, an All-Star! I should not be on a team of losers; I am entitled to be on a team of the best of the best!”
“If I want to stay in the game,” Jess said in the confessional, “I need more allies than just Audrey. Unfortunately, I’m so deplored by my own team, I need Audrey to form alliances for me.”
Audrey jogged next to The Hobo. “So, Hobo,” Audrey said.
“That’s ‘The Hobo,’” The Hobo said.
“Sorry, ‘The Hobo,’” Audrey blushed. “Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to join my alliance.”
“What will you do for me if I do?” The Hobo asked.
“I’ll get you shampoo,” Audrey suggested.
“Oh, cause all homeless guys want shampoo, huh?” The Hobo replied sharply. “Well I’ve got news for you, I’m proud of my filth! There’s something else I want; her.” He pointed ahead at Martha.
“Sure you don’t want shampoo?” Audrey asked.
“This is going to be tough,” Audrey said in the confessional. “I’m going to need to do lots of lying to get this to work. I’m not good at lying.”
The Globetrotting Fans arrived on a sandy beach. “Welcome to San Francisco,” Nalyd said. “We’re gonna be rocking this challenge Pacific Ocean style! Since the Losing Losers aren’t here yet, we’ll let you guys start the challenge.” From the distance, the Losing Losers ran onto the scene.
“We’re here!” Elvis shouted. “We’re here!” The Losers cheered.
“Alright, time to get to the challenge,” Nalyd said. “We’re on the beautiful Pacific coast of California.”
“Oh my gosh,” Katheryn said. “I’m from California!”
“Interesting,” Nalyd said. “Anyway, for today’s challenge, you’re gonna need to change into your bathing suits, this is a water challenge.” Bob the Leprechaun dragged a suitcase to the contestants, full of their bathing suits. After everyone had finished using the changing room, Nalyd continued. “Today’s challenge is a surfing challenge!”
“Isn’t that more suited for Hawaii?” Hank asked.
“We can’t afford Hawaii,” Nalyd said. “So California will do! Both teams must pick five contestants to surf.”
“I say we go with,” Sarge said, “Esteban, Lois, Salvatore, Deb, and me. Our strongest five.”
“No, I have to go!” Katheryn said. “I love surfing!”
“You may take my place,” Salvatore said.
“Aw, thanks,” Katheryn hugged Salvatore.
“Does anyone know how to surf?” Elvis asked the Losers.
“Ooh, I do!” Bozo said.
“Is there anything you can’t do?” Sally asked.
“I can’t do this,” Bozo said. She sat on the ground and bent both her legs over her shoulders and behind her head. “Oh, hey, I could do that. Nevermind!”
“Anybody else?” Elvis asked. Nobody spoke up. “Anybody able to fake it?”
“Dude, we’re all tired from jogging so much,” Martha said.
“Brilliant plan, by the way,” Frasier said sarcastically.
“I’ll go with Bozo,” Jess said.
“Bozo, Jess, ‘Ugly,’ Hank, and me,” Elvis said.
“The first round will be Elvis vs. ‘Sarge,’” Nalyd said, handing the two surfboards. “All you have to do is paddle out, catch a wave, and surf. Whichever one of you is the last man standing wins. If one of you doesn’t even get on a wave, the other one will win. Ready?” Sarge and Elvis nodded. “Go!” The two ran into the water, and paddled their surfboards into the ocean.
“You ever surf before, music boy?” Sarge asked.
“For, like, the first thirteen years of my life,” Elvis said, paddling ahead of Sarge.
“Aw, dang it,” Sarge sighed. A wave curled up from the ocean water. Elvis met it, stood on his board, and surfed. His team cheered him on from shore. Sarge stood on his board, wobbled, and fell off.
“Elvis wins!” Nalyd announced. The two boys swam back to shore. “Round two; ‘Ugly’ vs. Lois.” Elvis and Sarge handed their respective teammates their boards. “Go!”
Lois charged into the water. “Super Amazing Girl, away! Surfing powers activate!” Ugly followed her.
Audrey approached Martha. “Hey, Martha,” she said.
“Oh, hey Audrey,” Martha smiled. “What’s up?”
“I know someone who likes you,” Audrey said.
“Who?” Martha gasped. Audrey pointed to The Hobo. “Ew! No! Tell me you’re kidding!”
“Um,” Audrey froze. “Well, yeah, of course I’m kidding. I was pointing at him.” She moved her hand, pointing at Frasier.
“Oh,” Martha said. She giggled. “Well, I guess he’s kind of cute.” The two girls looked out at the ocean.
Lois and Ugly were both standing up on their surfboards. “Both girls doing well,” Nalyd narrated. Lois pulled a can of silly string out of her utility belt, which she was wearing over her bathing suit, and sprayed Ugly with it.
“My eyes!” Ugly shouted. She fell off her board.
“Lois wins!” Nalyd announced.
“Sorry, citizen,” Lois said. “As a super hero, it is my job to defeat the evil, and those who are a threat to my team are evil.”
“You got silly string in my eye,” Ugly sighed.
“The score is one to one,” Nalyd said. “Next up, Hank vs. Esteban.”
“Can I give up now?” Hank asked.
Esteban took Cecil off his shoulders and stood him up on the sand. “Stay here, Cecil,” he said. “I’ll be right back.” Esteban ran out to the ocean with Hank.
“Go!” Nalyd shouted. Hank stood on the shore and watched Esteban paddle out. “Are you gonna go, Hank?”
“I wasn’t planning to,” Hank replied.
“Oh, I get it, strategic move?” Nalyd said.
“No,” Hank shrugged. “Just lazy.”
“In that case, Esteban wins,” Nalyd said. “Round four; Bozo vs. Deb.”
“Why do I have to go last?” Jess asked in the confessional. “If I lose, it’s going to seem a lot more serious than when Hank or ‘Ugly’ lost. In my opinion, Hank should go tonight. He doesn’t wanna be here, he doesn’t care.”
Bozo and Deb paddled out into the water. “Wouldn’t it be cool if there were sharks out here?” Bozo smiled. “It would be like Jaws! Danananananana!”
“I’m afraid of clowns,” Deb said in the confessional.
Deb looked away from Bozo as the two paddled. “Hey, hey Deb, hey, Deb, hey,” Bozo said.
“Don’t look at her,” Deb said to herself. “Just paddle and get ready for a wave.”
“Hey, Deb, yoo hoo, Deb, over here! Deb. Deb. Deb,” Bozo continued.
“What?!” Deb shouted, she looked at Bozo.
Bozo was standing on her surfboard already. “Wave!” Bozo was able to catch the wave and ride it. Deb looked up, only to be knocked down by the wave.
“Bozo wins!” Nalyd announced. “The final round; Jess vs. Katheryn.”
“Yay!” Katheryn cheered. She grabbed the surfboard from Deb.
“Very well,” Jess said. “Let’s get this over with.” The two girls began paddling into the ocean.
Audrey approached The Hobo. “What did she say?” he asked excitedly.
“She said ‘he’s kinda cute,’” Audrey lied.
“A lot of girls feel that way,” The Hobo said. “I think it’s because of my amazing voice, all smooth and angelic and whatnot. I could be on the radio, huh?”
“Sure,” Audrey said. “So will you vote with us?” The Hobo nodded. “Yay! I’d hug you if you weren’t covered in dirt.”
“Now all I need to do is put a target on somebody’s back,” Audrey said in the confessional.
Audrey walked up to Elvis. “Hey, Elvis, can I talk to you?”
“I guess so,” Elvis said. “What’s up?”
“I don’t trust Sally,” Audrey said.
“Why not?” Elvis asked.
“I’m not very good at lying,” Audrey said in the confessional. “I don’t like lying either. But I made a promise to Jess, and after this we’re gonna be best friends. I think.”
“Um,” Audrey paused. She looked at Sally, and saw her sitting alone. “I’ve seen her talking to people to form alliances to take you out!”
Elvis looked alarmed. “Really?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Audrey said. “We were allies in Amazon. Remember?”
“Okay, I’ll think about it,” Elvis said.
Meanwhile, Jess and Katheryn were in the ocean. They were preparing for a wave. “Here we go,” Jess sighed as a wave rolled up before the two. They stood up.
“Good luck!” Katheryn shouted as the two began to surf. Jess and Katheryn were both standing up.
“Hey, I’m doing well!” Jess said excitedly.
“And then I got an idea,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Two girls competing, both completely infatuated with me. The situation could not have been more perfect.”
“You can do it,” Salvatore called from shore, waving at the two girls.
“What are you doing?” Elka asked.
“Trust me here,” Salvatore said.
“He’s cheering for me,” Jess and Katheryn gasped at the same time.
“He looks so buff in that bathing suit,” Katheryn smiled. The two girls, staring at Salvatore, crashed into each other, falling into the water. They swam back to shore.
“Who won?” Jess asked.
“By my judgement,” Nalyd said. “Jess was off her board first. Katheryn wins! Katheryn and the Globetrotting Fans win immunity!” The Fans cheered. A boat pulled up to the shore. “Our next challenge is out in the ocean, here is a boat for you guys.” The Fans hurried onto the boat, and left the shore. “Losing Losers, shortly, you’re going to vote.”
“Right now would be a good time to vote me off,” Jess said in the confessional. “I’ve lost two challenges in a row for the team. It’s all up to Audrey to save me.”
“I talked to my alliance,” Elvis said in the confessional. “We made our decision. We know who’s going tonight, and it looks like this will be a unanimous vote.”
“I’ve got no idea what’s going on,” Sally said in the confessional, her eyes were red and her cheeks had water on them. “I think it could be me!”
The Losing Losers took their all too familiar seats at Tribal Council. “This is getting pathetic,” Nalyd sighed. “Once again, the Losing Losers lose. And now it’s time to vote for the third night in a row.”
Audrey voted for Sally. “Hope this works!”
Sally voted for Jess. “Thanks to you, we’ve lost twice now. It won’t happen again.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He got the ballot box. He hung the Sally and Jess dolls above the fire. “Our bottom two tonight. The first vote is for Sally.” He cut one of Sally’s strings.
Sally looked at her alliance, none of whom looked back.
“Jess,” Nalyd said, cutting a string from Jess’ puppet. “Sally. Sally.” He cut two strings from Sally’s puppet. “That’s three votes for Sally, one vote for Jess.”
“Vote from Jess, Audrey, and ‘The Hobo,’” Sally said in the confessional. “That’s all.”
“Sally,” Nalyd said, cutting another string from Sally’s puppet. “Sally. Five votes for Sally, one vote for Jess.”
“Not again,” Sally said with her head in her hands.
“The third person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… Sally.”
Sally turned to Elvis. “But why?” she asked as the rest of her team stood up.
“Audrey exposed you,” Elvis said. Sally turned to Audrey, and looked at her helplessly.
“I’m sorry,” Audrey whispered. A boat arrived on the shore. The remaining Losers marched onto it, and left their former teammate behind.
Chapter Four – “I will prevail!”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the Globetrotting Fans fought, citing Maulik and Cecil as their weakest members. Elvis became the leader of the Losing Losers, instructing them to run to the next challenge, preventing the Globetrotting Fans from getting a time advantage. The strategy was successful, but the Losers still wiped out in the surfing challenge. Thanks to some sneaky strategy from Audrey, Jess was spared yet again, but Sally was sent home. Who will be voted out tonight?
The Globetrotting Fans sat together in their boat. “It’s too wet,” Maulik complained.
“It’s the Pacific Ocean, old man,” Sarge rolled his eyes.
“These youngin’s have got some nerve showing disrespect towards me,” Maulik said in the confessional. “I am going to show them all at the next challenge. I may be a little bit older, a little bit smellier, and a little bit - What was I talking about?”
“Nobody on my team believes I’m a hypnotist,” Rosalinda said in the confessional.
Rosalinda was talking to Cecil, who was being watched by Esteban. “When I snap my fingers, you will scream like a monkey,” she smiled.
“This didn’t work when you wanted me to cluck like a chicken,” Cecil said. “Or moo like a cow, or dance like a robot, or tell you how many fingers you had up.”
“It’ll work this time!” Rosalinda insisted.
“You want me to get rid of her?” Esteban asked.
“Nah,” Cecil shrugged.
Rosalinda snapped her fingers. “Nothing?” she asked sadly. Cecil shook his head.
“Excellent work in the surfing challenge,” Salvatore said to Katheryn. He, Katheryn, Gretel, and Lois sat together. “Equally well done, Super Amazing Girl.”
“Thank you, citizen,” Lois said proudly.
“Thanks,” Katheryn smiled.
“I could have done that,” Gretel said.
“I’m sure you could have,” Salvatore winked at her. “Ladies, lend me your ears. I have a proposal.”
“I do,” Katheryn squealed.
“I’d like to offer an alliance to you girls,” Salvatore continued.
“Absolutely,” Gretel said. “I’m in.”
“Me too!” Katheryn said excitedly.
“I shall join you, in your quest to rid the game of evildoers,” Lois said.
“Sal tells me he got himself an alliance,” Sarge said in the confessional. “That’s great! I got an alliance too. The guys on the team! Sal’s got my back, Esteban, Cecil, and ‘Chicken’ are too stupid to do anything for themselves, and I can get Maulik to vote with me any day o’ the week. The girls are going down.”
The Losing Losers silently sat in their boat as the driver zoomed across the Pacific Ocean. “This is awkward,” Audrey whispered to Jess.
“The team is really tense right now,” Elvis said in the confessional. “Three losses and we’re not feeling good. My alliance of myself, Hank, ‘Ugly,’ Martha, and Bozo are gonna stay strong, though. We’ll be the last five on this team.”
“I hope you’re satisfied with yourself,” Frasier said to Jess. “Thanks to your shenanigans we’ve lost three propitious teammates. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“I must say I’m impressed,” Jess said. “I can tell you studied your thesaurus before coming on the show.”
“Oh, you are a riot,” Frasier fumed. He stomped away from Jess.
The Hobo approached Audrey. “Audrey, how is the plan to hook me up with Martha going?”
“Alright,” Audrey lied. “I think we’ll get you that date real soon.”
“Thanks, Audrey, I really appreciate it,” The Hobo said. “You might not know this, but it’s hard for a guy like me to get a girl like that.” He smiled and walked away.
Audrey worriedly approached Martha. “Remember how yesterday I said Frasier liked you?” Audrey asked.
Martha nodded. “Yes,” she giggled. “Think he’s gonna ask me out?”
“Oh, I doubt it,” Audrey mumbled to herself. “Martha, I’m afraid I lied to you. Frasier doesn’t like you. Somebody else does.”
“Who?” Martha asked.
“How do you tell a girl that ‘The Hobo’ likes her?” Audrey asked in the confessional.
Audrey said, “It was ‘The H-’”
“’The Hobo?’” Martha gasped. “Ew!”
“No, no,” Audrey said. “The… Hank. The Hank likes you.”
“You mean Hank?” Martha asked.
“Sure,” Audrey smiled.
“He’s cute,” Martha smiled. “Kind of depressing, but he probably just needs a girl in his life.”
“I’m an awful person,” Audrey sighed in the confessional.
Audrey walked to Hank. She said, “Hey, Ha-”
“Don’t talk to me,” Hank said dryly. Audrey sulked away, returning to Martha.
"I meant Elvis," Audrey blushed.
The two boats caught up with each other, still in the middle of the ocean. The two drivers stopped the boats. “What’s going on?” Sarge asked. The drivers dove into the ocean and swam away. Suddenly, two pillars rose out of the water. A third boat arrived on the scene, stopping before the two teams. Nalyd was in it, and he stood up.
“Greetings!” Nalyd said. “Welcome to some area in the Pacific Ocean. For today’s challenge, five members from each team will, one at a time, climb to the top of the pillar, grab the pool noodles at the top, and attempt to hit the member of the other team off. Luckily you’re all in your bathing suits, not a lot of places to change out here. Teams may pick who they wish to send on the pillar, whichever team wins three matches will win immunity. I think we all know which team that will be, but we need a half hour’s worth of content for the show.”
“I’ll go first,” Sarge said to the Globetrotting Fans. “Y’all check this out.” He began climbing the pillar, which had a ladder attached.
“I wanna go!” Bozo said excitedly. “Me! Me! Me!” She charged up the ladder. “Yay!” She picked up her noodle. “Bring it on!”
“Little lady,” Sarge said as he picked up his noodle, “You’re gonna regret this.” Bozo slammed her noodle in Sarge’s face.
“This is fun,” she laughed. Sarge swung at Bozo’s head but she ducked, he swung at her legs but she jumped, and he swung at her stomach and she dodged. Bozo landed another strong hit on Sarge’s face.
“This is hard to watch,” Salvatore said from the boat.
“Go Bozo!” Elvis cheered.
“Go where?” Bozo shouted. She looked down at Elvis.
“Look out!” Elvis, Ugly, and Martha shouted. Sarge hit Bozo in the back of the head, and she fell into the ocean.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Sarge shouted. He climbed down the ladder.
Bozo spit ocean water out, and swam back into her team’s boat. “Good game,” she said to Sarge.
“Wasn’t nothin’ good about it,” Sarge boasted. “I kicked your sorry butt.” Bozo glared at Sarge.
Salvatore and Elvis got on their pillars. “Good luck,” Salvatore said smugly. “You are going to need it.”
“I don’t need your luck,” Elvis said. He swung his noodle at Salvatore, hitting Salvatore in the side.
“You’re a strong competitor,” Salvatore said. “It’s a shame I’ll defeat you so easily.” Salvatore swung hard, hitting Elvis square in the head. Salvatore hit him again, just as hard. Elvis’ eyes closed and he fell from the pillar.
“Whoa!” Nalyd called. Elvis fell, landing in his boat, not moving.
“He wasn’t moving,” Martha said in the confessional. “It was so scary.”
“Medics!” Nalyd called. A boat was driven with two doctors in it. They hopped into the Losers’ boat, and inspected Elvis.
“Is he okay?” Martha asked.
“He’s got a pulse,” one medic said.
Elvis opened his eyes. “I hit my head,” he said.
“He’s okay,” the medic said. “He’ll sit out of this challenge, and he should be okay if he rests a little bit.”
“Okay,” Nalyd said. “The Fans have a lead, two to zip. Next round!”
“You okay?” Martha asked Elvis.
“Um, yeah, I think so,” Elvis said. “So, who are you?”
“He has amnesia!” Martha gasped in the confessional. “What if he forgot that he likes me?”
“I will go next,” Gretel said to her team. “I must impress the man I love.” She blew a kiss to Salvatore, and scurried up the ladder.
Jess went up the ladder for the Losing Losers. “Here comes another loss,” Hank said. Jess hit Gretel loosely with her noodle.
“Oh! You do not hit me with that noodle!” Gretel shouted, immediately infuriated. “Nein! Nein! Nein!” She pounced at Jess. Jess shrieked and ducked, resulting in Gretel going overhead and falling into the water.
“Jess won?” Nalyd said in surprise.
Jess climbed down from the pillar, and was surrounded by her cheering team. “In a shocking turn of events, it’s two to one! Next round!”
The Hobo climbed the pillar for the Losing Losers.
“I’m the biggest guy on the team,” The Hobo said in the confessional. “Hopefully that will be an advantage.”
“Elka, you go,” Salvatore said. “I’m sure you can do it.”
“He’s twice my size,” Elka said.
“If Salvatore says you can do it, you can!” Katheryn said.
“Fine,” Elka sighed. She climbed the ladder.
“I already knew I was going to lose,” Elka said in the confessional. She paused. “I just had a feeling.”
Elka weakly hit The Hobo with her noodle, and he smiled. He swung his noodle, slamming Elka off the pillar and into the ocean. “She’s so weak,” Sarge muttered to himself, and Salvatore smiled.
“I want to make Elka seem like the weakest member of the team,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “I don’t like her because she’s too smart for her own good.”
“Two to two,” Nalyd said. “I can’t believe it, the Losing Losers actually have a shot. It’s time for the final round.”
“I’ll go,” Rosalinda said.
“I think Esteban should go,” Cecil said. “He’s very strong.”
“But I can hypnotize the other team,” Rosalinda said. “Just watch!” She paused. “The rest of you watch, Esteban, tell Cecil what happens.” She climbed the ladder.
“I shall grapple with our adversary,” Frasier said. “I will prevail!” He climbed the ladder.
“Final round, Frasier vs. Rosalinda,” Nalyd said. “Go!” The two contestants picked up their noodles, and swung them furiously, hitting each others’ bodies and noodles.
“I will not lose,” Frasier grunted.
“You will!” Rosalinda exclaimed. She hit Frasier’s arm, causing him to yelp and drop his noodle. “Look into my eyes.” Frasier stared at her with fear. “Look into my eyes, and you shall fall under my control.” Frasier said nothing, and continued to stare. “When I snap my fingers, you shall jump off your pillar. One. Two.” She snapped her fingers.
“Well, that was futile,” Frasier said. He grabbed Rosalinda’s noodle from her hand, and hit her in the stomach. She staggered back and fell into the water.
“The Losing Losers didn’t lose!” Nalyd announced. “The Losing Losers win immunity! The Losing Losers win!” The Losing Losers cheered and hugged each other. Their driver swam up from the water, and drove the boat away. The Globetrotting Fans could hear the cheers in the distance.
Nalyd drove the Globetrotting Fans’ boat to a small island. “I’ll let you twelve talk for a bit, then, we will vote,” he said.
“This vote is all about me and who I want gone,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “The alliance of men and the alliance of women, both wait to see who I vote for.”
“Who’s going tonight, Sal?” Sarge asked.
“Rosalinda,” Salvatore said.
“Alright, man,” Sarge said. “You know I like ya man, you’re a good guy.”
“I appreciate that, ‘Sarge,’” Salvatore said. He walked away from the grinning Sarge.
“‘Sarge’ has just a big crush on me as any of the girls,” Salvatore laughed in the confessional. “So I can get him to do my dirty work, and everyone hates him!”
Salvatore met with Deb, Gretel, Katheryn, Lois, and Rosalinda. “It is Cecil who will be going home tonight,” Salvatore said sadly. “It’s a shame, but it must be done for the team.”
“Whatever you say, Salvatore,” Deb said. Salvatore smiled at his alliance, and walked away. Elka watched the group from afar.
“It disgusts me that everyone fawns over Salvatore,” Elka said in the confessional. “I know I’m probably next to go, but tomorrow I’m going to begin my campaign against Salvatore.”
The Globetrotting Fans met Nalyd at their first Tribal Council. “It’s time to vote,” Nalyd said.
Esteban voted for Rosalinda. “You seem nice enough, but you’re crazy, and not in a good way.”
Deb voted for Cecil. “It’s gotta be done, small fry.”
Elka voted for Salvatore. “This may not send you home tonight, but people will see this vote and realize what they must do.”
Salvatore cast his vote. “Tonight I sent two alliances against each other, and you are the first victim of this great battle. Arrivederci.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He took the ballot box, and hung puppets up of Rosalinda, Cecil, and Salvatore.
“What the heck is goin’ on?” Sarge asked when he saw Salvatore’s puppet.
“One vote for Salvatore,” Nalyd said, cutting a string from Salvatore’s puppet. “Rosalinda. Cecil.” He cut one string each from Rosalinda and Cecil’s puppets. “That’s one vote for Salvatore, one for Rosalinda, one for Cecil.”
“You’ve gotten one vote,” Esteban whispered to Cecil.
“I know that,” Cecil said. “I’m blind, not deaf.”
“Rosalinda,” Nalyd read another vote. “That’s two votes for Rosalinda, one vote for Cecil, and one vote for Salvatore.” He pulled two more votes from the ballot box. “Two more votes for Cecil,” he cut two strings from Cecil’s puppet.
Esteban put his hand on Cecil’s shoulder. “It’s okay, man.”
“Rosalinda,” Nalyd read another vote. “Three for Rosalinda, three for Cecil, one for Salvatore.”
Rosalinda looked at her teammates worriedly. Salvatore winked at her, and she smiled.
“Rosalinda,” Nalyd said, reading two votes in a row. He cut two more of Rosalinda’s strings. “That makes it five votes for Rosalinda, three votes for Cecil, and only one vote for Salvatore.”
“Cecil, and another for Cecil,” Nalyd cut two strings from Cecil’s puppet. Rosalinda and Cecil’s puppets both dangled by one string. “One vote left.”
Salvatore looked between Cecil and Rosalinda. Elka glared at him.
“The fourth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… Rosalinda.”
Rosalinda gasped, watching her puppet fall into the fire and burn. “Wait, guys, I can prove I’m a hypnotist!” she protested. “When I snap my fingers you’ll all cluck like chickens! I swear!” She snapped her fingers.
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken clucked.
“Ignore him,” Sarge said. He led the Globetrotting Fans back to their boat, which sailed away into the night.
Chapter Five – “Who is the evildoer?”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; The Losing Losers’ fearless leader Elvis got a serious case of amnesia after being injured in the challenge. Audrey continued to dig her own grave, telling lies to her teammates. There was a divide in the Globetrotting Fans, between sexist ‘Sarge’ and Salvatore’s ladies. In the end, Salvatore sided with the men, eliminating Rosalinda, and setting his sights on Elka. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Losing Losers sailed through the Pacific Ocean in their boat. “It’s about time we won a challenge,” Ugly said proudly.
“Here’s to the winning Losers,” Frasier said. “May we continue to prosper and grow as a team, and defeat our foes on the Globetrotting Fans.”
“Yeah,” The Hobo said. “Let’s keep winnin’!” The other Losers cheered.
Martha sat with Elvis. “Feeling better?” she asked.
“A little,” Elvis said. “My head doesn’t hurt anymore. So, let me get this straight, we’re on a reality show competing for a million dollars, going all around the world, and doing insane challenges?” Martha nodded. “Who in their right mind would sign up for that?”
Martha laughed. “We did,” she smiled.
“So we’re all a team?” Elvis asked.
“Yeah,” Martha said. “You’re kind of the leader.”
Elvis looked surprised. “Are you serious?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Martha said. “You, me, the ugly girl, the clown, and the quiet guy are all in an alliance.”
“Okay,” Elvis said. He nodded to himself. “Thanks, Martha.” Frasier observed the two talking together.
“Using my highly analytical mind,” Frasier boasted in the confessional, “I’ve formed an analysis on the game play of each of my fellow competitors. I believe Audrey is up to skulduggery, she’s acting even more neurotic than usual. Bozo is running challenges for us, which is fine with me. Elvis and his alliance have formed a tight bond, which must be broken up. I could care less about Jess. The only dark horse I see in the contest is Hank. He’s so quiet and antisocial; it’s difficult to perceive exactly what he’s thinking.”
“I’m sick of this game,” Hank said in the confessional. “I’m on a team with idiots. I hope we lose again so another one of them will go home.”
“Good work, Audrey,” Jess said. “Now that ‘The Hobo’ is with us, we might just have a shot at making the merge.”
“Yeah,” Audrey smiled. “Yay us.”
“I see land,” Elvis said, looking toward an island in the distance. “Let’s go in and win this, guys!” The Losers cheered.
“私は巨大な緑色の怪物の存在を感知する! (I sense the presence of the giant green monster!)” Bozo exclaimed, pointing to the island they were heading to. The Losers looked at her, unsure of what she said.
The Globetrotting Fans’ boat was far behind the Losers’ boat.
“Last night I sided with my male alliance and voted Rosalinda off,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Now I need to make sure that I can maintain the trust of the girls.”
Salvatore sat at the back end of the boat, Katheryn, Deb, Gretel, and Lois stood around him. Salvatore let out a long sigh. “You okay?” Katheryn asked.
“I miss Rosalinda,” Salvatore said sadly. “She was like a flower, delicate and gentle, ultimately being untimely run over by a lawn mower.”
“Worst metaphor ever,” Deb said in the confessional.
“Alas,” Salvatore said, “I have uncovered the person responsible for her elimination.”
“Who is the evildoer?” Lois asked.
“Elka,” Salvatore said sadly. The girls gasped and collectively turned to look at the pale girl sitting alone on the boat. “She and the five other guys vote for Rosalinda, but the five of us and Rosalinda could not overcome her betrayal.”
“Wait,” Katheryn said in the confessional. “If it was six votes for Rosalinda and six for Cecil, who voted for Salvatore last night? Either Salvatore is doing the math wrong, or he’s lying to us.”
“Excuse me, ladies,” Salvatore stood up. “I need a moment alone to mourn the loss of our dear friend Rosalinda.” Elka rolled her eyes as Salvatore walked by.
“Did they buy it?” Sarge whispered to Salvatore.
“Hook, line, and sinker,” Salvatore smiled.
Sarge chuckled. “I like the way you think,” he said.
Cecil, Esteban, Maulik, and Chicken stood together on the opposite end of the boat, looking out to the sea. “What do you guys think is going on with the team?” Esteban asked.
“How are any of us supposed to know?” Maulik asked. “The four of us are the outcasts, the ones who are forgotten.”
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken exclaimed.
“The three of us have to stay together,” Cecil said. “We can be part of ‘Sarge’s’ alliance, but we’ll be tighter than that alliance.”
“There are four of us,” Esteban said.
“No, it’s you, me, and Maulik,” Cecil said.
“And ‘Chicken,’” Maulik said.
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken exclaimed.
“I thought that was just a chicken that we found in the desert,” Cecil blushed. Elka sat alone, staring at the four boys, and let out a sigh.
“I need people to vote with me,” Elka said in the confessional. “I’ll talk to Maulik when I get a chance.”
The Losing Losers got out of their boat once they reached the shore of an island. Nalyd stood on the beach, waiting for the contestants. “Welcome to Japan, Loser-sans,” Nalyd said. “Congrats on getting here before the Fans, but we need to wait for them to get here before the challenge can start.”
“You guys ready for this?” Elvis asked the Losers.
“私は準備ができて生まれた (I was born ready),” Bozo said excitedly.
“She speaks Japanese?” Nalyd asked.
“私たちの悲惨なライバルのアプローチ！我々は彼らに大きな恥を与える！ (Our pitiful rivals approach! We will give them great shame!)” Bozo said, pointing to the Globetrotting Fans, who were walking toward them.
“Time to put these Losers back in their place,” Sarge said.
“Maulik, can we talk?” Elka whispered to the old man. Maulik nodded.
“For today’s challenge,” Nalyd said, “Five people from each team will compete. Doesn’t have to be your strongest, smartest, prettiest, just has to be five people.”
“If we needed the strongest, smartest, prettiest contestant,” Frasier said in the confessional, “I think we all know who it would be. I’ll give you a hint. He’s a sophisticated genius with the body of a Greek God. It’s me, Frasier!”
“Bozo is definitely in,” Elvis said. “I’ll compete too.”
“I want to compete,” Jess and Frasier said at the same time. They glared at each other.
“I’ll go too,” Hank sighed.
“I don’t like my team,” Hank said in the confessional. “But I don’t like losing either. If I’m gonna be stuck on this show, I might as well make the best of it.” He paused. “Nah.”
“Sal and me gotta compete,” Sarge said.
“I also think Esteban should compete,” Salvatore said.
“I wanna go too,” Katheryn said anxiously.
“Alright,” Salvatore said. “And Elka. She can compete too.”
“Why me?” Elka asked.
“What’s wrong?” Salvatore asked. “Are you not strong? Are you not smart? If not, should we vote you off?”
Elka sighed. “Very well, I will compete.”
“I knew you would,” Salvatore smiled.
“Today is a special day,” Nalyd said. “Tonight, both teams will vote somebody off. The five people selected will compete in three challenges based on the wacky antics of Japanese game shows. Each challenge, one member from each team will lose. The last person from each team standing will win immunity. The other team members will be up for elimination. Bozo, Elvis, Jess, Frasier, Hank, ‘Sarge,’ Salvatore, Esteban, Katheryn, and Elka, your first challenge is to get in giant hamster wheels and race to the other end of the beach, that’s almost a mile.” Bob the Leprechaun rolled ten giant hamster wheels in front of the contestants and everyone got into one. “Go!”
The contestants, except for Elvis, began pushing their wheels, and moving down the beach. Elvis looked at the wheel confused. “How does this work?” he asked.
“Oh no!” Martha said in the confessional. “Because of his amnesia, he doesn’t remember what a hamster wheel is.”
“You gotta push the sides of it,” Martha called. Elvis pushed the wall of the hamster wheel, and it began to roll. He nodded to Martha, and began to roll toward the other contestants.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Salvatore said to Sarge. “Try to get Elka out.”
“How?” Sarge asked as the two continued to quickly roll down the beach.
“Try to cut her off so she can’t pass the four of us,” Salvatore said.
“You got it, Sal,” Sarge said. He turned his wheel, and rolled in the direction of the ocean. “How do I stop this thing?” He rolled into the water, and Elka slowly made her way past him.
Nalyd stood at the finish line. “Esteban, Bozo, Salvatore, Katheryn, Frasier, Jess, Hank, and Elka all move onto the next round,” Nalyd said.
“What was that about?” Elka asked Salvatore.
“Trying to sabotage you so you don’t win immunity and I can vote you out,” Salvatore said.
“For the next round,” Nalyd said. “You will all wear these giant sumo wrestler costumes. Bob the Leprechaun has drawn a circle in the sand. Your job is to push people out of the ring, from your team or the other team. When two people from each team have been knocked out, the challenge is over the four people remaining will move on.” Bob passed sumo suits out to each contestant.
“I look like a giant ball of dough wearing a diaper,” Hank said.
Katheryn giggled. “You’re funny,” she smiled.
“I know,” Hank rolled his eyes.
“Let’s aim for Esteban,” Frasier said to Jess and Bozo. “He’s the strongest on their team.”
“私はハゲ一に同意する (I agree with the bald one),” Bozo said.
The contestants, wearing the sumo costumes, walked into the sand circle. “Go!” Nalyd shouted. The contestants ran to the middle of the circle, colliding with each other. Frasier, Jess, and Bozo stepped away from the group and charged at Esteban.
“Whoa!” Esteban exclaimed as he was pushed back. He regained his balance and ran toward Frasier.
“Don’t eat me!” Frasier shouted, running away from Esteban. Esteban chased him along the edge of circle. Hank tackled Esteban, pushing him out of the circle.
“Esteban is out!” Nalyd announced.
“Excellent work, Hank,” Frasier said.
“Whatever,” Hank sighed.
Bozo and Jess battled with Elka and Katheryn. “No, we must defeat Salvatore!” Frasier said. He charged at Salvatore, who immediately turned and ran toward Frasier. Frasier was knocked backward when the two collided, and fell out of the circle.
“Frasier is out,” Nalyd said. “It’s down to Bozo, Jess, and Hank vs. Katheryn, Salvatore, and Elka!”
“I couldn’t let Elka win immunity,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “She needs to go tonight.”
Salvatore sprinted toward Elka. Elka stood still and looked at him calmly. Suddenly, Jess jumped in front of Elka. “Hi, Salvatore!” she said excitedly. Salvatore crashed into Jess and the two rolled out of the circle.
“Jess and Salvatore are out!” Nalyd said. “We have our final four!”
“Sorry, Salvatore,” Jess said.
“Its fine,” Salvatore lied. “No harm done.”
“For our final face off,” Nalyd said. “It’s the Total Drama Super Crazy Danger Coca-Cola Honda Toyota Butterfly Pencil Japanese Challenge! Bring it in, boys!” Three helicopters flew in; each had a rope attached to it. The ropes were attached to a giant bowl. They dropped the huge bowl next to Nalyd. “This bowl is filled with 10,000 gallons of cooked rice, so it’s very hot. Hidden in the rice are two wooden panda statues. Each statue has a team color. The first person from each team to find their team’s statue will win immunity. Look out for real pandas too. Bozo, Hank, Katheryn, Elka, this challenge is on! Go!”
“How are we supposed to get the bowl?” Hank asked.
“私はエスカレーターを示唆 (I suggest the escalator),” Bozo said. She, Elka, and Katheryn ran to an escalator attached to the side of the bowl. Hank slowly followed.
The girls began digging through the rice. “I’m gonna have rice in my hair for like a year,” Katheryn complained. She reached her arm deep into the bowl, and pulled out a live panda. She shrieked as the panda jumped on her. Elka rushed over to her teammate to try and pull the panda off.
Bozo jumped into the rice and dove below the surface. “私は木製のパンダ、されている場合どこになるのでしょうか？ (If I were a wooden panda, where would I be)?” she asked herself.
Hank sat on the edge of the bowl, watching Katheryn and Elka fight with the panda. He sighed. “I should probably help them,” he said. He continued to watch.
Bozo felt around in the rice. She felt a wooden panda statue and grabbed it. She rushed to the surface. “ああ、これは私の悪い、他のチームです (Oh, this is for the other team, my bad),” she threw the statue in the air, and dove back into the rice.
The statue hit the panda attacking Katheryn, knocking it out. Katheryn picked up the statue. “Hey! I won!” she said excitedly.
“Katheryn wins immunity!” Nalyd announced.
Bozo jumped out of the rice with her team’s statue. “Me gusta esta estatua de oso panda (I like this panda statue),” she said.
“El Bozo wins immunity too,” Nalyd said, confused. “Tonight, Bozo and Katheryn will be safe, when both teams vote somebody off. Losing Losers, you’ll vote somebody off first.”
“So you’re with me?” Elka asked Maulik. The two were alone.
“Yes,” Maulik said. “Esteban, Cecil, ‘Chicken,’ and I will vote with you.”
“Who are we voting off?” Ugly asked. She was talking to Martha. “I’m worrying about Elvis.”
“We can’t vote off Elvis,” Martha said. “He’s our leader. He’ll be better soon I bet.”
“Then who should go?” Ugly asked.
“One of Jess’ allies,” Martha said. “Why not ‘The Hobo?’ He hasn’t done anything, he’s just a liability.”
“Okay,” Ugly said. “I’m okay with that. Let’s go talk to the others.”
“Who’s going home tonight?” The Hobo asked Jess and Audrey.
“We’re voting for Elvis,” Jess said.
“Great,” The Hobo said. “Oh, Audrey, how is everything with Martha?”
“Good,” Audrey said. “I think we’re making real progress.”
“Great,” The Hobo said. “Thanks so much!” He walked away.
“You haven’t made any progress have you?” Jess asked.
“Nope,” Audrey sighed.
The Losing Losers went to their Tribal Council on the beach. “Congrats to Bozo again for winning immunity,” Nalyd said. “Now it is time to vote.”
Martha voted for The Hobo. “We need to keep the team strong.”
The Hobo voted for Elvis. “Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the game.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He opened the ballot box and looked through the votes. He picked up puppets of Elvis and The Hobo. “Elvis and ‘The Hobo’ received votes tonight.” He pulled out a vote. “The first vote is for Elvis.” He cut a string from Elvis’ puppet.
Elvis looked at Martha, who shrugged.
“’The Hobo,’” Nalyd said, he cut on of The Hobo’s strings. “That’s one vote for Elvis and one vote for ‘The Hobo.’”
The Hobo and Elvis exchanged a look.
“Elvis,” Nalyd read another vote. “’The Hobo.’” He cut a string from each puppet. “Elvis. ‘The Hobo.’ That is three votes for Elvis, and three votes for ‘The Hobo.’ Three votes left.”
The Hobo looked from Elvis to Martha.
“’The Hobo,’” Nalyd cut a fourth string from The Hobo’s puppet. “That’s three votes for Elvis and four for ‘The Hobo.’”
The Hobo turned around and looked at Audrey. Audrey looked at the ground.
“The fifth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… ’The Hobo.’” He cut the final string from The Hobo’s puppet and it fell into the fire.
The Hobo stood up. “Before I leave, I have one thing to say,” he said, facing his former team. He looked at Audrey, staring at the ground in shame. He looked at Martha, hugging Elvis tightly. He let out a heavy sigh. “Good luck.” He walked away from the Losers and jumped into the ocean.
“We had a boat for you!” Nalyd called after him, watching The Hobo swim away. “Whatever. Losers, you’re going to stay and watch the Fans’ Tribal Council.”
The Globetrotting Fans walked to Tribal Council. Elka looked nervously at Maulik. He put his hand on her shoulder. “You will be fine,” he said reassuringly.
“Katheryn is immune tonight,” Nalyd said. “It’s time to vote.”
Maulik voted for Salvatore. “You are a bully and a user of women. Thank you, do not come again.”
Katheryn voted for Salvatore. “Sorry, Salvatore. You lied about Elka voting Rosalinda off.”
Sarge voted for Elka. “Little lady, it’s time for you to go.”
Gretel voted for Elka. “I like you but you’re too weak.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He looked through the votes, and pulled puppets of Elka and Salvatore from the box of puppets.
Elka and Salvatore looked at each other. “I already know,” Elka whispered to herself.
“Salvatore,” Nalyd said, reading the first vote. He cut a string from Salvatore’s puppet. “Elka.” He cut one of the strings on Elka’s puppet.
The Losers watch in anticipation.
“Elka,” Nalyd said, reading another vote. “Elka. That’s one vote for Salvatore and three votes for Elka.”
“Salvatore,” Nalyd said. Salvatore’s chuckling stopped as he saw another string from his puppet cut. “Salvatore.” Nalyd cut a third strong from Salvatore’s puppet. “Salvatore. That’s four votes for Salvatore and three votes for Elka.”
“Salvatore,” Nalyd read another vote. “Five votes for Salvatore, three votes for Elka.”
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken exclaimed.
“Would you shut up?” Sarge asked.
“Elka,” Nalyd cut another string from Elka’s puppet. “And a fifth vote for Elka.” He cut another string. “Five votes Salvatore. Five votes Elka. One vote left.”
Salvatore stared at his puppet dangling above the fire. Elka stared at the fire itself.
“The sixth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… Elka.” The last string on Elka’s puppet was cut, and the puppet fell into the fire.
Elka stood up and said nothing. Maulik, Esteban, and Cecil each stood up and hugged her. “Take care, you guys,” she said.
“We’ll get him,” Maulik said. A boat pulled up to the shore. A cold, soaking wet The Hobo sat in it. Elka walked to the boat and stepped in. Salvatore watched with a grin on his face as the boat drove away.
“And now, just eighteen remain,” Nalyd said to the two teams. “It’s time for a team switch.”
Chapter Six – “Hanging on by a thread”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the two teams went to Japan for a giant Japanese game show challenge. Elka tried to start a rebellion against ladies’ man Salvatore. Katheryn from the Globetrotting Fans won her first immunity, while Bozo continued her streak from Total Drama Amazon as the Queen of Challenges. In the end, ‘The Hobo’ became the biggest loser, and Elka’s revolution ended quicker than she would have liked. Ta ta for now! Oh, and the teams are getting more mixed up than ‘Chicken’s’ brain. Who will be voted off tonight?
“And now, just eighteen remain,” Nalyd said to the remaining Losing Losers and Globetrotting Fans. “It’s time for a team switch.” The contestants gasped, and then became silent. “This will be decided in the next challenge, come with me.” The contestants followed Nalyd onto a helicopter on the beach. Once everyone was inside, the helicopter rose into the air.
“I don’t want a new team!” Sarge exclaimed in the confessional. “Things were already going so well.”
“Am I worried?” Salvatore asked in the confessional. “Of course not. I’ve been with the Losers; I am secure in the game no matter who I end up with.”
“This is exactly what I needed!” Jess said in the confessional. “I’m just worried about losing Audrey. She’s my friend. She says we’re best friends, so it would be a shame if I lost her vote.”
“I’m not happy about the team switch,” Ugly said in the confessional. “The alliance I’m in with Elvis, Bozo, Martha, and Hank was on top. We were so close to getting rid of Jess. Ugh, this is the worst.”
“Yay! New teams!” Katheryn cheered enthusiastically in the confessional.
“Yay, new teams,” Hank said sarcastically in the confessional.
“On a new team, I will be able to shine,” Gretel said in the confessional. “I will show everyone my great prowess. Nobody can stop me now!”
“I am a tad concerned over the new teams,” Frasier said in the confessional. “You see, I’m worried that my physical and mental capabilities will make me be seen as a threat. I’ll need to downplay them so I can be seen as a contributor to our victories, but not as a potential winner. Even though I am going to win.”
The helicopter landed at the top of a tall building. On one side of the building was a ramp going all the way to the ground. The contestants exited the helicopter, and saw giant glass spheres near them. “Welcome to your challenge,” Nalyd said. “Everyone will get into one of the glass balls over there, and you will roll yourself down that ramp. You will bounce off obstacle on the ramp, before landing on either the left side or the right. If you land on the right, you are on the losing team tonight. If you land on the left, you are on the winning team and have immunity. Two teams of nine. We’ll be going in alphabetical order. Audrey, you’re up first.”
Audrey stepped into the glass ball, and Bob the Leprechaun closed the opening. “Can I get out?” she asked. Bob pushed her off the side of the building. Audrey rolled down, slamming into pillars, bouncing from side to side. “I’m gonna be sick!” she exclaimed. “Ow! I bit my tongue!” Audrey bounced off pillars on the ramp, before reaching the bottom, on the left side.
“Audrey is on the Globetrotting Grizzlies, the team that is not safe tonight,” Nalyd said. “Congratulations.”
“Yay! I’m a Grizzly! Rawr!” Audrey cheered. “Aw, we’re voting tonight.”
“Bozo, your turn,” Nalyd said. Bozo got into the glass ball, and Bob pushed her off the ramp.
“The world is spinning!” Bozo cheered excitedly. The glass ball bounced off a pillar. “The world is breaking!” Bozo cried. The ball rolled down the ramp, ending up on the right side. Bozo got out, and walked in circles. “Is this real life?” she asked herself confused. “Is this forever?” She looked down at her hand. “I have five fingers.” She let out a sudden scream.
“Welcome to the Losing Locusts, Bozo!” Nalyd smiled. “You will not be voting somebody off tonight.”
“I’m gonna be sick,” Bozo muttered.
Cecil was next. Esteban helped him into the glass ball. “Can I go with him?” Esteban asked. “We gotta be on the same team.”
“Nope,” Nalyd smiled. Nalyd nodded to Bob, who pushed Cecil off the top of the building and down the ramp.
“It’s a good thing I’m blind,” Cecil said in the confessional. “That would have been terrifying to see.”
Cecil bounced around in the ball, slamming against the walls. Suddenly, the ball came to a stop. He got out of it. “Which team am I on?” he asked.
Bozo threw up on his shoes. “I warned you,” Bozo said weakly.
“Losing Locusts,” Nalyd shouted down to Cecil. “You guys are safe tonight. ‘Chicken’ it’s your turn.”
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken ran to the edge of the building and to the ramp. He flapped his wings in an attempt to fly.
“You’re not a real chicken you idiot!” Sarge shouted, slapping himself in the face.
Chicken gasped. He suddenly froze. He collapsed on the ramp and rolled down, crashing into many pillars. Audrey looked up and saw something falling towards her. “Is that a giant chicken?” she asked. Chicken landed on her, crushing her.
“You’re on the Grizzlies, ‘Chicken,’” Nalyd said. “He looks hurt. Medics!”
Two medics ran to the bottom of the ramp. They picked Chicken up, and put him on a stretcher. “Cluck, cluck, cluck,” Chicken said weakly.
“Seems like he got Kentucky fried,” Nalyd snickered. “Deb, your turn.”
Deb got into her glass ball, and aimed herself toward the Losing Locust team. “I’m ready,” she said. Bob pushed the ball and it rolled down the ramp.
“I wanna get on the winning team,” Deb said in the confessional. “If I’m on the losing team, it could be me tonight. I haven’t made a lot of friends in the game so far, and if I don’t have friends on my team I’ll be out real soon.”
Deb rolled down the ramp, bumping into pillars. “It’s amazing the glass doesn’t shatter,” she said to herself. The ball continued to roll until it reached its destination. “Yes!” she cheered as she got out. “I’m on the Locusts!”
“So far the Losing Locusts are Bozo, Cecil, and Deb,” Nalyd said. “The Globetrotting Grizzlies, the team voting somebody off tonight, has Audrey and a very broken ‘Chicken.’ Elvis, you’re up.”
“Good luck,” Martha said to Elvis. Elvis smiled at her and got in the glass ball. Bob pushed him down the ramp, and he bounced off the pillars.
“Whoa!” Elvis exclaimed.
“I’m more than happy not to be on a team with Elvis anymore,” Frasier said in the confessional. “I’m ecstatic, jubilant, mirthful, vivacious, sprightly, ebullient-” The confessional suddenly ended.
Elvis ended up with the Globetrotting Grizzlies. “I think I hit my head pretty hard in there,” he said as he felt his head. “Where are we? Weren’t we just in the ocean?”
“He’s got his memory back!” Martha cheered.
“Or an even worse case of amnesia,” Hank said dryly.
“Is it even possible for you to be positive?” Martha asked.
“Um, no, don’t think so,” Hank said.
“Alright,” Nalyd said. “We got six people done, twelve left. You guys are gonna go two at a time. Esteban, Frasier, you’re up!”
Frasier and Esteban each got into their own glass balls. Bob pushed them off the ramp. Frasier and Esteban each bounced off pillars. They crashed into each other repeatedly. “Sorry, ese!” Esteban shouted.
“My cranium,” Frasier said, rubbing his sore head.
Esteban ended up on the left with the Locusts, and Frasier with the Grizzlies. “Cecil!” Esteban cheered. He hugged Cecil. “I was worried, man!”
“Yeah, thanks,” Cecil said quickly.
Frasier looked at his team and sighed. “Baldy!” Bozo shouted. She pounced on him. “Remember me? I’m Bozo! I’m five feet and six inches tall and I’m this many years old.” Bozo held up ten fingers and seven toes. “We were on a team on that other show but then the mean guy with the hoodie was like ‘The teams are switching’ and you got voted off and somebody stole my bucket which is sad ‘cause I really liked that bucket. It was just like a bucket to me!” She rubbed Frasier’s hairless scalp. “That was for good luck.”
“So much emotion,” Nalyd said, “which is weird because this challenge is just fifteen minutes max. Gretel, Hank, time for you two to go head to head, toe to toe, and-”
“We get it!” Hank and Gretel both complained. They reluctantly got into the two glass balls and rolled down the ramp.
“Just remember, Hank,” Hank said in the confessional. “This is for the million dollars.”
“I am determined to get on a good team,” Gretel said in the confessional. “I will survive!”
Gretel bounced and rolled onto the Grizzlies. “Ooh, looks like Gretel is going to Tribal Council tonight.”
Gretel fumed. “This is ridiculous! Nein! Nein! Nei-”
“Calm down,” Frasier rolled his eyes. “None of us are happy about it either but we don’t blow up about it.”
“Hank, you landed on the Losing Locusts, you are safe tonight,” Nalyd said.
“Lucky me,” Hank said, not sounding very excited at all.
“Katheryn, Jess, you ready?” Nalyd asked.
“Yay!” Katheryn cheered.
“Very well,” Jess said calmly. “Let us do this.” The two each got into a glass ball. “This is very cramped.”
“It’s like being in a beach ball but made of glass that would shatter if you tried to play with it,” Katheryn said.
“So it’s like a glass ball?” Jess said.
“Yeah!” Katheryn smiled. Jess rolled her eyes. Bob pushed them both down the ramp. The two crashed into pillars as well as each other.
“We’re gonna be on the same team, right, Sal?” Sarge asked his Italian friend.
“Oh, yes, of course,” Salvatore answered. “I would love that.”
Jess rolled onto the right side, joining the Globetrotting Grizzlies. Katheryn ended up on the Losing Locusts. “Hey guys,” Katheryn smiled.
“Can I switch teams?” Hank asked. “Please?”
Katheryn giggled. “You’re funny.”
“This is gonna be a long season,” Hank said in the confessional.
“The teams now,” Nalyd said. “Losing Locusts; Bozo, Cecil, Deb, Esteban, Hank and Katheryn. Globetrotting Fans, who are voting somebody out tonight; Audrey, ‘Chicken,’ Elvis, Frasier, Gretel, and Jess. Lois, Martha, Maulik, Salvatore, ‘Sarge,’ and ‘Ugly,’ let’s see who you end up with. Lois and Martha, your turns.”
“I hope I get on Elvis’ team,” Martha said in the confessional. “Even if we have to vote someone off tonight.”
Elvis gave Martha a thumbs-up from the ground. Martha smiled as she got into the glass ball.
“For justice!” Lois shouted as she rolled down the hill.
“I would like to be on the team with Cecil and Esteban,” Maulik said in the confessional. “They are my allies. I started the game with them, and I’d like to continue with them.”
Martha rolled to the Globetrotting Grizzlies, while Lois became a Losing Locust. “Maulik, Salvatore, you’re up,” Nalyd said.
“Make sure not to get on the same team as him,” Sarge said to Salvatore. “That way I can join you!” “Sure,” Salvatore said. He and Maulik each got into a glass ball and rolled down the ramp.
Maulik and Salvatore both aimed for the left teams. Maulik slammed into a pillar, bouncing back toward Salvatore, causing both the Italian boy and Indian elder to scream. They rolled and both crashed on the Globetrotting Grizzlies side.
“Maulik and Salvatore are both on the Globetrotting Grizzlies team!” Nalyd announced. The contestants were all brought from the bottom of the ramp to the top of the building, including Chicken who was now in a full body cast. “The Losing Locusts are Bozo, Cecil, Deb, Esteban, Hank, Katheryn, Lois, and, by default, ‘Sarge’ and ‘Ugly.’” A helicopter descended. “Losing Locusts, that is your ride. You are safe tonight, and will be flown to our next destination. The newly formed Locusts team cheered as they boarded the helicopter.
“Dang,” Elvis said under his breath.
“Globetrotting Grizzlies,” Nalyd said. “I’ll give you some time to discuss the vote.”
“Who are you thinking tonight?” Martha asked Elvis. The two were alone on the top of the building, the other Grizzlies had scattered.
“I’m thinking ‘Chicken,’” Elvis said. “He’s in a full body cast.”
“And he’s completely insane,” Martha added.
“Right,” Elvis said. “Say, thanks for helping me out the past couple days.” He hugged her. “I appreciate it.”
“No problem,” Martha giggled.
“I believe we may be in trouble my egg-laying friend,” Maulik said to Chicken.
“Cluck, cluck, buck-kaw,” Chicken said sadly. His left “wing” was in a cast and his legs were as well. He was also in a wheelchair, and had a neck brace.
“It is quite an unfortunate position we are in,” Maulik said.
Audrey walked by the two, and ran up to them. “So I couldn’t help but over hear your situation,” she said with a smile.
“Who are we voting out tonight?” Frasier asked Elvis and Martha.
“’Chicken,’” Elvis said. Frasier nodded.
“Frasier is so desperate for an alliance right now,” Martha said in the confessional. “It’s nice to have a guaranteed vote with me and Elvis.”
Nalyd gathered the newly formed Globetrotting Grizzlies around a fire at the top of the building. “Welcome to your first elimination as a new team,” Nalyd said. “Time to vote.”
Salvatore voted for Chicken. “I appreciate you helping me with voting out Elka, but it is time for you to go back to the barnyard.”
Martha voted for Chicken. “Most chickens can’t fly. You can fly home.”
Frasier voted for Chicken. “You are cockadoodle-done.”
Maulik voted for Martha. “The Loser alliance is going down.”
Chicken voted for Martha. “Cluck, cluck, cluck.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He looked through the votes in the ballot box, and hung up Martha and Chicken puppets. He pulled out two votes in a row. “Martha. ‘Chicken.’” Nalyd cut a string from each puppet.
“Cluck, Cluck,” Chicken clucked sadly.
“Martha,” Nalyd read a vote. He cut another string from her puppet.
“There’s nothing scarier than seeing your puppet above the fire,” Martha said in the confessional. “Your time in the game is literally hanging on by a thread.”
“’Chicken,’” Nalyd read another vote. “’Chicken.’ That’s Two votes for Martha, and three votes for ‘Chicken.’”
“We told Audrey to vote our Martha with us,” Maulik said in the confessional. “I guess now we will see if she was truthful.”
“’Chicken,’” Nalyd said. He cut a fourth string from Chicken’s puppet. The puppet hung on by one string.
“She lied,” Maulik said with disappointment in his voice.
“Martha,” Nalyd read another vote. “That’s three votes for Martha. Four votes for ‘Chicken.’”
Maulik looked at Audrey with surprise. Audrey smiled at the old man.
“Martha,” Nalyd cut another string from Martha’s puppet. Both puppets were dangling above fire.
Chicken and Martha stared at their wooden selves.
“The seventh person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… ’Chicken.’” Chicken’s puppet fell into the fire.
“Dang it!” Chicken shouted.
“You can talk?” Maulik asked in shock.
“Buck-kaw!” Chicken shouted.
A helicopter descended to the top of the skyscraper. “Time to leave Japan, boys and girls. ‘Chicken,’ good luck getting back to Canada.”
The Globetrotting Grizzlies watched from their helicopter as Chicken ran to the edge of the building and jumped, flapping his arms. “Is he flying?” Audrey asked.
“No, just falling with style,” Jess answered.
Chapter Seven – “Well that’s a shocker”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the new teams were formed by having the contestants roll down a building while trying not to die. The Losing Locusts was selected as the winning team, meaning the Globetrotting Grizzlies had to vote somebody off after being a team for less than an hour. Their choice was clear, and several bad puns later, ‘Chicken’ found himself on the way back to the farm. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Losing Locusts were in their helicopter. All the Locusts except Bozo, who was hanging on to the bottom of the helicopter. “You guys gotta try this!” she shouted. “It’s like flying!”
“So is being in the helicopter,” Hank said. Katheryn giggled at his comment. Hank looked at her, “Could you stop doing that?”
“Doing what?” Katheryn asked.
“That whole thing you do where you’re you,” Hank said. “If that could stop I’d really appreciate it.”
“I don’t think Hank likes me that much,” Katheryn said in the confessional. “He’s really funny! Maybe he’s just joking about not liking me.”
“Katheryn?” Hank asked in the confessional. “Hate her more than I hate my former team mates from World.”
“Listen, team,” Lois said. “For those who have not previously met me, my name is Lois, but you may call me Super Amazing Girl. I’m a super hero. My goal in this game is to defeat the villains and ensure they do not win the million dollars. Those who would like to join my alliance, the Super Alliance of Justice, may volunteer whenever they wish. No need to meet with me privately, citizens, this alliance will not betray or back-stab anybody.”
Sarge laughed in the confessional. “Is she serious?” he said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Girl’s crazy!”
“Would anybody like to volunteer to join this alliance?” Lois asked. The Locusts look between each other awkwardly.
“No thanks,” Ugly said.
“Who was that?” Cecil whispered to Esteban.
“A girl named ‘Ugly,’” Esteban answered.
“Ah, okay,” Cecil nodded.
“Come on, Deb, you can join,” Lois offered.
“Um, I’ll think about it,” Deb said.
“The whole team thinks Lois is insane,” Deb said in the confessional. “But I don’t want to be mean and abandon her. On the other hand, joining her makes me seem crazy too.”
Bozo flipped into the helicopter and pointed into the distance. “Ze plane! Ze plane!” she shouted in a French accent. Everyone looked out and saw the Globetrotting Grizzlies’ helicopter far behind them.
“And you thought Lois was crazy,” Hank whispered to Sarge, who laughed.
The Globetrotting Grizzlies’ helicopter flew, far behind the Losing Locusts. “Can you hurry this helicopter up?” Frasier asked the driver. “The more time they have the more of an advantage they have in the challenge.”
“Frasier, it is okay,” Salvatore said. “We can win, if we work as a team.”
“I agree with Salvatore,” Jess said.
“Well that’s a shocker,” Frasier said angrily.
“Can’t you see your senseless fighting is tearing us all apart?” Audrey cried. Everyone stared at her. “I’ll be quiet now.”
“How did we get stuck with this team?” Martha asked Elvis.
“We rolled down a hill and rolled a little too far to one side,” Elvis said. Martha smiled and laughed. “I think we’ll be okay.”
“Excuse me for a moment, please,” Salvatore said to Jess, who was leaning against him. He stood up and walked to Audrey. “Hello, Audrey,” he said. Deb stared at the two and gasped.
“Hi Salvatore,” Audrey said. “I’m Audrey.”
“Yes, I know,” Salvatore said.
“He knows my name,” Audrey sighed. “Wait, was that out loud?”
“It was,” Salvatore said. “Now, Audrey, let me ask you; do you believe two people could truly fall in love on this show?”
“Yes, yes, yes! I do!” Audrey squealed.
“Ah, then you and I have something in common,” Salvatore smiled. “But have you ever worried that you might love someone so much, you may blurt out something stupid?”
“I have a rash on my back,” Audrey said. Salvatore stared at her briefly.
“I see,” Salvatore said, sounding disgusted. “Well, thank you for the talk, Audrey. We may continue talking later, no?” He stood up and winked at her.
“No,” Audrey smiled. “I mean yes. Maybe?” Salvatore laughed and walked away.
“Do not trust him,” Maulik whispered to Elvis, Martha, and Frasier. “You three and I know he cannot be trusted. He’s got Audrey, Jess, and probably Deb. That’s four on four.”
“Do I trust Maulik? Yes,” Frasier said in the confessional. “He has come and joined us, the minority. He had nothing to gain from it if he was already in the majority alliance. I’ve gained a lot of respect for the old man.”
“I hope the young ones trust me,” Maulik said in the confessional. “If they don’t, it will be me next!”
The Losing Locusts’ helicopter landed on a brick platform, and the contestants shuffled out. “Welcome to China, Locusts,” Nalyd said. “For today’s challenge, you’ll be racing on the Great Wall of China! You’re here first, so you can start. Every member of your team must cross the finish line. If somebody gets lost, I don’t know how you would, you have to wait for them. You can’t go back once you’ve crossed the finish line. Look out for obstacles along the way. Go!”
“Come on, y’all,” Sarge said. “We can win this one!” The Locusts ran along the Great Wall, trying to avoid crashing into tourists.
Esteban held Cecil by the wrist and dragged his blind friend as he ran. “How you holding up?” Esteban asked Cecil.
“Other than my arm about to pop out of its socket, fine,” Cecil replied. Esteban paused, and put Cecil on his shoulders.
“Hey guys,” Ugly said, running beside the two.
“Hi, ‘Ugly,’” Cecil said.
“How did you know it was me?” Ugly asked.
“I remember your voice from earlier,” Cecil said. “I can’t see people so I pay extra attention to their voices.”
“Ha, it’s nice to have you on the team,” Ugly said. “You’re the first person to talk to me like all season.”
“I don’t see why not,” Cecil said. “You’re nice.”
“Thanks,” Ugly smiled. “It’s hard to get attention when you’re the ugly girl on the team.”
“When you’re blind, looks don’t matter,” Cecil said. “You look at a person on the inside, not the outside.”
“Cecil’s so smart,” Ugly said in the confessional. “It’s nice having a guy notice you. Things with ‘Dome’ and I didn’t work out, so, you know, getting attention from a cute guy is awesome!”
Esteban carried Cecil as Cecil and Ugly continued talking.
The Globetrotting Grizzlies’ helicopter landed at the starting line. “Run to the finish line,” Nalyd said quickly. “First team with all its members there will win immunity. Look out for obstacles. Go!”
“I really hope we don’t lose this one,” Elvis said as he and the other Grizzlies ran.
“So, what goes on?” Jess asked Audrey.
“Nothing,” Audrey said. “Just kidding! Something is going on!” she laughed to herself.
“Just tell me,” Jess said.
“I can’t,” Audrey said. “It’s a secret.”
“Oh, okay,” Jess said. She ran ahead of Audrey.
Audrey caught up to Jess, “Wait, don’t you want to know?”
“I honestly don’t care either way,” Jess said.
“Okay,” Audrey said. “Salvatore likes me!”
“You’re delusional, my friend,” Jess said. “He’s just playing you.”
“You’re just jealous because you like him too,” Audrey replied.
“I don’t,” Jess said. “I just act like I do to make somebody jealous. And it’s working.”
“Who?” Audrey gasped. “I can keep a secret!”
“About ten seconds ago you told me a secret,” Jess said. Audrey slapped herself in the face. “I’ll tell you later. We need to focus on winning. I’m still not the most liked person on the team.”
“You’re right,” Audrey said. “I’m the most liked, Salvatore likes me!” Jess rolled her eyes.
“I know what you’re up to,” Salvatore said to Maulik.
“Good,” Maulik said. “It’s nice to see some of you kids today can notice something other than the new iGadget or electronic doo-dad.”
“Whatever,” Salvatore grumbled. “Just stay out of my way. It’s my game.”
“Was your game,” Maulik retorted. “Now I am in control.”
“You and what army?” Salvatore replied.
“Myself, Frasier, Martha, and Elvis,” Maulik said. “We will defeat you.”
“Very well,” Salvatore said. “Also, pick up the pace, old man.” Salvatore ran ahead of Maulik.
“So, Maulik is in a position of power,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “I gotta make sure I’ve got more power.”
“How are you holding up?” Jess asked Gretel. The two were running next to each other.
“I’m tired and I feel sick,” Gretel wheezed. “I wasn’t cut out for this.”
“Come on,” Salvatore said, running past the girls. “Let’s win this, girls.” Gretel ran quicker in an attempt to reach Salvatore.
“Interesting,” Jess said in the confessional. “Salvatore’s got Gretel completely brainwashed. I don’t want to get rid of Salvatore because then I can’t make Frasier jealous, but he’s also a major threat. Should I just try to get rid of Gretel to weaken Salvatore?”
Elvis and Martha were running together, and ahead of most of the other contestants. “Elvis, I’ve got a question,” Martha said.
“Let’s sit down for a second,” Elvis said, pointing to a nearby bench. The two sat down on the bench. “What’s up?” he asked.
“What’s with you and music?” Martha asked.
Elvis looked at her. “What do you mean?” he replied.
“Well, you’re kind of known for being the guy who’s obsessed with music, I’m just wondering why,” Martha explained. “Like your freakouts on your season.”
Elvis sighed. “Okay, so when I was younger, my mom was always singing. She’d pick me up and spin me around while singing. She was really the first person to introduce me to music.” Elvis smiled. “She was a great singer too.” His smile faded into a frown. “But when my parents divorced, she left. When she moved out of my dad’s house, she promised me that the next time she saw me she’d sing with me. That day never came. I haven’t seen her or heard from here since, that was five years ago. So I use the music to try and remember her.”
“I’m sorry,” Martha said. She put her hand on Elvis’ back.
“It’s fine,” Elvis said. He paused. “What about you? Are you really as boy crazy as you seemed in your season?” He smirked.
“Nah,” Martha said. “Well, sometimes. I just get too attached too quickly. I know guys want space, but I can’t help it. My parents divorced too, and I saw how devastated my mom was. I just wanted to find someone I could count on to be there for me.” She frowned and looked at the ground.
“I think you’ll find someone soon,” Elvis smiled. Martha looked up and smiled at Elvis.
Nalyd stood at the finish line. The Losing Locusts had their entire team across except for Cecil and Ugly. “They better hurry up,” Sarge grumbled.
“It’s fine, almost our whole team is here,” Lois said. “The Grizzlies have nobody here yet.”
“Pathetic,” Nalyd said, shaking his head.
“Where’s Cecil?” Hank asked Esteban.
“He wanted to walk with ‘Ugly,’” Esteban explained. “So I figured I should go ahead.”
“I’ve never heard of anybody volunteering to spend time with her,” Hank said.
Katheryn giggled. “I like your jokes!” she smiled.
“Katheryn is so annoying,” Hank said in the confessional. “I know I’m funny, I don’t need somebody echoing my own thoughts.”
“Hank is funny,” Katheryn said in the confessional. “He and I are good friends. Who knows, maybe we’ll be more than friends? Fingers crossed!”
Audrey, Frasier, Jess, Salvatore, and Gretel crossed the finish line. “Where is everyone?” Sarge said angrily.
“So I said, ‘Excuse me, I’m blind, not deaf!’” Cecil said. Ugly burst out laughing. The two were walking together and could be seen from the finish line.
“You’re so funny,” Ugly said, wiping a tear from her eye.
“Nah, you’re funnier,” Cecil said. “’That mirror was already broken’ was the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”
“Hey, buddy!” Esteban said excitedly when the two crossed the finish line. “You made it!”
“Oh, yeah, great,” Cecil said. He smiled at Ugly.
“The Losing Locusts win again!” Nalyd announced. The Locusts cheered.
Elvis, Martha, and Maulik crossed the finish line to hear the announcement. “Way to go, guys,” Gretel shouted. “I can’t believe we lost again! I’m sick of being on the losing team!”
“Gretel, calm down,” Audrey said.
“No, it’s better to let her express herself,” Frasier said.
“Bunch of idiots! I hate you all!” Gretel continued shouting. The Locusts ad Grizzlies stared in silent horror at the shouting midget. “Most worthless bunch of teammates ever!”
“Okay, maybe she’s crazy,” Frasier shrugged. Gretel shrieked and pounced on Frasier. “Ack! She’s in my hair! She’s in my hair!”
“But you’re bald,” Audrey chuckled.
“Just get her off me!” Frasier shouted.
A plane descended on the Great Wall of China. “Losing Locusts, that’s your ride to our next destination,” Nalyd said. “You better be thankful that legal won’t let us make you guys climb Mt. Everest to get to the next challenge.” The Locusts hurried onto their plane. “Grizzlies, you guys have a little time to talk about who you want to vote off.”
Elvis, Martha, and Frasier were together. “Who’s going tonight?” Martha asked.
“It must be Gretel or Maulik,” Frasier said. “Maulik is a complete hazard in challenges, and Gretel can’t control her temper.”
“What about Salvatore?” Elvis asked. “He’s just gonna get control of more girls if we let him go on more.”
“No, we can vote him off next,” Frasier said. “Besides, he’s an asset to our team when it comes to challenges. I’d rather win than keep a hazard around.”
“Well let’s just pick one,” Martha said. “They’d both be equally worth losing.”
Audrey was talking to Jess. “Can we vote out Maulik tonight?” Audrey asked. “It’s what Salvatore wants.”
“No,” Jess said. “It’s Gretel.”
Audrey looked confused. “But Salvatore-”
“Forget him,” Jess said. “I’m your friend. He’s using you.” Jess rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Audrey, use your brain for once.”
Audrey walked away to talk with Salvatore and Gretel. “The old man must go,” Gretel said angrily.
“Yes, what says Jess of voting off Maulik?” Salvatore asked Audrey.
“She said sure,” Audrey said.
“Why do I keep lying?” Audrey cried in the confessional.
The Globetrotting Grizzlies sat on one side of the fire at their Tribal Council. “Time to vote,” Nalyd said, getting right to business.
Jess voted Gretel. “Auf Wiedersehen.”
Audrey voted Maulik. “Sorry! As long as Jess doesn’t find out I’m okay though.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He looked through the votes in the ballot box and hung up puppets of Maulik and Gretel.
Maulik glared at Salvatore.
“Maulik,” Nalyd read a vote. He cut a string from Maulik’s puppet. “Gretel.”
“What?!” Gretel shouted. “This is an outrage!”
“Gretel, it’s just one vote,” Salvatore said. “Trust me, there’s plenty more for the old man.”
“Maulik,” Nalyd read another vote. “That’s two votes for Maulik, and one vote for Gretel.” Maulik stared at his puppet hanging above the fire. “Maulik.” Another string was cut from the puppet. “Three votes Maulik, one vote Gretel.”
Maulik stroked his beard in thought. “It’s time,” Elvis whispered to Martha.
“Gretel,” Nalyd read another vote. “And another vote for Gretel.” He cut two strings from the puppet. “That’s three votes for Maulik, three for Gretel.”
Maulik smirked smugly at Salvatore.
“Gretel,” Nalyd said. Gretel’s puppet dangled above the fire, hanging on by one string. “The eighth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… Gretel.”
Gretel let out a shriek as her puppet burned in the fire. “Is she going to be okay?” Frasier asked.
“No,” Nalyd said. “Maybe. I don’t care.” A plane landed beside him. “Get on the plane, boys and girls, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Gretel ran away from the group. “How could I lose?” she asked. “I was ready to finally win something!” Gretel stomped as she walked down the Great Wall of China. “I deserve to win!”
“Hey,” a voice whispered.
Gretel looked at a figure standing on the edge of the wall. She couldn’t see who he was from the shadows concealing his face. “Who’s there?” she asked.
“A friend,” the figure replied. “If you want revenge, I can help you.” Gretel smiled and approached the figure.
Chapter Eight – “From the mind of Maulik”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; Lois’ super hero talk led to her team thinking she was crazy. Salvatore thought he was in complete control of the Globetrotting Grizzlies, but Maulik was staging a rebellion. Love was in the air in the Chinese challenge; Cecil and Ugly, Hank and Katheryn, Elvis and Martha, Jess and Frasier, and Audrey and Salvatore. In the end, the Globetrotting Grizzlies couldn’t win the race across the Great Wall of China, and Gretel was sent home. Or was she?
The Losing Locusts were enjoying their flight on the plane. “This is so much nicer than a helicopter,” Deb smiled.
“I don’t like this,” Bozo said. “I can’t hang out the sides!”
Cecil and Ugly sat together in the back of the plane. Esteban sat in front of them. He turned around and said, “You okay, Cecil?”
“Yes, Esteban,” Cecil said. “For the seventeenth time, yes, I am okay.”
“Alright,” Esteban said. “Just making sure.”
“Esteban is way too over-protective of me,” Cecil said in the confessional. “How am I supposed to get to know ‘Ugly’ with Esteban chaperoning?”
“Say, Esteban, could you get ‘Ugly’ and I some drinks?” Cecil asked.
“Sure, you want soda, water, juice, milk, hot chocolate?” Esteban replied happily.
“A combination of all of them,” Cecil said. Esteban nodded and walked away. “Glad he’s gone.”
“He’s not that bad,” Ugly smiled. “He really cares about you. You two are lucky to have each other.”
“Yeah, but I’d like to spend some time with you,” Cecil said.
“Aw,” Ugly blushed.
“Hey, what’s your real name?” Cecil said.
“Vicky, why?” Ugly replied.
“I like it much more than ‘Ugly,’” Cecil said. “So I’ll call you Vicky if that’s okay.”
“Sure,” Ugly smiled.
“Cecil’s great,” Ugly said in the confessional. “What could be more perfect? All my life guys have rejected me because of my looks, and now I think I might have a real shot with Cecil! Take that, Rick Roll! That’s what you get for pretending to be sick to avoid going to the dance with me and eighth grade! How does it feel knowing you can’t have all this?”
“So would anybody like to join the justice alliance I proposed yesterday?” Lois asked.
“If I join it will you shut your trap?” Sarge asked.
“It’s a trap!” Bozo shrieked, and jumped into the overhead luggage compartment.
The Globetrotting Grizzlies’ plane flew behind the Losing Locust’s plane. “We need to catch them,” Frasier said to the pilot. “If we arrive to the challenge late again, we’ll lose again.”
“We’re flying over the Himalayas,” Maulik said, looking out the window. “We’re going to India!”
“Good thing you’re on the team,” Elvis said. “You’ll be able to help us.”
“What went wrong last night?” Salvatore whispered to Audrey. Audrey made a strange noise as shivers ran down her spine.
“I don’t know,” Audrey said.
“You didn’t lie to me, did you?” Salvatore asked. “About Jess voting with us.”
“What?” Audrey asked nervously. “Me? Lie to you? Never! I’d never love to you! I mean lie to you. Lie to you.”
“So now I know I can’t trust Jess,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Or Audrey. So what am I supposed to do if we lose again? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wish ‘Sarge’ was on the team.”
Martha and Elvis sat together on the plane. “I can’t believe we’re back on the losing team,” Martha said to Elvis.
“It’s not all bad,” Elvis said. “At least we have each other to talk to.”
“At the start of this game, I didn’t like Martha,” Elvis said in the confessional. “But now I see she’s really cool chick. She’s a special girl.”
Frasier stopped bothering the pilot and sat down. Jess sat beside him. “Hello, Frasier,” she said.
“Ah, Jess, here to rub it in my face that Salvatore has hair and rippling muscles and a foreign accent?” Frasier asked sarcastically.
“No,” Jess said. “I’m here to apologize.”
“Oh, really?” Frasier said.
“Yes,” Jess said. “The way I’ve treated you since the game started has been unfair and I apologize.”
“Well thank you, Jess,” Frasier said. “That was very mature of you.”
“And if you want to join my alliance that would be great too,” Jess said quickly.
“Fine,” Frasier rolled his eyes. “As long as I don’t end up being cast off like ‘The Hobo.’”
“That won’t be a problem, I promise,” Jess said.
“Now its Frasier, Audrey, and I in the alliance,” Jess said in the confessional. “And to think that on day two I was almost voted off.”
“Can I forgive Jess for dumping me?” Frasier said in the confessional. “No. Am I willing to work with her to win a million dollars? Yes. The thing is, As much as I dislike her personally, she’s very smart and a worthy companion to play the game with. It will be a shame when I beat her though.”
The two planes landed at the same time. “Welcome to India,” Nalyd said as the sixteen remaining contestants got off the plane. “Homeland of Dr. Maulik Shyamalan Nahasapeemapetilon Koothrappali.”
“Who?” Audrey asked.
“Me,” Maulik said. “That is my full name.”
“You never told us you were a doctor,” Frasier said.
“There’s a lot I haven’t told you,” Maulik said.
“Moving on,” Nalyd said. “Today you will be making movies!”
“I’ve always wanted to be a star!” Katheryn said excitedly. “And get my name up in lights in Hollywood!”
“Well today we’re in Bollywood,” Nalyd said. “And all of you must produce a traditional Indian movie.”
“Good thing we have a real live Indian,” Elvis said, putting his hand on Maulik’s shoulder.
“You have five hours,” Nalyd said. “We can’t film the movies, so they’ll take place on the stage Bob is building. We have a costume trunk, first come first serve. Go!”
“Alright, I have it ready,” Maulik said.
“That was fast,” Martha said in surprise.
“I have had this story written in my heart for many years,” Maulik said solemnly. “But I was also bored on the plane and wrote it down.” Maulik reached into his beard and pulled out a script. Elvis read it.
“This is considered good?” Elvis asked.
“Yes,” Maulik said. “I have seen every movie ever produced in India. Elvis and Martha, you will be playing the young, happy couple who are madly in love. Frasier, you play Martha’s father who doesn’t want them to get together. Audrey and Jess, you are background dancers. Salvatore, you will work the curtains.”
“You cannot be serious,” Salvatore said. “I deserve a starring role.”
“I agree,” Audrey said. “How about Salvatore and I be the starring couple?”
“How about I light the script on fire and throw the ashes into the Indian Ocean?” Maulik asked.
“The show will be a disaster,” Audrey answered. She paused. “Oh.”
“So, what’s the plan?” Esteban asked the other Losing Locusts.
“Let’s make it a musical!” Bozo exclaimed.
“Hey, you’re a performer,” Ugly said to Bozo. “You should direct.”
“I can do that!” Bozo said. “It will be a romantic comedy.”
“I suggest a super hero movie,” Lois said. “I play Super Amazing Girl! And I save one of you from something.”
“That’s the dumbest idea ever,” Sarge said.
“I like it!” Bozo said.
“Who died and made you team captain?” Sarge replied sharply.
“I died and made me captain!” Bozo shouted. “Now drop and give me fifty, maggot!” Sarge quickly dropped to the ground and did push-ups. “We got any more back talk?” Bozo asked.
“No,” everyone said at once.
“That’s what I thought,” Bozo said. “Now, this is the story of a blind boy who becomes a fiddler on the roof, until one day he moves to Chicago. There he meets a young woman who sings in the rain. ‘Romeo! Romeo!’ she cries, ‘Where for art thou, Romeo?’ But he doesn’t know where he is because he’s blind! So he meets up with his friends and they all go to Las Vegas the night before his wedding, and they lose him! So then they must remember where he went! Unfortunately, they never find him and he becomes a zombie. ‘Cause this is Thriller!”
“I get to be the star?” Cecil asked in surprise.
“No, that would be stupid,” Bozo said. “Hank will be playing the blind guy.”
“Why not me? I’m actually blind,” Cecil asked.
“That would be like telling me to play a clown. It’s typecasting and shall not be tolerated!” Bozo replied.
“Did anybody else notice how stupid that idea is?” Hank asked.
“I did,” Katheryn said, smiling.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” Hank said. “And I refuse to take part in this. It’s the dumbest idea ever.”
“Can I be the romantic interest?” Katheryn whispered to Bozo.
“Sure thing,” Bozo said quietly. “Hey everybody! Blue-hair wants to make out with Hank so she’s gonna be the lead!”
“Time to perform!” Nalyd announced. “Globetrotting Grizzlies, you can go first.”
Maulik walked to the center of the stage. “From the mind of Dr. Maulik Shyamalan Nahasapeemapetilon Koothrappali comes the following presentation,” he said. The curtain opened and he walked off the stage. Elvis and Martha walked onto the stage. Martha wore a bright pink t-shirt and poofy, pink pants. Elvis wore a purple vest, white pants, and a green turban.
“I love you, but I can’t be with you, because of my father!” Martha sang in an extremely high pitched voice.
“Her father!” Audrey and Jess repeated. The two were dancing behind Elvis and Martha, and dressed the same as Martha.
“My father!” Martha repeated in the high pitched voice.
“I love you, and I give my heart to you!” Elvis sang in a bad Indian accent. Elvis kissed Martha on the lips.
“We don’t need a twenty second kiss,” Maulik hissed at the two. “Two second will do, thank you.”
Frasier marched onto the stage, dressed like Elvis. He clutched a sword in his hand and stabbed Elvis in the stomach. “I have killed you!” Frasier sang in a deep voice.
“Ow, dude, that hurt,” Elvis said. “You were supposed to pretend to stab me.”
“Sing!” Maulik hissed at Elvis.
“Ow, dude, that hurt!” Elvis sang.
“That hurt, dude!” Jess and Audrey chimed in.
“My father has killed you,” Martha sobbed. Elvis lay down on the ground, trying not to move. “Why, father, why?”
“He was not right for you, daughter,” Frasier said. An elephant stomped onto the stage.
“Where did they get an elephant?” Nalyd asked himself.
Martha and Frasier climbed onto the elephant, and it walked off the stage. Jess and Audrey stayed on the stage, dancing. Salvatore closed the curtains. “What did you think?” Maulik asked Nalyd.
“I’m speechless,” Nalyd said.
“You loved it!” Maulik said excitedly.
“That was terrible,” Elvis said to Martha backstage.
“The kiss wasn’t so bad,” Martha smiled. Elvis smiled back at her.
“Losing Locusts,” Nalyd said. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
Bozo jumped onto the stage. “Presenting, Bozo’s Play About Something She Daydreamed About in Math Class!” she exclaimed, and then ran off the stage. The curtains opened, and Hank stood on the stage with a fiddle in his hands. He wore a beige shirt and brown overalls.
“I am a fiddler on a roof,” Hank said unenthusiastically. “Even though I’m on the ground. Oh, by the way, I’m blind.”
Esteban walked onto the stage. “You’re going to Chicago,” he said, handing Hank a ticket.
“Lucky me, I can pretend to be interested in Chicago,” Hank said. Esteban made airplane noises and walked off the stage. “Oh, look, I have arrived in Chicago.” Ugly walked onto the stage and poured a bucket of water on Hank. “You’ve gotta be kidding.”
Katheryn jumped onto the stage. She wore a yellow rain coat, yellow hat, and rubber boots over her normal clothes. “I’m singing in the rain!” she sang. Ugly pours a bucket of water on her too. “I’m singing in the rain!” She waved at Hank. “Hey, Hank.”
“Let’s get this over with,” Hank rolled his eyes.
“Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou, Romeo?” Katheryn asked.
“How should I know, apparently I’m blind,” Hank replied. Sarge, Lois, and Cecil joined Hank on the stage as Katheryn walked away.
“It’s time for your bachelor party!” Sarge shouted.
“That’s right,” Cecil said. “You and that girl are engaged!”
“And in honor of you’re last day as a free man, we’re going to Las Vegas,” Lois said. The group walked around the stage, and Hank walked off the stage.
“We lost him,” Cecil exclaimed.
“Oh no!” Sarge shouted. “Why?” He pretended to cry.
Hank walked onto the stage with Katheryn, and the two held hands. “I’m a zombie now because you idiots couldn’t find me,” Hank said. “Way to go.”
“My hero!” Katheryn exclaimed. She kissed Hank on the cheek.
“It won’t wash off,” Hank said in the confessional, pointing to the lipstick mark on his cheek.
“The play was terrible,” Deb said in the confessional. “I didn’t have a role, I had to do something!”
Deb charged onto the stage and started singing, “It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday! Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal! Front seat, back seat, which seat do I take?”
“No! No! No!” Bozo cried. She was sitting next to Nalyd. “My play, it’s ruined! Why, Deb, why?” Bozo ran away from the group sobbing.
“I…” Nalyd said. “I… Wow. Grizzlies, you’re safe tonight. Just… Wow. Here are camels to ride to our next destination… Wow.” The Globetrotting Grizzlies cheered for their first victory. Seven camels walked onto the stage and each of the Grizzlies got on one. “Losing Locusts, you lose. Vote somebody off.”
The Losing Locusts circled together to discuss the vote.
“There are no alliances on the team,” Sarge said in the confessional. “So we’re gonna try and make a team decision.”
“I think everyone should just take turns saying why they think they should stay,” Lois suggested. “Obviously you can’t vote for me because I’m Super Amazing Girl.”
“I had to work with her,” Hank said, pointing at Katheryn. “Enough said.”
“Cecil and I didn’t even get starring roles, the loss isn’t our fault,” Ugly said.
“Why are you stickin’ up for him?” Sarge asked. “You two got something going on?”
“No, no,” Ugly said. “I’m just saying.”
“I think we should vote Cecil,” Sarge said. “He’s a liability in challenges.”
“Not this one,” Ugly protested. “You wanna see a liability, check out Deb. She’s done squat for the team and completely ruined us today.”
“Hey, I deserved a role in that play!” Deb shouted back. “At least I was trying to help. Hank practically wanted us to lose.”
“I’m not saying I didn’t,” Hank shrugged. “Honestly I wouldn’t mind being voted off.”
“Guys, settle down,” Lois said. “Obviously, the decision should be up to me, and I say we vote Cecil.”
“Well I say we vote Deb!” Ugly shouted.
“Guys, calm down,” Esteban said.
“Shut up, Esteban,” Deb said. “It’s not like you helped today. Your acting was worse than Bozo’s clown make-up.”
“Oh heck naw!” Bozo exclaimed. “Girl, hold my red rubber nose!” She handed her red rubber nose to Katheryn and pounced on Deb.
“Well, this went better than expected,” Hank said sarcastically.
“It might be me tonight,” Cecil said in the confessional. “I really appreciate Vicky standing up for me.”
The Losing Locusts went to their first Tribal Council as a team, held on the stage used for the plays. “Time to vote,” Nalyd said.
Deb voted for Ugly. “Wish I could say it was nice knowing you.”
Esteban voted for Deb. “Nobody messes with Cecil.”
Sarge voted for Cecil. “Aw, man, I can’t believe I told the team to vote you off and didn’t even get called for it!”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said once all the votes had been cast. He hung up puppets of Ugly, Deb, and Cecil. “One vote for ‘Ugly.’” Nalyd said. He cut one string from Ugly’s puppet.
Ugly frowned at hearing her name read.
“Deb,” Nalyd said. He cut a string from Deb’s puppet. “Cecil. That’s one vote for ‘Ugly,’ one vote for Deb, and one vote for Cecil.”
Ugly held Cecil’s hand. “Esteban, what did I say about this?” Cecil said.
“No, it’s me,” Ugly replied.
“Deb,” Nalyd said, cutting a string from Deb’s puppet. “Cecil.” He cut a string from the puppet of Cecil. “One vote for ‘Ugly. Two votes for Deb. Two votes for Cecil.”
Deb put her head in her hands.
“Deb,” Nalyd read another vote. “Cecil.” He cut one string from each of their puppets. “That means one vote for ‘Ugly,’ three votes for Deb, and three votes for Cecil.” Nalyd pulled the next vote from the ballot box.
“Here we go,” Deb whispered.
“The ninth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… Deb.”
Deb clenched her teeth as she saw her puppet drop into the fire. She watched it burn to ashes, and she shuddered. “Ouch,” she whispered to herself.
“Can’t say I’m surprised,” Nalyd said. “By the way, new rule; singing ‘Friday’ will now result in immediate elimination. Deal with it.”
Sarge smiled at the puppet in the fire. Ugly and Cecil hugged. Esteban leaned over to Cecil for a hug, but backed away.
Eight camels walked onto the stage. “You’ve got quite a trip ahead of you,” Nalyd said. “Good night.”
Chapter Nine – “The blind leading the blind”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; Lois’ super hero antics bothered her team, while romance bloomed between Cecil and “Ugly,” and Katheryn and Hank. The two teams competed in India, trying to make a Bollywood movie. The Globetrotting Grizzlies were led by Maulik, who actually is Indian, while the Losing Locusts let Bozo take the position of director. Things went from bad to worse with Bozo’s play being a complete flop, ending with Deb’s rendition of the pop song “Friday.” Maulik finally did something helpful, winning the challenge for the Grizzlies. The Losing Locusts, perhaps the least strategic team ever, sent Deb home. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Globetrotting Grizzlies were riding camels through the desert. “It’s too hot here,” Maulik complained. “I want to go back to India. It was a comfortable temperature there.”
“Does he ever shut up?” Martha whispered to Elvis.
“Nope,” Elvis sighed. Salvatore smiled at the two as he rode by on his camel.
“Everyone hates Maulik,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “We had a challenge in India, we don’t need him anymore. He’s just annoying. If I can turn Jess, Audrey, and Frasier against him, maybe I can get back in control. My only ally is Audrey. I’m desperate.”
“This is perhaps the least comfortable camel I’ve ever ridden,” Maulik said.
“Hi, Jess,” Audrey said as she steered her camel toward Jess.
“Hello, Audrey,” Jess said.
“Jess, I don’t think I like Salvatore anymore,” Audrey said.
“That’s the first smart thing you’ve said all season,” Jess said. “It’s far overdue.”
A strong desert wind blew sand in the contestants’ faces. “He’s not very nice, I don’t think,” Audrey continued.
“As fascinating as this is,” Jess said, “Let’s not talk about this.”
“Luckily, it would appear I’m in control of the game for my team,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “One alliance is Jess, Audrey, and Frasier, the other is Elvis, Martha, and the old man. Guess which alliance is in love with me? I’ll give you a hint; it’s not the one Maulik’s in.”
“Are we almost there?” Maulik complained.
“How are we supposed to know?” Frasier asked. “We don’t have a map.”
“Then how do the camels know where they’re going?” Martha asked, concerned.
“GPS, duh,” Audrey said, rolling her eyes. Frasier face-palmed.
The Losing Locusts were far behind the Globetrotting Grizzlies. “Hey, Esteban,” Cecil whispered, “I need some help.”
“Anything, buddy,” Esteban said. “Water? Moist towelette? Hungry?”
“No, no, advice,” Cecil clarified. “Do you think I should ask Vicky to be my girlfriend?”
“Who?” Esteban asked.
“’Ugly,’” Cecil said. “I prefer calling her by her real name.”
“Oh,” Esteban said. “Why would you ask her to be your girlfriend?”
“I really like her,” Cecil said. “It’s like we were meant to be, as if we were designed for each other. I’m telling you, you couldn’t write a more perfect match in any story.”
“Cecil, there’s something you should know,” Esteban said. “I don’t think she likes you.”
“What makes you think that?” Cecil asked.
“I think she just feels sorry for you, because you’re blind,” Esteban explained. “I think she might actually like ‘Sarge.’”
“Alright, now I know you’re lying,” Cecil said sternly. “What’s going on?”
Esteban sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, man. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Why would I get hurt?” Cecil asked.
“Well, you’ve never had a girlfriend before,” Esteban said. “I’m just worried about you, is all.”
“I’ll be fine, Esteban,” Cecil said. “Just give me space, dude. I’m blind, not stupid.”
“The blind leading the blind,” Sarge said in the confessional. “It’s almost funny how stupid Esteban is. He can’t get it through his thick head that Cecil, the son of a gun, is just using him.”
Lois rode her camel between Hank and Katheryn. “So, what do you think of joining my super hero alliance?” she asked them. “I’ll give you two super hero names if you like.”
“I wanna be California Gurl!” Katheryn said. “My powers can be tanning and surfing and flirting.”
“I’ll be Hank Dude,” Hank said, sounding like he couldn’t care less. “My super power is ignoring you two.”
“Excellent!” Lois said happily. “The Super Power Alliance will vote out all evil doers! Super Amazing Girl, California Gurl, and Hank Dude, unite!”
Ugly was riding her camel, and heard sobs behind her. She turned to see Bozo crying. “What’s wrong, Bozo?” she asked.
“My vision of a play was completely ruined,” Bozo said sadly. “I can’t handle the pressure!” Bozo shrieked, and jumped off her camel. Bozo looked up and saw her camel continue walking. “Hey!” She jumped back on the camel. “Not cool!”
“I don’t really know what to make of Bozo,” Ugly said in the confessional. “She’s a strong physical competitor in challenges, but she’s a clown. Really, that’s all she is.”
The two teams arrived at their destination. They were in the middle of the desert. There was a big platform behind Nalyd, covered in gym mats. “Welcome to Pakistan, boys and girls,” Nalyd said. “Today’s challenge is a Pakistani sport called Kabaddi; or at least my interpretation of it. Two people from each team will go onto the mat. The goal is to wrestle one member from the other team off the mat. Best out of five wins.”
“I don’t think that’s how the game is played,” Frasier said.
“Shut up, Frasier,” Nalyd glared. “Alright, best out of five. Teams, pick your first pairs.”
“I’ll go with Frasier,” Salvatore said. “Maulik, maybe you should sit this one out, buddy.”
“I knew a physical challenge would be difficult for me,” Maulik said in the confessional. “If we lose, it’s a guarantee I will be sent home. So let’s see how this goes.”
“Let’s send out one strong person and one weaker person,” Sarge said. “The stronger people will guard the weaker. Let’s send out Esteban and Cecil.”
“Nobody is gonna get Cecil then,” Esteban laughed.
“Great,” Cecil said, lacking enthusiasm.
“Round one; Salvatore and Frasier vs. Esteban and Cecil,” Nalyd said. Salvatore removed his shirt.
“Woo!” Audrey cheered.
Frasier glared at Salvatore, and took his own shirt off. “Frasier, put your shirt back on,” Nalyd grumbled.
“I’m just as hot as Salvatore,” Frasier said in the confessional.
“Round one,” Nalyd said. “Go!” Frasier and Salvatore both charged at Cecil. Esteban stood in front of Cecil like a brick wall.
“You’re not gonna touch him,” Esteban said, bracing for the impact of Salvatore and Frasier. Suddenly, the two circled around Esteban, grabbing Cecil.
“Whoa!” Cecil exclaimed as he was lifted off the mat and thrown into the sand.
“One point for the Globetrotting Grizzlies!” Nalyd announced. He let the teams pick their next players. “Audrey and Elvis for the Globetrotting Grizzlies, Bozo and Katheryn for the Losing Locusts. Interesting match up.” The contestants stood on opposite ends of the mat. “Go!”
Bozo cart-wheeled to Elvis and jumped on him. “You’re going down!” Bozo screamed.
“Aaah!” Elvis screamed.
Audrey ran after Katheryn, flapping her arms wildly. “What are you doing?” Katheryn asked.
“Winning!” Audrey cried. She flapped her arms at Katheryn some more while running at her. Katheryn moved to the left, and Audrey ran right off the mat.
“Losing Locusts win round two,” Nalyd said. “It’s now one-to-one. Next match up is Hank and ‘Sarge’ vs. Martha and Jess. This is gonna be good.”
“Go fer the little one,” Sarge whispered.
“Try not to get too hurt,” Jess whispered to Martha.
“Go!” Nalyd declared
Martha tackled Hank, trying to throw him to the ground. She kicked the back of his leg, and he toppled to the ground. “Get off ‘im,” Sarge said, trying to pull Martha off. Jess tried to pull Sarge off Martha. Sarge let go of Martha, and toppled backwards. Jess lost her balance and fell off the mat.
“Losing Locusts win round three,” Nalyd said. “Two to one. Round four is ‘Ugly’ and Lois vs. Maulik and Salvatore.”
“Don’t lose,” Salvatore said to Maulik.
“We’re pretty much doomed,” Elvis said in the confessional. “Physically Maulik is our weakest teammate. If we lose because of him, he’ll be sent home immediately.”
The four contestants squared off on the mats. “Go!” Nalyd shouted. Salvatore charged towards Lois, she caught his fists in her hands.
“Hello, Super Amazing Girl,” Salvatore said. “Good to see you again.”
“Haha, nice try Salvatore,” Lois said. “I’m onto you. I know of your ways.”
Salvatore smirked. “Shame, we could have been great allies,” he said.
“Alas, the hero must defeat the villain,” Lois said. She flipped Salvatore around, throwing him onto the mat.
“Whoa,” Salvatore said in surprise.
Ugly had decided to try and get Maulik off the mat. “You’re going down,” she said.
“Come at me, bro,” Maulik said.
“We’re doomed,” Elvis sulked.
Ugly charged at Maulik, trying to tackle him. Maulik dropped to the ground, and Ugly tripped over him and face first into the sand. “Whoa,” Salvatore said in surprise.
“Maulik wins round four for the Grizzlies,” Nalyd said. “Final round. Choose your pairs wisely.”
“Let’s send out Esteban and ‘Sarge,’” Cecil said. “They’re our strongest guys.”
“Let’s do this, man,” Esteban smiled at Sarge.
“Who can we send out?” Maulik asked.
“I’ll go,” Elvis said. “We need somebody else who’s strong. Sal, can you go again?”
“I can go,” Martha said. “Why can’t a girl go?”
“Oh, I didn’t mean, like,” Elvis stammered. “Sure, you and I can go.” Martha smiled.
“Martha and Elvis vs. Esteban and ‘Sarge,’” Nalyd said. “This is for immunity. Go!”
Esteban and Elvis collided in the middle of the mat. The shouted, trying to force the other once off the mat, but their arms were locked. “Come on, Esteban!” Cecil cheered.
“Fight!” Frasier exclaimed. “Win!”
“Break his face!” Audrey shouted.
“Irrelevant fight comment,” Hank said.
Martha ran after Sarge. She tried to kick him, but he grabbed her leg. He laughed heartily as he lifted Martha above his head. “You’re done now, little lady.” He approached the edge of the mat holding Martha above him. “Any last words?”
Martha bit Sarge’s hand, causing him to scream. He dropped her, and she scampered back onto the mat. She pushed the crying Sarge off the mat and into the sand. “The Globetrotting Grizzlies win immunity!” Nalyd announced. The Grizzlies cheered. Elvis hugged Martha. A bus drove by the contestants. “There’s your ride.” The Grizzlies shuffled onto their bus. “Locusts, you’ll be voting someone off tonight.”
Cecil, Ugly, and Esteban were gathered together. “We’ll all vote ‘Sarge’ tonight,” Cecil said.
“Agreed,” Esteban said. “But three isn’t enough to vote him off.”
“We’ll need somebody else to get a tie,” Ugly said.
“Hey, Esteban, how about you go talk to Hank, Katheryn, and Lois,” Cecil said. Esteban nodded and walked away from the two. “Vicky, there’s something I gotta ask you,” Cecil said.
“Yes, Cecil?” Ugly smiled.
“He’s gonna ask me out! He’s gonna ask me out!” Ugly said excitedly in the confessional. “Ooh, I can’t wait!”
“Well, I was wondering,” Cecil said nervously.
“Yeah?” Ugly smiled bigger.
“If you weren’t doing anything,” Cecil continued.
“Just ask her out already!” Bozo shouted. She was standing next to the two and eating popcorn.
“Will you go out with me?” Cecil smiled.
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Ugly said. She hugged Cecil and kissed him on the cheek.
“I told myself I wouldn’t cry,” Bozo said, her eyes filling with tears.
“Cecil and ‘Ugly,’ huh?” Sarge said in the confessional. “Poor son of a gun don’t know what he got himself in to. As much as I’d love to let them stay together, we can’t let anyone get too close in this game.”
Esteban talked to Lois, Katheryn, and Hank. “’Sarge’ lost the challenge today, he should go,” Esteban said.
“I agree,” Lois said. “He also aligned himself with that evil Salvatore. Clearly, he is a villain and must be eliminated!”
“Cecil’s the blind one, right?” Hank asked.
“Aw, I’d feel really bad voting for Cecil,” Katheryn said. “But he’s blind. ‘Sarge’ is really buff and strong and stuff.”
Esteban sighed. “Look, guys, ‘Sarge’ shouldn’t be trusted,” he continued. “We know he’s with Salvatore, they’ll team up at the merge. Please guys. Do this for me.” Esteban walked away.
“I will be voting ‘Sarge’ tonight,” Lois said. “I suggest you two join me.” She walked away.
“Please vote for Cecil with me,” Katheryn pleaded with Hank. “I like him and all but he’s pretty useless in challenges. Please, Hank? For me?”
“I was already going to vote for him,” Hank said.
“Aw, I really appreciate it!” Katheryn smiled.
“No, not for you, just because I’m not stupid,” Hank said. “He’s in a relationship and that means we gotta split him and ‘Ugly’ up if we want a chance at the million. I’d like to win.”
“So you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship on the show?” Katheryn asked.
“No-” Hank paused. He looked at Katheryn, and then looked away. “Maybe.”
The Losing Locusts gathered for their Tribal Council. “Time to vote, guys,” Nalyd said.
Lois voted for Sarge. “And with this, the Super Power Alliance sends hom its first nemesis.”
Sarge voted for Cecil. “Time to go.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said. He hung up puppets of Cecil and Sarge. “One vote for Cecil,” Nalyd said. He cut a string from Cecil’s puppet.
Esteban and ugly were both leaning towards Cecil, who sat between them.
“Cecil,” Nalyd said. “Cecil. That’s three votes for Cecil.”
Sarge laughed. “Oh, man,” he said to himself, smiling.
“’Sarge,’” Nalyd read a vote. “And a second vote for ‘Sarge.’” He cut two strings from Sarge’s puppet. “That’s three votes for Cecil and two for ‘Sarge.’”
“I’m shakin’ in my boots,” Sarge said sarcastically.
“Cecil,” Nalyd said. “Four votes Cecil, two votes ‘Sarge.’”
Cecil turned his head to face Esteban, and then Ugly.
“’Sarge,’” Nalyd said. “Four votes for Cecil, three votes for ‘Sarge,’ and one vote left.”
“Big whoop,” Sarge rolled his eyes.
“’Sarge,’” Nalyd said.
“Yes?” Sarge replied.
“No, that was a vote for you,” Nalyd explained. “We have a tie.”
“What?” Sarge screamed.
“Yes,” Cecil smiled.
“In the event of a tie, the person with the highest amount of previous votes will go,” Nalyd explained. “Cecil has eight previous votes, ‘Sarge’ has none. The tenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is… Cecil.”
“Well that wasn’t very dramatic,” Bozo pointed out.
Nalyd cut the fifth string from Cecil’s puppet, and it fell in the fire.
Sarge smiled at the puppet. “Those who don’t build, must burn,” he said to himself.
Cecil stood up and hugged Esteban. “Thanks for everything, dude,” Cecil said. “Sorry that I’ve been kind of rough on ya lately.”
“It’s cool,” Esteban said.
“Take care of her,” Cecil said, referring to Ugly. He and Ugly kissed. “Win,” Cecil said.
A bus arrived, and the remaining Losing Locusts, excluding Ugly, got on the bus. She hugged Cecil one more time, and hurried onto the bus. Cecil waved at her through the window. “I told myself not to do this again,” she whispered to herself as she sat down.
Chapter Ten – "We're no strangers to love!"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; Pakistan became a battle ground as the two teams squared off in the arena. Some people surprised us, like Maulik, while others seriously disappointed us, like ‘Sarge.’ The Losing Locusts lived up to their name and had to send another member of their team home. The choice was between Cecil, the blind kid who had just started a relationship with ‘Ugly,’ or ‘Sarge’ who lost the challenge after Martha bit him. Despite Lois’ plans to send evil home, Cecil was eliminated instead. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Losing Locusts’ bus was silent, except for the sobbing coming from Ugly. She was sitting alone in the back of the bus.
“I feel bad,” Esteban said in the confessional. “I was happy that Cecil got a girlfriend, but because of her he’s out of the game, so I’m not really interested in dealing with her.”
Ugly continued to cry loudly, and her teammates said nothing to her.
“I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone more annoying than Katheryn,” Hank said in the confessional.
Finally, Katheryn walked up to Ugly. “Are you okay?” she asked sympathetically.
“No,” Ugly said. “My boyfriend got voted off!”
“I know, I was there,” Katheryn said. “But you’re still here.”
“It’s not worth it though,” Ugly said. “It’s just like… Remember the last time I was on the show, my boyfriend ‘Dome?’” Katheryn nodded. “Well after the show, he got a toupee, became super popular, and never talked to me again! How do I know Cecil’s not gonna do the same thing?”
“You can’t, you just gotta know that he won’t,” Katheryn said.
“That doesn’t help!” Ugly exclaimed.
“Jeez, calm down,” Hank said.
“Don’t tell me to calm down, Hank!” Ugly shouted. “You don’t know what’s going on!”
“Yeah, Cecil got voted off because we’re gonna keep losing if we kept him,” Hank said. “Now don’t get all snappy at Katheryn when she didn’t do anything to you.”
“She voted for Cecil,” Ugly said. “And that’s enough.”
“You didn’t vote with the Super Power Alliance?” Lois asked Katheryn. Katheryn shook her head.
“I didn’t either,” Hank said. “It would have been dumb to keep Cecil.” Esteban glared at Hank. “What, you have something to say, too?” Esteban looked away.
“Shut up, Hank!” Ugly shouted.
“Would y’all be quiet?” Sarge asked. “I think I’m the real victim here. I got four votes!”
“Shut up, ‘Sarge!’” Ugly, Hank, Katheryn, and Lois shouted in unison.
“I love this show,” Bozo smiled, watching the fight among her teammates.
The Globetrotting Grizzlies’ bus was going through drama as well. “This bus is too hot,” Maulik complained. “And my hip hurts.”
“You’re always too hot and your hip always hurts,” Salvatore said. “Get over it.”
“Don’t you talk to me,” Maulik said. “I’m the oldest person in this game; I deserve to be treated with respect! But no, I get put on the team with all of you!”
“You’re not the best teammate either, man,” Elvis said.
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Maulik retorted.
“You’re not very good at challenges,” Elvis said.
“And you complain a lot,” Audrey chirped in.
“Well if I’m so terrible at challenges, why am I still here?” Maulik asked.
“We all know why Maulik is still in,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “People only keep him around to use as a vote against me.”
“Hey,” Martha said to Elvis.
“Hey, Martha,” Elvis replied. “What’s up?”
“Nothing, I was just wondering how you were doing,” Martha said.
“How come?” Elvis asked.
“I was thinking of our talk the other day about our families,” Martha explained. “If you want someone to talk to, I want you to know I’ll be here for you.”
Elvis smiled. “Thanks, Martha. I really appreciate it.” He put his arm around Martha. “I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you here with me.”
“Martha’s a great girl,” Elvis said in the confessional. “I’m lucky to have met her.
“Elvis is amazing,” Martha said in the confessional. “It’s like he always knows what to say and when to say it.” She sighed. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world!”
“Would you two stop with the love-fest?” Frasier asked. “Some of us are trying to strategize. Thank you!”
“Honestly, how did I get stuck over here?” Frasier asked in the confessional. “I miss my old team. At least then I had people like Hank who weren’t complete idiots.”
The buses stopped, and the contestants shuffled out into a parking lot. Nalyd led them into a restaurant and the contestants sat at tables. “How romantic,” Katheryn noted, pointing at candles and flowers on the tables.
“Welcome to Paris, the city of love,” Nalyd said.
“Love?” Maulik said in the confessional. “What do a bunch of teenagers know about love? I’m married, I have a kid, I have a grandchild. These kids don’t understand love.”
“For today’s challenge,” Nalyd said. “You will be competing as couples. Those of you waiting to compete will wait in here. This is the most expensive restaurant in all of Paris. Eat all the food you want, and enjoy the company of your teammates. It’s time to start the challenge. We need a pair from each team.”
“Let’s send Lois and myself out first,” Sarge said. “Two of our strongest, we can take an early lead.”
"We will show the other team no mercy," Lois said. "For they are led by the evil dictator Salvatore, and must be shown the errors of their ways."
"Lois is completely out of her mind," Sarge said in the confessional. "But she's strong, so I'll keep her around as long as she keeps winning challenges. And as long as she doesn't turn on me."
"'Sarge' is an interesting guy," Lois said in the confessional. "While he seems to be of the opinion that he is fighting the good fight, he did team up with Salvatore early on, making himself seem like a villain. It would be quite the adventure if I could change him to be one of the good guys. He's already got a superhero-esque nickname, and his powers could be super strength!"
"I wanna go with Salvatore first," Audrey said.
"Why me?" Salvatore asked.
"Well it's a romance challenge, and you're the most romantic member of the team," Audrey explained.
"I beg to differ," Martha giggled in the confessional. "I believe that title belongs to Elvis."
"Yes, I know that," Savlatore replied to Audrey. "But why you? You're so... you."
"I get that all the time," Audrey giggled. "See? You're romantic!"
"'Sarge,' Lois, Audrey, Salvatore," Nalyd said. "You four come with me for the first challenge. The rest of you can wait in here, eat food, make out, strategize, anything goes. Just remember, the name of the game is Total Drama, not Total Sit Around and Do Nothing." He led the four out of the room and the other contestants took their seats.
Nalyd brought Sarge, Lois, Audrey, and Salvatore into a separate room. "What's the challenge?" Salvatore asked.
"A staple of any romantic comedy movie is the kissing scene," Nalyd said. "There should be sparks, romance! The kiss has to-"
"Nalyd, you sound like a teenage girl," Sarge said.
"No, let him keep going," Audrey sighed dreamily.
"Basically, you have to kiss your partner," Nalyd said.
"K-k-kiss?" Sarge stammered.
"Don't worry," Lois said, "It's just a challenge."
"Right, just a challenge," Sarge said.
Audrey pounced on Salvatore, pinning him against a wall. She smiled widely and stared into his eyes. "Can I get you a breath mint?" Salavatore asked.
"No time," Audrey said excitedly. "I may never get this opportunity again." She pressed her lips against Salvatore's.
"Stop breathing in my mouth," Salvatore struggled to say. Audrey continued kissing Salvatore.
"Our fan name is Audretore," Audrey smiled in the confessional. Her face was bright red and she was breathing heavily. "Salvey just sounds gross."
Salvatore tried pushing Audrey off of him, but she stayed stuck on him like gum on a shoe.
Salvatore was silent in the confessional before finally saying, "Not bad."
"What do we do?" Sarge whispered to Lois.
"We gotta make this romantic," Lois said.
"How do we do that?" Sarge asked.
"I don't know," Lois said. "I've never really thought about romance, I've always been preoccupied with being a superhero."
"I've got an idea," Sarge said. "Follow my lead." He wrapped his arms around Lois and tipped her back.
"Oh my," she said, surprised. Sarge kissed her on the lips, holding her body up.
"The kiss was just for the challenge," Lois said in the confessional. "But I think we got a winner."
"Dang," Sarge said in the confessional. "Just... dang."
Sarge and Lois stopped kissing, and Sarge stood her back up. "Heh heh," he chuckled.
"Good job," Lois said.
"You too," Sarge said. "Nice... nice work."
"Thank you," Lois said.
"'Sarge' and Lois win, hands down," Nalyd said. "You can feel the love in these two, but Salvatore doesn't seem to be that into Audrey. Have your teams send in another pair each."
"We won," Sarge announced as he and Lois joined their team. "They need another pair."
"I'll go with Esteban," Ugly volunteered.
"I'll make sure we lose," Ugly said in the confessional. "I'll make Esteban take the blame, and everyone will vote him off instead of me. Cecil told Esteban to stick with me, and I didn't see Esteban stick up for me during the fight. Good friend you've got, Cecil."
Audrey ran into the room and shrieked, "I kissed Salvatore!"
"Did 'Sarge' get jealous?" Hank asked. Sarge responded by punching Hank in the stomach. "Worth it," Hank said weakly.
"Elvis, Martha, you two go," Salvatore said. "We might as well send a real couple in."
"We're not a couple," Elvis corrected him.
"I want to ask Martha out," Elvis said in the confessional. "Cecil got voted out because of his relationship with 'Ugly,' and the whole blind thing. I don't want the same thing to happen to me and Martha. I mean being voted out, but going blind would end badly too."
Ugly, Esteban, Elvis, and Martha went into the separate room. There were two poles set up. "What is thi- I don't even," Elvis said, confused about the situation.
"It's not what you think," Nalyd said. "For this challenge, we're gonna see how strong your love is. The only way we can do this is by having the girls each cling to a pole while the boy from the opposite team tries to pull her off."
"Yes!" Ugly said in the confessional. "All I have to do is let go and get pulled off the pole. Piece of cake!"
Martha and Ugly wrapped their arms and legs around the poles. "I'm not going anywhere," Martha said.
"We'll see about that," Esteban chuckled.
"I'm the strongest male in the game," Esteban said in the confessional. "I'm especially determined to win today because I know if we lose it might be me going home. Who will want to let me go to the merge?"
"Good luck," Elvis said to Martha, who smiled.
"Go!" Nalyd announced. Esteban grabbed Martha by her sides, and tugged. Her arms immediately released the pole, but her legs stayed wrapped around it. Esteban continued to pull.
"Ouch!" Martha exclaimed.
Elvis looked over at her and dove at Esteban. "Get off her, man," he said. Esteban stumbled backwards, then pushed Elvis off him and continued to pull Martha.
"Um, hello," Ugly said. "Member of the opposite team loosely hanging onto her pole, you're seconds away from victory!"
Elvis and Esteban continued to tussle. Elvis pushed Esteban again, and he lost grip of Martha. Esteban grunted, and lunged at Elvis. Elvis ducked down, and Esteban tripped over him. Ugly shrieked as Esteban fell over, toppling over her. She lost her grip on the bar, and rolled over. "Esteban!" she said, upset. "You made us lose!" She paused. "Wait, we lost. We lost!"
"Globetrotting Grizzlies win round two!" Nalyd announced. "Send in another pair."
"Ouch, my knee hurts," Esteban said. He sat on the ground, holding his knee close to him. "I don't think I can stand." A medic walked over to Esteban to try to help him.
"Sorry, bro," Elvis said.
"It's cool," Esteban said.
"Okay, the three of you go," Nalyd said. "We're gonna check Esteban out and see if he's okay."
The other contestants were waiting for Elvis, Martha, Esteban, and Ugly to return. "This is nice, huh?" Katheryn asked Hank. The two were sitting together.
"Meh," Hank said.
"Wanna do the next challenge with me?" Katheryn asked. "We have to do guy-girl pairs, so we might as well, you know?"
"Fine," Hank said.
Jess and Frasier also sat together, anticipating their challenge. "What do you think we'll do?" Frasier asked.
"Who knows?" Jess replied. "With this show, it could be anything."
"Jess," Frasier said. "What happened to us?"
"We just wanted different things," Jess said. "You wanted a mind to think with; somebody who would ponder the world with you. I wanted a man; somebody who would hold me in his arms and care about me."
"Normally I'd argue with you," Frasier said, "but I agree with you. We make a much better team than a couple." Jess smiled at him.
Ugly, Elvis, and Martha walked into the room. "Where's Esteban?" Sarge asked.
"He made us lose and hurt his knee," Ugly explained. "Medics are checking him out now."
"Why do the good die young?!" Bozo dropped to her knees and began sobbing.
"Let's go," Hank sighed. Katheryn held his arm and the two walked into the room.
"May the best team win," Frasier said.
"That would be us," Jess added. The two walked into the room.
"Welcome to the final challenge," Nalyd said to the two pairs. "For this challenge, each contestants must sing a love song to their partner. It can be anything as long as it's a love song."
"How long do we get to prepare?" Frasier asked.
"Ten seconds, you're going first, Frasier," Nalyd said.
Jess whispered in Frasier's ear. "No, I'll make a fool of myself," Frasier protested. Jess glared at him. "Fine."
Frasier stood before the other contestants, and music started playing. "Three," Nalyd said, "two, go!"
"We're no strangers to love!" Frasier sang.
"No," Jess said in horror.
"You know the rules, and so do I! A full commitment's what I'm thinkin' of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy! I just want to tell you how I'm feeling."
"I'm feeling sick," Hank gagged.
"Gonna make you understand; Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around and desert you! Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie, and hurt you!" The music stopped playing, and Frasier looked at Nalyd. Nalyd was on the ground laughing.
"Look at him!" Nalyd laughed. "He's so- Haha!"
"The FrasierRoll has reached three million hits on the internet," Nalyd said in the confessional. "Win!"
"I'm a great singer," Frasier said in the confessional. "I've starred in operas! Written by myself and my brother for the family, but still..."
"Hank, your turn to sing," Nalyd said. "Remember, this is how you feel about Katheryn."
"No, this is a generic love song," Hank said. "It has nothing to do with Katheryn or how I feel about her."
"Sure thing, Romeo," Nalyd said. "Start singing."
The music began playing, and Hank sang unenthusiastically, "Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining. Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying. She's so beautiful, and I tell her everyday."
"It's like he's singing about me," Katheryn sighed.
"He sounds so bored," Frasier whispered.
"He always sounds that way," Jess replied. Katheryn shushed them.
"Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me. And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see. But everytime she asks me 'Do I look okay?' I say... When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change, 'cause you're amazing, just the way you are." The music faded out. "I feel stupid."
"You look stupid too," Nalyd said. "Really, dude? Bruno Mars? You sound like a robot the way you sing. Anyway, Jess, your turn to sing to Frasier."
Jess stood up in front of the group. "I wanted to sing 'Love the Way You Lie' but Frasier's never hit me, and if he did I'd destroy him, and it was too mainstream, so I picked the sequel which has more to do with psychological warfare in arguing couples as opposed to physical. I believe this song holds true to mine and Frasier's relationship."
"Just sing," Nalyd said, annoyed.
Music played softly in the background as Jess sang, "On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright. Then this thing turned out so evil, I don't know why I'm still surprised. Even angels have their wicked schemes, and you take that to new extremes, but you'll always be my hero even though you've lost your mind."
Frasier looked up as Jess paused singing and the music picked up pace.
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie. I love the way you lie."
"Good song, Jess," Nalyd said. "The singing was good too. Overall, good. Alright, Katheryn, hopefully you have a less painful and depressing song for us."
Katheryn smiled at Hank as the music started, and he replied with a blank stare. Katheryn sang, "You change your mind like a girl changes clothes."
"Great, a whole song about how terrible I am," Hank said in the confessional. "Lucky me."
"And you over-think, always speak critically. I should know that you're no good for me."
Nalyd snickered as Hank sunk in his chair.
"'Cause you're hot and you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in and you're out. You're up then you're down. You're wrong when it's right. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up."
Hank looked around awkwardly.
"You don't really want to stay, no, but you don't really want to go!"
"I don't like Katheryn," Hank said in the confessional. "She bugs me. I don't care if she has a crush on me or hates my guts, I don't like her. On the list of things I don't care about, she is very high on it."
"Hank doesn't like me back? Whatever," Katheryn said in the confessional. "I'm not gonna be, like, stalker-girl. So it doesn't work out with him, you know, there's other guys out there. Mark the time on your clocks, this is the first moment I am over Hank."
"Decent singing," Nalyd said. "But, ten million views on YouTube says a lot, the FrasierRoll wins immunity for the Globetrotting Grizzlies!"
Frasier and Jess hugged, celebrating their victory. "Aw," Katheryn said, disappointed.
"Katheryn, Hank, go tell your team that you lost and that you'll be voting someone off tonight," Nalyd said. "Also, Esteban will be coming back at the vote." Nalyd handed Frasier a map. "This is to the next challenge, good luck getting there."
Katheryn and Hank walked into the main room with the other contestants. "We lost," Hank announced.
"We won!" Frasier announced happily as he and Jess returned. The Globetrotting Grizzlies cheered and walked out of the restaurant, heading for their next challenge.
"Seems like an easy vote," Sarge said to his teammates. "It's 'Ugly' who's gotta go. She's gonna flip on us at the merge 'cause we voted off her boyfriend. Plus she lost the challenge."
"I only lost because of Esteban," Ugly said. "Who, by the way, hurt his knee and is probably being pulled out of the game."
"Actually," Katheryn said, "Nalyd told u-" Hank tapped Katheryn on the shoulder and shushed her.
"The others don't need to know Esteban is staying in the game," Hank said in the confessional. "Let them sweat it out."
"Well then Esteban will be a problem in challenges," Lois said.
"And if he were to recover, he'd dominate in the merge," Ugly continued. "We don't want that, do we?"
"I say we vote off Jimmy," Bozo said.
"There ain't no Jimmy here," Sarge said.
"I know," Bozo said. "But I haven't said anything in a while and if I don't talk people forget I'm here."
"The vote tonight will be interesting," Lois said in the confessional. "Do we keep 'Ugly' who has a vendetta against us all and does poorly in challenges? She won't win any challenges at the merge, that's a guarantee. But in that scenario she might try to betray us and vote us off. On the other hand, there is Esteban. Esteban hurt himself during the challenge, so he might not be able to help us in the team challenges, but he'd also do poorly at individual challenges at the merge. And what if he's not hurt badly? Can we allow a physical dynamo like him to get to the merge?"
The Losing Locusts gathered outside the restaurant. Esteban sat with them, wearing a brace on his leg. "Welcome back to Tribal Council," Nalyd said. "You're really living up to your name of the Losing Locusts. Time to vote."
Ugly voted for Esteban. "I'm sorry. Hopefully after the show you, Cecil, and I will get along, but for now you're a threat to me."
Esteban voted for Ugly. "I know you tried to make us lose. I don't appreciate traitors."
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. He shuffled through the votes, and hung up puppets of Esteban and Ugly. He pulled out a vote. "Esteban." He cut a string from Esteban's puppet.
Esteban looked at ther brace on his leg sadly, and then looked back at his puppet.
"'Ugly,'" Nalyd said, He cut a string from Ugly's puppet. "'Ugly.' That's two votes for 'Ugly' and one vote for Esteban."
Ugly looked around frantically at her teammates.
"'Ugly,'" Nalyd read a vote, and cut a string from Ugly's puppet. "That's three votes for 'Ugly,' one vote for Esteban."
"Come on, guys," Esteban whispered.
"The eleventh person voted out of Total Drama Losers is... 'Ugly.'"
"No!" Ugly jumped up as her puppet fell into the fire and burned. "You know what, I don't need this," she continued. "I've got a boyfriend who cares about me, I have a great family, I don't need some reality show. 'Ugly' is out, peace!" Ugly stomped away from the group.
Nalyd threw a map to Lois. "You've got a challenge tomorrow," Nalyd said. "I suggest hurrying. Esteban, good luck walking." The group stood and walked out, Esteban walked slower and with a limp.
Ugly walked through the streets of Paris, mumbling to herself. She sat down at a park bench in front of the Eiffel Tower. She looked up at the giant metal tower. "I don't deserve to go this way," she said to herself. "I had so much to offer to the team. I guess I might have been kind of a jerk though. Poor Esteban, Cecil would have wanted us to be friends." She sighed. "I guess I really screwed up."
Two hooded figures approached Ugly. One was tall and lean, the other was short and stout. The hoods' shadows covered their faces. "You want revenge?" the short one asked in a thick German accent.
"I believe we can help," the tall one said in a smooth voice.
Ugly perked up, "I'm listening."
Chapter Eleven - "I need to make sure we lose"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the two teams went to Paris for a love-themed challenge. Maulik wasn't feeling the love from his team, while "Ugly" chewed her team out for voting out her boyfriend, Cecil. Audrey fulfilled her dream of jamming her tongue down Salvatore's throat, and "Sarge" and Lois shared a romantic kiss. Esteban, this season's muscle man, was injured during the second challenge, leaving him handicapped. Frasier humiliated himself on national TV during the singing challenge, but Katheryn and Hank's less than stellar performances gave the win to the Globetrotting Grizzlies. "Ugly's" plan to throw the challenge and vote out Esteban backfired, and she was sent home instead. Only thirteen remain, battling it out for the million dollar prize. Who will be voted out tonight?
The Globetrotting Grizzlies were in high spirits as they walked down a busy highway in France.
"Maulik is being surprisingly quiet tonight," Martha said in the confessional. "There's nothing wrong with that, I just think it's weird. Usually by now he's complained about every aching bone in his body and how all of us are punks. I guess he's just happy to be on the winning team!"
"I hate this team," Maulik said in the confessional. "I hate this show and I hate everyone here. I'm sick of all these punks. Nobody on this show understands me. I don't mean harm to anyone. I just," he paused and sighed. "I just miss my wife and my family. I can't remember ever being this miserable."
"I don't know about you guys," Salvatore said to the team, "I'm sick of walking."
"Would you prefer I got my magic carpet?" Frasier asked.
"I could build a truck if you prefer," Jess said.
"You can?" Audrey gasped.
"We were being sarcastic," Jess and Frasier said sarcastically.
"Oh," Audrey said. "Well so was I."
"You guys wanna hitchhike?" Elvis asked.
"Is there anything in the rules against it?" Martha asked.
"It's Total Drama, there are no rules," Jess said. The group stuck their thumbs out toward traffic. A bus pulled over next to them and the group shuffled in.
"Bonjour," the bus driver said to the group.
"Oh no, he speaks French," Audrey said. "Wait, Salvatore, don't you speak Italian? Aren't they similar?"
"Um," Salvatore said in surprise, "No, they're completely different, if I spoke Italian, which I can, to the driver he would just be confused, you see."
"Looks like my time to shine," Frasier said. He said to the bus driver, "Nous sommes una emission de television et nous avons besoin pour arriver a l'endroit sur cette carte." The bus driver smiled and allowed the contestants on the bus.
"What did you say to him?" Martha asked.
"I told him we were on a reality show and need to get to the next place on the map," Frasier said.
"Nice job, dude," Elvis said.
"Since Amazon I didn't really like Frasier," Elvis said in the confessional. "But he's been pulling his weight this season and he's done a really good job. He saved us a lot of time getting to the next challenge, and won the challenge for us yesterday. Dude's impressing this season."
Audrey sat next to Salvatore on the bus. "Hi," she said with a big smile.
"Well, I've still got one ally," Salvatore said in the confessional. "Ever since the team swap, I've been in jeopardy of going home. So far I was saved by that idiot 'Chicken' being in a full body cast, and Gretel just being an easy scapegoat. Now I need somebody else."
"I want to vote Elvis off next," Jess said. "At the beginning of this game, when we were on the Losing Losers team, it was Audrey and I against everyone else, led by Elvis. I believe I owe it to people like James, Sally, 'The Hobo', the people who lost the game because of our conflict. I'll vote him out and avenge them." The Losing Locusts walked along the same highway that the Globetrotting Grizzlies had gone on. "We gotta get out of this slump," Katheryn said as the group walked.
"I can't believe we lost three in a row."
"I can," Hank said. "Losing Losers, Losing Locusts, just not good at winning this season." Katheryn continued walking, ignoring him. Hank looked at her, puzzled.
Bozo carried Esteban on her back. "Bozo, this really isn't necessary," Esteban said. "My leg's in a brace, but I can still walk. Just with a limp."
"No!" Bozo said. "We're, like, best friends! We stick together through thick and thin! I will carry you all the way to the challenge, and all the way through the challenge if needed!"
"Esteban and I are BFF's," Bozo said in the confessional. She held up a photo album to the camera and flipped through the pages. "Here's me and Esteban touching dolphins in the Pacific Ocean. Here's me and Esteban hugging pandas in China. Here's me and Esteban riding elephants in India. Here's me and Esteban as I carry him to the next challenge." She put the book down. "He doesn't know how I got those pictures, and neither do I!" She laughed at herself.
"Bozo kind of scares me," Esteban said in the confessional. "She kind of scares everyone though. I wish she'd leave me alone. Everyone's gonna think I'm too weak to compete if they see her carrying me."
Bozo continued carrying Esteban. "Esteban, can I tell you a secret?" Bozo asked. "Like a really big, life-changing secret."
"You didn't kill somebody, did you?" Esteban asked.
Bozo cackled. "No, I'm crazy, not stupid!" Bozo said.
"That's a relief," Esteban sighed.
"I'd never admit to murder, especially not on TV!" Bozo smiled.
"What?" Esteban exclaimed.
"Anyway, there's something I need to tell you!" Bozo said. She put Esteban down and whispered, "You're really tall." She turned around, put Esteban back on her back, and continued carrying him.
Sarge and Lois walked together. "So," Sarge said awkwardly. Lois looked at him, and he looked away.
"Dang," Sarge said in the confessional. "I don't even know what to think now. Since me and Lois kissed, things have just been weird. It was just a challenge, though. So the kiss don't count, right?"
"Just because 'Sarge' likes me, that doesn't make him any less of a villain," Lois said in the confessional. "If I can turn him into a hero, that would be great! But, still, there would be no relationship between us. Crime-fighting is a full time job, boys are just a distraction. We'll still be friends, I guess. Us being friends will help me turn him into a hero."
Hank walked next to Katheryn. He pointed at Lois and Sarge and said, "Looks like this is turning into Total Drama Lovers."
"Haha," Katheryn said.
"Just a 'haha?'" Hank said in the confessional. "What is with that girl? First she won't leave me alone and now she's giving me the cold shoulder. She's so annoying! It's not like I want her to like me or anything, I just want her to make up her mind."
"I'm not trying to play hard to get or anything," Katheryn said in the confessional. "I'm just over Hank. Is that so hard to believe? Yeah, he's a really funny guy, but I'm not gonna cry myself to sleep 'cause he doesn't like me. It's starting to look like he didn't know what he had when he had it."
The Losing Locusts arrived at the challenge location. The Globetrotting Grizzlies and a very annoyed Nalyd were there. "We've been waiting for you guys for hours," Nalyd said. "Why can't you be smart like the Grizzlies and take the bus?"
"They might be smarter than us," Sarge said, "but we've got a stronger team."
"Go Locusts!" Bozo shrieked.
"Is that why Esteban is in a leg brace?" Salvatore taunted.
"Don't you sass my best friend!" Bozo said angrily.
"I'm not her best friend," Esteban said quickly.
"Guys, shut up," Nalyd said. "This is an epic challenge, and the best reward of all time. When you signed up for the show, there was a form you filled out and you put a loved one you'd like to have visit you. It can be your mom, your dad, grandparents, other family member, friend, anyone special to you. And now, we've got them all." He pointed to a hastily built wooden wall, with people on the other side. "Bozo, you wanted your bucket."
An intern carried a bucket out from behind the wooden wall. "My bucket!" Bozo shrieked. She ran over to the bucket and pulled it from the intern's hands. "Ha! I stole back my bucket!" She looked at Nalyd and pointed at him accusingly. "You're never stealing my bucket again! You hear me? Never!" She hugged the bucket and rejoined her team.
"That was special," Nalyd said. "Esteban, you requested that we bring Cecil back. Good thing he got voted out."
Cecil stepped out from behind the wooden wall. "Hey, Cecil!" Esteban said. He hobbled over to Cecil and patted him on the back.
"Hello, Esteban," Cecil said calmly. "Hello former teammates."
"Why is he talking to us?" Audrey asked. Jess whispered in Audrey's ear. "Oh. Well, this is awkward."
Esteban turned Cecil to face the Losing Locusts. "Hello former teammates," Cecil repeated. Esteban walked Cecil back to the group.
"Hank, your mom is here," Nalyd said. A middle-aged woman walked over to Hank and hugged him. "Hank-y!" she said happily. "It's so good to see you?"
"Hank-y?" Sarge laughed. The other contestants laughed too.
"Hi, mom," Hank said.
"Hank, I don't get it," Jess said. "She's so happy and peppy, and you're so not."
"Aren't I lucky?" Hank asked sarcastically.
"Katheryn's best friend is here," Nalyd said.
Katheryn squealed excitedly as a teenage girl with bright purple hair jumped out from behind the wooden wall. The two girls hugged and jumped up and down. "Oh my gosh!" the two said in unison. "You're here! EEE!"
"It's Katheryn squared," Hank commented.
"Lois," Nalyd said. "We've got your sidekick, Super Amazing Dude."
A muscular boy in the same outfit as Lois walked out from behind the wall. "Super Amazing Girl!" he exclaimed. Lois ran over to him, and the two shook hands.
"It's great to see you, Super Amazing Dude," Lois said. The two hugged.
"I trust you've been spreading justice and peace all around the globe?" the boy asked.
"I like to think I've made the world a safer place," Lois said happily.
"Last but not least for the Locusts," Nalyd said, "'Sarge's' brother is here."
A boy older than all the other contestants walked out and saluted Sarge. Sarge saluted him back. The two shook hands. "How you doing, bro?" Sarge asked.
"Doing alright," Sarge's brother said. "This your team?"
"Yep," Sarge said proudly. "I'm sorta like their general, their leader."
"You are?" Salvatore asked.
"Yeah," Sarge said. "Right guys?"
"The bucket agrees!" Bozo declared.
"Now for the Grizzlies' loved ones," Nalyd said. "Audrey, we've got your dad!"
A man in a green sweater jumped out from behind the wooden wall. "Audrey!" he said happily.
"Daddy!" Audrey said excitedly. The two ran to each other, crashing into each other and falling to the ground.
"I can see the resemblance," Nalyd smirked. "Elvis."
"Oh no," Elvis said. Martha held Elvis' hand.
"We got your mom," Nalyd said. Martha gasped. Elvis looked disappointed.
"Hello," Elvis' mother said as she stepped out from behind the wooden wall. Elvis said nothing.
"Poor Elvis," Martha said in the confessional. "Pretty sick twist for them to bring his mom of all people. Things between them have never been great. This must be tough for him."
"Frasier," Nalyd said, "Your dad is here."
A man with gray hair and a cane walked out from behind the wall. "Hey, Fras!" he said heartily. He embraced Frasier warmly. "How ya been?"
"Okay," Frasier sighed.
"Okay?" his dad repeated. He looked at Nalyd, "Can you believe this kid? I travel halfway around the globe and all he has to say to me is 'okay.' Nice to see you too, Fras."
"Please, father, not on TV," Frasier whined.
"Well that's embarrassing," Nalyd laughed. "We've also got Jess' dad."
A muscular man walked out. Jess ran up to him and hugged him tightly. "It's great to see you, dad!" she said happily.
He kissed her forehead. "I've missed you like crazy," he laughed. Jess led him over to the Globetrotting Grizzlies. He turned and saw Frasier. He glared and said, "How'd he survive this long?"
Frasier's dad laughed. "Good one," he said. Frasier glared at his father. "What? It was funny!"
"Daddy, be nice," Jess said. "Frasier's cool."
"There's a first time for everything," Frasier's dad commented. The two men laughed.
"I like your dad, Frasier," Nalyd said. "Why can't you be that funny? Next up, Martha's mom."
A woman stepped out from behind the wooden wall. "Hi!" she said happily. She and Martha walked to each other and hugged. "How are you?"
"I'm good," Martha said. She walked her mom back to her team. "This is my team, mom."
Martha's mom examined the team, and smiled at Salvatore. "Hello there, young man," she said.
"Did your mom just check out Salvatore?" Elvis whispered.
"I'm gonna be sick," Salvatore said in the confessional.
"Maulik," Nalyd smiled. Maulik looked at Nalyd with a wide grin. "We've got somebody special for you." Tears rolled down from Maulik's eyes. "Excited?"
"I've been waiting for this all season," Maulik said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
"Maulik," Nalyd said, motioning toward the wall. "Your wife."
An old woman stepped out from behind the wall. "Maulik," she said with a smile. Maulik walked over to her quickly dropping his cane behind him. The two kissed and hugged.
"They're so cute at that age," Audrey said with a smile.
Maulik sobbed as he hugged his wife. "I've missed you so much," he said.
"I have missed you, too," Maulik's wife said.
"Can I get my loved one?" Salvatore asked.
"Shut up," Nalyd said, "touchy-feely moments like this are ratings dynamite!" Maulik held his wife's hand in one hand, picked up his cane in his other, and led his wife back to his tea. He was still crying, but was smiling gleefully. "Thank you," he said, smiling at Nalyd.
"No, thank you," Nalyd said. "Those shots are going in the promos. Salvatore, here's your loved one."
A woman walked out from the wooden wall. "Hi everybody!" she said with a thick Brooklyn accent.
"Mom!" Salvatore scolded her. "I mean," he changed to a more cheery tone, "Mom! You're here!"
Salvatore's mother froze. She didn't say anything, but she smiled and waved at everyone.
"Alright, introductions are over," Nalyd said. "Time to get to the challenge. Today we're in Madrid, Spain. The only thing we can think of that's in Spain is bull fighting. We're not completely sure bull fighting is in Spain, but that's what we have prepared."
"Wait, we're fighting actual bulls?" Martha asked. "That's animal abuse!"
"Calm down, hippie," Nalyd said. "We've built mechanical bulls that act like the real deal. For the first round-"
"Wait, what about our loved ones?" Audrey asked.
"They will stay to watch the challenge," Nalyd said. "The winning team will get to go on a special reward with their loved ones!" The contestants cheered.
"I need to make sure we lose," Salvatore said in the confessional. "I don't want my mother talking to the other contestants."
"This challenge will be done in three parts," Nalyd said. "Round one will last until only six people remain. Round two will last until we have three people. Round three will end when one person remains. The team with that winner will win immunity and reward."
As Nalyd talked, Bob the Leprechaun had brought in thirteen mechanical bulls and bleachers. The loved ones sat on the bleachers and each contestant sat on a bull. "For round one," Nalyd announced, "You have to hold onto the mechanical bulls. As the challenge continues, the bulls will move quicker and more violently. When six of you are left, we'll go onto round two. Ready? Go!"
The bulls began to move and the contestants held on. "Whee!" Bozo exclaimed. She held onto the bull with one arm. "Faster!"
"How is she so good at these challenges?" Sarge asked, struggling to hold on.
"Whoa!" Frasier exclaimed as the bull threw him up in the air. Frasier fell off the bull, landing face first.
"Was that a Freudian slip?" Frasier's dad asked. He and Jess' dad laughed.
"Frasier's out of the challenge," Nalyd said.
Esteban clung to his bull with both arms. "Good thing I didn't hurt my arms," Esteban said to himself.
Sarge lost grip of his bull and was bounced off. "'Sarge' is out of the challenge," Nalyd said.
"How are you holding up, Maulik?" Frasier called.
The old man was being bounced around on the bull, but had his arms wrapped around its neck. He looked at Frasier and said, "I'm surviving."
Jess and Hank fell off their bulls. "Nine left," Nalyd said. The bulls' speed increased, throwing the remaining contestants around like rag dolls.
Audrey said, "I think I'm gonna be si-" She threw up on the bull, and fell off.
"She ralphed!" Nalyd laughed. "Once two more people drop, we will move onto round two!"
"Ew!" Katheryn said, looking at Audrey. "That's totally gross!" She was thrown into the air by her bull, landed back on the bull, and was then thrown off and to the side.
"Katheryn's out," Nalyd said.
Katheryn sat out with the other contestants who had lost. Hank looked at her and asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay, thanks," Katheryn said.
Hank joked, "I think this challenge is just a lot of bull."
"Funny," she said.
"Come on!" Hank said in the confessional. "That's funny! If she thinks I'm hilarious when I'm not even trying, when I try to be hilarious I must be the king of comedy. Not that I care though. Who cares if Katheryn thinks I'm funny or not? I don't."
"I'm doing this for you, bucket!" Bozo shouted from her bull.
"Does he look okay to you?" Frasier whispered to Jess, pointing at Maulik. Maulik's eyes were closed, and he was leaning against his bull.
"He looks like he's hurt," Jess replied.
Maulik's bull jumped up, tossing him off with ease. "Maulik is out of the challenge," Nalyd said. Maulik was on the ground, breathing heavily. "Maulik?" Nalyd ran over to him.
"Maulik!" Maulik's wife cried. She ran off the bleachers and stood over Maulik. "Maulik, speak to me."
Maulik coughed. His eyes opened and he smiled when he saw his wife. "What happened?" he asked.
"You fell off the bull," Nalyd explained. "I think you passed out."
"No," Maulik said. "I'm okay." He looked around, all the other contestants stood around him. "Help me up." Sarge and Salvatore each grabbed one of Maulik's arms. Maulik stood. As soon as he had his cane in his hand, he stumbled backwards and fell down.
"Maulik!" his wife cried. She knelt down beside Maulik. "Get help!"
"Okay," Nalyd said as he hung up his cell phone and put it in his pocket. "We're going to go on with the challenge. Medics are on their way. Maulik, you're going to stay here."
"He's not going to get evacuated, is he?" Martha asked.
"You kids know me," Maulik said, looking up at everyone. "I'm too stubborn to let them take me out like this." He smiled.
"Poor Maulik," Martha said in the confessional. "Yeah, he's a pain, but he doesn't deserve to be hurt, or even worse. I feel bad for Elvis too. Since he saw his mom today he's been pretty shut down."
The six remaining contestants were with Nalyd in the streets of Madrid. The contestants who had lost and their loved ones were watching from the sidelines. "For this part of the challenge," Nalyd said, "the six of you, Bozo, Esteban, and Lois for the Locusts, and Elvis, Martha, and Salvatore for the Grizzlies, will run from mechanical bulls in the streets of Madrid. If the bull gets you, you're out. The final three will move onto the final round. Go!"
The contestants looked around confused. Suddenly, a stampede of mechanical bulls was charging at them from down the street. "Vaminos!" Nalyd said. The contestants ran from the bulls.
Esteban limped behind the others. "Guys, help!" he exclaimed. The bulls charged into Esteban, trampling him. "I'm okay," he said once the bulls got off of him.
"Anything hurt?" Sarge asked.
"Just my pride," Esteban said. "And my leg. Ouch."
Salvatore hid behind a wall. He saw bulls ran down the street he was in. He reached his arm out, and tapped a bull on the back. "Oh, I lost," he said. "Darn shame. Go Grizzlies."
"Four left," Nalyd said. "Once one more person is out, we'll go onto the final round."
Martha and Elvis ran together. "In here," Martha said, leading Elvis down a side alley. The two hid behind a dumpster. "So are you okay?" she whispered to him.
"Me?" Elvis replied. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Nothing's wrong?" Martha asked.
"I'm sure," Elvis said.
"If there was something wrong, would you tell me?" Martha asked. Elvis frowned and looked away from her.
Bozo had gotten out of the streets, and was walking into different houses. "Hola, soy Bozo," she'd say, slam the door, and go to the next house.
Lois was spraying the bulls with silly string from her utility belt. "Take that!" she exclaimed. "Super Amazing Girl web powers, go!" The bulls stormed past the string, charging at Lois.
"Lois is out!" Nalyd said. "Bozo, Martha, and Elvis are our final three!"
"I'm in the final three!" Bozo celebrated.
"It's just for the challenge," Martha said. "It's still gonna be a while until we get to the actual final three."
"No!" Bozo exclaimed. "I was so close to the final three! Why, Martha, why?"
"For this final challenge," Nalyd said. "Each of you will battle a mechanical bull. First one to 'kill' their bull or the last one standing will win for their team." He handed a metal sword to each of the contestants. "Go!"
The bulls charged toward the contestants. “Bad bull!” Bozo shrieked as she charged away from the bull.
Martha ran from her bull, and turned around and saw Elvis standing still. His bull circled Elvis, while he stared at the ground. “Elvis!” Martha called. “Elvis!” Elvis continued staring down. The mechanical bull stopped circling him, and turned itself toward him. The bull charged. “Elvis!” Martha called.
The mechanical bull slammed into Elvis, sending him rolling backwards. He crashed hard into the ground, face-down. He didn’t get up. Martha ran up to Elvis, and lifted him up. “Elvis, get up!” she said.
Bozo turned and stared into her mechanical bull’s eyes as it ran after her. Bozo braced herself, and aimed her sword forward. The mechanical bull slammed through the sword, slicing it open. Wires stuck out and sparks flew, causing Bozo to get shocked. “Yay! Electricity!” Bozo laughed. The destroyed mechanical bull fell to the ground with a loud clank.
“Bozo’s mechanical bull is broken,” Nalyd said. “The Losing Locusts win immunity!”
“I was a rodeo clown for a summer,” Bozo said in the confessional. “So I knew I’d be able to win!”
“Are you okay?” Martha asked Elvis. He was sitting up.
“Yeah,” Elvis said. The contestants and loved ones surrounded him. “What happened?”
“You blacked out dude,” Nalyd said. “You really gotta stop doing that.”
“Am I being pulled from the game?” Elvis asked.
“Not yet,” Nalyd laughed. “But your team is going to elimination.”
“Is Maulik okay?” Jess asked.
“Yeah,” Nalyd said. “He’s not in tip-top shape, but he’s still in the game.” Maulik and his wife approached the group, hand in hand. “Maulik, it’s time to say good-bye to your wife. All of the Globetrotting Grizzlies, say good-bye to your loved ones. Losing Locusts, you will be able to spend the day with your loved ones.”
“Wait,” Sarge said. “Ya know, me and my brother don’t really have anything to talk about with each other, so, if it’s allowed, I’d like to let Maulik’s wife stay instead of my brother.”
“Alright,” Nalyd said. “Mrs. Ridiculously-long-last-name, you can stay. ‘Sarge’s’ brother, you gotta go.”
“Alright,” Sarge’s brother said. He shook hands with Sarge. “Good luck, bro.” He joined the loved ones of the Globetrotting Grizzlies and they walked toward a helicopter.
“Wanna go watch the game?” Jess’ dad asked Frasier’s dad.
“Don’t have to ask me twice!” Frasier’s dad said excitedly.
“Bye, dad,” Frasier muttered. “Wish I could say it was nice seeing you.”
“Our dads are such jerks,” Jess said.
“For your reward,” Nalyd said to the Losing Locusts, “You and your loved ones will, via helicopter, fly over Spain, enjoy dinner, and fly to your next destination via first class plane.” The Locusts cheered. “Grizzlies, I’ve got nothing for you. You’ll have to find your own way to the next challenge. The vote will be soon.”
“Who’s going tonight?” Elvis asked Martha and Maulik. Maulik’s wife was with them.
“Frasier,” Maulik said.
“Why not Salvatore?” Elvis asked.
“Well,” Martha explained, “Salvatore’s got no allies, so we figured we should try to end Jess’ alliance as soon as possible.”
“Jess and I have opposed each other from day one,” Elvis said in the confessional. “My alliance vs. hers. I think we can allow Salvatore to remain in the game, nobody left trusts him. So why not target one of Jess’ allies?”
“Hey, Elvis,” Martha said when the two were alone. “What happened to you today?”
“I don’t know,” Elvis said. “I just freaked when I saw my mom, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, Elvis,” Martha said. Elvis wrapped his arms around Martha.
“It’s okay,” he said. “It’s all gonna be okay.”
Salvatore walked up to Audrey, Jess, and Frasier. “If you wanna make a big move," Salvatore whispered. "We can tonight."
"What are you saying?" Frasier asked.
"I think you know," Salvatore said. "The four of us can turn this game on its head and nobody would see it coming. If you want to. Think about it." He walked away from the group with a smirk on his face.
"What do we do?" Audrey asked.
"What else can we do?" Jess replied.
"Why did you answer a question with a question?" Audrey asked. Jess rolled her eyes.
The seven remaining Globetrotting Grizzlies, joined by Maulik's wife, went to their Tribal Council. "Let's get to the vote," Nalyd said.
Elvis voted for Frasier. "It's been real, man."
Salvatore voted for Elvis. "Let's see where this gets me."
After all the votes were cast, Nalyd hung up the puppets of Frasier and Elvis. They both looked surprised to see their puppets. Nalyd began to read the votes. "Elvis." He cut a string from Elvis' puppet. "Frasier." He cut a string from Frasier's puppet.
"Look at the forehead on Frasier's puppet," Audrey whispered to Jess. Nalyd glared at her. "Sorry."
"Elvis." Nalyd said. He cut another string from the puppet. "Frasier. That's two votes for Elvis, two for Frasier."
"What's going on?" Elvis whispered to Martha. Martha shrugged, then put Elvis' hand in hers.
"Frasier," Nalyd said. "Two votes Elvis, three votes Frasier."
Frasier stared as his puppet dangled by a single string.
"Elvis," Nalyd said. "Three votes Elvis, three votes Frasier, one vote left."
"Here we go," Frasier whispered.
Elvis looked at Martha and said, "It's gonna be okay."
"The twelfth person voted out of Total Drama is... Elvis."
Elvis stared at his puppet descending into the fire. "Hm," Nalyd said. "Elvis' puppet is just like big Elvis."
Elvis glared at Nalyd, then looked back at Martha. "I'm sorry, Martha," he said. "We would have gone to the final two!"
"It's okay," Martha said. "I'm gonna win it for both of us."
"Martha, before I go, there's something I need to ask," Elvis said.
"Yes," Martha said before he asked anything. She threw her arms around Elvis and the two kissed.
Nalyd handed a map to Salvatore. "Time to head to your next destination," Nalyd said.
"Bye, guys," Elvis said as the group walked away. "Good luck. You'll need it."
Chapter Twelve – "Ticket to the final two"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the two teams went to compete in Spain in a bull-fighting challenge. They were not only fighting for immunity; the winning team would get to spend time with their loved ones. During the first part of the challenge, Maulik fainted, leaving him in the hands of the medics for the rest of the episode. In the end, the Losing Locusts won immunity and a reward; a helicopter tour or Spain and a five star dinner with their loved ones, followed by a first class plane ride to our next destination. The Globetrotting Grizzlies lost, and ‘Sarge’ surprised everyone when he gave up time with his brother so Maulik and his wife could spend the day together. In a shocking elimination, Elvis was voted off by the Grizzlies. Twelve have gone, twelve remain. Who will be voted off tonight?
The Globetrotting Grizzlies, and Maulik’s wife, walked through the streets of Spain, almost completely quiet.
“I can’t believe Elvis is gone,” Jess said in the confessional. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited! I just can’t believe it worked. Now there’s nothing that can stop my alliance of myself, Audrey, and Frasier from getting to the final three.”
Martha led the team, map in hand. “According to this we gotta go across the ocean, north,” she said.
“How are we going to do that?” Salvatore asked.
“Boat,” Frasier said. “Duh.”
“I don’t see any boats,” Salvatore rolled his eyes.
“We could go to the dock and see if there are any boats,” Audrey suggested.
“But everyone here speaks Spanish,” Frasier said. “Last time I checked, none of us do.”
“Not true,” Audrey said. “Yo hablo Spanish!”
“Fine,” Salvatore said. “We’ll go to the docks and see if we can get a boat to our next destination.”
Maulik and his wife walked behind the rest of the team, hand in hand. “Maulik, I am so glad we got to spend this time together,” she said.
“As am I, my love,” he said, and kissed her on the forehead. The two held hands to the dock, and saw the rest of the team climbing on a small motorboat.
“Muchos gracias señoro!” Audrey said to the sailor.
“Well, this is it,” Maulik’s wife said. “I must stay here and go regroup with the other loved ones who didn’t get to visit.”
“Alright,” Maulik said. He embraced her. “I’ve enjoyed our short time together.” The two kissed. Maulik stepped onto the boat, smiling. He waved at his wife as the boat took off.
“Maulik, I’ve never seen you so happy,” Martha said.
“I’ve never been this happy,” Maulik said with a smile.
The Losing Locusts were at dinner with their loved ones. Bozo sat alone at a table, crying. The waiter approached her and looked at her awkwardly. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Him!” Bozo shrieked, pointing at Esteban. “We were on the helicopter tour,” Bozo said in the confessional. “Esteban bumped into me and I dropped my bucket! Now my bucket is somewhere in Spain, cold and alone!”
Esteban and Cecil sat together at a table. “What happened with Vicky?” Cecil asked.
“She got voted out after you,” Esteban explained. “She got angry and started yelling at everyone.”
“You didn’t stop them?” Cecil asked.
“There was nothing I could have done,” Esteban said. “I’m so sorry, bro.” Cecil said nothing.
“Great, now Bozo and Cecil hate me,” Esteban said in the confessional. “This day probably couldn’t get worse. Now that I’ve said that, it probably will. I feel bad for Cecil and all, I let him down. But what am I gonna do now? I can’t bring him or ‘Ugly’ back. At least I got the cast off my leg!”
Hank was at dinner with his mom. He was moving the food on his plate around with a fork. “What’s wrong, Hank-y?” his mother asked. “You haven’t eaten any of your dinner.”
“Not hungry,” he said.
“Why not? Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No, mom,” Hank said. “Everything’s fine.”
“It’s a girl isn’t it?” his mom replied.
“Yeah, I’m gonna talk to my mom about Katheryn on national TV,” Hank said in the confessional.
Katheryn and her friend were whispering to each other at their table. Hank looked over at them and they giggled. The two resumed whispering, and Hank glared at them. “Whatever,” he said.
“We weren’t talking about Hank,” Katheryn said in the confessional. “Until he started staring at us like a total weirdo. What’s his deal? I thought he didn’t like me. Whatever.”
Sarge sat with Lois and her sidekick, Super Amazing Dude. “So, Super Amazing Girl,” Super Amazing Dude said, “From the looks of it, you’ve eradicated the forces of evil from your team.”
“Affirmative, comrade,” Lois nodded.
“Dang,” Sarge said in the confessional. “I had to spend the whole night with Lois and her friend. I hope there’s not something going on there. I like Lois, a lot.”
“’Sarge’ was acting really weird at dinner,” Lois said in the confessional. “I know why though. Super Amazing Dude and I were talking about villains, and ‘Sarge’ thinks of himself as a villain still. It's a shame, he's a good guy and all, he's just done some bad stuff in the game. I'm sure I can change him, I know it."
“Hey, ‘Sarge,’” Lois said. “I think it was really sweet of you to give up your visit with your brother so Maulik can spend the day with his wife.”
“Thanks,” Sarge half-smiled.
The Globetrotting Grizzlies’ boat pulled up to a dock, and the six got off the boat. The Losing Locusts’ plane landed and the six emerged from it, without their loved ones. The twelve remaining contestants met in the middle of an empty street. Nalyd arrived. “Ello all,” he said. “Welcome to merry old England! Home of tea, crumpets, and other stereotypical British things! For today’s challenge, you will pair up. We’re doing this in pairs in honor of the recent royal wedding. Also, it’s the merge! You are now one team; the Roaming Rhinos!”
“Excellent,” Salvatore said in the confessional. “Everything is going according to plan.” He laughed.
“I have a feeling like I was next to go on my team,” Maulik said in the confessional. “Now, it’s highly unlikely I’ll be voted off. I can’t win immunity.”
“This is bitter sweet without my bucket,” Bozo sighed in the confessional.
“Do we get to pick our own pairs?” Esteban asked.
“No, I'm the host, I pick the teams,” Nalyd said. “I matched you up for maximum drama. The pairs are as follows; Bozo and Esteban, Hank and Katheryn, Lois and ‘Sarge,’ Jess and Salvatore, Audrey and Frasier, and Martha and Maulik. For part one of the challenge, you will be scaling Big Ben, the world famous clock tower. We've made a few changes to Big Ben so you guys will be able to climb it; you're welcome. Each team, pick one person to climb, we'll get started."
After the climbers were picked, Nalyd brought the contestants to the clock tower. The contestants observed the tower, which had handles and foot rests attached to make climbing possible. Nalyd said, "We have Bozo, Katheryn, Lois, Salvatore, Frasier, and Martha climbing the tower. First three that get to the top will move onto our next smashing British challenge. Get ready. Get set. Get going!" The contestants began climbing.
Frasier grunted as he tried to climb quickly. Salvatore was climbing next to him, and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Attempting to subjugate you," Frasier said.
"By which you mean trying to impress Jess?" Salvatore smiled. "You can have her. She's probably the ugliest girl on the show."
Frasier stopped climbing. "Take that back," he said.
Salvatore climbed ahead of him. "Oh, I'm so scared," Salvatore said. "Why don't you make me?"
"I've learned a thing or two from the bullies at school," Frasier smirked in the confessional.
Frasier grabbed the end of Salvatore's pants leg, and pulled down. "Whoa!" Salvatore said in surprise as his pants fell to his ankles.
Frasier laughed, "Really, Salvatore? Boxers with hearts?"
"Shut up!" Salvatore shouted angrily. He tried to reach his pants, but ended up falling off the tower.
"Well played, Frasier," Salvatore said in the confessional. "But this is just the beginning, my bald-headed friend."
"Bozo's in the lead," Nalyd said. "Followed by Frasier, then Lois, then Katheryn, then Martha, and Salvatore is on the ground."
"Bozo dominates in physical challenges," Esteban said in the confessional. "Say what you will about her mentally, I don't think anybody can beat here in a physical contest."
"Go Katheryn," Hank said reluctantly.
"Come on, Hank, turn that frown upside down," Audrey said.
"I'm not frowning," Hank said. "Nor am I smiling. So if I turned my current expression upside down, it would be the same expression."
"I was up on the tower actually doing the challenge," Katheryn said in the confessional, "Hank was just sitting by chatting with Audrey. Not like I care. I don't like him or anything. I did, but not anymore. Nope. Just gotta focus on the game. Hank? Hank who?"
Bozo reached the top of Big Ben. "Bozo and Esteban moving on!" Nalyd said. Lois reached the top following Bozo, and Frasier reached the top after. "Lois and 'Sarge,' and Frasier and Audrey are moving onto round two!"
"You win this round, Frasier," Salvatore said, "but I will win the war."
"I'm not worried about Martha losing," Maulik said in the confessional. "Nobody will want to vote me out for being weak now. It's the merge. I'm the old man, it's my ticket to the final two."
"For part two," Nalyd said, "Esteban, 'Sarge,' and Audrey will compete in a British trivia contest. We will ask several questions, at the end we will reveal the two who got the most right answers. Those two will move onto the final two."
"I'm sort of a history buff," Audrey said in the confessional. "I don't get invited to a lot of parties, so I spend my Friday nights doing sudoku and reading history textbooks. It's actually really interesting! I mean, it would probably be nice to get invited to one of Rebecca's stupid Friday parties."
Nalyd handed white boards and markers to the three contestants. "Write your answers on the board," he said. "Question one; who is the current queen of England?"
Esteban wrote "Elizabeth II." Sarge wrote "Dunno." Audrey wrote "Elizabeth II."
"Question two," Nalyd said. "Who is the Queen's heir to the throne?"
Esteban wrote "William." Sarge wrote "I am." Audrey wrote "Charles, Prince of Wales."
"Question three," Nalyd said. "What is the capital of England?"
Esteban wrote "London." Sarge wrote "Paris." Audrey wrote "London."
"Question four," Nalyd said. "True or false; Ireland is in the United Kingdom."
Esteban wrote "False." Sarge wrote "A little of both." Audrey wrote "True."
"Final question," Nalyd said. "Diana was the princess of where?"
Esteban wrote "England." Sarge wrote "Spain." Audrey wrote "Wales."
"Alright, here are the scores," Nalyd said. "Esteban got two questions right, 'Sarge' got no questions right, and Audrey got five questions right. Esteban and Audrey's teams will move onto round three and will compete for immunity."
"Sorry about that," Sarge said to Lois.
"It's fine, you tried your best," Lois replied with a smile.
"In this final round, either Esteban and Bozo or Audrey and Frasier will win immunity tonight," Nalyd announced. "This final challenge will be a simple yet difficult one; one person from each team will have a spoon in their mouths, and an egg at the end of the spoon. They will carry that egg to their other teammate, who also have spoons in their mouths. The other teammate will take the egg and carry it back to me. If you drop your egg, you lose. If you make it to me with your egg, you win. Any questions?"
"What does this have to do with England?" Audrey asked.
"I'm sure there's some symbolism of the passing of the crown or something," Nalyd said. "Do I look like an Englsih teacher to you?" He gave each contestant a spoon, and gave Esteban and Audrey eggs. "Go!"
Esteban took quick, careful steps. Audrey inched forward. "Hurry, Audrey!" Frasier said, clenching the spoon in his teeth.
"Don't rush me," Audrey said.
"Go Esteban!" Bozo shrieked, jumping up and down.
"I'm hyper today," Bozo said in the confessional. "Wanna watch me run a marathon?"
Esteban was ahead of Audrey, and Audrey continued making very small even steps. Esteban was almost to Bozo, and hadn't yet come close to dropping his egg.
"Run, Forrest, run!" Bozo jumped up and down. Esteban reached Bozo, and they carefully transitioned the egg into Bozo's spoon. Audrey continued to move slowly toward Frasier.
"Careful, Bozo," Esteban said.
"I got this," Bozo said. "I'm in the circus, my balance is incredible." She began running to Nalyd.
"Oh no!" Esteban said worriedly. Bozo charged over to Nalyd, taking long, bouncy steps. "Bozo, look!" Bozo turned, and saw her egg dropping to the ground.
"I got this," she said slowly, imitating slow-motion. She swung her foot forward, and punted the egg. It hit Esteban in the face, smashing on impact. "Goal!"
"Frasier and Audrey win immunity!" Nalyd announced.
"Slow and steady wins the race," Frasier said happily.
"Yeah!" Audrey shouted. She dropped the egg and spoon, which landed and cracke don her shoes. "Aw, those were new."
The twelve Roaming Rhinos gathered around Nalyd. "Exciting challenge," Nalyd said. "Tonight, you will all be voting. Frasier and Audrey are immune, however. I'll give you some time to discuss the vote."
Jess, Audrey, Frasier, Martha, and Bozo met together. "Hey, Hank, over here," Audrey called to Hank. Hank was alone, but turned around and joined the group.
"I saw Hank join Audrey," Katheryn said in the confessional. "Whatever. The Fans alliance is where it's at."
Esteban, Katheryn, Lois, Sarge, Maulik, and Salvatore met together. "Listen up, guys," Sarge said. "We need to band together and vote off the losers. They came into this game with the mentality that they are losers. We kept them in that state of mind and beat them three times. We're gonna stick together and show them why they're losers. Tonight, Bozo goes home. Does anybody have anything they'd like to say? If not, I don't wanna hear any belly-aching later." Nobody spoke.
"I don't like this plan," Maulik said in the confessional. "I don't feel comfortable with this team. I like the losers. They're good kids."
"We need to vote Esteban out," Bozo said to the group of losers.
"I thought you were friends with him," Jess said.
"I was," Bozo said. "But I need to avenge my bucket. This time," she put on a pair of sunglasses, "it's personal."
"Where did you get those?" Hank asked.
"I think we need to vote out Salvatore," Frasier said. "Esteban's a big teddy bear, but Salvatore's a snake."
Jess said, "I don't see Salvatore wining a lot of challenges, at least not as many as Esteban."
"Down with Esteban!" Bozo shrieked.
The twelve Roaming Rhinos went to Tribal Council, held next to Big Ben. "Tonight, everyone will vote," Nalyd said. "Audrey and Frasier are immune. It's time to vote."
Frasier voted for Esteban. "Reluctant to do this, yes, but it must be done."
Salvatore voted for Bozo. "That's all, folks."
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. He hung up the puppets of Esteban and Bozo. "One vote for Bozo. One vote Esteban," Nalyd cut one string from each of the puppets. "Bozo. That's two votes Bozo, one vote Esteban. Bozo. That's three votes for Bozo." He cut more strings from the Bozo puppet.
"What's this?" Bozo said.
"Bozo. Four votes Bozo."
"Why, cruel world?" Bozo cried.
"You're not out, Bozo," Jess said.
"My bad, guys," Bozo stopped crying.
"Bozo," Nalyd said. He cut a fifth string from Bozo's puppet, and it now dangled by one string.
"One more, come on," Salvatore said with a smile.
"Esteban," Nalyd said. "And a third vote for Esteban." He cut two of the strings from Esteban's puppet. "That's five votes for Bozo, three votes for Esteban."
"Did we all vote together?" Esteban whispered to Sarge. Sarge nodded.
"Esteban," Nalyd read another vote. "Five votes Bozo. Four votes Esteban."
Esteban watched Nalyd read the votes. Bozo looked up at the sky and hummed.
"Esteban," Nalyd cut another string. Esteban and Bozo's puppets were dangling by one string. Nalyd pulled out another vote.
"The thirteenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers is... Esteban."
"Looks like somebody," Bozo put her sunglasses on, "Kicked the bucket. Yeah!"
Esteban stared at his puppet drop into the fire. "Glad to see we stuck together, guys," he said as the remaining eleven contestants stood up. "Take care."
Sarge patted Esteban on the back. "We're gonna get whoever voted you out," Sarge said.
"Well," Sarge said in the confessional, "Obviously we have a flopper in the alliance. He's goin' 'round the world, voting our allies out, trying to eliminate 'em. So we need to vote off the flopper 'cause he's betraying everyone out here."
Nalyd handed a map to Katheryn. "Roaming Rhinos, you will be travelling together, go to your next destination. Good night."
Esteban buried his face in his hands as the contestants walked away.
Chapter Thirteen - "It was an accident!"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; twelve former contestants returned to compete for the million dollars. Little did they know, they'd face off against twelve fans of the show. The losers quickly crumbled after losing three straight challenges. The team began to split; everyone vs. Jess and her lackey Audrey. Meanwhile, the fans were under the control of the smooth-talking strategist Salvatore. Maulik, however, would not be swayed by his charm. After the merge, the original fans and original losers went back to their original groups, trying to form alliances. The losers set their sights on Esteban, the strongest fan in the game, while the fans tried to vote out Bozo. Maulik decided to side with the losers, and Esteban was voted off. A storm's been brewing for weeks, and it's about to hit. Who will be voted off tonight?
The eleven Roaming Rhinos walked through the streets of England. Audrey pointed at the clouds in the sky and said, "Storm's a-brewing."
Maulik and Martha walked side-by-side. Maulik leaned on his cane, using it to support almost all of his weight. "Are you okay?" Martha asked him.
"I think I'm about done," Maulik said. "I've had such little energy, I don't think I'll make it to the finals."
"Are you quitting?" Martha asked.
"I might," Maulik said. He shook his head and continued to struggle to walk. "I might." Martha looked around, and walked toward the rest of the group.
"Maulik wants to go home," Martha said in the confessional. "He told me he was done. I like Maulik, but if anybody is going to try and vote me out, I'm going to use this to my advantage."
"I really am ready to go," Maulik said in the confessional. "I'm not having fun. My body aches all the time. Is it really worth it?"
Bozo tip-toed behind Salvatore. Salvatore continued walking, occasionally looking back at Bozo, who would freeze when he turned his head. "What are you doing?" he finally asked.
Bozo jumped forward and wrapped her arms around Salvatore's waist. "We're friends now," she said. "I like you, and that means we'll be friends forever."
"You idi- I'm listening," Salvatore said.
"Most of the contestants are onto me," Salvatore said in the confessional. "Luckily, 'Sarge' is still on my side, and now Bozo has decided she likes me, so I can work with this."
"Salvatore and I haven't really talked much," Bozo said in the confessional. "There's something nice about him though. I'd like to hug him. He seems cuddly. Like a big teddy bear. I just wanna hug him and put him on my nightstand and scream when my dog bites him and chase my dog through the yard as she carries my Sally-boo in her mouth. Did you know Salvatore and I are gonna get married? True story, bro!"
Bozo grabbed Salvatore's arm and ran to a house on the street they were walking through. She opened the door and screamed, "This is my best friend Salvatore!" The people in the house looked at her, scared, and she walked out calmly.
"Bozo," Salvatore said, "do you have any more friends?"
"Why would I need more friends?" Bozo asked. "I have you!" She hugged Salvatore again.
"Isn't there anybody else in the game you're close to?" Salvatore asked.
"I'm close to Audrey," Bozo said, "but that's only 'cause she doesn't understand personal space." Audrey, who was inches away from Bozo's back, quickly ran ahead of the two.
"What is Bozo doing with Salvatore?" Audrey asked. "Do they like each other? They can't! I like Salvatore!"
"You know you're not in the confessional, right?" Jess asked. She was walking behind Audrey.
"Why am I so awkward?" Audrey asked sadly in the confessional.
"Where are we going?" Katheryn asked.
"According to the map, Ireland," Lois said. Lois was in the front of the group with Katheryn. Hank and Sarge were behind the two girls.
"Chicks, huh," Hank said to Sarge. "One second they won't leave you alone, the next they pretened you don't exist."
"Yeah, crazy," Sarge said, barely listening to Hank. Hank noticed this and rolled his eyes.
"'Sarge' is head over heels with Lois," Hank said in the confessional. "It kills me, it really does. It's actually funny to see such a big tough guy like him fall for a girl like Lois."
"It's clear to everyone that Hank has feelings for Katheryn," Sarge said in the confessional. "I don't care that much though, nobody does. Let them act like they don't, we all know the truth. I'm more interested in will that result in an alliance between them, do we need to take them out now?"
The contestants made it to their destination in pouring rain. Thunder boomed and lightning crashed in the sky. The Roaming Rhinoes gathered under a tree. Nalyd was with them. "Top o' the mornin' to ya," he said in a bad Irish accent. "Welcome to Ireland!"
"Aloha!" Audrey replied.
"Today you will be competing for immunity," Nalyd said. "A pot of gold has been hidden and it is up to you to find it and bring it back here. Hidden in the pot of gold is a tiny gold statue. If you find it when the pot of gold has been brought back, you win immunity. The pot of gold was hidden by our resident leprechaun, Bob the leprechaun!"
"You know he's not a really leprechaun, right?" Hank asked.
"Shut up! Shut up!" Nalyd cried, covering his ears with his hands. "Don't you dare kill the dream!"
"You broke the host," Martha smirked.
"Anyway," Nalyd said, "let me be clear; you have to bring the pot of gold back here before you can look for the gold statue. It's hidden somewhere in this field here. Or maybe in that cave over there. Or maybe in those woods. Go!"
The contestants ran into the rain, splitting up in different directions. Maulik stayed with Nalyd however.
"There is no way I could carry a pot of gold," Maulik explained in the confessional. "So I need to wait for the others to bring it back, then I can dig up the gold statue, and hopefully win immunity."
Bozo, Salvatore, Audrey, and Jess ran together into a cave far from the tree. Jess said, "They'd put the gold a good distance from the tree. I would be surprised if it wasn't in here."
"It's nice to get out of the rain," Salvatore said.
"Adventure!" Bozo shouted, running further into the cave.
"Was she dropped as a child?" Salvatore asked.
"I was," Audrey said. "My mom needed to put me down so she was gonna hand me to my dad but my dad was like 'I'm busy' and my mom was like 'Hold the baby' and he was like 'Make me' so she kinda threw me at him and I hit the floor."
"That explains so much," Jess said, patting Audrey on the head.
Frasier walked into the cave. "Oh," he said, "you're here." He looked at Salvatore, then to Jess. "I'll go."
"No, Frasier, you can stay," Jess said.
Frasier grabbed Jess' arm and walked her away from Salvatore and Jess, he said, "We need to talk." He and Jess huddled together, and he whispered, "What are you doing with Salvatore?"
"He's helping me win immunity," Jess whispered. "You can help to. What's your problem?"
"He's sketchy," Frasier said. "You know he's just playing people."
"I know, Frasier, I can handle it," Jess replied sharply. "I don't need you holding my hand through the game."
"Fine," Frasier said angrily. He turned around and stomped out of the cave.
"Jess is so clueless," Frasier said in the confessional. "She's going to follow Salvatore until he doesn't require her anymore, then he'll eliminate her, just like the others.
"I'm not stupid," Jess said in the confessional. "I am aware of Salvatore's ways. I'm not delusional, I don't think I'm a special exception or anything. I also know that he's strong and a smart player, and willing to work with me. When I started this game, it was just Audrey and myself, and 'The Hobo' for a while. Teaming up with Salvatore is what I need to do."
"Salvatore, can I talk to you?" Audrey asked.
"I'd like it if you didn't," Salvatore said.
"I did something really bad," Audrey said. "It's been eating at me for a while, I just need to tell somebody."
Salvatore walked away, searching for the pot of gold, and Audrey followed. "Fine, tell me," Salvatore said.
"I told Martha that Elvis liked her," Audrey said.
"Well, didn't he?" Salvatore asked.
"No, not at first," Audrey explained. "I was supposed to tell her 'The Hobo' liked her, but I knew she wouldn't like him back so I lied and told her Elvis did."
"Interesting," Salvatore said.
"I'm glad I have you to talk to," Audrey said. She hugged Salvatore and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek, but he backed away.
"Let's go find Bozo," Salvatore said. The two walked down the cave, and Jess caught up with them.
"What was that about?" Jess asked.
"Nothing," Audrey said.
Hank and Sarge walked together through the woods. "This is the worst challenge ever," Hank said.
"Do you do anything but complain, private?" Sarge asked.
"Don't call me that," Hank said. "Who do you think you are? You walk around acting all tough, everyone knows you're a marshmallow inside."
"What are you talking about?" Sarge asked. "You think you get me all figured out, huh? Then tell me, what makes you think I'm some softie who's gonna take what you're saing."
"I'm shaking in my boots," Hank said sarcastically. "I'm talking about Lois, we all know you like her."
Sarge picked Hank up by his shirt and pinned him against a tree. "You wanna run that by me again, private?" he demanded.
"Whatever," Hank rolled his eyes. "You just follow her around. You try to be someone else when you're around her 'cause you think she deserves better, even though you tell yourself she annoys you. It leaves you walking away muttering to yourself, 'Why can't I get it right with you, Katheryn?'" He paused. "I mean Lois." Sarge lowered Hank to the ground, and walked away.
Martha and Katheryn were huddled together under a tree. Lois walked up to them, dripping with rain water. "I can't find it," she said. "I was in the field looking for the pot of gold for at least twenty minutes, I just can't find it."
"Katheryn and Lois are really cool," Martha said in the confessional. "I decided I'd attach myself to their group. Ever since Elvis got eliminated I've been alone in this game, I need friends and allies."
"Martha is annoying," Katheryn said in the confessional. "Lois and I enjoy hanging out and talking, but Martha decided to just join us. Like, who does that?"
"Hey, girls," Martha said. "Maulik told me he was going to quit."
"What?" Lois said in surprise.
"Oh no!" Katheryn exclaimed. "Why?"
"He says he's tired of the game," Martha explained. "I say we vote him out tonight. He'll just quit tomorrow I bet, we should send him home."
A few minutes passed and it stopped raining. Salvatore's group emerged from the cave, and Hank and Sarge walked out of the woods. "Whoa," Bozo said, pointing at the sky, "that's a full rainbow, all the way across the sky!" Tears swelled in her eyes, and rolled down her cheeks. "What does it mean? It's so bright and so vivid. It's so intense. It's starting to look like a quadruple rainbow! How is that even possible? Woo! So intense!" She looked at the other contestants. "I like rainbows!"
"Wait, what if the pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow?" Sarge asked.
"There was not a manly word to be found in that sentence," Hank said. Sarge smacked him on the back of the head and the two ran to where they thought the rainbow ended. Salvatore, Bozo, Audrey, Jess, Katheryn, Lois, and Frasier followed. Martha walked back to where Maulik was waiting.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah," Maulik said. "Waiting for the others to bring the pot of gold back so I can get the gold statue."
"He's not even trying," Martha said in the confessional. "I like Maulik, but the others need to know so they can vote him out. That could buy me another day here."
A large pot filled with gold coins was carried by Sarge, Lois, Salvatore, and Bozo back to the start. "The first contestant to retreive the gold statue inside will win immunity!" Nalyd said.
Maulik, Martha, Bozo, Salvatore, and Sarge surrounded the pot, making it inaccessible to the other contestants. Maulik and Martha threw coins out to the side, while Bozo had flung half her body into the pot, seaching head first.
"I was losing, I had to go faster," Martha said in the confessional.
Martha began grabbing larger handfuls of gold and throwing them out. She swung her arm back, hitting Maulik in the chest. He stumbled back and fell. "Whoa!" Sarge said. He and Lois helped Maulik back to his feet. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Maulik said. "Geez, Martha, what was that for?"
"It was an accident!" Martha said. "I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry, Maulik."
"No it wasn't," Katheryn said. "Didn't you tel us earlier that he was gonna quit and you wanted to vote him off tonight?"
"She did!" Lois said.
"Martha!" Maulik scolded. "How cold you? I mean could."
Salvatore took advantage of the distraction and reached his arm in as far as it could go. "I got it!" he exclaimed. He pulled up, and had the gold statue in his hand. He looked down and realized he'd pulled up more than just a statue. Bozo also had the statue, she was biting the bottom of it.
"Mmm, gold flavored," she said happily.
"Salvatore wins immunity!" Nalyd said. "And Bozo too, I guess."
Bozo hugged Salvatore and kissed him on the cheek. "We're so married," she sighed.
"Tonight, Bozo and Salvatore are immune," Nalyd said. "I'll give you some time to discuss the vote."
"I think most of us have our minds made up," Salvatore said with a smirk.
Martha gathered the contestants in a circle around her. "Look guys," Martha said. "I'm sorry for hurting Maulik during the challenge, but he told me he doesn't want to be here anymore. I can't imagine keeping somebody in the game who doesn't want to be here, and I hope you can all respect me enough to vote Maulik out with me. I'm sorry, Maulik." Maulik said nothing, and looked at the ground.
"Perfect," Salvatore said. "I'm immune, I've got Bozo, Audrey, Jess, and Sarge's votes locked up. Now it's just a matter of finding someone who will definitely get the others' votes. I'd like to thank Martha for making that easy."
The Roaming Rhinos met in the middle of the field for their Tribal Council. It had resumed raining. "The person voted out tonight will be the first member of our jury," Nalyd said. "It's time to vote."
Martha voted for Maulik. "I can't vote for anybody else."
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. After looking through the votes, he hung up the puppets of Maulik and Martha. "One vote for Maulik." He cut a string from Maulik's puppet. "Martha. That's one vote for Maulik, one vote for Martha."
Martha stared at the fire flaring below her puppet's dangling legs.
"Martha." Nalyd cut a string for Martha's puppet. "That's one vote for Maulik, two votes for Martha."
"Um, Martha," Audrey whispered.
"Not now, Audrey," Martha replied.
"Martha," Nalyd said. "One vote Maulik, three votes Martha."
"I gotta tell you something," Audrey whispered.
"Quiet, Audrey," Martha retorted.
"Martha," Nalyd read another vote. "One vote for Maulik, and four votes for Martha."
"But it's important," Audrey said.
"Stop it," Audrey said.
"Martha," Nalyd said. "That makes it one vote for Maulik, and five votes for Martha." Nalyd pulled out another vote. "The fourteenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers and the first member of our jury is..."
"Elvis didn't like you!" Audrey blurted out.
"What?" Martha screamed.
"Martha," Nalyd said. Martha's puppet fell into the fire.
"What do you mean?" Martha asked.
"It means you're voted out," Audrey said.
"No! What do you mean Elvis didn't like me?" Martha asked.
"Well, I told you Elvis liked you," Audrey explained, "but it was actually 'The Hobo' and I promised him I'd set you up with him but I knew you wouldn't like Elvis but I had to tell 'The Hobo' something so I told him you liked him back." She sighed. "It feels good to be honest!"
"I hate you!" Martha shrieked. "What is wrong with you?"
"Audrey, you were certainly dropped as a child," Jess rolled her eyes.
"What? I told the truth now," Audrey said. Martha stomped away.
"Martha, why couldn't you be this interesting when you were still in the game?" Nalyd asked. He handed a map to Bozo. "Alright, final ten. Fourteen have gone, only you ten remain. Get going."
Chapter Fourteen - "Man Talk"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; Maulik told Martha he was considering dropping out of the game, something Martha decided she'd use to her advantage. Bozo fell head over heels for Salvatore, giving him a shot at a new alliance. At the challenge, Martha tried to befriend Katheryn and Lois, while 'Sarge' and Hank suffered girl troubles. In the end, Bozo and her future husband Salvatore won immunity. Martha was voted off unanimously after injuring Maulik and trying to get him voted off. We're down to ten, and it's going to be an intense free-for-all all the way to the final two! Who will be voted off tonight?
The final ten contestants were on a boat, they'd gotten on in Ireland. Sarge sat next to Lois, and looked at her nervously. "Lois," he said. She turned and looked at him.
"Hey, 'Sarge,' what's up?" she asked.
"I was, um, ahem," Sarge cleared his throat. "You are a very pretty young woman."
"Aw, thank you, 'Sarge,'" Lois said with a smile. A surprised look came onto Lois' face. "'Sarge,' wait, I-"
Sarge continued, "And I was wondering if, maybe-"
"'Sarge,' listen," Lois interrupted.
"No, Lois, I gotta ask this right now," Sarge said. "Will you go out with me?"
"I'm sorry, 'Sarge,'" Lois said. "No. I'm dedicated to my work of protecting people. I really am sorry."
"Whatever," Sarge said. "You can just say no, you don't have to lie to me too."
"What do you mean?" Lois asked.
Sarge sharply replied, "All this superhero garbage. You understand you ain't a real hero right? You can just say no, I ain't stupid."
Lois touched his arm and said, "But, 'Sarge,' I-"
"Forget it," Sarge said. He stood up and walked away from her.
"I don't need her," Sarge said in the confessional. "If she wants to keep playing make believe, I don't care. Let her play her little games."
"It's hysterical how hard 'Sarge' tries to be the tough guy," Hank said in the confessional. "I don't blame Lois for saying no. I'd be more surprised if she said yes. 'Sarge' is crazy."
Sarge stormed across the boat, grabbing Maulik and Frasier, and sitting between Salvatore and Hank. "We're gonna have a little man talk," Sarge said. "No women allowed."
"Can we do literally anything else?" Frasier asked.
"Men," Sarge began, "for centuries we have been the providers, the hunters. Always having to look out for women. I say enough is enough!"
"Try telling that to your wife," Maulik rolled his eyes.
"I'm proposing we form an alliance, the five of us," Sarge said. "The Man Alliance."
"How about we don't?" Hank asked.
"Just think about it, guys," Sarge said. "Besides, look at the girls left, do we really need them around?"
The guys turned and looked at Katheryn playing with her hair, Audrey throwing up over the side of the boat with Jess beside her, and Bozo staring back at them. Bozo ran up to the boys. "What are we talking about?" Bozo asked.
"Nothing," Salvatore said quickly.
Bozo hugged Salvatore, kissing him on his forehead. "Can I play with you guys?" she asked. "The other girls are boring."
"Maybe Bozo could join the alliance," Salvatore offered, "She's practically a guy." Bozo burped.
"An alliance?" Bozo asked. "I love it! We'll be 'Bozo'z Boyz!'"
"Fine, she can join," Sarge said. "It'll give us majority anyway."
"Group hug!" Bozo said. She wrapped her arms around Salvatore. "Mine," she whispered as she squeezed him tighter.
"What do you think the boys are up to?" Jess asked Audrey, who was still throwing up.
Audrey looked at the boys over her shoulder. "No idea," she said quickly, before turning around to vomit off the side of the boat again.
The boat pulled up to a small dock off the coast of Italy and the contestants got off. Nalyd stood before them wearing a fake mustache. "It's-a me, Nalyd!" Nalyd said in a bad Italian accent.
"Are you kidding me?" Salvatore rolled his eyes.
"Time for your challenge," Nalyd said. He led the contestants into a pizzeria. "For part one of your challenge, each of you must cook me a pizza! You can put whatever you want on it, the best four pizzas will move onto round two! Everything you'll need is in the kitchen! Go! Go! Go!" The contestants ran into the kitchen, each going to a different table to begin working.
"I had a strategy going into the challenge," Katheryn said in the confessional. "Everyone eats low carb food 'cause nobody wants to be, like, fat, right? Well I'm gonna make a healthy pizza!"
Katheryn rolled the dough into a pizza shape and placed some lettuce on it. "Hm," she said, then scraped the lettuce off the dough. She threw the dough and put the lettuce back on the plate. "Done!"
Hank peeled Katheryn's uncooked pizza dough off his face. "Are you really just gonna hand Nalyd a plate of lettuce?" he asked.
"And what are you making him?" Katheryn retorted.
Hank pointed to his uncooked cheese pizza. "That," he said. He smirked as he put his creation into the oven.
"Hank thinks he's so great," Katheryn said in the confessional. "He's just so annoying! I can't believe I like him! I mean liked him. Liked him."
"Katheryn's an idiot," Hank said in the confessional. "She's so annoying! I wish more people were like me. I'm normal, and smarter than everyone here. If there was, like, a girl version of me, I'd date her."
Salvatore carefully rolled out his pizza dough. "Must be perfect," he whispered to himself.
Bozo stood beside Salvatore. She watched Salvatore and sighed. "I like a man who can cook," she whispered to him.
Salvatore shivered. "Thank you, Bozo," he said, "but, please, let me get back to work."
"Alright, sure thing," she said. Bozo's face suddenly contorted itself. "Ah. Ah."
"What are you doing?" Salvatore said worriedly.
Bozo sneezed on Salvatore's pizza with a loud, "Ah-choo!"
"Bozo!" Salvatore scolded. "Now I need to start over! Give me your pizza dough."
Bozo skipped away merrily, and returned empty-handed. "I'm back!" she exclaimed.
"Where's the dough?" Salvatore screamed.
"I was gonna bring you pizza dough, but I eat-ed it," Bozo said. She rubbed her stomach and said, "My tummy doesn't feel so good."
Salvatore looked at his sneezed-on pizza and sighed. "Well," he said, "I guess I don't mind giving this to Nalyd." He smirked and spread tomato sauce across the dough.
Once the time had ended, Nalyd announced, "Time to eat - I mean judge - the pizzas!"
Nalyd sat in the dining room of the restaurant and the contestants lined up with their pizzas. Audrey went first, bringing Nalyd a fully black pizza. "It got a little burnt," she said.
"Please, just put that in the garbage," Nalyd said. "Next person, hurry! I'm starving!"
Bozo did a cartwheel up to Nalyd's table. "I don't feel good," she said sadly.
"Do you have a pizza for me?" Nalyd asked.
"No," Bozo said.
"Then I don't care," Nalyd said.
Bozo walked back into line, throwing up into a potted plant on her way. "Sorry," she said.
"Frasier, tell me you made a good pizza," Nalyd said as Frasier stepped up to the table.
"I did," Frasier said. "It's an old family recipe. It make look like a normal cheese pizza, but take a bite. You will realize it's so much more."
Nalyd took a bite. "Is that bacon?!" he asked.
"Yes," Frasier smirked.
"I don't see any bacon though!" Nalyd said. "What are you doing, Frasier? You don't taunt a man when it comes to bacon!"
"The bacon is under the cheese," Frasier said.
Nalyd lifted the cheese and gasped. "Bacon bits, glorious bacon bits!" Nalyd said. "I never thought I'd say this, but good job, Frasier!"
"I get that a lot, from my dad," Frasier said. He got back into line.
Hank brought Nalyd his plain cheese pizza. "Is there bacon on this?" Nalyd asked.
"No," Hank said.
Without taking even one bite, Nalyd pushed Hank's pizza off the table and onto the floor. "Try again next time," Nalyd said. "Next!"
Hank stomped back into line. Katheryn stuck her tongue out at him. Jess brought her pizza to Nalyd. "I present, the Nalyd pizza!" she said.
"Is that pizza shaped like my face?" Nalyd said with a grin. Jess nodded. "That is awesome! I don't even need to eat it to know it's a good pizza!"
"I got really lucky there," Jess said in the confessional. "I just grabbed a handful of toppings and threw them on there, beats me if it tastes any good."
Katheryn handed Nalyd a plate of lettuce. "Ta-da!" she said.
"Is that a plate of lettuce?" Nalyd asked. "Do I look like a rabbit?"
Katheryn squinted. "Well, you do have that overbite," she said. "And I think I see a couple gray hairs."
Nalyd glared at her angrily. "Get back in line," he said.
Katheryn walked back in line, and Hank stuck his tongue out at her. Lois ran up to Nalyd with a pizza. "Super Amazing Girl proudly presents the Super Amazing Pizza!" she said.
Nalyd looked at the pizza, which had a mask-shape made of pepperoni. He took a bite of the pizza. "Not bad," he said. "It's no bacon pizza, but it's good."
Maulik brought Nalyd a pizza. The sauce on it was orange and it had lumps across it. "I made some chicken curry and put it on pizza dough," he said.
Salvatore laughed. "Foolish old man," Salvatore muttered to himself.
Nalyd took a bite from the chicken curry pizza. "That's surprisingly delicious," Nalyd said. "Well done."
Salvatore glared at Maulik as he walked up to Nalyd with his own pizza. "Like Frasier, I used an old family recipe," Salvatore said. "I topped my pizza with pepperoni, tomato, a little basil, and just a hint of rosemary."
"You take your pizza very seriously," Nalyd observed before taking a bite. "Wow, this is delicious!"
"I know a thing or two about pizza," Salvatore smiled as he went back in line.
"My turn!" Sarge said. He ran up to Nalyd with his pizza. "I only added one ingredient, the greatest food of all time; American cheese!"
"You worry me, you really do," Nalyd said. He didn't take a bite from the pizza. "The four people moving on; Frasier, Jess, Maulik, and Salvatore! Congratulations! The rest of you can stay in here and relax. The four of you, follow me."
Nalyd led the four contestants outside the restaurant, where there were four wooden chariots set up. "The second part of this challenge is a chariot race," Nalyd said. Everyone picked a chariot. "The first two chariots to cross the finish line will move on! Ready, set, go!"
"Wait, aren't we supposed to have horses?" Frasier asked.
"These are automated," Nalyd said. "No horses! Just press the red button to start it, use the steering wheel for controls, and press the buttons labeled '1,' '2,' and '3' for a few surprises. Now go!"
The contestants slammed their hands on the red buttons, charging away from the starting line.
"No matter who wins," Salvatore said in the confessional, "I'm totally safe. The male alliance is in total control thanks to Bozo. I'm not going to let the others win. I don't need the win, I just want it."
Salvatore hit the button labeled with the number one, and he accelerated ahead of the other contestants. Maulik hit the second button and began to catch up.
Frasier and Jess were next to each other. Jess hit the second button and an arrow shot out each side of her chariot. One arrow hit Frasier's tire. He tried to regain control of his chariot by turning the steering wheel, but crashed into a building, smashing his chariot.
"Frasier is out!" Nalyd announced. "Salvatore is in the lead, followed by Maulik and Jess!"
Salvatore hit the third button on his controls, and oil spilled out behind him. "Oh no!" Maulik exclaimed. His chariot rolled through the oil, skidding from side to side. No matter how Maulik turned the wheel, he was unable to keep control of the chariot.
Jess steered around the oil. Her chariot bumped into Maulik, sending him and his chariot right into a wall. "Sorry!" Jess shouted.
Jess pressed the first button and accelerated past Salvatore. "No!" Salvatore shouted. Jess crossed the finish line, with Salvatore close behind.
"Jess and Salvatore move on to round three where they will compete for immunity!" Nalyd announced.
"Are Frasier and Maulik okay?" Jess asked.
"Probably not," Nalyd said. "You made them crash into buildings. We'll have medical take a look at them. But you two can come with me for your final challenge!"
"I really gotta win," Jess said in the confessional. "I hurt Maulik and Frasier, I'm sure I'll be sent home."
"Jess is so done," Salvatore said in the confessional. "We sent Martha home yesterday after hurting Maulik, so now Jess will follow. Maybe that old windbag is good for something after all!"
Jess and Salvatore stood in the middle of a circular arena. The walls were wooden posts that went up to their waists. The contestants who lost the challenge, minus Frasier and Maulik, stood outside the fenced in area. Jess and Salvatore both wore togas and held plastic swords and shields.
"Welcome to your final challenge," Nalyd smiled. "A gladiator fight to the death! And by death, we mean until one of you surrenders. The only rule is that there are no rules! Go!"
Salvatore held up his shield, bracing for Jess to attack. Jess stood still.
"I'm can't hurt Sal!" Jess said in the confessional. "Then there'll be a bigger target on my back!"
"Beating Jess would just make me look bad," Salvatore said in the confessional. "Voting her out isn't a priority."
Jess shook her sword weakly. "I surrender!" Salvatore exclaimed.
"Huh?" Jess asked.
"You win," Salvatore said.
Nalyd grunted. "Lamest challenge ever," he mumbled. "Jess wins immunity, I guess. Before everybody gets ready to vote, I must gather everybody for an announcement."
The contestants crowded around Nalyd. Frasier was with them, he had a bandage around his head.
Bob walked up to the contestants and Nalyd, pushing Maulik in a wheelchair. "Due to the extent of his injuries," Nalyd said, "caused by Jess, just sayin', Maulik has to be withdrawn from the competition."
"No!" Jess cried out. "Maulik, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"
"It's okay," Maulik said. He nodded to her. He sighed and looked at the ground, the other contestants could see him trying to hold back tears. "I know I always seemed like a grump," he said. He looked up at the contestants, looking at each one in the eyes. "I had fun here. I really did. When I get home, I am going into a retirement home. I knew this show could be my last chance for an adventure. And, let me tell you children, I had the adventure of my life. I've been to countries I've only read about, I've competed in challenges far beyond what I should be capable of, and I like to think I've befriended all of you." He looked at Salvatore. "I still don't like you, though."
He looked back to the other contestants. "I wanted to go into this game and give one hundred percent." He looked down at the wheelchair. "Looks like I gave a lot more." He smirked and returned to looking up at the contestants. "The last thing I'm going to say is something I hope you all remember. Two things actually. The first is don't be afraid to take a risk. Whether it's competing on a game show or falling in love, take risks. You'll survive. Now the second lesson. You're never too old to have fun. Never." He looked at Bob. "I'm ready to go." The remaining contestants clapped but said nothing as Maulik was wheeled away by Bob.
"Anyway," Nalyd said, "Jess, the Maulik breaker, is immune tonight, and we'll be voting soon."
Sarge, Salvatore, Hank, Frasier, and Bozo grouped together. "We have three options here," Sarge said. "Do we vote off Audrey, Jess' best friend, Katheryn, an idiot, or Lois, a physical and strategic threat?"
"I say Audrey," Salvatore said. "She'll cut down on Jess' power."
"My alliance, my decision, we're voting Lois," Sarge said.
"Yay, democracy!" Bozo cheered.
"Is this just because she rejected you?" Hank asked.
"You shut your mouth!" Sarge shouted at Hank. "You shut your mouth right now, private!"
"You're so delusional," Hank said, "You're not in the army, can you comprehend that? Oh, sorry, I know you're an idiot, so let me use smallers words. You're dumb, and you're not in the army. Better?"
"You're lucky you're in the alliance!" Sarge shouted.
"Yeah, I'd hate to miss you raving like a lunatic," Hank rolled his eyes.
"This is getting good," Frasier smirked.
Audrey, Jess, Katheryn, and Lois were huddled together. "The five of them are in control," Jess whispered. "I think it's really up in the air which one of you is going home."
"Probably me," Lois said. "'Sarge' is furious with me because I don't want to go out with him."
"Why don't you?" Audrey asked.
"Probably 'cause he's crazy," Katheryn said. "But at least he's muscly, unlike scrawny Hank."
Lois ignored Katheryn. "My life is dedicated to enforcing justice and fighting the forces of evil," Lois explained. "I don't have time for a relationship."
"Remember what Maulik said," Audrey said, "Go on reality shows, fall in love, and be a fun old person."
"That's not what he said," Jess said.
"Close enough," Audrey said.
The contestants walked to the elimination ceremony. Salvatore sat next to Lois, and whispered something in her ear. She looked at him and nodded.
"Welcome, final nine," Nalyd said. "Right now, our only jury member is Martha, and now we'll see who will join her. Jess is immune, it's time to vote."
Sarge voted for Lois. "Bye."
Lois cast her vote. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I'm voting with the bad guy, but I will avenge you."
Audrey voted for Frasier. "Bye Frasier!"
"I can hear you," Frasier said from his seat. Audrey blushed and sat back down.
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. He hung up puppets of Frasier, Lois, and Audrey. "One vote for Lois," Nalyd said, reading the first vote and cutting a string from Lois' puppet.
Lois looked at Sarge, who stared at the puppet.
"Audrey," Nalyd said. "That's one vote Lois, one vote Audrey."
Audrey grabbed Jess' shoulder and whispered, "Who voted for me?"
"Frasier," Nalyd said. "One vote Lois, one vote Audrey, one vote Frasier."
Frasier looked annoyed.
"Frasier," Nalyd said. "One vote Lois, one vote Audrey, two votes Frasier." Nalyd cut a second string from Frasier's puppet, and then read another vote. "Audrey." He cut a string from Audrey's puppet.
Sarge continued staring at Lois' puppet which only lacked one string.
"Audrey," Nalyd read. He picked up another vote, "Frasier." He cut a string from the puppets of Audrey and Frasier. "That's one vote for Lois, three votes for Frasier, and three votes for Audrey."
Audrey nervously shook Jess by her shoulder.
"Audrey," Nalyd said. "One vote Lois. Three votes Frasier. Four votes Audrey."
"Come on," Salvatore whispered.
Nalyd pulled the final vote from the bullet box. "The fifteenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers and the second member of the jury is... Audrey."
"No!" Audrey exclaimed. "I can't be on the jury! Martha's gonna kill me!"
"It's time to go," Nalyd said. He cut the string on Audrey's puppet and it fell into the fire.
"Wait, before I go," Audrey said. She looked at Salvatore. "Salvatore, I've kept a secret from you for far too long."
"It really wasn't a secret," Salvatore said, rolling his eyes.
"I've had a crush on you for the longest time," Audrey said.
"I noticed," Salvatore said.
"But the thing is," Audrey said, "you're a jerk, so I don't know why I did. You're mean, like, really mean."
"Yeah, yeah - wait, what?" Salvatore said in surprise.
"I don't know why I liked you," Audrey said. "I should like somebody who cares about me, not some jerk. So, yeah, that's all. Bye guys!"
Nalyd nodded. "Alright, guys, go to the docks, in the morning you will see your special surprise," Nalyd said. "Good night." The final eight stood up and began walking.
"Bye!" Audrey waved. "Bye! I miss you all already! Except Salvatore, who's a jerk! Even though he's really hot!" Audrey looked around, realizing she was now alone. "Uh oh."
Chapter Fifteen - "This game is mine"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; at the beginning of the game, Jess was ostricized from the rest of her original team, and she was only able to make a few allies. Her core alliance of herself, Audrey, and Frasier, managed to last until the final nine. After 'Sarge' was rejected by Lois, he started an all male alliance in an attempt to oust the remaining females, particularly Lois. A conflict between 'Sarge' and Hank began to boil. Meanwhile, Maulik was evacuated from the game due to injuries caused by Salvatore, though everybody blamed Jess. In the end, Salvatore took control of the male alliance, and his ladyfriend, Bozo, and they managed to take out Jess' right-hand girl, Audrey. Only eight remain in this world-wide competition! Who will be voted out tonight?
The eight contestants were standing on a dock, looking out at the Atlantic Ocean. It was pounding rain, and it was three in the morning. "Does anybody else kind of wish they'd been voted out?" Hank asked.
"You could quit," Sarge suggested.
"'Sarge' is a moron," Hank said in the confessionl. "The rest of them are too, but he's worse than the others. Also, he's completely delusional. He treats the alliance like it's his army. He needs to be locked up."
"I firmly believe that Hank can be broken," Sarge said in the confessional. "It'll take time and it'll take patience, but I'm sure by the end of today he'll fully follow my leadership in the man alliance."
"I'm singing in the rain!" Bozo sang loudly. "I'm singing in the rain!"
"You have a voice like an angel," Salvatore smiled.
"Bozo's completely in love with me," Salvatore said in the confessional. "And I don't blame her. I mean, look at me. Look at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. What Bozo lacks in brains she makes up for in obsession, and right now, I'm the apple of her eye. I've got her vote locked up. And the rest of the guys' alliance too because 'Sarge' is in charge and he'll do whatever I say. This game is mine."
"I'm cold," Katheryn shivered. She and Lois were huddled together.
"Maybe we'll go somewhere warm like the Bahamas," Jess offered with a smile. Neither Katheryn nor Lois replied to her.
"Everybody hates me," Jess said in the confessional. "I'm aware of it. That's why they voted out Audrey last night, she was my only friend in the game. I thought I had a chance with teaming up with Frasier, but he's my ex-boyfriend, it would be foolish to think I could count on him."
"Jess is the current social outcast," Frasier said in the confessional. "It's a delightful change because it's usually me who is a loner. I don't understand why, I'm pleasant, smart, witty, delightful, humble, and so on."
Suddenly, a loud horn was heard in the distance. The contestants looked out, and saw a huge cruise ship heading their way. "Is that for us?" Lois asked.
"It says 'Total Drama' on the side," Katheryn pointed out. "We're going on a cruise!"
"I know how a lot of people see me," Katheryn said in the confessional. "They think I'm some dumb party girl from California, but I'm more than that. I, like, have a lot going on up here," she pointed to her head, "than they realize. If they think I'm too stupid to win, they're dead wrong."
The boat pulled up the dock and stopped. Nalyd stepped off the boat and onto the dock. "Welcome to your home for the next few days!" Nalyd announced. The contestants cheered. Nalyd looked up at the rain. "Forget this, everybody inside." He led the contestants into the cruise ship. "This boat has eight floors to it, each with something different! Okay, the first six floors are just rooms, but the other two floors are where we'll be doing challenges and eliminations. Also, we only bought the two non-room floors and one floor with rooms. The other five floors will have other passengers on them! Hope you're cool with sharing."
"Where will we be dining?" Frasier asked.
"Well, you'll be excited to know that they have a five star restaurant on the ship!" Nalyd announced. "But, only the crew will be eating there, the rest of you are going to be at the buffet. And with hundreds of other passengers on this boat, expect some long lines." The contestants moaned. "Unless you win the challenges! Then you can eat with the producers! Now, let's get to the rooms. There's two beds in each room, so you'll be sharing a room with one other person."
"But didn't you say the crew got the whole floor?" Jess asked.
"Yes, but people being alone doesn't create enough drama," Nalyd smirked. "One more thing; you've all been in the exact same clothes for over two weeks, you stink. Your rooms have showers and suitcases you packed before the game started!" The contestants cheered. "Now go to your rooms."
"Let's be roommates, Sal," Sarge suggested.
"No, no, I think I'll be bunking with Frasier," Salvatore said. "Frasier, come, let's find a room."
"Do I look like I care that Salvatore chose Frasier over me?" Sarge asked in the confessional. "Pfft. No. Why would I? It's not like I care. Nope, not me. Couldn't care less."
"It's obvious what Salvatore is doing," Frasier said in the confessional. "Keep Hank and I in separate rooms, it makes it more difficult to strategize. Keep Hank and 'Sarge' together and their conflict will intensify. Very clever, but if he intends to live in my room then he will live with my rules."
Sarge cried in the confessional. He covered his face with his hands and shouted, "I miss him already!"
Frasier and Salvatore walked into their room. There were two beds on opposite ends of the room, a table with a TV on top, and a bathroom. "Let's establish some ground rules," Frasier said. "First, I get the bed next to the window. Second, I will be getting bathroom privileges. Third-"
"Hey, who said you could make all these rules?" Salvatore asked.
"I called it," Frasier said.
"Well played, Frasier," Salvatore said in the confessional. "Trying to assert dominance in our room. Let's see if you'll have the same back bone when we have to start voting people out."
Frasier went to the bathroom in his room and turned on the shower. Salvatore pressed his ear against the door. He smirked as he heard Frasier get into the shower. Salvatore ran to Frasier's bed, which had his suitcase on it. "Gotta find something," Salvatore muttered to himself. A look of surprise came across his face as he pulled out a journal. "Perfect." He flipped through the pages, laughing evilly to himself.
"Sometimes you don't need complicated strategy to win," Salvatore said in the confessional. "Sometimes it just takes classic blackmailing."
Sarge and Hank were in their room, which was identical to Salvatore and Frasier's room as well as every other bedroom on the ship, each sitting on their own bed and glaring at each other. They said nothing, but glared at each other.
The four girls were discussing rooming arrangements. "I refuse to share a room with Bozo," Jess said.
"She's can't be that bad," Katheryn said.
Bozo ran up to the group with ice cream all over her head. "Guys! I found the ice cream machine!" Bozo said excitedly. She shook her head, splattering ice cream on Katheryn, Jess, and Lois. The three girls looked at each other.
"We need to think of the fairest way to decide this," Lois said.
"Not it!" Katheryn yelled, running away.
"Wait up!" Lois shouted, following.
Bozo hugged Jess. "Can we be roommates?" Bozo asked.
"Bozo's nice," Jess said in the confessional. "She just lacks any sort of boundaries or social graces or really anything to make her tolerable. How is she still in the game?"
"Yo," the contestants head over the ship's PA system. "What up? This is your host, N-Slice. Meet me on the challenge floor in five minutes, dawg. It's challenge time!"
"Hey Katheryn," Lois said as the two girls walked to the challenge. "I have an idea."
"You wanna get tans after the challenge too?" Katheryn asked.
"No," Lois said. "We need to make a big move to get back in control of the game."
"I know, I know," Lois said in the confessional. "Normally I'd be saying 'We need to vote out the evildoers' but that isn't getting through to anybody. I need to put it in terms they can understand."
"What did you have in mind?" Katheryn asked.
"You, me, Jess, and Hank could totally take control of this game," Lois said.
"I don't know about Hank, I don't think he likes me," Katheryn replied. "It doesn't matter, I don't like him anyway. It's whatever."
"I think he likes you," Lois said. "Nobody hates somebody that irrationally. Unless they're evil."
"Note to self," Lois said in the confessional. "Interrogate Hank."
The eight contestants were at the challenge floor. There was a stage in front of them, and DJ table which Nalyd stood at. "Good evening, everyone," he said. "Today's challenge is a rap battle. There will be one on one matches with the winners advancing. The final four will then be split up for a final battle. Two people will win immunity, and a reward; dinner with the crew. Any questions?"
"How do we win?" Jess asked.
"Easy," Nalyd said. "Everyone on the boat will be watching! Whoever gets the most applause wins! The rules are simple; I will be the DJ for this event, and I'll play music for each rapper to get thirty seconds to spit rhymes as well as they can. The original pairs will be based on who your roommate is. First match; Katheryn vs. Lois! I'll give you a few minutes to think of something, then we will begin."
Lois and Katheryn walked away together. The other six contestants went backstage while the stage was surrounded by cruisers waiting to watch the battle.
After five minutes, Katheryn and Lois walked onto the stage and met the applause of the audience. "First battle!" Nalyd shouted into a micophone. "Lois vs. Katheryn!" The music started. "Begin!"
"You could travel the world, and still never meet a girl
This stupid, so much perfume, it makes me wanna hurl
I'm savin' people everyday cause I'm a superhero
Meanwhile you're on a diet tryin' to be size zero
You use so much spray tan you belong on Jersey Shore
A dim, deficient dummy who prob'ly can't count to four
I hope you don't take offense 'cause I'm not tryin' to scorn ya
But I think it's time you pack up and fly back to California
A loud "Oh!" erupted from the crowd.
Who care's what you've gotta say? You're jealous of my looks
I'd rather be on the beach than back at home with books
Super Amazing Girl? I think you're more like Lois Lame
First you'll lose the rap battle, next you'll lose the game
What's your super power? Annoying everyone around you?
You make the nerds at Comic-con say "Super Amazing who?"
Your leotard and boots are just a fashion nightmare
I'm surprised you're on the show, don't you miss your super lair?
The crowd once again shouted "Oh!" after Katheryn finished.
Nalyd walked onto the stage. "That was tight, yo!" he said. "And the winner of the first battle is... Lois!" The crowd cheered. "Lois will be moving on to round two. Katheryn, you're done." The two girls hugged and walked backstage. "Second battle! Hank vs. Sarge!" The two boys walked onto the stage. The music started. "Begin!"
Ugh, why bother? You're not even a formidable foe
You're nothing more than a life size G.I. Joe
I can't wait for you to grow up and join the army
You're a danger to yourself and others, I hope that you don't harm me
You're a poser, dressed from head to toe in camo
You're done, you're finished, like a shooter out of ammo
So go ahead and take your turn, you'll know what to do
But I think you're only going to rap if Salvatore let's you
Attention, private! Now drop and give me thirty!
I don't care what you've gotta say 'cause it ain't gonna hurt me
I'll knock you down on the floor, now hear me roar
Enough with this battle, I declare rap war!
Keep your rapping to yourself, I don't think no one wants to hear it
You're sarcastic and depressing and you smell like teen spirit
When you get voted off, well you surely won't be missed
That's all I've gotta say to you, private, you're dismissed
"Oh!" was heard from the audience
"'Sarge' wins!" Nalyd announced at the end of the battle. "Hank, you're done."
"Woo!" Sarge shouted. The audience applauded him.
"Whatever," Hank said, walking off the stage.
"Third battle!" Nalyd said. "Jess vs. Bozo!" Jess and Bozo walked onto the stage. The music started. "Begin!"
My rhymes'll leave you cryin', in your own tears you will drown
Cause I'm the ringleader and you're just another clown
You did amazin' in Amazon, but here you're just a loser
I'm gonna sink your battleship with my battle cruiser
"You may win immunity and be the challenge queen
But I'm still the best strategist this game has ever seen
Yo, my name is Bozo
You know I steal the whole show
You'll be the next to go home
Tonight after we vote
I'm hotter than hot cocoa
Jumpin' higher than a pogo
I'm not crazy, I'm loco
You just rap way too slow
And it just shows what you know
Nothing more than a dope
Can you take any mo'?
Kay, I'm done, good night folks!
"Bozo wins!" Nalyd announced.
"What? Why?" Jess asked.
"You rapped too slowy," Nalyd said. "You've got as much music talent as Chuck Norris, to be honest. Bozo, on the other hand, she owned that! Bozo will move on to round two! Now for our final rap battle; Salvatore vs. Frasier!"
Frasier and Salvatore walked onto the stage and the music started playing. "Begin!"
Sei un idiota calvo con una grande testa
Nobody cares how smart you are, because I'm still the best, yeah
You can use your long words and you can talk a big game
But your girlfriend, Jess, left you, only have yourself to blame
"Dear Diary, Jess broke up with me today
But I still like her and I don't know what to say"
Yo you're having girl problems and I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine groupies and your girlfriend is one
"Oh!" the crowd shouted with delight.
Frasier gasped and said, "You read my journal!"
"Guilty as charged," Salvatore smirked.
You, sir, are a prattling prevaricator
But I admit that I like Jess and should be the one to date her
Can you blame me? Just look at her, she's pretty and she's smart
Though not a kleptomaniac, she's still stolen my heart
She deserves the very best, even if it isn't me
And she'd never go for you, not even in your dreams
So go ahead and make your move, 'cause life's a game of chess
You're a knight and I'm a pawn both fighting for Queen Jess
"Aw, how sweet," Nalyd said. "Although Frasier's rapping was better, he didn't attack Salvatore once, which is kind of the point of a rap battle. So Salvatore wins!" The audience booed.
"Shut up!" Salvatore shouted.
Frasier went backstage, where he found Jess looking at him sadly. "I suppose you heard that," Frasier said awkwardly. Jess nodded.
"Will the final four please come onto the stage?" Nalyd said. Lois, Sarge, Bozo, and Salvatore all stood side by side. "This final round will be Lois vs. 'Sarge' and Bozo vs. Salvatore. The winner of each battle will win immunity and the reward. First, Lois and 'Sarge.' Begin!"
You're the kind of a soldier who tends to blow his composure
Carrying your leader, Salvatore, on your shoulders
Declaring war on the girls? Yeah, that's real mature
Just wait for Salvatore to give you your orders
"That's enough!" Sarge shouted.
"Hey, I didn't get to finish my turn!" Lois protested.
Whoa, now, I think it's time to get serious
This should be no surprise, I think Lois is delirious
Look at this girl, she thinks she can fly?
Sorry little lady, but give up, nice try
You can call me Rick Astley 'cause I never give up
I know I can't fly, but I think you're just up(set)
I'm busy fighting crime, I don't have time to date you
But your recent behavior's making me start to hate you
I don't care you won't date me, I got over that yesterday
You're a crazy person, who wants everything her way
We come from two different worlds, you wear tights, I wear pants
But would it have killed you to give me a chance?
Sarge and Lois glared at each other from across the stage.
"Well, that was interesting," Nalyd commented. "But since 'Sarge' interrupted, he loses by default. Lois wins immunity!"
"Dang it!" Sarge stomped his foot on the ground.
"Even if Bozo wins, I'm safe tonight," Salvatore said in the confessional. "The alliance amongst the guys plus Bozo has the majority of the votes. It might even make her look like a bigger target if she wins another challenge, which will be good later."
"Salvatore vs. Bozo, our last rap of the night," Nalyd said, "Begin!"
You're a clown in the circus where I'm the ringmaster
Think you can rap fast? Well I can go faster
What a pointless profession, what can you do? Juggle?
I'll win this competition, it won't even be a struggle
He stopped rapping as the music continued playing. The audience booed him.
The other day I saw a train
Going through the plains in Spain
Remember when we were in a plane?
Man, that was insane
Where was I going with this? I'm not sure
Your rapping was awful, I haven't been that bored
Since that time in ninth grade when I got detention
Cause I was making b'loon animals to get people's attention
While the teacher was tryin' to give a demonstration
Of the proper way to perform a knee operation
On someone who broke their leg trying to kick their own face in
Or maybe that was just a dream I had
I have weird dreams if I eat bread that went bad
Bozo threw the microphone into the audience.
Nalyd stared at her. "I'm not sure what that was," he said, "but it rhymed, so I guess you win." The final eight contestants all stood around Nalyd on the stage. "Bozo and Lois are immune tonight. You'll vote soon."
"I'm sick of people saying I follow whatever Salvatore says," Sarge said in the confessional. "So now I'm torn between making a big move or just following his plan, which is to vote out Frasier tonight. He, Hank, and Bozo will definitely be voting Frasier. It's just a question of where the others stand."
"'Sarge,' we need to talk," Jess said to him. "The girls and I are voting out Salvatore tonight, are you in?"
"Who else is doing it?" Sarge asked.
"Katheryn, Lois, and I," Jess said.
"I refuse to vote with Lois," Sarge replied.
"Come on, 'Sarge,' think about this logically for a moment," Jess said. "Salvatore has been manipulating everyone this entire time, and still manages to survive every week. How does he do that?"
"I don't know, and I don't care," Sarge replied. "Lois is someone I will not work with."
Katheryn and Lois were watching the conversation. "Should you talk to him?" Katheryn asked.
"No, I can't stand him," Lois replied.
"You know, before he got all crazy upset, he wasn't that bad," Katheryn said. "You could have given him a chance."
"You think I don't know that?" Lois retorted sharply. Katheryn looked at Lois sympathetically. "I know I could have, maybe I should have, I don't know."
"Please, 'Sarge,'" Jess continued pleading. "If you want any chance of winning then you need to vote for him."
"I'll think about it," Sarge said.
Jess looked him in the eys and said, "You better."
The final eight went to the elimination ceremony, which was on the same stage as the challenge. "Our current jury members are Audrey and Martha," Nalyd said. "Tonight you cannot vote for Bozo or Lois. It's time to vote."
Jess voted for Salvatore. "You've played too many people and it can't happen any longer."
Hank voted for Frasier. "As long as it's not me."
Frasier voted for Jess. He said nothing.
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. He looked through the votes and hung up puppets of Salvatore, Frasier, and Jess. "One vote for Jess," he said, and cut a string from Jess' puppet.
Jess looked at Frasier, who looked back. "Why?" she whispered to him.
"One vote for Frasier," Nalyd said. "One vote for Salvatore."
"Whenever I look at you, it hurts," Frasier whispered back.
"Another vote for Frasier," Nalyd said. He cut another string from the Frasier puppet. "And another vote for Salvatore."
"I'm sorry," Jess whispered.
"I can't do it anymore," Frasier replied.
"Would you two please shut up?" Nalyd asked. "I'm trying to read votes, here! We have two votes for Salvatore, two votes for Frasier, and one vote for Jess."
Frasier and Jess looked back at each other.
"Salvatore," Nalyd said. "Three votes Salvatore, two votes Frasier, one vote Jess."
Salvatore's eyes darted between the other contestants.
"Frasier," Nalyd said. "Three votes Salvatore, three votes Frasier, one vote Jess."
Salvatore and Lois both turned to Sarge, who stared ahead at Nalyd.
Nalyd opened the final vote. "The sixteenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers and the third member of our jury is... Frasier."
Frasier's puppet fell into the fire below.
Frasier stood up. "Before I go, I have something to say," Frasier said. He cleared his throat. "It may be that the gulfs will wash us down; It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles, And though we are not now that strength which in old days-"
"Enough poetry," Nalyd said. "We have serious business to get to - a second vote."
"What?" Salvatore asked in surprise.
"Do I get to vote?" Frasier asked, hopefully.
"No, don't be stupid," Nalyd replied. "Final seven, it's time for a sudden death vote-off. No time to plan. No immunity. Just a vote where anybody could be the next to go. Katheryn, you can vote first."
As Katheryn stood up to cast her vote, Salvatore looked at Hank, Sarge, and Bozo and mouthed the word "Lois" to them.
Katheryn voted for Salvatore. "Let's give this another shot."
Salvatore voted Lois. "After this, I will have complete control of the game."
Jess voted for Salvatore. "Second time's the charm, right?"
Hank voted Lois. "Whatever, man."
Lois voted for Salvatore. "The force of evil in this game must go next."
Bozo voted for Lois. "I bet they show all the votes except for one to establish that there's one vote that will decide it all! That will build tension! Unless people fastforward through this part. Don't fastforward me!"
Sarge cast his vote. He saluted to the camera.
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. He hung up the Lois and Salvatore puppets. "Let's speed this up, there's three votes for each of you and 'Sarge' is the deciding vote."
"I knew it!" Bozo exclaimed.
"The seventeenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers and the fourth member of our jury is... Salvatore."
"What?!" Salvatore jumped up. "'Sarge!' How could you?"
"It was an honor serving with you," Sarge saluted Salvatore. "But nobody tells 'Sarge' what to do."
"Unless you count all the times you did exactly what he told you to do," Hank commented. Sarge glared at him.
Salvatore cringed as he saw his puppet fall into the fire. "No! This isn't possible!"
"Salvatore, it's time for you and Frasier to go," Nalyd said.
"Where do you suggest we go?" Frasier asked. "We're in the middle of the ocean!" Nalyd smirked.
A loud splash was heard and the final six looked overboard to see Salvatore and Frasier swimming in the water below. The contestants soon dispersed to return to their bedrooms.
"Only six remain," Nalyd said. "Who will be the next to go? Find out next time on Total Drama Losers!"
Chapter Sixteen - "Regain my honor"
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the final eight set sail as the remaining contestants boarded a cruise ship. Conflict divided the men, and the girls stuck together with the exception of Jess, the misfit in the group. 'Sarge' continued to hate Lois for rejecting him, but he couldn't vote her out when she and Bozo won immunity and a special dinner. Salvatore chose to eliminate his personal enemy Frasier, after humiliating Frasier by revealing that Frasier still likes his ex-girlfriend, Jess. In the end, Salvatore was also voted off in the surprise double vote! With only six contestants left, it's anyone's game to lose. Who will be voted off tonight?
The final six were sitting together in Katheryn and Lois' room. They were eating food from the buffet on the ship. "I can't believe we waited in line for forty minutes for cold oatmeal," Katheryn said, scraping the inside of her styrofoam bowl with a plastic spoon.
"Dinner last night was great," Lois said, referring to her and Bozo's reward. Hank glared at her as he ate a banana.
"I'm so hungry," Katheryn said, rubbing her stomach pathetically.
"Here's a brilliant idea," Hank said, "Go get more food."
"Hank is probably the rudest person here," Katheryn said in the confessional. "I liked him the first few days just because I thought he was cute, it's not like I wanted to marry the guy. He's just a jerk."
"Katheryn is the stupidest person here," Hank said in the confessional. "She used to like me but I never liked her. I don't need the drama of some high maintenance airhead."
"Fine, I will," Katheryn said. She stood up. "I don't want to wait in line alone though. Who wants to come with?"
"I nominate Hank," Jess said quickly.
"I second that," Sarge said.
"Third it!" Lois joined in.
"The three of us can go!" Bozo volunteered. "I wanna get some more cereal. I love Zeus Loops! They're mythologically delicious!" Bozo grabbed the wrists of Hank and Katheryn and ran out of the room.
"There's been a lot of tension lately," Lois said in the confessional. "Obviously 'Sarge' and I aren't getting along, but Hank and Katheryn keep fighting too. Plus, there's Jess who nobody likes and Bozo who annoys everyone. It's hard to figure who the bad guys are anymore. I mean, we got Salvatore out, thanks to 'Sarge,' so maybe we're all heroes. But then who goes?"
Bozo, Katheryn, and Hank stood outside the closed elevator. Bozo pressed the up button and waited patiently. The doors soon opened, and other passangers filed out of it. Hank and Katheryn walked inside. "I have an idea," Bozo said. "We're gonna have a race! I'm gonna run up the stairs, you guys will take the elevator. First one to the buffet wins!"
Hank rolled his eyes and said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever-" but Bozo had already started running up the stairs. Katheryn pressed the button for the floor with the buffet and the doors closed. The two stood in a tense silence.
"I'm glad Bozo left," Hank finally said.
"I thought you'd rather I left," Katheryn said.
"Normally, yes," Hank said, "but I can't stand Bozo. If I have to spend one more day with her, I'll blow a fuse." Suddenly, the elevator's lights flickered. A loud crashing sound was heard above them and the elevator stopped moving. "What was that?!" Hank said, visibly terrified.
"We stopped, Katheryn said, clearly confused by Hank's outburst.
"'Blow a fuse,' what a stupid thing to say," Hank said.
"Just press the buttons," Katheryn said, "it'll just start again."
Hank pressed the buttons in the elevator. He gradually pressed them more violently, eventually punching and then tackling the side of the elevator. "It's not moving," he eventually said, his eyes wide with fear, "We're stuck!"
"What's your problem?" Katheryn asked. "Are you claustrophobic or something?"
"Of course not," Hank said, sounding irritated. "I just don't like to be in small places I can't get out of."
"But isn't that," Katheryn started, but trailed off as Hank tried to pry the doors open with his hands.
"Come on!" Hank shouted. "This isn't funny anymore!" He eventually gave up, sulking to the floor.
"Looks like we're stuck," Katheryn said.
Bozo stood in line at the buffet. "I win!" she announced to the crowd.
Meanwhile, Lois, Sarge, and Jess were still in Lois' room. There was a knock at the door, and Sarge answered. Nalyd jumped in, pushing Sarge aside. "Hey, final six!" Nalyd said. He paused and looked at the contestants. He muttered, "One, two, three... Where are the others?"
"Getting more breakfast," Jess answered.
"Hmph. Fatties," Nalyd said. "I guess this challenge will just be the three of you, then." Suddenly, Bozo ran in and tackled Nalyd.
"I heard the word 'challenge!'" Bozo shouted, jumping on Nalyd's chest. "What is it? What is it? What is it?"
Nalyd got up off the floor and brushed himself off. "Thank you for not breaking all of my ribs," Nalyd said weakly. "Today, the ship will be docking in Ontario for a Canadian themed challenge! It's gonna take too long for you guys to exit the boat because all the other passengers will be getting off at the same time, but we have a quicker way to get everyone out."
Nalyd and the contestants got into an elevator and went to the top deck of the ship. The sun shone down on the contestants as Nalyd led them to the edge of the ship. "Is that a cannon?" Lois asked, pointing at the cannon on the edge of the deck. Nalyd nodded with glee. "Each of you is gonna get launched! We have set up a target. This has nothing to do with the challenge, we are just doing this for fun! Who wants to go first?"
Bozo shrieked with excitement. She shoved the other contestants out of the way and jumped into the cannon. "Fire away!" she shouted.
Meanwhile, Hank and Katheryn were still stuck in the elevator. Hank was pacing along the perimeter of the elevator as Katheryn sat cross-legged.
"We're trapped, trapped, trapped," Hank mumbled to himself. "What kind of cruise ship has elevators that don't work?!"
"The kind that Total Drama could afford to use," Katheryn responded calmly. "I don't think you should be so worried, I get stuck in elevators all the time."
"Seriously?" Hank asked.
"Well, sometimes I forget to get off when the doors open," Katheryn explained.
"Oh no!" Hank shouted. "I've been breathing this whole time. We're going to run out of air!"
"I never pictured Hank as the claustrophobic type," Katheryn said in the confessional. "He's always so moody and sarcastic. It was kind of funny to see him freak out. A little cute, too."
Hank puffed his cheeks full of air and held his breath. After a few seconds he stopped and began gasping. He inhaled again, and held his breath. A few seconds later he released the breath and began gasping again. He repeated this a few times.
"This is gonna be a long day," Katheryn sighed.
Meanwhile, Bozo, Sarge, Lois, and Jess had been launched out of a cannon and landed on land. "Again, again, again!" Bozo cheered and clapped. They were in a forest, surrounded by maple trees.
Nalyd emerged from behind the tree dressed in a flannel shirt and overalls. "Welcome to Canada, eh!" he said.
"It was the most stereotypical thing I'd ever seen in my life," Jess said in the confessional. "He didn't even do a good Canadian accent, it sounded Russian. Why did he even do that?"
"For today's challenge, we're going to emerge into Canadian culture," Nalyd said, "by which I mean we're going to take all the stereotypes Americans think of when they think about Canada. First, everyone has to wear these beaver costumes." Nalyd presented the costumes to the contestants, who reluctantly put them on.
"I don't think I've ever been this happy in my entire life," Bozo said once she was in the beaver costume.
"Today we will have a three part challenge," Nalyd explained. "Each round, one of you will be eliminated until one remains to claim immunity. Part one of the challenge is to answer some questions about Canadian trivia. When you have answered three questions right, you will move onto round two. The last person without three points will be out of the challenge. Any questions?"
"Why are we wearing beaver costumes?" Jess asked.
"Excellent, no questions," Nalyd said. "Let's begin! Question one: As of 2011, what was the population of Canada, rounded to the nearest million?"
"Thirty-four million!" Jess blurted out.
"Correct!" Nalyd said. "One point to Jess!"
"This was gonna be an easy win for Jess," Sarge said in the confessional. "She's the smartest one left. I don't know nothing 'bout Canadian trivia. I wish I was with Katheryn and Hank right about now."
In the broken elevator, Hank was curled up on the floor. Katheryn was still sitting. She stroked Hank's head in an attempt to calm him down. "What if we never get out?" Hank asked.
"We're going to get out," Katheryn said. "Just stay calm."
"I'll never see dry land again," Hank said. "I'll never get home. I'll never see my parents again! Not that I'd want to."
"Why's that?" Katheryn asked.
"I hate my parents," Hank said. "They don't care about me, they probably don't even know I'm on this show. You know, one time they went on vacation without me. They brought my little sister."
"That's nothing," Katheryn said. "One time I wanted to go to a party at my friend Evan's house and my dad wouldn't let me go!"
"How is that the same thing?" Hank asked.
"I don't know," Katheryn said, "but when someone is upset you're supposed to tell him something worse that's happened to you. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. Sorry."
"It's fine," Hank said.
"Wait, I met your mom, when she came to the loved ones visit," Katheryn replied, "She seemed perfectly nice."
"It's really my dad who doesn't like me. My mom likes me, but she's never that vocal or weird about it. She's never called me 'Hanky' before. Dad probably put her up to it. He's so controlling like that, he's awful to me."
"Wait, he doesn't hit you, does he?" Katheryn asked.
"No, no, nothing like that," Hank said. "He doesn't even insult me. He just doesn't care. I think I might be a disappointment to him. He's a politician, it would make sense for him to tell mom to act like we're a big happy family when she appeared on the show. I think he wanted me to follow in his footsteps."
"Why don't you?" Katheryn replied. "Why not become a politician?"
"I don't want to be in the public eye my whole life," Hank said. "My dad already has the media around him all the time. For about a week they were even focused on me."
"Why was that?"
"I got in trouble with the law," Hank said. "And before you ask, no, it wasn't bad. It's not even worth bragging about."
"Well now I've gotta know!" Katheryn laughed.
"I loitered," Hank said. "I stood in a public place for too long and got arrested. My dad was furious! He said something about how I dishonored my family." Hank paused. "I guess that's why I wanted to come back to the show. So I could regain my honor."
"How do you think you're doing?" Katheryn asked.
"Not well," Hank said. "I haven't made a strategic move and I haven't won a challenge. At this rate I'll get sixth place."
"Maybe you should make a move," Katheryn said, looking down at him.
Hank looked up, locking eyes with Katheryn. "Maybe I should."
"Alright," Nalyd said at the challenge. "To recap, Jess and Lois have each answered three questions right. Bozo and 'Sarge' have answered none right."
"I'm not good at trivia!" Sarge shouted.
"Okay," Nalyd said, "we've done fifteen questions and neither of you has gotten a single one right. So I'm going to ask you the most simple question related to Canada that I can; name one place in Canada. A building, a city, a province, anything, just please make it seem like you know something about Canada."
Neither Bozo nor Sarge said anything.
"Spell Canada," Nalyd said. "That's it. Move onto the next round by spelling Canada."
"I can do that!" Sarge said. "It's spelled just like it sounds. C-A-N-A-D-A, Canada!"
"Finally!" Nalyd said. "Bozo, you're out." Bozo darted into the forest in her beaver costume. "We'll get her before we leave. Now, time for round two of the challenge! We're going zorbing!"
"What's zorbing?" Lois asked.
Nalyd led the contestants through the woods as he spoke, "Zorbing is when we put you in a big plastic ball and you roll around. Once you get into your zorb, or big, plastic ball, you will roll down a hill. At the bottom of the hill are ten, wooden pillars. You need to aim yourself so you knock down the ten pillars. First two people to knock down all ten will move onto the next round."
Nalyd and the three contestants stood at the top of the hill. There were three zorbs. Sarge, Lois, and Jess, still wearing their beaver costumes, got into the zorbs. They experimented with tilting their bodies back and forth, seeing how that moved the zorb. After a few minutes of this, they lined up at the top of the hill, aiming at the three sets of ten pillars. "Once you crash into the pillars, you must exit the zorb and run back up the hill," Nalyd explained. "Then get back in the zorb and go again until you knock over all ten! Ready, set, go!"
The three contestants leaned forward and rolled down the hill.
"It was like being inside a comet hurtling toward earth," Lois said in the confessional. "I like to think someday I'll save the world from a comet. Perhaps I'll get the opportunity soon, I heard something about the world ending in 2012. That could be interesting!"
Sarge was the first one to get down the hill, and knocked over six of his ten pillars. He climbed out of the zorb, and immediately threw up.
Jess crashed into her pillars, knocking over four on the left. She got out of her zorb and started running up the hill again.
Lois knocked over five pillars. Instead of getting out of her zorb, she tilted her body and began rolling around. She managed to knock over the other five pillars.
"Nothing in the rules against that," Nalyd shrugged. "Lois moves on to round two!"
"'Sarge,' get back in the zorb," Lois said. "Hurry!"
Sarge wiped his mouth with his sleeve and got back into his zorb. He began tilting to knock over his four remaining pillars.
Jess reached the top of the hill and saw what Sarge was doing. "Oh no!" she said, and scurried back into her zorb. She rolled down the hill.
Before she could reach the bottom, Sarge had knocked over all of his pillars. "'Sarge' moves onto round three!" Nalyd announced. "Jess is out of the challenge!"
"At this point of the game, immunity is essential," Jess said in the confessional. "The last vote eliminated Salvatore, who held control over a majority of remaining players. He had Hank, 'Sarge,' and Bozo. However, 'Sarge' voted him out, so it's unclear what his intentions will be tonight. It would appear Hank and Bozo are on the outs due to their loyalty to Salvatore. Tonight might be a good opportunity to vote out Bozo."
Hank and Katheryn were sitting in the elevator. They were both relaxed, and talking. "I would like to be an actress when I grow up," Katheryn said. "I've been in a few plays at my school, but I'd like to be in a movie someday."
"That would be cool," Hank replied. "What kind of movie would you want to be in?"
"Probably a romantic comedy," Katheryn mused. "I love those!"
"You're such a girl," Hank teased.
"Let me guess, you like dark, artsy movies, right?" Katheryn asked.
"No," Hank said, "I like romantic comedies too."
Katheryn laughed. "That's so unlike you!"
"There's a lot of different sides to me," Hank said. "I just tend to not show many of them."
Hank sat in the confessional. "I like Katheryn..."
"Listen, Katheryn," Hank said to her in the elevator, "I think that during the couple of hours we've been in here, I've really connected with you, and I appreciate you helping me when I was scared." He smiled at her, but she wasn't looking at him.
"Hank, the doors opened!" she said, jumping to her feet. Hank turned and saw that the doors had, in fact, opened. She pulled him up and the two ran out of the elevator. She hugged him. "This is great! Oh, fresh air!"
"Yeah, it's great," Hank said, looking around the hallway they were in. The two started walking in the direction of the stairway.
They passed a clock. Katheryn looked at it, and paused. "Huh, we were only in there for twenty minutes." They continued walking. "So what were you saying?" Katheryn asked as they descended the staircase.
"It doesn't really matter," Hank mumbled.
"Welcome to the final part of the Canada challenge!" Nalyd said. He was with Lois and Sarge, back in the forest. The two contestants were still wearing their beaver costumes. There was a tarp next to them, spread out. Nalyd pulled the tarp away, revealing a pit full of maple leaves and maple syrup. "For this part of the challenge, you will have to get into the pit and dig down to find a wooden statue of the moose. The moose represents immunity. The first person back with the moose wins immunity and is guaranteed a one-in-five shot at winning this game. Ready? Go!"
Sarge and Lois both dove into the pit. "It smells like pancakes," Sarge commented.
"'Sarge' is a well meaning guy," Lois said in the confessional, "but he's dumb as a rock, sometimes."
Lois was throwing leaves over the side of the pit as Sarge dug down.
"This is kind of lame," Nalyd commented as the two dug. "It's just two teenagers in a leaf pile. I'm gonna fire the intern who designed this." Suddenly, a hand emerged, holding the statue. "Who is that?"
Sarge emerged from the leaves and syrup. "I win immunity!" he announced. "I win immunity! Woo!"
"'Sarge' wins immunity!" Nalyd announced. "Congratulations, 'Sarge.' Alright, you two go back to the ship and shower. I'll see you at the elimination."
A few hours later, Jess was talking to Katheryn, Lois, and Sarge. They were in Jess' room. "I think we need to vote Bozo out," Jess said to them.
"Of course, she's too good at challenges," Sarge said. "Plus, she hasn't made any enemies."
"Exactly," Jess said. "It would be foolish to keep her. Lois, Katheryn, what do you say?"
"Sure, we can vote for her," Lois said.
"I'll go tell Hank the plan," Katheryn said. She stood up.
"Wait!" Jess protested. "You can't!"
"Why not?" Katheryn asked.
"Well, I was thinking he should go next," Jess said. "Those two were Salvatore's last allies, so they're not with us."
"Well, by that criteria, shouldn't we vote out 'Sarge?'" Katheryn asked.
"I ain't allies with Salvatore," Sarge said, "Didn't I vote him out?"
"This is true," Jess said. "I'm just saying, Bozo tonight. Hank tomorrow. Okay?"
"Alright," Katheryn said, and then she left.
Hank was sitting alone in his room, glaring at the wall. He heard a knock. "Go away," he said.
"It's me," Katheryn called.
Hank stood up and opened the door. "Sorry about that," he said, "what's up?"
"Jess wants to vote Bozo tonight," Katheryn explained.
"Well that's the obvious choice," Hank replied, "Bozo wins too many-"
"And vote you out tomorrow," Katheryn interrupted. Hank looked at her with surprise. "So if you're going to make a move, you should probably make it tonight." She walked away.
"Bozo is obviously going home tonight," Hank said in the confessional. "Unless I can change that. It would be easy to get Bozo to vote with me; she's goofy, but not stupid. She loves this game and won't want to go, so when I tell her they're voting for her, she'll vote with me. Now, I need to do some serious scrambling. Let's hope this works."
The final six went to the elimination ceremony. "Welcome, everyone," Nalyd said. "It's time to vote. 'Sarge' is immune, so you cannot vote for him tonight."
Jess voted for Bozo. "So long, Pagliacci."
"I'll tally the votes," Nalyd said. He shuffled through the votes and then hung up the puppets of Bozo and Jess.
Jess looked surprised. Bozo laughed. "My puppet is so cool," Bozo said. "Look at it, just chillin' over there. Just being all puppet-like. What a cool puppet."
"One vote for Jess," Nalyd said, and cut a string from Jess' puppet. "One vote for Bozo."
Hank looked around at the rest of the players.
"Jess," Nalyd said. "Two votes Jess, one vote Bozo."
"I expected as much," Jess said, glancing at Hank and Bozo. Bozo smiled at her.
"Bozo," Nalyd read another vote. "Jess." He cut a string from each puppet. "That's three votes Jess, and two votes for Bozo."
"This is getting dramatic," Bozo said.
"Bozo," Nalyd said. He paused. "A tie?! Seriously? Can't you kids do anything right?"
"So what happens?" Jess asked.
"The person with the most previous votes is eliminated," Nalyd explained. "Therefore, the eighteenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers and the fifth member of our jury is... Jess."
He cut a string from Jess' puppet, and it fell into the fire.
"Well, it finally happened," Jess said as she stood up. "After many attempts to vote me out, and losing every member of my original alliance, I have finally been eliminated. Well played." She stood up and walked away from the group.
"Not sure where she's going," Nalyd said, "we're in the middle of the ocean. Anyway, go to bed, kids. We'll see you tomorrow for another challenge."
Chapter Seventeen – “Friends who kiss”
Previously on Total Drama Losers; the final six continued to enjoy sailing to challenge locations on a cruise ship. Well, most of the final six; Katheryn and Hank got stuck in an elevator, during which time we learned that Hank has no honor. “Sarge,” the stereotypical patriotic American, won our stereotypically Canadian challenge. Jess planned to vote out Bozo, but Hank, inspired by Katheryn, decided to get strategic and voted for Jess. Jess ended up getting voted out. We’re down to five! Who will be voted off tonight?
The final five sat in Sarge and Hank’s room. “What was that?” Sarge shouted. “Why’d y’all vote out Jess?!”
“Ask Hank,” Bozo said, while in the middle of doing a handstand, “it was his idea!”
“Hank!” Sarge shouted. “Why would you save Bozo?”
“I felt like it,” Hank responded.
“I honestly had no reason to keep Bozo,” Hank said in the confessional. “I did it solely to create havoc. I told Bozo she was being voted out, and I told Katheryn I wanted to make a move, so I did. Jess lost the tie. Now ‘Sarge’ is all freaked out because he’s on the losing side of the numbers. He and Lois are going next, I’ve already decided that. I may not have played much so far, but I’m here now. I’m going to win.”
“Calm down, ‘Sarge,’” Lois said.
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Sarge shouted. He pointed at Hank. “This punk probably just cost me a million dollars!”
“We all knew ‘Sarge’ was crazy,” Lois said in the confessional, “tonight just enforced that. He must be defeated at the next immunity challenge and then voted out, at all costs. A villain like him does not deserve to stay. The good guys should win in the end.”
“I’ve wanted ‘Sarge’ to leave for days,” Hank said in the confessional. “He’s a moron. The only benefit he provides is he’d be easy to beat at the end. I don’t know if it’s worth putting up with him until then.”
Sarge chuckled in the confessional. “These guys are falling right into my trap. They’re all gonna want to vote me out, so when I win immunity tomorrow they’re all gonna freak out and start scrambling! Then I can make my move and take back control.”
“I’m gonna go to bed,” Katheryn said, walking toward the door. “Good night, everyone.”
“Katheryn, wait,” Hank said, rising to his feet. “Let me walk you to your room. It’s sketchy out there.”
“If you say so,” Katheryn said. Hank walked her out the door.
“He’s got it bad,” Bozo laughed, still standing on her hands.
Hank and Katheryn walked down the hall of the ship. “So what’s up?” Katheryn asked.
“Nothing,” Hank replied, “I just wanted to get out of there. How did somebody like ‘Sarge’ make it this far?”
“Stranger things have happened,” Katheryn said. “Besides, it makes the next vote easier.”
“Right,” Hank said.
The two continued in silence walking until they reached Katheryn’s room. “Well, here’s my room,” she said. “Good night, Hank.”
“Good night, Katheryn.”
Hank leaned forward and kissed Katheryn. She pulled away. “What was that?” she asked, completely surprised.
“I’m sorry!” Hank exclaimed, covering his face with his hand. “I just - Ugh, I’m so stupid!”
“Yeah, you are!” Katheryn said. “You gotta do it like this.” She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.
“You’re right, that was much better,” Hank smiled.
“I knew playing hard to get would work!” Katheryn celebrated in the confessional. “He likes me! He really likes me! The kissing wasn’t great, I get the impression he doesn’t do much, but he can learn! I’m so happy right now!”
“Katheryn seems pretty happy right now,” Hank said in the confessional. “I’m kind of confused though. She didn’t say if we’re a couple or not. I want to be her boyfriend; I want her to be my girlfriend. We like each other, but she hasn’t said what we are.”
“I saw Katheryn and Hank kiss,” Lois said in the confessional. “I was going to our room, and they were blocking the door, so I left and came back later. It was a little gross. I mean, it’s hard to imagine Hank having feelings for someone. Actually, it’s hard to imagine Hank having feelings!”
“Katheryn and Hank sitting in a tree!” Bozo sang in the confessional. “First comes love, then comes cheating, then comes dating someone else on the show!”
The next day, the contestants were woken up by an announcement over the PA system. “Good morning final five!” Nalyd said. “We’ve just reached land and you’ve got a challenge in five minutes! So get dressed and get out! I… Wait, what? I’m just finding out that I woke up everyone on board. I’d like to apologize and offer all passengers free Total Drama merchandise! Well, discounted Total Drama merchandise. Final five, I’ll see you in five minutes!”
Sarge sniffed the air as the final five walked off the ship. “I smell something,” he said. “Something that smells… bacon-y.”
The final five saw Nalyd waiting for them, dressed as Uncle Sam. “Welcome to America!” he declared.
“Woo!” Sarge shouted. “USA! USA! USA!”
“Here we go,” Hank rolled his eyes.
“Easy big guy,” Nalyd said. “We’re in the capital of America, Washington, D.C. For today’s challenge, you will be running for president! To win this challenge, you have to win votes from fans watching the show at home. First, we will do primaries; Bozo vs. Hank for the Losers Party, and Katheryn vs. Lois vs. ‘Sarge’ for the Fans Party. In the primaries, you have to pick a running mate, and you will debate the other candidates in your party. The debate winners win their party’s nomination! After that, the two nominees will go head to head. They can appear on talk shows, make speeches, release attack ads, anything goes. Finally, fans of the show from all across America will vote for a winner! That person will be decided be Electoral College votes, not the popular vote! Any questions?”
“How do we pick a running mate?” Sarge asked. “There’s only five of us!”
“This is true,” Nalyd said. “When we first designed this challenge we thought there’d be more people, but it takes longer to go around the world than we thought. So we will bring in the contestants eliminated before the jury and you can choose any of them!”
A helicopter descended behind Nalyd. Rob, James, Sally, Rosalinda, The Hobo, Elka, Deb, Cecil, Elvis, and Esteban emerged from the helicopter. “Hey guys,” Bozo said excitedly.
“We couldn’t find ‘Chicken,’ Gretel, or ‘Ugly,’” Nalyd said, “but that’s okay, we didn’t really like them anyway. Bozo and Hank, you can choose anyone who was a Loser, Katheryn, Lois, ‘Sarge,’ you three will choose from the Fans.”
“I choose Rob!” Bozo announced. “America is ready for a fat vice-president!”
“Thanks, I think,” Rob said, walking away from the other eliminated players to join Bozo.
“I choose James,” Hank said. James nodded and walked toward Hank. The two shook hands.
“Esteban can be my running mate!” Katheryn said. Esteban walked toward her and she hugged him. “Welcome back!”
“Glad to be back,” Esteban said. Hank glared at the two.
“I pick Elka,” Lois said.
“Me?” Elka asked, clearly surprised. She cautiously stepped forward.
“Welcome aboard,” Lois said, shaking Elka’s hand.
“That was a dumb idea,” Sarge commented.
Lois sighed. “Why is that?” she reluctantly asked.
“Elka’s British!” Sarge pointed out. “She wasn’t even born here.”
“He’s right,” Elka said, pulling her birth certificate out of her pocket. “Technically, if something happens to you, I wouldn’t be able to be president.”
“I pick Cecil,” Sarge said.
“He was really my only choice left,” Sarge said in the confessional. “Rosalinda is crazy and Deb probably hates me.”
“Alright,” Nalyd said. “In the Losers Party, our candidates are Bozo and Rob, and Hank and James! In the Fans Party, we have Katheryn and Esteban, Lois and Elka, and ‘Sarge’ and Cecil. Those of you who weren’t picked can stick around; later on you can make endorsements and whatnot to help someone win! Alright, for the primaries, we’re gonna have a debate. You can have a moment to talk to your running mate and decide what your positions are and how you’re going to attack your opponents! Remember, zingers win debates!”
“I wanna raise Texas,” Bozo said to Rob.
“You mean taxes?” Rob asked.
“No, Texas, like the state,” Bozo said. “I want to raise it so it’s three hundred miles above sea level!”
“That’s the worst idea ever,” Rob said, rolling his eyes.
“You’re the worst running mate ever!” Bozo screamed, kicking Rob in the shin.
Rob collapsed, holding his leg. “I immediately regret coming back,” he winced.
“What’s the plan?” James asked Hank.
“I’m gonna point out that Bozo is a clown,” Hank said. “She has the mind of a child.”
“You’re just going to attack her? Shouldn’t you talk about what you’d do if you were elected?” James asked.
“You don’t know much about politics, do you?” Hank asked dryly.
“So here’s my plan,” Katheryn said to Esteban, “I think that everyone should, like, be happy, you know? So I think we should legalize everything.”
“Everything,” Esteban repeated. He paused. “That seems like a bit much.”
“I want a bigger police force,” Lois told Elka. “More police officers will mean less crime! Also, they should wear capes and tights and have superhero codenames.”
“You shouldn’t bother,” Elka said. “You’re not going to win this challenge.”
“Well not with that attitude I won’t!” Lois said. “You better turn that attitude around.”
“No, I mean, I know who wins,” Elka said. “I just know.”
“How could you possibly know?” Lois asked. She paused. “Do you have superpowers?”
“Well,” Elka paused, “Okay, just don’t tell anyone alright?” Lois nodded. “I’m a bit psychic.”
“Psychic? Like, you can tell the future?” Lois asked. Elka nodded.
Lois sighed and rolled her eyes in the confessional. “How did I get stuck with the crazy girl?”
“Listen up, Cecil,” Sarge said. “I’ve got a plan; I call it Operation: America.”
“That sounds very patriotic,” Cecil said uncomfortably. “What does it consist of?”
“I’m going to maximize the patriotism in the country!” Sarge explained. “Every house in America will have an American flag! All the clothes will have a red, white, and blue design! Oh! Everything’s gonna be made in America!”
“Well, that last part could be a good idea,” Cecil said.
Nalyd returned to gather the contestants. “Okay, come on, guys!” he said. He led the contestants to a stage built in front of the Washington Monument. “We had some interns build you guys this stage. First, Bozo and Hank will debate. The rest of you, Fans and running-mates, can take a seat in the audience. We’ve gathered a few more fans of the show to watch as well!” Random people began filling in the audience in front of the stage.
Bozo and Hank stood behind podiums on the stage. “Welcome to today’s first debate,” Nalyd said. “Normally, audience members would be asked to remain quiet, but that’s not the Total Drama way! We encourage you to cheer, boo, and throw things.” The audience cheered. “Tonight’s debate will last until I think we have a winner! First question goes to you, Bozo; why do you deserve to be the president?”
“I can do this,” Bozo said, and then touched her nose with her tongue. “Also, I’d be the first clown president!”
“I bet some people think there already has been,” Hank commented. The audience laughed.
“Hank, why is Bozo a less qualified candidate?” Nalyd asked.
“She’s a moron,” Hank said.
“No I’m not!” Bozo retorted.
“How many states are there?” Hank asked.
“A couple,” Bozo said, counting on her fingers. The audience booed. “Wait! Look what I can do!” Bozo began to juggle three pins she had on her podium.
“Where did those come from?” Hank asked. Nalyd shrugged.
“The next question is for Bozo,” Nalyd said, “How would you create world peace?”
“I don’t want world peace,” Bozo answered. “I want world fun! Circuses and carnivals in every state!”
“How do you propose we do that?” Hank asked.
“We’d need a lot of circus tents,” Bozo replied. “And tigers and elephants. And acrobats! And popcorn machines! And lots and lots of bleachers!” The audience responded with applause.
“Hank,” Nalyd said, “What’s your favorite color?”
“I don’t know,” Hank rolled his eyes. “That’s a stupid question.” The audience booed.
“I have an announcement!” Bozo exclaimed, waving her hands in the air. “I’ve decided to withdraw from the election!”
“Really?” Nalyd asked. “Why?”
“I don’t want to run for president! I want to run in circles!” Bozo ran around her podium.
Nalyd looked at Hank. “She gets weirder every day,” he commented. “Hank, you’ve won the primary. Congratulations, I suppose. Now it’s time for the Fans’ primary debate!”
“I’ve got this challenge won easily,” Sarge said in the confessional. “I’m the most American American to ever America! That’s right! America’s a verb when it comes to me.”
Katheryn, Lois, and Sarge stood behind podiums on the stage. “Welcome to the debate,” Nalyd said. “I will ask the three of you questions, I’ll decide when one of you is the winner. First question is for Katheryn; Katheryn, how would you make America better?”
“I’d use green energy,” Katheryn said. “Like the sun.”
“Keep dreaming, sister,” Sarge chuckled.
“’Sarge,’ how would you fix the economy?” Nalyd asked.
“I’d make jobs!” Sarge declared. “USA! USA! USA!” The crowd began chanting with him.
“How would you do that?” Nalyd asked.
“Oh no, you’re not going to trip me up with one of your ‘Gotcha’ questions!” Sarge responded. “No further comment. More jobs! Alright, now no further comment.”
“Lois; is there anything you feel the viewing public should know about your opponents?”
“’Sarge’ is an incompetent buffoon,” Lois said. “No offense, ‘Sarge.’”
“None taken,” Sarge said.
“Also, Katheryn is in a relationship with a member of another party,” Lois said.
“I am not!” Katheryn said.
“I saw you kiss Hank,” Lois said. “Sorry, Katheryn.”
“Ooh, a scandal!” Nalyd said with glee. The audience stirred.
“Katheryn betrayed the alliance,” Lois said in the confessional. “Do you know what that makes her? I’ll give you a hint. It starts with a ‘V’ and ends with ‘illain.’ She’s a villain.”
“Katheryn, would you like to offer a rebuttal?” Nalyd asked.
“Lois thinks she’s a superhero; if that’s not crazy, I don’t know what is,” Katheryn said.
“I am a superhero,” Lois said.
“You’re so weird,” Katheryn said. “I can’t believe I’ve gone this long pretending to be your friend!”
Lois’s jaw dropped. “You’ve been pretending to like me?”
“Everyone has!” Katheryn shouted. “You’re, like, so annoying! You’re not a hero, you’re a zero!”
“Ooh,” went the crowd.
Lois gasped. She ran off the stage.
“Wait, no!” Katheryn said. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that!”
An awkward silence filled the stage and audience. Sarge broke the silence, “Did I win?”
“Yes,” Nalyd said. “You win.”
“I didn’t mean to say what I did,” Katheryn said in the confessional. “I mean, I don’t really like Lois much. I didn’t mean to be so mean about it though. She’s not too bad, she just gets annoying sometimes. And what she said about Hank and I was totally uncalled for!”
“Okay, now comes the fun part,” Nalyd said. “Hank, the nominee for the Losers, and his running mate, James, will campaign against ‘Sarge,’ the nominee for the Fans, and his running mate, Cecil! Like I said before, during this stage of the game, you can appear on talk shows, make speeches, and release attack ads. Talk shows will be done on the stage featuring me as the host. If you want to make a speech, just find somewhere in public and draw attention to yourself. For an attack ad, just talk to a cameraman, he’ll let you use our high-tech editing software. Any questions?”
Hank raised his hand. “Why is this challenge so pointlessly complicated?”
“One more thing!” Nalyd said. “At sundown, we’re going to have fans from across the country vote. Each state has a certain amount of electoral votes; you need two-hundred and seventy votes to win, understood?”
“Let’s do this!” Sarge shouted.
Hank walked up to the Losers, James, Bozo, Rob, Sally, The Hobo, and Elvis, who were conveniently gathered near the stage. “So will you guys endorse me?” Hank asked.
“Only if you make me secretary of state!” Bozo said.
“Sure, whatever you want,” Hank said.
“I wanna be secretary of something,” Sally said.
“Me too!” The Hobo said.
“You guys know he won’t really become president, right?” Elvis noted.
“Look, I don’t care,” Hank said. “This is a stupid challenge. People who watch the show are voting, and I’m the returning player. Nobody knows who he is. I figure he’ll get, maybe, 27% of the votes, and those are people who are dumb. I don’t want their votes. I’ve got all the other votes guaranteed.”
“Yeah, you’ve got a point,” James said. “Don’t worry, everyone will endorse you.” The Losers agreed.
“Alright, I guess I’ve got to appear on a talk show,” Hank said. “So I guess I’ll do that.” He and the assembled Losers walked toward the stage.
Sarge ran towards the camera. “Give me that tape!” he said, grabbing the cameraman. “I’ve got an attack ad to make!”
Hank sat on a large recliner chair on the stage. He was facing a desk that Nalyd sat behind. A large screen hung above them. “Welcome to the show, Hank!” Nalyd said. Hank glared at him. “First, I want to ask you about your relationship with Katheryn.”
“I have no relationship,” Hank said.
“Lois says she saw you two kiss, do you have a comment?” Nalyd continued.
“Why does it matter who I’ve kissed or haven’t kissed?” Hank asked. “Every president has kissed people.”
“Have you seen ‘Sarge’s’ recent attack ad against you?” Nalyd asked.
“What? This challenge has been going on for twenty minutes. How does he-” Nalyd pointed to the monitor hanging above them. Sarge’s attack ad started.
The ad started with a black and white picture of Hank with the word “communist” next to it. “Who is the real Hank?” said a man with a deep voice. “Hank thinks you’re stupid.”
A lens flare transition led to a clip of Hank talking, “I figure he’ll get, maybe, 27% of the votes, and those are people who are dumb. I don’t want their votes.”
“Hank,” the narrator continued, “he thinks you’re stupid. Prove him wrong; vote for ‘Sarge.’”
The clip transitioned to Sarge holding a crying baby. “I’m ‘Sarge’ and I love freedom and I approve this message.”
The assembled audience booed Hank. “He’s going down,” Hank grumbled. He ran off the stage.
“Breaking news!” Nalyd said to the camera. “Recent polls show ‘Sarge’ ahead nationally, sixty percent to forty percent! Here now is his vice presidential candidate Cecil!”
Cecil sat in the recliner. “Thank you for having me,” he smiled.
“Cecil, why should America pick ‘Sarge’ to be the president?” Nalyd inquired.
“He really likes America,” Cecil answered, “probably more than he likes anything else. Its borderline stalker-like, but I think that’s the kind of passion that would make him a good leader.”
“Why would Hank be a bad choice for president?” Nalyd asked.
“I don’t think he would be,” Cecil shrugged. “He seems like a decent person. I haven’t met him personally, but I see no reason why he would do a bad job. Both of them could be good!”
“No, you idiot!” Sarge shouted, running onto the stage. “Tell them I’m better!”
“But I honestly think you’d both be good,” Cecil said. “Aren’t we supposed to be honest?”
“No, of course not,” Sarge said, glaring daggers at Cecil. “If politicians were honest they wouldn’t get voted for.”
“Oh,” Cecil said. “Sorry.”
“You saw it here first, folks,” Nalyd said to the camera. “’Sarge’ just berated his running mate!”
“No, I didn’t!” Sarge said. “I love this guy!” He picked up Cecil in a bear hug and shook him. “We get along great, right, Cecil?”
“I don’t feel good,” Cecil mumbled.
“The latest polls are in,” Nalyd said. “Despite harassing and assaulting his running mate, ‘Sarge’ has still maintained a slight lead, fifty-one to forty-nine. However, that could all change! The Hank campaign just released this ad.”
Sarge looked up at the monitor and said, “These ads sure are quick to make.”
The ad started with a shot of James at a factory with middle-aged, Caucasian men wearing hard-hats, flannel shirts, and overalls. “Supporting American jobs!” James said. The men smiled and nodded.
The scene cut to a shot of James riding a tractor. “Preserving our environment!” he said as he rode by a farmer.
The scene cut to a shot of James in a school, sharpening a pencil and handing it to a child. “Educating our children!” James said. The child jabbed James in the arm with the pencil. “Ouch!” He looked at his arm. “Maybe looking into healthcare… These are all things Hank would do as president.”
The shot cut to Hank’s face with an American flag waving in the background. Hank glared at the camera. His expression gradually softened into an uncomfortable smile. “I’m Hank and I’m better than ‘Sarge’ and I approve this message.” The ad ended.
“More breaking news!” Nalyd shouted. “The race is now completely even! Fifty percent of our viewers support Hank! Fifty percent support ‘Sarge!’”
Hank and James joined Sarge, Cecil, and Nalyd on the stage. “Now what?” Hank asked.
“Now it’s time for America to vote,” Nalyd explained. “We’ve set up a poll online. Fans of the show can enter their home state and cast a vote for either Hank or ‘Sarge.’ Whoever wins the most votes per state will win that state’s electoral votes. You need two-hundred-seventy votes to win.”
“How long will that take?” Sarge asked.
“Polls will be open for an hour. I guess that could be inconvenient for certain time zones, but whatever,” Nalyd said. “You guys can hang out with the other contestants, eliminated or otherwise.”
“I’m in a position of power tonight,” Hank said in the confessional. “Katheryn and I will obviously vote together. I mean, I assume we will. We’re a couple. Well, sort of a couple. Friends who kiss, I guess? I like her and she likes me, so does that make us a couple?”
“Have people not liked me this whole time?” Lois said in the confessional. “I know people think it’s a little strange that I’m a superhero, but I’ve never had somebody pretend to like me. I can’t believe she would do that!”
“Lois probably wants me out,” Katheryn said in the confessional. “I do feel genuinely bad about what I said. Maybe I’ll vote with her? She’ll stop hating me.”
Bozo twiddled her thumbs in the confessional. “Everyone’s saying important things and I’m just sitting here hogging screen time.”
Bozo was in the recliner on the stage. Sarge sat at the desk that Nalyd had used to host the talk shows. “Bozo, I need to talk to you,” Sarge said. “How would you like to make a big move in this game?”
“Please,” Bozo said, “I don’t need your help with that. I’ve been making big moves this whole game!”
“Wait, what?” Sarge replied, surprised.
“Who do you think has been in control this whole time?” Bozo smiled evilly. “I’ve had secret alliances with everyone in the game. I’m solely responsible for the eliminations of everybody! You know what the best part is though?” She jumped out of the recliner and onto the desk Sarge sat behind. “They don’t even realize it! They’ll still vote for me to win! And you’re not going to tell anybody, because you’re going to vote with me tonight, capisci?”
“What is this - I don’t even,” Sarge stammered. “Okay, I’ll vote with you! Just don’t hurt me!” Bozo laughed and jumped onto Sarge’s shoulders.
“Giddy up!” she shouted, flicking Sarge behind the ear. Sarge got up and ran around the stage with Bozo on his back.
“I didn’t realize Bozo was such an evil mastermind!” Sarge said in the confessional.
“Most of the others don’t appreciate what a performance artist I am,” Bozo said in the confessional. “I decided to freak ‘Sarge’ out and act all scary and evil! Of course I’m not really in charge! I never know who is being voted off, sometimes I just vote for whoever has the shortest name ‘cause I don’t like writing.”
The final five were gathered on the stage. “The results are in!” Nalyd said. “First, I’m going to list the states that each of you won and then we’ll reveal what that means in terms of Electoral College votes. Hank won Nevada, Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Hawaii, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Kentucky, North Carolina, Florida, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Maine! That gives him nineteen states and two-hundred and sixty-seven votes!”
“That means I won!” Sarge exclaimed.
“Not so fast, big guy,” Nalyd said. “‘Sarge’ won Washington, Oregon, California, Alaska, Idaho, Montana, Utah, Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Ohio, Maryland, Delaware, Connecticut, and Vermont! So he won thirty states, but also two-hundred and sixty-seven votes! It’s a tie!”
“But that’s only forty-nine states,” Bozo said, “and, as I recently learned, there are fifty states! What’s the deal, yo?”
“The deciding state is Rhode Island,” Nalyd said. He pulled an envelope from his pocket. “This has Rhode Island’s results.” He opened the envelope and read the note. “Oh, this wasn’t even close. ‘Sarge’ won Rhode Island, 73% to 27%, so ‘Sarge’ wins the challenge! ‘Sarge’ is the new president!”
“Woohoo!” Sarge cheered. “USA! USA! USA!”
“Alright, final five,” Nalyd said. “Tonight, one of you will go home! I’ll give you some time to strategize while I get the eliminated contestants a ride home.”
Hank and Katheryn were back on the cruise ship and alone in Katheryn’s room. They sat on her bed. “Lois has to go tonight,” Hank said.
“I know,” Katheryn said. “I’m going to vote however she does, which will probably be for Bozo.”
“Why would you do that? That’s stupid,” Hank said.
“I feel bad for insulting her today,” Katheryn said. “Besides, you, Bozo, and ‘Sarge’ will all vote her out. So if I vote with her she’ll still go, but she’ll forgive me.”
“No, you have to vote with us,” Hank replied. He stood up. “We have to vote together!”
“She’ll go no matter what,” Katheryn said defensively, “it doesn’t matter.”
“Well it matters to me,” Hank said. “We have to be together!”
Katheryn paused. “This isn’t about the vote, is it Hank?”
“Of course it is,” Hank said. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Hey, don’t call me stupid!” Katheryn said, jumping to her feet.
“I’m not calling you stupid, I’m saying what you’re doing is stupid!” Hank shouted. “I can’t believe you!”
Katheryn looked at him through watery eyes. “Get out,” she said.
“What?” Hank asked, surprised.
“Get out, Hank!” Katheryn shouted.
Hank opened his mouth, but said nothing. He walked out of the room.
Katheryn sat down on her bed and covered her face with her hands. Lois entered the room. “Why did Hank just run out-” She looked at Katheryn. Lois sat next to her and hugged her. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”
“Katheryn told me Hank exploded,” Lois said in the confessional. “I guess she wasn’t going to vote with him and he just went off on her. She said she wanted to vote with me tonight and I told her Hank had to go.”
“I’ve wanted to vote with Katheryn this whole time,” Hank said in the confessional. “And now all of a sudden she won’t vote with me? It’s unbelievable, but it’s so like her! I mean, if somebody kisses you, wouldn’t they vote with you?” He sighed. “This isn’t about the vote.”
The final five went to the stage where the challenge took place. “Congratulations on making it this far,” Nalyd said. “Tonight, one of you will join the jury. It’s time to vote.”
Hank voted for Lois.
Lois voted for Hank. “You’re a jerk.”
“I’ll tally the votes,” Nalyd said once all five had been cast. He looked through the votes and hung up the puppets of Hank and Lois. “It’s time to read the votes. First vote, Lois.”
He cut a string from Lois’s puppet. He read another vote.
“Hank,” he said, and cut a string from Hank’s puppet. “That’s one vote for Lois and one vote for Hank.”
Nalyd read another vote. “Lois,” he said. “That’s two votes Lois, one vote Hank.”
He pulled another vote and prepared to cut a string. “The nineteenth person voted out of Total Drama Losers and the sixth member of our jury is…”
He cut the string from Lois’s puppet, which fell into the fire.
Lois stood up. She began to walk away, but her hand was grabbed by Katheryn. Katheryn stood up and hugged her. “Thank you,” Katheryn said. “I’m sorry for what I said to you.”
“You were right,” Lois said. She sniffled; she was trying to hold back tears. “I’m not a superhero.”
“You may not have superpowers,” Katheryn said, “but I think you’re still a super hero.” Lois smiled and hugged Katheryn.
“Super Amazing Girl, away!” Lois said, running off of the stage.
Nalyd smiled. “That was just cheesy enough to be the perfect end to Lois’ story arc. On behalf of the producers, Katheryn, I thank you,” he said. “Bozo, Hank, Katheryn, ‘Sarge,’ you are the final four. Tomorrow, the finale starts. The four of you will go head to head to head to head and battle it out until only one remains. Go get on the ship, and get ready. It’s gonna be big.”
This article contains information that may be considered spoilers for an unfinished/recently released chapter or story. Read at your own risk.
|Chapter One||Globetrotting Fans||Rob||10-2|
|Chapter Two||Globetrotting Fans||James||6-5|
|Chapter Three||Globetrotting Fans||Sally||8-2|
|Chapter Four||Losing Losers||Rosalinda||6-5-1|
|Chapter Five||Bozo||"The Hobo"||6-3|
|Chapter Six||Losing Locusts||"Chicken"||5-4|
|Chapter Seven||Losing Locusts||Gretel||4-3|
|Chapter Eight||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Deb||5-3-1|
|Chapter Nine||Globetrotting Grizzlies||Cecil||4-4|
|Chapter Ten||Globetrotting Grizzlies||"Ugly"||6-1|
|Chapter Eleven||Losing Locusts||Elvis||4-3|
|Chapter Twelve||Audrey, Frasier||Esteban||7-5|
|Chapter Thirteen||Bozo, Salvatore||Martha||10-1|
|Chapter Fifteen||Bozo, Lois||Frasier||4-3-1|
This article contains information that may be considered spoilers for an unfinished/recently released chapter or story. Read at your own risk.