In Total Drama Conquest, 18 new contestants will battle it out on Wawanakwa Island, the widely popular campsite that fans once cherished! It is on this island that fans will grow to love, hate, and freak out over new faces and fresh meat! Will romance be found here? Will enemies arise? Find out on Total Drama Conquest!
Brendan (The Talkative Jock): Brendan is super nice. He loves engaging with others, and that's the reason why he does sports! He's not the best at them (he's by no means bad), but he loves the fact that he gets exposed to all sorts of people! He's also very energetic, gets excited easily, and never lets anything really get him down. Therefore, he tries to spread that good feeling around to others through conversation, but a lot of the type ends up annoying them with his hyperactivity and cheer.
Brooke (The Sarcastic Stoic): Brooke lives to make others feel like they're less. Well, not on purpose (sometimes), but simply because she dislikes most people for totally valid reasons. That's pretty much it. She dislikes people and is not afraid to show it. Except, she doesn't really show it. She just hates without showing hatred. Funny! Right?
Eli (The Intellectual Introvert): Eli is everyone man, woman, and animal's dream. He's handsome, and bright, and sometimes even modest. He was given a chance at a young age to achieve a top school, and made sure that opportunity was not wasted whatsoever. However, his devotion to his studies has caused him to lose some of his social graces; he's charismatic yes, but often talks over himself, stutters, and loses track of what he's trying to say. Overall, he hopes that coming on to Total Drama will aid him in improving his self-confidence and speaking skills.
Harrison (The Introspective Nerd): Harrison has spent his whole life as a victim. Bullied for his weight, glasses, hair, and interests, he's no stranger to hardship. However, his struggles as a victim to bullying have made him stronger and he's learned to never give up. Thus, he's actually, perphaps, a bit confident in his skills. He's deduced that many are jealous of his skills in certain areas, and thus must mock his more unchangeable areas of his self. But that doesn't bother him anymore. He can see both logically and clearly, and manages to look past bias in some situations. However, his insecurities are still hidden deep under his mask of confidence, and if a cute girl shows him any sort of attention... he may become a hopeless romantice and be blinded by love. But in his mind, or rather his heart, why would any girl pay attention to him?
Hazel (The Zen Vegetarian): Calm, cool, and collected. Each of these words could easily describe Hazel- she's zen and peaceful. As a result, she's also extremely passive, and often suffers from crueler hands than her own. She doesn't like violence or conflict, and therefore avoids it as best as she can. She's also a fierce vegetarian. Meat is murder, plain and simple. However, she likes to avoid conflict and is generally relaxed, so she never really calls anyone out for eating meat. She understands that people like meat, but if anyone ever tries to get her to eat meat... Well, she doesn't believe in violence, but let's just say she has her own way of getting her point across.
Kaiser (The Eagle Scout): Kaiser is one of the most successful Eagle Scouts in his town, and thus lives a life of brotherhood, camaraderie, and hard work. He's skilled in knot-tying, tent-pitching, fire-making, and knitting. Although he's talented in many skills, Kaiser remains a humble being. Mainly because he lacks any major source of self-confidence. He loves taking charge, but then questions every decision he makes almost to the point where he's slowing everyone else down. Despite this, he's still devoted and passionate, and never gives up- even when he literally cannot make a choice. He will not stop until he chooses.
Nellie (The Athletic Loner): Nellie is a loner by choice. She’s a little shy, sure, but for the most part she prefers to keep to herself. But that’s because she likes to think of herself as sort of a tough girl, doing karate and working out every morning. Who needs friends if you have muscle? At least, that's what she says to herself to convince her to stay in solitude. The truth is, she wants friends, but she has trouble making them and instead tries to perform a self-fulfilling prophecy. In order to make sure it's her choice she has no friends, she puts all of her time into working out and reading so that she never feels lonely.
Rina (The Cold Analyst): Rina is calculating and cold. She has to analyze everything and make sure everything goes to plan. She’s anal and doesn’t hide it. However, she’s very self-aware, and knows how mercurial she can be. If something can get her another dollar, she’ll do it, as long as it doesn’t go below her standards. She works hard and makes sure that everything she does has a purpose. However, she does like to laugh, and likes even more to laugh at people. Her favorite past time is watching fat people falling off treadmills on YouTube, and occasionally she’ll go to the gym to try and see the real thing in person.
Silas (The Preppy Man-Child): Silas is what some would call a snob. He's been raised in money- literally. His bed sheets were stiched from fifty-dollar bills (his parents would never waste hundreds, no!) and his biggest role model was his childhood nanny and maid, Carmelita. As a child, he got whatever he wanted, and as a teenager, the same held true. He believes he can get whatever he wants simply by asking for it. If someone denies him? Well, then they'll hear from his father!
Aaron (The Ladies Man): Aaron is a total ladies-man. With his muscles, he can get any girl he desires... or so he would like to think. Like in many cases, people cannot have it both ways, and thus Aaron lacks some smarts. He's a bit abrasive, doesn't think before he speaks, and generally annoys those around him. He's self-absorbed and only self-interested. If it gets him pleasure, he's for it. If not, he'll just throw a fit or punch someone out. That always seems to work for him.
Chelsey (The Emotional Techie): Chelsey is headstrong but shy. She doesn’t like to give up, but often is too shy to assert herself. She’s also heavily emotional; if somebody angers her enough to make her cry or scream, she lets it all out and doesn’t think twice. That being said, she’s still smart and analytical. Her intellect can be most seen in her biggest hobby and passion: computers. She's a techie at heart, and spends a lot of time playing video games and writing code. She can spot errors and glitches, and fix them in nearly an instant. Will that translate well to the game? Who knows!
Erika (The Manga Maniac): A wildcard. That's the only way to describe Erika without getting into the crazy details. First of all, she's a cosplayer, loves anime and manga, and can speak Japanese nearly fluently. She loves nearly all types of Japanese manga, and attempts to read every book in both English and Japanese to truly grasp the heart of each story. However... this passion doesn't translate to real life. She doesn't try very hard in school (though some attribute it to severe ADHD) and even when she does try, the attempts are often futile and short-lasting. Her whole life is spent around these manga- she lives, breathes, and talks them. And partially due to her intensity for these comics, she tries to live them out in her life. She's loyal, romantic, and optimistic. Even when life gets her down, she reminds herself that heroes never lose, and there's no bigger hero than her (at least in her mind).
Ethan (The "Cool" Kid): Ethan is super awesome. Like, he's the most popular guy in school, bro. He dates the hottest girls, has the best friends, and wears the coolest clothes. But all of that fortune has gone to his head. Ethan likes to believe that he can do no wrong, that everyone is part of his "fam," and that if anyone ever tries to attack him, they have no "chill." Thus, most people get easily annoyed by his masquerade of superiority and levelheadedness. Deep down, though, if someone strikes a nerve, he may very well strike back.
June (The Bubbly Journalist): June loves gossip. She's even worked as an intern at a newspaper publishing company, where she ran back and forth with coffee and lunch, all the while listening to rumors that flew throughout the office. But despite her curiosity towards the scandalous, June spends a lot of her time being cheery, helping out at local charities, and playing with her little sister. And when she isn't doing volunteer work or playing with her sister, she's mastering her AP classes in school. It seems like she has it all, but will the stress of the game get to her when she finally is forced to deal with conflict head on?
Naomi (The Naïve Nurterer): Possibly the most maternal of the cast, Naomi is nurturing and kind. She wants to grow up and be a nice, both to take care of patients and to avoid the lengthy schooling and responsibility of being a doctor. So, she takes what some may call the lesser or easier road, but to her, that makes no difference. The only thing that matters to her is that she can make a difference in someone's life. She's hardworking, gentle, and motivated, and never gives up no matter what life throws in her way. However, due to her naïvete, people try to take advantage of her, and she goes along because she sees it as a way to help. Will she succumb to this politeness during the game, or will she finally take a stand?
Roger (The Ken): Roger's smart, hilarious, and an overall nice guy. To some, he may be boring. But to others, he... well no. A lot of people consider him boring because they can never seem to find anything wrong with him. He just seems to nice, too attractive, and too funny. There's gotta be something wrong with him, right? Well, we couldn't find one! Maybe being amongst the drama of Total Drama will reveal what he's been trying to hide for so long...
Rudy (The Flirt): Rudy is very flirtatious, and uses her sexuality to propel herself through life and her careers. She has no problem leading somebody on, but does feel guilt when she crushes their hopes. She was raised by a super Latino-Catholic family, so while she does hit on men and flirt with them, she tries to avoid any major physical contact- she seduces emotionally. This often leads to awkward encounters… You can fill in the blanks from there. Anyway, she keeps a small circle of friends who she trusts completely, though some people find it hard to trust her with how much she lies to the men she leads on.
Tobi (The Theatre Geek): A huge fan of theatre and campy television shows, Tobi exists to fanboy and cheer on his favorites. As a result of his theatre background, he has a habit of being a bit dramatic, and thus may overreact at some points. However, theatre has also helped him learn to work well around others and adapt, and so he hopes to use his charisma and people skills to propel him through the game.
Chapter 1: A Tale Told by an Idiot
Chris McLean stood, smiling, on the misshapen dock of a heavily wooded island. “Welcome, viewers, to Total Drama Conquest!” He flashed his pearly white teeth and held out his arms like a minister. “Eighteen teenagers are going to duke it out on our sixth season… Is it our sixth?” He gave the cameraman a quizzical look, and the camera moved up and then down as if the cameraman had shrugged. “Let’s see… Island, World Tour, Unknown, Fortune… Fifth! They’re going to duke it out on our fifth season!”
The camera moved left and right disapprovingly.
“Stooooop it!” Chris whined. The camera centered back on him, and his teeth appeared once again. “Great! Well, these contestants are coming back to an all new island to face the wilderness, the drama, the romance, and the tears that you viewers have grown to love! Right now, we’re waiting for them to arrive. They should have been here by now…”
Chef walked up to Chris, coughing suspiciously. “McLean.”
“Chef! Where are the campers? They’re supposed to be here!” Chris crossed his arms and pouted, looking almost on the verge of tears.
All of a sudden, the sound of a boat cutting through the water roared towards the dock.
“Our first camper!” Chris squealed. He jumped up and down in delight, while Chef Hatchet just rolled his eyes and walked way.
A tall guy with dark blonde hair and burly arms walked off the boat. He had on a bright red, muscle shirt and dark blue jeans. “Hello, Chris-O.” He winked at the host, gave him a high-five, and then walked towards the other end of the dock smiling and waving at the camera.
“Aaron!” Chris said as Aaron coolly ignored him. “Ah, he’s a catch, ain’t he?”
Aaron turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Course I am, bro. Why would you even ask that? I’m actually, like, hurt.” He grunted at Chris and then turned around again. “Rude.”
Chris’s eyes shot daggers at him. “Little punk…. Well, here comes our next camper! Hello, Naomi!”
An overweight girl with dark skin and bright, hazel eyes walked along the dock. As she approached Chris, she adjusted her pink shirt, pulling it further down her khaki pants. “Oh. Hi Chris. Excited to be here!”
Chris chuckled. “Oh, of course you are! Now keep moving! We need to get through eighteen people. You don’t get that much time.”
“Umm… Rude much?” Naomi crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Total Drama is a show, Chris. Do you want me to quit or something?”
Chris mulled it over. “Well… It might helped ratings.”
Naomi frowned and walked away, sulking.
Naomi: I’m not unimportant… I mean, hey! I got on this show, didn’t I! Who is Chris to say that the show doesn’t need me? I know he’s the host and all, but…
“Neeeeext!” Chris called. “Let’s keep it moving, guys! We’re on a schedule!” He tapped his watch and the camera, and looked in annoyance when the next boat pulled up as slowly as possible. Next thing Chris knew, the boat captain ran off onto the dock, throwing his hat in Chris’s face.
“I’ve had it! This girl is nuts!” He shook Chris by his shoulders and yelled even louder. “What is wrong with her? She’s a psycho!”
He ran down the dock, turning towards the cabins, and finally hitting the woods.
“What the hell caused that?” Naomi, in fear of what would come next, stood behind Chris to use him as a shield. Chris, in turn, pushed her forward.
“Take her! Not me! My face is too plast- gorgeous to get mauled!”
Chris: What? I don’t know who the producers hire! I can’t take any chances with my face! Nuh-uh!
A girl with dark skin, near-black hair, and a dull, dark green shirt sauntered onto the dock. She stared blankly at Naomi and Chris, then heard the screams of the frightened captain. She smiled. “Hello.” She smirked at the camera. “Hey, Canada.”
Chris tried to keep his eyes on her without making contact while also trying to search through his queue cards to find out who this mystery girl was.
“Br-Brooke! Nice to meet you!”
“No it isn’t.” She looked at him angrily, then walked towards Aaron. She growled at him, but he didn’t respond. “Move it.” “Why? I’m tanning here.”
“I have ways of making you darker if you’d care to find out.” She sneered at him.
Aaron grinned. “Really? How!”
“Ugh!” Brooke stormed away and stopped next to Naomi, who stood there motionless.
Naomi: Just don’t move… That’s how you get T-Rexes to not notice you, right? Right?
“Uh, am I interrupting?” A large guy with framed glasses and shaggy brown hair in a ponytail stood in front of Chris.
Chris dusted himself off. “No, no! Everyone, say hello to Harrison!”
“Hello.” Brooke was standing behind him.
Harrison jumped up out of fright and fell flat on his face. “Ow! What was that?” He got up and turned around, only to find that nobody was there.
Brooke: This place isn’t fun. Scaring people is. If I’m going to be here, I might as well have some fun.
Harrison scratched his head and looked around, settling on the sight of Aaron. He laughed nervously as he approached him, then casually stood next to him as if they were best friends.
“Hey, dude.” He flipped his hands into gun gestures, pretending that doing this would make him cool in any sense.
Aaron sized him up. “No. You aren’t hot enough to be my friend.
“Don’t you, like, have something better to do than judge me because of my weight?”
“I’m judging you because your fly is open, bro. The only snakes I wanna see here are ones in the woods. And I’m not even sure I wanna see those. But I would like to see that…”
A girl with tan skin and big, emerald green eyes strolled onto the dock, toting a leopard print rolling luggage. “Hola, mi amigos.” She winked at Aaron and then handed her bag to Brooke. “Take care of these, will you?”
Brooke nodded, nonchalantly tossing the bag back into the water as the girl walked away.
“And what’s your name?” Aaron’s eyes and smile twinkled against the sun in the sky. “I’m Aaron.”
The girl smiled innocently. “I’m Rutillia. Or, Rudy for short.”
Rudy: I figured he’d be too dumb to pronounce my actual name. They usually are. I’m not surprised.
“Isn’t that, like, a guy’s name?” Aaron’s brow furrowed as he tried to wrap his head around Rudy’s name.
“No. It’s unisex. God.”
Aaron began to giggle and Rudy rolled her eyes. However, for the sake of seduction, she winked at him, and he smiled back.
Aaron: Did she have something in her eye or something? I didn’t wanna be rude, so I just smiled… But…. Well, she’s gotten something else going on for her if you know what I mean.
Rudy turned towards Naomi. “Who are you?”
“I’m Naomi? Why?”
“We’re going to work together.” She looked back at Aaron and then towards Harrison. “Us minority girls have got to stick together.”
“What about her?” Naomi jerked her head towards Brooke.
Rudy shrugged. “I don’t feel threatened by her sexually, so why not?”
Naomi: I’m not that bad looking, am I?
Suddenly, another boat pulled up, and high alto singing could be heard coming from inside the boat.
“Hello, everyone! I am Tobi!” A short boy in a white hoodie that read “Midsummer Night’s Wet Dream” walked out onto the dock waving and smiling as if he was on the Red Carpet. “This place looks sad.”
Chris ignored him. “Thanks for introducing yourself, Tobi.” He muttered under his breath, “And taking my damn job…”
“What was that, McLean?” Tobi asked, grinning.
“Nothing, nothing.” He motioned for Tobi to move on. “Keep going.”
Tobi: Okay, I’m here to WIN. I know I seem like just a theatre dweeb, but I’m a huge fan of Total Drama. And with my knowledge of every situation out there, I can rock this place. I’m also pretty sure that the Scottish curse applies here, too. Like if someone says Macbeth, the show is cursed. If someone says Total Drama, they won’t win- Wait! No! Don’t air this-!
Tobi walked up to Aaron. “Well isn’t someone a Prince Charming?”
Aaron raised his eyebrows, but didn’t respond. Instead, he went back to letting Rudy feel his muscles.
“Plebeians.” Tobi rolled up his sleeves and walked towards Brooke. “Hey.”
She looked at him absentmindedly and then looked away.
“Kay.” Tobi looked around, and noticing Harrison, walked to him. “Hey, so, who are you?”
“Harrison.” He held out his hand. “Please to meet you, Tobias. Funky name.”
“My name is Tobi.” He didn’t return the handshake. Instead, Tobi’s hand fell limp. “Not Tobias. Peasant.” Tobi turned his head and walked away in a hurry.
Harrison: I was just making a reference, gosh… He didn’t need to get so offended.
About ten minutes passed in awkward daze, heavily featuring Brooke looking at people and cackling. “Chef! Where’s the next boat coming?” He tapped his watched repeatedly. “It’s almost- Oh wait, there it is!”
The boat pulled up slowly to the dock, and a tall guy with messy brown hair and a popped collar strolled off onto the dock. “Hello, bromigos.” He winked at Chris, who swooned, and then slid towards Brooke.
“Hey, babe. What’s up?” He wrapped his arm around his shoulder, and she looked him in the face.
“I don’t know. What’s down?”
He looked down, and was met with her knee to his groin. He cringed over in pain as Brooke simply walked away unfazed.
“Ethan, buddy, are you okay! Medical, take a look at him!”
Ethan waved him off. “I’m- hgnh- okay. Don’t worry.”
Ethan: That girl is feisty. Ethan likey.
Next, another girl with near-black hair and a nose piercing jumped off the boat. “Hey guys.” She waved around, and then pulled out her phone.
“Hey Chelsey, what’s-?” Chris was cut off as Chelsey raised her finger to stop him from speaking.
“Not right now, Chris. I’m busy.” She struck the screen a few more times, and finally put it back in her pocket. “Sorry, finding internet.” “But… we’re on an island… In the middle of the ocean. There is no internet.”
Chelsey rolled her eyes and strolled away. “Keep thinking that, Chris. There’s always internet somewhere.”
About two miles away, a satellite crashed into Chris’s trailer. Brooke smiled.
“Kaiser Langman, reporting for duty!” A small boy with combed brown hair, wearing a gray hoodie, stood in front of Chris. He held his hand up to his head in a salute. “What should I do? Tie some knots? Pitch a tent?” Aaron chuckled.
“Nah, Kaiser, just stand over there.” Chris pointed towards Brooke. She didn’t react as Kaiser walked over.
“Hello!” he chirped brightly at her. “I’m Kaiser!” He held out his hand and nearly shoved it into her hand, had she not pulled away. “No.”
“Don’t worry, kiddie,” Naomi said. She was standing right next to him, frowning. “She’s been like that to everyone. Just cold.”
Brooke: Like dry ice.
“What’s up, man?” Tobi ran over to Kaiser. “Finally someone who’s shorter than me!”
Kaiser’s perky expression faltered. “I’m not that short…”
“You’re fine just the way you are,” Naomi said. “Tobi, leave him alone.”
Tobi scowled at her. “Fine, stroke Macbeth’s ego. But just you wait Lady Macbeth, soon you’ll be dead.”
“I…” Naomi didn’t know what to say. “What even…?”
Tobi snapped his fingers and walked away. As he walked away, another boat pulled up to the dock, and a tall girl with sunny blonde hair and a purple blouse walked off.
“Hello everyone! I’m June!”
Chris smiled. “Like the month!”
“Or like the fierce and angry goddess Juno who smote down thousands of people,” Brooke said from behind him. “Could be that, too.”
June’s eyes widened at Brooke’s comment. “Well, uh, no it’s… It’s after the month.” She tried to walk past Chris, but Brooke stood in her way. As she moved left, Brooke mirrored her and blocked her paths. Finally she managed to break through, but as she did, Brooke hissed at her.
June: There is something wrong with that girl. I can smell it already… And lightbulb moment! As a journalist, I’m going to find out just what it is!
Chris began to wave on the next camper. A girl with flaming orange hair and pale, but clear skin frolicked off her boat.
“Hello, Chris McLean. I’m Hazel. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She bowed a bit, and then walked past him.
“Greetings, Kaiser,” she said to the boy scout. “How are you?”
“I’m doing fine! How about you?” He grinned up at her, completely unaware that she had known his name before meeting him.
“Did you just…?” Rhoda started, but Hazel looked at her and smiled. “Nah, never mind. Keep doing what you’re doing. I’m gonna go over there,” she said as she pointed towards Tobi, who was performing a soliloquy to June, “and you guys can chitchat. Okay? Okay.”
“What’s up guys?”
“It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!” Tobi bowed once, then twice, and then a third time. June applauded, and Rhoda clapped faintly having walked into one of the weirdest performances of her life.
“Why did you perform Macbeth?”
“Why wouldn’t I be performing Macbeth?” He looked at June, and they exchanged a short laugh. “I mean, there’s not much else to do around her but sit and wait. Might as well have some fun.”
“I like fun,” a deep, gravelly voice muttered from behind Tobi.
“Sweet mother of Heather!” Tobi jumped up into Rhoda’s arms, and she reluctantly held onto him. “It’s just Brooke, Tobi.”
Brooke smiled devilishly and slipped away.
As Rhoda, June, and Tobi stood motionless in confusion and fear, the next boat pulled up to the dock.
A guy wearing a blue sweater and gray sweatpants strolled towards Chris, smiling nervously. “H-hi, Chris.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Eli. Keep moving. We don’t have time for this.”
Eli pouted and moved along. “F-fine.”
Eli: It seems like things are going to be difficult out here. But I think I should be able to make it through… I may not be the most courageous, but I think I may be able to outwit some of these people… Or at least, that one girl who tried opening my bags in plain sight.
The next boat pulled up. A chubby girl with dark brown hair pulled into a bun, wearing a black t-shirt that featured a yellow spiral, walked onto the dock. Immediately, people’s attention was drawn to the fact that she was wearing fish nets on her upper legs. “Hey guys!” She waved around and immediately tripped. “Oh, crap!”
Rudy ran up to her to help her up. “Oh my gosh! Are you okay!” She lifted as hard as she could, and managed to lift the girl to her feet. “Wow! I love your shirt! Do you happen to have an extra one that fits me?
Rudy: Lay a compliment, then retract it. Easiest way to mess with a girl’s head and make her want to suck up to you. I’m great, aren’t I?
The girl shrugged. “No. If I did, I sure as well wouldn’t give it to you.”
Rudy glared at the girl, and started advancing, so Chris decided to intervene. “Woah, woah, woah! Ladies! No cat-fights right now. Save that for the later episodes when we’re lacking drama…”
“Whatever,” the girl with the spiral t-shirt said. “Are you going to introduce me, at least?”
“Right, right, right,” Chris groaned. “Everyone, this is Erika. Now go stand over there.”
Erika: I know girls like the one who tried to make fun of me. They think they’re so hot with their cute sweaters, and tight jeans, and sexy boyfriends… Well guess what, my jeans are tight, too! But you don’t see me going around and acting like a bit-
“Hello everyone!” A short boy with spiky brown hair and a popped polo collar strutted off his boat. “Silas is here and ready to dominate!” He walked further along, fist-bumped Ethan (who didn’t know how to react), and then settled himself next to Rudy. “Hey girl.”
Rudy looked at the camera smugly and then turned towards Silas. “Hey, what’s up?” She winked.
Aaron: If that little punk thinks he can get with my Rhonda… He’s got another thing coming. I’ll tell you that. I’ll tell you what my mom always said: “Chicks before di-!”
“You know,” Silas began, “I’m on track to become a doctor. One that makes a lot of money. Daddy’s paying all of my tuition, so I don’t even have to worry about debts. How sexy is that?” He purred at Rudy, who struggled not to gag.
“You, babe, are you really putting up with this tool?” Aaron crossed his arms, trying to flex and show his muscles while doing so. “I know I wouldn’t.”
“I believe in… showing love to everyone,” Rudy said. “What fun is love if you can’t love everyone?”
Aaron scratched his head. “I guess, so… Yeah! Sure.”
Aaron: I still don’t really understand…
“Guys! Next boat!” Chris announced. “Get ready!”
As the boat pulled up, a tall, muscular guy with short, black hair ran off. He was wearing a musty orange sweatshirt and a matching headband, and as he approached Chelsey, began to flex triumphantly. “Hey.”
Chelsey swooned, along with Rhoda, June, and even Brooke.
Brooke: What? Hot is hot.
“I’m Roger,” he said. “What’s your name?”
Chelsey blushed. “Oh, I… I’m, uh, Chelsey.” She whispered, “Nice to meet you.”
“Hello!” Kaiser walked up to Roger and went to shake his hand. “I’m Kaiser! Top eagle scout of my state, and I’d make a great friend!”
“Nice,” Roger said. “So, uh, is everyone here?”
“No.” Rhoda glanced towards Chris. “We’re still waiting for a couple more people. You’d think a show on its fifth season would have its act together by now…”
“Well, we don’t!” Chris said joyfully. “Makes things more interesting! And look, here comes Rina!”
Once again, a boat had pulled up. Off it stepped a petite Asian girl sporting a purple t-shirt and khaki capris.
Chris was about to speak, but she waved him off. “I’ll save you the trouble,” she said. “I’m Rina Song, everyone. I’m going to win.”
Rina: This game is going to be a joke. Yes, Total Drama may seem tough to all you viewers, but I’ve studied this show. I know what it takes to win, and I certainly have it. The only problem is, does anyone else here have it, too?
Rina looked around at the other campers, many of whom were giving her the stink eye. Eli, unfortunately, made eye contact with her, so she stood next to him.
“Hello,” she said.
“H-hi.” He look up, hoping to further avoid her gaze. “I-I’m Eli.”
Rina nodded. “Right. Interesting.” Eli frowned.
“Hey guys!” A guy with bleach blonde hair, small but defined muscles, and wearing a blue tank top waved from the deck of the boat! “Hey everyone!”
“Brendan!” Chris exclaimed. “What’s up?”
“Oh, not much, man! I’m just REALLY pumped to be here!” He looked up towards the sky and pointed. “Are those seagulls? That’s awesome! Oh and look, some fish!” He rushed to the edge of the dock and tried to reach into the water. “Come here, little fishies.”
“Watch you don’t fall in.” Brooke started walking towards Brendan, but Erika ran forward and pulled Brendan back up. Brooke growled, but retreated.
“Hey, I’m Erika!” She blushed a bit, and tried to walk away, but Brendan stopped her.
“Thanks for helping me up! I could have like, died back there, huh?”
Erika: Oh my gosh… He’s like… My own little Naruto. He’s so cute and energetic! I just hope I’m not as shy as Hinata… No! I’m going to make sure I get myself a boyfriend out here! But he’s also way out my league…
While the campers waited for the next and final boat, Hazel approached Silas. “You confuse me,” she said. “You put of an air of importance and pride, but your aura… It says something else.”
“What are you trying to say” Silas asked. “That I’m not special! I’m hella special.”
“Did you just…?” Rhoda looked at him quizzically. “Whatever.”
“What?” Ethan said. “You have a problem with him saying hella? Well that hella annoys me!”
Rhoda didn’t reply. Instead, she just shook her head.
Rhoda: I know I’m sort of a boring person… just nice… But… How do people think they sound when they say that? They sound like morons!
Rina, too, disapproved. “Really, you guys just sound like imbeciles that are trying to force yourselves into a culture that doesn’t apply to you. Ever.”
“HERE COMES THE FINAL BOAT AT LAST!” Chris yelled. “And here comes Nellie!”
Nellie hopped off the boat and held her duffel bag close. She walked past some of the campers, carefully eying them down, but said nothing. She stopped when she reached the other end of the dock next to Ethan, Aaron, and Rudy.
“Hey,” Ethan said, trying to be suave. “How you doin’?” He put his arm around her and she shrugged it off aggressively.
“No,” she said. “Not really in the mood right now.”
“Oh come on…” Ethan pouted. “I don’t bite.”
“Yeah, but I do,” Nellie said. “Listen, I’m just… I don’t know you. Talk to me a bit more, and then maybe we can talk… Or do something else.”
“Score!” Ethan and Aaron high-fived, and Rudy rolled her eyes. She gave Nellie a sympathetic look, so Nellie smiled back.
“Guys!” Aaron muttered in a somewhat loud manner. “This is the final four! The hot people!”
Rudy jumped up and down, and then embraced Aaron in a tight hug. “Oh my gosh! That would be amazing!”
Rudy: Nope, not happening. I want Ethan and Aaron to myself, thank you. I don’t need an admittedly hot girl stealing my boys from me. No way.
“Attention!” Chris exclaimed. “Time for teams!” He snapped his fingers, and Chef appeared toting two rolled-up carpets. On Chris’s behest, he laid them out onto the dock. The first rug was colored red, decorated with a sword and the words “KILLER KILLERS.” On the green rug was a battle-axe and the words “SCREAMING WARRIORS.”
Erika gulped. “Kinda… bloodlusty, don’t you think?” She looked around the blank faces. “Okay…”
“Anyway,” Chris said, visibly annoyed with Erika. “If I call your name, step onto the red mat!” He cleared his throat. “Aaron! Chelsey! Erika! Ethan! June! Roger! Rudy! Rhoda! Tobi!”
The nine of them walked to their mat.
“You are officially the Killer Killers!” Chris said, his face gleaming with happiness.
Chris: These times were made specifically for drama! Think of the ratings!
“Babe, we’re on the same time!” Aaron lifted Rudy up and twirled her around in excitement. “Let’s do this!”
Ethan frowned. “But… my girl’s on the other team.”
“There’s always her,” Aaron said, pointing and snickering at Erika. “She looks good.”
Erika frowned. She was about to speak up for herself when someone touched her arm. It was Chelsey.
“It’s not worth it, honey,” Chelsey said. “Don’t let them get to you.”
Chelsey: I can’t stand these popular types who just bully people. In high school, well… Now I’m thin, but back in the day, I put Staci to shame. Partially because of the bullying and partially because of my health, I changed who I was. But Erika isn’t even that husky or anything! That guy is just being a jerkwad.
“The rest of you are the Screaming Warriors!” Chris proclaimed. “Get to your mat!”
Brendan, Brooke, Eli, Harrison, Hazel, Kaiser, Nellie, Rina, and Silas walked to their mat. Brooke stood in the center, leaving everyone else to stand on the outer edges in fear of getting to close to her.
Rina sneaked around behind some people, and lined herself up behind Kaiser and Hazel. “Us three. We have everything.” Kaiser and Hazel exchanged glances. “No, listen. Kaiser, you have the leadership and the brawn. Hazel, you have the cheer and the social ability to sway people. And I have the brains. We’ll be unstoppable.”
Kaiser: Uh, so… Rina wants to align with me and Hazel. I guess that’s fine. It’s weird, though, that she knows us, or thinks she knows us, after only like fifteen minutes. But I mean, I haven’t earned my observation badge yet, so who am I to judge? Let’s see where this goes!
“Well!” Chris said. “Now that everyone’s acquainted… Let the games begin!”
Chapter 2: Sealed Beasts Inside
“Last time on Total Drama Conquest,” Chris said as he stood atop the island’s cliff, “things got a little heated between Brooke and the other contestants!” He chuckled. “Silas hit on Rudy! And so did Aaron… And Ethan… And most of the guys! Man is that girl hot!”
Chef cleared his throat. “McLean… she’s seventeen.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “That’s legal somewhere.” He glared at Chef. “Anywaaaay, as I was saying, Rudy was hot! And Erika proved to the other contestants that she was a mess! On the first day, too! Rina strategized a bit, forming herself her own alliance with Kaiser and Hazel! Will this alliance hold true? Will Rudy get any hotter? Find out on this episode of Total Drama Conquest!”
The eighteen teenagers were standing severely confused at the path that led from the docks. Chris had his hands raised in the air and was smiling brilliantly at the camera.
“Okay! Onto this next episode!” He turned towards the contestants. “Before we start the first challenge…
“You guys are going to move into your cabins!” He smiled once again at the contestants, though no smiles were returned. “Ugh, fine! Follow me!” Chris started leading them along the path to the cabins, taking the time to point out the beautiful landmarks the island had to offer, such as the squirrel mating tree-forts and the tire marks along the side of the island.
“How did you get a car here?” June asked. “If this is an island….”
“Shush!” Chris hissed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s just… the squirrels. They can get busy sometimes.”
June: I do not believe that one bit. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I’m going to get to the bottom of this! Oh, heh, that was… Kind of funny? Right? Bet your bottom dollar… bottom of this? Funny…
Finally, they arrived at the cabins. Both were painted with green and red, respectively, but the paint was starting to peel off, and a couple rusty nails were unrooted from the decks. The stairs looked a bit wobbly, and the netting under the cabins was torn apart, with strange purring emanating from the depths.The contestants, while ignoring Chris’s further instructions, started entering their rooms and unpacking. The left cabin, adorned in hanging miniature axes and a green flag, housed Screaming Warriors. The girls walked inside. As they opened the door, a shingle fell from the roof and hit Hazel on the head.
“I love this place already,” Brooke said, monotone. “It feels like home.” She walked slowly to a bottom bunk and laid down. “This is mine.”
“You know,” Hazel began, “I think there’s more to you, Brooke.” She crouched down, forcing her smiling face into Brooke’s. “I’m gonna be your friend. We’re going to be friends!”
Brooke gripped her pillow and shoved it over her face, signaling the end of the conversation.
Hazel: I came here to… explore. I’m a curious individual. I love nature! The trees, the animals, everything! But I love people, too, and I’ve never seen someone quite as… hidden as Brooke. I don’t think she truly hates everything and everyone. Maybe a lot, but not everything!
Nellie walked over to the bunk above Brooke’s and threw her bag on top. “I call this one.”
“Above Brooke?” Rina flipped her hair. “If you have a death wish, sure.”
“I’m not afraid of her,” Nellie said. “I mean, I like my privacy, and as long as I don’t bother her, I don’t think she’ll bother me.”
“Someone gets it.” Brooke took the pillow off her head and instead placed her head on it. “I don’t like you people. Like, just don’t talk to me and you’re good.”
Rina: Hmmm… Brooke would make a great first boot. But why boot her first when I can save her for later and make sure I’m safe? People are always going to want her gone. All I have to do is make sure she’s around so they always want her gone before me!
“Wait, guys?” Nellie called the other girls towards it, but only Rina and Hazel listened. “What’s that?”
The girls leaned in above Brooke, and despite her growls of warning, remained still.
“Is that… a peephole?” Nellie gasped. “What guy did that?” All of a sudden, an eye appeared on the other end.
Nellie jerked her head and whispered, “Pretend to undress or something and I’ll run over and catch them.”
“No.” Brooke lifted herself up and jabbed her finger through the whole.
“Ow!” the eye screamed from the other side. “What was that for?”
“Stick another eye in that hole and I’ll cut you!” Brooke looked at the rest of the girls and then went back to sleep.
On the other side of the Screaming Warriors cabin, Silas was clutching his eye in extreme agony. “This is a total lack of boundaries! How dare they stab my eye with their beady little fingernails?”
“Uh, dude…” Harrison grew squeamish as Silas tried prying open his eyelids and asking people if it looked swollen. “Well, uh… you deserved that. You were being a bit of a perv.”
Silas: I get what I want, and sometimes Silas likes himself some attractive women! I can’t help myself that all the girls on the other side of the wall are kinda hot! Hazel, the ginger princess… Rina, the earthy Asian… Gotta love anime! And then there’s Nellie, the ethnically undeterminable seductress! Brooke’s fine I guess, but she scares me. And as soon as I pick which girl I like most, she’ll HAVE to fall for me! Hmmm… what about Rudy? I don’t know. I may be out of her league....
“Well fine! Excuse my exquisite tastes in women!” Silas crossed his arms and dropped down his shoulders. “But we cannot dwell on the past. Harold, Brandon, Elliot, Kurt, we all need to work together. Bros before ho-”
Chris stuck his head in the door. “Kid’s shooooow!” He wiggled his fingers a bit as if to show some kind of magical powers, and then disappeared from view.
“Fine! Stupid censorship… But we’re all working together! We cannot let the girls control this game! After all, if you take notice, all CEOs are men… At least that’s what daddy says.”
Kaiser: Silas worries me a bit. I mean, as a boy scout, I was taught to help all people and treat everyone with respect. Man, woman, ambiguously gendered New Yorker… ‘No matter who a person is, offer them help!’ But do I really have to help this guy?
Harrison shrugged his shoulders. “Why not?”
Silas jumped up and down and squealed in glee. “I’m a mastermind! I am so going to win!”
Eli blinked. Harrison looked at Eli in confusion, and then back toward Silas. “We’re… right here?”
“Right, right.” Sillas held his head in thought, and finally the idea struck him. “Well, I mean, since you guys are basically like the peons to my CFO, I’m not really worried that you’re going to overthrow me. That’s capitalism, boys.”
Eli: No… it’s- it’s not?
“Oh, relax.” Brendan walked over to Silas and held him close in a side-arm embrace. “We’re all friends, here. Who cares who’s capitalism and who’s communism? No need to argue about ideals!” “But… that w-wasn’t grammatically correct and that wasn’t the t-topic at hand.”
“Could ya speak louder, Eli?” Brendan looked at him with the eyes of an energetic puppy. “I couldn’t hear you?”
“I... “ Eli sighed. “I didn’t say anything important.
Brendan frowned. He rushed over to Eli’s side on the bed, and sat down. “Listen buddy, nothing you ever say is important! If you have a voice, then, like, it’s supposed to be used! No matter what anyone says, including Mrs. Thimbermon. She always told me to shut up, but I told her ‘If you can talk so much and say nothing, why can’t I talk a little and say so much?’ And then I would get detention. But it didn’t mean I was wrong!”
Eli didn’t want to make eye contact. “Right…”
The boys remained in an awkward silence. However, there was almost no silence whatsoever in the girls’ side of the Killers’ cabin.
“Literally, get OFF my bed!” Chelsey screamed at Rudy. “You’re probably getting enough of your germs on it already! I’ll have to burn the sheets!
Chelsey gave up and threw Rudy’s bags at her. “Whatever! It’s not worth it.”
Chelsey: I just can’t stand preppy, snotty, bratty girls like Rudy. She’s just so… slimy. She’s trying to manipulate all the guys! Which I get is a legit strategy since this is a game and all, but that means she’s going to go after the girls! What the hell? Targeting someone because of their genders is just so stupid. Rudy’s stupid!
“Listen, Chelsey.” Rudy glanced at Rhoda and Erika, who were eying her down. “Okay. I know I look like this massive priss, but I’m not. I’m actually a nice person. But this is game, and I want to win. So don’t attack my character or whatever. If any of you could play the flirt card, you would. You all know it.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Rhoda asked.
“It…” Erika shook her head. “It means she’s calling us ugly.”
Rudy rolled her eyes. “Oh, not ugly. Just not threatening. Well,” she looked at June suspiciously, “at least I don’t feel threatened by some of you.”
Rudy: I’m… I’m not a mean person. I just want to win this money. Believe it or not, I’m kind of… religious. So I’m not going to actually do anything with these guys… Ew. They’re actually pretty gross, anyway, so… No. But I want to win for my family. If I have to flirt with some guys, and backstab some girls, I’m going to do if it means I’ll win. This is Total Drama, not Total Friendship. Grow up.
June sat down on the bed across from Rudy. “Listen, girls, we don’t need to fight. It doesn’t matter who’s hot” she looked at Rudy, “and who’s not,” she quickly glanced towards Erika and Rhoda. “What matters is, we have to stick together as a team.”
“Yeah,” Erika sat down next to her. “If I’ve learned anything from anime… A team sticks together.” She gazed around the room. “Like in Naruto… Fairy Tail…. People can only succeed with the support of friends and companions. There’s a reason the Jinchuriki are so powerful. They have the sealed beasts inside them that provide them with power!”
Rudy sneered. Chelsey and June looked confused. Rhoda, however, was smirking.
“You watch Naruto?”
“Oh my gosh!” Erika started clapping gleefully. “I do! Do you?”
Rhoda shrugged in reply. “A little. I haven’t seen anything… too far. Only like the first seventy episodes?”
“How many episodes are there?” Rudy, despite actually not caring, wanted to uphold her statements from before about being nice.
Erika looked towards Rhoda, expecting her to answer, and then looked back at Rudy in disappointment. Apparently, even Rhoda was getting a bit tired with Erika’s fanaticism. “Like, five hundred.”
Chelsey dropped her bag and yelled, “Five hundred? What the hell?”
“But they’re twenty minutes each,” Erika said, waving Chelsey’s surprise off. “So it’s not too long.”
“I wish I could judge,” Chelsey said back. “I have around two hundred hours clocked in on Guild of Giants…” She blushed a bit. “And let’s not talk about-”
“Wait. Do you guys hear something?” June walked up to the other end of the cabin and pressed her ear against the wall. “What’s going on there?”
“Why the hell do you get the hotter girl?!” Ethan was shouting at Aaron. “I mean, Rudy is like, a NINE on the hotness scale and-”
“I’m a ten!” she screamed from the other room. “A ten.” “Fine! Fine!” Ethan groaned. “She’s a ten! Erika’s like… a 5!”
“Hey!” “It’s just not fair, dude!” Ethan started pacing back and forth deep in thought. “Maybe we can share Rudy? Like, we switch girls every round or something…”
“Dude, you can’t just switch, or like, claim girls,” Roger said. He just shook his head. “I don’t think either of them even want you to being with, so…”
“Please,” Aaron said. He began laughing, almost maniacally. “Of course they want me! Who wouldn’t?”
“Me,” June said from the other side of the cabin.
June: I know the type of guy Aaron is. I want nothing to do with him. However… If I want to be a reporter one day, he’s going to be good practice for meeting different people…
“Challenge time!” Chris’s voice echoed throughout the camp, emanating from the loudspeakers. “Meet me at the cliff in FIVE. MINUTES. McLean out!”
The teenagers began their trek to the top of Wawanakwa’s highest peak. While Nellie and Aaron led the pack at the front, chatting about fitness, Rhoda and Harrison made up the rear.
“This sucks,” Harrison groaned, trying to catch his breath. “By the time I get up there, I won’t have anything left in me to do the challenge!
“Would we really have done that well anyway?” Rhoda stopped for a second to rest her hands on her knees, but began her journey after a few seconds. “We’re not that fit.”
Harrison nodded. “True. But let’s set a goal for ourselves, then.” He pointed up ahead, in Erika and Chelsey’s direction. “Let’s just catch up to them! That shouldn’t be too hard.”
And so they began to run up the hill, still out of breath and almost tripping on their own feet and the rocks around them. Step by step, they managed to reach Chelsey and Erika, who greeted them without any perspiration.
“Hey.” Chelsey waved back at them.
Harrison and Rhoda smiled at each other, finally able to walk slowly up the cliffside.
“Let’s go bros!” Roger shouted down towards Eli and Brendan. “Push it! We’re almost there!”
“Why are you helping the other team?” Rudy shouted up at him. “Like, just don’t talk to them. At all.”
“Whatever.” Roger rolled his eyes and stopped his encouragement. Instead, he just walked behind Nellie and Aaron, who were then beginning to flirt.
“So,” Nellie said, “you like lifting? What’s the highest you’ve done?” She flipped her hair a bit and then looked back behind her to see people looking at her. Instantly, she tensed up and avoided making eye contact with Aaron.
“Oh, like, four-hundred. I’m so swole.”
Aaron: That Nellie babe is hot. Like, I could see me being with that. She’s just cool.
Ethan: If Aaron thinks he can take all the hot girls, then he has another thing coming! Rudy first, and now Nellie? Nah, bruh! Get in line!
Roger sighed after hearing Aaron and Nellie, and fell back a bit until Chelsey caught up to him. She had recently left the conversation between Harrison, Rhoda, and Erika about anime.
“A bit bored?” Roger asked her. “They seem to be having fun.” He glanced at Erika, who was excitedly waving her hands around and shouting about jutsus and hand signs.
Chelsey shrugged. “Not my kind of fun.”
“You can have fun with anyone,” Roger insisted. Chelsey looked away, trying to hide a blush.
“Yeah, yeah.” She looked up. “We’re here.”
They had finally reached the top of the cliff, and soon enough, those at the end of the procession had arrived, too.
“Wonderful!” Chris exclaimed when everyone had gathered around him. “Time to explain the rules! For today’s challenge, all you have to do is jump into the water! First team to get all of their members to jump, or whichever team gets more people, wins! Any questions?”
“Good! Then let’s begin! In three… two… one!”
Immediately, to show their bravado, Aaron and Ethan jumped from the cliff, landing butt-first into the freezing water.
June, not wanting to let her team down, jumped as well.
June: Okay, like I know I look all girly and perfect or whatever, but I want to win. I’m not afraid to just jump in head on. This is redundant, but since I do want to be a reporter or journalist, I can’t be afraid of looking like an idiot. I just have to go in, ask questions, and twist those words to suit my article. Or my game. Same thing.
“Who’s next?” Rudy sneered, looking around.
“Why not you?” Rhoda tapped her foot and looked at Rudy and then at the water. “What makes you exempt?
“Nothing,” Rudy said back. “I just thought I should make sure everyone goes first. I’m the leader of our team, after all.”
Rhoda rolled her eyes. “Who died and made you queen?”
“No one died. Just relax.”
Rudy: I can’t stand Rhoda. Like, who died and made me queen? Really? We need a leader, you halfwit. If you’re not gonna step up, and the only other option is Aaron, then hell yeah I’m going to boss you around!
“Relax you two,” Roger said, trying to calm them down by raising his hands as if he were Moses parting the Red Sea. “Like, we don’t need this drama. And if we lose, it’ll probably be one of you going home.”
By the time Roger had silenced them, Hazel, Nellie, Eli, Brendan, Rina, Erika, and Chelsey had jumped. Rhoda, Rudy, Roger, Tobi, Brooke, Harrison, Kaiser, and Rina remained.
“Whatever! This is your fault!” Rhoda shouted at Rudy. “I’m jumping! Hopefully you don’t screw it up for us.” Rhoda shot one more look at Rudy, and then jumped into the water.
“I…” Kaiser’s eyes began to get misty. “I don’t think I can do it!” He pouted. “I’m actually afraid of heights…”
Brooke looked at him and then sat down. “I don’t feel like jumping either.”
Roger shrugged and jumped.
“It is a long fall,” Harrison said, peering over the edge. “And if we hit the rocks… There’s a big chance we die.
“No duh,” Rina said. “But if you don’t jump, there’s an even bigger chance you guys go home. So do it.”
Harrison stared blankly at her. Brooke growled.
“Are you sure?” Kaiser looked over the edge and gulped. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
Rina rolled her eyes. “Of course you can, Kaiser.” She leaned in close and whispered, “Listen, we’re an alliance, I’m not going to let you down. Just jump and we’ll work from there.”
Kaiser’s eyes widened in fear, but he nodded and jumped from the edge.
“Who’s next?” Rina stood, hands on her hips, watching Brooke and Harrison. By then, Rudy had finally worked up the courage to jump.
“Fine.” Harrison jumped. “Ahhhhhhh!” During his fall, he almost met his end with a sharp rock, a stray branch, and a shark. However, he landed on the shark, and managed to knock it out with one loud thump. “Tobi! Jump!” Roger shouted from the beach. “We win if you do!”
Tobi crossed his arms. “I am NOT getting my hair wet!”
“You don’t have any hair,” Rina said, sneering at him. “What’s wrong with you?” “Who are you to say what I have and don’t have?” Tobi walked towards her. “If I say I have hair, I have hair! Here!” He took off his hood. “Feel my head! There’s hair!”
They heard a splash. Brooke had jumped off.
“Suck it,” Rina said, pushing Tobi back. She rushed to the edge, and after winking at him, cannonballed down to the water.
“The Screaming Warriors win!” Chris announced. “Killer Killers, you have a date with me tonight at the Bonfire Ceremony! I’ll give you guys a few to decide who sucks most. See you guys then!”
Tobi ran over to Rudy. “Hey girl, can we strike a deal?”
Rudy looked at him. “What’s in it for me?”
“I know about your seductive ways, and like, I’m all for it. I can even help you, talk you up with the guys, that kind of stuff. And I get along with the girls, so I can keep the target off of you. Fierce, right?”
“Yeah, fierce.” Rudy looked him down. “I’ll think about it. Give me about five minutes. I’ll talk it over with some people, and I’ll see what’s best.” Tobi nodded.
Tobi: I admit I sucked in the challenge, but like, hellooo, I don’t want to go home. If it means finding a strategic goddess and latching onto her, I will!
The Killer Killers gathered around the bonfire, waiting anxiously as Chris stood before them with a tray of eight marshmallows.
“I have before me eight marshmallows,” he said. “There are nine of you. One of you will not receive a marshmallow. Whoever does not receive a marshmallow must walk the Dock of Shame to the Boat of Losers, and can never return… EVER.”
He threw a marshmallow to Erika, Chelsey, and Ethan. “You three are safe.” He threw another marshmallow to Aaron and then Rhoda, who glared smugly at Rudy. However, Rudy just smiled back to her.
“Rudy.” Chris threw her a marshmallow. “Tobi, June, Roger. One of you is going home.” He looked between the three of them, pretending to throw a marshmallow. “However, Tobi, it will not be you.”
He threw Tobi a marshmallow, and Tobi sighed in relief.
“June and Roger. One of you received enough votes to go home… The final marshmallow goes to…
… June. Roger, I’m sorry bro, you’re out.”
“Damn.” Roger glanced at Chelsey, who was frowning, and then Rudy, who was obnoxiously chewing at her marshmallow.
“Bye Rog!” She chirped.
“I see how it is,” he said. “Well…” He gazed at Chelsey, but said, “Bye everyone! I’ll miss you all.” Then he shot a look at Rudy. “Well, maybe not all of you.”
Roger grabbed his bags, and after a hug from Chelsey, Ethan, Naomi, and Erika, walked down the dock and boarded the Boat of Losers.
“Well, there you have it!” Chris smiled at the camera. “An exciting episode of Total Drama has concluded! Will the Killer Killers bounce back from this defeat? Will Rudy continue her reign of terror? Will June find her next big story? Will Harrison ever climb a hill without getting out of breath? Find out next time on TOTAL! DRAMA! CONQUEST!”
Chapter 3: A Good Woman Can Tolerate Your Gas
“Last time on Total Drama Conquest,” Chris said while standing on the dock of Camp Wawanakwa, “Tobi blew the challenge for his entire team!” He laughed. “But while things were turning sour for him, he hatched a plan! Luckily, Rudy listened to his plea, and sent Roger packing! So will Chelsey be mad? Will Tobi escape elimination again? Find out on this episode of Total Drama Conquest!”
Chelsey: So Rudy managed to screw over Roger last vote, and I don’t even know how. But I’m not going to let her get away with it so easily. She wants to win over the guys, well guess what, I can flirt, too!
Aaron and Ethan sat on the dock in lawn chairs, shirts off and ready to tan. Both seemed to be relaxed with their black sunglasses on and apparent snoring. Quietly, Chelsey walked up to them hoping not to draw any attention, specifically from Rudy.
“Hey there, you men.” Chelsey glanced awkwardly at the camera. “So, I know you guys are looking, for well, uh, a girlfriend, and you know, I’m available. And I think I’m sort of cute. Right?” Chelsey walked around briskly to the other side of the chairs in order to face them. She said, “I know you guys think Rudy is hot and all, but she’s just trying to use you. And she may have big boobs, or whatever, but hot and evil isn’t good. I think cute and nice is better. And people say I’m cute. Or at least, I think they do. But either way, Rudy is-”
The nerdy brunette suddenly stopped talking and darted her attention toward the cabin. “Oh no! Rudy is coming. Okay, you two stay here and pretend like I just wanted some sunscreen or something. We can talk later!” She rushed off toward the bathroom, grabbing her groin and hoping Rudy would think she was in a rush to relieve herself.
Rudy: What a dork.
Aaron: So, uh… What did she say? I was asleep.
The camera zoomed into the mess hall, where Rina, Hazel, Kaiser, June, Nellie, and Eli were all sitting.
“Come on. Your team has to have some juicy story. Tell.” June stood up and held a notepad squarely in Eli’s face. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.” Her last few words listed off in quick succession, giving the impression that they were just one, really long word.
“I-I… I don’t know. There’s not a lot of dr-drama. S-sorry.”
June: The other team seems to want to hide whatever problems they have. I understand that. I would want to hide my ordeals from my enemies as well. However, I am not the enemy. I’m an unbiased journalist wishing to find out the deepest lies and secrets this game holds. If these people refuse to open up, I’ll just get rid of them. Simple as that.
“Listen,” Nellie said. “It’s not our fault if your team sucks so much and fights. We just don’t really fight. Everyone here gets along and I personally would like to keep it that way.”
Rina smirked. “She’s right. It’s just one big, happy family. I don’t even think there’s any alliances yet.”
Nellie: Oh my gosh. Rina is right. Our team probably doesn’t have any alliances, and if I want to make it to the merge, I should probably make one, right?
“Hey guys, why don’t we form an alliance?” Nellie looked hastily around the smile with an enormous grin spread over her tan face. “We could run the game.”
“J-June is sitting right there, Nel.”
“So? We could have our own bug on the inside, you know?” She met eyes with June. “And if you team up with us, we can give you any info you need.”
June: You see. All you need is to let other people do the talking sometimes, and they’ll get to their own conclusions. Part of my journalist’s touch.
June swiftly ascended from the table after giving a nod of approval and ran to her cabins.
“I wonder what she’s doing,” Hazel said. The redhead moved slightly over to find a better view, but had no such luck. “Oh well.”
Kaiser: So apparently I’m in an alliance with Rina and Hazel, and now I’m in a much bigger alliance with other people. I really didn’t want to come into this game to betray a bunch of people. You don’t get a badge for that. Heh. Wait, can I?
Rina: Nellie… Nellie, Nellie, Nellie. She’s doing my work for me. In all honesty, her alliance is pretty smart. Kai’s loyal, Hazel’s loyal, Eli’s submissive, what’s not to love? She just made a huge mistake, though, because that’s the reason why I chose Kai and Hazel right away. But now she’s also told June, and June is smart enough to reveal that alliance at the drop of a cheap tip. If I just play dumb, Nellie gets all the blame and I can keep my own alliance running. Thank you, Nellie. Thank you.
Hazel began to explain the different types of tea leaves and how they contributed to her zen, but Rudy soon strolled in, elegantly but with power, with Tobi, Ethan, Aaron at her side.
“Hello, everyone.” She flashed them a sly grin and then perched herself into the furthest table. Her posse followed suit, piling around her.
“You were so fierce last night, taking Roger out like that. Godessa!”
Tobi: Yeah, no, Rudy is dead to me. Even though I do fawn over strong, independent women, I’m also an avid fan of reality television. The iconic flirtatious strategist is done to death, and even though I love it, the ending is always the same. People can’t dethrone her until they take out her smarter, witter sidekick. And I’m not going out like that. I want to win. Gone is the OTTM fanboy, and in is the CPN mastermind. Of course, the mastermind always gets taken down, too, so maybe I should-
Naomi and Erika walked into the mess hall and started toward the table with Nellie’s alliance right away. However, Rudy coughed and motioned for them to come over.
“We don’t have to go over. She doesn’t control us,” Erika said. She nudged Naomi in the arm and nodded toward Nellie’s table. “They’re actually nice.
“They are, but we gotta go to Rudy.”
Naomi: As much as I hate Rudy, I understand the game. The other team is nicer, but they don’t have what Rudy has… power. Rudy has four votes, and we have three. We could get June, but that girl is all over the place and I don’t wanna risk it. We just have to keep Rudy satisfied so that if we lose, the target’s off our back.”
Rudy stared at the two girls. “Listen, I called you over here to call a truce. I know you two don’t like. I also know that Chelsey doesn’t. However, if you look at the bigger picture, June is all over the place.”
Naomi nodded for a second, then remained staid.
“Well, I propose, if we lose, we get rid of June. You obviously can’t get rid of me, and I take it as a compliment that you want to, but there’s more to lose if you get rid of me.”
“You can’t tell us what to do!” Erika shot up from the table and slammed her fist down. “We do not take orders from tyrants!”
Tobi: Come on. Give it a rest.
“Deal.” Naomi put her hand, and Rudy shook it.
“Good, you’re dismissed.”
Naomi rose from the table, while Erika trotted after her. The two of them slowly walked out of the mess hall and toward the girl’s cabin for a chance at privacy.
“What was that?” Erika said. “You just let her take control?”
“No.” Naomi stopped their march and turned to face her friend. “I’m giving her a little bit of control. You called her a tyrant, you’re right. But tyrants let power go to their heads, so we have to slowly drive Rudy mad and win people over.”
Naomi waved her hand in front of Erika’s face. “Relax. You’re a Shakespeare fan, right?”
“Screw your courage to the sticking place, then, and trust me enough that I know what I’m doing.”
Erika: I trust Naomi, I do. But I don’t trust Rudy. I get the plan, too. Still, how can we be sure that Rudy will follow that pattern? People are unpredictable, and this isn’t some movie or story or something. Bad people get away with things in real life, and Rudy’s a bad person.
Brendan and Brooke sat on the oily and trash-covered beach of Wawanakwa Island, seemingly enjoying themselves. Or rather, Brendan was enjoying himself.
“And so I told that man, ‘you can’t make me jump in that pool naked!’ and he seemed to listen! He just walked away and I sat there, and then I went in the pool anyway, but with my clothes on. Now that I think about it, it probably would have made sense to take my clothes off because when I got out of the water, I was cold and wet. Then, I got sick! Can you believe that?”
While Brendan rambled into Brooke’s ear, she stared blankly into the camera.
Silas: I can spot conflict when I see it. I’m a charmer, I’m observant. So, I know I have to get in there and stir the pot.
Silas sauntered up to the captor and his victim, happily whistling a tune akin to “Joy to the World.” Brooke looked up at him and scowled.
“Hello, plebs.” Silas sat down next to Brooke and smirked flirtatiously. “How’s things goin’ on?”
Brooke: Incorrect grammar is not a turn on.
“Oh, I was just telling Brooke about this time where a man wanted me to jump into a pool naked, but I jumped in with clothes instead.”
Silas glanced at the camera.
Brendan waved back toward the cabins. “Hey Hazel, what’s up?”
Hazel: I can sense that deep down, Brooke has a serene aura. She gives off negative vibes, but I know that’s all for show. And Brendan? He’s as pure as the morning sun. Silas, on the other hand, is a bit… well, sleazy.
Silas flashed his pearly teeth to Hazel. “Well, hello there.”
Hazel sat down next to him and smiled. Even though she didn’t like him, per say, Hazel was the type of person that would still be friendly. After all, negativity wasn’t her style.
“Listen. I’m a straightforward kind of guy.” Silas paused, looking each one of them in the eyes for three seconds each. “I value honesty. And now, I’m being honest with you when I say I want to work with all of you.”
Silas: These people will be easy to manipulate. Brooke snaps easily, just trigger her once and I’m safe. Brendan annoys everyone with his stupid stories, and Hazel… Well, she’s just kind of weird. She’s hot, though. Maybe I’ll keep her around.
“Everyone here brings something to the table,” Silas said. He rolled over onto his side, trying to pose himself seductively. He framed his crotch particularly at the girls. “And since you two,” he pointed at Brooke and Brendan, “are apparently dating now, it would all work out well, right?”
“We aren’t dating,” Brooke snapped. “I don’t know who told you that but they’re an idiot.”
Brendan: God, why did she get so offended by that? She’s not the first, too. One of my ex-friends once was sitting with me, and her friend came over and asked why she would date me, and she got really defensive. She got up from the seat and started screaming, and I just sat there really-
“Campers!” Chris’ voice boomed across the campgrounds through the loudspeaker. “Everyone assemble to the cafeteria! We have a special,” he chuckled a bit before continuing, “surprise for you!”
On order, the contestants begrudgingly all gathered at the mess hall. However, the doors were locked.
“Hmm, it appears the doors are locked,” Harrison said.
Harrison: I’m a highly observant individual. Of course, people will see me, think “Fat nerd, but smart,” and I’m okay with that perception. It’s true. But I’m not going to let that hinder me. I’ve overcame my entire life, this game will be easy compared to the bullies.
“Wow, what a genius,” Ethan said with a roll of his eyes. “Really smart.”
“Thanks!” Harrison chirped back.
Suddenly, the doors bursted open and the contestants were greeted with the smells of sweet gravy, slightly burnt turkey, and mashed potatoes that looked slightly over a week old. Still, the food was welcome.
Chris stood in front of the long buffet table of food. “Welcome, contestants, today we thought-”
Before he could finish his sentence, the seventeen teenagers rushed past Chris, knocking him over in the process, and began to devour the grub. Within five minutes, the food was gone.
“Well then!” Chris said, obviously annoyed. “I was going to tell you to eat the food anyway, but-”
“But what?” Harrison said, a turkey leg in his mouth.
“But I was also going to say to be careful. Since it’s challenge time!” He smiled at the camera man, and then back to the contestants. “Another callback to Total Drama Island, you guy will be having your very own Awake-a-thon!”
Naomi: Chris, you tricky, tricky man. I hate you. I really hate you.
The teens gathered at the bonfire, each taking a seat on a tree stump. For the most part, they sat along team lines. Rina, especially, as she gathered her allies, Kaiser, Hazel, Nellie, Eli, around her.
“None of us are going to fall asleep,” Nellie whispered. “We are the dream team. Know that. We have what it takes.”
Nellie: I’m usually the kind of person to fade into the background, stay by herself. So this feels a bit weird, you know? I have friends!
Eli: N-Nellie is a bit b-bossy. I can see w-why she has trouble m-making friends.
Chelsey sat with the girls of her team, barring Rudy, who was off sunbathing with Aaron and Ethan. Tobi, on the other hand, plopped himself near Brooke and Brendan.
“Listen, girls.” Chelsey’s gaze shifted to Rudy. “We have to get her out. She’s using the guys on our team, and she’s gonna use the guys on the other team when we merge.”
June nodded along, but her face suggested anything other than agreeance. “Are you sure that’s a bad thing, though? Maybe she could swing people to our side.”
June: As a journalist, I need to be as unbiased as possible. I need to get both sides of the stories, and see things from both perspectives. It doesn’t necessarily mean I disagree, it just means you may not be right.
“Listen,” Chelsey said, waving a dismissive hand, “I get what you’re saying, but Rudy is going to swing people to our side. She’ll swing them to her side. There’s a difference.”
“So why not just get on her side?”
Naomi, Chelsey, and Erika looked at June, sending a cold chill down her spine.
Two stumps over, Tobi conversed with Brooke and Brendan. He chatted away while Brooke blankly looked away and Brendan hung on to every word.
“So yeah, we aren’t on the same team, but it’d be cool to work together, right?”
Brendan grinned and nodded his head, over and over and over. “I would love to work with you. You seem really cool. And I’m sure Brooke likes you, too. She doesn’t like a lot of things, though, that’s for sure. I wonder if she even likes puppies. Hey, have I ever told you about my puppy that was walking across our yard and saw a-!”
Tobi raised his hand and put it in Brendan’s face. Brendan stopped talking. Tobi got up and left silently.
Brooke: I don’t like Brendan. I like that other people don’t like him. They leave him alone, and so they leave me alone, too. I just tune him out when he talks.
The sun began to set, and with that, people began to fall over in their seats. First went Brooke, who simply didn’t care enough to actually try and stay away. Rudy, Ethan, and Aaron all fell asleep after her, considering themselves in need of some well-deserved beauty sleep.
“See, June!” Chelsey hissed as Rudy slumped to the ground. “Is that a team player?”
Chelsey: I know I’m being aggressive, but come on! How does someone need to be convinced to get rid of that girl? She’s… she’s a virus! If our team is a computer, she’s a virus that’s going to bring us down. Okay?
June nodded. “I know.”
June: I understand where she’s coming from, but at the same time, I’m not playing the game for her.
After hearing June’s response, Naomi snuck over to Tobi and pulled him aside. She checked her surroundings, hell bent on securing some privacy, and then sat down.
“Where’s your head at?”
“On my head,” Tobi said, rolling his eyes. “Where else?”
“I mean with Rudy. I know you’re close with her. Well, why? What are you expecting?”
Tobi shrugged. “The usual. She’s the kind of goddessa that I enjoy watching, so I figure helping her in the game will make it more enjoyable for me.”
“Yeah, well, that girl is going to be your downfall,” said Naomi. “Do you really expect her to carry you far when she has those two goons with her?” Naomi bobbed her head toward said goons, Aaron and Ethan, curled up in slumber next to Rudy.
“I know what I’m doing, okay?”
With that, Tobi pulled his hoodie up over his head, and rested his head on the ground. Naomi sighed, but let him be.
Naomi: I don’t like seeing people just give in. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think Tobi is doing that. But I also don’t want to run the risk that he actually is just letting Rudy go far because he has some weird obsession with sassy Latina women.
By the time Naomi had finished her rendezvous with Tobi, even more people had fallen asleep. Brendan slept right next to Brooke, though she quickly pushed him away while still asleep. Silas lost next, and Nellie quickly joined him.
Harrison: I don’t get how these people are falling asleep so quickly. I mean, I do stay up late a lot playing League, but… These people have to stay up late, too, right?
Rina approached Eli and Hazel, who were both sitting cross-legged on stumps, deep in meditation. “Isn’t this relaxing?” asked Hazel. She turned her head to Eli, though she didn’t open her eyes. Eli nodded back.
Eli: I’m a very anxious person. I have some social anxieties. That’s w-why I stutter a bit. But getting to know these p-people, I can feel myself getting b-better already. I like them
“Why don’t you sit with us, Rina?” Hazel peeked one eye open and looked at Rina with a smile spread across her pale face. “It’ll be calming.”
“If we’re calm, we’ll fall asleep. No,” shot back Rina.
Hazel shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
In twenty minutes, both Eli and Hazel were fast asleep on the dirt.
Rina: Idiots. At least they’re nice.
Minutes passed, and soon hours. Six hours to be exact. Still standing were Chelsey, Erika, June, and Naomi for the Killers, and Harrison, Kaiser, and Rina for the Warriors.
“I don’t know how much longer I can go, guys,” said Chelsey. Everyone was sitting together regardless of their teams.
“Then go to sleep and save us all the tribe, geez.” Harrison rolled his eyes. “You made it pretty far.”
June shuffled closer to Chelsey and patted her arm. “Erika and I can hold down the fort, don’t worry.” Naomi had fallen asleep.
Chelsey nodded, groggily, and then laid down and rested her head in her hands. Harrison and Rina exchanged glances, smirking at each other. Kaiser saw their quick look of satisfaction, and then smiled awkwardly at the camera.
“You guys have it from here,” said Rina. “I’m gonna get some sleep.” Without another word, Rina leaned over and passed out. Kaiser opened his mouth in objection, but after he saw Rina soundly asleep, held back any complaints.
Kaiser: I’m all for winning competitions. I like competing. But I don’t get happiness out of seeing people let down. I mean, sometimes, if I really don’t like a person, but Chelsey doesn’t seem too bad. And how can you willingly just go to sleep? We are trying to win, right?
The four people left, Kaiser and Harrison for the Warriors, and June and Erika for the Killers, ceased any conversations. They were determined. They were focused. Nothing would come in between them and their victories.
“Oh, come on, Harrison!” Kaiser exclaimed, rushing over to the other side of the bonfire pit amidst and pile of comatose campers. “Why did you have to do that?”
“I can’t smell anything,” Erika said. June stared aghast at both Erika and Harrison.
Harrison: They say a good woman can tolerate your gas. Maybe… just maybe…
“How are you so awake right now?” said Erika, moving closer to Harrison, ignorant to the rancid smell of eggs drifting through the nighttime air. “I’m practically dead.”
Harrison shrugged his shoulder cheerfully. “Just a lot of late nights, I guess.”
June raised her eyebrows. “Doing what?”
June: What? I’m a curious individual!
Kaiser had passed out from Harrison’s gas.
“How are you not out yet?” asked Harrison, turning his attention to June and away from Erika, who looked on dejectedly. “It looks like I killed Kai.”
“A good journalist can hang on through anything. Farts, angry shoves, pepper spray, mustard gas, you name it. Nothing can break me.” She yawned. “Nothing.”
“Not even no coffee?” Chris emerged from behind a couple of bushes, a cheesy grin plastered onto his plastic face. “Journalists can’t live without coffee.”
June didn’t respond.
“I said no coffee!”
“A good reporter shouldn’t rely on caffeine. That’s why I rely on more natur-” she yawned, “al techniques.”
“You sound tired,” said Harrison. “You should get some rest.” “Don’t even try it, buddy.” June turned her body to face him. She glare at him. A cold, deadly glare. A cold, deadly glare that began to droop into a lazy stare, until finally there were no eyes to be glared at from.
“And now we have ourselves a challenge!” Chris said. He walked behind Erika and Harrison and patted them both on the back. “Congrats you two! But now we have a bit of a twist!”
Erika and Harrison looked at him.
“I’m sure you two are familiar with idols. Well, for one time only, for a cheap price of-”
Chef Hatchet shook his head.
“Okay, fiiine. For a short time only, if you let the other person win, I will give you a clue to a McLean-Brand Chris Head! Fun, right?”
Erika: I really don’t want to let my team down, but that could really help against Rudy. Right?
“I won’t tell.” Harrison gave Erika an intense look behind his framed glasses. “I swear.”
Erika looked at Harrison, then at Chris, and then back at Harrison. “Okay,” she said. “Fine. Fine. I’ll take the clue. You win.”
“The Screaming Warriors win invincibility!” Chris screamed, waking every single teen up. A couple just went back to sleep, while one began to shout obscenities at Chris. Another camper threw a log stump at him. “Killers, I’ll see you tonight!”
A few hours passed as many of the contestants napped for the rest of the afternoon. However, a few were up and about.
Naomi and Erika stood behind the door of the lavatories. They were obviously trying to hide from the other contestants, and even the cameras. The door was left open only a crack.
“What are you saying you have the idol clue?” Naomi hissed at Erika. “What does it say?”
Erika leaned in and whispered something inaudible. She looked up, saw the camera, and slammed the door shut.
Back across the island, June was tanning alone on the beach when Chelsey and Rudy ran up to her.
“June! June!” shouted Chelsey. “We need to talk!”
“Nuh-uh,” said Rudy. “June, we’re talking first.”
“Ladies, ladies, relax. I will listen to both of my sources.”
Chelsey: I cannot let my fate lay in the hands of some egotistical newswoman wannabe. Her only credentials for finding out the “truth” as she puts it is her spot as an editor-in-chief on her high school magazine, and frankly, I don’t think those are big enough qualifications.
“Wow, June, you’re such a great journalist,” Chelsey cooed. “You know, techies and journalists have a lot in common. We both like to get information as fast as we can.”
“We have more in common,” said Rudy. “We’re both hot. Hotness is more important.”
Rudy: What? I’m not wrong. There’s a reason all the popular girls are hot.
Chelsey and Rudy continued spewing out words to June, interrupting each other and contradicting their own arguments. Finally, June had enough. “Okay. I’m done. I’m ready to make a decision. Bye.” She stormed off, notepad in hand.
June: I’m not ready. Heh. I have a lot of note reviewing to do.
The Killer Killers sat dispirited back and the bonfire pit on the stumps they had sat on and slept on all night. Chris stood in front of them with a tray of marshmallows held in his hand.
“I have on this plate seven marshmallows. There are eight of you. One of you will not receive a marshmallow and will have to walk down the Dock of Shame and board the Boat of Losers. And you can never come back. Ever. Now, let’s begin.”
He threw marshmallows to June and Erika. “You two are safe! Aaron, Ethan.” He threw the two jocks a treat. “Naomi!” He tossed her one, as well. “Tobi, here ya go, bud! Now, Rudy. Chelsey. I have one marshmallow left. And it goes to…
…… Rudy! Chelsey, I’m sorry, but you are outta here.” Chris clicked his tongue. “Leave.”
Chelsey frowned, but grabbed her bags and slowly embraced her fate. Before boarding the boat, she turned around the get one last look at Erika and Naomi “Good luck.” She looked at June and Tobi. “Make good decisions.”
“Well, there you have it,” said Chris. “Another riveting episode of Total Drama Conquest! Chelsey’s gone, and it looks like Erika and Naomi are screwed! Will they recover? Will Tobi flip on Rudy? Will Erika find the Chris Head? Find out next time on TOTAL! DRAMA! CONQUEST!”
Name: This contestant was on the Killer Killers team.
Name: This contestant was on the Screaming Warriors team.
WIN: This contestant won invincibility for this episode.
IN: This contestant did not get enough votes to be sent on to the Boat of Shame.
LOW: This contestant received the last marshmallow of the Bonfire Ceremony.
OUT: This contestant did not receive a marshmallow and was thus eliminated from the game.
- Tobi's character image was drawn by Bruno. Thanks Bruno!