A Total Drama Fan Fiction taking place after Total Drama All Stars and before Pahkitew Island. It features 26 members of the official Total Drama cast, along with one new, custom character. It takes place at Camp Ignius, a seeming replica of camp Wawanakwa Chris had made for the continuation of the show. The name Ascension came around as the winner shall "ascend into glory", winning the first ever Billion dollar Total Drama season.
The story itself is still in progress, as it was a very recent project.
Participants and Teams
The story starts off with the campers being distributed into 3 teams.
The Malignant Mastodons
The Sadistic Serpents
The Ravaging Raptors
'Instrumental Intro/Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind – (The same scene as the original intro, however we get a horizontal view of the peak of the cliff. Owen and Tyler are at the top, both jumping off.)
You asked me what I wanted to be - (Sam is trying to play video games, as Courtney is nagging him)
And now I think the answer is plain to see (Tyler belly flops and slowly sinks under the water while Owen cannonballs in a second after Tyler is completely submerged. A giant wave is created from Owen’s cannonball, washing over the beach)
I want to be famous – (The water brings out Geoff and Bridgette, sitting on a surfboard, getting pulled away by the water, Trent holding on to the rear of the board being dragged along)
I want to live close to the sun (Leshawna is shown sunbathing, but quickly gets up and runs as a bear runs by, chased by Izzy)
Well, pack your bags cause I've already won. (Ezekiel has Jakub on his shoulders, who is reaching for a case, but slips)
Everything to prove nothing in my way (Jakub lands on his back, sitting up, while Zeke lands on his belly, the case on his back)
I'll get there one day (The case opens up and Cameron sits up in it, gasping for air. Jakub’s eyes widen in surprise but then cringe as a football catches Cam in the back of his head and knocks him out)
Cause I want to be famous (The camera quickly goes in the direction the ball came from and Lightning is shown flexing his biceps while Scott is shown pointing and laughing in the direction the ball flew. Duncan then jumps in and the two begin to fight, Lightning glancing at them with a confused look on his face.)
Nanana'nanaana nana nana (Lindsay is gossiping around a very annoyed Noah, who is trying to read, in Chef’s kitchen. DJ is seen cooking. Noah slams his book shut, grabs Lindsay's head, and slams her face first into the pot DJ was cooking in. DJ is shown having a terrified expression on his face, grieving for his stew.)
I want to be, I want to be; I want to be famous (Gwen, Zoey and Mike or walking on the beach, when Cody jumps out with some flowers for Gwen. Gwen takes the flowers and whips them back, accidentally hitting Zoey and causing Zoey to flinch and accidentally kick Mike in the groin when her foot kicks up.)
I want to be, I want to be, I want to be famous (Eva and Jo are shown doing pull ups on tree branches, glaring at one another. Dawn is shown meditating on one of the branches, when Chef drives by in a bulldozer, uprooting the tree and causing the girls to fall)
[Whistle's to theme] (Heather is shown glaring at Alejandro who is smirking, as Chris walks in with a marshmallow and the camera zooms out, showing all the campers seated around a fire)
Episode 1-We're BAAAAA-aaaaaaCK
The screen opens up on a dock, two men standing on it.
Chris: Intern, got that camera set up? Oh, wait, we’re rolling? Gaaaaah!
Chris begins fixing up his hair, as Chef, standing next to him, rolls his eyes. Chris takes a deep breath and looks up.
Chris: OKAY, now then…. Welcome viewers, to Total….Drama….Ascension! In this season, we will see one of 27 teens ascend into eternal glory by winning the roughest, toughest season yet! And to make it worth their while….we’ve upped the reward. For the first time ever, we’re laying one BILLION dollars on the line! And now, let’s introduce this seasons cast!
A boat pulls up to the island, and people slowly begin unloading.
Chris: First off, welcome last season’s finalists, Mike and Zoey!
The couple walk out holding hands, waving at the camera.
Chris: Next up, season 4 finalists Cameron…
Cameron slowly walks out, but is tackled out of the way.
Chris: And Lightning… Cynical know-it-all….Noah!
Noah walks out, an unamused look on his face.
Noah: Glad to see the brain power of my fellow contestants is still oh so impressive…
Chris: Next, evil duo, Alejandro and Heather!
Heather and Alejandro walk by, completely blanking Chris.
Chris: Ooookay…anyway, fan favorites Owen, Sam, Cody and DJ.
Owen runs out ecstatic, followed by DJ, Cody and Sam, who is playing on his game guy.
Owen: Oh man, finally back on the show! Chris, man, what’s up buddy?!
Owen embraces Chris in huge bear hug. Chris falls, a little dizzy, before motioning back towards the boat.
Chris: Athletic junkies Jo, Eva and Tyler!
The trio walk out.
Tyler: Aw yeah, this is it! Totally taking the gold home this year!
Jo: Cram it, ya limp noodle.
Eva: Both of you shut it!
Chris: Such a lovely bunch…now, after months and months of therapy, welcome back….Ezekiel!
The cast already on the island gasp a bit, but then exhale when Zeke comes out, completely human. He seems a bit less confident in himself, and walks by rather sheepishly.
Chris: Wonder how long he’ll last? My guess, not long! Anyway, some more friendly faces in Geoff, Bridgette and Leshawna!
Geoff and Bridgette wander off the boat, making out as they do so. Leshawna trails slightly behind.
Leshawna: PLEASE tell me these two ain’t gonna be locking lips all season AGAIN…
Chris: Time will tell…Anyway, the nutcase, Izzy, nature loving Dawn and…..Trent.
As they walk out, Trent is frowning.
Trent: Really Chris? I get no tag line?
Chris: Sorry bro…got nothing….other than that guy with a guitar Gwen broke up with. Speaking of Gwen…
Gwen walks out and joins the rest of the cast.
Gwen: Not awkward at all….
Chris: You want awkward? Getting off early on good behavior, Duncan Do-Good!
Duncan walks out.
Duncan: Hey, it was a tactic!
Gwen: No…no….not talking to you.
Chris: How about….Courtney?
Courtney slowly walks up.
Gwen: Ugh! SO help me God McLean, if I’m on the same team as them…
Chris: I love quality TV… And to finish off the returning cast, lovable ditz Lindsay and dirt raised farm boy…Scott!
The two walk onto the deck.
Scott: So….I’m not important enough to be mentioned in the whole Gwen and Courtney drama? Seriously?
Lindsay: *gasps* you were involved in Gwen and Courtney drama? So was I! ....Is this like….a thing now for people?
Chris: Now for the final member of this seasons cast, we decided to go out and find the biggest total drama fan in the world, we found Katerina!
Some interns push a TV onto the dock and press a button. It turns on to show a girl dressed in a TD t-shirt, wearing a TD baseball cap and with the wall behind her covered in TD posters.
Katerina: Oh my gosh, I’m actually auditioning for Total Drama! *Squeaks* As you see, I am a HUGE fan of the show! Being on it would be an incredible honor! Winning the money, I would probably donate it to charity, and help make the world a better place! Not that I think I can really win….but it sure would be fun to try!
The cast: Awwwwwww…..
Chris: Yeah, touching….but we decided against casting her. Instead, here’s the 27th contestant in this years total drama….Jakub!
A boy walks out wearing black jeans, a red t-shirt, a gray leather jacket and matching boots that have a row of spikes over them. He has blondish brown hair, swooping over his left eye. He has a light beard and mustache.
Jakub: Hey….what’s up?
The rest of the cast look him up and down, taking in the new competition.
Jakub: So…..gonna be a go-
Chris: On that note….it’s CHALLENGE TIME!
Chris shoves Jakub into the mass of contestants, causing him to topple them like bowling pins.
Chris: I thought we’d start this season with a nice little free for all. If you look behind you, you’ll see a few entrances into a giant maze. Your goal is to get through said maze.
Noah: While I’m sure you spent hours of your oh so precious time setting this up…you made the entrance way too short.
Chris: Did I? Oh well! Guess you’ll just have to crawl through it on your hands and knee’s!
There is a disheartened grumble through the mass of contestants.
Owen: Heh, uh, Chris? I don’t do too well with uh….small, enclosed areas…
Chris: Sucks to be you. Winner gets a pretty sweet reward if I do say so myself. Now without further delay…go!
The contestants all run towards the maze and picking their respective entrances, entering in small groups. The camera pans to the first group, made up of Jakub, Gwen, Sam, Dawn and Ezekiel. They all get down to their hands and knee’s and enter the maze.
Gwen: (To Jakub) So, how exactly did they convince you to come onto the show?
Jakub: *shrugs* I figured I could use the money if I won, so I sent in an application and they called me in. Nothing too crazy.
Gwen: Hey, it’s your funeral.
Jakub: Aw c’mon, it can’t be that bad…
Sam: Hate to break it to ya man, but it does kinda suck. Like, they REALLY make you work for that money. Do you know how many handhelds I’ve lost coming here? HOW MANY INNOCENT CONSOLES LOST THEIR LIVES?!
Sam stops and begins weeping, Dawn crawling up beside him.
Dawn: Do not worry Sam, this season might just not turn out nearly as bad. While I do disapprove of the evils brought upon us by reality television, the money is generous and can do a lot of good, like starting a conservatory for all those poor homeless animals from the original island! ....speaking of, the island sunk…where exactly are we now?
Sam: Chris said something about paying some company a load of cash to try and recreate the island…
Jakub: Recreate islands? You can do that?
Dawn: How awful! Working against mother nature like that…oh, Chris shall pay!
Jakub looks over his shoulder to where Ezekiel is crawling a little behind the rest of the group.
Jakub: Yo Zeke! You’ve been pretty quiet…what’s your story? How’d you deal with the whole feral….thing?
Ezekiel stops for a moment.
Ezekiel: Those aren’t really my proudest moments, eh? I wasn’t in control of myself… My parents finally launched a search party for me after noticing I was missing two years later… Then they sent me away for therapy to restore my sanity. Now…I don’t even know why I came back. I’m just gonna screw up and get voted off first. Chris knows it, the other players know it, and I’m just a big failure…
Jakub: Aw c’mon man, don’t beat yourself up like that. This might be your year!
Ezekiel: Don’t bother, eh. I’m a lost cause…
Jakub glances at his other walking partners with a look of concern, but crawls onwards.
In another part of the maze, we see Alejandro and Heather.
Alejandro: You know, we made it to the final two during season three…we could very easily replicate our success again.
Heather: We could…or I could get you eliminated first to take out the biggest threat!
Alejandro: Ajajaj. You truly are gorgeous when you’re scheming. But if it’s a competition you want, competition you’ll get!
The path ahead of them breaks into separate tangents. Alejandro silently sneaks into the right path, while Heather continues down the path leading straight.
Alejandro: See you on the other side Mamasita…
Alejandro slips down a slope that appears on his path, oblivious to it while gloating. He slides down and falls into a mud puddle.
Alejandro: No! These were designer jeans!
The camera switches over to yet another group, revealing Geoff, Bridgette, DJ and Duncan.
Duncan: It’s like a little season one reunion! You guys remember that alliance we had, back during the Killer Bass? We could totally start that up again this season, make it to the finals…
Bridgette: OK, first off, we don’t even know the teams yet. Secondly, isn’t this the alliance you guys had that voted ME off?
Duncan: To be fair…this WAS directed more at the guys…
Geoff: Sorry bro, an alliance without my babe isn’t an alliance worth joining for me.
DJ: As for me, I just don’t do alliances. I know Momma wouldn’t be very proud of me were I to play dirty like that.
Duncan: Guys come on! You’re throwing away a chance at a billion for your girlfriend and your mother?
Geoff and DJ: Yup.
Duncan sighs, as the camera switches back over to the initial group. As they continue their crawl, Chris’s voice appears over an intercom in the maze.
Chris: You know, I was afraid this would take you guys too long, so let’s make this exciting! This maze is programed with a self-destruct switch! So you guys have about three minutes before cave in, good luck!
Gwen: When we said this sucked? Yeah…this is kinda what we meant.
As Gwen talks, cracks begin appearing in the ceiling. The group scream and begin crawling faster. As they continue, chunks of the mazes ceiling begin to fall. Jakub, being at the front, somersaults forward, narrowly avoiding the chunk of ceiling…as it catches Sam on the head.
Jakub: Thank you gymnastics! ….Sorry there man…
Sam groans, while Jakub continues his somersaulting routine, dodging the chunks of ceiling, leaving the rest of his group behind him. Soon enough, he see’s a light. He gets back to crawling and exits the maze, the light blinding.
Chris: And we have a winner! Way to perform in you first challenge rookie!
Jakub smirks, shrugging. Yells are heard behind him, as Lindsay crawls out of the maze.
Chris: Oh good! And there’s our second captain!
Chris: Yup! You two, being the first ones out, will be choosing members for your respective teams!
The rest of the cast slowly begins emerging, when suddenly several explosions are seen on the surface of the maze, and it collapses in on itself.
Chris: Well….sure hope nobody was in th-
A muffled yell is heard, and suddenly parts of the mazes rubble go flying. Eva emerges from the hole, headed straight for Chris.
Eva: You’re a dead man McLean! I’ll show you what happens when you collapse a maze on me…
Chris: I don’t know whether to be impressed or terrified…so change of plans! This season will now have three teams! And Eva, congrats for becoming a captain!
Eva freezes, a smile slowly creeping onto her face.
Eva: M-me? A…c-captain? *regains composure* I’ll let this pass….for now.
Chris: Okay…so, captains, get on up to the front! The rest of you, once you’re picked, walk on over to where your captains are standing. Jakub, you were the first one out, so I’ll let you have first choice!
Jakub is seen looking over the ocean of inhumanity before him.
Jakub: Err, I don’t know, Gwen.
Chris: Lovely choice… Lindsay, you’re next!
In the crowd, Tyler elbows DJ and whispers.
Tyler: Just watch, gonna be the first pick for Lindsay’s team!
Lindsay: Umm…I pick…DJ! Because we had fun during that airplane trip a while back!
DJ walks over to Lindsay while Tyler’s mouth falls open.
Tyler: (to himself) Alright, alright, no worries man, you’ll be picked when it’s her next turn…
Chris: Eva, your pick!
Chris: Well…that was fast.
Eva: Shut it McLean…
Chris: Riiight….well, you guys know the order, do your thing.
Jakub: Ok, er…Zoey.
Lindsay: Oh, oh, I want Alebanjo!
Alejandro: It’s AleJANDRO…
Alejandro dis-heartedly joins the rest of his team, while Tyler is shown getting nervous in the crowd.
Eva: Multiple personality guy, get over here.
Mike and Zoey gasp.
Mike: W-wait! What about, I mean, I can’t be on a different team than Zoey!
Chris: You can and you will! Sorry bro, all selections are FI-NAL.
Mike sighs and reluctantly joins Eva and Noah.
Jakub: I need some brute force…so how about Lightning!
Gwen and Zoey groan as Lightning runs over to join them.
Lindsay: Oh, Bridgette! You’re super nice!
Tyler: What about me?!
Chris: Stop with the complaining! Whatever the captains say goes!
Eva: Duncan, over here juvy boy. And none of that nice guy crap this time around!
Duncan: I’m not….gah!
Duncan hangs his head in defeat and walks to his team.
Jakub begins scanning the crowd for his next choice and notices Ezekiel in the back, avoiding eye contact with everyone, head hung.
Jakub: I choose Ezekiel.
Zeke glances up, eyes wide in shock.
Ezekiel: Wait, what? For reals?! No way!
He ecstatically joins his new team, a smile on his face for the first time since arriving at the island.
Lindsay: Well, since I have Bridgette, I gotta take Geoff!
Eva: Pff, couples are for the weak.
Chris: Really Eva? Nothing influencing your choice of Noah so quickly?
Noah raises an eyebrow.
Eva: McCLEAN SO HELP ME GOD I WILL-
Chris: Might wanna choose your next member before your time runs out…just sayin…
Jakub: Lets go with….Leshawna!
In the background, and intern is heard singing “Oooooh LeShawna!”
Leshawna: Aw yeah baby! No hard feelings, but I am in it to WIN IT this year!
Lindsay: Awww, I was gonna choose Latiqua as my next choice…um, I guess I’ll take…Owen!
Tyler’s mouth is shown falling open, no sound coming out.
Eva: This might be a stupid choice but…..agh, Izzy.
Izzy leapfrogs over Tyler, landing next to Eva.
Izzy: Oh yes, Izzy and Explosivo at your disposal Capitan!
Jakub: Alright….gonna go Sam. Gotta respect a fellow gamer…even if he does look freakishly like a college buddy of mine…
Sam: Ahaha, good choice. Us gamers gotta stick together.
The two hi-five.
Lindsay: Umm…how about Dawn! It’s like I’m saying D’awwww every time I say her name, it’s adorable!
Tyler: Dammit Lindsay!
Eva: Cody, shape up and get over here.
Jakub: Eh, not many choices left…I guess I’ll take Jo.
Lindsay: Um…um….I want Camera!
Cameron: Uh…my name’s Cameron?
Lindsay: ………oh yeah!
Eva: I don’t know how I can be this stupid….Courtney.
Courtney: What?! No! I can’t go on that team! Not with those….Neanderthals!
Duncan and Scott glance awkwardly at one another.
Scott: She’s talking about us….isn’t she…
Duncan: Typical Courtney…
Chef walks over and throws Courtney over his shoulder, hand delivering her to her new team.
Courtney: This is an outrage! My lawyers WILL be hearing about this…
Jakub: Ahhhhh….I guess….I pick Heather…
The rest of Jakub’s team gasps as Heather waltzes over, ignoring the glares from her teammates.
Lindsay: Uh….I had someone I mind for my last choice….but I can’t remember who….can you skip me so I can remember?
Tyler: I’M LITERALLY THE LAST PERSON LEFT THAT YOU COULD CHOOSE!
Chris: Bonus time granted…Eva, finish us off.
Eva: Alright Jocky, you’re with me.
Tyler: Picked last….this has never happened before…
Chris: Now that we have all the teams set up...
Muffled moans are heard from the rubble. Everyone turns to look, just as Trent pushes his way through.
Trent: Seriously?! Nobody noticed I was missing?!
Chris: Whoops….sorry bro…..you’re kind of forgettable…
Lindsay: Oh! Oh! I remember now! I want to choose Tyler for my team!
Chris: Oooooh, yeah, sorry, it’s a little too late for that….but as a consolation prize, here! Have Trent!
Chris shoves Trent over to Lindsay and the rest of their team.
Chris: Now then, first I’ll give you all your team names. Jakub, you and your team will be known as the Sadistic Serpents! Lindsay’s team, the Ravaging Raptors! And Team Eva, the Malignant Mastodons! Now then…. Let me show you what you’re playing for this season!
Chris leads the contestants to the new islands campground.
Chris: Welcome, to camp Ignius! The hotel from last season was quite popular, so we had one rebuilt on our new island! Winners get to spend the night inside the hotel, whereas the losers are stuck in the classic cabins! Now, as in World Tour, only the losing team will have to send someone home….though the middle team will still have to spend the night in a cabin. So without further ado….let’s get ourselves a REAL challenge going, shall we?
Chris walks the contestants back to the docks.
Chris: We need promo pics. Good ones. So your first challenge is for some self-promotion! Each team is to set up for a group photo, which we will use for various posters, billboards and our website. This is how you will be seen all around the world, so make it good. You have five minutes to think of ideas before Chef comes around with a camera. Ready? Go!
Camera cuts to the Raptors.
Lindsay: So, I was thinking we could all dress in some super fancy clothes maybe…like runway models!
Cameron: Uh, Lindsay? We don’t exactly have any makeup or wardrobe…
Lindsay: Oh….are you sure?
Alejandro: Let us not waste time on this nonsense. Perhaps we could attempt to hang off the edges of the dock?
Owen: Heh, hey Al? I dunno how I’d do with the whole….hanging…part…
A frown crosses Alejandro’s face and he shoves Owen into the water. His face lights up.
Alejandro: Quick everybody jump on the lard! We can pose from his floating body!
The camera switches over to the Serpents.
Jakub: Ok, we can probably go for something simple. Maybe a pyramid?
Jo: Why exactly do we need to listen to you newbie?
Lightning: Lightning ain’t taking orders from nobody! Just take a picture of Lightning with his sha-licious muscles! We got this in the SHA-BAG!
Gwen: Guys, come on, we gotta work together here. Jakub’s idea isn’t bad, and it’ll probably secure our place on the island for the first round…
Heather: Of course freaky Goth chick agrees with tall, dark and newbie…
Zoey: Can we not argue about this? I don’t want to have to send someone home first…
Heather: Oh and I guess loser indie chick has a say in this now too?
Leshawna: That’s it! Y’all better calm yourselves down! Newbie…er, Jakub…had a fairly decent idea! Let’s go for it, and keep ourselves on the island! And I’d like to think if we lose because you aren’t cooperating…one of you just might be the first to go!
Jo, Heather and Lightning exchange glances.
Heather, Jo and Lightning: Fine…
Camera goes to the Mastodons.
Courtney: Alright people let’s do this quickly and efficiently!
Eva: Hold on twig legs. I’m the captain of this team, so I make the decision….Noah, think this out for us.
Noah: Uh, I get that I’m the most intellectually blessed participant on a team of cronies, jocks and rejects…but promotion was never my strongest suite…
Scott: ….Did preppy boy over here just insult us?
Courtney: It doesn’t matter right now! Come on guys, think!
Scott: Yes mam!
Duncan: Oh, hold on, now you’re kissing up to the lady?
Scott: Kissing up? Who are you to say that?
Duncan: Your worst nightmare farm boy…
Duncan and Scott begin to brawl and their teams take a step back.
Eva: OH NO, we are NOT having disorder on this team SO SOON!
Eva jumps into the fray, and quickly gains control, punching out both Duncan and Scott, just as a flash comes over the group.
Chris: AHAHA nice entry guys!
Courtney: No, wait! That wasn’t-
Chris: Too late! You only get one shot!
Chris moves on to the raptors. His eyes widen when he notices that Owen is laying on his back, floating on the water, and the other team members on his belly.
Chris: Ok….this is just cruel….I LOVE IT!
Chef snaps the shot, and not two seconds later, the contestants all fall off of Owen and into the water. Chris and Chef move on to where the Serpents are located. They are all standing atop one another’s shoulders, as though forming a pyramid.
Chris: Simple…yet photo friendly! Ok, let’s take the picture…
As Chris is about to take the photo, a fly lands on Ezekiel’s nose. He swats at it and his eyes widen. The pyramid begins to wobble and the campers begin falling, just as the camera flashes. The team lays on the deck, rubbing their heads after the fall.
Chris: Wow…way to screw that one up Zeke…I think it goes without saying you guys lose tonight… As for the winner…I’m gonna have to go ahead and give this one to the Malignant Mastodons! Eva beating the snot out of Duncan and Scott…PRICELESS! You guys can head over to the hotel! Ravaging Raptors, you can relocate yourselves to the cabins. Sadistic Serpents…you have a choice ahead of you tonight. Who’s going home? I’ll see you at the fire pit tonight, and you guys can send Zeke, uh…somebody…home!
The scene fades and reopens in front of a cabin, where most of the Sadistic Serpents are sitting. Jakub is walking towards the rest of his team, and passes Ezekiel.
Jakub: Hey man, not joining us to decide who to eliminate?
Ezekiel: What’s the point, eh? I know I’m going home first…like always… *sigh*
Zeke walks off, and Jakub goes to join his team.
Heather: What exactly is the point of this meeting? We all know home schooled kid is going home.
Jakub: Well, I mean… He isn’t our only choice…
Heather: Oh please. Eliminating Zeke is like a tradition at this point! If we’re lucky, he’ll turn into a freak again and never come back…
Heather gets up and walks off. Jo and Lightning exchange glances and walk off as well.
Zoey: You know…I feel bad for Zeke. He’s never had a real chance yet on Total Drama… He’s just a little clumsy…
Jakub: So let’s keep him.
Gwen, Zoey, Sam and Leshawna throw a concerned look at Jakub.
Jakub: Hear me out. Ezekiel’s a good guy. And we could use this chance to get rid of Heather! I mean…think about how many people she has stabbed in the back on her own teams. We could just get rid of a huge threat right off the back…
Leshawna: Boy’s got a point. I’m in.
The rest of the team looks around and nods in agreement.
The scene changes and the Serpents are seated around the campfire.
Chris: Serpents! Welcome to this season’s first elimination ceremony! I would normally run through what everyone did wrong, but I think we all know who’s going home tonight!
Zeke is shown, a very sad expression on his face.
Chris: Anyway, the following people are safe! *begins throwing marshmallows*
Chris pulls out an envelope and opens it.
Chris: Honestly, I didn’t even look at the votes, I just sort of guesses this is who it’ll come down to. And the final marshmallow goes to… Heather!
Zeke stands, head hung in defeat, while Jakub, Gwen, Zoey and Leshawna gasp.
Chris: Is what everyone thought I was going to say! The last marshmallow, and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever say this, but it goes to Ezekiel!
Zeke’s face lights up as he catches his first ever marshmallow.
Heather: What?! You guys kept freaky home schooled kid over me?! What’s wrong with you?!
Gwen: Sorry Heather, we just thought this would be a good strategic mood…kick out the rat.
Heather storms off towards the dock of shame.
Chris: WOW, did NOT see that one coming! Will the Serpents bounce back with one player down? Find out next time, on Total. DRAMA. ASCENSION!
The show fades.
Episode 2-No Wall Too Steep
The scene opens up in the Sadistic Serpents’ men’s cabin. The guys are slowly getting out of their beds, aside from Ezekiel, who is excitedly sitting on his bed.
Ezekiel: So this is what the camp beds feel like…and….and an entire night spent on the island…that’s what it’s like…I feel so….ALIVE!
Static hits and we cut to a confessional.
Ezekiel: I can’t believe it! My first ever confessional, eh! Oh man, I’m going to rock this season yo! Nobody knows what Zeke’s got in store!
Static and we cut back to the cabin.
Zeke falls onto the ground from his bunk and begins doing snow angels on the floor. Jakub and Sam exchange a glance. Lightning is zoned out, doing handstand pushups, counting off each subsequent push up(SHA-ONE! SHA-TWO! SHA-THREE!) Jakub approaches Zeke and places a hand on his shoulder.
Jakub: Listen, Zeke, buddy, we’re all glad you made it past the first elimination, but don’t let it go to your head man.
Ezekiel: Are you kidding? This is the most amazing feeling ever, eh! There’s no way I’m ever going to let it slip away!
Sam: Heh, well, there’s the end of the season, it kinda has to end there, otherwise we’d never get a win-gah!
Sam falls, a basketball bouncing off his head. Lightning runs towards them.
Lightning: You boys don’t gotta worry about the end of the season, Lightning is in it to win it! SHA-YEAH!
Lightning fetches his ball and runs outside, when the intercom shrieks.
Chris: Good morning campers! Hope you all slept well. Before I direct you to your first challenge, I feel a need to give a public service announcement. Last night…Ezekiel was NOT eliminated!
A collective “What?!” is heard through the campground.
Chris: Yeah, I know. Anyway, head over to the cliff overlooking the island for a description of todays events!
The camera fades and we resume at the top of the cliff. The contestants are all gathered as Chris shows up.
Chris: Alright campers! Today’s challenge is a relay race, with that classic Total Drama twist. Here are the events. The first person will have to dive in a lagoon to pull out a key, similar to the initial challenge of our last season. They then hand the key off to the next person, who must climb back up the cliff, looking out for booby traps along the way. At the top of the cliff, the key is handed off to the next person, who sleds down a hill, dodging obstacles as they go. They hand it off to the next member, who needs to fill a bucket with water, using only a single wine glass. The bucket will lower and raise a mirror on the other end. This mirror will reflect a laser to set up a maze for the next competitor. After getting through the maze, the key is passed on to the next person who will have to climb some monkey bars. On the other side, their next teammate must pass a very delicate bridge. If they fall, they gotta deal with the gators. LOADS of fun. Once they reach the end, they hand the key off to the next player, who must run to the top of a pyramid. At the top, they hand it off to their final team member, who takes it to a crate and unlocks it. Inside, there is a hidden reward and of course, immunity. Serpents, since you guys are a man short, one of you will have to work double duty and do two events. I’ll give you all a few moments to decide who does what.
Camera cuts to the Serpents in a huddle.
Gwen: Ok guys, so who’s gonna go twice?
Lightning: Lightning can go! Lightning gonna oooooown this challenge!
Jo: Hold on jock strap, if anyone’s gonna go twice, it’s gonna be me!
Lightning: Uh uh, no way Lightning’s gonna play second best to nobody!
Zoey: Guys come on, this is no time to argue! Just...do rock, paper, scissors or something!
Jo: Rock, paper, scissors? What are we, five years old?
Lightning: Lightning wins by forfeit! Aw yeah!
Lightning runs off to the edge of the cliff before Jo can utter any disagreement, where he joins Bridgette and Tyler, representatives of the other teams.
Chris: All right, so we have our starters. Everyone else, go wait by your stations. Divers, you can go ahead and start in 3, 2, 1….Go!
Bridgette, Tyler and Lightning all jump from the cliff. Bridgette gracefully dives into the water, Lightning only seconds after her. Tyler belly flops and slowly sinks below the surface. Under the surface, Bridgette and Lightning are already at the bottom of the lagoon, untying their keys. Tyler sinks to the bottom, landing right next to his designated key and begins to untie it as well. Shadows fly over the contestants, and as they look up, they see the sharks swimming overhead, diving in closer. Bridgette has already untied her key and begins to swim as quickly as she can away from the sharks. One of the sharks headed straight for Lightning, who was able to catch it with a right hand, sending it spiraling away as he finished untying his key. Tyler, lagging behind a bit, finishes untying his key just as a pair of sharks surround him. He lets out a scream, muffled by the water, and immediately begins swimming away at full speed, sharks in pursuit. On shore, Bridgette is the first to make it out, quickly passing the key on to DJ.
Chris: And the Raptors are in the lead! Looks like they are being followed by the Serpents, with Mastodons dead last!
As Chris talks, Lightning appears out of the water, kissing his biceps as he walks the key over to Jakub.
Lightning: Aww yeah, Lightning strikes! First place!
Jakub: Actually, we’re in second…
Lightning: Sha-What!? Lightning ain’t taken second place to nobody! Why, I oughtta take this to the ref, this is clearly the wrong call! Lightning ALWAYS takes f-
Jakub finally snatches the key from Lightning and runs towards the next obstacle. DJ has already made some headway on the cliff. Jakub climbs at a fairly fast pace and begins catching up to DJ. On the shore, Tyler finally makes it out of the water and collapses on the beach. Izzy runs over to her teammate and snatches the key from his limp hand, speeding over to the climbing wall. She climbs at an incredible speed, quickly surpassing both DJ and Jakub.
Chris: What a twist! The Mastodons speed into first thanks to Izzy’s ape like climbing ability! DJ and Jakub are about tied right now as Izzy is reaching the top of the cliff!
As Izzy nears the top, she grabs on to what at first glance looks to be a stone, but is actually a lever. She pulls on it and a boxing fist on a spring shoots out from the rock, nailing Izzy in the face and sending her falling down the cliff screaming.
Chris: Oooooooh, that was nasty!
After falling a few moments, Izzy managed to grab on to another part of the cliff and clings to it for a moment, so as to steady herself. She looks up, realizing that DJ and Jakub are both now ahead of her. She lets out a primal roar.
Izzy: Oh nononono, not going out like that!
Izzy reaches into her skirt and pulls out a stick of dynamite and a match.
Chris: Ok, seriously, why does nobody ever search her bags when she comes to the freaking show?!
Izzy lights the stick of dynamite and drops it. It explodes a few feet below her, the blast sending her flying back up the cliff. She lands at the top, just as DJ and Jakub begin pulling themselves over.
Izzy: Esplosivo strikes again! Make things go boom!
Izzy hands off the key to Cody, who quickly jumps in a sleigh and begins to slide down the hill.
DJ and Jakub walk over to their awaiting teammates, Cameron and Gwen respectively.
Jakub: You’re gonna have to go fast and make up for lost time!
Gwen: On it!
Gwen jumps on her sleigh and starts sliding down the slope. DJ has handed off the key to Cameron, who is slowly getting on the sleigh.
DJ: Be careful little buddy, don’t hurt yourself going down.
Cameron: Heh, yeah, hurting myself….um, that tends to happen a lot, doesn’t it…
Cameron begins to slide down the hill, but leans too far forward, causing his sleigh to tip over. He screams as he begins rolling down the hill.
Chris: Ya know….that would probably hurt a lot less if we had covered the hill with snow…but I am SO glad we didn’t!
The camera switches to views of Gwen and Cody sliding down the hill, avoiding various trees and stones jutting out of the ground. A rumbling noise is heard and both of them turn around to see Cameron and his sleigh rolling right towards them. Both scream and Gwen manages to maneuver her sleigh just out of reach, but Cam crashes right into Cody.
Chris: Serpents take the lead as Gwen avoids disaster and reaches the bottom of the cliff!
Gwen hands the key off to Ezekiel as Cody and Cameron roll to the bottom of the cliff and land in a heap. Ezekiel begins to fill his wine glass with water, running it back to fill the bucket. As he runs back for his second trip, Cody finally hands off his key to Noah, while Trent grabs his from Cameron. The two also begin to run water back and forth from the lagoon. After a few trips, Zeke slips and drops his wine glass, it shattering upon hitting the ground.
Ezekiel: No! …Hey Chris, do you think you could spot me another glass?
Chris: Sorry bro, you’re on your own. Gonna have to figure out another way to carry the water, otherwise, your team faces elimination.
Zeke begins to sweat before his face lights up. He runs to the lagoon and takes a mouthful of water, running back and spitting it into the bucket.
Ezekiel: This is some nasty water, eh!
Chris: Should have thought of that before dropping your glass.
Static and we cut to Ezekiel in a confessional.
Ezekiel: I’m starting to understand why some of the other contestants didn’t want to come back for this season….
Static and back to the challenge.
After a few more rounds, Noah is the first to get his bucket to fall, causing the mirror to rise and laser maze to appear. He hands the off to Mike.
Noah: Time to call out your European athlete friend to get us ahead bub.
Mike: Actually…it’s just me now. Didn’t you watch the last season?
Noah: Yeah….tempting as it was, can’t say I found much appeal in watching the supposed best of the best of this crummy show duke it out in front of the masses.
Mike shrugs and begins to make his way through the maze, just as Ezekiel fills up his bucket and opens up his own laser maze. He runs the key over to Zoey, who also begins to make her way through the maze. Moments later, Trent finishes filling his bucket and hands off the key to Dawn.
Dawn: Oh…your aura Trent, it’s so….dull….
Trent: Yeah…thanks…seems a lot of people around here think that…
Dawn turns and begins to make her way through the lasers. The camera moves to show Zoey, who is athletically making her way through the maze. The camera pans over to show the finished campers watching on a TV near the finish line. Jakub whistles.
Jakub: Dang, this girls got some impressive moves!
Tyler: Pfft, I could do that with my eyes closed! Only reason I didn’t do the maze was because I was such a valuable asset to my team as a diver!
Everyone around Tyler takes a glance at him.
The camera goes back to the maze, where Mike is almost out. A yelp is heard, and Mike turns to see that Zoey had taken a wrong step and is stuck in an awkward position between the lasers.
Mike: *gasps* Zoey! Hang in there! You can do it!
Eva, the next in line, paces over to the laser maze.
Eva: Hey! She’s not on your team this time! Get on with it!
Mike is frozen as he looks on at Zoey, allowing Dawn enough time to get through the maze. She quickly hands off her key to Lindsay, who runs over to a long set of monkey bars and begins to climb them.
Back in the maze, Zoey regains her composure and manages to make it through. Mike immediately runs over to her.
Mike: Are you ok? I was so worried!
Zoey: Yeah, yeah I’m fine, but…
Zoey spins around Mike and throws him back into the lasers. She runs over to Sam to hand off her key.
Zoey: Sorry Mike, just playing the game!
Static hits and we cut to Zoey in a confessional.
Zoey: Ok, Mike stopping for me was sweet… But I’m in this to play the game! I don’t want Mike to just hand me a win! After he won last season, I want to beat him this time around! I hope he doesn’t take that too personally…
Static, and we’re back to the show.
Mike groans and remerges from the maze with his clothes shredded and hands his key off to Eva.
She runs off to start the monkey bars while Mike collapses. Eva quickly powers her way over the bars, out speeding Sam and even Lindsay, even though her head start. She reaches the other side in a matter of moments and hands off the key to Courtney, he begins to cross a very frail bridge. The camera goes back to the monkey bars where Lindsay is reaching the end, while Sam is struggling about halfway through.
Sam: Bars so long…arms so weak…can’t hold body weight…
Sam falls from the bars, landing face first in mud. He slowly gets up to begin walking the rest of the way, as Lindsay reaches the end and hands her key to Alejandro, who also begins making his way across a bridge. Sam finally reaches the end of the bars and hands his key to Leshawna, who sprints onto the bridge.
Leshawna: No way pretty boy over here is getting the best of me again!
Alejandro looks over from his bridge and smirks.
Alejandro: If one can maintain a good balance on such a bridge, they can become a very useful asset…
He begins to sway his bridge, harder and harder, until it smacks against Leshawna’s, sending her over the rail. She manages to grab on, but glancing down, notices a handful of alligators. She screams, before her eyes turn to Alejandro with an evil glare, and she begins to pull herself back onto the bridge.
Leshawna: Why you no good, fake tanned, feminized, vindictive ape!
Alejandro has already ran off and stops for a moment, turning around and shooting a wink at Leshawna. At the end of the bridges, Courtney has managed to reach the end and hands her key off to Scott.
Courtney: We’re in the lead, so don’t you dare screw this up for us, got it?!
Scott instantly salutes.
Scott: Yes sir, uh, ma’am!
Scott begins running up the pyramid steps, where all the finished campers stand watching. Alejandro finishes his bridge and hands his key off to Geoff, who begins to make his way up the steps as well. A few moments later, Leshawna reaches the end and throws her key to Jo, before turning to Alejandro.
Leshawna: Now I’m gonna show you what happens when you mess with the wrong sister!
Jo is making her way up the steps, turning for a moment to shout down to her teammate.
Jo: He’s not worth it! Save it for the next challenge!
Leshawna is seen holding back her anger as Al walks by with a victorious grin on his face. However, Leshawna reaches out and smacks him in the back of the head, sending him to the ground, before going to join the rest of the finished campers.
The camera changes and we see Scott reaching the top of the pyramid.
Courtney: This is it Scott, just a few more steps!
Duncan: Man what is it with you?! Scott this, Scott that, what about me?!
Courtney: Well, lets see, you cheated on me for Gwen, then became obsessed with getting attention from me! The way I see it, your man card has been revoked!
Duncan: You wanna see a man princess? I’ll show you a man!
As Scott climbs on top of the pyramid, Duncan lunges and tackles him, throwing them both down the stairs. They scream as they tumble down.
Chris: Ooooooh, and just like that, the Mastodons give up their lead, and any chance of winning, the relay!
The camera goes back to the top, where Jo has finished climbing the steps and gives Lightning the key.
Jo: Alright Musclebrains, unlock that crate and we win!
Lightning: This game is in the SHA-Bag!
Lightning runs to his crate and fiddles with the lock for a moment, unlocking it. He opens it…only to pull out what seem to be the pieces of a broken up figure.
Lightning: Sha-what? Where’s my immunity?!
Chris: Oops, did I fail to mention you had to partake in a small mental challenge at the very end? My bad… put the figure back together and you get immunity!
Static and we cut to Lightning in a confessional.
Lightning: Mental challenge? What kind of joke is this? Lightning didn’t sign up for no mental challenge! Mental challenges are for the wimps, Lightning don’t need mental power!
Lightning kisses his biceps, as static cuts and takes us back to the challenge.
Geoff has finished up his set of stairs and hands his key off to Owen, who also opens his crate and begins working on his figure. Lightning is seen struggling with his, constantly putting parts upside down.
Owen: I got it! It’s so….beautiful…
The camera shows Owen standing next to what looks to be a mini Justin statue.
Chris: Owen has it! Which means the Ravaging Raptors get immunity and a stay in the Spa Hotel!
The Raptors are seen celebrating.
Chris: Serpents, no eliminations for you, but back to the cabins you go. And Mastodons, I’ll be seeing you at the campfire tonight!
The Mastodons are heard groaning before the camera fades and reappears with the Mastodons all seated around a campfire. Scott is shown having his head taped up and a black eye, while Duncan is covered in bruises.
Chris: Alright, the votes are in, so let’s see who’s safe!
Chris begins reading off names and throwing marshmallows to each person who’s name he reads.
This leaves us with two. Mike, you’re on the chopping block for costing your team precious time by looking out for Zoey…your competition… Duncan, you’re on thin ice for tackling Scott down a set of steps instead of going for the win. Yeesh, maybe not such a do gooder after all…
Duncan is seen doing a “Score!” motion with his fist.
Chris: Anyway, the final marshmallow of the night goes to… Mike.
Duncan: What? Are you serious?! You can’t vote me off! I’m the baddest member of this team! I have the attitude!
Duncan looks across his teammates but nobody rises to his defense.
Courtney turns away, taking a bite out of her marshmallow. Duncan groans before getting up and walking to the dock of shame.
Chris: Wow, major powerhouse getting booted way early! What’s next for the Mastodons? Who will be the next to go? Find out next time, on Total, Drama, Ascension!
Episode 3-Buffet for the Dead
The scene opens in the Sadistic Serpents cabin, showing Ezekiel sleeping in bed. However, perched at his side, Dawn sits cross-legged, carefully eyeing him. She reaches out, carefully running a finger through his hair as his eyes blink open, before going wide in surprise at seeing Dawn on his bed.
Dawn(hushed): Oh, no, please don’t scream! I didn’t mean to startle you!
Ezekiel looks around, noticing he somehow didn’t wake up his cabin mates. Sam and Jakub seemingly just turning away, while Lightning mutters something about protein in his sleep.
Ezekiel(hushed): OK…what are you doing in here, eh? You’re on a different team than me!
Dawn: Yes, but I’ve watched your aura from afar, and I just couldn’t help but come talk to you and see it up close!
Ezekiel: Ah ok, sure… Wait…what?
Dawn: Your aura silly, I can see peoples auras, they tell me all about a person. Yours is so interesting! So bleak at first, yet it shows powerful determination and a desire to follow your hopes and dreams, regardless of any obstacles. It has a vicious side to it as well…I’m assuming that refers to your…uh…less than spectacular time…
Zeke looks distraught, but Dawn smiles.
Dawn: Truly, I admire you for fighting through your ferality. It’s evil how Chris treated you and let that happen to you. Your aura tells the story of your struggle, your fight to return to your true self. And it seems your self-confidence has begun to be restored, explaining the spectacular blue and gold of your aura. I could gaze upon it for hours!
Ezekiel: Well uh, don’t let me stop you, eh?
Dawn: Alas, I must return to my own team, before they wake and notice I have gone missing. Farewell Ezekiel, I shall see you again soon! Dawn quietly stands up and hops out the cabin window, landing gracefully on the ground outside and quickly heading to her cabin. Ezekiel looks on after her before laying back down.
Ezekiel: I need to quit going to sleep on an empty stomach…
We phase out, then phase into the Malignant Mastodons cabin, where Courtney and Izzy are shown sleeping, when suddenly the beds are shaken to the point of both Courtney and Izzy falling out screaming, landing face first on the ground. They look up and see Eva standing over them, fully dressed.
Eva: Alright slackers, we lost the last challenge, and it’s not happening again! Not while I am the captain of this team! So I want you to get up and at em! We need to get in shape, so both of you start off with 20 push ups!
Courtney: W-wait! It was Duncan who cost us the challenge! Otherwise we were in fir-
Eva: You’re right! I need to involve the guys in this!
Eva disappears when men’s screams and crashing is heard, along with Eva’s muffled voice yelling at them the same way as she did at Courtney and Izzy.
Courtney: Wow, and I thought you were psycho…
Courtney turns to Izzy, only to find that she is scratching behind her ear with her foot.
Courtney: Ok…not were...are…
Static, and we cut to Courtney in a confessional.
Courtney: Seriously, am I the only sane one on this freaking team?! We have a loony pin reject and a steroid junkie running rampant… Oh, what’s a girl to do?
Static and we cut back to the cabin.
The intercom screeches and Chris’s voice is soon heard.
Chris: Good morning campers! Make your way over to the mess hall for todays challenge! But you better hurry, todays meal is simply to die for! Ahahah!
We phase into the cafeteria, where each team is sitting at their own table. The camera shows Dawn waving to Ezekiel, who flashes her a smile.
Chris: Campers, I hope you’re hungry, as todays challenge is an eating contest!
Owen: Oh sweet mother of maple, finally!
Chris: However, it’ll be a little different than just your traditional challenge. In front of every one of you, there is a covered plate. Inside, there is a food that somewhere in the world, is a considered a delicacy. The foods range from candy bars to escargot, and everything in between! You are awarded points based on each successfully devoured meal that is held down, meaning if you eat and puke, it doesn’t count. The team with the most points will earn immunity and a night in the Spa Hotel. Raptors, you guys have an extra member, which means someone needs to sit out.
Cameron: As someone who had most of his meals over the last eighteen years fed to him through a tube into a bubble…I think it’s safe to assume I wouldn’t be a very valuable asset in this type of competition.
Chris: Okay, take a seat over on the sidelines!
Cameron walks over to a bench.
Chris: As for the rest of you, it’s time to start. Chef, if you would do the honors…
Chef appears and lifts the top of the plates in front of Gwen, Tyler and Alejandro. Underneath, there is a small bowl of squirming centipedes. The competitors cringe.
Chris: Starting off with a bang, we have a delicious bowl of mini centipedes. And yes, you need to eat ALL of them. Go!
The three are hesitant, but all three take the bowl and toss its contents into their mouths, as though it were a shot glass, before quickly beginning to chew. Gwen is the first to swallow and shows Chris an empty mouth. Tyler and Alejandro take slightly longer, but follow suite, managing to hold down the centipedes.
Chris: Starting strong, each competitor holds down the first dish! We are tied at one point each!
Tyler: Yeah! Told you guys I was an asset!
He nudges Eva, who growls.
Chef moves down and lifts the plate covers in front of Eva, Lindsay and Jakub. On the plate, there lay some grayish blobs of meat.
Chris: Mmm, mmm! Pork intestines, my favorite! Lets see how our respective team captains fare…
Eva takes the intestine and begins to bite chunks out and swallow without a problem. Lindsay begins poking at the meal, and Jakub takes a bite, taking his time chewing before finally swallowing. He opens his mouth for another, but quickly stands and runs to a trash can, where he begins to puke.
Chris: Ooooh, Serpents are down a point! Eva has powered through her plate, so it’s down to Lindsay to keep her team caught up.
Eva is shown having a clean plate, while Lindsay has slowly made her way through her portion, a sickly look on her face. She finally swallows the last bite, letting out a groan.
Chris: And so the Raptors and Mastodons are at 2, Serpents at 1! Chef, lets get the next meal going!
Chef lifts the covers in front of DJ, Leshawna and Scott to reveal…a snickers bar.
Chris: Lucky you! You have stumbled across the candy bars! This should be a quick round…
Leshawna: Aw yeah baby, lady luck is smilin’ upon me today!
She makes quick work of the candy bar. DJ hasn’t made a move towards the sweet.
Chris: Problem DJ?
DJ: This kind of junk food is exactly what Momma warned me about eatin’! I can’t just go against her wisdom! So I’m going to pass.
A gasp is heard from the Raptors.
Geoff: Bro, you can’t be serious!
Trent: Can we tag in or something? I mean, I’ll eat the thing!
Chris: Nope, no tags! No point for the Raptors!
The Raptors glare at DJ. At his table, Scott has been slowly chewing on his candy bar, attempting to savor the flavor as much as possible. However, he begins to choke on a stray peanut. He hacks and coughs, until Courtney runs over to perform a quick Heimlich. The peanut flies out of Scotts throat.
Scott: Wow…thanks for the save…
Courtney: Hey! Don’t look at me like that! I was just helping a teammate! Now…eat the rest of that bar and get us the point!
Scott: Right away mam!
Scott quickly eats the remainder of his candy bar.
Chris: And the Mastodons take the lead with 3 points, while the Serpents and Raptors have 2 points each! Chef, if you will…
Chef lifts the covers in front of Zoey, Mike and Trent. On the tray, there are what seem to be burnt spiders.
Chris: Open flame broiled tarantulas! Good eatings!
Trent immediately begins to pick off the spiders legs and eat them. Mike glances over his shoulder and see’s Zoey hesitant to begin eating. He glances down at his plate and pushes it off the table.
Mike: Oops…I dropped my food…I can’t really eat something that fell on the floor…guess I have to pass…
Zoey, who has begun eating, looks up and rolls her eyes in annoyance.
Static hits and we cut to Zoey in a confessional.
Zoey: Seriously? Mike’s started throwing challenges for me?! This is getting ridiculous! I want to play the game competitively, not have Mike just lay down for me every time!
Static, and we cut back to the challenge.
Chris: Wow, that was pathetic. Looks like we’re all tied up with 3 points apiece.
Eva: Way to lose our lead…
Mike: What? It was unsanitary!
Chef lifts the covers in front of Lightning, Izzy and Owen. There is a large slab of meat on the plate.
Chris: Oh man, we actually got the ok for this one? HA perfect! Bovine placenta’s!
Lightning quickly takes chunks from the placenta.
Owen: Hey, it’s just like a steak, am I right?
Izzy: I-Scope is a carnivorous species! Meat is meat!
Both dig in, as the rest of the campers look on in disgust. Lightning is the first to finish.
Lightning: Aw yeah, first! Man that was some good protein! What is this “placenta”? Extra tender rib? Thigh?
Sam: Uh, Lightning? It’s…
Sam leans in and whispers something in Lightnings ear. Lightnings eyes widen in shock.
Lightning: SHA-WHAT?! You’re telling me…Lightning just ate…
Lightning goes limp and collapses from his chair.
Courtney: Ha! That’s no point for them, right?
Chris: Nope! So long as the food stays in, it’s a point! Better turn to your own plate! Because this is one of my favorites…
Chef lifts the lids off the plates and reveals fat, squirming grubs in front of Sam, Courtney and Dawn.
Chris: Fresh out of the dirt, grubs!
Courtney: You can’t be serious… My lawyers would never sign a contract that would require me to eat this!
Chris: They didn’t, you did!
Chris holds up a stack of paperwork and shoves it in Courtney’s face. Her faces falls in defeat and she picks up the grub and, after giving it a long glare, shoves it into her mouth and begins chewing. At the Serpents table, Sam holds the squirming bug in front of him.
Sam: Ok, you’ve got this… Just a way to restore health points, it could be worse. It could be cabbage…
A shiver passes through his body.
Sam: Ick, cabbage…
He tosses the grub into his mouth without a second thought. At the Raptors table, Dawn holds her grub in her hand, lightly petting it with a finger.
Chris: And does madam plan to eat today?
Dawn: Well of course not! It is not just to simply devour a living creature, no matter their size!
Chris: Lovely…so the Mastodons and Serpents move on to 4 points, Raptors staying behind at 3. Two rounds left people! This is getting really interesting!
Chef lifts the covers off the plates in front of Jo, Geoff and Cody, revealing a plate of prepared snails.
Chris: As promised, a nice plate of escargot!
Geoff: Dude…not cool…
The three begin to pick their way through the snails. Cody seems like he is about to puke several times, but manages to hold it down. Jo ravenously devours the snails first, Geoff and Cody finishing a little after her, looking much worse for wear.
Chris: And we are at the final round, coming in with the Mastodons and Serpents tied with 5 points, while the Raptors are at 4. There’s no way the Raptors can catch up, so Raptors, you lose todays challenge!
Groans and complains are heard coming from the Raptors’ table.
Chris: Now this final round is for the Spa Hotel! It comes down to Serpents vs Mastodons, Ezekiel vs Noah, and their dish this evening...
Chef lifts the covers, showing leeches laying on the plates.
Chris: Normally used for medical purposes, or certain challenges…, leeches can be a delicacy! So this is it! Whoever pukes loses it all! Just please, don’t both advance, I don’t want to have to bother with a tie breaker…
Noah: Ok, there’s no way you could have gotten all this legally approved…
Chris: You aren’t here to examine, you’re here to compete! Now go!
Ezekiel and Noah share a glance before digging in. Both down their leeches. The campers all gasp, when suddenly, Noah’s cheeks puff up and he pukes on the table.
Chris: Noah pukes, and Ezekiel wins it! Which means the Serpents have gotten themselves their first night in the Spa Hotel! As for the Raptors, see you tonight for elimination!
Static, cut to Ezekiel in a confessional.
Ezekiel: The one good thing that came of being feral for a while, I’m pretty good as far as eating, I can hold most anything down!
His eyes widen.
Ezekiel: Wait…what if Dawn didn’t approve of me eating the leech…it was just for the challenge, eh? The Big Z had to win for his team!
Static, and we cut to Geoff, Bridgette, Trent, Lindsay and Owen sitting outside of a cabin.
Geoff: Alright, we gotta figure out who to boot tonight guys…
Trent: I think Dawn, I mean, she befriended her grub instead of eating it.
Owen: I dunno…DJ refused to eat a candy bar…the poor thing was thrown away…THE HORROR!!!
Owen begins sobbing while the others trade a glance.
Bridgette: We could take the chance to kick out Alejandro…I mean, he’s a total threat…
Lindsay: Awww, but I like Alebano!
Trent: Are you sure you’re not just sour from how he got you eliminated last time?
Bridgette blushes in frustration.
Bridgette: No! Well, kinda… Point being, he’s tricky! He was responsible for so many eliminations in the past, who knows when he might strike again! Geoff: Chill babe, maybe the dude has changed…
Bridgette: Oh please, are you really forgetting what that creep put us through?
Geoff: Well no, but I…
Geoff places a hand on his forehead.
Geoff: Ugh, all this strategizing is giving me a headache…
Bridgette: Well you guys can do what you want, but I’m voting Alejandro tonight.
Bridgette walks off as the others exchange worried glances and the scene fades. When we fade back in, the Raptors are shown seated by a campfire.
Chris: Welcome, Raptors, to your first elimination ceremony. You all know the drill, if you’re safe, you get a marshmallow. If you get voted off, you walk down the dock of shame, board the boat of losers and leave the island. And you can’t come back….EV-ER. Now then, the following people are safe…
Chris glances back and forth between DJ and Alejandro.
Chris: DJ, you’re on the chopping block for refusing to eat a candy bar! Alejandro, honestly, not all that sure why you’re on the end.
Alejandro: Perhaps my ‘team’ considers me a threat…
He shoots the rest of his team an annoyed glance, but they all avoid eye contact. Trent raises his hand.
Trent: Uh, Chris? You’re forgetting someone?
Chris: And the final marshmallow goes to…Alejandro.
Chris throws the treat to Alejandro, as DJ stands, a frown on his face.
DJ: I can’t believe it. Eating healthy cost me a billion bucks…momma’s gonna kill me…
As DJ walks down to the dock of shame, Trent walks up to Chris.
Trent: Dude, I don’t get it, am I eliminated, or…
Chris: And with that, each team has lost a camper, so we’re back on equal footing! Who will get in the lead?
Trent: Chris? Hello?
Chris: Find out next time on Total, Drama, Ascension!
Trent: Chris? Chris!
The show fades, Trent continuing to attempt to get Chris’s attention until it completely darkens.
Episode 4-Day of the Damsel
We open in the Ravaging Raptors male cabin. Owen and Geoff are shown snoring, and on the other side of the cabin, Alejandro is seen with his head wrapped in a pillow, attempting to block out the noise. He finally sits up with an angry expression on his face.
Alejandro: Those miserable wretches, robbing me of my precious hours of sleep.
Trent sticks his head down from the top bunk.
Trent: Yeah, I’m having some trouble sleeping too. Can’t believe how loud they are…
Alejandro: If we don’t get into the Hotel soon, I shudder to think how we will be forced to survive for the rest of the season…
Alejandro glances at the floor, where Cameron is curled up in his sleeping bag, oblivious to what’s happening around him. Alejandro and Trent share a glance before grinning at one another. They get out of bed and pick up Cameron, walking him over to the opposite beds and dropping him on Owen’s face. Owen’s snoring is muffled, Cams sleeping bag sinking into his mouth. A few seconds later, Owen’s eyes flicker open and he notices Cameron. He spits out the sleeping bag and begins screaming. This rouses Cameron and Geoff. Cam jumps and flies off the bed and to the floor, while Geoff sits up with a start, hitting his head on the ceiling, falling back onto his back unconscious. Alejandro and Trent high five.
Trent: Good thinking Alejandro.
Alejandro: Always a pleasure doing business…er…Tyler?
Alejandro walks back to his bead and lies down, as Trent’s jaw drops.
The camera then switches to the Spa Hotel dining room, where Ezekiel, Jakub and Sam are eating breakfast. Ezekiel is stirring the food on his plate, his gaze fixed into the distance.
Jakub: What’s on your mind man?
Sam: And are you gonna eat those waffles?
Ezekiel seems to snap out of a trance and offers his plate to Sam, who quickly snatches it and pours its contents onto his own plate, hungrily continuing to eat.
Ezekiel: Oh, uh, it’s nothing eh, just uh…thinking about some of the uh…competition…
A grin crosses Jakub’s face.
Jakub: You’re thinking about Dawn, aren’t you?
Ezekiel: What?! No! Where did you even get that idea?
Jakub: C’mon man, you’d have to be Lightning not to notice something was going on between you two. The little waves during yesterday’s challenge? It all builds to something.
Ezekiel: Heh, didn’t think it’d be that obvious… Not really sure what I should do though, I’ve never really been into a girl before…I mean, my parents planned to betroth me to this girl from a richer family…
Sam: There’s nothing to it! Me and Dakota started off on Total Drama too, but you can’t rush it. All you gotta do is assure Dawn that she’s nothing like you, works like a charm!
Jakub: Easier said when you’re dating a fifteen foot mutant…
Sam: Hmm? Oh, no. Dakota isn’t Dakota-zoid anymore. All the mutations disappeared over the last year. Kind of a bummer. Those elbow spikes? Hot…
Jakub raises a judgmental eyebrow, before static cuts in and we cut to Jakub in a confessional.
Jakub: Ok, I’m genuinely happy for Zeke. Dude’s got everything going for him. I was pretty confident in us being pretty strong allies going into the future, but now he’s head over heels for Dawn! I gotta make sure he doesn’t start throwing challenges for her or anything like that. The only reason he’s still around is because I convinced the rest of the team not to vote him off, so the way I see it, he owes me for that gamble…
Static and we cut back to the dining room, where Leshawna and Zoey walk in and join them.
Leshawna: Morning y’all.
Zoey: What’s going on?
Sam says something with his mouth full, completely muffled. Gwen and Zoey share a confused glance.
Jakub: Well…we were just chatting about our buddy Zeke and a certain interest he has in another team…
Zoey: You and Dawn, right?
Ezekiel: Wow, it really was noticeable…
Leshawna: C’mon homeschool! Go for it!
Sam swallows his food and loudly belches, just as Jo walks into the room.
Jo: Ugh! I’m surrounded by children…
She sits at the other end of the table, back turned to her team.
Sam: So Zoey, how about you and Mike? You guys holding up on separate teams?
A frown crosses Zoey’s face.
Zoey: I don’t know…I think he’s throwing challenges for me…and I really, really don’t want that!
Jakub: Sure, it’s immoral…but it does get us further in the game…
Zoey: It’s not about winning though! I love the competition. I’ve made some great friends here and I want to compete against them, not have Mike hand me win after win…
Jakub: Whatever floats your boat…
Static and we cut to Zoey in a confessional.
Zoey: Totally not helping Jakub… Seriously, I’m kinda freaking out over Mike here and he’s saying I should just take advantage of it! I mean, I guess that’s smart…
Zoey shakes her head.
Zoey: No way, that’s not the way I want to play! Though I do have to talk to Mike about this later…
Static and we cut to the outside of the Spa Hotel and cabins, where Chris is standing with a megaphone.
Chris: Up and at ‘em campers! It’s challenge time!
The teams all begin to emerge, and stand in clusters in front of Chris.
Sam: Hey…where are Lightning and Gwen? I didn’t see them at breakfast…
Noah: Huh, Eva and Cody are gone too…
Trent: So are Lindsay and Bridgette!
Chris: Oh, good! You finally noticed… Today’s challenge is a classic rescue of a damsel in distress! We have picked out two members from each team. One of which is the damsel which you are trying to rescue. The other is playing kidnapper for another team. They will be armed with weapons and their goal is to stop you from reaching your specified damsel. Whoever rescues their damsel first will win immunity. The final team, however, will have to send someone home. You will have to scour the island in search of your damsels, as no maps will be provided.
Geoff: Bro seriously? We have to go rescue Lindsay and I gotta stay motivated without my morning Bridgette time?
Chris: Lindsay? Nope! You’re rescuing Bridgette!
Geoff’s eyes widen.
Geoff: What? Bridge was the one kidnapped?! Hold on babe, I’m coming!
Geoff begins to run off, the rest of his team quickly running after him. Both the Mastodons and Serpents exchange glances before running off in their respective searches.
The camera follows the Serpents.
Jakub: So I think it’s safe to assume Lightning won’t be the damsel. I guess we’re looking for Gwen.
Leshawna: Alright, but where would she be held that would make her be in “distress”?
Sam: Well, for what it’s worth, she was brought back for that treasure hunt challenge a while back…
Zoey: Of course! Gwen’s terrified of being underground, so she must be somewhere by the mines!
Ezekiel freezes while his team keeps walking past him.
Ezekiel: The m-mine’s? Uh…I’m not exactly sure it’s a good idea to go there…
The Serpents all stop and look back at Zeke.
Jo: What are you whining about? It’s clearly the most logical place to look!
Ezekiel: Yeah, but…but….
Zoey: Oh, wait…the mines are where you lived while you were all feral… Must be a little awkward going back…
Ezekiel looks downward, a sad look on his face.
Sam: Aw, c’mon, it’ll be fine!
Jakub: Yeah man, we’ll just snag Gwen and be on our way!
A small smile crosses Ezekiel’s face as he looks up to the rest of his team.
Jo: Now that your little love fest is over, can we please get going?
Leshawna: Girl, what is your problem? Can’t you see the boy is clearly a little traumatized?
Jo: I couldn’t care less what he is, we need to pick up the pace and actually win!
Leshawna: No human compassion for a fallen teammate? Where have I seen that before?
Jo: Listen, I get it, you’re still upset at how Alejandro got the best of you last time you were actually in the game. Don’t worry, I’ll save you the humiliation this time around and get you booted off without all the love affairs.
Leshawna: Oh, that does it, why I outta
Leshawna balls her fists and heads for Jo, but Jakub quickly gets in between them, holding them apart.
Jakub: Ok, lets calm down. We’re a team, remember? We gotta keep it together and save Gwen. Let’s win this, ok?
Leshawna and Jo glare at one another. Leshawna then pushes away and storms off, muttering to herself, Jo following with a victorious smile.
Static and we cut to Jakub in a confessional.
Jakub: Leshawna and Jo, both are just getting on my nerves! If they can’t get along, at least until the merge, then we’re in serious trouble… If we lose anytime soon, safe bet is on one of them going home…
Static, and we cut to the Mastodons, on the search for their damsel.
Courtney: Alright guys think, where on this island could they be holding someone captive? It’s Eva, so it’d have to be somewhere secure.
Izzy: Oh, oh, I know! They clearly have her chained up in an underwater prison, surrounded my electric eels and man eating squid!
Noah: You know, the worst part of that entire description is it’s not something I would put past Chris…
Courtney: Guys c’mon, this is serious! We need to find her as soon as possible!
The group freezes as they here shouting coming from up ahead. Upon closer listening, they hear what sounds like “Yeah! Lightning gonna shoot all them roaches, gonna win that billion!”
Noah: Crazy feeling. If we follow the egotistical rant, we’ll find what we’re looking for.
The group run forward and after pushing through some bushes, they come across Lightning, swinging a baseball bat with nails sticking out to and fro. Behind him, Cody is tied to a chair, a handkerchief tied over his mouth.
Scott: Wait…so the damsel is…Cody?
He and Noah exchange a glance before bursting out laughing.
Courtney: Guys, shut up! Do you want to give away our position?!
Scott instantly quiets down, while Noah wipes away a tear of laughter.
Scott: N-no, sorry m’am!
Static and we cut to Scott in a confessional.
Scott: Ok, I know I fell into Courtney’s trap last season, but I can’t help myself! The way she bosses me around drives me nuts! I mean…I guess I’d be open to giving her a second chance…but I’m not letting myself get manipulated this time!
Static and we cut to the Raptors, also still searching.
Geoff: C’mon guys, we gotta find her!
Behind him, Owen and Cameron are both shown collapsed on the ground, breathless.
Cameron: Geoff, I get your worried, but…
Owen: Can we PLEASE take a break?!
Geoff: No way, my babe is out there and there’s nothing that’ll stop me from getting to her.
???: Nothing huh?
The team jumps and turns to see Eva come out of the bushes, a harpoon in her hand.
Geoff: Eva! Where’s Bridgette?!
Eva: Bridgette is the least of your worries party boy!
Cameron (whispering): Geoff, we need to split up. Some of us can hold up Eva, while the others go get Bridgette!
Geoff: Great idea little bro! You, Owen and Dawn can hold off Eva, while Alejandro, Tyler and I get Bridgette!
Geoff begins to run off. Alejandro runs after him.
Trent: I’m Trent! Not Ty…aw forget it…
Trent sighs and runs after them.
Cameron: Wait! What’s the logic in taking the three strongest members with you?!
Eva readies her harpoon to throw at the runners, when a small rock hits her shoulder. She looks in the direction of Cameron, Owen and Dawn, where Cam stands with his arm still outstretched after the throw.
Owen: Ok…you’ve got her attention…now what?
Cameron: Uh…I didn’t really think that far ahead…
Eva is just steps away, smoke steaming from her nose in rage, when Dawn steps forward.
Dawn: Eva, wait! I understand your rage. Your aura is a murky, clouded green, and it tells me so much about what you’ve gone through! How hard you had to fight to work out in your gym, simply because the owners didn’t want a girl in there. How you went on to brutally prove them wrong! It doesn’t help that you’re helpless at showing feelings towards men now, because they have always laughed at you, and why you are now struggling with Noah.
Eva freezes in her tracks.
Eva: How…how did you…
Dawn: You need not worry, none of us hold any malice toward you. In fact, we tremble before your awe inspiring strength!
Eva: Well, I suppose I am a pretty intimidating specimen…
Cameron (whispering to Owen): I can’t believe it! Dawn just saved our butts!
Owen doesn’t respond, but slowly falls backwards in shock.
The camera cuts to the Serpents, who have arrived at the mines. There is a collective gasp when they see Gwen tied up and hanging from the tip of a crane over a large hole leading into the mines. Her mouth is taped, but upon seeing them, she lets out several moans of happiness.
Zoey: Gwen! Hold on, we’re coming.
She takes a step forward, when the ground in front of her explodes. Zoey lets out a small scream and jumps back.
Lindsay: Oh…sorry guys…
The team look off to see Lindsay seated inside the crane’s front seat, a keyboard like control panel in front of her.
Lindsay: Chris said that I need to push all these buttons for him and if I do, my team has a better chance to get immunity! And I was just like, I love pushing buttons! So of course I’m doing it!
She pushes another button and another explosion occurs.
Ezekiel: …the neighborhood has really changed since I lived here…
Zoey: No worries guys, I got this!
Zoey takes a running start and jumps onto a tree branch, looking to get a good aim at Gwen. As she is about to jump though, the branch explodes. Zoey is sent flying and goes right into Jakub, causing them both to fall.
Zoey: Ugh, sorry….didn’t think the trees would be rigged to…
Jakub: Heh, no worries…
Zoey gets up, Jakub after her.
Leshawna: So what do you guys think we should do? I really ain’t in the mood to be blown to bits today…
Jo: I’m on it! I can out run all the explosions no problem!
Jo begins to jog through the field. She avoids the first explosion, but the second sends her flying backwards. She lands at the feet of her team.
Jo: …not one word…
The camera cuts to the Geoff, Trent and Alejandro, who enter a forest clearing, where Bridgette is tied to a tree, mouth taped and blindfolded. She is struggling horrendously against her bonds.
Bridgette begins to moan in relief upon hearing his voice. Geoff quickly undoes her binds and takes the tape off her mouth, as she jumps in his arms.
Bridgette: Geoff! I thought I was alone out here…in the woods…it was awful!
Geoff: It’s alright babe, you’re safe now.
Alejandro: Quickly, we must go back!
Bridgette: Ugh, you just have to ruin everything, don’t you?!
Trent: To be fair, he’s right, we gotta get you back right away if we wanna win the challenge!
Bridgette: Wait…this was a challenge?
Alejandro: You mean…Chris did not tell you?
Bridgette: No…I woke up and was tied to a tree in the forest. A few seconds after that I was blindfolded and that was it.
Trent: Dang…that’s dark…even for Chris…
The four run back to where they left the rest of their team.
Geoff: Guys we’re good, we got-
They freeze upon entering the mini clearing. Eva is bench pressing a tree trunk, Dawn kneeling next to her, while Cameron and Owen are sitting up against a rock, watching with their mouths wide open.
Cam and Owen snap out of their trance and rise to their feet.
Cameron: Oh, you found Bridgette! Success! Let’s hurry to victory!
They begin to run off, save for Dawn who is still next to Eva.
Geoff: Dawn! Come on, we gotta go!
Dawn slowly stands.
Dawn: This was very interesting Eva, we shall have to talk more sometime at camp. However, I must run, I’ll see you later!
Dawn quickly runs after her team, while Eva tosses her log aside and sits up, wiping a tear from her eye.
Eva: I knew someone would get it one day…
The camera cuts to the Mastodons. Lightning is twirling his baseball bat, as Courtney and Scott walk out to confront him.
Courtney (sounding forcefully helpless): Oh no! We are set to face off with the almighty Lightning! We have no hope of winning this challenge!
Scott (sounding forcefully helpless): We might as well just surrender! There is no way we can save Cody now…
Izzy is fiddling with her hair, as Courtney elbows her.
Izzy: Hmm? Uh, yeah! Lightning is like electricity and stuff, and that would just hurt!
Lightning: SHA-Yeah! You never stood a chance against Lightning!
As Lightning poses, Noah, Mike and Tyler sneak behind him towards Cody.
Noah: Ok guys this is it, don’t screw it up!
Almost on cue, Mike ‘trips’.
Mike (loudly): Oof!
Noah: Tyler, no!
Tyler: Wait, what?
Noah: Sorry, reflex…
Lightning turns around and gasps.
Lightning: What?! Lighting was SHA-duped!
The three guys begin backing away as Lightning approaches them with his baseball bat.
Lightning: Fool Lightning once, shame on you, fool Lightning again…
A scream is suddenly heard from off camera. Everyone turns toward the bushes as Sierra runs out.
Sierra: You stop right there! Nobody kidnaps Cody but me!
The camera pans out to show Chris watching in the production truck.
Chris: Ok, seriously, how did she even get on the island?!
The camera goes back to the scene.
Lightning: And just what are you gonna do about it?
Sierra lets out a rebellious battle cry and charges with an arm outstretched right into Lightning, catching him with an open palm right in the face. Lightning falls, stunned, as Sierra runs over to Cody.
Sierra: Oh, Cody, what happened? I told you this show was too dangerous for you, but you never listened! I need to take you back home!
Cody begins to protest as Sierra unties him from the chair, but reties the rope around him to keep him from getting away.
Sierra: Nuh uh, no excuses! I have to get my boat back to the fisherman before he found out I stole it!
Sierra hoists Cody over her shoulder and runs off, leading the Mastodons in silent disbelief.
Noah: Ok…somebody…anybody…explain what just happened…
The scene cuts to the Serpents, still standing around the minefield.
Jakub: If anyone has some sort of idea, now would be the time…
Sam then steps forward.
Sam: I just realized, this is just like War Front 3! The secret downloadable mission, you gotta get through a minefield! You just had to feel for your controller to vibrate to know when to get out of the way! I’ve got this.
Sam runs into the field. Almost immediately, an explosion occurs, but Sam sidesteps it. He repeats this several times and quickly lands by the crane. He slides into a seat next to Lindsay, who is too occupied pressing buttons on the panel to notice. He moves the crane to hang over solid ground and lowers the crane so that Gwen is at level with him. He then slides out and runs over to her, untying her from the crane and throwing her over his shoulder.
Sam: I’ll untie you on the other side, it’ll be easier for just one person to get through the field.
Sam begins to run through. No explosions take place until he gets half way through, when a single, huge explosion takes place. It’s so large that Sam has no way to jump out of the way. As the smoke clears, he and Gwen are shown laying on the ground dazed, their faces black with soot.
Lindsay: Hurray! That was the last button!
Lindsay begins clapping in the crane, as the rest of the Serpents run over to Sam and Gwen. Jakub unties Gwen and helps her up as Ezekiel and Jo hoist Sam up by the arms. The team begins to run off.
The camera cuts to the finish line, where Chris is eagerly awaiting the contestants. Moments later, the Raptors run past the line.
Chris: And the Ravaging Raptors take first place!
Most of the team celebrates, while Geoff walks up to Chris.
Geoff: Wanna explain why you thought kidnapping my girlfriend and leaving her alone in the middle of a forest, her GREATEST fear, would be a good idea?!
Chris: Heh, Geoff, buddy, it’s all about the excitement man. The fans wanna see you guys pushed to the limit! Besides, the challenge had to be a challenge for the kidnappee’s too!
Geoff is about to speak, but Chris quickly cuts him off.
Chris: And the Sadistic Serpents are in sight, about to take second!
The Serpents run past the finish line and begin celebrating. Moments later, the Mastodons appear and cross the line.
Chris: And it comes to the Malignant Mastodons taking last place! Not only that, but they return empty handed!
Noah: Hey cut us some slack will ya? We already lost Cody today to his stalker friend... Had it not been for Sir Screw-Up over here, we probably could have gotten to him before her!
Mike smiles sheepishly. The camera then goes to show Zoey sighing.
Courtney: If you make us eliminate another member, we’ll be seriously behind!
Chris: Ok, fine. Out of the goodness of my heart, you guys don’t have to eliminate anyone tonight!
A sigh of relief passes through the team.
Chris: However! The audience wants drama! Hence the name of the show! So tonight, Serpents, you’ll be sending someone home!
A gasp passes through the team.
Zoey: But we got here second!
Chris: Yes, second. Aka, not first! Campfire ceremony, tonight!
The campers all begin to disperse, leaving only Zoey and Mike.
Mike: Sorry about the voting tonight… Chris isn’t being fair…
Zoey: Chris isn’t the only one not being fair.
Mike: What are you talking about?
Zoey: You know exactly what I’m talking about! You’ve been throwing challenges for me!
Mike: What?! No I haven’t! …Well, maybe…
Zoey: Mike, you need to play the game for yourself! Not just screw your team over so I can win!
Mike: It’s just…every time I see you lose, my heart drops. I’m so worried I won’t see you again!
Zoey: Uh, Mike? You know that we’d still see each other after Total Drama ends, right? We dated for the past two years, remember?
Mike: But every time I’m away from you, I lose purpose in my life! You’re the only reason I get out of bed each morning, because I can’t wait to see you!
Zoey: That’s sweet…and a little obsessive…
Mike: I swear! No more throwing challenges! From now on, I’m playing the game the right way! I swear!
Zoey: That’s what I wanted to hear! But, Mike? Can we…tone it down a bit?
Mike’s face drops.
Mike: Tone it down?
Zoey: It’s just…you’re making it sound like the only reason you’re alive is because you see me every day…and it’s a little creepy…
Mike: Oh…oh, right...
Zoey: Thanks…I’ll see you around, kay?
Zoey walks off and Mike flashes an awkward smile, but it changes into a broken frown the moment Zoey is out of the camera’s reach.
The camera cuts to the fire pit, the Serpents all seated around it.
Chris: Serpents, welcome back. You know the drill. Tonight one person will be voted off from the island and can’t come back. EVER. The following people are safe...
Chris looks back and forth between Leshawna and Lightning.
Chris: Lightning, you’re on the chopping block because you were taken out by Sierra, who isn’t even part of the game, and are the reason the Mastodons aren’t at elimination tonight. Leshawna, your aggressive nature towards Jo has you in hot water. If you get eliminated, it could mean a more peaceful environment for your team to work with. And so, the final marshmallow goes to…Lightning.
Lightning catches his marshmallow. The camera shows a close up of Jo’s face, showing a victorious smirk.
Static hits, and we cut to Jo in a confessional.
Jo: I knew helping drag Sam across the finish line would get me some brownie points with the rest of these losers. Playing them is a piece of cake!
Static and we cut to Leshawna boarding her boat.
Chris: The tension is rising around here, two eliminations in one day was a shocker! What surprises await? Find out next time on Total, Drama, Ascension!
Episode 5-My Heart Will Ride On
We open up in the Serpents female cabin, where Zoey is shown sleeping. A finger reaches over to poke her nose. Her eyes flutter open and the camera expands to show Mike looking through an open window. Zoey is about to scream in surprise but Mike quickly puts his hand over her mouth.
Mike(hushed): Hey, hey! It’s just me!
Mike takes his hand off and an angry expression crosses Zoey’s face.
Zoey(hushed): Mike! What are you doing here? It’s like four in the morning!
Mike: I know…but I couldn’t sleep, thinking about the stuff you said last night…
Zoey: Couldn’t this conversation have waited until a more reasonable hour?
Mike: No! I was terrified you might get eliminated… It’s just…being away from you for so long…it’s killing me…
Zoey: Mike, listen to me. We see each other every day. Just because we’re on different teams doesn’t mean we can’t still be together… If anything, it’s your…obsessive clinginess that’s driving us apart…
Mike: Zoey, don’t say that! Nothing’s driving us apart, we’re perfect!
Zoey: …see…this is what I’m talking about…
Zoey sits up.
Zoey: Mike…last night I told you we needed to tone it down…but you’re really pushing me over the edge…
Zoey: Mike…I can’t put up with this weird, new you anymore. I’m sorry…but we’re through…
Mike: No! Zoey, please!
Zoey: Mike…just go…leave.
Mike looks as though he’s about to argue, but no voice comes from his mouth. He silently slinks off. Zoey looks on for a moment, before lying back down and closing her eyes.
We reopen in the mess hall. The teams are gathering and sitting at their respective tables. Mike is shown sitting in almost a fetal position in his chair, eyes wide and trembling. Zoey is avoiding looking even in Mike’s general direction.
Eva: Hey string bean, what’s with the trembling? Get your game face on, we have to win the challenge today!
Mike: Z-Z-Zoey dumped me…
Noah: Good, maybe now you’ll stop throwing challenges for us.
Tyler: Aw c’mon guys, dude probably feels like crap right now.
Courtney: That’s not our problem. I’m here to win a billion dollars, not show moral support to some looney.
Scott: Exactly, it’s every man for themselves, teams or not!
The camera switches to the Serpents.
Zoey: I feel bad guys…
Jakub: Why? Relationships end all the time.
Zoey: Yeah, but…he looks seriously broken after it…
Jo: Oh come on, he’s the enemy! You can’t show remorse for them!
Gwen: You yourself told me you were getting sick of how clingy and obsessive he was.
Zoey: Yeah…yeah, you’re right. No regrets! My full focus is on winning!
She and Gwen high five, as Chris walks in.
Chris: Good morning campers! Today’s challenge is a shout out to our Season three bobsledding challenge! You will be splitting each group into two parts. This first group will work together and build a vehicle of some sort, exactly what kind is up to you. You will then pass that on to the second part of your team, which will consist of three people. They will then take turns racing down a ramp with representatives from the two other teams. At the end, the team with the fastest combined time will win! The team with the worst time will face elimination! Decide amongst yourselves who the builders will be and who the racers will be. Builders will then come with me, while the racers are left behind here.
Each group gets into clusters to decide on who does what. The first group focused on is the Mastodons.
Noah: I think it goes without saying Mike is a racer. We can just push him down the ramp. He’s no help to us as a builder.
Tyler: I’m gonna race too! I’m the best asset for this group in competitions! I raced with all the guys back home and-
Noah: That’s cute, now c’mon, we need one more.
Izzy: Oooh! Esplosivo is ready for action! We’ll derail the enemy and knock em down one by one!
Courtney: Are we really going to let the lunatic drive?
Noah: You have a better idea?
Courtney: Well…Scott should drive!
Scott: Oh no, back on the farm, I had to build tractors with my pappy, so I’m way better for the building squad!
Eva: Just shut up and let the nutcase drive.
Static, and Courtney is shown in the confessional.
Courtney: Ugh, it’s harder than I thought getting into a leadership role on this team. I have Scott in the palm of my hand, but otherwise, I got no one! But that’s alright, I can be VERY convincing…
Static, and we are now shown the Raptors strategizing.
Alejandro: Amigo’s, today we have a one player advantage. Let us not blow this golden opportunity.
Cameron: Can’t believe I’m saying it, but Alejandro’s right. We need to capitalize on our situation. Lindsay, you practically won that bike challenge in the first season, I think you should be a racer.
Lindsay: Yaaay! I get a fancy bike to drive around!
Trent: You don’t drive bikes Lindsay…
Lindsay: Oh…but…what else is there to do with them? And why did Chris want me to drive one?
Cameron: Guys that’s away from the point! Who else wants to drive?
Geoff: I’m usually designated driver for parties back home, I could totally drive here too!
Owen: Ooh! Ooh! I wanna drive too!
Alejandro: Woah, woah, un momento. We’re hand building these vehicles in a few hours, there’s no way they’ll be sturdy enough to support all that blubber… Bridgette, why don’t you join your boyfriend as a driver?
Alejandro flashes a charming smile while Bridgette shoots him an evil glare.
Camera then pans to the Serpents.
Sam: I can drive! It’ll be just like playing Mario Kart on my S-Wii!
Lightning: Lightning can drive! Lightning loves the thrill of races!
Gwen: I guess I could take the third spot…I’m not really the handiest person for building things.
Jakub: Glad we got that settled quick…I can’t help but feel this went smoother than for most other teams…
Chris: Is everyone ready?
The camera pans out and all the builders walk over to Chris.
Chris: Ok, racers! You guys can just stay I here and chill. Builders, follow me!
Chris leads the builders out towards a shed. They walk inside and it is filled with various parts of bicycles, cars and other vehicles.
Chris: Campers, you have four hours to make a vehicle of some kind for your team. Remember, they will need to ride it down a ramp with multiple obstacles. Good luck!
Chris walks out, leaving the teams alone in the shed. Immediately, there is a dash for the materials, each team grabbing everything they can without paying much attention, before carrying it outside and dropping the items in three heaps, each belonging to a certain team. The shed is quickly stripped down, only a few random supplies left lying around. The teams then circle the piles, planning their designs. The camera first shows the Raptors.
Alejandro: Ok bubble boy, your time to shine!
Cameron: Uh…thanks… So we managed to snag an engine, that’s good!
Cameron taps the engine with his finger, but as he does so, it falls apart.
Cameron: Oh…maybe not…
Alejandro: Way to go perro…
Trent: Guys focus! I’m sure we can figure something out with the rest of this junk.
He picks up a large wheel, attempting to spin it.
Owen: How about we build a tank! Something to really squash the competition!
Cameron: Come to think of it…if he had some sort of giant rubber bands or straps…we could make that work!
Trent: Awesome. Dawn, why don’t you go back to the shed, take a look around.
Dawn rises and heads for the shed. She walks in and gasps when she hears something clutter. She turns to see Ezekiel with a watering can stuck on his head.
Dawn: Ezekiel! Hold on!
Dawn grabs ahold of the watering can and begins to pull it off Ezekiel’s head, he trying to push it off. After a small struggle she finally pulls it off and goes flying into a wall, the few things hanging on the shelves falling off and landing on top of her.
Ezekiel: Aw thanks for the …wait, crap!!
Zeke runs over and starts to help pick all the stuff off of Dawn. He reaches a hand down to help her up, and when he pulls her up, he pulls too hard, them butting heads and both fall back to the ground.
Ezekiel: Sorry, eh…
Dawn: No, no it’s fine.
They both get up of their own accord.
Ezekiel: You ok?
Dawn: Yes. A little rattled, but otherwise unharmed. How…how did you get your head stuck in that canister?
Ezekiel: I dunno, I was just sorta looking around for stuff that could make a car or a bike or something, and then all of a sudden my vision got all black, and I guess everyone was gone, so I just sorta stumbled around until you came in.
Dawn: Glad I could have been of some assistance then!
Ezekiel: Heh, yeah…
The two stand around awkwardly for a moment.
Dawn: Well, I suppose I really should get back to looking for a…strap…or something.
Ezekiel: Right, uh, good luck with that, eh?
Ezekiel begins to walk towards the door, but then turns.
Ezekiel: Dawn, wait!
Dawn turns to face him with a slight look of surprise.
Ezekiel: I uh, I have to tell you something. It’s that…I mean, I…you…well…
A small smile appears on Dawns face.
Dawn: You remember, I can read your aura, I think I know what’s on your mind…
Ezekiel (nervously): Oh, uh, you do?
Dawn: Yes, very much so.
Dawn walks up to Ezekiel, stands on her toes and kisses him on the cheek. Ezekiel immediately blushes.
Ezekiel: Oh, um…
Zeke begins to stumble backwards and out of the shed. He waddles over to his team, who are already assembling a vehicle of some sort.
Jakub: Hey, Zeke, where were you man?
Ezekiel: I uh, head stuck, watering can, Dawn…
Jakub: Wait, your head got stuck in a can? Jo you were the last one in there, why didn’t you help him?
Jo: He’d just slow us down with some hick tractor mentality on building or something!
Jakub slides a hand down his face.
Jakub: Ok, just… Give Zeke something to do… I’m gonna go check on how Zoey’s doing.
Jakub walks over to wear Zoey is fiddling with some steel bars, getting rather frustrated.
Jakub: Hey, how are things coming here?
Zoey: Eh, could be better…
Zoey sighs and drops the bars.
Zoey: I guess I’m a little out of it. The way things have gone with myself and Mike…it’s a little overwhelming.
Jakub: Yeah…I can imagine. But you said yourself, he was being creepy about it, so I think you had every reason to end it with the guy.
Zoey: I guess…
Jakub: Listen, the game corrupted him. It’s literally like a month of being opponents before returning to your daily lives. I get that you’re out of it, but we need to win this challenge. If you need to vent, I’m open to listening, but right now we gotta focus on the challenge.
Zoey: Yeah, you’re right…thanks for the push.
Zoey gets back to her work, as Jakub begins to walk away, a small smirk forming on his face.
Static and we see Jakub in the confessional.
Jakub: Do I actually want to listen to Zoey vent about Mike? No…but if it’s a way of securing an ally, then it’s a necessity. That’s just another vote I don’t have to worry about if I’m ever on thin ice.
Static and we cut to the mess hall, where the designated riders are sitting in their teams groups. Geoff and Bridgette are making out in a corner, as per norm, Lindsay sitting next to them painting her nails. Sam is playing a handheld, Gwen sitting next to him napping. Mike is sitting in a fetal position next to Tyler. Izzy and Lightning are nowhere to be found.
Mike: How could she just leave me? She was m-my everything!
Tyler: I know bro, it sucks, but you can’t let one bad catch ruin your entire game!
Mike begins to shiver.
Tyler: Aw c’mon, it’ll be fine! I mean, I’ve screwed up a few times-
A small chuckle is heard throughout the room.
Tyler: Heck, my own girlfriend forgot who I was for a while, right Lindsay?
Lindsay looks up from painting her nails.
Lindsay: Did someone say my name? Oh! Was it Tyler?!
Lindsay: Oh, hi Tyler!
She begins waving, spilling her nail polish on herself.
Tyler face palms before turning back to Mike.
Tyler: My point is…hey, where’d he go?
The spot where Mike was sitting is empty. Suddenly, a scream is heard from the kitchen. In their surprise, Gwen’s head jerks up from sleeping, Sam drops his video game, while Bridgette and Geoff butt heads. Lightning is seen running out.
Gwen: Ugh, Lightning, what’s your problem?!
Lightning: Lightning…Lightning was just in the kitchen, looking for protein, when-
He is cut off by another scream, and this time Chef runs out from the kitchen.
Chef: Everybody run! That girl is psycho!
He runs out of the mess hall, Lightning following behind him. Everyone else looks to the kitchen door. A moment later, Izzy walks out with what looks like a giant cannon.
Izzy: So this is where they kept the meatball bazooka! Come on! Who wants to play paint ball? Or…meat ball!
The campers in the mess hall all get up screaming and make a break for the door. Most make it out, but suddenly a loud pop is heard. Sam, standing in the doorway, slowly falls forward.
Izzy: Oops…I guess that was a little overkill…but still! What a rush! Right guys? Anyone else want a go?
The campers all step back, eyes wide in fear, when the intercom shrieks.
Chris: Alright! Your time is up campers! Meet at the ramp built in front of the cabins, pronto!
The scene fades and reopens by a large, steep makeshift ramp. It has many bumps and cliffs jutting out. Near the end, it even has a loop. The racers look it up and down rather nervously.
Chris: And now to introduce their vehicles…first, the Raptors!
The Raptors walk up, bringing with them what seems to be a bike. However, it has four wheels, much like a car. There is a large band around the wheels on both sides, almost mimicking a tank.
Chris: Impressive. Next up, the Serpents!
The Serpents walk in with what at first glance looks like a metal shopping cart. However it has slight modifications, such as a passenger seat and more streamlined shape, along with a small steering controller.
Chris: I can dig this, it’s unique! And finally, the Mastodons!
A sputter is heard, and Scott drives up in what seems to be a small tractor. A dark smog pours out of the exhaust pipe, and the rest of the Mastodons walk up with clothes pins clamping their noses shut.
Chris: You actually built a car… I’m seriously shocked…but impressed! But what will happen in the races? I remind you, all three scores will be added together at the end. The overall best time of three combined scores will win! Let’s get the first racers ready…
Sam, Geoff and Izzy get in their respective vehicles. Chris pulls out a pistol and shoots it in the air and the contestants push off the starting line. Sam is off to a quick start, using the cliffs as momentum boosters to jump over the bumps. Geoff avoids every cliff, taking a very bumpy road, but with the bands on his bike, is able to forge through them fairly quickly and keep up with Sam. Izzy begins to floor with the tractor and almost immediately hits a tailspin.
Izzy: WOOOOOO!!! This is living!!!
Courtney: No! You’re supposed to race! Not spin!
Izzy regains control and begins to race after Geoff and Sam, who are already nearing the loop. Geoff seems nervous going in, but Sam’s eyes narrow.
Sam: GAME ON!!!
Sam leans forward into his cart and manages to get through the loop smoothly. Geoff makes it to the top, but when completely upside down, falls screaming and crashes to the ground, just as Sam crosses the finish line.
Chris: Ooooh, that was nasty! Sam has made it at a nice 1:06 on time!
Back on the ramp, Izzy has made it back up to Geoff and goes through the loop, screeching in joy, and crosses the finish line.
Chris: 1:45 for Izzy!
Geoff begins to drag himself towards the finish line, legs wrapped around his bike.
Chris: And literally dragging himself into last place, Geoff is up with 2:13! Next round!
Tyler, Lindsay and Gwen all mount their vehicle. Chris again shoots his pistol. Tyler and Gwen both push off. Lindsay however ducks down.
Lindsay: No, please, don’t shoot me! …Ok, shoot me, but don’t take my lip gloss!
Trent: Lindsay it means you’re supposed to go!
She also pushes off. Tyler and Gwen are at this point nearing the loop. Gwen begins to go up, followed by Tyler. However, the tractor is too heavy, and crashes straight through the wooden loop. Tyler screams as he tumbles in a heap with the tractor, yet rolls over the finish line. Gwen pulls up moments after him, mouth open in surprise.
Chris: Tyler, dude, that was unorthodox, but I loved it! And in one minute flat! Gwen, just a few seconds later, at 1:10!
Tyler: Yeah! Leave it to Tyler, the Mastodons greatest asset!
He triumphantly bounds over to his team as Lindsay pulls in.
Chris: And the Raptors again take last, with Lindsay at 1:25! As it stands, Serpents are in first, Mastodons second and Raptors are dead last. Alrighty, last group! Lets go!
Lightning and Bridgette get into their vehicles, however the Mastodons tractor remains empty.
Chris: Mastodons, what gives?
Eva: Where the heck is Mike?!
Everyone looks up to where a blimp is flying overhead. Mike is seen looking out the open window, shouting.
Chris: How did he get the keys to that?!
Mike: Zoey! I needed to tell you, in front of everybody! You’re my everything, I would do anything to get you back! Just say the word and I’ll do it! I’d give my life for you!
Zoey looks away from the blimp, and runs off.
Mike: Wait, Zoey! Wait!
Chris is seen talking with someone on the phone.
Chris: What do you MEAN you left the keys laying around?! Do you know how much gas he’s burning up there?! You’re fired!
He chucks the cellphone at a tree, where it shatters.
Chris: I guess you really can’t rely on interns nowadays, can you…
Chris takes the pistol and shoots at the blimp. It penetrates the balloon and the air begins to stream out. The blimp slowly begins to fall. Mike’s screaming can be heard, but the blimp falls into the water. However, on the ramp…
Bridgette: Chris? Is the race still on, or…
Lightning: Lightning heard a gunshot, it’s go time. SHA-Bye bye!
Lightning quickly launches himself down the ramp. He clears the cliffs without a problem and gets through the loop. However, his momentum is too strong and as he crosses the finish line, he is sent flying, going face first into a large stone jutting out of the ground.
Chris: Ugh, ok. So that’s a ruined challenge… Since Mike didn’t compete, the Mastodons are disqualified. And Lightning technically just beat Bridgette, so the Serpents win!
The Serpents begin cheering, as Lightning walks over to join them, a huge bump swelling on his forehead.
Chris: Mastodons, I’ll be seeing you at the fire pit tonight!
The scene fades and reopens inside the hotel. Zoey is sitting on a sofa hugging a pillow, when Gwen walks in and sits next to her.
Gwen: Hey…what Mike did out there…that was rough. You ok?
Zoey hugs the pillow tightly before sitting up.
Zoey: Yeah…yeah I think so. It’s just…it hurts that he keeps forcing my emotions, you know? Why can’t he just leave me be?
Gwen: Listen, I’ve been there. Boyfriends who get too clingy and overprotective, who can’t give you your own space, it sucks. But it does get better. Plus, not all guys are like that. I mean, I managed to rebound off of Trent pretty well…even if Duncan was still overly obsessed with Courtney…
Zoey: Heh, yeah, that was bad…
The two laugh.
Zoey: I guess that’s the difference. Mike was never my entire world, but he was so into me, it’s like everything else lost its value in life. But now is the time to change that! No more Mike! I’m done with him for good! …Do you think I’ll be able to rebound too though?
Gwen: Definitely. Just don’t go for the first guy who walks through the door, that could end badly… Now c’mon, I think a massage in the spa could cheer you up!
Zoey smiles and gets up, following Gwen. The camera slowly moves to the side, where Jakub is seen standing behind a wall. A smirk crosses his face as he quietly walks off in the opposite direction.
The shot darkens and we reopen in front of a campfire. Most of the team is sitting with marshmallows in hand. Chris stands at the pedestal with only one left on a tray.
Chris: We’re down to two campers. Izzy, your tailspin in the race cost your team some precious time. And Mike…your obsession with Zoey literally cost your team the entire challenge! So it should be no surprise when I say that the final marshmallow goes to Izzy.
Mike: No! You can’t vote me off! Not without Zoey!
Chris: Sorry bro, dock of shame awaits.
Mike: No! You can’t make me!
Chris: Uh, yes. We can.
Chris snaps his fingers and Chef walks in, hoisting Mike over his shoulder. Mike begins to kick and struggle.
Chef throws Mike into the boat, which immediately begins to speed away from the island.
Chris: Man, finally rid of that nutcase, thank God! How will Zoey react with Mike finally out of the picture? What tortures will the campers have to go through next? And will we ever find out what it is that attracts Dawn to Ezekiel?! Find out next time, on Total, Drama, Ascension!
Episode 6 - Sink or Dodge
We open up in the Spa Hotel, where Jakub is walking down a hallway, a sly grin on his face. He stops in front of a door and knocks on it.
Static hits, and Jakub appears in a confessional.
Jakub: So according to what I heard last night, Zoey is in a pretty vulnerable state right now…perfect chance for me to jump in! If there’s one thing I’ve come to realize about this show, it’s not how many people you can get eliminated along the way, it’s how many people you can reel in for an alliance. Hold on to that all game, and you just pick em off one by one at the end. I thought it’d be me and Ezekiel going til the end, until Dawn entered the picture, so now I need an insurance policy. And that policy could very well be Zoey…
Static, and we reopen in the hallway. The door in front of Jakub swings open and the grin on his face changes to a look of surprise. The camera changes to show Zoey in the doorframe, but she looks different than usual. She is wearing black skinny jeans and combat boots. Up top, she has a greenish gray buttoned shirt with the sleeves pulled up to her elbows, a sleeveless black shirt over that. Her hair has been tied into a single ponytail.
Jakub: Woah…well, that’s…different.
Zoey: Oh, yeah. I figured since I was starting a new chapter of my life without Mike, I could use a wardrobe change. Gwen and I stumbled across a huge closet last night and picked out some stuff. I’m loving it and feel so, sooo much better than last night!
Jakub: That’s…great! I’m so happy for you…
Jakub forces a smile.
Static and Jakub is shown in the confessional.
Jakub: Crap, crap, crap! I wasn’t prepared for that… I thought chicks were supposed to get all hung up on guys and be all easy for a while! Didn’t help that she looked totally hot in the wardrobe change…ugh, guess we’re back at the drawing board…
Static, and we cut to the Hotel dining room, where Jo, Gwen and Sam are eating breakfast. Sam is devouring a bowl of cereal, while Gwen has a plate of eggs before her. Jo is sitting in front of an empty plate, glaring at her teammates.
Jo: Seriously nerdling? That’s all you’re eating? A bowl of stinking oatmeal?
Sam: Yeah, it has all the nutrients needed for a gamer’s diet! Plus, it doesn’t get my hands all sticky for when I use the controllers.
Jo: But come on! You need some meat on those bones! Some protein to help us win the challenges!
Gwen: Criticizing us for not eating protein…who are you, Lightning?
Almost on cue, Lightning struts in, taking a seat at the table. He grabs an entire ham and begins chewing on it. He reaches to his side to pick up a jar of protein powder and attempts to pour some onto his plate, but nothing comes out. His eyes widen as he shakes the jar in desperation, hoping something falls out.
Lightning: My protein! NOOOOOO!!!
He snaps and turns to his teammates.
Lightning: Alright, which one of y’all went and stole my protein?!
Jo: Easy jockstrap, you think either of these two would want to eat anything healthy? C’mon…
Lightning raises his finger into the air as though about to make an argument when he begins to sniff the air. He leaps away from the table and begins to run out of the room. The camera transitions to the door of the hotel, which Lightning bursts through, still sniffing the air. He runs out, then freezes in place and gasps. The camera zooms out to show Eva sitting at a picnic table, spooning protein powder from a bowl.
Lightning: MY PROTEIN!!!
Lightning runs over and grabs the bowl, picking it up. Eve stands and also grabs on to the bowl, pulling it back to her.
Eva: My protein!
Lightning pulls back, and the two are trapped in a seeming tug of war.
Lightning: My protein!
Eva: My protein!
Lightning: My protein!
Eva: My protein!
Lightning: MY PRO-TEIN!
Lightning pulls too hard and the bowl flies into the air. It rotates as it falls to the ground, spilling the powder to the ground. Lightning falls to his knee’s, arms raised to the sky as he screams in agony.
Eva: Pfft, wimp.
She walks off and the scene fades. We reopen to the campers standing in a cluster, Chris in front of them.
Chris: Before we begin todays challenge, I have a special video to show you, in particular, Zoey! I don’t suppose one Mike rings a bell?
Zoey rolls her eyes.
Chris: Well, he’s doing really bad. I mean, REALLY bad. They had to slap him in a mental institution, and we bring you this exclusive footage!
Chris snaps his fingers and an intern runs on screen with a monitor. One the screen, Mike is seen in a strait jacket, rocking back and forth in a padded cell.
Mike: All by myself…don’t want to be…all by myself…
The screen flickers and the intern takes it away.
Noah (whispering to Scott): Heh, pathetic.
The two snicker.
Chris: So Zoey, feeling guilty at all? You are the reason he’s in there after all…
Zoey: Look McLean, Mike’s not my problem anymore. It’s not my fault the guy was getting creepily clingy and that now he can’t take a break up.
Chris: All right, whatever helps you sleep at night. Any who, let’s get on with today’s challenge! Today, we’re gonna have a little throwback to season one’s dodge ball challenge! But of course, with a twist. Obviously, we have three teams, so the traditional 2 team game is out the window. You’ll be arranged in a triangular formation, meaning you have two directions from watch balls could fly at you from. The game will also not be contested on solid ground. Instead, you’ll be dropped off on three rafts in the ocean. Each raft will start off with three balls. To add on to that, catching a ball will NOT bring in a knocked out teammate. However, if you hit someone and send them falling into the water, then a fallen ally can reenter the fray. We’ll start with 5 people on each platform. Take a moment to decide who starts.
The camera flows over to the Mastodons.
Noah: Well guys, I know how much you guys love competition, so why don’t I let you guys take that first game, eh?
Courtney: Oh of course you decide to sit out…
Tyler: Doesn’t matter who sits out, I got this one guys! Just give all the balls t-
Eva: Oh no, we know how this ends…don’t give this guy any of your ammunition men! This is war, no survivors!
Static, and we cut to Courtney in a confessional.
Courtney: No survivors?! This is a game! Not some huge warfront! Eva’s insane!
Static, and we cut to the Serpents.
Lightning: Lightning gonna shine bright tonight! SHA-YEAH!
Jo: Clearly I should be out first as well, not like anyone else is worth anything on the game field…
Ezekiel: That’s kind of harsh eh?
Jo: Are you really gonna try to argue that? You didn’t even make it to this challenge in the first season!
Ezekiel: Word, exactly why today I’m in it to win it!
Sam: You know, I have this horrible feeling that my throwing skills really won’t be all that, I never was good at Extreme Sports 2000, so maybe I should sit out…
Gwen: I guess I’ll sit out then. I slept through this challenge the first time…not sure how well I’d do now.
The camera swaps to the Raptors.
Lindsay: Oh! You know who we should send out to play for us? Tyler!
Trent: Lindsay? Tyler’s not on our team…
Alejandro: Amigo’s, it’s fairly obvious who we must sit out. Dawn, Lindsay and Bubble Boy are the best choices.
The three are seen walking to the side, Cameron breathing a sigh of relief. The camera now spans to show the three rafts on which the competitors stand, along with a fourth reserved for those who are out of the game.
Chris: Alright, this will be a one round, winner takes all game. Ready? And go!
Owen immediately launches a ball from the Raptors raft and nails Jo square in the face.
Chris: And just like that, Jo is eliminated!
Jo: Not fair!
Chris: Hey! No whining! Make your way to the raft of losers!
Jo grumbles and swims over to the raft, joining those who were sat out. In the game, Ezekiel throws a ball at Geoff, who manages to dodge it. Immediately after, Bridgette throws her own ball and Zeke in retort. Ezekiel drops to duck it, while Zoey runs in from behind to snag the ball out of midair.
Chris: Bridgette is eliminated!
Bridgette dives into the water as Zeke and Zoey high five. Seconds later, Ezekiel is nailed in the back of the head by Eva.
Chris: Good bye Ezekiel!
Jakub throws a ball at Courtney, who seems frozen, just as Scott jumps in front of her, taking the hit right in the nether regions.
Courtney: Scott no!
Chris: Oooooh, that was nasty! Scott is eliminated!
Eva: This is ridiculous! Step it up people, lets go!
Eva picks up the ball that hit Scott and chucks it to hit Jakub square in the chest. It manages to rebound with tremendous force and return right into Eva’s hands. She does a quick 180 and chucks it at the Raptors, where she knocks Geoff off his feet.
Chris: What a monster! Eva is on fire! Jakub and Geoff in a matter of seconds! So this leaves us with Eva, Izzy, Tyler and Courtney for the Mastodons, Lightning and Zoey for the Serpents and Alejandro, Owen and Trent for the Raptors.
Tyler: Alright, my time to shine!
Tyler grabs a ball and chucks it, but it catches Courtney in the back, knocking her into the water.
Chris: And Courtney is eliminated!
Courtney: What?! But he’s on my team!
Chris: So? You were hit, you’re out! But…you were also knocked into the ocean, so Mastodons, you get to bring someone back in!
Noah is seen reading a book, just as during the first dodge ball game, while Scott is next to him, curled up and hands covering his crotch.
Scott: I’m no good man…you have to go in there for the team!
Noah: Hm? Sorry, I don’t do sports.
Scott: But...it’d be redemption! You were eliminated season 1 because of this exact challenge!
Noah: Yeah, yeah, full circle, whatever. Do I look like I care about literary ideals like that?
He freezes for a moment.
Noah: Wait…I totally do though. Damn it brain, who’s side are you on?!
He sighs, gets up and swims over to the Mastodons raft.
Noah: Oh, oh my. The adrenaline coursing through my veins…I feel so empowered…this is it!
He picks up a ball from the raft.
Noah: REDEMPTION!!! He chucks the ball from the raft, but it only goes a few feet before splashing into the water.
Noah: Well…that was underwhelming…
Immediately, balls fly in from both of the other rafts, knocking Noah out.
Chris: Even with all the heart in the world, Noah is out!
Noah slowly rolls into the water to swim back to the losers raft.
Izzy: C’mon guys! It’s not over yet! Aiaiaiaiaiaia!
Izzy grabs the balls that are laying on the raft and quickly jumps in the air spinning, launching both of them. The go straight at the Raptors raft, one catching Owen in the face, the other nailing Trent in the stomach.
Izzy: Alright! Quick, gimme more! More!
Tyler: We can’t! Those were the only two balls we had!
Izzy freezes and looks back and forth between the enemy rafts, where Alejandro, Zoey and Lightning are armed with balls.
Izzy: Uh oh…
Eva: Izzy…you’re an idiot.
As Eva finishes up her sentence, the balls from the two other teams pour in, knocking out all three remaining Mastodons.
Chris: And the Mastodons are out! We’re down to Lightning and Zoey for the Serpents and Alejandro for the Raptors!
Owen: C’mon Al! You got this!
Bridgette: Or…if you just wanna take a shot ala Scott, that’s cool too!
Alejandro looks back and shoots a glare at Bridgette.
Lightning: You done son! Lightning strikes! Sha-Bye bye!
Lightning quickly hurls a ball right at Alejandro, hitting him right in the chest. Alejandro falls, but manages to hold on to the ball.
Chris: What a save! Al stays in, and Lightning is out!
Lightning: What?! This is Sha-Bogus…
Chris: We’re down to two individuals! Zoey and Alejandro!
Alejandro: Zoey, come on, why don’t you just drop your ball and take the hit. Then, you could go on and spend some time lamenting over your fallen boyfriend!
Zoey: He’s not even my boyfriend anymore!
Alejandro: Oh, what a pity. He was the only thing that ever made you stand out. Just, being Mike’s girlfriend…
Zoey’s eyes narrow and she chucks her ball at Alejandro. Al’s eyes widen as he tries to catch the ball, but it has built up far too much momentum and knocks him off his feet.
Chris: Zoey does it! The Serpents win immunity again! Spa Hotel is all yours!
The Serpents begin to celebrate.
Chris: Raptors, no hotel for you, but you still get immunity.
The Raptors also begin to cheer.
Chris: Mastodons, you’ll be reporting to the campfire tonight…again.
Eva: Maybe if I weren’t stuck with so many failures on one team, we wouldn’t keep losing!
Noah: You know, you did pick us all for your team, right?
Eva shoves Noah away by the face so that he falls in the water.
Courtney: Jeez, what’s your damage?
Eva: My damage is that we keep losing challenges! I’d drop all of you in a heartbeat if I could!
Eva jumps in the water and begins swimming to shore. Noah pulls himself out of the water and onto the raft, gasping for air, where the rest of the Mastodons are seen glaring after Eva.
The camera transitions to the Raptors cabin, where Geoff and Bridgette are shown sitting on the porch.
Bridgette: Seriously, I can’t stand Alejandro. Did you see how he was mocking Zoey? He ticked her off to the point of her going crazy and cost us the hotel! The dude just knows how to mess with girls, and I hate it!
Geoff: Chill Bridge, he’s a jerk, but he’s still a strong player, so as it stands, he’s helping out our team, ya know? You can’t let him get to you.
Bridgette: Yeah, because he’s so manipulative! The first chance we get, we need to get rid of him!
Geoff: All right babe, whatever you say.
Bridgette: Good, now, I think I’m gonna go for a swim…
Bridgette gets up and leaves, as Owen walks out of the cabin.
Geoff: Hey Owen, you know Al more than I do, what do you think about the guy?
Owen: Aw I like Al, but I don’t think he likes me all that much…
Geoff: Man I dunno, Bridgette has been filling my head with all this Al hate…it’s driving me nuts!
Owen: For the love of all that’s fat and oily, this isn’t the Geoff I’m used to! All this strategizing, man, it’s not you at all!
Geoff: You’re right! What do you say you and I go find ourselves a party?!
Owen: That’s what I’m talking about, let’s go!
The two run off, arms in the air, screaming. The camera fades and reopens in the Spa Hotel. Jakub, Sam and Ezekiel are shown in a common area, sitting on couches. Sam is playing a video game, Ezekiel is napping, while Jakub is sitting slightly hunched over, chin resting in his hands, looking off as though in deep thought.
Jakub: You know guys, I’ve been thinking…
Sam looks up from his game and Zeke opens an eye.
Jakub: These teams aren’t gonna last forever, so we need to get a clear alliance going early so that once the merge hits, we have an advantage right out of the gate.
Sam: Hey, you know me, I’ve got no problem with you guys, so I’m good with whatever.
Jakub: It’s not really you I was worried about…
Ezekiel: Wait, you’re talking about me? Yo man, that’s unbelievable!
Jakub: Listen bro, I get that we’re tight, but there’s a certain factor that has made you unpredictable. Dawn. She’s probably gonna get herself her own alliance, and I just want to make sure that when the time comes, you don’t flip on us!
Ezekiel: Man you have the word of the Zeke, I ain’t about to flip on you!
Jakub: And if down the line, I say we gotta eliminate Dawn…
Ezekiel freezes for a moment.
Ezekiel: You know, that’s way down the road, why don’t we focus on the present…like you sneaking off to find Zoey earlier…
Jakub: Woah, woah, it’s not like that! I thought Zoey would be in a pretty vulnerable spot after what happened with her and Mike and maybe I could put the moves on her and secure someone for the alliance, be she bounced off it like it was nothing!
Sam: What about when you told me earlier about how much hotter she was with her new look?
Jakub: To be fair…she totally is hotter now…
Sam and Ezekiel: …Yeah…
Jakub: Guys, come on, it’s all in the Bro Code, bro’s before…well, you know.
Sam and Ezekiel share a glance before nodding.
Jakub: Good, glad we have that settled…
Ezekiel: So who do we not want in the alliance eh?
Jakub: Jo is annoying, so I want nothing to do with her. Gwen is definitely an option, but then there’s Lightning. I can never get a good read on that guy. He’s either the most brilliant tactician I have ever met…or the biggest idiot I have ever met…
Sam: Um, dude? I’m pretty sure he’s just a meathead.
Jakub: A meathead that won a season of this very show! I dare say Lightning is a hidden genius, he puts on this stupid jock act, but then he just goes behind others and survives again and again!
At this moment, Lightning walks into the room, carrying a pile of meat that corrupts his vision. He walks right into a support beam of the house, before jumping back and dropping his meat, his arms getting into a fighting stance.
Lightning: Stop right there! Lightning knows what’s coming, Lightning knows you’re back for his protein, so just come out and say it!
Lightning goes quiet, as Jakub, Sam and Ezekiel share a glance. Lightning drops his arms and begins to pick up his dropped meat.
Lightning: Yeah, that’s right! Lightning showed him! Uh, her!
He walks out of the room.
Jakub: Did you see that? The way he just came in and froze our trains of thought? So simple, but effective! Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
Ezekiel and Sam facepalm, as the camera changes to show the Mastodons sitting around a campfire.
Chris: Campers, on this plate, I have only five marshmallows. One of you is going home tonight. Now then, the following people are safe.
Chris begins to throw marshmallows.
This leaves us with two. Izzy, your lack of strategy cost your team the challenge, as you inadvertently supplied the enemy teams with ammunition. Eva, you openly disowned your team in rage after losing your challenge and coming in last…again. Now then, the final marshmallow goes to…Izzy.
Eva: What?! You can’t get rid of me! I’m the strongest player you have! You’re absolutely done without me! Done!
Chris: Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it before. Save it for the boat of losers.
Eva walks up to Chris and kicks him in the shin. Chris falls to the ground with a yelp of pain, as Eva stomps off to the boat of losers. The rest of the Mastodons are around the fire, roasting their marshmallows.
Courtney: Alright guys, let’s make a pact right now. She might have been strong, but we got rid of a major demotivator, so to the Malignant Mastodons and not ending up at elimination again!
Izzy: Well yeah! Unless of course, you guys made the bad call and should have voted me off. Oh man that’d be so funny if tomorrow we have some crazy physical challenge where Eva would have totally come in handy!
Izzy begins laughing. The rest of her team glances among themselves and slowly begins to walk away.
Izzy: Wait guys? Guys, I was just kidding! Guys. Guys!
The show fades.
Episode 7 - Adrift and Alone
The camera opens up outside the Raptors cabin. The porch is empty when, seemingly at the same time, Bridgette and Alejandro walk out of their respective sides of the cabin.
Alejandro looks at her with his patent smirk.
Alejandro: And good morning to you teammate.
Bridgette: Ok, just stop. You know I’m not falling for your smooth talking again…
Alejandro: Oh, but Bridgette, we have such wonderful memories together! Remember, in the arctic?
Bridgette: Yeah, when you left me to sing on international television about how I almost cheated on my boyfriend and got my tongue stuck to a pole for it?!
Alejandro: Si! Fun times, am I right?
Bridgette: You’re unbelievable…
Alejandro: Oh trust me, I know.
Al pulls out a mirror and flashes a smile to himself, as Geoff walks out.
Geoff: Hey babe! Mornin’ Al.
Alejandro: Ah, Geoff, my fellow team member, and how are you today?
Geoff: I’m great bro! Got a good nights sleep, got some partying in last night, I’m psyched to get rolling today baby! WOOO-
Bridgette grabs Geoff by the ear and pulls him off to the side of the porch.
Bridgette: What are you doing?!
Geoff: Getting pulled by you…painfully.
Bridgette: I meant talking to Al!
Geoff: Oh, um, I dunno. Dude said good morning so I-
Bridgette: Geoff, I told you, you can’t trust Alejandro. You don’t talk to him unless completely necessary! Understood?
Geoff: Yeah…yeah I guess…
Static, and we hit to Geoff in a confessional.
Geoff: Aw man, this is just killing me. I love Bridge, don’t get me wrong, but all this stuff with Alejandro, it’s changed her man…like, she’s a whole new person! I miss the chill surfer chick I fell in love with…
Static, and the camera shows the campers in the mess hall. We zoom in on the Mastodons.
Courtney: Ok guys, today needs to be a big game changer for us! We’ve lost the last few challenges, we can’t afford to lose any more team members!
Tyler: No worries! I got us covered guys, leave it to me!
Noah: Right, just like you’ve had us covered the last few challenges?
Tyler: Hey! Don’t hate the player, hate the game!
Noah: That phrase doesn’t work there…
Courtney: Guys, focus! We need teamwork!
Scott: And gruel!
Courtney: …Why on earth do we need gruel?
Scott: I dunno, I just…I just got myself a hankering is all…
Courtney face palms.
Izzy: Guys, guys! All we need to do…is kidnap Chris! And then, we can sell him back to Chef for the million dollars!
Courtney, Scott, Tyler and Noah give Izzy an awkward look.
Izzy: …It could work.
At that moment, Chef walks by.
Chef: No it won’t. You think I’d buy back Chris? I’d take Blainley over him as host any day…
At that moment the intercoms screech.
Chris: Gooood morning campers! For todays challenge, come down to the river! You’ll be on some tough tides today, get moving!
The camera fades, then reopens up with all the campers standing outside a river. Chris walks up in front of them.
Chris: Todays challenge will feature a water bound race around the island! Similar to last season, however this time, there are no boats. You’ll have to navigate a specific trail starting here, looping through Boney Island and finishing up on the dock of shame, all from a raft! Now, upon evaluating the situation, I thought it only fair that I have an intern show you some proper raft riding techniques!
Noah: Because riding a clump of logs down a stream is so difficult, isn’t it?
Courtney: Shut it! He’s being nice for once in his life…
Chris motions at the water, but nothing happens. The campers exchange confused glances.
Chris: I said… an intern show you some proper raft riding techniques!
Again Chris motions at the water, but nothing happens.
Chris: Hold on a second…
Chris walks off, the camera following him into a nearby shed.
Chris: Intern! I said to be-
Chris stops talking and walks a little further into the room, where there is a big chest that seems to be shaking. On top of the chest is a piece of paper. Chris picks it up to read, and the camera angles so that the words “I’m Coming” can be clearly legible on the page. Chris raises an eyebrow then reaches down to unlock the chest. Immediately, a terrified intern bursts out of it gasping for air. She then begins screaming and runs out of the shed. Chris seems confused as he walks back to the campers.
Chris: Well that was…unnerving…
Chris shudders, as the campers again share confused glances.
Chris: Anyway, guess that means no tutorials. Sucks for you. Now let’s move it people!
The teams run to the waters edge and begin to untie the rafts floating in the water, quickly jumping on top and pushing away from shore.
Izzy: Now we’re rolling! To Bony Island!
Scott: I know Bony Island like the back of my hand, navigating through it will be a piece of cake!
An engine is heard as Chris flies overhead with a jet pack.
Chris: Did I mention there will be several outbreaks of wildlife attempting to stop you along the way? One in particular seems to miss you Scott…
The water next to the Mastodons raft explodes, and Fang sticks his head above it, a sinister smile flashed at Scott. Scott immediately screams in fear, jumping into Courtney’s arms.
Scott: No! Why is he s-still here?!
Courtney: Get a grip of yourself!
Courtney drops Scott to the raft and Fang slowly sinks beneath the waves.
Courtney: We need to win this challenge guys, how do we speed this thing up?
Tyler: Leave it all to me!
Tyler jumps into the water and begins to push the raft.
Courtney: Wow, never thought I’d say it…but good thinking Tyler.
Static, and we hit to Tyler in the confessional.
Tyler: Yeah, I was captain of my swim team, so long as it’s a nice straight path, swimming is my event! Just like football, baseball, hockey, tennis, badminton, cricket, track and volleyball! This one time, I swam so fast, that I crashed head first into the wall at the end of the lane. I got a concussion, but my team won the meet!
Static, and we hit back to the challenge.
The camera turns over to the Serpents, where everyone is seen on sides of the raft, attempting to paddle with their hands, while Jo stands in the middle.
Jo: Hurry up maggots! We need to take the lead!
Ezekiel: Yo, not to question you, wouldn’t it be faster if you helped too?
Jo: Of course not! You all need a motivator! A leader!
Gwen: Aren’t leader supposed to actually lead instead of sitting back while everyone else does the work?
Jo: For all the hard work I’ve done around here, I think I deserve a little more respect! Now paddle!
A collective groan is heard as the Serpents continue to paddle. The camera switches over to the Raptors.
Cameron: You know, these rafts are awfully big, maybe we could just take off two of the logs to use as paddles!
Geoff: Rad idea little bro, I’ve got this!
Alejandro: Allow me to assist you with that, teammate.
Geoff and Alejandro jump into the water and begin untying the logs, while Bridgette is seen glaring at them. Trent approaches her.
Trent: Everything ok Bridgette?
Bridgette: It just kills me, seeing Geoff just…have no problem with Alejandro!
Trent: Geoff doesn’t really hold grudges, you know. He just sort of likes everyone. Al is manipulative, sure, but he’s not THAT bad a guy. He and I both like quiet nights-
Bridgette: Why does everyone in the world like Alejandro?!
Trent: Well, not everyo-
Bridgette: No, just shut up!
At that moment, Geoff and Alejandro climb back on the raft and take up positions on either side, beginning to paddle.
Geoff: WOOHOO! We’re rocking this challenge!
He gestures at Cameron.
Geoff: Lead the way little bro!
Cameron sits near the front of the raft, telling Geoff and Alejandro which way to steer them. The camera switches to the shore, where Chris and Chef are lounging on chairs, watching the contestants paddle.
Chris: And so the race is on! Who’s gonna get the win and who’s going home?
Chef: You know Chris, I’m getting a little worried. I mean, raft racing? That’s not Chris McLean at all!
Chris: Oh ye of little faith, just wait. Just you wait…
The camera returns to the players, who are all neck and neck as they reach Bony Island. The camera zooms in on the Serpents, where the paddlers are all gasping for air, exhausted, save for Lightning, who is still energetically paddling, though his one man army isn’t enough to move the raft very quickly.
Jo: What gives everyone? We need to keep going!
Gwen: Jo, we’re exhausted…paddling with our hands was a stupid idea…
Jo: Are you calling me a bad leader? Because you’ll regret it
Zoey: Oh, we already regret it!
Zoey gets up and walks over to Jo.
Zoey: If we hadn’t listened to you, maybe we would have thought of a better, faster way to swim! So right now, yeah, we’re all regretting listening to you! You’re nothing more than a pushy, delusional jerk and I’ve just about had it with you!
Jo: Oh, that’s it! I’m-
Ezekiel: Uh, hey guys? Does water normally spin like this?
The two girls freeze as they look around. The camera zooms out to show the raft beginning to spin in circles, faster and faster. The campers begin to scream.
Sam: X, B, Up! X, B, Up! Ugh, this usually works…
The whirlpool continues to quicken until finally it launches the Serpents onto Bony Island, their raft being thrown after them. They are seen laying on the beach, groaning in pain, except for Jo, who was shot into a tree, her head sticking out on the other side. The camera switches over to Chris and Chef, both of whom are laughing.
Chef: Giant whirlpools? That’s more like it!
Chris: Never doubt the brilliance of Chris McLean, Chef. Never!
The camera returns to the competition, where the Mastodons raft is seen slowing down, Tyler gasping.
Courtney: No! Tyler come on, you can do it!
Tyler attempts to push the raft with all his strength, but collapses. Izzy and Noah pull him on board.
Noah: Yup, he swum his last lap. No Olympics for you Phelpy.
Scott: Great, NOW what are we gonna do?
Izzy: Ooh! Ooh! I’ve got it! We can take a can of gasoline-
Courtney: Realistically, please!
Noah: We do have shark bait over here…
The Mastodons turn to look at Scott.
Scott: Oh no, I’m never getting in the water with that…THING out there!
Courtney: C’mon Scott, it’s our only chance!
Scott: (sighs) Fine…but you all owe me!
Scott jumps into the water and floats for a moment, nervously looking around.
Scott: Huh, maybe he’s just-
The water explodes as Fang swims towards Scott at full speed. Scott screams and turns, quickly pushing the raft while attempting to escape his nemesis. The camera then switches to the Raptors.
Cameron: This is great! We’re in the lead right now!
Owen: I think I can smell a victory dinner coming up in the Spa Hotel…mmmm, turkey, and chicken, and potatoes, and pizza, and-
Trent: Wait…do you guys hear that?
The Raptors look around for a moment, as what is first a quiet squeak escalades to a loud scream. The Raptors look behind them and scream as they are sent flying to the air by the Mastodons raft crashing into them. Scott continues pushing his raft as though he didn’t even notice the competition, his eyes wide in terror as Fang seems to be closing in. The Raptors begin falling from the air. Owen flops on his belly and Bridgette falls on top of him, landing on her feet. The water is rocked with waves from the previously speeding shark.
Owen: No, no! I wanted that dinner bad…
Bridgette: Wait, with these waves, I can surf on you to get everyone! Hang on!
Bridgette strikes a surfing pose and begins maneuvering Owen around. She slowly catches every one of her teammates on her shoulders, forming a giant pyramid of humanity. However, when it comes time to catch Alejandro, she maneuvers out of the way, causing him to fall into the water and be left behind.
Geoff: Bridge! You forgot Alejandro!
Bridgette: There’s no time! We need to get to the finish line!
Bridgette is able to speed up Owen and race over the waves. They surge forward and see the dock of shame up ahead. However, the Mastodons are closing in.
Trent: We’ll never make it!
Owen: Oh yes we will!
Owen grunts, before releasing a massive fart, that sends him and his team flying through the water. The camera switches to a view of the dock.
Courtney: We’re gonna make it! We’re gonna win!
As the Mastodons raft is inches away from touching the dock, the Raptors fly past, landing on top of the dock. They slowly get up and cheer, while the Mastodons are seen moaning on their raft.
Chris: And the Mastodons win immune- Wait, hold on a second…where’s Alejandro? Your entire team needs to get on the dock of shame in order to win!
The Raptors gasp.
Lindsay: That’s so unfair! We were totally here first!
Trent: Well maybe if someone didn’t put her personal beef over the team, this wouldn’t have happened…
He shoots a dirty look at Bridgette. Cheering is then heard as the Mastodons jump on the dock. Scott jumps out of the water, moments before Fang bites a huge chunk out of the raft.
Chris: After a long losing streak, the Mastodons win!
Cameron: Ok guys, if we can calculate exactly how fast the current is flowing, we might be able to go back and get Al-
Chris: Not so fast. See tonight, you’re either a winner, or a loser. Both losing teams will be sending a member home!
A collective gasp is heard from the Raptors.
Chris: See, that reaction is what makes all of this worth it!
The scene fades and reopens at the campfire ceremony. The Serpents are the first ones seated around the fire.
Chris: Serpents, you took last place today, so with or without the twist, one of you was heading home. The following members are safe.
Jo, you’re going home.
Jo: What, are you kidding me? I was your best player! I was your only hope! I was-
Zoey: The biggest pain in the butt we could have had on the team?
Chris: Jo, come on, this wasn’t a shocker to ANYONE. Dock of Shame is that way!
Jo grumbles as she stomps off towards the dock.
Chris: Now, let’s get a nice change of guard. Oh, Raptors!
The Serpents get up and walk off, as the Raptors make their way on screen and take seats around the fire.
Chris: On this plate, I have seven marshmallows. One of y-
Bridgette: Chris we know the shtick, can we just get on with it?
Chris: Pfft, fine, Ms. I don’t understand show business! The following people are safe.
Bridgette, you cost your team the challenge by not grabbing Alejandro before heading for the finish line. Cameron, your paddle idea, while it got your team far, ultimately wasn’t the way to go, since the missing logs caused a much easier break when your raft got slammed. And so, the final marshmallow goes to…
Cameron: Well, it was fun while it lasted. So long everybody.
Lindsay: Oh, bye Camera! It was fun having you here!
Dawn: Do not worry little one, your aura is pure, you will bounce back from your misfortune!
As Cameron walks on to the dock, the Raptors get up and begin walking off. Geoff runs over to Bridgette, lightly grabbing her shoulder.
Geoff: Hey, babe! I know you had the team in you mind during the challenge earlier, so I managed to talk everyone out of voting for you! The party can live on!
Bridgette: Oh, Geoff, that’s sweet…but predictable. I knew you’d talk them out of voting me off. And of course, you can’t get them to vote off Alejandro either, huh?
Geoff: Well I mean, I just-
Bridgette: Save it Geoff. You’re laid back, you don’t care, and it works for you, but not for me. We’re through Geoff.
Bridgette walks off as Geoff stands frozen for a moment, before slowly sitting back down on one of the stumps at the fire pit.
Geoff(quietly): What just happened…
Chris jumps into view, taking up the camera shot.
Chris: What did just happen? Are Geoff and Bridgette really broken up? What surprises await our campers? Find out next time on Total, Drama, Ascension!
Episode 8 - Twice the Fun of the Hunt
The camera opens up showing scenes from both cabins and the hotel, showing ever camper sleeping. It then zooms out to show Chris watching all the monitors in a production room.
Chris: They’re so peaceful when they’re asleep…like little, diabolical angels…
He presses a button and a loud siren goes off. Screams are heard, and Chris leans in to a microphone.
Chris: Rise and shine campers! Big news for ya this morning! Meet me in front of the cabins in five minutes sharp!
The camera fades, and we reopen in front of the cabins. The campers are all seen yawning and groggy, as Chris walks over to them.
Noah: Please tell me your reason for waking us up so God forsakenly early isn’t just you trying to be edgy for the sake of ratings? Because it’s really lost its magic…
Chris: What? No! I just wanted to enjoy a nice sunrise with all of you! And…to let you know that we’ll be going through a little mix up. As of this moment, your teams are dissolved!
A collective gasp is heard throughout the group.
Courtney: Already?! The teams have never merged this early into a season! I mean, there’s eighteen of us left!
Chris: Everybody calm down. THESE teams are done, but you’ll be splitting into two brand new teams later today! Now, here’s how it’s all gonna go down. Right now, you are all going to partner up. You and your partner will be given a hint on where to find a certain object somewhere on the island. Once you find said object, you will report back right here. The time in which you return will determine which team you’ll be on. Decide among yourselves who is going with who.
The contestants immediately begin to divide up. Ezekiel see’s Dawn through the crowd and begins walking towards her, when Bridgette walks by and hooks Dawn by the arm.
Bridgette: Come on Dawn, you seem like one of the only people from that team I can trust.
Dawn seems unhappy but gets pulled along by Bridgette. Ezekiel’s smile fades as Jakub and Sam walk up to him.
Jakub: Alright boys, this sticks a wrench in our plans…I guess we’re gonna have to split and hope we all somehow make the same teams…
Sam: So how are we splitting up? Not enough time for a Brawl tournament…
Jakub: Dude…where would we even get the system we ne-, point being, we’ll pull straws. The two longest will partner up.
Jakub reaches into his pocket and pulls out three straws. Ezekiel and Sam both reach in and pull one out, the three then comparing lengths.
Jakub: Sorry Sam, looks like you’re out.
Sam: That’s fine and all, but who am I gonna partner with now?
Sam scratches his head, as Izzy slowly rises up behind him, before jumping on his back laughing, her hands covering his eyes. Sam runs around screaming, Jakub and Ezekiel watching with confused expressions.
The camera switches over to Gwen, who is approached by Noah.
Noah: You know, of all the delusional parasites on this show, you’re actually a fairly respectable person. If you and I we-
Owen: Noah! Buddy!
Owen runs over to Noah and hugs him, Noah’s face going smack dab into Owens blubber.
Owen: Isn’t this great little buddy?! You and I can be on a team again!
Noah says something incomprehensible, his voice muffled by Owens fat. Gwen turns and waves.
Gwen: Zoey! Be my partner?
Zoey walks up to Gwen.
Zoey: Yeah, sure!
The camera then changes to show Geoff sitting on the cabin steps, looking depressed. Lindsay walks up to him.
Lindsay: Aw, Geoff, cheer up! I know you and Bretta broke up, but it’s not the end of everything… Oh, I know! We could team up and-
Tyler runs into the scene, tripping and face planting right next to Lindsay. He gets to his feet.
Tyler: No, wait, Lindsay! We should be partners!
Lindsay: Oh, right! I forgot, I wanted to be partners with Tyler…sorry!
The two walk away and Geoff’s stare returns to the ground, when a hand is placed on his shoulder. Geoff looks up.
Alejandro: Amigo, I notice you are all alone. Why not let us form a tandem for today? Perhaps we can get your mind off of that dreadful witch…
Geoff: Yeah…yeah I guess.
The camera switches again to show Courtney and Scott.
Scott: So, we’re teaming up?
Courtney: Yeah, but only if you do exactly what I say during the scavenger hunt!
Scott: Trust me, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s scavenging!
Courtney raises an eyebrow. Scott’s grin slowly fades.
Scott: Wait…that came out wrong…
The camera then rolls over to Trent.
Trent: Aw man…does everyone already have a partner?
Chris walks up to him.
Chris: Nope! In fact, there’s just one person left, and I have a feeling you two will get along…marvelously…
Chris points off, and the camera follows his finger to show Lightning, too busy kissing his biceps to even bother searching for a partner.
Trent: Oh come on! I can’t go solo?
Chris: It’s a PARTNER challenge Trent! Not a SOLO challenge…
Trent walks over to Lightning.
Trent: Guess this is it then…hitting rock bottom.
Lightning: No need to worry, Lightning’s a one man army! You can just sit back and be Lightning’s personal cheer squad! Chant up SHA-Lightning!
Trent: …Yup, definitely rock bottom.
A small piece of paper is shoved into Trent’s face by Chef. The camera then pans over each pair showing that they have all received separate slips.
Chris: Now, you all have your clues. Go find your items as quickly as you can, and meet back here. Trust me, you do NOT want to come back last.
Zoey: Why would it ma-
Chris: Time is ticking, go, go, go!
The teams all begin to split off. The camera follows Courtney and Scott first.
Courtney: “Normally served up for lunch, this fowl almost made the inaugural season start up very differently.” What kind of clue is that?!
Scott: It’s talking about food…and birds…does Chef have a farm?
Courtney: No…but he has a kitchen.
Scott: Wait…we have to go back into his kitchen?!
Courtney: Any better ideas?
Scott sighs and walks along with Courtney, as the camera switches to Geoff and Alejandro.
Geoff: “It’s saved the skin of contestants in the past, though its skin is drier than its source.” Um…what?
Alejandro: Saved the skin…what can save people on this wretched isl-…oh, the immunity idol! It’s wooden, so clearly its skin is drier than Chris’s.
Geoff: Where would an idol even be?
Alejandro: That…is a completely different issue…
The camera switches over again, this time to Jakub and Ezekiel.
Jakub: “Fruit should never be left in the water, it’ll rot.” Could this even be more misleading?
Ezekiel: At least we know we should check out water, eh?
Jakub: Sure…but fruit? What kind of fruit? Apples? Oranges? Bana-oof!
Jakub is shown running into Noah. Both fall down.
Noah: Ugh, watch where you’re going, or is your hideously asymmetric hairstyle blocking your vision?
Jakub: Sorry, I should know better than to knock over a woman…
The two get to their feet.
Noah: Oh, really? You really want to do this? Fine, you’ve left me no choice…Owen, eat them.
Owen: Yeah, sorry Noah, I’m not much of a fighter.
Noah: You are just no help, you know that?
Jakub: Right…well we’ll just leave you two to your couples quarrel and be on our way.
Jakub begins to walk away.
Noah: Yeah newbie, you run now, but your luck won’t hold out!
Jakub turns back while still walking off.
Jakub: Pfft, luck. I don’t need it, I don’t anything ridiculous like th-
Jakub freezes as he notices he’s walked off the edge of a cliff and begins following. His voice echo’s.
Jakub: This proves nothing!
Ezekiel runs over to the edge of the cliff.
Ezekiel: Hang on homie, I’m coming to save you!
Ezekiel jumps off the cliff after Jakub, a scream echoing as he falls. Noah and Owen share a glance.
Noah: Like lemmings, aren’t they?
The camera transitions over to Bridgette and Dawn.
Bridgette: You know, I’m glad! I’m glad Geoff and I are done, he was just holding me back this entire time! Everyone just thinks of me as ‘Geoff’s clumsy surfer chick girlfriend’ and I’m done with it! I’m my own person, and it’s time people get that beaten through their thick skulls…
Dawn: Bridgette I’ll be honest, your aura has developed a rather dark red trim, it seems like this goes deeper than wanting to be your own person.
Bridgette: Oh great, now you’re my freaking therapist?
Dawn: No, I just-
Bridgette: Don’t try and pretend like you know what I’m talking about. You’re still chained down by that freak Ezekiel, you won’t know the true freedom I’m feeling now until you get rid of him.
Dawn blushes a bit as her gaze falls to the ground in silence. Bridgette in turn lifts the clue to read it.
Bridgette: “I can’t take you around the world if I happen to slip down the drain.” Down the drain?
Dawn: If that is meant literally, as I fear it is…
Bridgette: Then we need to get to the bathroom…
A look of disgust crosses the girls faces as they walk off screen. The camera changes to a cave, where Trent is digging through rocks, as Lightning is attempting to dribble one of the larger boulders.
Lightning: After a strong domination all game, Lightning got em right where he want’s em. He shoots!
Lightning throws the boulder and hits a stalagmite, which falls and narrowly misses Trent.
Lightning: He SHA-scores!
Trent: Lightning what is your problem?! You could have killed me!
Lightning: SHA-please, I know it. It was a killer throw!
Trent: How could I have been paired with you…seriously, I’m a nice guy! Why wouldn’t people want to partner up with me?
Trent sighs and sits on the crumbled stalagmite, but quickly jumps up and screams in pain. He turns and see’s a green glowing marshmallow sticking out from the rubble. Trent lifts up his clue and reads it.
Trent: “A painful reminder of just how much stone cold cash you might have lost.” Lightning, we found it! We found our item! …And it was because of you throwing that boulder…
Lightning: Aw yeah, Lightning is the hero! Now get that marshmallow and the championship is all mine!
Trent begins reaching for the marshmallow, when he freezes.
Trent: Uh…how exactly are we supposed to carry a toxic marshmallow?
Lightning: Easy! You just…uh…you just…
The cocky smile drops from Lightning’s face as he realizes the situation.
The camera switches to Dawn and Bridgette, now in the communal bathrooms.
Dawn: Well…if it went down the drain…then it’s probably in the…septic tank.
Bridgette: Well, teamwork is all about sacrifice…so Dawn, I need you to go in there and look for…whatever it is!
Dawn: M-me? Why me? You’re the surfer, you should handle a situation that involves *she swallows back a small puke* diving…
Bridgette: Yeah…but I’m pure. I’ve been enlightened and you haven’t, so you’d be much more at home with all the filth in there.
Bridgette opens the door leading into the tank.
Dawn: But I-
Bridgette: No buts!
Bridgette pushes Dawn inside, slamming the door shut behind her. The camera switches over to Sam and Izzy, walking along the beach. Sam is reading his clue.
Sam: “When brain met brawn, the technology was anything but salty.” Brain vs Brawn…so maybe when it was Lightning vs Cameron in the finals? So that means the technology...
Izzy: Was my totally awesome spider suit! I was all like pew pew! And stringing people up, and hanging them on a web, and it was great!
Sam: Yeah, that happened, but I still think-
Izzy: Oh! Or maybe it was that giant monster. Boy, he was one heck of a kisser…not all that keen on splitting the bill though…
Sam: Ok that’s great and all…but we should really be focusing on finding something from the finale!
Izzy: Leave that to me!
Izzy drops to all fours and begins to sniff the sand, before running forward and starting to dig.
Izzy: Aha! I got it!
Sam runs over to her.
Sam: Huh, I think that’s actually it!
He reaches down and helps Izzy lift Cameron’s super suit out from the hole in the sand.
Sam: Well, that was actually pretty easy! …Huh, I’ve always wondered what it was like to wear one of these things…
Sam picks up the helmet and places it over his head as best as he can, part of it only barely squeezing over the top half of his head, as the camera switches to Zoey and Gwen, who are in the woods.
Gwen: “A single shot will quell even the most fearsome of beasts.” It has to be some sort of plant, something strong enough to take down a bear…
Zoey: Is there anything on the island that actually has that kind of strength though?
Gwen: I really don’t know… Unless you count Chris’s singing. You hear that once, you’re out cold.
Zoey: I wonder why he decided on the team split anyway? I actually kinda liked our team.
Gwen: You’re sure it was the entire team you liked?
Zoey begins to blush.
Zoey: Uh, yeah, w-what else would I mean?
Gwen: Oh I don’t know, maybe a certain leather jacket wearing rookie spiked your interest?
Zoey: What? No! No, no no! Mike and I just ended it I couldn’t… I mean, you even said, don’t go for the first guy who just walks in through the door, even if he does look really great in that leather jacket…
Gwen: Sometimes the heart just knows, you know? If you wanna get back out there, go for it!
Zoey: Lot of good that pep talk does if we might not even be on the same team anymore…
The two walk on a moment in silence when they stop. In front of a small wooden shed.
Gwen: What’s this doing in the middle of the forest?
They open the door and inside see an array of firearms.
Zoey: Woah, are these…tranquilizer guns?
Gwen: I think so…wait, they could take down anything! I think we figured out our puzzle!
Zoey grabs one of the guns and the two begin to run back towards the cabins. The camera then switches to Lindsay and Tyler. Who are in the technology room of the Spa Hotel. Tyler is holding a small remote with a screen on it, while Lindsay is intently watching a clip on one of the monitors.
Tyler: Lindsay come on, we already found our treasure, we need to go to meet Chris and win this thing!
Lindsay: Just a moment…I’m trying to figure out where I’ve seen this actress before.
Tyler: Lindsay…you’re watching a gag reel of your slip ups in previous seasons…
The camera turns to show the monitor, showing Lindsay voting herself out of Total Drama Action.
Lindsay: …No, that can’t be it. I look nothing like that!
Tyler sinks down to the floor, exasperated. The camera switches to Trent and Lightning, who are both carrying a large slab of stone, the toxic marshmallow sitting atop it.
Trent: Slowly, slowly…
At that moment, Izzy and Sam pass next to them. Sam has various parts of Cameron’s super suit sloppily shoved onto his body.
Sam: Urgh, this isn’t too comfortable…I really should have hit the gym last year…
Sam looks up to see Lightning giving him a murderous look.
Lightning: You cost me the million! You broke my leg! YOU COST ME MY CHAMPIONSHIP!
Lightning lets go of the slab, leaving Trent completely out of balance as he runs after Sam.
Trent: No, Lightning, wait! I can’t, whoah!
Trent is barely keeping balance with the slab, which causes him to run forward in an attempt to save himself. Sam begins running in the same direction screaming, with Lightning chasing after him. The camera goes back to Izzy, standing around with a blank look on her face, before blinking.
Izzy: Wow, need to stop daydreaming.
She looks around noticing everyone’s gone.
Izzy: Hey where’d everybody go? Guys? Oh no...the monster got them because I never called him back! I knew this day would catch up with me.
A splash is heard nearby and Izzy screams, running in the direction Sam and Lightning ran.
Izzy: You’ll never get me alive!
The camera follows the splashing to show Jakub and Ezekiel pulling themselves onto shore from a lake.
Jakub: Note to self…watch where I’m going next time I’m telling someone off…
Ezekiel: Jumping off after you…that wasn’t the best way to help, was it?
Jakub: You think?
Ezekiel: Sorry, eh? But on the bright side, look!
Zeke points to a pile of rocks creating what is almost a small tide pool. Inside, a coconut with some scribbles on it is floating.
Jakub: Wet fruit…hey, isn’t this Mr. Coconut?
Ezekiel: Word, we got it homeslice! We found our thing!
The two high five and begin running off. The camera cuts off to Courtney and Scott in Chef’s kitchen.
Courtney: You find anything?
Scott: No…just rats and cockroaches…this is pointless, we’ll never find anything in here!
Scott sighs and leans on a pot, which falls down and spills its content. A rubber chicken hat is carried out with the murky water. Scott picks it up.
Courtney: A chicken hat? How does that help?
Scott: Well…normally we eat chicken, not wear it, even though pappy’s chicken feather vest is pretty classy…
Courtney: And when I didn’t jump off the cliff, they gave me a chicken hat it almost got me voted off first! It all works!
A creak is heard, and the two look to the side. The camera moves and shows Chef standing in the doorway.
Chef: What are you doing in my kitchen?!
He runs to grab them, as Courtney and Scott begin to run off screaming. Chef chases them off screen, as pots, pans and rats are seen flying. The camera switches to show Noah and Owen, walking the halls of the Spa Hotel.
Noah: Think, if Chris were to have a tribute to himself somewhere, where would he put it?
Owen: What makes you so sure it’s a tribute to Chris?
Noah: “A golden deity among mortals”, only Chris would be so narcissistic to refer to himself as something like that.
Owen: Well…if I had a tribute for myself build anywhere…it’d be a kitchen. And my face would be made out of cheese! Gooey, golden cheese…
Owen begins to drool.
Noah: Yeah…every time we talk, I swear I can literally feel the intelligence draining from my brain…
Noah and Owen freeze as Tyler runs out of a doorway, pushing a rolling chair, to which Lindsay is tied with developed photo reel.
Lindsay: No wait! I was so close to figuring it out! I think her name starts with an S!
Noah and Owen share a glance.
Noah: We need to get a move on.
The two walk into the kitchen.
Noah: Ok Owen, humor me, let’s assume there’s a secret passage to a tribute for someone in the kitchen, where would you put it?
Owen: In the fridge, right behind the meatloaf!
Noah: …Why am I even listening to you…
He walks over to the fridge and reaches his hand in, pulling out a small remote.
Noah: What the…
Noah presses a button and the tiles underneath him and Owen give way. The two scream as they fall into an abyss. A thud is heard as they hit the floor. They get up looking around and gasp. The camera zooms out to show an entire room of portraits, statues and photo’s, all depicting Chris McLean.
Owen: Wow, it’s all so…sparkly…
The two walk a few steps to where a shorter pedestal stands, a small golden figure of Chris standing atop it.
Noah: Well, it’s a small gold Chris, I think it’s about as close as we’re gonna get…now how do we get out of here?
Footsteps are heard, and the two turn to see a shadowy figure approaching. Noah screams and jumps into Owens arms. The figure walks closer, only to be revealed to be…Harold.
Owen: Wait, Harold? What are you doing here?
Harold: Getting evidence for my thesis. See, I’ve been producing a documentary on the untold life story of Chris McLean, and Chris’s shrine to himself provided the perfect opportunity for myself to find the final bits of knowledge I needed to make the video.
Owen: So is that why you didn’t compete in this season?
Harold: There was another season?
The two fall silent.
Noah: Yeah…I’d love to sit here and sympathize, but we’re in a bit of a rush. How exactly do we get out of here?
Harold: There are certain things I cannot teach you, young one. Certain battles you must fight alone, certain lessons to le-
Noah: Never mind, I found it.
Owen and Noah are seen climbing out a large trap door. Harold’s eyes narrow as he looks after them.
Harold: You’ll be back! You’ll be back to heed more of my wisdom!
The camera flips over to Geoff and Alejandro. Geoff is sitting at the base of a tree, while Alejandro is climbing in its upper branches.
Geoff: Find anything up there Al?
Alejandro: *grunts* Unfortunately it’s a negative compadre.
Geoff rises to his feet.
Geoff: Man, I wish I was more help…I’m just so bummed out.
He turns and punches the tree full force causing it to shake. A small brown pouch falls from the branches, followed by Alejandro also falling to the ground. Geoff picks up the pouch, opening it up.
Geoff: Hey, it’s the immunity idol! We’ve got it! …You ok there buddy?
Alejandro stands and forces a smile.
Alejandro: Just…perfect. Come, let us run back to the meeting point.
The camera switches over to Chris, on the phone.
Chris: What do you mean he got out?! How long ago was this… Why didn’t you tell me earlier?! And you think he’s gonna come back to the island? God…why is everyone so incompetent these days?! Oh, wait, hold that thought, I think I see contestants approaching.
Chris slides the phone into his pocket, just as Sam and Lightning run in front of him. Lightning tackles Sam to the ground.
Lightning: Now I got you right where I want you!
He reaches down and rips the helmet off of Sam’s head, before gaining a surprised expression.
Lightning: SHA-What? You’re not the small fry that cost Lightning the money.
Sam: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the last hour!
Chris: Well, I’d say we have our winners…but this was a team challenge! Where are your partners?
Trent: I’m here!
Trent stumbles over to Chris, barely lugging the stone.
Lightning: Ooh, let me take that from you! Lightning gets the final shot!
Lightning snags the stone with ease, as Trent collapses from exhaustion.
Chris: And we have our winners! Trent and Lightning get first place! This also means they’ll be starting off the first team!
Izzy: No! Get away from me! Your scales were just too rough! I can’t take it!
Izzy runs into the scene, but isn’t looking where she’s going, running face first into the stone that Lightning is holding. She falls to the ground.
Chris: Second place is good enough for today. Izzy and Sam get second, and will start off the second team!
Jakub and Ezekiel run in, and at almost the same time, Noah and Owen appear from the other direction. Jakub and Noah share a glare, before handing both of their treasure’s to Chris.
Chris: Two more teams done. Zeke and Jakub, you’ll be joining team one. Noah and Owen, team two!
Tyler rolls in with Lindsay, who is still in despair over not recognizing who was staring on the tape.
Lindsay: I was so close…
Chris: What is she on about?
Tyler: She didn’t recognize herself on TV.
Chris: Figures…you have your item?
Tyler tosses the remote to Chris.
Chris: Ah, the season two voting remotes…how far we’ve come!
Tyler: But we’re back to voting on pieces of paper…
Chris: Don’t hate on the classics man! Vintage works! Anyway, you two are on team one!
As Tyler rolls Lindsay over to their team, Geoff and Alejandro arrive on scene.
Alejandro: Here you are Chris, an immunity idol, ripe for the picking!
Chris: Ah, you actually found it! That’s awesome, so much strategy, manipulation, all contained in this gorgeous, little head. And just a little heads up…as of tonight, the idol will be in play! Chef will be out hiding it later, so best of luck to you losers finding it again! Alright, you guys are on team two. And while I’m at it, I sho-oh, oh God! What’s that smell?!
The contestants all attempt to cover their noses, as Bridgette and Dawn march up to Chris. Dawn is covered in muck and slime from the septic tank and is shivering from the experience, as Bridgette shoves a small brown book into Chris’s chest.
Bridgette: A passport from Season three, took some dirty work, but we got it!
Chris: Um…don’t you mean, she got it?
Bridgette: Don’t undermine me McLean! I was just as big a part of this partnership as she was!
Chris: Um, right…anyway, team one!
The team disperses slightly as the two girls walk to join them, save for Ezekiel, who cannot contain his smile at seeing Dawn on his team. She attempts to return the smile, but can’t mask her unhappiness from her experience. Zeke quickly takes off his hoodie and throws it over Dawns shoulders, before hugging her. Bridgette glances at them, before scoffing. Screams are heard as Courtney and Scott run into the scene. Scott tosses the chicken hat to Chris in a drive by, as Chef runs in after them holding a butchers knife. Chris sticks out his hand to hold back Chef.
Chris: Whoa, easy there Chef. I think they’ve learned their lesson.
Chef stares down Courtney and Scott for a moment, before growling and walking away.
Chris: Now then, you two are on team two! And that leaves us with-
Gwen: Wait, we’re here! We’ve got it!
Gwen and Zoey run into the shot gasping for air.
Zoey: We’ve got it! The tranq gun!
Chris: Yes, you do…shame you also came in last place.
Gwen and Zoey share a glance before looking at the two teams and realizing everyone has been sorted.
Chris: Now then…you have two choices. Both of you two can join the same team, and that team will be automatically be sent to the elimination ceremony tonight, or you can split, join a team on your own, knowing everyone else has at least one ally on their team, but then your team has a fifty fifty chance of elimination. What’s it gonna be ladies?
Zoey and Gwen share a glance.
Gwen: If we both go on one team, chances are one of us will be voted out…so I think our only real choice is to split.
Chris: Right! Well, here’s where the silver lining comes in. You two can decide among yourselves who joins which team.
Zoey and Gwen look both teams up and down, taking in every contestant.
Zoey: Oh…Gwen, you know which team I want to go on…but then that means you’d be stuck with…
Gwen: Yeah…I know…but right now, you need this. Chris, I’m going to join team two!
In the crowd, Courtney is seen gasping, instantly transitioning into a scorn. Gwen walks to her new team, doing her best to avoid Courtney’s glare. Zoey walks over to her team and stands next to Jakub, giving him a warm smile, and he flashes back a smirk.
Chris: Ok, great! Two even teams, but not for long! There will still be an elimination tonight. But who will be visiting the fire pit? Well, luck will decide.
Chris reaches into his pocket and pulls out a coin.
Noah: Wait…our elimination tonight will be based on the flip of a coin?!
Chris: Hey, it’s all your guys’ fault for taking so long with the scavenger hunt! We have a tiny time slot for this show! Now then, team one, Lightning and Trent arrived first, so you get to choose, heads or tails?
Lindsay: Oh, oh, I want heads! I mean, coins don’t even grow tails, there’s no way we can lose!
Her teammates are shown face palming. Chris shrugs and throws the coin into the air. It lands in his hands, and he flips it onto his wrist. He holds back for a dramatic pause.
Chris: …Tails. Sorry Lindsay, looks like this didn’t work out for ya.
Lindsay: I’m so confused…
Chris: Yeah, I can see that…anyway, team one! I will see you tonight for elimination! Team two, make your way to the Spa Hotel and enjoy your spoils of victory!
We transition to the fire pit. Team one members are seated around the fire.
Chris: You have all cast your votes. Whoever loses will walk down the dock of shame, take the bo-
Trent: Dude, we’ve heard this so much, can we just get to the elimination?
Chris: Shush! It builds suspense and gets the audience excited! Anyway…take the boat of losers. And they can never come back. Ev-er. Now then, the following people are safe.
Lightning and Trent, because you two finished first, treat it as a free pass. Otherwise…
Chris looks back and forth between Bridgette and Lindsay.
Bridgette: Oh of course, I liberate myself from a man’s shadow, and I’m on the chopping block…
Ezekiel: Nothing to do with you make Dawn swim through a septic tank, eh?
Chris: Everyone shut it! You’re ruining the moment! The next person voted off of Total Drama Ascension…is Lindsay.
Tyler: What? Come on! This is the first time all season we get a chance to get time together and you guys vote her off?!
Lindsay: Oh, it’s ok Tyler. Now you can win it all for yourself! But…maybe help me to the boat first?
The camera zooms out to show Lindsay still tied to the rolling chair with film reel. Tyler begins to roll her down the dock of shame, but Chris runs in and gives her a shove, sending Lindsay flying down the dock and landing in the boat on her back.
Chris: Sorry bro, time is almost out!
Chris turns to the camera.
Chris: Now that we have new teams, how will things change for our campers? Find out next episode, here on TOTAL. DRAMA. ASCENSION!
Episode 9 - The Show Must Go On
We open up in the communal baths, where a silhouette is shown showering. The water stops and moments later, Dawn walks out wrapped in a towel.
Dawn: I spent almost the entire night in there, and the smell is still floating around.
A chirping is heard and Dawn looks towards the window, where a pair of birds sits on the windowsill.
Dawn: Oh, hello little ones!
She approaches the birds, but as she gets close, the birds smell the septic smell and fall off the sill passed out. The smile drops from Dawns face and she crumples down to the floor groaning.
Ezekiel: It’s not so bad, eh?
Dawn looks up to see Ezekiel by the windowsill.
Dawn: Zeke! What are you doing here?
Ezekiel: I haven’t seen you since the elimination, wanted to make sure you were ok.
Dawn: I’m fine…just a little smelly…
Ezekiel: The amount of time I spent living in the plane, not many smells can break down the Zeke. Oh yeah, I brought you these!
Zeke reaches his hand in through the window, revealing a small bouquet of flowers.
Dawn: Aw, Zeke…
The camera shows Dawn from behind, torso up, as she reaches for the flowers. She brings them to her face and takes a sniff. At that moment, her towel unwraps and drops. Ezekiel’s smile disappears and his eyes widen.
He slowly falls backwards. The camera changes over to the mess hall where Tyler is sitting in front of a bowl of what seems to be oatmeal. He sighs.
Tyler: Man, I miss Lindsay…
Bridgette: HA! Don’t make me laugh…
Tyler looks up as Bridgette walks past and sits down at the same table, a few spots away.
Tyler: What do you mean?
Bridgette: You miss the dumb blonde, yeah I’ve seen it all before. You were only ever with her because of her looks, completely objectifying her. Why would you miss a single girl, they’re all the same in your eyes…
Tyler: But…that’s not true at all…
Bridgette: That’s what they all say…
Her eyes narrow as the rest of their team enters the mess hall. Ezekiel still looks a bit bewildered from earlier. A few moments later, the other team enters.
Sam: Man, those gourmet waffles hit the spot!
He notices Jakub sitting at the mess hall table, glaring at him.
Sam: What?! They were good! Food and video games are two things I can’t lie about!
As they sit, Chris enters the hall.
Chris: Good morning campers! I hope you’re feeling extra creative for today’s challenge, because we’ll be putting on a play! And to exercise your creativity, we have a quick warm up for you suckers! You may have noticed these new teams don’t have names yet. Well today, you get to choose the names of your rival teams! Get on it!
Both teams are shown getting into groups, and whispering is heard. The groups reopen up.
Chris: Well, what do you have for me?
Noah: Well, upon close consideration of how pathetic our opponents really are, and some of their personal histories, we decided there would be no more fitting name than the Feral Lemmings.
Ezekiel and Jakub are shown glaring at Noah.
Lightning: Yeah! Lightning’s feral! Feral as a tiger! Lightning so feral he’s gonna tear you all apart!
Trent: Are you thinking about ‘fierce’, not ‘feral’?
Lightning: Even better! Fierce and feral! SHA-Score!
Static and we cut to Trent in a confessional. He says nothing, but proceeds to hit his head on the stall wall several times. Static and we cut back to the campers.
Zoey: Well, we thought we would make your guys’ name a preview of what’s gonna happen when you get going in the game…the Backstabbing Weasels.
Alejandro glances at Noah.
Alejandro: Not the slippery eels, hmm?
Noah nervously glances at Alejandro, before attempting a glare at the other team but quickly stopping, and glancing at Courtney and Scott as well. Static and we hit a confessional.
Noah: I can’t even try to argue that… This team is a powder keg, and there’s only a matter of time before everything explodes. But if I work everything right…then that explosion could just burn up everyone I don’t want around anyway…
Static and we cut to a makeshift theatre. Chris and the teams stand on the stage.
Chris: Now similar to a challenge from Total Drama Action, each team will get to perform a scene on stage. Four people will be actors, one will work lights and the rest will work backstage. The scenes will be judged by a panel including myself, Chef and returning contestant-
The campers all groan as Blainley walks on stage.
Chris: What?! You?! I wanted the quiet big guy, Beverly or something!
Blainley: Chris McLean has bad communication skills with his agents, shocking. You should be happy Chris, me showing up for one night only raises the ratings of your backwards show.
Chris: But I…someone is getting fired for this… While I go deal with….this, there’s a jar backstage on either end of the stage. Actors, you’ll be picking out roles from the jar. Chef will hand out the scripts after you get your costumes.
The two teams disperse. The camera follows the Weasels to their backstage area first.
Izzy: Oh! Oh! I wanna get a role! I was great in acting!
Sam: I dunno…you did get eliminated last time you were in this kind of challenge…
Noah: You know Al, you should be an actor. The amount of lying and cheating you do? It must be second nature to you…
Alejandro glares at Noah, but quickly transitions into a smirk.
Alejandro: I will take that as a compliment, my cynical…friend. In this case, I’d like to request Geoff to be my co-star.
Geoff: I dunno man, I’ve been kind of out of it…
Alejandro: Exactly, channel your emotion into the acting!
Geoff shrugs and reaches into the jar after Alejandro, each pulling out a slip of paper.
Geoff: Bro’s 1 and 2?
Alejandro: Perhaps the script will make these roles more obvious…anyway, we need two more.
Gwen and Courtney: I’ll do it.
The two lock eyes and glare at one another.
Noah: What are you waiting for? We need two, there’s two of you, get with it!
The girls both reach in and take slips from the jar.
Courtney: Girls one and two? Oh come on, I should have a more unique role than this!
Gwen: I’m no happier about this than you are…
Chef walks past and tosses script to the four actors.
Chef: Which one of you is gonna do the lights?
Izzy: Ooh! Izzy will! Izzy will!
She excitedly runs after Chef before anyone else can speak up to stop her.
Chef: Backstage workers, follow me!
The camera switches over to the other backstage area, where Jakub, Ezekiel, Trent and Lightning have slips of paper in their hands.
Jakub: So apparently I’m a pirate?
Ezekiel: Assasin for me.
Trent: A white knight, not bad.
Lightning: Lightning’s a prince! Yeah, be jealous! SHA-ruling over all of you!
Bridgette: All men being cast, gee, what a surprise…
Zoey: Well, it’s not like you volunteered for a role…
Bridgette: Really? They’ve brainwashed you that bad? For shame Zoey, for shame!
Bridgette turns her back and struts to sit away from the group, leaving Zoey looking confused.
Zoey: What…what did I say?
Chef walks by and again tosses the scripts.
Chef: Who’s doing lights? Let’s move it people!
Tyler: I’ve got this!
Jakub: Tyler on lights…this can only end well…
Chef: The interns are headed over with your costumes, get changed and get to rehearsing! Backstage hands, you’re with me!
Zoey, Tyler, Dawn and Bridgette follow Chef to a backstage area, where Noah, Owen, Sam, Scott and Izzy are also waiting. A ladder is shown going high into the rafters.
Chef: Lighting crew, your work is up there!
Tyler begins to climb the ladder, but Izzy’s excitement cannot be contained. She jumps onto the ladder and climbs over him, causing him to slip and fall off. He rubs his head in pain, before climbing up again after her.
Chef: Now the rest of you need to look through all these props and decide which ones to use for your scenes!
Noah: Hey kitchen commando, hate to burst your bubble, but we don’t know the scripts. How are we supposed to pick out the right props if all we know are the characters?
A grin crosses Chef’s face.
Chef: I suppose that just makes more…challenging…doesn’t it?
He chuckles walking away, as the backstage workers begin shifting through an enormous pile of junk. The camera returns to the Lemmings, who are walking out from behind a curtain. Jakub has been given a red vest and blue trench coat, along with leather pants and boots. He has a hook covering his right hand. Ezekiel is dressed similarly, except in a black trench and without the hook. His hat has been replaced with a bandana. Trent is dressed in traditional armor, also having a sword in hand. Grunts are heard from behind the curtain, when Lightning is shoved out, wearing a large pink ball gown. His teammates immediately burst into laughter!
Lightning: Lightning doesn’t feel like a prince! What is this?!
Trent notices Lightning’s slip of paper on the ground and picks it up. He notices part of it is folded and reads the entire thing.
Trent: Uh, Lightning? You’re not the prince…you’re the prince-ess!
Lightning: What?! This is SHA-bogus!
He reaches to tear off the costume, when Chris appears.
Chris: Ah, ah, ah! All roles in the challenge are final! Failure to abide by them-
Blainley: Will result in an instant loss!
Chris: Will you get out of here?!
Blainley: Afraid not, has-been. You’re stuck with me for the rest of the episode!
She struts off and Chris follows her, looking very annoyed. The camera goes backstage and shows the two teams slowly shifting through the mountain of junk laid out before them.
Noah: Chris is such a hoarder, why would you even hold on to some of this stuff?
He pulls out a rotting bag of peanuts and squeals before quickly dropping it.
Owen: Aw c’mon Noah, it’s not all bad! Check it out!
Owen pulls out a small boom box and presses play. “Come Fly With Us” begins to play.
Owen: Remember that? Man I loved season three. Sure, the plane was kinda scary, but all the different food…
Scott: If you’re done taking a trip down memory lane, I’d like to get back to winning this challenge now?
Noah: The farm boy is right, we shouldn’t be wasting our time on…Owen, what are you doing?
The camera shows Owen eating the rotten peanuts. He innocently looks at Noah. Noah turns to Sam, who is digging through the heap.
Noah: If he dies, congrats kid, you’ve been promoted to New Owen.
Sam sticks his head out of the props.
The camera goes to the backstage area of the Weasels. Alejandro and Geoff are shown dressed in suits, while Gwen is wearing a blue and silver dress and Courtney a black one.
Alejandro: Is everyone ready?
Courtney: Yeah, so long as dark and moody doesn’t break down halfway through the show…
Gwen: Ok seriously, what is your damage?
Courtney: My damage is that you always flop, and frankly, I don’t trust you to get us through this challenge!
Geoff: Guys…er…..girls! Chill! We’ll be fine!
The shriek of the intercom is heard.
Chris: Alright everyone, it’s show time! Lemmings, you get first go!
The curtain rises. Jakub and Ezekiel are shown standing atop a huge wooden carving of Gwen’s face. Behind them, Lightning is sitting cross-legged with a dissatisfied look on his face. Zoey and Dawn are seen peering out from behind the curtain
Ezekiel: I can’t believe we managed to snag the princess, eh Captain?
Jakub: Aye, the palace guards didn’t know what hit them!
Ezekiel: Should be a nice bounty they pay for her too!
Jakub: That’s true, we’ll be living the high life soon mate!
Silence ensues. Jakub grunts before nudging Lightning.
Lightning: …aaahh, these hooligans have SHA-snatched me. Will anyone possibly….
Lightning: SHA-save me?
At that moment, a galloping is heard. Trent enters from the other side of the stage, riding atop of a rubber monster suit on a skateboard.
Trent: Don’t fret madam! I am here to rescue you, with the help of my trusty steed!
Jakub: Oh no! The white night! Assassin, take him out!
Ezekiel runs forward, initiating a mock attack. Trent swats him away, accidentally hitting Zeke fairly hard. Ezekiel hits the ground, but quickly jumps to his feet. His eyes are narrowed and his face has a misshapen grin on it. He begins growling.
Trent (whispering): Zeke what are you doing? You were supposed to stay down…
Ezekiel growl again, and lunges at Trent, who barely steps out of the way. The camera cuts to Zoey and Dawn, who are now joined by Bridgette, all three looking at the stage in surprise. Dawn quickly runs out on stage, where Ezekiel now has Trent pinned down.
Dawn: Zeke! Zeke! Snap out of it!
Ezekiel looks up, and as his eyes make contact with Dawns, the odd look from his face fades. His bod goes limp and he collapses to the ground. Zoey runs out on stage and she and Dawn drag Ezekiel to the back.
Chris: Ahem…the show must go on!
Trent and Jakub share an uncomfortable glance, as Jakub jumps down from ‘Gwen’s’ head.
Jakub: You have defeated my trusty assassin! But I am a completely different force!
Trent: You will fall, villain!
Trent charges Jakub, who catches his sword with his hook and throws it off. Jakub corners Trent, hook against his throat, but Trent slips underneath him and throws a mock uppercut. Jakub sells the move, as Trent retrieves his sword and ‘stabs’ Jakub in the gut. Jakub wobbles off stage, as Trent helps Lightning down from ‘Gwens head’.
Lightning: You have…saved…Lightn….er, me, the……princess.
Trent: It’s all in a days work fair maiden.
The two make awkward eye contact and slowly begin to move their faces closer to one another, cringing. Static, and we cut to Lightning in a confessional.
Lightning: Normally, Lightning don’t judge. But right now…Lightning judging! Lightning judging hard!
Static, and we cut to Tyler working the lights. As his back is turned, a hand appears and viciously shoved Tyler over the railing and falling down, screaming. Below, Lightning and Trent are still attempting to stall the kiss, when Tyler lands in between them. Trent and Lightning are both taken aback, shocked expressions on their faces. After a few moments, Trent pokes Tyler with the sword, getting a moan of pain out of Tyler.
Chris: Ok, cut! The pain more than substitute’s the kiss!
Trent and Lightning are shown breathing sighs of relief.
Chris: Judges, thoughts?
Chef raises a score card of seven, while Blainley and Chris both raise sixes.
Blainley: It was so awkward…but that was part of its charm!
Chef: I didn’t believe anything…except that assassin! That was some killer acting!
Trent: I don’t think that was acting…
Chef: Well in that case you get a two…
Trent: No, wait! It was acting! Totally acting!
Chris: So a total score of-
Blainley: Nineteen! Can the Weasels beat that? Let’s find out!
The curtain lowers and moments later, reopens. Alejandro and Geoff are seated in the middle of the stage on an overturned vending machine. Various items are thrown around the stage, trashcans, alarm clocks and teddy bears.
Alejandro: So, bro, how were you able to overcome that wench?
Geoff: Well, bro, it was all thanks to you really. I mean, you helped me see she was just using me. I mean, remember that party?
Alejandro: Oh yes, she was just using you to make her friends jealous. How repulsive that was.
The camera jumps to the back, where Noah, Owen, Sam and Scott are watching.
Noah: Told you, dude is a born liar, he’s killing it out there.
The camera returns to the stage, where Courtney and Gwen have now entered the stage.
Courtney: Oh, girl, how about that dead weight that you finally dropped a week ago?
Gwen: Oh yeah, I didn’t even want to deal with him anymore! He was just such an idiot! It was awful.
The camera jumps backstage to the Lemmings.
Bridgette: Yeah, of course. The women are cast in the villainous role… And is it just me, or is this telling a crooked angle on my liberation? This is unacceptable!
Zoey and Trent grab her by the arms as she tries to storm out on stage. The camera returns to the Weasels. The two pairs are now shown in a confrontation.
Geoff: It hurt, it hurt so much what you did. I don’t know when I’ll be able to trust someone again…
Suddenly, a giant light falls down and hits the stage, leaving a hole in the wood.
Courtney: Ah! Izzy, what are you doing?!
The camera flies up high, showing Izzy holding another stage light.
Izzy: The play was so gushy and boring…I thought I would make things fun! Meteor showers are fun!
She tosses the other light down, as the cast on stage runs off screaming. Backstage, the remaining Weasels are shown looking at the stage in shock. Sam then breaks through the group and runs to the center of the stage.
Scott: No, wait! What are you doing?!
Sam: Saving the challenge!
He makes eye contact with every judge, before beginning to tap dance…poorly. The judges are shown in shocked silence. Blainley then removes one of her heels and chucks it directly at Sam. The shoe catches him on the side of the head and he collapses in a heap.
Chris: Wow…that was bad…judges?
Blainley raises a one, Chris a two, and Chef a nine. Blainley and Chris look at Chef surprised.
Chef: The first part…it got me man…the poor guy just wanted to be loved! WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!
Chris: Needless to say…Weasels…be seeing you at elimination later!
The camera fades from the wreckage to the steps of the Weasels cabin, where Gwen is sitting moping. Geoff walks up and sits beside her.
Geoff: Hey…rough day?
Gwen: Tell me about it…having to play a role so many people cast me in in real life anyway…it’s too much.
Geoff: Tell me about it. Acting that was like being dumped all over again.
Gwen: Well…they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…
Geoff: What? Is the resident goth quoting a pop song?
Gwen: Shut up!
She jokingly punches him in the shoulder and the two smile briefly.
Gwen: Why does this keep happening to nice people like us? We deserve something better than all this…
Gwen: Couldn’t resist, could you?
Gwen smiles lightly.
Gwen: Honestly, Geoff, I’ve done some crappy things in the past. Not as bad as some people say, but I’m not perfect. But you? You’re like the nicest guy I’ve ever met! You don’t deserve what Bridgette is accusing you of…
Geoff: It happens…you just gotta ride out a wave sometimes, and hope for something nice after you go over.
Gwen: That’s a nice quote. Where’d you hear it?
Geoff: From Bridgette…
The two sit in silence for a moment, when Gwen reaches over and takes Geoff by the hand. The two share a glance and smile. The scene fades to a bedroom in the Spa Hotel. Ezekiel is shown sleeping on a bed, when his eyes flutter open. Dawn and Jakub are shown at the side of his bed.
Dawn immediately hugs him.
Dawn: You’re ok!
Jakub: Welcome back buddy.
Ezekiel: What…what happened?
Dawn: We’re not sure…you just lost it on stage. Almost like…
Jakub: Almost like you were going feral…
A terrified expression crosses Ezekiel’s face.
Ezekiel: What?! No! No, it can’t happen!
Dawn: Ssh, ssh, it’s ok! I promise, nothing bad will happen to you. Not while I’m here.
The two hug again, and Jakub clasps Ezekiel on the shoulder.
Jakub: Glad you’re feeling better man, I’m gonna leave you two alone and go check on Tyler.
Jakub exits the room, and runs into Zoey in the hallway. Zoey is seen blushing
Jakub: Oh, hey.
Zoey: Hey, hi. How are you?
Jakub: Not bad. Just checked in on Zeke, going over to see Tyler now.
Zoey: Oh, same. I mean…opposite. …You did pretty well in the challenge today.
Jakub: Thanks. You guys made it a bit hard to work though…I mean, a wooden carving of Gwen’s face?
Zoey: Hey! You were a pirate! It was the closest thing to a boat we could find! I mean, technically it was a boat…but…
Jakub: Yeah, I get it. Hey how have you been by the way? We haven’t talked that much since you and Mike…
Zoey: Yeah! No, that’s fine. I’m fine. I’m totally over him. He was kind of nutty…
Jakub: Kind of nutty…really?
Zoey: Well…nutty, creepy, clingy…pick your poison!
The two laugh, before leading to an awkward silence.
Zoey: So…you were gonna go see Tyler?
Jakub: Oh, um, yeah.
He walks past her.
Zoey: Jakub, wait!
He stops mid-step and turns.
Zoey: There’s something I need to tell you…and it might be a little out of nowhere, but…
Jakub approaches her and a small smirk appears on his face.
Zoey: It’s just that, well, I, uh… Man, this gets so much harder after a break up. What I’m trying to say is-
She is cut off as Jakub leans in and kisses her. After a few moments, he pulls away. She blushes.
Jakub: Does that about cover what you were gonna say?
Zoey: Yeah…yeah just about…
Jakub’s smirk expands into a smile and he turns to continue walking off. He opens a door to another bedroom, where he seeing Tyler on a bed. Trent is on one side of the bed, Lightning on the other. Lightning has Tyler grasped by the front of his shirt. Trent is shown freaking out, trying to coax Lightning to be gentle
Lightning: Don’t you EVER scare Lightning like that again, you hear? Lightning thought you was SHA-dead!
The three freeze as they see Jakub in the doorway. Jakub returns the stare, before slowly closing the door again. He stands in silence for a moment, before walking off. The camera fades to the elimination ceremony. Everyone is shown having a marshmallow except for two people.
Chris: We’re down to the final marshmallow. Izzy, you’re on the chopping block for ruining the play by chucking stage lights at everyone. Sam, you were the one who inspired such an awful rating from Blainley. And so, the final marshmallow goes to-
Blainley walks up next to Chris and tosses him the marshmallow.
Chris: What?! No! That’s the most exciting part of the show! How could you steal that moment from me? It makes the entire show worth it!
Blainley: Pfft, like you’re worthy of even hosting this show. I’m only here for a few more minutes, might as well give the fans as much of a Blainerific episode as I possibly can!
Chris has a furious look on his face. He cricks his neck to the left and the right.
Chris: Interns…time to earn your paycheck!
Blainley’s eyes widen as she’s surrounded by interns. They all jump her in a giant dust. Moments later the dusts settles to show Blainley wrapped in duct tape.
Chris: Aw, finally! Some silence!
Blainley makes some incoherent moans from behind the tape on her mouth. The interns carry her down the dock and throw her in the boat of losers.
Chris: Now then…Izzy, you’re elimin- …where’d Izzy go?
The camera goes to the boat, where Izzy is shown in the steering room, Izzy at the wheel.
Izzy: I’ve always wanted a boat. Time to go for a ride!
The camera flashes back to Blainley in the back, eyes wide in horror as the boat speeds off.
Chris: Wow, I don’t think I could have possibly expected a more satisfying ending! Who’s here to stay, and who’s next to go? Find out next time, on Total. Drama. Ascension!
Episode 10 - Apocalypse Now
We open up in a production room. The camera spans over several pieces of equipment, until Chris and Chef are seen cowering in a corner. A dark shadow looms over them.
???: So, do we have a deal McLean?
Chris: Yes! Yes! Anything you want! Just for Gods sake, don’t hurt us!
A low laughter is heard as the shadow slowly retreats from the room. Chris and Chef rise, expressions of terror still visible on their faces.
Chris: Casting him…worst choice ever…
Chef: I think the others deserve to know…
Chris: No! We can’t tell them…lord knows what he’d do to us if we told them…
The two shiver for a moment.
Chris: I need to forget this ever happened…I guess on with the challenge…
Chris presses a large red button on a remote. The camera cuts to the area in between the cabin and Spa Hotel, where a giant explosion ensues. The campers all run out of their respective housing areas, still in their sleeping gear.
Gwen: What the heck was that?!
Scott: My pappy always warned me this would happen! The upshots from the government have lot it and are coming for the little folk!
Bridgette: This would have never happened if we didn’t live in a patriarchy…
Dawn: Government? No, clearly this was the great Earth mother displaying her disappointment in how the island was man made!
Courtney: Can I sue this ‘Earth Mother’ lady? I feel like a lawsuit is in order here!
Noah: I’m surrounded by idiots…
The intercom shrieks as Chris’s voice is heard.
Chris: Think fast campers! The apocalypse is upon us…well, upon you! Today’s challenge is simple, last man standing. You will go through the day as though the end of days was nye. Throughout, if anyone were to be in a situation that would result in their death in a real world Armageddon, the interns will come and scoop em up, and they will be out of the challenge. Last team whose members are standing wins immunity.
Trent: So…why don’t we just wait it out in the Hotel? Easy win day.
As he turns to go back inside, Chef is seen boarding up the door.
Chris: Yeah…we thought you might say that. You’ll have to survive out in the wild. We’ve gone out of our way to prepare a suitable environment to make sure this place is as apocalyptic as possible.
Jakub: You destroyed the entire island for a single challenge?
Chris: What? Of course not! You’ll be transported to Boney Island and try to make it through the day out there!
Zoey: Hey Chris? Can we at least change into our regular clothes first?
Chris: Nope! You never know when the end of the world might hit. You always have to be ready!
A collective groan is heard from the group. We cut to confessional with Noah.
Noah: A day of running around with no shoes, pajamas and Owen’s blubber waving around everywhere. Clearly my life has already reached a pinnacle at some point, because I’ve been rolling downhill for a while now…
Static and we’re shown the campers all getting off a boat and onto Boney Island.
Sam: It’s not so bad…I mean…no electricity is just awful…ok…maybe it is pretty bad…awful actually…NO, I LEFT MY GAME GUY IN THE CABIN! How am I supposed to make it through the day?!
Geoff: Could be worse…I mean, we’re all here and chilling. Sure, no clothes is a bit of a downer, but it’s like a day of partying at the beach! Fireworks, swimsuits, the works!
Sam: Yeah…yeah I guess. Hey, you’re talking about parties again…weren’t you all depressed for the past couple of days?
Geoff: Yeah…but I guess I found my kickstarter.
Gwen approaches him and hugs his arm.
Noah: I hate to interrupt this touching moment…but we have a problem.
The campers turn to see several giant beavers glaring at them from the bushes. The beavers begin to charge, as the campers scream and run off in different directions, the Lemmings in one and the Weasels in the other. The camera follows the Lemmings.
Jakub: Damn it, today is just gonna suck isn’t it?
Bridgette: Shut up and run!
At that moment Trent skids to a stop.
Trent: Wait a second, where’s Lightning?
The camera goes back to show Lightning holding a large tree branch and confronting a beaver.
Lightning: Lightning ain’t running from no overgrown muskrat!
He takes a swing and nails the beaver upside the head. It collapses, as two more beaver approach him. He takes another swing, but one of the beavers catches the branch in his mouth and snaps it in half.
Lightning backs up towards a large tree. The beavers close in, when a stone flies in from off screen and nails one in the head. It collapses, a large bump growing on its head. Lightning and the other beaver look to where the stone came from, and Trent is show holding another. He tosses it and hits the remaining beaver in between the eyes. Trent then comes down to where Lightning is standing.
Trent: You alright man?
Lightning: Of course I am! Lightning had everything under control!
Trent: Uh huh…which is exactly why the beavers had you surrounded…
Lightning: SHA-please…you had an assist shot at best!
Trent: Right…we should probably get back to the group…
He turns and his eyes widen.
Trent: Uh…wherever they are…
The camera cuts back to the Lemmings, who are now walking.
Zoey: Did we forget something?
Tyler: Nah, what could we have forgotten?
Zoey: I dunno…just feels…quieter somehow.
Tyler: No one is perceptive as me! If anything was missing, I’d notice!
Ezekiel: Uh…I think your boxers snagged on that bush, eh?
Tyler freezes. His hands cover his crotch as the camera zooms out and his boxers are shown on a bush a few feet away. The camera transitions to the Weasels, who have almost broken into subgroups. Geoff, Gwen and Alejandro are walking together, followed by Courtney and Scott, with Noah, Owen and Sam in the rear.
Courtney: Dropping a literal bombshell on us…I can get Chris’s head in court for this!
Noah: Ugh, will you shut up about the court cases already? You haven’t shut up about them since we got the challenge!
Courtney: Well I’m sorry that I want justice for being mistreated so badly!
Scott: Calm down…he’s kind of right.
Courtney: I just…I’m just on edge now that she’s around…
Courtney glares at Gwen, who glances back, before shrinking back and pushing herself against Geoff.
Courtney: Seriously, what was Chris thinking? Mixing together the teams…it wasn’t necessary!
Owen: Aw, I dunno Courtney. I mean, this way, I get to hang out with Noah all the time, and I think Al is getting warmed up to me! Right Al?
Alejandro is shown gritting his teeth in frustration.
Alejandro: Yes…Owen…I’m completely…warmed up to you…
Owen: See? Told you!
Sam: I think that was sarcasm…
Noah: Easy big guy, Owen hasn’t even developed a good grasp of chewing, you can’t expect him to understand sarcasm…
Geoff stops and turns to face the team.
Geoff: Guys, let’s all take a second and chill! We’re a team! If we wanna win, we gotta work together! And that means all of us…
Courtney crosses her arms and glares at him.
Geoff: Alright, now then, I think our best chance is-
Geoff takes a step forward into a ring of rope and flies up screaming. He hangs upside down from a tree by one foot.
Gwen: Ah! Geoff!
Geoff: I’m good! Been a while since I’ve been upside down…oh right, that boot camp challenge! Man, those were the days…
A small jeep pulls in with interns inside.
Geoff: Guess that’s it for me…but you guys go on! Win it for us all!
The Weasels share a look of concern before walking on. The camera shows one of the interns cutting the rope holding up Geoff, and he plummets head first into the ground. The camera switches to the Lemmings, walking into a forest clearing.
Jakub: Man, we’ve been walking for a while now…you guys want to take a break?
Zoey: Probably a good idea, we should be ready to run if something attacks us again.
The team sits on the ground. The two couples sit together, as Tyler and Bridgette sit with their backs turned to one another.
Bridgette: Don’t talk to me…
Tyler sighs in boredom. The camera goes to Ezekiel and Dawn sitting with their backs against a tree. The camera goes up, where a shadowy figure is shown. It pulls out a saw and saws off a large branch. The branch begins to fall. Ezekiel opens his eyes at the last second.
Ezekiel: Watch out!
He pushes Dawn out of the way, but the branch catches him right on the head and he collapses.
She immediately takes his head in her hands. His eyes flash open, an eerie yellow color to them as he growls.
Dawn: Um…Ezekiel? It’s me…Dawn…
Ezekiel lets loose a louder growl and stands to all fours, throwing the branch off of him. He leaps into the middle of the clearing.
Jakub: Easy man, calm down…
Tyler: Everybody step back…I got this!
Tyler jumps at Zeke, who turns and mule kicks him away. Tyler goes flying right into Bridgette, his momentum throwing them both against a tree and knocking them out. Zeke roars victoriously, before running off into the forest. The shadowy figure from the tree is shown again, cackling evilly, before retreating from view.
Zoey: What the heck was that?!
Jakub: I think…I think it’s the same thing that happened during the play. He’s going feral again…
Dawn is shown near tear, but shakes her head and a look of determination comes across her face.
Dawn: No! He’s suffered enough! We need to find him and help him!
She runs into the bushes in the direction Ezekiel ran. Jakub and Zoey share a look of concern before running after her. Tyler and Bridgette are shown groaning in pain, as the interns show up and scoop them into the jeep. The camera switches over to the Weasels. Owen is collapsed on the ground, barely dragging himself across the ground.
Noah: Don’t know what to tell ya brick house, no food unless we win.
Owen groans before his face falls to the ground.
Sam: Should we help him?
Noah: Nah, he’ll be fine.
The walk on, when a rustling is heard. The group freezes. The rustling grows louder, until a bunny jumps out from the bushes.
Courtney: Ha! And you guys were all scared of a little bunny…
More rustling is heard and a large gray foot steps out. The camera zooms out to show Fang, a large grin on his face.
Scott: Ah! Fang!
He immediately sprints off, Fang close on his tail.
Courtney: Scott! Get back here!
Scott continues his escape, Fang closing in more and more. They are shown running off into the distance and Courtney sighs.
Courtney: You can just find the greatest allies these days…
Noah: Aw, is someone missing a certain delinquent?
Courtney: What?! No! Shut up!
She pushes Noah to the ground and walks off. However, she’s not looking where she’s going, and doesn’t notice the large net laid on the ground.
Gwen: Courtney, watch out!
Gwen jumps and pushes Courtney out of the way, but inadvertently gets herself caught in the net.
Courtney: Ack! What are you doing?!
Gwen: Well, I just saved you from this…
Courtney’s eyes widen as she realizes exactly what has transpired.
Courtney: Oh…you saved me…
Gwen: Yeah…for old times’ sake…
Gwen: Yeah, well…you’re welcome. Now go win this thing for us!
Courtney: Yeah…I will…for ‘old times sake’.
She turns and walks on with the rest of the team, but looks back and smiles at Gwen one more time before the team walks from the forest into a swampy area. The camera cuts to Lightning and Trent, who are climbing a mountain, Lightning in the lead.
Trent: Remind me again why we’re climbing up here?
Lightning: Lightning got killer instinct and tracking skills! It’s so easy to see that they climbed higher, closer to making a slam dunk! It’s what Lightning would have done!
Trent: Somehow, I don’t think the rest of the world has the decision making skills of a Lightning…
They reach the top of the mountain and look around, when a snowflake lands on Trent’s nose.
Trent: Uh, Lightning? Does it normally snow in the middle of summer?
Lightning: SHA-please, what you talking ‘bout?
A rumbling is heard and the two look to see what is seemingly a tornado made of snow coming towards them. Screaming, they run off screen. The camera follows them until they run into a cave. The snow-nado hits the cave, sealing the entrance with snow. Inside, Lightning and Trent are shown covered in snow.
Trent: Killer instincts, huh?
Lightning: Don’t you go blaming Lightning for this one! I didn’t see you doing anything!
Trent: Aside from saving you from prehistoric beavers?!
Lighting: Lightning had that game SHA-won!
Trent: You’re just a meathead, you know that? A big, stupid SHA-idiot!
Lightning: Did…did you just SHA Lightning? Tell me, you didn’t just SHA-say that!
Trent: SHA-Idiot! SHA-Idiot!
Lightning: Oh that’s it!
Lightning tackles Trent and the two proceed to brawl through the snow. The camera cuts to the Weasels. Courtney is seen looking perkier than usual.
Sam: So Courtney’s looking happier, isn’t she?
Noah: Yeah, because we need a happy go lucky lawyer prancing all over the place like a magical pixie, that’ll win us the challenge…
Sam: Aw c’mon man, have a heart…
Alejandro: I must agree with the arrogant one here, Courtney’s lack of focus can cost us dearly…
Sam: Maybe someone should talk to her?
Noah and Alejandro glance at one another, before looking at Sam with sly smiles on their faces,
Sam: Yeah…ok…should have seen that one coming…
Sam walks over to Courtney as she bends down to pick a flower.
Sam: Hey Courtney, so I was talking to the guys and-
A rustling is heard in the bushes and instinctively, Courtney grabs Sam and pulls him in front of her, just as Ezekiel bursts through the bushes. He jumps and springboards off of Sam’s face, knocking him to the ground. Zeke runs off as Courtney stands in shock.
Dawn, Zoey and Jakub run out of the bushes, out of breath.
Zoey: Have you guys seen-
Noah: A drooling feral freak run past here? Yeah, he went that way.
Jakub: Wow. Word that a little better, why don’t ya?
Noah: Ooh, yeah…I’ll you nice words to describe your disgusting pet. That’ll make ALL the difference.
Zoey: We don’t have time for this! Zeke can be in a lot of trouble if Chris sees him like this!
Dawn raises a hand and a bird lands on her finger. It begins chirping into her ear.
Dawn: Thank you little one… The bird says Ezekiel is heading back towards shore, where those who have already been eliminated are!
Zoey: Then come on, we need to go!
The three run off, leaving Al, Noah and Courtney alone.
Noah: So I think we have this game won?
Alejandro: Was there ever any doubt?
Noah: With you around, you never know…
Alejandro: What? I’m an issue now?
Noah: You have always been an issue, are you kidding me?
Alejandro: Yes, the ‘slippery eel’, hmm?
Courtney: Ok guys lets break it up…
She walks in between the two, pushing them apart.
Noah: You know, maybe we should just throw the challenge, get rid of the biggest threat in the game right now…
Courtney: No! We are NOT throwing this challenge!
Alejandro: If we lose this challenge…it just might not be me who is going home tonight…
He turns and walks off several feet, before walking over a cluster of leaves that give way under his feet, revealing a pitfall trap. Several Hispanic curses are heard from the pit.
Noah: Now that…was satisfying.
The camera switches over to Trent and Lightning, sitting in the cave with their backs turned to one another.
Trent: Hey…I’m sorry I called you a SHA-Idiot…
Lightning: And Lightning is sorry he tried to bite your leg off…
The two shiver.
Trent: You know, it’s getting seriously cold in here. We may not be able to make it much longer…unless we…
Lightning’s eyes widen.
Lightning: No, Lightning won’t! Lightning does not agree to this!
The screen transitions, and then shows the two spooning.
Trent: …so at least it’s warmer now…
Lightning: SHA-shut up…
The camera transitions to the shore of Boney Island. The campers who have lost the challenge are all sitting on the ground in their teams.
Tyler: We’ve been here for a while now, haven’t we…
Bridgette: Are you even surprised? Of course Ezekiel would target me of all people, he’s still bitter that I called him out on his blatant sexism so long ago!
Tyler: I don’t think he’s feeling like himself all that much though…
Bridgette: Men…always the same story with you, acting like animals and then attempting to excuse one another’s actions.
At that moment, Jakub, Zoey and Dawn run in.
Zoey: Guys! Has anyone seen Zeke?
Chris: Oh ho! Is Ezekiel gone? Lost? Perhaps eliminated from the challenge? Oh interns…be dears and go look for him!
Several interns board a jeep and begin driving towards the forest, when a growl is heard. A huge pine slowly begins to fall. The campers all run screaming. The tree crushes the jeep, the interns narrowly avoiding it. The tops of the tree lands right on Jakub, Zoey and Dawn however. The smoke clears, and the three are shown crushed under some of the branches. The camera then shows the base of the tree, where Ezekiel is standing, glaring at Chris.
Chris: Well, maybe I spoke too soon! Ezekiel, guess you’re the sole survivor for your team!
Zeke growls again and slowly begins to approach Chris.
Chris’s eyes widen.
Chris: He’s lost it! Someone! Help!
The camera switches to Trent and Lightning, still laying in the cave, as Lightning pushes away from Trent.
Lightning: Lightning is so done with that ‘body heat’ idea!
Trent: What else do you want to do? We’re probably just gonna die in here anyway…
Lightning: No one is dying on Lightning’s watch! SHA-Stand back!
Lightning throws himself at the cave wall with a full force tackle. He collapses in a heap, though it causes the cave to shake.
Trent: Lightning, it’s not worth it!
Lightning: No! Lightning’s not going down! Not like that!
A whooshing sound is heard and the two look around. From the back of the cave, they finally notice a wave of debris coming right for them. The two scream as the debris takes them and crashes into the snow, pushing through and creative a massive, dirt filled snowball. Lightning and Trent’s heads stick out of it, as they scream, the snowball rolling off the edge of the mountain and falling down. The camera switches back to the shore, with Chris now at water’s edge and Ezekiel feet away.
Chris: Not good, not good!
Ezekiel lunges at him, but a whistle is heard and Zeke drops to the ground. Chris looks up, where Chef is standing with a dart gun.
Chris: Well it’s about time! He almost got me!
Chef rolls his eyes, as Courtney and Noah walk out of the forest.
Noah: What was all the commotion about?
Chris: Oh, good! Noah and Courtney, congratulations, you’ve won the challenge!
Courtney: Oh, yay! I knew we’d do it!
She gives Noah a hug.
Noah: Eh, get your hands off of me…can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss the bossy, whiny Courtney…
A rumble is heard and the two’s eyes widen. They look behind them, only to be crushed by a massive snowball with dirt stains all over it. The snowball falls apart, Lightning and Trent standing in the middle of the debris.
Trent: Well…guess we’re out of the cave.
Lightning: I told you I’d get us out!
Chris: Um, ok…I guess Lightning and Trent are the survivors, and thus the Lemmings win!
Trent and Lightning cheer, as the rest of their team groans from under the snow. The camera switches over to the fire pit, the Weasels sitting around the fire.
Chris: On my plate, I have seven marshmallows. One of you won’t be getting one tonight, and will be voted of the island. You will walk down the dock of shame, board the boat of losers and you will never come back. EV-ER. Now the following people are safe…
Noah and Alejandro share a glare.
Chris: Almost fitting. All these years later, and it comes down to you two. Guess burying the hatchet just isn’t your guys’ thing huh?
Noah: Can we get on with it? Win or lose, I don’t have to see his face any more.
Chris: Fine, fine. The next contestant voted off of Total Drama Ascension is…Alejandro.
Alejandro: Que?! You’re keeping him over me?!
Geoff: Bummer…Al you were a surprisingly good bro…even though you’re evil and all…
Alejandro: Perhaps looks can be deceiving, amigo.
With that, he walks off to board the boat of losers.
Chris: Now, I’d like to say that that’s a wrap, but there’s something else we need to take care of…
Several interns enter the scene, wheeling in Ezekiel, passed out in a cage. Dawn, Zoey and Jakub are following them.
Chris: Ezekiel is in no shape to compete. Clearly, he’s reverting back to his feral stage, and because of this, he is officially eliminated.
Dawn, Jakub and Zoey gasp.
Dawn: Chris no! Please, you must reconsider!
Chris: Sorry Dawn, but the lawyers have major concerns about him, and for once, I agree with them.
Chris nods and the cage is loaded onto the boat of losers. As the boat begins drifting away, Dawn runs to the end of the dock.
Dawn: Fight it Zeke! Fight it! I know you’ll be ok!
The camera slowly drifts back to the forest, where a darkened silhouette is shown watching the scene unfold. He chuckles to himself, before dissolving into the shadows, and the screen fades.
Episode 11 - Together Forever
Episode opens Noah laying in bed with his arms crossed behind his head, smirking, before cutting to him in the confessional.
Noah: Reveeeeeeenge. REVEEEEEEEEENGE!!!
*Static, then cut back to Noah, still in the confessional*
Noah: …sorry about that…got a little overzealous. But can anyone really blame me? I finally got back at that manipulative little weasel. I might actually stand a chance in this competition now. I mean really, who else has any brains in this competition?
*Cuts back to the cabin. Suddenly, the roar of a bear sounds out through the camp, waking everyone up. Owen jolts up on the bunk above Noah, the quick movement causing the bunk to creak…before collapsing on top of Noah with Owen on top of it.*
*Owen lifts the bunk, revealing a bruised and groaning Noah*
Owen: Sorry about that little buddy…
*Noah glares at him but says nothing, stumbling to his feet. Meanwhile, everyone gathers outside in their pajamas as they search for where the roar of the bear came from, finding Dawn comforting a frightened bear beside the communal showers.*
Dawn: It’s okay, it’s okay. She’s gone now, she can’t hurt you.
Noah: Who the heck would be able to scare a-
*Dawn cuts him off, pointing to the wall of the communal showers. On it, a crudely done carving of Izzy’s face with the words “Izzy was here”.*
Noah: …wow, should have seen that one coming.
*Gwen tries to step forward to get Dawn away from the bear, but Zoey grabs her arm to stop her.*
Gwen: What are you doing, she needs help!
Zoey: Trust me, she’s got this.
Dawn: It’s okay. You can go home now. *She gives the bear a hug* thank you so much for keeping me company.
*The bear retreats into the woods, leaving Dawn breathing a sigh of relief. Turning back to the rest of the campers.*
Dawn: I’m very sorry for having disturbed all of you. I…hope you at least slept well?
Courtney: Oh yeah, just fine…you know…until you brought a bloodthirsty animal to the camp!
*Dawn laughs a little, as if the idea were crazy*
Dawn: Bloodthirsty? Oh no no no. He’s completely harmless. In fact, he’s a honey bear!
Owen: Wait, so every time I was being chased by that thing, it WASN’T going to eat me?
Dawn: Probably not.
Owen: THEN WHY WAS IT CHASING ME!!!
Noah: Owen, with all the sweets you eat, you probably smelled like food.
Owen: …oh yeah.
*Dawn sensing this as her time to exit unnoticed slips away and heads towards the cafeteria, and the crowd soon disperses*
Jakub: …Is it weird that I don’t find this weird anymore?
*Zoey smiles and nudges his side*
Zoey: Probably…but it does mean you’re officially one of us now.
Jakub: Oh joy, and here I thought I might come out of this with my sanity intact.
Zoey: Heheh…sanity is overrated anyhow.
*The campers return to their cabins and, after changing out of their pajamas they all head to cafeteria. Geoff and Gwen are standing in line together, Gwen looking towards Dawn with a concerned look.*
Geoff: Babe…you alright? You look out of it.
Gwen: I’m…I’m a little worried about Dawn.
*Geoff looks over to Dawn, who has started a conversation with a pair of flies buzzing around her head.*
Geoff: Looks okay to me.
Gwen: Geoff…she spent the night I the woods…with a BEAR. Does that sound alright to you?
Geoff: Nah, that’s nothing. There was this one time with my buddy Keith, we got so-
*Gwen cuts him off and shakes her head*
Gwen: Geoff, I’d love to hear this story, but would you mind putting it on hold for a moment? I’m gonna go talk to her.
Geoff: Cool. I’ll grab you a tray and fill it up.
*Gwen crosses the cafeteria and approaches Dawn.*
Dawn: Goodbye my little friends, I hope you feel better.
Gwen: Hey Dawn?
Dawn: Oh. Hello Gwen. Would you like to sit with me?
Gwen: Actually, I just came to talk to you for a moment.
Gwen: Yeah…I was just wondering how you’re feeling…you know…after Zeke left.
Dawn: I’m…surprisingly okay.
Dawn: Yes…I mean, I was obviously upset at first, but to be honest, I have little to complain about. Zeke is getting the help he needs and better yet, he’s away from this perverse game. He may be away from me right now, but we’ll be together again whenever my time here is complete.
Gwen: Wow…that’s…really mature of you…don’t really see that much from this crowd.
Dawn: Oh, well…thank you?
*Gwen smiles a little before Geoff calls from off-camera*
Geoff: Babe! I got our food!
Gwen: There in a sec! …so, you’re sure your fine.
Dawn: Perfectly so. You go and have a good time with Geoff.
Gwen: Okay…I’ll see you later then.
*Gwen walks away and Dawn returns to her food…not noticing Bridgette approaching from behind. She slams her fist on the table, startling Dawn*
Dawn: AH! …Can I help you?
Bridgette: …I know.
Bridgette: You’re smiling…that’s not the look of a girl who’s just lost her boyfriend…that’s the look of a woman who realizes she’s free of tyranny at last.
Bridgette: You know now, you’ve seen Zeke lose the ability to hide his true self. You know for the first time that his feral form is what he’s really like underneath it all…selfish…lustful…horrible.
Dawn: No no no…he’s just…he’s just sick.
Bridgette: You’re in denial…that’s okay…I was too at first. It’s hard realizing that you live in a world where you are brainwashed to be a slave…but once you reach your full potential, there’s nothing they can do to stop you.
*Dawn sits there, uncomfortable, and with her mouth agape, looking for any way to get out of this conversation…all of the sudden, Chris’s voice sounds throughout the camp, sounding much more annoyed then usual.*
Chris: Attention campers! Please report to the dock of shame immediately…let’s get this stupid challenge over with as soon as possible.
Dawn: I have to go.
*Dawn slips away and fast-walks to the door, leaving Bridgette behind.*
Bridgette: I won’t give up on you Dawn…I’m tired of being the only one…
*Cut to the dock of shame, with an annoyed Chris standing near a table full of handcuffs.*
Chris: Come on come on, let’s get moving, I only wanna go through this once.
Noah: Ouch, someone’s in a touchy mood today.
Chris: Well, if you must know, I had this great challenge all planned out, but because of somebody…DENNIS!
*Camera cuts to a shrugging intern and then back to Chris*
Chris: I can’t go through with my plans…lazy interns.
Dennis: Come on, give me a break.
Chris: I gave you TWO MONTHS to prepare this challenge…YOU HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED! Chef, get him out of here!
*Chef approaches the intern and grabs him by the collar, dragging him away*
Chris: Anyways…because of the stupid intern, we have to do THIS stupid challenge, so let’s get this show on the road. Today, we’ll be doing a variation of the handcuff team challenge from Season 1-
Lightning: Awesome, Lightning’s got this in the Sha-bag!
*Lightning swipes one of the handcuffs and links himself and Trent together.*
Trent: Hey, wait a second!
Lightning: Relax man, We got this!
Chris: …except for the fact that you were supposed to chain yourself to someone on the OTHER team.
Chris: You know what? This is fine, it’s a quick fix. Owen and Noah, you were supposed to be their partners so you two will be a team.
Owen: Sweet! We got this little buddy.
Chris: As for the rest of you, you’ll be paired with a random member of the other team, whichever one of you takes off the cuffs first gives a point to the other team. You can do anything you want to the person you’re cuffed to in order to ensure that they release themselves first. As for the two who are teamed with someone on the same team, if either of you take off the cuffs, you give the other team two points, if you two survive to the end, then you give them no points. Got it? GOOD! Moving on! The pairs are as follows.
*Chris pulls out a card from his pocket, eager to just get this over with.*
Chris: Scott and Dawn
Dawn: NO! YOU CAN’T!
Chris: I can and I will, now shut it….Geoff and Zoey. Gwen and Bridgette.
Gwen: Ugh…dang it.
Chris: Sam and Jakub, Tyler and Courtney.
Sam: YEAH! Together again buddy!
*Jakub and Sam high-five*
Chris: Everyone got their pairs? Yes? Alright, now grab your cuffs and get out of here…I need to spend the day at my condo to relax. Dismissed! …Please try to kill each other.
*The campers shrug but all come up and get their cuffs, linking themselves to their respective partners and each going off somewhere different. Cut to one of the cabins, where Trent is sitting on the stairs, trying to tune his guitar, but having his wrist constantly tugged at as Lightning paces back and forth behind him. Finally getting annoyed, Trent speaks up.*
Trent: Lightning come on, will you calm down? As far as I’m concerned, we have it easy, just sit around and do nothing while everyone else drives each other crazy.
Lightning: Lightning ain’t worried!
Trent: Well would you stop pacing then, I’m kinda trying to do something.
Lightning: Man, how can you just sit there? Aren’t you bored?
Trent: Not particularly, but I am having my arm torn off by muscle-head who can’t sit still, so would mind sitting down for two seconds while I tune my guitar?
*Lightning stops walking, but stays standing.*
Lightning: Whatever, dude. Music is stupid anyhow.
Lightning: All songs sound the same to Lightning. Some whiney guy singing about his feelings and hoping that people are gonna care…which Lightning doesn’t.
Trent: Well it takes more talent than football! I’m sure it takes a whole lot of effort to drown your body in protein, kill all your brain cells, and knock a guy to the ground repeatedly.
Lightning: Sha-please. Lightning could do what you do in his sleep!
*Lightning snatches the guitar from Trent, and begins mimicking his movements in tuning the guitar, winding one of the strings tighter…way too tight.*
Trent: Wait, STOP! You’re going to-
*SNAP!!! One of the strings breaks, leaving Lightning frozen and Trent speechless*
*Cut to Sam and Jakub who are huddled in such a way that they can both play game guy’s. After a short time Jakub speaks up.*
Jakub: So…we’re just gonna sit here playing video games?
Sam: You make that sound like it’s something to complain about. Heheh.
Jakub: Point taken, but…shouldn’t we at least…you know…try?
Sam: Nah. Too much effort.
Jakub: Fine with me.
*Cuts to confessional*
Jakub: …look, way I see it, I can still ride this alliance out for a little while. Besides, the way everyone’s paired together, my guess is we’re going to be the only ones left standing at the end of this anyways.
*Cuts to Noah and Owen who are walking towards the cafeteria, Noah with a book under his arm.*
Noah: Okay…we’re just going to sit in the cafeteria and wait. Constant supply of food for you, and peace and quiet for me.
Owen: Ooooh, I hope there’s mystery meat.
Noah: …I’m pretty sure EVERY meal here can go under that category.
Owen: Oh no no no, you just don’t have a refined enough pallet, I mean-
*Owen freezes as a bee flies around his face and he swats at it, yanking Noah up into the air.*
Noah: Ow, jeez! Easy, I’m still sore from your little wake-up call this morning. It’s just a-
*Owen continues freaking out, swatting at it with both hands and beginning to run around, completely oblivious to Noah’s cries of pain. Finally he run’s off camera before there’s a loud bang and the sound of splintering wood. Camera pans over to see Noah’s head stuck in the wall of the cafeteria*
Owen: Phew…got it to go away. Okay, little buddy, let’s g- *He notices Noah’s head stuck in the wall” Oh…uh…sorry…you need some help there.
Noah: *Muffled cynical groaning*
*Owen frowns and starts tugging at him, eliciting a slightly higher, pained groan from Noah.*
Owen: …oh crap.
*Cuts to Gwen and Bridgette sitting near the campfire, each on their own log stump, Gwen reading a book and Bridgette glaring at her constantly, though not saying a word. Cuts to Gwen in confessional*
Gwen: Honestly…this isn’t nearly as bad as I thought. I mean, I’m a Goth girl, I’m USED to people glaring at me. If that’s all she’s got, then I have no problems just ignoring her.
*Cuts back to the duo*
Bridgette: …you know what I can’t stand about you?
Gwen: Oh god, here we go.
Bridgette: Every single season, you keep pining over some random guy, each one changing drastically in appearance, personality, and morality. It gives off the impression that you can’t survive without a man, it’s pathetic.
Gwen: Mmhm, yeah.
*She continues to try to read her book and ignore her, but Bridgette snatches the book and throws it aside.*
Bridgette: Have you no shame whatsoever? Do you LIKE stereotyping our gender as weak helpless damsels who can’t do anything for themselves?
Gwen: Oh for Pete’s sake…you know what? At least when I jump from guy to guy, I break up with the first one. Unlike SOME people.
Bridgette: What are you implying!
Gwen: Oh, I’m not implying anything, I’m straight up saying it to your face. You really want to know what I think?
*Bridgette huffs and rolls her eyes*
Bridgette: Oh, this should be good.
Gwen: I think that YOU’RE the weak one.
Bridgette: …please, that’s ridiculous.
Gwen: Is it? You were in a committed relationship with Geoff, but as soon as he wasn’t around, Alejandro was able to seduce you in…what, less than a week?
Bridgette: He manipulated me!
Gwen: Then why did you let him? Were you really so worked up by him that he completely made you forget about Geoff. GEOFF! I mean you two were all over each other, you were a power couple. People looked up to you! And then in walks Alejandro, he says a few pretty words and gets you to do something despicable. Sure, he’s the one who got you to do it, but YOU’RE the one who did it.
Bridgette: That’s not fair!
Gwen: It’s completely fair! The only reason you have this huge vendetta against men now is that you’re too embarrassed and too cowardly to admit that YOU did something wrong. Not Alejandro, not Geoff. YOU!
Bridgette: ENOUGH! I will not sit here and be berated for finally having woken up! Men are evil, manipulative self-centered-
*Camera cuts away from them to Geoff and Zoey who are sitting on the dock of shame, Zoey dangling her feet over the edge as Geoff sit cross-legged, both of them are rather laid back, but neither really knows what to say to the other.*
Zoey: So…you and Gwen, huh?
Geoff: *Gives a wistful sigh and looks off dreamily* Yeah.
Zoey: I gotta say, I’m a little surprised. Yout two never seemed to hit it off or even talk that much.
Geoff: Oh, we had a GREAT moment back in season one…come to think of it, it happened during the handcuff challenge. Truth be told before that I seemed to really bug her. Didn’t really mesh that well.
Zoey: Now THAT I can see.
Geoff: Yeah, most people do, but when we did, it was great. Heck, I got her to scream “Woohoo” for me.
Zoey: No way…now that I gotta see.
Geoff: Got it on tape.
*The two fall into silence once again for a little bit.*
Zoey: …yeah…kind of feel sorry for her now though.
Geoff: Eh…she’s handled FAR worse than an angry ex before. She’ll be alright.
Zoey: …come to think of it, why aren’t YOU worried.
Geoff: Should I be?
Zoey: Well…yeah, normally someone would be…I mean…your current girlfriend and your former girlfriend…talking.
Zoey: Well…Bridgette’s still going to be mad at you even though she really has no reason to…she’s probably going to be badmouthing you quite a bit. What if she says something about you to Gwen?
Geoff: Nah, she wouldn’t believe anything Bridgette says…would she?
Zoey: I dunno…but you’re right, probably best not to worry about it.
*The two, once again, fall into an awkward silence, this time, Geoff frowns and begins tapping his fingers against the dock anxiously.*
*Cuts to Scott and Dawn who are walking down the beach, Scott continuously pestering Dawn as they do so.*
Scott: What’s your plan here, weird girl? Trying to tire me out or something? With all the work I do back on the farm at home, you better have a better plan than that.
Scott: …come on, at least insult me back or it’s not fun.
Scott: Remember how I framed you that one time, that was fun, wasn’t it? OOF!
*Dawn finally stops, at the edge of the water, causing Scott bump into her.*
Scott: Finally gonna say something?
*Dawn glares at him, puts her fingers in her mouth and whistles rather loudly, then simply waits.*
Scott: …I don’t get it.
*Dawn smirks and points out to the water, where a shark fin can clearly be seen.*
Scott: You called a shark? What good is that gonna…gonna…oh no God! This is a new island, he can’t-
*He stops talking as his fears are realized, Fang rises up from the water with a big toothy grin, lunging towards Scott.*
Scott: OH GOD NO!!!
*Without even thinking about it, Scott takes off the handcuffs , running for his life as Fang chases him into the woods. Dawn looking very pleased with herself. Cut to the confessional with Dawn*
Dawn: Okay…I know revenge is a horrible nasty thing and I still don’t condone it…I would have never brought Scott to Fang if the challenge didn’t specifically require me to find some way to take the cuffs off…but sweet earth mother, that felt good.
*Cuts to Tyler and Courtney.*
Courtney: Ugh…I’m so bored.
Tyler: I know what you mean…I was so hoping for a physical challenge today. I would have totally rocked it.
Courtney: heh…yeah, sure.
*Tyler doesn’t seem to pick up on the sarcasm and just stares off into space.*
Courtney: I swear, if my team gets ahead, I’m just taking this off, I’ve got better things to do then to waste my time just sitting here.
*Tyler’s eyes shift to Courtney, unlike him, though, she picks up on this.*
Tyler: Nothing…just…typical you.
Courtney: Excuse me, if you have a problem with me, you can say it to my face.
Tyler: Oh come on…ever since you got here, you’ve been costing your team challenges. Heck, it was YOU that cost us way back during that fear challenge. All you had to do was jump in green Jelly. Who the heck is scared of green jelly!
Courtney: Oh yeah!? Well it’s YOUR fault for being scared of chickens! Honestly, who’s scared of a bird?
Tyler: Alright, you know what? Fair enough. But I’m not willing to risk a loss, YOU ARE!
Courtney: Name one time!
Tyler: The time you wouldn’t jump off the cliff, the time you wouldn’t get in the green jelly, you tried to lose just to get Gwen eliminated when she stole Duncan from you.
Courtney: Okay okay, I said one.
Tyler: Point is, you flake out on your team. It’s fine, I mean, at least you’re not hurting me in the process, but you really don’t take this game seriously enough.
Courtney: I don’t have to sit here and take this, I- …oh.
*She remembers their handcuffed together, and instead of walking away, simply turns away from him, giving him an annoyed huff. Cut to Lightning bursting into the cabin with Trent in tow as he lay’s Trent’s guitar down on one of the beds.*
Lightning: Okay, relax, Lightning’s got this. Lightning can fix it.
Lightning: I…I dunno…but I can, just trust me.
Trent: I can’t believe you did that…how could you…WHY!?
Lightning: Just Relax and find Lightning some tape.
*Trent violently facepalms, seething with anger, he looks around the room, eyeing Lightning’s protein from across the room.*
Trent: …I think there’s some on that night stand over there...come on.
*He gives Lightning a harsh tug towards the nightstand, dragging him along with. Lightning immediately starts rummaging through the drawers.*
Lightning: Man, there ain’t no tape in…
*Lightning realizes that Trent has picked up his protein, unscrewing the cap. His eyes go wide as he realizes what Trent plans to do*
Lightning: Don’t do it man, we can work this out!
*Trent glares at the athlete and chucks the package of protein to the other side of the room, the powder scattering it across the room and rendering it inedible.*
Trent: There, now we’re-GAH!
*Lightning tackles Trent and the two get into another fist fight, one that is severely hindered thanks to the handcuffs. Cut to Chef in the cafeteria as he walks into the kitchen, whistling some generic song and stopping as something catches his eyes…Noah’s head sticking through the wall, still stuck and highly annoyed. The two stare at each other for a long moment.*
Chef: You know what…I don’t wanna know.
*Cuts to Bridgette and Gwen*
Bridgette: AND ANOTHER THING! Why does he keep saying “Babe”. It’s Demeaning! It’s just another cutesy little label that men put on women to say “Oh yeah, she belongs to me, so back off.” Another tool of the patriarchy. And you just put up with this? You’re clearly just a puppet!
*Cuts to Gwen in the confessional*
Gwen: I didn’t want to do it…I really didn’t…but I couldn’t take it anymore and there’s only one thing that would get her to go away…
Gwen: You know what…you’re right.
Bridgette: I…I am? Well…it’s good to see that I finally broke through to-
Gwen: I am a puppet of the patriarchy.
Gwen: *Talking in a bleak, zombie-esque voice* Come join us Bridgette…it’s not so bad if you just give in…all your cares will be taken away…let the men worry about it and just…give in.
Bridgette: My God! It’s happening, it’s actually happening! NO, GET AWAY!
*Bridgette removes her cuffs and begins running in the other direction.*
Bridgette: Everyone run! The patriarchy is taking over!
Gwen: *breathes out a sigh as soon as she’s out of sight* Finally.
*Gwen takes her book and begins walking back towards camp. Cut to Zoey and Geoff, Geoff now severely freaking out over nothing.*
Zoey: Geoff, relax…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.
Geoff: But you’re right, Bridgette knows all my deepest darkest secrets…I mean, I want Gwen to know about them, but I want her to hear them from me, not my crazy ex-girlfriend. What if she-
Zoey: Look, there she is!
*Zoey points to Gwen who is getting back from the campfire pit, looking rather annoyed.*
Geoff: Aw man…she looks peeved.
Zoey: Well just calm down, and let’s go ask her to-
*Before Zoey can even finish her sentence, Geoff is up and running, slipping out of the cuffs and running to Gwen as quickly as possible.*
Zoey:…I...what just happened?
*Cuts to Courtney and Tyler, still not talking to each other, the two sit in silence, but they can clearly hear the rumble between Trent and Lightning going on inside. Before long, the two burst through the door, toppling over the railing and crashing to the ground.*
Tyler: What are you two doing!? Your teammates, this should be easy for you!
Trent: He broke my guitar!
Lightning: He trashed Lightning’s protein!
Courtney: Ugh…I’m surrounded by children.
*The fight continues until Trent finally takes the cuffs off*
Trent: You know what? I don’t have to deal with this. I’m outta here.
Lightning: Fine, run away! Sha-wuss!!!
*Seeing this, Courtney smiles and removes her own cuffs*
Tyler: What are you doing?
Courtney: Your team just lost two points, I’m pretty sure that’s enough to cover my one. Now leave me alone, I’ve got better things to do.
Tyler: …I’m so confused.
*Cuts to Jakub and Sam who are now walking to the cafeteria*
Sam: Man, all that gaming takes a lot out of me…I’m so hungry.
*Jakub considers telling Sam that gaming isn’t really all that much of a workout before he spots Owen just sitting there rubbing his stomach but still attached to a stuck Noah, who isn’t even trying to get out anymore. Smiling to himself, Jakub comes up with an idea.*
Jakub: You know what…I hear that Chef has an ice cream stash in the kitchen, you wanna raid it.
Sam: Ice cream? Heck yeah, you’re talking my language now, heheh.
*Jakub and Sam slip into the cafeteria unnoticed, Chef and Noah arguing in the background.*
Noah: Come on…you don’t even have to get me a saw, just a hammer and you can bash me out.
Chef: You know what, fine, if it’ll quit you’re whining.
*Jakub, realizing Chef is coming, ducks under one of the tables and pulls Sam with him.*
*Chef exits the kitchen, heading for the door as he grumbles.*
Chef: Stupid kids…they don’t pay me to babysit.
*He exits the building*
Jakub: Now’s our chance, let’s go.
*The two of them roll out from under the table and enter the kitchen, making a B-line to the walk-in freezer.*
Noah: Hey, what are you two doing?
Sam: Sneaking some ice cream. Don’t tell Chef, kay?
*Jakub opens the door and his eyes immediately lock in on the ice cream.*
Jakub: Got it, let’s go before he gets back.
Noah: Hey, HEY! Don’t think I don’t know what you’re REALLY doing.
*Jakub looks back at him and smirks, but says nothing as he runs outside, snatching a couple spoons as he does so. They exit the cafeteria and start walking away, clearly in sight of Owen who eyes the ice cream hungrily. Acting completely on instinct, he tries to run for it, but is held back by Noah. Whimpering to himself like a dog being teased with a treat, he unlocks his handcuffs, running straight for Sam and Jakub, tackling them and grabbing the ice cream, opening it and wasting no time in shoveling it into his mouth.*
Sam: Aw man! Owen, come on, that was for us.
*A siren sounds and Chris walks in*
Chris: And that’s game! Feral lemmings win 5 to 3. I gotta say, I thought that this would be a boring show, but you guys surprised me. An all out fist fight between Trent and Lightning, Scott being harassed by Fang, AGAIN, and Jakub, I gotta say, using ice cream to tempt Owen, VERY manipulative. Heather and Alejandro couldn’t have done better themselves.
Sam: What? …you…you planned that?
Jakub: Of course not, Chris is looking waaaaay too far into it, I just wanted some ice cream.
Chris: Suuuuuure you did. In any case, even if Sam were to win, his team would still lose, so…Owen, Sam, I’ll be seeing you and the rest of the Backstabbing Weasels at the elimination ceremony tonight.
Owen: huh, wha? Oh…we lost…*Shrugs and returns to his ice cream*
*Cuts to lightning, trying to scoop up whatever protein off the floor he can and put it back in the container. Trent enters.*
Trent: …dude…that’s disgusting.
Lightning: Whatever man, it’s your fault I gotta do this anyways.
Trent: …yeah…I’m uh…sorry about that…I may have overreacted a bit.
Lightning: Ya think!? Lightning broke your guitar on accident, sha-stupid.
Trent: I know…I just.
Lightning: You just what?
Trent: …you called my music stupid.
*Lightning pauses for a moment*
Trent: So…I don’t know, it’s like…my guitar is all I’ve got.
Lightning: Whatya talking about, you ain’t makin any sense.
Trent: It’s like…okay, everyone here is…definable in some way. You’re the disciplined sports type, Geoff is the party-animal, Eva was the tough chick…I…I barely have anything to my name here…everyone either thinks of me as “The guitar guy” or “That guy Gwen dumped.” And it’s just…you broke the only defining quality I had AND insulted it to boot, so yeah, I got a little mad.
Lightning: …Well Lightning never saw you as a dude with a guitar.
Lightning: Yeah…to Lightning, you were just another obstacle, you know…a competitor.
Trent: …you saw me as a threat?
Lightning: Well…yeah…I mean, we’re all here to win, right? Of course, Lightning’s goin home with the gold this time around, but until then, you guys are all in the way.
Trent: I dunno…I don’t think anyone’s ever saw me as an obstacle before…they all kind of just forget about me…it’s kind of nice.
Lightning: …man, you Sha-weird.
*Cuts to the campfire ceremony, Owen is still scooping ice cream out of the tub with his bare hands, Scott is wrapped in bandages and looks completely out of it.*
Geoff: You swear, she didn’t tell you anything?
Gwen: Geoff, relax. Even if she did, I wouldn’t freak out about it.
Geoff: Okay…okay cool. *He finally relaxes*
Chris: Well campers...I’ve learned something today…you don’t need danger and life-threatening obstacles in order to supply entertainment…you just need to stick people that hate each other together in some way.
Noah: Do you really expect us to believe that you’re going to ease up?
Chris: Course not, I’m just saying, it’s nice to switch it up once in a while. Anyways, the votes are in and someone’s going home. Tonight’s marshmallows go to!
Scott! *Scott’s marshmallow bounces off his head*
Chris: …Owen…you’re here because your appetite got the better of you…Courtney…really? …you gave up that easily.
Courtney: I thought that-
Noah: Oh be quiet, you wussed out as per usual.
Courtney: You of all people have no right to say that to me!
Chris: Campers campers, I love the fire, but save it for the challenges! Tonight’s marshmallow goes to…COURTNEY!
Courtney: Oh thank God.
Owen: Aw maaaaan.
Chris: Owen, sorry buddy, but your stomach cost your team two points today. Time to hit the dock of shame.
*Cuts to the dock of shame where Owen is still carrying his tub of ice cream, licking it dry as it speeds off.
Chris: Well, another camper is gone and only thirteen remain! What surprising twists and turns lay ahead? Will Bridgette continue her crusade to convert Dawn? Has Sam lost his trust in Jakub and ruined any chance of their alliance holding up? And will I ever be stupid enough to entrust an intern with setting up a challenge on their own? Probably not, but find out the answer to all the other questions next time here, on Total. Drama. Ascension!