There may be some content not for younger kids. However, there is nothing here they wouldn't say on the Total Drama series.
Total Drama: The Cutting Edge is a collaborative fanfiction written by Bigez620 and Mygeto. Chris McLean will introduce sixteen new contestants, who will be competing in post-apocalyptic challenges on an old, abandoned war zone. They will have to avoid robotic soldiers, nuclear warfare, and other insane challenges for a grand prize of one million dollars. Who's gonna be the last man standing?
- Alexandria (The Girly Guy) Alexandria's real name is Alexander, but he loves being feminine, so he goes by Alexandria. Alexandria is constantly made fun of for his female personality, but he is still upbeat. Alexandria joined Total Drama: The Cutting Edge to try to have fun with other females.
- Angie (The Clueless Goof) - Angie is an all-around great friend. She may be a bit clueless, but she's got many quirks that make people love her attitude. Even though she doesn't think highly of mineral water; believing it to be for rich folks, organic food; believing it to be for weight-conscious dopes, and band-aids; believing them to be useless objects that are used to make people look cool, she accepts everything in life the way it is. She's quite spiritual and very down-to-earth, but potato chips and fatty-foods are never turned down by her.
- Ann (The Double) - Ann's always been left out in her family, after all, she is the only sibling without a twin. So she's created her own, but the only people who know this is her family, since Ann and Alice, the twin, are completely different. Ann auditioned for Total Drama: The Cutting Edge so she and Alice can win the money to buy a new apartment to move into after they finish high school.
- Arthur (The Book Worm) - Arthur has known how to read since the age of two, and he wants to be a great author someday. Sadly, he cannot think of a good plot for his great novel. So he is constantly taking notes on events in his life, and interviewing people. He is very observant, and needs to know every detail on everything.
- Chastity (The Seductive Strategist) - Chastity always gets what she wants. She's not smart or kind but she's ruthless and has the power to take advantage of any guy with her killer persuasion and attractiveness. However, underneath it all, she's hiding a dark secret that's just waiting to unveil itself; all of her hair fell out from stress when she was little. She now wears a wig to hide her baldness.
- Chelsea (The Brutal Brat) - Chelsea has always been a ruthless, cruel spoiled brat. She'll do anything to get attention, especially beg her rich billionaire parents for money. She's attempted to kill her boyfriend Chad after she caught him kissing another girl on the cheek, which wound up being his ex-girlfriend. Chelsea will do anything for money, and signed up for Total Drama to become even richer than ever.
- Daniel (The Pyromaniac) - Daniel is a pyromaniac. He's never comfortable when he doesn't have a match in his hands. He knows how to make homemade fireworks, fires, and his favorite color is red. He hopes some rare charcoal and fire lighters might be found on the setting of Total Drama: The Cutting Edge.
- Haley (The Buddy-Buddy) - Haley is your classic girl: great grades, good friends, and a loving family to support her. Her friends and teachers have nothing but good things to say about her. It's very easy to get along with Haley; in fact, her weakness is that she thinks everyone is her friend. Everyone. Even with this trait, she can be a bit obsessive-compulsive with some of the simpler things in life and she is unafraid to speak her mind, but if you get to know her, she's really a good friend and person. She joined Total Drama, obviously, to make more friends and to see how she fares with competition.
- Jack (The Joker) - Jack is a huge fan of the Batman comic book series, his favorite character in this series is "The Joker". Jack read the Joker comics day and night until one day he snapped and actually believe he was The Joker. Now he wears a big suit and wears clown makeup just like the Joker's. He even acts like the Joker, putting people in danger and causing people misery. He auditioned for Total Drama: The Cutting Edge to bring misery to all the other contestants.
- Joshua (The Composer) Joshua is an extremely intelligent person with a refined taste and knowledge for the world around him. Unfortunately, these traits are often overshadowed by his constant air of arrogance. He prefers to think and act by himself, always keeping his intentions mysterious. Joshua very rarely gets honestly worked up (and is usually lying when he appears to be), and is always teasing when he is not sharing information. These snobby qualities always make him appear condescending and antagonistic. Joshua is very manipulative, and loves to see conflict. He's even willing to turn best friends against each other to just get a laugh. Joshua signed up for the competition simply to get money.
- Kasumi (The Otaku) Kasumi has been an obsessive anime fan ever since she was three, when she first obtained the cassette for "Buccaneer Sun". Since then, Kasumi has hardly ever seen the light of day and spends most of her time watching as much Japanese animation as she can. She started to identify herself as being an anime character, and wears Japanese school girl outfits and is very hyperactive and manic. She was forced to sign up for Total Drama by her parents so she'd get out the house.
- Maverick (The Icy Hero) - If you're expecting somebody as mean, as cold, as harsh and sarcastic as Maverick to be an antagonist, you would be right... unless you're talking about Maverick. He drives away anyone looking for friendship - not because he's a loner, but because he doesn't like their attitude or some other trivial reason. He believes that to win Total Drama: The Cutting Edge, he will have to use his cynicism and cruelty for good.
- Milo (The Secret Agent) - Milo was recruited by the Secret Agent Society for Secret Agent Friends Ready At Secret. (S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S. for short.) He takes his job very seriously and wears his tuxedo at all times. However, he is not very bright and is awful at hiding his job. In fact, he tells everyone he knows that he is a spy and reminds them of this every chance he gets. Also, he's not very good with his hidden weapons yet, such as his laser-shoes and his explosive cufflinks. He tries his hardest, but despite his athletic ability, his low intelligence and weapon failure just causes a person to wonder how he got into S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S.
- Raye (The Psychic) - Raye has always been very mysterious and calm headed, never opened up to anyone, except her family. Raye is sarcastic towards others and can have a friendly attitude as well, but she is usually in a bad mood. Raye joined the show just to get out of the house.
- Rebecca (The Cheerleader) All her life, Rebecca has been fond of cheering, cheering competitions, and anything involving pom poms. In Rebecca's head, she believes cheering is the best way to motivate others to participate. She auditioned for the show to help motivate others and to further pursue her gymnastic practices.
- Steve (The Enigma) - Steve is very enigmatic, which basically means that he is mysterious and difficult to understand. No one knows much about Steve, not even his parents or close friends. It is believed that Steve used to be a hyper and fun-loving boy, but due to some personal issues, he started to get quiet, and eventually, it seemed as if he had disappeared altogether. It's hard to understand Steve's motivations and he's very reserved. He's not necessarily an open book. Some people try their best to understand Steve, only to end up with nothing.
A camera pops out from the right side of the screen and then the left. A third camera popped out from a ditch, while a fourth pops out of a skeleton's eye socket. An intern's hands were shown with a clapperboard, as he clamped it down.
Dear Mom & Dad, I'm doing fine. The camera rushes through the war zone, showing the various locations, as Chris is seen ordering robotic zombies around.
You guys are on my mind! The camera moves left to the confessional, where Milo is seen talking into a walkie-talkie, as his pants fall to his ankles. He becomes noticeably embarrassed.
You asked me what I wanted to be, Jack is seen inside the confessional, looking through various weapons. He lifts up a butcher knife and shows a large grin. He then notices the camera and pushes it away.
and now I think the answer is plain to see. The camera then exits the confessional where Milo is once again seen, pants-less, as Angie approaches him. Angie began to laugh in her hand, as Milo awkwardly walks off.
I wanna be famous. Angie turns around to see that Haley is behind her. Haley hugs Angie tightly, as Angie begins to choke.
I wanna live close to the sun. Daniel is seen behind the mess hall. He happily lights a sparkling firework, as it flies around him.
Or pack your bags 'cause I've already won. Chastity approaches Daniel as the firework hits the ground and explodes. The explosion was so forceful, it blows Chastity's wig away. Chastity nervously looks at a shocked Daniel as she runs off screen. As she runs after her wig, Arthur notices her, as he begins taking notes.
Everything to prove, nothing in my way. The camera enters the mess hall, as Chef is shown to be cooking, while Chelsea complains about the food. Chef becomes annoyed, as a tentacle comes out of the pot and wraps around Chelsea's mouth. Chef begins to laugh.
I'll get there one day, Joshua is seen working on a machine while Alexandria brushes his hair. A small bit of oil from the machine squirts in Alexandria's eye.
'cause I wanna be famous! Alexandria is seen waving his hands around in pain and runs off, as Joshua scratches his head, not knowing that he squirted Alexandria.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! The camera panned over to the hill, showing many of the trees. Ann was then seen riding on a sled, whispering to Alice behind her.
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous. The camera cuts away to the mall, where Kasumi is seen punching and kicking robots, as one robot catches her off guard and tackles her to the ground. Her foot was then shown kicking the robot's head as it flew off its body.
I wanna be, I wanna be, The camera cuts back to the war zone, where Rebecca is seen doing a dance with her pom-poms. She then thrusts her fist into the air, where the pom-pom latches off her hand, and into the sky. The pom-pom then falls to the ground. When the camera pans down, the inside of the emergency hut is shown.
I wanna be famous! The camera, inside of the emergency hut, shows Maverick and Steve glaring at each other, as Raye, confused, sits between them. Chris then pops up between Maverick and Steve and points to the camera.
The camera pans out as all of the contestants were shown, whistling the tune of "I Wanna Be Famous".
Chapter 1: Helter Shelter
The camera faded in on Chris, relaxing on a beach chair.
"Welcome, viewers from around the world!", Chris said proudly. "I'm Chris McLean, back for another season of Total Drama. This season, we're taking place at an old, worn out war zone. And to top it all off, we're introducing sixteen new contestants for a whole new game, featuring some off the chart challenges! The rules remain the same; a group of teens live together where they will be placed on two separate team and fight for one million dollars. And of course, at the end of each episode, someone's gonna be escorted out of here, Chris McLean style. So let's introduce our new cast, who should be arriving shortly."
A speeding bus passed by Chris, crashing into a large rock.
"I can already tell I'm gonna love this season," Chris said with a chuckle.
A female emerged from the bus.
"Couldn't we have taken a safer ride? That one made my personality hurt," Angie said cluelessly.
"Angie, what's going on?", Chris asked.
"Is this where were going to live? Where are the bunk beds and crescent lights you promised us?", Angie said, scratching her head.
"Haven't you ever seen this show before? I've only told the truth like, twice," Chris said, raising an eyebrow.
"And that's fluorescent, by the way," Joshua said, exiting the bus.
"Joshua, 'sup?", Chris said, offering a high five.
"'Sup? Well, there are a lot of things that are 'sup. Global warming continues eating at the world. There are only five kinds of monkey that still remain active on this world. Lady BlaBla continues to butcher music," Joshua said in an arrogant tone.
"I would've preferred if you didn't answer me," Chris said, putting his hand down.
"This would be great for my thesis on world issues," Arthur said, writing something down on a notepad.
"You know, this isn't a poetry slam, this is Total Drama," Chris said in a harsh tone.
"Why would you accept him if you weren't prepared to leave him enable on your television show?", Joshua said, questioning Chris.
"Now I'm regretting accepting you," Chris said, shoving Joshua aside.
A blonde female emerged from the bus next, wearing short jeans, a cut-off shirt, and high heels.
"Welcome to the show, Chastity," Chris said, hugging Chastity.
"Hands off the figure," Chastity said, slapping at Chris.
"I love it when they play hard to get," Chris whispered to the camera.
"I knew I shouldn't have let you sit next to me, you spilled nail polish all over my shirt!", Ann said to someone off screen.
"Who's she talking to?" Angie said, pondering.
"Everything's gotta be a question with you, doesn't it?" Chris said, annoyed.
"I was talking to Alice, she never minds her own business," Ann said angrily.
"Who's Alice?" Angie asked.
"My annoying twin sister," Ann responded.
"As far as I'm concerned, there's only gonna be sixteen contestants this season, so anyone brought out here without an invitation is hitchhiking home," Chris said.
A female with a large frown on her face emerged from the bus.
"Why did I have to ride that stupid bus? I was going to ride daddy's private blimp, but no, I'm stuck riding this crappy school bus with a bunch of weird, obnoxious, loud, stupid, nerdy, brainy, ugly-" Chelsea said before being cut off by Chastity.
"Honey, we don't want you here either," Chastity said, filing her nails.
"Excuse me? I could easily get my parents to pay Chris to eliminate you. Is that want you want? Hm?" Chelsea said, poking at Chastity.
"And I could easily pull your hair out, but only time will tell how I can take you down in my own way," Chastity said, walking off.
A contestant exited the bus wearing face paint and a purple suit.
"Well, look what we have here. My new chums for the next few weeks. Do you know what my father told me when I said I wasn't getting along with the kids at school? He told me to try to have fun with them. And boy, that week I sure had a load of fun," Jack said with an evil grin.
"... Okay," Chris said, walking slowly away from Jack.
A contestant then walked off the bus, with his hands in his pockets.
"Everyone, meet Steve," Chris said, introducing Steve.
"Eh," Steve said, shrugging and walking past Chris.
"Well, then," Chris said, glaring.
"Hey, it's so great to be here!", Haley said, putting her arm around Ann and Angie. "Can't wait to hang out with you guys for the next seven weeks!"
"Remind me why I picked you again," Chris said, disgusted with Haley's behavior.
A female with ribbons, a cheerleader outfit, and pom poms exited the bus.
"T-O-T-A-L, do those letters ring a bell? It's D-R-A-M-A, Rebecca's pumped, and here to stay!", Rebecca said with a cheer.
"I'm really starting to consider looking over these audition tapes," Chris said, shaking his head.
Another contestant then exited the bus.
"Hi, I'm Haley, I can't wait to hang out with you this summer!" Haley said, holding her hand out for a handshake.
"I'm fine by myself, thank you every much," Maverick said with an unenthusiastic grin.
"Isn't Maverick just a bundle of joy?" Chris said, turning to the camera.
The next contestant walked out, holding a walkie-talkie close by.
"Location secured; I've entered the area. There are several life forms surrounding me. There are also several technical machines taking up area. Everything seems in order," Milo said in to the walkie-talkie.
"Welcome, Milo," Chris said.
"How do you know my name?! What information do you know?!", Milo yelped.
"Just so you know, I don't have any fear of what you might try on me. I've learned that fear can only be enforced. And enforcing things is my specialty," Jack said with a grimace.
"Jack, you're freaking me out, dude," Chris said frantically.
A male wearing a cut off shirt and short jeans walked off the bus.
"Hey, peeps, how's it going?" Alexandria said, strutting towards Chris.
"I know a lot of information in this world. Countless artifacts, locations commonly unknown, and some of the rarest species. But there's one thing that leaves me amiss. Is that a dude or a girl?" Joshua said confused.
"Well, I'm a guy, but I just think that I'm more in sync with girls, they just speak to me more," Alexandria said happily.
"Yup, that's Alex, but he would prefer us to call him Alexandria," Chris said, rolling his eyes.
"Now I know why you got made fun of so much in grade school," Raye said, walking off the bus.
"Here's Raye, the only normal contestant I've seen all day," Chris satisfyingly said.
"And I can see why you live alone," Raye said, embarrassing Chris.
"Welp, there goes my respect for you," Chris moaned sadly.
A contestant wearing a school girl's outfit exited the bus.
"Konichiwa!" Kasumi blurted out, jumping around the war zone.
"Judging by your exaggerated Japanese appearance, I'm guessing you are Kasumi," Chris exclaimed.
"And I'm ready for what this silly show has to offer," Kasumi said with a fast clap.
Chris help out his arms, preparing for the last contestant to arrive. "And here comes out final contestant; Daniel!"
Daniel began lighting matches in his hand. "Yes, yes, yes, fire!" Daniel cheered.
"Straight from the mental institution, eh?" Joshua said putting his index finger and thumb on his chin.
"Alright, now that you've all been situated, it's time to introduce your new home for the next seven weeks," Chris said, pointing his finger at a large building.
"Headquarters? What's it doing here??" Milo yelped, biting his fingers.
Chris then put a finger on Milo's lips. "It's time for the host of the show to speak now, so zip it, shut it, and stuff it."
Milo muted himself.
"This is where a mess hall once was, but we did some rearranging, and it's now a mess hall, once again, where you will be eating your breakfast, maybe lunch, and a slim chance of dinner, all made by Chef," Chris announced, presenting Chef with a large knife in his hand. "You've already been introduced to the Total Drama bus, which could use a little touch up paint. We will be using that to travel to other insane locations whenever we have a certain challenge we can't perfect in this deserted wasteland."
"Where will eliminations take place?", Arthur said, holding out a pen and notepad.
Chris then pointed over to a small, rundown shed. "Would you believe a building that small was an emergency shack? It's not fun and games when you're shooting at people with blunt objects! But yes, that it where eliminations will take place, where you will receive survival kits."
"Survival kits? We're going to die?!" Angie screamed.
"No, these are the survival kits you used to find in the nurse's office in elementary school," Chris said, opening the kit. "You know, with food like stale pretzels, dry cereal, and fruit bars. Food that would make you rather die instead.
"This show sucks so far, when are you just going to hand me the million?" Chelsea yelled.
"I'm glad you asked Chelsea, because I'm hoping you're voted off first," Chris responded, shoving Chelsea out of the way. "Alright, first thing's first, let's establish the teams. Instead of some race or team captains, I've decided to have them preset to save time." Chris pulled out a sheet of paper. "Angie, Chastity, Daniel, Haley, Jack, Joshua, Milo, Rebecca, you're on the Screaming Survivors. Alexandria, Ann, Arthur, Chelsea, Kasumi, Maverick, Raye, Steve, you're on the Killer Corpses. And now that we have that settled, our confessional this season will an old weapon's hut shortly across from the mess hall, savvy?"
Confessional, Jack: I wouldn't be surprised if I was the last survivor on this team.
Confessional, Rebecca: My first confessional, C-O-N-F- (The camera cut Rebecca off)
Confessional, Maverick: I don't see why we need teams in the first place. I work better by myself anyways. I think that going solo is the only way a person can truly learn to become independent in life. And boy, did I learn that the hard way...
"Alright, now that that's settled, it's time for your first challenge," Chris announced. "Now, I was planning a totally awesome battle to the death, but the producers told me that I'm held responsible if any of you die. And since our budget was cut, we have no place for you guys to sleep. So, in today's challenge, you and your teammates will be building your own shelter, where you will be living for the duration of the game. You also have to make sure it is built well, because I don't want a roof falling on you in your sleep. Not because I care for your safety, but because it comes out of my pay cheque. The winner will be determined on how well the shelter is created, and the prize their new sleeping home, along with another secret gift, while the losing team will be snoozing in sleeping bags, right here in scenic nowhere. There will be tools located in an old shed east from the emergency hut. Everybody ready? Go!"
The camera panned over to the Screaming Survivors.
"Alright, now if everyone would lend an ear to what I have to-" Joshua said before being cut off by Angie.
"Don't you think frills would make the blankets so much better?" Angie said with a giggle.
Joshua hushed Angie. "If we're going to get this challenge done, we need someone with astute brain power, like me." Joshua proudly said.
"Maybe we should get explosives!", Daniel chanted.
"In what way would explosives help us out here, Daniel?" Chastity said, annoyed.
"What's your point?" Daniel questioned Chastity.
Confessional, Chastity: (Chastity begins painting her nails) Sure, I'd pretty much like to eliminate all of my so-called teammates right now, but there are some I'm saving for something special. And if I want, I could take any guy I wanted right now to do anything for me. I'm just that good.
The camera panned to the Killer Corpses, pondering on how they should complete the challenge.
"I'll go get so tools over at the shed," Alice proclaimed, running off.
"Wait, was that Alice or Ann? Either way, they both dress adorably!" Alexandria said happily.
Confessional, Chelsea: How are we supposed to build a shelter when nobody on this team can make a sandwich?
"Well, why doesn't Steve come up with something? He's seems like an interesting character for my fanfiction," Arthur said with a smile.
"Ehhh, I got nothing," Steve said looking away.
"Sheesh, you might just be more anti-social then Maverick," Raye blurted out.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Maverick shot back.
"I'm just saying that were in danger of constantly losing in the future if we don't start working as a team," Raye said, crossing her arms.
"Oh, and I should start listening to you just because you're titled as a psychic? You know what? Forget this, I'll be waiting by elimination zone if you need me," Maverick shouted, walking off.
Raye sighed. "Looks like our team's gonna end up losing."
The camera then panned to Milo, who was carrying a large supply of wood and tools.
"Can't... go on... any... longer..." Milo panted, dropping the supplies on his feet. "Yowwwwch!"
Chastity walked up to Milo and put a hand on his face.
"Let's get to work, I don't want to see you getting voted off," Chastity said sweetly.
"Uh... wood?" Milo questioned nervously.
Confessional, Milo: Wood? Wood? That's all I could think of?!
Daniel then lit a hammer on fire. "Yes, fire, fire, fire!"
Joshua then stomped on the hammer, dousing to flame. "If you're going to be on this team, you're going to have to stop being such a nuisance."
"Alright, alright, can I at least keep the matches?" Daniel asked with a soft tone.
"Very well then, I will let you keep your favorite tools of oxidation if you promise not to use them in inappropriate situations, such as this one," Joshua responded.
Jack then walked over to Daniel.
"Why do you let me hold on to them? I'm positive they'll be safe with me," Jack explained with a large grin.
"Well, alright, but take good care of them," Daniel said, handing the matches over here.
"Looks like the competitions getting heated," Jack said with a large, powerful laugh.
The camera then panned over to Maverick, sitting by himself on a rock. Raye then walked up to him.
"Hey," Raye simply said.
"What do you want?" Maverick angrily said.
"Look, I wanna apologize to you," Raye said. "I know you aren't really comfortable with the teams or teammates to begin with, but all of us are putting our faith in each other to get the challenge done and win in the end. I know you've probably gone through a lot, but if were ever going to end up happy, we're going to have to work together. Are you in?" Raye held out a hand for Maverick.
Maverick then half-smiled, and walked past Raye. "Let's just win this challenge."
The camera then showed the Killer Corpses beginning to saw, hammer, and set up the shelter.
"Ooooh, I want to try to make the blue prints! I've seen plenty of anime, I know how these blue prints work," Kasumi said, as she began to map out the area.
"Uh, Kasumi, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Raye said, scratching her head.
"Relax, I've dealt with this before," Kasumi then began to draw all over the blue prints. "Finished!"
Kasumi presented blue prints with a large komodo dragon on the front. Raye then slapped her palm in her face.
"What? Don't you think dragon's are kakkoi??" Kasumi said, poking at Joshua.
"We've gotta spirit, yes we do, we've got spirit, and we'll beat you!" Rebecca cheered, presenting the Screaming Survivors who have started to make progress.
"Where does this go?" Angie said, holding up a hammer.
"Sweetie, that's not part of it, okay?" Chastity exclaimed in a sweet, yet arrogant tone.
"Oh, so I can get rid of it?" Angie asked, throwing the hammer behind her head and hitting Milo in the crotch.
"Augh!" Milo shouted in pain.
"It's time to quit the dawdling and start working," Joshua said, making blue prints of how to build the shelter.
Haley then put her arm around Joshua. "What's the plan, Stan?"
"It's Joshua, and I would appreciate if you got your grimy paws off my shoulder," Joshua snapped, upsetting Haley.
The teams began to work hard, and soon after, Chris stopped the challenge.
"Time's up!" Chris announced. "Let's see what the Killer Corpses have."
Raye then presented her team's shelter, equip with four bunk beds, a bureau with several draws, a large mirror, and a few wall paintings.
"Looking good, Corpses!" Chris said. "I'd say you have a pretty solid chance of winning, but let's see what the Survivors' have to offer."
Chris then walked over to the Screaming Survivors' shelter. "Hm, looks pretty nice on the outside."
"It still would've looked better with a dragon..." Kasumi frustratingly said.
Chris then began to turn the knob. "Let's just see what the inside looks-" suddenly, there was a large explosion. Chris then propelled backwards as the rest of the Screaming Survivors took cover.
"What the..." Milo began to say.
"What the devil happened?" Joshua shouted, followed by him walked over to Daniel. "I knew I shouldn't have kept those matches in your possession."
"But I don't have them, Jack does," Daniel nervously said.
"If I had them, then why would they be in your back pocket?" Jack said with a cheesy smile.
Daniel then reached in his back pocket and found the matches. "But guys, I swear I didn't light the fire. Honest!"
"All I know right now is that the Killer Corpses are the winner of the challenge," Chris said in pain, followed by a large cough.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Alexandria chanted, with the rest of the Corpses cheering in the background.
"But, since I'm going to need medical support for my toasted skin, everyone's safe tonight," Chris said, being carried off by two interns.
"You're lucky this time, but be warned, Daniel, this isn't the end," Joshua said as the rest of the Screaming Survivors walked off.
Confessional, Daniel: (Daniel began lighting paper on fire) Sure, I love setting stuff on fire, burning stuff down, and even igniting my sister's clothes, but I'd never sabotage my team's chances of winning. I know Jack has something to do with this...
The sky then turned dark, as the Maverick leaned on the door of the Corpses' shelter. Raye then walked up to him.
"Maybe this shows that you're not such a whiner after all," Raye said with a half-smile.
"Shouldn't you be meditating or some crap?" Maverick snapped at her.
Raye then kissed Maverick on the cheek and walked off, and Maverick gave a small, but warm smile.
The camera the panned over to the Screaming Survivors. Chef then approaches them.
"Here's your sleeping bags. Extra crusty, courtesy of Sargent Hatchet," Chef proudly said.
"But there are only seven sleeping bags here," Milo said confused.
"Yup, everyone except Mr. Fire Hazard gets one," Chef said, pointing at a notably upset Daniel.
As most of the contestants fell asleep, Daniel was left alone, secluded on a rock. Chastity approached him.
"I just want to let you know that I'm sure you didn't do this," Chastity said, sitting close to Daniel.
"Thanks, I'm glad to see someone believes me," Daniel said, igniting a lighter. "I just know that all of the rest are going to vote me off first."
"Haven't you ever seen this show, Danny?", Chastity asked. "These people have no knowledge of playing the game. I've studied this show carefully and I know how it works. I'm not going to sit here and watch a perfectly harmless contestant get eliminated. I have my own ways of taking down the members of our team. And I know they're going happen."
Chastity then hugged Daniel from behind and walked off, with an maniacal grimace on her face.
Confessional, Jack: None of these people know what I have planned for them. They may have signed up for this show, but this is my world, and I'll gladly take down anyone I can. If I go down, this whole show goes down with me.
The camera then went to static as the episode ends.
Chapter 2: Night of the Living Duds
The screen faded in to Chris McLean.
"Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!" Chris announced. "Another bunch of idiotic teenagers were brought to an unexpected war zone. They were introduced to some of the new digs we'll be seeing this season, and boy, I could just tell they were completely unprepared. When given a building challenge, both teams struggled to get off their feet, but after Maverick came out of his shell, the Killer Corpses ended up winning the challenge, along with their new home. Meanwhile, the Screaming Survivors were seriously ticked off at Daniel after his fire tactics caused the team's shelter to blow, but it was later revealed that Jack was behind the scheme. Who will be going home next? What do Jack and Chastity have up their sleeves? And how will we budget for the whole season? Find out, right here, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!"
The contestants awoke, confused of their whereabouts.
"Where are we?" Maverick asked confusedly.
"Oooh, maybe we're in space!" Kasumi snickered.
Angie looked around. "Are you sure there are tanning booths in space?"
"How do you know you aren't in a dream right now, and that your dreams were actually real life?" Jack questioned.
Confessional, Haley: Sure, I wanna be friends with everyone here, but Jack is really starting to freak me out.
Joshua began to pace around the around. "It would appear by the various shopping and accessory stores that this would most certainly be a mall."
"Well, then I'm not sticking around here," Chastity said, walking off.
Milo stood up. "But, what if there's a challenge?"
"Would you rather me participate in the challenge or shop in the lingerie department?" Chastity seductively said.
Milo became nervous. "Uh, the second one, I guess."
"Good boy," Chastity walked off.
"We are L-O-S-T, what's that mean to you and me? We're lost, that's right, we're lost!" Rebecca cheered.
Confessional, Maverick: Rebecca's not even on my team, but I'm considering voting her out if we lose.
"Well maybe I could've stop kicking you in my sleep if you would stop pulling my hair, Ann!" Alice shouted.
Confessional, Raye: I'm a psychic, and even I can't tell the difference between Ann and Alice.
"I'm seeing uber tension between you two gals," Alexandria said worriedly.
Raye then touched her forehead. "And I'm seeing Chris pulling another one of his insane challenges on us."
A loudspeaker from the security room then turned on and Chris began speaking. "Morning, guys! Who's ready for another insane challenge?"
"Told ya," Raye said to Arthur.
Arthur began writing something down. "If you're a psychic, maybe you could help me write my upcoming novel 'Chris: A Man of Mystery"'.
Raye rolled her eyes.
"Well, most of you are probably wondering why you are here, correct?" Chris said on the loudspeaker.
"You had better tell us why we're here or I'll just have to tell my daddy what you've done to us!" Chelsea screamed.
"Telling you're daddy on me, what, are you five?" Chris asked. "Anywho, overnight, while you were all in dream land, we gave you a little treat along the tranquilizing line, and you were more out of it then you already are."
"So why are we in a mall?" Milo asked.
"Because your next challenge will be taking place here," Chris announced. "Of course, it wasn't easy getting this mall empty, with a whole bunch of other sixteen-year-olds running around."
Chef then entered the mall and handed out maps.
"Maps? What for?" Milo asked.
"You'll be aimlessly roaming around the mall all day without maps, so I was generous enough to give you some," Chris said. "And now for the challenge; an awesome zombie battle!"
"Don't you think we're a little too old to believe in zombies?" Maverick questioned.
"Yeah, I found it a little too cliché and unrealistic to make you believe there were actually zombies here, so we installed some high-tech robotic ones," Chris then pressed a button, causing an old, rusty, robotic zombie to walk in the room. "That's your definition of high-tech, Chef?"
"You said yourself that we're on a low budget, did you expect me to pull a highly advanced machine out of my butt?" Chef shouted.
"Alright, alright, I'm sorry, sheesh," Chris groaned. "The first part of your challenge is to collect various weapons you can use against these tin cans, the more firepower you have, the safer you will be, because if you get bitten by one of these zombies, you will be replaced by a robotic look-alike of you. The second part is to locate three keys somewhere in the mall. The team keys will be located in the same place, but Survivors' keys will be green and Corpses' keys will be red. These three keys will be your ticket out of this mall. Without them, you're left for dead. If all of the contestants on a team are bitten, the opposing team is automatically the winner. And... go!"
Confessional, Kasumi: Oh, this is just like Preschool of the Dead! Except there are a whole lot less boobs.
Angie began to read her team's map, but read it upside down.
Joshua became aggravated. "Give me that! There's a hunting down near yonder, we should head there."
"But what if we hurt the robots?" Angie asked sadly.
"It is a group of apathetic machines, I highly doubt that it will matter if we destroy them," Joshua responded.
"I think we should build a blockade, to keep the zombies away from us," Daniel stated.
"That is truly remarkable, coming from someone who seems to be playing every side on the ball field, isn't it?" Jack asked Daniel.
"Look Jack, I'm sick of you and the others blaming me for this, and even if I did, it's time to move on and start this challenge," Daniel responded.
"We'll just see what happens when the batter strikes out," Jack convulsed.
Raye began to look over the map. "Alright, it looks like we should just follow the Survivors to the hunting store, that's probably the best choice on the map."
"A walk that far? I'm not going unless my private jet takes me!" Chelsea pouted.
"Honey, you're going to be waiting a long time," Maverick snapped.
Chelsea growled as she reluctantly followed her team.
Both teams are shown the hunting shop.
"Oooh, let's choose that one, or that one, or that one!", Kasumi chanted, pointing to several different weapons.
"Settle down, we can only pick so many," Maverick said, calming Kasumi.
Raye looked over at Steve, who was sitting alone.
Confessional, Raye: I can't help but feel bad for Steve. I know he's shy, but he's gonna have to make some friends if he wants to last here.
Raye approached Steve. "Hey, Steve."
Steve looked up. "Oh, hi, Raye is it?"
"That's me," Raye smiled, "I was just wondering, how come you don't socialize with the other teammates."
"Well, I don't know. I'm just not sure about anything anymore. Everyone's been trying to find out about me, but I'm having trouble finding myself," Steve confessed.
"Well, I'm a psychic, I could try to help," Raye put a hand on Steve's shoulder.
Maverick looked over, noticeably jealous.
Confessional, Maverick: Raye and Steve? Whatever. I'm not jealous or anything, I just don't see how those two are compatible at all. (Maverick looked down and sighed)
Ann held out an ear. "Alice thinks we should not go for the most powerful guns, but the ones with the most ammo."
"Alice is speaking my language," Maverick said, as he gathered paintball guns.
Milo began skimming through weapons. "It's just like being at headquarters!"
Confessional, Milo: Except in headquarters, we don't actually use guns, we use pillow cases.
Milo then picked up a large paintball gun. "Why are there only paintball guns here?"
"They were probably the only guns Chris could afford," Daniel said, looking through weapons.
Chris then went on the PA system and began speaking. "Time is up for the first part of the challenge. Chef, it's time to release the zombies!"
A siren went off as robot zombies began to rise up throughout the mall.
"Gather the most powerful paint dispensable guns you can and let's get out," Joshua stated.
"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up," Daniel said, walking off camera.
The two teams began gathering weapons and exited the store, with several zombies waiting outside.
"Alright, you dead duds, come and get some!" Milo proudly exclaimed, as several robots charged toward him. "Wait, I changed my mind, I don't want to be your undead slaves!"
Milo began panicking as Angie noticed him. "Milo, watch out!", Angie jumped in front of Milo as a robot bit her arm. "Yowwch!"
Angie was then pulled off camera and replaced with a robotic version of herself. Milo stood in his place shocked.
Confessional, Milo: I've just never seen that side of Angie before. At first I thought she was just some girl who had the smarts of lamppost, but I think I might be in love with her.
The camera then panned to Chastity, who is seen taking many bathing suits from a store. A robot soon approaches her. Chastity turned to the robot. "Hey, rusty, I bet you've got a twelve gage," Chastity said, rubbing her hand on the robot's face. The robot began to shake uncontrollably and malfunctioned.
Confessional, Chastity: Dang, I'm so good I can even wow the undead.
The camera panned back to Milo, still in shock, as robots approached him. Milo looked up. "Uhh, stay away... you... ugly... zombies?" Milo, love struck, was bitten and replaced with a robot.
Confessional, Joshua: Viewers out there, you may believe that the ones known as Angie and Milo are enjoyable, yet picture yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if you had to hang around with two babbling idiots incapable of even the simplest challenge? I'm sure you wouldn't like it too much either.
Chastity then returned to her team. "Two down already? I wasn't even gone that long."
"Enough with the chatter, grab a weapon and start shooting," Joshua said, tossing Chastity a gun.
"I suppose I can deal with this," Chastity said, shooting large amounts of paint at the robot.
The Killer Corpses began splattering the zombies in paint. Chelsea, confused on how to use the paintball gun, accidentally shot herself. "Enough! I'm sick and tired of this stupid challenge and I say that it is over now. I don't care what Chris has to say, I say it's ov-" before Chelsea could finish, she was bitten by a robot and replaced with another.
Maverick began kicking and punching the robots and started looking at the map. "We should start searching for those keys before the Survivors do."
"Wait, where's Alexandria?" Raye asked.
The camera cut away to Kakky Barn, showing Alexandria shopping inside. "Excuse me sir, I'd like to check out!"
The cashier turned around and is revealed to be one of the zombies.
"I love your clothes!" Alexandria exclaimed, "Where'd you get them?"
Alexandria was violently bitten and replaced with a zombie.
The camera panned back on the Killer Corpses.
"Forget about him," Maverick said. "Only thing he's good at is successfully making a boy look like a girl."
As several robots surrounded Kasumi, she dropped her weapon.
"Heyaaaaaaah!" Kasumi screamed as she jumped towards the robots. Kasumi began to kick and chop at the robots, effectively destroying all of them.
Confessional, Steve: Who would've thought Kasumi knew jujitsu?
A robot then approached Jack, to which Jack turned to it. "Hm, I wonder how it feels to be a robot. You must know how it feels, to never feel happiness or love or ever truly conquer anything in life. And who could forget that the only reason you are on this world is to serve as a tool for another. That must really be excellent."
The robot began to twitch and then malfunctioned.
Ann began to look around the mall. "Alice! Where are you?" Ann opened the elevator, but a robot was awaiting inside. "Have you seen Alice?", Ann asked, as she was bitten by a robot.
Joshua ran inside an arcade. "Come on, team members, if we are ever going to locate these keys, we are going to have to start searching."
All of the Screaming Survivors ran inside the arcade, with only Chastity and Haley left behind. Chastity, struggling, begins shooting at zombies while Haley rambles on to her.
"And so that's when I went on my family trip to Australia, mate!", Haley said to Chastity.
"Haley, I don't know if you realize this, but I don't care," Chastity responded.
"But I never told you the part about how I befriended a herd of kangaroos," Haley said, starting her story.
Chastity, becoming irritated, pushed Haley into a group of robots, who bit her repeatedly.
Confessional, Chastity: Haley's barely a contestant in general, does it matter if she's still competing?
Daniel began playing an arcade game. "Man, game over again?"
"Daniel, cease the dilly-dally. We need to get going," Joshua stated.
Chastity entered the arcade and walked over to Daniel. "Wait, Daniel, are you competing for keys?
"Yeah... wait, that's it!" Daniel exclaimed. "All we need to do is beat the game, and then we're good to go."
Jack walked over to the backside of the game and started working on wires. A key popped out of the key dispenser.
"How did you do that?" Daniel asked.
"How didn't I do that?" Jack questioned.
Joshua grabbed the key out of the dispenser. "No time for trivia now, it's time to get going. Where the devil is Rebecca?"
Daniel and Chastity turned over to a cheering Rebecca, who is bitten and replaced by a robot.
"I've got spirit, yes I do, and now I am going to kill you!", the robot cheered.
While the Screaming Survivors ran outside, the Killer Corpses entered the room.
"Ooooh, a video game!" Kasumi proclaimed, as she started pressing buttons on a machine.
"Kasumi, we don't have t-" Maverick began to say.
"Ah, just let her play, we'll just start searching," Raye said.
The team began to search around, but robots soon began to enter the room.
"They're coming!" Raye said, clinging to Steve.
Maverick became noticeably annoyed. "This isn't a drive-in movie, you can get your hands off each other."
"What's your deal?" Raye said, raising an eyebrow.
Maverick became calm. "Look, we're going to have to focus if we want to win."
Kasumi walked over, throwing a key up and down. "Lookie what I found!" Kasumi presented the key to her teammates.
"The key!" Arthur rejoiced. "Before we get out of here, let me take a few side notes."
"Come on, Arthur, we gotta go," Maverick said, calling over Arthur.
Arthur began to continue taking notes. "Subjects are completely programmed to have a lust for flesh. All are well created, and-", before Arthur could finish, he was bitten and replaced by a robot.
The Killer Corpses looked back in horror.
"We're losing members, we can't stick around any longer," Raye exclaimed.
The camera cut away to the Screaming Survivors in the restrooms.
Joshua looked down at a dirty toilet. "Who would so generously offer to scavenger this decrepit waste tool?"
"I'm not going near water, that's against my policy," Daniel stated.
Chastity is shown painting her nails. "You really think I'm going to go anywhere near that thing? I'd rather kiss Chris."
The PA system suddenly went on as Chris began to speak. "Is that a promise?"
"Screw off," Chastity said nastily as the PA went off.
"How about you, Jack?" Joshua asked.
"That seems a bit too serious. I'd rather have some fun, let's throw a party," Jack said in a dry tone.
Confessional, Daniel: Am I the only one who thinks that Jack is planning to kill us all?
"Well I am going no where near this disgusting latrine," Joshua declared. "Perhaps I could tamper with the pipes and launch the key up."
Before anyone could get another word in, a group of robots came in.
"Great, now what?" Chastity groaned.
Daniel, showing to be largely alert, stood in front of his team. "Stand back guys, I have a trick up my sleeve." Daniel suddenly pulled a large, black gun from his back pocket. As Daniel pressed the trigger, a large flame came out, igniting the robots on fire.
"Where did you find that?!" Joshua burst out.
"I have my sources," Daniel said, blowing on the head of the gun.
"You fight them off, I will continue with finding that key," Joshua said, as Daniel continue setting fire to the robots. As Joshua began tampering with the pipes, a large amount of water spurted out, washing the robots clear of the restroom. A red and green key were launched out of the toilet.
Suddenly, Kasumi slid through the restroom and grabbed the key. "That's all, folks!" Kasumi then ran out of the bathroom.
"Blast it, now they're ahead of us," Joshua declared.
"Not if their skin is toasted," Jack pointed out.
Daniel looked at Jack, puzzled. "Uh, dude, I'm not going to set an actual person on fire."
"Why not? I've done it eight times before," Jack said, as everyone shot him an awkward look.
"Let's just get out of here, my shoes are getting soaked," Chastity said with a glare.
As the Screaming Survivors exited the restroom, a herd of robots surrounded them.
"I've got this, you guys keep going!" Daniel proclaimed, as he continued to shoot flames at the robots.
"Good luck, big man," Chastity said, putting her hand on Daniel's chest.
"Uh... thanks... Chastity," Daniel said blushing.
Confessional, Daniel: It's hard to believe that the robots aren't the hottest thing here.
The camera cut away to the Killer Corpses, who are fighting off robots. Kasumi runs over to them.
"Where have you been?" Maverick asked.
"I got key number deux!" Kasumi cheered.
"Great, now one more to go!" Raye excitedly hugged Steve.
Maverick once again looked with contempt towards Raye and Steve.
Confessional, Maverick: So maybe I am a bit jealous, but who cares? Raye is cute, and Steve has little to no personality at all. Why would she want to be with him?
While Steve was going over to get his paintball gun, Maverick slid his gun over to Steve's feet, causing Steve to trip. A robot then came up to a defenseless Steve and bit his arm.
"Frick, Steve!" Raye shouted.
Maverick nervously pretended to act innocent. "What happened?"
"Ugh, no time now, let's just go before anyone else gets bitten," Raye said, running off with her team.
However, Kasumi stopped when seeing the food court. "Mmmm, I could go for some munchies!"
The camera panned over to the Screaming Survivors, who were struggling to find their third key.
"This is hopeless, we've searched everywhere and still no key," Joshua asserted.
"Yeah, and where's Daniel?" Chastity asked. Chastity then looked over toward the robots, and noticed that Daniel had been bitten. "Fantastic."
Confessional, Chastity: I guess this would be a perfect time to work on Jack and Joshua. They won't be easy, but I'll give it a shot.
Chastity approached Joshua. "Hey, I hear you have a P.H.D. in making girls like me fall head over heals for you." Chastity leaned in toward Joshua.
Confessional, Joshua: Chastity is really trying her act on me? I have experienced every type of person in life, and I know that Chastity is not the type to get tangled up in.
Confessional, Jack: Chastity cannot seduce her way to the top. It's such a silly plan really. You need to work if you're going to make it past the final ten. But maybe I'll amuse her for a while.
Joshua scowled at Chastity. "Your clothes disgust me."
Chastity shot a glare back.
The camera panned back to Kasumi, who had a taco in her hand. "This isn't a sledge hammer... Oh well." Kasumi took a large bite out of the taco and discovered a key. "Yes! Now, I just have to find some way to tell my team." Kasumi looked over at a door that said "do not disturb" in bold letters. "Something tells me I should enter this room." Kasumi then opened the door.
The camera then showed the inside of the room, as Chef and Chris sat, speaking small talk.
Chris put his feet up. "They say it's supposed to be renewed for another season, but it just keeps ditching its best characters."
Chef then noticed Kasumi. "You're not supposed to be in here, this is private property!"
They closed up on Kasumi as she glared, and the next scene showed Chef and Chris both tied up. Kasumi then grabbed the microphone and began speaking. "Hey, team, I found key number three, it's in the food court!"
Maverick slapped his palm in his face. "She just had to reveal to the world where the final keys are."
"It doesn't matter now, let's just get there before the other team," Raye remarked.
The camera panned toward the Screaming Survivors.
"Let's head over there, time's running out," Joshua stated.
The camera then showed the two teams entering the food court, while robots trailed behind.
"Here!" Kasumi said, tossing Raye the key.
Jack picked up the other taco. "Here, Joshy boy, why don't you eat this?"
Joshua looked with disgust. "Absolutely not, the rather piquant yet spicy taste of a taco turns my bowels in knots. I refuse to eat it."
"Oh, for crying out loud!", Chastity cried, as she scraped the beef and cheese off the taco shell, revealing the key.
"And now, to head for the exit," Joshua exclaimed, as his team ran off.
"Now it's our turn to beat them," Raye said.
Suddenly, a group of robots headed toward the Corpses. Maverick, angered, walked up to the robots. "Go, don't wait for me, I'll distract them."
"You sure?" Raye asked.
"I'm fine, go on," Maverick said.
Raye walked up and playfully punched Maverick. "Good luck, big shot."
Maverick smiled as robots surrounded him.
"Wait, Kasumi? Where are you?" Raye asked angrily.
"I found a little short cut over time," Kasumi said with a wink, as she presented the secret room. "All we need to do is travel through the air duct!"
Chastity, Joshua, and Jack reached the front door as Chastity stuck the key in the lock and turned it.
"Hello, victory!" Chastity cheered. The team exited the mall, but were horrified to know that the Killer Corpses had already found the way out.
"You gotta be kidding me!", Chastity shouted.
Chris and Chef exited the building, disheveled.
"Even though Kasumi and Raye both cheated in a way, I was pretty impressed anyway, so I deem the Corpses the official winners of the challenge!" Chris announced, as the bitten contestants exited the building.
"My head hurts!" Angie complained.
Milo approached Angie. "My head hurts too! We have something in common!"
"Wait, if there was only one lock, how come we needed three keys?" Chastity asked Chris.
"Oh, you didn't, I just like to mess with you guys," Chris said with a laugh.
Chastity growled at Chris.
"Okay, Survivors, it's time for your first elimination ceremony in the emergency hut. If only I remembered where I parked the bus..." Chris said.
The camera then showed the bus being towed away.
The camera cut to the elimination ceremony, with every Screaming Survivor present.
Chris began to speak. "With me, I have seven survival kits full of expired food. Anyone who doesn't receive a survival kit will be taking the Launch of Shame! That's right, you'll be tied and launched by a so-called nuclear rocket, but don't worry, a parachute should hopefully deploy half way through. Survival kits go to Joshua, Chastity, and Jack!"
All three received their survival kits.
Chris started up again. "Next two go to Angie and Milo!"
Angie caught her survival kit. "Yay, I'm safe!"
Milo grasped onto her. "You're so smart."
Chris held up the final survival kit. "Rebecca, Haley, this is the final survival kit of the night. And it goes to..."
Rebecca is showed nervously holding her pom poms, while Haley bites her lip.
".... Haley!" Chris exclaimed, tossing Haley the final survival kit.
"Yes, yes, yes!" Haley yelped.
"Wha-what?" Rebecca said sadly.
"Cheering is a good high school elective, but where do you expect to get on a reality show?" Chastity said.
Chris grabbed Rebecca's arm. "Let me escort you to our new deporting device."
The camera showed Rebecca, tied to the rocket with Chef ready to launch her. Chris walked up to the rocket. "Any final words, Reb?"
Rebecca then smiled and held up her pom poms. "I've just been eliminated, E-L-I-M-I-" Rebecca then was launched as she screamed loudly.
Chris then turned to the camera. "Looks like the shows most enthusiastic competitor is gone. What drama is to come? Will Chastity successfully win over Joshua? And what will become of Steve and Raye? Find out next time on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!"
The camera then faded to black.
Chapter 3: Insane in the Brain
The screen faded in to Chris McLean on the war zone.
"Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!", Chris announced. "Just when you thought we couldn't get any more extreme, we put the contestants with live zombies! Well, actually they were robotic zombies, but that doesn't make it any less awesome. Maverick got heated when he saw his girl Raye flirting with another man, I.E., Steve, so he got a little over-protective when he purposely sabotaged his own by shoving Steve into the zombies. Can't blame the dude, Raye and Steve just don't work well together, and I can tell the fans will be digging some RxM. Meanwhile, Chastity tried her best to seduce Joshua, but Mr. Brainiac saw through her plan, and proved her strategy to be ineffective to smart alecs. In the end, Kasumi taught us all that being a little nutso can help your team out a lot when she ended up winning the challenge for her team. As a result of Rebecca's obnoxious cheerleading, she was sent home that night, but not without one final cheer. Who's gonna go home next? What will become of the love triangle between Steve, Raye and Maverick? And when's Chef going to wash my hair?"
A shampoo bottle hits Chris in the head that was thrown by Chef off screen. Chris, agitated, finishes the recap. "Er, right now, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!"
The screen faded in on the mess hall, showing the contestants eating gruel.
Joshua poked at his gruel with a fork. "There's no bran in this, correct? My stomach does not work well with bran."
"Who says that's food?" Chef asked, as the gruel began to move around.
"I'm full," Angie moaned nauseously.
Milo sat next to Angie looking passionately at her. "You have the prettiest... eyebrows..."
Angie scratched her head. "Uh, thanks?"
Chastity pulled at Milo's shirt. "Milo, can I see you for a second?"
Milo stood up. "Sure."
The two walked off secluded from the teams.
"Whatcha wanna talk about, Chast?" Milo questioned.
"If you're going to be alli- er, working together with me, you can't talk to Angie," Chastity stated. "For all we know, she could be plotting against you."
Milo turned to Angie playfully grabbing for a butterfly.
Milo looked puzzled. "She seems harmless to me."
"Looks can be deceiving Milo," Chastity put a hand on his shoulder. "Would I lie to someone as good looking as you?"
"I guess not... m'am..." Milo said awkwardly.
Chastity smiled. "Good boy."
Confessional, Chastity: Milo is just like every other boy, he looks for looks. He'll do anything for me, as long as my looks please him.
The camera panned to the Killer Corpses' table.
Kasumi was seen playing with her food, as Alexandria looked on in disgust.
"That food is so not legit!" Alexandria blurted, followed with a glare by Maverick.
The camera showed Raye and Steve having a conversation.
Steve began continuing a story. "... And so that's when my dad sent me off to boy scouts, I never went to the bathroom again..."
Raye put her hand on Steve's shoulder. "You poor thing."
Maverick became annoyed.
Confessional, Maverick: How could anyone not be annoyed by this? It's like they're purposely trying to make me jealous.
Ann came into the mess hall, noticeably tired.
"Where have you been?" Chelsea snobbishly asked. "And where's your imaginary friend?"
Ann yawned. "Alice was snoring all night, I couldn't get any sleep."
Chris then walked into the mess hall, and shoved Ann aside. "Good morning, everyone! Sleep well?"
"Your sarcasm becomes quite obnoxious," Joshua stated.
Chris scowled. "If you don't appreciate my sarcasm, I don't appreciate you. Well, I never did, anyways."
"Ooh, ooh, I have a challenge idea!", Daniel exclaimed.
"I'm not risking my job by having the whole war zone set on fire," Chris responded.
Daniel sadly put his head down. "Aw..."
Chris then continued. "Today's challenge is simple. A few dozen years ago, a bunker was put underground for emergencies like tornadoes, but unfortunately, the ol' bunker was never used. So Chef and I decided to include it in today's challenge!"
"Underground? For several hours? Without supervision?" Jack questioned.
"Yup," Chris answered. "The reason why that bunker was never used was because most people thought that the tight space and time spent down there would cause them to go crazy, so I'm interested in seeing how you will deal with it. Whoever lasts the longest in the bunker without forfeiting wins the challenge for their team and is immune from elimination tonight. Oh yeah, and each team be supplied with one survival kit, containing TV dinners and juice pouches. I'll be waiting at the tunnel outside."
Confessional, Milo: As a trained member of S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S., I believe my skills will work well in this challenge. For instance, I slept in a car for thirty-two days, and I had no problem! Well, that was voluntary, but my point still stands.
Chris stood by the tunnel leading into the underground bunker. "Everybody in, unless you wanna forfeit now, which I wouldn't be surprised with."
Confessional, Kasumi: I've been waiting for a challenge like this all season! Well, two episodes, but I know I can last! I'm perfect for this challenge! Wooo!
Kasumi was shown inside the bunker with a horrified look on her face. "How am I supposed to live this way?! I can't take this anymore!!! Gah!" Kasumi busted through the bunker door and up the tunnel.
Maverick looked at his watch. "We've only be down here for three minutes..."
As time passed, the contestants' expressions became notably dull.
"We could play a game!", Haley happily proclaimed.
"Or we could not," Chelsea said from across the bunker.
Haley frowned. "No really, this is a fun one. I pick a letter and you have to make a sentence starting with that letter!"
"How about 'S', for how much I'd like to strangle you?" Chelsea snapped.
Haley looked puzzled. "That doesn't start with 'S'."
Confessional, Milo: I figured that if I'm gonna be in this challenge, I can't just sit around and do nothing. I think I may have to do some sabotaging.
Milo looked around as he rolled a circular device in the middle of the bunker.
Joshua looked down at the device. "What on Earth is that?"
Smoke then began to emit from the device.
Milo acted surprised. "Oh, no, somebody besides me must have dropped a smoke bomb!"
Daniel became excited. "Is there a fire?!"
"Well, I think some of you are getting ready to for-" Milo began to cough uncontrollably. "Can't... breathe... gotta..." Milo began to cough again and walked out of the bunker and up the tunnel, where Chris waited above.
Chris laughed. "You tried to sabotage the others and ended up forfeiting? Oh, the irony."
Confessional, Milo: I might have sacrificed myself, but I think chicks dig it when you do stuff like that. Soon enough, Angie will be all over me! Just don't tell Chastity.
Alexandria began dusting the bunker. "This smoke is doing a number on these walls, I'm going to have to do some serious work around here."
Confessional, Maverick: Did this guy seriously come straight from Lifetime television?
Joshua's stomach rumbled. "I sure am becoming ravenous, I suppose this would be a good time to consume the TV dinners Chris left for us."
Chastity opened the survival kit to reveal TV dinners filled with mashed potatoes, corn off the cob, and chocolate pudding. "The expiration date is from July 8, 2007..."
Angie poked at the mashed potatoes with her fork, as the mashed potatoes began to pop. "I can't eat this, I need real food! I know, I'll go to the mess hall to find food!"
"Wait, Angie, no!" Chastity shouted, but Angie already exited the bunker.
Confessional, Chastity: Our team is hopeless.
Angie poked her head out of the tunnel.
"Looks like you're out, Angie, but at least you can hang out with double-o failure," Chris said.
Angie looked down sadly as an eager Milo waved to her.
The camera panned back to the bunker, as Ann began sweating.
"Alice, please stay calm!", she shouted. "Alice, it's fine, nobody is going to eat you! Alice wait!"
Ann ran out of the bunker and up the tunnel.
Confessional, Raye: Does somebody want to tell me what just happened?
Chelsea sat closing her eyes.
Confessional, Chelsea: I can handle these stupid challenges. I can stay calm for as long as I want. Next time, Chris, try to come up with something more original.
A spider crawled onto Chelsea's leg. Chelsea opened her eyes and began screaming. "This place is disgusting! Forget you guys, have fun dying here yourselves!" Chelsea exited the bunker.
Joshua scoffed. "Such an ignorant soul, bothered by such an ignorant creature. Luckily I won't be going anytime soon."
Alexandria began the vacuum the bunker.
"Where... how... where did you even get a vacuum?!", Raye questioned.
"I always carry my dustbuster just in case!", Alexandria exclaimed.
"In case... of what?", Maverick asked.
"An emergency like this one!", Alexandria happily said.
"Can I borrow that when you're done?", Jack said with a stern look.
Joshua began to whistle as he looked down at his hands, covered with dirt. Joshua tried to wipe off the dirt, but it remained on his hands. He began to sweat as he looked down at his pants and noticed that they were also dirty. Joshua bit his lip and began to become even more nervous. He then began to talk to himself. "Relax, Joshua, it is only dirt."
Haley, covered with dirt on her clothes, leaned close to Joshua, "Hey, Josh, what's up, buddy?"
Joshua then stood up. "I have to part for urgent reasons." Joshua awkwardly walked off.
Confessional, Joshua: (Joshua is seen washing his hands with soap) Oh, that back there? Oh, that was nothing of importance... Heh, heh...
Daniel began to ignite a lighter.
Confessional, Daniel: I figure if I'm going to be down here for a while, I might as well have a little pyro-party!
Chastity, falling asleep, hears a scream, and looks up at Daniel, completely on fire. "What the...?!"
"Too much gasoline!!!", Daniel ran out of the bunker, screaming.
Confessional, Chastity: I really need to get new teammates.
Raye and Steve were seen talking to each other.
"I just feel like nobody really listens to me that much," Steve stated.
"Oh, come on, don't be such a dork, you know I listen to you," Raye said, playfully punching Steve.
Maverick looked over at the two in disgust. "Get a room."
Raye looked at Maverick with a confused glare.
Arthur began writing on a notepad next to Chastity. "Subject seems to be completely drowsy, as shown by her tired outlook."
Chastity glared. "Buzz off." Chastity shoved Arthur.
Arthur stood back up. "Just let me finish my full description of your figure!"
Chastity tripped Arthur as he fell on top of her, knocking her wig half off her head.
"Wha...?", Arthur asked scratching his head.
Chastity adjusted the wig, and began walking off. "Nothing, that was just... uh... I gotta go... brush my teeth." Chastity exited the bunker.
Arthur gave a confused look and began writing on his notepad.
As Raye and Steve continued talking, Maverick became even more disgusted.
Alexandria approached Maverick. "Could you just move a smidge?"
"No," Maverick snapped. "Go clean somewhere else."
Alexandria gasped. "But it will only take a freckle."
Maverick stood up. "I'm sick and tired of you and your stupid cleaning. Nobody on this team likes your cleaning and I'm right there with them. Why don't you go home and clean with your other gal pals?"
Alexandria began to quiver. "I refuse to listen to this anymore!" Alexandria walked off sobbing.
Raye stood still. "Sheesh, what was that all about?"
Maverick turned angrily to Raye. "This might be the first time you aren't clinging to Steve all season. I'm out of here." Maverick exited the bunker.
Raye chased after Maverick. "Maverick, stop!"
Steve looked around. "Awkward."
The camera cutaway to Raye and Maverick outside of the bunker.
"Why are you doing this?" Raye asked.
"Because you treat Steve like he's a god and you barely bat an eye at me," Maverick snapped back.
Raye folded her arms. "Oh, quit acting like such a baby. And last time I checked, we weren't in a relationship."
Maverick hesitated. "Whatever, have fun trying to find a personality in that guy."
Maverick walked off as Raye scratched her head.
Confessional, Raye: What was that all about? Are Maverick and I dating or something?
The camera cutaway to inside of the bunker. Jack looked around suspiciously.
Confessional, Jack: My team can't get rid of me so soon, I still have some fun planned. So I gotta make sure I last before all the rest.
Jack walked over to Arthur. "Arthur," Jack said. "I heard there was a plane crash on the war zone."
Arthur looked up enthusiastically. "This will make for a perfect news story!"
Arthur ran out of the bunker and up the tunnel. He looked around suspiciously. "Who... What... Where?
Chris looked down disappointed. "Are you really that stupid?"
The camera panned back to the bunker.
"Looks like we're only left with three," Jack stated.
Haley hugged Jack. "We could play truth or dare to keep us calm! Truth or dare? Choose truth, I have a juicy question!"
Jack pushed Haley off. "And with that, I forfeit."
Jack exited the bunker and tunnel.
Haley turned to Steve. "I guess it's just us, then!"
Steve looked down sadly.
Confessional, Steve: I know I could easily stay calm, but I think I might be starting to like Raye. I mean, I guess it would be a better move to comfort her then win a challenge, we could do that anytime.
"I forfeit," Steve declared, as he walked out of the bunker.
"Wait, I win?", Haley asked. "I win, I win, I win!"
Haley excitedly exited the bunker and out the tunnel.
"And so the Screaming Survivors win!" Chris declared.
Chastity put on a fake happy tone and hugged Haley. "I knew you could do it!"
Haley began hugging Chastity so hard that she choked her. "Friends till the end!"
Steve walked up to Raye.
"What happened?" Raye asked.
"I guess I just lost my cool, but it's no biggie, at least I get to be with you," Steve said as Raye shot a warm smile back.
Chris walked over to the Killer Corpses. "Corpses, it's time for your first elimination ceremony. I'll be waiting in the emergency hut."
The camera cut to the elimination ceremony, as Chris stood with a satisfied grin. "Who wants a tasty, expired treat? All of you, that is. If you don't get one, you're going to have to go to our somewhat dangerous Launch of Shame, where you'll be launched the heck out of here! Now, the first survival kit was supposed to go to Maverick, but since he didn't show up, it goes to Raye."
Raye caught the survival kit in her hands, looking guilty for Maverick's absence.
Chris pulled out three more kits. "Kasumi, Steve, and Arthur, you're all safe as well."
All three caught their survival kits, as Kasumi began to eat the food inside.
"Chelsea is safe as well," Chris said, tossing Chelsea a kit.
Chris became solemn. "Ann and Alexandria, this is the final kit of the night."
Ann began to sweat as Alexandria twiddled his thumbs.
Chris continued. "The final kit of the night goes to..."
Ann covered her eyes and Alexandria continued twiddling his thumbs.
"... Ann!", Chris exclaimed.
Ann gave a breath of relief as she caught her kit.
"What?!?!", Alexandria shouted.
"This isn't Extreme Makeover: Total Drama Edition," Raye explained. "If you're going to be here, you're going to have to actually compete."
Alexandria looked down sadly.
Chris walked over to him. "Alexandria, it's time for the launch."
The camera cutaway to Alexandria tied to the rocket as Chris held a button in his hand.
"Any final words?", Chris asked.
"Totes!", Alexandria proclaimed. "Like, I have to tell my te-"
"Too late!", Chris pushed the button, launching Alexandria and the rocket into an unknown area.
Chris turned to the camera. "And so episode three is a wrap. Two down, fourteen to go! What dramatic twists will come in next episode? And will I ever give Chef his cheque?" Chris winked. "Find out next episode on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!"
The screen faded to black.
Chapter 4: Snow Where to Run
The screen faded in on Chris McLean. "Last time on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge, things got hectic in our underground bunker. While some ended up freaking out, I.E., Kasumi, others managed to restrain themselves. Once again, Raye and Steve were seen flirting, making Maverick more peeved by the second. Chelsea wasn't the only one bugging out, as Joshua showed us a first glimpse of his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I expected just as much, I mean, nobody can be perfect, unless you're talking about moi." Chris looked up at the camera and smiled as a sparkle showed in his teeth. "With all the heat Maverick was getting, he snapped at Alexandria for his continuous feminine antics. Due to Haley's ability to be close to everyone, she managed to outlast all the rest since she's completely obsessed with being around others. The Killer Survivors faced their first elimination ceremony, where Alexandria was eliminated for his girlish behavior and took the Launch of Shame that night. With two down, there's still fourteen left. Stay tuned for more twists, turns, and eternal burns, right here, right now, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!"
The screen faded in on the mess hall, showing the Killer Corpses' table.
The teammates sat in silence as Kasumi poked at her eggs. She then slid over to Raye a started a conversation.
"So..." Kasumi started, "Maverick and Steve? Which one do you want to be your hubby?"
Raye spit out her juice as Steve and Maverick looked up anxiously.
"Well?", Maverick asked.
Raye bit her lower lip. "Uhhh... so I hear the anime channel comes on in Chris' trailer."
Kasumi's eyes lit up and she sprinted right through a nearby door.
Confessional, Raye: Things are too confusing right now. I mean, I like Maverick and all, but he's too overprotective. I don't want to be with someone who gives me a dirty look every time I glance at a guy. And Steve has so much depth behind his life... but there's just no spark when I'm around him. Why is it that it's so easy to see into other's futures when I can't even see into my own?
Arthur began scratching his head.
"Don't you have a novel to write?" Maverick said mockingly.
Arthur looked up. "I saw something... odd." Arthur turned his head to the Screaming Survivors' table, where Chastity was looking at him with contempt. Arthur quickly turned his head back.
"It's called the sun," Chelsea explained. "It's what you see when you actually go outside."
Arthur looked down solemnly.
Confessional, Arthur: I'd tell my teammates about Chastity, but she scares me, man. It's like every contestant is just a bunch of bunnies, while she's the wolf that rips us to shreds.
Confessional, Chastity: Arthur is fully aware of my secret, so I want to make sure he's the next to go. If not him, Ann. The girl talks to herself 24/7.
Haley put her arms around Jack and Angie.
"Hey, maybe if I'm lucky, I'll win another challenge!", Haley exclaimed. "As long as I have my pals!"
Jack swatted away Haley's hand. "Every time you touch me, my skin burns a little."
Haley frowned and then looked to Angie. "At least I still have you, Ang!" Haley began hugging Angie's neck.
Angie began to choke. "Haley... Can't... Move... Breath..."
Milo then stood up. "Stop, you're hurting her!"
Haley looked at the suffocating Angie and released her.
"Guess she couldn't handle my lock of love," Haley said.
Milo then helped Angie off the floor.
"You're lucky I have a way with words, or you would've never got out of that hug," Milo said proudly.
"Yeah, thanks, uh..." Angie started, forgetting Milo's name.
Milo began to finish for her. "It's-"
"No, no," Angie cut off Milo. "I know it... Seth?"
Milo sighed and walked off.
Chastity sat next to Joshua at the table.
"So, if I touch you, are you going to run off like last time?" Chastity said, mocking Joshua.
Joshua turned to her angrily. "Don't you have an eating disorder you need to attend to?"
Chastity bunched up her face. "Just the thought of throw up makes you cringe, doesn't it?"
Joshua glared and walked off.
Confessional, Joshua: Never in my life have I met someone as annoying, belligerent, trampy, ill-willed, and ignorant as Chastity. Yet, I feel as though the team needs her.
Chris then entered the mess hall riding skis and wearing a ski uniform.
Raye slapped her palm in her face. "I'm not even going to ask this time."
Chris took his face mask off. "Morning, everyone! Who's ready for a cool challenge? Icy your enthusiasm."
Chastity groaned. "Is there anyway we can just eliminate ourselves now?"
"If your willing to launch yourself, but just saying, the parachutes have a tendency of not deploying," Chris stated.
Chastity looked nauseous. "I guess I'll stick around, then."
Chris let out a laugh. "Good, because the challenge today won't be an easy one."
Confessional, Milo: I have plenty of gadgets that will get me through this challenge. Like this button." Milo pulls out a button from his pocket. "When I press it, it makes a fart noise." Milo presses the button, as a fart noise emits from the button. "How will this help me in the challenge? Well, it won't really at all. I just think it's really funny. (Milo continues pressing the button as he laughs to himself)
Chris walks outside as the contestants follow behind. A large hill, including a section of the war zone is completely covered in snow.
Steve began to shiver. "H-How did you manage to p-pull that off?"
"Easy," Chris explained. "I just used the air conditioners I was going to set up in Corpses' shelter. Then, I used all the ice from the Mess Hall and used the snow cone maker I got for my birthday from Chef. Well, actually, Chef got it for his birthday and I stole it from him, but it's not like he cares that much for snow cones."
The camera cutaway to Chef inside the mess hall, looking at the snow cone box as he began sobbing.
Chris continued his explanation. "So yeah, all this snow is what you get when you putt 51,874 ice cubes in a snow cone machine. At least I'm preventing global warming."
"Do you even know what global warming is?", Raye questioned.
"Something about using the forest as your toilet," Chris responded. "I don't know, ever since those tree-huggers started living in my backyard, I've stopped caring about nature. So that's why I made my winter wonderland!"
"Can't we get on with this?", Daniel asked. "My pyrotechnics are freezing over here."
"Alright, then," Chris started. "There will be two challenges today, along with a tiebreaker prepared just in case. The first challenge is to build a snow fort for your team. The most impressive fort wins."
"That's it?" Joshua asked. "I would've thought you would have came up with something more maniacal."
"Always save the best for last, Josh my boy," Chris winked. "Oh yeah, and one more thing before you start. I saw Kasumi in my trailer and I thought it was a burglar, so I might have accidentally tased her with a taser."
"How could there be a burglar in scenic nowhere?!", Raye shouted.
"Who knows? It could have been a super fan of mine trying to steal my hair gel," Chris stated. "Bottom line is, she's temporarily messed up. But I'm sure she can help you out."
An intern wheeled Kasumi in on a dolly, as she looked on with a paralyzed face.
"Finders, keepers!", Chris chanted, as he and the intern left the paralyzed Kasumi with her team.
Milo began to build up his team's fort. "We're going to need something stronger than snow, any suggestions?"
Chastity walked away from her team's section. "I have more important things to deal with now."
"But wait..." Milo grasped for Chastity's attention.
Joshua jumped beside Milo. "Forget her, we need to start building."
"But we can't rely on just snow," Milo declared.
"Well, what else do we have?" Joshua asked.
Milo pulled out his belt with various supplies on it, as his pants felt from his waist. "I have a thermos, a boomerang, and a rope."
"How the devil are those items supposed to help us?" Joshua demanded.
"Well, truthfully, I just carry those things on my belt because it looks cool," Milo explained. "And I just wear the belt to keep my pants up." Milo pulled up his pants and put his belt back on.
"Well, what else can we use?" Joshua pondered.
Daniel shuffled through his flamboyant items. "Well, my stuff is pretty moot in this weather."
"We should make weapons together sometime," Milo said with an enthusiastic smile.
Joshua slapped the back of Milo's head. "Focus!"
Milo rubbed the back of his head angrily. "It's not like the others are doing anything of importance!"
Joshua turned to Angie, who was making a snowman as she giggled. He then turned to Jack, who was carving a sad face with an ice pick.
"Augh!" Joshua blurted.
The Killer Corpses were shown to be struggling as well. Maverick began to build up snow, as it began to collapse. Chelsea walked over and shoved him aside.
"No, no, no," Chelsea said, as she began to build up the snow a different way. "You're supposed to put more weight on the bottom!"
Maverick stood up. "How would you know how to build? Come to think of it, how would you know how to do any physical activity?"
"Because, my daddy owns the 'Abbott Architectural Company', if there's one thing I know, it's how to build," Chelsea affirmed.
Confessional, Maverick: Didn't think I'd ever see the day where Chelsea is actually useful in a challenge.
Chelsea began to build up snow in a circular pattern. "Just let me do this, it needs to be perfect."
Confessional, Raye: I'm all for Chelsea doing the challenge by herself. Heck, Maverick and I have been doing most of the work the past three challenges, I'm glad I have some time to relax.
Chastity approached the Killer Corpses' fort and walked over to Arthur.
Raye looked up. "If you're trying to sabotage us, we can easily roll Kasumi into your fort."
"Who says I'm here to sabotage you?" Chastity snapped back. "I'm here to talk to Arthur. Why don't you come with me?" Chastity held out a hand for Arthur.
"Uhhh, sure," Arthur awkwardly responded.
The two walked off behind the mess hall.
"So...", Arthur started. "The thing I saw last challenge..."
Chastity began to sweat. "Oh, that? That was just a little mind trick. I needed an excuse to quit the challenge, because I wanted you to win."
"What?", Arthur inquired. "But, why would you try to help my team?"
Chastity grinned, and then turned serious. "Well, to tell you the truth, I think I have a crush on you."
"Oh...", Arthur blushed. "But why me?"
"Because you're the only talented person here," Chastity stated. "In fact, the show is holding you back. You're a talented writer, so why are you here when your books can make millions?"
Arthur began to ponder. "Well, I just think I need the money. It's better that I try for the money, just in case my career doesn't kick off."
"I don't think you need to worry about that, Arthur," Chastity lightly kissed him on the cheek. "Just remember that."
Chastity walked off as Arthur stood, jaw dropped.
Confessional, Arthur: ... Score!
Chelsea continued patting down the snow. "We need to build it so it completely covers us in a circle.. And it needs to be at least eight feet tall." Chelsea looked over at her teammates. "Are you even listening to me?!"
"But you told us-" Steve began before getting cut off.
"If you want to win this challenge, then you're going to help me, now!" Chelsea shouted, as her teammates nervously got up to help.
The camera panned back to Milo and Joshua, struggling with their fort.
Milo began to frantically pat down snow, as the sides began collapsing.
Joshua stomped his foot. "We need to build the sides equal with the frame so both will be effectively stronger and then scope out the rear to make it just as effectively strong."
Milo became noticeably angry. "For crying out loud, dude, speak English."
Chastity approached Milo and Joshua. "Look!", she said, "they're way ahead of us!"
"Crap!", Milo shrieked. "We're going to lose!"
"Do you find it necessary to state what's obvious?", Joshua snapped.
"Stop yelling at me!", Milo affirmed, as he kicked the fort, making it collapse even more.
Joshua slapped his forehead. "I'm beginning to question why I was put on this planet."
The members of the Killer Corpses helped each other build, and ended up making a large, circular, eight-foot high fort.
Chris entered the area. "Judging time!"
Chastity began patting down her fort. "Just one more minute."
"No, Chastity, I said judging time was now," Chris stated.
"And I said one more minute," Chastity snapped back.
Chris approached Chastity and grabbed her arms. "Enough is enough, Chastity!", Chris shouted.
Chastity fought back by kicking Chris. "Just one... more... minute!"
Chris took out a walkie-talkie and spoke into it. "Intern four, your assistance is needed!"
An intern approached Chastity with a taser and pulled the trigger, as two cords latched onto Chastity and shocked her with much force.
"Auuuuugh!" Chastity cried, as she fell to the ground.
Chris chuckled. "Man, I could get used to that."
Joshua ran to Chastity and lifted her up.
"Are you alright?" Joshua asked.
Chastity was shown in a dazed and confused state. "Purple is... just like... the best... animal..." Chastity then fell to the ground once again.
Daniel ran over toward Chastity happily. "I know mouth-to-mouth!"
Chris put a hand up to Daniel's lips. "We don't have time for this!", Chris shouted. "Now, if all of you would gladly zip it, we could get on with this challenge."
"Do you really even have to judge?" Chelsea asked. "The Survivors don't even have a fort!"
Chris looked at the Screaming Survivors' fort and then back to the Corpses'. "Good point," he said, "challenge one goes to the Killer Corpses, along with an advantage in challenge two!"
The Killer Corpses celebrated as the Screaming Survivors groaned.
Chris pointed at the camera. "Stay tuned find out who's gonna win the second part of the challenge!"
The screen faded out.
The screen faded in on Chris and the other fourteen contestants on top of a large hill.
"So remind me," Raye started, "what does winter have to do with the apocalypse?"
"I'm glad you asked that Raye," Chris said, as he began to explain. "It's believed that after the apocalypse, the sun will burn out, and most of the world will turn into Christmas every month."
"Then why is it so hot where we sleep and eat?", Steve asked.
"I dunno, carbon dioxide and radiation?" Chris responded. "Anywho, the second part of the challenge is a sled race down this hill. It was this very hill where great grandpappy McLean fought against the Russians. It was that very day where he told my dad, 'son, someday you're going to have a son of your own, and I wanted you to fight for his life, that will make him prouder than any son ever born.'" Chris then wiped a single tear from his eye.
"So, your dad fought in the army?" Milo asked.
Chris looked at him confused. "No, he built scooters. Moving on, since the Killer Corpses won the last challenge, they will only have to ride down half of the mountain."
"Isn't that advantage a little too big?", Angie asked.
"Not exactly, Angie," Chris said.
"What do you mean 'not exactly'?", Maverick requested.
"Halfway through is where most of the trees are, and it gets pretty rocky," Chris explained.
"Then what's the point of having an advantage in the first place?!", Chelsea demanded.
"Hey, you're still getting to skip half of the course," Chris snapped, "but, if you want to start with the Survivors..."
"We'll go halfway," Raye responded.
The camera then showed the Screaming Survivors on their sled at the top of the hill, while the Killer Corpses sat on their sled in the middle of the hill. Arthur sat at the front of his team's sled, while Raye, Ann, Maverick, Chelsea, Steve, and Kasumi sat behind him in that order, though Kasumi was still unconscious and sat with her head laying on her shoulders. Joshua sat on the front of his team's sled, while Chastity, Daniel, Jack, Milo, and Haley sat behind him. Chastity was show to have regained consciousness.
"And, go!" Chris pressed a bull horn, signaling the contestants to start.
Arthur and Joshua leaned their sleds forward, as they started moving down the hill. Arthur seemed to be in deep thought.
"Watch out, Arthur!" Raye shouted, as the sled nearly avoided a tree.
Ann was shown whispering to someone and then turned to Raye. "Alice knows the way to go, try going left, right, and right!"
Maverick rolled his eyes. "You really think I'm going to listen to a figment of your-"
"Left, right! Now right!" Raye shouted, cutting off Maverick, as Arthur moved in that direction.
The Killer Corpses members looked at Ann, puzzled.
Confessional, Ann: Alice and I always take a walk up the hill during night, and since Alice has a photographic memory, it really helped in this challenge. (Ann rubbed her fist on her shirt and then blew on her fist)
"Now, what direction?" Raye asked.
Ann whispered to someone in back of her. "Try right, left, and then right again."
Raye nodded. "You got that, Arthur?"
Arthur looked forward in despondency.
"... Arthur?", Raye poked at him.
Confessional, Arthur: I just couldn't stop thinking about Chastity. But who couldn't? She's hot, man.
The camera panned to the Screaming Survivors' sled.
"Up, up, up!", Milo shouted.
Joshua looked back. "How am I supposed to go up?!"
"I'm just a man!", Milo shouted back.
Joshua began swerving back and forth as something suddenly burst from the ground next to him, as the sled narrowly avoided it.
"What the heck was that?!", Angie blurted out.
"You didn't expect me to waste explosives, right?", Chris shouted down with a grin.
"Don't worry, I can smell when anything flamboyant is nearby," Daniel reassured his team, as a bomb went off inches near the sled.
"Is that why we nearly blew up?!", Chastity shouted back.
The camera panned back to the Killer Corpses, as Arthur struggled to focus.
Ann continued whispering back to someone. "Alice says left, right, right, left!"
Raye poked Arthur. "Are you paying attention now?"
Arthur turned around, confused. "what were you saying?"
"Tree!", Steve shouted, as the sled barely passed the tree. However, Kasumi's head smashed into the tree, causing her to regain consciousness.
Kasumi's eyes lit up. She shook Steve. "Why won't you let me have my baby back?!", Kasumi cluelessly asked.
"Arthur, get a grip!", Maverick shouted, as the sled headed directly towards a tree.
"Huh?", Arthur asked, as the sled collided with the tree and broke apart, leaving the Killer Corpses' members on the ground without any form of transportation.
Arthur nervously laughed as the rest of his teammates glared at him.
The Screaming Survivors' sled continued avoiding bombs.
"The is hopeless!", Joshua explained.
Jack slapped his hand on his forehead as he made his way to the head of the sled.
"What are you doing?", Joshua questioned, as Jack shoved Joshua behind him.
"Just trust me," Jack said, as he headed straight towards a bomb popping out of the ground.
"A homicide won't help us win!", Chastity shouted.
The sled approached the bomb as the Screaming Survivors, excluding Jack, all screamed in horror.
The sled met with the bomb as the explosion launched the sled very far down the hill, only yards from the finish line.
Joshua scratched his head.
Confessional, Joshua: How is it that he's able to do with a psychotic brain what I was not able to do with a brilliant brain?
The Screaming Survivors' passed the finish line.
"And that's a win for the Screaming Survivors!", Chris proclaimed.
The Screaming Survivors cheered as Jack gave a dark, yet satisfied grin.
The Killer Corpses ended up running across the finish line.
"What happened to you guys?", Milo asked.
"We would've gotten here sooner if somebody controlled the sled," Raye said, glaring at Arthur.
"Well, maybe if somebody used her psychic powers to see that I wouldn't be a good enough choice, we wouldn't have crashed in the first place!", Arthur snapped back.
Raye began to angrily walk toward Arthur, as Kasumi restrained her from doing any damage.
"Looks like it's tiebreaker time," Chris declared. "Meet me over at the forts for your third challenge. Hopefully they haven't melted."
The camera cutaway to both teams at their respective snow forts.
"Tiebreaker time!", Chris announced. "The third challenge will be a snowball fight."
"Aren't we a little too mature for this?", Joshua asked.
"Maybe you, Joshua, but I'm not sure about the rest," Chris said. "The winner is determined by whoever's fort is knocked down first."
Chastity looked down at the small, two-foot high square fort that her team made. "Perfect," she said.
"Isn't this a little similar to a challenge in season four?", Haley questioned.
"We're changing it up a bit this time, instead of snow balls, we're having snow covered cannonballs! Just try not to get hit with one, get hit in the stomach and you'll be chucking up your lunch for a week."
"Where's our prize?", Joshua asked.
"Oh right," Chris said, as he presented Chef carrying a cannon. "You will be given a cannon to launch your snow-non balls, while the Killer Corpses have to use their hands. But unfortunately, you're going to have to do a lot of launching to get the Corpses' fort down. Here's a demonstration how to use the cannon."
Chris lit a match and lit the cannon, triggering it to launch a cannonball at Chef's stomach. Chef then covered his mouth nauseously and ran off to the restroom.
"Fun, ain't it?", Chris chuckled.
The teams were stationed at their forts.
"Ready, set, snow!", Chris declared.
Ann lifted up a a cannon ball and quickly dropped it. "It's too heavy!", she shouted.
Kasumi began rolling around the cannonballs, making them build up snow. Raye looked over and smirked. "Everyone do what Kasumi's doing!", Raye exclaimed, as everyone except for Arthur began rolling the cannonballs around.
Chastity looked around. "Where are the matches?"
Chris sat in a beach chair and looked up. "Who said anything about matches? The cannon was the prize, bra."
Chastity glared at Chris, and threw a cannon ball and his crotch. Chris cringed and began to groan.
"I have a lighter!", Daniel said. He took out his lighter and lit the cannon. The cannon produced smoke, but did not launch the cannonball.
"Auuuuugh!", Chastity blurted out, slapping the cannon.
"Enough wasting time, they've discovered a technique," Joshua declared. "The best we can do now is toss them." Joshua tried to lift one up, but ended up dropping it on his foot.
"Come on, guys, we have to work together!", Haley happily said.
Chastity became enraged. "I'm sick and tired of you trying to help. Friendship doesn't win competitions and it certainly won't help you win this one, so if you'll kindly sit down and shut up, we can maybe win."
Haley frowned and walked off.
The camera panned back to the Killer Corpses, who had made their cannonballs larger by building up snow.
"And... roll!" Raye said, as her team rolled their cannonballs toward the Screaming Survivors fort. Three of the cannonballs hit, damaging the front of the fort.
"And, we're done for," Chastity said.
Daniel sat next to Haley. "It sucks nobody appreciates my love for fire," he said, "we could've used my fireworks to break through their fort."
Haley's eyes lit up. "Wait here!" Haley walked over to Chastity.
"What did I tell you?", Chastity said, scowling at Haley.
"But, I have an idea," Haley proudly exclaimed.
"I have another one, go back to where you were sitting," Chastity pointed to Haley's spot.
"Listen you have to-" Haley started.
"Me? You have to-"
"JUST LISTEN TO ME!", Haley shouted, quickly covering her mouth afterward, as her team attentively looked at her.
Confessional, Haley: I didn't want to raise my voice, but hey, it got everyone to listen to me, didn't it?
"Okay, look," Haley said, "we need to use Daniel's fireworks if we're ever going to win this. I don't see any other way."
Chastity looked at Joshua and then back to Haley. "Okay... well... good job?"
Chastity signaled for Daniel. "Daniel, get ready to light up," she said.
Daniel gave a pleased grin and ran back to the Survivors' sleeping area to retrieve the fireworks.
The camera panned back to the Killer Corpses, as Raye looked in the cannonball box, confused. "We only got six cannonballs?!", she exclaimed.
Chris returned, with an ice pack on his groin. "I didn't think it would take more than seven cannonballs to take down the Survivors' fort... ow..."
"Wait, seven?" Raye asked, as she looked over at Arthur, who was sitting on his cannonball, dazed and confused.
Maverick walked up the Arthur and pushed him off the cannonball. "You had a cannonball all this time and didn't use it?!", Maverick shouted.
"Yeah, well, at least I can keep a relationship running!", Arthur shouted back, with Maverick shooting a confused look.
Raye walked up to the two. "Enough, guys, we need to start rolling if we're ever-"
"Woooooooooooooooooo!", Daniel shouted, as he lit the fireworks. The fireworks began sparkling, and then launch directly into the Corpses' fort. The walls began to collapse, as the fireworks continued bursting. When the fireworks ceased to burst, the fort was dissolved.
"My fort!", Chelsea cried, as she began patting snow.
"And that's another win for the Screaming Survivors!", Chris declared, as the Survivors rejoiced.
"I told you arson comes in handy," Daniel reassured his team.
Chris approached the Killer Corpses. "Well, Corpses, it's time for the elimination ceremony. I'll see you there."
Raye walked up to Arthur. "We'll definitely see you there," she said, as the rest of the team walked off.
The camera cutaway to the elimination ceremony.
"Well, it's been an interesting day," Chris said. "With thrills, chills, and betrayals, it's time for you to feast on expired food. But you know how this works, anyone who doesn't get a survival kit takes the Launch of Shame, copyrighted by Total Drama Inc.!"
Arthur nervously looked at his teammates.
Chris lifted up three survival kits. "Survival kits go to Raye, Maverick, and Steve."
All three caught their survival kits.
Chris picked up two more. "Chelsea and Ann are also safe!"
The two caught their kits.
Confessional, Chelsea: Of course I got a kit, I'm the only one who actually did anything today...
Chris held up a final kit and became solemn. "Kasumi and Arthur, this is the final survival kit of the night."
Kasumi played with her hair happily, as Arthur looked up nervously.
Chris lifted up the kit. "And it goes to..."
Arthur crossed his fingers.
"... Kasumi!", Chris tossed the survival kit to Kasumi.
Kasumi happily caught her kit as Arthur stood up angrily. "Ah, forget it. I don't need this show to became famous," he said, "I already know that I'll be a famous writer one day."
Maverick turned to Arthur. "Do you really think girls dig writers?"
"Chastity does," Arthur said confidently, as his team began to laugh. "I'm not kidding, she does!"
Chef then picked up Arthur and took him to the Launch of Shame. As Arthur was tied up, Chris approached the rocket, "any final words?"
Arthur glared. "I've looked over at the dialogue of this show so much that I know you won't let me-"
Chris hit the launch button, as Arthur was launched into the distance.
"Another satisfying ending," Chris chuckled.
Confessional, Chastity: Arthur's the first to fall victim to my looks, and with six guys left, the possibilities are endless.
Chastity smiled as the confessional ended and the screen faded to black.
Chapter 5: Artificial Belligerence
The camera faded in.
“Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!” Chris said. “Things got pretty frosty when the contestants competed in a reverse global warming challenge. Chelsea showed her superior side when she won the first challenge for her team, and it was nice to see that someone besides Raye was doing something, while the Survivors struggled to get off their feet. Chastity once again used her seductive powers against another love hungry soul, meaning Arthur, which caused him to lose focus throughout the challenge. Jack managed to win the second challenge for his team, and while Raye seemed to lead her team to victory in the third challenge, Haley took a stand, and Daniel’s material led his team to yet another victory. The Corpses weren’t so forgiving to Arthur, as he was sent home that night for constantly getting distracted.” Chris sat on a hammock, sipping a juicebox, and interns waved large leaves on him. “Could you go any slower?!”, Chris shouted at the interns, as he noticed the camera was still on. “Uh, who will be going next? What do I have planned for them? And will I fire these interns? Probably, this time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!”
The inside of the Corpses’ shelter was shown. All team members were shown sleeping. Raye was shown sharing a bunk bed with Kasumi, Steve shared one with Maverick, and Ann shared one with Chelsea. Ann began snoring, waking Chelsea. Chelsea angrily kicked the bottom of Ann’s bed, knocking Ann to the floor. Chelsea gave a satisfied smile, as she pulled her sleep mask over her face and fell back to sleep.
The camera panned out from the shelter and over the Survivors’ sleep area. Milo was seen leaning on a rock, as Angie laid farther next to him. Joshua was also lying on the ground, as Chastity used his legs to rest her head on. Daniel was shown holding a firework in his hand, as he sucked his thumb. Jack held a shrunken head under his arm, as Haley, awake, gazed with disgust at it.
The camera cut away to Chris near a P.A. system, as he pulled an airhorn out from his pocket and pushed the button to the P.A. system, as the sound of the airhorn roared throughout the war zone.
Kasumi jumped up from her bunk, hitting the ceiling, then falling asleep again.
Steve groaned as he stood up. “Remind me why I signed up for this show...”
Raye giggled, as she shook Kasumi awake.
The camera cut away to the Survivors, who were all waking up.
Chastity and Joshua’s eyes both opened up as they looked at each other. “Um, ew.” both of them said, as they walked away from each other.
The Corpses exited their shelter and walked toward the Survivors’ sleep area.
“So, you guys ready to lose to us again?” Chastity said with a grin.
“The only reason you guys won last time is because Arthur got distracted, and that won’t happen again,” Maverick said, as he looked over at Kasumi, who was playing with a rock, “pay attention!”, he shouted.
Chef approached the sleep zone with a bucket of eggs. He then tossed one at each contestant. Joshua and Milo caught theirs. “Raw eggs?”, Joshua asked.
Chef approached Joshua and poked him in the chest. “I spent eighty-three days eating raw eggs in the wild, so either you eat those eggs, or I’ll force you to eat them, one end or the other.”
Joshua gasped. “Yes, sir.”
Chef set down the bucket of eggs as the contestants walked toward it.
Kasumi picked an egg up and took a bite out of it. She smiled and began eating several eggs. Jack broke one in his hand and began to laugh.
Chastity picked up an egg, and gagged. Chef looked at her and glared. She nervously took a bite out of it, pretending to enjoy it.
Kasumi walked back to her team with several eggs in her hand.
“How can you even eat eggs like that?”, Maverick asked, disgusted.
Kasumi continued to chew on an egg shell. “How can you watch Steve flirt with Raye like that?”
Maverick bit his lip, “how did you know about that?”
“Pfft, everyone knows about the love triangle between you three,” Kasumi responded, putting her arm around Maverick, “relax, my tomodachi, all you need to do it heed my advice.”
“And why should I take advice from you?”, Maverick questioned.
“Because I’m smarter than you,” Kasumi giggled.
Confessional, Maverick: Might as well listen to her, I’m not helping myself in this situation.
Chris approached the sleep area. “Good morning, my little nightmares! How are the eggs?”
Chastity tossed one at Chris, hitting him in the face.
Chris growled. “Make up!”
Interns approached Chris, wiping his face and blow-drying his hair.
“Julio and Bertram?”, Chelsea looked at the interns, “what are you doing here??”
The interns backed away from Chris.
“Ah yes,” Chris started, “your father, James Abbott, has decided to sponsor our show, which gives us rights to his assets, accessories, butlers, and, my favorite, stylists. The Milton-rights just couldn’t grow on me.”
“I don’t need them anyway,” Chelsea scoffed, “I’m fine on my own.”
Chelsea’s team members looked at her surprised.
Confessional, Chelsea: Ever since last challenge, I realized how well I do in challenges. Watch out Corpses, here comes a brand new Chelsea.
“Now that I’m done with that, let’s talk today’s challenge,” Chris said.
“You’re going to go easy on us this time, right?”, Haley asked.
“No, when do I ever go easy on anyone?”, Chris , “I know how much you enjoyed building forts last challenge, so we’re going to be building again!”
The contestants sighed, however, Chelsea clapped.
An intern wheeled in a dolly holding several boxes.
Chris dumped the boxes over, pouring out several mechanical parts. “Remember these tin cans?”
“The zombies?” Ann asked, as Kasumi growled at one of the robot heads.
“Yup,” Chris said, “today, you’re going to rebuild them into some totally awesome robots!”
“Wait, the robots weren’t that beat up when the challenge was finished,” Maverick stated.
“Oh yeah, about that, I accidentally bulldozed the remaining robots on purpose,” Chris chuckled. “We were going to take apart the Drama Machine, but since former contestant Alejandro is still messed up, we’re using these rusty bots. Now, since I’m generous, I’m giving you a hammer to help you put parts together, but that’s it. The only thing you can do is use your wits, if you have any.”
“Building robots?”, Chastity asked, “I know you and I know you have some sort of twist.”
“Probably, that’s for you to decide,” Chris exclaimed, “get started!”
Joshua picked up a robot head and arm, “I think I’ll be able to created a cyber-”
Milo pushed Joshua out of the way. “We built plenty of spy cameras in S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S. meetings, even though we never used them, we just thought it made us look cool... and it did.”
Daniel approached Milo. “Let’s make it shoot fire from its mouth!” Daniel exclaimed.
“I worship your thoughts,” Milo said.
“Enough!”, Joshua pushed Milo and Daniel out of the way, “if we’re going to do this, we are going to have to do it correct!”
“How about we-” Haley started.
“Oh, what could your benevolent, overly-happy, intolerable mind come up with?” Joshua questioned.
“Well-” Haley started again.
“Exactly,” Joshua said, using a hammer to nail robot parts together.
The camera panned to Chelsea, who was shown building robot pieces together.
“Wait, I have a piece that could go on the bottom,” Steve said.
Chelsea pushed him away. “No, I’ve realized that the team needs me for this challenge, so I’ll be doing everything by myself.”
Raye looked over at Chelsea, shrugged, and then dropped the part. She then looked over at Ann, who was talking to someone behind a rock.
Confessional, Raye: I know Ann may be weird, but she’s actually more normal than most of the people here. I figure she might as well make at least one friend on the show.
Raye approached Ann. “Hi, Ann.”
Ann looked up at Raye. “Oh, hey Raye.”
“Why don’t you come hang out with the team?”, Raye suggested, “you might have some fun.”
Ann pondered. “Can I bring Alice with me?”
“Why don’t you try this without Alice? You might learn that things are better with other people,” Raye stated.
“Well, alright...” Ann reluctantly walked with Raye.
Confessional, Ann: Alice has been my only friend all my life... maybe it’s time to make new ones.
Ann approached Chelsea, “do you need some help?”
Chelsea glared at Ann, “no, just go play with your imaginary friend.”
Confessional, Ann: Remind me to cross Chelsea off my friends list.
Maverick looked over at Raye, nervously. Kasumi put her hand on Maverick’s shoulder. “Go to her,” she said, wiping her eyes, “they grow up so fast...”
Maverick approached Raye. “Hey,” he said awkwardly.
“Oh, hi...”, Raye remarked.
Maverick scratched the back of his head. “I just want to say I’m sorry for the way I acted the past few days... and stuff...”
“Why were you being so overprotective?” Raye inquired.
“I guess I just like you a lot and don’t want you falling into the wrong... arms... and stuff,” Maverick said.
Raye giggled. “You need to learn how to speak before you can apologize.
Maverick smiled as the two sat on a bench, while Steve looked over them jealously.
Confessional, Steve: Does Raye like Maverick? I mean, I know she did at first, but I thought we were really getting to know each other... and... well... I think I love her. (Steve looked up in awe, realizing what he said)
The camera panned back to the Survivors. Joshua was shown to be intrigued with building the robot. Milo and Daniel were seen rubbing Chastity’s shoulders and feet respectively, as the two glared Joshua down.
“Little easier on the feet, Daniel,” Chastity said, “stay away from the straps, Milo.”
“Can you believe he thinks his robot is better than ours?” Daniel affirmed.
“I know, we could do way better than him,” Milo answered.
The two looked at each other. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”, both said, as they confidently walked off.
“Wait!”, Chastity shouted, “who’s going to massage me?!” Chastity looked up at Jack, who was sitting alone on a rock.
“Forget it,” Jack said.
Chastity approached him, “come on, Jack, we both have our... plans... even though mine doesn’t include murder.”
Jack sat unresponsive.
Chastity put her hands on Jack’s shoulders. “I think that if we combine our brains, we could get somewhere in this competition. Don’t you think?”
Jack still sat unresponsive, as Chastity began walking away.
Jack turned around. “Chastity...”
Chastity looked at Jack.
“Don’t screw me over, Chastity,” Jack said firmly. “Don’t you ever try to screw me over.”
Chastity gave a deep grin and walked off.
Confessional, Chastity: I’m not going to betray Jack, only because I’m not trying to die before I’m 20. I'll keep him till he’s useless and then use others to eliminate him.
Confessional, Jack: You know, I’ve been offered deals before. Like this one time, my dad brought me a cat for my birthday. Boy, did I love that cat. But one day, I broke a window in my house. And so my dad looked at the cat with dark, malicious eyes and he slowly-
The camera went fuzzy as Chris was seen in the screen room. “For your own good, I’m not going to air the rest of that.”
The camera cut away to Chelsea, ordering her team around. “I need an arm, now, and two pieces of metal.”
Steve brought up an arm and two pieces from the robot.
“The metal is too rusty and won’t work,” Chelsea pouted, “go get me another piece, now!”
Joshua laughed loudly.
“What are you laughing at?”, Chelsea growled.
Joshua ceased to laugh. “You really think your team’s robot will be able to beat mine? Mine has an eight gigabyte memory and has seven different languages processors built in.”
Chelsea stomped her foot. “Well, mine could do all those things, if my teammates actually tried to help me!”
“But we-” Ann started.
“Don’t just stand there, move, move, move!”, Chelsea shouted and her teammates scurried to get items.
Joshua continued hammering his robot together, as Angie handed him parts.
“Angie, hand me my water bottle,” Joshua signaled for Angie.
Angie reached for the water bottle and handed it to Joshua. Joshua tried to take a sip, but nothing came out. He unscrewed the cap and turned the bottle over, and saw that it was empty. He glared at Angie, who showed a large, embarrassed grin.
The camera panned to the Corpses, who were rushing to receive parts for their robot.
“Faster, faster, faster!”, Chelsea shouted at her teammates.
Chris approached the Corpses’ area. “Five more minutes till you present your robot!”, Chris then walked off.
“We need more time!”, Chelsea complained.
“Maybe we need somebody to get him to give us more time,” Ann suggested.
“But who?”, Chelsea asked. Chelsea looked at Haley, who was sitting on a rock, swinging her feet back and forth.
Chelsea approached Haley.
“Haley, how’s it going, friend?”, Chelsea embraced Haley.
“You wanna be friends with me, even though I’m on the other team?”, Haley asked.
“Of course, but I need you to do something for me,” Chelsea said, whispering something into Haley’s ear.
Haley approached Chris. “Heeey, Chris!”, she said happily.
Chris reached into his wallet, “I will give you eight dollars to leave me alone.”
“Can you give us twenty more minutes?”, Haley asked. “Please, please, please, please!”
“No!”, Chris shouted, “I already gave you three hours to work, that’s enough time.”
Haley continued to ramble. “Please, please, please, please, please, please!”
“Stop it!”, Chris covered his ears.
Haley began to talk louder. “Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, plea-”
“SHUT IT!”, Chris screamed. “Just for that, judging will be now!”
Chris began to mercilessly kick a rock in anger.
“Awww, man,” Haley groaned, as Chelsea approached her. “We can still be friends, ri-”
“No,” Chelsea said, flipping her hair, as Haley looked down sadly.
“Who’s gonna be my BFF now?”, Haley looked at a worried Angie. As Haley walked toward her, Angie ran away screaming.
Confessional, Chelsea: Was worth a try.
Chris walked over to the Screaming Survivors’ area, with a bandage around his foot.
“What happened to your-” Chastity was cut off by Chris, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
Joshua stood smiling with confidence, as his robot stood under a curtain.
“I’m guessing the robot’s under there.”, Chris stated.
Before Joshua could speak, Milo spoke from a distance. “Nope!”
“What?!”, Joshua exclaimed, looking shocked at what he saw when he turned around.
Daniel cleared his throat. “We proudly present the Danlo-bot 3000!”
Chris looked around, but saw nothing, “uhh....”
“Look down, dude,” Milo said.
Chris looked down to see a small, two foot tall robot, with stubby legs, a large, square body, lego-like arms, painted, yet kind looking eyes, a wide smile, and a wick from a firework sticking out from it’s head.
“Greeting, Chris MuLoin,” the Danlo-bot said.
Milo laughed. “It still has a few quirks in speaking.”
Chris looked down at the robot. “I guess it’s kind of amusing.”
The Danlo-bot approached Chris. “Chris, you are so handsome that it makes me want to fall right over for you on here.”
Chris scratched his head. “I’m guessing it’s sucking up, and even though it kinda failed, I’ll take it, points for the Screaming Survivors.”
Daniel and Milo high-fived each other.
“Ahem,” Joshua said under his breath, as Milo and Daniel nervously looked at him, “what kind of self-absorbed, egocentric, hebetudinous, doltish thoughts were running through your thick-headed minds when you decided to defy my plans?”
Daniel shrugged. “Yours was boring and lame while ours is cool.”
Milo laughed as Joshua rolled up his sleeves, prepared to punch Daniel, while Haley held him back.
Angie held Milo’s arm. “I think your robot is totally fab!”
Milo blushed, “uhhhhh, thanks for that... girl...”
Confessional, Milo: (Milo is seen reading a book called ‘10 Easy Steps To Picking Up Girls’; Milo looked up to notice the camera) “This is my private time, get out!”
Chris walked over to the Killer Corpses’ side. “Alright, Corpses, let’s see what you got!”
Chelsea walked over to her robot, which was also covered by a curtain. “Ladies and gentlemen, I present...” Chelsea pulled the curtain off, revealing a four foot tall robot that looked identical to herself, with red glowing eyes, a painted smile, while it wore her clothes, and wore a long, brown wig. “Meet Chelsea 2.0!”, Chelsea said.
The other Corpses groaned.
Chris examined the robot. “Is it as annoying as you are?”
Chelsea stuck her tongue out. “It has all the smart, tough, and adorable instincts that I have.”
“Can it talk?” Chris asked.
“Yes, but since I didn’t have any room to store any memory, I installed a voicebox, so all you have to do is type words into a machine and it will say it,” Chelsea explained.
“I never shut up,” the Chelsea 2.0 said, “I’m just like Chelsea except I’m not as obnoxious.”
Chelsea looked at Maverick, who was controlling the typing machine, as she angrily grabbed it out of his hands.
“Where’d you get that wig?”, Raye asked.
“Oh, that, I found it with the Survivors’ stuff,” Chelsea responded, as Chastity whistled.
Chris examined it once more. “While it’s kind of boring, it is impressive, so I’ll give you points on that.”
“So who wins?”, Raye asked.
“Oh, right,” Chris started, “this wasn’t the challenge.”
“WHAT?!”, all contestants said in harmony.
“Then what was the point of building robots?!”, Chastity bursted out.
“Because now, you’re going to have them fight to the death!”, Chris exclaimed.
“But Chelsea 2.0 isn’t meant to fight!”, Chelsea shouted.
“Your loss,” Chris said, “meet me by the arena in ten minutes.”
“What arena?”, Milo asked.
“The area I painted white so me and Chef could play hockey, but I guess it could apply for battles, too,” Chris explained, as he walked off.
“Great, now what?” Joshua shouted.
“Don’t worry, Joshua,” Milo said.
“Our robot is prepared to fight,” Daniel assured.
“It better be,” Joshua walked off angrily.
The camera panned over to the Corpses, who were sitting in silence.
“Raye-Raye, how are we going to win if our robot can’t fight?”, Kasumi shook Raye.
Raye thought to herself. “Wait, Chelsea, you said the robot is programmed to act like you, right?”
Chelsea cleaned her robot, “yeah, so?”
“Well, have you ever gotten into a fight before?”, Raye asked.
Chelsea thought for a second. “There was this one time in the mall when a girl took the pair of earrings I wan-”
“We’re ready,” Raye said confidently.
Chris approached the camera. “Will the Survivors tiny robot win, or will it be pummeled by the tough and tall Chelsea 2.0? Find out when we come back.”
The camera faded in, as both teams were on the arena, getting ready to battle. Chelsea held a controller to work the robot, while Milo did as well.
Chelsea handed the typing machine to Kasumi. “I’m trusting you to not abuse this,” she said. Kasumi saluted Chelsea as she walked off.
Chris walked to the center of the arena. “I want a good, clean match, everyone.”
Chelsea, Milo, and Daniel looked at him oddly, as he laughed.
“I’m just kidding,” Chris laughed again, “whenever one team’s robot is unable to battle, the other team is declared the winner. Oh yeah, and watch out for explosives.”
Chelsea rolled her eyes. “You just had to add that, didn’t you?”
“Of course,” Chris reassured her, “now, let’s get ready to rumble!”
Milo and Chelsea shot glares at each other as they began to make force the robots toward each other.
“Ready, Milo?”, Daniel said, as Milo nodded.
Milo pressed a button, launching a flame out of the Danlo-bot’s mouth, hitting the Chelsea 2.0 on the frame.
“What the...?”, Chelsea said as her jaw dropped.
Daniel turned to Joshua, “told you we had it under control.”
Joshua frowned, but then quickly smiled again.
“You think your robot is so great, eh?”, Chelsea questioned Milo, “well, let’s see how your robot fares.”
Chelsea jammed forward on the lever, as the Chelsea 2.0 ran toward the Danlo-bot. When the Chelsea 2.0 was in front of the Danlo-bot, the Chelsea 2.0 punted the Danlo-bot five feet in the air.
Haley and Angie gasped.
“No problemo,” Milo stated, as he pressed another button. Fireworks shot out of the Danlo-bot’s hands and hit the Chelsea 2.0, making in fall backwards and shatter part of the head.”
“Augh!”, Chelsea shouted.
“Asdsfdjfjjngjmejnf,” the Chelsea 2.0 mumbled, as Chelsea turned to Kasumi, who rolled around on the typing machine.
“My whole team is a hopeless wreck!”, Chelsea screamed.
“Oh, give me that!”, Maverick demanded, pulling the device out of Chelsea’s hands.
“You know what?”, Chelsea asked, “I’m sick of this team trying to be better than me. I’m the only one who can handle it. I’m the only one who knows what to do. I’m the only one capable of doing such a task. And I’m-”
Ann punched Chelsea in the face, causing her to fall to the ground and pass out.
The Corpses looked on in despondency at Ann.
Raye approached Ann, “I think you just made a lot of new friends.”
Ann grinned widely.
“Alright, guys, let’s kick some ro-butt,” Maverick said, as his other teammates groaned. “You know, like robot except-”
Raye put her hand in his, “just control the machine.” They both smiled at each other, as Steve shook his head.
Rain began to fall from the dark clouds in the sky.
“Well, that’s not going to help us,” Milo said.
“More fire! More fire! More fire!”, Daniel chanted.
Milo smacked Daniel upside the head. “Pull yourself together, man! We can’t rely on fire in this weather!”
“Then what?”, Joshua looked around, and then turned to Jack, who was carving his face into a rock with a large machete.
Milo smiled, as he brought the Danlo-bot back to him, and put the machete in his hand.
“Make us proud, Danlo-bot,” Daniel patted the robot on the head.
“I have time to perfect you my heart,” the Danlo-bot said.
Milo looked down at the robot, confused. “.... Yeah.”
The two robots stood several yards from each other. Maverick pushed the lever upward, making the Chelsea 2.0 run towards the Danlo-bot. As the Chelsea 2.0 came close to the Danlo-bot, the Danlo-bot swung the machete at the Chelsea 2.0, chopping off one of its legs.
“Point for us!”, Milo said, as her once again high-fived Daniel.
However, the Chelsea 2.0 used its other leg to stomp on the Danlo-bot’s head, smashing it down a bit.
Milo gasped, but pressed the arm button, causing the Danlo-bot to chop at the Chelsea 2.0’s other leg, but missed. Maverick pressed the arm button, signaling the Chelsea 2.0 to punch the Danlo-bot in the face.
Rain continued pouring down.
“I think it’s time, Milo,” Daniel said.
Milo shook his head. “But all the flames are doused, how are we supposed to light it now?
Daniel pointed to an explosion, pointing out of the ground.
Milo and Daniel nodded at each other as they jammed the lever forward, making the Danlo-bot roll fastly down the arena. When closing in on the explosive, the Danlo-bot turned backwards, and moved slowly toward the explosive. The Danlo-bot lightly touched the explosive, setting it off. The explosive did not harm the Danlo-bot, but ignited the wick coming out of its head.
“Uh oh,” Maverick said under his breath.
The Danlo-bot’s wick went all the way down, as the Danlo-bot turned to the Chelsea 2.0.
“Stuff it, other bot,” the Danlo-bot said, as it launched toward the Chelsea 2.0 at full speed. The Danlo-bot smashed into the Chelsea 2.0’s chest, launched it down the arena, as it sat, unresponsive.
“... Crap,” Raye moaned.
The Chelsea 2.0 struggled to get up, but was still working.
“Let’s finish this off!”, Daniel cheered.
Suddenly, a loud burst was heard from the sky. As everyone looked up, a streak of lightning emitted from the sky and struck the Danlo-bot, causing fireworks to explode everywhere.
Milo and Daniel looked in awe.
“Danlo-bot!”, Milo shouted in terror.
Chris looked down at the Danlo-bot, which was charred and malfunctioning.
“Since the Danlo-bot is pretty much wrecked, the Chelsea 2.0 for the Killer Corpses win!”
The Killer Corpses, excluding an unconscious Chelsea, all cheered.
Daniel and Milo ran to the Danlo-bot.
“Danlo-bot... no...”, Milo said, lifting up the small robot.
The Danlo-bot coughed. “Even... though... I knew you... for... short time...”
The Danlo-bot continued. “... Danlo-bot... will... always... be...”
The Danlo-bot’s body burst, as it was officially destroyed.
Milo and Daniel look down at it in silence.
“Ah, well, we can always build another one,” Milo said, as the two walked off.
“Screaming Survivors, I have good news,” Chris announced. “Tonight, there will be no elimination ceremony.”
The Survivors cheered as the Corpses groaned.
“However, since the Corpses won, they will be eating a five-star dinner, and can keep the robot, if they’d like.
The Chelsea 2.0 stood up, as its parts slowly fell to the ground one by one, leaving it destroyed.
“... or not,” Chris said.
The Corpses cheered, as they walked off to eat their meal, while Kasumi pulled Chelsea by the legs.
“So what are we supposed to eat?”, Chastity asked.
The camera cut away to the Screaming Survivors in their sleep zone at night, with a bucket of eggs.
The Danlo-bot stood on fire, as Milo and Daniel used to the fry their eggs.
Chastity walked to Jack, winked at him, and then walked away.
Confessional, Jack: Chastity amuses me, she really does. If she thinks she’ll backstab me some time in this game, she’s wrong. And maybe not just wrong. Dead wrong.
The camera faded out.
Chapter 6: Doomsday Purposely
The camera faded in on the war zone, where Chris McLean was seen.
“Previously on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge,” he started, “the teams built their own robots to compete with each other in a judging contest. After the events of the winter challenge, Chelsea decided to take lead, making her team more annoyed with her than ever before. While Joshua also decided to take lead for the Survivors, Milo and Daniel went behind his back and made their own robot, which ticked off Joshua, but everyone was even more ticked off when they found out that building the robots wasn’t actually the challenge. I’m just full of surprises, aren’t I? The Danlo-bot 3000 may have looked cool, but it stood no chance to the Chelsea 2.0’s wrath, just like how the actual Chelsea didn’t stand a chance to Ann’s killer uppercut.” Chris held and umbrella in his hand as rain poured down from the sky. “The weather might look bad, but it’s about to get even worse for our contestants. Will Chelsea take leadership once again? Will Angie lose her life to Haley’s hugs? And what is going on with Maverick, Steve, and Raye? All of these questions... probably won’t be answered, on this episode of Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!”
The camera showed the war zone, which was completely flooded with water. Chastity, who was crouched on a rock, rolled over into the water. She sprung up in disgust.
“Where did all this water come from?!”, she shouted.
Angie, who was also crouched on a rock, awoke to the see the water excitedly. “Cannonball!”, she screamed, jumping into the water.
Haley awoke from Angie’s scream. “Yeah, what she said!”, Haley jumped into the water with a large belly flop, splashing water on Chastity. Chastity growled.
Confessional, Chastity: (Chastity twisted her hair, as water poured out) Maybe the challenge today will be to drown each other. In that case, I know who I’m shooting for first.
Confessional, Haley: I’m not sure what I’ve done to Chastity, she just seems hostile towards me. Oh well, I’m sure I can win her friendship in this challenge.
“Auuugh!”, Daniel screamed, “my explosives have been... drowned...” Daniel’s lower lip began to quiver.
Milo put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “I feel your pain, buddy.”
“Ahh!”, Joshua was shown in the water, very tensely, “this water is uncleansed!” Joshua hopped up on a rock and began to rub hand sanitizer between his fingers.
Chastity snickered and then looked back and forth. “Where’s Jack?”
Confessional, Jack: (Jack was shown crouched on the seat, cringing. The waves pushed through the confessional and splashed Jack’s face, smearing his make-up. Jack frustratedly smashed the camera, causing static)
The camera panned over to the Corpses shelter. The water was shown to have reached halfway up the bunk beds. Raye yawned and stretched her arms out, but was horrified when she looked down. “What the heck?!”, Raye exclaimed.
“Mornin’!”, Kasumi said, as she sat on a dresser, fishing.
“Kasumi, how long have you been up?”, Raye asked.
“About two hours,” Kasumi responded.
“Why didn’t you tell us about the water?!”, Raye questioned.
Kasumi shrugged, “nobody asked me.”
Raye groaned as Maverick stood up from his bunk. “Why are you fishing anyway? It’s not like there’s fish in this water,” he stated.
Kasumi felt a tug at her line, “we’ll see about that!”. Kasumi reeled the line up and revealed Steve, as he hook caught on his shirt. Steve was unconscious.
“Holy crap!”, Raye screamed.
“Is he dead?”, Maverick uncaringly said, as Raye glared.
Ann swam over to him and lifted him up onto the top bunk and began hitting his chest. “Breath, Mr. Enigma!”, she said.
“He needs mouth-to-mouth or he’ll choke on the water,” Raye said, leaning in to Steve’s mouth.
Maverick began to sweat as Kasumi frantically tried to think.
“Step aside,” Kasumi said, pushing Raye into the water, as Raye yelped, “this one’s mine!”
Kasumi began to give Steve mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Steve spit water from his mouth and began to cough, “what happened?”
Chelsea spoke afar from her bunk, holding an ice pack to her eye, “you were unconscious, just like how I was when a certain teammate of mine decided to punch me.”
Chelsea put down the ice pack, revealing a big, black eye.
Raye and Maverick laughed, as Ann smiled.
Confessional, Ann: I’m glad I got to make new friends. I mean, I like Alice, but she can’t be my only friend this whole time.
Chris entered the war zone in a helicopter, and flew close to the water. “Good morning! How are we all today?”
Raye opened the shelter’s door, “all of this is from the rain?!”
Chris chuckled, “of course not, the rain was only mild, this is from all the snow in episode four. Chef never cleaned it up like he was supposed to, so it melted all over the war zone. But no worries, it’s just like a swimming pool, except nobody’s using it as their toilet.”
Milo looked around nervously and zipped up his fly.
“So, there’s no challenge today?” Chastity said, beginning to relax.
Chris laughed, “you really think I’m going to waste this opportunity to make a totally awesome challenge?”
“Today, you will all be competing in a series of disaster themed challenges,” Chris announced. “Anybody wanna guess what the first challenge is themed?”
“Heat wave?!”, Milo asked in fear.
Chris slapped his forehead, “you’re a waste of oxygen, Milo.”
Milo shrugged uncaringly.
“Your first challenge will be a tsunami based challenge,” Chris explained.
Angie poked at the water, “shouldn’t the water be, like, really blowy?”
Chris sighed, “give us time to start up the fans. The way the budget’s going, there’s only one way to work electrical machines.”
The camera cutaway to Chef Hatchet, who was shoveling coal into a fire pit.
“So, what, is this a swimming contest or something?”, Maverick asked.
Chris hovered over the Corpses’ shelter. “Glad you asked, Maverick my boy. In the event of a harmful or radio-apocalyptic event, soldiers were told to escape on anything they can find. Any man who couldn’t escape would be left for dead.”
“None of us are going to die, right?”, Haley asked, as Jack snickered through his teeth.
“Hey, if you die, I’m not liable,” Chris affirmed, “y’all signed the waivers, y’all knew what you were doing.”
“I might actually die?!”, Steve exclaimed.
Maverick’s eyes lit up, as Raye angrily nudged him.
“The objective of the challenge is to escape the warzone and enter into the abandoned city North three miles ahead,” Chris explained, “like I said before, to get out of here, use any floating device you’d like.”
“What if we get lost?”, Raye asked.
“Don’t worry about that,” Chris assured. “Since I’m generous, I’m giving both teams a GPS device.” Chris tossed down two GPS devices which both landed in the water, malfunctioning. Chris laughed, “whoops!”
Raye growled, “listen here, you cocky, self-absorbed, fu-” Kasumi held her back before she could continue.
“Have fun!”, Chris cheered, as he flew off in his helicopter.
The waves began to crash against rocks and shook the Corpses’ shelter.
“I could get my dad to lend me his truck!”, Angie suggested.
Milo jumped by her side, “I agree!”
Chastity shot a glare at Milo. “What was that, Milo?”, she asked.
Milo trembled, “uh, nothing important...”
“I could build us something from basic mechanical parts and wood,” Joshua insinuated.
“That sounds pretty cool and all Josh, except it doesn’t,” Chastity said, angering Joshua, “I think Jack should come up with something.”
Chastity put her hand on Jack’s shoulder, as Jack hissed.
“Since when do you care about him?”, Joshua demanded.
“Isn’t this fun?”, Jack said, thriving by the conflict.
“Since when do you care so much about my life?”, Chastity snapped back.
The two growled at each other.
“We’re all friends here, guys!”, Haley said, separating both, “and we need to find a ride out of here!”
“Foooound one!”, Daniel shouted. The Survivors looked up as Daniel landed in the water above a large boulder.
“How did you manage to literally pull that off?”, Joshua questioned.
“I have my ways,” Daniel stated proudly.
Confessional, Chastity: For all of you wondering at home, this is the reason I’m aligned with him.
The Survivors began to float off on the boulder as the Corpses looked on from the roof of their shelter.
“Quick, we need to think of something before they take lead,” Raye said.
Kasumi opened her mouth to say something, but Chelsea shushed her.
“Uh, Raye,” Maverick started, “I think we’ll be fine.”
“Why do you say that?”, Raye asked.
Maverick pointed toward the ground to reveal the shelter became unlatched from the soil and was floating north toward the city.
“That works, too,” Steve said.
The camera panned back to the Survivors, as Daniel gave directions.
“Lean left!”, he demanded.
Every team member, except for Angie, leaned to the left.
“Angie, your other left...”, Daniel said.
Milo butted in, “I’d say she was nearly right.”
Angie giggled, as the other Survivors groaned.
The Corpses’ shelter soon passed the Survivors’ boulder.
Chelsea blew a raspberry at the Survivors, “looks like your team’s not as smart as you think!”
Kasumi then pulled something up from the water. “Look, a jellyfish!” Kasumi began swinging the Jellyfish around before Raye kicked it out of her hands, as it lands on Joshua’s face. The Jellyfish began to sting Joshua.
“Auuuugh!”, Joshua screamed, “release me you freak of nature!”
Joshua leaned hard on the boulder, causing it to tip over as all the Survivors fell into the water.
“Water party!”, Angie rejoiced.
“Perfect, now what?!”, Chastity shouted.
The team members looked at each other for a moment and all began to swim.
Chris waited in the city with Chef, as a large wall stood in front of them.
“... and so that’s why I don’t like having sleepovers,” Chris continued talking to Chef.
Chris and Chef heard a thunk against the wall.
“Let us in!”, Maverick shouted over the wall.
“Looks like we should open the wall and let the Corpses in,” Chris said.
Chef took out a control in one hand and a lever in the other, “you want me to do it the manual way or the Chris way?”
“Let’s go with the Chris way, that one’s more fun,” Chris said with a chuckle.
Chef pressed down on the control as the wall burst. The water entered the city and was so forceful towards the shelter that the shelter was destroyed, as only broken wood remained. The contestants were washed up onto the city.
“Wow, couldn’t even keep your shelter intact?”, Chris asked.
“You blew us up!!!”, Chelsea shouted
“Technically, Chef is the one with the control,” Chris pointed at Chef, as Chef growled.
“Where are the Survivors?”, Steve asked as Chastity approached from behind, noticeably disheveled and soaked.
“I hate this show,” Chastity said, rinsing her hair.
Haley approached Chastity and nudged her, “I know, right?”
Chastity gave a disgusted look, “any particular reason why you’re talking to me?”
“Well, seeing as the Corpses did get here first and the Survivors are lacking a member-” Chris said before getting cut off.
“Wait a moment, who are we missing?”, Joshua asked.
“Jack; he went off to do his make-up a few seconds ago,” Chris said with a grin.
Confessional, Haley: I’m starting to really feel sympathy for Jack. I mean, he might’ve been through a really traumatic experience. He could’ve fallen in the bathtub when he was younger, or something. Maybe all he needs is a friend.
“So, it looks like the Killer Corpses win!”, Chris announced.
The Corpses cheered.
Jack returned to his team.
“Well, look, Bozo returns after causing our team’s demise in the first challenge,” Joshua said.
Jack pulled out a blade, “Bozo, eh? You look like you could use a shave, Joshy boy. Let’s make that disgust on your face turn into a smile.”
Chastity pulled at Jack’s arm. “Remember, we’re on TV,” Chastity whispered nervously, as Jack put the blade away.
“So, who’s ready for challenge numero dos?”, Chris asked.
“It’s going to be harder than the first challenge, isn’t it?”, Steve asked.
“What was your first clue, Einstein?”, Maverick queried back.
Steve gritted his teeth.
Confessional, Steve: I’m sick and tired of Maverick pushing me around. I couldn’t help but get ticked.
Steve shoved Maverick.
“What’s your problem, dude? Just because Raye likes me better doesn’t mean you have to be a sore loser,” Steve said.
Raye bit her bottom lip.
Maverick raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me? Who are you to decide who Raye likes better?”
“For one, at least I’m not a total schmuck, and I actually treat Raye with respect, “ Steve snapped back.
“You trying to make something of it?”, Maverick shoved Steve back.
“So who likes snow globes?!”, Raye said, separating the two.
Chris stood in front of the three. “Stay tuned, after the break, to see if Maverick and Steve kill each other.”
The camera faded in to Chris and the contestants, standing in front of a large building.
“Welcome back to Total Drama: The Cutting Edge,” Chris stated, “when you last saw us, Maverick and Steve were in quite a bit of heat.”
Maverick and Steve glared at each other.
Chris continued, “speaking of heat, can y’all guess what the next challenge is?”
“An earthquake challenge?”, Raye asked.
Chris glowered, “lucky guess.”
Chris pressed a button, making the building shake.
“The goal of the challenge is to get to the top of the building, while it is shaking uncontrollably, thanks to some construction devices underground,” Chris declared. “At the top of the building, you will find a key concealed within bulletproof glass, which I’m hoping is also earthquake proof glass. You’ll find out what the key is worth after the challenge ends, but I can assure you that it will bring great things.”
“Well, I’m not going with him,” Maverick said, pointing to Steve.
“And I’m not going with him either,” Steve agreed.
“Both of you, stop it,” Raye said, trying to break them up.
“C’mon, Raye, let’s go in our own group,” Maverick said, signaling for Raye.
Steve grabbed Raye’s hand, “I have more to tell you about my childhood, come with me.”
“Raye...?”, Maverick asked for her in a soft tone.
Raye looked at both with a confused face, then spoke. “I’m sorry, Maverick...”
Raye walked off with Steve.
Maverick looked on in despondency, “well, fine, go with him. I don’t need you...”
Chelsea and Kasumi followed Maverick while Ann followed Steve and Raye.
The Screaming Survivors stood in front of the the front entrance, as did Steve, Raye, and Ann, while Maverick, Kasumi, and Chelsea stood by the emergency back exit.
“Let’s get ready to rumble!”, Chris declared, as he sounded a air horn, signaling the contestants to enter the building. The building began to shake.
“C’mon, guys,” Raye said, as Steve and Ann followed her.
Milo began to run toward the entrance, but Joshua held him back.
“We need a structural plan first,” Joshua stated.
“I agree with Chastity,” Haley said.
“I didn’t even say anything,” Chastity growled.
“What’s your point?”, Haley asked.
Chastity rolled her eyes.
“We don’t have time for this!”, Joshua cried.
“I wonder if there’s gonna a volcano challenge,” Daniel pondered.
“Do you think there’s volcanoes in space?”, Angie asked.
“You’re like a goddess!”, Milo declared to Angie, as Joshua began to twitch.
“You need a plan?”, Jack said, standing with an empty wine glass in the distance, “you should’ve just said so.”
Confessional, Joshua: Jack is obviously a deranged individual, and frankly, I do not think he should be trusted.
“It’s a simple method, really,” Jack added, “all you need to do is put your trust in me and I will deliver.”
“N-” Joshua started, as Chastity cut him off.
“I trust him,” she declared.
“Same here!”, Haley agreed.
“I can understand Haley, but why in blazes would you trust Jack?”, Joshua whispered to Chastity.
“Is that any of your business?”, Chastity said, pushing Joshua away.
Confessional, Joshua: Something suspicious is going on between Chastity and Jack, and I’m going to find out.
“Daniel, I’m going to have to use your explosives, you know, for this to work,” Jack said.
“Well, I don’t-” Daniel started.
“Give them to me,” Jack said in a deep tone.
“Yes, sir!”, Daniel said, trembling, as he handed over his fireworks and other pyrotechnics.
“Good,” Jack said, walking off.
The camera cut away to behind the building, where Maverick, Kasumi, and Chelsea stood.
“Let’s go!”, Kasumi said, skipping toward the exit. She then looked over at Maverick, who was noticeably upset.
Kasumi approached Maverick to comfort him, “look, Mav-Mav, all you have to do is keep trying!”
“That’s what you say, but it’s not that easy...”, Maverick stated.
“And it’s not easy giving up either,” Kasumi said, “even if it seems like the whole world is against you, you always can count on me to have your back.”
Maverick smiled, “thanks, Kasumi.”
Confessional, Maverick: Don’t judge me for saying this, but I think Kasumi may be... normal. (Maverick looked up and thought about what he said, then gave a dazed look)
Maverick pulled at the exit door. “Is there even a way through the exit??”
Chelsea walked up to the door and pushed Maverick away, “move it!”, she kicked the door opened and walked in.
Kasumi and Maverick shrugged to each other and entered.
Raye, Steve, and Ann struggled to walk up the steps, as Maverick, Kasumi, and Chelsea entered.
“Look, it’s Charlie and his angels,” Steve said, poking fun at Maverick.
Maverick glared, “let’s take the elevator.”
“I’ll throw up in there!”, Chelsea said.
“Just go,” Maverick said, as the three ran into the elevator.
The building began to shake harder.
“What are we going to do?!”, Ann yelped.
“Steve, Ann, take my hand,” Raye suggested.
Ann grabbed Raye’s left hand while Steve grabbed Raye’s right hand.
“Now let’s go, slowly,” Raye continued.
The three walked up the stairs, slowly making progress.
Maverick, Kasumi, and Chelsea stood in the elevator, trying to make it go up.
Kasumi kicked the controls, “Why... won’t... you.. WORK?!”
The elevator continued to shake.
“I don’t feel... so...” Chelsea covered her mouth and then vomited on Maverick’s shoes.
“... Nice,” Maverick groaned.
Kasumi kicked the control button as the elevator began to go upward. “Yes!”
The camera panned to the outside of the building, where the Screaming Survivors sat on the ground.
Chris approached them, “are you ever going to go in?”
“Whenever Patch Adams returns,” Joshua said.
Jack returned to his team with a cell phone in his hand.
“What are you going to do with a cellular phone?”, Joshua asked.
“Wait and see, Joshy boy,” Jack said, as the camera panned up to the top of the building.
Raye, Steve, and Ann reached the top and saw the key in the middle of the room, while the elevator had also reached the top.
Maverick and Steve stared sharply at each other, as both ran toward the key.
The camera panned back to Jack, who dialed a number on the cell phone, then panned back to the top of the building.
“Hey... where’s... Kasu...” Chelsea started to say, before throwing up again.
Before Maverick or Steve could grab the key, the building exploded from the ground up. As the building went down, the Killer Corpses were trapped beneath the ceiling. The Screaming Survivors looked on in silence, as Jack approached the collapsed building, reached under a piece of tile, and pulled out a key. “That’s all, folks,” he said with a dark grin.
Chris gasped and approached Jack, “What were you thinking, man?!”
“I’m just a humble man trying to win a challenge,” Jack said, walking off.
“We’ve got worse news,” Chef approached Chris, whispering something in his ear, as the sky became darker.
Chris turned to the camera, “er... will the Killer Corpses survive? What’s going on with the weather? And are we going to be six contestants down? Find out... if we ever come back.”
The camera faded in to interns helping the Corpses out of the building.
Chris was seen talking on the phone, “we’ve got six Corpses in- under the building. No, I mean the Killer Corpses. NO, I’m talking about the team! Jeez, sometimes I wonder how you guys hold up this show when you don’t know anything about it.”
The elevator, which was on the side of the collapsed building, opened up, as Kasumi jumped out, “one more time!”
Chris closed the phone, “at least there’s one Corpse still standing.”
Kasumi gasped and went to her Raye, “Raye-Raye, what happened?!”
“Rabbits... in my... ear,” Raye said, confused.
The heat became intense.
“Why’s it so hot out here?”, Chastity complained, as she began to fan herself.
“Oh yeah, about that,” Chris said, “there’s sort of a tornado coming our way.”
Chastity laughed, “and were supposed to believe that during these disaster challenges there just coincidentally happens to be a tornado heading this way?”
Chris pointed in the distance, as a large dust cloud could be seen from miles away.
“Noooo!”, Milo screamed, “we’re gonna die!”
Milo latched himself onto Angie, as Angie began to sob, “I didn’t even get to meet the president! Whoever he is.”
Haley grabbed Angie from behind, and began to cry.
“Relax, it’s not that big,” Chris assured them, “we won’t die, as long as we get back to the war zone.”
“So, the final challenge is cancelled?”, Daniel asked.
“Normally I would continue on, but since all but one Corpse remains, the challenge is cancelled,” Chris announced.
“No!”, Kasumi shouted.
Chris turned to her.
“My team is already banged up enough, and I’m not ready to let them down,” Kasumi added.
“You do realize that would require you to fly a plane by yourself, right?”, Chris asked.
“Pffft, I’ll be fine, I’ve seen all 26 episodes of First Exile,” Kasumi assured herself.
“Well, then, the challenge is back on,” Chris announced, as the Survivors groaned. “Since the Survivors technically won, they will use the key to boot up the helicopter they will be riding.”
“So, if we get a helicopter, why does she get a plane?”, Chastity asked, annoyed.
“Because,” Chris explained, “she’ll be riding the classic, old-school, iconic orange airplane from Total Drama Island!”
Chef landed the airplane, as it crashed into a building when it rolled.
“The Corpses will be riding home in the emergency ambulances,” Chris said, “now go into your vehicles, before we all die! First team, or, teammate, back to the war zone wins!”
Chris entered his red helicopter while Chastity, Joshua, Jack, Milo, Daniel, Haley, and Angie entered the green helicopter. Kasumi entered the beat up plane. All three vehicles flew off, as the tornado came closer. Chris passed both, while the green helicopter stood close behind, and the airplane stood last.
“Alright, Survivors, let’s how you deal with pilot Kasumi,” Kasumi said inside the plane, shifting faster toward the Survivors’ helicopter.
The Survivors were seen inside the helicopter, as Joshua flew it.
“Why do you get to fly the helicopter?”, Chastity asked.
“I am the only one on this team capable of flying a helicopter,” Joshua stated.
“Hello? Have you forgotten about Jack?”, Chastity asked, presenting Jack.
“I am on to you and Jack, I know there is something suspicious going on between you two,” Joshua said.
“What makes you say that?!” Chastity inquired.
“Uh, guys...”, Haley said nervously.
“WHAT?!”, both shouted.
“Look!”, Haley pointed out the window, to show that the tornado was approaching, and Kasumi was passing them.
Joshua looked at Kasumi’s window, to see Kasumi giving him the finger and laughing.
“Oh, blast it!”, Joshua shouted, trying to make the helicopter go faster.
“The air feels so good here!”, Angie said, as she stood with the helicopter door opened.
“Angie, no!”, Milo said, as Angie fell from the helicopter, due to the strong wind.
Milo grabbed her hand, saving her from falling. Milo smiled at her and she smiled back. A bird passed over and pooped on Milo’s hand.
“Eww!”, Milo pulled away his hand, as Angie began to fall and scream. Realizing what he’s done, he looked down and screamed to her, “I’M SORRRRRRY!”
“We can’t stop for her or we’ll all be hosed,” Daniel said, comforting Milo.
“Go lower!”, Chastity shouted, “the top of the tornado is the most dangerous part.”
Confessional, Chastity: Well, at least I learned something from history class.
Joshua went lower as the helicopter began to go faster.
Kasumi began flipping switches to make the plane go faster, but the engine began emitting black clouds. “Uh oh...”, she said.
“It seems as though Kasumi’s engine is taking major damage,” Joshua stated.
“Why do you say that?”, Daniel asked.
Joshua pointed at Kasumi’s plane, showing that the strong winds tore off one of the wings.
Kasumi was shown in the plane, looking for a parachute. She found one in the cockpit and put it on. “Now what?!”, she asked herself, as she looked at a button with words on it; “WARNING: THIS BUTTON IS ONLY PERMITTED FOR EMERGENCIES AND IS ONLY TO BE USED WHEN PASSENGERS ARE ABSENT. DIRECTIONS: STRAP INTO THE CHAIR AND PRESS THE BUTTON FOR EJECTION.”
“Ejection? Why, plane, we haven’t even gone on our first date,” Kasumi laughed, as she strapped herself into the chair.
Joshua watched on as the helicopter began to go down, while he saw the war zone in the distance. “Looks like victory is at our hands, team members. With Kasumi’s plane falling apart and the tornado far behind us, we have succeeded.”
“Aiyaaaaaaaaaaa!”, Kasumi was heard screaming, as she was launched forward from the plane.
“What the devil?!”, Joshua exclaimed.
Kasumi fell toward the war zone. When she was over it, she began to land. Feeling the thrill, she forgot about the parachute, and hit the ground while still sitting on the chair. After making a hole in the ground, the parachute opened.”
Chris approached the indentation in the ground and shouted to an intern, “medical intern six, you’re needed!”
The helicopter entered the war zone and flew close to the ground.
“Joshua, land this thing!”, Chastity shouted.
Joshua trembled, “I never learned how to land a helicopter!”
“You can build a robot but not land a helicopter?!” Chastity demanded.
“Every man for himself!”, Daniel declared, as he jumped from the helicopter, rolling safely on the ground, while the other Survivors began to join him.”
The helicopter continued to fly forward and crashed into something off screen.
“What was that?!”, Haley shouted.
“No time,” Chris said, “Let’s get in the emergency bunker before we all die!”
“What about Angie?!”, Milo said, as Angie’s scream was heard.
The camera panned over to her, as she ran into the war zone, notably bruised.
Chris opened up the entrance to the bunker, as the Survivors entered, while an intern wheeled an injured Kasumi on a dolly into the bunker.
The camera showed the inside of the bunker, where the Corpses were shown being treated for the injuries, as Angie sat with bandages around her head and arm.
Joshua whispered to Chastity, “I know you and Jack are aligned, don’t try to fool me.”
“What’s it to you?”, Chastity snapped back.
“Because I know you two are incapable of controlling my team, and I know eliminations can’t be decided at your hand,” Joshua responded.
“Is incapable your word of the day or something?”, Chastity said with a growl.
Joshua glared. “Just watch your back.”
Chris opened up the door to the bunker, “the tornado’s passed, everyone, it’s safe to go out!”
The camera cut away to the Survivors out of the bunker.
“The Corpses are going to stay in the bunker for special treatment,” Chris announced, “so they won’t know that they won till they regain consciousness, whenever that will be.”
“But Kasumi didn’t even land in her vehicle!”, Chastity shouted.
“Hey, anybody who came back in one piece deserves my gratitude,” Chris said, “see you at the hospital ceremony in 30.”
Chastity walked toward the confessional to vote, but Haley followed her from behind.
“Chastity, wait!”, she yelped.
Chastity groaned, “look Haley, I-”
“No, enough of that,” Haley said, “I just want to know why you won’t be my friend.”
“Haley, you-” Chastity started, before she came across an idea, “if you really want to be my friend, you’ll have to do me a favor.”
“What kind of favor?”, Haley asked.
Chastity whispered something in her ear.
“I don’t know...”, Haley said.
“Listen, Haley, this is a reality show,” Chastity explained, “and the reality is if you’re picky with who you want eliminated, you won’t get anywhere.”
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”, Haley asked.
“Positive,” Chastity reassured her.
Confessional, Chastity: It just can’t get any easier.
The camera cut away to the elimination ceremony.
“After today, you guys really do deserve survival kits,” Chris declared. “But one of you will be receiving nothing. If you don’t get a survival kit, it’s time for the Launch of Shame, where you will be launched out of here. Oh, and did I mention that you can’t come back... ever. The first survival kit goes to Daniel.”
Daniel caught his survival kit happily.
“Next is Milo and Haley!”, Chris tossed them their survival kits, “Jack is next, followed by Chastity.
Jack and Chastity both caught their survival kits, as Joshua glared at the both of them.
“Joshua, Angie, this is the final survival kit of the night,” Chris declared.
Angie became worried, as Joshua looked on in disgust.
Milo also became nervous, and began to sweat.
Chris held up the final kit, “and it goes to...”
Angie and Milo gasped, as Haley disappointedly hugged Angie from behind.
Confessional, Chastity: You’re all probably wondering why I didn’t get rid of Joshua. If I eliminated him, then he would brainwash empty-headed Angie into gunning towards me. If Angie’s against me, then Milo’s against me. If Milo’s against me, then his boyfriend, Daniel, is also against me, so I had to get rid of Angie. Now, I can blame Angie’s elimination on Joshua, so Milo joins me in voting him off, while Daniel joins him as well. Then, even if Joshua tell the truth, I’ll use Jack and Haley to get rid of Milo and Daniel. And by that time, the merge will be here, which means that there’s so much I can do till then.
The camera showed Angie, who was tied to the rocket.
“Any final words, Angie?”, Chris asked.
“Is my face going to be put on a t-shirt?”, Angie asked, “I think it would really help merchandising."
“Angie, wait!”, Milo cried as he approached the rocket. “I’m sorry about what happened on the helicopter, I knew what it meant for you to get hurt.”
“Aww, I forgive you,” Angie said, “at least I can tell my friends I know an agent.”
Milo smiled, “Angie, I have to tell you something.”
“Yes?”, Angie asked.
“I... I... li...” Milo began to say before passing out from exhaustion.
Angie looked at him, confused, as Chris launched the rocket.
The camera cut away to the Screaming Survivors sleep area.
The interns wheeled the Corpses’ team members out on stretchers.
“This is the Survivors sleep zone, we sleep in a shelter, duh,” Chelsea said.
The intern pointed over at the area where the shelter once stood, showing it was no longer there.
“Oh... yeah,” Chelsea said.
Chris approached the sleep zone, laughing, “looks like you’ll all be sleeping here, while I get a nice, comfy-”
Chef approached Chris and pointed to his trailer, which was in flames, due to the airplane crashing into it.
“Perfect, now where am I supposed to sleep?!”, Chris shouted.
“There’s a nice, cozy, rock over there,” Raye said from her stretcher as the others laughed.
The camera cut away to Angie, who was landing in her parachute in a dark area.
She looked back and forth, “is anyone here?!” She looked past a rock, to see the tornado was headed toward her. “Auuuuuuuuugh!”, Angie screamed, running off, as the camera faded out.
Chapter 7: Surf Sucks
The screen faded in on Chris McLean.
“Last time on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!”, Chris started, “the contestants were all washed up when the war zone became flooded with melted ice. But since I’m so full of ever clever ideas, I turned it into a three part disaster challenge! Even though the Corpses won the first challenge, the team came to a halt when Maverick and Steve started their first legitimate fight, which led to the Survivors winning the second challenge... by arson. After the rest of the Corpses were injured courtesy of Jack, Kasumi was the only Corpse left standing, and at all the wrong time; a tornado was heading straight for the city! And while it looked like Kasumi was going to get the bad end of the stick, she ended up winning!” The camera ceased with the montage of previous clips and showed Chris in his robe, brushing his teeth by a lake. “And now, thanks to Kasumi, I’m stuck without my luxury trailer and vintage diamond-plated aviary water bed!”
“Yo, Chris! Get your butt over here if you want that massage, I’m not waiting all day!”, Chef called out off screen.
“Coming!”, Chris shouted back, “turn up that volume, set your DVRs, and look out for those faulty closed captions, starting now, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!”
The camera panned in on the girl’s bathroom, where the five of the six remaining girls washed up for the day.
Chelsea finished up a story that she had been previously talking about, “and so that’s the third time I got to meet the president.”
Kasumi playfully kicked her legs back and forth on the sink counter, “I got to meet Shushi Takedo.”
“Who?”, Chelsea asked.
“Th-”, Kasumi started, before Chelsea cut her off.
“I never asked...”
“I miss Angie,” Haley said sadly, “and her petite little figure.”
Chastity stood at the sink, straightening her hair, “you’ll live, Angie was just holding the team back anyway.”
Haley groaned, “I guess.”
Raye entered the bathroom noticeably tired, with large dark bags under her eyes. “Anybody who talks to me is getting their head flushed.”
“Yeash, that time of the month already?”, Chastity inquired.
“Oh, shut up, Chastity,” Raye snapped with a yawn.
Raye walked over to the toilet and sat on top of the lid.
“What’s wrong, Raye?”, Kasumi questioned.
“I couldn’t sleep at all last night,” Raye informed Kasumi, “I spent all night thinking about Steve and Maverick. Not to mention we had to sleep on rocks last night.”
“So... who do you think would make a better boyfriend?”, Kasumi again questioned Raye.
Raye trembled and twiddled her thumbs, “well... right now... I think Steve would make a better boyfriend than Maverick.”
Confessional, Kasumi: Awwwwww, kuso! No matter, if there is one person who can successfully resolve a battered relationship, it is the ever powerful Kasumi!
“Ah, whatever, I don’t really wanna think about relationships this early in the morning,” Raye stated, “Ann, wanna come with me to get breakfast?”
“Well... sure,” Ann said surprised.
Confessional, Ann: I knew I would make new friends here, but I didn’t think I would this quickly! Maybe I don’t need Alice after all.
The camera cut away to the inside of the boys’ bathroom, where the boys were also getting ready for the day.
Milo and Daniel were shown brushing their teeth. They put the toothbrush down and spit into the sink.
“Do you really think robots will invade the earth after the apocalypse?”, Milo asked.
“Of course,” Daniel responded, “if robots aren’t built by that time, what will take up the population of the earth?”
“... Unicorns?”, Milo asked.
“Ooooh, write that down,” Daniel said, as the two walked off.
Joshua was seen scrubbing his hands with soap, “I, for one, am sick of Chastity and I refuse to keep her on our lineup any longer.” Joshua turned to Jack, “how can you even trust her?”
Jack sat on the toilet lid, looking at the ground, “I don’t believe in the word trust.”
“Then why are you allied with her in the first place?”, Joshua inquired.
“I’m not ‘allied’ with her,” Jack stated, “nor do I agree with her. I’m voting with her for the time being, but I don’t trust her. Trust goes one way or another, and I know that Chastity isn’t one to be trusted. If it comes down to her trying to get rid of me, it will be a foolish move. The time will come where she will realize my true importance to this team, and not just think of me as a clown.”
Joshua gave a shocked look.
Confessional, Joshua: Jack is rather... complex. Maybe I was wrong about him, maybe he is just as smart as me. Well, almost as smart as me.
“That’s very wise of you, Jack,” Joshua said with a grin.
Jack gave a light chuckle and walked up to Joshua, “don’t worry, I’ll get you last”
Confessional, Joshua: I stand corrected.
Maverick and Steve were both seen brushing their teeth angrily, as Steve accidentally bumped his arm into Maverick.
“Watch it!”, Maverick shouted.
“How about you watch it?!”, Steve snapped back.
“I was, until you bumped into me,” Maverick stated.
Confessional, Steve: Maverick’s just a jerk. I don’t know why he’s even into Raye, she’s not even his type.
Confessional, Maverick: Steve is obviously playing baby to Raye. I’m not going to kiss up to her, because I’m trying to be real. Raye will realize over time who’s the real man.
Kasumi popped into the boys’ bathroom. “Maverick, you busy?”
“Well, yeah, I was gonna take a show-,” Maverick started to say before Kasumi yanked him out of the bathroom. Kasumi pulled Maverick over behind the mess hall.
“What’s going on?”, Maverick asked.
Kasumi started panting, “Raye... Steve...”
“Ah, just ignore them,” Maverick said, “they’re not going to last.”
“No!”, Kasumi shouted, slapping Maverick.
“Ow! What was-” Maverick began to say before Kasumi slapped him again.
“Stop do-” Maverick began to say, as Kasumi slapped him once again.
Maverick growled and and grabbed Kasumi’s wrists. “Just tell me what’s wrong,” he demanded.
“Well...”, Kasumi said, “Raye said she thinks she likes Steve more than you right now.”
“Whaaaat?!”, Maverick exclaimed.
“I know it might be tough right now, but I have a plan!”, Kasumi proclaimed.
“... Yeah?”, Maverick requested, confused.
“All we need to do is act like we’re dating!”, Kasumi said.
Maverick scratched his chin, “do you really think it will work?”
“Of course,” Kasumi reassured Maverick, “all we have to do is hug, and cuddle, and make out a little bit.”
“... Maybe exclude that last part,” Maverick suggested.
“Yeah, you’re probably right...”, Kasumi agreed.
The P.A. system in near the mess hall turned on, as Chris’ voice was heard. “Ladies and gents, meet me at our new Yack-Shack, located near your respective bathrooms!”
Haley exited the girls’ bathroom, as Joshua pulled her aside behind the mess hall.
“We need to talk,” Joshua stated, as the camera panned out to show Kasumi and Maverick were still there. “What are you two doing back here?”, Joshua asked.
“Uhhh...”, Kasumi pondered for a second, then grabbed Maverick’s hand, “come on, sweet-ums, let’s go meet Chris.”
Maverick became confused, but realized Kasumi’s plan, “right, honey suck-ems, let’s go be... passionate... with each other.”
The two walked off, hand in hand.
Joshua scratched his head, and then turned to Haley, “anyway, you need to stay away from the likes of Chastity.”
“I know Chastity’s actions might be... questionable, but she seems like a good person deep down inside,” Haley stated, “maybe she had some traumatic childhood experience.”
“Traumatic or not, she still needs to be taken off of this television program,” Joshua said
Haley thought to herself, “I don’t know, wouldn’t my stand against Chastity be kind of derailment for my reality show character?”
“One needs to develop before they can derail,” Joshua replied.
Haley looked down at her chest and then back to Joshua, “I’d called myself developed...”
Joshua sighed, “listen closely, Haley, you need to decide which is the better choice; sided with the elaborate Chastity, or join the strict but brilliant me.”
Joshua walked off as Haley frowned.
The camera cut away to the Yack-Shack, a small, lemon shaped hut.
“So, why was this created?”, Chelsea asked.
Chris popped up from behind the counter with a surfboard and sunglasses on. “A few reasons, Chelsea; for one, the lack of locations on the war zone was getting to be stale, so we stole... er, found this old lemon hut from the mall we were at in the zombie challenge. Second, Milo was yacking his guts out last night from all the twists and turns of the weather challenge, and maybe from a little lovesickness.”
Milo blushed sadly.
Chris continued “So we decided to build this for whenever you guys have to up chuck, because we know how often it happens on this show. And third, it’s where you’ll get the equipment for the first part of your challenge.”
“And this challenge is...?”, Chastity asked.
Chris glared, “really, the surfboard didn’t give it away?”
The contestants stood silent, as a cricket was heard in the background.
“It’s SUMMER themed for Pete’s sake!”, Chris shouted.
“What’s up with all the season themed challenges?”, Maverick asked, “what’s next a spring themed challenge?”
Chris paused, “... No,” Chris then whispered to Chef, “Chef, remind me to burn the flower costumes and flu shots.”
“Can we expect a reward at the end of this challenge?”, Milo asked.
“You can expect no answer, because the less you know about which challenges are rewards and eliminations, the harder you will try.”
“So, what does summer have to do with the apocalypse?”, Ann asked.
“Funny you should ask Ann, because we didn’t know until after we shipped that intern off to eastern Russia for suggesting that idea,” Chris stated, “it’s believed that if the world doesn’t turn into an ice age after the apocalypse, it will turn into one big tanning salon.”
“So, what does the beach and summer have to do with this?”, Raye asked.
“Hey, we could all be sitting in the sweltering heat until you all melt as a challenge,” Chris snapped back.
“Nevermind,” Raye quieted herself.
“Everybody follow me to the pond!”, Chris declared, as he walked off with the contestants following him.
Kasumi grabbed Maverick’s hand.
“What are you doing?”, Maverick whispered.
“Do you want to make it convincing or do you want Raye to slip from out of your fingers?”, Kasumi grabbed Maverick’s hand again.
Steve looked back, shocked.
Confessional, Steve: He’s giving up? He’s actually giving up?! Score one, Steve, score... Kasumi, Maverick.
The contestants were presented to a small, dirty pond.
“I can see this gets cleaned often,” Daniel mocked.
“Hey, the sewage has to go somewhere,” Chris stated, as Chelsea gagged. Chris continued, “now all you guys have to do is pick a teammate to be in the surfing part of the challenge.”
The Killer Corpses stood still, when Kasumi grabbed the board.
“I’ll go!”, Kasumi declared, “I’ve read all 55 volumes of Beach.”
Confessional, Chelsea: I’ve been taking a break from showing how dominant I really am on this team, but I think it’s time to kick it back into gear. Any girl who’s perfect needs to exploit herself just a little bit!
Chelsea grabbed the board from Kasumi’s hands.
“What gives?!”, Kasumi shouted.
“I am the superior of the team, therefore, I get to be the surfer,” Chelsea stated proudly.
“What, has Joshua been giving you grammar lessons?”, Ann asked.
Chelsea stood firm, “I just believe that I should be the one doing this challenge, because I’m the only one qualified to-”
“Oh, just take it already,” Kasumi said frustrated, handing over the board to Chelsea. Kasumi went over to Maverick. “I’ll just hang out with my ultra cool new boyfriend, Mavy-boo!”, she said.
“Oh yes,” Maverick said, “I am overjoyed to hang out with my... Kasusu!”
Raye scratched her head in confusion.
Confessional, Raye: Are Maverick and Kasumi trying to make me jealous? …Nah.
“I think I’ll go for-”, Haley began to say.
“I’m going,” Chastity said, taking the board, “if anyone on this team is flexible, it’s the one who’s been on varsity cheerleading since the eighth grade.”
“Anyone wanna help me comes change into my swimwear real quick?”, Chastity suggested.
Milo and Daniel looked at each other and smiled widely, walking off with Chastity off-screen.
Chris turned to the camera. “Hey viewers at home, here’s a reason to stick with this channel. We’ll be right back with Chastity half-naked after these messages!”
The camera faded in on Chastity and Chelsea in their swimwear, with surfboards in their hands.
“Welcome back to Total Drama: The Cutting Edge,” Chris said to the camera, “before the break, Chastity and Chelsea were getting ready to go out for a surf during our first challenge.”
“So, how does someone win this?”, Chastity asked.
“Whoever impresses me the most with their sweet skills wins, and by sweet skills, I mean whatever you are capable of doing, which isn’t much,” Chris stated.
Chef started up the fans and the pond water began to move back and forth. Chelsea and Chastity sat on their boards and paddled around. Several minutes went by without anything happening.
“Uhhh, girls, paddling in a circle isn’t going to give you points,” Chris stated.
“Maybe if we got some actual waves, we’d be able to!”, Chelsea shouted.
“Hey, it will look a lot better when the CGI is added in,” Chris responded, “now get surfing.”
Chastity shrugged and stood up on her board.
“C’mon, Chastity!”, Haley shouted.
“Don’t screw this one up!”, Joshua exclaimed.
“Do a barrel roll!”, Milo said, as Daniel high-fived him.
Chastity stumbled around on the board and almost fell off, “oh, forget it, plan B is in action.”
Chastity let her hair out of a ponytail and whipped her hair around.
The male contestants, along with Chris and Chef, looked at her wide-eyed as she began to flaunt around.
“Milo, toss me my tanning oil!”, Chastity shouted out.
Milo, infatuated, took off his belt, making his pants fall down, and tossed the tanning oil to Chastity.
Milo sighed, “making a fool of myself makes me miss Angie...”
Chastity rubbed tanning oil on her arms and legs, as Chris clapped loudly.
“Ten out of ten, ten out of ten!”, Chris cheered, “the Screaming Survivors win!”
“WHAT?!”, Chelsea screamed, “No fair! She didn’t do any surfing!”
“Neither did you,” Chris said.
“No! I refuse this!”, Chelsea shouted, “I demand to talk to the producers!”
Chris began to sweat, “uh, I don’t think it’s that important.”
“No, I have the right to speak with them!”, Chelsea demanded.
“Why don’t we just move on, eh?”, Chris suggested, “plenty of more pain to be had!”
Confessional, Chelsea: There’s something Chris is trying to hide from me... but like the other aborted secrets on this show, it’s not like I’m going to find anything on this stupid war zone.
The camera cut away to outside of the mess hall.
“Ready for challenge two?”, Chris asked the contestants.
“Are we ever?”, Raye sent a question back.
“Not really, it was just the rhetorical question of the day,” Chris stated, “for the second challenge, you’ll be competing in a bonfire challenge!”
“Bonfire?!”, Daniel exclaimed, “Eeeeeheeeheee!”, Daniel ran off-screen.
The Screaming Survivors watched Daniel run off in silence.
“Well, looks like he’s gonna miss the directions,” Chris explained, “‘cause I’m not waiting on him. Anywho, the second challenge is to try and create the largest bonfire. Whichever team creates the largest fire wins the second challenge. That easy enough for you guys?” Chris walked off with Chef.
Joshua picked up two rocks. “If I hit each on the appropriate angle, I might just be able to ignite a flame.”
“Ah, forget about that caveman crap, Danny boy’s doing everything anyway,” Chastity said, lying on a leaf hammock.
“Where the devil did you find a hammock?”, Joshua asked.
“Milo built it for me using his glue gun on his... utility belt,” Chastity stated.
Milo frowned, “lying on hammocks makes me miss Angie.”
Joshua turned back to Chastity. “Well, if you are going to stay in the game, you are going to have to do more than slack off.”
“I won the last challenge, didn’t I?”, Chastity inquired.
“The only reason you won is because of your flaunting, but your beauty show is not going to help you win in the finale, you know?”, Joshua responded, “but right now that is not the case, we need to make this bonfire.”
“I can make it,” Jack stated.
“I cannot trust you of all people with fire after the events of the last challenge,” Joshua remarked, walking off.
Chastity turned her head to Jack. “Don’t pay attention to him, he thinks he knows everything about everyone, but I know you can outsmart him in a second,” Chastity said with a sly grin.
Jack gave a small laugh, “you don’t know much about me. But Joshua will end up the true clown in the situation.” Jack gave a large chuckle.
Daniel began setting up his equipment for the bonfire.
“What in blazes is that?”, Joshua asked.
“Some fireworks, Mexican fire arms, propane, flame throwers, carbine-” Daniel listed, before Joshua cut him off.
“Enough of your flamboyant slang, get to work!”, Joshua demanded.
The camera panned over to Maverick and Kasumi, who were holding each other passionately.
“Oh, Maverick the bonfire challenge makes me think about my burning love for you,” Kasumi said, rubbing Maverick’s head.
Raye sat glaring at Maverick and Kasumi, as Steve told her a story from his childhood.
“And so that’s when my mom said... Raye, are you listening?”, Steve demanded.
“What?”, Raye asked, “oh, I just got something in my...” Raye trailed off.
“What??”, Steve demanded again.
“Huh? Oh yeah, with your mom and the circus accident and... yeah,” Raye said, barely paying attention
Confessional, Steve: It’s true! Raye is jealous. I’m not going to stand around in silence like I did all my life, I’m going to take a stand.
Raye separated Kasumi and Maverick.
“I know you two want to have your love fest, but we need to win this challenge,” Raye stated angrily, walking off.
Kasumi elbowed Maverick. “She’s sooo jealous!”, she stated.
“Just leave it to me guys,” Ann reassured her team, “I’ve got an idea.”
After thirty minutes passed Chris and Chef comes back.
“I’m assuming all off you are prepared,” Chris said, “if not, it ain’t my problem. Show me whatcha got!”
Daniel proudly stood in front of his team’s firepit. “I give you Fiesta del Fuego Sweet Daniel! Ariba!”
Daniel lit the wick, causing multiple fireworks to go off. Fire illuminated the sky and made several different designs. Finally, the fire formed the initials “SS” in the sky.
The Survivors cheered on Daniel, as he bowed.
“Uh, Daniel,” Chris began, “the objective of the challenge was to make the biggest fire, not the most stylish. If you had stayed to listen to directions, you would’ve known that.”
Daniel frowned as his teammates looked on in disappointment.
“Killer Corpses, can you raise the bar without setting us all on fire?” Chris asked.
“Uhhh,” Raye stalled, “I’m sure Ann should be around here somewhere.
Ann ran up to her team’s firepit, “sorry I’m late.” She had a soda bottle and a tank of gas in her hand. “You see, the air in the bottle contains the fire.” Ann placed the bottle in the pit and poured gas in it. “So even if I light a match...” Ann lit a match and dropped it into the bottle, as her teammates stood back. Suddenly, a large flame emitted in the sky, 5 feet in the air.
The Corpses clapped, but Chris seemed unimpressed. “Well, that was pretty lame, but since you were the only team to do it right, I guess you guys win.”
The Corpses cheered Ann on.
Confessional, Ann: Finally! My team finally appreciates me! I guess I don’t need Alice afterall.
Confessional, Chelsea: "All she did was make some fire, it’s not like she helped her team get away from an active tornado...” “Uh, I’m pretty sure Kasumi was the only one on your team that wasn’t injured,” an intern said offscreen in the confessional. “Don’t you have a toilet to scrub?”, Chelsea snapped back.
“Alright everyone, settle down,” Chris said, “your third challenge is going to be much more difficult.”
“That’s what I don’t like to hear,” Raye groaned.
Chris continued. “Both teams will set out to find several items relating to the beach theme. The first team to find all three items and return to the gates wins invincibility for the night, and will not have to send anyone home.”
Milo sighed, “looking for parts reminds me of Angie.”
“How does that-” Chastity started, “forget I asked.”
“And to make things even more difficult, I didn’t just give you a list of the items you need to find, I gave you a riddle of the items you have to find,” Chris explained, tossing a scroll to Joshua and Raye. “So get going, before the bears find you!”
“What are bears doing in a war zone?!”, Haley exclaimed.
“Hey, once you enter the woods, you’re basically out of the war zone,” Chris said, “now get moving.”
The camera cut away to the Corpses walking in the woods.
Raye read off the first clue, “These are sold at your local seashore; And this is supposed to be difficult how? It’s clearly a seashell.”
Kasumi pulled Maverick by the hand. “Oh Maverick, seashells remind me of our very first date!”, she stated.
Raye became infuriated, “YOU TWO DIDN’T KNOW EACH OTHER UNTIL LIKE, TWO HOURS AGO!”
The Corpses stood mute.
Maverick finally spoke out, “uh...”
Raye took a deep breath, “forget it, let’s just go find that shell.”
Confessional, Maverick: Finally, Raye knows what heated jealousy feels like, and she finally understands what it feels like to be stabbed in the back! …Our relationship is really jacked up.
The camera cut away to the Screaming Survivors in the woods.
Daniel looked at the ground, and saw part of a nuclear missile sticking out.
Confessional, Daniel: Maybe this really is the apocalypse.
Chastity read the riddle, “These are sold at your local seashore.”
“Sally!”, Milo declared.
“When have you ever seen a Sally at a seashore?”, Joshua asked, “the obvious answer is a seashell.”
“But where are we gonna get a seashell in the woods?”, asked Milo.
“Uhhh... guys,” Haley said, peeking into a cave.
The other Survivors looked in the cave and noticed that a bear was sleeping, with a shell in it’s arms.
“Of course,” Chastity said, unamused.
The next shot showed Steve reaching into a hole in a tree, and pulled out a shell, “got it!”
“Good!”, Raye exclaimed, “now come down!”
“Try not to fall!”, Maverick yelped, as Raye looked at him with one eyebrow lowered. “What? I said try not to, didn’t I?”
“Now onto the next clue,” Raye said, picking up the piece of paper and reading off of it “you’ll find it easier to surf with these; okay, who came up with these riddles?”
A flashback to the day prior to this challenge is shown. Chris is shown sitting at a mess hall table, with Chef lying on the ground trying to sleep, as Chris sits near a trash can full of paper.
Chris began to write something down, “and for the third challenge, the contestants will play volleyball without using their hands... no, that’s stupid...” Chris crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash can.
Chef stood up angrily, “look Chris, I’m trying to get some sleep!”
“I need a challenge, Chef!”, Chris shouted back.
“Then go into my special box, get a scavenger hunt paper I used for the beach party in kindergarten, and go to bed!” Chef shouted, laying back down.
“Hey, that’s good!”, Chris said, writing it down.
The flashback ended and Milo was seen creeping up toward the bear.
“Grab it Milo!”, Chastity whispered.
“Don’t rush me!”, Milo said quietly.
Milo reached his hand into the bear arms and tried to grab the shell. The bear awoke, and noticed Milo.
“Milo, get back!”, Daniel shouted in fear.
The bear stood on its legs and roared.
“Back off, you walking carpet!”, Milo shouted, pulling out a tranquilizer from his belt and shooting it at the bear. The bear fell to the ground and became unconscious. Milo picked up the shell, “I guess you could say he really fell to sleep!”
Chastity walked up to him with a glare.
“What?!”, Milo wondered.
“Why didn’t you do that in the first place?!”, Chastity demanded.
“Hey, I’m doing what the viewers want,” Milo stated.
Joshua stood between the two, “as much as I love conflict, we need to move along if we are ever going to find the remaining two items.”
“What’s the next item we have to find?”, Haley asked.
Chastity looked at the paper, and took one glance, “surfboard.”
“Are you sure?”, Haley asked.
“A kindergartner could decode this,” Chastity said in a snarky manner.
Confessional, Haley: Maybe Joshua was right. I mean, what friendly actions has Chastity ever showed me besides letting me hold her earrings that one time?!... That counts, right?
The Corpses were shown to be heading outside of the woods, as Ann heard something in the distance. Her team continued, and did not notice Ann stood behind.
“Who’s there?”, Ann asked. Ann rubbed her eyes, as she saw someone in the distance who looked exactly like her. “Alice?!”
“Why aren’t you listening to me anymore?”, Alice asked.
“I just want some real friends,” Ann responded.
“I am a real friend, how can you just betray me like this??”, Alice asked.
Maverick peeked his head from a bush to see Ann talking to herself.
Confessional, Maverick: Yup, the girl has finally lost it.
“Ann, come on!”, Maverick said.
“Coming!”, Ann shouted back.
“So, are you going to listen to him or are you going to listen to me?”, Alice said, seen from Ann’s point of view.
Ann frowned, as the camera cut away to the Survivors, who reached the Yack Shack.
Haley picked up a board, “now all we have to do is figure out the final clue!”
The Corpses emerged from the bushes at that moment, and Kasumi picked up a board.
“Looks like you guys don’t have too much of an advantage over us anymore,” Chelsea teased.
Chastity snarled and opened up the piece of paper, “the last riddle says, if you don’t sink, a shark will sink one of these into you’’.”
“A shark tooth!”, Haley exclaimed as the Survivors ran off.
Steve started to walk off, before Raye stopped him. “Wait,” she said, “I think we need to think outside the box. Who is always telling us war stories, and how he defeated an army with his bare feet, and how he wrestled a shark to the ground?”
The Corpses thought about it, and at once, they declared, “Chef!”
“But how are we going to find a shark tooth, let alone if he has one?”, Maverick asked.
“He’s always telling us to stay away from his secret box behind the stove, we’ll just look in there,” Raye said, as the team ran off.
The Survivors hid behind a bush nearby.
Chastity lifted her head up, “Josh, any reason in particular why we're hiding?”
Joshua lifted his head up as well. “I have devised a plan to follow the Killer Corpses. If they find the tooth, we snag it from under them. If they get it, we simply get the other tooth in the location and beat them to it.”
“Hey, that could work,” Daniel said.
“Fine, but let’s hurry up before they get there,” Chastity said back.
The Corpses entered the mess hall and Maverick pushed the stove out of the way.
Raye picked up the box and dug through it.
“So why is this box secret in the first place?”, Steve asked.
Raye pulled out a leopard thong with a disgusted look, “maybe this is the reason.” Raye dug in farther and retrieved the shark tooth.
“Good, now let’s get back to home base!”, Maverick declared.
The Corpses exited the mess hall as the Survivors entered.
Joshua looked through the box. “Why, there is nothing in here but a bunch of useless junk and woman;s undergarments!”
“So that means...”, Daniel started.
“Chris hid them in complete different places!”, Chastity yelled.
“Wait, Chris never said it had to be a shark’s tooth,” Haley stated.
“So?”, questioned Chastity.
Jack then proceeded to sucker punch Milo in the jaw, causing him to fall to the ground. Jack held a tooth in his hand, “got one.”
The Survivors paused for a second, but then shrugged and ran off.
By the time the Survivors got to the gates, the Corpses had already arrived, and were rejoicing.
“Augh!”, Joshua stomped on the ground, as Milo waddled around, dazed and confused.
“Hold on a second, Corpses,” Chris said, “you’re missing a band member.”
“But who?”, Steve asked his teammates.
Ann then ran up to her team, “guys, Alice helped me find... the last... item... and... we lost didn’t we?”
“Yup,” Raye said, as the Corpses glared her down.
Chris laughed, “looks like the Corpses are taking a trip to the elimination ceremony while the Survivors win invincibility!”
The Survivors cheered, excluding Milo, who was unconscious on the ground.
“See you all at the ceremony!”, Chris announced.
Haley was seen knocking on the restroom door, "can I get in please? I gotta go!"
"Well you're just gonna have to hold it," Chastity voice was heard from inside, "because it's my turn."
Haley became very frustrated. "I have had it with you and your diva-ness! You think your the best person in the world but you're not and you never will be! You're worst, and I mean, worst person in the entire ecosystem and I will enjoy taking you down with Joshua!" Haley stormed off.
A toilet flush was heard and Chastity peeked her head out of the door. "Okay, I'm done." Chastity looked back and forth, "Haley?"
The camera faded in inside of the emergency room.
The Corpses sat in chairs, waiting patiently.
“Where’s Chris?”, Raye asked.
Chef then entered the emergency room, holding a wrench in his hand stained with a red substance, as he showed an infuriated look. “Chris couldn’t make it, because I found out he went in my box... and nobody, I mean nobody, goes in my box.”
The Corpses looked horrified.
Chef put the wrench behind his back, “anyway, since Chris couldn’t make it, I will be running the elimination ceremony tonight. Any objections?”
The Corpses shook their heads.
“Good,” Chef said, “and since Chris will probably be needing those survival kits, I will simply read the votes.” Chef opened an envelope and pulled a piece of paper out, “one vote Ann.”
Ann bit her bottom lip.
Chef pulled out another slip of paper, “one vote Maverick.”
Steve shot a glare at Maverick.
Chef pulled out a third slip of paper, “one vote Steve.”
Maverick shot one back.
“Another vote for Ann,” said Chef, pulling out a fourth slip of paper, and then the fifth, “one vote for Chelsea.”
Kasumi giggled, as Chelsea growled at her.
Chef pulled out the final slip of paper, “and the final vote goes to...”
The Corpses looked on anxiously as Chef prepared to read the final vote.
“... Ann,” Chef announced, as Ann looked on in disappointment.
Confessional, Raye: “Hey, I like Ann and all, but she’s the one who messed up the challenge. It’s the only reasonable choice when everyone else on the team is succeeding, even if Chelsea is a pain. Sorry, Ann.”
“Your departure awaits,” Chef said, pointing to the door.
Ann walked towards the door. “Well, I guess I’ll see you guys later.”
“Tell Alice I said hi!”, Chelsea said, sarcastically.
“Sorry it had to end like this, Ann,” Raye said.
The camera panned outside, where Ann was shown to be tied on the rocket.
“Any final- ah, who am I kidding?”, Chris pressed a button, launching the rocket in the air, as Ann departed from the war zone.
Chris then walked behind Chef.
“Another episode gone by,” Chris stated.
“Yup, and they actually believed me back there!”, Chef said, “that’ll teach them to stay away from my valuables.”
“Hey Chef,” Chris began, “do you think the kids will ever find out the truth about the producers?”
“Doubt it,” Chef said, “the only one who ever figured that out was Courtney and she-”
“Uh, Chef,” Chris pointed to the camera.
Chef and Chris paused.
“Uh... stick around for more fun, next time on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!”, Chris exclaimed, “time to fade to black.”
The camera then faded out.
Chapter 8: Alien vs. Competitor
The camera faded in on the war zone at night as Chris McLean spoke, “Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge, our beach party went berserk when several contestants broke their alliances and created new ones. Haley ended up leaving Chastity for Joshua, while Kasumi and Maverick shared a new bond between each other. Ann had her own friendship problems... with herself! After she started making new friends, Alice came back to haunt her, ultimately causing her elimination that night.”
Chris was seen inside one of the surveillance rooms, watching a radar, “Luckily enough, for this challenge I have a little help from my old pal at Area 51. That’s right, get ready for more extraterrestrial beings, weird space stuff, and scientifically incorrect facts in another thrilling episode of Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The scene opened in the sleeping area, displaying all the contestants sleeping near each other. Maverick and Steve laid close to Raye, Milo and Daniel slept next to each other and the rest were separated individually, still asleep.
Chris approached the contestants. “Aren’t they just adorable when they’re sleeping?” he asked the viewers before using a blowhorn to wake up the contestants from their deep sleep.
“It’s 2 A.M., what could you possibly want?!” Chelsea screeched.
“Haven’t you heard, Chelsea?” Chris interrogated. “It’s challenge time!”
Confessional, Chelsea: Not only do I receive a total of 12 hours of sleep at home, but I’m given therapeutic facial massages during my sleep. So the fact that I only received four hours of sleep today and currently have ants crawling through my bra is a bit of a minor setback... (now shouting) I HATE IT HERE!!
Chastity rubbed her eyes and yawned, “Can you please explain to me why we’re having a challenge this late at night?”
“Technically, it’s early in the morning,” Joshua stated matter-of-factly, correcting Chastity.
“Yeah, well, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Chastity snapped back.
“Sleep in the morning, you mean,” Joshua once again proclaimed, causing Chastity to growl.
“Because the dark is a perfect setting for our next extraterrestrial challenge,” Chris explained. “You see, there are theories that the apocalypse will be caused by an alien race seeking to dominate our world.”
“Doesn’t that seem a little silly?” Raye asked.
“Raye, I’ve been on this show for a long time,” Chris informed her, “I’ve seen things that no man should see—mainly Chef in lingerie—but we usually don’t talk about that anymore.”
“Anyhow,” Chris continued, “part of today’s challenge involves some supernatural material, as you may notice.”
Suddenly, two unidentified flying objects hovered over the contestants. Two lights and two claws emerged from both of the vehicles simultaneously. The first claw grabbed onto Raye’s shirt and pulled her up. The second, on the other hand, grabbed Joshua’s shirt, lifting him up into the air. The hatches of the machines closed once Raye and Joshua were inside and the vehicles flew off.
“What the heck, man?!” Daniel panicked.
“Don’t worry, your teammates will just be taking a temporary vacation,” Chris assured.
Maverick stormed over to Chris and grabbed his shirt collar, “What have you done with Raye?!”
“Uhhhh, dude.” Chris choked out, pointing towards Chelsea and Steve, who were looking puzzled at Maverick.
“Why are you so concerned about Raye?” Chelsea inquired.
Steve shot Maverick a glare, causing Kasumi's neutral expression to morph into a worried one.
Confessional, Kasumi: I knew Maverick was in some hot water, so I decided to help cool him down a little.
Kasumi pranced over to Maverick and grabbed his waist. “MAVERICK, MY LOVE,” she declared, passionately kissing him.
Maverick’s eyes bulged out, as well as Steve’s, before Kasumi pulled away.
“Dude...” Steve said under his breath.
Confessional, Kasumi: I might’ve jumped the gun on that one.
Confessional, Maverick: (brushing his teeth) Kasumi, you're cool and all, but your tongue is not a pleasant thing to meet up with.
“Okay...” Chris muttered awkwardly, “Since that interesting display of affection is finished, I’ll continue. Both teams have to find the aliens' hideout in order to find your teammate. You must successfully bring them out as well. The first team to return from the hideout with their respective teammate are the winners tonight. Oh yeah; you might wanna watch out. We’ve included a little season three tribute by supplying the hideout with those weirdo artifacts.”
“Is Josh- er... the contestants that were captured alright?” Chastity asked, biting her lip.
“Pfft, since when have you ever cared about other people?” Haley questioned, causing Chastity to shoot a look at her.
Confessional, Chastity: What is her deal with me lately? Did I step on a ladybug or something?
‘I’m sure Josh and Raye will be alright... as long as they survive the probing,” Chris chuckled. “Good luck!”
The camera cut away to show the Corpses walking toward the large rocky mountain.
Maverick stood close to Kasumi, with Chelsea and Steve walking several feet in front of them.
“Are you sure that wasn’t a little too far?” Maverick asked.
“Relax!” Kasumi yelped. “Raye got abducted by foreigns, so she didn’t see. And I doubt she’ll believe Steve if he tells her.”
Steve overheard the conversation and turned to Kasumi, “Believe me about what?”
"Look, a samurai!" a nervous Kasumi cried out, but Steve stood his ground.
“Look, a giant robot!” Kasumi replied a second time.
Steve still did not budge.
“Look, a piece of paper flying toward the back of your head!” Kasumi said a third time.
Steve again did not move, only to get decked by a piece of paper from behind.
“I warned you,” Kasumi grimaced.
As Chelsea, Kasumi, and Maverick continued walking, Steve unfolded the crumbled paper to reveal that its actual identity, an envelope. He opened it and found a letter inside.
"If it seems you end up with a doomed fate, meet me in the cave located near the gates.”
Steve scratched his head and continued walking.
“What do you guys think they’re doing to Joshua?” Chastity asked her teammates as they walked to the other side of the mountain.
“What are you laughing at, Bozo?” Chastity half-joked.
Jack laughed again, “Why so concerned about someone you appear to despise?”
“Because it’s not like we have any other smart people on the team,” Chastity growled.
“Think again, Chastity!” Milo popped up in front of her. "As one of S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S.’s highest ranked members, I think it’s my duty to get us through this challenge. We just have to go through my blueprints!”
Haley looked concerned, “So, what exactly is S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S.?”
Milo began to sweat, “What?! I never mentioned S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S.! In fact, I was never here.”
Milo threw a ball of dust on the ground and disappeared.
Chastity turned her head slightly to the left, “Milo, we can see you...”
Milo stood only several inches away from his teammates and laughed nervously.
“I think Milo’s got something going here,” Daniel stated, putting an arm on Milo’s shoulder.
“Fine, we’ll listen to Milo,” Chastity reluctantly accepted, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“C’mon, Chast, have I ever not been right?” Milo asked her.
“... Yes” she replied, rolling her eyes.
“Oh...” Milo stood puzzled but then turned toward the mountain. “Onward!”
Meanwhile, the Corpses approached a large futuristic-looking facility, but remained hidden by rocks. Two muscular masked guards stood before the entrance.
Maverick turned to his teammates, worried, “How are we gonna get in?”
“Just leave this to me,” Kasumi smirked, walking off afterward.
Milo began unraveling a sketch of blueprints, “Alright team, let’s-”
“How do you have blueprints?!” Chastity demanded. “We just found out about the hideout, like, an hour ago.”
“I sketched it on the way!” Milo stated proudly.
Chastity glanced at the blueprints and shook her head, “Milo, this is a picture of a house on fire.”
Milo turned to Daniel.
“Daniel, I told you we needed blueprints on the alien hideout!” Milo whined hopelessly.
“I didn’t know what the hideout looked like!” Daniel explained “So, I drew a house on fire instead.”
Chastity growled, but her expression changed a few seconds later. “I think I have an idea.”
The camera panned over to the guards as they engaged in conversation.
“It’s just that I don’t think the right girl will ever come my way,” the guard on the left (Guard #1) moped.
“Come on man, I’m sure that you’ll find the right gal,” the second guard (Guard #2) encouraged.
“You really think so?” Guard #1 muttered.
Guard #2 nodded. “You’re smart, you’re talented, and most importantly you’re a great guy with a really big heart.”
Guard #1, “Oh, you!”
Kasumi approached Guard #1, puzzling him. “Can I help you?” he gnarled.
Kasumi proceeded to spit on the guard’s mask before running off.
“Hey!” the guard shouted, chasing after her.
The guard on the right stood his position, albeit distracted, as Maverick, Chelsea, and Steve slyly entered the compound.
Confessional, Maverick: Kasumi’s slowly becoming one of the only contestants, besides Raye, that I like here. Sure she’s... abnormally unbalanced, but she works hard and is genuinely good to me. I’d keep her around for a while.
Chastity approached Guard #2.
“Stand back,” Guard #2 sternly demanded.
Chastity pushed her bangs back. “Oh, am I... getting in the way?”
“Yeah, kinda,” Guard #2 muttered, obviously annoyed.
“I don’t mean to upset you. Why don’t we... work things out?” Chastity whispered seductively, running her finger down the guard's suited chest.
The guard became frustrated, “If you don’t step back, I’ll have to take other approaches of force.”
Chastity continued seducing the guard, “I’m sure you will, you sure are a big boy...”
The guard proceeded to shoot Chastity with a taser, two electrical cords becoming attached to her and sending a shock through her body.
“Auuuuugh!” Chastity screamed, falling roughly onto the ground. “Why am I always getting tased on this show?!”
“GO, GO, GO!” Milo shouted, and he, Daniel, Haley, and Jack ran inside the facility.
“What about me?!” Chastity screeched, as the guard laughed.
Chastity proceeded to swipe the guard’s taser and send a shock right back to him, as he fell to the ground. Chastity dropped the weapon and caught up with her team inside.
Confessional, Chastity: I can expect this kind of behavior from Jack and Haley, since she all of a sudden despises me, but Milo and Daniel? Really? Maybe I do need new allies after all.
One of the rooms in the facility was shown as a guard entered in and turned on the light, quickly looking back and forth. He then continued down the hallway.
In the room, Kasumi popped out from one of the boxes and dusted herself off. She went to leave the room, but noticed a suspicious sound. She walked over to where the sound was coming from, revealing it was something covered by a sheet. Kasumi took off the cover to reveal a cage, with a squirrel inside.
“Awwww, hi lil’ fella!” Kasumi gushed.
The squirrel put its paws up to the cage and squeaked happily. It then lifted its arms to reveal two flaps underneath.
Kasumi gasped, “You store all your fat in your armpits! Just like my Uncle Roy!”
The squirrel chittered some more.
“Wanna come along with me?” Kasumi suggested, “You can meet all my friends! I have about two of them!”
The squirrel tapped at the cage happily as Kasumi opened the door. The squirrel began gliding across the room.
Kasumi was astounded. “You can fly?! I want a ride!”
She jumped up and grabbed the flying squirrel’s foot, sending them both spiraling toward the ground.
“This is the beginning of a great friendship,” Kasumi smirked.
In the meantime, Milo and Daniel stepped cautiously down the hall, as Chastity stepped casually.
“Chast... walk slower,” Daniel whispered.
“For what reason?” Chastity questioned him. “What? Is an alien going to pop out and use its magic glowing finger to tell us that it’s lonely and wants a ride back home?”
“Any amount of radioactive or unearthly material could come out at any point...” Milo looked around carefully.
Suddenly a cricket chirped.
“AHHH!” Milo stepped on it violently. “Oops.”
Daniel stroked his chin, “Guys, come to think of it, do we really need to save Josh?”
“YES!” Chastity and Haley both proclaimed, followed by an exchange of glares between the two girls.
“Yeah, why do we have to save Joshua?” Milo asked his teammates, “He’s kind of... unbearably sadistic.”
“Sort of like Jack, but we still have him,” Chastity said, as Jack remained silent.
“You always gotta go too far, don’t you?” Haley queried, nudging Chastity.
Chastity shoved Haley. “What is your deal with me lately?”
Haley shoved her back. “What's my deal!? You’re the one who’s always pushing me around, and that’s totally not savvy!”
“Bandwagoner,” Chastity snapped,
“Floozy,” Haley growled.
Daniel separated the two, “Ladies! Let’s handle this in a rational and completely controlled way.”
The screen flashed ahead, showing that Chastity and Haley resorted to a fist fight instead.
“Well, I tried,” Daniel said to Milo as Jack looked on, visibly entertained.
As the challenge was going on, Raye and Joshua were both strapped in hospital stretchers in an entirely different room. A large contraption was hanging from above.
Raye woke up slowly, rubbing her eyes. “Where am I?”
Joshua, awake, turned to Raye. “It seems Chris has forced upon another elaborate scheme of his on us.”
“Great, how do we get out?” Raye fussed.
“I suppose we’ll just have to wait until our unpredictable host has decided to show us mercy,” Joshua suggested.
Raye shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”
There was a short silence, until Joshua spoke. “So, why is it that you refer to yourself as a psychic when I see you rarely participating in any appropriate activities that a common psychic would partake in?”
Raye laughed, “Well, I guess it’s really only a title. When I was in middle school, I didn’t really have an identity. Everyone was either an athlete, an artist, or a cheerleader. So I kinda felt like I didn’t have a place in that school, until I went to a fortuneteller. She told me that I was bound to take on a personality of my own, so that’s when I decided that I should be like her: a psychic. Sure it made me seem weirder and and less in the crowd, but hey, at least I was my own person.”
Joshua nodded, “I think that’s rather bold of you, Raye. But rather than beating around the bush, I’d say that you don’t need to act like a psychic for others to like you.”
“Ya think?” Raye asked.
“Sure,” Joshua answered, “Out of all the people I’ve met here, you are most likely the smartest and least obnoxious.”
Raye smiled, “Thanks, dude.”
“Maybe it’s time to come to a reasonable decision, though,” Joshua informed her. “Maverick and Steve are very brash and won’t wait forever.”
“Eh, I’m sure they’ll learn to get along,” Raye reassured.
“Your suggestions are getting us NOWHERE,” Maverick shouted.
“Well, maybe if you actually suggest anything at all, we would get somewhere!” Steve snapped back.
Chelsea became annoyed by the fight, “I have a better idea, how about we don’t save Raye at all?”
“NO!” Maverick and Steve both responded.
“Why?!” Chelsea moaned. “I don’t even like her that much!”
“Look Chelsea, we’re down by one, we can’t afford to lose another member,” Maverick explained.
“Speaking of which, where’s Kasumi?” Chelsea asked, as the three teammates looked back and forth.
Kasumi and the flying squirrel were shown, riding back and forth in a mop bucket.
“YEEEHAW!” Kasumi declared, paddling with a broom.
The screen cut back to the Corpses, with the Survivors approaching them from behind.
“Well, look who it is,” Maverick raised an eyebrow at the opposing team.
“Hey lookie, it’s our rivals!” Daniel proclaimed.
Chelsea showed disgust at Chastity, “What the heck happened to your eye?!”
Chastity was shown with a large black eye.
Confessional, Chastity: Little brat got a lucky shot.
“Oooh, look Milo!” Daniel pointed to a small, glowing box.
“”Maybe there’s ray guns inside!” Milo declared.
Chastity grabbed the box, “We’re not taking any chances. We only open the box in an emergency. Got it?”
“Fine...” Milo and Daniel groaned.
“So now that we’re together, why not work together?” Haley asked the Corpses.
Maverick scoffed, “Why should we trust you guys?”
“Alright, fine,” Chastity said, “If you get eaten by aliens, it’s your fault. Don’t blame us.”
Chastity began walking down the hall before Steve grabbed her arm.
“We’re in,” he compromised.
As the two teams continued down the hallway, Chelsea tripped over a wire.
“Auugh!” she shrieked, “I am sick of this show!”
“Oh, come on, it could be worse,” Maverick advised.
Suddenly, the camera on the walls turned into lasers. As the beams began to shoot, Maverick uttered a simple “Uh oh,” as the camera faded to black.
When the scene opened again, the contestants were surrounded by charged blasters.
“.... RUN!” Chastity shouted, as the eight ran off.
Laser beams began to shoot from the wall, as Daniel was hit in the arm.
Daniel gasped, “I’m hit, I’m hit!” he fell to the floor.
“Noooo!” Milo screamed as he ran over to his injured friend.
“Milo... go on without me...” Daniel choked.
“No!” shouted Milo, “I already lost Angie, I’m not losing my best pal too!”
Milo took his belt off, causing his pants to drop, and tied the belt around Daniel’s hand, while Milo held the buckle, “Hold on!”
Milo began running, dragging Daniel across the floor. They reached the door and shut it, before any beams could enter.
“Not even a scratch!” Milo rejoiced, before noticing a beam had went through his polka dot boxers, revealing his crotch.
Confessional, Milo: (blushes) I guess I revealed more than just my secret identity today.
“Well, so nice of you all to join us,” Joshua said in a brash tone.
“Joshua, thank goodness you’re alright!” Daniel uttered, “Chastity almost had a stroke!”
Chastity stepped on Daniel’s foot angrily in response.
Joshua raised an eyebrow, “That concerns me, but there’s no time.”
“Raye, are you alright?” Maverick ran to her attention and unstrapped her.
“Yeah,” Raye stood up and brushed herself off, “I’m alright.”
The two smiled at each other, as Steve looked on in dismay.
Raye quickly broke her comfort, “We need to get out of here before-”
Suddenly, two shadowy figures entered the room. As they walked into the light, it was revealed that they were tall, bug-eyed, green aliens.
“It’s an alien!” Milo screamed, as he ran around in circles.
Chastity proceeded to trip him, “What happened to being the number one member in your position?!”
Milo clung to Chastity’s leg, “I am, but I’m still in the lowest class of the agent ecosystem!”
“What the devil are we supposed to do?!” Joshua asked, as Haley unstrapped him.
The aliens began closing in on the contestants, as a voice was heard from the ceiling.
“Aiiiiiiyaaaaaaaaaah!” Kasumi broadcasted, as she came spiraling down on top of the extraterrestrial creatures. The flying squirrel glided down as well, and landed on Kasumi’s shoulder.
“Dude, where have you been?!” Maverick wondered.
“Long story, but I met a new friend!” Kasumi presented her pet, “I named it Kinezumi, which is Japanese for squirrel!”
Joshua shook his head, “That is not a squirrel, it is a pteromyini, more commonly known as a flying squirrel. They are two separate species.”
“Yeah, but Kinezumi sounds like Kasumi!” Kasumi said quizzically.
“No time for side conversation, let’s get out of here,” Steve persuaded as the contestants ran out the exit.
Running down the hallway, the competitors were stopped as a metal door dropped from the ceiling, trapping them inside.
“What do we do now?!” Haley panicked.
“Lift!” Kasumi chanted, as she tried to lift the door, unsuccessfully.
Daniel turned around and noticed the aliens behind them, “They’re coming!”
Milo turned over to Chastity, noticing the glowing box in her hand.
Chastity noticed Milo staring at the box. “No!” she denied.
“C’mon, Chast!” Milo begged, “Daniel’s hurt, there’s a hole in my boxers, you have a black eye and were also electrocuted, Haley has your nails lodged in her back, and Jack... well, Jack is Jack.”
Chastity sighed, “Fine, but you better know what you’re doing.”
Milo proceeded to put his hand on the box, as it began to expand into a wide, glorious spacecraft. It looked as if it was a plane, with a flatter front and large engines where the wings would end. There was also one large engine on the back. A hatch opened up with a few stairs accessible to board.
Daniel paused, and then spoke, “I call shotgun!”
Confessional, Joshua: I’ve been forced to believe everything on this program is factual, but I cannot give a logical explanation as to how a box transformed into an unrealistic yet functional spacecraft. This series only defies my grasp on knowledge.
Milo, Joshua, Haley, Jack, and Daniel entered the craft. Chastity began to enter, but noticed Maverick behind her.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t take a step further,” Chastity blocked the entrance.
“And just why not?” Maverick snarled.
“I know how we cliqued for a while during this challenge, but this bond has come to an end,” Chastity proceeded to put her heel up to Maverick head, and shoved him down, before closing the hatch.
Confessional, Maverick: Chastity really is the devil in heels. However, I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t kind of hot... Just don’t tell Raye I said that. Or Steve. Or Kasumi.
The inside of the spacecraft was shown, showing it just had enough for four people to sit in the backseat, while Daniel took to the passenger seat and Milo sat in the driver’s seat.
Suddenly, Milo began to tremble.
“Drive this thing already, Milo!” Chastity commanded.
“I can’t!” Milo whimpered. “Y’all were right, I’m not a secret agent, I can’t even keep my pants up. And I just peed a little, so I’m not really that comfortable...”
“Milo, you can do this!” Haley encouraged him.
“Milo...” Daniel uttered from the passenger seat, “Do it for Angie.”
Milo became confident and put the gear in drive, “Fooooor Angie!”
The vehicle began to start up, and proceeded to burst through the metal wall, as the craft continued through the hallway. The Corpses stood there, feeling defeated.
“What now?!” Raye cried out.
As the aliens approached, Kasumi stood in front of them. “Kinezumi, scratch attack!” Kasumi declared, as Kinezumi glided over to the aliens and began scratching an alien’s face, as the other tried to rip the animal off.
“Run, run, run!” Kasumi chanted, as her team ran down the hallway.
Kinezumi jumped off the injured alien and flew into Kasumi pocket. Kasumi tucked him tight and began running down the hallway.
As the camera cutaway to inside the of the spacecraft, Milo began fighting for control.
“It’s going too fast!” Milo panicked.
“Use the break already!” suggested Haley.
Milo glared at her, “Oh really, Haley? Because I was thinking about going faster, ya know, thought that might be fun.”
Haley paused, “There’s no reason for sarcasm...”
“JUST PUSH IT!” Chastity screamed.
Milo stomped on it several times, “I’m TRYING!”
As the spacecraft began going at a faster and faster speed, it burst through the entrance, making the rest of the facility begin to rumble.
As the Corpses continued down the hallways, Maverick noticed parts of the ceiling falling. “Well, two things could happen here. 1. We die.”
“What’s number two?” Raye asked.
As the ceiling crumbled, it began to collapse.
“Ahhhh, s***!” Maverick swore.
A view from the outside was shown, as the spacecraft smashed into a tree.
As the hatch opened, Milo fell out, unconscious.
Haley walked down. “We made it out with Josh, so does that mean-”
Chris entered the scene on his ATV, “You won? In that case, yes it does!”
Daniel, Chastity, Jack, and Joshua walked out, as they began to rejoice.
“However, it seems as the Killer Corpses might have become literal corpses,” Chris joked.
Under the rubble, Maverick crawled up, coughing.
Raye also popped up from the remains.
Raye choked, “What is WRONG with you Chris? You can’t just kidnap people! You deranged a-”
“AS I was saying,” Chris continued, “The Survivors do indeed win the challenge, but there will be no elimination ceremony tonight. Since I’m still somewhat human, I’ve decided the Corpses have already had enough of a beating tonight.”
Kasumi popped up, dazed and confused, “Yaaaay,” she said, before passing out.
The aliens then stood up, and took off their masks.
“Plot twist: the guards were the aliens!” Chris explained, “And the guards were our loyal interns!”
One of the guards coughed, “We want our money, McLean.”
Chris trembled, “Well, due to some budget cuts by the producers, I can’t really give you the money till we have enough money. Too bad!”
The other intern growled, “You won’t get away with it this time, McLean! We’ll figure this one out on our own.”
The two guards walked off as Chelsea, barely conscious, payed attention.
Confessional, Chelsea: (Chelsea swayed back and forth, as if she was going to pass out) Trust me... McLean... I will figure out your secret... Just... you... (Chelsea fell forward, as the camera went to static)
“So... what’s our prize?” Milo nudged Chris.
“Well, since you brought the spacecraft back intact, I guess you can keep it!” Chris announced, as Milo and Daniel high-fived.
Suddenly, the spacecraft, which was parked in front of a tree combusted, setting the aircraft to flames.
Daniel shrugged, “At least we have a great view!”
“Well, since your spacecraft kinda blew up, you guys can have the leftover peanuts from the jumbo jet,” Chris said, “I guess this really is a tribute to season three! Especially with the exploding aircrafts, and all.”
The camera cut to the sleepzone, where a bonfire was lit. Milo and Daniel roasted peanuts, while Chastity sat next to them in dismay. Joshua approached the bonfire, and took a seat next to Chastity.
“So, my peers tell me you were rather concerned for my health, is this true,” Joshua queried.
“Well, duh,” Chastity snarled, “You’re the only other smart person on this team, besides me.”
“Are you sure you weren’t experiencing feelings of infatuation?” Joshua proposed.
Chastity blushed, “Not at all! Ugh, why do people keep throwing themselves on me?”
Chastity walked off as Joshua scratched his head.
Milo moved next to Joshua, “So, Josh, you got a crush on Chastity?”
Joshua looked at Milo in disgust, “Never would I associate myself with such a vulgar and distasteful form of humanity!”
Joshua walked off.
“He so wants her,” Daniel smirked.
Raye walked past the bonfire, and approached Maverick, who was standing beside the mess hall.
“Thanks for saving me today,” Raye lightly punched Maverick.
“It was whatever, I’m just glad you’re okay,” Maverick stated.
Raye leaned up against him, “Can you stop acting weird around me, now?”
“Only if you promise me one thing,” Maverick advised.
“What’s that?” Raye asked.
“Yo-” Maverick began to speak, before Raye grabbed his face and lightly kissed him on the cheek.
"Eh, nevermind," Maverick said with a slight smile. Steve looked at the two in despondency from behind. Heartbroken, he ran off. He jogged off to the bonfire, where Milo and Daniel had fallen asleep. Steve sat down and furiously kicked the firewood. Steve then pulled out the letter he found earlier. He looked up, and finally walked off.
The camera cut to display Steve, who now stood outside of a cave near the entrance gates. He took a second look at the letter, and cautiously entered the cave. Walking in, he saw a figure, covered by shadows.
Steve gulped, and then began to speak. “I don’t know who you are, but I come to you at my most desperate time. Please, is there anything you can do to help me?”
As the figure began to walk into the small amount of light that the cave contained, the light revealed Jack.
Jack smiled, as the camera faded to black.
Chapter 9: 28 Buffets Later
The camera faded in on Chris.
“Previously on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!” Chris began, “The two teams went off on an alien hunt when Raye and Joshua were captured by unidentified flying objects. Maverick and Steve continued their conflict, Chastity and Haley fueled a new conflict, and Joshua and Raye established some newly found respect. That wasn’t the only thing found, though. Kasumi found a new pet, Milo found a new belt... hopefully, and Steve found a mysterious letter that was left for him. Turns out Jack sent it, in order to help Steve win over Raye. In today’s challenge, the contestants will have to rely more on their knowledge than their durability. Knowing them, I’d say this challenge will be one hot mess. Will Chastity be able to maintain a healthy alliance? Will Jack kill Maverick? And are we going to send Kinezumi to the pound?”
An intern was seen next to Chris, holding a cage and a muzzle.
“Probably,” Chris continued, “On Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The scene entered in the mess hall, where the contestants were seen eating in silence.
Steve was shown sitting next to Chelsea, looking proud.
“What are you so happy about?” Chelsea fussed.
“I’m just enjoying this wonderful day,” Steve relaxed.
Confessional, Steve: Finally! I have all the evidence I need for Raye to finally realize what a jerk Maverick is!” (Steve presents a picture, showing Kasumi and Maverick kissing each other; a flashback sequence to the night before begins)
Jack is seen sitting above Steve.
“I think I have something that can help you,” Jack shuffled a deck of cards, and then tossed down the photograph to Steve.
Steve lifted the picture and gasped, “Where did you get this?!”
“I saw it happen before yesterday’s challenge,” Jack stated, “And after some tampering with the video monitors, I acquired the picture.”
“Oh, well, thanks,” Steve mumbled, “But why are you helping me if I’m on the other team?”
Jack faced the other way, “I was once like you, scared of the world around me. Being hopeless and confused, and feeling as if the whole world is against you. So I come to you showing mercy, in order for you to succeed over someone who has it as easy as Maverick does. I’ve done a favor for you, so maybe you could even return it in the future.”
Steve shrugged, “D’okay!”
Confessional, Steve: (The flashback ends) Now all my problems have come to an end! Watch your back, Maverick.
Kasumi began to chew her food and then held out Kinezumi. Kasumi proceeded to spit the pre-chewed food into its mouth.
Maverick gulped, “Kasumi, can you... not do that?”
Kasumi rocked Kinezumi back and forth, “Kinezumi’s too fragile to chew his own food!”
“Can’t you try something more... natural?” Raye suggested.
“Trust me, I already tried breast milk.” Kasumi stated, as her teammates looked at her, disgusted.
The camera panned over to Milo and Daniel, who were poking at a bowl of gruel.
Chastity snapped her fingers, signaling their attention.
“Listen guys, we need to start strategizing,” Chastity whispered.”If not, Haley and her posse will get rid of us all.”
“Don’t worry Chast, everything’s under control!” Milo reassured her.
“Yeah, we’ll once again show the team that we can win with courage and boldness,” Daniel proclaimed, “And fire.”
“Let’s just hope this time that one of our fellow teammates doesn’t attack me,” Chastity glared at Haley, as she looked down in disappointment.
Confessional, Haley: Sure, I feel bad for what I did yesterday. Joshua already told me that I was taking things a little too far. I just need to find a way to make it up to Chastity. Do you think she’d be offended if I bought her a longer shirt?
Chris’s voice is heard over the PA. “Listen up, doctors and doctettes! Today’s challenge will be dealing with how well you can cook, and how well you can save someone from dying of an infectious disease. Legend has it that during the apocalypse, a pandemic will arise, wiping out all of humanity. Conveniently, Chef has come down with mono! Your job today is to make a meal that will both cure him, and taste good. But, since I don’t want you all complaining tomorrow about how you’ve come down with the common cold, I’ll give you ten minutes to sanitize and equip yourself with all the germ medication you need. Go!”
Haley looked back and forth, “Where’d Joshua go?”
Back at the sleep area, Joshua was seen rifling through his suitcase, pulling out gloves and a plague doctor mask frantically.
When the camera flashed back, Raye stood up. “I’m gonna go wash my hands.”
Jack noticed Raye getting up and flashed Steve a signal. Steve stood up and followed Raye. As Raye approached the bathroom, she stopped to swat a fly away. Steve quickly slipped the photo above the bathroom door’s lock. Steve took off before Raye could notice him. As Raye walked toward the door, she grabbed the picture cautiously. When she saw that it was a picture of Kasumi and Maverick kissing, she dropped the photo and punched the bathroom door.
Confessional, Raye: Steve was right this whole time, Maverick is a two-timing jerk. I can’t believe I felt sympathy for someone as brash and cold-hearted as he is. But soon he’ll learn my number one rule: you don’t mess with Raye’s feelings.
As Maverick walked past the girls’ bathroom, he noticed Raye, leaning her head on the door.
“Uh, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you have to turn the handle to get it,” Maverick joked.
Raye turned around furiously, “Sure Maverick, everything’s a big joke to you!”
“Wha-” Maverick began to say, before Raye slammed the photo in his face.
Maverick scanned the image and looked on in awe. “How did you get this?!”
“It doesn’t matter, Maverick,” Raye scolded him, “All that matters is that you’ve been lying to me this whole time. And to think I tried so hard to be your friend.”
“Raye, you have to listen to me!” Maverick pleaded.
“Well, I’m done listening to you,” Raye shushed him, “Maybe it’s time I listened to Steve.”
Raye walked off as Maverick stood in silence. He then picked up the photo and crushed it with rage.
“Hey, hubby!” Kasumi walked up to Maverick playfully.
“Where did Raye find this?!” Maverick presented the image.
“I dunno!” Kasumi expressed confusion.
“Why would you even kiss me?!” Maverick interrogated her, “There was nothing good that could’ve come out of that!”
Kasumi trembled, “I-I just wanted to help you cover your secret! I didn’t know that all this detarame would come out of it!”
“Oh, just stay away from me you annoying weaboo,” Maverick stormed off.
Confessional, Kasumi: … Does this mean Maverick and I are getting a divorce?
The screen cut to display the mess hall kitchen, where the two teams were prepared for the challenge. Joshua approached his team with scrubs, gloves, and the plague mask on his face. Chastity gave one look at him and burst out laughing.
Chris walked in and began cracking up as well.
“And just what the devil are you laughing at?” Joshua demanded.
“I said you could sanitize, not dress for Halloween,” Chris let out a broad chuckle, “so lose the parakeet mask and the scrubs, Doogie Howser.”
Joshua took his mask off with annoyance.
“Now let’s get this challenge started!” Chris commanded.
A bulky intern and a slightly more clean-cut intern wheeled in Chef on a stretcher. Chef was seen sweating heavily and sneezed on Haley.
Haley wiped the fluid on her pants, “Aren’t you guys authorized to give me a tetanus shot??”
“Sorry Haley, but my new and improved interns tell me that you all should’ve been up to date with your vaccinations,” Chris explained.
“So where are the interns from the alien challenge?” Chelsea inquired in a demanding tone.
Chris hesitated, “Well... they’ve been put out of commission for now. The producers thought they deserved a vacation. They’re currently relaxing in Sunset Beach!”
Chelsea raised an eyebrow, “Really? Because I’m positive I would’ve heard someone leave the war zone.”
“Uhhh,” Chris trembled, “Let’s focus on terminally ill Chef for now.”
“Something fishy is going on here...” Chelsea speculated.
“No, the fish is over there,” Kasumi stated, pointing to a bucket of frozen fish.
Making sure nobody was paying attention, Chelsea began to wonder off.
Confessional, Chelsea: I’ve played your games long enough, McLean. It’s time to finally get to the bottom of this secret you’ve been trying so hard to hide. But if I’m going to do this, it’s time to take on civilization. It’s time to explore more of Ontario by paying a little visit to Toronto.
Chelsea began to walk toward the gates of the war zone, making sure she wasn’t spotted by any of the staff. A security guard stood at the gate. As Chelsea approached him, he blocked her.
“Not a step further,” the guard ordered.
Chelsea sighed and reached into her pocket. She fished out five hundred dollar bills and hand them to the guard, “Does this cover it?”
The guard teared up, “Does this cover it?! Chris only pays me 10 dollars an episode! I’m done with this excuse for a reality show! Piano lessons, here I come!” The guard skipped off.
Chelsea shrugged and opened the gates, as the sun gleamed on her figure. “Civilization, it’s time to pay you a visit.
The camera flashed back to the mess hall, where a table for the Corpses was set up on the left side of the kitchen and a table for the Survivors was set up on the right side of the kitchen.
“I’ve given you enough food, spices, and other miscellaneous cooking material to serve a family of twelve. Whenever you finish a meal, you’ll have to deliver it to Chef over in the emergency room, during a sponge bath that will be oriented by our lucky intern!”
“Chef’s getting a sponge bath?” Daniel asked.
“Nope, I am,” Chris pointed out, “And Chef’s watching!”
Chef groaned as the interns wheeled him out of the mess hall, while Chris followed.
Chastity picked up a cookbook, “Okay Survivors, since I took a cooking class in sixth grade, I think it would be best if I led the team for this challenge.”
“Awww,” Milo sighed. “But Daniel and I had a lot of great meal ideas!”
“That’s fine, Milo,” Chastity put a hand on his shoulder, “And that’s why I’m putting you two in charge of cooking!”
Daniel rubbed the back of his head, “Then what will you do?”
“I’m supervising of course,” Chastity justified, “Make sure everything’s going according to plan, right?”
Milo and Daniel high-fived each other and ran off to start cooking. Chastity smiled, as she unfolded a beach chair and began to relax.
Joshua approached her, “What exactly are you elaborating on here?”
“Simple,” Chastity cleared her throat, “If others think I’m in charge of this challenge, they’ll know I’m putting effort into the challenge. If we screw up the challenge, I’ll blame it on Chef Boyar-Dan and James Blind over there.”
“Yes, getting rid of teammates that you are affiliated with is complete common sense,” Joshua mocked.
“I’ve got you, don’t I?” Chastity grinned.
Joshua grimaced, “Don’t look so smug, there will come a day where I will terminate your role on this program, but it seems obvious that the team needs your presence as of now.
Joshua and Chastity turned over to see Haley playing with cockroach, Jack looking enthused by a butcher knife, and Milo and Daniel making beards with the shaving cream that Chris left behind.
“Point taken,” Chastity smirked, “But for now, truce?”
“... Truce,” Joshua reluctantly said.
Confessional, Chastity: I now have Milo, Daniel, and Josh on my side, which leaves Haley and Jack to be consumed with their own defeat. It’s their loss, but no worries, Joshua will join them soon after.
Confessional, Joshua: As if I would put my trust in some diva who wears a napkin to cover her torso. I will keep her around as long as I need to.
Kasumi pick up a pan, “Welp, who’s ready to start cookin’??”
Raye, Maverick, and Steve gave unenthusiastic looks.
Maverick began to walk off, “I could care less, have fun losing the challenge for us.”
“And I’ll just spend some alone time with Steve,” Raye said loudly, purposely trying to make Maverick hear. Raye and Steve proceeded to walk off, leaving only Kasumi on the Corpses’ side.
Kasumi sighed, as bags formed under her eyes and she quietly began working.
The camera cut to Chelsea, who finally reached Toronto.
She walked through a bush and began to observe the city, “Now to find someone who can help me...”
Two teenage boys on skateboards rode toward Chelsea, before she stopped them. “Hello, boys. I was wondering if you could help me out with an issue. Do either of you happen to know where Total Drama is produced?”
“Uhhh, Total Drama?” a befuddled skater asked, “Isn’t that the show with like, the island?”
Chelsea groaned, “No, that’s Total Drama Island. I’m talking about Total Drama: The Cutting Edge.”
“Uhhh, so, it’s not on an island?” the other skater questioned.
“No, it takes place on a war zone,” Chelsea said, clearly becoming frustrated, “Can either of you just please tell me where the show is produced?!”
The befuddled skater stroked his chin hair, “So, if it’s on a war zone, why’s it called Total Drama Island?”
“Auuugh!” Chelsea yelped, stomping off.
The screen cut back to the mess hall, where Milo was seen adding gravy to the spaghetti that him and Daniel made, while sprinkling garlic on top.
“Ya think Chef will like it?” Milo asked.
Daniel took a strand of spaghetti and tasted it, “Needs a little more spice to it.”
Milo reached for something on his belt, “Luckily for us, my belt coincidentally has some... RED PEPPER!” Milo pulled out the red pepper off of his utility belt.
“HUG ME,” Daniel commanded Milo, as the two embraced. Daniel took the red pepper from Milo and unscrewed the cap, pouring a large amount of red pepper on the meal.
“Let’s go get this to Chef!” Milo and Daniel ran off with the dish, while the rest of the Survivors joined the two, with the exception of Chastity, who was asleep on the beach chair.
Kasumi sat alone at her table.
“Well, I guess the Corpses just don’t quite appreciate Kasumi,” said Kasumi, in third person.
Kinezumi hopped out of Kasumi’s pocket and began squeaking.
Kasumi acted as though she could understand her pet, “I know, but how can I win them over again?”
Kinezumi aimlessly squeaked a few times more.
Kasumi hit her fist on the table, “You’re right. Put an apron on, Kinezumi. You and I are gonna get working!”
Kasumi threw an apron on top of Kinezumi, making the flying squirrel suffocate.
The camera flashed over to the emergency room, where Chef began to eat the dish that Milo and Daniel cooked for him. After taking a few bites, Chef began to sneeze. “What the heck did you flakes put in this?”
“Some butter, marinara sauce, garlic,” Milo counted with his fingers.
“Red pepper!” Daniel declared.
Chef smashed the dish on the ground, “Get back in that kitchen and get me some nutrition!”
The Survivors ran off as Chef laid back down.
Chris was seen relaxing in a wooden hot tub while an intern massaged his feet, “I knew moving the hot tub in here was a good idea! Doesn’t get better than this, right Cheffy?”
Chef groaned, “All I wanted was a nice apartment and a woman to share it with, not some low-budget show with a bunch of prudent teens!”
The screen cut to Raye and Steve, who were sitting outside of the mess hall.
“So, my dislike for Maverick right now aside, why do you hate him so much?” Raye asked Steve.
Steve paused, “Well, I didn’t want to see you end up in the wrong arms.”
Raye laughed, “The wrong arms?”
“Well, yeah,” Steve began, “I once knew a girl like you. She was smart, beautiful, funny... I just can’t seem to remember her.”
Raye put her hand on Steve, “Don’t worry, kid. I’m sure one of the girls here has a thing for you.”
“... Yeah,” Steve sighed.
Maverick watched from afar, but walked away, uninterested.
Confessional, Maverick: Well, I guess if Raye’s into the bland and whiny types, she found the right guy. Just don’t be asking me for anything.
The Survivors were shown back in the kitchen, and Milo and Daniel continued cooking. Jack noticed a quail sitting on the window ledge. The bird began to whistle as Jack whistle back. The bird flew over onto Jack’s finger and began to sing. Jack hummed the tune of the chirping and smiled... before grabbing the bird and throwing it into a pot of boiling water. “Soups on!” he chanted.
Milo snapped his fingers, “Soup! Great idea, Jack!”
Daniel pulled out a bottle from his pocket, “But what’s soup without a little... tabasco!”
“But Daniel, Chef alright had his briefs in a bunch when we but red pepper in his spaghetti,” Milo warned his friend.
“Yeah, but only half a bottle of tabasco won’t hurt,” Daniel explained.
Confessional, Daniel: My mom always told me I had a taste for the culinary arts. Of course, I burned down our house five times, so my mom doesn’t talk to me much anymore.
Kasumi was seen forming separate chunks of rice together. Kinezumi glided over to her with a piece of seaweed in its mouth. Kasumi took the piece of seaweed and wrapped each chunk. She held up a plate of nine riceballs and declared, “Onigiri!”
She darted out the mess hall and entered the emergency room.
“Let’s see what Sailor Loon over here has to offer us,” Chris said, as an intern continued massaging his feet.
Chef leaned up and grabbed a rice ball. After one bite, he spit it out.
“Too bland!” Chef shouted, as he tossed the plate on the ground and stepped on the rice balls.
“But... I used mother’s renowned onigiri recipe!” Kasumi revealed.
“Well, momma ain’t here!” Chef laid back down, “Now either you find me some better tasting food before I’m forced to eat pretty boy’s hair gel.”
Chris was heard off screen, “If you go anywhere near my hair gel, I’m taking away your TV privileges.”
Kasumi walked out of the emergency room in disappointment, when an idea struck in her head. “I know!”
A montage of Kasumi was shown, as she began to chop many vegetables, mix chemicals, and run on a treadmill. When she was shown in the emergency room again, she pulled a plate from behind her back... containing nine rice balls. Chef threw the dish on the ground again, as Kasumi stomped off childishly.
The camera cut, showing Chelsea back in Toronto.
She was shown to be greatly angered, “... For the last time, Total Drama: The Cutting Edge does not take place on an Island."
A woman, holding a baby, stood in front of her, “It’s kind of peculiar that they call in Total Drama Island then, isn’t it?”
Chelsea screamed in frustration and walked off.
As the camera flashed back, Milo was seen holding a steaming bowl of soup.
“Let’s get this to Chef, before it cools,” Daniel suggested, as the Survivors ran to the emergency room.
On the way, soup began to sway back and forth in the bowl.
Daniel noticed this, “Milo, control your speed, the soup might spill!”
“Relax, I got this all under control!” Milo proclaimed.
Daniel put his hands on the bowl, “Maybe you should let me handle this.”
Milo pulled back, “Relax, dude. I got this.”
The two began to pull back and forth, only for Milo to accidentally throw the bowl backwards, sending the steaming soup into Haley face.
“MY FACE! MY TAME, YET CHARMING FACE!” Haley cried, as she ran off.
“What the heck, Dan?!” Milo poked Daniel in the chest.
Daniel shoved Milo’s hand off, “What do you mean? You were the one who threw the soup in precious Haley’s face!”
“Well, maybe if you trusted me with the bowl, I wouldn’t have given third degree burns to our petite friend Haley!” Milo snapped back.
Daniel folded his arms, “I’m not even sure I trust you with this dish!”
“Well, then we’ll make our own!” Milo instructed, “We’ll just see who the best cook is after Chef tastes our meals!”
“Fine!” Daniel and Milo walked off, as Chastity and Joshua looked puzzled.
Confessional, Chastity: Hey, as long as the attention is off of me for once, I’m fine with this.
Back in the kitchen, Milo and Daniel began setting up cooking items on opposite sides of the sink. Jack began to observe.
Confessional, Jack: I see a lot of myself in Daniel... the arson, the anger that lies inside him, and how he’s willing to practically kill Chef with a dish he’s cooking... I’m in.
Jack picked up a pan next to Daniel, “Why don’t I help you?”
Daniel smirked, “Hey, why not?”
Confessional, Daniel: I’d be lying if I said that Jack didn’t terrify me, but I’m sure he shares my culinary tastes... and my interest in FIRE.
Haley looked over at Milo, who was alone.
Confessional, Haley: I felt bad for Milo. I’m sure he’s going through a tough time without Daniel, and I could always use a friend.
Haley walked up to Milo and tied an apron around herself, “Need a hand?”
Milo smiled, “Sure thing!”
Jack chuckled loudly.
“What’s so funny?” Milo grimaced.
“You think you schmucks can beat us?” Daniel asked cockily.
“Haley and I have more cooking talent than you and Pee-Wee Homicide over there!” Milo snapped.
“Fine, we’ll see who the better chefs are when this challenge is over!” Daniel stated.
Daniel and Jack began to chop vegetables as Milo and Haley began to boil water.
Confessional, Milo: I owe Haley for helping me out with Chef’s dinner... maybe later I can serve her some dessert. (Milo gulps) Don’t tell Angie I said that.
The camera panned over to Kasumi, who was becoming frustrated with the way things were turning out.
“There’s gotta be something we can serve to Chef!” Kasumi fussed.
Kinezumi began sucking up ginger ale from Kasumi’s cup, using a straw.
Kasumi picked up the glass and snapped her fingers, “That’s it!”
The camera panned back to the two separate Survivor groups.
Daniel began to stir the peppers in his dish, “Now all I need is some beef, but where to find it?”
Jack tossed a bag of raw meat onto the counter.
“Jack... where did you-” Daniel began to say, before he ended with, “Nevermind...”
As Milo heated up his dish, Haley began to stir noodles.
Chastity watched from her beach chair, where Joshua sat closely in a stool.
“It’s fun watching losers fight,” Chastity laughed.
“Well, I do enjoy a good fight,” Joshua agreed.
As the camera cut, Haley and Milo were finishing their dish just as Jack and Daniel has finished theirs.
“Hey, it was our idea to make soup!” Milo scolded them.
“It’s not soup, it’s stew,” Daniel corrected Milo, “And it’s sure to be a bigger hit than your abomination creation.”
“Don’t you talk about Milo Jr. like that!” Milo shouted, blowing on his soup.
The four ran over to the emergency room.
Chef began to cough, “It’s about time I got another meal! Milo, Haley, what do you got?”
Milo held up his dish as Haley spoke, “Presenting Haley and Milo’s chicken noodle soup! With all those nutritious ingredients that your parents used to hide in your breakfast each morning!”
Chef grabbed the bowl and began to drink from it. When the bowl was halfway finished, he smiled.
“My pores, they’re opening up!” Chef cheered.
Milo and Haley high-fived each other in anticipation.
“Only problem is that it tastes like a bucket of diarrhea!” Chef smashed the bowl on the ground, as Milo and Haley looked down in disappointment.
“Dragon boy and freaky kid, what do you got??” Chef reached out his arms.
Daniel held up his bowl proudly, “Presenting the Jack/Daniel chili con carne! It has a bit of a zing, but it sure to satisfy those mucus coated taste buds!”
Chef grabbed the dish and began to take spoonfuls of the meal.
“It’s... delicious!” Chef smiled, as Daniel cheered. Chef smashed Daniel’s bowl as well, “Only this time it isn’t giving me the vitamins I need!”
“Awwww, crap!” Daniel moped.
“Isn’t there anyone who can give me a dish that will make me feel better and won’t taste like old lady?!” Chef demanded.
“I caaaaaan!” Kasumi sang, as tossed a dish into Chef’s hands. “Presenting Kasumi and Kinezumi’s gari! It’s sure to make you feel better with all that yummy texture and beneficial factors, including a helpful amount of ginger!”
“Well, not the most original entrance,” Chris complained, who was still receiving a foot massage.
Chef observed the food product, “Looks like ham,” Chef stuck a few pieces in his mouth. “Tastes like a pickle.” Seconds later, Chef stood up, “Hey, my stomach feels better! Sure, my bones ache, I’m physically exhausted, and my nasal passages of blocked off by those dang mucus particles, but my stomach feels great! And the pickle wasn’t that bad either.”
Chris stood up, wearing a speedo, “And it looks like Kasumi and her pet have secured the Corpses victory!”
Kasumi squealed, “We did it, my honorary team!” Kasumi looked over, as no one from her team was there to witness.
Chastity and Joshua entered, as Milo, Daniel, and Haley looked down in disbelief, while Jack seemed indifferent.
“Chastity, Josh, so nice of you for joining us,” Chris greeted them, “Luckily for you, you’ll be in this room again later, doesn’t that sound like fun?”
Chastity and Joshua glared at their teammates.
Confessional, Milo: No wonder grandma never let me go near her stove! I just thought she hated me! … Wait. That means that she loves me! GRANDMA LOVES ME AFTERALL!
Confessional, Daniel: I guess I don’t have the culinary touch... I guess being a pyromaniac and being a chef are two different things.
Confessional, Maverick: Why should I care if my team won? I really wouldn’t mind just leaving this show right now with all the jerks around me.
Confessional, Raye: I guess I should be happy, but I’m not. I gotta face the facts, I don’t like it when I have bad relations with another person. I better clear the air with him. I mean, I do l... like him.
Confessional, Steve: I'm psyched we won. Chances are, Maverick’s aiming for me now, and he might be able to get me off. But thankfully, I get to spend more time with Raye.... By the way, where’s Chelsea been?
Confessional, Kinezumi: (Kinezumi stares at the camera in confusion, as Kasumi shouts from outside the confessional) MAKE A CONFESSIONAL, KINEZUMI. IT’LL BE CUTE.
The camera cut away to the elimination ceremony, where Joshua and Chastity sat next to each other, Haley and Jack sat next to each other, and Daniel and Milo sat shamefully next to each other.
Chris held five survival kits in his hands. “Well, can’t say I’m shocked to see you guys here, because I’ve already expressed it during the challenge. Really? Really? You let a squirrel show you up?”
The Survivors glared at Chris, who began to laugh, “Our survival kits go to... surprisingly, Chastity and the ever-annoying Joshua!”
Chastity and Joshua caught their kits.
“Haley!” Chris announced, as Haley caught her kit.
“Jack!” Chris tossed Jack his kit.
Milo and Daniel looked at each other, worried.
“Well, look who’s here,” Chris said smugly, “It’s the two lovebirds, but unfortunately, I have to break you up. It’s also pretty interesting to note that both of you voted for yourselves, but even though you were trying to save each other, one of you is still getting the boot...”
Daniel gulped and Milo bit his nails.
Chris held up the last kit, “The final kit goes to...........”
“... Milo!” Chris tossed Milo as kit, as Milo caught it sadly.
Chris put a hand on his shoulder, “Danny boy, it’s time to take the Launch of Shame!”
The camera cut to outside of the emergency room, where Daniel was tied to the rocket.
“Any final words, Sparky?” asked Chris.
Daniel opened his mouth to speak, before Milo shouted “Wait!”
Milo ran over to the rocket, “Daniel, I hope you forgive me.”
Daniel laughed, “Don’t worry, buddy. It’s fire over the bridge.”
“You mean water under th-” Milo began to say.
“Don’t instigate...” Daniel stopped him.
Milo smiled, “Well, seeya pal.”
Daniel frowned, but then spoke, “Can you do me one last favor?”
“What’s that, buddy?” Milo asked his friend.
Daniel tossed him a match, “Can you send me off?”
Milo smiled and lit the match, “It would be my honor.”
Milo lit the wick, as it shortened and sent the rocket flying.
Milo waved goodbye as he sighed, “So long, buddy.”
“Well, that’s it for another episode!” Chris said, as he prepared to sign off, “Tune in next time to se-”
An intern ran up to Chris and whispered in his ear.
Chris began to build up with fury “CHELSEA’S WHERE?!?!”
The camera flashed to Chelsea, as she sat on a bench, rubbing her feet. “My feet are blistered, the mosquitos have made a meal out of my shoulders, and everyone here is a total moron! I’m never going to find anyone who can help me!”
“I can help you...” A voice said.
Chelsea turned to see a shadowed figure, covered by a trench coat and a top hat.
“Under contract I’m not allowed to tell you what the deal is with the producers,” The figure whispered, “But, I can provide you with information where you can find the truth behind the producers of Total Drama. Clear?”
Chelsea smirked deviously, “Crystal.”
The camera faded out.
Chapter 10: Survival of the Nitwits
The camera faded in on Chris.
“Last time on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!” Chris broadcasted. “Our cooking challenge brought out the worst in our friendly neighborhood losers, considering that Kasumi was the only one on her team that was actually competing. Mr. Steal Your Girl Steve sent Maverick into a gloomy and occasionally funny depression, while he stole Raye’s heart, courtesy of Jack. Milo and Daniel’s bromance was sent into a frenzy when the two came across creative differences. Surprisingly, Kasumi and Kinezumi managed to win the challenge for her uncaring team, while Milo bid farewell to his pyromaniac friend, Daniel, who put his teammates in a spicy situation. Oh yeah, did I also happen to mention that Chelsea left the war zone?? Chick’s in for some major punishment when she returns.”
Chris was seen in the port-o-potty, holding a toothbrush with the name “Chelsea” engraved in the handle, “Starting with this,” Chris dropped the toothbrush and laughed. “Whoops! With only ten players left, what surprises are in store for our contestants? Will Maverick win back the heart of his girl? What do I have planned for Chelsea upon her return? Why am I asking you these questions? I dunno, but we’ll answer them here, right now, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The scene entered on the sleep area, where all the contestants were fast asleep. Milo was shown sucking his thumb, Jack was hugging a beheaded teddy bear, Haley was snoring loudly, and Joshua was shown with his arm wrapped around Chastity. As the camera panned over to the Corpses’ side, Raye was at rest beside Steve, Maverick was leaned up against a rock, and Kasumi was hidden inside her sleeping bag.
Chris approached the contestants, “In all my years, never have I seen such a peaceful scenario... Which is why I’m going to ruin it. Duh.” Chris put a finger to his ear and pressed a bullhorn.
The contestants awoke quickly.
“Auuuugh!” Chastity screamed, “Can’t we have one night of undisturbed sleep?”
“Nope!” Chris chuckled, “And besides, it’s 5:30 AM. If this were school, you’d all be hightailing it out of your houses with a breakfast burrito in your hand and your pants around your ankles on account of missing the bus.”
“When do you sleep, man?” Steve asked.
“What do you think I do during the challenges?” Chris joked.
As Raye awoke, she hit her head on the back of a rock, “Ow!”
Maverick ran to her attention, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Raye looked in the opposite direction.
Maverick looked at the back of her head, “Are you sure you don’t want me-”
“I’M FINE!” Raye lashed out.
Maverick stepped backward, “Well, excuse me for trying to help...”
Confessional, Maverick: I don’t get it. I try to be the better person; leave the whole kissing Kasumi thing behind, but Raye still doesn’t trust me. What am I supposed to do, have Kasumi kiss Steve and then take a picture of it for Raye to come crawling back to me? … Actually, that’s not a bad idea.
“Today’s challenge focuses around one of the apocalypse’s most important aspects: survival,” Chris announced. “While we dealt with zombies, disease outbreaks, and alien invasions, there is a mild chance of surviving all these wacky and unrealistic turns of events. That’s where this challenge comes in. You’ll be sent out into the woodland area of our warzone. There, you’ll have to camp out for the night, find food, and try not to kill each other. Also, we’ve set up the occasional apocalyptic booby trap to - of course - make things more interesting. And since the Corpses have some tension between teammates, it’ll be nice to see them work together in this challenge.”
“What makes you think we’ll help each other out?” Maverick scoffed.
“Funny you should ask, Maverick,” Chris pointed to Kasumi, who let out a sneeze, “It seems that Chef passed on his illness to Radical Kasumi! Her blood’s running hot and that mucus is running out. Unless you want to risk losing another teammate, I’d pay close attention to Kasumi’s health.”
“Speaking of lost teammate, what happened to Chelsea?” Raye asked.
“Chelsea’s gone off on a little... field trip,” Chris explained, “No biggie, though. Our friend Chef Hatchet is taking care of things.”
The camera cut to Toronto, where Chelsea had been walking prior. Chef pulled a branch from a bush and inhaled its scents, “She’s been here...”
The two skaters that Chelsea had talked to passed by.
“Yo, tool bags!” Chef called for their attention. “Either of you seen a teenage girl around here lately.
The two skaters stopped, as one of them spoke, “Uhhh, what did she like, look like?”
“Short, redhead. Kinda ugly,” Chef gave the skaters a description.
The other skater snapped his fingers, “Yeah, we saw some chick who like, looks like that! She lived on like, an island!”
Chef growled, “That’s not who I’m looking for!”
“Oh,” the first skater uttered, “Well, uh, you could like, uhhh.......”
Chef shoved the two out of his way, “If you want somethin’ done right, gotta do it yourself!”
The camera cut back to the war zone, where Chris continued his explanation, “Y’all gotta make sure you find food, because we ran out of it in the last challenge, and since Chef is gone, we have no one to run to the market to get more. But remember, it’s eat or be eaten around here!”
Joshua looked dazed, “Why would a groceries market be within the path of a war zone.”
“Uh... I was never here,” Chris ran off, but continued his explanation, “The rest areas have your team symbol painted on the ground! That’s where you camp out! Be back by 9 AM tomorrow morning!”
Chastity looked around her, “We don’t even get a tent?!”
Chris had already left the area before he could answer.
Raye looked down at Kasumi, “How are we gonna bring her with us? She’s in pretty rough conditions.”
“Oh... the fabric of the world seems to be ripping,” Kasumi coughed, as her teammates shot on odd glance, “My awakening... starts now... leave me be... for I must perish...”
“Aight,” Maverick shrugged, walking off.
Raye pulled him back, “Mav!”
“What? She’s not actually going to die,” Maverick shook his head, “She looks perfectly fine the way she-”
Kasumi proceeded to vomit on Milo’s shoes.
“Daniel always loved my shoes!” Milo cried.
Chastity slapped Milo, “Keep it together!”
Confessional, Chastity: I don’t know what Daniel and Milo were thinking. If they both voted with me instead of trying to have a mind of their own, we could’ve gotten Jack eliminated. But Jalapeñiel and his sidekick decided to what’s “morally right”. So now, I’m down an alliance member, and I need to make sure my team is alert so we can win this challenge... and because I don’t feel like working during this challenge either.
Chastity crossed her arms, “Alright Survivors, we need to make sure come out on top in this challenge, after the sad departure of our friend Daniel.”
“Uh, didn’t you call him “flaming”?” Haley wondered.
Chastity grabbed Haley’s lips to silence her, “I said he knew his way around a flame, Haley. Don’t twist my words.”
Confessional, Haley: Maybe I’ve been too hard on Chastity. I mean, I’ve been throwing her under the bus a lot lately. Maybe I should stop acting like such a sourpuss to her and just see how things go. Who knows? Maybe we can become friends! We can have sleepovers, and wear friendship bracelets, and braid each other’s hair... the possibilities are ENDLESS!”
The Screaming Survivors began to walk off, as the Corpses surrounded Kasumi.
“So, what do we do?” Steve asked his teammates.
“I say we just leave her,” Maverick suggested, “Chris won’t notice. We can just like, hide her behind a rock.”
As Maverick reached down to pull Kasumi’s sleeping bag, Kinezumi popped out of Kasumi’s pocket, and licked her cheek sadly. As Maverick began pulling her, Kinezumi looked up at him with bulgy, woeful eyes. Maverick noticed the creature, sighed, and put the sleeping bag down.
Raye put her hand on Maverick’s shoulder, “We’re not leaving anyone behind. Chris told us this challenge calls for getting along, and whether our entire team hates each other or not, we need to stick together. Maverick, you grab this end of Kasumi’s sleeping bag, I’ll grab the back, and Steve, you hold the middle.
Steve and Maverick nodded at each other, as the three began to carry Kasumi.
Kinezumi was seen on top of Kasumi from her point of view, as the creature said, “Stay well, my sweet prince.”
Kasumi shook her head and noticed that she was hallucinating.
Confessional, Kasumi: I’m not sure what sort of illness I have, but I think I’ve fallen in love with Kinezumi.
The entrance into the forest was shown, as the Survivors stood in front of a left and right path.
Joshua looked at both passages, “Which path shall we take.”
“Right is right!” Haley stated blissfully.
Joshua groaned, “I do not think that logic will help us out here.”
“I say we take the left path,” Chastity made a suggestion.
Milo began to cry, “Daniel was left handed!”
Jack put his palm on the ground and then stood up, “The left path is booby trapped. Let’s take the right path.”
“How did you come to that conclusion?” Joshua questioned Jack.
“I can feel it...” Jack muttered.
Chastity pursed her lips, “Oookay... On a less psychotic note, let’s take the right path.”
As the Survivors continued walking, the Corpses quickly approached the two trails.
Maverick quickly scanned both, “Which one do we take?”
“I say we take the right path,” suggested Steve, “The Survivors went down that path. We’d be safer going with others.”
Maverick looked toward the left path, “Nah, I say we take the left path.”
Confessional, Maverick: I already trusted Chastity once, and she left us to get probed by aliens. If anything, I’d risk getting booby trapped than spending my time with those five boobs.
“I think Steve’s right,” Raye agreed, “If there are traps, the Survivors will fall into them first and we don’t have to worry about them. Besides, we don’t want to put Kasumi in any harm.”
Maverick sighed, “Look, it’s better we keep a sharp eye on the trail ahead and not join with that bunch of freeloaders. And c’mon, Kasumi’s fine! Just look.” Maverick poked Kasumi from above, “Kasumi, you straight?”
Kasumi began to convulse and foam from the mouth.
“See?” Maverick smiled, as Raye and Steve reluctantly began walking toward the left path.
The camera cut to Chef, who held a walkie-talkie.
Chris’s voice was heard from the device, “Any sign of our runaway?”
“No... none of these city hicks are any help!” Chef panted, “They all keep bringing up some different redhead who lives on an island!”
Chef looked up ahead and noticed a girl crossing the street, “Wait a second...”
Chelsea began to cross the street, as she scanned a map her hand, “Eight more blocks and I’ll have an answer.”
Chef crushed his walkie-talkie in anger and began pursuing Chelsea. Chelsea looked back in horror, “Chef?!?!” Chelsea began to dart onto the sidewalk, while Chef was stuck at a red light. Impatient, Chef hatched an idea. As the camera followed Chelsea down the street, she turned the corner, only to notice that an ice cream truck was close behind her, as Chef held onto the back. Chef leaned over to shout to her, “I’ve got you now, maggot!” Suddenly, the ice cream truck stopped as kids began to crowd the vehicle.
A child jumped on top of Chef, “I want a sundae!”
A second child pulled at Chef’s leg, “I want an ice cream sandwich!”
Chef began kicking kids off of him, “I’m a cook, not some fruity ice cream vendor!”
“Have fun!” Chelsea laughed as she approached the next corner. A bus sat across the street, ready to start driving. Chelsea was stuck at a red light, and noticed Chef catching up fast, with an ice cream cone in his hand. Chelsea tapped her foot impatiently as Chef came closer and closer. Chef ran up to Chelsea, but before he could grab her, she ran into the street. She barely avoided cars, and as Chef trailed closely behind, a taxi hit him from the front. Chelsea reached the other corner and gasped, as Chef lay unconscious on the ground. Chelsea quickly boarded the bus, as it began to roll down the street.
The taxi driver frantically ran up to Chef, “Aw, crap! Are you okay, bro?!”
Chef blinked once and grabbed the driver by his collar, “FOLLOW. THAT. BUS!”
The camera cut back to the Survivors, showing that they were still making their way through the path.
As Milo walked, a robot zombie popped out from a tree. “Aaaaah!” Milo pulled out a can of pepper spray and squirted the robot in the eyes, causing it to malfunction.
Confessional, Milo: My new can of pepper spray comes in handy. Daniel and I made it before he... (Milo wipes a tear away) passed on...
As Haley began to strut happily down the trail, the ground collapsed beneath her, as she fell into a ditch.
“Haley, are you alright?” Joshua called out to her.
“Yeah! I’m okay!” Haley called back, “Besides the dozens of spider and the occasional discarded skeleton down here, I’d say I’m A-okay!”
“We need to conduct a way to help her out,” Joshua stated.
Chastity looked into the hole, “Maybe this is a sign. She fell into a ditch, we should ditch her!”
Joshua shook his head, “We cannot risk losing yet another challenge.”
‘It’s fine, it’s fine,” Chastity disclosed, “If we leave her out here all night, she’ll start to smell, and it’ll attract bears. The bears will eat her and then Chris won’t count it as a technicality and we’ll get the win. Simple!”
Joshua scratched his head, “It seems to me that you have been spending most of your free time with Jack.”
Jack growled at Joshua.
“Guys, I don’t think these spiders are too happy to see me...” Haley called from the ditch.
Joshua turned to Chastity, “We need to stick together.”
“Fine,” Chastity yanked off Milo’s belt, causing his pants to drop. Chastity held out the belt for Haley to grab. As Haley grabbed it, Chastity yanked.
“Put more muscle into it, doll,” Jack snickered.
Chastity pulled at the belt, “She weighs like, 300 pounds!”
“I’m only 92!” Haley whimpered.
As Haley climbed out of the ditch, a spider crawled on Joshua’s leg.
“Ahh!” Joshua shook his leg, “Get this disgusting arachnid off of me!”
“Relax,” Chastity rolled her eyes, “It’s only bad if the spider bites you.”
The spider proceeded to bite Joshua and crawl off of him.
Joshua grabbed his leg in a panic, “What the devil am I to do now?!”
Milo began to weep, “First I lose the love of my life, then I lose my best friend, now Joshua’s gonna die!”
Haley began running back in forth in hysterics, “WHAT DO WE DO?!”
Chastity boiled with anger, as she slapped Milo, “Pull!” Chastity approached Joshua and slapped him, “Yourself!” Chastity finally walked up to Haley and slapped her, “Together!”
“She’s righ- owww!” Haley uttered, rubbed her cheek.
“Listen, the Corpses are probably already at their spot now, and I need to catch up on some much needed sleep,” Chastity urged, “So if we’re ever going to get there, we need to go now.”
“Hey, look!” Milo pointed to the right, as the Screaming Survivors’ team symbol was painted on the ground. “There’s the campsite! We didn’t have to walk into the ditch after all!”
Chastity began to twitch angrily.
The camera panned over to the Corpses, who were just entering their campsite.
“See? No booby traps,” Maverick stated proudly.
Maverick, Raye, and Steve placed Kasumi down.
“Maverick, Steve, go look for some firewood,” Raye ordered.
Maverick looked unpleased, “What are you going to do, then?”
Raye filled up a canteen with water and handed it to Kasumi, “I’m gonna try to pitch a tent for Kasumi, but right now, we need firewood for warmth.”
After pouring water into her mouth, Kasumi held it in her cheeks, only to spit it out at Raye seconds later. Raye looked unamused.
“Well, why do I have to stay with-” Maverick began to say, before getting cut off.
“Just do it, Mav,” Raye demanded.
Maverick gritted his teeth and walked off with Steve.
Confessional, Steve: I may have been a little too judgmental of Maverick. I mean, I’m trying to protect Raye, but all I’ve done so far is unintentionally hurt her and Maverick. Maybe it’s time we buried the hatchet.
Confessional, Chef: Was they talkin’ bout me in here?!
Maverick began to pick up sticks angrily.
Steve finally struck up a conversation, “Alright, Maverick, I know I may not be your favorite person.”
Maverick laughed, “Heh, yeah.”
“But I think we can put that aside us,” Steve continued, “Truce? I know you’re a good guy, Maverick.”
Maverick threw his sticks down, “No, you don’t. You DON’T know me. We’ve been here for three weeks, so don’t act like you know my personality inside and out. Raye doesn’t know me, Kasumi doesn’t know me, and most importantly you don’t know me. I’m not some sad sack with a backstory that causes me to be ticked off all the time, that’s just me.”
“Well, I have a feeling it has something to do with me and Raye,” Steve rubbed his shoulder.
“I never said that it didn’t,” Maverick responded, “But, if we were to make a truce, would you back off of Raye?”
Steve stood nonrespondent.
“Forget it, this was a waste of time,” Maverick stomped off.
Steve, frustrated, grabbed at sticks, “It was worth a try.”
The camera panned back to the Survivors, who were making a tent out of leaves, that was tied together with Milo’s belt and held up by a large branch.
Joshua was seen rubbing his wound cautiously.
“Oh, calm down,” Chastity comforted him, “You’re not going to die from a spider the size of a walnut.”
“It is getting larger and larger by the nanosecond,” Joshua panicked, “I need medical attention.”
Chastity entered the tent and wrapped herself with a blanket, “Well, I need to catch up on some sleep. So while you worry about your boo-boo, I’ll be counting sheep. Milo, you get firewood, Jack, you find food, Haley... you... do something.” Chastity laid her head down.
Milo began to sob, “FIREWOOD. DANIEL LOVED FIREWOOD.”
Chastity groaned, “Fine. Milo, help keep the tent from falling. Haley, you find firewood.”
Haley frowned, “Hmph, I can’t do this alone. I’m gonna need some help.” Haley held a hand to her mouth and sang out, “Aaaaaaaa-aaaa-aaaaaa!”
Suddenly, two deer, three chipmunks, four birds, and a bear approached Haley.
“Hello, my friends!” Haley greeted the animals, “If you could be so kind as to help me find firewood, I would certainly be grateful!”
The bear shrugged, as the animals begin to gather twigs in their mouths.
“How kind!” Haley remarked, as she began to pick up sticks herself.
Confessional, Haley: (Haley chews on an unknown substance as a bird stands on her finger) I’ve always had a passion for animals, ever since I was a kid! Open wide, Mr. Blue Bird! (Haley spit out the remains of the food in her mouth into the mouth of the bird)
Joshua, paying close attention to his bite, looked toward Jack, “Jack, aren’t you at least going to make an attempt to find food?”
“Nah, food will come,” Jack said, keeping his position, “Just gotta wait for it to come to us.”
Joshua, confused, nodded.
The screen cut to Chelsea, who was walking off the bus, as she stood in front of a large building. “Total Drama Inc., you have been found.” Chelsea flashed a devious smile, as she ran to the front door. She pulled at the handle, but it was locked. She grabbed for a rock on the ground and through it at the glass door, breaking it. She reached her arm through the hole and unlocked the door, as she sneaked in. A large screen showed a map of the building. Chelsea payed close attention to it, “If I was a Total Drama producer, where would I hide?” While scanning the map, she noticed “Total Drama Production Office” on the top floor. She ran to the elevator and pressed “Floor 13”, taking her to the top of the building. Chelsea exited the elevator and saw a giant room in front of her, “Well, this is it...” Chelsea opened the door to the room, but was left with an empty room.
“Huh?” she exclaimed, as she browsed the empty room. “Nothing... not a jacket, not a hat. Not even a briefcase left in the room. What gives? Did they know I was coming and fled?!”
Chelsea felt a tap on her shoulder, and as she turned around, she saw a growling Chef behind her. Chef put a sack over her body and dragged her out of the building.
The camera cut back to the Survivors’ campsite, as Haley pranced toward her teammates with a bundle of sticks, and her animal friends behind her.
“We got firewood!” Haley proclaimed, as the animals began pushing the sticks together.
“Uhhh, Haley,” Milo trembled, “Do you really think it’s a good idea to hang out with a bear?”
Haley pet the bear on its head, “Aw, but Barry’s too sweet to be dangerous.”
“But you could make the argument that Barry is... unbearable,” Jack joked, as everyone looked at him in silence. Jack clenched his fist in anger.
Milo, scared, began to fake a laugh. “HA HA HA,” he then began to weep, “Ha... ha... ha.”
“Good,” Jack beamed.
The camera panned over to the Corpses, as the sun began to set and a fire was started. Kinezumi glided above the campsite and dropped a fish from its mouth into the fire.
Raye put a stick through the fish and took a bite out of it, “How you holding up, Kasumi?”
Kasumi began speaking in tongues.
“Nevermind,” Raye muttered.
Maverick stood up, “I’m going for a walk.”
“Where?” Raye questioned him.
“Does it really matter to you?” Maverick lashed out, walking away.
Confessional, Steve: Maybe I am doing the wrong thing. Raye was clearly happier with Maverick than she is now. I guess it’s time I made up for my mistakes.
“Listen Steve, I’m sorry I haven’t been paying more attention to you lately,” Raye comforted him.
Steve shrugged, “It’s cool. Raye...”
Raye shushed him. “Now that Maverick’s out of the way, it’s nice to see that I get to become closer to you.” Raye put her hand on top of Steve’s and gazed into his eyes.
Steve inched away, “Listen Raye, I just...”
“Hm?” Raye wondered, “Spit it out!”
“I just don’t like you that way,” Steve admitted, “Look, I wanna be your friend and protect you from anyone trying to hurt you... but it’s clear that you’re supposed to be with Maverick.”
“Huh??” Raye was in shock, “Where’s this coming from?!”
“I just don’t think I’m meant to be your boyfriend,” Steve stated, “I just want to protect you from anyone that tries to treat you badly.”
“I’m lost,” Raye groaned, “I need some time to be lost in confusion.” Raye closing the tent flaps, as Steve let out a heavy sigh. Maverick sat behind a tree, observing every word of the conversation.
The camera panned back to the Survivors, as Haley entered the campsite.
“Where have you been?” Milo said, with a mouth full of food.
Haley zipped up her pants, “I had to tinkle! Hey, where’s Barry and the Furry Bunch?”
“You mean your mammalian friends?” Joshua asked, “They must have resorted back to the woods.”
“Yeah, back to the woods,” Jack snickered, as he offered a piece of food to Haley, “Why don’t you sit down and have a nice piece of deer meat?”
“Sorry, but I’m a veg-” Haley started to say, “Wait, did you say... deer meat?”
Jack then held up clothes made from animal fur, “I made you a nice fur coat as well!”
Haley held her mouth as if she were going to vomit, “I need some time alone!” Haley ran to the tent, and opened the flap, as she gasped. Chastity was fast asleep, but her wig was beside her. Haley stood in shock, as Chastity awoke. “What’s wrong with you, treehugger Haley?” Chastity went to adjust her wig, but she noticed that it was beside her. Chastity began to scream, “GET OUT!”
“I won’t tell anyone!!!” Haley panicked.
Chastity threw a pillow at Haley, “JUST GET OUT OF HERE!”
Haley exited the tent, breathing heavily.
“What happened in there?!” Milo wondered.
“Haley probably fell into another one of Chastity hair-brained schemes,” Joshua joked.
Upon hearing Joshua’s comment, Haley fell to the ground, unconscious.
The Corpses’ campsite was seen again, as Kinezumi nibbled up a fish, and happily shared the other half with Kasumi. Steve sat by the campfire, roasting a fish.
Maverick approached him, “Mind if I have one of them?”
Steve smirked, “Finally coming around, eh?”
“Don’t push your luck, kid,” Maverick grabbed a fish, “I just came for some grub.”
“Well, if it means anything, I’ve already tried to talk to Raye to get her to like you,” Steve explained, “Didn’t work... particularly well.”
Maverick took a bite out of the fish, “Ah, she’ll come around eventually. What I wanna know is why you gave in so quickly after you won her over. And I’m interested to hear this backstory as well.”
Steve scratched the back of his neck, “Well, I gave up because I guess I don’t want Raye as a girlfriend. It’s funny, she reminds me of a girl I used to know. I liked her alot, but she didn’t feel the same way about me. I kept trying to be persistent around her, but she never caught on. Eventually she fell into the wrong arms, and as much as I tried to tell her that he was no good, she just thought I was trying to interfere. Likely enough, they broke up a year later, and I haven’t spoken to her since. Maybe that’s why I identify with Raye so much. Maybe I felt like I couldn’t protect that girl, so I did everything I could to prevent Raye ending up in that position.”
Maverick patted Steve on the back, “That kinda made you sound like a total wuss. But, I respect you for it.”
Steve smiled, “Can I get that truce now?”
“Yeah, why not?” Maverick punched Steve in the arm, “But that’s for messing with my lady friend in the first place.”
“Ah, I’ll help you get her back,” Steve promised.
“You’re not so bad, enigma,” Maverick said.
“Okay, so, which one of you is going to help me use the bathroom?” Kasumi asked.
“I knew this moment was too sappy,” Maverick ran off, “That’s all you, buddy!”
Steve groaned, “Yeah, thanks, pal.”
The sun began to rise, as the Survivors’ campsite was shown. Milo, Joshua, Jack, and Haley.
Milo quickly awoke and looked at his wristwatch, “Shoot, we overslept!”
“We have Haley to blame,” Joshua scoffed, “She’s the one who wouldn’t let us sleep in the tent.
Haley quickly came up with an excuse, “There was a spider in there!”
“Joshua and I aren’t afraid of a little baby spider,” Milo proudly proclaimed, “Right buddy?”
Joshua hesitated, “Let’s get back to the war zone... Just leave the tent!”
As the Survivors ran off, Chastity poked her head out of the tent, “Uh... hello?”
The Corpses were seen running out of the woods, with Kasumi skipping along with them.
Confessional, Kasumi: My okaasan once told me that an illness is the best way to bring others together. I guess you can thank the lovely Kasumi for accomplishing that!
The Survivors ran closely behind the Corpses.
“We’re going to lose!” Milo exclaimed.
Joshua grabbed for Milo’s pepper spray, “Let me see this...”
Steve began to accelerate his speed, “First place, here we co-”
Steve was hit in the back of the head by the pepper spray can. While Raye and Maverick went to help him, Joshua, Haley, Jack, and Milo crossed the finish line.
“We win!” Haley cheered.
Chris approached the finish line, yawning, “Not exactly. Forgetting someone?”
Chastity hopped over the finish line in her sleeping bag, “Couldn’t any of you wake me up?!”
“As much as I’d love to hear an answer to that question, I need to finish some important business with Chef,” Chris explained, “So yeah, Survivors lose, Corpses win, hoorah, hoorah.”
Confessional, Chastity: While my whole team proved to be a let down today, someone else in particular needs to go down. You know who you are.
The camera faded in on the emergency hut, as Chastity, Milo, Haley, Joshua, and Jack sat inside.
“Where’s the emergency kits of expired treats??” Milo inquired.
“Like I said, Chef and I have our hands tied with very important matters,” Chris stated
“Well, while we are in here, can I at least get some antibiotics for this spider bite?” Joshua requested.
“Oh, those weren’t spiders, those were mosquitoes we dressed up like spiders,” Chris laughed.
“Well, that’s... random,” Joshua scratched his bite.
Chris pulled out a remote, “With that bit of nonsense aside, since I’m still up for a dramatic elimination ceremony, I’ve decided to air your confessionals, via random TV screen!”
A TV screen popped down from the ceiling, displaying the confessionals that were used for voting.
Confessional, Chastity: So long, Haley. Say hi to my old friend Arthur for me!
Confessional, Haley: Well... I vote Chastity. After her little... outburst at me yesterday, I don’t want her here anymore... Is that mean??
Chastity glared at Haley.
Confessional, Jack: Chastity.
Confessional, Joshua: I vote Jack, because although he may be able to come in handy, he’s a bit of a hose basket at times. I am just relieved these are never played live.
Confessional, Milo: Hate to say it, but I vote Chastity, She MUST have had some part in getting rid of Daniel. Call me, though!
“You mean...” Chastity gasped.
“Yup, it’s time to take the Launch of Shame, my dear!” Chris announced.
Chastity turned to her teammates, “You bunch of TRAITORS. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have even found your way to the campsite!”
“Well, actually, I found it,” Milo chuckled.
“SHUT UP,” Chastity shouted. “If I ever have to see you losers again after this, I sw-”
Chef popped in and whispered something into Chris’s ear.
“I wouldn’t finish that sentence Chastity,” Chris stopped her, “Because you aren’t taking the Launch of Shame tonight, your rival CHELSEA is!”
Chef held up Chelsea, with tape over her mouth and around her arms.
Chastity blushed, “Heh, forget what I said back there.”
The camera flashed outside, where Chelsea was tied to the rocket.
“Any final... ah, forget it,” Chris pressed a button on his remote, “Peace out!”
Chelsea began to squirm and try to talk, but the rocket launched off into scenic nowhere.
“Well, that’s one problem off our backs!” Chris said, relieved, “Wanna go dress up more mosquitoes?”
“I thought you’d never asked!” Chef replied, as the two walked off.
Chastity was wiping off her makeup in the bathroom.
Haley approached her, “Listen Chastity, I won’t tell your secret to anyone.”
Chastity smiled, “Thanks, Haley. It’s just that... I’ve gone through so much when I was a kid... I just don’t think I can handle my stress alone.” Chastity began to sob.
“Listen... I know we haven’t quite gotten along in the past,” Haley began, “But if you ever need a friend is this game, I’m always around.”
Chastity wiped a tear away, “Really? That means a lot to me.”
Haley hugged her, “Anytime. Anyway, we better get some sleep, gotta be ready for tomorrow’s challenge!”
“Oh, I will!” Chastity called to her, as Haley exited the bathroom.
Chastity took one final devious look into the mirror, “Oh, I will...”
The camera faded to black.
Chapter 11: Race to Sandwich Mountain
The camera faded in on Chris, who was sitting in front of a television, shoving popcorn in his mouth.
“Hm?” Chris looked at the camera, spitting out his popcorn, “Uh, on the last episode of… Total Drama: The Cutting Edge… Heh. The contestants were faced with a survival challenge, which only showed how incapable they are of taking care of themselves. When Kasumi almost turned into a literal corpse, her killer teammates pulled through and decided to work together, which led to a sappy understanding between Maverick and Steve. Meanwhile, Chastity faced a bit of a hairy situation when Haley discovered her thinning secret, which ultimately led to Chastity oversleeping and costing her team the challenge. HOWEVER, instead of Chastity leaving that night, pain in the butt Chelsea went home after trying to meddle with the production. Unfortunately, that also means we have a lawsuit on our hands from Chelsea’s father.”
Chris’s phone rang, as he answered it, “I told you, Mr. Franklin, I don’t feel like going to court this week! … Can’t we do it like, on Wednesday? I’m always cool with Wednesday.” Chris groaned and tossed his phone into the distance, “Who will be joining Loserville next? Will Maverick win over the heart of his girl? How long before Haley blabs Chastity’s secret? And will I be able to watch my demolition derby shows without Chelsea’s dad constantly calling me? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The scene entered on Maverick, who was pounding on the bathroom door, while holding his crotch, “Come on, already! I gotta drain the hose.”
Raye opened the door, scoffing, “Good to know you’re holding your bladder better than you can hold a relationship.”
“Aww, come on, Raye, lighten up,” Maverick encouraged, “You cheated on me with Steve, and I was able to get over that.”
“I was never even with Steve!” Raye shouted, “You’re the one who fondled Kasumi!”
Kasumi fell down from above, “Did somebody mention Kasumi?!”
“Where did you-” Maverick shook his head in confusion, “Look Raye, I already made buddy-buddy with Steve, and it was corny enough. Can’t we just put this behind us?”
“I… I-” Raye stuttered, “ I have a bowl of slop waiting for me in the mess hall.”
Raye walked off, as Maverick sighed, and then turned to a waving Kasumi.
Maverick raised an eyebrow, “Don’t you have a rodent to take care of?”
Confessional, Maverick: Well, I can’t say I haven’t tried. Raye just isn’t interested in me. Maybe after the show’s over I can score it with one of the chicks back home. Then again, my town’s only full of materialistic bimbos and tramps.
Confessional, Raye: … Where did Kasumi come from?
The Survivors’ table was shown. Chastity was happily eating her food, as Haley, who had large bags under her eyes and disheveled hair, began to shake nervously.
Milo shoved a spoonful of gruel in his mouth, “Haley, can you pass the salt?”
Haley began to twitch.
“Haley, are you in a stable condition?” Joshua asked.
“Oh, she’s fine,” Chastity nudged Haley, “Just had a rough night of sleep.”
“Well, we need to be at our most alert today,” Joshua stated, “We have consecutively lost twice, so we have about a fifty percent chance of losing today.”
“Wouldn’t it be about sixty percent?” Chastity wondered, “I mean, if Jack finally decides to kill one of us, than we’d probably have a better chance of losing.”
Jack let out a hearty chuckle.
“Oh, now you are just splitting hairs,” Joshua complained.
Haley jumped up, “WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HAIR?!” Haley ran out of the mess hall.
Joshua stroked his chin, “What was that all about?”
Chastity wiped her mouth, “Beats me.”
“... Does this mean I’m not getting my salt?” Milo inquired.
Steve was seen at the Killer Corpses’ table by himself, drinking a glass a juice. Maverick walked over a sat beside him.
Steve put the glass down, “How goes it?”
Maverick rubbed his neck, “Eh, not too good. She still thinks I’m a no-good cheater.”
“Well, she’s technically right,” Steve joked, but receiving a negative response from Maverick.
Maverick rested his chin on the table, “It’s whatever. At this point, I’ll just let her do whatever. Afterall, the only reason I came here was to win that one million dollars. Not to win over the heart of some fortune teller.”
Steve emitted a deep breath of grief.
Confessional, Steve: This whole thing is kinda my fault. I wanted to make Raye happy and safe, but just ended up misleading her. I guess it’s time for the new Steve to take his position and help Maverick to win back Raye.
Milo scooched over to Joshua at the Survivors’ table, as Joshua looked at him, annoyedly.
Confessional, Milo: I lost the love of my life and my best friend. Also, Chastity’s pretty ticked at me for voting her off, so I figured it’s time to find a new pal around the war zone. Since Jack’s a little nutso and Haley’s borderline schizophrenic, I’m gonna try my luck with Joshua.
Milo gleamed happily at Joshua.
Joshua pushed his gruel aside, “Is there something I can assist you with?”
Milo continued to smile aimlessly.
“... Right,” Joshua muttered. “Please leave me alone.”
Confessional, Milo: Alright, not exactly my best start. But before you know it, Josh and I will be the best of friends… next to, Daniel, of course. (Milo holds up the peace sign) Fight the good fight, brotha.
Raye and Kasumi entered the mess hall.
Chastity clapped, “Look who it is, the team that lost one of their own members, even though they had won!”
Raye glared, “Look, I don’t know why Chelsea’s gone, but we don’t need her. The Killer Corpses are perfectly stable on their own.”
Kasumi held up Kinezumi to Raye, “Hey Raye, do you think I could neuter Kinezumi on my own? I mean, I don’t have the right tools, but there’s always my chompers.”
Chastity rolled her eyes, “Real competition we’re facing here.”
Suddenly, a fast moving vehicle came speeding through the mess hall and drove into the kitchen, as a large crash was heard. The contestants ran into the kitchen to see what happened. The vehicle was smoking as a discarded tire began to roll around. Chris emerged from the vehicle, taking off his helmet, “I told you the break was jammed!”
Chef also emerged from the vehicle, “You told me we were out of jam! That’s why I’ve been eating peanut butter and a-whole-load-of-nothing sandwiches for the past week!”
“What the heck happened?!” Steve panicked.
Chris brushed himself off, “We were involved in a little accident. Ya know, since Chef apparently knows how to fly a jet, yet can’t even drive a car.”
“Maybe I’ll drive better when you GIVE ME MY PAYCHECK!” Chef shouted.
“So, what phoned in excuse are you going to give us for a vehicle themed challenge?” Joshua asked.
Chris hopped down from the crashed vehicle, “Glad you asked Joshua. With the economic and financial crashes, along with the possible nuclear destruction of the world, cars will become a thing of the past, and also a thing of the trash. Follow me, kiddies!”
The scene cut over to a junkyard filled with various different items and dark blobs of gray, located directly past the mountains.
“Here’s the wonderful world of the Total Drama junkyard!” Chris exclaimed.
“More like a Total Drama JUNKYARD,” Milo snickered, as he nudged Joshua.
“That’s what I said,” Chris groaned, monotonously, “That awful joke aside, at some point under all the destruction, civilians will try to restore the glorious creation that is the automobile, and a junkyard is the perfect start. Grab whatever you can to build a vehicle that looks awesome and works great. Chef and I will judge how well your vehicle turns out, which will only be the first part of your challenge. We’ll get to part two when we get there. I like to call the first part of the challenge “Arts and CRAP!”
Milo nudged Joshua, “More like Arts an-”
“No one’s laughing, Milo,” Chris shushed him.
Joshua picked up a dusty pizza box from the pile of junk, “How likely is it that one of us will come across an asset that will actually assist us in this challenge?”
“About as likely as Chef getting his paycheck,” Chris laughed, “Or learning how to drive. Or getting a girlfriend. Or-”
Chef threw one of the discarded tires at Chris.
“Could you maybe explain to us what happened to Chelsea, now that you’re explanation is over?” Raye demanded.
Chris rubbed his head in pain, “Chelsea and I had some… creative differences. So I only thought it was best that she left the war zone. Heh…”
“I get the strangest feeling that you’re lying to us,” Steve said sarcastically.
Chris’s phone began to ring. As he looked at the caller I.D., he became nervous, “Uh… look! Birds!”
The contestants continued their focus on Chris, before he ran away in fear.
Raye picked up a bra out from the pile of trash, “Yup, building a car seems pretty likely.”
Kasumi clapped happily, “Just leave all the building to me, Corpses!”
Confessional, Kasumi: After buying the boxset for Mortal Grand Prix, Kasumi has an extensive knowledge on how to build a delectable race car!
Kasumi began to gather several rustic parts from the pile.
“What do you want us to help with?” Steve asked.
Kasumi struggled with the pile, “Just… leave everything… to me.”
Steve and Maverick shrugged as they sat down to watch Kasumi work.
Joshua pick up a mirror to a car door, “This should not be too difficult. I know my way around an automobile.”
Milo popped out from the garbage with a steering wheel in his hands, “I can help you out with that, J!”
“... J?” Joshua groaned.
“Yeah!” Milo gleamed, “Because… you know… it’s the first… letter… of your… yeah.”
“Right,” Joshua set the steering wheel down, “I think I’m perfectly capable of building our team’s vehicle by myself. So if you could kindly take a place on the sidelines, you’d have my utmost appreciation.”
Milo sadly slid down from the pile.
Chastity looked toward Milo’s direction.
Confessional, Chastity: It’s only a matter of time before Milo tries to vote me off again, so I need to win him back. How will I do that? (Chastity applies lip gloss and messies her hair) I have my ways.
Chastity approached Milo, “Milo, look what I have! It’s blueprints for an awesome looking car!” Chastity reached into her top and pulled out a piece of paper.
Milo began to read the piece of paper, “This is a menu for a tuna shop.”
“Yeah, anyways,” Chastity changed the topic, “If we’re going to make it far in this game, we need to stick together.”
“Eh, I’m not sure,” Milo muttered, “I’m not really one for alliances. I’d rather just use my impressive gadgets to get to the finals.”
“Don’t think of it as alliance, think of it as two contestants working together against all odds,” Chastity placed her hand on Milo’s cheek. “Look Milo, if we want to get into the finals, we need each other. And I can’t do it without your slick moves and well put together tools.”
Milo began to blush, “Well, I guess we could work together…”
Chastity kissed Milo on the cheek, “That’s more like it.”
Milo rubbed his cheek and blushed again.
Confessional, Milo: Uh, for the record, that was not attraction I felt back there. I am happily committed to Chasti- ANGIE. Can we… can we cut th- (camera goes to static)
As the camera flashed to later that day, the Corpses’ were shown to have a red convertible vehicle that was still in the works. Kasumi was seen under the car, working with a wrench. She then placed a face mask on and whistled for Kinezumi. Kinezumi crawled over to her with a blowtorch in its mouth, as Kasumi began to torch the bottom of the vehicle.
The Screaming Survivors were shown to have no vehicle, as Joshua continued to make blueprints.
Chastity sat on her usual beach chair, wearing a blue bikini and sunglasses, “Are you done with your homework yet?”
Joshua snarled, “Laugh all you want, when this vehicle is complete, I will be patiently awaiting the acclaim given to me for single handedly being able to complete a challenge without the usual red herrings prepared by Chris.”
Haley came out of nowhere, looking more disoriented than before, “HER HAIR’S BLONDE, NOT RED.”
Joshua stared at her contently, “Alrighty, then.”
Chastity rolled her eyes and turned over in her chair, facing the Corpses.
Maverick and Steve continued to relax, as Raye sat next to Steve.
Steve whistled uncomfortably before standing up, “Just going for a little stretch.”
“I’ll come with you,” Raye stood up.
Steve stared at her awkwardly, “On second thought, I’ll sit down.”
“I know what you two are trying to do!” Raye snapped. “Look, I’m confused right now. I need time to think over what I want, is that so hard to ask for?!”
Maverick began to walk off, “All I want is to get past this, but we can’t always get what we want, can we?”
The two stormed off as Steve let out a deep breath.
Chastity payed close attention and smiled.
Confessional, Chastity: I’ve had enough work with the boys on my team. Now time to take a different route.
Chastity approached Steve, “What’s wrong, Steve-o?”
“It’s pretty much my fault that Raye and Maverick are brawling,” Steve explained, “I’m just not sure what to do.”
Chastity put her hand on Steve’s shoulder, “Listen Stevey, the problems not going to cure itself. If you want something done, you have to do it. Like you said, it’s your fault that it came to this point. If you want advice, I’m your girl.”
“Well, what do you think I should do?” Steve wondered.
Chastity pulled Steve closer to her and whispered something in his ear.
Steve pulled away, “Think it will work? Seems a bit drastic.”
“Trust me, it’ll put everything in its proper place,” Chastity reassured him.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Steve ran off happily, “Thanks Chastity, you’re the best!”
Chastity smiled deviously, “My pleasure.”
Jack noticed the overjoyed Steve.
Confessional, Jack: I don’t get it, what’s this new power trip that Steve is on? He’s beginning to act like some grand hero. But wherever there’s a hero, there will always be a villain to send every crashing down.
Milo rode over to Joshua on a red bike, “Hey J, look what I found, a bicycle!” Milo rang the bell.
Joshua rubbed his palm on his face, “I do not have time for foolish games, Milo. I need to start building. Now, if you will kindly let me start my progress, I would be most grateful.”
Joshua walked over to the pile of trash and noticed the dirty, stenchful food and items that lied within. Joshua looked as though he was going to vomit and began to sanitize his hands, “Okay nevermind. Help me, Milo.”
Milo smiled happily, “Aye aye, captain!”
Milo dove into the garbage pile and began to swim in it. After spitting out a piece of trash, he picked up several different pieces of metal and tossed them onto his team’s spot.
Confessional, Joshua: While Milo is rather… expendable, I think he comes in handy in this challenge. Not because I have a problem with trash or anything. I just could not find a way to add it into my daily agenda.
As a few hours passed by, Joshua was shown to have fallen asleep near the heap of junk.
Milo kicked him awake, “Yo J, look what I made!”
Joshua opened his eyes to see a vehicle resembling a Volkswagen Type 1, painted white with a red smiley face across the front hood.
Joshua slapped his palm in his face, “A beetle? You built something as inferior as a beetle?”
“Why not?” Milo asked in disappointment, “Jack designed it!”
“I noted the hint of psychosis that came with the vehicle,” Joshua uttered.
Jack picked up a red paintbrush, “Why don’t we paint a smile on that face, Joshy boy?”
Chastity turned over to Jack in her beach chair, “The movie villain thing has played its part, you can give it up now.
Jack laughed, “Forget not that this is a TV show, Chastity. I’m no villain, but a mere supporter of terror.”
“Yeah, right,” Chastity said sarcastically, “Along with a mere supporter of children’s face paintings.”
Kasumi was shown to have built a convertible vehicle that resembled a camaro, painted black with a samurai bobblehead along the windshield.
Maverick approached the car, “How the heck did you build this from the trash?”
“You know what they say, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!” Kasumi proclaimed, “Look, I found a hairy tooth brush!!”
Maverick stepped back in disgust, “Throw that away, Kasumi! You don’t know where it’s been.”
A cutaway showed Chef standing outside of a shower, in a towel, “Chris, where’s my luffa?!”
“I don’t know, it’s not like I used it or anything!” Chris said off-screen, “... Heh.”
Chef stomped angrily, before noticing a tooth brush from the cabinet, “This’ll have to do! Heh heh…”
The camera cut back to the junkyard, as Chris and Chef entered.
“Who’s ready for some judging?” Chris inquired, as the teams stood in front of their vehicle, “Since I have little trust in your strategies of putting together a vehicle, Chef will test these babies out, right buddy?”
Chef growled, “Why am I the one who always gets the bad end of the deal??”
“Somebody has to!” Chris exclaimed, “Now start judging, Judy.”
Chef fussed, as he hopped in the Survivors’ vehicle, as he turned the key in the ignition, “It won’t start!”
Milo rubbed his fist against his shirt, “Try the gas pedal.”
Confessional, Milo: I took over twenty electives in my high school years, so you can bet that I know all there is to know about building a car.
Chef pressed down on the gas pedal as the engine exploded, causing combustion from the back of the vehicle.
Confessional, Milo: … Of course, none of those classes involved engineering. Heh…
Joshua stomped over to Milo, angrily, “I give you one task Milo, ONE TASK. Explain your inefficiency; elaborate as to why you couldn’t conclude the development of said vehicle.”
Milo searched his belt.
“What do you think you are doing now?” Joshua snapped.
“Looking for a dictionary,” Milo said with sincerity, as Joshua fumed.
One of the interns extinguished the flame as Chef hopped down from the vehicle, “Yo Chris, when are we getting lunch?! All I want is to get some grub!”
“My computer’s printing out the map to our destination now, that’s why we’re judging,” Chris responded.
Maverick scratched his head, “You mean to tell us that the only reason you're judging is because your printer is stalling?!”
Chris laughed, “Pretty much.”
Maverick, Raye, and Steve glared.
Chris exhaled heavily, “Fine, my intern will print out a map to the superior team’s hot wheels. Happy? And seeing how the Survivors are without a car, it’s only fair that the Corpses get the map!”
Kasumi, Raye, Steve, and Maverick cheered.
Confessional, Chastity: Now you know why I stay out of challenges. The focus is never on someone who doesn’t contribute, it’s always on someone who contributes badly. If Milo gets the boot, I guess it’s my loss, but the merge is coming up. And who knows what accomplishments I can come up with then?
Confessional, Joshua: I fully blame Milo for the ridiculous misdemeanors today. Out of all of my inconsistent team members, he seems to be constantly ranking first. It just seems to be plain uncaring.
(Haley pops in) WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SHE HAS PLENTY OF HAIR. AHAHAHAHA.
(Joshua looks at her in confusion) … Uncaring, Haley.
(Haley slowly exits the confessional as Joshua looks at the camera, shaking his head)
Chris handed Kasumi a map.
“Oooh, we can be just like pirates!” Kasumi cheered, “I love pirates! Just call me Chimpy E. Puffy, buckos!”
Maverick snatched the map from her, “I read the directions, you drive the car.”
Confessional, Maverick: Not sure how, but I somehow trust Kasumi with a car more than I trust her with a map.”
“The map will take you to a checkpoint we set up on the other end of the war zone,” Chris explained, “The first team to reach the checkpoint will be deemed the winner. And by this point, I think we all know where the loser is headed.”
“But if we have no car, how do you expect us to reach the checkpoint??” Milo questioned Chris.
Chris shrugged, “Not my fault that your team’s accustomed to screwing up. See what you can do. Meanwhile, Chef and I will be chowing down on some real food. Au revoir!”
“Cowabunga!” Kasumi chanted, as she jammed on the gas pedal. The Corpses’ car zoomed off in the distance.
“Great, now what are we supposed to do?” Joshua stirred.
“Hey, you guys!” Milo called out, as he rode over to his teammates in the red bicycle he was riding earlier.
Joshua shook his head, “Oh no, there is no way I am participating in this challenge on that discrimination towards motorized vehicles.”
Milo approached Joshua, “Come on, J! I know I let you down the first time and I kinda let our team down and all, but can’t you lend me your trust one last time?”
“Why should I?” Joshua argued.
Milo pointed over to the bicycle, showing that Chastity was sitting on the edge of the seat, Jack wearing roller blades, as he held onto a rope that was tied to the bike, and Haley was sitting in the fetal position in the basket.
“Just hop on the bike already,” Chastity demanded.
Joshua exhaled deeply, “Fine.”
Milo hopped on the seat, as Joshua stood on the pegs of the bicycle.
Milo placed his helmet on and began to pedal, “Woooooohoooo!”
As the Survivors road off, Chef scaled the map, “Uhh, Chris, are you sure this map leads to Burger Bin?”
Chris walked over to examine the map, “Looks like we gave the Corpses the wrong map. Oh well, I can cook us up some sloppy joes!”
Chef dropped the map, “I lost my appetite.”
As the camera cutaway to woods, the Corpses were passing by in their car.
“The checkpoint should be right past this trail!” Maverick announced
“First place, here we come!” Raye declared.
Steve pointed towards an opening, “I can see the checkpoint!”
Kasumi stuck her tongue out in determination, as she jammed on the gas pedal.
As the vehicle exited the woods, a restaurant called Burger Bin stood in front of them. Kasumi put the vehicle to a slow as they approached the drive-thru.
A nasally voice was heard through the speakers, “Welcome to Burger Bin, how may we help you?”
Maverick paused, jaw dropped, “.... WHAAA-”
Chris was seen from inside the monitor room, as he paused the screen, “Looks like the Corpses are stuck at Burger Bin and caught in a pickle... hold the mayo! Tune in to see if they prevail when we return, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!”
As the scene returned, Kasumi had her head out of the car window, as she spoke into the speaker, “I’ll have one kid’s meal with a medium milkshake and coleslaw on the side.”
The nasally teen was heard through the speaker, “You want fries with that?”
“Hmm…” Kasumi turned to Maverick, “Mavvy, if I get fries, will you eat some?”
“Auuugh!” Maverick grunted, as he ripped up the map, “We don’t have time for this! It’s time to take initiative and find out where that checkpoint is.”
“Maverick’s right!” Steve exclaimed, as he nudged an indifferent Raye.
“I got this!” Kasumi gleamed, as she tapped on the speaker, “That kid’s meal will be to go, please.”
Maverick slapped his palm in his face.
The camera cutaway to the Survivors, who were riding up the mountains in the red bicycle. Milo was pedaling as he panted heavily.
“Faster, faster!” Joshua shouted.
Milo wiped sweat from his forehead, “It only goes so fast!”
Jack, who was hanging onto the rope, grunted. He climbed the rope to the edge of the bicycle and cut the rope off. Hanging onto the bike, Jack tied the rope to the front, and began rollerblading up the mountain with great speed.
The bike was dragged up the mountain by Jack, as the other Survivors looked on in despondency.
Confessional, Chastity: Well, that’s… interesting?
Jack continued rollerblading up the mountain as he reached the top and let out a loud chuckle.
The bike sat next to him, as Chastity reached over to him, “Enough with the comedy show, let’s get moving.”
Chastity gave Jack a slight shove, as he spiraled downward. Suddenly, a sharp rock cut the rope, and Jack rolled far into the distance.
Milo, Joshua, and Haley stood mouth agape. Chastity stood in silence, before speaking, “Welp, we’ve got a challenge to win.”
“What about Jack?” Milo wondered.
“Meh, he’ll catch up,” Chastity assured Milo.
Milo began to pedal down, “Onward!”
The camera flashed over to the Corpses’ car. Maverick was now shown to be driving, as Kasumi was eating her fast food in the passenger seat.
The car passed The Yack Shack, as Maverick steadied on the gas, “The checkpoint’s not at the Yack Shack, I guess that leaves the mess hall, bathrooms, and the front gate, which are all surrounded by each other. We’ve got this in the bag!”
“Way to use your head, Maverick!” Steve cheered.
“Your very thick head, that is,” Raye snickered.
Maverick turned around in anger, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Steve dropped his head, “Oh gosh, please don’t.”
“Lighten up, I’m only joking,” Raye retorted, as Kasumi played with the toy that came with her kid’s meal in serious silence.
Suddenly, the car crashed into a large boulder, putting the vehicle to a stop.
Maverick blushed, “Whoops.”
The camera flashed to show that the Corpses were pushing the vehicle from the back, slowly.
The Survivors were shown to have reached the Yack Shack, as they noticed the Corpses ahead of them.
Milo continued pedaling, “We’ve got to get to that checkpoint before them!”
“Well, go on then Milo,” Joshua encouraged him, “You have gained my trust.”
Milo shed a single tear of happiness and pedaled harder than he had before. The Survivors’ bike quickly passed the Corpses. Maverick noticed the bike and began pushing harder, but the car continued its slow rolling. Milo looked ahead and noticed the checkpoint was located at the front gate, with a finish line draw into front of it. Chris and Chef were lounging next to it.
“Looks like the Screaming Underdogs are actually doing better than the Killer Overachievers!” Chris joked.
Milo pedaled with his most determination, and passed the finish line, throwing his arms up into the air, “Woohoo!”
The bike continued rolling, as Chastity poked at him, “Milo, brake… Milo, brake… MILO, BRAKE!”
Milo looked up and saw the gate in front of him, as the bike crashed into the gate, “Ow…”
Joshua brushed himself off in anger, “Well, we’ve achieved victory.”
“Not so fast, aren’t you missing someone?” Chris asked, as Jack was seen rolling across the finish line in his rollerblades, with various stick coming out from his hair and clothes, and an overall disheveled appearance.
Chastity laughed, “What happened to you, clown boy?”
Jack stomped over to her, “Just know that this will not go forgotten Chastity. There’s one thing Jack doesn’t do, and that’s forget.”
Confessional, Chastity: He wouldn’t do anything illegal to me on camera… right?
“Welp, seeing how all the Survivors are here, it looks like they are the winners!” Chris announced, as the Survivors cheered.
The Corpses pushed their car across the finish line.
“Did we win?” Raye wondered, as she noticed the cheering Survivors.
“Nope, not even close,” Chris laughed.
Joshua laughed as well, “Looks like your team is in need of repairs!”
Haley twitched slightly.
Maverick kicked the car, “It’s not fair! This wouldn’t have happened if our stupid car didn’t crash!”
Chris scratched his stubble, “Who said you had to have your car to win?”
Maverick’s jaw dropped, “... WHAAAA?”
The screen flashed over to the emergency room, as the members of the Killer Corpses looked down in shame.
Chris entered the room, “Killer Corpses, after tonight you will only be left with three members. And since you all potentially lost in your own way, I’d say anyone can go home tonight.”
Confessional, Maverick: All that had to be done is done. Sorry it had to play this way, but it’s gotta happen.
Confessional, Raye: Nothing happened the way I thought it would. Just gonna have to go with my instinct rather than emotions.
Confessional, Kasumi: (Kasumi bites down on a burger and looks at the camera with confusion)
Chris held out two survival kits, “Survival kits go to… Steve!”
Steve caught his kit in confidence.
“... and Kasumi!” Chris tossed a kit to Kasumi.
Kasumi caught the kit with her teeth.
Maverick and Raye looked at each other nervously.
“Look what we have here!” Chris teased, “The two lovebirds in the bottom two. Hate to split you up, well, not really, but the final kit goes to………
Maverick and Raye both cringe.
“Ra-” Chris began to say, before Steve interrupted him, “WAIT!”
Raye and Maverick both focused their attention on Steve.
“I quit!” Steve announced, “After having a talk with a fellow friend, I’ve realized the only way to make things right is to let Raye and Maverick heal by leaving this war zone!”
“Steve, you don’t have to do this,” Raye said, as Maverick nodded his head in agreement.
Steve approached Raye, “Raye, Maverick told me earlier today that he cares for you, more than you could ever think. You have to give him a chance.”
Raye looked over at Maverick, who smiled and blinked his eyes with a cartoon sound effect.
“Well… if you think this is right, then I guess it’s your decision,” Raye stated.
Chris tapped his watch, “Half hour show, guys. If Steve’s going, he’s gotta go now!”
Maverick patted Steve on the back, “Take care, dude! Thanks for everything!”
Steve walked off and waved to the two, “Good luck to you guys! I know you’ll patch things up. Oh yeah, and sorry for showing Raye that picture of you and Kasumi kissing.”
“Ah, no biggie, everyone mak- YOU WHAT?!?!” Maverick shouted in awe.
The screen flashed outside, where Steve was tied to the rocket.
“Anything you wanna say before leaving on the Launch of Shame?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know, will you let me say something?” Steve asked cynically.
“Of course!” Chris smiled.
“Okay, then-” Steve began to say, before Chris pressed a button that launched the rocket off into the distance.
Chris let out a loud chuckle, “That just never gets old! Stay tuned for the next episode! Will Milo and Joshua be new BFFs? Will Jack slaughter Chastity? And what will become of Raye and Maverick? Find out next time on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The camera faded to black.
Chapter 12: Major Commotion Picture
The camera faded in on Chris McLean.
“Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge!” Chris began. “Our demolishing derby was taken to extremes when Kasumi built her team a bangin’ black cruiser! However, after unsuccessfully being able to make a car, Milo showed up the Corpses with his red stallion, or in other words, a flaky bike. While Haley suffered from trauma after seeing Chastity hairless, Chastity managed to trick Steve into quitting in order to save Maverick and Raye’s barely existent relationship. Gotta give props to her; Steve X Raye is a total snore fest! Today’s challenge will either bring out the creativity in our teams, or just show us how big of a failure they actually are! Will our final eight contestants prevail? Stay tuned for fun, sun, and Burger Bin’s sesame seed buns, in this episode of Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
As the camera panned inside the mess hall, Raye was seen, asleep in her bowl of gruel.
Confessional, Raye: Didn’t get a blink of sleep last night, on account of Kasumi’s snoring. She’s been bugging me lately, especially on account of the fact that I’m still a little ticked that she played with my emotions to help Maverick out, even if she did have good intentions.
Kasumi poked at Raye’s head, “Wakey, wakey, Raye-Raye!”
Raye lifted her head up, which was covered with gruel, as Kasumi began to eat it with her spoon.
“Kasumi, buzz off,” Raye moaned, exhausted.
“Aw, come on Raye Raye, I said I was sorry for borrowing your love interest!” Kasumi whimpered.
Raye wiped her breakfast off of her face, “Look, all I know is that I might as well be the next one to go. I’ve never felt so exhausted… Hey, where’s Maverick?”
Kasumi looked in the pocket of her sweater, “And where’s Kinezumi?”
The two looked back and forth as the camera flashed outside, showing Maverick, lounging on the side of the mountain.
Maverick yawned, “You know, it’s nice to have guy time every once in awhile. I know there’s plenty of other people in this war zone, but they’re all a bunch of freaks and geeks. I feel like you’re the only one who really understands me.”
The camera panned over to show Kinezumi laying next to him, chittering.
As the screen flashed back to the mess hall, Chastity was seen staring Haley down.
Haley took note of this and stood up, “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go uh… clip my hair- NAILS! I mean nails!”
Haley ran outside.
Joshua put his spoon down, “What’s up with her and hair lately?”
Milo shoved a spoonful of gruel in his mouth, “We all have our obsessions.” Suddenly, a picture fell from Milo’s pocket.
Joshua picked it up and read the words on the back, “My heart is made to love you…” Joshua flipped the photo around to show a picture of Daniel.
Milo panicked, “I swear, I meant to write that on a different picture!”
“A different photograph of Daniel?” Joshua snickered.
Confessional, Milo: I don’t get Joshua’s deal, what’s with all the hostility towards me?? I worked my butt off in the last challenge for him, so what’s with all the hate? Ah, Agent 25609 can pull himself out of this one. I was the one that rescued a family of burning bonsai trees.
Chastity pushed her breakfast aside and exited the mess hall.
Confessional, Chastity: I knew it was time to increase my work on Haley. I can’t have her blabbing my secret to all the people possibly gunning for me.
Haley was seen in the bathroom, scrubbing her hands together by the sink.
Chastity entered the bathroom, “Hey, Haley! Whatcha up to?”
Haley twitched, “Oh, you know, just washing my hands, hahaha.”
“The water isn’t on,” Chastity muttered.
Haley threw her hands up, “Augh! I can’t take it anymore, Chastity! I saw you without hair!”
Chastity cleared her throat, “Look Haley, I know I’m not your favorite person, but I lost my hair to a skin condition long ago.”
“What’s the skin condition called?” Haley wondered.
Chastity fidgeted, “Uh… hair… gone… itis. Doesn’t matter, but I’ve been living my life in depression ever since. I’m just so insecure about my appearance that I just… I just…” Chastity turned to the wall and sobbed.
Haley looked at her sympathetically and placed her hand on Chastity’s shoulder, “Aw, cheer up, Chast. You’ve got me.”
Chastity sniffled, “R-Really?”
“Of course!” Haley gleamed, “I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I think the both of us could work together.”
Chastity wiped her nose, “Sounds like a plan to me! By the way, I saw a butterfly outside.”
Haley gasped and ran out the door, as Chastity smiled, “Never undermine good ol’ manipulation.”
While Chastity walked out, Jack walked past her with a large box in his hand.
“What’s in the box, Loonette?” Chastity joked.
Jack turned back with a smile, “Think of it as a box of fun.”
“Alright Jack, drop the act,” Chastity ordered him, “We all know you’re just some geek who lives in his mother’s basement and spends his Friday nights scanning through comics and the book store.”
Jack laughed, “You’re quite the observer, Chastity. But I’m not quite the open book that you think I am.”
Chastity rolled her eyes, “Just make sure we win today. We can’t risk losing anyone else, so don’t be up to your usual antics. Got it?”
Jack flashed the okay sign with his fingers.
Confessional, Maverick: (Maverick looks back and forth, confused) Uh, weren’t there weapons in this toolshed?
Chris was heard over the P.A. system, “Challenge time, losers! Meet me at the Yack-Shack in ten, and bring your lunch with it, just in case you wanna let it go!
The camera flashed over to the Yack-Shack, as the two teams stood in front of it, while Chris stood inside..
“Why are we here?” Raye wondered.
Chastity stomach growled, “And why was Chef’s breakfast worse than usual?”
Chris pointed to himself, ‘That’s because I made it. Chef’s off at a wedding today, so I had to take care of his responsibilities.”
Kasumi cackled, “Chef’s getting married?!”
Chris rubbed his eyes, “Not his wedding, genius. Something about his old military friend. I took care of his wardrobe.”
The screen cutaway to a church, as a man and a woman held each other’s hands, while a priest stood in front of them.
“You may now kiss the bride,” the priest announced.
As the crowd was shown seated in their pews, Chef was seen crying happily with a tissue in his hand, wearing a pink dress and hat.
The screen returned to the Yack-Shack.
“Hate to be repetitive, but… why are we here?” Raye asked a second time.
“Every season, the producers give us a puke quota,” Chris explained, “Unfortunately, it looks like the only person whose yack bucket is full is Milo. None of you are blowing the chunks that our ratings need. So, like the good person I am, I’m giving you all a chance to let out your leftovers right now!”
Chastity shook her head, “I’m good.”
Chris raised an eyebrow, “You sure?”
“Yup,” Chastity reassured him, as everyone else stood their ground.
“NOBODY has any puke to offer?” Chris asked in shock.
Confessional, Chris: Total Drama: The Cutting Edge? More like the Lacking Edge. We’re supposed to get more dangerous and more disgusting each season, but these teens are in serious need of exploitation. Luckily, I have plans in mind.
Chris continued, “Onto the challenge then, I guess. In a little season two tribute, I’ve decided to bring back the movie genre. Can anyone guess what today’s genre is?”
“Ooh, spy flick!” Milo declared.
“Miyazaki mania?!” Kasumi wondered.
“Romantic comedy?!” Haley uttered sweetly.
Chris stared blankly, “... It starts with an A.”
The contestants stared at each other in confusion.
“... Angie?” Milo guessed.
Chris slapped his palm in his face, “Apocalyptic genre! Seriously, how do any of you have passing grades?”
Joshua raised a finger, “I will have you know I am-”
“Zip it!” Chris silenced him, “Let me do some explaining. Filmmakers around the globe have all given their different takes at the apocalypse. Whether it be monsters, explosions, or nuclear warfare, there’s hundreds of different scenarios. Today, you’ll be making your own film. You’ll be given a camera and props to work with. But, there’s a twist. Since it would be all too easy to come up with your own ideas for a movie, I’m having you choose them, with a little help from my friends!”
Chris pointed over to a wooden pool of water, as a shark hopped up from the water.
“Within the pool of ravenous sharks, there are 30 mini-chests. I own the key to all of them, so all you have to do is dive in. When opened, you’ll find a plot for your movie. Now, I need a volunteer from each team to dive into the pool.”
“Oooh, me!” Haley cheered, “I love fish!”
Confessional, Chastity: If Haley gets eaten by sharks, it would be weight off of my back. But then again, I’m down an ally member. Let’s just hope they eat whatever is left of her brain, so she no longer has the memory of my… deformity.
“And Raye will be going for the Killer Corpses,” Chris announced.
Raye looked on in awe, “Me? But… why?!”
“Because you’ve been doing jack-diddly squat in challenges!” Chris laughed.
“I always compete in challenges!” Raye cried.
Chris scratched his stubble, “To my knowledge, you’ve spent the past few episodes abducted, isolated, sleeping, and in the passenger’s seat. The last time you actually did anything was the surfing challenge. And I don’t mean to steal your thunder, but if you keep doing nothing, I can see an elimination in your future!”
Confessional, Raye: I help in challenges! Like last time, I helped push the car to the finish line… of course, we lost, but… we almost... didn’t.
The contestants and Chris stood in front of the pool, as Haley prepared to jump into the pool on a diving board.
“Annnnnd, go!” Chris signaled.
Haley dived into the water, and looked down at the chests below. As she swam toward one, the two sharks pursued her. Haley turned to one of the sharks and hugged it, and then kissed it on the cheek. The other shark laughed mockingly at the other, as Haley retrieved one of the chests.
Haley surfaced, “I got one! I got one!”
Haley handed Chris the chest as he opened it with a key, “Survivors, your movie is a comedy that involves a group of quirky teenagers, while the apocalypse begins during one of their little shindigs!”
Confessional, Milo: I’ve only been to one party in my life. I hope this one has punch. And party favors. And people my age instead of my family members.
Raye stood on the diving board, looking down in fear.
“Try not to get eaten by a shark, alright?” Maverick shouted to her, somewhat encouragingly, as she glared at him. Chris shook his head.
“Whaaat?!” Maverick questioned.
Raye held her nose and jumped into the pool of sharks. She looked back and forth, and found that there were no sharks nearby. Suddenly, a shark bit at the back of her skirt, as she frantically swam toward the bottom of the pool. She managed to escaped the bite of the shark and surfaced with a chest in her hand.
Raye jumped down from the pool, “I made it out in one piece!”
Chris snicked, “Well, you’re missing one.”
Raye turned around to show that the shark had bitten through her underwear, as her bare backside was censored. Raye covered the exposure with her hands.
Chris wiped a tear away from his eye, “Take a mental picture of that Mav, because something tells me that’s the only nudity you’ll see out of Raye.”
Maverick glared at Chris, as he opened the chest, “We have to do a movie about a monster who destroys civilization? Where are we supposed to find a monster?”
Chris tossed a poorly made monster costume at Maverick, “You each get three hours to make your movie. The Corpses’ equipment is over at the mountains and the Survivors’ is over near the mess hall. Since the Survivors won the last challenge, we’ve given them their own party set, along with the filming equipment, while the Corpses only get a camera and a monster costume. Get to it!”
The camera flashed over to the Corpses, who reached the mountains.
Raye scanned the plot script, “Alright, looks cheesy enough. Maverick, you have to be the monster.”
Maverick shook his head, “No way am I wearing that sweaty, old costume! There’s no telling where its been. Chef probably uses it as a nightie.”
Kasumi grabbed the monster suit from Raye, “Raye-Raye, let me be the monster! My guidance counselor in school calls me a monster all the time, I’m perfectly suited for the role!”
Raye grabbed the costume back from Kasumi, “No, no, no. The script calls for two female parts. Maveric has to be the monster!”
Kasumi looked at her in shock, “So it’s that kind of movie, eh?”
Raye sighed heavily.
A shot of the Survivors’ at their movie set was shown.
Milo read over the plot script, “Welp, this doesn’t look too hard. I think we should go along with Haley’s idea for the romantic comedy. Adds a little extra zing, ya know?”
Joshua grabbed the document angrily, “No, it must be a satirical comedy. Chris is a rather sadistic person, so it would fit his taste for us to take this less seriously.”
Milo grabbed the piece of paper back, “No, we have to warm Chris’s heart! Your idea is too overdone, and when has anything good ever came from satire?”
The camera quickly panned over to Chris with a deadpan look on his face, as it panned back to the Survivors.
“Satire!” Joshua demanded.
“Romantic comedy!” Milo snapped back, “Chastity, what do you think we should do?”
Chastity filed her nails, annoyed, “Just pick one so we can win this challenge!”
Jack snickered, “We should do a comedy that ends with a real bang.”
Chastity growled angrily, “And we’re not taking any advice from you, clown boy. Just know that if you interfere, we’ll gladly kick you off at the elimination ceremony. Right, Milo and Josh?”
Joshua and Milo were seen glaring at each other furiously.
Chastity groaned, “Look, why don’t you two just write your own scripts. Haley and Milo can write the romantic elements, Joshua and circus freak can write satire.”
Jack walked off, “I have other plans in mind.”
“Get back here and write with Josh!” Chastity shouted, as Jack continued walking.
“Why do you care so much whether or not he puts effort into this challenge?” Joshua wondered.
Chastity calmed down, “I don’t actually care. I know the more I order him around, the less he’ll listen. If we win, we win. If we lose, we send Jack home. It’s called reverse psychiatry.”
“... Psychology,” Joshua corrected her.
“Whatever, I have a tan to take care of, while you have a script to write,” Chastity perkily walked off.
Confessional, Joshua: Chastity does not contribute to the team in a single way, so how does she always manage to stay immune? Is it because of her appeal? … Not that I find her attractive… it is just… (Joshua pulls out hand sanitizer and cleanses his hands)
The screen flashed over to the Corpses, as Kasumi fought Raye for the monster costume.
“Just let me wear it once!” Kasumi pulled at the costume.
Raye pulled back, “Maverick needs to wear it!”
As the two continuously pulled at the costume, it ripped in half.
“Great, now what?!” Maverick asked harshly.
Raye breathed heavily, “I am trying to be reasonable and I am trying to be fair. Kasumi needs to comply!”
“Hey, I tried to work with you, but you’re INSANE,” Kasumi proclaimed.
“WHAT?!” Raye demanded, “I was calm! I was trying to make things work!”
“The craziness is getting to you!” Kasumi chanted.
Raye steamed with anger, “At least I don’t talk to squirrels!”
Kasumi gasped, “Don’t you DARE talk about my Kinezumi like that!”
The two engaged in a slap fight, as Maverick looked on in annoyance.
Confessional, Maverick: Never thought I’d say this, but… I miss Steve.
Milo was seen typing on a typewriter, as Haley fed him lines, “And then you say, ‘excuse me, m’am, I need directions. I’m lost in your eyes!’”
Milo pressed a few keys, “That’s perfect!”
Confessional, Milo: Haley and I really know a thing or two about romance. You could say we’re the perfect match… er, I mean. We’re good friends. Not like, romantically involved or anything. Heh.
Joshua bit on the end of a pencil and continued writing his script, “Only a brilliant mind could conduct such appreciated social commentary.”
Chastity was laying on her beach chair on the back of the set. Jack walked over and began setting up props.
“Why are you putting those back here?” Chastity questioned Jack.
“Just improving the scenery,” Jack stated.
Chastity raised an eyebrow, “Backstage?”
“Just want you to enjoy every little spectacle,” Jack smiled.
Confessional, Chastity: Jack’s definitely up to something… just as my plan predicted. Let’s just hope he isn’t planning on slaughtering us all before he butchers the challenge.
Raye and Kasumi sat across from each other, glaring.
Raye finally sighed, “Kasumi, why are we fighting?”
“Because you’ve gone PSYCHO!” Kasumi declared.
“Look, I’m sorry okay,” Raye apologized, “I’ve just been a little annoyed with the way things have been going lately. But I don’t want to end up with no friends around here. Truce?”
Raye held out a hand for Kasumi.
Kasumi smiled and shook her hand with force, “Well, alright CRAZY Raye.”
Raye looked at her deadpan, “Well, we might as well get started. Maverick, go be a monster.”
“And how am I supposed to do that?” Maverick asked, as Raye pointed to a bush. Maverick sighed, and began attaching leaves to himself.
The camera flashed back to the Survivors, as Milo and Haley greeted Joshua with their script.
“I hope you know your pathetic romantic comedy has nothing on my strong social satire,” Joshua proclaimed.
“Just you watch!” Milo reassured him, “Our romance with triumph over your satire!”
Haley scratched her head, “Our romance?”
Milo blushed nervously.
As the Survivors took their positions, Chastity stood by the camera, “When do I press the record button?”
Joshua moaned, “It is not a simple process. You must carefully check to see that every light is in position, and that every actor is present. You must also look for-”
Chastity pressed the record button, “And, go.”
Joshua rolled his eyes.
Milo and Haley sat on a couch.
“Wow, Miranda, you’re sweeter than Christmas honey,” Milo exclaimed.
Joshua rolled his eyes, “Oh dear, a noise outside. We should all go outside and look, since there’s not chance that there is any form of danger.”
Confessional, Chastity: Problem with Milo’s, it isn’t funny. Problem with Joshua’s, no one understands what he’s saying.
“Gee, we should answer the door, in order to prove that no unsightly danger befalls us,” Joshua noted, walking toward the door.
Milo hugged Haley, “Oh, Schmoopy, don’t you worry! We’ll get out of this in one piece!”
Joshua went to open the door, and as her opened it, a wire attached to the door broke.
“What the devil?!” Joshua exclaimed, as an explosion went off. The set was left in flames, as the contestants were charred and injured. A burnt Chastity held the camera in her hand, intact.
“What the heck happened?!” Haley shrieked, “And where’s Jack?!”
The team looked at each other in confusion, as Chastity growled.
Confessional, Chastity: (Chastity wraps a bandage around her head) I knew Jack was up to something, but BLOWING US UP? It’s like he’s asking to get voted off! Unless…
Chris ran over to set, “So… how’s it going?”
“One of the contestants you so ingeniously picked has ended up almost killing us!” Joshua shouted.
“Who? Haley? I always knew she was unsettlingly nice,” Chris pondered.
“No, Jack!” Chastity snapped.
“Homicide or not, the challenge is still on,” Chris continued, “And since the time’s up, you guys have to present whatever you have.”
The Survivors looked at each other in worry, as the screen flashed over to the emergency room. Chris had a large projector set up, as the contestants sat in front of it.
Several Survivor members were covered with bandages, as Jack entered the room.
“Where have you been?” Chastity interrogated.
Jack laughed, “I was just having a little fun. Don’t you like fun, Chastity?”
Chastity rolled her eyes, “Just know that if we lose, you’re the next one of this team.”
“Such a promising proposition, I can’t refuse,” Jack accepted.
Chris stuck a tape in the VCR, “Let’s see how the Corpses fared with their apocalyptic movie.”
As the tape began, Kasumi and Raye were hiking up the mountains.
Raye coughed, “Gee, Ethel, it sure seems like something odd is going on with this mountain.”
“Yeah, Joan. It sure is pretty WACKY up here,” Kasumi added.
Suddenly, Maverick, wearing a costume make of branches and leaves, popped out.
“Rawr,” Maverick said, enthusiastically.
“OH NO, THE APOCALYPSE HATH BEGUN,” Kasumi screamed, waving her arms around.
Maverick cleared his throat, “Now fear before… now fear… what’s my line?”
“... Wrath!” Raye whispered.
“Right, wrath,” Maverick groaned, “Slash, punch, kick.”
Maverick made slashing motions around Kasumi, as Raye squirted her with a noticeable ketchup bottle offscreen.
“OH, THE GORE, THE TRAGEDY OF IT ALL,” Kasumi screamed, falling to the ground.
“I win,” Maverick muttered.
Raye held out a piece of paper with the words “Fin” on it and placed it in front of the camera screen. The film went to static.
Chris rolled his eyes, “That’s the best you can do?”
Confessional, Maverick: What? I wanna win, but dressing like a tree is idiotic. These challenges have gone from strenuous to a sixth grader’s school play.
“Let’s if the Survivors have upper hand,” Chris stated, placing the tape in the VCR.
The Survivors nervously looked at each other, with the exception of Jack, who grinned. As the tape replayed the moments from earlier in the episode, the explosion was included as well, as the screen displayed the charred and injured contestants.
Chris looked sternly at the screen, before cracking up, “Now that’s what I’m talking about! A proper apocalypse movie with just the right amount of laughs!”
“But it wasn’t even a comedy!” Raye complained, “That probably wasn’t even on purpose!”
Joshua nervously struck an idea, “Of course the explosion was intended for shock value.”
“Yeah, it was a comedy!” Milo put his arm around Joshua, “A black comedy!”
Joshua knocked Milo’s hand off of him, “Do not push your luck, comrade.”
“Still, a comedy, nonetheless,” Chris began, “Which means that the Screaming Survivors win this one!”
Chastity, Joshua, Haley, and Milo cheered, while Jack looked on in shock. Raye, Maverick, and Kasumi frowned.
“Team Corpse, I have good news for you,” Chris announced, “Instead of losing yet another member, you will all be safe for tonight, because it’s a reward challenge!”
“Oh, come on!” Chastity retorted, “At least tell me the reward is worthwhile.”
“Of course it is!” Chris proclaimed, “Your team will get to watch my new independent film, “Snot Gun”, where you’ll get to see me play a half alien, half lifeguard!”
“I think we’ll stick with a night in the dusty, old sleeping area,” Chastity replied.
“It’s mandatory,” Chris ordered, “Either you watch it, or I reenact my best moments. Your choice.”
Chastity angrily stomped off.
As the scene cut to nighttime, Raye, Kasumi, and Maverick were eating gruel outside of the mess hall.
Kasumi rubbed the food on her feet, “I really hate how this stuff tastes, but it really squishes between your toes.”
Maverick put down his bowl in disgust and walked off.
The camera flashed to inside of the emergency hut, where Chastity, Milo, Joshua, and Haley were watching “Snot Gun.”
As the movie was shown, a young woman was shown drowning, “Please, somebody help me!”
Chris paddled out on a boat over to her, “Oh, I’ll help you miss… RIGHT AFTER I FEAST ON YOUR BRAIN.”
The woman screamed, as the Milo and Haley covered their faces in horror. Joshua and Chastity shook their heads in annoyance.
Suddenly, rain began outside.
Jack was standing inside the bathroom, watching the rain hit the outside of the window, “Too many smiles from all those insipid children. My time is slowly running out. I’ve realized that I’ve been too hesitant all these times. It’s time to put my plans into action. Watch out, Total Drama. Jack is coming to play.”
Chris burst through the door, “If you’re not in the emergency hut in five, I’m confiscating your makeup kit!”
Chris slammed the door, as Jack continued, “And I’ll have to remember a special place for everyone’s favorite host as well.”
Chris was seen outside the door, with an umbrella, “Looks like Jack’s bringing out the big guns next time! Who will be his first victim, and who will be the next to take the dreaded Launch of Shame? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
Chapter 13: Burn Baby Burn!
The camera faded in on Chris.
“Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge! The two teams were faced with a movie making challenge, but one that was a little more interesting. And by interesting, I mean pleasurably painful! The Corpses had a bit of a dispute when Kasumi and Raye were confronted with a troubled past, while Maverick just did nothing. Jack was up to some serious sabotage, but Chastity caught on and threatened him with elimination, which didn’t stop him in his tracks. Joshua and Milo got into a hissy fit over which kind of comedy their film would be, while Haley slowly regained control of her sanity. Ultimately, the Screaming Survivors were declared the winner of the challenge, leaving them to watch my newest critically acclaimed film!”
“Still a box-office bomb, though,” Chef shouted off-screen.
Chris angrily glared at the camera, and then continued the recap, “We’re halfway through the season, but plenty of drama is about to go down! Will Jack’s plans be legal? Will Chastity's allies remain loyal? And what surprises do I have planned? Find out on a brand new episode of Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
As the contestants slept peacefully, Milo, who was sucking his thumb, awoke in confusion. He sniffed the air cautiously.
Confessional, Milo: I’ve dealt with fires before, so I know what it smells like. I’ve almost burnt my house down three times, all because I forgot to take my mac & cheese out of the oven… three times.
Milo heavily inhaled the air, as Joshua stared at him, confused.
“Eh, Milo, what do you suppose you are involved with now?” Joshua asked.
Milo took another sniff, “I smell fire. You think something’s burning?”
Chastity yawned, “Probably Chef’s cooking. I just hope his toast tastes better than his gruel.” As Chastity stretched, she noticed Jack staring into the distance in a fixed glance.
“Uh, how long have you been awake?” Chastity wondered.
Jack held his position, “All night.”
Chastity gulped, “As unsettling as that is, something’s definitely burning.”
“Uh… guys…” Raye hesitated, as she pointed over to a large cloud of smoke in the sky.
“What the -” Joshua began to say.
“Devil!” Haley happily interrupted, as Joshua scowled. “...Sorry,” Haley frowned.
“Maybe it’s Daniel!” Milo exclaimed, waving his arms up and down, “Daniel, if that’s you, give me a sign!”
A cricket chirped, as silence covered the sleeping area.
Milo folded his arms in dismay.
“Oooh, ooh, I have a theory!” Kasumi raised her hand, “Maybe Chris just had a bad case of diarrhea.”
“Okay, ew,” Chastity retorted.
Maverick yawned, “Our fellow host is probably just getting ready for the next challenge. Which is probably gonna end up killing us all.”
“As if we haven’t been tortured enough already,” Raye snickered, as Maverick smiled in return.
Confessional, Jack: That’s right, get all the laughs out now. I’ve been thinking out this whole day the entire night. It’s only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
Chris flew above the contestants in his jetpack and landed, “Hope you groovy cats are ready for today’s intensely dangerous challenge!”
Kasumi grabbed Chris by the collar, “SOMETHING’S A BURNIN’!”
“Is it Daniel?!” Milo asked in anticipation.
Chris pushed Kasumi off of him, “Nope. And I’m aware. You know those mountains that we used in our racing challenges? Yeah, turns out a volcano’s located in the center!”
The contestants turned to the mountains, noticing a large volcano located in the center.
“Hm. Never noticed that before,” Maverick stated quizzically.
“You’d let us burn to death?!” Haley panicked.
“Maybe,” Chris chuckled, “But don’t worry, the volcano isn’t going to erupt, it’s just a little feisty. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Because I have even bigger surprises prepared!”
“YOU’RE PREGNANT?” Kasumi gasped.
Chris sighed, “Tone it down a notch, Kasumi. Being off your meds isn’t helping any of us.”
Kasumi pursed her lips, offended.
“Moving on. Since the teams just aren’t doing it for me anymore, I’ve decided to break them up!” Chris announced, “From now on, Corpses and Survivors will join together as one. It’s every dude and dudette for themselves!”
Confessional, Chastity: Maverick may be a tough target, since we have past grievances, but there’s also two new female candidates for a little game of manipulation… you think my looks will work on Kasumi?
Confessional, Raye: Thank goodness the Corpses are no more. I’m ready to hang with the other team. I’ll still stick with Mav, though. I think we’re finally patching things up.
Confessional, Haley: I can’t wait to hang out with the other team! I’ve already interacted with them a little. Maverick’s kinda scary. Raye’s so nice, but she can have her scary days too… and Kasumi’s fun, but she talks during her sleep. And nibbles on my ear.
Chris continued, “First things first, I’ve intercepted some care packages at home. Since I’m a nice guy, I’ll allow you to have them.” Chris held up the first box, “Joshua, your parents sent you a bottle of sanitizer.”
Joshua caught the package, as Chastity laughed into her hand.
“And just what is so funny?” Joshua questioned her.
Chastity continued to laugh, “Is hand sanitizer going to save you from an active volcano?”
Joshua rolled his eyes, “I happen to only enjoy the scent of it, and in no way does it make me feel any more secure.”
Confessional, Joshua: (Joshua kisses the bottle) Oh, sweet sanitizer, you complete me.
Chris held out another package, “Raye, your parents sent you a deck of tarot cards.”
Raye smiled and caught the box, “Just what I was craving.”
Chris tossed a package to Jack, “Jack, your parents sent a pile of Ratman comics.”
The package was thrown over Jack’s head, who was still staring into the distance.
“Haley, your parents sent you a stuffed rabbit,” Chris groaned, as he tossed Haley the stuffed animal.
Haley hugged the doll roughly, as the stuffed rabbit’s eyes popped out.
Chris threw a package to Maverick, “Mav, your parents sent you a razor.”
Maverick caught the package in frustration, “A razor? That was the best they could do?”
“Hey, you’re doing everything a favor,” Chris suggested, “That goatee is getting food stuck in it. Anyway, here’s a the season box-set of Gucchi Gucchi Fun Fun for Kasumi.”
Kasumi caught the package as she jumped up happily, ‘GUCCHI GUCCHI FUN FUN GO!”
Chris tossed a final package to Milo, “And finally, a new belt for Milo.”
Milo quickly tore open the package and teared up upon seeing what it contained, “... Can I have a moment?”
Confessional, Milo: My dad sent me the utility belt he received from S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S. when he graduated! It’s got all kinds of new gadgets, like dental floss, a spork, and even an inflatable raft! But best of all, it has my name engraved in the belt buckle. (Milo wipes a tear away and salutes) I’ll make you proud, Pops.
“Now, we have a special surprise,” Chris announced, as Chef wheeled over a large crate.
“Wait, you didn’t give Chastity her package!” Milo declared.
“Didn’t get one, guess her parents would need to care for her to get a package,” Chris joked.
Chastity growled, “Whatever. I have all I need right here. I don’t need some stupid package from those freeloaders at home.”
Milo frowned sympathetically at Chastity.
“So, what’s in the crate?” Raye asked.
“A little shocker that may or may not make you wet yourselves,” Chris pried open the crate, “And here it is!”
“Oh, NO!” Maverick shouted in horror.
As the crate collapsed, Chelsea stood proudly inside, “That’s right, I’m back!”
“Lemme guess, she sued?” Chastity uttered unenthusiastically.
“Nope,” Chris shook his head, “But she threatened to, and since the budget on this show is at an all time low, we can’t afford anymore lawsuits. Thankfully, her daddy paid me enough money to budget for the rest of the season. So, Chelsea will be back for the duration of the game, as long as she doesn’t mention anything about… you know what.”
Confessional, Chelsea: Of course I don’t care about that stupid mill. I’ve done a lot of research in my time off, so the only reason I came back was to blab Chris’s secret to everyone, but I’ll need to win first. Then, if he tries to sue, I’ll have a million big ones to back me up!
Chelsea approached her former teammates, “So, what big things have gone on during my long absence?”
“Uh, you’ve been gone for like, a week,” Maverick corrected her.
“A week too short,” Raye whispered to Maverick.
Chelsea pursed her lips, “Laugh all you want, but I’m coming out on top, for real this time.”
“Yeah, Chelsea, it’s sorta my turn to talk,” Chris indicated.
Chelsea folded her arms, “Oh yeah? Why should I stop talking?”
Chris held up a contract, “Because the fine print says that any rules you break will result in immediate elimination, leaving me with your daddy’s money and you short of one million dollars!”
“Fine,” Chelsea moaned, “But just know that I will expose you for the fraudulent you are, McLean!”
“Okay,” Chris casually expressed, “Anyway, today’s challenge will be a classic throwback to season three’s volcanic finale!”
Haley clapped her hands, “Yay! We get to build wooden effigies!”
“Not exactly, Haley,” Chris interrupted her, “You’ll have to race to the top of the volcano. Once you’re up there, you’ll have to retrieve the fatal death prop from the side of the volcano.”
“Fatal death prop?” Milo gulped.
“In layman's terms, a pineapple,” Chris chuckled, “The pineapple are sealed to the wall of the lava bowl with a metal hook. If you manage to retrieve them without burning, make sure you don’t drop your pineapple in, or the war zone will turn into one big melted popsicle. This challenge is tribute to the written word. After the Great Flood, The Big Man promised us that there would never be death by water again, leaving most us to go up in flames.”
“Is this challenge even safe?” Raye inquired.
“I dunno, ask the twelve interns we needs to attach the pineapples to the volcano,” Chris pointed over to the entrance of the war zone, where twelve grave stones were placed. “Now get to it! And try not to melt. Oh yeah, and you can team up in pairs of two, if you please.”
Chris took off his jetpack and handed it to an intern, “Give this old thing a clean. The shoulder straps are getting dusty.”
The frustrated intern walked off, as Jack followed him.
Kasumi waved to Raye, “Raye-Raye, let’s go, hand in hand!”
Raye walked off with Maverick, not hearing what Kasumi said. Kasumi looked down sadly.
Chelsea put her hand on Kasumi, “Ah, don’t worry, Katherine.”
“... Kasumi,” Kasumi corrected Chelsea.
“Ah, tomato, tomat-toe, whatever,” Chelsea rolled her eyes, “Point is, I think the two of us should team up in this challenge.”
“No thanks,” Kasumi stuck her tongue out playfully.
Chelsea reached into her pocket, “Very well. If you won’t go with along with my proposal, how would you like to ally with me for some cold, hard cash?”
Chelsea held up a bundle of hundred dollar bills, kept together by a rubber band.
“Nah, I like my cash warm. Seeya!” Kasumi skipped off.
Chelsea put the money back in her pocket with dismay.
Joshua scanned the war zone to see who he could pick as a partner.
Confessional, Joshua: Milo may be rather vexatious, but I need someone to align with for this challenge. I would choose Chastity, but I feel as though the bother of us would spend the entire challenge bickering.
Joshua approached Milo, “Milo, why don’t we join forces for this challenge?”
Milo scratched his head, “Hmmmm… I don’t know…”
Joshua sighed, “I will allow you to refer to me by nicknames.”
Milo smiled, “Then onward, Captain J!”
Joshua twitched, and then followed Milo.
Chastity impatiently pulled Haley’s arm, “Let’s go, Haley.”
Haley hesitated, “Uh, Chastity… I sorta kinda have a phobia of volcanoes…”
“Sorta or kinda? Which is it?” Chastity demanded.
“Maybe I do…” Haley sulked.
“How can you have a volcano phobia? When would you ever be around a volcano, besides right now?” Chastity grabbed at her hand, “Besides, we have each other, that’s all that matters.”
Haley smiled and hugged Chastity tightly, suffocating her.
Raye and Maverick approached the Yack Shack, they noticed the mountains with a black cloud of smoke above them.
“Let’s get going, before this thing bursts,” Maverick declared, as the two continued on.
Maverick and Raye ran off, as Kasumi slowly trailed behind.
Kasumi panted, “Wait… up… guys…” Kasumi fell to the ground.
Chastity and Haley ran up to Kasumi’s, not noticing her.
Chastity brushed her hands together, “Welp, we better get going. Can’t be here all day.”
Haley held her stomach nauseously, “Uh… Chastity.”
Chastity, noticing Haley’s sickly green face, pointed frantically toward the Yack Shack.
Haley darted over to her bucket and vomited.
Confessional, Chastity: Just fabulous, I had to pick a partner who’s afraid of volcanoes. I just hope Puke-Stain can come in handy.
Chastity, irritated, waited outside the Yack Shack for Haley, who was still vomiting.
Milo and Joshua approached them.
“Having some difficulties controlling your colleague?” Joshua snickered.
Chastity stared at him, inexpressively, “Wanna trade?”
“Afraid not; Milo is a respected and brave associate, incapable of being distracted by anything mere that comes his way,” Joshua stated proudly.
“Hey, Josh!” Milo called out to him, as he was seen by the trash pile, holding a piece of clothing, “I found a thong!”
Chastity laughed, as Joshua looked down in embarrassment, “Milo, please, can we get going?”
“Sure thing, Squash-ua!” Milo joked, while Joshua twitched a second time.
Chelsea came sprinting through the area, pushing past Joshua and Milo, “Make way, losers!”
“Hey!” Joshua waved his fist in anger.
Milo patted Joshua on the back, “It’s alright, J. We have something else on our side,” Milo reached to the far left compartment on his utility belt and pulled out a device, “GRAPPLING HOOK!”
Joshua shrugged, “Very well. Let’s just get going.”
“Right behind you, Back-Washua!” Milo laughed, as Joshua muttered off-screen, “Please stop speaking…”
“They’re getting ahead!” Chastity yelped, as she received no response. “Hello?!”
Haley was still vomiting into her bucket.
Chastity approached her, “We don’t have time for this, barf-zilla. It’s time to get going.” Chastity dragged Haley along by her hair, while the bucket was still to her face.
Kasumi brushed herself off from the ground, “Welp, that was a good nap! ONWARD!”
Jack walked up to her, “Do you really plan on staying close to those traitors?”
Kasumi slapped him to the ground, “GAH, STRANGER DANGER.”
Jack stood back up, “I’ll forget that ever happened.”
“Who’s the traitors?” Kasumi asked, perplexed.
“Raye and Maverick, of course,” Jack explained.
“But they’re my best pals!” Kasumi proclaimed.
Jack shook his head, “Don’t you get it, Kasumi? Maverick is Raye’s love interest, and you’re just her friend. She chose Maverick to partner up with, and didn’t even bat an eyelash at you. Friends come and go, just like relationships. But now that this relationship has become significant, you’re left in the shadows to rot alone.”
Kasumi furrowed her eyebrows, “So, you’re saying that Raye will eventually vote me off?”
“Of course, it’s simple logic,” Jack demonstrated, “You see, Raye will come to a point sometime in the competition where she has to choose between you and Maverick, and I think we both know the obvious choice. But this can all be avoided, if Maverick and Raye are separated.”
“You’re going to split them up?” Kasumi questioned him in shock.
“No, of course not,” Jack stated, “This isn’t anything I’m going to do, it’s just advice for you. You can take it, or end up getting the shaft. Your choice. You easily stirred up drama between the two at first, why not do it again?”
Jack walked off, as Kasumi stood in silence.
Raye and Maverick stood in front of the volcano..
“How are we supposed to get up?” Raye asked Maverick.
Maverick walked toward the base of the volcano, “Hope your nails are sharp, ‘cause we’re climbing this monster.”
Maverick climbing the base of the volcano, as Raye joined in.
Milo and Joshua followed behind.
Milo swing the grappling hook around twice and threw it toward the flank of the volcano. The hook gripped onto the flank, as Milo and Joshua began climbing.
Milo reached into a compartment on his belt a pulled out a whistle. He blew into the whistle, “♪♫I’m climbing a volcano, my best friend by my side. If we fall in lava, I just hope we don’t die.♪♫”
Joshua’s turmoil built up.
Confessional, Joshua: One, just because we are paying tribute to a season that involved musical numbers does not mean we have to engage in musical numbers. Two, if I’m forced to tolerate Milo for much longer, I may as well throw myself into the volcano.”
As Milo and Joshua continued to scale until they reached the hook, Milo unhooked the grip, “I think I can get a grip higher that will lead us to the top!”
Suddenly, a volcanic rock fell into Milo’s hair.
“Ow! Ow! Hot! Hot!” Milo waved his arms around and ended up falling from the flank. Milo screamed as he prepared to hit the ground. However, the grapple hook on to another flank, as Milo held onto the rope, hovering several inches from the ground.
“Milo, are you alright?” Joshua shouted down to him, “Hurry back, others are pursuing us!”
“Right!” Milo began to climb the rope, before Jack dragged him away, covering his mouth.
Milo struggled to speak, before Jack released him.
“Hey, what gives man?!” Milo wondered.
“Why are you letting Joshua push you around?” Jack asked him.
“I don’t let Josh push me around,” Milo clarified, “We’re buds, and best buds at that!”
“No, you aren’t,” Jack denied, “Joshua has been using you this whole time. He isn’t physically strong, so he uses you for the things he can’t do.”
“But, he’s been a lot nicer to me lately, anyways,” Milo assured him.
“Because he doesn’t want you to know his secret,” Jack intervened, “Joshua’s had a crush on Angie since day one, and she’s felt the same. The reason she never noticed you was because she was so preoccupied with him. Not only that, but they’ve been sending interns to exchange mail rom each other. Just look at this.”
Jack presented Milo with a letter, that had several hearts on it.
Milo scanned the letter, “Well, this does look like Angie’s handwriting… of course, I don’t know what her handwriting looks like, but… how did you get this?”
Jack swiped the letter back, “I snagged it from one of the interns. You need to stop being so dependent on Joshua and realize that he isn’t doing his share.”
Milo dropped to his knees, “I can’t believe it… my only love and ex-best friend… what do I do??”
Jack place his hand on Milo’s shoulder, “Remember Milo, there’s only one person who can win this competition. The more you help others, the more you fall behind in the contest. Only you can achieve victory.”
Jack walked off, as Milo closed his eyes sadly. Milo then noticed Jack left a clump of dirt on his shoulder, and attempted to wipe it off.
Confessional, Milo: Jack’s right. I’ve been spending all this time trying to please other people. Well, it’s time to jump out on top. This time, Milo’s going solo. And no one can stop me and my gadgets! (Milo pulls off his belt, as his pants fall to the ground, revealing his underwear) … Aw, man.
Maverick and Raye reached the top of the volcano.
Raye took a peak in the volcano, as she saw nine pineapples attached to the sides by a metal claw.
“So, what now?” Raye asked.
“Beats me,” Maverick said, as he tried to think of a plan.
At the bottom of the volcano, Chelsea began to climb up the mountain with much agility.
As she reached a certain part of it, Jack stood near her.
“So, I hear you know a thing or two about Chris, eh?” Jack pondered.
Chelsea growled, “STEP OUT OF MY WAY OR MY DADDY WILL PUT YOU IN A FEDERAL PRISON.”
Jack stepped aside calmly.
Confessional, Jack: Rule number one, never mess with anyone who’s crazier than you are.
Chastity followed right behind Chelsea, as she looked up at Jack, “Are you gonna just stand there and make side conversation, Bozo?”
Jack gritted his teeth, “You know, that nickname really gets me angry. Angrier than you could ever imagine.”
“Whatever,” Chastity continued climbing, “You act like you’re some deep and dark soul, but you’re nothing more than a boy with lipstick on. You act like you have dirt on everyone here, but you don’t have a strategic bone in your body. You think you know me, and know how I’m-”
“Bald?” Jack interceded, as Chastity looked back in horror.
“H-How did you k-know?” Chastity stuttered.
Jack chortled, “You’re the one who acts like you are some master strategist, but YOU are nothing more than a teenager with insecurities. I can read you like an open book. You don’t have multiple layers of trauma, and you have the I.Q. of a ham sandwich. The only thing holding you together are your looks, but you still wonder what everyone thinks about you. You constantly isolate yourself from the world, in fear of not being accepted by others. Every conversation you have, you wonder what the other person is thinking about you. All you are is a blob of anxiety and falsehood, trying to create an entirely different personality so the people on this show can fear you and be intimidated by you, just like you are to everyone else.”
Chastity swallowed heavily.
Confessional, Chastity: (Chastity sits in the fetal position, disoriented, with her wig in her hands) Okay, Jack NEEDS to go.
Chastity continued climbing in silence, as Jack stood his ground. Haley followed behind her, whistling.
“Haley, where do you get your hair done?” Jack asked her.
Haley trembled, “Huh?”
Jack continued, “I just want to know where you get your hair done. Such sleek, gorgeous hair. So beautiful and hairy. Every lock of your hair is-”
“Stop it, stop it!” Haley covered her ears.
“Why, whatever is the matter?” Jack smiled deviously.
Haley continued covering her ears, “I just hate that word! Stop saying hair!”
“Look Haley, I know what’s been going on,” Jack comforted her.
Haley put her hands down, “You do?”
“I know Chastity is bald,” Jack explained, “But it’s no reason to keep it bottled up. Suppressing secrets and thoughts only makes them worse. You need to talk out these problems. Keeping it from the other contestants isn’t doing any justice either. Maybe if the other contestants know what she’s going through, they’ll be able to sympathize with her more and understand her, and then maybe she won’t be so harsh.”
“But Chastity made me promise I would keep it a secret!” Haley panicked.
“You know what they say, secrets aren’t fun unless they’re shared with everyone,” Jack said, as he began hopping down from the mountain, “It’s your choice, Haley. Either hide this traumatic secret, or let everyone know so they can better understand Chastity.
Haley began to shiver.
Kasumi somersaulted up the mountain, “WOOOOO-HOOOOO!”
While Maverick and Raye sat in boredom on the top of the volcano, Kasumi reached the top.
“Oh, hey, Kasumi,” Maverick uttered nonchalantly, while Raye remained silent.
Kasumi pursed her lips, angered, “Yeah… hey.”
A grapple gripped onto the top of the volcano, as Milo climbed to the top, “Alrighty!”
Chelsea, Chastity, and Haley climbed to the top.
Chelsea walked over to the hole, “Are you kidding me?! How is anyone supposed to do this?!”
Joshua reached the top, sweating heavily, “Milo, what the devil?? We were supposed to be allied.”
Milo scowled at Joshua, “Yeah, I thought so too. But I guess I was wrong!”
Joshua faced Milo, “What has gotten into you?”
Milo pointed his finger at Joshua, which was still covered with dirt, “You’ve been playing me this entire time, and you’re only trying to snag my girl from me!”
Confessional, Joshua: “While I suppose I am guilty of taking advantage of Milo at times, I have never on any account tried to get involved in his so-called relationship. I would never date a bimbo like Angie.”
(Maverick enters) “But you’d date a bimbo like Chastity?”
“Just sayin’.” (Maverick exits)
Joshua backed away from Milo’s dirt covered finger, “Milo, stay back! I mean it!”
Milo backed up, “Fine, but just know that I ride solo now!”
Confessional, Milo: I kinda dig solo Milo. I don’t think S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S. would dig it, but it’s an interesting plotline for my life!
Kasumi looked down into the volcano and then reached into her shirt pocket, pulling out Kinezumi, “Go forth, brave warrior! Help us win this!”
Kinezumi glided down to one of the pineapples and began to nibble on it.
“Awwww,” Kasumi groaned, “Well, at least he’s cute.”
Chastity turned to Haley, “Alright, Haley. If we’re going to get a pineapple we have to… Haley?”
Chastity noticed that Haley was not paying attention, and was lost in a trance. Chastity snapped her fingers several times, but Haley did not respond.
The camera panned over to Chelsea, who looked into the volcano.
Confessional, Chelsea: Since everyone here is an unintellectual and will most likely vote me off tonight, I need to take drastic measures to get a pineapple.
Chelsea slowly began to scale the side of the center of the volcano in terror.
Milo held out the grappling hook in his hand, “Guess this will come in handy.”
Suddenly, Jack appeared out of no where, in front of Milo, “Milo, why don’t you let me use that first?”
Joshua took note of what was going on.
Milo lowered an eyebrow, “Why?”
Jack held out his arms to grab the device, “I gave you advice earlier. It would be best to pay back the favor.”
Joshua stomped over angrily and stood in between the two, “Now hold on just a second. You may think you are some manipulative deviant, but Milo deserves his own willpower. Because not only is he a smart competitor, but he’s also…” Joshua sighs, “... My friend.”
Milo looked up in awe, and then smiled.
Jack shot a dagger at Joshua, “Getting on his good side won’t work, Joshy boy. Milo already knows what you’ve done. It’s too late to try to twist his mind. Now, Milo, give my the grappling hook.”
Milo trembled, “Well… I…”
“Give me the grappling hook,” Jack repeated, “NOW, MILO.”
“Ahhh!” Milo burst out, tossing Jack the grappling hook.
Jack gave a large smile, as he threw the grapple toward a pineapple in the volcano. The grapple gripped into one of the pineapples, as Jack pulled it upward and retrieved the fruit.
Jack turned to the others, “It’s been fun everyone, but I’m afraid this is where our journey ends.” Jack lifted up the pineapple and turned toward the volcano.
“NO!” Milo shouted, “Please, don’t Jack! I’ll let you have the bottle cap launcher on my utility belt!”
As everyone stared eagerly at Jack, it went silent. Jack stood steadily, looking into the volcano. Finally, he tossed the pineapple in. Everyone gasped in horror.
Jack equipped Chris’s jetpack, which he retrieved earlier, “That’s all, folks!” Jack flew off into the sky.
“Great, now what?!” Maverick shouted in frustration.
“Looks like we have gotten ourselves into a hairy situation,” Joshua stated.
Haley and Chastity, angered, turned to Joshua, “OH, SHUT UP,” they both screamed
Joshua turned to her, confused.
Confessional, Joshua: Is everyone just quickly turning psychotic today?
Confessional, Maverick: Why did Chris even choose someone for this show with bad mental health?
Chelsea returned to the top of the volcano, “I got my pineapple! So long, losers!”
The volcano began to rumble.
“A little late on that one, dear,” Raye said, as Chelsea panicked.
“So, what, this is it?” Haley teared up.
Milo moped sadly, but then looked at the volcano, fiercely.
Confessional, Milo: I partially got us into this mess. I can get us out!
Milo pulled onto the raft inflator, as a huge raft deployed, “Everyone get in.”
The other contestants were hesitant.
Milo sighed, “Look, I know we all hate each other, but sometimes you gotta take chances. We all knew by signing up that this wouldn’t be an easy journey. And even though we may not like each other sometimes, there are other times when we just have to trust each other, just once. It may just save your life.”
As everyone looked at each other, they began to board the raft. Milo smiled happily, “Everyone in?”
Kasumi pointed to Chelsea, who had her arms folded, “Fat chance I’m going to leave in the S.S. Sappy Friendship!”
“Okay, seeya,” Chastity waved to her.
The volcano began to shake uncontrollably.
Chelsea bit her lip, “Move over.” Chelsea jumped into the raft.
“Let’s get out of here!” Milo declared, as the raft stood still, “... Now what?”
Kinezumi, whose backside was on fire, glided toward the raft, and used its teeth to pull the raft down the volcano. As the raft slided swiftly downward, the volcano burst. Chunks of rock and flames came down everywhere. Raye grabbed onto Maverick, Chelsea screamed, Milo clinged to the front of the raft, Joshua sanitized his hands, Kasumi cuddled Kinezumi, and Haley vomited on the back of Chastity’s wig. The raft slid into the war zone, as Chris and Chef were lounging in a hot tub outside the Yack Shack.
“Hey, who said you could all work together?!” Chris demanded.
“AHEM,” Joshua cleared his throat, and pointed to the lava entering the war zone.
Chris gasped, “NO! MY PRECIOUS WAR ZONE!”
The lava began to consume the Yack Shack.
Chris gasped a second time, “NO! MY PRECIOUS YACK SHACK!”
The lava burnt through the bucket of vomit.
Chris gasped a third time, “NO! MY PRECIOUS VOMIT! CHEF, DO SOMETHING!”
Chef began tried to mop the lava up, but the broom set on fire, “WHY WOULD YOU HOST A SHOW THAT TAKES PLACE NEAR AN ACTIVE VOLCANO?”
“IT WASN’T IN THE BROCHURE,” Chris shouted, “EVERYONE GET IN THE EMERGENCY BUNKER, NOW!”
As everyone entered the bunker, screaming, the lava poured throughout the war zone.
Hours later, Chris opened the bunker door, to see that everything was burnt to the ground. He began to weep, “Everything I have is ruined! My hair gel! My Fametown CDs! My autographed picture of the president!”
Chastity popped her head out, “So, who wins the challenge?”
Chris stared at her with fury, as she shot him a nervous look, and then closed the bunker.
The camera faded in on a charred and burnt emergency center, as all contestants sat, staring angrily at Jack.
Chris entered the room, “Good news everyone. The network, along with the money Chelsea’s dad gave us, will be able to repair the damages over the next few days. However, the show must go on!”
Maverick held Raye, who was still startled by what had happened. Kasumi looked at the two sadly.
Chef entered with eight survival kits.
“It’s also worthy to mention that this is the first time in TD history that the votes have been unanimous!” Chris announced, “Which means survival kits go to Milo, Joshua, Kasumi, Raye, Chelsea, Chastity, Maverick, and Haley! Leaving Jack the only one without a kit. Sorry Jack, you lost.”
Jack stood up and laughed, “Foolish host. I’ve already won.” Jack threw up a deck of cards, and as they fell to the ground, he vanished.
Everyone looked on in awe.
Chris shrugged, “I’m just glad he’s gone. He made me feel all… violated. Anyway, we know you guys are still shaken up about today, so we’ve gotten you two new shelters; one for guys, one for girls. Guy cabin’s on the east, girl cabin’s on the west. Sleep easy, everyone!”
As everyone walked outside, tired and depressed, Chris faced the camera, “What danger will be in store for our contestants next? Will Chelsea make it to the top? And has Jack had a huge affect on everyone’s minds? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
As Chef was cleaning up the destroyed pieces of the confessional, he noticed a green hair on the ground. Chef picked it up, but tossed it away, not making a significant deal of it. Jack’s maniacal laugh was heard, as the episode came to a close.
Chapter 14: Codzilla
The camera faded in on the charred war zone, where Chris stood.
“Last week, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge! Things got a little heated when I merged the two teams into one, so they could take on an active volcano on their own. And just to increase the fun, Chelsea returned to the competition! Well, unwillingly on my part; I thought that girl was gone for good. Jack stirred up a bowl of drama du jour when he turned friends and allies against each other. Not to mention, he put everyone’s life in danger when he threw a pineapple into the volcano! After the war zone took a toasting, Jack was sent home after receiving nine votes, including his own, against himself. Unfortunately, he left me to do all the repairing!”
Chef was seen lugging a crate of tiles on his back, growling at Chris.
Chris snickered, “A solid eight remain; who will be the next loser launched? Find out on this episode of Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The episode opened on Chef, who was hammering a tile on the roof of the mess hall. While he was hammering, a bird flew above an opening in the ceiling next to him. Chef looked at the bird warmly, before bopping it in the head with his hammer. The bird fell into a pot of stew below, as Chef looked down, he called out, “Breakfast is served!”
The camera panned over to the west shelter, where the girls were sleeping peacefully. Chastity and Haley bunked together, Kasumi and Raye bunked together, and Chelsea bunked alone.
Chastity yawned loudly, and looked below her, to notice that Haley was trembling.
“Um, everything alright?” Chastity asked, half concerned.
Haley twitched, “I didn’t sleep.”
Confessional, Haley: (Haley takes a large gulp from her mug) I didn’t sleep last night, I had trouble sleeping, and I found it really hard to get some sleep. You know? You know how it feels to not get any sleep? It’s really tough, because, you know, I need my eight hours. Or even nine hours. Or ten, or eleven. It’d be even nice to get one hour of sleep. Or two, or three. But I just spent the whole night drinking Chef’s famous coffee. Yup, coffee, coffee, coffee. Can’t get enough of that coffee!!! Pure brown coffee! Chef’s famous brown coffee! Nothing better than a cup of coffee! Chef’s famous, pure cup of coffee! (Haley collapses with exhaustion)
Haley stood up, “Anyway, I’m going to go for a jog.”
“Uh, where?” Chastity inquired.
“WHAT’S IT TO YOU?” Haley slammed the door, frightened.
Raye awoke, “What’s up with her?”
Chastity shrugged, “Probably just having boy trouble or something.”
“Guess she’s having the same problem you are,” Raye giggled.
Chastity shot her a dagger, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“C’mon, we all know you’re crushing on Joshua,” Raye poked fun at her, “Even people living in the present can realize that. I say go for it, I bonded with Joshua back in the alien challenge. He’s really sweet and down to earth.”
“Don’t you have an emo boyfriend to attend to?” Chastity lashed out at her, as Raye rolled her eyes.
Kasumi grabbed Raye’s hands, “Raye-Raye, we should have a girl day! You know, and do girl stuff. Like… eating pistachios… doing karaoke… and swapping bras?”
Raye released Kasumi’s grasp, “Aw, sorry Kasumi. I told Mav I’d hang with him today. Maybe you can hang out with Chelsea.”
Chelsea took off her sleep mask in anger, “Hey, SHUT IT. I need my beauty sleep.” Chelsea snuggled up to a wad of cash.
Kasumi frowned sadly.
Confessional, Chastity: Now that the merge is here, I don’t know who’s left to ally with. Raye, Kasumi, and Maverick are already buddy-buddy, Milo’s going through this whole “solo phase”, Chelsea’s a psycho brat, and Haley’s developing her own case of psychosis. Which only leaves one person.
The camera panned over to the male shelter, where Milo and Joshua bunked, and Maverick slept alone.
Suddenly, an alarm went off.
Maverick stood up, banging his head on the ceiling, “Ow!”
Milo turned off the alarm happily, “Up and at ‘em, fellas!”
Joshua rubbed his eyes, “What the devil are you doing, Milo?”
Milo stretched his arms, “The best way to start off each morning is with a hearty meal. It’s lesson number three in the S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S. manual!”
Confessional, Milo: It isn’t actually lesson number three in the manual. I just didn’t want to eat alone, heh.
Confessional, Maverick: Never thought I’d miss sleeping on a rock in the 93 degree heat each night. At least Joshua’s alright.
Milo bolted out the door.
“Quite the dullard he is,” Joshua spoke out, “His confidence is only brought down by his vacuous behavior.”
“... Excuse me?” Maverick scratched his head.
“Just disclosing that he isn’t very susceptible to being persuaded into a strategic scenario,” Joshua continued.
Confessional, Maverick: … I stand corrected.
Outside the mess hall, Milo tugged on the door handle.
Joshua approached him, “Maybe try… I don’t know… pushing it?”
“It won’t budge!” Milo continued to pull, “And I need my morning food!”
Chelsea walked up to the door, “Let me have a go at it!”
Joshua rolled his eyes, “What do you plan on doing? Whining it open?”
Chelsea began tugging at the door with great force, “Chef! Open up, you fat ape!”
“Are you trying to get a butcher’s knife pitched at your skull? Joshua wondered.
Suddenly, Chris was heard over the P.A. system, “Listen up, my fellow rejects! No brekkie for today, so we’re heading straight to today’s challenge! Meet me outside the mountains!”
“Aw, man,” Milo groaned.
The camera flashed over to the mountains, where the eight remaining contestants, and Chris, were seen.
“Any particular reason why we don’t get breakfast today?” Raye asked.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because we spent the whole night rebuilding the war zone that your good friend Jack so kindly blew up,” Chris barked, “And by we, I mean Chef and whatever’s left of the interns.”
“That not FAIR,” Chelsea shouted, “I demand you give us the meal you promised in our contracts!”
Chris held out a copy of the show’s fine print and read off of it, “‘All competitors are guaranteed two meals daily at no specified time.’ Emphasis on the ‘no specified time’.”
“Don’t forget the emphasis on that huge secret you’re hiding from everyone,” Chelsea stated smugly, “I could always blab that at anytime.”
Chris pulled out a different contract, “‘If the contestant known as Chelsea Franklin releases disclosed information regarding the staff of Total Drama Inc., she will depart from the competition and will no longer be connected to the series in any way.’ Care to continue?”
Chris continued, “Anyway, if you were all wondering where Chef is, he’s getting ready for today’s brutal manhunt. As shown in several Japanese movies, monsters are the ones who end up destroying civilization for those just trying to live their everyday life. Nobody knows what their motive is, or why they just randomly come out from the ocean, but they’re still plenty fun! You can thank us for the tribute later, Kasumi.”
Kasumi clapped happily.
“So, in today’s challenge, Chef, equip with a monster costume, will be chasing you around all day,” Chris presented Chef, who was reluctantly wearing a fish costume.
Chris stomped his foot down, “Cheeeeef! You’re supposed to be dressed like a big, bad monster!”
“The costume store was closed, the aquarium was opened,” Chef moaned.
Chris sighed, “Chef and I have set up several traps around the forest. Fall into them, you have the opportunity to escape. However, if Chef arrives, you’re caught. Chef will also have the chance to hunt you down, and also pin you down. If Chef manages to trap or capture all eight of you, it’s fair game at elimination tonight. However, if someone manages to trap Chef, they get immunity for the night. You’ll be sent into the woods for the entirety of the challenge. Leave that area, and you’re out of bounds, thus causing your disqualification. I’ll give you all a quick head start to pair up with whoever you’d please. Well, go on, Chef.”
“Why do I have to LEAVE?” Chef shouted.
“Because I said so, flounder,” Chris chortled.
“Two-bit… free-loadin’...” Chef mumbled, as he walked offscreen.
Joshua approached Milo, “Surely the two of us will join forces, correct?”
Milo briefly thought about Joshua’s offer, “... Eh… Nah, I think I’m just gonna do my own thing.”
Confessional, Milo: I like Joshua and all, but a man’s gotta do his own work. Besides, he still might be trying to steal my woman. Come to think of it, Chastity’s been acting shady around me lately too… do you think she has a crush on Angie?
As Joshua ponders to himself, Chastity passes by.
Joshua grabs her arm, “Well, I suppose it is just you and me then.”
Chastity swatted his hand away, “Nadda, I have to work on little miss mental issue over here.”
Haley rolled back and forth in the fetal position on the ground.
Chelsea walked past Joshua, “Don’t even try to ally with me! You’ll only slow this millionaire down!”
“I wouldn’t look so confident, Chelsea,” Chris said from his seat, “Chef has a personal grudge toward you!”
“Me? ME?!” Chelsea demanded, “What did I do?!”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Chris stroked his stubble, “Maybe it’s due to the fact that you got him RUN OVER.”
“It was totally his fault,” Chelsea rolled her eyes, “Maybe if he hit the treadmill more often, he’d be able to dodge a car going 10 miles per hour.”
“Just giving you a little warning,” Chris sipped his drink from a draw, “The last intern who made a fool out of Chef is now embedded in the ground below us.”
Confessional, Chris: Chef didn’t actually bury an intern. I totally made up that story to freak her out! (As Chris laughs, Chef enters the confessional, covered in dirt, with a shovel in his hand. The two stare at each other, as Chef backs away awkwardly)
Raye walked up to Maverick, “Well looks like I’m stuck with you.” The two shared a laugh.
Kasumi jumped between them and gave a large, obnoxious laugh, “Teamsies, right guys!”
“Only two people a group, Kasumi,” Chris informed her.
“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, c’mon!” Kasumi whimpered.
Chris sighed, “Fine, if you wanna put yourself, Raye, and Maverick at risk by making your group more noticeable, it’s your funeral.”
Kasumi wrapped her arms around the two, “LET US GO, BRETHREN.”
Confessional, Maverick: I thought Kasumi was trying to improve my relationship with Raye, not third-wheel it.
Confessional, Kasumi: I have to make sure Maverick, Raye, and I remain tomodachis for the remainder of the game. So I won’t try to and break them up… but that doesn’t mean I can’t interfere with their lovin’.
“Well, let’s go then,” Maverick grabbed for Raye’s hand, as she smiled sweetly.
Kasumi broke their grasp and began walking in the center of the two, “This is fun, isn’t it guys? Fun, right?!”
Maverick and Raye raised an eyebrow at each other.
Chastity and Haley were seen walking in the forest together, “Listen, Haley, I think we need to discuss your… issues.”
Haley twitched, “What issues? I don’t have issues. Why would you think I have issues? Do you think something’s wrong with me. If you do, tell me. TELL ME.”
Haley shook Chastity, as Chastity pushed her away, “Well, first off all, lay off the caffeine. Second, I think you’re suppressing a memory that was traumatizing for you. Care to share?”
Haley quivered, “Uh, uh, uh… what was the question?”
“Care to-” Chastity began to say, before Haley ran away, screaming.
Confessional, Chastity: (Chastity shakes her head) Remind me again why I want her to be my ally.
Joshua sat on a log, by himself, “Well, Joshua. It seems you are your own man, now. The merge has come, so I suppose I must use my wits and sheer willpower to dominate this competition… Alone.”
As the camera panned over, Chef was behind as tree, as he pulled his zipper up when walking away from it. He noticed Joshua sitting in front of him, “Looks like I found my first catch of the day!”
Joshua stood up and backed up, “Back off, you overgrown salmon!”
As Chef walked toward him slowly, Joshua backed into a pile of leaves, as the pile collapsed below him. Chef snickered, “That’s more like it.”
Joshua, in the hole, rubbed his head in pain, and noticed the dirt on his hands, “GAH!” Joshua attempted to brush off the dirt, but only scattered it throughout his arms. “Somebody! HELP! HEEEEEELP!” Joshua shouts echoed throughout the war zone. Chef walked away, rolling his eyes.
As Raye and Maverick walked through the forest, Raye snuggled up closer to Maverick.
Kasumi shoved her out of the way, “WOW, GREAT VIEW TODAY, HUH?”
Raye shot a dagger at Kasumi.
“Kasumi, why don’t you take a walk? Preferably far from here?” Maverick asked, impatiently.
“Eh, I’m not into the whole ‘walking thing’,” Kasumi muttered, “Besides, I sprained my ankle!”
Kasumi jumped into Maverick’s arms, “Carry me, hubby!”
Maverick dropped her, annoyed, “Yeah, this isn’t gonna work for me.”
Raye ran to Kasumi’s attention, “Come on, Mav, she might actually be hurt.”
“Well, I’m not carrying her!” Maverick shouted.
“So who is?” Raye retorted.
As the camera flashed to the next scene, Raye was shown to be carrying Kasumi, unamused.
Kasumi swatted at butterflies in the air happily, “Weeeee!”
Confessional, Raye: Did all that flirting between those two somehow rub off on Kasumi?
The camera flashed over to Chelsea, who was strolling through the forest nervously.
Chelsea bit her lip, “Calm down, Chelsea. There’s no need to worry. It’s just some old, greasy cook who doesn’t know the difference between 5-star meal and leftovers from the garbage.”
Chef popped up from a bush nearby, “You got a problem with my cookin’?!”
Chelsea screamed loudly and ran off, as Chef pursued her
Chris was seen in the monitor room.
“How much will Chelsea’s hospital bills cost when Chef is done with her? How much will Chelsea’s therapy bills cost when Chef is done with her? Find out, when we return, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
As the commercial break ended, Chelsea was seen running in the forest, waving her arms back and forth as she screamed.
Chef chased her, “Stop runnin’ and fight like a man!”
Chef and Chelsea ran past Chastity and Haley, who were making their way through the forest as well.
Haley gazed in confusion, “Uhhh, what was that? Was it the fuzz?? They’re after me, man!” Haley shook Chastity back and forth.
Chastity grabbed Haley’s wrists, “Haley, get a grip!”
Haley stepped back, “Look, Chast, I’m trying to keep this a secret but it’s driving me crazy! Maybe we should just let people know. I’m sure they won-”
“NO,” Chastity shouted, but lowered her tone, “I mean, no. People here just won’t understand if they find out that I’m bald.”
“Uh…” Haley pointed at the cameras, “Ya know, they’re gonna find out eventually.”
“Of course I know that,” Chastity stated, “But after the show is over, I won’t have to see any of these people again, now will I?”
Confessional, Chris: (Chris holds up a large stack of paper) Might wanna check the fine print on that one, Chastity.
Confessional, Chastity: Haley’s world is full of ladybugs and high blood sugar. I can’t let her tell the others that I have a weakness. If only she looked at the world my way. (Chastity sighs)
“So you’re going to keep this secret in confidence, right?” Chastity demanded from her.
Haley twitched nervously, “Wow, that coffee went right through me! Gotta tinkle!”
Haley ran off into the woods.
Chastity rolled her eyes and continued walking, before stopping in front of a ditch. She looked down, “Uh, need some help?”
Joshua was seen in the ditch, sitting in the fetal position, “Yes, please.”
Chastity tossed down a large branch, as Joshua climbed up it.
Joshua brushed himself off and kissed the ground, “Ah, sweet land. Absorb me with your glory.”
“Settle down, spic and span,” Chastity poked at him, “I did you a favor, so now it’s time you did me one in return.”
“And why should I do such a thing?” Joshua scoffed.
“Because, now that Milo’s on his little ego-trip, Haley is the only one I can rely on for votes, and I’m not even sure what kind of mental state she’s in right now,” Chastity explained. “Raye told me that she bonded with you back in the space challenge, so if you get her vote, we get Maverick’s.”
“I suppose, but how am I so sure that I can trust you?” Joshua wondered.
“Because I’m the only one you have left,” Chastity responded. “And also because we’re the smartest people left on this show. We need to stick together.”
Joshua pondered to himself for a moment, “I’ve never met a mind as equally strategic to my own.”
Chastity awkwardly blushed, “Yeah… anyway, I’ll meet you back at the war zone. I have to take care of pee-girl over here.”
Confessional, Joshua: Chastity is surely a sharp-witted player. Perhaps the two of us could end up in the final two. Of course, my superior intellects will most certainly jest her captivating looks. (Joshua looked at the camera, dumbfounded at what he had said)
Chelsea was seen trembling behind a bush.
Chef slowly popped up behind her, “Don’t worry, this’ll only hurt A LOT.”
Chelsea backed away, “Stay back! My daddy will pay to have you exterminated!” Chelsea tossed a wad of cash at Chef.
Chef picked up the wad and sniffed it, “Five hundred dollars?!”
Chelsea shrugged, “Yeah, so?”
“Chris pays me five dollars each day. Say he needs the money for the budget.” Chef stated.
“How do you make a living?” Chelsea asked.
Chef held up a can of gruel, “Started my own gruel business on the side. And I still live with my momma.”
Chelsea shot a devious look, “Tell you what, I’ll pay you a whopping five hundred dollars a day if you supply me with more information about the production of this show.”
Chef shrugged, “Deal.”
“Annnd, you help me win today’s challenge!” Chelsea proclaimed.
“You crazy? I ain’t interfering with the game anymore!” Chef shouted, “Five hundred for the deets, and no more!”
“Fine,” Chelsea rolled her eyes, “I don’t need immunity anyway. I’ll be off to relax in my shelter… after you give me my info.”
Chef sighed, and whispered something in Chelsea’s ear.
Chelsea smiled, “Perfect.” She walked off.
Suddenly, Milo cut a rope from a tree nearby. The rope sent an anvil falling to the ground, which made a water balloon explode. The water splashed on an electric wire, which sent a shock to the tree, burning a branch. As Chef took notice of the contraption Milo set up, he groaned impatiently, and walked off. Moments after Chef walked offscreen, a net dropped to where he was standing.
Milo slid over to the net, “Aha!” Milo looked back and forth, “Uh, Chef?”
Confessional, Milo: I was sure that one of dad’s old traps would’ve worked on Chef. It worked great on stray cats!
Maverick, Raye, and Kasumi continued walking through the forest.
Maverick heard rustling in the bushes, “Anyone else hear that?”
“It must be Chef,” Raye informed the others, as she clinged to Maverick.
Kasumi scowled at the two, and sneezed violently on Raye’s hands.
Raye jumped backward and wiped off her hands, “What’s your deal, Kasumi?”
Kasumi wiped her nose, “Whaaat? It’s drafty out here, nakamas!”
Chastity exited the bush, holding Haley’s hand, “Haley, for the millionth time, a bush will not understand your feelings.”
“What’s wrong with her now?” Raye wondered.
Chastity changed her tone to make herself seem calm, “Oh, she’s fine. She’s just dealing with a bit of stress. Right, Haley?”
Haley panicked, “Uhhhh, wow, sure seems like the time for another tinkle break!”
Haley ran off into the bushes, as Chastity stormed after her.
“Not even gonna ask,” Maverick rolled his eyes, “C’mon, let’s get going.”
Kasumi cavorted along, “Roger, roger!”
Maverick and Raye looked at each other, perplexed. Raye spoke up, “Uh, Kasumi, don’t you think you would progress more if you went… you know… alone?”
“But we’re a crew, we travel together!” Kasumi cheered.
Raye rubbed her shoulder nervously, “Well… it’s just that Maverick and I… kind of…”
As the camera zoomed in on Kasumi’s face, her eyes became bulky, and her lip quivered.
Raye sighed, “... Would enjoy if you came along with us.”
Kasumi clapped happily.
Confessional, Raye: I just can’t win.
Haley was seen hiding behind a tree.
Chastity peaked her head behind Haley, “Can we please stop playing hide and seek and start talking about who we’re going to eliminate tonight?”
Haley shook Chastity, “I can’t take it anymore, man! I have to tell someone your secret!”
Confessional, Haley: I think Chastity could really benefit from broadcasting her secrets to the world. Freshman year, I told my crush, Leo Holtzwit, that I was madly in love with him. It was really weird, though. He ended up moving out of the country that week.
Chastity pushed Haley off of her, “No, we cannot go down that road, Haley! We need to focus on the actual game!”
Chelsea was seen walking nearby.
Chastity shot Haley a dagger, “Do NOT do what I think you’re going to do.”
Haley began to shake heavily, as she finally blurted out, “HEY, CHELSEA!”
Chastity panicked, and noticed a pile of leaves a few feet in front of them. Chastity tackled Haley onto the pile, as the both fell into a trap set below.
Chelsea looked over, only to see no one. She continued walking, annoyed.
Chastity and Haley groaned in pain below, as Chef walked over to the trap, laughing, “Looks like y’all got a taste of my leaf trap.”
“Hey, that was my leaf trap!” Milo shouted in the distance.
Confessional, Milo: Chef can’t be that hard to capture! He’s old, right? Maybe I could just lure him in with cough drops and pennies.
Maverick sat beside a shrub, as Raye approached him.
“Where’s Kasumi?” Maverick asked.
“She went to find the daffodil that I just had to see,” Raye moaned.
“That girl’s acting crazier than normal,” Maverick stated, “You think she’s jealous of us?”
“Why would she be jealous?” Raye wondered.
“Well, she kissed me,” Maverick explained, “Maybe something went off in her brain that made her actually attracted to me.”
“Nah, I think it’s unlikely for another girl here to be attracted to you,” Raye said.
Maverick glared, “Gee, thanks.”
“Heh heh…” Raye giggled nervously.
“Is that lovin’ I hear?” Chef’s voice was heard, as Maverick and Raye stood up, only to notice him in front of them.
“Back off, Betty Crocker!” Maverick shooed him away.
Chef growled, “Nobody makes a mockery out of my cookin’!”
Chef leaped toward the two, as they hugged each other tightly. Suddenly, Kasumi jumped in front of the two, as Chef tackled her to the ground.
“Saaaaaave yourseeeeeelveeees!” Kasumi declared, struggling under Chef’s grip.
Raye gasped, and then looked at her side, to notice that Maverick was no where to be seen, “Uh, Mav?”
Maverick was seen frantically running through the woods.
Confessional, Maverick: What?! I just assumed that Raye was behind me after the 300 pound war veteran pranced on us. You can’t blame me.
Chef stood up, as Raye put her hands in the air. Chef smirked widely, “Two for one, heh heh…”
Suddenly, an arrow hit Raye in the backside, “Um, OW!”
Milo was seen in a tree branch nearby, with his face painted red and a bow and arrow in his hand, “Dangit!”
Chef chuckled loudly, “Give it up, maggot! You ain’t got nothin’ on my abilities.”
Milo looked down sadly.
The camera flashed over to Maverick, who was panting heavily.
Suddenly, Chef tapped him on the shoulder.
“Aww, crap,” Maverick uttered, as Chef shoved him to the ground, snickering.
Raye walked over to Maverick, with a scowl on her face.
Maverick looked up at her, “What? Whaaat?!”
Kasumi smiled widely at the two bickering, as Raye looked her direction. Kasumi noticed Raye’s glance and looked the other way, whistling.
“Welp, that’s everyone,” Chef brushed off his hands.
“I think you’re forgetting Agent Loose Pants,” Maverick pointed out.
“Ah, how much trouble can he be?” Chef walked off.
As he walked through the forest, Chef noticed Milo several feet away, standing completely vulnerable.
“So, you decided to show up?” Chef asked with a grin.
“I’m not afraid of you, Hatchet,” Milo glared, “Give me everything you got.”
Chef starred with determination at Milo, as Milo gave the same look back. Chef cracked his knuckles and ran with full force towards Milo. As Chef came close, Milo pulled out a knife and cut a rope. The rope broke in half, and as Chef jump toward him, a net came down and trapped Chef.
“What the-” Chef stuttered.
“Would you like a side of bread with that defeat?!” Milo joked.
Confessional, Milo: (Milo held a list in his hands) I got bored, so I made a list of zingers in that tree that I could use against Chef. ‘Live and let fry!’ ‘Bury the Hatchet!’ ‘You aren’t just good lookin’, you’re good cookin’!’... Maybe I’ll change that last one.
Chris flew above in his helicopter, “And Milo secures immunity in this challenge, meaning he’s not an option for elimination tonight! Also, he’ll get slight advantage in our next challenge. While you all sulk over your loserdom, don’t forget to send in your votes!”
Back at the war zone, Raye patiently waited outside the confessional door.
Joshua approached her, “You wonder consider us comrades because of the space challenge, correct?”
Raye shrugged, “Sure, why not?”
“And comrades would vote together, right?” Joshua continued.
“What are you getting at?” Raye raised an eyebrow, as Joshua whispered in her ear. Joshua pulled away, as Raye smirked, “I think that can be arranged.”
Joshua then walked over to the mess hall, where Chastity stood outside. Joshua nodded to her, as she nodded back, deviously.
The camera cut over to the emergency hut, where the eight remaining contestants, and Chris stood.
“I have survival kits for Milo, Joshua, Maverick, Raye, Chastity, and Chelsea,” Chris stated, as the camera showed the six with their survival kits.
Kasumi and Haley looked at each other nervously.
“Two crazies in our bottom two, but which ones insanity is getting the boot tonight?” Chris asked.
Raye and Maverick stared at each other. Chastity smirked, as Joshua remained serious. Milo polished his grappling hook. Chelsea folded her arms, uninterested. Haley and Kasumi shot a nervous glimpse at each other.
“Kasumi!” Chris declared, as Kasumi caught the survival kit, relieved.
Chastity waved to her, “Bye Haley. It’s a shame you couldn’t stay with us any longer.”
Haley stood up, “I have something to tell everyone. Something regarding my friend Chastity. Chastity is-”
Chastity ran over to Milo’s utility belt, grabbed a roll of duct tape, and darted over to Haley, as she proceeded to tape her mouth several times, “Launch her, launch her!”
The camera flashed outside, as Haley was tied to the rocket. Chris pressed a button, launching her off into the distance, “A lucky seven left, with an unfortunate six to come! Who will be lusciously launched next? Find out on the next episode of Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
The camera faded out.
Chapter 15: 20,000 Lies Under the Sea
The camera faded in on the war zone, where Chris McLean stood.
“Last time, on Total Drama: The Cutting Edge,” he began, “Eight remaining contestants took on one oversized trout, a.k.a., Chef. Chastity had trouble controlling her ally member, but quickly befriended a compulsive cleanser. Meanwhile, Kasumi drove Raye and Maverick nutso with her obnoxious third wheeling, but, as usual, Maverick and Raye came across a few differences… AGAIN. Chef formed yet another illegal alliance, which will come out of his paycheck. In the end, Milo won immunity, and the emotionally disturbed Haley was sent home. Seven lucky losers remain! Who’s bound to take a rocket ride home? Find out, right now, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
As the camera opened over a body of water, a large, bronze submarine was seen floating. the camera panned inside the watercraft, as the contestants were all shown asleep. Suddenly, Milo awoke.
Upon awaking, Milo noticed the various controls surrounding him, “Wait a second… what are GIRLS doing in our shelter??”
Raye awoke abruptly, “Where the heck are we?”
Chastity yawned, and stood up, realizing that Joshua’s arm had been around her, “Keep your overly cleansed paws to yourself, Josh.”
Joshua brushed off his hands, “Why, you mustn't believe that I was actually trying to fondle you.”
Chastity rolled her eyes, “Whatever; just remember that our main focus is the game, and not your romantic feelings toward me.”
Confessional, Joshua: “Romantic feelings”? She cannot be serious. I am not some Casanova, I am a scholar. I started high school at the age of seven. I do not have time for such feeble emotion. It is not as if I enjoyed the alleged “fondling”. (Joshua blushes)
Maverick awoke, and turned to Raye, “Mornin’.”
Raye glared at him.
“What??” Maverick shrugged his shoulders.
“You sort of ran off and left me in the arms of a mentally ill cook last challenge, does that ring a bell?” Raye asked.
“I thought you would’ve had the common sense to follow me!” Maverick lashed out.
“I thought you would’ve had the common sense to let me know that you were ditching me!” Raye retorted.
Chelsea, whose face was covered in her sleep mask, was still attempting to sleep. As Maverick and Raye continued to bicker, she angrily stood up, “Would you two kindly SHUT IT?”
Raye and Maverick folded their arms angrily.
Kasumi snapped her fingers, “What if… this is actually the apocalypse?! And we’re the last survivors?!”
“Oh please, why would we be surrounded by all this high tech equipment?” Joshua inquired.
“What if The Cutting Edge never happened?!” Milo panicked, “What if it was all a dream?!”
Chastity rolled her eyes, “That explains why the final seven are all conveniently gathered together.”
Milo shook her frantically, “You understand!!!”
Confessional, Milo: I may not be the prickliest peck of pickled peppers, but I do have my gadgets to survive! Everything Pop used back in the spy days right when he met ol’ Ma; scented candles, rose petals, and underwire! Nothing can go wrong! … Hm.
Raye held her stomach, nauseously, “Is it just me… or is this room shaking?”
Chelsea angrily ripped off her sleep mask, “Can I EVER get one night of uninterrupted sleep?!” Chelsea stormed up a ladder nearby and lifted up a hatch. “Uhhhh, guys…”
As the other contestants looked at each other, they joined Chelsea on the ladder, and peaked their heads outside the room, realizing that they’re in the middle of the ocean.
Chastity boiled with anger, “Chriiiiiiiiiiiiis!”
Chris hovered over the contestants in his helicopter, “You called?”
Raye sighed, “Okay, I have to ask.”
“Alright, what’s your complaint this time, critic?” Chris groaned.
“Didn’t we already have the flood challenge a few weeks back?” Raye asked.
“Valid point,” Chris responded, “And this is the flood challenge; only expanded a bit!”
“Um, how did you get us out here in the first place?” Chastity wondered.
Chris trembled, “We… uh… have our ways.”
Chef Hatchet appeared in a flashback, as he took out a box labeled “sleeping pills” and began chopping them up into the food.
Another flashback showed Maverick walking over to the bathroom, as Chef tackled him and cracked a pressure point on his wrist, sending him into a deep sleep. Chef snickered.
As the flashback sequence ended, Chris was shown in his helicopter, “This challenge focuses on the aftermath of the flood challenge. After most of humanity is wiped out, you seven are the sole survivors. Your challenge? Be the first one back to the war zone to claim solo immunity or be at risk for elimination.”
“Uh, which way to the war zone?” Milo asked.
Chris shrugged, “I dunno, that’s for you to figure out. You can grab any swim gear that you please in the submarine, or, you can simply use your arms. Don’t forget to watch out for sharks. Chef hasn’t fed them in a solid week, so they’re bound to be hungry! Also, try not to drown. McLean, OUT!”
The contestants crawled down from the ladder.
Milo snickered, “Looks like I’ll have the upperhand on this one, since I have RAFT!” Milo pulled the handled on his belt, as the raft deployed, but was deflated, “Oh yeah, that broke in the volcano challenge…”
Raye picked up a surfboard next to the control system, “Welp, guess it’s never too late to learn how to surf.”
Maverick approached her, “So, are we going together or not?”
Raye raised an eyebrow, “I’m taking on this challenge alone, Mav.”
Kasumi popped up between them, “Ya know, I’m in need of a partner!”
“Fine, I’ll take on this challenge myself as well!” Maverick stormed off.
“Uhhh, Maverick?!” Kasumi pleaded.
Raye walked off as well.
“Raye-Raye??” Kasumi whimpered, and sighed. As she poked her head outside of the submarine, she noticed a giant lilypad a few feet away. Kasumi placed a kasa on her head in content, and jumped on top of the lilypad. She took out a flute and began playing it, as she glided off into the distance.
Inside the submarine, Chastity torn through a closet, tossing a boot, a wheel, and a coconut behind her head, “Once again, Chris provides us with nothing of any use.”
Joshua dragged a canoe down from the top latch of the submarine. He glanced over toward Chastity.
Confessional, Joshua: I suppose it’s only reasonable to team up with the second highest level of mental capacity here.
Joshua drew closer toward Chastity, “Will the both of us ally once more?”
“And what’s in it for me?” Chastity demanded.
“Immunity, perhaps?” Joshua suggested, “Unless you have another way of arriving at our destination, which we both know you do not.”
Chastity moaned, “Fine. Let’s get going.”
Confessional, Chastity: With Haley and boom-boom fire boy gone, Joshua’s a necessity for me right now. I need to keep a close eye on him, though. He is getting a bit too big for his britches.
Chastity and Joshua exited the submarine with their canoe, as Milo applied two floaties to his arms and placed an inflatable duck around his waist, “Not too shabby!”
As Maverick put on a scuba suit, he took note of Milo’s appearance, “All you’re missing is a life preserver,” he joked.
Milo held a life preserver in his hand, and dropped it, indifferently.
Confessional, Milo: What?! This is what S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S.’s Navy wore in dire situations. Huh? Of course we have our own Navy. We also have an Army, air force, and a soup kitchen, where we stir up a bowl of smiles for those less fortunate than us. Ah, what I would do to scoop up some broth with my trusty ol’ ladle again.
Maverick put on a pair of flippers and began walking around, “Well, I look like a complete and utter noodle, but it’ll have to do.”
Milo adjusted his inflatable duck, “Ya sure you don’t want a floatation device, such as my friend, Mr. Peking?”
“Uhh… No thanks, Milo. I think I’ll manage,” Maverick responded, as he climbed up the ladder.
Milo placed a snorkel on his face and shrugged, “Suit yourself!” He then climbed up the ladder as well.
Chelsea, being the only one remaining on the submarine, rolled her eyes.
Confessional, Chelsea: Am I the only one smart enough to actually use the giant submarine that Chris literally served to us on a platter?
Chelsea looked at the controls, perplexed, “What does this one do?” Chelsea pressed one of the buttons, as cup of coffee deplored from the machine in front of her. Chelsea lifted up the cup, “I think I’ll like it here.”
As Joshua paddled the canoe, he began to sweat intensely. Chastity laid in the back of the canoe, relaxing in her bikini and designer shades, “C’mon, pick up the pace! Use those forearms!”
Joshua ceased paddling, “You do realize this is a team effort, correct? Meaning you will have to contribute to this physically challenging activity as well.”
Chastity scoffed, “Why would I do that when I have this perfect chance to work on my tan?” Chastity applied tanning oil to her legs.
Joshua blushed, but quickly shook it off, “When did you have time to change into your swimwear?”
Chastity took off her sunglasses, “Who said I ever took it off?”
Joshua sighed, “Look, just be a comrade and help me paddle.”
Chastity sat up and slapped the paddle out of Joshua’s hand, “Look, I’m all for winning immunity, but we have all day. There’s no way the others are gonna catch up. We need to work on our strategy for the next few challenges.”
Joshua growled and picked up a paddle, “There is no way we can speculate the likelihood that we will survive the outcome of this challenge, so we must continue moving on.”
Chastity grabbed the paddle and began to pull at it, “Strategy first, paddling later!”
Joshua pulled back, “Claim immunity now, strategize LATER!”
The two continued pulling at the paddle before Joshua accidentally pulled Chastity toward him, as their lips met. The two shared a kiss, but both pulled away, disgusted.
Chastity wiped off her mouth, “Are you KIDDING me?!”
Confessional, Joshua: (Joshua holds hand sanitizer in his left hand and a toothbrush in his right. He shrugs, and squeezes a glob of sanitizer onto his toothbrush, as he begins scrubbing his tongue.)
Joshua spat into the water, “Oh, vile bacteria!”
“Look… just… paddle… k?” Chastity muttered, awkwardly.
Joshua sighed and picked up the paddle, “Very well, then.”
Confessional, Chastity: For someone who’s a germ freak, you think he’d be a little more invested in mouthwash.
As the submarine was shown underwater, Chelsea began to play around with various controls. She opened one of cupboards and pulled out a walkie talkie. She pressed a button on the side and began to talk into it, “Hello? Anyone hear me?”
Back at the war zone, Chris and Chef Hatchet sat in lawn chairs outside the mess hall. Suddenly, Chef’s walkie talkie went off, as Chelsea’s voice was heard, “HELLO? Can ANYONE hear me?”
Chef gasped, “Awww, crap!”
Chelsea continued speaking through Chef’s walkie talkie, “Chef? Is that you? I need your help, you grease ball!”
Chris sipped on a tea cup, “Uhhh, Chef?”
Panicking, Chef grabbed his walkie talkie and tossed it behind him, into the distance.
Chris put his tea cup down, “Chef, you wouldn’t happen to be in an alliance with Chelsea and be in breach of your contract for the third time in the series, which would ultimately lead to your immediate demotion as assistant host, would you?”
Chef trembled, “Uh, no?”
Chris paused, and then held his thumb up, “Cool! Anyway, I’m going to go off and do something of no particular interest while I leave you unaccompanied to do whatever you want. Ciao!”
Chris walked off.
Chef wiped sweat off from his forehand and angrily stormed over to his walkie talkie, as he shouted into it, “Girl, are you tryin’ to get me fired?!”
“How was I supposed to know your boyfriend was sitting next to you?!” Chelsea snapped back.
Chef snarled, “Just don’t pull it again if you want ya limbs attached!”
Chelsea began to ponder, as she continued the conversation, “You know, now that I’ve got a hold of you, you could help me in the challenge.”
Chef shook his head, “Aww, naw, that wasn’t part of the deal!”
“Then I’ll just have to tell your buddy, Chris, that you once again broke your contract, which will once again leave you jobless,” Chelsea deviously proclaimed.
As he paused, Chef sighed, “Fine. Whatta ya need?”
“Tell me how to set the GPS to take me to the war zone, and I’ll take it from there,” Chelsea wickedly smiled.
Raye was shown in the middle of the ocean, as the water subtly moved below her surfboard. Raye groaned, “Does this ocean just generally not come with waves?”
Chris hovered above Raye in his helicopter, “You know Raye, if you wanna win, you might actually wanna… you know… try to win?”
Raye scowled in his direction, “You could’ve given us something that would actually, you know, help us win?”
Chris snickered, “I did, and Chelsea’s taking full advantage of it.”
Suddenly, Chelsea’s submarine emerged in front of Raye. Chelsea opened the top hatch, “You know Raye, you could take a ride in my submarine, as long as you vote with me tonight.”
“Yeah, but, the thing is, I don’t like you,” Raye blatantly stated.
Chelsea shrugged, “Whatever, have fun on motionless plank of wood.” Chelsea closed the hatch, as the submarine dove back into the water.
Chris also flew off in his helicopter, leaving Raye alone. Raye moaned, “Ugh. Maybe I should’ve gone with Maverick afterall.
The camera cutaway to Maverick, who was seen rising up to the surface, gasping for air, “What’s even in this air tank?” he choked. Maverick took off the air supply tank on his back and opened it, showing that the only thing left inside was bottles of Chris’s hair gel, “Looks like I’m stuck with a hot air tank.” Maverick tossed the air tank behind him. “Hate to say it, but I miss Raye. Guess I need her more than I thought.”
Joshua continued paddling the canoe, as he whistled awkwardly.
“You know, just because you’re madly in love with me doesn’t mean you have to act any differently,” Chastity grumbled.
Joshua turned around, furiously, “Why, I would never commit such a repulsive act. You were the one who committed the alleged display of affection.”
“Wha- I- You pulled me into your face!” Chastity snapped.
Chris flew above the canoe, “Hey lovebirds, you might want head east instead! You’ve been paddling in the wrong direction for the past hour!” Chris flew away.
Chastity shook with anger, “Are. You. KIDDING ME?”
Joshua scratched the back of his head nervously.
Confessional, Joshua: I admit, with an I.Q. of 192, my sense of directions is a trifle rocky.
Chastity picked up a paddle, preparing to hit Joshua, before a speed boat stopped behind the canoe. Four teenage boys in their swim trunks were on board, as party music blasted in the background.
“Hey babe, want a ride on our speed boat?” The tall male asked.
A shorter boy pushed the taller one out of the way, “I get to oil her back first!”
A boy with a hat pushed the short boy out of the way, “No, I do!”
Chastity smiled deviously and posed, “Don’t fight over me, boys. All of you can get a piece of Chastity!”
The boys howled in pleasure.
Joshua slapped his forehead.
Confessional, Joshua: I don’t know how incompetent a male you have to be to fall for the farces of Chastity.
(Maverick enters) Didn’t you kinda kiss her?
(Joshua glares) Don’t you have your own relationship issues to take care of?
(Maverick shrugs and exits)
(Joshua sighs) I really need to invest in a lock for this confessional.
A boy was shown hitting the water and sinking, before rising to the surface and spitting water out.
Chastity and Joshua were seen on the speed boat, as Chastity held a paddle in her hand, “Later losers! Call me sometime!”
Joshua turned the key in the ignition as the boat sped off.
The tall boy looked at his friends, “But, she never, like, gave us her number…”
The screen flashed over to Milo, as he floated slowly in the water, “C’mon, floaties! Pick up the pace, fellas!” Milo laughed happily, “No matter, I still have my secret weapon!” Milo took out a deflated beach ball and began to blow it up. When it was inflated, Milo held it up in victory, “Dad’s lucky beach ball!” Suddenly, a wind blew the ball out of Milo’s hand, as it drifted off at sea. “No, wait! I need you!” The ball floated till it was out of Milo’s view. Milo looked down sadly, “Going solo isn’t as easy as it looks.”
Kasumi’s voice was heard behind him, “You’re telling me, nakama.”
Kasumi was seen floating on her leaf, as her paddled with a large stick.
“Kasumi?” Milo asked in awe.
Kasumi held out a hand, “Need a hand?”
Milo grabbed her hand happily and climbed aboard the leaf.
“ONWARD!” Kasumi declared.
Raye laid on her surfboard and treaded water swiftly, but ended up falling off the board. As she plunged underwater, she noticed Chelsea’s submarine several feet in front of her. Looking at the seafloor, Raye saw a rope tied to one of the stones. Raye swam toward the rope and unhooked it, proceeding to swim over to the submarine and tying the end of the rope to part of the sub. Gasping for air, Raye floated to the surface and tied the other end of the rope around her surfboard, “I just hope Chelsea knows where she’s going. And that this sub goes more than five miles per hour.”
Chelsea sat reclined in a seat on the submarine as her walkie talkie began to beep. Chelsea picked it up and pressed the button on the side, “This is Chelsea. Who might I be addressing?”
Chef was shown at the war zone, as he gave a deadpan gaze to the camera, “I’ll give you one guess.”
“What is it now?” Chelsea demanded.
“Chris tells me that brainiac and the hot chick hijacked a speedboat,” Chef stated.
“Pffft,” Chelsea scoffed, “So? They have no idea where they’re going!”
“Just pick up the pace, girl. You’ve been travelin’ in auto-pilot for an hour,” Chef retorted.
Chelsea, barely paying attention, sip her cup of coffee dry, “By the way, you’re out of coffee.”
Chef snarled, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” Chef tossed his walkie talkie behind him.
Chelsea turned her walkie talkie off, “Now what does this button do?” Chelsea pressed a button next to the monitor, as a jacuzzi arose from the floor, and jazz music played in the background. Chelsea looked at the hot tub, puzzled.
Confessional, Chelsea: Who manufactured this sub?!
Kasumi and Milo were seen drifting through the water on a leaf.
“... And that’s why I’ve always wanted to be a mermaid,” Milo gleamed.
Kasumi clapped, “Tell me more about your childhood, honorable Milo!”
Milo thought to himself for a second, “Well, I pretty much told you my whole life story.”
Kasumi pointed toward Milo’s pants, “What about that belt?!”
Milo adjusted his belt, “Oh, this? This used to be my pops’ belt back in his rookie days!”
“Wow, older, bigger, manlier, scruffier Milo sounds like a swell guy!” Kasumi exclaimed.
Milo sighed, “Well, yeah. Only thing is I didn’t get a chance to see him much on account of the fact that he was always doing S.A.S.S.A.F.R.A.S. business, like grooming cats and Christmas caroling. I really aspire to be like him though. Maybe one day we’ll work together in the same unit. So, what about you?”
“What about me?” Kasumi wondered.
“What was your childhood like?” Milo asked.
“Eh, nothing special,” Kasumi said, “My parents got divorced when I was eight and drew swords to deem who would win custody over me. Does that count as interesting?”
Milo stared blankly at her, “Yeah, I think that counts.”
Maverick was seen floating on his back in boredom, “Maybe if I drown, Chris’ll come save me and I can win immunity. Worth a shot.”
Suddenly, Chastity and Joshua’s speed boat headed toward Maverick. Maverick lifted his head up and saw the boat coming toward him. He quickly went underwater, as the boat passed where he was floating.
“Did you happen to see something in the water?” Joshua asked Chastity, who was laying in the back of the boat barely paying attention.
“Huh?” Chastity inquired, “Probably just the wind.”
As the exterior of the boat was shown, Maverick was seen latched onto the side.
Confessional, Maverick: Well, beats drowning, I guess.
Back at the war zone, Chris and Chef stood at the dock, east of the war zone. Chris looked into his binoculars, as he saw that Chastity and Joshua in view. “And, it looks like the race for immunity has begun!”
While Chelsea relaxed in the jacuzzi, she pulled over the periscope to see a view of outside. To her dismay, she saw Joshua and Chastity’s boat approaching nearby.
“WHAT?!” Chelsea shouted, as she jumped out of the hot tub and stormed over to the controls. “Time to kick this into high gear.” Chelsea pulled down a lever, as the submarine increased in speed. Above land, Raye’s surfboard was yanked forward with much force, as she kept her clutch on the board, “Woooooooah!”
Chastity stood up and growled, “Speed it up! Raye’s getting ahead! … Somehow.”
Maverick popped up from behind the boat, “Raye?!”
Chastity turned around in shock, “Maverick?!”
Joshua turned around in awe as well, “Maverick?!”
Chastity pointed to the wheel of the boat, frustrated, “Joshua!”
Joshua pointed his finger at anger, “Chastity!”
“CHRIS MCLEAN!” Chris pointed to himself back at the war zone, as a sparkle was seen in his teeth.
Milo and Kasumi floated far behind the two vehicles, as Milo began to squint, “Hey, I think I see the shore!”
Suddenly, two sharks popped up in front of the leaves. One of the sharks licked its lips.
“Yikes!” Milo jumped into Kasumi’s arms.
Kasumi chuckled, “Do not worry, for we have the greatest weapon of all. Kasumi stuck her left hand into her shirt pocket and pulled out Kinezumi, “KINEZUMI, THE GREAT!”
Kinezumi jumped down from Kasumi’s hand to the end of the leaf. Kinezumi waved to the sharks, before one of them chomped its teeth down on Kasumi’s pet.
Kasumi gasped, “KINEZUMI!” Kasumi jumped on top of the shark and began punching it, “Give me… back my… friend!”
The other shark smiled at Milo, as Milo began to swim frantically, while the shark pursued him.
Meanwhile, Joshua was seen jamming on the speed boat's gas. In the back of the boat, Chastity shoved Maverick, “There are only room for two people on this boat.”
Maverick glared, “Then why don’t you hop off and let me ride with Joshua.”
“Joshua, can you please handle this?” Chastity barked.
“Rather busy here!” Joshua snapped back.
“Can’t you just go take a swim with your girlfriend?!” Chastity yelled.
“I don’t even know where Raye is!” Maverick replied.
Suddenly, Raye’s surfboard skimmed beside the speedboat. Raye looked up uncomfortably, “Uh. Hi?”
Maverick looked at Chastity’s bathing suit, then looked at Raye, “Uhhh… It’s not what it looks like?”
“Awkward,” Chastity muttered, as she walked off.
Chris took another look in his binoculars, “Our two sea vehicles have almost arrived, but who’s gonna be the one to get here first.
Instantaneously, Chelsea’s submarine arose to the surface, still moving at a high speed. Chelsea opened up the hatch, and looked toward Joshua. She proceeded to toss a codfish at Joshua, “Fish is more like it!”
Joshua was hit with the fish, and tossed it away. He reached down, grabbed a bucket full of water, and tossed it to his side, “I don’t quite sea your point!”
The bucket hit the side of the sub. Chelsea reached down and grabbed an inflatable dolphin, “You did that on porpoise!”
The inflatable dolphin hit the boat, but did little to no damage. Joshua reached into a different bucket and tossed a fish toward Chelsea, “Now you’re just doing it for the halibut!”
Back at the dock, Chris shook his head, “Can we put an end to this murder of puns?”
And Joshua and Chelsea purposely bumped each other, the two noticed several mines ahead. Joshua, Raye, Chelsea, Maverick, and Chastity gasped. Chelsea closed the hatch and climbed down the ladder, frantically steering the wheel.
Joshua panicked for control of his wheel as well, as he narrowly avoided mines. As the sub also narrowly avoided mines, Raye’s rope was cut loose, as her surfboard headed right toward a mine. “Whooooooooa!”
Maverick gasped, “Raye!”
Raye closed her eyes as her surfboard bumped into the mine, but nothing happened. Raye opened one eye and looked around, “Is that… ticking… I hear?”
Joshua overheard her, “Ticking? Of course! The explosives are on a timer!”
Joshua held out his arm and grabbed a mine in the water.
“Are you CRAZY?!” Chastity shouted.
“Be patient,” Joshua ordered, as he drove closer to the submarine. He put the speed boat on autopilot and jumped onto the side of the submarine, as he struggled to climb on top with one hand. At the top, the mine began to tick rapidly. Joshua knocked on the hatch of the sub loudly. Chelsea sat in her chair, growing annoyed of the sounds coming from above. Chelsea stormed up the ladder and opened the hatch, “WHAT IS IT?”
Joshua tossed the mine in Chelsea’s hands, “Farewell!” Joshua slammed the hatch shut.
Joshua quickly hopped back onto the speedboat and took it off autopilot, as he jammed on the gas. Suddenly, the entire submarine exploded, leaving only a charred Chelsea and a jacuzzi behind. “No fair!” Chelsea screamed.
Joshua’s speedboat, along with Chastity and Maverick, crossed the finish line.
Chastity hopped up on the dock, “Chris, could you please tell Maverick that only Joshua and I get immunity?”
Chris looked puzzled, “Who say you win immunity? This was a solo prize!”
“Wait… what?!” Chastity panted.
“Joshua wins today’s challenge!” Chris exclaimed.
Joshua hopped onto the dock, “Oh, absolutely!”
Chastity stared him down with fury, as Joshua glanced back at her, awkwardly.
Confessional, Chastity: Joshua’s britches are officially two sizes too small. He has to go next!
An infuriated Chelsea swam up to the dock, “Bombs? Bombs?!”
“Hey, don’t blame me, you were the one who blew up Chef and I’s private submarine,” Chris stated. “Wait, when did you change into your bikini?”
Chelsea looked down, “Who says I take it off?”
“THANK YOU,” Chastity was heard saying offscreen.
“Oh well, Joshua safe from elimination tonight,” Chris said, “Say, where are Milo and Kasumi at?”
Milo and Kasumi were heard screaming, as the camera turned to them, to show that they were helplessly swimming away from sharks in the water. Suddenly, one of the sharks stopped in its tracks and started choking. As it coughed, Kinezumi glided out, and spit in the shark’s eye. The camera faded to black.
As the camera faded in, the inside of the emergency hut was shown, as the seven remaining contestants sat around each other.
Chris entered the room, “I have a little surprise for you, final seven! Tonight, no elimination will take place. You’re still fair game… for now.”
Milo and Kasumi high-fived, while others cheered.
“Wait, so what was the purpose of giving me immunity?” Joshua asked.
“All will be explained, Joshua,” Chris said, “You’ll be receiving a special prize to help you in our next challenge. But for now, that remains in secrecy.”
Chastity shot a glare at Joshua, who was celebrating his victory.
Confessional, Chastity: Lover boy has another thing coming next challenge if he thinks I’m still sticking with him after today!
Chris was seen outside the emergency hut, preparing to sign off. “Seven losers still remain, but next time, someone’s going home! Will Maverick ever win back his girl? Are Chastity and Joshua gonna hook up? And what are Chef and I to do now that our private submarine is gone for good? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! The Cutting Edge!”
Chef rolled a wheelbarrow over to Chris, with the hot tub inside, “I saved you a treat!”
Chris smiled, “Hot tub hullabaloo, here I come!”
WIN: This contestant won the challenge for his or her team or for individually.
WIN: This contestant was on the challenge-winning team.
HIGH: This contestant was the first to receive a survival kit at the elimination ceremony.
IN: This contestant received a survival kit at the elimination ceremony.
LOW: This contestant was the last to receive a survival kit at the elimination ceremony.
LOW: This contestant was intended to be eliminated, but remained in the competition due to another contestant leaving in his/her place.
QUIT This contestant made the decision to leave the competition.
OUT: This contestant was eliminated from Total Drama: The Cutting Edge.
INACTIVE This contestant was not participating in the competition at this time.
RUNNER-UP: This contestant came in second place in Total Drama: The Cutting Edge.
WINNER: This contestant came in first place in Total Drama: The Cutting Edge.
1 - This chapter did not feature an elimination ceremony.
2 - This chapter did not have medical kits passed out.
3 - This chapter featured a contestant quitting the competition.
- Chapter One's title, "Helter Shelter", is a reference to the song by The Beatles.
- Kasumi mentions the anime "Preschool of the Dead" in Chapter Two, which is a reference to the anime Highschool of the Dead.
- Chapter Two's title, "Night of the Living Duds", is a reference to the 1968 horror film Night of the Living Dead.
- Chapter Three's title, "Insane in the Brain", is a reference the song by Cypress Hill.
- In Chapter Three, Chastity mentions that expiration date on the TV dinners was July 8, 2007, which was the day Total Drama Island first premiered on Teletoon.
- Chapter Five's title, "Artificial Belligerence", is a reference to the term "artificial intelligence".
- Chapter Six's title, "Doomsday Purposely", is a reference to sci-fi disaster television film Doomsday Prophecy.
- Kasumi mentions the anime "First Exile" in Chapter Six, which is a reference to the anime Last Exile.
- Chapter Seven's title, "Surf Sucks", is a reference to the term "surf's up".
- Kasumi mentions the 55 volumes of a manga called "Beach" in chapter seven, a reference to the 55 (now 56) volumes of the manga/anime Bleach.
- Chapter Eight's title, "Alien vs. Competitor", is a reference to the film Alien vs. Predator.
- Chastity makes a reference to E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial in chapter eight.
- Alexandria and Angie are currently the only contestants who have yet to use the confessional.
- Chapter Nine's title, "28 Buffets Later", is a reference to the disease-pandemic horror film 28 Days Later.
- In Chapter Nine, Chris calls Joshua "Doogie Howser", an obvious reference to the show Doogie Howser, M.D.
- In Chapter Nine, Milo calls Jack "Pee-wee homicide", a reference to the character Pee-wee Herman.
- Chapter Ten's title, "Survival of the Nitwits", is a reference to the term "survival of the fittest".
- Chapter Eleven's title, "Race to Sandwich Mountain", is a reference to the film Race to Witch Mountain.
- Kasumi mentions the anime "Mortal Grand Prix" in Chapter Eleven, which is a reference to the anime IGPX (Immortal Grand Prix).
- In Chapter Eleven, Kasumi refers to herself as "Chimpy E. Puffy", a reference to the character Monkey D. Luffy, the main character in the anime One Piece.
- Kasumi mentions "Miyazaki Mania" in Chapter Twelve, which is a reference to the acclaimed Japanese film director Hayao Miyazaki.
- Chapter Thirteen's title, "Burn Baby Burn", is a reference to the song Disco Inferno by The Trammps.
- Chapter Fourteen's title, "Codzilla", is a reference to the famous Japanese movie monster Godzilla.
- Chapter Fifteen's title, "20,000 Lies Under the Sea", is a reference to the book and subsequent films entitled 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.