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This story is rated PG-13.
There is some language or violence that may not be appropriate for people under thirteen years of age.

In the third story in SG's main canon, Chris McLean takes 14 bizarre and idiotic teens to the feral, savage Australian Outback for a season full of laughs, drama, and betrayal.

Characters

Host

Chris McLean

Contestants

Carolyn

Gobias

Griffith

Hilda

Jon

Marc

Maxwell

Remmy

Roxie

Rudy

Sarrah

Sheila

Stacey

Tiffany

Warren

Zabel

Chapters

Confessionals will be marked by italics.

Chapter 1 - My Goal is to Get At Least Six of Us There Alive (Part 1)

Chris McLean stood on the edge of a cliff overlooking a large lake, one foot on a rock nearby.


“Last season, we took sixteen teenagers to the frozen wasteland of Antarctica to duke it out for Total Drama’s million dollar prize,” The host began, as stock footage of the previous season rolled. “This season, we’re taking sixteen brand-new contestants to the brutal environment of the Australian Outback! Here, they’ll have to survive scorching hot temperatures, vicious wildlife, violent weather, and worst of all: each other!”


He made his way down the cliff and strolled over to a camp with a large vacation home and a much smaller shelter, made with only a tarp and wood. “Whichever team wins the challenge for the day will get to stay in the patent-pending McLean Spa Hotel! The losers will have to sleep in our shabby, old shelters for the night.” He eyed his wrist watch for a brief moment. “Our competitors should be en route to Australia at this very moment! I sure do hope their first meeting didn’t go too badly.” He chuckled.


Eight of the contestants were shown sitting in the back of a large truck, conversing amongst each other, already spending more time together than anyone of them wanted.


A girl with half a head of long, mint green hair surveyed her seven soon-to-be teammates and sighed in contempt. She seemed to be quite uncomfortable, considering the leather jacket and fishnets she was wearing to make up her typical goth outfit.


Roxie: “You’re probably wondering why someone like me is even on an insipid show like this. Well… someone had to do it. Someone had to get on TV and show all the media execs and bigwigs what we, the Canadian youth, really want. I can already tell that I’ll be able to manipulate my pea-brained fellow contestants here any way I want. And since money is power in our damaged little society, I’m about to become the most powerful teenager in all of Canada.”


A blonde boy wearing a rather nice-looking buttoned shirt and khaki pants was sitting next to Roxie and after a while, finally turned to her and offered his hand. “I suppose I should introduce myself if we’re going to be rubbing shoulders this entire time.” He chuckled. “Hi there, I’m Rudy--”


Roxie instantly blushed and looked away from him. “D-don’t, don’t talk to me. Sorry.” She turned away and folded her arms angrily.


Roxie: “...Never mind, I guess. Of course they just had to get a rich, C-list celebrity on here again. Rudy Muffett… you’d think he would’ve overdosed on something by now.”


Rudy turned away and grumbled dejectedly. “And people call me pretentious…”


Rudy: “I’m obviously… not in my element here.” He chuckled. “But when it comes to reality TV, I felt like I had unfinished business. The years that The Muffetts was on TV were dark for me. It’s hard to explain, but… no kid that young should have such a spotlight cast on them. I wasn’t ready. But now I feel like I can represent my family much better and I owe them that much. Plus, everyone knows it makes good TV to watch a millionaire live in the dirt.”


A short brunette girl sat on the other side of the truck sizing up her teammates. She found the majority of them could be described with a simple grunt of disapproval.


Hilda: “Out of the people who sign up for Total Drama each year, there’s always the lowest common denominator. You know, the fame-seekers, the jocks, the morons, the people who come out ‘for the experience.’ But I plan to bring something a bit different to Total Drama. After having had studied this game inside and out, season after season, I’ve devised a plan to win Total Drama. No matter what Chris throws at us, no matter what twist is ordered by the network, no matter who goes insane and tries to murder the rest of the cast, I am ready.” She pulled out a journal so thick one could mistake it for a textbook; she broke a sweat simply trying to lift it. After finally managing to get it onto her lap, she opened it to the first page. “Let’s see here: any good Total Drama player tries to strategize and pick up allies early on, which is exactly what I intend to do.”


The camera panned to a nondescript purple-haired girl, an occurrence which wouldn’t often be repeated.


Zabel: “Hi there, I’m Zabel. All my life, I’ve sort of sat back, let other people have the glory, and flown under the radar. I came on this show, however, to prove that I’m more than a supporting character and more than just ‘that girl.’”


Hilda approached Zabel and immediately began selling her on the prospect of an alliance, putting on glasses and pulling out a rather tall packet of papers. “Hello. I would like to interest you in an alliance with I, Hilda Wright.” She pulled out a pen and began using it to point to various parts of the packet. “As you can clearly see, I am more than qualified as a student of the game of Total Drama and an expert in all twists and turns that the game offers. An alliance with me would surely benefit us both in the future.”


Zabel thought it over for a little while. “...This is a partnership, right? Like a duo? We’ll rule the game together? As equals?”


Hilda nearly burst out laughing, but bit her lip to prevent herself from doing so. “Yeah, exactly. That’s just what I was thinking,” she managed to say through clenched teeth. She handed Zabel the pen and pointed to the papers. “Sign your name here, please.”


Zabel hesitated for a brief second, but signed her name on the line.


Hilda: “Alright, I already have one desperate lackey who’s legally bound not to turn on me. I just need a few more.”


Away from the two seats, a tall, muscular boy was jogging in place, clearly apathetic to the weird stares he was getting.


Jon: “Childhood obesity is the number-one problem today in Canada. I decided to come on this show to spread awareness to the youth of the world about the benefits of eating right and getting active!”


A lanky, red-headed boy came up to Jon and looked on as he did his workout.


Jon glanced over at him and scoffed. “You look like you could benefit from something like this. Maybe you should jog to wherever we’re going instead of riding with the rest of us.”


“Okay,” the boy replied as he went over to jump off the edge. He was already airborne when a taller, stockier guy caught him by his shirt collar and hoisted him back up onto the truck.


“I, uh… don’t think he meant that literally,” the boy chuckled.


Gobias: “I signed up for this show because my friends told me to. They say I’d be funny on it. I think they were right! It seemed less dangerous than most of the things they tell me to do. Did you know you’re not supposed to jump out of moving vehicles? Maybe someone should tell Jon.”


The tall boy put Gobias back down and fixed his shirt. “Don’t be so reckless, okay? We wouldn’t want to lose someone before we even get to wherever it is we’re supposed to be going.”


Warren: “That whole episode with Gobias already makes me worried that this is going to be a hard summer.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m Warren. A lot of people come on this show just to win a bunch of money and get famous and whatever, but me… well, I just like the concept of complete strangers banding together and teaming up to do amazing things. More than anything, I just want our team to succeed and for all of us to have a great time. Hell, if it were up to me, there wouldn’t even be an individual portion to this game.”


A short-haired girl watched this entire encounter and eventually joined Jon in his workout, simply just to have something to do before the game began.


Tiffany: “A lot of people come on here and do the whole ‘I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to win’ thing,” she said in a mocking voice. “I’m here to do both. Obviously it’d be cool to win a whole boatload of money here, but more than anything I came to get away and have fun. I’d never been outside Canada before, so I thought it was high time for me to get out and do something. Oh, yeah, and my name is Tiffany. I probably should’ve said that before.” She chuckled.


Miles away, another truck with another group of eight teenagers in the back was headed towards the same destination. At the very back, a tall, dark-haired boy sat on the floor with his head propped against his backpack. It was clear he was attempting to sleep during the voyage, but the constant shaking and reckless driving wasn’t making it very easy.


Maxwell: “You always see people make friends and get close and stuff on Total Drama. I’m not really here for that. I like to do things alone and in my own way. It leaves a lot less room for conflict and complications. My plan right now is to just slide by under the radar and hopefully win some challenges by being smarter than the competition, which, given the lot that usually are on this show, shouldn’t be too hard. Just looking around, though, I can tell that I mostly got cast so they could promote me as Janina’s boyfriend. I’m nowhere near as… colorful as most of these people. I know I’m out of my element, here, but… I always am. It’s never really stopped me before.” He shrugged.


Another girl with darker blonde hair approached him with a mischievous expression painted on her face. She sat down beside him before leaning in close to his head and yelling, “hey!”


Maxwell jumped and looked at her, wide-eyed. “Uh… hi there,” he hesitantly replied.


“Sorry,” the girl chuckled. “I just needed a way to get your attention.” She put her hand out. “I’m Sarrah, by the way. Nice to meet you.”


Maxwell shook her hand and gave her sort of a strange, curious look. “I’m Maxwell. It’s, uh, nice to meet you too, I guess.”


Sarrah: “Some people may call me ‘the bitchy girl.’” She shrugged. “I don’t think I’m a bitch. I just like to have some fun in my life, even if it causes other people a bit of trouble. Some people take this show way too seriously; I’m looking forward to having fun. This is a game, and a game should be fun. I already feel like there are going to be a lot of people on my team that won’t really like me, but I don’t really care what they think… as long as they don’t hate me enough to send me home.”


Maxwell and Sarrah were approached by a tall, heavyset boy with quite the bushy beard. “So I take it you’re… the weird one and the bitchy girl?” He stated, more than asked, turning over to Maxwell. “I should probably tell you not to hang by her, but I’m sure you already know that.”


“You’re one to talk about ‘weird.’” Sarrah replied tauntingly, prompting Maxwell to chuckle. “Are you going to at least introduce yourself now that you’ve thoroughly psychoanalyzed us?”


Griffith rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I’m Griffith. I can’t exactly be described in a mere couple of sentences, so I’ll just let my game speak for me as it goes on. I’m sure you’ll figure me out just as Chris hands me that million-dollar check. Then again, maybe it’s naive to place that much faith in you two.”


Griffith: “You’d probably expect someone who looks like me to not really know anything about a social game like this. But I’m adept at a little-known art called ‘listening.’ Three years of high school, countless nights of binge-watching and rewatching this show, and multiple debates on Internet forums with my fellow fans give me a comprehensive knowledge of teenage archetypes and how they work and interact. I just have to learn which one each of these other fifteen wannabes falls into and I’ll know their game before they do. You should probably just stop watching this season now if you don’t like me because I guarantee, you’re looking at the next Total Drama winner.”


At the other end of the trunk, a tall, dark-haired girl sat talking to a shorter, brown-haired boy. She seemed to be unconditionally giggling and getting excited at everything he said.


“Wow, you’re actually really funny, uh…” She paused. “Wow, I don’t think you’ve actually told me your name yet!”


“I’m Remmy,” the boy replied unsteadily, as if skeptical of her. “It’s nice to meet you, I guess. You said your name was Sheila?”


“You got it!” Sheila said with another giggle. “You learn pretty fast, don’t you?”


Sheila: “I plan to play Total Drama exactly the way I’ve always played everything. I admit that I may not be the smartest or the strongest out there, but… people tend to like me. And some people, well, really like me. And I plan to use that to my advantage. I’ll flirt with guys and girls out here to get my way, no questions asked. And I’m already starting with the cutest guy on my team.”


“So, why’d you decide to come out here?” Sheila asked cheerfully.


“Uh… I don’t know,” Remmy said quietly. “Just whatever, you know? To win the money and be rich and famous and stuff… same reason as anyone, I guess.” He shrugged.


Remmy: “In case you actually bought that, the real reason I’m here is… this actually isn’t the first time I’ve been on TV. Since I was young, my mom’s forced me to compete in these ‘male beauty pageants.’ Not the most… masculine profession, but it works for me and I kind of like it. I came on this show to try something new and start with a clean slate. I just hope I don’t get recognized.”


A shorter, blonde girl came up to Remmy suddenly and gasped excitedly. “Oh my god!” She exclaimed, loudly enough for the other six members of the team to hear. “Aren’t you that guy from those male beauty pageants?!”


Remmy: “Well… so much for that.”


Scattered snickers were heard from the rest of the team as the girl sat down on the other side of Remmy. “I totally love watching those. I usually watch them when I’m staying in for the night… which is most of the time. I’m Stacey, by the way!” She held her hand out for Remmy to shake.


Remmy shook her hand awkwardly, causing her to squeal and look at her palm with near-infatuation. “It’s so amazing to meet you!” She squeed.


Stacey: “I’ve never had luck with love at home, so I… initially applied to be on The Alberta Teen Bachelor, but they turned me down and told me to go on this instead. But I still have the main goal of getting a boyfriend on this show! I won’t have… a certain someone holding me back here like I do at home, so now I can have a fresh start! Especially since my favorite beauty pageant contestant is here…” She looked off into the distance, mesmerized.


“Uh, hey,” Sheila said awkwardly to Stacey. “Nice to meet you too, I guess. Remmy’s just the sweetest, isn’t he?” She smirked tauntingly.


“Yeah,” Stacey said with a little scoff. “I’m looking forward to getting to know him… and you. For a little while, at least.”


Stacey: “I guess I have a new someone holding me back now.”


Remmy: “I always thought having girls fight over me would be more hot and less… uncomfortable and creepy.”


Across from them, a rather tall boy wearing a letter jacket was talking to a petite girl with long, auburn hair who didn’t seem to be listening to him.


“And yeah, that’s basically how I ended up getting on this show,” he concluded.


“Mm-hmm,” she said, looking down at her phone instead of him.


“...And how I became prime minister,” he added with a skeptical scoff.


“Mm-hmm.”


“Are you actually listening to me?” He asked.


“Mm-hmm.”


“Then what’s my name?”


“Mm-hmm.”


“...Right. I’m Marc,” the boy sighed. “I remember that yours is Carolyn.”


Carolyn looked up from her phone as if shocked. “How did you know that?”


“You told me like five minutes ago,” Marc replied.


“Oh,” Carolyn said with a shrug. “Well, you know how it is. I have so many better things to remember than people’s names. I really should train my brain a little more so that I can remember more things. But that’s simply too time-consuming and I see little reason to remember strangers’ names over more important things either way.”


“Are you saying my name’s not important?” Marc asked, somewhat indignantly.


“Well, yeah, kind of,” Carolyn replied simply. “Glad you could read between the lines there.”


Carolyn: “In past years, this show has been won by some… less-than-intelligent people, to put it kindly. And I think that represents how we as a society today simply don’t value intelligence as much as we once did. So while this show is likely beneath the taste of those like me -- I’ve personally never seen a single episode -- I’ve decided to take the time out of my busy life to come here and re-educate the masses on what actually matters. And I know that you’ll all come out of this better for it.”


Marc: “I guess I am here for the money, but more so just for the experience. I’ve never ever been out of Vancouver, let alone Canada, so I’m here really just to meet some new people and see Australia and all that. And, uh… hopefully I meet some people that are a bit nicer to me than Carolyn is.”


The two trucks finally came to a stop at the same destination, right in the middle of the Outback, in front of Chris McLean. The sixteen contestants got out and stood in front of the trucks as Chris started his usual routine.


“Contestants!” He greeted. “I hope you’ve all gotten to know the seven others standing next to you quite well and sing Kumbaya and all that, because these will be your teams until I say otherwise.” He looked over to the first group. “Hilda, Zabel, Roxie, Rudy, Warren, Jon, Gobias, and Tiffany. You eight are the Crazy Crocodiles!” A green logo of a an angry-looking crocodile flashed across the screen.


Jon let out a loud whoop, garnering irritated stares from the rest of the team.


“I like the enthusiasm,” Chris deadpanned. “As for the rest of you: Sarrah, Maxwell, Griffith, Sheila, Remmy, Stacey, Carolyn, and Marc, you are the Kicking Kangaroos!” A red logo of a kangaroo wearing boxing gloves flashed across the screen.


“You know, statistically speaking, the red-colored team tends to be the inferior team within a given season,” Griffith complained.


“How do you even know you’re the red one?” Chris asked.


“I could tell by your inflection,” Griffith explained.


“Oh… kay,” Chris said uneasily. “Anyway, I hope the rest of you are cool with your teams because your first challenge starts right now!”


“Um, excuse me?” Hilda asked. “We haven’t even gotten to our camps yet. It’s standard Total Drama protocol that we be introduced to our living quarters before any challenge commences.”


“I was getting to that,” Chris said, annoyed. “This season on Total Drama, your first challenge is to find your camps!” He took two maps out of his pocket and tossed them over to both teams as he turned and pointed into the distance. “Your camps are located only about an entire day’s walk from here, somewhere in the scorching Outback. No big deal, right?”


Most of the teens stared at Chris in horror as Jon whooped again.


“The team that reaches the camps first will win invincibility for the first round,” Chris explained. “The other team will have to go to the campfire ceremony and vote someone out tonight. Provided either team makes it there at all, anyway.” He chuckled sadistically as a helicopter landed behind him and he got inside. “I’ll be waiting for you there! See you in about twelve hours. Or more. Maybe a lot more.” He smirked as the helicopter took off and disappeared into the sky.


The sixteen contestants stood there, blank-faced, before Sarrah finally remarked, “So, which one of us do you think is dying first?”


To be continued...

Chapter 2 - My Goal is to Get At Least Six of Us There Alive (Part 2)

Chris was shown flying above the vast Australian outback in a helicopter, shouting over the propeller as he did his usual recap. “Last time on Total Drama: The Australian Outback!” He began. “The sixteen contestants arrived and were introduced to the people they’re going to have live with for the next month or so. We had a former pageant boy, a washed-up child billionaire reality star, a couple of pathetic superfans, and... others, probably. Just after they got here, they were given their first challenge: to trek to the camps where they’ll be staying for the remainder of the competition. Now, our contestants are traveling across the vast outback on foot, by themselves, hoping that their team makes it to the camps first so that they don’t get voted out tonight… or die. That’s probably important, too.” He shrugged. “How will our contestants and their new friends deal with their first challenge? Find out right now on Total… Drama… The Australian Outback!”


The scene cut back to the sixteen contestants just after Chris had left them stranded in the outback. “So, which one of us do you think is dying first?” Sarrah asked.


“If you had watched even one season of this show, you would know that despite these seemingly incredibly dangerous challenges, there have never been any fatalities on Total Drama due to the contestants constantly being saved by a strange and improbable but convenient series of events,” Griffith explained. His eyes widened as he looked down at his leg to see a rather large snake wrapped around it. He gave a high-pitched shriek and flailed his limbs around until the snake flew off, leaving him lying on the ground.


“So, by that logic, you weren’t in any real danger just now and panicked for no reason?” Sarrah taunted.


“Shut up,” Griffith grumbled.


“That snake wasn’t even venomous,” Tiffany said with a little smirk. “You can tell by its colors.”


“You just knew that off the top of your head?” Warren said with a chuckle. “That’s kind of impressive.”


Tiffany shrugged. “I like nature. I grew up in the middle of the city where there weren’t even any trees for a hundred miles, so I guess I just liked to fantasize about what was outside.”


Hilda came up and stepped in between Tiffany and Warren and the Kicking Kangaroos. “Stop talking to the other team. Previous seasons have demonstrated that doing so brings no strategic benefit. Huddle up, Crocodiles!”


The rest of the team sort of awkwardly obeyed and got into a circle together as Hilda pulled out the map and spread it out. It didn’t actually consist of anything besides a small dot labeled “YOU ARE HERE” in one corner and another labeled “THE CAMPS” in the opposite corner. “So… Hilda said. “I guess this map tells us we’re headed southeast.” She pointed to her right. “That way.”


“Yeah, that’s kind of all the map tells us,” Roxie said mockingly. “Anyone could’ve figured that out. I bet the other team is already on their way there.”


“I don’t see them being nearly as cohesive as we are,” Hilda countered. “They probably haven’t even--”


Zabel pointed southeast to show Hilda that the Kangaroos were already almost too far away to still see.


“...Well then, I suppose we’d better get a move on,” Hilda replied with a hint of embarrassment as the rest of the team grumbled and began to follow the opposing eight.


About a half-hour later, the Kicking Kangaroos were shown walking across the scorching desert weakly, all of them already having had sweated through their clothes. Maxwell had taken off his black hoodie and was carrying it in his hands.


“Why did you bring a hoodie to the outback?” Carolyn asked him as she looked up from her phone for just a moment. “Did you not even consider the conditions?”


Maxwell blushed even more than he already was, obviously embarrassed at being called out. “Why did you bring your phone to the outback?” He responded quietly.


“To stay connected to the outside world,” Carolyn explained. “Something not nearly enough people value. Being aware of current events and news is ever-important.”


“How are you going to have service or charge that thing without electricity?” Maxwell asked.


“...Are we not provided with those amenities?” Carolyn responded blankly as her phone promptly shut off.


“Did your phone just die?” Maxwell deadpanned.


“...No,” Carolyn said as she pretended to still be texting and walked more quickly to get away from Maxwell.


Sarrah came up behind them and walked next to the boy instead. “Feisty,” she teased.


Maxwell looked away and cleared his throat. “I’m not… usually like that, sorry. She was just being annoying. I’ll shut up now.”


“No one’s asking you to do that,” Sarrah said half-genuinely.


Maxwell: “Sarrah makes me feel… different than I normally feel. I can’t tell if she actually likes me or if she’s making fun of me or pretending to like me to make feel good or something else. What I do know is I definitely want to spend more time with her… which I’m pretty sure is what she wants either way. I think she thinks I’m interesting just because I’m ‘mysterious’ or something, which I’m really not.”


Maxwell thought for a moment and was about to say something when suddenly Griffith came up to him, drenched in sweat, and promptly collapsed on top of him, sending them both to the ground.


“Help me… carry me…” Griffith panted. “I can’t even see, the sun is so bright…”


Maxwell flailed about and struggled as Griffith pinned him to the ground with a weight about three times his own. “Can someone help me?” He wheezed.


Sarrah and Marc went over and with quite a bit of effort pushed Griffith off of him, leaving Griffith lying on his back and staring at the sun, half-conscious.


Griffith: “I can’t go on…” He wiped some sweat off of his forehead. “I knew I wouldn’t excel at the physical portion of this game, but I didn’t expect to give out so soon… perhaps I was wrong in assuming that jogging two blocks to the corner store, buying a cinnamon bun, and jogging back every day for three days before coming out here was sufficient preparation.”


“Can we just… please stop for a while?” Griffith groaned. “Maybe have a nap?”


“I mean, the sun is setting,” Marc said, looking at the horizon. “Maybe we should doze off for the night.”


“I believe you’re overlooking the fact that this challenge is a race,” Carolyn remarked. “We would be losing several hours of time.”


“I mean, I’d assume the other team is taking a rest too,” Marc replied. “Right?”


The rest of the team looked over to see that Griffith was already snoring on the floor.


“Well, unless any of you want to carry him, I guess we’re stopping for the night,” Sarrah chuckled, as she and the others breathed a collective sigh of relief and all sat down on the cooling ground.


Almost as soon as Remmy sat down, Sheila and Stacey went right up to him.


“Hi there,” Sheila said coyly. “Wouldn’t want you to be cold once it gets really dark or anything, and we only have each other for warmth out here, so…” She giggled.


“Uh, hey,” was all Remmy could really think to say. “You… don’t really have to do that if you don’t want to, I mean. I’ll be fine.”


“No, no, I want to,” Sheila said sweetly as she lay down next to him.


Stacey saw this and lay down on the other side of Remmy, pulling him closer to her instead. “He’ll be fine because he already has me around,” she said smugly. “So I don’t think your services will really be needed here.”


Sheila smirked and chuckled. “I think I’ll stick around. Three is better than two, right? Just more warmth?” She cooed tauntingly.


Remmy: “Sheila and Stacey just make me feel… uncomfortable, more than anything. But Sheila’s at least hot, I guess. Stacey, I’ll just keep around until I figure out a way to let her down easily without having her… kill me.”


Meanwhile, the Crocodiles were still trekking along the outback despite how dark it was. Jon was jogging far ahead of the other seven, who at this point were simply miserably trudging along.


“Shouldn’t we sort of… stop for the night?” Zabel asked Hilda. “I don’t think any of us besides Jon can go on much longer…”


“We would lose valuable time,” Hilda said through pained panting. “You think the other team stopped to sleep?”


“I’m sure they didn’t,” Gobias agreed.


“Considering they have the guy who weighs about 300 pounds, I think they did,” Tiffany countered.


“I’m sure they did,” Gobias agreed.


“That’s not a risk that we can take,” Hilda said authoritatively. “If we stop and they don’t, we lose hours of time. I don’t think any of you want to go home tonight… tomorrow… whenever we get there.”


“I really think we ought to stop,” Warren reaffirmed. “Some of us like Jon may be doing really well, but we should consider those of us who aren’t. How… are you doing so well, Jon?”


“I’ve been training for this my entire life!” Jon yelled to the others behind him. “I’ve jogged thirty miles so far, which means I only need forty more to break my all-time record!”


“I’m not entirely sure he’s human,” Tiffany chuckled. “And I don’t know if that’s insult or a compliment.”


“Jon isn’t human?!” Gobias gasped. “Is he a robot?!”


Tiffany rolled her eyes. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”


Roxie, meanwhile, was lagging behind the others, and suddenly collapsed onto the sand. Rudy tried to help her up, but she instantly swatted his hand away.


“Are… you okay?” Rudy asked hesitantly.


“I would be more okay if you got away from me,” she murmured in reply.


Warren instead went over to her and took her hand to help her stand back up again. “I, uh… I think Rudy was just trying to help, Roxie,” he said uneasily.


“Yeah, whatever,” Roxie replied, starting to walk again.


Rudy scoffed and folded his arms. “Maybe you wouldn’t be passing out if you didn’t wear all that black leather.”


“What was that?!” Roxie screamed back.


Warren instinctively got in between her and Rudy, trying to prevent any altercation. “Let’s just, um… let’s just keep walking, guys. I think we’re almost there anyway.”


Hilda looked back at Roxie and Rudy and shook her head. “We need to be a cohesive team if we’re ever going to win any of these challenges!” She complained. “I don’t think anyone here is going to tolerate you two if all you do is fight with each other.”


Roxie folded her arms and huffed as she walked ahead of the two boys. “Whatever.”


Rudy: “I try to be nice to Roxie and all, but it’s hard when she’s so… needlessly angry at me all the time. And the worst part is, the more she pushes me away, the more I want her to actually like me. I… can’t explain it.”


Hilda: “Roxie and Rudy really are starting to get on my nerves and I don’t want to have them constantly dividing the team for no good reason. I mean, at this point, my goal is to get at least six of us there alive, and they look like the two prime candidates to be left behind.”


The next morning, the Kangaroos awoke on the scorching ground of the outback and looked around in confusion.


“How long have we been asleep?” Marc asked.


“Well, if you knew how to tell time from the position of the sun, you would know it’s about noon,” Carolyn scoffed. “Considering how the sun is roughly at its highest position.”


“Oh, so we woke up at around a normal time,” Griffith replied cheerfully, garnering a couple of stares. “What?”


“So… I guess we just run madly towards the finish and hope we somehow still win?” Sarrah asked.


The rest of the team nodded as they began to sprint towards the camp.


At the same time, Chris sat at the camps in front of the McLean Spa Hotel, almost asleep in his chair. He woke up again suddenly seeing the Crazy Crocodiles coming up in the distance. “Oh, hey! Look who decided to finally show up!”


The Crocodiles continued to trudge along the sand with Jon still jogging feverishly at the front of the pack.


“We’re… almost there, team…” Hilda struggled out through panting.


“I’m almost there!” Jon yelled out, in somewhat of a daze. “I’ve almost finally made it!”


The Crocodiles dragged themselves across the finish line and cheered. “So, I guess we’re staying in that McLean Spa Hotel right there?” Hilda asked Chris smugly.


“Not quite yet,” Chris chuckled. “You need to get all of your teammates across the finish line first.” He pointed to Jon, who had collapsed face-first in the sand just short of the finish.


The other seven gasped as Hilda pointed at him angrily. “Two of you, get up and carry him across the finish line! Uh… Warren and Rudy!”


Warren and Rudy shrugged and went over to try to lift Jon, but as hard they tried, they couldn’t even get him off the ground.


“He’s so heavy!” Warren wheezed. “How is that even possible?”


As the two struggled to get Jon back up, the Kicking Kangaroos suddenly appeared in the distance, all running towards the finish line.


Hilda gasped and began yelling as she pointed repeatedly at Jon’s unconscious body. “Get him up! Get him up already!”


As Warren and Rudy kept trying to no avail to push Jon across, all eight of the Kangaroos crossed the finish line.


“That’s it, then… finally,” Chris sighed. “The Kicking Kangaroos win invincibility! And they get to stay in the McLean Spa Hotel for the night while the Crocodiles have to sleep in… those.” He pointed to half-ruined, makeshift shelters behind the Spa Hotel.


The Kangaroos cheered and retreated into the Spa Hotel, stealing a few bragging glances at the other team in the process.


“As for the Crocodiles, you all have a date with me tonight at the campfire ceremony,” Chris explained. “Or actually… right now, since it took you guys so long to get here. Not my fault.”


The Crocodiles groaned and made their way over to the campfire ceremony, sitting in front of Chris as he faced them with a plate of seven marshmallows in his hand.


“Crazy Crocodiles,” he began. “As I’m sure you know, this is the campfire ceremony. Seven of you will receive marshmallows from me tonight and live to see another day on this show, while one of you will not.” He pointed behind him to a path marked off by tiki torches, leading to a truck similar to the one they’d arrived on. “That one of you will have to take the Walk of Shame, catch the Truck of Losers, and leave. And you can’t come back. ...Ever.”


“It’s kind of cool to hear him say that in real life,” Hilda whispered excitedly.


“Anyway,” Chris continued. “These first two marshmallows are for Warren and Tiffany.”


Warren and Tiffany caught their marshmallows and smiled at each other.


“Roxie and Rudy, you’re also safe for whatever reason,” Chris said, throwing them marshmallows.


Roxie caught her marshmallow but then tossed it aside. “I don’t even like these.”


“Gobias, you are safe,” Chris continued.


Gobias tried to catch his marshmallow but leaned too far backwards and fell over in his seat.


“So it’s down to two,” Chris said sinisterly. “Jon and Hilda. One of you will not receive a marshmallow tonight--”


“Uh, Chris?” Zabel interrupted. “I still haven’t gotten a marshmallow either.”


Chris paused for a second and looked down to see he still had two marshmallows. “Oh… yeah, right. You’re safe too, Zoe.” He tossed her a marshmallow.


“It’s Zabel,” Zabel corrected.


“Yeah, whatever you say,” Chris scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Anyway, now there’s only one marshmallow left on this plate. Jon and Hilda. One of you will not receive a marshmallow tonight and will be going home first. The ultimate loser of this season.”


Jon was still only half-conscious and stared at Chris blankly, while Hilda tried to keep a confident stare but was clearly somewhat nervous.


“The final marshmallow goes to…


















…Hilda.” Chris finally said.


Hilda sighed in relief and got her marshmallow. “I knew you all would make the right choice. 7-1 vote, right?” She chuckled nervously. “Right?”


“Jon, sorry bro, but it’s time for you to go,” Chris snickered.


Jon groaned loudly and got up slowly, beginning to walk towards the Truck of Losers but collapsing onto the ground again halfway through.


“He, uh… he’ll be fine,” Chris said, turning directly to the camera to do his usual closing. “And now we already one loser down! Who else will fail miserably and annoy their team enough to get sent back to civilization? Who else will get into a fight with their fellow contestants that makes for awesome ratings and a bigger paycheck for yours truly? And who will… actually accomplish something, I guess? Find out next time on Total… Drama… The Australian Outback!”


“Still really cool to hear him say that,” Hilda giggled.

Elimination Table

Contestant 2
Carolyn WIN
Gobias IN
Griffith WIN
Hilda LOW
Marc WIN
Maxwell WIN
Remmy WIN
Roxie IN
Rudy IN
Sarrah WIN
Sheila WIN
Stacey WIN
Tiffany IN
Warren IN
Zabel IN
Jon OUT

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