Thanks so much to Reddy for this group pic!
In this collab by Toadgamer80 and Mister.. E., Chris takes 22 contestants from the various seasons who didn't necessarily place that well, or were overall forgotten, and brings them back to Pahkitew Island for another fight for $1,000,000!
Chapter 1 - The Generic Intro Chapter
"Hello, everyone!" said Chris McLean, as he stood on the fields of Pahkitew Island. "We're back! Miss us? Yeah, I'm sure everyone did. Last season, which was also held here, we watched 14 new contestants compete for the million dollar prize, and Shawn was victorious in the end! But what about the earlier boots who didn't necessarily get a chance to shine? Does anyone remember or care about them? Well, we did, because this season, we're bringing back twenty-two of those early outs for another chance to nab a million bucks! They just have to survive Pahkitew Island and its unstable environment! Who will win? Who will be introduced first? Who will annoy their fellow competitors? Probably everyone. Find out this season on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"
(theme song plays)
"Welcome back to Total Drama: Second Chances!" Chris said, looking around, "Here comes the first boat now!"
The first boat rolled up, and out walked a short skinny ambiguously brown teen, Noah. He walked out of the boat and looked around, seemingly unimpressed with the island, "Yeah, I'm already regretting this."
"Noah! Our resident snarker and perpetually unhappy guy, who for some reason the fanbase loves!" Chris said, in a mock cheerful tone.
"Trust me, I know the fanbase loves me, they won't stop letting me know no matter how much I'd prefer them to just leave me alone," Noah said, rolling his eyes.
"Well, I'm sure your character will be destroyed by the writers anyway if you last long eno-- I mean, uh... Here's the next boat!" said Chris.
The next boat pulled up, and a pale girl with a pink dress and short black hair bounded out of the doorway and landed next to Chris and Noah. "Greetings, fellow cam-- Oh, there's not many of you here yet! More time to train my vocal chords!" she said cheerily.
"Oh great, you're here," Noah said.
"Yeah, that's what I said, but the producers loved her!" Chris replied, "So... welcome Ella."
Noah reached into his pocket and pulled out an earbud and a small book, and began to read while listening to the music and appearing generally uninterested. "Oh, my friend, it's always time for music! You seem to like music too, just... different kinds! That's okay, though! Laaaaa-laa-laaaaaaaaaaa..." sang Ella. Noah just sighed and looked at his book.
The next boat floated ominously towards them, and evil music was playing. "BWA HA HA HA!!!" A short, sickly grey skinned boy with purple hair and many chins stomped out of the boat. "Quake in fear, for I have arrived!"
"Welcome Max!" Chris said, excitedly. "You're lucky I reviewed the tapes and figured out you actually didn't do anything wrong..."
"EVIL always triumphs! So this is no surprise at all!" Max said, evilly.
"Wow. This is like worse than Alejandro," Noah said in a complete deadpan. "Can't wait to see what diabolical schemes you'll come up with."
"You will never see them coming, for EVIL strikes when least expected! BWA HA HA--" Max began coughing loudly, "I really need to work on that laugh, but evil has no time to practice!"
Ella pat Max's head. "Oh, you're still the cutest little gnome, aren't you?"
Max looked at her angrily, "You shall be the first of MANY victims!"
"Aww, you're so CUTE!" Ella poked Max's nose and fluttered off.
Hardcore music played and a foot was shown stepping onto the dock loudly. An athletic, rather intimidating girl with a unibrow and an angry expression walked towards Chris.
"Ladies and gentleman, iiiit's--" began Chris.
"Can it," Eva snapped. "Cut the introductions. Nobody cares. I'm here, and I'm here to win, and that's it."
"Hey! You're back!" Noah said, attempting to not anger Eva. "We... yeah, we totally missed you! Whoo-hoo, Eva's back!"
"She will be a perfect minion for my treacherous schemes," Max plotted. Eva rushed over to Max and grabbed him by the shirt.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" Max made a whimpering sound and slipped out of her grasp. "No matter... evil is like a lone wolf..."
Eva then walked towards Ella, who was humming loudly to herself while holding a bird on her finger.
"Oh hello there!" Ella said, looking at her.
"Bye," Eva said, walking away from her.
The next boat came along, and out walked a skinny blonde girl wearing a cheerleading outfit, "Welcome... uh, Amy?"
"I'm Sammy!" Samey said in an irritated tone.
"Whatever," Chris replied, shrugging.
"Wait, aren't Katie and Sadie coming too? Really? You couldn't dig up anyone else?" Noah said. "Like, people with actual personalities who don't just rely on other people?"
"Uh, I'm right here?" Samey said, looking at Noah.
"Yeah, I know," Noah said, looking back at his book. Samey sighed and walked towards the others.
"This obviously isn't interesting enough, so here's the next contestant!" said Chris.
The next contestant walked up, and he was a well built Hawaiian guy with a lovely smile, which he flashed to the camera at every possible moment, "Hey," he said.
"Justin! What's up?" Chris said to him.
"Oh nothing much, just modeling and looking all around amazing," he said, flexing.
"Hey, look, it's the Anti-Me," said Noah. He then went back to his book, while Samey, Ella, and even Eva were ogling at Justin.
Samey looked at him, "Wow! You're really good looking!"
"Thanks," he said, flexing.
"Evil flexes too!" said Max, as he rolled up his sleeve and revealed his disproportionately small and noodle-resembling arms, but everyone just ignored him and stared at Justin's manliness.
"Hey little fella, not everyone can be as gorgeous and good looking as me, so don't feel bad," Justin said to Max in a particularly condescending tone.
"Evil does not have to look gorgeous to get its job done!" Max yelled. "Besides, not many women can score someone as dazzlingly malevolent as I."
The next boat arrived, and out hopped a morbidly obese female with pink clothing and a ponytail.
"Ja, my hair grew back because people said I looked gross bald so I got my daddy, the richest man on the planet, to take me to an expensive hair salon and they totally got me some hair pills and I took them and my hair was entirely back, ja," said Staci. "Hey, guys! What's new with you guys? I'm just hanging out, being the most attractive woman of all time. Justin has a crush on me because I saw it on the official Total Drama fan blog. Sorry, other girls. So sad."
"...Yeah, I'm not sure how even to respond to that," Chris said, looking at her weirdly.
Staci then walked over to Justin and looked at him, "So like wanna make out now because you totally had a crush on me?"
"Uh, I would but I have to go do something else," Justin said, walking away from Staci.
"Oooh, the handsome prince is in my presence!" giggled Ella, as Justin approached her.
"Handsome prince? I can get used to that," Justin said, flexing towards Ella as she whistled. Staci then glared at the two.
A boat's horn was heard, and then the sound of the boat speeding into the distance, but there was no boat in sight. Instead, a boy with lots of facial hair and a large afro was shown at the edge of the dock, making the noises from his mouth.
"And next is... oh, it's the beatbox guy." Chris said, rolling his eyes.
"Everything's better with a little..." Beardo began to beatbox, "sooooooooong!" He sang, in a falsetto.
"Wow, somebody spontaneously grew vocal cords," Noah said.
"Well I think it's nice someone else loves music like I do!" Ella said, excitedly. Beardo looked at her and beatboxed some more. He then gave a thumbs-up, accompanied by an arcade-style "jackpot" sound.
Noah rolled his eyes, "Lovely," he said as the next boat pulled up, and two girls wearing identical clothing walked out.
"Oh my gosh Katie we're here again! EEE!" Sadie exclaimed, hugging Katie.
"I know I'm so excited!!! EEE!" Katie replied, equally excited.
"Season one's very own screechy annoying girls, Katie and Sadie!" Chris said, gesturing to the two.
"I'm so glad my sister and I aren't like that..." said Samey meekly.
"Ugh, and to think THEY were the only ones other than me to compete in only ONE SEASON?! I was ROBBED, McLean," Eva shouted.
"Eh. What can I say? We found Jo, who was much easier to deal with in every way possible," shrugged Chris. "Don't take it personally."
"This island looks soooooo cool, Katie!" gushed Sadie, as she bumped into Staci.
"Ugh, watch where you're going, I don't want to deal with commoners like you. Fun fact, I usually wear authentic peacock print dresses. I didn't want to take them to the island though because they would totally get dirty, ja," she said.
"Commoner? Uh, rude!" Katie said to Staci, clearly offended.
The next boat arrived and a loud reveille blared, deafening people momentarily, a well built guy in army clothes and a laughably flamboyant scarf walked out of the boat, "Private Brick McArthur, fashion student, reporting for duty SIR!" He saluted, but hit his head.
"Brick, welcome to the island..." Chris began, but then started laughing, "Okay, okay I'm sorry, what's with the scarf, dude?"
"I made it myself! You like it?" Brick said, proudly.
Chris then began laughing loudly, as did Eva and Justin. Beardo made a WAH WAH WAH noise and Brick looked down.
"I think it looks nice!" Ella said to him, Brick looked up at her and smiled.
"Really?" He asked.
"Yes!" Ella replied.
"Why, thank you!" said Brick. "Of course, my army skills are still intact. In fact, I've been perfecting them! This year off of Total Drama has given me better reflexes than ever before! And... better crocheting skills, too. Heh."
Another boat's horn honked, and the boat disappeared. An imposing redheaded guy with overalls, freckles, and a cleft chin walked out.
"Welcome to the show, Rodney!" said Chris.
"Hey, guys!" he said. "Pleasure to be back. I promise I won't be as much of a heartbreaker this time. I feel really bad for all the damage I did to the ladies of Pahkitew Island. Sorry... ladies."
"Wait... what?" Samey said.
"Oh, well you weren't there Samey, but me and your sister, Amy, we were--" Rodney began.
"Gross, I don't need to know any more if it has to do with that horrible person!" Samey said, backing away.
"Oh, poor guy, having some lady troubles?" said Justin, who had randomly become shirtless and had Katie and Sadie surrounding him and squealing. "Can't say I can relate. Sorry, kid."
"Well, I mean, I just--" began Rodney. He spun around and came face-to-face with a very short, pale girl with a green sweater and long white-blonde hair.
"Greetings, everyone!" said Dawn.
"Dawn?! How did you... Hey, you were supposed to wait for a formal introduction before popping out of nowhere like that!" scolded Chris.
Rodney began to blush and his eyes turned watery, as he stared into Dawn's eyes romantically.
"I... you! We are... cabbages in... uh..." Rodney then covered his mouth and ran away.
"I'm sorry, did I come at a bad time?" Dawn said, looking around.
"You're on Total Drama. What did you expect, some sweet old ladies having a tea party?" Noah said dryly.
"Well I can certainly tell that you are using your dry humor to compensate for some sadness deep inside of you, and that the tall boy who ran away from me has deep abandonment issues," Dawn said, looking directly at Noah, who just stared at her, slightly alarmed.
"...Yeah, uh..." Chris said. "I don't really know how to respond to that."
"Well, Dawn, I'm afraid you've met your match," said Max. "For my massive brain has advanced to the point where I can see into the future... for a total of FIVE SECONDS! Your silly little aura reading is no match for my pure eeeevillll."
"Well... your aura matches your hair!" Dawn said, looking very intently at his rectangular body, "There is much of note to say here, for one you have a deep love of--" Suddenly a boat horn blasted out, and a tall black guy in a robe walked out, holding a spell book and wand.
"Hm, what kind of spell could I use to make this boat ride go faster..." he said, looking at his book. "Oh! I'm here! Hey, guys." He walked off of the boat and waved, dropping his book onto the edge of the dock, where it sat there, ominously. "Phew! That was close!" He reached down for it, and then it fell into the water, "No! My spell book!" He reached down into the water and got the spell book, only to realize his paper robe got soggy where he reached his arm into the water. Max began laughing evilly.
"Oh no!" Leonard exclaimed, "My spells, my robe! Oh well, I have my spells memorized anyways!" He laughed loudly. Max then sighed.
"Leonard! Great to have you back!" Chris exclaimed as the wizard walked across the dock and towards the others.
"Greetings!" Leonard exclaimed, and nobody replied at all.
"Oh, it's nice to see another contestant involved in magic!" said Dawn. "My friend, you could use some pointers, but it's great to see training!"
"Training? I am a level 100 warlock!" Leonard said, looking at Dawn.
"Oh, that's funny," Dawn said, laughing slightly. "It's nice to see you try, though!"
The next boat arrived, and a pudgy guy with curly hair, glasses, and stubble, who was holding a handheld video game system, stepped out.
"Heh-heh. Hey, guys!" said Sam. "Good to be back. But not really."
"Welcome back, Sam!" said Chris. "Still not sure why you were in All-Stars. But whatever, this'll be your chance to redeem yourself!"
Sam walked to the end of the dock. "Sooo..." He then saw Leonard. "Hey, you look like a fan of WarlockQuest II. Ever played that? I just got an upgraded staff. It's pretty cool."
"Oh, yeah, it's awesome!" said Leonard, slipping out of his persona for a second. "I mean... No, I have no time for your silly little simulations! I'm the real deal!"
"Yeah," said Noah, finally piping up. "Whatever. Kosmic Kaos, my favorite MMORPG, is the all-time best. Not surprised that you guys play such low-quality dreck like that."
"That's lame, man," said Sam. "I wonder when Dakota's coming? I know she'll be here eventually."
Justin scoffed. "Who cares? Being nerdy is so uncool," he said. "Wouldn't you prefer to have rippling abs like mine? I know you would."
"Did someone say... Dakota?" said a blonde girl walking down the dock, she looked directly at the camera and blew a kiss, "That's right, Dakota Milton is back! I know you all missed me but wait no longer!" She giggled and walked towards the others, some of whom rolled their eyes.
"You were supposed to wait for me to introduce you!" Chris whined loudly.
"Hey Dakota!" Sam said, excitedly. Dakota then hugged him.
"Sam! I didn't know you'd be on this season!" Dakota said.
"Uh, we were told we were gonna be on it together, remember?" Sam said to Dakota.
"Oh, well then I'm glad you're here!" Dakota said, hugging him.
"Sorry for interrupting this touching reunion, but last I saw of you, you were a gigantic monster," Noah said, looking up at the seemingly normal Dakota.
"Daddy used his vast wealth to get the BEST doctors to cure me!" Dakota exclaimed, "Sammy here liked me the way I was, but do you KNOW how hard it was to get a cute top in triple XL? Like, impossible!"
"Sammy?" Samey said to herself, and got no responses.
"Riiight," Noah said, looking back at his book.
"Speaking of monsters... Well, as much as I regret saying this, our next contestant is here," said Chris, announcing the newest arrival. A boy wearing a toque, sweatshirt, and jeans with shaggy hair and a wispy goatee stepped out. He had a bit of a disheveled appearance and slightly green-tinted skin, but looked normal other than that.
"Yo, yo, yo!" Ezekiel said. "I'm back, eh!"
"Welcome... Zeke," Chris said, clearly unhappy.
"Y'guys are probably wonderin' why I'm back to normal, huh? Well, after Wawanakwa sank, I used my gnarly new swimming skills to get back to th' farm and got nursed back to health by my parents! I knew they was cool, eh," said Ezekiel. "You guys scared of my awesome skills yet?"
Everyone just looked at him, blankly. Max looked at him and Dakota, "But you guys were going to be my evil monster minions! Curses!" He exclaimed, shaking his fists to the sky.
"Uh, right homes," Ezekiel said, walking past the gnome, "Yo homeskillet what's shakin'?" He said to Justin, who was flexing his muscles to the delight of Katie and Sadie.
"I'm not even sure what you just said, but I don't like your tone," Justin said, not taking his eyes off his muscles.
"Ja, my great great great aunt Gertrude invented muscles," said Staci. "Before her, everyone was as athletic as this guy." She pointed to Noah, who said absolutely nothing.
"Hah!" Ezekiel laughed, loudly. "That's funny." Beardo made the noise of a sitcom laugh track.
"It's actually kinda sad because it's completely true," Staci said, looking at Ezekiel, "like, think about it nobody was anywhere near as built as these guys," She said, pointing to both Justin and Rodney. Rodney then looked at Staci and immediately blushed, he then made a whimpering noise and backed away sobbing. "Uh what's his problem?"
"Nobody knows," Samey said.
The next boat pulled up, which was blaring loud rave music, and out walked a heavily tanned Italian girl wearing revealing clothing and hoop earrings, "Anne Maria is in the house, and I'm gonna win because last time some no good zombie-boy robbed me of a million!"
"Resident reject, Anne Maria is here!" Chris exclaimed loudly, "Oh, and 'zombie-boy' is over there, heheh." He gestured to Zeke, who gulped loudly.
"Come here you little..." Anne Maria said, angrily walking toward Ezekiel, who began running. Justin then tripped him.
Ezekiel cowered, "I'm sorry yo it was a mistake!"
"You're right it was! It was a mistake to take my money!" Anne Maria yelled, Leonard then jumped in front of Ezekiel.
"FORCE FIELD!" Leonard yelled, throwing his arms in front of him. Anne Maria then pushed him out of the way.
"You're lucky I can't touch you or else I wouldn't be able to get tha' million!" Anne Maria yelled in Ezekiel's face. Ezekiel then crawled away. "Gah, ain't there any gentlemen around these parts?" Anne Maria groaned.
"Oh, yes. Evil must be suave and gentlemanly, in order to maintain its facade of niceness," Max said. "BWA-HA-H-- I mean... Please, allow me to take your bags, m'lady."
Anne Maria threw her massive, cheetah-print suitcase at Max, and it hit him on the head. He made a squeaking noise and fell to the ground, "I can get used to this!" She then began filing her nails.
"Oh, yes, the road to a sidekick is very tough, but I am conquering it!" Max said.
"Oh, Max. If only you weren't neglected by your parents, then I could see you becoming a nice boy!" Dawn said, mysteriously popping out of nowhere.
The next boat appeared, and an "EXTREEEEEEME!" was heard out of nowhere. A slightly well-built boy in a red track suit and headband flew out of the boat on a skateboard, but skated right into Anne Maria and was knocked out by her hair.
"'Ey! Watch it!" she yelled.
"Hey, guys! I'm back and ready to rock this game!" Tyler said. "I'm even better than before."
"Yeah," Noah said. "Better at getting injuries."
"I appreciate your athleticism, soldier!" said Brick. "You truly are a trooper. I don't know how anyone could survive your injuries. You're a daredevil! Definitely not a chicken." Tyler shuddered at the mention of the word 'chicken', as did Rodney.
"Yeah, my dad says I'm like rubber, man!" Tyler said, "He says I could be thrown from a car and still be alright! I think it's the finger strength."
"You suck, get over it," Eva said while lifting weights.
"Harsh, dude," Tyler said.
Eva shrugged, "Yeah... I get that. A lot."
The next boat pulled up, and out walked a blonde girl in a cheerleading outfit, she had a mole on her cheek, and a slightly insane look in her eye, "Hello every--" She looked directly at Samey, who looked directly at her, "SPAREMY!!!"
"Oh no..." Samey said, backing up, "I thought she wasn't going to be on this season?" She asked Chris, clearly alarmed.
"Yeah, we wanted to put one more contestant -- whose name totally isn't Max -- on, and so the producers wanted 'equal gender representation', whatever that means. Not my fault," said Chris.
Samey sighed, "...this is going to be awful, I just know it,"
"Oh trust me, it will be... I will make SURE of it!" Amy said, approaching Samey. Noah laughed slightly, and the twins glared at him.
"What." Noah said, completely monotone.
Amy rolled her eyes as the next boat arrived, out walked a tall teen with a gigantic rectangular head and a guitar case, he looked around, "Hey Chris, long time no see?"
"Trent, good to see ya man!" Chris said, high-fiving Trent.
"Wow this looks like an... interesting group of people," Trent said, trying not to sound mean.
"Hey you're dat poser who freaked out after Gwen went out with Duncan, hah what a poser am I right guys?" Ezekiel exclaimed, offering a high five to Justin, who didn't return it.
Trent frowned. "Hey, well, at least I wasn't the first boot twice and didn't turn into some... green... thing," he said.
"Yo, the green-ness was just me goin' through some changes! But it's all done now, guy! Just watch! I'm agile and cool!" Ezekiel said.
"Yes, why are you even here?" said Max. "You have had plenty of time on this show. Begone!"
"Uh, dude, you got fifth place," said Trent calmly.
"...Point taken," Max said, walking away.
"And now time for our last contestant!" Chris exclaimed loudly, trying to get everyone attention, which didn't really work, "Our last contestant is Brid--"
The final boat pulled up, and out walked a tall, slender blonde woman in a red dress who looked at the screen, "That's right, Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran is here!"
Chris gasped, "Mildred?! What? Where is Bridgette?"
"Probably sucking face with her disgusting boyfriend," Blaineley scoffed, "But enough about her and more about me! I am here to win!"
"I... don't even know if I want to let you on the show this time," said Chris.
"Oh, silly McLean," said Blaineley. "I already went through all that with the producers. Made up some story about Bridgette getting eaten by a bear or something. I have some advanced lawyers if you're trying to prove me wrong. Point is, I'm baaack!"
Chris sighed loudly, "Fine, Mildred--"
"My name is Blaineley!" Blaineley exclaimed.
"Fine... Blaineley is in, great." Chris said. "Okay. So, let's get to it! You've probably noticed that we haven't split you into teams yet."
"Every season you never split us up until we go through some sort of pain and/or suffering," Noah said dryly.
"Riiiight," said Chris. "Anyhoo. As always, there is the outhouse confessional for you guys to dish your DIRTIEST, NASTIEST SECRETS to Canada! Now, onto the challenge! Around Pahkitew Island, there are bags that contain small, colored discs. These discs have your team's logos on them! Basically, your job is to find a bag for yourself. They're evenly distributed, and you CANNOT open them until you get back here. Got it?"
"Ja, my great-great-great uncle Reginald invented discs," Staci blurted out. "Before him, people could only play frisbee using roc--"
"Shut it!" Chris said angrily. "You guys have 20 minutes to find the discs. If it takes longer than that... well, it shouldn't, but we have some tricks up our sleeve if it comes to that." He pulled out an airhorn. "Go!"
Everyone then began running, except Noah, who sighed loudly and began walking behind everyone else.
Noah was seen in the confessional, "Another challenge where Chris throws us in the woods to fend for ourselves, these always go well,"
Sam, Dakota, and Leonard are seen running together, Dakota looks back at Leonard weirdly, "Why is this creep running with us?"
"Creep? I am not a creep, I leveled up past that rank months ago!" Leonard replied, loudly.
"Aw Dakota, he's actually kinda cool!" Sam said to Dakota, "Besides, strength in numbers... or something, right? Heheh."
"I guess you're right... but he better not get in the way of my camera time!" Dakota replied.
"Uh, alright!" Sam said to Dakota, laughing slightly, "Ugh, where are these bags anyways, they have to be close..."
"Baggicus spotticus!" Leonard shouted. He then noticed a bag poking out of a bush. "Hey, it worked!" He grabbed the bag and sprinted away, leaving Sam and Dakota to fend for themselves.
"...Oh. Heheh." Sam said, scratching the back of his head while Dakota glared at him.
Meanwhile, Rodney was running around looking, he spotted a bag and grabbed it, "Awesome!" Suddenly, Anne Maria walked by, complaining about the woods.
Rodney sighed in the confessional, "Man, so many nice girls here... last season I let my relationships with Jasmine, Scarlett, and Amy got the better of me... but this time I'm not gonna let romance get the better of me! Not in a million years!"
"Ugh, these dang mosquitos are ruining my flawless skin, this is cruel and unusual punishment!" Anne Maria shrieked. Rodney's eyes then met Anne Maria's, who looked at him, "What's tha' matter with you?"
"Me... uh... you... uh... here," Rodney then gave Anne Maria the bag and ran away. Anne Maria then smiled and walked back.
"Now THIS I can get used to!" Anne Maria said in the confessional, holding up the bag.
Noah and Tyler were shown walking, with Eva silently trailing them. "Dude, I hope we're on the same team again!" Tyler shouted. "I just can't wait to take the competition by storm!" He then spotted a bag dangling above a prickly-looking bush. "Hey, I totally got this," he said to the others.
Tyler sprinted towards the bush and jumped to grab the bag, but missed and fell into the prickers. A wailing noise was heard and he sprinted out of the bush covered in thorns.
"You disgust me," Eva said. She casually walked through the prickers, not making any sort of facial expression, and grabbed the bag, then left.
"She's a frightening one," Noah said.
"Pssh, I coulda done that too y'know!" Tyler said defensively.
Eva was shown in the confessional. "I just hope that everyone else is as moronic as Tyler. It'll be easier to UNLEASH MY WRATH on my fellow contestants."
Katie and Sadie were walking through the woods, gushing over Hustin Heever and squealing. Suddenly, Max walked obnoxiously in between them. "Greetings, women," he said.
"Ew, you're not Hustin!" Katie said disappointedly.
"Like, who are you?" Sadie said to Max.
"I am the true force of malevolence in this puny island! I have decided that you two will be my sidekicks. How do you like 'The Terrible Twins'? Or is that too cliche..." Max said, pacing about. "Nevertheless, I command you to help me find my bag at once!"
"Like... whatever," Katie said to him. Sadie nodded.
"Yessss, YESSSS!!" Max yelled in the confessional, "With these two morons on my side, first, I shall take over this game... and then, and ONLY THEN, THE WORLD!!! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA--"
"Hey keep it down in there!" Someone yelled from outside.
Max coughed loudly, "No matter, EVIL will prevail, DESPITE ANY INTERRUPTIONS!!!"
"Hurry up, minions!" Max said. "I don't have all day! I must get back to my speed-watch of 'Catching Up With The Carcrashians'-- I mean, 'How To Be Evil 101'! Yes! That's it."
"We're like, trying!" Sadie yelled at him, "It's like, really really REALLY hot and gross out here,"
Suddenly, Justin walked by and winked at the two girls, "Did someone just say really really REALLY hot?"
Katie and Sadie then immediately squealed and ran over to him, "OhmiGOSH I love you Justin!!!" Katie exclaimed, hugging him.
"I love you more!" Sadie yelled, hugging him as well.
"Uh, but I love him MORE more!" Katie said, tugging Justin closer to her.
"No you don't, I love him MORE MORE more!" Sadie said, grabbing Justin's arm and dragging him over to her.
"Laaaadies, ladies. There is enough of the Justin for all!" Justin said, flexing. Katie and Sadie then hugged him more.
Max scoffed. "...Evil is like a lone wolf..."
Ezekiel is seen walking alone, with his hands in his pockets, "Man this bites, yo,"
Blaineley then walks up to Ezekiel. "Oh, it's you again? I still don't regret ratting you out to McLean."
"Oh shove off, hoser," Ezekiel said, pushing past Blaineley. "You just made me lose a chance at the mill, eh. But no worries, I'm gonna win this time!"
"Keep telling yourself that, honey," Blaineley said. "I've got some ties with production! That may or may not mean Chef..."
"Pssh, Blaineley is just a buncha talk and no walk," Ezekiel said in the confessional, "She ain't gonna rob me of the mill again, eh!"
"Ezekiel is a hopeless being," Blaineley said in the confessional. "Thankfully, he's obviously washed up. Nobody cares about the guy! He'll probably be out first again!" She began laughing obnoxiously, and the covered her mouth, "...Could you strike that from the confessional?"
Brick is walking through the forest, and Beardo is following behind him, making a military drumbeat from his mouth.
"Hey, I appreciate all the sounds and all, private," said Brick. "But a soldier needs keen senses to find his target. And you're not really helping that. Not that I don't want to become a comrade of yours! Of course I do!"
"Hey, man, it's cool," Beardo said. "I just need to enlighten people with my tunes."
"Whoa!" Brick said. "You talk?!"
"Of course, I talk," Beardo said rhythmically, "I just get... kinda nervous... around new people,"
Ella randomly skipped by the two, singing and throwing flower petals into the air. The two looked at her for a second then resumed their conversation.
"...Oh. Well I'm glad you are comfortable around me, soldier!" Brick said, saluting Beardo, he then turned around and walked directly into a lead pipe, Beardo whistled as Brick fell to the ground. "...what?"
Amy and Samey were seen walking through the forest and bickering, as usual. Trent walked up behind them. "Whoa, guys, you need any help?" he said blandly.
"NO!" Amy yelled. "We don't need your help, TRENT! As a matter of fact, I don't know why I'm with Spareamy anyway! Get lost."
"Hey, Sammy, want to come with me?" Trent said calmly. Amy flinched at the mention of "Sammy".
"Oh, you mean us?" Dawn said, randomly appearing from behind Trent, who jumped.
"Where did you come from?!" Trent said, backing away from her.
"Man, I feel so empty without Gwen," said Trent in the confessional. "I guess I just have to be nice to the other girls on the island? Or just everyone? Man, this is tough." He slapped his forehead.
"Don't worry, friend! I know that your insecurities stem from season two," Dawn said. "We can help you, I'm sure! And Sammy, your emotionally abusive sister won't torture you anymore, I promise."
"How... Wait, why do you say that? How can you control that?" Samey said. Before she could say anything else, Dawn disappeared.
Suddenly, a loudspeaker crackled loudly, "Okay, it's been THREE HOURS and only THREE people have found bags?! We did not lose five interns for this! I've had enough of this, everyone come back to camp... and Staci, GET OUT OF THE CONTROL ROOM!" A "ja" is barely heard through the loudspeaker before it violently crackled again.
The contestants are all seen in front of Chris, who is frowning. "Okay. So. Leonard, Anne Maria, and Eva were the only ones who actually followed the instructions and got bags."
"Hey, that was impossible, dude! Not fair!" Tyler, who was still covered in cuts, said.
"So! We've decided to split the teams up ourselves!" Chris giggled. "For maximum dramatic effect, obviously. First of all, Leonard and Eva, you will be on the Humiliated Hippos!" A purple logo of a lumpy-looking hippo head appeared on the screen.
"Excellent! The hippo is my spirit animal!" Leonard said, triumphantly. Eva then pushed him down.
"Shut up, nerd," Eva said gruffly, walking past him.
"And Anne Maria, you'll be on the Rejected Rhinos!" Chris announced. An orange logo of a sad-looking rhino appeared.
"'Ey, I ain't no rhino! I'm much more glam than THAT," Anne Maria scoffed.
"Hey, I didn't make up the names," Chris shrugged, "Alright, when I call your name, go stand with Leonard and Eva. Noah, Sam, Tyler, Blaineley, and Beardo," The four walked over, "Ella, Katie, Brick, aaaand..." Samey was crossing her fingers to be picked, "Sadie!"
Sadie squealed with joy, "EEE!" She went and hugged Katie. Samey looked at Amy, who looked back at her angrily, and then looked down.
"Alright, that means the rest of you are over here with Anne Maria!" Chris exclaimed, "Rodney, Max, Justin, Ezekiel, Dawn, Staci, Trent, Dakota, Amy, and Samey!"
Samey looked at Chris desperately, "Please no! Don't put me with... her!" She gestured to Amy, and Amy's eye twitched as she grinned maliciously.
"...Yeah, that might be a good idea..." Chris said, looking at Amy, "Okay, uh... Samey, you and Sadie switch teams,"
"Yay!" Samey said, walking over to the Hippos, obviously relieved.
"What?! No! Not Sadie!" Katie exclaimed, sadly, "This is so unfair!"
"I agree! This is like really unfair!" Sadie whined to Chris, "Can I like, switch with someone?"
"Nope!" Chris said, gleefully.
"But you just let her switch!" Katie said, angrily.
"Yeah... but the producers clearly stated every contestant has to stay alive all season, injured and mamed, sure, but Amy is looking seriously crazy right now..." Chris gestured to Amy again.
Katie and Sadie hugged sadly, "I'm gonna miss you so much!" Sadie said sadly.
"This is almost as emotional as 'Titanic'," Noah said.
"Ugh shut it Noah!" Sadie yelled, "I love you Katie!"
"I love you more!" Katie yelled back at her.
"Uh, you're like, two feet away from each other, can you stop?" Blaineley said to the two.
"Oh... love..." Rodney sighed, and glanced at Staci, who looked extremely confused.
Katie is seen in the confessional, "Okay like, that was totally NOT COOL? Like, she took my best friend away from me! Sammy is so going down!"
"Eh, I'm feelin' comfortable with my team," Ezekiel said in the confessional. "I am totes gonna win this one, eh! As long as the girls aren't too touchy this time... Yeesh."
"I'm kinda shocked Chris actually let me switch teams..." Samey said in the confessional, "but if it means I can get away from that psycho, I'm okay with it!"
Staci was shown in the confessional, looking smug. "Ja, my team is looking amazing! I've got so many hot boys who will be dazzled by my beautiful body, extremely rich daddy, and significant and amazing ancestors. And I can also do some strategizing because I'm strategical and really good at it, ja. I can totally convince them to get on my side because who doesn't want to align with the cool girl whose great-grandfather invented alliances? His name was Henry and before him everyone was all nice and trusting all the time and it was not fun, ja, so sad."
"Unlike the jerks who didn't BELIEVE in me last time, these people I can see myself being friends with, especially Sam, I mean, he even knows what LaserCraft III is!" Leonard said in the confessional.
"I am delighted to be back on Total Drama," said Dawn in the confessional. "As long as my aura reading doesn't get people too touchy, of course. I must beware of traitors, too! That shouldn't be too difficult."
"This is my big shot!" Dakota exclaimed in the confessional, she then got extremely close to the camera, "So get ready Canada! Dakota Milton is going to be a household name and I know it!" She blew a kiss to the camera.
"Well there you have it, the beginning of the most dramatic Total Drama season yet!" Chris exclaimed to the camera, "With the contestants revealed and the teams sorted, what kind of drama will come now!? Who will win, who will lose, and who will be the first person voted out? Probably Ezekiel, but find out for sure next time on Total! Drama! Second Chances!" He then signed off and the screen turned to black.
Chapter 2 - Live and Let Dive
"Welcome back!" said Chris, who was shown right where the last episode left off. "So... yeah, I'm ready to record now. Wait, we're rolling? Uh... Last time on Total Drama! -- which actually ended like twenty seconds ago -- we met our contestants and had a challenge to determine the teams! And... well, uh, that's it! Kinda lame..."
Sam looked around, "Uh, are we gonna actually do stuff now?"
"We'll do stuff when I say we do stuff, Sam!" Chris yelled, "Alright, it's time for you guys to see... the Mess Hall!" He raised his hands dramatically.
Nobody said anything, then Anne Maria crossed her arms and frowned.
"Amazing!" Brick said, smiling. "I'm actually excited to eat Chef's gruel. Strengthens the stomach."
"Yeah... the only reason we're actually having a mess hall this year is because the producers complained whenever someone from last season had to get checked out for parasites post-season... heheh," Chris gestured to Max.
"Those parasites gave me the tummy wonkies..." Max said looking down, his head then dramatically and yelled, "But I showed them what TRUE EVIL felt like!"
"Yeah, it feels like Chef's food," Noah said. Chef appeared menacingly behind Chris and growled at Noah.
"DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK SMACK ABOUT MY SIGNATURE MEALS?!" Chef yelled. "NOW GET YOUR BUTTS IN THE KITCHEN! ALL OF YOU!"
The scene cut to the contestants in the kitchen, looking at their "meals" which consisted of orange mush in a bun."Oh man, if the tabloids see me eating THIS, I'm going to be soooo busted..." Dakota frowned.
Sam laughed nervously, "Hey, maybe it's not that bad! Heheh." He then picked up the mush and took a bite, then immediately fell back, groaning loudly.
"Sammy!" Dakota yelled loudly while Samey turned to her, confused.
"Ughhhhhhhh..." Sam groaned, holding his stomach.
"Puts a bit of hair on your chest, soldier!" Brick said, shoveling the food into his mouth and wincing loudly after each bite.
"Uh, I don't care what your dang producers said, I ain't eatin' that crap, it's more orange than some of the people you see in Jersey!" Anne Maria said, spraying her hair. Trent laughed slightly.
"Are YOU going to eat this, Sadie?" Katie said nervously. "I'm not sure if I can..."
Sadie pouted. "Nope! No way am I eating that! What would Justin think?"
Justin was then shown sitting shirtless, as an intern fed him grapes. The two looked at him, dreamily.
Max walked over to the two, "Minions! Time to EVIL!" he declared loudly, so that everyone could hear.
"Uh dude? We can hear you," Trent said from across the room.
"SILENCE, dogooder!" Max said, throwing his hand up in Trent's general direction. Trent shrugged and strummed his guitar.
Rodney was shown picking at the gruel with a fork. "Back on the farm, this was the only type of stuff my dad would make. He's not the greatest cooker," he said. "I'm not a fan..."
"Eh, I'm from th' farmlands too," Ezekiel said. "I missed human food, y'know? Livin' on nothin' but plane rats for a coupla years isn't fun, yo." He then scarfed down the entire "meal."
"Oh, man..." gushed Rodney, looking at Dawn, who was on the other side of the mess hall. "Just look at her. Her beautiful, flowing blonde hair and eyes like pools of shiny, clear water..."
"You've never even talked to her, eh," Ezekiel said.
"Yeah..." said Rodney. "I can tell that she's different, though. All my other girlfriends on the show weren't really my type." He looked at Amy.
"Ugh, the way that you eat BOTHERS ME!" Amy said to Samey loudly. Samey glared at her then walked away.
Rodney is seen in the confessional, "Dawn is like... amazing. I haven't even started a conversation with her yet, but when I do, I'll recite one of my poems and it'll be true love. But then I'm gonna have to explain myself to Amy... and Jasmine... and Scarlett..." He began counting on his fingers, "Rebecca, Christine, Martha, Jenny, Mary Lou, Hannah--"
"So then, I came across a dimensional warp," Leonard said to Tyler, who was paying rapt attention, and Eva, who had the usual blank expression on her face. "Thankfully, I was able to close it up with my wand!"
"Whoa, dude, seriously?! Man, I could do that too," Tyler said. "I've got the strengths for it."
Eva gets up from the table and promptly walks away, saying nothing. Leonard and Tyler then looked at her and went right back to talking.
Eva walked outside and put in an ear bud and began listening to music. Brick then walked outside, "Why are you out here alone, private?"
Eva stared at him, "What?"
"Uh... I asked why are you out here alone?" Brick asked again.
"People annoy me," Eva said.
"Well uh... a platoon must stick together!" Brick said loudly.
Eva rolled her eyes and began walking off, "I'm a lone wolf."
Brick looked at her, "Come back here soldier! This is treason!" He shouted. Eva threw a plank at him and hit him in the jaw, he then fell back and whimpered.
Brick is seen in the confessional, rubbing his jaw, "Ow... Eva is a tough soldier. But I must try to get her to interact more with the team! All good teams have unity!"
The contestants continued to eat, but suddenly Chris appeared in a puff of smoke. "Hello! Did you enjoy that meal?" Nobody said anything. "Okay! Follow me!"
Chris led the teams through the forest, and was then shown with everyone at the top of a very large cliff.
"So..." he said. "It turns out Pahkitew Island happens to have a massive cliff, and you bet that's what we're going to be doing for our very first challenge!"
"Aw crap," Ezekiel said.
"As you can probably tell, this season's challenges are based on the challenges you losers were eliminated in!" Chris said, happily, "This episode goes all the way back to the first challenge EVER in Total Drama history, where Ezekiel was booted! The giant cliff jump!" He gestured to the cliff, which seemed to be much taller than it was when they had begun climbing it. "The rules are simple, each person will be given the chance to jump off the cliff, if they refuse they get no point, if they jump, they have to hit the safe zone or still no point!"
A few people gulped, Chris continued, "If you hit the safe zone, you earn a point for your team but watch out... we brought back the MAN EATING SHARKS!" Chris pointed at two sharks who were floating lazily in the water, "...Yeah, they're feeling kind of lethargic today. Can't say I blame them! And we've brought the chicken hats back for those who don't choose to jump off the cliff, got it?" The contestants stayed silent, some fidgeting and some messing with their hands and stuff like that, "Great! Humiliated Hippos, you're up first!"
Brick walked over to the edge of the cliff, "Doesn't look too far, really! Come on team, let's do this!"
Tyler ran up, "YEAH! LET'S DO THIS!" He then jumped off, "EXTREEEEEEME!" He then landed in the safe zone, but hit the water with his face and sank into the water. Chef, wearing a tight speedo, then came up in a small beat up boat and reluctantly jumped in to save him. Chris laughed loudly.
"Hey, valiant effort!" Brick shouted from the top. "Anyone else going to go?" Eva walked past Brick and calmly jumped off the cliff, shouting "Watch out!" as she hurtled down.
Eva landed in the safe zone, and swam out. "That was way too easy," she said.
Ella, who was wearing a seashell bra and a fish tail-resembling bottom, stepped up to the top of the cliff. A flock of birds appeared around her, and carried her down the cliff, then gently released her.
"A dive off a cliff, a perilous taaaaale," she sang as she fell. "Will I see a shark, or maybe a whaaaale?" She then landed gracefully in the safe zone, using the sharks' heads as stepping stones and curtsying as she got onto land.
"Hey, Beardo," Leonard, who was wearing swimming trunks and had no sign of his wizard outfit on him, revealing his short black hair, said from the top. "What sort of spell do you think I could use to get to the bottom as painlessly as possible?"
Beardo scratched his beard, and began singing the final Jeopardy music perfectly, Leonard looked at him, weirdly. Leonard approached the cliff and gulped, he crossed his fingers, "Pleeease let this work... Floaticus Maximus!" He then jumped off the cliff, flailing and screaming like a little girl. He hit the water, "...I made it! I'm alive!" Leonard then looked around, "I mean... my spell worked, even without my cloak and beard!"
Beardo then walked up to the cliff, and a loud whistling sound began. Everyone then looked over and noticed Beardo still hadn't jumped and was just making noises again.
"Hurry up, we don't have all day!" Blaineley yelled at him. He then backed up right off the cliff and fell to the water, screaming. He then landed outside of the safe zone scoring no points.
Samey was shown, looking nervous. "You better go, you... you... Sadie-stealer!" Katie appeared and yelled at her.
"Wait, I didn't even steal Sadie, it was Chris's fault..." said Samey.
Samey was shown in the confessional. "So the first person who actually acknowledges my existence, other than Jasmine, has a murderous vendetta for me? This is just going along so great..."
Samey sighed loudly and jumped off the cliff, Amy then ran over and was clearly way too excited.
"All my life I've wanted to see SPAREMY fall off a cliff and now I have!" Amy said in the confessional, "Though when I imagined it I was pushing her..."
Samey screamed loudly and landed right in the safe zone, Amy screamed loudly and walked away. Everyone then glared at her.
Katie then jumped and landed perfectly in the safe zone. "See? I'm strong," she said to Samey. "That's why you don't want to mess with me."
Katie said in the confessional, "It's so unfair that I can't see Sadie... I want to get Samey out as quick as possible so Sadie can switch to OUR team. I miss her so much. I wonder if she's doing okay?"
"Katie?!" Sadie said, looking over the cliff, "Are you okay?"
"Not as okay as I'd be with you on my team!" Katie said sadly from the beach below.
"Awww!" Sadie said back, "That's soooo sweet! I miss you so much Katie!"
"Alright, alright, enough with the lovefest!" Chris yelled.
"Heh," Sam said nervously. "I mean, I've jumped off of tons of cliffs in The Myth of Spelda... I can do this! I've got it."
"Well you just have it all, don't you?" Noah retorted.
"Yep! Heheh," Sam said, he then looked over the cliff, "That's... that's pretty far,"
"You can do it Sammy! I believe in you!" Dakota yelled dramatically from the other side of the cliff, Anne Maria then elbowed her in the ribs.
"What the heck are you doin'? Stop helpin' the other team!" Anne Maria yelled.
Sam jumped off the cliff and cannonballed into the safe zone, then didn't reappear for quite a while but eventually crawled up to shore, coughing and covered in seaweed.
"Eh, whatever," Noah said. "I guess I'll go."
"Great!" said Brick. "I was planning on going too, but if you want, we can go in tandem! Working together is a strong military tactic."
Brick jumped from the top of the cliff, with Noah behind him. Noah screamed in a high-pitched voice and landed on Brick's shoulders while falling. The two then fell into the safe zone, avoiding the sharks.
Blaineley stood at the top of the cliff. "Nope, there's no way I'm doing that! The last time I fell from a very high altitude, I became a bandage mummy. I'm not taking any chances. Plus, this hair took hours, do you hear me? Hours!"
"Well, alright," Chris said, laughing slightly, "You can not jump if you want, but that means you have to wear the dreaded chicken hat!"
"Eh, fine," Blaineley said. "I'm already way up there in showbiz anyway. What's a chicken hat going to do?"
"Okay, fiiiine," said Chris. "The Hippos ended up with nine contestants in the safe zone! Will the Rhinos be able to beat this? Let's find out. Rhinos, it's your time to shine!"
Justin ripped off his shirt and jumped off the cliff, he then landed outside the safe zone. He smiled at the sharks, "Hey," He flexed his pecs and the sharks scoop him up before the boat can get to him and swam him to shore, "Thanks."
"I use my looks to my advantage... with everyone," Justin said in the confessional, shirtless, "I mean no woman, man, or shark can resist these gorgeous mandominals."
Sadie swooned and jumped off the cliff, "I'm coming Justin!" She then landed outside the safe zone. Anne Maria rolled her eyes at the two not getting into the safe zone.
"Ja, I would totally fly off the cliff," Staci said to her teammates. "I can fly, you know. I don't do it around others though because I like conserving my energy, so sad for you guys. So I guess I'll just jump!" Staci hurtled off the cliff headfirst and landed, making a massive amount of water splash everyone on the ground.
Ezekiel stepped up the the cliff, "Alright hosers it's time to be schooled by the bo--" The ground underneath him collapsed and he was sent falling into the water outside of the safe zone, "I'm okay!"
Dakota walked up the the cliff, "I-I can't do this! I'll get my designer bikini wet! That would be TERRIBLE!" She fake-cried, then immediately began modeling to the camera, "You like it?" She giggled and everyone on the cliff rolled their eyes.
"You can do it Dakota! I believe in you!" Sam yelled from the beach below.
Noah snickered, "Sap."
"You really do?" Dakota said to Sam.
"Yeah," Sam said, rubbing the back of his head.
"That's so sweet!" Dakota said.
Anne Maria then walked up and pushed Dakota off the cliff, "Gettin' pretty sick of this."
A few minutes passed. Trent looked at her, "Uh... are you gonna jump?"
"What?" Anne Maria said, "No way my hair would get wet!" She then began spraying her hair with excessive amounts of hair spray.
"Okay, well, here's the chicken hat..." Chris said, suddenly appearing. "That is, if you can fit it on your helmet head."
"Helmet head?" Anne Maria said angrily, "My hair is GORGEOUS! That's what all the guys say back home! Like 'The Predicament', oh man, that guy is a dreamboat..."
"Right..." Chris said, rolling his eyes and handing her the hat.
Rodney was shown at the top of the cliff. "This isn't bad, huh?" he said to himself.
"Oh, don't worry, Rodney!" said Dawn cheerfully. "I believe that you'll be fine." Rodney gazed into Dawn's eyes, then jumped and made a colossal splash, landing right outside the safe zone.
"Rodney! Get out of there!" Trent shouted, as Dawn was preparing to jump. "Seriously, there's sharks!"
"I'm not going to let some stupid man-eating sharks get in the way of true love," declared Rodney. Dawn hurtled down the cliff and Rodney caught her in his arms bridal-style, then his eyes started to water and he blushed.
"Well, Rodney, I do think that you catching me is nice and all, but uh..." Dawn said. "Can you please put me in the safe zone?"
"I... sharks... man-eaters... love..." Rodney said. "Yes." He placed Dawn in the safe zone and she scored a point for the team. Right after she disappeared, the sharks charged at Rodney and he swam frantically to shore.
"That was amazing," Rodney said in the confessional, "Sure, I got a shark's tooth lodged in my back, but it was worth it."
"It was quite nice of Rodney to help me in the challenge," Dawn said in the confessional, "But really, I only did it to keep him from breaking down, since he has obvious emotional detachment, it's all over his aura."
Max paced back and forth, nervously. Amy walked up to him, "What's your problem?"
"EVIL is not a fan of heights!" Max exclaimed loudly.
"I'm not a fan of YOU!" Amy yelled at Max.
"Now, now, calm down, you don't want to mess with my psychotic plans," Max warned. "Now, I must jump. But first! I need to limber up." Ballet music played as Max stretched with a smug grin on his face.
"The face of evil, ladies and gentlemen," Noah said in the confessional.
Max is seen in the confessional, "EVIL may or may not have taken an acrobatics class in pre-school."
Max was then shown jumping, with Amy and Trent jumping right after him, and all of them landing in the safe zone.
"Alright!" said Chris, as soon as everyone got to shore. "Anne Maria, you didn't even jump, and Rodney, Sadie, and Justin didn't make the safe zone... So, that means that the Hippos win! Sadly, this isn't the actual challenge..."
"You mean I jumped off of that cliff for NOTHING?!" Eva said, approaching Chris angrily.
"Wait! Wait! As the winners of the challenge, you get an advantage!" Chris announced excitedly. Eva then crossed her arms and walked back to her team.
"So, what IS the challenge, then?" Anne Maria whined.
"Well, we thought that it would be fun for you guys to build shelters, in another call-back to a challenge that sent a first boot packing! Namely, Beardo," said Chris.
Beardo looked at him shocked, and the sound of a studio audience gasping is heard.
"So, you guys will have a half hour to build the best shelter possible! Yes, there will still be tennis balls -- provided by Chef -- and yes, there will still be wild moose to dodge," Chris said. "For winning the first part, Hippos, you guys get better materials! The Rhinos will have to dig through the usual trash dump, though. Poor you. But not really. Alright, ready?! GO!" Chris blew his airhorn.
The Hippos ran to their pile of nice materials and the Rhinos ran to the trash heap and both began digging through the piles.
"Okay, guys, I expect nothing but the best from this team!" Blaineley said. "Make it look glam!"
"Hmm, well, I have been working on blueprints for a new and improved wizard's tower..." Leonard said. "It could be marvelous!"
"I mean, Browser's magical warlock tower in the new game was pretty sturdy, if you could do that then that'd be swell!" said Sam.
"Or maybe we could build a tower fit for princess rescuing!" gushed Ella.
"NO. We are not doing EITHER of those," Eva said.
"Yeah, sorry, guys..." Brick said apologetically. "I respect your ideas, but maybe we could build something a bit less... danger-prone? Heh. Like barracks!"
Eva looked at him, "That works I guess." Brick then stood triumphantly.
Brick began walking, "Alright guys, first things fir--" His feet then got tangled in his laughably long scarf, and he fell to the ground. Noah sighed loudly.
"This is gonna be sweet!" Tyler said excitedly, "So guys what are gonna d-- wait, where did Leonard and Sam go?"
"Yeah, guy, that's too good of an idea, heheh," Sam said, creeping off with Leonard. "Let's build it! The rest of the team can... uh, bug off and stuff."
"Stupendous!" said Leonard. He unfurled a map from his cloak. "So, first, we have to..." While he was explaining, Noah appeared and sat down, opening his book, but not before he was pelted with tennis balls by an off-screen Chef.
"After last season, nobody is gonna take my wizard's tower idea seriously!" Leonard said in the confessional, "But I have come more prepared this season! I will show them I can build my wizard's tower!" He then waved his wand around.
Ezekiel was shown dodging the tennis balls masterfully, despite a couple hitting him in the face, and grabbed a crowbar. "Wow, eh!"
Ezekiel said in the confessional, "One good thing about bein' feral for two years was gaining my awesome acrobatic skills. They make me even swaggier, fo'shizzle!"
Max walked clumsily out onto the field carrying a tire. Chef then shot several tennis balls at his face, causing him to drop the tire, he then held his nose, "Minions! Come fetch the tire while I rest my wounds!" He then looked around, "Minions! I command you! You are messing with EVIL OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER!" He was then shot again, and he ran away crying.
"Oh hey, this looks really good!" Staci said, holding up a toaster. "Ja, this is totally going to help us. Especially considering my great-great-great aunt Tina invented toasters, and before her, people--" She was then interrupted by a tennis ball that hit her in the face.
"That's... great Staci," Trent said, holding nine planks. He then dodged the tennis balls that Chef was shooting and made it back, "Alright guys, let's go!"
"My team... is interesting to say the least," Trent said in the confessional, "I don't know anyone on this team really but I'm gonna do my best to kinda get to know them."
Trent then noticed Justin was just sitting on the grass, posing sensually, "Uh, Justin?" Justin looked up gorgeously, "Dude, we need to get more stuff."
Justin laughed, "Uh, but I'm modeling, perhaps you should get some stuff," He began basking in the sun, and Chef got distracted and shot a bird sitting next to Justin.
"He's jus' too hot, man," said Chef in the confessional. "Too hot."
Trent glared at him, "Dude, that's not gonna work, you may be extremely hot but you gotta pull your weight."
Justin laughed again and continued to sit there. Trent rolled his eyes and walked away
"Alright, Rodney," said Trent. "You're a strong dude. How about you get some good materials for our shack? I guess that's what we'll build, I mean it's the only thing we really can build with this trash dump."
Rodney picked up a broken lawn chair. "Sounds good, man! You're--"
He was interrupted by Amy, who walked by. "That chair isn't gonna help at ALL, Mumbles!" She slapped Rodney across the face and he dropped the chair.
"Amy... uh... why... chair... comfortable! Uh..." Rodney said, looking around frantically, he then ran away and Trent sighed loudly.
"I thought that guy would learn from last season," Amy snorted in the confessional. "Normally, I don't want Samey to go near ANY boys because they're all too good for her, but Rodney is so pathetic that I think it'd work out!"
Rodney then ran into Samey, "Uh... uh... hi!"
Samey looked at him, "Uh, hi? Wait, you're not even on my team..."
"Oh... yeah," Rodney said, looking down.
"So uh... see you around?" Samey said awkwardly.
"Uh... sure!" Rodney replied, running away.
Samey said in the confessional, "I'm not sure what's going on with Rodney... Maybe this was Amy's doing. I feel a bit bad for the guy, though."
"'Ey, Dawn," Anne Maria said. "Wanna carry this?" She threw a couple of couch cushions on top of Dawn, who squealed. "Ain't gonna risk messin' up my bod just to win a stupid challenge."
"Omigosh, same here!" Dakota said, while sitting on a stump and texting. "Sorry, just got a text from some modeling company... You know, the usual..."
"Ja, I get texts from modeling companies four times a day," Staci said. "It got so annoying that I had to turn off texting on my gold-encrusted phone, so sad."
Anne Maria rolled her eyes, "If you're loaded why are you here?"
"The experience!" Staci said, "I decided to like take time to be away from my really really really really really amazing life and be here to kinda like get a different view, you know?"
"That girl is freakin' weird," Anne Maria said in the confessional, "They're all freakin' weirdos all a' them. If it weren't for the mill I wouldn't even be here!"
Meanwhile, Trent, Ezekiel, Sadie, and Rodney were making the shelter, "FASTER MINIONS! I do not have all day! It's getting warm out here and I do not like the warmth I am experiencing!" Max yelled from under a tree.
"It'd be faster if you like, helped us!" Sadie yelled back at him.
"I do not have time for such tomfoolery!" Max yelled, "I am a mastermind, not a lackey!"
Ezekiel accidentally hammered himself in the eye. "Ow, crap!" He then held his eye and dropped the hammer.
Sadie took a break from her working and turned to look at Justin. "Oooohhh, Justin! You're looking so great in this sunlight!"
Trent appeared with his nine planks. "And you too, Trent! Omigosh Katie, come here!" gushed Sadie.
Katie appeared from out of nowhere, with Samey trailing with some supplies. "Get out of here," snapped Katie. Samey sulked away.
"I like you!" Amy said, looking at Katie.
"HEY!" shouted Max from under the tree. "Quit trying to steal my minions, you lowly frump!"
"Who are you calling a lowly frump?!" Sadie yelled at him, hugging Katie, "Because it's totally her right?"
"Sadie!" Katie exclaimed. Justin started laughing as the two began to fight. "How could you say that!"
"Well he's obviously not meaning me or... Justin," Sadie said, pointing to Justin's six pack.
Sam and Leonard were shown building the tower. "Man, this is a great idea," chuckled Sam. "As long as we put some traps and stuff in it, like in the games, it should be indestructible!"
"It's nice to see someone believe in my powers," Leonard said, as he laid down bricks.
"Wait, where are you getting these bricks? Heheh." Sam said, looking at them, "They look kinda... slimy and gross."
"Oh! I got them from over there!" Leonard said, pointing to a very ominous looking building.
Sam looked at it for a minute, "Oh, heheh." And the two continued working, while Noah sat and read, smiling.
Samey laid down some planks for the Hippos' barracks. "Is this okay?" she said.
"Of course! You're doing a great job," reassured Brick. "Pleasure to have you on the team."
"Wow that was like, the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me..." Samey said in the confessional, she then looked around, "Is that sad?"
"I value all my soldiers!" Brick said in the confessional, "Sammy clearly lacks the confidence needed to be a solid member of the team, so I decided to reassure her and give her some confidence... even though that was not where I wanted those planks."
Beardo was seen running with a large rock while helicopters were heard shooting but no bullets were seen, it then turned out to be he was making the noise with his mouth... again. Eva rolled her eyes when she noticed him.
"My noises do... really... come in handy... when I... do my... music," Beardo said rhythmically in the confessional, "they do... prove useful... but out here... it's just... fun."
Eva walked with about fifty pounds worth of stuff from the slightly better pile of stuff. Chef began shooting at her but nothing fazed her at all. Chef looked at her weirdly while Chris glared.
Chris looked at Chef, "Chef, what are you doing? Shoot her!"
"I am!" Chef yelled defensively, "Girl's got strength man!"
"You're gonna need more than THAT!" shouted Eva. "Remember Sasquatchanakwa?"
A dizzy-looking Tyler staggered past Eva, continuously getting hit by tennis balls, and fainted, then started to moan while on the ground.
"Wimp," said Eva.
"You are an interesting boy," said Dawn, while working on the shelter with Ezekiel. "My tea leaves told me that you would be back as a human. It takes the most advanced of magic to cure one like that! I'm very surprised."
"Heh yeah, well my mom is an amateur nurse yo," Ezekiel said, "Well she's never been anywhere but she can cook up chicken soup pretty well, eh."
Dawn looked at him, "Oh. Yes I am sure that did cure you."
"Yeah they do say like, chicken soup cures the soul or sumthin', eh." Ezekiel said, dropping a plank. He picked it up, "Oh sorry, so anywa--" He then realized Dawn was nowhere to be found, he looked around weirded out.
Ezekiel is shown in the confessional, shivering. "Th' girl is creepy, eh."
Meanwhile, Sadie is still staring at Justin. Trent walks over to her, "Hey guys? We should keep working, we're almost done!"
"Oh, he's just so attractive though..." Sadie says. "After all, this IS what Katie would do in this situation!"
"I bet Katie would help finish the shelter," Trent said, gesturing to a poorly built shack.
Sadie looked at him, "Eh... nah she'd probably just look at Justin!" Trent sighed.
"This shelter looks like what I use when I want to live like a peasant for a day!" Staci said. "Cause, y'know, I live in such a huge house that it gets boring, ja."
Dakota walked over, carrying one small nail, "Hey guys I found something we can use!"
"...That's one nail," Anne Maria said, "What the heck are we gonna do with one nail?!"
Dakota laughed, "Not my problem."
"That girl is gettin' on my last nerves!" Anne Maria exclaimed in the confessional.
Dakota is seen filing her nails in the confessional, "I mean what was I supposed to do, get something heavy? That's what I have Sammy for!"
"Yo, Anne, I like how you lift those planks of wood. You do it like a dude, eh," Ezekiel said, staring at Anne Maria.
"Yeah, shaddap!" Anne Maria said. "I ain't falling for some loser who gave me cubic zirconium."
"I don't even know what cubic whatever is, y'know," Ezekiel said. "But I was a different man back then. Not even really the same person. But I'm still waiting for that kiss, fo'shizzle."
After hearing the word 'kiss', Rodney looks at Dawn and puckers up.
"Oh, Rodney, I know you would love to finally have your first kiss," Dawn said. "It must be hard to have never found true love."
"Yeah..." Rodney said, sadly.
Brick sighed happily, "Well team, we are making excellent progress!" Brick gestured to a very well built looking barracks. "Ahead of schedule too!"
Beardo clapped and suddenly the sound of a studio audience clapping was heard.
"I agree, quite excellent!" Blaineley said dramatically, "Maybe even livable! You did AMAZINGLY!"
"Um... thank you ma'am," Brick said awkwardly, saluting. "Hey, we're missing a few privates..."
Chris then appeared out of nowhere. "Judging time! Alright, Hippos, you're up first." He examined the barracks. "Hmm... What have we here... Let's see how it holds up!" He blew a whistle, and a stampede of moose trampled through the area, not doing anything to the barracks.
"I went for effectiveness," said Brick, chuckling.
Suddenly, the barracks began toppling, and everyone on the Hippos ran away, scared. The resulting dust cloud cleared and all that was left was a pile of bricks and planks.
"My barracks! Ruined!" Brick exclaimed.
"I knew those barracks were terrible," Blaineley scoffed, rolling her eyes.
Beardo made the sound of a studio audience crying.
Chris began laughing as the Hippos looked at the pile of bricks and planks, "Looks like some planks were off... weren't they? Heh. Alright, Rhinos, your turn!"
"We have built the Casa de Nueve!" Trent gestured, confidently. The building looked like a very unsturdy shack that was leaning terribly off to one side.
Chris looked at it and began chuckling, "Whatever, man. Time to be judged!" He blew the whistle and the moose began trampling through again, completely destroying the shack, while all the Rhinos glared at Chris angrily.
"Well... I mean, we kind of have a tie here. Considering both of your shelters failed miserably," said Chris angrily.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!" Leonard yelled from the woods, "I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT... the Tower 2.0!" Leonard then gestured to a very impressive looking tower, about twenty feet tall.
"Because that worked so well last time," Noah said.
"So THAT'S where you guys were?!" Brick exclaimed. "...You know, I have to commend you. Job well done, soldiers."
"I'll be the judge of that," Chris said, walking over. He then blew the whistle a third time and once again the moose came out of nowhere and began charging, a giant dust cloud appeared, causing everyone to cough violently. However when the smoke cleared, it turned out to be Beardo making another sound effect.
"Well..." Chris said, looking at the perfectly in tact tower, "I guess that means... The Hippos win the challenge!"
"It ACTUALLY WORKED!" Leonard said gleefully.
"Ooh, if I grew out my hair I could reside at the top of this tower and wait for a handsome prince," giggled Ella.
"Yeah, we could've put in more effort, team!" scowled Sadie.
"You're one to talk!" Amy exclaimed loudly. She then walked away angrily, causing everyone to look at her.
"So we lost the challenge, that sucks," Trent said in the confessional, defeatedly, "You'd think the first vote out would be easy, but so many people didn't pull their weight it's hard to pick, really."
Max is shown pacing around angrily. "My minion failed me! Balderdash! I am very disappointed in her! She will be gone tonight."
"Y'know, dude, I might have to agree with you there," Trent said.
"We should vote for Ezekiel to go!" Anne Maria said, and Ezekiel looked at her, scared.
"I'm right here, eh," said Ezekiel. "And don't vote the Z-MAN first AGAIN! I still got stuff to prove!"
"Yeah yeah whatever," Anne Maria said, and she walked out of the cave they found.
Anne Maria walked over to Sadie, Staci, and Justin, "Hey, wanna help me out?" Anne Maria said to the three.
Justin looked at her, "I'm listening."
"We vote Zeke out, he's freakin' annoying!" Anne Maria exclaimed.
"Yeah... can't argue with you there," Justin said, looking at Ezekiel try to rap.
"Yeah, like, I was on the first season with him and he was like, SO annoying at Playa des Losers I like couldn't even anymore!" Sadie exclaimed.
"Yah, I agree, if any of the first boots go again it should be him, because my great-great-great-grandfather Jeff invented redemption, before him, people just failed a lot," Staci said, and the three looked at him.
"Anne Maria brings up a good point," Justin said in the confessional, "vote out the annoying useless guy first again, it's so evil."
Rodney is shown in the confessional. "I want to vote for Justin... His hotness is bumming me out, man. I want to have an equal shot at the ladies."
"Like, Katie not being here is so so SO hard," Sadie said in the confessional, "but I think I'm doing really good! Ezekiel is totally gone at this point!"
"Yeah homie da Z-MAN ain't goin' home tonight yo," Ezekiel said in the confessional, "These people want me out first again? They got another thing coming yo because da Z-MAN is here to take it all!"
The scene cut to the elimination ceremony. "Alright, everyone. Tonight, I have marshmallows for all but one of you, and we have brought back the Boat of Losers since it's the lamest form of transportation," Chris said, "Also we brought the other team in to sit in the winners bleachers... thing, because of the added drama!" Chris wiggled his fingers dramatically.
"The first marshmallow of the evening goes to Anne Maria," said Chris, as he tossed her a marshmallow and she grinned. "Dawn, Max, Rodney, you're all safe too."
"Evil loves marshmallows, they make my tummy feel nice and calm," Max said. Rodney and Dawn looked at him weirdly.
"Amy!" said Chris. "You're safe. And Justin and Dakota, too."
As they grabbed their marshmallows, Chris looked at Trent, Ezekiel, Staci, and Sadie. "Well, well, well. We've got a couple of first boots and a couple of lame-os. But I'm happy -- or maybe sad -- to say that Trent and Staci are both safe."
"Aw, sweet," Trent said, grabbing the marshmallow. Ezekiel looked around frantically.
"Zeke. Sadie," said Chris. "We have one marshmallow left. And it goes to..."
"Wait, WHAT?!" Ezekiel shouted. "Nooooo!"
"Uh, dude, you're safe," Trent said.
"...wait, WHAT?!" Ezekiel shouted again, "YEEESSSSSS!!!"
"What? Why me?" Sadie said, sadly.
"Never mess with EVIL!!!" Max exclaimed.
Katie jumped up, "What? Please no this can't be true! This is SO unfair!"
Sadie ran over and hugged Katie, "I'm gonna miss you! But at least this time you made it further than me!"
"...yeah true but I'm still gonna like really miss you!" Katie said, hugging Sadie.
Chris tapped his watch impatiently, "Can you two hurry this up? We have a schedule! I can't shoot you teens out of a cannon this season, so just go!"
Sadie stopped hugging Katie sadly, and waved goodbye, "Win this for us Katie!"
"I will!" Katie said waving to Sadie, Katie then looked back at Samey angrily, "I blame you for this!" Samey gulped. The boat of losers then sailed away, carrying Sadie away.
"One down, twenty one to go!" Chris exclaimed loudly, "Who will win, who will lose, how will Ezekiel react to not being eliminated first?" Ezekiel is heard cheering madly in the background, "Tune in to find out, on Total! Drama! Second Chances!"
The screen then faded to black.
Chapter 3 - Cave Story
"Last time on Total Drama: Second Chances," began Chris. "The contestants settled in with a little bit of pain! Our first challenge was a throwback to the very first season, with some new season stuff mixed in as well. The Humiliated Hippos won the challenge with their new and improved Wizard's Tower 2.0, built by Leonard and Sam, and the Rhinos were sent to elimination where they voted out Ezekiel! Just kidding. To all of our shock, Sadie was sent home first instead! Didn't think that could happen. Who will survive? Who will get seriously injured? Find out today on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"
The Rhinos were seen sitting in the mess hall picking at their food sadly, except Ezekiel who was rapping obnoxiously to himself.
"NOT FIRST OFF THIS TIME, YO!" Ezekiel yelled in the confessional, "They thought they could get rid of me? They got another thing comin', eh! Da Z-MAN is here to win this time!"
"Shut up, Zeke," Anne Maria said across the hall. "I'm tryin' to eat my nutrients here. Or... whateva' nutrients are even in this mush."
"Don't tell me to do nothin'!" Zeke yelled back at her.
"Yeah whatever, just shut ya trap or I'll shut it for ya!" Anne Maria yelled at him and he gulped loudly. She then began spraying her hair obnoxiously in her entire team's face, causing them all to cough loudly.
Amy grabbed the spray can and threw it out the window angrily, "STOP!" She then went back to her gruel. Trent looked at them all and sighed.
Trent is seen in the confessional, "Are you sure I'm on the right team?"
"This gruel shan't even be called food," Max said. "Minion, spoonfeed me the food. I want to live leisurely." He looked over to where Sadie would be, then noticed she was voted off. "Drat!"
Justin is seen with an intern spoonfeeding him soup, "Thanks."
Max looked at him, angrily, "Why do YOU get food?"
"Because I'm hot," Justin said bluntly.
"Yeah, that's soooo true!" Staci said. "Oh, wait... Ja, I don't go for guys like you. I'm way out of your league."
"What?" Justin said, clearly offended.
"She's out of MY league?" Justin asked in the confessional, "Has she seen these flawless abs, these gorgeous locks of hair, this BEAUTIFUL face!?"
"Hmm, Staci, did you suffer a traumatic incident as a child that grossly lowered your self-esteem and forced you to make up lies constantly?" Dawn said mysteriously, just seeming to show up.
"Umm... What are you talking about? You need to use smaller words," Staci said. "I'm related to the guy who invented toilet paper, so I'm too special to listen to people like you."
"She's not the special one..." Rodney said, gazing at Dawn.
"Uh, dude? You alright?" Dakota snapped at Rodney. "Making googly-eyes never works. Unless they're at me, of course! I put on my makeup super cutely this morning so I BETTER be getting some praise for it!"
"Yeah, no, sista," Anne Maria said. "I spent three hours on my hair! You ain't nothin'."
"WhatEVER. Well, Rodney, you're the true expert on girls here..." Dakota said. "Which one of us is cuter? I mean, OBVIOUSLY it's me, but I just want to hear another explanation."
"I-- uh... me... you... I..." Rodney began choking up and ran out of the mess hall crying.
"What a freakin' loser," Anne Maria said loudly, spraying her hair.
"You're just saying that because he was gonna say me, but I only need my Sammy!" Dakota said, flipping her hair.
"Uh... heheh, yeah. I love you Dakota!" Sam said from the other table.
Dakota posed happily, "See?" Anne Maria rolled her eyes.
The Hippos are seen eating their gruel and looking slightly happier than the Hippos.
Noah picked at his food, "...is this even food."
"Who cares?" Brick said. "It's just another form of exercise!"
"YEAH!" Tyler said. He scooped up a massive spoonful, put it in his mouth, then got it lodged in his throat and started coughing loudly.
"Well, I hope that works out for you, Tyler," Noah said loudly over Tyler's coughs.
Beardo picked up a spoonful. He looked at it for a moment, then started making airplane noises as he slowly moved it towards his mouth. He then ate a tiny bite but spit it out, gagging.
"Uh, Beardo, I've been meaning to ask," Leonard said. "Are you a Sound Wizard? Your tricks of the mouth aren't something for foolish humans..."
"Yeah... man... If you say so," Beardo said rhythmically.
"Heh, he's not the only wizard on our team! I'm a... uh, a Doing-Athletic-Stuff Wizard!" Tyler shouted. "My best magic trick is being super skilled with my fingers. Yeah."
"Astonishing!" Leonard said, clearly interested in this "doing athletic stuff wizardry".
"Is there even a such thing as a Doing Athletic Stuff Wizard?" Blaineley asked dramatically.
"Yeah man!" Tyler said, flexing his fingers, "See?" As he was flexing his fingers, he got a terrible cramp in his middle finger.
"Weak," Eva said from across the table. Beardo made the sound of a studio audience laughing.
Katie was seen eating her gruel right next to Samey, "I still blame you."
"What did I even do?" Samey said sadly in the confessional, "Try to get away from that psychopathic bi-- my sister!?"
Katie was shown in the confessional. "She does NOT know how far Sadie and I go back. We share everything. And Samey robbed us of sharing this amazing experience together, so she's going to pay!"
"Hmm..." Sam said, struggling. "I just have to pretend that this food is Space Chunks from the planet Blorthob in that one game I played like five years ago..."
"Don't be afraid!" Ella popped next to Sam and started to sing. "Eat the food! You never know, it could end up goooood! ♪"
"Gooood!" Beardo repeated in a falsetto, sounding very similar to Ella. Ella smiled.
"Beardo is a very nice guy," Ella half-sang in the confessional, "he understands the power of music and happiness!"
Beardo is seen beatboxing in the confessional, "I... really like... my team this... time around," He said rhytmically, "I am... beginning to... get to know... them, it's great."
Suddenly, Chris kicked in the door to the mess hall, Chef ran out of the kitchen, "CHRIS! This is MY domain, you can't just kick in doors man!"
"I can... and I will!" Chris winked at the camera, "Alright campers, ready for your next challenge?"
"Ugh can we get some actual FOOD?" Anne Maria groaned loudly, and everyone kinda muttered in agreement.
"ARE YOU IMPLYIN' THAT MY FOOD ISN'T ACTUAL?!" Chef said. "Chris. Jus' take them out to the challenge. I'm gettin' sick of these buggers."
Chris led the contestants outside, and they noticed a massive hole that didn't seem to be there in the episode before.
"Welcome, campers! Today's challenge is a throwback to season four's mine challenge!" Chris said.
"Yeah! That was mine challenge, eh!" Ezekiel said, and Anne Maria glared at him.
"Anne Maria, Brick. You guys might remember this one," Chris grinned evilly. "But anyway, the mission is simple. Down under there, there's some scary stuff. Robotic animals, traps, you know the deal. So, your goal is to find the golden statues of yours truly hidden in the mine! I have no idea where they are, that was the interns' job."
An intern was shown in the mine holding the statue while running away from Scuba Bear and wailing.
"First team to find the statue and come back here alive wins invincibility! Any questions?" Chris said, excitedly, Brick raised his hand, "No? Alright! You have as long as you need... just don't die," Chris began laughing slightly.
Everyone sighed loudly and went into the cave. The Hippos are seen huddled together.
"Let's split up, gang!" Brick said. "But we have to make sure that at least two soldiers are together at all times. Hm... Beardo, Ella, Eva. Want to go together?"
"No, not really," Eva said flatly.
"That's the spirit!" said Brick. "Now, it's really kind of dark in here... I might just stay by the entrance..."
"That's the spirit," Noah mocked.
"Uh... Noah. You're not a sporty dude, right? Wanna stay by me and chill over here?" Brick said, gesturing to the light emanating from the entrance.
"You know, I'd absolutely love to, but..." Noah said. "Come on, Tyler, we have some work to do." The two walked away.
Brick looked around, and then ran towards Tyler and Noah, "O-On second thought maybe I should go with you guys! Leonard and Sam, you to go together. Blaineley, Katie, and Samey, you make up the last group."
Samey looked at him, "Me with her?" She gestured to Katie, who smiled maliciously.
"Yes ma'am!" Brick said. Samey then sighed and walked off with Blaineley and Katie.
Meanwhile, the Rhinos were walking together as a group.
"Yo, I wanna get back to my lair, eh," Ezekiel said. "I know there was a pretty fly picture of me over there. I wanna see it. I've gotten even coolier since then!"
"NO!" Anne Maria shouted. "That place would give me some post-traumatic whatevah. I'm gonna stay as far away as possible from you, Zeke."
"Come, my burly friend!" Max said, grabbing Rodney by the overalls and yanking him away. "We have hunting to do!"
"Ow!" said Rodney as Max led him away, with Dakota trailing behind them.
"I'm goin' with Justin!" said Anne Maria. "No, I am!" yelled Amy and Staci at the exact same time. "Oh, wait... I don't even like him, ja," Staci said, correcting herself.
"Ladies, ladies, relax," Justin said. "You can all come with me." He strutted away and they followed him.
"So that leaves you and I, I suppose?" Dawn said to Trent.
"Yeah," Trent said. "That's cool, though. You're one of the more normal ones here." Dawn smiled mysteriously.
Dawn is seen in the confessional, "Trent seems to still be very broken by something that has happened to him in the past, I hope I can possibly help him..."
Max, Rodney and Dakota were seen walking until they ran into a gigantic rock, Max kicked the rock and hurt his foot, he grabbed his foot in pain, "Curses foolish rock! You shall feel the fullest extent of my WRATH!" he yelled. "Rodney, you are burly. Clear the rock."
"Man, I'm just thinking about how cute Dawn and I's children would be..." Rodney muttered. "Oh! Wait! What?! Okay! I'll do it!" He ran up to the rock and started pushing.
Dakota looked at him, weirdly, "Weird... but if I don't have to do anything, I'm okay with it!" She then began walking behind Rodney who was struggling with the rock.
"Rodney is a weird guy... always obsessing over Dawn," Dakota said in the confessional, "when he COULD be obsessing over me! I mean come on!"
"Rodney is a feeble minded person..." Max began in the confessional, "But with his strength and my EVIL GENIUS and Dakota's ties to mainstream media..." He grabbed the camera, "we can TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! BWA HA HA HA!"
"Uh, need any help?" Dakota said, looking at Rodney who was struggling with the rock.
Rodney looked at Dakota. "Nah, I'm fine. I've done stuff like this back on the farm." He finally pushed the rock to the side.
Dakota was shown, enraged, in the confessional. "WHAT?! He didn't fall for me?! I don't believe it! I mean, I know I have my Sammy and all, but Dawn and not me? She's so frumpy though! He just has a bad taste in girls..."
Noah, Tyler, and a scared Brick were shown walking through the cave. Suddenly, the narrow pathway caved in and they fell into a large lake.
Brick was shown in the confessional. "Falling into that lake was great! It covered up the... suspicious spot on my trousers. Heh, nothing happened though. Nothing at all."
Tyler looked at Brick's pants, "Dude, your pants are soaked!"
Brick looked at him, "What do you mean? I fell in the lake, remember?"
"That was just a puddle, man," Tyler said to him. Brick then looked around awkwardly.
Noah rolled his eyes, "Well this conversation is just riveting, but shouldn't we actually try to not lose?"
"Good plan, private!" Brick said, saluting. "Not losing is definitely preferable!" The two swam quickly out of the lake. "Hey, wait for me!" said Tyler.
As the three got out onto the shore, they saw Sam and Leonard examining strange glowing slugs.
"Amazing!" Leonard said, poking one, "Isn't it just... magical?"
"Yeah, heheh," Sam said to Leonard as he picked one up.
"Hello!" Brick said, his pants still soaked. "Any luck finding the statue?"
"Oh, did you douse your pants with potions?" Leonard said to Brick. "Brewing in cauldrons can get a bit messy."
"Uh... yes! Yes let's go with that!" Brick said.
Sam then put down the glowing slug abruptly, "Ow! It bit me!"
"Look out, emergency room, a new patient is coming," Noah said.
Justin was shown, walking while being followed by Anne Maria, Amy, and Staci, and Ezekiel a bit farther behind.
"'Ey! Anne Maria! C'mon, I'm just as talented as Justin! Have you heard of 'kazoo rap'? It's a new style of music I made, yo. I'm a music prodigy, y'see?" Ezekiel said.
"Sounds like crap!" Anne Maria yelled back, and Justin laughed slightly.Ezekiel ran to catch up with them, "Nah it's pretty cool yo, just give it a chance!" He then pulled out a kazoo and began blowing into it, creating a sound similar to a dying cat. Everyone then covered their ears as he was playing his song.
"AGH! Make it stop!" Staci yelled as Ezekiel continued to play.
"This is freakin' torture!" Anne Maria yelled as she ran away from Ezekiel. Amy then took the kazoo and broke it in half.
"Aw you ruin all the fun homie," Ezekiel said, "I haven't even gotten to the singing yet! My dad says I sound like the mating call of th' wild elk."
"That... was the WORST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!" Amy yelled as she ran away.
"Ladies... ladies... calm down, Justin is here," Justin said, ripping off his shirt. Ezekiel then struggled to take off his sweatshirt, but then did, revealing his soft, pale, and doughy stomach.
"As if I didn't have ENOUGH reasons to hate you, you need a freakin' tan!" Anne Maria said. Ezekiel then ran after Anne Maria.
Trent and Dawn were then seen walking through the cave, or in Dawn's case, gliding, "So this is boring..." Trent said, looking around.
"Oh, Trent, we must keep our eyes peeled for any potential Chris statue!" Dawn said.
"Yeah, Dawn, I'm try--" Trent began, but suddenly, a massive rock fell and blocked out the entrance from where they came from. "Crap."
Dawn was shown in the confessional. "Okay, we were trapped, but I didn't worry! Trent is an enigmatic boy. I wanted to spend some time with him to uncover his deepest, darkest secrets, and give him some advice on how to deal with said secrets!"
Katie, Samey, and Blaineley were shown, walking around. A growl was heard. "Uh-oh, what was that?" Samey said.
"Oh, honey, don't worry!" Blaineley said. "After my trip to France with the illustrious Bruno the bear, I'm good with dealing with animals." She flipped her hair.
Suddenly, Scuba Bear appeared out of nowhere, clad in a blonde wig, makeup, and a feather boa.
Scuba Bear was shown in the confessional, and his robotic chest opened to reveal a TV with Chris's face. "Yep, we've brought this fella back under the moniker of Glam Bear! Should be deadly!"
"Take her!" Katie said, and she pushed Samey in front of Glam Bear. Samey then ran away from Glam Bear, as Blaineley yelled at him.
"Stop! I command you! I am Blaineley Sta--" A rock was then thrown at Blaineley, who narrowly dodged it, "I can see you're kinda mad..." Blaineley then turned around and ran away with Glam Bear following her.
"Unbelievable!" Blaineley said in the confessional, "If it had been that stupid bear from the first few seasons I could've controlled it no problem! Chris is trying to kill me... no surprise, he's always been the jealous type."
Beardo, Ella, and Eva are seen walking. Ella and Beardo are singing, "We are deep in a dark, dark cave. Though we must be brave. For the prize is at stake, and we--"
"Can it," Eva said. "I'm trying to focus on this challenge."
"But we have to keep our morale up!" Ella said, walking next to Eva, "C'mon, I know you like song."
Beardo is heard singing "Soooong!" in a falsetto again and Eva speeds up to get away from the two.
"Why did I have to get paired up with those two losers!?" Eva yelled in the confessional, "I was this close to throwing them through a WALL! Luckily I had my MP3 player to take my mind off of them." She put in headphones and German metal music was heard playing as she nodded her head rhythmically.
"Wait, what's this?" Eva said, running up to a pile of rocks. She immediately started flinging the rocks around and Beardo and Ella ducked to dodge the rocks hurtling at them. "Hey, take it easy!" shouted Beardo.
"I found a hole!" Eva said. She glared at her teammates and jumped through the hole, disappearing. Ella and Beardo looked at each other.
Noah, Sam, Brick, Leonard, and Tyler were shown, walking around the mine. Suddenly, a faint screaming was heard, and Eva hurtled from the sky on top of Noah.
"Ah, well, I wasn't planning on using my ribcage today," Noah said in a muffled voice.
"Get over it!" snapped Eva. "We need to win this thing." Suddenly, Beardo and Ella came hurtling through the air on top of Eva and Noah. Noah made a muffled whimpering sound.
"I hear some ethereal shrieking this way!" Leonard said. "Come forth, team!"
The Hippos ran to the left, then suddenly walked into a room. Sam coughed, and a massive amount of woolly beavers appeared out of nowhere and surrounded the team.
"Oops, heheh," Sam said.
Rodney, Max, and Dakota are seen crawling through a small tunnel, "Minions, how did we get here in the first place?!" shrieked Max.
Rodney scratched his head, "Uh... I don't know."
"All I know is all this dirt and stuff is getting under my NAILS!" Dakota exclaimed loudly, causing the tunnel to shake violently.
Rodney looked back at her, worriedly, "Please keep it down guys!" He whispered.
"You cannot tell EVIL what to do!" Max yelled and the tunnel shook again, "Okay I'll stop."
Some shuffling noises were heard behind the three in the tunnel. All of a sudden, a flock of bats loudly flew past the group, who were all coughing.
"Those bats would be perfect decorations in my evil lair! Perfect for some ominous flittering at the entrance," Max said. "But they're also kinda loud... And spooky."
"Ew, my hair is messed up! What will Sam think?!" Dakota said sadly.
"He'll probably love you still," Rodney said poetically. "After all, true gentlemen love women even despite their flaws..."
"Um, are you implying I have flaws?!" Dakota said. "Nice try, dude."
"No! No I didn't mean it like that!" Rodney insisted, "I-I... just... crap."
Max then looked at them, "Onward, minions! We have a challenge to win!"
"Evil needs minions..." Max began in the confessional, "Unfortunately, nobody on this team is truly worthy of being an EVIL MINION to someone as truly EVIL as myself! So I must make due with what I have. But when I'm done with them... they will be TRUE PURE UNADULTERATED EEEVIL!!! BWA HA HA HA!!!"
Max continued to crawl through the tunnel, with the others. He came face to face to Ezekiel, who was crawling the opposite way, and both started shrieking. "BWAAAAAGH!" Ezekiel yelled. "Don't scare me like that, eh!"
"'Ey, what's all the hold-up?" a voice that sounded like Anne Maria said from behind Ezekiel. "This mine is too dark. I need sun for my tan."
"Ja, I mean, I can teleport, so it's not too big of a deal..." Staci said. "But this is still really annoying and you guys totally have to move before I get feisty."
"Well you are just going to have to go back the way you came!" Max exclaimed.
"No way, yo," Ezekiel said, "there was nothing but a freakin' bear in drag or somethin' back there."
"What?" Rodney said from behind Max.
"Too long to explain yo," Ezekiel said, "So uh... while we're here, wanna hear my kazoo rap?"
"UGH!" Anne Maria yelled loudly, "I'll take my chances with the bear over this crap again!" She began backing up into Staci, who backed up into Justin.
"My face!" Justin exclaimed.
"Suck it up!" Staci yelled, "My grandfather is the father of plastic surgery, I can get you a free session with him!"
"Ew, what are you guys doing?" Amy yelled. "Get Justin's butt out of my face! I mean, it IS ridiculously toned, well-proportioned, and hot, but still, get it out of my face!"
"Thanks," Justin said, without a hint of emotion. "Now, how do we get out of here?"
"Who cares, eh? My performance isn't gonna disappoint. I'm th' winner of the Homeschool Grammy Awards," said Ezekiel, putting the kazoo up to his lips again.
"HURRY!" Anne Maria yelled back at Staci, Justin, and Amy as they backed up quickly.
Trent and Dawn are seen sitting in the cave, with no way out, "This is just... great," Trent said, sighing loudly.
"Oh, Trent, is something ailing you?" said Dawn, who was examining an insect.
Trent kicked a small rock, which hit the insect Dawn was looking at, "...Uh, no."
"Is it Gwen?" Dawn said. Trent flinched slightly.
"Well, I hate to be so cliche about it..." Trent said. "But I guess there's no more dodging the question. Yeah. I'm really bummed out that she's gone. I know it's been a while, and I know she's moved on, but..." He sighed.
Dawn put her hand on his shoulder, "It's okay to be sad about a breakup, it's only basic human emotion."
"Hey, thanks," Trent said. "So you know what it's like?"
"No, not really," said Dawn. "I am not one to go for relationships at this age. I know too much about people's inner auras that I do not feel comfortable."
"Oh... yeah that must be kind of a hindrance in relationships," Trent said, "But like, Gwen was like, the one... I don't know, I never felt that way before and to see that jerk Duncan take her away was just torture..."
"Well, you can relax seeing that Duncan is off in big-boy prison and Gwen is back on the market, can't you?" Dawn said.
"Yeah, not really. I tried to get into some other girls. Dated a few after Action, didn't really feel the same way about any of them... I even tried to like Katie and Sadie. But obviously that was not a good choice," Trent said.
"Indeed... I'm sure they probably wouldn't have gone for you anyhow..." Dawn said nonchalantly.
"What? Eh, whatever. I don't know, I'm probably just being really cliche about all this..." Trent said sadly.
"Gwen's heart is golden on the inside," Dawn said. "If nothing else, you seem to have a great taste in women!"
"Well... I guess?" Trent said, "But I just don't feel the same anymore without her, you know?"
"Trent, Gwen would want you to be happy even without her, I'm sure," Dawn said to him, "She may or may not like you the same way, but she clearly doesn't hate you. She returns your phone calls right?"
"Heh. Yeah... wait, how do you know she returns my calls?" Trent asked her.
"I have my ways," Dawn said nonchalantly, "Either way, she would want you to live your life in happiness, not in regret and defeat."
"That's... Man, that's more poetic than any song I've ever written," said Trent in awe.
Dawn giggled mysteriously. "She is not a malicious girl, I assure you. I'm positive that she still believes you're a great person."
"Really?" Trent asked her, "Aw man, that's awesome. Thank you so much for this pep talk."
"No problem," Dawn said, "It was quite sad watching you cry in your sleep about her."
"What?" Trent said.
"Nothing," Dawn giggled. "You know, the song you wrote back in September made even me a bit weak."
"Okay, uh..." said Trent uncomfortably. "Want to find a way out of this cave? Thanks for everything, though. You're great."
"There is an exit to the light right up there!" Dawn said pointing up. Trent then looked up. "It's been there the whole time."
"Wait... you knew about it the whole time?" Trent asked. "Uh... That's cool, though."
"Of course I did!" Dawn said. "But that's beside the point. So--"
There was a shuffling noise, and Ezekiel, along with the rest of the Rhinos, fell from the hole screaming.
"Oh, hey, guys!" said Trent.
"Some team," Ezekiel said. "Where were y'guys? I was stuck with all these haters who wouldn't hear my kazoo rap! Trent, you're a music guy, right? You'd support it?"
"Um..." said Trent. "Yeah, let's find the exit."
"Aw come on homie!" Ezekiel exclaimed.
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm not gonna lose this challenge!" Anne Maria said angrily. "All this darkness betta' be worth it!" She ran off, with the others following her.
Meanwhile, the Hippos, other than Blaineley, Samey, and Katie, were walking through a particularly dim, dark part of the cave.
"Those beavers were rough, heh," Tyler said. "But I totally outsmarted them all and drove them away with my pre-K kickboxing club skills!"
"Yeah, they actually just caught a whiff of Brick's army boots and fled," Noah said. "But keep telling yourself that, bud."
"Nah man, it was the pre-K kickboxing skills!" Tyler said, punching a rock with his already-damaged fist. He then screamed out in pain. Beardo, behind him, made a perfect Wilhelm Scream impression.
"You people are morons..." Eva grumbled as the walked, "Hey... it looks like there is a light! Right down there!"
Brick screamed with joy, "Yes! Light! Thank god!" Everyone then looked at him, "Well I... um... I am just excited we're about to finish the challenge! Probably..." The Hippos began running towards the light.
As they got into the chamber, they saw Blaineley, Katie, and Samey tied up, with Glam Bear lurking behind them. The bear noticed them and then roared. Brick backed up and realized he peed himself again, Tyler then pointed and laughed.
Katie looked at Samey, "I blame you for this."
"I did not come down here with all these buffoons just to be stopped by some STUPID bear in a blonde wig!" Eva exclaimed walking towards the bear, who then began to run away, the screen on the belly with Chris's face on it began to look frightened.
"Aw come on this is the only mechanical bear we have ready for the season!" Chris whined from the bear as the bear ran away from Eva.
"Do I look like I care?" Eva said, speeding up.
"Alright just take the statue!" Chris exclaimed from Glam Bear.
Eva walked over to the statue and took it, "That's what I THOUGHT!"
Tyler then jumped towards Glam Bear and fell hard straight onto its back, slumping onto the ground. "Bleh..."
"Fine! Destroy my creation, okay!" said Chris. "It's not like I have hundreds more in the factory! Oh, wait... But anyway, if you get out of the mine alive, you've won the challenge!"
"Whoo-hoo!" everyone except Eva said. Brick untied Katie, Samey, and Blaineley, and the team then proceeded to rush out of the mine and out into the open fields of Pahkitew Island, where Chris and Chef were waiting.
"Congratulations, Hippos!" Chris said. "You've won your second challenge!" The Hippos cheered, "Now... where are the Rhinos?" Chris asked.
"HURRY UP MINIONS!" Max yelled from the hole in the cave. The Rhinos then stampeded out of the cave, carrying the statue and being trailed by a herd of bats.
"Oh, GREAT, we're late, and HER team won again!" Amy yelled, pointing to Samey. "And she'll probably be safe, too. I hate everything."
"Yeah, Rhinos, hate to break it to you, but you've got a date with me tonight!" Chris said.
The Rhinos groaned and walked back to their shelter.
"Another freakin' challenge we lost," Anne Maria exclaimed in the confessional, "I'm on a team with a bunch'a losers! Especially Zeke."
"Samey shouldn't win ANYTHING! She's just a second hand me!" Amy yelled in the confessional, "Like, when we're doing cheers I'm the TOP of the pyramid while she's just a stupid corner!"
Later that night, in the cave the Rhinos used for shelter, Trent is seen sitting on a rock, sadly strumming his guitar.
"Hey, guy," Rodney said, walking up to Trent. "What's up?"
"Ooh, is this a dude's party?" Ezekiel said, joining the two. "I'm in, eh. Those lassies aren't too fond of my tunes."
"Zeke, I heard that Staci really loved your kazoo stuff, maybe you should go play for her," Trent suggested.
"She did? I'mma drop a sick kazoo beat soon so you guys can totally come over and watch yo," Ezekiel said.
Trent laughed slightly, "I'll be sure to later, man." Ezekiel then walked off, blowing madly into his kazoo making an awful noise. The sound of Staci shrieking was heard.
"So, you're lovesick, huh?" Trent said to Rodney.
"Yes, he truly is," Dawn said, suddenly appearing next to Trent. "It seems as if there is a deep psychological issue of maternal abandonment rooted in him that cannot be cured with just a mere pep talk."
"Uh... I'm right here, guys," Rodney said. He then looked at Dawn and gasped. "Oh... Uh... Kazoo... Me... Pep talk... Mommy?"
"Yeah... I felt that feeling once, man," Trent said, still strumming his guitar. "But someone then told me that that the person I loved would want me to be happy either way."
"I am going to leave you two by yourselves," Dawn said, and she glided away peacefully.
"Heh," Rodney said. "I dunno how Dawn got that my mom isn't around. She doesn't know my home life, does she? But she's such a smart girl... Yet another perk about her..."
"Yeah, she is pretty smart," Trent said, "if not a little eerie."
Trent was shown in the confessional. "I feel pretty bad for that Rodney character. I mean... It just leads me to question, am I like that? It just brings up a lot of questions, you know?"
"Dawn guessing my mom is out of the picture was amazing," Rodney said in the confessional, "I've never told anyone that before! It was just weird... but Dawn guessing that just makes me want to tell her about it. But I can't find the right words! Augh!"
"Poor, poor Rodney," Dawn said in the confessional, "It's clear he has feelings for me but he just can't find the way to articulate it. Perhaps in time I could help him but his emotional state is just beyond repair at this point..."
Ezekiel was shown in the confessional, blowing into his kazoo. He then took it out of his mouth and began to 'rap.' "Uh! Yo! Bridgette and I, ridin' some moose! On the Alberta frontier! Yo! We'd be fly, eh! My kazoos are freakin' FLYYYYYY--" The camera then broke and turned to static.
The Rhinos were then shown at the elimination ceremony, where Chris sat. "You guys have been through this all before, obviously. But not a bad performance in the challenge tonight, actually! Not good, obviously, since you lost, but it was certainly passable! So. Let's get to it. Marshmallows of the night go to Justin, Amy, Trent, and Anne Maria."
Justin got up gorgeously and walked over to get his marshmallow while Chris tossed marshamallows to the rest, Chris looked at Justin, "Uh, dude, what are you doing?"
"Getting my marshmallow," Justin said in a monotone. He then picked a marshmallow off the plate and walked off. Chris then shrugged.
"Rodney, Dakota, and Staci, you're also safe!" Chris threw a marshmallow to each of the two.
"This is impossible!" Max exclaimed, looking around, "Evil cannot be in the bottom three!"
"Can it or I'm gonna shove you in a cannon... again!" Chris exclaimed, "Luckily for you, you're safe." He tossed a marshmallow to Max, who smiled smugly.
Dawn and Ezekiel remained, Ezekiel looked around, "Aw man again? You guys are just a bunch of freakin' posers!" He crossed his arms angrily.
"Dawn. You're kinda weird, if that wasn't apparent already. And Zeke, you're... well, you're Zeke. The final marshmallow goes to..." said Chris.
Chris opened his mouth, but a "Wait!" was heard. He looked over, and Trent was visible.
"Oh. What's this?" Chris said. "An interruption?"
"Listen, guys," Trent said. "I... I don't think that this is the right place for me, really. I've just realized that I need to stop dwelling on the past and move on from Total Drama, because really, this is just making me think of my past experiences." He handed his marshmallow to Dawn.
"Wait, so, you're quitting?" Chris said.
Trent smiled, "Yeah, I think I am. I know this is the right choice for my mental health," He then turned and waved to the others, "Alright guys, you gotta win this! Good luck!"
"We will!" Rodney yelled.
"Uh, Chris, gimme th' last marshmallow," Ezekiel said. Chris sighed and reluctantly tossed the marshmallow to Ezekiel. "aw yeah man." He then began playing his kazoo again, much to his team's dismay.
Trent walked up to the Boat of Losers, and Dawn appeared behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Goodbye," she said. "If you ever need counseling, you know where to find me!"
"Uh, I do?" Trent said. Before he could say anything else, she was gone. He shrugged, grinned slightly, and boarded the Boat of Losers, which chugged off into the sunset.
"Alright! Well, that was... a shocker!" Chris said. "Did not see that coming, sadly. Anyway, next time we've got some more juicy drama prepared for the contestants! Find out what it is next time on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"
Chapter 4 - Canada's Got No Talent
"Last time on Total Drama: Second Chances," Chris began, standing in his normal spot for the recaps. "The contestants went deep into an old cave in a throwback to season four's mine challenge! Some were shown to be more successful than others, and with Zeke's kazoo rapping, Trent's deep, psychological issues, and Staci being... Staci, the Rhinos were at an all-time low. In the end, Zeke and Dawn were lined up to be eliminated, but Trent quit selflessly after coming to an epiphany about Gwen and his time in the game. Nice kid. I like that guy. Twenty remain! Who will rise? Who will fall? Find out right here on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"
The Rhinos were shown in their shelter, sleeping. Justin was lying on a rock shirtless, Dawn was meditating, while others such as Rodney, Anne Maria, and Ezekiel were piled up on the ground. Staci was audibly snoring, and Dakota was sitting next to her covering her ears angrily.
Dakota was shown in the confessional with bags under her eyes. "Ugh! Can't a girl get a nice beauty sleep around here? There are no mirrors in this cave, I can't afford to reapply my makeup..."
Rodney sat up, looking around, "Uhh... what's that noise?" He then turned over and saw Staci snoring obnoxiously, he then flopped back over.
"Man... we just keep losing," Rodney said sadly in the confessional, "We didn't lose nearly this much in Pahkitew Island! We gotta start winning..."
Max sat up abruptly, "SIIIIILEEEEENNNNCE!" He yelled loudly, scaring everyone awake. Max then fell back asleep, leaving everyone alarmed.
"Staci's pathetic snoring was disrupting evil's BEAUTY SLEEP!" Max yelled in the confessional, "How do you think my skin is so flawless? Evil alone cannot do that!"
"Ugh," Amy said, waking up. "Will you guys shut up? I need time to think of awful things to do to sabotage the other team. AKA, my sister!"
"Calm down, eh," a groggy Ezekiel said, waking up. "Can't we just relax and listen to the wild moose in th' distance?" A loud booming noise was heard, "Beautiful."
Everyone then looked at Ezekiel, weirdly, "What?" Ezekiel said.
"I'd rather jus' relax and stare at Justin," Anne Maria said. "Just look at him! Man, the guy's almost as tanned as Vito." Everyone else nodded in agreement and Ezekiel fell back asleep angrily.
Justin suddenly woke up. "Oh. Hey. Uh, what? Yeah, I'm hot." He closed his eyes again.
Justin was shown in the confessional. "You know, I feel like my true potential to be a great player was crushed in Action, all thanks to Courtney. But this group still doesn't know about my charms. So I'm totally going to play them all like puppets... if I stop admiring my newly brushed, silky hair, of course. It's gonna take a lot of strength to do that."
Meanwhile, in the Wizard's Tower, Leonard and an unenthusiastic-looking Eva were sitting at the very top of the tower, keeping watch.
Eva sighed loudly, "Why are we doing this, it's five in the morning."
"We must be diligent for the enemy!" Leonard exclaimed, "A good wizard doesn't let his guard down!"
"Yeah... but why did I have to do this crap?" Eva asked.
"You are very... broad and imposing, you are an excellent guard!" Leonard said, happily.
Eva grabbed his robe, "What did you just call me?!" She exclaimed as he struggled to breathe.
"My robe is made of paper!" Leonard exclaimed, "Careful! It might shatter!" Eva suddenly dropped him, and Leonard struggled to catch his breath.
"Yeah I'm done here," Eva said, going back into the tower and slamming the door.
"She almost ruined my robe!" Leonard exclaimed in the confessional, "Hey, if that's what does to me when I say she is physically intimidating, who KNOWS what she'll do to someone with superior health and mana to myself!"
The rest of the team was shown curling up around the bottom part of the tower. Noah was sitting against the wall reading, Sam was shown with his GameGuy, and the others were attempting to sleep.
Brick's horn-sounding alarm clock went off and started playing a military tune, and he jumped up. "Rise and shine, soldiers!"
"Ugh..." Noah said. "I got less sleep than that night Owen sat on me."
Katie woke up and pushed Samey out of the way. "Hey, you were an inch too close to me!"
"Oh, my!" Blaineley said in the confessional. "Now that's some juicy drama happening on our team! Katie is hashtag b-i-t-t-e-r because of the loss of her best friend, and Samey is too submissive to do anything! Whoo, will these wild and crazy girls calm themselves down? There's only one way to find out."
Blaineley walked over to the two. "So, Katie, Samey. How about working out your differences with some nice little interrogation?"
"Um... What differences?" Samey said nervously. "I don't even know what I did... Katie kinda just started being unpleasant..."
"Ha, please," Katie snarled. "Get out of here, Spareamy." Samey gasped.
"How did she know that nickname!?" Samey exclaimed in the confessional.
"I'm waking up, and I say hey, it's going to be a magnificent daaay!" Ella sang as she bounded out of bed.
"Yeah... I'm feelin'... a nice day... too," Beardo said, while making rhythmic movements.
Blaineley looked at them, "Budding romance I see? Please, give me the scoop."
"Romance?" Ella asked, "Why, this isn't a romance, but simply a friendship!" Beardo made a dinging noise and Blaineley rolled her eyes.
Blaineley then glanced over to Tyler, who was sleeping in a clump on the side of the room. "Hm, is Tyler going through some relationship troubles? Normal people don't sleep like that..."
Tyler then sprung up, did a cartwheel, and landed on his face. He got up completely unfazed, then shouted, "Alright! I'm ready to rock and roll!"
"Tyler, she wants to know about your 'relationship troubles'," Noah said sarcastically.
"Uh? Wha? Relationship troubles? Hey! Linds and I are really stable! As stable as... like, wooden planks and stuff!" Tyler said defensively.
Blaineley sighed loudly and walked over to her bed.
"Man, why did Blaineley ask about me and Lindsay?" Tyler asked in the confessional, "Did she hear something about us or something? 'Cause we're pretty stable, I think..."
"This team is about as bland as bland can get!" Blaineley exclaimed in the confessional, "Where is the drama? The relationship problems? Come on, step it up! When Samey and Katie are the two most interesting ones on your team, you know there's something wrong!"
Chris was shown with the two teams at what looked like a freshly built amphitheater. "Hey, everyone!" he said. "Ready for some more pain and suffering? Um, I mean... It's challenge time! Today's challenge is a throwback to the first season again, it's the talent show! Teams have the whole day to pick their three most talented players. They will then perform in front of us, being judged by myself, Chef, and classic Total Drama competitor... Lindsay!"
"Lindsay!" Tyler exclaimed, happily.
Lindsay popped up at the table where Chef was lurking, and squealed. "Omigosh, hi Tyler!"
"She remembered your name? Shock of the century," said Noah dryly to a beaming Tyler. Tyler looked back at him.
"Alright alright we don't need all the love stuff, we got PLENTY of that in All-Stars," Chris said, popping up in between Lindsay and Tyler. "Any questions before we begin?"
Leonard raised his hand, "Would you be okay with me summoning a gigantic scary monster or would that be illegal?"
Chris started to speak, but his phone rang. He answered it and loud yelling was heard on the other end, he then put it back in his pocket and looked at Leonard, "I was going to approve it, but the producers have had enough with 'scary lumbering monsters who will kill everything', I guess that's why we couldn't get Ezekiel to come to Pahkitew last time."
"Nah I wasn't gonna be on this lame-o show anyways homes," Ezekiel snorted.
"Then why are you here now?" Justin asked him.
Ezekiel looked at him, "The cash yo! I need that stuff if I'mma gonna produce my kazoo rap album, homie," Justin cringed at the mention of 'kazoo rap' and backed away from him.
"Alright, time for the comp--" Chris began but his phone rang again, he answered it and the same yelling voice was heard. He then hung up again, "Okay, since the producers want the judging panel to be 'fair and just', I have to step down and ANOTHER classic TD contestant must take the third judge's spot."
Suddenly, Harold walked out, "Hey guys, so are you ready to show off your wicked skills?" Everybody stayed silent.
"I will take that as a yes," Harold said.
"Alright, everyone, go do your things," Chris said. "Harold, Lindsay, and Chef will be waiting late tonight!" The teams dispersed.
The Hippos were shown gathered around in the forest. "Okay, guys, I don't want ANY nonsense going on," Eva said sternly. "If you have a talent, show me. If not, don't talk."
Beardo began beatboxing masterfully, and a few of the teammates cheered. "Okay, we all know he can do that," Eva said. "Who else?"
"Hmm, I don't know, it's obvious some of you have just flowing amounts of talent," Noah said. "I'd hate to steal the spotlight from the true talented teens on this team." He took out a book and began reading.
Tyler walked up, "Alright guys check this out!" He then grabbed four yo-yos from his pocket and began swinging them around wildly. Everyone began running away and ducking to get out of his way.
"Uh, yeah, no," Blaineley said. Tyler sighed and one of the yo-yos came back around and hit him in the head.
"Hm, Blaineley, do you have anything better?" Eva said. "I doubt it."
"I am the MASTER of dishing dirt!" Blaineley exclaimed, "Anything about anyone, I can figure it out and
"Well, I myself have been working on a transformation spell!" Leonard said. "If you give me a couple hours to reach my true wizarding potential, I could easily do it."
"Heh, no way!" said Sam. "Yeah, guys, we gotta let this dude show off his talent. He's got some true skills."
"That's good to know," said Brick. "I, for one, have had years of military training, so I could easily transfer that to the stage! I also took a theater class at fashion school... Heh, it was pretty fun."
"I'm good at--" Samey began.
Katie then stood up and yelled, "Nobody cares, Samey!" Samey then looked at her. Noah laughed slightly.
"Uh... okay, heheh," Sam said awkwardly.
"Well, Beardo and I could perform a nice duet we've been working on," Ella said. "His noises are just simply marvelous!"
"As much as I hate your singing, you're probably the best we've got," Eva said, "You're in I guess." Ella and Beardo high five happily.
"Oh stop trying to hide your true feelings for each other!" Blaineley exclaimed and Beardo and Ella looked at her.
"Hey! We still need two more acts, and I know just who would rock them! Me!" Tyler said.
Tyler was shown in the confessional. "Yeah, I know I got all tangled up with the yo-yos last time, but I mean, Lindsay is out there and I wanna be cool for her. She once beat me in arm wrestling. And she used her left foot. Man."
"Well, I can finish level 5-3 in Super Android Hunt in record time," Sam said. "Pretty rad."
"Wow!" Leonard exclaimed, "That is a true talent!"
"Yeah... Sam better go up there and play a video game, that will impress I'm sure," Noah said, not looking up from his book.
"Better than what you can do," Eva said to Noah and he rolled his eyes and looked back at his book.
The Rhinos were then shown in their shelter, brainstorming as well.
"I am the diabolical master of this tribe!" Max said. "I have perfected a new invention, too. There is nary a chance that we will lose if I go up there!"
Amy looked at him, "Yeah none of your CRAPPY inventions worked last time we were on a team together!"
"Yes, yes they did," Max said, defensively, "you guys just didn't NOTICE!"
"We all noticed you SUCKED!" Amy yelled at him.
"Yeah... well you're a stinky bad person!" Max yelled and everyone gasped mockingly.
"Uh, I ain't gonna interfere in you playas' games, but if you want some true talent, y'know where to find me," Ezekiel said, holding up his kazoo.
"Alright, so, Justin's gonna do his routine thingy that he did back in season one," Anne Maria said.
Justin was combing his hair. He looked up, and said, "I am?"
"Oh, of course!" said Staci. "Ja, I mean, I still don't like you, but it's better than what all these posers can do, so sad."
"Shut up Staci," Anne Maria said, "You're interrupting THE JUSTIN!" Justin winked at the camera.
"Okay, so Ezekiel is out right off the bat," Justin said, "and my beautiful hotness will be one act, who are the other two?"
"Hmm, well, I can sit up there and look cute!" giggled Dakota.
"Yeah, no, we have Justin for that," Anne Maria said.
"Hey! Cute and hot are two VERY different things!" snapped Dakota.
"Yeah well Justin is cute AND hot!" Anne Maria exclaimed.
Dakota looked back at her, "Yeah well so am I! Right Sammy?" She looked around and realized Sam wasn't there.
Ezekiel is heard in the distance, "Yeah!"
"Uh, I'm big and I can lift stuff, is that a talent?" Rodney said. "I could also probably perform a poem I wrote the other day..."
"Maybe a talent if we were being completely USELESS!" Amy screeched.
"Ooh, Rodney, I wanna hear your poem, ja," Staci said. "It's probably about me. You know, after all, my second cousin twice removed, Debbie, invented poems. Before her, everyone talked like Rodney whenever he sees girls. Ja."
Dawn looked at Rodney, "Honestly a poem may not be the worst idea we have here, I for one would love to hear the inner mechanisms of your mind."
Rodney looked at Dawn and immediately began crying.
Rodney was then shown in the confessional. "Yeah, I know Amy is there too, and I don't want to hurt her... But those words intertwined in the poem I wrote are just such works of art, and they mean so much about my burning desire for Dawn... I need to tell her how I really feel!"
"Rodney is so closed off it is somewhat difficult to get a true read on him," Dawn said in the confessional, "I feel like hearing this poem would be good for him, to perhaps raise his self-esteem."
"I am to perform my newest invention," snapped Max. "And there's nothing you fools can do about it! I am preparing to reanimate a corpse from deep in the bowels of Pahkitew Island. I just need a thunderstorm, and some evil laughter, and Maxenstein will be born! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!"
"Yeah there is somethin' wrong with you," Anne Maria said, backing away.
"Tsk, tsk," said Max. "Okay, fine. I guess I'll just play my French horn, then."
"Hey, Anne Maria," said Justin. "You got any talents?"
"Does starin' at you count?" Anne Maria said. "Or I could put my hair into a new style. Y'know, I've been thinkin' about that recently, oh and partying! I'm good at partying."
"Eh, you look good the way you are!" Ezekiel shouted. "But I'd love to party with you, fo'shizzle. Remember the mine party we had? That was totally crunk."
"I'd never be caught DEAD partying with you!" Anne Maria said, disgusted with Zeke.
"So you'd be caught alive partying with me? Aw yeah score!" Ezekiel said and Anne Maria slapped him.
"I hate that guy so freakin' much," Anne Maria exclaimed in the confessional, "Heck I'd take DAKOTA over that loser and that's sayin' something!"
"She loves me, she just don't know it yet yo," Ezekiel said in the confessional, "I mean I got her a diamond back on that lame-o summer camp what more can I give!"
"Yo, Rodney," said Ezekiel, walking over to him. "Gimme your poem, I'm gonna translate it to rap."
"Huh?" Rodney said. "Hey, maybe that would be good! It could prevent me from muddling over my words again. I have to find the right words, and you could do it."
"YEEEESSS!" Ezekiel cheered. "Heh, yeah, this'll show Anne Maria who's really the right dude, yo."
"Who, me?" Rodney asked.
"No you freakin' poser, me!" Ezekiel yelled, and Rodney sighed.
The Hippos were then shown near the stage, where Beardo was setting up a display of turntables and beatboxing equipment.
"Hey! Where'd you get that?" Tyler said. Beardo made a dinging noise and gave a thumbs-up.
"Okay, uh, we still only have one act..." Brick said nervously. "I'm telling you guys, I could sew a mean scarf pretty quickly."
"I can dish the DIRT!" Blaineley exclaimed, "Trust me on this, you will not be disappointed!"
"...fine," Eva said, crossing her arms, "but if you guys lose it for us, we WILL be voting one of you off." Brick gulped and Blaineley rolled her eyes.
"Like she can kick ME off!" Blaineley exclaimed, looking at Brick. Brick looked back at her nervously.
"Eva is a very... controlling, intimidating... scary soldier," Brick said in the confessional, "but she is very useful in the challenges we face. Hopefully she doesn't murder one of our team by the end of this game."
"Uh, Eva, what are your talents?" Brick said nervously. Eva said nothing and just glanced at Brick menacingly.
"That," said Noah. "Eva, I'm sure you could terrify Chef into giving you the points."
"Shut it, Noah!" yelled Eva. "I am this close to throwing you through a wall."
Noah laughed slightly and looked back at his book.
"God, this team is USELESS!" Eva exclaimed in the confessional, "I really have no idea who is the most useless of them all, it's that bad. It is taking every ounce of my patience to not break someone's spine out here..."
"Alright, Beardo, it's time to do some vocal cord exercises!" said Ella gleefully. "Repeat after me." She then started singing.
Beardo started beatboxing, and then wailed in a falsetto.
"Okay, that's great! A bit more!" said Ella. "Your singing is lovely!"
Beardo cleared his throat, and started belting out an incredibly convincing male opera singer voice. The Rhinos looked around trying to find that voice, and noticed it was Beardo from the other team.
"We're doomed," Justin said.
"It isn't over until it's over," Dawn said, popping up behind Justin.
"That girl seriously scares me," Justin said in the confessional, "Plus she isn't even affected by my hunky gorgeousness!"
"Really? Not over?" Justin asked, gesturing over to Max fiddling with his french horn and Ezekiel doing awkward dance moves.
Dawn sighed, "Good point."
"Two minutes!" Chris yelled to the back stage, "Then it's time to pick who goes first!"
"Alright, everyone, well, I want to get this out of the way, so I'll go first," said Brick. "It won't take long, I promise."
"YEAH! Show those threads of yarn who's boss!" Tyler said.
"Yo, I'm goin' last, homies," Ezekiel said to the Rhinos. "This work o' literary art gotta be appreciated."
Anne Maria was shown in the confessional. "Y'know, if that poser's poem is about ME, he's gonna wish he was neva' born!"
The scene then changed to the front of the stage, where Chef appeared. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys an' girls, please welcome the... er, the amazingly talented cast of Total Drama: Second Chances and their wonderful skills. 'Ey, who wrote these cue cards?"
"Just say it!" Chris said from the sidelines.
"Ah, right," Chef said looking at the cue cards and partially covering his face, "Tonight we shall be hearing lovely performences from Justin, Max, and Ezekiel for the Rhinos, and Brick, Blaineley, and a duet featuring Beardo and Ella. Isn't that... exciting?"
"Yes," Harold said from the judges' booth, his mouth open.
"Alright, give a warm welcome to... Max!" Chef said. He walked off and to the other judges, and Max trudged out with his French horn around him.
"Hello," Max said, waving to the judges, "Today I shall be playing Beethoven's 15th EVIL sonata in G Major." Harold, Lindsay, and Chef clapped half-heartedly as Max began to play.
In the middle of Max's playing, he said, "Are you terrified yet?" then continued to play fairly decently. Once he finished, he bowed, then collapsed due to the weight of the horn.
"Uh... That was passable, I'd say," said Chef. "I give it a seven."
"I always enjoyed the sound of the french horn," Harold said, "It's the middle-man between the trumpet and the trombone in terms of pitch, really. I give it a six."
Lindsay scratched her head, "I actually have no idea what that was, so I give it a five!"
"Next up, we have..." said Chef, reading off his cue cards. "Brick. Who will be... sewin'."
Brick marched out with a basket filled with yarn and needles. "Actually, it's crocheting," Brick said. "Alright, everyone! After my tenure at fashion school, I've been able to do this in record time. Behold my skills."
He took out the yarn and heavily concentrated at it, beginning to sweat. Eva and Noah in the audience yawned. "Hey, don't lose hope yet!" Brick said. "Ha, I'm just getting started."
He continued to crochet a masterful looking scarf, "Crocheting takes time my friends!" Chef yawned loudly as Brick tried to speed up. He then pricked himself with the needle and cried out in pain.
"Hurry up!" Chef yelled out.
Brick held up a haphazardly put together scarf and all three judges looked at him, "Ta-da?" Brick said, unsure.
"That's the least manly think I ever seen an' I tried to man up DJ!" Chef yelled, "Two points."
"That's like, not cute," Lindsay said, "Five points. I like the pink though!"
"Crocheting really is underrated in terms of fabrics," Harold said matter-of-factly, "Six points because your technique is pretty off." Brick sighed and walked off stage, sniffling.
Justin then walked out. "Hey," he said.
"Oooh, I'm excited for this!" said Lindsay.
"Aw, come on!" Tyler said from the bleachers.
"Uh, just kidding..." Lindsay said. "I don't need Justin. I've got a great man right here!" Tyler beamed with excitement.
"Just... Just start the performance already..." Eva said, sighing lovingly at Justin. She then slapped herself. "Wait, he's on the opposite team! DANG IT!"
"Ready to be wowed by my dazzling beauty?" Justin said. "I doubt it. Lights, please." He snapped his fingers, and the lights dimmed, but a couple of spotlights shone on him. He then ripped off his shirt and started moving around seductively.
Lindsay and Chef looked at him, completely enamored in his performance while Harold sat there rolling his eyes.
Justin's signature music began playing as he pulled a rope and water dropped on his chest and immediately evaporated. Then the music stopped and he looked at the judges, and winked.
"Ten!" Lindsay screamed and Tyler looked at her, sadly, "I mean... nine." Justin smiled.
"I'm gonna give it a six," Chef said as Harold looked at him, "What? He's hot man."
"Being hot ISN'T a talent," Harold said rolling his eyes, "You gotta have mad skills, like myself. I give you a zero."
Justin frowned. "Oh, so I guess ugly people's jealousy IS real..." Harold gasped.
"I am not jealous!" Harold exclaimed, defensively.
Justin then walked off of the stage, and Beardo and Ella appeared on it shortly after. "Hello, everyone!" said Ella. "Today, Beardo and I will be performing an original musical number."
Beardo dragged out some turntables, picked up a microphone, and started beatboxing. Harold's jaw dropped.
"Hey! Those are MY turntables!" Chef exclaimed, angrily.
Ella cleared her throat, and Beardo continued beatboxing. "We're the Humiliated Hippos! We sound pathetic, as you can seeeee... But we will prove our name wrong, and the winners we will be! My handsome friend Beardo has a nice talent too, and I'm so very glad he could share it with yoooooou!"
She then started dancing around Beardo, who belted out in the same operatic voice as earlier. "Toooootal... Drama.... Second Chaaaaaances!" A tear fell from Harold's eye.
"We are quite greatful for this opportunity, but it will be much better with immunity!" Ella sang, "So give us the points, and then we shall win these... joints?" Ella suddenly realized that made no sense and Beardo stopped scratching on the turntables. Ella and Beardo bowed.
"Other than stealin' my turntables that was pretty good," Chef said while nodding, "I'll get ya a seven." Ella clapped excitedly.
"Uhm... I actually have no idea what that was but I liked the singing!" Lindsay exclaimed, "Five!"
"That... was... amazing," Harold said, still in awe, "I give you a ten! The turntables really brought it all together, though. So good call, my friends." Beardo and Ella hugged in excitement
"I knew it!" Blaineley exclaimed from the sidelines. "Step aside, I'm up next, everyone."
"Uh, the Rhinos should be goin'," said Chef.
"No way! I ain't ready!" said a voice that sounded like Ezekiel. "Let Blaineley go, eh."
"Oh, how marvelous!" said Blaineley, and she got up onto the stage. "So, for today I'm going to be doing something completely different. Ever wondered the secret lives of the teenagers of Total Drama? Well, if so, then you're in luck, because I'm about to dish the dirtiest dirt in all of dirtdom!
Everyone gasped slightly, except Eva who just stared angrily.
"Alright! So, my friend Josh is NOT here. But why would I need him? It's been shown that I'm a pro at the drama even without him," Blaineley said. "Let's see here. Where do we start..."
Everyone shifted awkwardly, Blaineley then gasped and smiled. "Ah, yes, how could I forget? Did you guys HEAR about Katie and Samey's huge feud? Like, I was with them down in the cave and they were totally going at it!"
Ezekiel laughed slightly, "Heh, going at it." Everyone looked at him.
"The mud was being SLUNG down there!" Blaineley exclaimed, "I also heard Sam and Dakota's relationship was on the ROCKS!" Sam and Dakota simultaneously gasped.
"Oh, and Beardo and Ella - they say nothing's going on between them, but I'm telling you, honey, there's no way Beardo has been able to look at Ella and not be attracted to her! She's a cutie-pie, I don't blame him!" Beardo looked around shiftily.
Ella seemed to be hurt. "Oh, Beardo, if that's true, why not just tell me?" she said sweetly.
"And Leonard? Oh, I've heard that underneath his wizard's robe, he wears nothing but hula girl-themed boxers!" Blaineley said.
"They're not hula girls, they're female berserker warriors from the dimension of Spitz!" said Leonard.
"Let's not forget about Noah and his hidden attraction for Cody. I heard that he had a dream last night about him..." Blaineley said.
"Heh. Original. Where'd you get that one," said Noah in a monotone.
"I heard Brick PEED HIS PANTS in the cave too!" Blaineley exclaimed, laughing slightly. Brick sighed. "And I'm just getting started!"
Chef hit a button and a large X dropped from the ceiling and broke a hole in the stage, "Alright I'm done with this crap! Givin' it a zero!"
"As am I," Harold said, crossing his arms, "That wasn't cool. Mistaking berserker warriors for hula girls? Unacceptable."
"Um... I give it a five!" Lindsay exclaimed and Chef and Harold looked at her, "What?"
"Pssh," Blaineley said, walking off-stage. "I knew it wouldn't be appreciated. Let's just see how lame this final act is, then."
Ezekiel appeared on stage. "Greetings, eh. Today, I'm gonna present to all y'all a poem. It's called 'True Love', and written by... uh, nobody." Rodney nodded happily.
"Okay uh," Ezekiel cleared his throat loudly, and suddenly a kazoo blared loudly over the loud speaker, causing everyone to cover their ears "YO YO YO! It's me da Z-MAN here to bring y'all a poem, Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm pretty cool, and wanna make love to you!" Rodney gasped loudly.
"I didn't write that!" Rodney exclaimed in the confessional, "What's he doing?"
"Aight, now that that's out of tha' way, time for the real poem!" Ezekiel exclaimed, and Chef looked extremely unimpressed.
"Uh, ahem," said Ezekiel. "My heart burns like a recently lit candle. Every day, as I milk th' cows on th' farm, I think of your ethereal, almost clear skin tone an' your flowing luscious blonde locks. I've never felt this way before. Uh, I do not want my flame to be doused. My habits of getting flustered near thou are just quirks, and I do truly love you, my fire is as bright as my hair. Uh, yeah." Dawn raised an eyebrow and Rodney smiled broadly as everyone sat there awkwardly.
Chef stood up and clapped, "That was beautiful man!" He reached into his pocket and took out a hankerchief and wiped his eyes, "Ten outta ten!"
"I agree," Harold said, "I may not like you but that reminded me of the poems I sent to my precious Leshawna! Ten points!"
"I give it a... uh, eight?" Lindsay said, "That weird dying chicken noise at the beginning hurt my ears!"
"Aight, I'll take it homes," Ezekiel said.
"I think we have a winner!" Chris exclaimed, "Somehow... Ezekiel wins it for the Rhinos?"
"Wait, I did?" Ezekiel exclaimed, "AW YEAH!"
"Wait, what, that doesn't even make sense because of the point configura--" Noah began.
"I don't need any technicalities, Noah!" said Chris. "Point is, the Rhinos win the challenge for tonight!"
The Rhinos cheered loudly and the Hippos sat there quietly.
"I still don't know how we lost," Blaineley said in the confessional, "that stupid poem won it for them? Really?"
"It's good we won," Dakota said in the confessional, "but what about Sammy? What will happen to him? I hope he's safe."
"Losing kinda sucks, heheh," Sam said in the confessional, "but really everyone is kinda at each other's throat so maybe it's good we're going?"
"Rodney's poem, and yes I knew it was Rodney's, Ezekiel doesn't have the capacity to write that well, was very sweet," Dawn said in the confessional, "it gave me a bit more insight to him as a person, and that is definitely something I can use to help him."
The Hippos were shown trudging back to the wizard's tower, Brick looking visibly upset. "Marvelous effort, everyone!" said Leonard.
"But..." Eva began. "We LOST."
"True, but winning isn't everything!" Ella said.
"Actually it is whenever you're on a reality show, honey," Blaineley said, flatly.
"You know, she kind of has a point," Noah said.
Noah was shown in the confessional. "Meh. I don't really know who to vote tonight. Not really too keen on most of 'em. I like Tyler, though."
"I say we should boot Sparemy!" Katie said. Samey looked up.
"I'm RIGHT HERE!" Samey yelled.
Katie crossed her arms, "I know."
"Seriously, what is her problem?" Samey exclaimed in the confessional, "This is just getting ridiculous!"
"Hey, bud," Noah said to Tyler, a little less nonchalant than usual. "What's up?"
"Yo, did you see Lindsay staring at me earlier in the challenge? Oh, wait. She wasn't. I feel pretty bad, bro," Tyler said. "She might as well call me Noah again."
"Oh, well, that--" Noah began. "Hey! Seriously, I don't know why I try anymore." He went back to reading his book.
Eva was shown in the confessional. "Yeah, I'm voting Mildred tonight. She's just LUCKY she didn't say anything about me, otherwise she would be leaving here with a toe tag."
Blaineley was seen talking to Leonard and Sam, "Alright boys, time to talk some strategy!"
"Uh, why? Heheh." Sam asked.
"Because this is a REALITY show, you have to strategize!" Blaineley exclaimed, "That's why you got out early both times."
"Uh, actually, you competed in less episodes than I did either time I played." Sam said.
"So? We're voting Eva tonight, got it?" Blaineley exclaimed. Sam and Leonard nodded.
"Blaineley is kind of scary, but Eva is really scary," Sam said in the confessional, "I'm not really sure who to vote."
Brick was seen sitting on his bunk, visibly upset. Tyler walked over, "Hey man."
"Hello soldier," Brick said, half-heartedly saluting, "I'm feeling quite defeated at this point."
"Yeah, me too man," Tyler said, "My girlfriend wouldn't even look at me while Justin was on the stage!"
"Yeah, well at least you didn't embarrass yourself on national television," Brick replied.
Tyler laughed, "Oh yeah, I've done that plenty of times man!"
"That's great to know," Brick said, smiling a bit. "Ready to teach these soldiers who's boss?"
"Haha, yeah!" Tyler said. "Gonna take this competition to the extreme."
"Tyler is a great soldier," Brick said in the confessional, "his loyalty and friendship has raised my mood ten-fold from what it was after the challenge!"
Chris was then shown with the contestants at the elimination ceremony. "Well, good evening, Hippos! Since it's your first time here, I'll get to the rules. Oh, wait, you've all competed before." He then looked at the winner's booth, and noticed Tyler was missing, "Wait, where is Tyler?"
Tyler and Lindsay are then shown sitting together on the 1000 foot tall cliff giggling and smiling, "I love you, Lindsay!"
Lindsay smiled back, "I love you too, Noah!" Tyler sighed loudly and Lindsay looked at him, confused.
"Uh, will my cool yo-yo tricks help you out?" Tyler said, and he took out his yo-yo. The second he started playing with it, the two both got tangled up in it and began to make out. Tyler shrugged and continued to make out.
"Hey, she may have a reeeeally bad memory... But she's still a great girl," Tyler said in the confessional.
"Eh, Never mind! I'll be passing out marshmallows, I suppose. Speaking of that, they go to Beardo, Ella, Katie, Samey, and Leonard!"
Katie rolled her eyes as Samey caught her marshmallow, and Beardo and Ella smiled at each other.
"Sam, Noah, and Tyler, you get marshmallows too!" Chris exclaimed as he threw marshmallows at all three, missing each of them.
"Hm, this is my first immunity symbol ever," Noah said flatly, holding the marshmallow. "I'm thoroughly unimpressed."
"Brick. Blaineley. Eva. One of you three is going home tonight..." began Chris. "And it's definitely not Brick! Your crocheting was pretty horrendous, but good enough to keep you out of the bottom two!"
"Wait, really?" Brick exclaimed, "I'm honored, soldiers!"
"What? Why am I here?!" Eva and Blaineley said at the exact same time.
"Eva, Blaineley," said Chris. "The final marshmallow goes to..."
"Eva." Chris tossed Eva the marshmallow, which she crushed in her hands angrily.
"What? Are you kidding me?" Blaineley yelled, looking at her team, "This is unacceptable! Obviously you guys can't handle the cold, hard truth!"
"Yeah yeah, boat of losers is that-a-way," Chris said, pointing to the dock.
Blaineley rolled her eyes and walked over to the boat, "Ridiculous! At least I still have Celebrity Manhunt to go back to..."
"It should've been Samey!" Katie exclaimed.
"I am RIGHT HERE!" Samey yelled.
"Well, another one down, and not really the most exciting bonfire ceremony ever," Chris said, "but now we're down to 19! Who will go next time! Will Ezekiel finally go home? Find out next time on Total! Drama! Second Chances!"
Chapter 5 - The Irate Outdoors
"Last time on Total Drama: Second Chances!" Chris said, starting up the episode. "The teams were forced to compete in a talent showdown and proved, to nobody's surprise, that they weren't actually all that talented. Former contestants Lindsay and Harold appeared and judged the players, and Beardo and Ella's duet was pretty well-received. In addition, Justin was hot... as usual, but when Zeke shocked all by revealing Rodney's deepest thoughts in the form of poetry, the Rhinos won for the first time! The Hippos sent home Blaineley, which is a HUGE relief, for spilling the beans on the happenings at camp. What tricks will I have up my sleeve today? Who will manage to be the most annoying this time? Find out on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"
The sun rose while the camera panned through the serene fields of Pahkitew Island. The island's flora was in full bloom, while the animatronic wildlife was skipping cheerfully through the grasslands and birds were chirping pleasantly in the trees. This peaceful atmosphere was suddenly interrupted by Chef suddenly screeching out in pain, dropping the day's slop to the ground.
Anne Maria peered inside of the kitchen, "Uh, where's the grub?"
Chef choked back tears as he clinched his hand in pain, "It'll be here when it's GOOD AND READY TO BE HERE!!!"
"Come ON! I gotta get my daily protein levels to an all-time high!" shouted a voice that sounded like Tyler.
"Private, it takes a while to polish a gem, and the same goes for Chef's cuisine," Brick said. "Like my uncle always said, good things come to those who wait."
"Someone understands..." Chef muttered from the kitchen, tearing up even more.
"Alright I'm out of here, the dim light in this place is NOT worth my tan!" Dakota said while heading for the door.
"YOUR tan? HA! You're freakin' pale compared to me!" Anne Maria yelled back at Dakota.
Dakota looked at Anne Maria, angrily, "Yeah well who asked you, you reality tv reject!"
"Um, duh. I've seen your article in th' National Instigator or whatevah," Anne Maria said. "They once described your skin as 'porcelain.' Like a toilet."
"Ladies, I cannot deal with this in-fighting between minions!" Max shouted. "In order to run a successful evildoing business, the evildoers themselves must cooperate smoothly and without any shenanigans."
"UGH! WhatEVER! I'm going to go to the bathroom!" Dakota said, and stormed out.
"Heh-heh. She jus' wants to be with her own kind, eh. Y'know, toilets," Ezekiel said, obnoxiously nudging Anne Maria with his elbow.
Anne Maria scowled at him. "Zeke, you're WORSE than Dakota. Stop talkin' to me, you wack-ass suburban white boy."
Ezekiel glared, "Who are you callin' suburban?!"
Anne Maria is seen in the confessional, "I hate everyone here! These people just don't know greatness when they see it!" Anne Maria took a hairspray can out and began emptying the can on her hair.
Dakota was then shown storming into the confessional. "Ugh! This is the only place I can go to escape those losers! I just--" She then noticed the camera. "Just kidding! Can't get ANY privacy around here..."
Sam nudged Leonard, "Heh, those two are crazy."
"Yeah! Crazier than the gnomes from planet Klebnar!" Leonard replied.
"Nice try, friend, but if you're referring to the gnomes from the Kosmic Kaos expansion pack released in February subtitled 'Xarthog's Revenge,' those are actually from the planet Klomphar. The trolls are from Klebnar," Noah said dryly.
"Ah, but wait! I guess you haven't progressed in the game enough, since the Great Gnome Emigration of 3156 takes place at the end and the gnomes travel from Klomphar TO Klebnar! Guess you're not a full-blown wizard... Or even an apprentice," Leonard said. Sam gasped.
"He burned you!" Sam exclaimed.
"I'm surrounded by idiots, I swear my IQ is dropping more and more with each coming day," Noah said in the confessional.
Samey sat down at a table alone, Katie walked up to her, "Don't get too comfortable SAMEY, you're going home the next time we lose, I will make sure of it!"
"What's your problem with me!" Samey exclaimed, and Katie walked off smirking.
"I seriously don't understand what's wrong with her," Samey exclaimed in the confessional, "She hates me and I don't even know why!"
"She knows what she did," Katie said in the confessional, "She RUINED everything for me and Sadie! We were gonna look at hot guys together!" Katie began sulking to herself.
Katie stared across the mess hall to Justin, who was checking his hair in the reflection of his phone. "It's just not the same... Even Justin looks less cute without Sadie around..." she said.
"Less... cute?" Justin said, mortified.
"Oh, no, that's NOT what I mean! I promise!" Katie said. "Justin... Just... JUST PLEASE LET ME SIT HERE AND CRY BY MYSELF AND GO BE HOT SOMEWHERE ELSE, OKAY?!" She began bawling.
"Alright, alright..." Justin said, walking away while still looking in his mirror, clearly concerned for his looks.
Justin is seen in the confessional, still mortified, "Without my looks, I'm nothing! If I'm no longer hot, what will I do? Get by on my smarts? That's ridiculous!"
The sound of a horn loudly reverberating throughout the hall was then heard. "Attention, campers!" said an all-too-familiar voice.
"Aw, but Chris, this morning has been so relaxing..." said Sam. "Can't it stay that way?"
"Relaxation is NOT in your contract!" Chris said, smirking, "Now meet me out at the elimination area in ten!"
The teams stood up and made their way to the door. "Um..." stuttered Rodney. "Ladies first," he beckoned to Dawn.
"Oh, thank you, Rodney. That is very pure of you," Dawn said.
Dawn said in the confessional, "Rodney's outdated standards of chivalry are somewhat problematic, but they are endearing at the same time."
Dawn walked out of the door, and Rodney backed up, but accidentally tripped and fell on top of Ezekiel. "OW! THAT AIN'T COOL, EH!"
"Oh, sorry!" Rodney exclaimed, quickly scrambling to his feet.
Zeke then pushed past Rodney, "Freakin' posers..."
Chris was then shown outside in front of the other contestants. "Okay! So, you guys probably know that you're about to have some major pain inflicted on you." He chuckled. "You all remember the wilderness survival challenge from season one, right? The one with the bears?"
"Yes," Katie said. "Of course I do. That was when Sadie and I got into a HUGE fight. It was soooo sad. I cannot believe that that happened. But now we're BFFFLs again. Or, at least, we WERE." She glared at Samey once again.
"Dude, why are you reusing so many TDI challenges again? The general fanbase likes variety and action. Our challenges were more boring than Trent," Noah said.
"That may be true, but you forget..." Chris threw his hands in the air dramatically, "the nostalgia factor!"
"The nostalgia factor?" Noah said flatly.
"The nostalgia factor!" Chris repeated, cheerfully, "You see, people always long for things in the past even if they were total crap! It's just how things work... but you know I also had the Area 51 challenge lined up..."
"No! No! The woods are good, the woods are good!" Tyler piped up, shaking slightly.
"Tyler, you'll be fine," said Leonard, patting him on the back. "Aliens aren't THAT scary. They can usually be bested by some low-level spells, anyway."
"Enough with the aliens!" Chris exclaimed, "We aren't using the Area 51 challenge, besides, I've been banned from there now anyways. They say I am a "threat to international security" or something else stupid like that. No matter, let's get on with the challenge! You will be spending a night in the woods with no supplies, not even a light!" Chris smiled with glee, "So you better get a move on campers, it's getting dark!"
"Wait, Chris. No fair, you totally gave us maps last time!" Katie said.
"So? We like to put edgy twists onto challenges!" Chris said. "Plus, we feel as if you have all matured and grown as human beings. Maps are for the weak. Now scram!"
The nineteen contestants began walking into the woods while Chris stood there, clearly proud of himself.
Brick stood in front of his team, "Alright men!" Eva glared at him, "and ladies! We have a long night ahead of us and I have the outdoormanship to lead us to safety! Follow me, troops!"
"Hey! Why should we just blindly follow you?" Eva yelled at him as the team began to walk away.
"I dunno, he seems pretty qualified to me," Sam said.
"I disagree! Why does Brick have to be the leader? Because he's, oh, MANLY or something? I'm sure I have twice as much armpit hai--" Eva began.
"Guys, we mustn't create discord this early!" Ella said. "Let's just pretend we're on a magical adventure... To Grandma's house, to drop off a basket full of goodies!"
"I like goodies!" Leonard exclaimed.
"I don't know... maybe Eva has a point--" Samey began as Katie interrupted her.
"I personally think Brick would be a GREAT leader!" Katie exclaimed.
"Eva is an irritating, domineering person," Samey said in the confessional. "But she's NOT an outwardly terrible person to people. So I like that about Eva. She's way better than Amy! You go, Eva."
Eva sighed loudly to herself as she began walking, "We're doomed..."
"I dunno man, what do you think?" Tyler said to Beardo.
Beardo created the sound of an audience roaring with laughter. After a pause, he said, "Let's... just take it easy, man."
Tyler patted Beardo on the back, "I like this guy."
The Rhinos were then shown trudging through the woods. "Can't we just drop down here? I need to take a nap... These bones are fragile," Justin said.
"Yeah, I second that," said Dakota.
"Yah," said Staci. "My bones are, like, super fragile too. Luckily, I have a layer of solid muscle protecting them from intruders. Try to punch me in the gut, I dare you. Yah, I won't feel a thing, hehe."
"Do not provoke me!" Max exclaimed evilly, "For I am a sleeping GIANT!"
"Aw, you're like, adorable!" Staci said, pinching Max's cheek, "What are you like five?"
Max was then shown in the confessional. "The fact that that pleb had the unmitigated GALL to say something like that, to ME, proves how worthless of a life form she is. I will have my REVENGE!"
"Okay, guys, uh, the sun's going down..." Rodney said. "Let's find somewhere to sleep. Though a good sunset is always beautiful and ro-ro-romantic..." He shed a single tear.
"No, eh, we should sleep on th' grass tonight," Ezekiel said. "Like, that's what I do when I've been takin' care of our cow, Big Bertha, all day, and I'm too lazy to haul m'self back inside, so I just go snoozin' on the wild Canadian frontier."
"Not a bad idea! Being on the farm makes you hardy and resilient," Rodney said.
"NO! That's stupid! I don't want to listen to anything you boneheads have to say," Amy said. "But then again, I really don't want to do anymore walking..." She collapsed onto the ground.
"All this talk of farms is makin' me feel gross," Anne Maria said, "I'm gonna go somewhere else."
"Can I come wi--" began Ezekiel. "Can it," said Anne Maria curtly.
Amy is seen in the confessional, "Man I am so BORED! What can I possibly do around here? Wait... I've got it! I can mess with that loser SAMEY and her team of losers! I am so smart!"
Amy then is seen finding berries on a suspicious looking bush, "Perfect!" She then picked all of them and ran to where she say the Hippos setting up camp.
Samey and Katie are seen arguing as everyone else rolled their eyes, "I hate you!" Katie exclaimed as Samey began to cry and ran out of the camp area. Samey then bumped into Amy.
"What are you doing here?!" Samey exclaimed in a whisper.
Amy raised an eyebrow and suddenly screamed, "No Samey I do NOT want to hear about your plan to eliminate Katie!" Samey looked at her sister in shock, which turned to rage while her team muttered back at their campsite.
"You know, I came down here to throw some berries at the bears, but this was way more fun! Haha!" Amy laughed as she walked away.
Amy walked back to the Rhinos, who seemed to be lying on the ground with minimal movement. "You guys are SO BORING!" she yelled.
"Calm down, Amy," said Dawn calmly. "A keen relaxation of the senses is what everyone needs after a long day."
"But it's like noon, eh," Ezekiel said.
"Oh, silly Ezekiel. I operate on a far different time zone," giggled Dawn. "It is the time zone of the mind."
"Eh? I ain't neva seen that one on my uPhone's clock," Anne Maria said.
"Yah, it's because she's stupid," said Staci. "Just look at her and her ratty hair and her sweater which is the color of that one time that my dog barfed -- oh, and my dog is a really rare pure breed that's only found in the deepest caves in the Himalayas and nobody else on the planet has ever seen one -- and her purple tights which are really gross and yeah. Just ew."
"Enough of your babbling! It is time to build an evil shelter!" Max exclaimed.
"I agree! Except for the evil part..." Rodney said, picking up wood. He suddenly dropped the planks, "Ow! Splinter! Ouchie!"
"No no no! You buffoon pick UP the wood!" Max said, pulling out a spray bottle and spraying Rodney with the suspicious liquid.
"Wow you guys are both ugly and stupid," Justin said, flexing, "I never thought it'd be possible for me to actually miss being on a team with Owen, but you guys managed it."
"Well... You are uglier and stupider! I saw your pathetic excuses for antagonistic behavior on Total Drama Action," Max said, waggling a finger condescendingly. "Oh, yes. I studied every episode three or more times so I could become a mixture of every single notorious villain from seasons past. Well, except you. Because you're a STINKY POO HEAD!"
"Oh, um, I didn't even watch my own season. Awkward," said Justin. "Kinda slipped my mind. Plus, being gorgeous and all, I'm usually pretty busy. I couldn't find time in my tight schedule."
Max looked at Justin in obvious disgust and went into the woods to find more wood for his evil shelter.
"Justin is quite frankly the WORST antagonist I have ever seen!" Max exclaimed in the confessional, "Quite pathetic, really. He's just jealous he'll never reach the level of EVILOCITY I am at! BWA HA HA!"
The scene then moved to early evening, where the Hippos were shown in the woods.
"Soldiers, it's getting... um, dark..." Brick said, beginning to shudder. "Before the sun completely goes down--"
"And turns you into a blubbering mess again? Wouldn't want that, huh?" Noah said with absolutely no emotion.
"Hey! I am the captain of this squad and I say we need to find shelter!" Brick exclaimed defensively.
"That would be the first good thing you've suggested all day," Eva said.
Eva is seen in the confessional, "Brick is a weakling, he lacks any form of leadership needed to be a leader. He is pathetic and I have to take the reins here before things get out of hand, and let's face it, if it were up to Brick we'd all be in diapers crying for our mommies."
"How about... that cave over there!" Brick said, pointing at an empty cave.
"Ah yes, an empty cave, perfect way to get eaten by bears," Noah replied, opening a book and yawning.
"Dude, it's not a bad idea! There's always cool treasure in caves, heheh," said Sam.
"I don't know about you guys, but I think this is a horrible idea and Brick should be punished for thinking of something this idiotic," Eva said stoically. "Personally, I find Brick to be incapable of being leader in general."
Ella grabbed Eva's shoulders and began singing. "Don't be sad, don't be upset!" She then looked up at the sky, where thunder clouds began to crackle. "Brick's plan may keep us from getting wet!"
Eva snapped at Ella's hand, "Do NOT touch me. Alright, that's it. All in favor of me being leader, raise your hands"
Noah raised his hand hesitantly, "What?" He asked. Samey also raised her hand.
Brick stood triumphantly, "Well it looks like you're outnumbered here! Let's go men!"
"Don't worry, Eva! Beardo and I can stay here with you! ♫" said Ella.
"Perfect," muttered Eva, with a look of horror on her face.
"C'mon! Lighten up, kid! You're in for quite the fun time!" Beardo said, with a flawless impression of a 1920's vaudeville announcer.
Eva sighed loudly, "Alright, let's get going." Eva, Noah, Ella, Beardo, and Samey began walking in the opposite direction while Brick, Leonard, Sam, Tyler, and Katie stood there.
"Wait! You'll get lost! You have no light source!" Brick screamed back at them, "Not on my watch! Come back here!"
"WHO CARES?!" yelled Eva. "I'm an independent woman and I can function perfectly fine with no light source."
Ella then began to sing, calling fireflies to their camp, she then began to put them into jars.
"Alright, my intrepid party! I will lead the way as our fearless wizard leader! Okay, I will be the mage of the party. Sam, you can be the berserker. You've got the chunky body frame for it," Leonard said.
"Heh-heh. So, I get to wield an axe and stuff? Cool," said Sam happily. "I don't even mind that you made a fat joke. Good job, man."
"Oh, no, it was a compliment. But anyway, Brick, you can be the valiant knight, since you are chivalrous and friendly," Leonard continued. "Tyler, you can be the page, who is very graceful and nimble. And Katie... You'll be that one fairy girl who, uh, tags along with the group."
"Gee, THANKS!" Katie said.
"Hey! The fairy girl is always really cute!" Leonard stuttered.
"Gee... Thanks?" Katie said, slightly blushing.
Katie was then shown in the confessional. "Okay, Leonard is like the grossest dork of all time, and he's, like, not even CUTE. Like, he's probably a 2, while Justin is like a 12. But it feels nice to be complimented for once... Everyone always lumps me in with Sadie. Hel-LO? We're not, like, one person!"
Meanwhile, Eva is seen marching her group closer to the edge of the woods, Ella continuing to call upon animals to help them through the darkness and Noah holding up his booklight to no avail in the advanced darkness.
"Keep moving!" Eva yelled back as Beardo began to fall behind. Beardo started blaring a realistic sounding bullhorn noise to signal he was falling behind. Eva sighed loudly and ran back and picked up Beardo and ran back to the front of the group with him lifted over her head.
"Where... Where are we even going?!" shouted an out-of-breath Samey.
"No time for talking! MOVE!" yelled Eva aggressively. Suddenly, there was a loud "whump," and Eva turned around to see Noah unconscious on the ground.
"We must stop and help him!" said Ella, who was shown riding on a furiously galloping deer. "No matter how lazy and useless he is!"
A dazed Noah lifted his head up. "Wha?"
"Crap!" Eva yelled as she picked Noah up, who was still confused.
"If everyone else on the team is useless, I'll just make them NOT useless!" Eva exclaimed in the confessional.
Meanwhile, in the cave, Brick looked further in the cave, "Hey guys look! I found some supplies!"
"Really?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, look!" Brick exclaimed, "I found food and water and... underpants?"
Leonard looked at the underpants, "They look... used."
"Well we still found food and water! Ha! That'll show Eva and her group!" Brick exclaimed, "She didn't hear that right?"
"Oh YEAH! Now that's what I'm talking about! Those look like my briefs after a hard day at the gym, man. Gross, but effective," Tyler said.
"I feel like we could fashion something cool out of these, huh?" said Sam. "Like... a tent?"
"Their elasticity is perfect for a shelter!" Brick exclaimed, "Quick! Get some stakes!"
"This is weird, it smells like... like a cross between B.O. and roses," Sam said. "Like, weirdly romantic. Kinda like how Dakota smells. Heh-heh."
"Are you implying your girlfriend smells like B.O.?" Tyler said.
"Uh..." Sam backtracked.
"Please don't let her know I said that!" Sam exclaimed in the confessional.
Katie was then shown in a confessional. "Um, this is, like, the first time I've ever gotten an inside scoop on what boys talk about. And now, I REALLY hope it's the last."
A low, guttural growling noise emanated throughout the cave. "What was that?!" Tyler said. "Aliens?"
"Orcs?!" Leonard exclaimed.
"Let's not get too far-fetched..." Sam said, "It's probably aliens!"
Brick looked out of the underpants tent, "Oh what a relief!"
Tyler looked at Brick, "Well, what is it?"
"Don't worry men! It's not aliens or orcs! It's just a bear!" Brick said. After a slight pause everyone began screaming.
Sure enough, the bear was shown lurking in the shadows of the cave. After a second, it pounced and growled, but then stood still for a moment.
"Uh... Somebody touch it!" squealed Katie.
A loud, high-pitched cackling was then heard. "Whuh?" Tyler said, with a look of utter confusion on his face.
"AHAHAHAHAHA!" said a voice that seemed to come from the bear. "Finally, some company in my nightly raid! Everyone's out doing CHALLENGES or having FUUUN and there's no time to socialize. You know, I get lonely too."
"Dude! Is that..." Tyler said.
The "bear"'s head popped off, revealing none other than Izzy. "Ooh! Hey, Noah!" Izzy said. "Wait... You're not Noah, right? Oooh, no, it's been so long. Wow! Blast from the past, huh? Ahahahahaha!"
"Oh no it's like my nightmares all over again!" Tyler exclaimed, he then got aggressive, "Also no it is NOT Noah! I am TYLER! Why does nobody remember me?"
"Tyler, Noah, same difference. Ahaha!" Izzy rambled on.
Eva's group was then shown running through the woods. Suddenly, they came to a halt. "I hear something."
The Rhinos were then seen sitting around a small, pathetic looking fire while insulting each other. Max was snoring loudly in the corner, while Dawn was in a tree meditating.
"Staci, move over, eh," Ezekiel said. "Your body is too big. It's blocking off all the heat."
"Um, shut up, Zeke," Staci said. "Yah, at least I had the decency to only be the first boot ONCE. You, my friend, are a double-dipper."
"That insult don't even make any SENSE," Anne Maria said.
"Ooooh! Anne Maria! Sticking up for Zeke, huh? Wow, who knew you had a not-so-secret crush on him!" giggled Dakota.
"Shut up you freakin' loser! Be sure to shield your hair or it might make its way to the fire before long!" Anne Maria yelled.
Dakota gasped, "You WOULDN'T!"
"I would!" Anne Maria yelled.
"Ladies, ladies, calm down! Listen, I KNOW you're all fighting over me, and I get it, but--" Justin began.
"I--uh---cabbage--why---" A voice that sounded like Rodney piped up from the other side of the fire.
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!!!" Amy screeched like a banshee. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
Eva looked at the Rhinos, awkwardly, "On second thought, let's double back that way," Eva's group then turned and ran the other way, leaving the Rhinos to bicker.
Brick is seen pleading with Izzy, "C'mon... you don't want us! We're not tasty... we're like... sweaty and gross! Please don't kill me!"
"Kill you?" Izzy sounded puzzled, "Aw, no! I'm a REFORMED girl! You know, I usually save the brutal maiming to small creatures... like ants 'n stuff. I've just been really craving some granola lately, and those giant overalls have some hidden in their pockets."
"Wait, what?" Katie said.
"Oh, yeah! This is the Rhinos' camp! I've been stealing from it, like, every day now, hehe," Izzy said. "I was on a luxurious journey across the ocean on a jetski that I definitely purchased legally, and I came across this awesome island! I can sense Chef Hatchet's aura from very far away, so I knew I had struck gold. So, yeah! What's up with you guys?"
"Um..." Tyler began.
Suddenly, a group was heard entering the cave. "Guys! We saw the Rhinos but realized that they were even worse than you guys, so we came back, is everything okay?" began Eva, who dropped every single member of her group off of her shoulders. The copious amounts of animals Ella summoned then followed Eva in.
Eva and Noah then saw the visitor, and simultaneously screamed, "WHAT? IZZY?! WHY?!"
"Oh hey guys!" Izzy waved at Noah and Eva wildly. "Wow, this is like a Team E-Scope reunion! So cool!"
Noah began to slowly crack an amused smile. "What? Oh. Yep. Crazy, huh? So, Izzy, what brings you to this atrocious hellhole of an island?"
"Oh, not much! Actually, it's pretty much my bedtime right about..." Izzy waited for about three seconds. "Now. Later, dudes!" Izzy sprinted away, cackling hysterically as usual, she then suddenly ran back into the cave, grabbed the overalls, and ran out again cackling madly.
Brick is seen in the confessional, "For the record, I did NOT pee my pants, no matter what the tapes show, I did NOT!"
"Uh, dude, there actually weren't any tapes this time... Nobody knew about it. Until now," said the off-screen voice of an intern.
"...Wait... what?" Brick sulked.
"Well, Brick," Eva said, staring at him, "Looks like you could've gotten your entire group killed! Funny, huh?"
"I would've gone down like a true soldier!" Brick exclaimed.
"Oh, so you admit you would've died?" Eva asked
Brick looked around, nervously, "No...?" He then noticed that the entire rest of the tribe was asleep. "Oh. Funny. Okay. Time to... Heh-heh. Time to go to sleep. Yeah. Night, troops."
"Nice save, Sarge," Eva said with no emotion. "You won't be so lucky next time."
The scene then flashed to the next morning, where the Rhinos were shown in the forest, everyone sound asleep. A bird flew onto Max's head, pecked it, but there was no response and the bird flew away.
Ezekiel and Anne Maria were seen cuddling each other, Ezekiel woke up and looked at her, still sleeping, "Wow, this is better than I imagined eh, she's so cute when she's asleep. Like an angel or somethin', yo."
Anne Maria's eyes opened wide immediately, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Trees shook throughout the island as she threw Ezekiel off of her, and everyone else woke up.
"Easy," Dawn said, with her eyes still shut. "Let's not disturb the resting wildlife this early."
"I'll disturb YOU--" Anne Maria began. "NO!" yelled Rodney.
"Why, thank you for the help, Rodney, but I can handle it myself," said Dawn.
"Don't worry, babe, I got you," Justin said. "With my cuteness and everything, I can always step in and save the day. That is, if I want to. Which I don't. Oops."
Dawn rolled her eyes at Justin's gesture, "Were you not held enough as a child? Always pushed to be the perfect picture of masculinity and such? It's so obvious it makes me sad honestly." Justin looked at Dawn, his eye twitched. "It's okay Justin, you can let those emotions go."
Justin began crying on Dawn's shoulder, "You're right!" Dawn then looked at the man-candy on her shoulder.
"Not exactly the desired effect I wanted but I'll take it, I suppose," Dawn stated in the confessional.
Dakota woke up, "What is your problem?" She yelled at Anne Maria, "I need my BEAUTY SLEEP! Clearly you have no concept of that but pretty people need lots of sleep!"
Anne Maria walked up to Dakota, "You did NOT just say that I'm not pretty! I'm freakin' HOT, have you looked at me?"
"Um, I can settle this argument, e--" Ezekiel began.
"SILENCE!" Max yelled. "We must march single-file to the base camp. That is the only way we will rule this challenge over those Hippo fools."
"Aw, sweet!" Rodney said. "I'm up, and I'm full of energy. I could carry like 2,000 pounds of hay right now. Or one pretty girl. Either way." He blushed.
"ONWARD MARCH!" Max screeched at the Rhinos, who followed him begrudgingly.
"To be a true leader, I must make them realize who the EVIL MASTERMIND is here!" Max yelled in the confessional, "and that's me!"
Anne Maria knocked against the confessional door, "Hurry up in there already! I'm tired of waitin' for your slow self! GET OUT!" Max then looked at the camera, frightened.
On the other side of the camp, the Hippos awoke to the screeching of Anne Maria. Eva immediately sat up, "They're awake. We must get moving."
"It's like... five in the morning--" Katie began, only to be interrupted by Eva glaring murderously at her, "On second thought, let's go!"
"Uh, excuse me, if I'm not mistaken I'm the leader here!" Brick stated matter of factly.
"Uh, excuse me, if I'm not mistaken you almost got half of our team KILLED yesterday!" Eva yelled at Brick, whose eyes went wide immediately. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll show you how to LEAD a team," Eva turned to the sleeping team, "ON YOUR FEET, MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Eva rallied the Hippos, who began trying to keep up with Eva who was literally knocking over trees to make a more direct route for her team.
"I have to give Eva credit," Noah said in the confessional, "She's probably the only person I know whose head could knock over trees rooted twenty feet in the ground."
Beardo was shown in the confessional, making noises and entertaining himself. He created suspenseful string music, and then followed it up with realistic sounds of trees being pulled from the ground and human strings. "Heh," he chuckled.
Chris and Chef were shown at the base camp, wearing sunglasses while drinking from juice boxes and sitting in lounge chairs.
"So... what's your shoe size?" Chris blurted out.
"I don't got one. I got special army boots custom made for someone of my girth," Chef said.
"Oh!" Chris said. There was a pause. "Well, that's intriguing. Guess throughout our 15 years of partnership, there are still some interesting new facts to be found."
Chef grunted. "Y' got that right. Like that time that you wanted to host that new show about--"
"Do NOT say it!" Chris snapped, his face starting to get red.
Chef cackled evilly. "Worry not, viewers. All will be revealed eventually."
Suddenly, Eva and the Hippos charged out of the woods, Eva running directly into Chef, knocking him over.
Chris jumped up from his seat, "Woah, well... I think we have a winner here! THE HUMILIATED HIPPOS WIN!" The Hippos began to cheer, except for Brick who was half heartedly cheering while sulking to himself. Eva stood up triumphantly, basking in the glory of leading her team to victory.
The Rhinos then emerged from the woods, Max jumping with joy, "WE WON! WE WON! HAPPY DANCE! HAPPY DANCE!" Max then began to do an incredibly embarrassing dance in front of everyone. Chris began laughing at him.
"Uh, dude--" Chris began.
"SILENCE MORTAL I AM IN MY HAPPY ZONE!" Max interrupted, and continued to dance as the Rhinos looked at him.
"You guys lost," Chris then began laughing as Max's joy turned to anger.
"Oh, the things I will do to you will be RUTHLESS AND PAINF--" Max started.
"Um, shut UP! Seriously! You haven't done ANYTHING but talk this WHOLE TIME!" yelled Amy. "You're almost worse than Spareamy! But just almost. Calling someone worse than her is just a fate worse than death."
Samey yelled from the other side, "I EXIST, YOU KNOW?!"
"Uh, Chris, what's our prize?" Tyler said. "Can it be something cool? Like... like weights? Or candy? Yeah, I like candy."
"Oh! You're in luck, Hippos!" Chris announced. Chef tossed him a large bag filled with suspicious items, which Chris then tossed to the Hippos. "You get... the junk from off the top of my dresser! There's some valuable stuff in there, you know."
Noah grabbed the bag and began digging through it. "What's in here? Toenail clippers... A used toothbrush... An empty cup with a suspicious green hairy substance growing on the side... Wait, what?" He took out a picture of Chris and Chef smiling happily in a heart-shaped frame. A fishing line came out of nowhere, and Chef fished it out rapidly.
"You saw nothin'," said Chef. Noah rolled his eyes at Chef, who was growing increasingly nervous.
"Anyways... Rhinos, you lost, go back to your shelter and figure out which of you is taking the boat of losers TONIGHT!" Chris announced.
"Wow, it's SO HARD since I hate every single one of you..." Amy grunted.
"Yah, you know you're not so nice yourself," said Staci. "My parents almost named me Amy but they didn't because they said it was an ugly name and reminded them of a fart. So, like, I think that says it all, mm, so sad."
Amy fumed as she glared at Staci, who began talking about her 47th cousin three times removed who invented toothpaste.
Later, at the Rhinos' cave, the team was picking up the remains of their supplies, angrily.
"Hey, why is my underwear staked to the ground?" Rodney asked, thoroughly puzzled, "Aw man I lost my favorite pair of overalls too!"
"Nevermind your silly underpants, where is my jumpsuit?!" Max exclaimed.
"Who cares about your stupid jumpsuit? My cheerleading uniform is missing!" Amy exclaimed.
"You know? My shirt is missing, but I don't care. I believe my abs should be broadcasted to the world," a shirtless Justin said.
Anne Maria laughed as the rest of the team was scrambling to find their clothes. Dakota glared at her.
Ezekiel smiled, "At least none of my stuff was touched."
"Who would WANT to touch your disgusting toques?" Anne Maria said in pure disgust.
Dakota nodded, "You know, for once I agree with you."
"Uh, joke's on you, because my mom does laundry for me EVERY DAY!" Ezekiel said confidently.
"OINK OINK DO I HEAR A PIG?!" Amy screeched at Ezekiel.
Dawn was shown in the confessional. "Picking apart the brains of these contestants has proven to be a remarkably fun activity." She giggled. "Ezekiel, as strange as he is, obviously has some issues with his parents. After all, they let him live life as a green, stringy-haired feral beast for a couple of years and didn't seem to bat an eyelash... and don't get me started on Amy."
Chris was then shown with the contestants at the elimination ceremony, with the Hippos watching in the peanut gallery. "Tsk, tsk. Only five episodes in and you've already been here three times. What a pity, huh? Not really. You guys suck!" He laughed heartily. "But I guess I have to give out marshmallows, huh?"
"Yeah, my stomach is feeling a bit woozy..." Rodney said. He burped loudly. "I knew I shouldn't have dined on those pinecones last night. Wow, that was rough."
"You disgust me," Dakota said, looking at Rodney who was clearly in pain.
"Okay! Well, Rodney, you can ease your stomach, since you're safe, bud," Chris said. He tossed a marshmallow to Rodney, who gave Chris a toothy grin.
"Dawn, you're safe too!" Chris said throwing a marshmallow at Dawn who stopped the marshmallow in its tracks and sent it towards the ground.
"Justin and Dakota, you're both safe despite being completely useless except for your looks!" Chris threw marshmallows at both of them.
"Great," Justin said, completely seriously.
"And... This may be the biggest surprise I've ever stumbled upon, in my three-plus years of hosting Total Drama. Zeke, not only are you safe, but you're actually not even in the bottom two this time! Progress! But not really," said Chris. He tossed a marshmallow to Ezekiel. "And Anne Maria, you too."
"Why'd you have to call my name right after his? Ew," said Anne Maria. "Classic Chris. I don't wanna be lumped in with that loser."
"This loser? I am not a loser, I am da homie G, dawg!" Ezekiel said, catching his marshmallow.
"See, this is what I mean by "not really"," Chris said to Ezekiel, "Let's not dwell on this any longer. Staci, Max, and Amy. Well, uh, Staci is safe. For some weird reason. I don't know." He tossed a marshmallow to Staci, "Also PLEASE do not talk about any relatives this time or I WILL take that marshmallow back."
"Max and Amy, both are you are quite frankly the most obnoxious people here, and that's saying something," Chris said, gesturing to Ezekiel, "Both of you are completely incapable of doing anything... and the person who sucks less out of you two is about to be figured out, the final marshmallow goes to..."
"Both of you!" Chris said, pulling a moldy marshmallow out of his pocket and throwing it and the normal marshmallow at Amy and Max.
"WHAAAAT?! BUT-- Oh, wait, splendid," Max said, as he took a large chomp of the marshmallow.
"Yep! We decided we were due for a fake-out tonight," Chris said. "So you guys, despite your horrendous showing in the challenge, are safe! For now. Heh-heh."
"When will I ever be freed from my TERRIBLE sister, Chris?! When?" Samey asked from the winner's booth.
"Who are you again?" Chris asked. "Uh, yeah, I guess that's a good way to wrap it up. Tune in next time for more juicy drama, compelling interactions, and REAL eliminations... right here on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"
Chapter 6 - Monkey See, Monkey Don't
"Previously on Total Drama: Second Chances," Chris exclaimed, standing in the middle of the elimination area. "Our nineteen remaining campers were forced to survive a night in the depths of our very own Pahkitew Forest! Some fared better than others--" A clip reel of all the contestants failing was shown. "--and Brick nearly got his team eaten by a bear, which turned out to be Total Drama's very own Izzy which is arguably worse than an actual bear! Haha! Eva stepped up and saved the day for the Hippos and sent the Rhinos to elimination! While Max and Amy were equally awful and inept in their own ways, both were spared for another day! Why? Honestly, I'm not sure. Who will triumph today in one of the most grueling challenges yet? Who will take the boat of losers, and when will I finally get a raise for doing this crap show? Most of these questions will be answered on this episode of Total! Drama! Second Chances!"
The Rhinos were then shown the next morning in their camp. Most of them were sleeping, while some members were nowhere to be found.
"Y'know, at first I was happy that you schmucks all lost ya clothes, but now I can't find my hairspray and I am PISSED," Anne Maria exclaimed while sitting on a rock.
"Ehehehe, Annie, it's not like your hairspray even mattered. Yah, your hair always smelled like a rat's nest or something. I bet that's why Ezekiel doesn't like you," Staci said, and giggled.
"Whuh?" Ezekiel said. "I totally like her, eh! Stop lyin' when you could be truthin', you hoser!"
"Yeah, um, duh! If you're gonna throw shade, at least get it right! Anne Maria is the one who doesn't like Zeke! And I can see why, since he's tooootally gross..." Dakota said.
"Hey!" Ezekiel said.
"Aw can it Zeke," Anne Maria said, pushing Ezekiel aside as she walked out of the cave.
"Why did I hafta be stuck with the worst tribe in existence!" Anne Maria screamed in the confessional, "I swear I've had it up to here with these freakazoids!"
Max is heard from outside of the confessional, "Freakazoid, eh? I will have you know I am NOT a--" Anne Maria screamed loudly and Max is heard running away.
Justin then was shown outside of the cave, shirtless and collecting berries. "You know, I don't plan on giving any of these to the other teammates. I need to keep my appearance up to par, and that requires a lot of Vitamin C," he said to him self.
"What was that? Watch it, squire!" Max yelled, running up to him. "I am feeling wonky! I command you to give me all of your berries at ONCE!"
Justin rolled his eyes, "Uh, no." Justin then walked off, leaving Max standing there, fuming.
"I will NOT take this sort of insolence!" Max screeched loudly, "I will have my REVENGE!!!"
"Yeah, I'm sure you will," Justin said, laughing.
Justin was shown in the confessional. "Poor guy, heh-heh. How can he think he's evil when his head is shaped like one of those square watermelons? Actually, not just his head, but like... his whole figure. Hourglass hips are the way to go, kid."
Meanwhile, in the Hippos' Wizard Tower, Leonard is seen mixing together potions. "Eureka! I have it!"
"For the past thirty seven and a half hours I have been crafting the PERFECT potion!" Leonard said excitedly in the confessional, "All I need is a bit of mandrake root, and a bitter hair, and I will have it PERFECT!"
"Leonard, some of us are trying to catch up on our Z's here so if you could just--" Noah began until Beardo started screeching like a literal banshee, waking the entire team up.
"I had a bad dream," Beardo said, frightened. "Izzy was EVERYWHERE!"
"Tell me about it," Noah said, "I've been living that nightmare for the past three years."
"SIIIILENCE!" Leonard said, balancing the test tubes on his bunk. "I need the utmost silence to finish these potions, they don't make themselves you know?"
"Uh, Leonard?" Sam said from the bottom bunk. "Your potions are leaking into my bunk." Suddenly Leonard's eyes went wide.
"I am not actually that sure of what the side effects for these potions would be when attributed to a human in the unstable condition they're in now..." Leonard said in the confessional.
Sam coughed loudly, and his face was revealed to be a bright purple. "Oh no. This is already leaking into my skull, I think. Man, I feel weird."
"DUDE!" yelled Tyler. "You're purple! More purple than that one weird flavor of Croco-Aid I drank that made me throw up, like, twenty times!"
"I'm sure I'll be fine," Sam said. There was a rumbling in his stomach, and he then coughed up a large slug, which blinked and then slithered away.
"Oh, no!" yelled Ella. "This is not good! Next thing you know, you'll be turning into a toad!"
Ella was shown in the confessional. "Wait. If he's turning into a toad, does that mean that Sam is my prince...? I don't believe many people would be happy about that."
"Heheh," Sam said. "Let me just lie down for a sec or something. Sooner or later it'll sort itself out and I'll be good as n-n-n..." He then fainted.
"Uh-oh," Brick said, popping out of nowhere. "We cannot lose a private like this right before a challenge! And not a guy as nice and personable as Sam!"
"Yep, Sam is about as nice and personable as my great-aunt Reba after drinking multiple glasses of rum," Noah said dryly.
"Your great-aunt is probably a lovely lady then!" Brick exclaimed. Noah sighed loudly.
Later, all the contestants were seen in the main hall, picking at the daily slop, "How do they call this, like, food?" Katie said, picking at the grey goop.
"Food? They call this fine dining in the military!" Brick scooped up a spoon full and began to eat it, suddenly the spoon became stuck in his mouth.
"Niiiice," Noah said, smirking.
"Dude, are you okay?" Tyler asked Brick, who was still struggling to get the spoon out of his mouth.
Eva noticed Brick's struggle, and almost began to crack a smile, she then stopped herself and went back to her usual deadpan expression.
Beardo was shown in the confessional, beatboxing. "So, uh, my team. There's some... strong personalities. I think that I... can mesh pretty well... with them... so far. Cool."
Staci was shown sitting next to Rodney, eating her food sloppily. "Yah, and so then once my daddy gave me my new car, I opened the trunk and I saw a giant chest in it and then I opened the chest and there was like a million bucks in there. Or maybe two million bucks. I forget, but it was a lot of money. And after that I went cruising, oh and my great-uncle Timothy came along, and he invented money. Yah, before him, everyone was dirt poor and stuff."
"Uh... cool," Rodney said.
Rodney was shown in the confessional. "Remarkable! Staci is - so far - the only girl I haven't felt a burning love connection with... Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe the stars are aligning with my true feelings for Dawn." His face turned pink as he blushed and sighed loudly.
"Yah, Rodney, can you get more food for me? I'm super hungry because of how much I physically exerted myself in the challenge the other day, uh-huh," Staci said. She handed her empty plate to Rodney, and the second she did, Rodney looked at her in awe as angels popped up around her face.
"Duh... sure!" Rodney said, springing up from his seat to get more food.
"Girls are tough!" Rodney said in the confessional.
"You want WHAT?" Chef said in awe.
"Uh... I'd like more food, uh sir," Rodney said, staring down at the floor.
Chef just stood there for a second, then he began to tear up, "Nobody's ever asked for seconds in years." Chef then began crying like a baby. "Here man, take all you can!" He then threw the vat of slop into the main lobby area and ran out of the kitchen, sobbing tears of joy.
Chris walked in, puzzled. "Why is Chef out in the front crying about seconds? Um, we may have to have a fireside chat about that later tonight... Anyway, guess what time it is?!"
"Time for more mentally challenging tests?" Noah said.
"You betcha, buddy!" announced Chris. "Challenge time! Meet me out in the woods in 10. We've got a good one today!"
"Oh, no, I'm probably more scared than I should be..." Samey muttered to herself.
Katie cackled. "No, you should be scared. Veeeeery scared." Samey looked at Katie, scared.
Chris was shown in front of the contestants in the woods, with a large vending machine behind him that had two small monkeys on top of it. The contestants looked at the vending machine and its contents, which included Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candied Fish Tails.
"If you had food in the vending machine, why were we subjected to the BARF back at the main hall?" Dakota asked. "I mean, like, I need actual FOOD or else I'm gonna lose this perfect figure!"
"I think you look pretty no matter what, Dakota!" Sam said, still purple from the potion.
"Aww! You're so sweet Sammy!" Dakota exclaimed, blowing a kiss to Sam.
"Thanks, Dakota!" Sam said, suddenly he coughed up another slug, causing everyone to look at him. "What?"
"Okay. Any minute now," Chris said to Chef. "As soon as these youngsters stop wasting everyone's time and listen up." Suddenly, everything was silent. "Okay! So! Here's the deal. Ella, I'm sure you remember this challenge, right? Where you were cruelly and unfairly eliminated by the diabolical... me?"
"Yes, but I forgive you!" Ella said in a sing-song voice.
"You know you could cut out the nicey nice stuff now and nobody would care, right?" Chris asked Ella.
"What nicey nice stuff?" Ella replied.
Chris rolled his eyes. "Never mind that, onto the challenge! Now, each team has a coin and a monkey. The object of this challenge is to find the monkey and get it back here WITH the coin, put the coin in and then get one of the bags of TOTAL DRAMA YUM YUM HAPPY GO TIME CANDIED FISH TAILS! and then give them to me. First team to do so wins! Any questions?"
"Yeah. Are the monkeys... dangerous?" Brick asked, "I'm asking for a friend. Heh."
"I will say that because of health concerns, they HAVE been given rabies shots," Chris said, clearly dissappointed. "You guys lucked out on that one." Brick sighed a sigh of relief.
"I may have let my team down in the previous challenge," Brick said in the confessional, "but I believe I have what it takes to find this monkey, and LEAD my team to victory!"
"Okay, guys, I guess that's a go. Ready to get started?" Chris announced, blowing his airhorn. "GO!"
Staci looked at the monkey, and pointed to it before it scampered away. "Yah like my family has a few billion of these in our backyard, did I mention we bought the whole island of like Madagascar? Because we did."
"I'll be sure to BLOW UP Madagascar first then! MWA HA HA HA!" Max loudly exclaimed.
"Uh well you won't put a dent in my family's wealth because we own like, the whole continent of America too so like, sorry to burst your bubble but it's true." Staci said back to Max.
"Oh, so you own America... Are you my queen then? I... I wouldn't mind that..." stuttered Rodney.
"Rodney, are you okay? Are those pinecones you coughed up last night creating a lasting effect on your psyche?" Dawn said.
Dawn was shown in the confessional. "I'm starting to realize that his impromptu crushes on the various female Rhino teammates are due to the lack of any sort of female figures in his life. Okay, now that I know that, I can escape from Rodney a little and go talk to my other teammates. I'm sure they're not that bad!"
Max and Anne Maria started yelling at each other, "No, I AM THE ONLY SUITABLE LEADER! You lemmings must be LED!" Max screeched at her.
"Who are you callin' a lemming, you freakin' garden gnome?!" Anne Maria yelled back.
"Oh I shall show you who is a gnome!" Max yelled. "I shall show ALL OF YOU!"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!" Amy screamed at them.
"On second thought, maybe they ARE that bad..." Dawn said in the confessional.
"Okay, listen up. Who wants to come with me? Yeah, just kidding. Amy, Anne Maria, and Dakota, how about you guys come with me," Justin said. "Let's blow this popsicle stand and move onto, hmm, bigger and better things."
"Dude, we got a challenge to win!" Anne Maria said. "If we lose this challenge on the same day that I lost my hairspray, it'll be th' worst day EVAH!"
"Shut UP!" Amy yelled once again. "Justin is smoldering. Let's do it."
"Fine. I have no business interacting with you commoners," Max said. "I shall devise a new trap to impede the other team's progress. Who would like to be my evil assistant this time? Okay, Ezekiel, I have picked you. And pale child, you can come too." He waggled a finger at Dawn.
"Nah homie g I ain't about to go with you capital L-O-S-E-R-S losers," Ezekiel said. "Ayo, Justin. Let's all go together, yo! We'll be able to have more eyes and stuff."
"Wow, even though that was quite possibly the worst thought out sentence I've ever heard, homeschool actually has a point," Justin said. "and more eyes... means more eyes on my delicious abs."
"You're right!" Amy said, looking at Justin's abs.
Justin is seen in the confessional, "I'm not really sure I want Amy looking at my abs, I mean, she's freaking nuts. What would she do to my abs?"
"Well, if Zeke's goin' with you, I'm OUT," Anne Maria said. "Ayo, Max. You losahs. Let's go." She strutted in the opposite direction with Max, Rodney, Dawn, and Staci.
"But... Anne Maria, NOOOOO!" Ezekiel exclaimed, falling to his knees. Justin rolled his eyes.
The Hippos were then shown on the other side of the woods. "Okay, everyone. So. I feel like maybe I've been a bit too domineering lately. So, uh, I'm going to let you guys choose our plan of attack today," Brick said. "Sound like a plan? Good."
"HEY! Look! There he is!" Tyler yelled. The Hippos looked at the trees, and saw a monkey hopping from tree to tree. "Don't worry, guys, I got this!" He tried to run and jump on top of the tree, but slammed his body into the side and fell over.
"Ever since I came here, my athletic mojo has been acting up hardcore!" Tyler said in the confessional, "I need some actual protein in me so I can perform up to the top of my game!"
"So where do you think we should go, team?" Samey asked.
Katie scoffed, "Why should we tell you?"
"Because we're on the SAME TEAM!" Samey yelled at Katie.
"This is just like being at home, if not worse!" Samey exclaimed in the confessional, "Now I have to deal with TWO Amys at once! This is just awful."
"Katie is rough," Eva said in the confessional. She paused. "Buuuut she goes a bit too far sometimes."
Samey started to lag behind the team as they kept walking, she started walking next to Beardo, who was whistling joyfully. "Hey, Beardo, I'm sorry that I haven't gotten to know you much," Samey said as the group strolled along. "Yeah, we were on, like, the same season and... uh, yeah..."
"Naw... It's cool..." said Beardo. "Hey, Samey, you're a kind heart." He then made the noise of an angelic choir. Samey smiled.
The Hippos then stopped due to being right in front of an inland lake. A colony of monkeys was visible on the other side. "Magnificent!" said Leonard. "Our foes have been cornered!"
"Okay, team," Brick said. "Raise your hand if you... uh, can't swim."
Noah stared blankly at Brick. "Well, I physically can. But I usually choose not to. Sorry, guys, I'll be watching from the sidelines this time." He stretched, yawned, and sat on a stump grinning smugly.
Tyler rolled his eyes. "Well if you aren't going to, I guess I'LL have to!" Eva grabbed his leg and pulled him to the ground before he could jump in the lake.
"Sharks," Eva said. Tyler looked into the lake which was full of sharks.
"Oh," Tyler said. "Thanks Eva!"
A hacking noise was heard. "What's that?!" Brick said, he then turned around. "Oh no! Sam! He's relapsing!"
Sure enough, Sam was collapsed onto the ground, looking even more purple. "Bleeeegh... I need... A power-up..."
Brick turned to Sam, and bent down, "You MUST! LIVE!"
"No I mean... I'm fine I just--" Sam began but was suddenly interrupted by Brick giving him mouth-to-mouth. A red-faced Brick looked up, gasped, and resumed.
Leonard just looked at them, panicking, "I need to think of what to do!"
"Nothing like this has ever happened before when I made potions!" Leonard exclaimed. "Usually they just do nothing or set a bush on fire... I AM a level ninety wizard!"
"Quit stroking your ego and help him." Noah said.
"Do you think I'm not doing that?" Leonard exclaimed at Noah, "I am trying to find the materials necessary!"
Noah rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you are."
"Noah is always questioning my abilities as a wizard!" Leonard exclaimed in the confessional. "I shall show him!
"Okay, guys, like, we HAVE to find this monkey otherwise I'll FREAK out!" Katie said. "Going to elimination last night was, like, sooooo scary."
Eva shrugged. "I've seen worse."
"And? Honey, there's a reason we're not going over there. I'd prefer not to be broiled and fed to murderous oversized guppies," Noah said.
"So what's your idea smart guy?" Eva said, clearly getting angrier.
"I don't know, but I don't see you guys coming up with anything either." Noah said.
"Ohhhh, this fight is giving me a fright..." Ella began to sing. "If we just get along, everything will be alright!"
"Wow, Ella, I never realized how good of a singer you actually were," Samey said meekly.
"Heh. That's because your ears barely even, like, work," Katie said.
Samey was shown in the confessional. "This needs to stop. I can't even get a single SENTENCE in without her piping up and being a total... a total Amy!!!"
Meanwhile, Justin, Ezekiel, Amy, and Dakota were walking through the woods together in complete silence, Justin then piped up, "I still can't believe you actually convinced me to go with you." he said referring to Ezekiel.
"Hey it's your own dang fault, you didn't have to," Ezekiel said, shrugging. Suddenly he spotted the monkey. "Look guys, it's the monkey! I got this!"
"Zeke, wait--" Dakota began but Ezekiel already ran into the woods after the monkey.
"So how long until we have to go find him?" Justin asked.
"We have to go find him?" Amy responded, laughing slightly. Justin shrugged and the trio walked in the opposite direction.
The scene moved to the other half of the Rhinos, where Max was then shown cackling evilly and building something, with Anne Maria, Rodney, Dawn, and Staci watching.
"Aha! The trap is almost completed!" Max said. "Now, a normal competitor would try to create a trap to catch the monkey, but I am anything but normal! This is for the other team to fall in, and get stuck FOREVER!"
"Dude, this doesn't seem safe," Rodney said. "Like, really, really not safe."
"Yah, who cares? I know how to live life on the edge. I'm, like, an award-winning waterskier," Staci said. "And I also occasionally do luge. And I was like in the Olympics last year."
"Um, dude," Anne Maria said, nudging Max. "How are we even gonna get the monkey in heah? The trap is HUGE! He'll fall!"
"Oh, and something tells me Mother Earth wouldn't approve... This looks a bit scary," Dawn said. "I feel for the poor monkey and his enslavement by Chris. Do not worry, my furry friend! You will be released eventually!"
The conversation was interrupted by a loud shriek. "Ayo guys, I found the monkey! Check it out!" yelled Ezekiel. Sure enough, he and the monkey sprinted towards Max and co, but Ezekiel fell into the trap, and was hoisted up into the air upside down while the monkey sprinted away.
"What da heck is with this trap yo?" Ezekiel asked cluelessly while everyone else glared at Max angrily.
"Okay okay, so maybe using the EXACT same blueprint wasn't the best idea," Max admitted in the confessional.
Meanwhile, the Hippos were still standing in the exact same place as they were, still trying to figure out what to do about the monkey colony in front of them. Katie picked up a rock and threw it at the monkeys, who then threw the rock back at her.
"Not cool!" Katie yelled.
"Smart choice!" said Noah, he then giggled deviously.
"Hey--" Beardo said meekly.
"Um, this is tough. Anyone have any ideas?" Brick said. Beardo then cleared his throat loudly. "Nobody? Okay."
"Brick! Look at Beardo," said Ella. "He seems to have an idea! And knowing Beardo, I'm sure it'll be simply marvelous!" She chuckled.
"Well, um, alright," Brick said, surprised. "Uh, Beardo! What's your idea?"
"Well... I can do this," Beardo then cleared his throat and began making obnoxiously loud noises resembling a monkey call. The monkeys then all looked up and began charging to the Hippos, until they fell into the sea and got eaten by the sharks, except for the one with the coin around its neck which flailed its way to shore.
Brick then grabbed the monkey and ripped the coin off of the chain around its neck, "Well, questionable result but hey, it worked! Nice job Beardo!" Beardo grinned widely.
"That... Bro, that was SUPER cool!" Tyler said, high-fiving Beardo. "I wish I had monkey-summoning skills like that, man!"
"Oh, well, feast your eyes and ears, because I can play a tune that--" Leonard began, pulling out an ocarina.
"Nope," Eva said flatly. Leonard then put the ocarina away quickly.
"So let's go team!" Brick said triumphantly and everyone followed.
Noah was shown in the confessional. "You know, I'm pretty skeptical of Brick's leadership skills. Meh. At least I could never see him potentially murdering someone, unlike... um, others."
"It's nice to know that I'm finally contributing," Beardo said happily in the confessional. "I feel like I'm a part of the team which is just... loooooovely!"
Meanwhile, Ezekiel was still struggling with Max's trap as the others watched on in suspense. Justin, Dakota, and Amy walked up.
"Hey I just wanna say we lost homesch--" Justin began as he looked up and noticed Ezekiel caught in the trap. "Never mind."
"What happened?!" Dakota asked.
"Well the freak here made some stupid ghetto trap thing and Zeke was a freakin' idiot and got caught," Anne Maria said, spraying her hair.
"Sounds about right," Justin said.
"So what are we going to do?" Rodney asked.
Amy grumbled and walked up to Rodney, "PICK ME UP!!!"
Rodney immediately fell into a trance, "Duh... okay!" He then picked Amy up, who used her overly sharp nails to cut through the flimsy net, releasing Ezekiel, who fell to the ground with a thud.
"Ouch..." Ezekiel said, rubbing his head.
"My trap! You heathen I--" Max began. Anne Maria then got right up into his face.
"Uh, your TRAP got the homeschool stuck in the first place when he was actually being not completely useless!" Anne Maria screeched at him. Max then backed away slowly.
"Yo, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, eh, it's almost like we're already marr--" Ezekiel began.
"CAN IT!" yelled Amy. "Zeke, I canNOT take hearing you blab on about NOTHING!!! Where's the monkey?!"
"Yeah... Uh, listen to Amy, guys... Monkey... Banana... Monkey see, monkey do, monkey win challenge for you... Ha..." Rodney said, while Dawn looked on with a concerned expression.
"Although Rodney is not making sense, what he says IS valid," Dawn said. "We must find the monkey so we can release it-- well, wait, let's not get ahead of ourselves here..."
"Naw," Anne Maria said. "Ya evah tasted monkey meat? I bet it's really good."
"Hmm. Does that have any Vitamin C in it?" Justin said.
The Hippos were then shown making their way back from the lake very rapidly. While running over a large bed of leaves, there was a loud "whump" sound, and the team suddenly fell into a massive pit.
"What the?" Brick exclaimed.
"I blame Samey!" Katie exclaimed. Samey screamed loudly.
Max was shown in the confessional. "I spent ALL NIGHT setting up eeevil traps! However, some of them were not fully functional by the time the challenge started..."
"Great, this is just great..." Eva said, punching the walls of the trap. Beardo raised his hands to his face and mocked playing a harmonica.
Sam then fell over again, barfing up slugs and Brick rushed over to him again. Noah rolled his eyes angrily.
Leonard's eyes grew wide and suddenly he grabbed what looked like a root from the wall of the hole, "Could it be?" He then pulled the root from the dirt and dusted it off. "IT IS IT! IT's the mandrake root I have been searching for!"
"Unbelievable," Noah said.
Leonard rushed over to Sam who was being given mouth to mouth again by an overzealous Brick, "Stand aside, cadet! I have it under control from here!" Leonard then pushed Brick out of the way and began forcefeeding Sam the root.
Sam began coughing loudly as he ate the root, "Ugh... where am I? Why am I eating something that tastes better than Chef's food, and why are you forcefeeding it to me?" Sam asked Leonard, who was forcing his hands against Sam.
Leonard looked at Sam in disbelief, "It worked? I-I mean it worked! I knew it! I AM a level ninety-nine druid!"
"How." Eva said completely deadpan.
"It is the POWER OF MAGIC!!!" Leonard exclaimed loudly with Sam clapping happily.
"You got lucky and fed him something that probably could've killed him, congrats," Noah said.
"You keep undermining my abilities!" Leonard said, pointing at him. "I shall show you! Noah-cus Curse-icus!" He waved his arms wildly in the air while Noah blinked and sighed, completely bored with the situation. Suddenly, a bee hive fell into the hole and bees began swarming the contestants.
"Okay, I didn't summon bees!" Leonard exclaimed in the confessional.
"Dude! Easy with the stingers, man, I'm allergic to pokey stuff!" Tyler said, talking to a massive bee crawling up his arm. It then poked him in the eye. "OW! WHY?! That's it!" Tyler then began punching the air wildly, trying to hit the bee who stung him.
"Grow up," Eva said. She then punched the air once and knocked out a bee.
"Oh! This is almost like the plague of rats that was once set upon the town of..." Ella started. "Wait! Beardo! Play your music, and see if you can calm down the creatures!"
"I certainly can!" Leonard said, holding up his ocarina again.
"Hmm..." Beardo started, seeming strangely calm in the tense situation. He then began to play the mouth trumpet, hand motions and all. The bees suddenly stopped swarming, created one big circle of bees, and flew away peacefully.
"Okay, step one is complete, and that's all fine and dandy," Noah said. "But we've got quite the holey problem, my friends."
"Yeeeeah, I dunno about what to do with this one," Katie said.
"I got it!" Brick said, snapping his fingers. "Quick, Beardo, get on Eva's shoulders! Then we can stack everyone else on that and then we can pull each other up!"
"Aw, man, I don't wanna cause any... long-lasting joint damage," said Beardo calmly. Eva then lifted Beardo on her shoulders without a word, "Oh," Beardo said.
"Alright! Now I'll get on Beardo's shoulders," Brick said, climbing up on top of Beardo's shoulders, who winced in pain.
"Okay, guys, I'm... I'm next... Heh-heh," Sam said.
"Wait, that isn't a very good idea..." Samey said. "Can't you be last? Wait, uh, was that too rude? I'm sorry, you can go now if you want!"
"Oka... okay..." Sam said. He staggered forward, but then collapsed onto Eva, knocking her and the rest of the team back onto the bottom of the pit.
Noah began clapping, "Bravo."
"You know, you could try being supportive for once!" Katie exclaimed.
"Try again!" Brick said and they tried again, except leaving Sam out. Eventually Ella managed to get out of the hole, she then began calling animals to help pull the remaining people out.
Finally Sam pulled himself out with the help of about twenty different animals, then fell to the ground, groaning.
"Believe it or not, I actually did feel better by the time I got out of the hole in the ground, heh-heh." Sam laughed in the confessional.
"Thankfully Ella has some, like, super-human connection with animals or like something or we would've been dead! It would've been funny to see Samey like die but then I would've died too!" Katie exclaimed in the confessional, "So win-lose I guess?"
"Alright gang, let's go!" Brick exclaimed, gesturing for them to continue on the path to the clearing.
The Hippos made it into the clearing, where Chris and Chef were standing, but sure enough, the Rhinos were already at the vending machine, with Dawn cradling the monkey in her arms and Dakota about to put the coin in the machine.
"Ohhh, man, I can already tell that these snacks are going to make my tummy hurt..." Dakota whined.
"Silence, petulant shrew! We must win already!" Max exclaimed.
"There, there, my friend," Dawn said to the monkey. "Ezekiel's sweatshirt was very stinky, right? I never want to see you go through that kind of trauma ever again." The monkey grinned.
Dakota then put the coin in the machine, and a bag of Chef's Total Drama Yum Yum Happy Go Time Candy Fish Tails popped out. The camera panned to Brick, Eva, and the Hippos, who let out a slow-motion "nooooo."
"The Rhinos! WIN!" Chris announced, and the Rhinos immediately erupted into a cheer.
"We lost to them? Really!?" Eva exclaimed.
"What can I say, we are just better than you," Justin said, flexing. Eva gritted her teeth angrily.
"Weak effort Hippos, I guess I'll be seeing you at the bonfire ceremony tonight!" Chris said, laughing slightly at the Hippos.
Later, the Rhinos were seen in their cave, sitting back happily. Max clears his throat obnoxiously, "I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!" The others sighed loudly, looking at the really short super-villain struggle onto a large rock in the center of the cave, "While there were some... mishaps during the challenge, I would like to say that I PERSONALLY will go against my judgement and forgive you all for your poor performance--" Anne Maria suddenly glared at him.
"OUR poor performance? Are you kidding me?" Anne Maria yelled, "It was us who saved your sorry behind! Take a seat you stupid gnome!"
"Uh, excuse me, I broke that stupid net!" Amy screamed at Anne Maria, who then began pulling Amy's hair angrily.
Rodney was seen cowering in the confessional, "My team... is scary..."
"I swear I am on a team with like a bunch of total nutjobs!" Dakota exclaimed in the confessional, "and their antics don't look good for MY screentime! How am I supposed to launch a career off of this show if I have to compete with that three ring circus?"
Meanwhile, the Hippos were seen sitting around in the ground floor of the Wizard's Tower, contemplating, "I'm gonna go get some air." Eva said, walking outside.
"We still have a decision to make," Brick said, talking to Samey, "Who do you believe should go?"
"Well, um--" Samey began until Katie tried to interrupt, Samey then smacked Katie and continued, "Well I mean, Sam kind of messed up the whole pyramid and made us take longer... but I mean, I hate KATIE, Katie should go!"
"Wait..." Samey said in the confessional. "What just happened? Did I..." A look of horror appeared on her face. "Oh no. Oh no, oh no. What have I done?! Am I turning back into... This is not good..."
Brick gulped. "Wow. Oh. Well, okay. Interesting that you think that."
Brick was shown in the confessional. "Wow, our teammates are dropping like flies! Sam and his slugs first, and now Samey's weird breakdown... Aw, man, with my luck, the next challenge is going to be the spooky nighttime one. Please, no."
"Personally, I am struggling to find a good candidate for elimination," Leonard said, sitting in a circle with Sam, Noah, Tyler, Beardo, and Ella. "So I will use the Die of Wonders!" He pulled out a small, colorful die from his pocket and rolled it.
"Two," Noah said.
"Hmm... well, Blaineley was two..." Leonard said, rubbing his chin confused.
"Uh, who's the next one in alphabetical order?" Sam said, with an ice pack on his head and a towel around his neck. "Oh. Sorry, Ella. Heh-heh."
"Oh, Sam, don't worry! I have faith that the stars will align and our wishes will come true tonight!" Ella said.
"Aw, sweet, so Lindsay is gonna come in the middle of the night and give me a bouquet of pansies and then kiss me and tell me that she totally remembers my name? AWESOME!!" yelled Tyler. Everyone stared at him.
Noah stood up and stretched, "Well I'm about done with this freakshow, I'm gonna go do something else." Leonard looked at Noah angrily.
Noah was seen in the confessional, "Who do I want to see gone? Personally, it doesn't matter to me, I didn't care last time I still don't care now."
"The stars shall align indeed!" Leonard exclaimed loudly in the confessional, "I have a plan and not everyone will like it... but I shall PREVAIL!!!"
Chris was shown with the contestants at the elimination ceremony. "Alright. Well, looks like you're not QUITE invincible. Whatever, I saw it coming. Let's pass out marshmallows! The first one goes to... Beardo!"
Chris tossed Beardo a marshmallow, and he made the sound of a locomotive revving up as he flashed Chris a thumbs up.
"Brick!" He threw one to Brick, who nodded his head in satisfaction.
"Eva. Tyler. Ella. Katie, aaaand..." Chris said. "Samey! You're all safe for another night." The five all received marshmallows, and cheered, while Katie, who had a slight bruise on her cheek, sat there fuming.
"Well well well, three nerds but only two marshmallows..." Chris said, looking at the three. Leonard looked offended.
"Leonard, you pretty much caused Sam to nearly die, and that's kinda messed up, but for some reason, you're safe!" Chris said, tossing Leonard a marshmallow.
"YES!!!" Leonard exclaimed, eating the marshmallow.
Chris turned to the remaining two, "Well, I can't say I'm too shocked to see you two here, two of our BIGGEST losers right here, man you guys suck!"
"Get on with it Chris!" Eva exclaimed from the sidelines.
Chris rolled his eyes, "Alright, alright! Fine, the final marshmallow goes to..."
"...Sam!" Chris said as everyone gasped in shock. Sam smiled weakly as he slinked forward to get the marshmallow.
"Heh. Yeah, I know you love this gag of giving the wrong marshmallow out, but can you ju--" began Noah.
"Nope! We're serious! Yeah, shocker, I know. It's called Total DRAMA for a reason. Adios, Noah!" Chris announced. "Time to ride the loser boat all the way home."
"Are you serious?!" Noah said, beginning to crack but then quickly reverting back to his emotionless self. "Ah, well. You guys got me good. Don't brutally maim each other now, okay?" He gave his teammates a blank stare, and walked away onto the Boat of Losers.
Leonard was shown in the confessional. "I wish I had become better friends with Noah. But the power of light just HAD to prevail! Now I BET he believes in my skills!"
Chris popped up. "Oooh! Most shocking elimination yet, yes or yes? Alright! Well, it's time for this episode to end, as much as I'd like to continue harassing these teens until the end of time. See you guys next time, on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"