Hey! Tdirm here with an EXCLUSIVE Christmas one-shot, none of those fanfiction.net people, bar Emmy and Gigi, will ever see this, due to its mediocrity. So sit back, relax, and please comment. Also, this is set in a fictional future Total Drama season, so it'll be AU someday.
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The camera opens on Chris, like every other Total Drama episode, and he says very predictable words,
“Everybody knows that we usually send our loser contestants to a resort we build, or one we just rent if possible. Since we’re down to our final five, and by the fact it’s Christmas, we’ve decided to do our traditional Playa del Losers episode here on TOTAL…DRAMA…ROCKIES!!!!
The camera then pans to a welcoming ski lodge complete with ski slopes.
“As our fans know, Harold, Zeke, Eva, Katie, and Cody are our final five, but since it’s Christmas, I’m letting them stay here for the day,” Chris says while beckoning to Katie, who is leaning against a pole, drinking hot chocolate with DJ. Chris trudges through the snow up to the pair.
“Hey Chris!” Katie exclaims, “I have a question; why were you trudging through the snow? There’s only four inches of it.”
“I’m trudging…FOR DRAMA!” Chris replies stoically.
“Ooooookay then Chris, you do that,” a weirded out DJ says.
“Uh Katie,” Chris asks, “Where exactly is Sadie?”
“Wait, I don’t know,” replies a panicked Katie, “I WANT MY SADIE!!!!!”
DJ looks at Katie, who is now crying a river and clutching into his ankles, “Maybe you trudge away now.”
Chris heads inside the lodge doing just that. Courtney, Noah, Heather, Harold, Bridgette, Gwen, and Trent are huddled around a Christmas tree in the lobby draped in tinsel and ornaments.
“You know, I can’t believe we’re actually surrounding a Christmas tree, looking at our presents. I keep telling myself ‘you’re too old,’ or, ‘It’s not you’re personality,’ but here I am, surrounding a Christmas tree. I’m such a hypocrite,” Gwen said to her friends, ignoring Chris and the cameras.
“Oh, come on Gwen, even if you’re a hypocrite, you’re a hypocrite we all like. Well, Noah wouldn’t like you, but then again, he doesn’t like anybody,” Trent reassured, putting his arm around Gwen. Noah then replied sarcastically,
“Yeah, I hate the world, as a matter of fact I hate it so much, I’ll become one of those hermits in New Mexico, and you’ll never heart from me again.”
“Oh please Noah, we all know you like somebody,” Heather teased, motioning towards Courtney. Noah simply rolled his eyes.
Chris cleared his throat, getting their attention, “Uh guys, what has gone on since you left the actual competition lodge?”
Courtney was first to speak up, “I’ve been pretty busy, I’ve made up with Harold, officially broken up with Duncan, gotten people to strongly dislike me instead of hating my guts, and I’ve kinda gotten a little crush Noah,” she whispered into the camera.
“Uh Courtney, that might not be returned,” Bridgette whispered back at Courtney, while pointing at a scowling Noah, “One, that expression says all, and Two, I looked through his fan mail, he has almost as much of it as Duncan or Cody, and half of it comes from guys. Oh yeah, you had a note too, so I gave it to you. Read it”
“Come on Bridgette, Noah and Cody are friends, and that was a tragic accident way back in season one, and they were screaming in terror afterwards. Noah’s totally straight…I think.” Courtney said, still whispering directly in front of the camera, and she raised her voice, “Here’s the letter I was given,” and she read it out, “Dear Courtney-the-Uber-Loser, you lost, ha-ha, you’re the most pathetic excuse of a human being I know. Love…not, Nalyd. Oh gee Nalyd, that was totally in the Christmas spirit.” She said sarcastically into the camera.
“Okay, then, we’ll move on,” Chris concluded, and began to leave the room.
“But doesn’t anybody want to see my mad skills?” cried out a disappointed Harold, which was met with a “Who cares?” from Heather. On his way out, Chris was intercepted by Izzy, dressed in an elf costume.
“Hi Chris! You like my costume? I figured I should like, get in the Christmas spirit, and besides, the RCMP doesn’t go after elves, or at least they didn’t last year. Anyway, I’m…busy right around now, can’t talk, SEE YA!!!” exclaimed Izzy in her usual fast, loud tone, and she skipped away, doing a back flip while she was at it.
“Okay, that was a little awkward,” Chris then turns to the camera, “All this talk has left me wondering this question; is my hair messed up?” While I look for the nearest mirror, you’ll check in on the other contestants!”
The camera leaves Chris and heads outside to the ski slope. One skier comes into view, and halfway down, his skis cross, and he tumbles to the ground and continues to fall down the slope, stopping at the bottom contorted into a ball, and reveals himself to be Tyler. He meekly stands up and shrugs at the judges panel, consisting of Zeke, Lindsay and Eva.
“So, uh, what’s my score?” Tyler inquires with new-found confidence.
“Negative four,” answers Eva
“Twelve!” shouts Lindsay.
“I’ll give a positive four for effort eh.” Zeke also answers.
That gives you an average score of…. Four.” Eva concludes brusquely.
Tyler jumps up for joy, and Lindsay claps quickly.
“That’s awesome, I usually get a one!”
“But a four isn’t good eh.” Zeke says confusedly
“It isn’t Zeke” assures Eva, “You’re just seeing stupid happening.”
The camera moves on to LeShawna and Sadie, who are outside and drinking hot chocolate, much like Katie and DJ.
“Do you know where Katie is LeShawna? I said it on the first day of Total Drama ‘Without Katie, I break into hives.’” Sadie asked cordially.
“I don’t know where to look, but I’d listen for insanely loud bawling. That should be Katie.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Anyway, the Christmas party should be starting soon, I’ll go get changed.
“I’ll do the same Sadie, I don’t want to show up in a snow covered jacket.”
Meanwhile, in the lodge’s ballroom, the party’s karaoke machine was already running, and Izzy, or Iz-Elf, was busy butchering My Heart Will Go On. Owen, Courtney, Heather, Katie, DJ, and Harold were also there, and were covering their ears.
“Let’s get everybody so we can start the party and stop her wailing in pain!” Courtney cried out loudly, and everyone shook their heads in agreement. Izzy stopped singing and Owen took the stage, and was even worse. By the time the other contestants showed up, the early arrivals thought they might not be able to hear again. Chris climbed up onto the stage, pushed Owen off it, and grabbed the microphone.
“Okay, today marks the 2nd Christmas we’ve had together…”
“Yeah, totally separated from the people we actually like,” Duncan butted in angrily.
“Anyway, it’s our 2nd Christmas, and so I thought we’d all come together, and celebrate happily, and I won’t try to do any challenges today…AT ALL. Think of that as my gift.” After Chris finished saying that, you could have sworn you’d seen Gwen mouth “YES!!!” Chris continued,
“Anyway, we have presents from your families, who must seem like total strangers to you now! Since it’s only Christmas Eve, and that the interns and camera crew threatened to burn my hairspray if I don't give them Christmas Day off and I want to have you take your gifts on TV, you’re only opening one present. Izzy…”
“Iz-Elf, Explosivo, E-Scope, whatever! You’re first.”
Izzy bounded over to the tree, and picked up the smallest present with her name on it. She tore off the snowman wrapping paper in one piece.
“Oh cool, I got C4!!!!!!!” Everybody then took a step away from Izzy.
“Please don’t use it,” Chris continued, “Anyway, you’re up next DJ.”
DJ picked up a present with no definite shape. He slowly pulled off the wrapping to find a frayed, dingy stuffed elephant.
“MR. BINKYBOO, is that you?! Mama actually sent you here?” DJ exclaimed and held the elephant against his cheek.
“Wow DJ, that’s a little messed up,” Chris said through the mike, “Anyway, you’re next Bridgette.”
Bridgette picked up a small cylinder with a note attached. She read the note out loud into the camera, “Dear Bridgette, I know spending all this time away from the sea must make you feel homesick, so I decided to bring the sea to you. Love, Mom. Aww, that’s really sweet mom, that is, if you’re watching this.”
Bridgette eagerly ripped off the shiny silver wrapping paper, and got a vial full of saltwater. Bridgette’s face lit up, as she could have a reminder of the ocean that she loved.
“That’s actually pretty touching, Geoff’s next. Geoff stood next to Bridgette, gave her a quick kiss on her cheek, and tried to lift a large present.
“It’s heavy. Guess I’ll just open it on the ground,” he thought aloud. He ripped off the paper to find three large speakers stacked on each other.
“Sweet, now my stereo system’s complete!”
“Nice, I love good surround sound myself Geoff. Anyway, next up is Courtney.”
Courtney took a box about the size of a clothes box wrapped in silver paper. She opened it, and found a new violin.
“Mom, Dad, you’re amazing! Thanks for getting me a new violin, I haven’t been able to practice since Bridgette destroyed my old one! Thank you!”
The camera then pans to Duncan holding a tarantula, with a collar saying Scruffy II, then Harold with a ninja mask, Trent with a Matchbox 20 CD, Katie and Sadie with new matching outfits, LeShawna looking at an autographed photo of Jasmine with confusion, Noah eagerly holding an encyclopedia, Lindsay squealing and jumping up and down over the assorted hair products she received, and Eva holding titanium 100 pound weights. After the presents, everybody relaxes, Geoff and Bridgette make out, Courtney plays her new violin, with Noah watching attentively, Heather scowls at the lump of coal she predictably got, Lindsay and Tyler slow-dance to Courtney’s violin, and Duncan and Gwen sneak out of the room, most likely to pull some sort of prank. Everybody else just talks or grabs something from the snack table, and enjoys each others company. Just before everybody leaves, heavily armed men arrive through the windows. The lead one yells out,
“We know you’re here Izzy! It's the RCMP! You can’t hide!”
Izzy runs out the door screaming, “YOU STILL WON’T GET ME ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!”
Chris’ face then fills the camera screen as the other contestants flee the room.
“I had to call them, the whole thing would be too boring without them. Anyway, you can watch the carnage online at totaldramarockies.com, and we hope to see you next time on TOTAL…DRAMA…ROCKIES!!!!!”
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There you go, my mediocre Chistmas present. I hope you guys aren’t disgusted by it and I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!