Kyle Dunderson is your average 10 year old child who happens to be the only son of a billionaire. 22 entertainers come from all walks of life to compete in order to be his personal entertainer forever as his birthday present.
The Dazzling Freaks
- Pepe- The Rude Mime
- Karen- The Slam Poet
- Stephen- The Unintentionally Terrifying Clown
- Maria- The Intense Contortionist
- Ben- The Washed Up Writer
- Alissa- The Pyromaniac Pyrotechnic
- Kris- The Drunk Magician
- Leah- The Drunk Magician's Unattractive Assistant
- Osten- The Shrek Impersonator
- Jil- The Girl That Has A Crush On Kyle
- Terry- The Overdramatic Speaker
The Sparkling Stars
- Nicole- The Dancer
- MC McDirty- The DJ
- Bob- The Abstract Painter
- Sydney- The Psychic
- Arthur- The Renaissance Man
- Kelly- The Boulder's Intern
- The Boulder- The Wrestler
- Leo- The Actor
- Jenna- The Ventriloquist
- Louis- The Jazz Musician
- Kendall- The Social Media Mogul
Chapter One: The Entertainment Is In
A balding man in his forties sheepishly stares at his son, who is turning ten years old, as the young boy barked orders to him, “Dad, did I stutter? I said I want the best entertainers. I want them to compete in order for them to serve me. I want them to suffer. I want it to all be recorded. Do you not understand that?”
“Please Kyle, stop yelling. I understand completely, I’ll make the call right now. Just stop yelling,” the man sighs. He pulls out his phone and made a quick call.
“You’re so weak, this is why mom left you you know,” Kyle pouts. He folds his arms over his chest and averts his eyes from his father.
“Kyle Dunderson! Your mother was hit by a runaway ice cream truck, she didn’t leave me,” the man says in a flustered tone. The bratty child had struck a nerve.
“She wanted to be hit by that ice cream truck,” Kyle says coldly. The father starts sobbing and talks on the phone while the theme song begin to play. It was hard to hear over the father’s sobs though.
A text at the bottom of the screen appears and reads two weeks later. It’s written in comic sans and has a blinding glow. The father and son from earlier stare out into the open water on their private dock. Kyle swiftly kicks his father in the shin and then as the dad gets the hint he began to turn around.
“Hello, my name is Richard Dunderson. I’m a multi-billionaire philanthropist and entrepreneur. In honor of my precious little boy turning ten this month I will be hosting a competition in order for him to get quality entertainment for a lifetime. A birthday bash for the birthday boy that will surely make me relevant in the media again. Yes, 22 entertainment professionals are coming to stay at our private campground. They will compete for the job of a lifetime. Literally, the job will be theirs until their corpses wither to dust,” the father says through tears. Throughout the speech he rubs his shin to dull the pain. Kyle bursts out laughing every time this happens.
“My daddy will be hosting this using challenges and ideas from lil’ ol’ me! He’s so sweet like that,” Kyle giggles in a faux innocent tone. He pushes out his dimples with a wide smile at the camera.
“I think I hear the first boat now,” The father says as a speed boat comes racing in towards the dock. On the boat is a tall, lanky man dressed in a striped shirt and black pants. Face make up emphasizes his expression of extreme disgust and misery. He puts out a cigarette on his pants and marches off the boat.
“Ooh, how edgy!” Richard gasps. Kyle rolls his eyes and began to glare at the man. The man glares back and the tension between the two is thick and heavy in the air..
“Dad, did you invite a mime to my Birthday Bash? You know Bobby was invited to my party and he’s deathly afraid of mimes. You better not let him win,” Kyle seethes.
“Aw, this is Pepe! The most stereotypical French mime to ever make it in the big leagues! He’s a lot like you! I’m sure you’ll grow to love him,” Richard says through a fake smile that was plastered on his face. The camera cuts to Richard in a gazebo that will be used for confessions, “Pepe is the rudest mime of the century and Kyle is a little asshole. They’re completely the same. No wonder they hate each other.”
Pepe gives Kyle the one fingered salute and plops down on a bench on the dock. He strikes a match and lights another long cigarette. The strong cologne leaking out from under his arms chokes a nearby squirrel to death.
The next boat crashes into the rocks and explodes. Richard stares in absolute horror while Pepe continues to growl at Kyle in French. A pale white hand latches onto Richard’s leg and he shrieks.
“The man who drove me. Now drowns in his ignorance. Climate change is real,” A girl with matted red hair croaks. A fish falls out of her mouth and flops on the dock.
“Oh god, a sea hag! My dad was right they are real!” Richard screeches in terror as the girl climbs out of the lake.
“Hag I’m a women. Do not judge me for my looks. Patriarchy kills,” The girl says.
“So far a mime and an ugly lady that only speaks in haikus. You are sure in touch with what’s entertaining,” Kyle snaps at Richard who is trying to compose himself.
“I’m sorry Karen, you just surprised me there,” Richard sighs. He brushes off his suit and looks out back towards the water. The camera cuts to Richard in the confessional again, “I’m pretty sure that girl just murdered the captain.”
A large red shoe, around size ten, slams onto the dock with a loud squeak. An overweight clown with an ear-splitting grin stares at Richard intensely. Richard finally makes eye contact with the new contestant and promptly throws up.
“What’s wrong there big fella?” The clown chuckled in a high-pitched, hoarse voice. The laughter grows more intense until he starts coughing.
“Nothing Stephen, nothing,” Richard says as a cold shiver runs down his spine. He tries to stop shaking and act natural but is unsuccessful.
“You terrify me. Yet I am in love with you. See me later clown,” Karen whispers into the clowns ear. Her fiery red hair is starting to flair out to the sides. Richard stares at the two in absolute horror.
Then, a woman’s barefoot touches Richard on the shoulder. The man breaks down into tears and screams, “Stop! Stop! Why?”
“What is his issue?” the woman to whom the foot belongs scoffs. She walks on her hands over to the other contestants.
“My dad’s a pansy don’t worry about him,” Kyle says in an embarrassed tone. Richard shoots a look at him and then throws a smile back onto his face.
“Sorry about that Maria. I’m a little on edge right now,” Richard says through a tight smile.
The next boat races in and on the boat is a small brown haired man. He walks off the bus writing in a notebook.
“Hello Ben, I see you’re writing something. It’s been awhile since anyone has seen you,” Richard says happily to meet someone who isn’t a complete freak.
“Oh, I’ve been busy writing this story about people with powers based on drugs it’s very interesting,” the man, Ben, continues to ramble as Richard looks at the next boat coming towards them. “Um, excuse me? I’m talking about my story. Aren’t you interested?”
“Nobody’s interested you mediocre hasbeen. Shut up,” Kyle says harshly. Ben begins to shield his eyes and cry softly.
Fireworks launch off of the new boat and a girl on the top is shredding on a guitar that spits out fire. The girl laughs hysterically. A firework hits a nearby dock and sets it on fire. Before she can set off anymore the boat abruptly stops and the girls catapults onto the dock.
“Alyssa are you alright?” Richard says as the girl pries herself off of the ground. She pits out a piece of wood.
“That was nuts!” she begins to laugh again and can barely choke out any other words. “I need to do that again.”
“No, no you don’t. There are enough docks destroyed,” Richard sighs. Alyssa sadly walks over to the other campers. She sees Pepe struggling to get his lighter to work and happily helps out the mime by completely torching his cigarette by using an air horn that spits fire.
“Can someone take that away from her please?” Richard asks in a high-pitched, upset tone.
Suddenly a monotone voice blares through a megaphone, “Introducing the king of magic, Kris Diablo. Please stay in your seats and don’t get too excited. I know I won’t.”
“Shut up Leah, I didn’t get this gig so you could crap all over it with your bad attitude, your baditude,” A man, Kris, snaps bitterly at the speaker. Kris’s speech is slurred and it’s made obvious why as he stumbles out of the boat holding a beer bottle. He crashes onto the bench.
“I’m sorry Mr. Dunderson but it seems that my boss has been incapacitated. You may speak to him whenever he wakes up,” Leah says in an uninterested tone. She pulls out a nail file and sits on the bench.
“You want to hear about my story?” Ben asks excitedly while shoving his notebook into her face.
“Um,” Leah looks at Ben quickly, bites her lip, and sighs, “no.”
“Oh that’s fine I guess,” Ben says dejectedly. He goes back to writing. Stephen heavily breathes over his shoulder and stares at his notes. He looks up and squeals as he sees the next contestant.
A large man with green body paint smeared all over him chomps into an onion and then flashes a smile.
“Ooh, a shrek character. How original dad,” Kyle sneers, “I saw a contestant just like that on that Total Drama Kingdom show.”
“Stop plugging other shows your daddy needs this publicity,” Richard whispers to Kyle. He extends a hand to the large man but before he shakes his hand he smells the putrid stench of onions and raw sewage.He quickly snatches his hand back and points to the other contestants.
“Sit over there Osten and there are communal showers so feel free to use them,” Richard says quickly and bluntly. He shoves Osten away with his shoe.
“‘Ello maties! Argh! Shrek shrek shrek,” Osten shouted in a booming voice. Ben starts crying and holds onto him while everyone else slowly inches away from the two.
“Excuse me, Mr. Dunderson,” A little girl, around Kyle’s age, squeaks as she pulls on Richard’s polo shirt.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there Jil. You don’t have to sit with the other contestants if you want, I’m sure Kyle will love to spend time with you,” Richard beams at the little girl. She happily skips towards Kyle and hugs him tightly. Kyle’s face turns beat red, and he shoots a menacing glance at his father.
“Please, my wife is going to leave me. I need you to buy these self help tapes. Please,” A man in a sharp suit begs on his knees to one of the boat’s crew members.
“I don’t think I’m the one who needs help buddy,” the crew member says. The man wipes tears from his eyes and steps off the boats.
“Hello! Is this the gig? Who here needs a life coach?” the man says happily. He looks at the crowd of people and none of them make eye contact.
“Welcome Terry,” Richard says he pushes the man away towards the other contestants hoping he doesn’t start crying again. Terry sits down and offers a handshake to Pepe who promptly spits in it.
A brown hair girl hopped off of the boat and landed gracefully next to Richard. Richard, used to being surprised by the contestants by now, turns around and happily greets her, “Hello Nicole, glad to see you took time out of your schedule.”
“I could spare a day to perform some routine for your kid Mr. Dunderson,” Nicole smiles and walks over to the other contestants. Ben waves frantically and points at Osten.
The camera cuts to Richard in the confessional, “I may have forgot to mention how long this lasts to the contestants. It isn’t my fault they didn’t read the fine print though.
“Yo yo yo! Guess who just showed up to tear down this hiz house!” A man screamed at the top of his lungs from the boat. He looked like a fairy with bad fasion sense had thrown up on him and he was trying to play it off as a cool aesthetic. He wasn’t playing it off.
“Ew dad who is this poser,” Kyle says in disgust. Richard stares at the trainwreck of a man in awe of how one person can be this terrible.
“It’s MC McDirty ready to drop some dope beats! Who’s this little man? Wassup my lil’ playa?” the man says to Kyle as he steps off the boat. He bends down to give Kyle a high five and Kyle swiftly plants a kick right inbetween the man’s legs.
“Never speak to me again or look in my direction,” Kyle snarls as McDirty whimpers on the floor.
The camera pans to a man painting while surfing on a killer wave. Richard stares in awe trying to fathom how the wave showed up in the windless weather. The man flashes a smile at the camera and gently slides onto the shore.
“You see, being in touch with art and nature is all the matters in this world. The world loves art and so it loves me,” the man says as a bolt of lightning strikes his painting and turns it into a masterpiece.
“Bob?” Richard shouts as the man admires his work. Pepe makes a rude threatening gesture towards the man for stepping on his anguished art scene.
“Were you expecting me?” Bob asks calmly.
“I was expecting you to come on a boat?” Richard screams in frustration and confusion.
“Nature takes me where I need to go Ricky, not man,” Bob says and a rainbow appears over the docks. The other contestants look at him in awe and wonder.
“He’s like some weird psychic hippie man,” Terry whispers to Kyle who was still in a drunken stupor.
“Did someone say psychic?” A woman shouts at the top of her lungs next to Terry. Terry screams and jumps into Kyle’s lap.
“No, no. I didn’t hear anyone say that. Who said psychic?” Richard asks in frustration. Terry raises his hand cautiously “Stop giving people segways Terry. Hello Sydney, I see your eccentric as ever.”
“Your beauty is like a glorious, passionate flower of passion. I shall win your heart by nightfall fair damsel,” the newest contestant says to Sydney. He’s a man dressed in full knight’s gear.
“What’s your zodiac sign?” Sydney asks in an uninterested tone.
“It is a Taurus my beautiful maiden,” the contestant bows his head clumsily.
“Sorry honey, ain’t gonna work out,” Sydney says and then turns away from him.
“Maybe the next maiden will be someone who your sun sign is compatible with Arthur,” Richard says as he tries to console the crestfallen knight.
“Quit your whining pansy, oh yeah, cause The Boulder is here! Alright, mmm yeah,” An insanely muscular man shouts. He punches Arthur and flexes for Sydney. A small girl stands behind him and blushes awkwardly. She tries to drag the gigantic meathead away from Sydney but she’s too small and gives up after struggling for a minute.
“Well Boulder it’s nice to see you have no problems introducing yourself. I see you brought your assistant Kelly with you,” Richard sighs as the Boulder continues to flex.
“The talent has arrived!” A blond effeminate man shouts as he flings his hands in the air dramatically.
“Who are you, brother?” Boulder says in his gruff voice. The man clutches his chest dramatically and swoons.
“I’m Leo, one of the twenty-first century’s greatest actors,” the man says as Boulder stares at him blankly.
“Where are your awards then, brother?” Boulder says causing Leo to turn his back to Boulder quickly.
“Boulder don’t bring up Leo’s lack of talent or awards please, it upsets him,” Richard scolds Boulder and Leo begins to look even more flustered.
A hideous screech erupts from a wooden puppet being held by a tall, lanky girl. The girl stares off into space as the puppet’s head rotates 360 degrees around.
“Hello Jenna, um, please sit over there. Just sit far away from me,” Richard says as the girl breathes heavily.
A large man bursts off of the boat playing the trumpet loudly. Most people enjoy the music other than McDirty who is eyeing the other musician with a face of intense envy. Richard claps, “Nice to see we got some real talent here, welcome Louis.”
“Glad to be here, Rich. It’s always nice getting back in the old limelight,” Louis says happily. He shakes Richard’s hand and Richard looks at it in wonder.
“Ayy lmao, nice. Holla at your girl it’s Kendall here,” A girl said into her phone camera as she backed off of the boat. “I’ve been sitting on a boat with sweaty guys for a long time, we only came from like 3 miles away. Why did we even get off at the docks when we could have drove here?”
“Kendall! The last one to make it I see,” Richard then turns to the camera and flashed a smile. He walks forward and speaks, “I hope the next time you’re on that boat it sinks! With the final contestant arriving that’s all the time we have here today.”
“Wait, shouldn’t we get to know each other more?” Nicole asks Richard while he rambles into the camera about the next episode.
“No, shut up,” Richard smiles at her with his perfect white teeth. The interns begin to dismantle the set while Richard continues to smile at Nicole uncomfortably. The contestants stare at him for a while and his eyes begin to water from not blinking. Through gritted teeth he chokes out, “Is the camera off now?”
“I don’t know how to turn it off, sir,” The intern says as he mashes buttons on the camera trying to find out how to stop it from filming.
“Well you know what I know how to do? I know how to fire you,” Richard seethes through his fake smile. Osten is munching on an onion and staring into the camera furiously.
“Please sir, I have a wife and kids. They are so happy about their dad being a movie star, it would break their heart if you fired me. I have an idea,” The intern frantically begs as he struggles to figure out how to turn off the camera.
“Have you tried pressing the stop button?” Kelly asks meekly.
“Oh wait! Thanks,” The intern says happily. Richard slaps his hand on his face and almost says a cuss word before the camera cuts to black.