This story is rated PG-13.
There is some language or violence that may not be appropriate for people under thirteen years of age.

Nalyd Renrut hates Courtney. She is his least favorite character and here are a collection of stories about her.

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Please note, this story contains some content some readers might find inappropriate. Things like pandas, Chinese food, way too many injuries, dirty diapers, oranges, and lots of death. If you are a fan of Courtney I suggest you turn around and read book.

Episode One - "So Crazy, I Can't Even Tell You Guys"

After Courtney was voted out of Total Drama Island, she returned home. Courtney became the laughing stalk of her school. She was commonly pelted with rocks and Canadian geese eggs.

One day she was eating lunch alone and a boy walked up to her. His name was Tony and he was the hottest boy in the school. “Hey Courtney,” he said smiling.

Courtney practically melted. “Hey Tony.”

“Courtney would you like to go to the dance with m-”

“Yes!” Courtney screamed interrupting him.

“I was going to say my friend’s pet raccoon with rabies!” Tony screamed laughing at her. The cafeteria exploded in laughter and Courtney ran out. She tripped and landed face first in mud.

That night the raccoon arrived at her house, but bit her. She was found later that night head first in a trash can. She had rabies and had to be sent to the hospital. The doctor saw Courtney out the window of his office and locked the hospital.

Courtney had to return to school the next day. Her rabies took control and she bit a kindergartner. Courtney was arrested and was sent to jail.

At her trial, she represented herself, but went berserk and bit the judge, giving him rabies. Courtney was sent to jail and was frequently beaten up by her cell-mate. People sometimes visit her in jail to throw bricks at her. The guards don’t mind.

Ten months later Courtney was let out of jail, and on her way out fell into a sewer. She befriended the rats and they embarked down into the earth’s crust looking for the mole king. She accidentally dug straight through to China where she was arrested again. She never escaped and currently works delivering Chinese food to pandas.

Episode Two - "Oh ****, I Just Mixed Up the Two Speeches"

After Courtney was voted out of Total Drama Island, she returned home. Courtney became the laughing stalk of her school. She was commonly pelted with rocks and Canadian geese eggs.

One day, Courtney’s social studies class had a video project. Each student had to make a video about politics. “This will be so fun!” Courtney said, and she stood up. “When I grow up I’m going to be president!” The class exploded in laughter because Courtney had Chinese food hanging out of her nose. She attempted to lick it out but her tongue fell off and she had to be evacuated.

She spent the rest of the week in her bedroom eating peanut butter through a straw. She also worked on a video about how important tongues are for presidents.

One day, the meanest boy in the class Philip stopped by. “I’m Philip,” he said when Courtney’s mother opened the door. “I’m here to bring Courtney her homework.”

“Oh, well wasn’t that thoughtful. Courtney’s not feeling so well ever since she lost her tongue. Why don’t you come in for a minute, I’ll get you some cookies.”

“Thanks Mrs. U.” The two walked in and Philip saw two tapes on the table. In a few minutes, Courtney’s mom returned.

“Here you go,” she said and handed Philip a handful of cookies.

“Mom!” Courtney screamed, “I eed more peaut buer (I need more peanut butter)!”

“Coming, dear!” Her mother waved good-bye to Philip and ran upstairs with a fresh container.

The next day at school Courtney presented her project. “I i my proect (this is my project),” Courtney said and put the tape in. Philip started giggling.

A two year old Courtney appeared on the screen wearing a diaper and Powerpuff Girl shirt. “Mommy!” she screamed, “I need a new diaper!” The class exploded in laughter. The screen turned fuzzy and the picture returned. “Mommy, I tried going in the big girl potty but I fell off.” The class exploded again. The screen went fuzzy again and went to a shot of baby Courtney going very high on a swing. She went all the way up, and slipped on the way down, launching herself into the ground. “Mommy! I need a new diaper!” The class all died from laughter and Courtney died of humiliation.

Episode Three - "I'm Violently Allergic to Apples!"

After Courtney was voted out of Total Drama Island, she returned home. Courtney became the laughing stalk of her school. She was commonly pelted with rocks and Canadian geese eggs.

Courtney was sitting in her math class and the teacher was handing back tests. She handed one to Courtney and shrieked. “Courtney, you smell like a dirty diaper! Get out of my classroom!” Courtney ran out and ran to the locker room. She ran into the girls’ locker room; but when the girls smelled her they had to be medically evacuated. Courtney was sued for thirteen billion dollars.

The next day, Courtney went down to the cafeteria. She sat alone in the corner, and ate peanut butter. “Food fight!” Philip screamed. Philip was known for causing trouble. Everyone threw moldy cheese, Canadian geese eggs, and ketchup at each other.

Courtney was hit in the eye by a slice of orange. She shrieked, “My eye! I’m violently allergic to oranges!” Everyone froze, looked at each other, and began pelting Courtney with oranges. Courtney began bloating and turning different colors.

“What is going on in here?” the principal screamed. He ran in, cursing under his breath. “What are you doing?”

“Pelting Courtney with oranges,” Philip said.

“Why?” the principal asked.

“She’s violently allergic,” Tony explained.

The principal glared at Tony. “Give me that orange.” Tony gave him the orange, and he principal threw it. It hit Courtney in the stomach and she exploded. “Wow!” the principal said laughing, “That was so fun! When Courtney recovers, let’s pelt her some more!” The school cheered, and every Monday was “Pelt Courtney with Oranges Day.” Courtney tried to stay home, but her mother wanted her to get over her fear of other people.

Episode Four - "It's Called a Medical Condition, Gosh!"

After Courtney was voted out of Total Drama Island, she returned home. Courtney became the laughing stalk of her school. She was commonly pelted with rocks and Canadian geese eggs.

During lunch one dreary Monday, Courtney was being medically evacuated. The principal had thrown an orange at her and she swallowed it.

The next day, Courtney was in gym class. That day, the class was playing basketball. Courtney was not picked for a team, because one team picked a pickle. Courtney was sent home after biting the pickle and giving it rabies.

The next Tuesday there was no pickle so Courtney had to be picked. However, one kid pulled a piece of gum out of his pocket and it was chosen instead of Courtney.

On Wednesday, Courtney went to art class, and the class made sculptures. Courtney thought the clay looked tasty so she ate a bite. She ate some more and the got gas. The teacher gave her suspension after the farts killed a kid. “It’s a medical condition!” she screamed.

Courtney was brought to a fart doctor who told her the only hope was for her to lick her elbow. Courtney tried, and tried, took a break, then continued to try. Soon, her neck snapped and she went limp.

“Oh my god doctor! She’s dead!” the nurse shrieked.

“Wow, it’s true. She was special, all right,” he said. Courtney was buried next to her guinea pig in the backyard.

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