This story is rated PG-13.
There is some language or violence that may not be appropriate for people under thirteen years of age.

So to make a long story short, I had a weird dream and my internet was out. So I decided to write and ended up writing my dream into a story. So basically Izzy (and friends) go on a quest for The McGuffin in different places. And nothing makes any sense, but it being my story, that's expected. So I'll write more of these short stories eventually.

Chapter 1 Izzy and Friends; Genies, Flying Camels and the McGuffin Quest in the Desert

A long, long, long, long, time ago in 2008, Izzy had a vision of sugarplums dancing in her head. After talking to her friends about her dream they all agreed; they would go through the desert to find the Temple of Fanfiction Allusions and References, to find the McGuffin. And they may stop at Apple Bees on the way cause they were craving some boneless barbecue wings and they had a coupon…

“Izzy?” Bridgette asks. “Where did you get your hair?”

“I scalped it from some chick in India,” Izzy replies.

“Cool!” Bridgette says. “I wish had some hair from India.”

“Well you’re in luck!” Izzy says. “Because guess what’s in that chocolate pie you guys are eating?”

“Hair?” Noah asks.

“No silly,” Izzy says. “My S**T!

Everyone throws up.

“I told you you shouldn’t have let her borrow your copy of The Help,” Noah says before throwing up.

“Seriously,” Izzy states before upchucking again.

“Why are you throwing up?” Noah asks annoyed.

“I felt left out,” Izzy states.

Izzy and her five friends were in the desert, trying to find the Temple of Fanfiction Allusions and References… and an Apple Bees. They were traveling on a magical flying Camel named Kaboobie, who was walking on foot rather than flying, because an image of all of them riding a flying camel walking through a desert seemed cool to me.

“Why am I here?” Heather asks. “None of you even like me!”

“We love you Heather!” Bridgette states. “But only for your body.”

Heather sighs. “I know.”

“I don’t love Heather for her body,” Noah states.

“That’s cause you love Cody for his body!” Izzy states.

“No,” Noah states.

“You love Katie for her body?” Izzy asks.

“No,” The High I.Q. replies.

“Eva?” The psycho asks.

“No,” Noah replies.

Well you’re out of fan preferred pairings bub so be happy dying alone!” Izzy shouts.

“It’s better than your company,” Noah replies.

“Um why am I here?” Dawn asks. “I don’t even know you!”

“Yeah,” Izzy replies. “But I’m a fan of Dott and I needed a new generation contestant.”

“Oh yeah,” Staci says. “My great, great, great, grandpa’s cousin twice removed invented the new generation contestants. Before that there was Total Drama World Tour and everyone sang off key.”

“Why she is here?” Noah asks.

“I like her,” Izzy states.

“When are we getting to this stupid place?” Heather asks. “And an Apple Bees.”

“Whenever we reach that part in the plot,” Izzy replies.

“What plot?” Noah asks.

“My great, great cousin on my mom’s side invented plot holes,” Staci states. “Before that everything sense. And my great, great, great, great, great, aunt invented two cents. Before that you had to gave one cent to give your opinion yeah.”

“Are we lost?” Bridgette asks.

“Don’t worry everyone,” Izzy says. “Kaboobie knows where he is going. Right Kaboobie?”

“Moo,” Kaboobie replies.

“That means yes,” Izzy states. “I speak camel.”

“He was speaking cow,” Noah states.

“You’re a cow!” Izzy yells.

“Seriously,” Heather says. “You’re such a fatty Noah, with your jelly belly. Patty Fatty.”

“Maybe I should be bulimic like you,” Noah states.

“If you want to be bulimic you should eat more of my pie!” Izzy yells.

“Guys we have a problem!” Bridgette shouts.

“What?” Dawn asks.

“There is a wild cupcake!” Bridgette shouts pointing. “AND IT’S HEADED RIGHT FOR US!”

“Everyone stay still,” Dawn warns. “There eyesight is based on movement. And their ITunes music.”

“Oh no!” Izzy yells. “It’s listening to Katy Perry’s Hot N Cold! That’s so 2008!”

“Cause you’re hot than you’re cold, you’re yes than you’re no,” Noah sings. “You’re in than you’re out, you’re up than you’re down.”

“We lost Noah!” Dawn shouts.

“Quick let’s feed him to cupcake and escape while it’s brutally murdering him,” Heather suggests.

“That’s a great idea!” Izzy cheers.

She throws Noah to the cupcake.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Noah screams in agony. “I’m dying!”

“Cool story bro,” Izzy replies.

“You know we could have just shot it with a shotgun,” Bridgette states pointing to a pile of loaded shotguns next to Izzy.

“Nah,” Izzy replies. “His death will seem cool when they make a lifetime movie about this. Now let’s go.”

As they leave Noah head is flung in Izzy’s cleavage.

“Cool!” Izzy cheers. “Now we can strap his head to a monkey and bring the head back to life with the power of Goldfish! Then will have a sidekick and we can punch my mom for not giving me Kool-Aid! HA!”

Then Izzy eats Dawn.

“Look that cupcake died from overeating!” Heather says. “Noah was too fat for the cupcake. The Patty Fatty.”

“Guys I’m bored,” Bridgette states.

“I know!” Izzy says. “Let’s take off our tops and make out!”

Izzy!” Bridgette yells. “That’s a great idea!”

“I’ll film it!” Heather volunteers.

“My great, great, great, grandma’s grandma’s pet dog’s triplets invented lesbians,” Staci states. “Before that men’s fantasies weren’t as perverted.”

“Baa,” Kaboobie states.

“Kaboobie’s right,” Izzy says. “The censors won’t let us. But look we’re here at the Temple of Fanfiction Allusions and References!”

They enter the temple…to discover it’s a cheap hotel!

“We went all this way to go to a hotel?” Heather asks.

“My great, great, great, great, uncle invented hotels,” Staci states. “Before that when people went places they had to sleep on the ground and people tripped on the sleeping people. And my great, great, great, great, great, great, aunt’s sister found out how to tie shoelaces because my great, great, grandfather made shoelaces yeah.”

“Are you done?” Heather asks.

“Look a check in!” Staci points out.

“Hey,” The hotel manager replies.

“Wait a minute aren’t you the author of this?” Izzy asks.

“Yeah,” The manager replies.

“And you also write Total Drama What The Heck right?” Izzy asks.

“Yes,” The manager replies. “I do. You guys know Julie right?”


Izzy shoots the author with the previous mentioned shotguns.

“What did you do?” Bridgette asks.

“I did the world a favor,” Izzy says licking the shotgun.

“Amen,” Bridgette says.

“Finally,” Heather says.

“Yeah,” Staci says.

“Oh my god,” Heather says pointing. “They have an Apple Bees in this crappy temple!”

Transition to Izzy and friends almost finished at Apple Bees

“And my great, great, great, great, great, uncle made Total Deception Island,” Staci says. “Before that there was Total Drama: Best of the Best which my…

“Shut it,” Heather states. “Or so help me…”

“And my great, great, great, great, great, great, grandfather’s grandfather made Legacy,” Staci says. “And like 50 billion wiki grandchildren along with JustLittleOlMe.”

“That’s it!” Heather yells.

Then Heather and Staci make out.

“Oh and I couldn’t make out with Bridgette topless?” Izzy asks. “What’s with that Kaboobie?”

“Cho, Cho,” Kaboobie says.

“What’s going on?” Noah asks.

“Oh hey Noah,” Izzy says. “We fed you to an evil cupcake and your head came off so I put it on a monkey that’s been taking drugs and brought your head back to life with the power of goldfish! So now you’re like Frankenstein’s head on a drugged up monkey! And were at the temple and I got a keychain at the gift shop!”

“Please someone kill me,” Noah begs.

Suddenly a float genie head appears.

“I am here to grant you three wishes!” The genie exclaims.

“Why?” Heather asks.

“…I’m lonely,” The poor floating genie head says.

“I wish this made sense!” Noah exclaims.

“I’m not a miracle worker,” The genie exclaims.

“Well then I was my head wasn’t on a monkey!” Noah shouts.

Your wish is my command,” The floating genie head says. “Your head will not be on a monkey!”

“Thank you,” Noah says.

“It will be on two monkeys!”

“What?” Noah asks. A second monkey grows out of Noah’s head.

“Oh I wish for there to be a third monkey under Noah’s head!” Izzy states.

“Really?” Noah asks.

“'So you wish it, so it shall be!'” the genie exclaims.

Then a third monkey grows from Noah’s head.

“You have one final wish,” The floating genie head states.

“I know,” Bridgette says. “I wish we had a great dessert to have!”

“Ok,” The genie says.

The genie summons some brownies.

“I made them myself,” The floating genie head states.

Izzy and friends quickly grab them and start eating.

“These are great!” Izzy exclaims.

“Yeah,” Staci says.

“Seriously,” Heather states.

“I agree,” Dawn’s ghost says.

“I have three monkeys connected to my zombie head!” Noah yells.

“These are so good,” Bridgette states. “What did you make them out of?”

“Oh nothing,” The floating genie head says. “…Just my S**T!"

Izzy and friends throw up.


Izzy and Friends; Moon Gorilla Nazis, Cookies, and the McGuffin Quest IN SPACE!

A long, long, long, long, time ago in 2008, in a galaxy that isn’t far away, but seems so because I’m too lazy to get up and go over there, Izzy had a vision of sugarplums dancing in her head. After talking to her friends about her dream they all agreed; they would build a space rocket and travel moon to find the McGuffin. Then they will defeat the moon gorilla Nazis, so they can return cheese to earth… “Ok friends,” Izzy states. “How is the rocket building going?”

“Well, we glued a slug to a wooden block,” Bridgette replies.

“Then we took a twelve hour lunch break at Arbys,” Noah states.

“And the slug died,” Dawn states.

“In our defense we had a coupon for Arbys,” Heather states.

“Wow, we are doing better than I thought!” Izzy cheers.

Izzy and friends were hoping to travel to the moon by building a rocket in Izzy’s suburban backyard. But Izzy and friends are far from rocket engineers. They are also far from Burbank.

“So we need a new plan,” Izzy states. “Anyone have any new ideas? Staci?”

“Yeah, my great, great, great, grandma’s grandfather’s only granddaughter invented rockets,” Staci replies. “Before that, the only way to space was through abductions or investing in moon condos.”

“Well we don’t have the money nor real state experience for moon condos,” Izzy replies. “And the only aliens that will abduct people in UFOs are in Roswell, New Mexico, and I can’t go there because my cousin lives there and we are in a fight on MySpace.”

“That’s understandable,” Bridgette replies.

“No it isn’t,” Heather states. “Why are you still on MySpace? Everyone uses Facebook!”

“Um, I use Twitter,” Bridgette replies.

“I use Instagram,” Dawn states.

“What is Instagram?” Bridgette asks.

“Its like Facebook and Twitter’s love child,” Dawn replies. “You post pictures as a status, but only pictures and no words. And then people follow your page and you can follow others.”

“You guys are so mainstream,” Izzy states. “MySpace is so unused it is Hipster.”

“My great, great, great, great, uncle’s aunt’s uncle’s grandfather’s daughter invented social networking,” Staci states. “Before that people had lives and humans weren’t ruled by computers.”

“Why don’t we just steal a rocket from NASA?” Noah asks.

“Because that is ridiculous,” Izzy replies. “Go sit in the time out corner for being a idiot!”

“What do you think you are my mom?” Noah asks.

“Yes!” Izzy replies in an apron. “And you are a failure to me! You bring shame on the family! Why can’t you be like your sister? You never breast fed as a kid, that’s why you’re scrawny! Why didn’t you breast feed? Did you think I had flat chest? Or maybe because you wanted Cody to breast fed you!”

“What are you talking about?” Noah asks.

“I WANTED A BOY!” Izzy shouts.

“I am a boy!” Noah replies.

“You could have fooled me with the way you PMS!” Izzy shouts.

“Seriously menstruation station,” Heather says. “Get it together or see a doctor.”

“If you don’t behave Noah then your father Staci will spank you!” Izzy states.

“Um excuse me?” Heather asks. “No. You’re new to the block so let me lay down some ground rules. Staci is my man. I will kill you if you interfere!”

“But Staci is husband!” Izzy yells. “Home-wrecker! Staci, Heather can’t make casseroles or nag you like I can!”

“She can’t pull off these earrings like I can,” Heather replies.

“She has you there,” Bridgette states.

“My great, great cousin two and a half times removed invented cat fights,” Staci states. “Before that cats got along really well.”

“Aren’t we suppose to go to the moon?” Noah asks.

“Oh yeah…” Izzy says. “So Dawn, can your mystical (and extremely vague) powers help?”

“Well they can tell me about how you are as a person through your aura,” Dawn replies.

“What do they say about me?” Bridgette asks.

“Well your aura is sky blue and is calm and caring,” Dawn replies. “Like a mix of Oprah and Mother Theresa, with a smidgen of sadism and Mojo Jojo.”

“What does mine say?” Izzy asks.

“Your aura is hyperactive and bouncy, and the color keeps changing,” Dawn states.

“What does that mean?” Bridgette asks.

“It means Izzy suffers from sever kinds of mental problems from multiple personality disorder to posttraumatic stress,” Dawn states. “This is likely due to childhood neglect combined with bad luck, believing a string of lies and an overall lack of self confidence. Or a ham sandwich.”

“Your powers are fake,” Noah says scoffing.

“Oh really? You know what they say about you?” Dawn asks.

“What?” Noah says with an eye roll.

“You act high and mighty to hide the fact you lack faith in yourself,” Dawn states. “This is do to you compensating for your small body size along with the fact your parents don’t love you enough because they didn’t plan for you and love all your other siblings more. You say you are assured you are smart but this is a façade, because inside is a little girl Noah screaming out to be loved.”

“What color is his aura?” Izzy asks.

“Magenta!” Dawn replies.

Suddenly a space rocket falls on to the backyard.

“We have made it to earth!” Two little green men say exiting the spaceship.

“Yo aliens,” Izzy yells. “I’ll trade you half a cookie for that spaceship.”

“Wait Izzy, are you sure we are willing to lose that much for this?” Bridgette asks.

“Well what else do we have?” Izzy asks. “If we don’t stop those Moon Gorilla Nazi will have a cheese tax! They’ll even tax our cheese puns! CHEESE PUNS! WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT CHEESE PUNS?”

“We could give them Noah!” Bridgette suggests. “Not like any of us want him! We aren’t really even losing anything!”

“Do you think aliens would really trade a spaceship for Noah?” Izzy asks. “It’s Noah! THINK WOMAN!”

“…I hate you all so much,” Noah states.

“Hey earthlings, we aren’t trading our rocket!” One of the aliens yells.

“Do you really think we would trade our rocket for half a cookie?” The other asks.

“Um…kind of…yeah,” Izzy replies simply.

And with just those words, the aliens trade their rocket for a half eaten cookie.

“Man she’s persuasive,” One of the aliens says.

As the team blast off into they discuss the plan.

“So, we’ll use the element of surprise to catch the moon gorilla Nazis off guard,” Izzy states. “Then once we find the McGuffin, we’ll defeat them and return the moon, and the majority of the world’s supply of cheese, to Earth.”

“The moon doesn’t have cheese,” Noah states.

“Yes it does,” Izzy replies. “Someone didn’t watch Wallace and Gromit! Now are we ready to start the perfect plan?”

“No,” Heather replies.

“And why not?” Izzy asks.

“Because The Moon Gorilla Nazis evil spaceship is right outside,” Heather states.

“Oh,” Izzy replies.

“And they’re using a teleporting beam to teleport us to their spaceship,” Heather states.

“Crap,” Izzy states.

They are teleported in The Moon Gorllia Nazi’s ship…to discover it’s a cheap hotel!

“Poor décor choices,” Bridgette states.

“Welcome Izzy and Friends,” the leader of The Moon Nazi states. “I am Moon Kong, and I was aware you would come to stop me!”

“How?” Izzy asks.

I EAT CHEERIOS!” Moon Kong states.

“Ew, I only eat AppleJacks!” Izzy states.

“Too bad,” Moon Kong replies. “Because we only have Cheerios!”

“I’d rather die than eat Cheerios!” Izzy yells.

“Oh, that can be arranged!” Moon Kong states.

“Yeah it can,” Izzy says. “Because I’m going to hit this self destruct button and blow us all sky high! THAN I’LL NEVER EAT CHEERIOS!

Izzy rushes forward to a red button titled “Self Destruct!

“You would kill us all just so you wouldn’t have to eat Cheerios?” Noah asks.

“…Yeah…” Izzy replies.


...At least the space windmill survived :D ...I think...

...So Izzy, Bridgette, Heather, Dawn, Staci and Moon Kong were the only ones to survive the destruction Noah died, and no one really cared. They all got space helmets on and floated endlessly into space; far from the moon they were so close too. But they, were not defeated, and Izzy was determined to make it too the moon…

“Ok friends,” Izzy states. “How is the rocket building going?”

“Well, we glued a slug to a wooden block,” Bridgette replies.

“Then we took a twelve hour lunch break at Arbys,” Moon Kong states.

“And the slug died,” Dawn states.

“In our defense we had a coupon for Arbys,” Heather states.

“Wow, we are doing better than I thought!” Izzy cheers.

The End

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