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This character page is designed for use with Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan
Characterization[]
Heather is the resident “queen bee”. Ruthless and unscrupulous, she is the Season 1 villain, and the Guide to Incidents frequently refers to her as “the Dark Queen”. Her ethics do have one redeeming virtue, namely that she (sometimes) appears to draw the line at bloodshed. (When the horror movie challenge went awry, and her enemy Gwen came into genuine peril of life and limb, Heather was as appalled as everyone else; but in the final challenge, Heather was clearly relishing the prospect of Gwen being eaten by sharks.)
Strikingly beautiful—probably second only to Lindsay in this regard—it is somewhat surprising that Heather never feigned romantic interest in one boy or another to gain his cooperation. (The compromising incident she staged with Trent had a different purpose.) Heather has the most expressive eyes of all the characters.
Haughty in the extreme, Heather’s attitudes toward her fellow contestants generally ranged from dismissive to openly contemptuous. She is the genre-savvy strategist, but her inability to view the other contestants with any genuine respect significantly impaired the effectiveness of her strategizing. Most notably, she threw away her best chance to send Gwen packing early in the competition, preferring to inflict a petty humiliation instead, and eventually paid the price.
Heather, like Courtney, became the leader of her team, and for the same reasons: partly by strength of personality, and partly by default. Heather is one of several TDI characters with a reasonably close analog (Scaphio in Utopia, Limited) in the Gilbert & Sullivan series.
Heather's Theme[]
“Little List” Song, a.k.a. “As Someday It May Happen” from The Mikado
(click on the link below for the MIDI file)
As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list—I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with ‘em flat—
All people who, when shaking hands, shake hands with you like that—
And all third persons who on spoiling tété-a-tétés insist—
They’d none of them be missed—they’d none of them be missed.
There’s the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano-organist—I’ve got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed—they never would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
All centuries but this and every country but his own;
And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who “doesn’t think she dances, but would rather like to try”;
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist—
I don’t think she’d be missed—I’m sure she’ll not be missed!
And that Nisi Prius nuisance who just now is rather rife,
The Judicial humorist—I’ve got him on the list!
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life—
They’d none of them be missed—they’d none of them be missed.
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
Such as—What do you call him—Thing’em-bob—and likewise—Nevermind,
And ‘St—‘st—‘st—and What’s-his-name, and also You-know-who—
The task of filling up the blanks I’d rather leave to you.
But it really doesn’t matter whom you put upon the list,
For they’d none of them be missed—they’d none of them be missed!
Heather/Beth/Lindsay Relationship Theme[]
“Three Little Maids From School” from The Mikado
(click on the link below for the MIDI file)
"Three Little Maids From School Are We"
Heather/Beth/Lindsay relationship theme (verse 1 & refrain)
Three little maids from school are we,
Pert as a school-girl well can be,
Filled to the brim with girlish glee,
Three little maids from school!
Everything is a source of fun.
Nobody’s safe, for we care for none.
Life is a joke that’s just begun.
Three little maids from school!
Three little maids who, all unwary,
Come from a ladies’ seminary,
Freed from a genius tutelary—
Three little maids from school!
Heather/LeShawna Conflict Theme[]
“Strange the Views Some People Hold” (verse 1) from The Grand Duke
(click on the link below for the MIDI file)
Strange the views some people hold!
Two young fellows quarrel—
Then they fight, for both are bold—
Rage of both is uncontrolled—
Both are stretched out, stark and cold!
Prithee, where’s the moral?
Ding, dong! Ding, dong!
There’s an end to further action,
And this barbarous transaction
Is described as “satisfaction”!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Satisfaction!
Ding, dong! Ding, dong!
Each is laid in churchyard mould—
Strange the views some people hold!
Other Character Verses[]
The following verses fit Heather for her background or character, but don't refer to any specific incidents from the TDI episodes: