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This story is a parody of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, about Cody (and four other campers) going to Chris McCandy's magical Pancake Factory! Look out for the mischievous Hatchet-Loompas! (All the songs are to the tune of the original songs!) (It was written by Nalyd!)


Prologue

This is the story of a boy named Cody. He wasn't stronger, faster, smarter, or in any way better than anyone else. His grandparents all lived in a little box in the back corner of his house. Cody had a mother, but the author doesn't want to explain where his father is. Cody's mother was poor but she made sure that every night they had cabbage.

Cody's grandfather Joe once worked in a pancake factory for the world famous Chris McCandy, or at least he was pretty sure he used to. Everyone got fired from the pancake factory because Mr. McCandy owed money to the government. But one day, McCandy brand pancakes reappeared on the shelves of stores everywhere (except Denmark)!

And now Mr. McCandy is having a contest. He has put a golden toenail clipping in five boxes of pancake batter.


The First Toenail

Ten days after the contest started, a fat boy named Owen found a toenail. "I was just eating pancakes," he happily told reporters, "and I felt something strange in my mouth. I swallowed it. Then a few days later it came back up and I found the golden toenail!" He chomped down on the plate of pancakes he was holding.

"Oh we're very proud," Owen's mother smiled. "His father and I knew immediately that our little Owen would find one!"


The Second Toenail

"My name is Heather, spelt H-E-A-T-H-E-R," Heather said a few days later. She had found the second golden toenail. "My daddy got the second golden toenail for me."

"What did the pancakes taste like, Heather?" a reporter asked.

"Don't talk!" Heather shouted. Her father stepped forward.

"I own a packing peanut factory. I told my workers that instead of putting packing peanuts in boxes, they'd be opening pancake boxes!"


The Third Golden Toenail

With only three toenails left, people were growing anxious, and Owen was growing hungry. The third toenail was found by a little girl named Lindsay.

"I was eating pancakes and then I felt something in my mouth. I swallowed it, and doctor's had to remove it," Lindsay said.

(Remember how Cody wasn't brighter than other children? This little girl is no exception.)

"I love pancakes, but I have to be careful about carbs," Lindsay smiled.

The Fourth Golden Toenail

The fourth golden toenail was found a few days later. "I just did some math calculations and figured it out," Noah said. "I don't even like pancakes."

"What is wrong with you?" a reporter screamed, and stormed out of Noah's house.

"I just really hope I don't end up like one of those kids from the chocolate factory. This seems pretty similar to that book, and the movie, and the remake of the movie starring Johnny Depp."

"Do you think this is a parallel universe?" a reporter asked.

"Yes," Noah said confidently.

The Final Golden Toenail

With only five days left in the contest, the world was going crazy in searching. And then Cody (Remember Cody? The boy who really isn't that great?) found it in his breakfast. "Cody," Grandpa Joe whispered, "run home, and don't stop!" Cody bolted out the door.

"Dad," Cody's mother said, "what did you tell him that for? This is his house!"

"And you are?"

Cody returned later. He was covered with mud and had a black eye. "Not funny grandpa!" Cody said angrily. "Mom! I can bring one person to the pancake factory with me!"

"Bring me, Cody!" Grandpa Joe said. He was sitting in a little box with all the other grandparents. "I used to work for Chris McCandy."

"Really?" Cody asked.

"Either that or fought in World War Three."

"There hasn't been a World War Three."

"Just wait."

Arriving at the Factory

Ten people waited outside the factory at 10:00 a.m. on February first. Owen brought his mother. Heather brought her father. Lindsay brought her mother, and Noah brought his father. Cody brought Grandpa Joe. "Are we there yet?" Grandpa Joe asked Cody.

"Grandpa," he replied, "we've been here!"

"Jeez!" Grandpa Joe exclaimed. "Take a pill, homie!" Cody turned bright red and the other four kids, and their parents, laughed at him.

Chris McCandy walked out of his factory in a purple suit and top hat. "Welcome to my pancake factory! I am Chris McCandy."

Grandpa Joe stepped forward, and Cody thought, Oh dear god. "Mr. McCandy," Grandpa Joe said, "I used to work for you here in the factory."

Chris McCandy raised an eyebrow. "No you didn't.

"Yes, I remember I did."

"No," Mr. McCandy said, "I remember every employee and I never let anybody named Joe work here." Everyone laughed at him again. "Now, come into the factory!" All eleven of them walked in. "Just throw your coats anywhere." Everyone threw their coats at Grandpa Joe. "Welcome to the factory. The first stop on our tour is the pancake room."


The Pancake Room

The ten guests saw the Pancake Room and their jaws dropped, except Noah. "Wow," Owen sighed, "This is what I thought heaven would be like."

"Yawn," Noah said.

"Go ahead," Chris McCandy said, "everything is edible. Go on." Everyone, except Noah, charged out to eat the pancake trees, and syrup fountain.

"Mr. McCorn?" Lindsay asked, "what's that?" She pointed to a group of little muscular men pouring syrup on pancake trees.

"Those are Hatchet-Loompas. They work here in the factory."

Owen had run away from most of the group and was staring at the syrup river. "So beautiful."

"I bet you can't drink it," Noah laughed.

"I probably shouldn't," Owen said. He leaned down, and smelled the syrup. Noah pushed Owen into the river and everyone ran down.

"Owen what are you doing?" his mother shrieked.

"Help, I can't swim!" Owen screamed. He then smiled and said, "I feel like a giant pancake!"

Suddenly a hole opened up in the river and syrup began pouring in. A whirlpool formed and Owen was pulled towards the center. Noah laughed at the victim. "What is going on?" Owen's mother shrieked. She grabbed Chris McCandy by the shoulders. "Where is he going?"

"To the bottling room," Mr. McCandy said. "He will be put into a little bottle and shipped out to Canada."

Owen got stuck in the whole and farted. "Sorry!" he shouted.

Suddenly the Hatchet-Loompas started dancing and then sang;

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa dee doo,

Here is a brand new puzzle for you,

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa da dee,

If you are wise then you'll listen to me,

What do you get when you're round and your fat?

Eating too many pancakes, golden and flat.

Waddling and panting all through your life,

Didn't you know it would cause you strife?

Why not eat a salad?

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa dee da,

If you're under 300 pounds, you will go far,

You will live in happiness too,

Like the Hatcher-Loompa doompa-dee-doo!

The Hatachet-Loompas returned to work and Owen disappeared into the hole. "Well then," Mr. McCandy said, "Mrs. Owen's mom how about you follow this Hatchet-Loompa to the bottling room, and you should find Owen there." Owen's mother followed one of the little men. "Now, on with the tour!"

The Special Syrup Room

"On with the tour!" Mr. McCandy said.

"Excuse me," Cody said, "What will happen to Owen?"

Chris McCandy twitched at the very thought. "Er, nothing." The four children, their parents, and Mr. McCandy walked into a large room with beakers and test tubes and bottles of maple syrup.

"What's this place?" Lindsay asked.

"This is the maple syrup room. It's where we make our amazing maple syrup."

"Oh my gosh, I almost never have maple syrup, too many fatty carby stuff," Lindsay said disgusted.

"Feel free to look around," Chris said, "but don't eat anything."

"Hey Lindsay," Noah said, "I found some low-fat-low-carb-maple-syrup-specially-made-for-hot-blonde-girls-named-Lindsay!"

"No way Nate!" Lindsay said excitedly. "Wait, Mr. McCamel said we couldn't eat anything in here."

"You would be drinking it, not eating it," Noah said.

"Okay!" Lindsay drank the whole bottle.

"No!" Chris McCandy screamed. "That is the high-fat-high-carb-maple-syrup-specially-made-for-anyone-but-hot-blonde-girls-named -Lindsay!"

Lindsay started to grow taller, and wider. "What's going on?" she asked worriedly. "I look like Owen's mom!"

"What is going on?" Lindsay's mom asked Chris.

"She is turning into a giant bottle of maple syrup."

Suddenly the Hatchet Loompas appeared and began singing;

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa dee doo,

Here's another dumb puzzle for you,

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa da dee,

If you are kind then you will kill me.

What do you get when you're blonde and your dumb?

Probably not as smart as Noah's thumb.

Doing whatever other people say,

Didn't you know it would ruin your day?

Why not read a novel?

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa dee da,

If you know the alphabet, you will go far,

You will live in happiness too,

Like the Hatcher-Loompa doompa-dee-doo!

"Excuse me," Mr. McCandy said to one Hatchet Loompa, "Bring Lindsay's mom to the packaging room. Your daughter," he looked up, "is going to be squeezed so we can get all the syrup into bottles. I just hate to waste." Lindsay's mom fainted. "Well, on with the tour!"

The Toppings Room

Mr. McCandy, Cody, Heather, Noah, Grandpa Joe, Heather's father, and Noah's father walked into a room where floor was made of hardened sprinkles. "What's this room?" Heather's father asked.

"This is the topping room," Chris McCandy explains. "Here we grow fruit that is put into pancakes."

Noah saw a strange berry-like fruit growing on a vine. It was rapidly changing colors. He pulled Heather away from the group. "Pretty cool, huh?" Noah asks Heather, while pointing to the fruit.

"I guess," Heather replied. "Daddy," she says. Her father and the rest of the group turn around. "Can you buy me a plant like this?"

"Okay," Mr. Heather's Dad said as he pulled out his checkbook. "Okay McCandy, how much do you want for it?"

"Oh, that plant isn't for sale," Mr. McCandy replied.

"How about ten dollars and a free scone!" Heather's father offered.

"A scone?" Mr. McCandy asked disgustedly. "What do I look like, the Queen of England?"

"Actually," Noah laughed, "In the right light you do!"

Two large men in dark outfits move next to Chris McCandy. "Get these fools!" he shouts and points at Heather and her father. The two large men drag them out, and the Hatchet-Loompas come in and start singing;

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa dee doo,

Here's another musical puzzle for you,

Hatchet-Loompa, Doompa da dee,

Who wants to change their job with me?

What do you get when you're mean and greedy?

Whatever, we quit...

The Hatchet-Loompas left the room, and motorcycle engines are heard. "That was awkward," Chris McCandy said, "Well, on with the tour!"

Commercial Room

"Here," Mr. McCandy said, "Is our last room; the commercial room! Here we film commercials, in the special bubble over there. Hatchet-Loompas, before you little punks made them sing and dance until they quit, would get into the bubbles and be teleported to televisions to advertise pancakes."

"Technology!" Cody shouted. He ran into the bubble, and got electrocuted.

Grandpa Joe turned around. "Do it again, I blinked!" he said.

"Sir, your grandson has destroyed our commercial making business," Mr. McCandy said angrily.

"Cool!" Grandpa Joe said clapping.

"Get out! You get NOTHING!" Chris McCandy shouts.

"That's more than I had before!" Grandpa Joe said dancing.

Epilogue

Chris McCandy gave his factory to Noah, who sold it for a library. Chris McCandy then sued Cody and Grandpa Joe and all the other kids' families.

Moral: Don't go to any pancake factory where the ticket is a nasty old toenail.

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