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Chef Hatchet headshot (TDI-G&S)

This character page is designed for use with Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan

Characterization

Chef Hatchet, whom most of the teens seem to fear, is Chris’ aide. He tends to prepare unpalatable meals for the campers as a competition hardship, but he has excellent cooking skill when he cares to use it. In addition to his kitchen duties, he serves in a wide variety of support functions. Because of this, and because some of his interests (e.g. harp playing) are against type, he comes across as something of a blue-collar Renaissance man. He is a veteran, which is his aspect most relevant to the TDI-G&S compilation.


Chef Hatchet is one of several Total Drama Island characters with a reasonably close analog (Mercury in Thespis) in the Gilbert & Sullivan series.

Chef Hatchet's Theme

“If You Want a Receipt” from Patience (MIDI file 0:55 – 3:23)

(click link below for the MIDI file)


Patience Act 1 - If you want a receipt04:29

Patience Act 1 - If you want a receipt

Chef Hatchet's theme

If you want a receipt for that popular mystery,
Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon,
Take all the remarkable people in history,
Rattle them off to a popular tune.

The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the Victory
Genius of Bismarck devising a plan—
The humor of Fielding (which sounds contradictory)—
Coolness of Paget about to trepan
The science of Jullien, the eminent musico—
Wit of Macaulay, who wrote of Queen Anne—
The pathos of Paddy, as rendered by Boucicault—
Style of the Bishop of Sodor and Man—
The dash of a D’Orsay, divested of quackery—
Narrative powers of Dickens and Thackery—
Victor Emmanuel—peak-haunting Peveril—
Thomas Aquinas, and Doctor Sacheverell—
Tupper and Tennyson—Daniel Defoe—
Anthony Trollope and Mr. Guizot!
Take of these elements all that is fusible,
Melt them all down in a pipkin or crucible,
Set them to simmer and take off the scum,
And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum!

If you want a receipt for this soldier-like paragon,
Get at the wealth of the Czar (if you can)—
The family pride of a Spaniard from Aragon—
Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban—
A smack of Lord Waterford, reckless and rollicky—
Swagger of Roderick, heading his clan—
The keen penetration of Paddington Pollaky—
Grace of an Odalisque on a divan—
The genius strategic of Caesar or Hannibal—
Skill of Sir Garnet in thrashing a cannibal—
Flavor of Hamlet—the Stranger, a touch of him—
Little of Manfred (but not very much of him)—
Beadle of Burlington—Richardson’s show—
Mr. Micawber and Madame Tussaud!
Take of these elements all that is fusible,
Melt them all down in a pipkin or crucible,
Set them to simmer and take off the scum,
And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum!

Other Character Verses

The verses in this section fit Chef Hatchet's personality and/or background, but do not refer to any specific incident from the TDI episodes:

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